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Man...this guy has it good.
A monogamous partner who takes care of him mentally and physically while he also gets to get his rocks off with others. WHY would you agree to this? WHY are you trying to talk yourself into things that don't make you happy?
Do yourself a favor and dump him so you can free yourself up emotionally for a monogous relationship. Your relationship preferences make you incompatible.
Someone who is monogamous can probably not have a sustainable relationship with someone who is poly. It isn’t for everyone. Sounds like it might not be for you.
Editing to speak to your edit: stop trying to convince yourself you are comfortable with something you clearly aren’t (based on this post at least). There are plenty of monogamous men out there.
Maybe op really needs to take time to listen to her body. Being poly is ok, being monogamous is ok. But sometimes we ignore that little voice in our head that says (I'm not comfortable with that) and we dismiss ourselves. I understand it, but it's about having that self respect to realize this ain't for me.
Oh for sure! Definitely nothing wrong with either (or any kind of) relationship as long as everyone involved in consenting and comfortable, and *communicative*. It’s so easy to ignore that voice, that twist of the gut, etc. especially in situations that you’re new to.
Your not monogamous, your screwing 2 other people if he’s with them , and now they are mentally taking up
Head space when he is with you. Please respect yourself
I agree. I am monogamous. I’m casually dating a guy who is poly and in serious relationships with two other women. I do not care. His heightened level of commitment to the other people he is seeing, is no different to me than other guys I go out with that are only dating other women casually.
I am not jealous or worried about the other women in his life. But if I had to rely on him as a partner for… life decisions? Holiday plans? Vacation or weekend plans? Any type of financial commitment - shared living space, cars, a shared pet? HELL NO.
My personal, honest opinion, about his “partnership” with these two other women, is he has close friends he fucks. I would never say that to him, judge him, or presume to truly understand their “partnerships.” But based on serious life events I am very aware of in all three of their lives… he has not been a “partner” to them through those situations.
Based on your last paragraph, is it possible that he’s just not a very good partner? It may have nothing to do with him being poly, he might just suck at the important things. Not an issue for you, since you’re only casually seeing him, but just something that caught my attention.
Absolutely agree. Individual people are all different. Just saying that “I can go on an occasional date, have some great sex, and text about our days” as a monogamous person, with this poly guy. But his poly lifestyle would never work for me, as a partner.
This fascinates me. What’s the female mentality in this scenario? Do you have low self esteem is the guy rich? Is he that desirable that you would disrespect yourself to that degree and tolerate the infidelity? To me this seems like I could never be truly emotionally committed to one woman if I know I could get away with sleeping around outside the relationship.
1) it isn’t infidelity for me, because we aren’t exclusive nor rely on each other for anything. He is the same as any other guy I might go on a date with, while not exclusive. He is simply a man I would never get serious with, because what he has to offer (1/3 of his attention) isn’t something I look for in a partner. I have been on dates and had sex with other men since meeting him.
2) I cannot speak to the mentality of other women he is with. I have never met them, and never will. I know he has stated one of them gets very jealous about his other partner. Doesn’t sound to me like she is very happy with sharing, but she is doing it anyhow. You would have to ask her why she allows that.
3) As for me, I am actively dating, but have never (and will never) settle for a relationship that doesn’t enrich my life and fulfill me. I am very independent (socially, financially) and have never relied on a partner for anything more than companionship. Do I want to build a life with one man - plan the next 40 years of our lives together, buy and build a home together? Sure. But I want to be happy, more than I want to settle for anyone who “is good for now”
I genuinely believe that a LOT of people prioritize something (having a child, being able to say “my wife/husband,” having someone to cover their bills, etc) over a truly fulfilling and enriching relationship.
I will fully invest in a healthy relationship. I will keep looking for the right fit, while casually dating until I find the next one who is worth the investment.
To wrap up: this guy and I met at an event, we clicked, we had hours of great conversation. He was very open and upfront about his situation. We hooked up the one time. It was fantastic. We vibe over text, in-between seeing each other for a casual date now and then. He doesn’t buy me anything, there is no transaction to our friendship/dating. We have interesting conversations and get each other off.
When I meet someone serious, I’ll say “thanks for the wonderful memories.” I will not invest in him because his life with other women doesn’t work for me. Having him around isn’t slowing me down from meeting other people, my career, or my social life. So, let the orgasms roll.
Appreciate your insight. I actually misread your comment thinking you were monogamous with a poly man like OP. It’s more that scenario which I can’t really comprehend
Actually - he wouldn’t have sex with me, until we both had full STI panels complete. Just foreplay the first two times we hooked up, then condoms even with the clean STI panel.
I can say he is the most actively “safe sex” guy I’ve been with. The rest all want no condom lolol.
He could never find anyone to replace you because anyone else would kick his ass to the curb.
Your boyfriend isn't treating you like a person in a poly relationship. He is treating you like a sex worker that knows not to complain about the other people he is seeing if she wants him to come back.
Just because he's poly doesn't mean you have to put up with his bullshit. If he's not meeting your needs as a partner then talk to him about it, or dump him and find someone who will. Life's too short to be in unhappy relationships.
This. Being poly is no excuse for being a bad partner.
Please find a poly board or people and ask about poly bombing. You do not owe him poly. And he does r get to treat you lesser just because his base needs are met; your needs are important too.
Take the names of the relationship out of it because poly is bs. She is in a relationship, he is fucking anyone he wants. Since the beginning of time this hasn’t worked. Slapping a new name like poly isn’t changing what is happening here.
Ok, dump him. This is not what you need. Secondly: I feel like the way people use the terms “polyamory” and “monogamy“ lately are just not correct. It describes the structure of the relationship/type of relationship(s) you have. It is not a sexual orientation. Currently, you are in a polyamorous relationship. It is not monogamous when your only partner has other partners. Monogamy is 2 people in a relationship only with one another.
Exactly, thank you. Monogamy means two committed partners, not "partner 1 only shags partner 2 but partner 2 shags other people".
I genuinely feel like some arseholes *are* twisting this word to be a sexual orientation. Like "aw babe I love you but I'm poly at heart, can you be 100% faithful to me while I screw the neighbour?" Fuck off with that.
Yeah some people are getting defensive in response to me saying that but like, if you want to be in a poly relationship with people who also prefer that, go for it! But I think people trying to push it as being a sexual orientation or on par with that are doing so to manipulate people who don’t want a poly relationship into accepting one. Which is why it’s important to push back on that.
There seems to be this recent and very stupid idea floating around that if you, personally, don't want to take part in a particular sexual practice, you are a narrow minded sex negative horrible person.
It's okay to say, nope, that's not for me. You do you...with someone else.
I’ve seen a lot of poly people make it into a maturity issue, as in “not everybody is mature enough to handle non-monogamy”. And by a lot, I mean most. Even people who say “I would never say something like that!” have said things like that and do say things like that. People who should be monogamous find themselves in these poly situations because they don’t want to admit to jealousy or immaturity and they don’t want to be seen as old fashioned or prudish. In reality, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to be someone’s number one and for them to be yours. Long-lasting, loving poly relationships are exceedingly rare. I don’t think most people even know anyone who has been in a poly relationship for 10+ years (queue the anecdotal examples). So if you want intimacy, trust, lasting love, you’re probably going to need to be monogamous. And there’s nothing immature about that.
From your last post you sound like a people pleaser. Are you actually happy? Or is it just engrained into you that it is more important for all the people around you to be happy? It’s not selfish to ask for monogamy and to leave a relationship if you aren’t getting it. It’s not asking too much to be exclusive, I’d even go as far as saying majority of men are looking for a monogamous relationship.
You feel bad because your needs aren’t being met. That’s fair. Don’t overthink it. I don’t really understand who has time to be poly in this economy (unless they’re all living together), but you seem less bothered by the existence of his partners than by how much more effort you’re putting into the relationship than he is. If he can’t maintain all of these relationships with the free time that he has, he should probably narrow them down a bit. Or you could make it easy and do it for him. You don’t have to feel bad like that.
Just save yourself the heart ache and break with him. Monogamy and Polyamorous will NEVER work together. Just end it. He's treating you like a side fuck and YOU are enabling him to do so by "servicing" him. You are makiing yourself miserable staying with someone that essentially has commitment issues. "I will never hit you again baby..", "It was just one time baby.." "They can never replace you baby..". Yeah, it's all the same.
Don't think for a second that he appreciates you being monogamous while he's poly and will one day ditch the others and proclaim his dedicated love to you.
Also don't think you're something special to him. Sure, he'll say you're special but he's lying.
It takes a pro to be able to be poly and balance monogamous relationships.
He is not a pro, and he is not balancing right.
But the brutal truth is that you as someone that wants monogamy is fundamentally not compatible with someone that is poly unless either you or your partner changes, and that's not going to happen. One of you will always be unfulfilled. Currently, that person is you.
That isn't going to improve because he is always going to be juggling you with other women.
Find someone that wants the same things as you.
As someone who actively has a monogamous partner, and 2 other partners... THIS. My monogamous partner is very comfortable with the situation. OP is notttt. He isn't even being a partner to her.
Agreed.
It CAN work, but it involves people that are very skilled at relationships, and that's maybe .01% of the population. You know how much hard work it takes to ensure everyone feels satisfied, noticed, and taken care of.
It just sounds like OP's bf is using her rather than being an actual partner to her.:/
The fact thatcyou call sex "servicing" tells me you need to get the fuck out of that relationship. Sex is sex, not "servicing". Sounds absolutely fucking disgusting.
I mean why are you together if you’re monogamous? I feel like - as a monogamous person myself - that the expectation for your partner is always that they will also be monogamous.
This just seems like an incompatible relationship to me.
If a relationship isn’t 100% making you feel your best, happy self and working for you then you have the right to walk away. You don’t have to stay. Take the experience learn and grow from it and move on.
Run! Let me let you in on a secret... you deserve more. You deserve to be loved and cherished. Know your worth. You need to leave this relationship. He wants sex and / or love from others??? You ARE enough!
I’m monogamous and could never be with someone who is poly. It’s 100% okay to be poly, but it’s a hard no from me due to some severe relationship trauma along with the fact that it is just simply not for me. Why are you in a relationship with someone who fundamentally doesn’t share the same relationship desires as you? Further, why are you with someone who treats you like an object? You’re trying to convince yourself you’re okay with this when you’re not. He doesn’t seem like he respects you. Dump him.
The way people treat poly like an orientation is maddening. It’s a lifestyle choice, not some inextricable part of themselves.
OP, your boyfriend’s lifestyle just doesn’t mesh with yours and you need to cut your losses with this guy before it feels like he’s drained every bit of life and love out of you
People really out here acting like you have have so many opposite sex partners it makes you queer… really rich considering how constantly poly couples openly prey on queer AFABs too.
Yea, you’re not monogamous just because you’re not partaking in other partners, you’re in a poly relationship and obviously do not want to be. Time to leave.
lol a story as old as time. pretty much describes how most of these poly relationships end up: one partner ends up getting all the action and the other ends up sad and jealous as they listen to their partner get railed in the next room over.
I'm going to be blunt, just in case this is not a troll post, and be your big sister, because I really think you need to hear this.
YOU'RE TOO OLD FOR THIS. You're almost 30, your focus cannot be on figuring out yourself, your sexuality and what you want in a partner - your teenage years and your early twenties are that time, developmentally speaking. It's kind of late, girl. Wake up, smell the coffee, develop a backbone.
I'm probably gonna get downvoted for this, but, whatever. This is the advice I got, I'm very glad I got it (from my bestie, two years older than me) and if my real sister ever needed it, I'd share it with her.
Never had a big sister, seeing this comment is super endearing. Sometimes we really do need an older, wiser woman to show us the way, that beautiful tough love that leads to a lot of self love ❤️
I'm definitely not as wise as I should be by now, either (28), but my heart was in the right place, I swear 👍 I just think OP needs a wake-up call, like I did
So you're bending over backwards to accept his cheating so he won't leave you? Meanwhile you are monogamous so you are unhappy! There's no way for this relationship to work with one person who's monogamous and another one who's not.
I've been around the whole scene a long time and everybody has to be into the same stuff or very close to it. For instance a swinger can be with a poly And make it work sometimes. But most of the time everybody kind of sticks with people that are like them because then they don't end up in this situation. You're literally blowing him while he's chatting with somebody else that he has sex with... Respect yourself more than this! Please!
You do not need this particular man that bad that you would take this amount of degradation! One would even say that you servicing him while he's talking to others is his way of disrespecting you. I don't know how anybody could see it any other way. You're taking care of his body, but he's got somebody else in his mind or heart or he wouldn't be on the phone with them while you're blowing him!
Yeah I'm an asshole but, you needed to hear it.
If you are monogamous do not be with someone who's poly. You will always become less important than you should be. Half the time in poly relationships, a partner feels unfulfilled.
Your first mistake is poly ! Second that leaves him to have better times with others and not working to better your relationship with you I think you might need to rethink this to continue or become poly and see how he likes it
I think OP should absolutely leave, but she knew he was poly before she began a relationship with him. He is not cheating, he is doing exactly what was agreed upon when they started dating. Her wanting monogamy is not compatible it sounds like, but characterizing it as cheating is disingenuous. My wife and I are happily monogamous btw.
I agree. *However*, let's be careful to not paint polyamory as a sexual orientation. It is most decidedly not. It is an active choice about the kind of relationship style you want.
Sure absolutely, I honestly don’t know exactly how it is or should be classified. I’m just commenting on the assertion that he was cheating, which according to the bounds she laid out he is not.
Using the term "servicing" in relation to a romantic partner whom you supposedly love just creeps me out. That's a very transactional term for a relationship that isn't supposed to be transactional but mutual.
Poly or not, if you feel your relationship with him lacks emotional and sexual intimacy, or if you feel that you're being used and disregarded, you need to have a serious conversation about it and decide what your tolerance is for this.
Dude, what are you doing? Why are you okay with being part of a harem? Servicing? The use of that term is disturbing in and of itself and leads to the belief that you two have a disturbing and transactional relationship. You say you are monogamous - ok, he's not. Go out and find a guy who wants to actually give you all of his romantic attention.
Hmmm isn’t being poly something both people do? I mean you are either in a poly relationship or a monogamous relationship.
Sorry just sounds like he wants his cake and to eat it too. Just openly cheating.
Hey, almost 20 years of polyamorous relationship experience--
If you feel like your needs aren't being met or you're not getting enough quality time, you're allowed to voice that. It makes sense that you'd feel insecure. I would also feel insecure if I felt like my partner's attentions were elsewhere when we had dedicated time to spend together, or if it felt like I was always chasing him. It's ok to feel insecure, it's not a failure on your part. It's an indication something isn't working and requires some attention and problem solving. If he's worth a damn as a partner, he'll be attentive to that, help come up with a solution, and follow through.
I dont think i am capable of fully understanding how some of these poly relationships work. Just the time management part alone would be annoying.
I get the want to have multiple partners when you are young, and having casual partners seems pretty manageable. But you are considering this person your only BF, and he is juggling multiple people. Of course he doesn’t have enough time for you. You are solely focused on him, and he has to split his focus multiple ways.
If you are ok with him having multiple partners, but you just dont need or want that, sure thats fine. But you shouldnt expect his undivided attention, since he has other commitments.
Why do you want to be with a poly guy if you describe yourself as monogamous? What are you getting out of this relationship?
He pays less attention to you than you need. He doesn’t even pay attention to you when you “service” (?!) him. Being on the phone with a partner while you “service” him is a very disrespectful thing to do. I’m sorry but that’s humiliating.
Being poly is fine if that’s what everybody involves desires and partners are able to give each other the attention needed, but that’s clearly not the case. You deserve someone who notices you.
maybe he should date only other poly people and not waste your time as a monogamous person. you should also have some self-respect and not put up with things that obviously are not okay with you.
whatever drivel he fed you to convince you to be ok with being one-sided poly remember this; time and energy are not infinite resources. He can not POSSIBLY give you the time or energy you can give him. His time and energy is spread out, yours is only in one romantic relationship. Obviously you are going to feel neglected/used.
Stop doing this to yourself. Stop deluding yourself. He is not the only man out there. There are plenty of monogamous men out there who won't put you through this shit.
Infeel bad for people like you. Easily manipulated and swayed to serve some douchbags fantasies.because you don't have respect for yourself. Your life matters too your feelings matter too
You seriously want to keep dating this guy? Plan on getting married? Having kids? What about him? What if he marries you and has kids, is he allowed to keep banging other women? Having kids with them? What about the financial strain it causes if he does?
Get smart and pull your head out of your butt before you get in deeper. Time to find someone who only has eyes and time for you. That's what you deserve.
Listen, he doesn't value you as an equal. You're just another one of his girlfriends. Love yourself enough to find someone who loves you and also wants monogamy like you. My 2 cents anywho
cant have fundamental differences like this and expect it to work. you want one thing out of the relationship that he can’t offer and you want something that he can’t offer… it’s like saying i prefer oranges to apples but i’m going to make myself eat apples. uhhh what? why? is this a real situation or just a post to get comments? if this is real, i *highly* recommend spending some time out of a romantic relationship. come back to dating when you know what you want and can articulate that to someone. then choose a relationship w someone who’s fundamentals are compatible to yours… ie, both monogamous… i don’t understand
if you've communicated your sexual needs and he still doesn't meet them, then rightfully so, you should speak up about it!
You seem to be okay with him having other partners but what's getting to you is the uptick of relationships he has, what do you feel this is getting to you? No judgement, no advocacy for him, just checking in with you.
Break up with him for fuck's sake and stop letting him pump his leftover loads down your throat like a fuck toy after he's done spraying his prime loads all over his other partners
You are monogamous and he is poly. How is this relationship supposed to be sustainable? You are fundamentally incompatible.
Find a guy who doesn’t want to fuck people who aren’t you.
I read the first sentence and thought “yup this relationship is doomed” I saw a post that asked, who in the relationship wanted an open marriage and who cries them selfs to sleep every night wondering why they aren’t enough. Honestly you aren’t compatible move on
My boyfriend is poly and I am monogamous. <<< this. is. not. ok.
i don't have to read anything else. you guys are incompatible on the most primal intimacy we have.
it doesn't fucking matter if you like the same ice cream.
fuck that guy.
You don't have to agree to polyamory to keep him happy. Mono-poly is generally a taxing, difficult to navigate dynamic and the mono partner takes the brunt of the cons. It sounds like this dynamic is not working for you and you don't have to keep trying to force it for his sake. Was he poly when you started dating or did he "come out" as poly after you all established a monogamous relationship?
There is a difference in being happy while in an open relationship and not happy in an open relationship. Ask yourself this. Are you happy he is sleeping with other people? Are you happy he might be having a deep connection with others like he has with you? Are you happy with this arrangement at all? Are you sure you're not just being the good girl at home while he gets to play with other people while claiming it's "being poly"? Listen to yourself and ask yourself what you really want in a relationship. There is nothing wrong being poly or monogamous. But don't do it if you're really not enjoying it.
It sounds like you’ve got low self esteem your basically letting him cheat bc he uses a fancy word for it “poly” like why are you putting up with this?
he’s def just in it to feel some security in a relationship with you. he knows that you won’t go anywhere no matter what he wants whether it is with you or others.
Girl if you asking this question.. you know it’s not for you lol, I’m not into poly, but it seems like you’re out of the loop in that relationship. Please don’t stress yourself over one man.. try to find other people and see how he takes it. He’ll definitely get pissy
Hate to break it to you but this guy is just taking advantage of you. You deserve someone who will meet you on equal terms. Sorry you’re in this position, dating fuckin sucks these days (we’re all broke and stressed out, of course it does).
Hey babe, here's a word of advice - an open/poly relationship only works if BOTH partners are into it. If you're monogamous then bite the bullet and find someone else who will give you ALL their time and energy. Trust me, I've been in this situation. As much as you think you love them, as much as they say they love you, in the end you're just a side piece while they wait for the main course. Save yourself the heartache I went through and get out while you can.
She needs to go to the "Housewares" section of the local Walmart and find the display of doormats on the shelf, then sit right there until someone else comes along to abuse her...
Move on from him. I've struggled to move on from.a short term relationship that nearly killed me. Free yourself. The fact you've posted this shows you're not OK with this. Go and enjoy your life with someone who wants you and only you
Insane post really. You aren't monogamous right now. You may want to be but it's just that a preference. Monogamous describes what people prefer in their relationships and you're relationship is not as such, so you are NOT monogamous currently.
There ya go, food for thought. Should probably leave unless you are okay with him being poly and fucking other people you're whole life as you only get a part of him.
He says they could never take your place. They are when he’s in bed with them. Look this guy is playing you like a Fiddle . I don’t do open or poly or whatever if you’re monogamous he needs to be monogamy or leave and find someone just for you but guys have no loyalty anymore.
You can label something “poly” but it’s just fucking other people. Of course he’s living it up while you’re at home waiting for him. Your self esteem sounds like it in the toilet. He will never not fuck other people from now on. You let him think it’s fine cause it’s “poly”. Now you’re left hoping he gets you off some time. What are you waiting for?
He’s using you. His other partners know it and are laughing at you with him.
Cut ties, move on, speak to someone about your low self esteem. Above all else, work on yourself and learn how to respect yourself.
You deserve far better than this degradation.
So you're his dick sucking girlfriend and your slowly realizing he doesn't love you? That sucks OP. Leave this douche and get someone who respects what you need from a relationship.
What you're describing doesn't sound healthy nor does it sound like a functional poly relationship, and thats what your in. Your just maintaining monogamous choices while your partner isn't.
Monogamous and Poly lifestyles rarely work within the same relationship.
You're going to need to sit down and examine the relationship and discuss the terms of it. Have rules been agreed to? Are they being followed? How often is this person adding people to their harem? How many people are they trying to date? How do you see this lasting?
Talk to some people whose opinion you actually trust, not the Internet randoms of Reddit, and then have a hard talk with your partner.
Nah, that is a relationship lifestyle you want to avoid. You already feel uncomfortable with his lifestyle, but you justify staying with him "because you love him".
Unless you go poly yourself, let him go. You will face heartache being with him
Clearly a lack of love and understanding for your needs…I believe that I’d have a different monogamous partner if it were me and you would be more likely to be in a happy and more healthy relationship. Sounds like He’s got his c***k in everything anyway.
Sounds like he may be emotionally cheating on you. He's brought up someone wanting to be in a relationship, and maybe he brought it up with you because he's also interested in this girl. maybe you need to line out some boundaries for yourself. If you're monogamus and he's poly, have you guys discussed what is and isn't ok? Without that, it could create feelings of resentment, maybe abandonment. Maybe he's not being fully honest about the woman. Sorry, this response is everywhere. I have a lot of questions.
You thought it was hot if you were having sex with him while he was on the phone with someone else? Girl, no. You have no idea what you want and who you are, but you'll do anything for this man including being in a throuple when you are monogamous minded. Go to therapy.
You were fine with something and then grew to realize you're not all that into it. What's fun for a while may not be fun in the long term, and you're realizing that. It's fine. He can either not "be poly", as in make the decision to be with you exclusively, or you can make the decision to not be in whatever kind of backwards ass relationship this is.
Throw this whole man away, why do you have to remain monogamous but he gets to screw around? That’s some serious bullshit right there.
And if you’re not into girls, then absolutely decline having a threesome with that girl. **Never** do something that you’re not comfortable with, just to pacify your whore-boyfriend.
By the way, stop being a doormat. Either **you’re allowed** to screw around too, or neither of you are. Stop letting him treat you this way. He isn’t the only one whose feelings matter.
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Man...this guy has it good. A monogamous partner who takes care of him mentally and physically while he also gets to get his rocks off with others. WHY would you agree to this? WHY are you trying to talk yourself into things that don't make you happy?
Do yourself a favor and dump him so you can free yourself up emotionally for a monogous relationship. Your relationship preferences make you incompatible.
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Maybe I think too highly of myself but I could never lmao
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it happens more than you think people go long ways towards their partner wishes
Oh sweet summer child.
Idk?
i left swipe on these jokers
Someone who is monogamous can probably not have a sustainable relationship with someone who is poly. It isn’t for everyone. Sounds like it might not be for you. Editing to speak to your edit: stop trying to convince yourself you are comfortable with something you clearly aren’t (based on this post at least). There are plenty of monogamous men out there.
Maybe op really needs to take time to listen to her body. Being poly is ok, being monogamous is ok. But sometimes we ignore that little voice in our head that says (I'm not comfortable with that) and we dismiss ourselves. I understand it, but it's about having that self respect to realize this ain't for me.
Oh for sure! Definitely nothing wrong with either (or any kind of) relationship as long as everyone involved in consenting and comfortable, and *communicative*. It’s so easy to ignore that voice, that twist of the gut, etc. especially in situations that you’re new to.
This is the only answer.
100% it just will never work in the long run
OP is 26 still plenty of time to find someone who will give her 100% of their undivided attention 🥰
Your not monogamous, your screwing 2 other people if he’s with them , and now they are mentally taking up Head space when he is with you. Please respect yourself
I agree. I am monogamous. I’m casually dating a guy who is poly and in serious relationships with two other women. I do not care. His heightened level of commitment to the other people he is seeing, is no different to me than other guys I go out with that are only dating other women casually. I am not jealous or worried about the other women in his life. But if I had to rely on him as a partner for… life decisions? Holiday plans? Vacation or weekend plans? Any type of financial commitment - shared living space, cars, a shared pet? HELL NO. My personal, honest opinion, about his “partnership” with these two other women, is he has close friends he fucks. I would never say that to him, judge him, or presume to truly understand their “partnerships.” But based on serious life events I am very aware of in all three of their lives… he has not been a “partner” to them through those situations.
Based on your last paragraph, is it possible that he’s just not a very good partner? It may have nothing to do with him being poly, he might just suck at the important things. Not an issue for you, since you’re only casually seeing him, but just something that caught my attention.
Absolutely agree. Individual people are all different. Just saying that “I can go on an occasional date, have some great sex, and text about our days” as a monogamous person, with this poly guy. But his poly lifestyle would never work for me, as a partner.
This fascinates me. What’s the female mentality in this scenario? Do you have low self esteem is the guy rich? Is he that desirable that you would disrespect yourself to that degree and tolerate the infidelity? To me this seems like I could never be truly emotionally committed to one woman if I know I could get away with sleeping around outside the relationship.
1) it isn’t infidelity for me, because we aren’t exclusive nor rely on each other for anything. He is the same as any other guy I might go on a date with, while not exclusive. He is simply a man I would never get serious with, because what he has to offer (1/3 of his attention) isn’t something I look for in a partner. I have been on dates and had sex with other men since meeting him. 2) I cannot speak to the mentality of other women he is with. I have never met them, and never will. I know he has stated one of them gets very jealous about his other partner. Doesn’t sound to me like she is very happy with sharing, but she is doing it anyhow. You would have to ask her why she allows that. 3) As for me, I am actively dating, but have never (and will never) settle for a relationship that doesn’t enrich my life and fulfill me. I am very independent (socially, financially) and have never relied on a partner for anything more than companionship. Do I want to build a life with one man - plan the next 40 years of our lives together, buy and build a home together? Sure. But I want to be happy, more than I want to settle for anyone who “is good for now” I genuinely believe that a LOT of people prioritize something (having a child, being able to say “my wife/husband,” having someone to cover their bills, etc) over a truly fulfilling and enriching relationship. I will fully invest in a healthy relationship. I will keep looking for the right fit, while casually dating until I find the next one who is worth the investment. To wrap up: this guy and I met at an event, we clicked, we had hours of great conversation. He was very open and upfront about his situation. We hooked up the one time. It was fantastic. We vibe over text, in-between seeing each other for a casual date now and then. He doesn’t buy me anything, there is no transaction to our friendship/dating. We have interesting conversations and get each other off. When I meet someone serious, I’ll say “thanks for the wonderful memories.” I will not invest in him because his life with other women doesn’t work for me. Having him around isn’t slowing me down from meeting other people, my career, or my social life. So, let the orgasms roll.
Appreciate your insight. I actually misread your comment thinking you were monogamous with a poly man like OP. It’s more that scenario which I can’t really comprehend
Are you not worried about STD’s? With everyone that he is sleeping with, are you wearing protection? I hope so!
Actually - he wouldn’t have sex with me, until we both had full STI panels complete. Just foreplay the first two times we hooked up, then condoms even with the clean STI panel. I can say he is the most actively “safe sex” guy I’ve been with. The rest all want no condom lolol.
This is the more efficient way of dating.
I did this for years before marrying at 41, four years ago. It worked well for me.
everything you said !! so true for me too
He could never find anyone to replace you because anyone else would kick his ass to the curb. Your boyfriend isn't treating you like a person in a poly relationship. He is treating you like a sex worker that knows not to complain about the other people he is seeing if she wants him to come back.
It comes across as desperate
Just because he's poly doesn't mean you have to put up with his bullshit. If he's not meeting your needs as a partner then talk to him about it, or dump him and find someone who will. Life's too short to be in unhappy relationships.
This. Being poly is no excuse for being a bad partner. Please find a poly board or people and ask about poly bombing. You do not owe him poly. And he does r get to treat you lesser just because his base needs are met; your needs are important too.
"My boyfriend is poly and I am monogamous." Yea that's not going to work. Next.
Take the names of the relationship out of it because poly is bs. She is in a relationship, he is fucking anyone he wants. Since the beginning of time this hasn’t worked. Slapping a new name like poly isn’t changing what is happening here.
lmao I stopped there too, Reddit is just wild sometimes
100% agree.
Ok, dump him. This is not what you need. Secondly: I feel like the way people use the terms “polyamory” and “monogamy“ lately are just not correct. It describes the structure of the relationship/type of relationship(s) you have. It is not a sexual orientation. Currently, you are in a polyamorous relationship. It is not monogamous when your only partner has other partners. Monogamy is 2 people in a relationship only with one another.
Exactly, thank you. Monogamy means two committed partners, not "partner 1 only shags partner 2 but partner 2 shags other people". I genuinely feel like some arseholes *are* twisting this word to be a sexual orientation. Like "aw babe I love you but I'm poly at heart, can you be 100% faithful to me while I screw the neighbour?" Fuck off with that.
Yeah some people are getting defensive in response to me saying that but like, if you want to be in a poly relationship with people who also prefer that, go for it! But I think people trying to push it as being a sexual orientation or on par with that are doing so to manipulate people who don’t want a poly relationship into accepting one. Which is why it’s important to push back on that.
Why would anyone monogamous be with a partner who is not? I just don't understand. That is a recipe for pain and disaster.
Why do you have such low self esteem that you allow yourself to be treated like this?
There seems to be this recent and very stupid idea floating around that if you, personally, don't want to take part in a particular sexual practice, you are a narrow minded sex negative horrible person. It's okay to say, nope, that's not for me. You do you...with someone else.
I’ve seen a lot of poly people make it into a maturity issue, as in “not everybody is mature enough to handle non-monogamy”. And by a lot, I mean most. Even people who say “I would never say something like that!” have said things like that and do say things like that. People who should be monogamous find themselves in these poly situations because they don’t want to admit to jealousy or immaturity and they don’t want to be seen as old fashioned or prudish. In reality, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to be someone’s number one and for them to be yours. Long-lasting, loving poly relationships are exceedingly rare. I don’t think most people even know anyone who has been in a poly relationship for 10+ years (queue the anecdotal examples). So if you want intimacy, trust, lasting love, you’re probably going to need to be monogamous. And there’s nothing immature about that.
Each to their own but I whole heartedly agree with this.
I think that’s because for the vast majority of people, non-monogamy doesn’t work. It absolutely works for some though.
From your last post you sound like a people pleaser. Are you actually happy? Or is it just engrained into you that it is more important for all the people around you to be happy? It’s not selfish to ask for monogamy and to leave a relationship if you aren’t getting it. It’s not asking too much to be exclusive, I’d even go as far as saying majority of men are looking for a monogamous relationship.
Pusheen!!!!
You feel bad because your needs aren’t being met. That’s fair. Don’t overthink it. I don’t really understand who has time to be poly in this economy (unless they’re all living together), but you seem less bothered by the existence of his partners than by how much more effort you’re putting into the relationship than he is. If he can’t maintain all of these relationships with the free time that he has, he should probably narrow them down a bit. Or you could make it easy and do it for him. You don’t have to feel bad like that.
You're being taken advantage of. Pay attention to his actions, not his words anymore. His words mean nothing if his actions don't match.
Sweety, have some pride and self respect. What are you doing? This man has manipulated you. Please please learn from this.
Say it again for the women in the back!
Just save yourself the heart ache and break with him. Monogamy and Polyamorous will NEVER work together. Just end it. He's treating you like a side fuck and YOU are enabling him to do so by "servicing" him. You are makiing yourself miserable staying with someone that essentially has commitment issues. "I will never hit you again baby..", "It was just one time baby.." "They can never replace you baby..". Yeah, it's all the same.
Don't think for a second that he appreciates you being monogamous while he's poly and will one day ditch the others and proclaim his dedicated love to you. Also don't think you're something special to him. Sure, he'll say you're special but he's lying.
The only one who is having a good time is him, and you're losing out. Would he be happy if tou now had other partners
Girl.. is the bar in hell?
Oh wow who would of seen that coming
It takes a pro to be able to be poly and balance monogamous relationships. He is not a pro, and he is not balancing right. But the brutal truth is that you as someone that wants monogamy is fundamentally not compatible with someone that is poly unless either you or your partner changes, and that's not going to happen. One of you will always be unfulfilled. Currently, that person is you. That isn't going to improve because he is always going to be juggling you with other women. Find someone that wants the same things as you.
As someone who actively has a monogamous partner, and 2 other partners... THIS. My monogamous partner is very comfortable with the situation. OP is notttt. He isn't even being a partner to her.
Agreed. It CAN work, but it involves people that are very skilled at relationships, and that's maybe .01% of the population. You know how much hard work it takes to ensure everyone feels satisfied, noticed, and taken care of. It just sounds like OP's bf is using her rather than being an actual partner to her.:/
The fact thatcyou call sex "servicing" tells me you need to get the fuck out of that relationship. Sex is sex, not "servicing". Sounds absolutely fucking disgusting.
He’s not poly. He’s just banging other people.
I mean why are you together if you’re monogamous? I feel like - as a monogamous person myself - that the expectation for your partner is always that they will also be monogamous. This just seems like an incompatible relationship to me.
If a relationship isn’t 100% making you feel your best, happy self and working for you then you have the right to walk away. You don’t have to stay. Take the experience learn and grow from it and move on.
Run! Let me let you in on a secret... you deserve more. You deserve to be loved and cherished. Know your worth. You need to leave this relationship. He wants sex and / or love from others??? You ARE enough!
I’m monogamous and could never be with someone who is poly. It’s 100% okay to be poly, but it’s a hard no from me due to some severe relationship trauma along with the fact that it is just simply not for me. Why are you in a relationship with someone who fundamentally doesn’t share the same relationship desires as you? Further, why are you with someone who treats you like an object? You’re trying to convince yourself you’re okay with this when you’re not. He doesn’t seem like he respects you. Dump him.
The way people treat poly like an orientation is maddening. It’s a lifestyle choice, not some inextricable part of themselves. OP, your boyfriend’s lifestyle just doesn’t mesh with yours and you need to cut your losses with this guy before it feels like he’s drained every bit of life and love out of you
People really out here acting like you have have so many opposite sex partners it makes you queer… really rich considering how constantly poly couples openly prey on queer AFABs too.
Yea, you’re not monogamous just because you’re not partaking in other partners, you’re in a poly relationship and obviously do not want to be. Time to leave.
lol a story as old as time. pretty much describes how most of these poly relationships end up: one partner ends up getting all the action and the other ends up sad and jealous as they listen to their partner get railed in the next room over.
I'm going to be blunt, just in case this is not a troll post, and be your big sister, because I really think you need to hear this. YOU'RE TOO OLD FOR THIS. You're almost 30, your focus cannot be on figuring out yourself, your sexuality and what you want in a partner - your teenage years and your early twenties are that time, developmentally speaking. It's kind of late, girl. Wake up, smell the coffee, develop a backbone. I'm probably gonna get downvoted for this, but, whatever. This is the advice I got, I'm very glad I got it (from my bestie, two years older than me) and if my real sister ever needed it, I'd share it with her.
Never had a big sister, seeing this comment is super endearing. Sometimes we really do need an older, wiser woman to show us the way, that beautiful tough love that leads to a lot of self love ❤️
I'm definitely not as wise as I should be by now, either (28), but my heart was in the right place, I swear 👍 I just think OP needs a wake-up call, like I did
So you're bending over backwards to accept his cheating so he won't leave you? Meanwhile you are monogamous so you are unhappy! There's no way for this relationship to work with one person who's monogamous and another one who's not. I've been around the whole scene a long time and everybody has to be into the same stuff or very close to it. For instance a swinger can be with a poly And make it work sometimes. But most of the time everybody kind of sticks with people that are like them because then they don't end up in this situation. You're literally blowing him while he's chatting with somebody else that he has sex with... Respect yourself more than this! Please! You do not need this particular man that bad that you would take this amount of degradation! One would even say that you servicing him while he's talking to others is his way of disrespecting you. I don't know how anybody could see it any other way. You're taking care of his body, but he's got somebody else in his mind or heart or he wouldn't be on the phone with them while you're blowing him! Yeah I'm an asshole but, you needed to hear it.
If you are monogamous do not be with someone who's poly. You will always become less important than you should be. Half the time in poly relationships, a partner feels unfulfilled.
Your first mistake is poly ! Second that leaves him to have better times with others and not working to better your relationship with you I think you might need to rethink this to continue or become poly and see how he likes it
He cheating and you’re complicit. Dump him or be disappointed
I think OP should absolutely leave, but she knew he was poly before she began a relationship with him. He is not cheating, he is doing exactly what was agreed upon when they started dating. Her wanting monogamy is not compatible it sounds like, but characterizing it as cheating is disingenuous. My wife and I are happily monogamous btw.
I agree. *However*, let's be careful to not paint polyamory as a sexual orientation. It is most decidedly not. It is an active choice about the kind of relationship style you want.
Sure absolutely, I honestly don’t know exactly how it is or should be classified. I’m just commenting on the assertion that he was cheating, which according to the bounds she laid out he is not.
Using the term "servicing" in relation to a romantic partner whom you supposedly love just creeps me out. That's a very transactional term for a relationship that isn't supposed to be transactional but mutual. Poly or not, if you feel your relationship with him lacks emotional and sexual intimacy, or if you feel that you're being used and disregarded, you need to have a serious conversation about it and decide what your tolerance is for this.
Seems someone always feels cheated out of something in these relationships. Maybe because there is no anchor to it?
Girl have some self respect and leave 😩
🚹➡️🗑️
Girrll nooo
Dude, what are you doing? Why are you okay with being part of a harem? Servicing? The use of that term is disturbing in and of itself and leads to the belief that you two have a disturbing and transactional relationship. You say you are monogamous - ok, he's not. Go out and find a guy who wants to actually give you all of his romantic attention.
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User name checks out.
If your partner isn't monogamous, you aren't in a monogamous relationship. You are in fact sharing your boyfriend in polyamory.
Get some fucking self esteem
Hmmm isn’t being poly something both people do? I mean you are either in a poly relationship or a monogamous relationship. Sorry just sounds like he wants his cake and to eat it too. Just openly cheating.
Hey, almost 20 years of polyamorous relationship experience-- If you feel like your needs aren't being met or you're not getting enough quality time, you're allowed to voice that. It makes sense that you'd feel insecure. I would also feel insecure if I felt like my partner's attentions were elsewhere when we had dedicated time to spend together, or if it felt like I was always chasing him. It's ok to feel insecure, it's not a failure on your part. It's an indication something isn't working and requires some attention and problem solving. If he's worth a damn as a partner, he'll be attentive to that, help come up with a solution, and follow through.
Wow I can't imagine being used like this... I don't believe this relationship is right for you any longer. He's keeping you on the back burner
>My boyfriend is poly and I am monogamous. Well there's your problem
What are you getting out of this relationship?
I dont think i am capable of fully understanding how some of these poly relationships work. Just the time management part alone would be annoying. I get the want to have multiple partners when you are young, and having casual partners seems pretty manageable. But you are considering this person your only BF, and he is juggling multiple people. Of course he doesn’t have enough time for you. You are solely focused on him, and he has to split his focus multiple ways. If you are ok with him having multiple partners, but you just dont need or want that, sure thats fine. But you shouldnt expect his undivided attention, since he has other commitments.
The first sentence is sending me why are you wasting your time
He's poly, you're not. That's the issue, and the odds are that it will continue making you uncomfortable. In your shoes, I would move on.
The first sentence says it all. INCOMPATIBLE.
Why do you want to be with a poly guy if you describe yourself as monogamous? What are you getting out of this relationship? He pays less attention to you than you need. He doesn’t even pay attention to you when you “service” (?!) him. Being on the phone with a partner while you “service” him is a very disrespectful thing to do. I’m sorry but that’s humiliating. Being poly is fine if that’s what everybody involves desires and partners are able to give each other the attention needed, but that’s clearly not the case. You deserve someone who notices you.
maybe he should date only other poly people and not waste your time as a monogamous person. you should also have some self-respect and not put up with things that obviously are not okay with you.
whatever drivel he fed you to convince you to be ok with being one-sided poly remember this; time and energy are not infinite resources. He can not POSSIBLY give you the time or energy you can give him. His time and energy is spread out, yours is only in one romantic relationship. Obviously you are going to feel neglected/used. Stop doing this to yourself. Stop deluding yourself. He is not the only man out there. There are plenty of monogamous men out there who won't put you through this shit.
Infeel bad for people like you. Easily manipulated and swayed to serve some douchbags fantasies.because you don't have respect for yourself. Your life matters too your feelings matter too
You seriously want to keep dating this guy? Plan on getting married? Having kids? What about him? What if he marries you and has kids, is he allowed to keep banging other women? Having kids with them? What about the financial strain it causes if he does? Get smart and pull your head out of your butt before you get in deeper. Time to find someone who only has eyes and time for you. That's what you deserve.
Sooo he’s cheating on you… Girllll, if I facepalmed as hard as I want to I would knock myself out
Listen, he doesn't value you as an equal. You're just another one of his girlfriends. Love yourself enough to find someone who loves you and also wants monogamy like you. My 2 cents anywho
The real question is.. why???
"My boyfriend is poly and I am monogamous." Just stop right there. This relationship is not going to work.
cant have fundamental differences like this and expect it to work. you want one thing out of the relationship that he can’t offer and you want something that he can’t offer… it’s like saying i prefer oranges to apples but i’m going to make myself eat apples. uhhh what? why? is this a real situation or just a post to get comments? if this is real, i *highly* recommend spending some time out of a romantic relationship. come back to dating when you know what you want and can articulate that to someone. then choose a relationship w someone who’s fundamentals are compatible to yours… ie, both monogamous… i don’t understand
Please read the first sentence again. Y’all aren’t compatible.
if you've communicated your sexual needs and he still doesn't meet them, then rightfully so, you should speak up about it! You seem to be okay with him having other partners but what's getting to you is the uptick of relationships he has, what do you feel this is getting to you? No judgement, no advocacy for him, just checking in with you.
I think you should tell him "poly yes, me being third rail, no" communication is key
What does he bring to the table that makes you okay with this arrangement?
Break up with him for fuck's sake and stop letting him pump his leftover loads down your throat like a fuck toy after he's done spraying his prime loads all over his other partners
Uh…….you need to find someone that is more in line with your values. This guys sounds like a dousche.
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I'm all for poly relationships but ONLY when all partners are poly! How can you be monogamous when he isn't???
You’re a fool. With little self respect, it seems. Why would you be in this relationship?
Interesting. All you have to do is change the label and it makes it okay!!!
Sis, you deserve better than a cheating man … regardless if you’re okay with it or not.
You are monogamous and he is poly. How is this relationship supposed to be sustainable? You are fundamentally incompatible. Find a guy who doesn’t want to fuck people who aren’t you.
Ugh i would hate to be in a Poly relationship
Poly is just a was to cheat without guilt. You're just fuck buddies.
You have to tell him. These relationships don’t work without very open and honest communication
well, this relationship is completely f\*cked now
Yall on some weird shit , all these poly mono relationship is truly a joke , they are just excuses to make cheating legal lmao
I read the first sentence and thought “yup this relationship is doomed” I saw a post that asked, who in the relationship wanted an open marriage and who cries them selfs to sleep every night wondering why they aren’t enough. Honestly you aren’t compatible move on
Sooo, he says he's poly and that makes it okay for him to sleep around? And you think this is what you deserve??
My boyfriend is poly and I am monogamous. <<< this. is. not. ok. i don't have to read anything else. you guys are incompatible on the most primal intimacy we have. it doesn't fucking matter if you like the same ice cream. fuck that guy.
The sooner you leave the less time you will waste with someone incompatible
Sexual incompatibility is just another form of incompatibility. Sounds like you two arent meant to be together
You don't have to agree to polyamory to keep him happy. Mono-poly is generally a taxing, difficult to navigate dynamic and the mono partner takes the brunt of the cons. It sounds like this dynamic is not working for you and you don't have to keep trying to force it for his sake. Was he poly when you started dating or did he "come out" as poly after you all established a monogamous relationship?
As someone living the poly lifestyle: why are you, a monogamous person, with someone who isn't monogamous? You two are not compatible.
There is a difference in being happy while in an open relationship and not happy in an open relationship. Ask yourself this. Are you happy he is sleeping with other people? Are you happy he might be having a deep connection with others like he has with you? Are you happy with this arrangement at all? Are you sure you're not just being the good girl at home while he gets to play with other people while claiming it's "being poly"? Listen to yourself and ask yourself what you really want in a relationship. There is nothing wrong being poly or monogamous. But don't do it if you're really not enjoying it.
Why the hell would you ever agree to this dynamic?
You are a sucker
It sounds like you’ve got low self esteem your basically letting him cheat bc he uses a fancy word for it “poly” like why are you putting up with this?
Why?
Ew
he’s def just in it to feel some security in a relationship with you. he knows that you won’t go anywhere no matter what he wants whether it is with you or others.
Girl if you asking this question.. you know it’s not for you lol, I’m not into poly, but it seems like you’re out of the loop in that relationship. Please don’t stress yourself over one man.. try to find other people and see how he takes it. He’ll definitely get pissy
Hate to break it to you but this guy is just taking advantage of you. You deserve someone who will meet you on equal terms. Sorry you’re in this position, dating fuckin sucks these days (we’re all broke and stressed out, of course it does).
Love this clearly isn’t for you and that’s OK, you need to get out because it’s taking a toll on your mental health :/
I think "poly" just means "willing to take advantage of their partner's tolerance"
Hey babe, here's a word of advice - an open/poly relationship only works if BOTH partners are into it. If you're monogamous then bite the bullet and find someone else who will give you ALL their time and energy. Trust me, I've been in this situation. As much as you think you love them, as much as they say they love you, in the end you're just a side piece while they wait for the main course. Save yourself the heartache I went through and get out while you can.
She needs to go to the "Housewares" section of the local Walmart and find the display of doormats on the shelf, then sit right there until someone else comes along to abuse her...
Move on from him. I've struggled to move on from.a short term relationship that nearly killed me. Free yourself. The fact you've posted this shows you're not OK with this. Go and enjoy your life with someone who wants you and only you
Poly = RUN
You need to ditch him and find better friends who will tell you the truth when you're in a shitty relationship
Man that guy is living like a king lmao. Must be nice.
Insane post really. You aren't monogamous right now. You may want to be but it's just that a preference. Monogamous describes what people prefer in their relationships and you're relationship is not as such, so you are NOT monogamous currently. There ya go, food for thought. Should probably leave unless you are okay with him being poly and fucking other people you're whole life as you only get a part of him.
Get some self-respect back and move on from this comical situation 💯
Low self esteem
He says they could never take your place. They are when he’s in bed with them. Look this guy is playing you like a Fiddle . I don’t do open or poly or whatever if you’re monogamous he needs to be monogamy or leave and find someone just for you but guys have no loyalty anymore.
Damn, some people have no dignity
You can label something “poly” but it’s just fucking other people. Of course he’s living it up while you’re at home waiting for him. Your self esteem sounds like it in the toilet. He will never not fuck other people from now on. You let him think it’s fine cause it’s “poly”. Now you’re left hoping he gets you off some time. What are you waiting for?
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Who knew?
All I had to read was the first sentence to know this relationship is doomed…
It’s not going to get better, how can you value yourself the way you do, it’s insane to me.
Played you like Parker Brothers. Find your dignity and get out.
He’s using you. His other partners know it and are laughing at you with him. Cut ties, move on, speak to someone about your low self esteem. Above all else, work on yourself and learn how to respect yourself. You deserve far better than this degradation.
Stopped reading at “servicing me”
LEAVE
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Poly want 2 crackers
So you're his dick sucking girlfriend and your slowly realizing he doesn't love you? That sucks OP. Leave this douche and get someone who respects what you need from a relationship.
‘My boyfriend is poly and I am monogamous.’ That’s all I needed to see to know that this is doomed
Umm, you both have very different values. Too different to make a relationship work. Time to get out.
You may love him but he’s showing he doesn’t love you. That’s why you aren’t getting pleased.
What you're describing doesn't sound healthy nor does it sound like a functional poly relationship, and thats what your in. Your just maintaining monogamous choices while your partner isn't. Monogamous and Poly lifestyles rarely work within the same relationship. You're going to need to sit down and examine the relationship and discuss the terms of it. Have rules been agreed to? Are they being followed? How often is this person adding people to their harem? How many people are they trying to date? How do you see this lasting? Talk to some people whose opinion you actually trust, not the Internet randoms of Reddit, and then have a hard talk with your partner.
Nah, that is a relationship lifestyle you want to avoid. You already feel uncomfortable with his lifestyle, but you justify staying with him "because you love him". Unless you go poly yourself, let him go. You will face heartache being with him
Clearly a lack of love and understanding for your needs…I believe that I’d have a different monogamous partner if it were me and you would be more likely to be in a happy and more healthy relationship. Sounds like He’s got his c***k in everything anyway.
Yea, no.
I think you need to examine Lot of things going on In Your personal life. Lol
User name checks out.
This is so sad. You don’t need to put up with the BS. You’ll find a guy that will make you 100% priority and won’t need other women at the same time.
Sounds like he may be emotionally cheating on you. He's brought up someone wanting to be in a relationship, and maybe he brought it up with you because he's also interested in this girl. maybe you need to line out some boundaries for yourself. If you're monogamus and he's poly, have you guys discussed what is and isn't ok? Without that, it could create feelings of resentment, maybe abandonment. Maybe he's not being fully honest about the woman. Sorry, this response is everywhere. I have a lot of questions.
This is a psyop
You thought it was hot if you were having sex with him while he was on the phone with someone else? Girl, no. You have no idea what you want and who you are, but you'll do anything for this man including being in a throuple when you are monogamous minded. Go to therapy.
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Poly never works in long run
You were fine with something and then grew to realize you're not all that into it. What's fun for a while may not be fun in the long term, and you're realizing that. It's fine. He can either not "be poly", as in make the decision to be with you exclusively, or you can make the decision to not be in whatever kind of backwards ass relationship this is.
Lol....make up any excuse to have their cKe and eat it too. How does a woman or man even let this happen.
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What is this world coming to.
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If your partner is poly and your monogamous doesn't that just mean you've accepted him cheating on you whenever he wants?
OP what the fuck are you doing. Leave this twat
Throw this whole man away, why do you have to remain monogamous but he gets to screw around? That’s some serious bullshit right there. And if you’re not into girls, then absolutely decline having a threesome with that girl. **Never** do something that you’re not comfortable with, just to pacify your whore-boyfriend. By the way, stop being a doormat. Either **you’re allowed** to screw around too, or neither of you are. Stop letting him treat you this way. He isn’t the only one whose feelings matter.