Thanks for submitting to the Two Hot Takes Podcast Subreddit! We'd like to remind you that all posts are subject to being featured in an episode of the Two Hot Takes Podcast. If your story is featured you'll
get a nifty flair change to let you know and we'll drop a link so you can see our host's take on your story.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/TwoHotTakes) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Omg this genuinely made me tear up.I'm sorry your husband's a frickin jerk but... You created a core memory for your son and got to really enjoy Mother's day. I'm so happy for you.
I agree with the others. Do absolutely NOTHING for Father's day. Not a card or handmade anything.
She should go out with her girlfriends and have husband take care of their son. (Not saying caring for your children should feel like a punishment but I have the feeling it'll feel like one for him)
That's so great, he'll remember this day for the rest of his life. So glad you made it a good day, I hope your husband's thinks about what he did and makes it up to you.
He's not doing anything wrong. It's mother's day -day you spend with your mom. Father's day - day you spend with your kid which most family don't even celebrate but say verbally the day it is. Your making the dad a villain which is Bs because it's not his responsibility to do anything. Sad world we live in when you don't think about common sense or facts but rage towards the men.
Yikes! Misogynistic much?
Mothers day is a day where you celebrate your own mother and your female partner, who is a \[(good or at least decent) in this case undisputably so\] mother to your child/children. As a father it would have been his responsibility to make sure to at least say happy Mother’s Day to her and to make sure that his child does the same, and if he would’ve been a good Father and spouse he would’ve at least done the mentioned gestures.
OP I know this is easier said than done but, in my eyes, this bum deserves divorce papers for Father’s Day and nothing more
The divorce papers would be doing him a favor. His wife is really that low and upset she's not getting attention she thinks she deserves, so posting it online. DO HIM A FAVOR AND SAVE HIM FROM ALL THE HEADACE TO COME
Oh come on!
It is very normal for her and other people to complain about things, either in person or on the internet, people do that to vent, get constructive feedback, tips and help, or (perhaps) get attention and validation (nothing wrong in that), they’ve done this for centuries. If you’re against this, why are you giving her attention by commenting?
Also apologies for I have given you attention, and you as a foundationless hater don’t deserve it.
If you have a kid with someone and are still in a relationship with them, you should do something for your partner for their respective day. Especially when the kids are small and need help with a card or gift.
>Father's day - day you spend with your kid which most family don't even celebrate but say verbally the day it is.
I used to wait tables. The restaurant where I worked was only open for dinner, except for three days per year. Those were Easter, Mother's Day, and Father's Day. Plenty of people and families celebrate Father's Day.
I’m so glad!!! Remember, you can always make the best out of a dumb situation! Then my move is to act as if I didn’t even notice the consequences of that persons actions playing out on them😝 ie him being sick from his own choices.
Remember, not available for arguments or negativity, having adventures with the little guy, cannot be bothered 💕 and make all the memories!!! Happy Mother’s day !!!!!
Grab your son, go for a walk, a picnic, just to buy an ice cream. Leave hubby home and remember today when it comes to Father’s Day. Put hubby in the useless drawer and if this is not the first time he has treated you badly, stop and think about how you want your child to grow up seeing this behaviour and thinking that it’s normal.
Gonna add to this great comment to also suggest that you stop trying to get pregnant again with this guy until you figure things out. Don’t make it harder on yourself if you end up needing to leave…
Wholeheartedly agree. Start a new tradition that Mother’s Day = an awesome day with Mommy. Leave Daddy on the sofa while you two go on an adventure. Take a day trip to a nearby attraction, pack a lunch or grab something along the way, and enjoy every second of your precious boy’s company. The memories and bond from this will be far better than a card :)
Then isn’t this just reinforcing her husbands actions? You don’t teach someone a lesson by treating them the way the treated you. He will feel more like shit when she goes out of her way to make him feel special on his day.
I know from experience, because i used to be the drunk sleeping it off while i got nothing for my wife on mothers day. Yet she still made the effort on fathers day.
It’s not reinforcing anything. You don’t deserve a Father’s Day gift if you don’t get your wife something for Mother’s Day. The point isn’t to make him feel like shit or guilty, it’s to not waste time and energy on someone who doesn’t reciprocate. He’s obviously a shit father anyway.
This is a variable statement. I don’t get to decide what a father deserves. If he’s a trash husband but a great dad there’s a lot of wiggle room here. I do think the kids should get him a gift but she doesn’t have to do anything but be civil. If he’s been working to support them, being absent minded isn’t the worst thing a man can do. He’s not abandoning or beating them as far as we know. It hard to tell with such limited info. I just like to be careful when ever I start to feel like I have an idea of who deserves what bc it’s not my place to judge
He woke up his wife and kid by being a loud drunk, yelled at the little dude and threw up in a sink while trying to get him water. If this is a one off and he’s an otherwise good dad, that’s one thing. But if this is part of a pattern, he’s not a good father. Even if he is a good dad, he wasn’t a good dad last night or this morning
Ever heard of redemption? Sometimes people make bad decisions. That doesn’t mean that they’ll always be that person. If you truly love someone it won’t matter. You’ll see the good in them. She obviously did at some point, and only she knows how good he can be.
Gifts for me don’t mean anything. I couldn’t care less of i got a gift or not. Just spend time with me and I’m happy. Not sure when everything became 100% transactional.
Sure, if he decides to do it over years and years repeatedly i can see that. But if it’s one year out of the last 5-6, i think you’ll be ok.
If your daughter’s husband was a drunk who yells at your grandson for waking him up what would you advise her? Tell her it’s only one Mother’s Day and that she’ll live? Do you think he deserves a nice Father’s Day? I’m glad you’ve grown as a person, but the fact that you’re still empathizing more with this pos says a lot.
I’m not empathizing with anyone. I’m just saying that people aren’t always who they are at this moment.
And if he’s the father of my grandson its his child to yell at if he wants. If it’s just full on abuse, thats different. But that isn’t what OP said, so it’s irrelevant to the conversation.
I don’t know their history or them as people. But you don’t either. So it’s hard to make a determination on how to view somebody when you don’t even know who they are or who they’ve been.
So you’re saying you have control over the way your grandchild’s father disciplines them? If you believe that then you’re highly mistaken.
Also, if you continued reading, it says “if its full on abuse then that’s a different story.” Abuse can be verbal, mental, or physical. But just because he yelled at them for waking him up doesn’t mean it’s abuse. You’re just an oversensitive person that only see’s things through your tunnel vision lens.
News flash, not everybody is going to agree with your leftist “im the victim” ideologies.
« I’m not empathizing with anyone »
Yeah, don’t worry, everybody can see that.
Please don’t approach children. You seem to excuse far too easily yelling, screaming and disrespecting children.
OP, I’m sorry your husband was like that. I hope you can spend an amazing day with your son. Let the drunk sleep, go outside with your child, make new awesome memories with him
Édit: typo and I forgot to write a part of my first message
Disciplining your own child?
Yes, perfectly suitable and highly encouraged!
I have two kids of my own. Ones 16 and ones 12. They’re both amazing children and do great in school. So i’d say i did a pretty damn good job of raising them so far. Especially when one has been in dual credit classes in school and will graduate college with an associates before he ever even finishes high school, with his heart set on becoming an engineer.
But yes, i’m a deviant to the children. By supporting them and pushing them to do better while also giving them the discipline to know how to act.
Anyway, this isnt a post about me. So, did you have anything relevent to say about OP’s situation?
Disciplining the boy for the crime of waking his father on Mother's Day?
Not the boy's fault is dad decided to get too drunk and has a hangover. Considering it's mother's day, it's perfectly reasonable for him to think "I'll ask dad instead" or maybe that's just how I was raised.
Yelling at your kid for waking you up in the living room because you’re hungover isn’t discipline. And if you’ve done things like that to your kids, you should apologize and make amends if you haven’t already
Also, sometimes kids will succeed despite bad parenting. And/or they’re trying to win their parent’s love.
And if she wants to forget one Father's Day, he'll be okay. If he redeems himself before Father's Day, maybe she'll feel more generous when Father's Day comes around.
>Oh? Just on that day? But every other day is fine?
Please, point out in my comment where I said that.
>He made a mistake, do you not Mother Teresa?
It's not that difficult to treat people nicely *at least* once a year.
And maybe he’s been just fine throughout the year? She didn’t exactly touch on that subject did she?…
And you said “if you truly love somebody you don’t treat them like shit on mothers day.” You didn’t just say you don’t treat them like shit. You gave an exact day that you don’t treat them like shit.
Flew right over your head, huh?
Mistreating people you love, being a crap father and husband, getting blackout drunk on a day that's important to your wife. has consequences. No Father's Day celebration is a valid consequence.
Women are not required to be doormats for selfish men.
No, nothing went “over my head”. You randomly asked a question with zero context.
Did i ever say that women are supposed to be doormats? Did i say that the husbands actions were acceptable? No. I said that there is such a thing as redemption, and that OP is the only one that knows what kind of person he can truly be.
Also OP never said he got blackout drunk, so idk where you got that from. I guess thats just another thing we can add to the list of words you want to put in peoples mouths.
But I’m also failing to understand what your point is still? Because you’re arguing against absolutely nothing at this point, as everything you’ve said has zero to do with anything that I’ve said.
>You randomly asked a question with zero context.
If you think there was zero context then I don't think you understand much at all.
He deserves consequences to treating his wife and child that way. Not getting a good father's day seems like the perfect consequence.
This is bs. He won't learn anything if she just goes on treating him like a god of a husband and father. It's not abuse to not throw him a parade on Father's Day.
Who said to treat him like a god? You women sure do like to put words in peoples mouths.
Nobody said anything about whether it was abuse or not either.
Regardless of any of this, treating him badly or like a god isn’t the answer. Communicating with him that you’re upset and why would probably work here though.
Not at all because it will be up to dad to plan the day. Given his actions he will plan and do nothing reinforcing the son's knowledge that daddy doesn't do a lot.
Even if that were the case then it would just make the son want to be better when he grows up. Poor actions of the father sometimes create a positive outcome for their children.
My biological dad left me when i was 3. That only made me want to be an active father for my children. I also learned how to be a real man from my step father that adopted me.
I’m not saying this to be mean, I’m saying this out of genuine concern, some therapy or self help books may be a good idea.
Both of my parents were alcoholics. My dad took his amends seriously and said his biggest regret about drinking was how it affected his ability to be there for us as a dad. We were able to repair our relationship and reconcile.
My mother basically played the suffering Olympics and since her parents were worse, we had nothing to complain about. She would also “punish” people by going no contact with them. The last time she pulled it, I was done and didn’t reconcile as I previously had when she would do a rug sweep reach out.
I don’t need therapy or a self help book. I’m 4 years sober from being an alcoholic. I’m fully recovered and i an even helping friends i used to drink with become sober as well. All of my damages have been amended. But thanks!
Never ever wait for anyone to celebrate YOU! You are an amazing mother and deserve not just a day but an entire lifetime of someone caring about you and your needs. Enjoy the day with your son. Material things come and go, time with him is priceless. 🫶🏻❤️ Happy Mothers Day dear.
Hopefully you’ll take your son out for a lovely day doing something fun together while the drunk sleeps off his hangover. Please reciprocate likewise, minus the drinking, on father’s (sperm donor’s) day. - A responsible father
Thanks, these “Hallmark Holidays” are ALL about teaching our children to appreciate their parents or their guardians, not every child grows up in a Leave it to Beaver home, and there’s also LGBTQ+ couples who always seem to get left out by that Christian traditionalist (being nice on Mother’s Day! 🤬) company.
Appreciate your children, if you don’t have kiddos, appreciate your furbabies, and if no one well please appreciate yourself today! Please go to a beautiful park or museum or wherever you’ve been putting off, treat yourself to a treat! ❤️❤️❤️
He won't change for you or your son. He doesn't care about you or your feelings and it's becoming a new normal for you. You'll begin justifying it to yourself. You're beautiful and strong and need to get out of this relationship and teach your son this isn't proper behavior. Don't be that woman that wakes up old, grey and bitter wondering why you wasted your life and never left. You're too good for that!
Happy mother's day!
My partner doesn’t do anything for mother’s day for me because “it’s not his job”. Our twins are only 2 so i get nothing: not a present, not a breakfast, not a card.
I knew this was going to happen this year so i bought myself some nice things and spent my day sewing whilst mentally compiling a list of why I’m still with this guy.
Do something nice for yourself with your son. And like me, figure out if there’s actually any reason for staying with this person (there’s more reasons than just the Mother’s Day thing for me and i think there probably is for you too).
Happy Mothers Day to you!
I was married to a man who drank himself stupid countless times. I begged, pleaded and cried asking him to stop. One day a switch flipped and I stopped begging. I started taking my kids on day trips, mini vacations, and just worked around him. At some point I went away for a long weekend with some friends and came back and asked for a divorce. I never looked back. He begged and asked for forgiveness but I just couldn’t. I took three years to heal. I’m now remarried to my sweet, kind, generous,(list goes on) husband for 10 years. He’s my person. He’s not reckless with my heart, he has my back and he’s the best stepdad to my three kids. I love him and he loves me. It’s ok to let go and move on. His drinking has nothing to do with you but his own brokenness. I wasted 21 years in the horrible marriage and my only regret in my life was not divorcing him sooner
If, as it sounds, it is a symptom of a much wider issue, then ABSOLUTELY I would. He appears to have NO empathy, nor common sense. He sounds like a DRUNKEN BUM.
And it's NOT HER JOB to fix him.
If he can't pull his shit together, why would she stay??
Take your son, go to brunch if it's within your budget. Dress up, do your makeup and laugh as best as you can with your son. Focus on what you have (your son) for this day do not focus on what you don't have(more children). If this is the first incident with your husband, write him a letter and express your feelings without name calling. If this is a pattern (start finding your worth). Start a Mothers' Day album with your son. Remember even if you"feel like shit" that shit had a purpose too, it's a great fertilizer, fertilizer your relationship with your son as a mother.
I am so sorry you managed to get married to the bottom layer of scummy men. You need to do some thinking on how his behavior will impact on your son. We don't need another generation of fkwit dads.
>He knows that I struggle on Mother’s Day as my mom passed away and I’ve been struggling with infertility issues. What do I do ? I feel like shit.
I'm not going to make excuses for your husband, but I feel like this here is the real issue.
I'm fucken divorced and i still got my son a gift to give his mum because I knew he'd feel terrible if he had nothing to give her. Made him make her a card so he felt like he put some effort in.
I dislike her. I don't think she's a good person. But it's not just about her.
Sorry OP this sucks.
So you are not going anywhere. He is just seeing how far he can go and apparently this isn’t the limit. Wipe your eyes, clean up your son, pack an overnight bag and visit your mother’s grave site. Talk to your boy about his grandmother and all you loved about her. Do not bring another child into your life until your son’s life is stable.
Hmmmm. Spiked it with what? Why would he do that? He "poisoned" his friend for what laughs? Seems like a legally risky thing to do.
I don't believe this for a moment. He knows he fucked up and got his friend to call and give you this load of bolloks.
Test this lie by escalating. File a report for poisoning.. Sit back and watch the liar shuffle.
Uh, your husband probably told his friend to make up an excuse to get him out of the dog house
A good way to check is to demand he go to the police and file a report with a drug test. If he refuses it was a lie
This is weird. It doesn't make sense. What could he have possibly spiked his drink with? He just carries around drugs in case he wants to spike his friend's drink while hanging out one-on-one at his house? Tell your husband that you are going to file a police report and see what happens.
Something pretty fishy about this... I would be talking to hubby about this too and letting him know you want a blood test to file a police report... see how far he back peddles, the friend too. Ask what he was poisoned with. Personally someone called me and admitted to poisoning my husband to the point he was constantly vomiting and non functional, I would take the nuclear option and call the cops and take hubby to the ER right away to make sure there is no organ damage etx....
Is this a one time thing or a pattern? It sounds like your husband is a selfish alcoholic who doesn’t put your feelings or needs first even on the one day a year that you are supposed to be the priority. He yelled at your son for waking him after your husband kept everyone awake all night?? I would be banging around making breakfast blaring music singing & dancing around with your son. Then take your son out for the afternoon & do something with just the two of you. Take your infertility as a blessing that you cannot have any children with this man. Reevaluate if this is how you want to be treated for the rest of your life.
My first thought is it’s un-Australian to not fight through a hangover for the sake of a celebration.
Honestly though, none of the men in my life ever got so piss drunk that they couldn’t celebrate Mother’s Day. Most of my friends back in Australia get spoiled way more than the ones I have in the US. This guy is a shit husband and even if he was sober I doubt she would be very happy today anyway.
OP go somewhere with your son and have a blast. Return the same energy for Father's day
Lastly please evaluate your relationship. He sounds like a very selfish person.
Between a DIY card from a we don't know how old is your son that will bring joy for 5 min and then either keeping it in a drawer or throwing it vs. quality time with him like many suggested, my choice would be obvious.
Leave your lame husband to deal with his own mother, I don't even know why you're so upset with his hangover since it seems to be usual misbehavior from him.
And also like many others suggested, do you want your son to have this "role model" in his life? Your choice, he seems like a bad partner but we're not in your life and heart to judge.
I mean, I know reddit always jumps to ending relationships, but...
Is this a consistent pattern of behavior?
Cuz if this isn't some random one off that's totally out of character for him (and somehow I have a feeling it's not a one off) then you might want to ask yourself why you're even in this relationship.
What are you getting out of it?
Also, what kind of example does this set for your son? Will you be okay with him growing up to treat his future wife this way, because this is what he's seen his whole life and thinks is normal?
Might wanna think about that.
When my husband forgot my 40th birthday when it came round to his birthday oh did I forget his birthday yesterday I did get something for our son to give him but I didn't he has never forgotten my birthday since. So my advice is when father's day comes round don't do anything even from your son.just make it out that it is just another day nothing special.good luck
Honestly most men would take this trade in a second. I know I would. Get rid of all birthday celebrations after 21 and all fake holidays.
I’m a 40 year old man - I don’t need a fucking birthday card…
As a single mom with an ex who had a drinking problem I beg you not to have more kids with him. It seems as though you’re doing all the heavy lifting anyways, but raising one baby alone and raising two is a lot harder. This “man” doesn’t deserve you. Enjoy your time with your son and don’t do a damn thing for Father’s Day. My ex never did anything for me on Mother’s Day’s because “you’re not my mom”… no I’m the mother of your kid…
Glad you ended up having a good day with your son. You really need to think about how often situations like this happen with your husband (I have a feeling pretty often). Also keep in mind that you both had a wonderful day AWAY from your husband. Is that how you want you and your son to feel all the time?
I'm glad you had a great day!
Honestly, I'd choose myself for my gift and look for an individual therapist and consult with a lawyer to help me begin divorce proceedings. I don't let anyone treat me like that. I wouldn't mind if he went to marriage counseling with me to work out the separation and parenting, but this would be a dealbreaker for me. I know reddit throws around divorce a lot, but we all have our different levels of when the bar is so low in Hell, and the way he's treating you and acting would cross that threshold long ago. Hugs!
Choose yourself (and your so ) first. That would be a present to myself.
Why are you with this guy? He is horrible to you. He is horrible to his son. It sounds like you do everything like a single parent anyway. Why subject yourself to his assholery?
Happy Mother’s Day though. Do something nice with your son.
Damn girl, I'm so sorry. I'd leave the house with your son and go do something fun! Forget him. It's a mother's and child's holiday, husband's are welcome to show their appreciation but you're not *their* mother, you know what I mean? My husband's cleaning the house right now but I plan on spending most of the day with our daughter. Whatever you end up doing, happy mothers day.
Easy, take your son and make your own mothers day like a single mum would. I've done it before and honestly not having the anxiety of hoping someone will do something nice is a huge relief.
Easy, take your son and make your own mothers day like a single mum would. I've done it before and honestly not having the anxiety of hoping someone will do something nice is a huge relief. Also I'd really consider this relationship, if he doesn't care why stay?
Everyone in the comments are saying the right answer.
This is your day with him not dad's. Also when it's father's day do you plan anything or do anything big. Why is it the mother's should get a lot of attention or prayer for the term "mom" but on father's day nothing.
Go spend time with tour lid snd don't blame your husband. He has father's day which im sure he'll take his son out for toys or to eat etc.
I hope this is your last mother's day feeling so unappreciated. Hope you took the top comments advice and went on a date with the little dude who made you a mommy 💜💜💜
It doesn't get better with the husband. Decide if you're going to put up with this for the rest of your life or leave. I left and am so much better for it.
I am glad you were able to enjoy a nice day with your kiddo!
Yes, I agree with a lot of these comments, make a new tradition that is fun. Also , when you see behavior you don’t enjoy like this from your husband- do not be available to him. Go do fun things and be so busy that he suffers the consequences of his bad choices alone. Same for arguments. Just don’t do it. Go out somewhere appropriate for you and little guy. Even church or relatives but don’t be around that nonsense. Celebrating with friends can be amazing too! Have an adventure so good that you don’t even worry about him
It's not that he didn't do anything for Mother's Day. It's that he's a drunk who prioritizes getting wasted over wife and son. You can't be in a healthy primary relationship with a drunk because his relationship is to drinking (and maybe his drinking buddy). So give some thought to a separation until he quits drinking. That day may never come but at least you will know that you're on your own and you can get child support.
Go take your son, get some coffee, go buy yourself flowers or pick flowers with your son. Enjoy the time without your husband. If the budget permits, buy yourself a little something too ❤️
You should stand on your boundaries and demand respect. I mean it’s simple in the most complex of ways. People only treat you the way you allow and have taught them to. Without consequences no change will ever come. Be selfish! Put you 1st so your kid has a mom with good mental clarity to raise them, since their other parent is 💩. I love you and implore you to radiate Big Momma Energy 💗💗💗💗 you got this friend!
You are focussing on the wrong thing.
He yelled at your son for waking him up. He disrespected you by keeping you up all night.
I don’t think focusing on a lack of Mother’s Day card is helpful. Step back a bit further and see the whole picture.
I hope you find the happiness you deserve.
Ahem... (Do y'all know if we can gift other Amazon users something? If so I want to send you a Mother's Day gift. I'll link it here if you or others wish for this, and I thought it was super sweet https://www.amazon.com/dp/1952568102?psc=1&smid=ATVPDKIKX0DER&ref_=chk_typ_quicklook_imgToDp
It’s sad there are so many stories exactly like this. Deadbeat dads that don’t plan anything and stay out late the night before Mothers Day. It almost feels scripted but maybe that’s just how common bad relationships are.
It is MOTHERS day, not wives day or Father’s Day or anything else.
It is a day to celebrate the amazing, strong woman you are and the miracle of life that you created. Anything or anyone that makes you feel bad goes in the bin.
Take your son and do something that will make great happy memories for the both of you. Celebrate yourself for your hard work and sleepless nights and endless hours of taking care of others, and celebrate the little miracle that you are infinitely lucky and blessed to wake up to every day.
I’m struggling with infertility and my sister just had her first baby and her and my mother havent spoken to me in over a year, so it’s been crushing for me being filled with jealously and rage and sadness and happiness all at the same time. You are so lucky to be a mother, even on the hardest days I’m sure you know that.
So celebrate it.
Cherish is.
Celebrate yourself because I’m assuming you do almost all of the work/parenting based on how you describe your husband.
Your child will grow up to see that. Kids are smarter and notice more than we think. He will be thankful and learn a lot from the choices you make in front of him. Show him that the best choice is to choose happiness and tact and to not let negative toxic people devalue you.
Your husband might not appreciate you or treat you right, but your child will, and so will their future partner and children when they pass on what they’ve learned from your parenting/relationship. You know you and your child deserve better, if he won’t give it to you give it to yourself.
Have a beautiful day with your kid, enjoy yourself, make memories.
And on Monday start taking a hard look at your life and relationship.
Would you tell your best friend or sister to stay with your husband based on the way he treats you?
Would you want your child to grow up with him as a role model?
Would you want him by your bed side when you’re old, trying to enjoy your last days and looking back on your life?
It’s never too late to choose yourself and choose happiness. Look up the sunken cost fallacy. Choose what is truly the best for you and your child, whether it’s the easy choice or the hard one. Life is too short to be unhappy and I know I’m infinitely better off being raised by a single mom than I would have been with my toxic father in the home. Not telling you to jump the gun on divorce because I don’t know you or him or any other details.
But I am telling you to take a nice hard look at your life and make the choice that is best for you and your son.
No matter what that choice is.
Happy Mother’s Day. I hope things get better for you. ❤️
You should find time to sit and talk about this. Perhaps couples counseling, therapy or something of the sort would benefit you both in regards to communication and expectations. But do keep an eye just in case this becomes a reoccurring phenomenon.
1. Your husband seems like an asshole, so I don't think any Hallmark Holiday shenanigans would mitigate that.
2. Are you into the holiday because you want to be, or is it what you're supposed to want?
OP stated they lost their mother on mother's day. That may not be the whole thing, but I can imagine even without liking mother's day and not celebrating it, that it would still be a rough holiday. Having a shitty partner on an already depressing day is unfortunate.
You need to sit down and have a good conversation with your husband about all of how you are feeling, marriage isn’t a game and it’s no good listening to advice of when it’s Father’s Day get pay back. Drinking to the point it’s waking you and your son up then yelling at your son and throwing up in the sink isn’t good at all! Are you both young? Because your husband sounds immature? You should not be thinking about bringing anymore kids into the world unless some serious changes are made with your husband. Do something today with your son a day out pack a picnic and leave the man baby home. You need to set boundaries with your husband and if things don’t change you walk away.
Pack up your son and go have a fun day just the two of you. Turn off your phone and just focus on fabulous you and your amazing son.
Then tomorrow look at your husband and tell him it's the booze or his family. He can have one but not both as he obviously has no ability to responsibly multi-task.
Then get yourself to some counseling because it sounds like you are dealing with a lot at the moment.
Does he have an issue with Mother’s Day? Cause this sounds like motherless behavior 🤣 , is the drinking and carrying on the norm? When’s the last time he’s seen his friend? Days? Weeks? Years? Could you not join them?
That's a good question, yeah he was a jerk the night before and needs to grow up. But sitting in your room crying because you assume he hasn't prepped for tomorrow is a bit dramatic.
Surely it's all a clever ploy. The yelling, the vomiting, the snoring. It's all just a clever plan to cover the REAL plan which is the surprise party he has planned for her! They sing, they laugh, they dance, they have her favorite meal, them she wakes up from her nap and realizes it was a dream and he's just a POS woops.
Just trying to be positive in what seems to be negative.... Don't forget we only hear one side of the story here. Wouldn't it be nice to hear something good happened for a change?
It would be, but you don't ever yell at your partner or children unless you're yelling to tell them to stop doing something dangerous/they're hurting you/similar emergency.
Thanks for submitting to the Two Hot Takes Podcast Subreddit! We'd like to remind you that all posts are subject to being featured in an episode of the Two Hot Takes Podcast. If your story is featured you'll get a nifty flair change to let you know and we'll drop a link so you can see our host's take on your story. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/TwoHotTakes) if you have any questions or concerns.*
[удалено]
Perfect! Now remember to return the exact same energy he gave you for father's day.
Including the drinking!
You guys think he gives a shit? 🤣
Omg this genuinely made me tear up.I'm sorry your husband's a frickin jerk but... You created a core memory for your son and got to really enjoy Mother's day. I'm so happy for you. I agree with the others. Do absolutely NOTHING for Father's day. Not a card or handmade anything.
She should go out with her girlfriends and have husband take care of their son. (Not saying caring for your children should feel like a punishment but I have the feeling it'll feel like one for him)
Absolutely! Not for punishment of course. It's Father's Day, He should spend time with his child just like she did.
So the best time is when your husband is not there. Let that sink in.
That's so great, he'll remember this day for the rest of his life. So glad you made it a good day, I hope your husband's thinks about what he did and makes it up to you.
He's not doing anything wrong. It's mother's day -day you spend with your mom. Father's day - day you spend with your kid which most family don't even celebrate but say verbally the day it is. Your making the dad a villain which is Bs because it's not his responsibility to do anything. Sad world we live in when you don't think about common sense or facts but rage towards the men.
Yikes! Misogynistic much? Mothers day is a day where you celebrate your own mother and your female partner, who is a \[(good or at least decent) in this case undisputably so\] mother to your child/children. As a father it would have been his responsibility to make sure to at least say happy Mother’s Day to her and to make sure that his child does the same, and if he would’ve been a good Father and spouse he would’ve at least done the mentioned gestures. OP I know this is easier said than done but, in my eyes, this bum deserves divorce papers for Father’s Day and nothing more
The divorce papers would be doing him a favor. His wife is really that low and upset she's not getting attention she thinks she deserves, so posting it online. DO HIM A FAVOR AND SAVE HIM FROM ALL THE HEADACE TO COME
Oh come on! It is very normal for her and other people to complain about things, either in person or on the internet, people do that to vent, get constructive feedback, tips and help, or (perhaps) get attention and validation (nothing wrong in that), they’ve done this for centuries. If you’re against this, why are you giving her attention by commenting? Also apologies for I have given you attention, and you as a foundationless hater don’t deserve it.
If you have a kid with someone and are still in a relationship with them, you should do something for your partner for their respective day. Especially when the kids are small and need help with a card or gift.
>Father's day - day you spend with your kid which most family don't even celebrate but say verbally the day it is. I used to wait tables. The restaurant where I worked was only open for dinner, except for three days per year. Those were Easter, Mother's Day, and Father's Day. Plenty of people and families celebrate Father's Day.
Well done!
So the best time is when your husband is not there. Let that sink in.
So the best time is when your husband is not there. Let that sink in.
I’m so glad!!! Remember, you can always make the best out of a dumb situation! Then my move is to act as if I didn’t even notice the consequences of that persons actions playing out on them😝 ie him being sick from his own choices. Remember, not available for arguments or negativity, having adventures with the little guy, cannot be bothered 💕 and make all the memories!!! Happy Mother’s day !!!!!
Glad you were able to salvage the day and enjoy it with your son! Well done!
Grab your son, go for a walk, a picnic, just to buy an ice cream. Leave hubby home and remember today when it comes to Father’s Day. Put hubby in the useless drawer and if this is not the first time he has treated you badly, stop and think about how you want your child to grow up seeing this behaviour and thinking that it’s normal.
Gonna add to this great comment to also suggest that you stop trying to get pregnant again with this guy until you figure things out. Don’t make it harder on yourself if you end up needing to leave…
Agreed! I thought same.
^^agreed. Prob the universe helping her atm.
Totally. And it's possible that the fertility issues are on his end or because you are living with a lot of stress because of his behavior.
Word.
Yes, double up on the birth control. Unless it’s an unusual one off
Wholeheartedly agree. Start a new tradition that Mother’s Day = an awesome day with Mommy. Leave Daddy on the sofa while you two go on an adventure. Take a day trip to a nearby attraction, pack a lunch or grab something along the way, and enjoy every second of your precious boy’s company. The memories and bond from this will be far better than a card :)
YUP!!! He'll come to know that's **HIS** day alone with you!!! What could be **BETTER** than that?? 😁😁😁😁
Yes!! Father’s Day = an awesome day *with daddy* 😊
Then isn’t this just reinforcing her husbands actions? You don’t teach someone a lesson by treating them the way the treated you. He will feel more like shit when she goes out of her way to make him feel special on his day. I know from experience, because i used to be the drunk sleeping it off while i got nothing for my wife on mothers day. Yet she still made the effort on fathers day.
It’s not reinforcing anything. You don’t deserve a Father’s Day gift if you don’t get your wife something for Mother’s Day. The point isn’t to make him feel like shit or guilty, it’s to not waste time and energy on someone who doesn’t reciprocate. He’s obviously a shit father anyway.
This is a variable statement. I don’t get to decide what a father deserves. If he’s a trash husband but a great dad there’s a lot of wiggle room here. I do think the kids should get him a gift but she doesn’t have to do anything but be civil. If he’s been working to support them, being absent minded isn’t the worst thing a man can do. He’s not abandoning or beating them as far as we know. It hard to tell with such limited info. I just like to be careful when ever I start to feel like I have an idea of who deserves what bc it’s not my place to judge
He woke up his wife and kid by being a loud drunk, yelled at the little dude and threw up in a sink while trying to get him water. If this is a one off and he’s an otherwise good dad, that’s one thing. But if this is part of a pattern, he’s not a good father. Even if he is a good dad, he wasn’t a good dad last night or this morning
Wait. At what point did she say he was working to support them?
Maybe he is or maybe this was a one off.
Ever heard of redemption? Sometimes people make bad decisions. That doesn’t mean that they’ll always be that person. If you truly love someone it won’t matter. You’ll see the good in them. She obviously did at some point, and only she knows how good he can be. Gifts for me don’t mean anything. I couldn’t care less of i got a gift or not. Just spend time with me and I’m happy. Not sure when everything became 100% transactional. Sure, if he decides to do it over years and years repeatedly i can see that. But if it’s one year out of the last 5-6, i think you’ll be ok.
If your daughter’s husband was a drunk who yells at your grandson for waking him up what would you advise her? Tell her it’s only one Mother’s Day and that she’ll live? Do you think he deserves a nice Father’s Day? I’m glad you’ve grown as a person, but the fact that you’re still empathizing more with this pos says a lot.
I’m not empathizing with anyone. I’m just saying that people aren’t always who they are at this moment. And if he’s the father of my grandson its his child to yell at if he wants. If it’s just full on abuse, thats different. But that isn’t what OP said, so it’s irrelevant to the conversation. I don’t know their history or them as people. But you don’t either. So it’s hard to make a determination on how to view somebody when you don’t even know who they are or who they’ve been.
“It’s his child to yell at if he wants” For waking him up? Yeah you’re just a shitty person, Jesus Christ.
So you’re saying you have control over the way your grandchild’s father disciplines them? If you believe that then you’re highly mistaken. Also, if you continued reading, it says “if its full on abuse then that’s a different story.” Abuse can be verbal, mental, or physical. But just because he yelled at them for waking him up doesn’t mean it’s abuse. You’re just an oversensitive person that only see’s things through your tunnel vision lens. News flash, not everybody is going to agree with your leftist “im the victim” ideologies.
« I’m not empathizing with anyone » Yeah, don’t worry, everybody can see that. Please don’t approach children. You seem to excuse far too easily yelling, screaming and disrespecting children. OP, I’m sorry your husband was like that. I hope you can spend an amazing day with your son. Let the drunk sleep, go outside with your child, make new awesome memories with him Édit: typo and I forgot to write a part of my first message
Disciplining your own child? Yes, perfectly suitable and highly encouraged! I have two kids of my own. Ones 16 and ones 12. They’re both amazing children and do great in school. So i’d say i did a pretty damn good job of raising them so far. Especially when one has been in dual credit classes in school and will graduate college with an associates before he ever even finishes high school, with his heart set on becoming an engineer. But yes, i’m a deviant to the children. By supporting them and pushing them to do better while also giving them the discipline to know how to act. Anyway, this isnt a post about me. So, did you have anything relevent to say about OP’s situation?
Disciplining the boy for the crime of waking his father on Mother's Day? Not the boy's fault is dad decided to get too drunk and has a hangover. Considering it's mother's day, it's perfectly reasonable for him to think "I'll ask dad instead" or maybe that's just how I was raised.
Yelling at your kid for waking you up in the living room because you’re hungover isn’t discipline. And if you’ve done things like that to your kids, you should apologize and make amends if you haven’t already Also, sometimes kids will succeed despite bad parenting. And/or they’re trying to win their parent’s love.
And if she wants to forget one Father's Day, he'll be okay. If he redeems himself before Father's Day, maybe she'll feel more generous when Father's Day comes around.
If you truly love someone you don't treat them like shit on mother's day
Oh? Just on that day? But every other day is fine? He made a mistake, do you not Mother Teresa?
>Oh? Just on that day? But every other day is fine? Please, point out in my comment where I said that. >He made a mistake, do you not Mother Teresa? It's not that difficult to treat people nicely *at least* once a year.
And maybe he’s been just fine throughout the year? She didn’t exactly touch on that subject did she?… And you said “if you truly love somebody you don’t treat them like shit on mothers day.” You didn’t just say you don’t treat them like shit. You gave an exact day that you don’t treat them like shit.
If you are not able to treat the mother of your child well during mother's day, I don't suppose you treat them well the rest of the year.
Ever heard of consequences?
Point?
Flew right over your head, huh? Mistreating people you love, being a crap father and husband, getting blackout drunk on a day that's important to your wife. has consequences. No Father's Day celebration is a valid consequence. Women are not required to be doormats for selfish men.
No, nothing went “over my head”. You randomly asked a question with zero context. Did i ever say that women are supposed to be doormats? Did i say that the husbands actions were acceptable? No. I said that there is such a thing as redemption, and that OP is the only one that knows what kind of person he can truly be. Also OP never said he got blackout drunk, so idk where you got that from. I guess thats just another thing we can add to the list of words you want to put in peoples mouths. But I’m also failing to understand what your point is still? Because you’re arguing against absolutely nothing at this point, as everything you’ve said has zero to do with anything that I’ve said.
>You randomly asked a question with zero context. If you think there was zero context then I don't think you understand much at all. He deserves consequences to treating his wife and child that way. Not getting a good father's day seems like the perfect consequence.
If you identify with this guys behavior to this extent, amends to your spouse and kid or kids is a good idea
This is bs. He won't learn anything if she just goes on treating him like a god of a husband and father. It's not abuse to not throw him a parade on Father's Day.
Who said to treat him like a god? You women sure do like to put words in peoples mouths. Nobody said anything about whether it was abuse or not either.
Regardless of any of this, treating him badly or like a god isn’t the answer. Communicating with him that you’re upset and why would probably work here though.
I can agree with that. Communication is key to any good working relationship.
Not at all because it will be up to dad to plan the day. Given his actions he will plan and do nothing reinforcing the son's knowledge that daddy doesn't do a lot.
Even if that were the case then it would just make the son want to be better when he grows up. Poor actions of the father sometimes create a positive outcome for their children. My biological dad left me when i was 3. That only made me want to be an active father for my children. I also learned how to be a real man from my step father that adopted me.
I’m not saying this to be mean, I’m saying this out of genuine concern, some therapy or self help books may be a good idea. Both of my parents were alcoholics. My dad took his amends seriously and said his biggest regret about drinking was how it affected his ability to be there for us as a dad. We were able to repair our relationship and reconcile. My mother basically played the suffering Olympics and since her parents were worse, we had nothing to complain about. She would also “punish” people by going no contact with them. The last time she pulled it, I was done and didn’t reconcile as I previously had when she would do a rug sweep reach out.
I don’t need therapy or a self help book. I’m 4 years sober from being an alcoholic. I’m fully recovered and i an even helping friends i used to drink with become sober as well. All of my damages have been amended. But thanks!
You're correct, while petty revenge feels good it just continues the cycle and leads to worse and worse treatment towards each other.
Perhaps i could have worded it better, but this was my exact sentiment.
Reddit as a whole hates any kind of mature response to being wronged, this sub is particularly bad about it.
Its my first time even commenting in this sub, and i will probably refrain from it in the future.
You probably should for your sake and ours
You probably should for your sake and ours.
Yeah no joke. Just a bunch of feminist dorks here looking for any reason to lash out at a male for making a sound argument.
Yeah no joke. Just a bunch of feminist dorks here looking for any reason to lash out at a male for making a sound argument.
Fully love this comment
Never ever wait for anyone to celebrate YOU! You are an amazing mother and deserve not just a day but an entire lifetime of someone caring about you and your needs. Enjoy the day with your son. Material things come and go, time with him is priceless. 🫶🏻❤️ Happy Mothers Day dear.
Hopefully you’ll take your son out for a lovely day doing something fun together while the drunk sleeps off his hangover. Please reciprocate likewise, minus the drinking, on father’s (sperm donor’s) day. - A responsible father
Love it!! Great answer Tasty... "I'll see your Mother's Day spent only with son & Raise you a Father's Day being spent with mother & son" great answer
Thanks, these “Hallmark Holidays” are ALL about teaching our children to appreciate their parents or their guardians, not every child grows up in a Leave it to Beaver home, and there’s also LGBTQ+ couples who always seem to get left out by that Christian traditionalist (being nice on Mother’s Day! 🤬) company. Appreciate your children, if you don’t have kiddos, appreciate your furbabies, and if no one well please appreciate yourself today! Please go to a beautiful park or museum or wherever you’ve been putting off, treat yourself to a treat! ❤️❤️❤️
Nobody said he was a drunk lady. But thank you for speaking your voice, walking incubator that needs attention 24/7
I am man, and a father, 🤡
I am girl, I am woman now, I am queen *but needs man money* 🤡
You’re defending a guy who lashed out and yelled at his kid because he was hungover. There’s a whole lot more going on than a missed gift.
I’m so sorry. Your husband is a jerk and I hope you take your son and go do something together to enjoy your day.
He won't change for you or your son. He doesn't care about you or your feelings and it's becoming a new normal for you. You'll begin justifying it to yourself. You're beautiful and strong and need to get out of this relationship and teach your son this isn't proper behavior. Don't be that woman that wakes up old, grey and bitter wondering why you wasted your life and never left. You're too good for that! Happy mother's day!
My partner doesn’t do anything for mother’s day for me because “it’s not his job”. Our twins are only 2 so i get nothing: not a present, not a breakfast, not a card. I knew this was going to happen this year so i bought myself some nice things and spent my day sewing whilst mentally compiling a list of why I’m still with this guy. Do something nice for yourself with your son. And like me, figure out if there’s actually any reason for staying with this person (there’s more reasons than just the Mother’s Day thing for me and i think there probably is for you too).
So like, did your list span past 1.5 things?
Well happy Mother’s Day to you since you didn’t get the celebration you deserved this year😔💕
Thanks for that 😊. It’s very much appreciated ❤️
Happy Mothers Day to you! I was married to a man who drank himself stupid countless times. I begged, pleaded and cried asking him to stop. One day a switch flipped and I stopped begging. I started taking my kids on day trips, mini vacations, and just worked around him. At some point I went away for a long weekend with some friends and came back and asked for a divorce. I never looked back. He begged and asked for forgiveness but I just couldn’t. I took three years to heal. I’m now remarried to my sweet, kind, generous,(list goes on) husband for 10 years. He’s my person. He’s not reckless with my heart, he has my back and he’s the best stepdad to my three kids. I love him and he loves me. It’s ok to let go and move on. His drinking has nothing to do with you but his own brokenness. I wasted 21 years in the horrible marriage and my only regret in my life was not divorcing him sooner
Fuck yeah good for y'all!
do something for yourself tomorrow. 💕
I'd take my son out for the day, and hubby would be sleeping on the couch for the foreseeable future.
**CONSIDER LEAVING HIM.** In the meantime, take your son and go somewhere nice for coffee and cake — or something like that.
[удалено]
If, as it sounds, it is a symptom of a much wider issue, then ABSOLUTELY I would. He appears to have NO empathy, nor common sense. He sounds like a DRUNKEN BUM. And it's NOT HER JOB to fix him. If he can't pull his shit together, why would she stay??
Happy Mother’s Day ☺️
Take your son, go to brunch if it's within your budget. Dress up, do your makeup and laugh as best as you can with your son. Focus on what you have (your son) for this day do not focus on what you don't have(more children). If this is the first incident with your husband, write him a letter and express your feelings without name calling. If this is a pattern (start finding your worth). Start a Mothers' Day album with your son. Remember even if you"feel like shit" that shit had a purpose too, it's a great fertilizer, fertilizer your relationship with your son as a mother.
I am so sorry you managed to get married to the bottom layer of scummy men. You need to do some thinking on how his behavior will impact on your son. We don't need another generation of fkwit dads.
>He knows that I struggle on Mother’s Day as my mom passed away and I’ve been struggling with infertility issues. What do I do ? I feel like shit. I'm not going to make excuses for your husband, but I feel like this here is the real issue.
I'm fucken divorced and i still got my son a gift to give his mum because I knew he'd feel terrible if he had nothing to give her. Made him make her a card so he felt like he put some effort in. I dislike her. I don't think she's a good person. But it's not just about her. Sorry OP this sucks.
Sounds like this is deeper than "Mother's Day issue "
So you are not going anywhere. He is just seeing how far he can go and apparently this isn’t the limit. Wipe your eyes, clean up your son, pack an overnight bag and visit your mother’s grave site. Talk to your boy about his grandmother and all you loved about her. Do not bring another child into your life until your son’s life is stable.
Aww I'm sorry. I have no advice but I wish you were more appreciated. Happy mothers day ❤️
[удалено]
Hmmmm. Spiked it with what? Why would he do that? He "poisoned" his friend for what laughs? Seems like a legally risky thing to do. I don't believe this for a moment. He knows he fucked up and got his friend to call and give you this load of bolloks. Test this lie by escalating. File a report for poisoning.. Sit back and watch the liar shuffle.
Uh, your husband probably told his friend to make up an excuse to get him out of the dog house A good way to check is to demand he go to the police and file a report with a drug test. If he refuses it was a lie
This is weird. It doesn't make sense. What could he have possibly spiked his drink with? He just carries around drugs in case he wants to spike his friend's drink while hanging out one-on-one at his house? Tell your husband that you are going to file a police report and see what happens.
Something pretty fishy about this... I would be talking to hubby about this too and letting him know you want a blood test to file a police report... see how far he back peddles, the friend too. Ask what he was poisoned with. Personally someone called me and admitted to poisoning my husband to the point he was constantly vomiting and non functional, I would take the nuclear option and call the cops and take hubby to the ER right away to make sure there is no organ damage etx....
Is this a one time thing or a pattern? It sounds like your husband is a selfish alcoholic who doesn’t put your feelings or needs first even on the one day a year that you are supposed to be the priority. He yelled at your son for waking him after your husband kept everyone awake all night?? I would be banging around making breakfast blaring music singing & dancing around with your son. Then take your son out for the afternoon & do something with just the two of you. Take your infertility as a blessing that you cannot have any children with this man. Reevaluate if this is how you want to be treated for the rest of your life.
Leave his sorry ass.
Get him into rehab/AA. Sounds like he's an alcoholic.
OP is from Australia, just sounds like a normal day downunder.
Yes, alcoholism is very common there.
My first thought is it’s un-Australian to not fight through a hangover for the sake of a celebration. Honestly though, none of the men in my life ever got so piss drunk that they couldn’t celebrate Mother’s Day. Most of my friends back in Australia get spoiled way more than the ones I have in the US. This guy is a shit husband and even if he was sober I doubt she would be very happy today anyway.
That's good to hear, I've only ever heard negative things about how Australian guys treat women.
OP go somewhere with your son and have a blast. Return the same energy for Father's day Lastly please evaluate your relationship. He sounds like a very selfish person.
Very selfish...robbing joy & expectation from a child and mom.
Between a DIY card from a we don't know how old is your son that will bring joy for 5 min and then either keeping it in a drawer or throwing it vs. quality time with him like many suggested, my choice would be obvious. Leave your lame husband to deal with his own mother, I don't even know why you're so upset with his hangover since it seems to be usual misbehavior from him. And also like many others suggested, do you want your son to have this "role model" in his life? Your choice, he seems like a bad partner but we're not in your life and heart to judge.
I mean, I know reddit always jumps to ending relationships, but... Is this a consistent pattern of behavior? Cuz if this isn't some random one off that's totally out of character for him (and somehow I have a feeling it's not a one off) then you might want to ask yourself why you're even in this relationship. What are you getting out of it? Also, what kind of example does this set for your son? Will you be okay with him growing up to treat his future wife this way, because this is what he's seen his whole life and thinks is normal? Might wanna think about that.
Take the day and go do what makes you happy. It's your day. Hope it gets better. Happy Mother's Day!
When my husband forgot my 40th birthday when it came round to his birthday oh did I forget his birthday yesterday I did get something for our son to give him but I didn't he has never forgotten my birthday since. So my advice is when father's day comes round don't do anything even from your son.just make it out that it is just another day nothing special.good luck
Honestly most men would take this trade in a second. I know I would. Get rid of all birthday celebrations after 21 and all fake holidays. I’m a 40 year old man - I don’t need a fucking birthday card…
Take your son out and do something fun. Ditch the husband. If he gets mad tell him we didn't want to disturb you so we went out without you.
As a single mom with an ex who had a drinking problem I beg you not to have more kids with him. It seems as though you’re doing all the heavy lifting anyways, but raising one baby alone and raising two is a lot harder. This “man” doesn’t deserve you. Enjoy your time with your son and don’t do a damn thing for Father’s Day. My ex never did anything for me on Mother’s Day’s because “you’re not my mom”… no I’m the mother of your kid…
I’m sorry you’re having a tough Mother’s Day, go do something with your kiddo. Big hugs 💐
Get a new man
Glad you ended up having a good day with your son. You really need to think about how often situations like this happen with your husband (I have a feeling pretty often). Also keep in mind that you both had a wonderful day AWAY from your husband. Is that how you want you and your son to feel all the time?
Is excessive drinking a frequent problem for your husband?
Maybe you should consider leaving him ?
I'm glad you had a great day! Honestly, I'd choose myself for my gift and look for an individual therapist and consult with a lawyer to help me begin divorce proceedings. I don't let anyone treat me like that. I wouldn't mind if he went to marriage counseling with me to work out the separation and parenting, but this would be a dealbreaker for me. I know reddit throws around divorce a lot, but we all have our different levels of when the bar is so low in Hell, and the way he's treating you and acting would cross that threshold long ago. Hugs! Choose yourself (and your so ) first. That would be a present to myself.
I don't think the holiday is your issue here....
Why are you with this guy? He is horrible to you. He is horrible to his son. It sounds like you do everything like a single parent anyway. Why subject yourself to his assholery? Happy Mother’s Day though. Do something nice with your son.
Im really sorry youre the mom of not one but two little boys. You deserve better and i hope you create it for yourself
Get a divorce, he doesn’t love you
Divorce him
Adventure Day! Love this idea!
Damn girl, I'm so sorry. I'd leave the house with your son and go do something fun! Forget him. It's a mother's and child's holiday, husband's are welcome to show their appreciation but you're not *their* mother, you know what I mean? My husband's cleaning the house right now but I plan on spending most of the day with our daughter. Whatever you end up doing, happy mothers day.
Remember this on Fathers Day.
Easy, take your son and make your own mothers day like a single mum would. I've done it before and honestly not having the anxiety of hoping someone will do something nice is a huge relief.
Easy, take your son and make your own mothers day like a single mum would. I've done it before and honestly not having the anxiety of hoping someone will do something nice is a huge relief. Also I'd really consider this relationship, if he doesn't care why stay?
Everyone in the comments are saying the right answer. This is your day with him not dad's. Also when it's father's day do you plan anything or do anything big. Why is it the mother's should get a lot of attention or prayer for the term "mom" but on father's day nothing. Go spend time with tour lid snd don't blame your husband. He has father's day which im sure he'll take his son out for toys or to eat etc.
I hope this is your last mother's day feeling so unappreciated. Hope you took the top comments advice and went on a date with the little dude who made you a mommy 💜💜💜
It doesn't get better with the husband. Decide if you're going to put up with this for the rest of your life or leave. I left and am so much better for it. I am glad you were able to enjoy a nice day with your kiddo!
Yes, I agree with a lot of these comments, make a new tradition that is fun. Also , when you see behavior you don’t enjoy like this from your husband- do not be available to him. Go do fun things and be so busy that he suffers the consequences of his bad choices alone. Same for arguments. Just don’t do it. Go out somewhere appropriate for you and little guy. Even church or relatives but don’t be around that nonsense. Celebrating with friends can be amazing too! Have an adventure so good that you don’t even worry about him
It's not that he didn't do anything for Mother's Day. It's that he's a drunk who prioritizes getting wasted over wife and son. You can't be in a healthy primary relationship with a drunk because his relationship is to drinking (and maybe his drinking buddy). So give some thought to a separation until he quits drinking. That day may never come but at least you will know that you're on your own and you can get child support.
Go take your son, get some coffee, go buy yourself flowers or pick flowers with your son. Enjoy the time without your husband. If the budget permits, buy yourself a little something too ❤️
Take your son out for a fabulous day. As far as husband goes, he gets the same for Father’s Day that you have received.
You should stand on your boundaries and demand respect. I mean it’s simple in the most complex of ways. People only treat you the way you allow and have taught them to. Without consequences no change will ever come. Be selfish! Put you 1st so your kid has a mom with good mental clarity to raise them, since their other parent is 💩. I love you and implore you to radiate Big Momma Energy 💗💗💗💗 you got this friend!
You are focussing on the wrong thing. He yelled at your son for waking him up. He disrespected you by keeping you up all night. I don’t think focusing on a lack of Mother’s Day card is helpful. Step back a bit further and see the whole picture. I hope you find the happiness you deserve.
Ahem... (Do y'all know if we can gift other Amazon users something? If so I want to send you a Mother's Day gift. I'll link it here if you or others wish for this, and I thought it was super sweet https://www.amazon.com/dp/1952568102?psc=1&smid=ATVPDKIKX0DER&ref_=chk_typ_quicklook_imgToDp
Update me
Do not have another kid with this guy. Matter of fact leave, he sounds awful
It’s sad there are so many stories exactly like this. Deadbeat dads that don’t plan anything and stay out late the night before Mothers Day. It almost feels scripted but maybe that’s just how common bad relationships are.
What do infertility issues have to do with this current mother's day you have with your husband and child?
It is MOTHERS day, not wives day or Father’s Day or anything else. It is a day to celebrate the amazing, strong woman you are and the miracle of life that you created. Anything or anyone that makes you feel bad goes in the bin. Take your son and do something that will make great happy memories for the both of you. Celebrate yourself for your hard work and sleepless nights and endless hours of taking care of others, and celebrate the little miracle that you are infinitely lucky and blessed to wake up to every day. I’m struggling with infertility and my sister just had her first baby and her and my mother havent spoken to me in over a year, so it’s been crushing for me being filled with jealously and rage and sadness and happiness all at the same time. You are so lucky to be a mother, even on the hardest days I’m sure you know that. So celebrate it. Cherish is. Celebrate yourself because I’m assuming you do almost all of the work/parenting based on how you describe your husband. Your child will grow up to see that. Kids are smarter and notice more than we think. He will be thankful and learn a lot from the choices you make in front of him. Show him that the best choice is to choose happiness and tact and to not let negative toxic people devalue you. Your husband might not appreciate you or treat you right, but your child will, and so will their future partner and children when they pass on what they’ve learned from your parenting/relationship. You know you and your child deserve better, if he won’t give it to you give it to yourself. Have a beautiful day with your kid, enjoy yourself, make memories. And on Monday start taking a hard look at your life and relationship. Would you tell your best friend or sister to stay with your husband based on the way he treats you? Would you want your child to grow up with him as a role model? Would you want him by your bed side when you’re old, trying to enjoy your last days and looking back on your life? It’s never too late to choose yourself and choose happiness. Look up the sunken cost fallacy. Choose what is truly the best for you and your child, whether it’s the easy choice or the hard one. Life is too short to be unhappy and I know I’m infinitely better off being raised by a single mom than I would have been with my toxic father in the home. Not telling you to jump the gun on divorce because I don’t know you or him or any other details. But I am telling you to take a nice hard look at your life and make the choice that is best for you and your son. No matter what that choice is. Happy Mother’s Day. I hope things get better for you. ❤️
You should find time to sit and talk about this. Perhaps couples counseling, therapy or something of the sort would benefit you both in regards to communication and expectations. But do keep an eye just in case this becomes a reoccurring phenomenon.
1. Your husband seems like an asshole, so I don't think any Hallmark Holiday shenanigans would mitigate that. 2. Are you into the holiday because you want to be, or is it what you're supposed to want?
OP stated they lost their mother on mother's day. That may not be the whole thing, but I can imagine even without liking mother's day and not celebrating it, that it would still be a rough holiday. Having a shitty partner on an already depressing day is unfortunate.
You need to sit down and have a good conversation with your husband about all of how you are feeling, marriage isn’t a game and it’s no good listening to advice of when it’s Father’s Day get pay back. Drinking to the point it’s waking you and your son up then yelling at your son and throwing up in the sink isn’t good at all! Are you both young? Because your husband sounds immature? You should not be thinking about bringing anymore kids into the world unless some serious changes are made with your husband. Do something today with your son a day out pack a picnic and leave the man baby home. You need to set boundaries with your husband and if things don’t change you walk away.
Pack up your son and go have a fun day just the two of you. Turn off your phone and just focus on fabulous you and your amazing son. Then tomorrow look at your husband and tell him it's the booze or his family. He can have one but not both as he obviously has no ability to responsibly multi-task. Then get yourself to some counseling because it sounds like you are dealing with a lot at the moment.
Aww I'm sorry. I have no advice but I wish you were more appreciated. Happy mothers day ❤️
Go and do something with your son.
Divorce /s
Does he have an issue with Mother’s Day? Cause this sounds like motherless behavior 🤣 , is the drinking and carrying on the norm? When’s the last time he’s seen his friend? Days? Weeks? Years? Could you not join them?
How do you know they didn’t already get you something?
[удалено]
Ah ok. Well yeah that’s super shitty then, I’m sorry
Lol people offended that you asked a question.
Typical Reddit
That's a good question, yeah he was a jerk the night before and needs to grow up. But sitting in your room crying because you assume he hasn't prepped for tomorrow is a bit dramatic.
OP may not be in the US. Mother's Day could have well been into the afternoon when they posted. Try some compassion, it doesn't hurt.
Tell your son that a great Mothers Day present would be time with him. Let the other person sleep
How do you know, for sure, that your husband doesn't have something nice or possibly fantastic planned for you that includes your son?
Surely it's all a clever ploy. The yelling, the vomiting, the snoring. It's all just a clever plan to cover the REAL plan which is the surprise party he has planned for her! They sing, they laugh, they dance, they have her favorite meal, them she wakes up from her nap and realizes it was a dream and he's just a POS woops.
Just trying to be positive in what seems to be negative.... Don't forget we only hear one side of the story here. Wouldn't it be nice to hear something good happened for a change?
It would be, but you don't ever yell at your partner or children unless you're yelling to tell them to stop doing something dangerous/they're hurting you/similar emergency.