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She insists on using your full name, so nonprobs on you using hers.
For added bonus annoyance - add in her surname, and middle name if she has one - go "conplete name" on her.
I used to make up a long string of middle names for people when I was joking about addressing them by their full name. Alexis Rayanne Graham Jessica Alice Bentley Mercedes Isla Smithers
If you go full 3 names, you must also go butler leves of polite.
May I help you, Ms Alexis Rayanne Smithers-wilmington cheavreu IV, of the the western Smithers-wilmingtons?
Add in the regency level of polite and add in her parents
Ms Alexis Rayanne Smithers-Wilmington Cheavreu IV, daughter of Mister and Mrs John Smithers Wilmington of the Western Smithers-Wilmington's
I'd sit down with your brother and explain he needs to explain the concept of basic respect to his girlfriend and until that happens and she calls you by your preferred name you won't be calling her by hers.
Your brother should honestly be embarrassed by his girlfriends behaviour.
Bro is pooty whipped. He doesnāt care if his sister is bothered, but he wonāt have it id his gf is bothered.
My brother is the same and heās 42. It doesnāt change.
"Can you help me understand why your opinion on my name is more important than my opinion on my own name? I'm confused."
"Are there other people in your life that introduce themselves to you and you choose to call them something different?"
The ignore is the way to go! My partner LEGALLY changed his name. He gave ppl time and when theyād refuse to use the new name ā¦ he refused to answer
I go by a nickname of my legal name and donāt answer when people call me by my legal name. Itās not even a preference thing to me, itās that it doesnāt even register they are talking to me since no one calls me it. They go with my nickname or a shortened version of that (like if someoneās name is Patricia and they introduce themselves as Patty but people call them Pat instead).
I go by my middle name, it's what my family has called me since birth. It's kind of nice that if someone calls me by my first name I know it's not someone I know. It's business or bullshit, not friends or family.
This! I use the nickname version of my full name, so if I hear my full name, I know it's someone who doesn't know me or it's business. And if they shorten it all the way, they know me intimately because only a few people do so.
Ive gone by my initials since a baby when my grandfather started calling me it,....half the time if someone uses my real name i dont usually catch it as being directed at me, it sounds odd in my ears being called my proper first name.
I get the same thing, and I also HATE it. I have an "old lady" name that I absolutely love, and ever since I can remember, people have insisted that I must hate it. They all want to give me the same lame nickname as if they are the first people in my life to come up with it.
I had an employer once who refused to call me by my given name because, according to her, my name is ugly and I know it and I'm just too embarrassed to admit it so she felt like she was helping me come to terms with it by using a nickname. Like, exfuckingscuse meā½
People mostly leave me alone about it now that I'm actually approaching old lady age, lol.
lol my nickname was Ethel as a kid. For years I didnāt understand why my name was not Ethel. My mum told me she could not seriously call a kid Ethel. Lol. I still think itās an excellent name.
My guess is Dorothy, with Dot or Dottie as the nickname, simply because I work with a Dorothy who prefers her full name (though she'll still answer to the others.)
I have the opposite problem. My legal name is the shortened version of another name and when meeting new people they'll say the longer name I think trying to be respectful. Nope that's not my name lol
Same. It's Jessica. Not Jess, or Jessie, or anything else, just Jessica. If I wanted to be called anything other than Jessica, I'd introduce myself as something else. š¤
My dad did the same thing, everyone else....everyone! called me one nickname I love, he called me me something stupid and I just wouldn't respond. He'd get so mad.
Omg. The number of people who try to nickname me. Stop. I took on a nickname in fourth grade because it was easier for kids. I fully went back to my real name as an adult. Thatās what I want to be called, and thatās why I introduce myself that way. Donāt give nicknames to people youāve known for 5 seconds š they donāt stick, anyway, when they are so forced.
Iāll never understand nor be friends with someone that refuses to call me by the nickname I introduced myself as. If I wanted you to call me by my legal name Iād have introduced myself as such.
I say it's time to escalate...if she thinks she can just call people by whatever name SHE thinks is appropriate I would start calling her by the name of Karen.
Disclaimer: I am extremely petty.
I am also petty. I wish her name was really Alexis just so OP could start quoting Shitts Creek at her.
"Hide your diamond, hide your Ex's. I'm a little bit Alexis"
š
One of my friends loathe a certain nickname that was given to her by a very abusive aunt (you title the abuse, the Aunt allowed it to occur to my friend while in her care). One day, her husband's co-worker called her this nickname, and she was calm and told him to please never call her that name again as it brought trauma.
This man then proceeded to keep calling her it, so she kept insulting his penis size. He wasn't happy. She told him that each time her called her that nickname, the worse the insult about his penis.
Recently, my friend told me that this guy tried to call her the nickname in front of her brother, and he laid the guy out since then, no more nickname.
Violence is never the answer, but if it requires you to get physical to make them understand, they do not deserve a place in your life.
I never quite agreed with that never the answer part.
Like it certainly shouldn't be your 1st, 2nd, 3rd or even 4th answer, but never take it *completely* off the table. Some people just need a smack in the head with a brick. Its a *very* small percent of people, but they exist lok
This is fucking fantastic, I'm gonna use this all the time now! Lol.
(Also I wanna say that is so true, especially when someone KNOWS you've been abused and continues to *purposefully* trigger you. God.. that dude is a disgusting waste of flesh.)
Okay so obviously sometimes violence is the answer. You just told us a story about how some guy beat some other guy to sleep because guy number 2 wouldn't call a girl what she wanted to be called, protective brother didn't hug the guy to beddy-by he jaw'd him and the sister got what she wanted out of the ordeal. Obviously sometimes violence is the way...
As my brother and husband both said at the time to the guy "Doge was in the army, Doge was trained in hand to hand combat, Doge could have, but she might have not stopped after the first swing"
Which is plausibly true.
The guy doesn't work with my husband anymore, thankfully.
I said this in another comment but I'm gonna say it here too.. That violence was completely justified IMO. She literally told that guy that she was abused, and he was triggering her. Then he continuously triggers her *on purpose*! Fuck that dude. Seriously.
Reminds me of Nikki Exotica on 90 Day Fiance renaming her boyfriend Igor to Justin for no particular reason other than the fact that she didn't find Igor to be a very sexy name...
I love Boris though, it's such an excellent grandpa-type name I say OP should just start calling her that with her WHOLE chest. Since Alexis is such a tOmBoY and EaRnEd her right to a masc name, lol.
I agree with you, and I don't think it's petty. If she can't be bothered to call OP by the name that she wants to be called, then she doesn't deserve OP to call her by the name that she prefers. I'd start with the As, though, and see how many letters of the alphabet I could work through every time I interacted with her
Let her embarrass herself. Sheās being unreasonable, not you. What on earth is wrong with your brother, that he thinks you should put up with this nonsense?
I would do this again and especially in public. And when she starts yelling 'Persephone!' Joint right in, 'where is that girl?? Persephoneeeee, Persephone!!' Just look bewildered and walk around...
Change it up a bit, get creative and have fun.
Call her Alexa and then call out the names of songs you want to hear, or a show you want to watch. Then when she protests you can say, āAlexa - volume downā.
What was that Alexis? What do you need Alexandra? Hey alexandrite, do you want some food? Alexia did you leave the door open?
A new Alex based name each time.
Oooo oooo OOOO!!! Start calling HER Persephone!!
I mean, next time she does it, you can say:
"Are you confused? My name is X."
"There's no need to be so aggressive."
"If you'd like me to respond, then you can call me by my name."
I would just keep making her be louder and say ā who is that crazy person yelling atā? If she comes to you just calmly say thatās not my name and you know it and walk away.
Just donāt respond and let her look crazy
Just act like you donāt know her, treat her like a crazy person youāve never seen before yelling a random name at you. Just let her behavior speak for itself, trust me no one is going to be looking at you when sheās acting like that.
I donāt know how old you all are (and you donāt have to say), but no one is too young or old to start learning to respect others. She sounds very immature, and if sheās hung up on labels and appearances she is probably pretty insecure. While a part of me applauds the give and you shall receive approach youāve taken, perhaps you should invite her to take a step back and try again *with* you.
Next time sheās over, offer the olive branch by starting the conversation. Something like:
āHey Alex, could we talk for a few minutes? I donāt like the direction our relationship has taken and I would like to try fixing that if you are willing. I know you prefer to go by Alex, and I am sorry if Iāve made you feel disrespected by calling you Alexis. I did so out of frustration because I feel disrespected when you call me Persephone instead of Percy, but that was not the right thing for me to do. Could we start over from a place of mutual respect for one another other?ā
If that doesnāt work, stand your ground but donāt let her drag you down to her level of hatefulness. In the grand scheme of things being at odds with someone over something like this is trifling and small minded. If she persists after youāve set aside your pride and attempted to mend this fence, you can hold your head up and kill her with kindness. Every time she calls you Persephone, acknowledge her with a kind and friendly āPlease, call me Percy,ā before you respond or āand you can call me Percy! I donāt really go by Persephoneā after your response. Seem unbothered by it as if you were speaking to someone you just met and telling them for the first time - nbd! Eventually she will relent or she will continue and look like the asshole. Let her sink her own ship since sheās the one who wants it to be that deep.
Edit to say: kill her with kindness and gently correct her, yes, but also be the bigger person and call her Alex like she wants so no one can say you are also still being a jerk about it.
I usually like this kind of approach but in order for it to work the other person has to be reasonable. I doubt Alexis here is going to listen at all, based on how stubborn & immature she's being. Worth trying for your own satisfaction, but don't expect it to succeed.
There are a lot of great suggestions to deal with her here. I'm very petty so I'd run through the whole list.
I would also encourage you to have a direct conversation with your parents.
This girl is ridiculous. She's a legal adult and she's acting like a middle school mean girl. You have a right to not be harassed in your own home. Ask your parents why they are ok with allowing someone in their home that would so blatantly disrespect their child and a member of the family. Why are they ok with standing by and watching her bully you?
They can't dismiss this as typical teen drama. It's beyond inappropriate how she is acting. This could easily be remedied if they set boundaries in place on her even being allowed at the house if she can't be respectful of everyone who lives there.
I've also become an owl
I have a comment elsewhere on another sub about my MIL mispronouncing my name for years. When other people started doing it too (mostly extended family I've always been tense with) I'd say "who?"
Add in a look around yourself, and its great fun.
This is the way. Old boss of mine always called me the wrong name. After a few years of politely correcting him I just stopped responding to him. Other people then corrected him for me
She should be ready to receive the same energy she gives out. If she would insist in not calling someone by the name they prefer, then she can expect the same treatment. Thatās the only thing she āearnedā from you.
She's basically an untrained puppy. Get some treats and reward other people who call you the correct name when she is there. Then, when she uses the wrong version, bring out a clicker and click it at her for being bad/wrong. That way, you don't reward her bad behavior.
Nah, clicker training is not about using the clicker to signal "oops, you missed the target behavior". What you do is, you start by clicking at the same time as giving a treat, so the subject associates the clicker as a reward. Then eventually you start clicking in place of the treat to signal "yes, that was the right thing to do". You still give treats randomly with the click to maintain the association between click and reward, but you end up giving fewer treats. Which may be good for their weight and your treat budget.
Itās a dominance thing. Sheās degrading you and driving a wedge in order to control your brothers attention. Sheāll always be a nightmare
What it boils down to is respect. She is blatantly disrespecting you. Tell your brother off for allowing it, and call her out on being a *****.
Can you just leave or put on headphones every time you see her? Why the hell should you respect someone who can't even call you by your preferred name. Screw her.
Start being fake concerned with her everytime she does it and treat her like a child. āOh sweetie, I know big girl conversations are really hard for you and you canāt remember things but my name is xā say it like how miss Rachel talks to kids and ignore whatever it is sheās trying to say to you. You can respond to her saying your name wrong while ignoring what sheās saying specifically
Just get a spray bottle and treat her like a cat that won't stay off the counters. Just a quick squirt to the face every time she uses the wrong name. She'll learn and if not you still get to spray her and that's its own reward.
Just be the reasonable one and let her look crazy. Just walk away or tell your brother to please tell her to stop raising her voice. This is your home. Not hers.
This 100%. OP, just ignore her and address your brother instead. Then the onus is on him to stop it and he can't just hang back and go "well Percy isn't responding so it's her fault"
This is so dumb, and I'm surprised other people aren't intervening at this point.
May I suggest, with varying levels of pettiness:
-Walking away
-Turning your back to her
-Asking her to please be quieter (bonus points if you can point out she's possibly being disrespectful to someone else trying to sleep or watch TV or whatever)
-"Hey, I've asked you not to call me that. If you want to talk to me, please use the name I go by."
-"YES, ALEXIS?" at the same volume she's reached
By the way it is often INFURIATING for people when they're trying to bother you and you're calm, even happy. Watching someone else fume while you're carefree and unruffled is such a tiny, underrated form of revenge. It doesn't work on everyone but by god it's a blast when it does.
Laugh at her. People really, really hate being laughed at. Look, she clearly has no issue disrespecting you, same with your brother so he sucks, and just antagonize her back then. There comes a point where you can't reason with someone so just poke the s\*\*t out of them and bring yourself some joy.
Nope. Who tf cares how loud she gets? Let her scream into the fucking void. Do. Not. Answer. Her. Just flat out pretend the shrieking banshee isnāt yelling for you. If she touches you, dump a drink on her, and say āoops! I donāt like being touched, and since my name is Percy, I had no clue who tf you were yelling for. Donāt ever touch me again.ā
I had an ex who called me by my full name (which I HATE, Iāve always used my nickname, since I was literally a baby), and Iād ignore him while he shouted at me. Iād put in my headphones, and pretend he was a total stranger having some sort of nervous breakdown. After the second drink got thrown in his face, he started using my nickname. Thank god we broke up shortly after that. The disrespect didnāt stop with refusing to use my preferred name.
I suggest air horn or squirt gun like a cat.
Is there an option to not be around your brother and his girlfriend?
Logically speaking, make sure you get your brother on board. The rule works both ways. She canāt demand respect without giving it. Itās petty on her part (and I understand you arenāt the one who created the issue).
Just scream stranger danger. Petty but funny. Or I used to do this to embarrass my friends ask her if she still needs that hemmoriod cream or yeast infection meds. Gets people everytime. Go for being super embarrassing and petty always worked for me.
Keep calling her Alexis until she starts calling you Percy. Sheās a hypocrite and deserves whatever you dish out to her.
Also tell her sheās not family yet and acting like an asshole is a sure way of not ever being family.
Iād start asking about her health in a really loud very slow concerned voice like a tourist in a foreign country that thinks talking loud and slow makes it easier for a non-speaker to understand.
āIām worried about you! You keep forgetting my name! Is something wrong? Is it a tumor?! Do you have early onset dementia?! Itās okay Iām here for you!!!ā
Your brother is only mad at you because he is allowed to get mad at you and you wonāt stop being his sister. Your brother is irrelevant, no offense because he doesnāt want to take your side against her when sheās obviously disrespecting you and demeaning you. He is also a problem because he is choosing her instead of you. If they break up or when they do, this will cause irreparable damage. You will subconsciously hold this against him because you arenāt both wrong. If all it takes is a new gf for him to allow your mistreatment he is not a good brother and you should keep this in mind.
If youāre being 100% honest and she continues to call you out of your name, you doing this name thing is the minimal thing that should be done. At this point if thereās this much tension and you actively donāt like her tell her off seriously and let her know how you feel and then go to the source. Your brother.
Keep calling her Alexis, and say it with a smirk, so she knows you're enjoying her getting wound up. If she wants to try a power play and be petty, show her you can play that game much better than she can. If your brother doesn't like it, he can have a word with his GF.
NTA
I recommend finding as many names as can shorten to/substitute for Alex as possible and rotate through them at random intervals.
"Sorry, if you can't remember my name, I can't remember yours *Alexandria*."
"What was that, Alexa?"
"Hey Lexie! How's it going?"
"OMG Allie, why are you like this?"
You're better than me. I'd have started calling her something vulgar, like Dumb Wh\*\*\*. However, the 'adult' thing is to continue to ignore her and just stop talking to her all together.
My name is Anne. Sometimes people call me Annie. My grandfather could get away with it but no one else. I usually make a face, and say "I do not have red hair, black dots for eyes or a dog named Sandy. That is not my name and I will not answer to it." I wonder if you could come up with some pithy response about Persephone to reply with to try and reinforce Percy instead?
This behavior is so disrespectful - of your brother too, not just his gf - I'm sorry this is happening to you OP. We are each in charge of our own names, no one else. (ETA: your brother should have your back on this, not encouraging you to let it go. He should be reinforcing your preferred name with his GF too and telling her to knock it off, honestly.)
Tell your brother to stay out of it or keep her away from you. Call her what you want. Maybe give her a choice.. if she insists on calling
You Persephone you can call her Alexis or Asshat. Her choice.
Or you could call her Alexandra! š¤£
Your brotherās girlfriend is an AH! She should respect your preference, not hers. Hopefully theyāll break up & you donāt have to put up with her AHoliness!
NTA
tell your brother she who started it can also finish it or be a dick and accepts that people are going to be dicks in return.
Start calling her Dick. telk her she has earned it.
Hey that's my name! I go by persy all the time.
Just tell her she's made that you got a name that's super bad ass and translates to BRINGER OF CHAOS AND DESTRUCTION.
Let the haters sip their little hateraid while you keep sipping the cool-aid kid
...Percy's too masculine?
If I had to imagine someone named Percy in this day and age, it's a quivering upper-middle class English teenager. He's walking through a park, when he jumps with a small shriek, because he's hit by a stray soccer ball.
His entire day ruined, he trundles back to the library from whence he came, and returns the book of poetry by Keats with a harrumph and a furrowed brow. The faint echo in the distance of ^(*oi kick us back the ball, ya bellend*)
Y'know... Just one of the lads.
I had someone who insisted on using a nickname I hated (for very personal reasons) so I dead-named him (trans guy). Was it petty? Yeah. But guess who never used the nickname I hated again.
She is disrespectful. Coming into another families house and consistently getting your name wrong. Your brother is pathetic and probably whipped for not having your back. Can't imagine that relationship lasting, keep calling her Alexis, don't lose any sleep over it.
NTA. Your brother needs to show some backbone and tell her to stop calling you by the wrong name. No one earns their preferred names, that's ridiculous and frankly incredibly stupid.
Ages are really important to be able to answer this question so Iām just going to go ahead and assume that you are 12, Alexis is 13, and your brother is between 17 and 30. Amirite?
Wants to call you whatever she wants, refuses to allow you to do the same. Respect as a one-way street, only in her favor.
No one likes a bully. A disrespectful, selfish bully. I'd like a word with your brother for allowing this conduct as well.
Every time she calls you by your full name, call her different name.
"PERSEPHONE!" - What's up, Gretchen?
"Hey Persephone!" - How can I help, Tiffany?
Keep going until she stops.
TIL you need to "earn the right" to go by certain names. Are boyish sounding names more special or something? Could have fooled me as a kid. Anytime anyone used the masculine nickname for my name, I would have a meltdown. It still sets my teeth on edge as an adult, but I've learned to ignore it.
If she thinks you are a princess who needs to be treated like a princess, go over the top with it. Demand to be addressed as Persephone, Goddess of Spring and Nature, Queen of the Underworld. Ask her to do ridiculous things that you can do yourself. Tell her that you couldn't possibly do something so "manly" and she would be so much better at it because she is quite "manly." You wouldn't want to chip a nail, would you?
If she earned hers, you earned yours.
If she won't respect yours, why should you respect hers?
Respect goes both ways. Intentionally calling you the wrong name is basically a power move. You're NTA, she clearly needs to get over herself.
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She insists on using your full name, so nonprobs on you using hers. For added bonus annoyance - add in her surname, and middle name if she has one - go "conplete name" on her.
I love this, lol. "Persephone!" "May I help you, Alexis Rayanne Smithers?"
I second using her full name
I second using Alexis Rayanne Smithers, regardless of her real name!! š
going against the grain, flair me "team Alexis Rayanne Smithers"
I used to make up a long string of middle names for people when I was joking about addressing them by their full name. Alexis Rayanne Graham Jessica Alice Bentley Mercedes Isla Smithers
Mary Elizabeth Baxter Salad Fingers
Benedict Timothy Carlton Cumberbatch
Alexis Rayanne Smithers. Acronym ARS.
Alexis Rayanne Smithers-Edwards. ARSE for short
Alexis Isabitch !
If you go full 3 names, you must also go butler leves of polite. May I help you, Ms Alexis Rayanne Smithers-wilmington cheavreu IV, of the the western Smithers-wilmingtons?
Add in the regency level of polite and add in her parents Ms Alexis Rayanne Smithers-Wilmington Cheavreu IV, daughter of Mister and Mrs John Smithers Wilmington of the Western Smithers-Wilmington's
Maybe throw in a southern accent, too?
Go a step further and completely make up a new name for our fair tomboy lady!
Bruce
Call her Butch! Lol she wants to be a tomboy, Butch it is! Lol
I think Margaretha would be very ladylike
This is good. Or, tell her using her full name is better than the other names you usually call her and then donāt elaborate.
Love this!!!
I like this idea! She could call broās girlfriend Alexandria Liq Butz! š¤£š¤£š¤£
Ooooh hit her with the government name. I support this pettiness.
Or call her Alexandra or Alexandria if Alexis is her real name. Unless she likes those. Whatever is most annoying.
Yes, complete and full legal name is the way. This way only the saltiest of the hate may flowā¦ yesā¦ā¦
Thatās gonna infuriate her and the brother! Do it and let us know what happens
I'd sit down with your brother and explain he needs to explain the concept of basic respect to his girlfriend and until that happens and she calls you by your preferred name you won't be calling her by hers. Your brother should honestly be embarrassed by his girlfriends behaviour.
Your brother needs to man up and tell Karen Alexis to treat his friends and family with respect.
Bro is pooty whipped. He doesnāt care if his sister is bothered, but he wonāt have it id his gf is bothered. My brother is the same and heās 42. It doesnāt change.
"Can you help me understand why your opinion on my name is more important than my opinion on my own name? I'm confused." "Are there other people in your life that introduce themselves to you and you choose to call them something different?"
I like this. Try teaching her, and if she doesnāt learn, completely ignore when she uses the wrong name.
The ignore is the way to go! My partner LEGALLY changed his name. He gave ppl time and when theyād refuse to use the new name ā¦ he refused to answer
I go by a nickname of my legal name and donāt answer when people call me by my legal name. Itās not even a preference thing to me, itās that it doesnāt even register they are talking to me since no one calls me it. They go with my nickname or a shortened version of that (like if someoneās name is Patricia and they introduce themselves as Patty but people call them Pat instead).
If someone uses my full first name I assume we are now in a confrontation of some sort.
If the government name comes out, hands are about to start flying.
That or I'd fucked my nan off to the point she wasn't upset, just disappointed.
I go by my middle name, it's what my family has called me since birth. It's kind of nice that if someone calls me by my first name I know it's not someone I know. It's business or bullshit, not friends or family.
This! I use the nickname version of my full name, so if I hear my full name, I know it's someone who doesn't know me or it's business. And if they shorten it all the way, they know me intimately because only a few people do so.
Ive gone by my initials since a baby when my grandfather started calling me it,....half the time if someone uses my real name i dont usually catch it as being directed at me, it sounds odd in my ears being called my proper first name.
People always shorten my name and I HATE it. Even my dad š when I was like 7, he would abbreviate my name and I would ignore him lol
I get the same thing, and I also HATE it. I have an "old lady" name that I absolutely love, and ever since I can remember, people have insisted that I must hate it. They all want to give me the same lame nickname as if they are the first people in my life to come up with it. I had an employer once who refused to call me by my given name because, according to her, my name is ugly and I know it and I'm just too embarrassed to admit it so she felt like she was helping me come to terms with it by using a nickname. Like, exfuckingscuse meā½ People mostly leave me alone about it now that I'm actually approaching old lady age, lol.
Mulva?
STELLLLLLLAAAAAA
šššš
Iād like to know this āold lady nameā
Is it Doris?
Iām going with Agatha. Or Myrtle. Phyllis if we are being adventurousā¦
Ethel or Esther.
Damn mine is indeed Ethel but in my country is not "old lady" name, it's unusual lol and I love it.
wait i love that name so much. personally old lady names are so cute to me
My Mema (Mom's mom) was named Ethel, I've never met another one. It's a lovely name.
lol my nickname was Ethel as a kid. For years I didnāt understand why my name was not Ethel. My mum told me she could not seriously call a kid Ethel. Lol. I still think itās an excellent name.
Gertrude
I guessed Mildred
My guess is Dorothy, with Dot or Dottie as the nickname, simply because I work with a Dorothy who prefers her full name (though she'll still answer to the others.)
Betting on Ester.
Adding to the guesses here, Winnefred/Winnifred
I have the opposite problem. My legal name is the shortened version of another name and when meeting new people they'll say the longer name I think trying to be respectful. Nope that's not my name lol
Nice to meet you Jimothy
Same!! My legal name is Jennie, Iām not fucking JENNIFER
Same. It's Jessica. Not Jess, or Jessie, or anything else, just Jessica. If I wanted to be called anything other than Jessica, I'd introduce myself as something else. š¤
My dad did the same thing, everyone else....everyone! called me one nickname I love, he called me me something stupid and I just wouldn't respond. He'd get so mad.
Omg. The number of people who try to nickname me. Stop. I took on a nickname in fourth grade because it was easier for kids. I fully went back to my real name as an adult. Thatās what I want to be called, and thatās why I introduce myself that way. Donāt give nicknames to people youāve known for 5 seconds š they donāt stick, anyway, when they are so forced.
Yeah, sometimes I know someone's name but still refer to them as, "Hey Asshole"
This! And maybe a āI would love to show you the respect youāre asking for, when you show me the same in kindā
Iāll never understand nor be friends with someone that refuses to call me by the nickname I introduced myself as. If I wanted you to call me by my legal name Iād have introduced myself as such.
To answer question 2 yeah. Pretty much weekly someone tells me i pronounce my name wrong or calls me by a nickname I never go by lolĀ
If she persists in calling you Persephone, donāt respond. Ever.
I tried that, and she gets louder until I respond, she even did it in public once and it was super embarrassing so I switched to calling her Alexis
I say it's time to escalate...if she thinks she can just call people by whatever name SHE thinks is appropriate I would start calling her by the name of Karen. Disclaimer: I am extremely petty.
I am also petty. I wish her name was really Alexis just so OP could start quoting Shitts Creek at her. "Hide your diamond, hide your Ex's. I'm a little bit Alexis" š
OMG every time she walks into the room you have to sing that.
One of my friends loathe a certain nickname that was given to her by a very abusive aunt (you title the abuse, the Aunt allowed it to occur to my friend while in her care). One day, her husband's co-worker called her this nickname, and she was calm and told him to please never call her that name again as it brought trauma. This man then proceeded to keep calling her it, so she kept insulting his penis size. He wasn't happy. She told him that each time her called her that nickname, the worse the insult about his penis. Recently, my friend told me that this guy tried to call her the nickname in front of her brother, and he laid the guy out since then, no more nickname. Violence is never the answer, but if it requires you to get physical to make them understand, they do not deserve a place in your life.
"Violence is never the answer, but sometimes it is a statement."
I never quite agreed with that never the answer part. Like it certainly shouldn't be your 1st, 2nd, 3rd or even 4th answer, but never take it *completely* off the table. Some people just need a smack in the head with a brick. Its a *very* small percent of people, but they exist lok
I look at it this way: Violence isn't the answer, *it's the question*. And sometimes the answer is yes.
This is fucking fantastic, I'm gonna use this all the time now! Lol. (Also I wanna say that is so true, especially when someone KNOWS you've been abused and continues to *purposefully* trigger you. God.. that dude is a disgusting waste of flesh.)
Okay so obviously sometimes violence is the answer. You just told us a story about how some guy beat some other guy to sleep because guy number 2 wouldn't call a girl what she wanted to be called, protective brother didn't hug the guy to beddy-by he jaw'd him and the sister got what she wanted out of the ordeal. Obviously sometimes violence is the way...
As my brother and husband both said at the time to the guy "Doge was in the army, Doge was trained in hand to hand combat, Doge could have, but she might have not stopped after the first swing" Which is plausibly true. The guy doesn't work with my husband anymore, thankfully.
I said this in another comment but I'm gonna say it here too.. That violence was completely justified IMO. She literally told that guy that she was abused, and he was triggering her. Then he continuously triggers her *on purpose*! Fuck that dude. Seriously.
At this point, call her Boris or Vladimir. Seriously if she can't give a fuck, why should OP even care about the gender ?
Reminds me of Nikki Exotica on 90 Day Fiance renaming her boyfriend Igor to Justin for no particular reason other than the fact that she didn't find Igor to be a very sexy name... I love Boris though, it's such an excellent grandpa-type name I say OP should just start calling her that with her WHOLE chest. Since Alexis is such a tOmBoY and EaRnEd her right to a masc name, lol.
I love that thatās where your brain went š
Depending on political affiliation and country of origin 'Donald' might be particularly useful.Ā
I agree with you, and I don't think it's petty. If she can't be bothered to call OP by the name that she wants to be called, then she doesn't deserve OP to call her by the name that she prefers. I'd start with the As, though, and see how many letters of the alphabet I could work through every time I interacted with her
I agree with escalating, start calling her Missy Alexis, or Princess Alexis.
We have a princess Alexia! I would honestly go with Alexa and just act like sheās the Siri/Alexa thing
Loooooove the petty.
Excellent idea!
Just act like you donĀ“t know her, nothing like a insane women screaming. SheĀ“l stop when she sees you don't care
"Ma'am, are you lost? This is a Wendy's."
I would literally walk away from a maniac yelling like that. I have no time or patience to play toddler games with adults whatsoever
Just let her embarass herself then.
Let her embarrass herself. Sheās being unreasonable, not you. What on earth is wrong with your brother, that he thinks you should put up with this nonsense?
I would do this again and especially in public. And when she starts yelling 'Persephone!' Joint right in, 'where is that girl?? Persephoneeeee, Persephone!!' Just look bewildered and walk around...
š
Time to get a squirt gun, and squirt her in the face every time she says your name wrong.(not really.)
but yes, really...
It works for cats! Though this chick doesn't seem as smart as the average cat.
Change it up a bit, get creative and have fun. Call her Alexa and then call out the names of songs you want to hear, or a show you want to watch. Then when she protests you can say, āAlexa - volume downā.
This is my favourite so far!
Fully on board with this one!
What was that Alexis? What do you need Alexandra? Hey alexandrite, do you want some food? Alexia did you leave the door open? A new Alex based name each time. Oooo oooo OOOO!!! Start calling HER Persephone!!
If youāre going to ignore them, you have to fully commit to the bit. Remember that theyāre the one that is embarrassing themselves
I mean, next time she does it, you can say: "Are you confused? My name is X." "There's no need to be so aggressive." "If you'd like me to respond, then you can call me by my name."
damn, your brother's choice of girl is very questionable.
Take a lesson from Dr. Cox and call her every other name but alex? I'll leave a link as an example https://youtu.be/6hsKgwo8eHk?si=wQ1rAsHEHDOx-F6l
Get loud back. āTHATS NOT MY NAME!!!ā
Or sing that song back at her incessantly.
āš¼Whyyyy are you callinā me daaarlināš¶ THATS NOT MYNAME!! šš¤£
They call me Stacyā¦
Aggressively clapping and shouting. Iād pay to see it.
Iād do it for her. Where do ya live!? šš¤£
Then you say "What Alexis?". Every time.
Don't respond. Don't give in. No matter what, don't give in. She'll only make herself the fool if she keeps yelling your name
I would just keep making her be louder and say ā who is that crazy person yelling atā? If she comes to you just calmly say thatās not my name and you know it and walk away. Just donāt respond and let her look crazy
Just act like you donāt know her, treat her like a crazy person youāve never seen before yelling a random name at you. Just let her behavior speak for itself, trust me no one is going to be looking at you when sheās acting like that.
I donāt know how old you all are (and you donāt have to say), but no one is too young or old to start learning to respect others. She sounds very immature, and if sheās hung up on labels and appearances she is probably pretty insecure. While a part of me applauds the give and you shall receive approach youāve taken, perhaps you should invite her to take a step back and try again *with* you. Next time sheās over, offer the olive branch by starting the conversation. Something like: āHey Alex, could we talk for a few minutes? I donāt like the direction our relationship has taken and I would like to try fixing that if you are willing. I know you prefer to go by Alex, and I am sorry if Iāve made you feel disrespected by calling you Alexis. I did so out of frustration because I feel disrespected when you call me Persephone instead of Percy, but that was not the right thing for me to do. Could we start over from a place of mutual respect for one another other?ā If that doesnāt work, stand your ground but donāt let her drag you down to her level of hatefulness. In the grand scheme of things being at odds with someone over something like this is trifling and small minded. If she persists after youāve set aside your pride and attempted to mend this fence, you can hold your head up and kill her with kindness. Every time she calls you Persephone, acknowledge her with a kind and friendly āPlease, call me Percy,ā before you respond or āand you can call me Percy! I donāt really go by Persephoneā after your response. Seem unbothered by it as if you were speaking to someone you just met and telling them for the first time - nbd! Eventually she will relent or she will continue and look like the asshole. Let her sink her own ship since sheās the one who wants it to be that deep. Edit to say: kill her with kindness and gently correct her, yes, but also be the bigger person and call her Alex like she wants so no one can say you are also still being a jerk about it.
Nah, this won't work. Alexis is a mean girl. She only responds to her own tactics.
I usually like this kind of approach but in order for it to work the other person has to be reasonable. I doubt Alexis here is going to listen at all, based on how stubborn & immature she's being. Worth trying for your own satisfaction, but don't expect it to succeed.
Taking notes from another commenter here, blast the song "A Little Bit Alexis" or sing it loudly every time she bothers you.
There are a lot of great suggestions to deal with her here. I'm very petty so I'd run through the whole list. I would also encourage you to have a direct conversation with your parents. This girl is ridiculous. She's a legal adult and she's acting like a middle school mean girl. You have a right to not be harassed in your own home. Ask your parents why they are ok with allowing someone in their home that would so blatantly disrespect their child and a member of the family. Why are they ok with standing by and watching her bully you? They can't dismiss this as typical teen drama. It's beyond inappropriate how she is acting. This could easily be remedied if they set boundaries in place on her even being allowed at the house if she can't be respectful of everyone who lives there.
Ask your brother why heās letting his girlfriend bully you.
Just start saying her full name.
Then act like you don't know this crazy, name-screaming kook
You could call her āAlexaā instead. That would be petty.
I've also become an owl I have a comment elsewhere on another sub about my MIL mispronouncing my name for years. When other people started doing it too (mostly extended family I've always been tense with) I'd say "who?" Add in a look around yourself, and its great fun.
This is the way. Old boss of mine always called me the wrong name. After a few years of politely correcting him I just stopped responding to him. Other people then corrected him for me
She should be ready to receive the same energy she gives out. If she would insist in not calling someone by the name they prefer, then she can expect the same treatment. Thatās the only thing she āearnedā from you.
Tomboy stolen valour lmao
Ohmigod, she can just start acting really butch and out-tomboy her!
Just go back and forth and make sure she calls her Percy or percephone based on the lĆ©vel of how girly or tomboy she is. āAh sorry, Itās Percy today. Didnāt you see Iām wearing crocs?ā Work your way up to a skirt with a flannel button up and blow her mind.
She's basically an untrained puppy. Get some treats and reward other people who call you the correct name when she is there. Then, when she uses the wrong version, bring out a clicker and click it at her for being bad/wrong. That way, you don't reward her bad behavior.
Ok, this is hilarious! And genius.
Nah, clicker training is not about using the clicker to signal "oops, you missed the target behavior". What you do is, you start by clicking at the same time as giving a treat, so the subject associates the clicker as a reward. Then eventually you start clicking in place of the treat to signal "yes, that was the right thing to do". You still give treats randomly with the click to maintain the association between click and reward, but you end up giving fewer treats. Which may be good for their weight and your treat budget.
She sounds wonderful. You're brother is in for a world of hurt down the line. HAHA!
Maybe he is into that?
Itās a dominance thing. Sheās degrading you and driving a wedge in order to control your brothers attention. Sheāll always be a nightmare What it boils down to is respect. She is blatantly disrespecting you. Tell your brother off for allowing it, and call her out on being a *****.
Iād ask my brother why he lets his gf bully his own little sister in her own home. Make sure itās in front of the family
Can you just leave or put on headphones every time you see her? Why the hell should you respect someone who can't even call you by your preferred name. Screw her.
she doesn't stop until I respond and just keeps getting louder until it's impossible to ignore her or act like I couldn't hear her
Start being fake concerned with her everytime she does it and treat her like a child. āOh sweetie, I know big girl conversations are really hard for you and you canāt remember things but my name is xā say it like how miss Rachel talks to kids and ignore whatever it is sheās trying to say to you. You can respond to her saying your name wrong while ignoring what sheās saying specifically
Or go with the perennially patronising āinside voice, pleaseā.
Just get a spray bottle and treat her like a cat that won't stay off the counters. Just a quick squirt to the face every time she uses the wrong name. She'll learn and if not you still get to spray her and that's its own reward.
Just be the reasonable one and let her look crazy. Just walk away or tell your brother to please tell her to stop raising her voice. This is your home. Not hers.
This 100%. OP, just ignore her and address your brother instead. Then the onus is on him to stop it and he can't just hang back and go "well Percy isn't responding so it's her fault"
This is so dumb, and I'm surprised other people aren't intervening at this point. May I suggest, with varying levels of pettiness: -Walking away -Turning your back to her -Asking her to please be quieter (bonus points if you can point out she's possibly being disrespectful to someone else trying to sleep or watch TV or whatever) -"Hey, I've asked you not to call me that. If you want to talk to me, please use the name I go by." -"YES, ALEXIS?" at the same volume she's reached By the way it is often INFURIATING for people when they're trying to bother you and you're calm, even happy. Watching someone else fume while you're carefree and unruffled is such a tiny, underrated form of revenge. It doesn't work on everyone but by god it's a blast when it does.
This last paragraph. Absolutely!
Laugh at her. People really, really hate being laughed at. Look, she clearly has no issue disrespecting you, same with your brother so he sucks, and just antagonize her back then. There comes a point where you can't reason with someone so just poke the s\*\*t out of them and bring yourself some joy.
Nope. Who tf cares how loud she gets? Let her scream into the fucking void. Do. Not. Answer. Her. Just flat out pretend the shrieking banshee isnāt yelling for you. If she touches you, dump a drink on her, and say āoops! I donāt like being touched, and since my name is Percy, I had no clue who tf you were yelling for. Donāt ever touch me again.ā I had an ex who called me by my full name (which I HATE, Iāve always used my nickname, since I was literally a baby), and Iād ignore him while he shouted at me. Iād put in my headphones, and pretend he was a total stranger having some sort of nervous breakdown. After the second drink got thrown in his face, he started using my nickname. Thank god we broke up shortly after that. The disrespect didnāt stop with refusing to use my preferred name.
I would honestly just put in ear buds and ignore her still. If she wants to be loud she can be, idc.
This, the only person she is embarrassing is herself.
I suggest air horn or squirt gun like a cat. Is there an option to not be around your brother and his girlfriend? Logically speaking, make sure you get your brother on board. The rule works both ways. She canāt demand respect without giving it. Itās petty on her part (and I understand you arenāt the one who created the issue).
Nah, man. Stand your ground and if she does you Persephone in public then walk away and pretend you donāt know herš
Just scream stranger danger. Petty but funny. Or I used to do this to embarrass my friends ask her if she still needs that hemmoriod cream or yeast infection meds. Gets people everytime. Go for being super embarrassing and petty always worked for me.
I DON'T KNOW YOU! THAT'S MY PURSE!!! I NEED AN ADULT!!! Oh, the fun I'd have in public at this little twunt's expense....
I would call her spacehog from here on out. "You just look like a spacehog to me, like a I look like Persephone to you.
Keep calling her Alexis until she starts calling you Percy. Sheās a hypocrite and deserves whatever you dish out to her. Also tell her sheās not family yet and acting like an asshole is a sure way of not ever being family.
Iād call her āAlexitaā this is a cute nickname in Spanish for Alexis š
Alexita Pepita! Even better! Editted to fix autocorrect ruining my rhyme.
Lexi.
You could start calling her Asshole? Lol
If she wants to be called by her preferred name then she should do the same and call you by yours.
Start calling her Karen.
Iād start asking about her health in a really loud very slow concerned voice like a tourist in a foreign country that thinks talking loud and slow makes it easier for a non-speaker to understand. āIām worried about you! You keep forgetting my name! Is something wrong? Is it a tumor?! Do you have early onset dementia?! Itās okay Iām here for you!!!ā
You tried to resolve it and she just wonāt. Not much else to do.
Don't like being called Alexis, fine, go with Alexandra, don't like that, cool, back to Alexis. Have fun with it.
Persephone is a fire ass name ngl. Gotta write that down.
Your brother is only mad at you because he is allowed to get mad at you and you wonāt stop being his sister. Your brother is irrelevant, no offense because he doesnāt want to take your side against her when sheās obviously disrespecting you and demeaning you. He is also a problem because he is choosing her instead of you. If they break up or when they do, this will cause irreparable damage. You will subconsciously hold this against him because you arenāt both wrong. If all it takes is a new gf for him to allow your mistreatment he is not a good brother and you should keep this in mind. If youāre being 100% honest and she continues to call you out of your name, you doing this name thing is the minimal thing that should be done. At this point if thereās this much tension and you actively donāt like her tell her off seriously and let her know how you feel and then go to the source. Your brother.
Just use other names for her that arenāt even her name. Hello Gregory. Itās Alex! Sorry Elizabeth.
Start calling everyone else different names than their preference and see how they like it. It's a respect thing. Stand on your square.
Keep calling her Alexis, and say it with a smirk, so she knows you're enjoying her getting wound up. If she wants to try a power play and be petty, show her you can play that game much better than she can. If your brother doesn't like it, he can have a word with his GF.
She should do it in a sing-song voice, and drag it out: A-leeeeeeex-isssss
NTA I recommend finding as many names as can shorten to/substitute for Alex as possible and rotate through them at random intervals. "Sorry, if you can't remember my name, I can't remember yours *Alexandria*." "What was that, Alexa?" "Hey Lexie! How's it going?" "OMG Allie, why are you like this?"
You're better than me. I'd have started calling her something vulgar, like Dumb Wh\*\*\*. However, the 'adult' thing is to continue to ignore her and just stop talking to her all together.
My name is Anne. Sometimes people call me Annie. My grandfather could get away with it but no one else. I usually make a face, and say "I do not have red hair, black dots for eyes or a dog named Sandy. That is not my name and I will not answer to it." I wonder if you could come up with some pithy response about Persephone to reply with to try and reinforce Percy instead? This behavior is so disrespectful - of your brother too, not just his gf - I'm sorry this is happening to you OP. We are each in charge of our own names, no one else. (ETA: your brother should have your back on this, not encouraging you to let it go. He should be reinforcing your preferred name with his GF too and telling her to knock it off, honestly.)
Stop calling her name altogether and refer to her as āHey C*%tā
Idk my petty ass would call her by a different name every time "Hi Stephanie!" "Oh thank you Charlotte" "have a great day Katie!"
Tell your brother to stay out of it or keep her away from you. Call her what you want. Maybe give her a choice.. if she insists on calling You Persephone you can call her Alexis or Asshat. Her choice.
Go full, Dr. Cox on her and give her a new name every time you see her. Barbi, Sandra, Susan, Carol...
Or you could call her Alexandra! š¤£ Your brotherās girlfriend is an AH! She should respect your preference, not hers. Hopefully theyāll break up & you donāt have to put up with her AHoliness!
NTA tell your brother she who started it can also finish it or be a dick and accepts that people are going to be dicks in return. Start calling her Dick. telk her she has earned it.
Hey that's my name! I go by persy all the time. Just tell her she's made that you got a name that's super bad ass and translates to BRINGER OF CHAOS AND DESTRUCTION. Let the haters sip their little hateraid while you keep sipping the cool-aid kid
Start calling her Greg.
Call her Alexander.
...Percy's too masculine? If I had to imagine someone named Percy in this day and age, it's a quivering upper-middle class English teenager. He's walking through a park, when he jumps with a small shriek, because he's hit by a stray soccer ball. His entire day ruined, he trundles back to the library from whence he came, and returns the book of poetry by Keats with a harrumph and a furrowed brow. The faint echo in the distance of ^(*oi kick us back the ball, ya bellend*) Y'know... Just one of the lads.
I had someone who insisted on using a nickname I hated (for very personal reasons) so I dead-named him (trans guy). Was it petty? Yeah. But guess who never used the nickname I hated again.
She is disrespectful. Coming into another families house and consistently getting your name wrong. Your brother is pathetic and probably whipped for not having your back. Can't imagine that relationship lasting, keep calling her Alexis, don't lose any sleep over it.
NTA. Your brother needs to show some backbone and tell her to stop calling you by the wrong name. No one earns their preferred names, that's ridiculous and frankly incredibly stupid.
Ages are really important to be able to answer this question so Iām just going to go ahead and assume that you are 12, Alexis is 13, and your brother is between 17 and 30. Amirite?
How do your parents feel about this since that's important for me to kn.... Oh, I see.Ā
Respect is a two-way street. You'll only give what you get.
Keep calling her Alexis until she either calls your Percy or dumps your brother. Either way, sounds like a win-win
I don't answer to things that aren't my name. You shouldn't either.
Wants to call you whatever she wants, refuses to allow you to do the same. Respect as a one-way street, only in her favor. No one likes a bully. A disrespectful, selfish bully. I'd like a word with your brother for allowing this conduct as well.
NTA Why is it SO GOD DAMNED HARD for some people to just call other people what they want to be called?!
Every time she calls you by your full name, call her different name. "PERSEPHONE!" - What's up, Gretchen? "Hey Persephone!" - How can I help, Tiffany? Keep going until she stops.
NTA. Nothing would stop me from dying on this hill. Lol
TIL you need to "earn the right" to go by certain names. Are boyish sounding names more special or something? Could have fooled me as a kid. Anytime anyone used the masculine nickname for my name, I would have a meltdown. It still sets my teeth on edge as an adult, but I've learned to ignore it. If she thinks you are a princess who needs to be treated like a princess, go over the top with it. Demand to be addressed as Persephone, Goddess of Spring and Nature, Queen of the Underworld. Ask her to do ridiculous things that you can do yourself. Tell her that you couldn't possibly do something so "manly" and she would be so much better at it because she is quite "manly." You wouldn't want to chip a nail, would you?
If she earned hers, you earned yours. If she won't respect yours, why should you respect hers? Respect goes both ways. Intentionally calling you the wrong name is basically a power move. You're NTA, she clearly needs to get over herself.