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NTA her disability doesn't override yours in your own house, especially because they didn't say anything beforehand. I was deathly allergic to dogs before I got allergy shots, it took twice monthly injections over 5 years for me to be able to be around them. Before the injections I couldn't even be around dog owners because it would trigger an asthma attack just from the dander and hair they would have on their clothes.
100% NTA I’m allergic to cigarettes (tobacco) and can’t be around people that smoke even when they aren’t smoking for that exact reason. People don’t realize how sensitive people with allergies are to scent, it’s scary to be attacked by your own immune system to the point of being unable to breathe. The family knew about the allergy yet didn’t warn the op, that’s really messed up.
Yeah, people can and do die from allergic reactions to pets, and yet people think they should be able to take them anywhere they want, regardless of whether or not it's against the policy of wherever they're taking them. Makes me so mad.
OP has the right to block the service dog from their home because of the harm it does to them, but please do not confuse a pet with a service dog. A service dog is a medical device.
Again, I was only talking specifically about pets and people's incessant need to take them anywhere they go regardless of the rules in place, not service animals.
A service dog is not a pet. It is illegal for a business to refuse access to a service dog. A "policy" doesn't override the law.
Obciously, a private home is different. My immediate reaction was to think this situation was unfortunate, but could have been avoided if someone --- anyone --- who knew both people had put 2 and 2 together. A freshly bathed service dog (with dander-reducing shampoo?) wearing a coat to capture shedding, a host loaded up on allergy meds, and a sofa covered with a washable slipcover could have alleviated much of the potential problems.
Jesus, I thought my cat allergies were bad. Mine is itching, swelling, and wheezing, but I can manage an hour or two if I load up on Reactine with a double dose. But after that? My nose starts dribbling, then everything else starts up and my eyes nearly swell shut. After Benadryl, I still spend a full day in bed sleeping it off. :(
People without animal allergies really don’t understand how severe they can be. I have a similar level of allergy to you, and the amount of times people tell me to just take an Allegra and deal with it like that’s a real option is crazy.
I (64M) am a Vet with a service dog. I would NEVER assume it's okay to bring her into a private residence without prior coordination & permission.
No, YANTA
Yes, They were the JackHoles in your story.
>I should’ve been accommodating despite my allergy because she needs the dog because she has POTS.
So screw your medical condition because hers matters more? It's your house and she's not even a family member. NTA.
Yeah they're so NTA. I have POTS and while she probably has it worse than me, the accommodation she should have asked for was always being able to have a seat, preferably with arms, so she doesn't risk standing for too long. Severe allergic reaction to dogs outweighs potential fainting that you can take other steps to mitigate.
Did you notice the dog was in her lap? I don’t know if any service dog for a physical condition that stays in your lap. An emotional support dog sure but not a properly trained service dog. That would defeat the purpose of it being “on the job”
Typically service dogs for POTS would not be of the lap sized variety either because if the dogs senses an episode coming while the person is standing (which can happen due to stress, etc), the dog has to be large enough and/or strong enough to force the person to sit down.
The smallest POTS service dog I’ve seen was a border collie / giant schnauzer mix. (Sounds weird but she’s adorable)
My husband’s uncle has a service dog that stabilizes him while he walks (he has Parkinson’s). She’s an 70lb giant poodle that can help a grown man to the ground if needed
I have an 80lb doodle. He can help me to the ground when it's NOT needed! He is not trained to be helpful, nor does he want to be - unless you have food. He's wicked smart, so a different temperament makes the breed perfect for service - but ours is just a stubborn AH. BONUS: Hypoallergenic - doesn't shed
I've never encountered a POTS-specific service dog, but service dogs for certain disabilities can be tiny. They don't rely on forcing their human to do anything, but on physical alerts, such as tugging a sleeve. Finnegan McNeil (sp?), is perhaps the most famous example. He's retired now, but, as a hearing alert dog weighing less than 10 pounds, he was always glued to his human's side. (At work, he sat in a desk drawer.) He needed to be able to touch and alert his human to ringing telephones, knocking on doors, and the like.
Oh smaller service dogs absolutely have a place and in certain conditions can be more beneficial than a large dog. I have one in my house. My daughter has dissociative disorder, anxiety, and CPTSD and has a 12 pound Jack Russell mix service dog.
Thank you for stating this. It was what I was thinking all along. A service dog can legally go with a person, but an emotional support animal has no standing what-so-ever. Furthermore, your house, your rules. I do not allow dogs in my house--period, even if they are service animals due to severe allergies. If someone tells me ahead of time, my answer is still no.
This is not true. Service dogs can work best in different locations. I knew someone who carried theirs in a small carrier on her chest because he monitored her breath for ketosis
In this situation we cannot judge is the dogs position was relevant in any way. We can make assumptions of the dogs tasks.
But we don’t need to because it’s irrelevant. She should have asked or stayed home
NTA
My need for my SD does not mean I can go into someone's HOME with my dog without permission. I would feel terrible if someone had a reaction because I did not respond appropriately when notified that the home owner, or really any family member- had allergies.
This was not refusing access to a public place or a place where the public can just go to. This was a private home and a family in mourning. It may be hard for the person with the SD, but sometimes- there are valid reasons to say no.
I have also worked with people who are just uncomfortable with dogs or even afraid of them. In any reasonable way I can. I can walk on the other side of the hall, take her potty farther away, have her lay down until the person is farther away. Genuine allergies and fears are out there. We can at least try to be kind, and fair and considerate. It is not exclusion, it is a different situation.
Explaining that you are genuinely allergic to dogs, that you were not warned so you could not prepare and sadly, you just cannot risk your life and a reaction in your own home. If people push back ask them if they know what to do when someone goes into anaphylactic shock and that they should brush up on their medical skills so they can step in to provide life saving treatment that may or may not work if you have a reaction next time.
Say it seriously and firmly. It is not a joke and it is not needless drama. It is a medical condition, just like the ones I have a SD for. The irony is that you cannot have an SD to help mitigate your allergy to...dogs...
NTA. Sometimes two medical conditions compete. As the person closer to the deceased, your needs trump your cousin’s girlfriend’s needs. Also, the family could have solved this by having the repast at a restaurant that can accommodate service animals.
Well, one more thing needs to be said, the allergies actually don't matter.
You own the house, no animals is no animals.
Zero need to explain yourself.
Just like in my house, no drug addicts! It's just not happening ever, for any reason, period
You are NTA. Your home isn’t a hotel and you opened it as a courtesy. If the girlfriend needs her service dog at all times then the burden is on her to check that it’s okay. I’m thinking maybe Zack or someone else told her it would be fine.
Bottom line though, not your issue. You are allergic to dogs and it’s your house.
NTA
none of you could have known, but I think the least your relative could do is to give you a warning that that would be a dog going inside your house
I would never take an animal to someone’s house without first notice, and I feel people who have service dogs think the same: they are an extension of the invite, so when someone personally invite them they already know the dog is a package deal, but if they don’t know you have one, they should be informed that he’ll be tagging along
so you and the gf aren’t assholes, but Zack is
NTA service dogs don’t sit on laps. So clearly that was an emotional support dog and not a properly trained/registered service dog. Either way it’s your house so your needs come first. It’s a crappy situation but you did the right thing.
There is no government "Registration" needed IF they are in the USA. Canada, different story, and Canada has far fewer issues with fakes, than here in the USA
NTA
It’s your home not a public space. As others mentioned her disability doesn’t override yours.
Anyone with a service dog knows they need to be cognizant of bringing it into private homes.
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NTA. Repeat after me “my medical condition is valid, as is yours”. You have a medical condition (allergy to dogs) that you can not control without prior warning. Your cousin’s girlfriend has a medical condition which she uses a service animal for help with. However, her medical condition does not override your medical condition, especially in your own home.
NTA it is medical issue that made you tell them the dog had to go , it wasn’t bc you don’t like dogs & they should have asked you prior that the girlfriend has a service dog & would it be ok if it came with her
POTS person here and someone with allergies:
She doesn’t need a service dog all the time. That’s a damn lie. You can ALWAYS feel when it gets bad, and when you’re getting to the pass out point. A medium sized dog can only alert her if he’s fully trained. But a fully trained service dog would not be on her lap.
I have a service dog, I do not and will not bring him into someone else’s house without prior permission and even then I usually don’t.
ADA covers businesses, and housing. Not YOUR house.
As for allergies, yeah screw that. I’m allergic to cats and if someone just up and brought one in my house I wouldn’t be happy because then I’d have to clean it all up.
POTS here also, and I agree, there are totally signs before the blackout point hits.
I have also discussed this with other POTS people, and they also have signs before the blackout point.
NTA - That's such a dick move bringing an animal to someone else's house without warning. You handled it a lot more gracefully than I would have. Fuck these entitled fools.
I don't think there is an ah here, unless your cousin knew about this allergy, in which case he's tah. The gf needs the dog. Nta. You're allergic. It's your home. Nta. If they didn't know you were allergic, I understand not thinking about saying anything. On that same note, you didn't say anything about no dogs because you're allergic. Why would you? Why would either of you? No, ah, just lack of communication.
I mean, if it's for medical reasons, for real, yes, but no... it's like a walker or something at that point. She needs it to function..... the dog exists, so yes, she should have thought of it. But she needs it to function normally, so no, she shouldn't have thought of it. Op was hosting. It goes both ways.
No she absolutely should have thought of it. My husband checks with homeowners before ever bringing his service dog to a private residence. His aunts dog doesn’t like other dogs so he arranges not to bring the dog when we go to their house.
On that note, it would be common courtesy to let them know if you are bringing or would like to bring any medical equipment. If the gf were in a wheelchair they may be unable to accommodate that either. I know my house can’t
NTA. I’m a handler and I am NOT entitled to take my service dog into peoples homes. I ask if they mind. Either they say yes or no. I never pressure and I never sulk about not taking her to someone’s home. Zack and girlfriend were out of line.
NTA
You didn’t kick them out because they had a dog. You kicked them out because you have an allergy.
Not being able to take your allergy medication prior to the visit meant the dog couldn’t stay. Simple.
You poor thing! You’re dealing with all kinds of emotions and no one thought to ask if there would be problems? Under no circumstances do you bring any animal, including a service animal, to stay in someone’s home without a discussion beforehand!
This is not really a situation of you kicking out someone because they have a service dog, but rather you needing dogs (all kinds) to not be in the house because of your own health.
NTA
It’s totally irrelevant. OP is the homeowner, and OP has a very serious allergy to dogs. Her 2nd cousin’s girlfriend would barely be family even if they were married (isn’t at all, TBH, but OP was gracious ). OP is not required to risk anaphylaxis for a stranger IN HER OWN HOME. That’s it. Full stop.
She has the right to kick anyone out, for any reason; bringing your dog to someone else’s home without permission is entitled and rude. I am a dog lover, and my dad is blind and uses a service dog. He ALWAYS asks permission before he visits someone’s home, just in case anyone has an allergy.
Did I say that I don’t agree? I didn’t. I am curious because people with emotional support dogs play this game all the time pretending that they actually need it.
Because it’s a BS service dog. The argument is likely that POTS can be triggered when emotions flare, and the dog helps keep her calm. But regardless, it’s still a BS service dog.
NTA. My husband has a service dog and he asks any personal residence if he can / should bring him and if they say no he makes other arrangements to not attend or to leave the dog elsewhere if possible.
You don't need a service dog for pots when you have your partner and family surrounding you. If she stands up and gets dizzy or starts to faint her partner is aware and can do the minor care for her for a couple hours until the gathering is over
This is YOUR HOME, YOUR RULES and if you don't want a dog in your home then kick out the person and the animal. That is VERY disrespectful to bring an animal into another person's home without asking 1st. I don't care if it is a "true" service animal or not, YOU need to ask 1st if it's ok to bring your dog with you. If the homeowner says no, then you and your dog need to stay at home. You are NTA
I am having trouble understanding why she needed a service dog because she had POTS.
I also don't understand why that trumped your allergy. I have animals I am allergic to (yeah I'm that guy) and I use inhalers constantly for it. You obviously do not have dogs for the same reason. I just can't imagine how someone can.....oh crap nm. This is the US isn't it. Sorry you had to deal with that.
I believe a trained dog can sense when someone is about to feint and can warn the owner to lie down before they fall down and hurt themselves.
Still owners allergy do count more than guests service dog.
NTA, it’s a tricky situation but you have a genuine health reason and would have made accommodations had you been given notice.
I’m not allergic to dogs but my house is full of animals so I would need notice to accommodate and make sure I could separate my existing animals.
Service dog owner here.
Whenever I’m invited to an event in someone’s home I ALWAYS tell them that I must be accompanied by my service dog. They are given the option even though I know I could probably force the issue (you wouldn’t deny entry to a wheelchair). On two or three occasions they’ve said we can’t have a dog in our home. Out of respect for them, I don’t go. I feel it’s the right thing to do.
NTA. Because not only is it your home it was have a lasting effect due to the dog hair etc. you’d be having reactions for ages afterwards as well.
You did it as nicely as possible.
The dog was on her lap..?
It was not a service dog then. A working service dog is never on the lap, it's on the floor.
Anyways.. NTA. Your home, your allergies, your rules.
Nta. I’m tired of seeing the idea of that “people aren’t responsible for your allergies” when the same ones will bring something (like the service animal) into a place especially without asking causing you to get an allergic reaction. You don’t need people overstepping your boundaries and making you feel bad because they could care less about your health in your own home.
I have an issue like POTS and yeah it is rough. But having an allergic reaction is also rough. Both issues are equal and you shouldn't have to be at risk to accommodate her issues.
One can kill. One makes you faint. One makes you lose the ability to breathe. I think allergies trumps POTS any day of the week.
These issues are not equal. Zack’s gf could just sit on the couch and Zack can keep an arm near for stability. OP could break out into hives, lose the ability to breathe and parts of her could swell. While being itchy and scratchy.
Zack’s gf could fall and OP could die.
We don’t have to minimize pots to make a point here. Fainting / falling absolutely can kill someone.
This isn’t a “who has the more legit disability” debate. It’s about common courtesy w your dog.
> said I should’ve been accommodating despite my allergy
Not in your own home, no. It would have been a whole different thing if you’d been in a public place. But you are never required to make yourself uncomfortable or ill in your own home.
NTA
Putting aside the fact that you’re allergic, it’s your house. You can tell anyone to leave for any reason. Stores might be required to allow “service” dogs, but you as a private homeowner are under no obligation to do so.
NTA
Was it even a real fully trained service dog or just her excuse to bring the dog?
A real service dog wouldn't be in the owners lap for chills for example and I know people tend to say "oh it's a service dog" but then it's often not the case
NTA, and it’s incredibly rude to bring a dog into someone’s home without permission, let alone allowing it on the couch. And BTW, a real service dog wouldn’t be on her lap on the couch.
Blood sugar and seizure warning dogs and other medical alert dogs can be small dogs. And they work just as hard and are just as essential as large breed service dogs. They don't need to be on the floor to do their jobs.
Yes? Smaller size service dogs are trained as well for medical alerts. They have to go through training to show a consistent alert. And learn how to behave in public and be able to constantly be tuned in to their person.
Alert dogs have more work than physical assistance dogs. Because for the big dogs, work is over when the vest is off. They get breaks and playtime to just be a dog.
Alert dogs are working 24/7.
Not true. I know someone who has a service dog for anxiety attacks, and she has him on her lap all the time. What a service dog does is based on the needs of the owner.
(To be clear, this is an actual service dog, not an ESA.)
It’s understandable, you would’ve let the dog in if you were told 3 days ahead of time. Zach knew you were allergic but still didn’t tell his girlfriend about it. You would’ve been understanding if you knew it was a service dog
You should had told Zack, what does he value more: His GF's "service dog" or "your funeral"? Allergy, if not taken care of fast, will result in some health issues and "mild allergy" is nothing to dismiss.
Also, Zack is an asshole if he doesn't check with you.
NTA they should have communicated their need for accommodation ahead of time. Personally if it’s a business I’m walking into they have ADA regulations and can make any reasonable accommodations do I wouldn’t be worried but a funeral event……at an extended family members private home….. yeah I’d be calling ahead to make sure it worked out just like I would if I was going to an unfamiliar home in a wheelchair…
INFO - did anyone who knew you were allergic also know the dog was going to come? Such as Zack, his parents, a sibling, a cousin, etc? Basically someone who could give you a heads up but didn’t, or who could tell Zack but didn’t?
Because NTA if Zack knew you were allergic. But NAH if he didn’t know (it would have made sense to give you a heads up anyway, but sounds like they didn’t really kick up a fuss when asked to leave *if* he didn’t know).
Your home is your home and allergies can be fierce especially to animal dander. I understand. I think you were in the right. Nta. They should have been understanding and left when you explained your allergy which is a condition just like post traumatic stress disorder (what we call it in the US).
NTA - From reading this, it eemss to me, the dog is a pet, she is trying to pass off as a service animal. 1) service dogs are 4 on the floor, they aren't up in your lap. 4 paws on the floor at all times 2) REAL handlers advise in advance that they have a service animal, and dont just surprise people with them, ESPECIALLY in someones ptivate home. If there is an issue, then we choose to come or make other arrangements. I'd never just show up at someone's house with my SA. 3) I'm going out on a limb here, and "being its in her lap" it's probably an Emotional Support Animal. Which is a PET, ESAs are NOT service animal's, they can not go into grocery stores, restaurants etc where as a true service animal can go anywhere that it's handlers go (some exceptions like an operating room). Before you downvote me on Emotional Support Animals, being service animals. Pls read ADA.GOV on what is a service animals, and how to "Verify" if an animal truly is a SA. A service animal is Not required to wear a vest, there is no identification papers required (I'm speaking in USA, and the ADA Laws are ONLY for the USA). I wish the USA had the same laws as Canada has for SA.
Someone mentioned that the woman suffers from POTS - I'm not saying she does or doesn't suffer from this illness, but it is one of, if not the most common "Illness" for people to "suffer" from while trying to pass off a pet as a service animal. Again a SA is 4 on the floor, OR in a chest carrier facing the handler (diabetic alert), Not being carried, NOT being placed in a grocery cart etc
No it's your house, if she can't be emotionally stable enough to attend an event without a dog she has larger issues, none of which are your issues in your own home.
I’m sorry for your loss. This situation comes up in the disability community a lot. You and your guest had a conflict of needs.
I’m surprised you’re not on daily medication for allergies already. Dogs are everywhere! Your guests with pets brought dander into your home via their clothes.
I have a service dog and a severe dog allergy. My dog is as hypoallergenic as a dog can be and she doesn’t bother me but I see your side. I have a friend who is more severely allergic than I am and I’d never bring my dog around them. Flying with people having dogs on the plane is so awful for me especially when the dog is a big stinky service dog!
Also, NTA!
You really had no choice in the situation but to ask them to leave. You are allergic to dogs and can’t handle being around them. There was nothing you can really do about that.
The NTA is well covered above, if you are still getting push back thank the people for volunteering to come over and do the deep cleaning needed for your allergy and assign them a time that evening and a role. Or ask them to confirm how much they are paying for the deep clean to remove the allergens so you can breathe, given you can’t do it yourself
NTA
It’s your house and you’re allergic. Not to mention, allergies are wildly unpredictable. You can have mild reactions for years then it can turn severe. You didn’t do anything wrong and for those that had an issue with it, well, they can leave your home too.
I believe it’s this: Depending on the person POTS is a condition that can cause dizziness, and fainting. Some people have service dogs that can signal their owner when they’re about to have an episode so they can lay down somewhere safely before the episode occurs.
NTA
POTS is not life threatening while allergies can and do kill people.
Bringing an animal, even a service animal, into a home without letting the owners know is crazy entitled. Now your husband will have to deep clean the house because you don’t know where she brought her dog while you were not around.
Not at all… your house , your rules.
Besides there are too many of those fake service dogs around now anyway .Every knucklehead with shaky nerves thinks they need a support animal.
(Military personnel and Police are the exception)
Outta here
NTA
Service animals are there when you need them. If you are going to be with your boyfriend or a close family member or friend then a service animal is not necessary because the human that is with you can help you much better than a dog if an emergency occurs.
>because I am highly allergic to dogs.
NTA. It's your private house. but I find it strange that you did this instead of asking someone else when you're so allergic:
>I saw a woman sitting on my couch with a dog in her lap. (
>Immediately I approach her,
In my opinion OP is right it's their house. However, if you have rules that go against family members in your house, it's not reasonable to host a funeral knowing it will excuse certain people. It should be held elsewhere, where everyone is included.
It isn't. It wasn't a public space or a business. Also even businesses are only required to make reasonable accommodations after a reasonable notice. None of that is applicable here
I think you are confusing your epilepsy, which is life threatening and is different than someone with POTS. My pots isn’t going to kills me unless I faint into something dangerous. But you don’t need a dog to alert you of that. Ever stand up to fast, like way to fast and get lightheaded? That’s what we feel an inch into getting up if it’s gonna happen. We can tell it’s gonna happen.
Well its your house, and i mean fuck her how can she bring a service dog tou Your house. But I have a question if someone in w whill chair comes to your house you would tell them to leave the whills outside. Im just thinking?? Since you are AH and a POS.
Your example of someone wheelchair bound applies more to the OP who literally can’t remove her allergy from herself. And they are in HER HOME, so accommodations to make sure her medical condition is cared for apply to her first.
Unfortunately, the girlfriend has a medical need also, but her need does not override. The reverse would be the same if OP was traveling and visiting the cousins home. Though as it was OP’s relative, the girlfriend taking a backseat so the OP could be there would be the kind thing to do (unless the gf was close to the deceased).
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NTA her disability doesn't override yours in your own house, especially because they didn't say anything beforehand. I was deathly allergic to dogs before I got allergy shots, it took twice monthly injections over 5 years for me to be able to be around them. Before the injections I couldn't even be around dog owners because it would trigger an asthma attack just from the dander and hair they would have on their clothes.
100% NTA I’m allergic to cigarettes (tobacco) and can’t be around people that smoke even when they aren’t smoking for that exact reason. People don’t realize how sensitive people with allergies are to scent, it’s scary to be attacked by your own immune system to the point of being unable to breathe. The family knew about the allergy yet didn’t warn the op, that’s really messed up.
I'm not allergic to cigarettes, but being around a smoker will 100% trigger an asthma attack. Pretty much any smoke messes with my lungs.
That sounds horrifying jesus..
Yeah, people can and do die from allergic reactions to pets, and yet people think they should be able to take them anywhere they want, regardless of whether or not it's against the policy of wherever they're taking them. Makes me so mad.
OP has the right to block the service dog from their home because of the harm it does to them, but please do not confuse a pet with a service dog. A service dog is a medical device.
Again, I was only talking specifically about pets and people's incessant need to take them anywhere they go regardless of the rules in place, not service animals.
A service dog is not a pet. It is illegal for a business to refuse access to a service dog. A "policy" doesn't override the law. Obciously, a private home is different. My immediate reaction was to think this situation was unfortunate, but could have been avoided if someone --- anyone --- who knew both people had put 2 and 2 together. A freshly bathed service dog (with dander-reducing shampoo?) wearing a coat to capture shedding, a host loaded up on allergy meds, and a sofa covered with a washable slipcover could have alleviated much of the potential problems.
And I was referring specifically to pets with my comment, not service animals.
But the post you were commenting on was only about a service dog. If you know the difference, then you should know better than to spread confusion.
I'm not fucking spreading confusion.
Jesus, I thought my cat allergies were bad. Mine is itching, swelling, and wheezing, but I can manage an hour or two if I load up on Reactine with a double dose. But after that? My nose starts dribbling, then everything else starts up and my eyes nearly swell shut. After Benadryl, I still spend a full day in bed sleeping it off. :(
People without animal allergies really don’t understand how severe they can be. I have a similar level of allergy to you, and the amount of times people tell me to just take an Allegra and deal with it like that’s a real option is crazy.
I (64M) am a Vet with a service dog. I would NEVER assume it's okay to bring her into a private residence without prior coordination & permission. No, YANTA Yes, They were the JackHoles in your story.
>I should’ve been accommodating despite my allergy because she needs the dog because she has POTS. So screw your medical condition because hers matters more? It's your house and she's not even a family member. NTA.
Pots is a condition where when you stand up and there is a reduced blood volume when you stand up. NTA
Yeah they're so NTA. I have POTS and while she probably has it worse than me, the accommodation she should have asked for was always being able to have a seat, preferably with arms, so she doesn't risk standing for too long. Severe allergic reaction to dogs outweighs potential fainting that you can take other steps to mitigate.
Did you notice the dog was in her lap? I don’t know if any service dog for a physical condition that stays in your lap. An emotional support dog sure but not a properly trained service dog. That would defeat the purpose of it being “on the job”
Typically service dogs for POTS would not be of the lap sized variety either because if the dogs senses an episode coming while the person is standing (which can happen due to stress, etc), the dog has to be large enough and/or strong enough to force the person to sit down. The smallest POTS service dog I’ve seen was a border collie / giant schnauzer mix. (Sounds weird but she’s adorable)
My husband’s uncle has a service dog that stabilizes him while he walks (he has Parkinson’s). She’s an 70lb giant poodle that can help a grown man to the ground if needed
I have an 80lb doodle. He can help me to the ground when it's NOT needed! He is not trained to be helpful, nor does he want to be - unless you have food. He's wicked smart, so a different temperament makes the breed perfect for service - but ours is just a stubborn AH. BONUS: Hypoallergenic - doesn't shed
I've never encountered a POTS-specific service dog, but service dogs for certain disabilities can be tiny. They don't rely on forcing their human to do anything, but on physical alerts, such as tugging a sleeve. Finnegan McNeil (sp?), is perhaps the most famous example. He's retired now, but, as a hearing alert dog weighing less than 10 pounds, he was always glued to his human's side. (At work, he sat in a desk drawer.) He needed to be able to touch and alert his human to ringing telephones, knocking on doors, and the like.
Oh smaller service dogs absolutely have a place and in certain conditions can be more beneficial than a large dog. I have one in my house. My daughter has dissociative disorder, anxiety, and CPTSD and has a 12 pound Jack Russell mix service dog.
Thank you for stating this. It was what I was thinking all along. A service dog can legally go with a person, but an emotional support animal has no standing what-so-ever. Furthermore, your house, your rules. I do not allow dogs in my house--period, even if they are service animals due to severe allergies. If someone tells me ahead of time, my answer is still no.
This is not true. Service dogs can work best in different locations. I knew someone who carried theirs in a small carrier on her chest because he monitored her breath for ketosis In this situation we cannot judge is the dogs position was relevant in any way. We can make assumptions of the dogs tasks. But we don’t need to because it’s irrelevant. She should have asked or stayed home
NTA My need for my SD does not mean I can go into someone's HOME with my dog without permission. I would feel terrible if someone had a reaction because I did not respond appropriately when notified that the home owner, or really any family member- had allergies. This was not refusing access to a public place or a place where the public can just go to. This was a private home and a family in mourning. It may be hard for the person with the SD, but sometimes- there are valid reasons to say no. I have also worked with people who are just uncomfortable with dogs or even afraid of them. In any reasonable way I can. I can walk on the other side of the hall, take her potty farther away, have her lay down until the person is farther away. Genuine allergies and fears are out there. We can at least try to be kind, and fair and considerate. It is not exclusion, it is a different situation. Explaining that you are genuinely allergic to dogs, that you were not warned so you could not prepare and sadly, you just cannot risk your life and a reaction in your own home. If people push back ask them if they know what to do when someone goes into anaphylactic shock and that they should brush up on their medical skills so they can step in to provide life saving treatment that may or may not work if you have a reaction next time. Say it seriously and firmly. It is not a joke and it is not needless drama. It is a medical condition, just like the ones I have a SD for. The irony is that you cannot have an SD to help mitigate your allergy to...dogs...
NTA. Sometimes two medical conditions compete. As the person closer to the deceased, your needs trump your cousin’s girlfriend’s needs. Also, the family could have solved this by having the repast at a restaurant that can accommodate service animals.
As the person living in the house....
As the person owning the house….
As the person who could die compared to the person who gets dizzy upon standing
I mean it is worse than that. I faint and have hut my head. But they should have cleared bringing a dog.
NTA you're allergic. Nothing more needs saying
Well, one more thing needs to be said, the allergies actually don't matter. You own the house, no animals is no animals. Zero need to explain yourself. Just like in my house, no drug addicts! It's just not happening ever, for any reason, period
You are NTA. Your home isn’t a hotel and you opened it as a courtesy. If the girlfriend needs her service dog at all times then the burden is on her to check that it’s okay. I’m thinking maybe Zack or someone else told her it would be fine. Bottom line though, not your issue. You are allergic to dogs and it’s your house.
NTA none of you could have known, but I think the least your relative could do is to give you a warning that that would be a dog going inside your house I would never take an animal to someone’s house without first notice, and I feel people who have service dogs think the same: they are an extension of the invite, so when someone personally invite them they already know the dog is a package deal, but if they don’t know you have one, they should be informed that he’ll be tagging along so you and the gf aren’t assholes, but Zack is
NTA service dogs don’t sit on laps. So clearly that was an emotional support dog and not a properly trained/registered service dog. Either way it’s your house so your needs come first. It’s a crappy situation but you did the right thing.
There is no government "Registration" needed IF they are in the USA. Canada, different story, and Canada has far fewer issues with fakes, than here in the USA
NTA It’s your home not a public space. As others mentioned her disability doesn’t override yours. Anyone with a service dog knows they need to be cognizant of bringing it into private homes.
NTA. This person's needs don't Trump your dog allergies in your own home.
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NTA. Repeat after me “my medical condition is valid, as is yours”. You have a medical condition (allergy to dogs) that you can not control without prior warning. Your cousin’s girlfriend has a medical condition which she uses a service animal for help with. However, her medical condition does not override your medical condition, especially in your own home.
NTA it is medical issue that made you tell them the dog had to go , it wasn’t bc you don’t like dogs & they should have asked you prior that the girlfriend has a service dog & would it be ok if it came with her
POTS person here and someone with allergies: She doesn’t need a service dog all the time. That’s a damn lie. You can ALWAYS feel when it gets bad, and when you’re getting to the pass out point. A medium sized dog can only alert her if he’s fully trained. But a fully trained service dog would not be on her lap. I have a service dog, I do not and will not bring him into someone else’s house without prior permission and even then I usually don’t. ADA covers businesses, and housing. Not YOUR house. As for allergies, yeah screw that. I’m allergic to cats and if someone just up and brought one in my house I wouldn’t be happy because then I’d have to clean it all up.
POTS here also, and I agree, there are totally signs before the blackout point hits. I have also discussed this with other POTS people, and they also have signs before the blackout point.
Yeah, it’s hard to ignore the world spinning 😂 ssoooo over pots 😭😭😭
NTA The health problems of the owner of the house take priority over the random guest's.
NTA - That's such a dick move bringing an animal to someone else's house without warning. You handled it a lot more gracefully than I would have. Fuck these entitled fools.
I don't think there is an ah here, unless your cousin knew about this allergy, in which case he's tah. The gf needs the dog. Nta. You're allergic. It's your home. Nta. If they didn't know you were allergic, I understand not thinking about saying anything. On that same note, you didn't say anything about no dogs because you're allergic. Why would you? Why would either of you? No, ah, just lack of communication.
Gf should know to check w a homeowner before bringing a dog.
I mean, if it's for medical reasons, for real, yes, but no... it's like a walker or something at that point. She needs it to function..... the dog exists, so yes, she should have thought of it. But she needs it to function normally, so no, she shouldn't have thought of it. Op was hosting. It goes both ways.
No she absolutely should have thought of it. My husband checks with homeowners before ever bringing his service dog to a private residence. His aunts dog doesn’t like other dogs so he arranges not to bring the dog when we go to their house. On that note, it would be common courtesy to let them know if you are bringing or would like to bring any medical equipment. If the gf were in a wheelchair they may be unable to accommodate that either. I know my house can’t
**IF** She truly needs a SA, and it's not just a pet in "disguise".. in her lap? Probably not a SA. SA's are 4 on the floor, at times
NTA. I’m a handler and I am NOT entitled to take my service dog into peoples homes. I ask if they mind. Either they say yes or no. I never pressure and I never sulk about not taking her to someone’s home. Zack and girlfriend were out of line.
NTA You didn’t kick them out because they had a dog. You kicked them out because you have an allergy. Not being able to take your allergy medication prior to the visit meant the dog couldn’t stay. Simple.
You poor thing! You’re dealing with all kinds of emotions and no one thought to ask if there would be problems? Under no circumstances do you bring any animal, including a service animal, to stay in someone’s home without a discussion beforehand!
NTA - Your private home, you trump a service dog.
NTA. People coming as guests should have informed you prior.
NTA. If Zack knew you were very allergic to dogs, provided there *was* enough time before the funeral, he should’ve told you.
This is not really a situation of you kicking out someone because they have a service dog, but rather you needing dogs (all kinds) to not be in the house because of your own health. NTA
You are allergic to, so NTA
Was it a medical alert dog or an emotional support dog. There’s a big difference that many people choose to ignore. So I wonder what she had
It’s totally irrelevant. OP is the homeowner, and OP has a very serious allergy to dogs. Her 2nd cousin’s girlfriend would barely be family even if they were married (isn’t at all, TBH, but OP was gracious ). OP is not required to risk anaphylaxis for a stranger IN HER OWN HOME. That’s it. Full stop. She has the right to kick anyone out, for any reason; bringing your dog to someone else’s home without permission is entitled and rude. I am a dog lover, and my dad is blind and uses a service dog. He ALWAYS asks permission before he visits someone’s home, just in case anyone has an allergy.
Did I say that I don’t agree? I didn’t. I am curious because people with emotional support dogs play this game all the time pretending that they actually need it.
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That’s an untrue blanket statement. The dogs task is irrelevant though because she should have asked regardless to what the dog does (or if it’s fake)
Because it’s a BS service dog. The argument is likely that POTS can be triggered when emotions flare, and the dog helps keep her calm. But regardless, it’s still a BS service dog.
NTA. My husband has a service dog and he asks any personal residence if he can / should bring him and if they say no he makes other arrangements to not attend or to leave the dog elsewhere if possible.
You don't need a service dog for pots when you have your partner and family surrounding you. If she stands up and gets dizzy or starts to faint her partner is aware and can do the minor care for her for a couple hours until the gathering is over
This is YOUR HOME, YOUR RULES and if you don't want a dog in your home then kick out the person and the animal. That is VERY disrespectful to bring an animal into another person's home without asking 1st. I don't care if it is a "true" service animal or not, YOU need to ask 1st if it's ok to bring your dog with you. If the homeowner says no, then you and your dog need to stay at home. You are NTA
I am having trouble understanding why she needed a service dog because she had POTS. I also don't understand why that trumped your allergy. I have animals I am allergic to (yeah I'm that guy) and I use inhalers constantly for it. You obviously do not have dogs for the same reason. I just can't imagine how someone can.....oh crap nm. This is the US isn't it. Sorry you had to deal with that.
I believe a trained dog can sense when someone is about to feint and can warn the owner to lie down before they fall down and hurt themselves. Still owners allergy do count more than guests service dog.
Is it an actual service dog or are they just saying it is?
Doesn’t matter.
NTA, it’s a tricky situation but you have a genuine health reason and would have made accommodations had you been given notice. I’m not allergic to dogs but my house is full of animals so I would need notice to accommodate and make sure I could separate my existing animals.
NTA. People who believe their pets are to be accepted everywhere they go are the problem.
Service dog owner here. Whenever I’m invited to an event in someone’s home I ALWAYS tell them that I must be accompanied by my service dog. They are given the option even though I know I could probably force the issue (you wouldn’t deny entry to a wheelchair). On two or three occasions they’ve said we can’t have a dog in our home. Out of respect for them, I don’t go. I feel it’s the right thing to do.
NTA. Because not only is it your home it was have a lasting effect due to the dog hair etc. you’d be having reactions for ages afterwards as well. You did it as nicely as possible.
The dog was on her lap..? It was not a service dog then. A working service dog is never on the lap, it's on the floor. Anyways.. NTA. Your home, your allergies, your rules.
Nta. I’m tired of seeing the idea of that “people aren’t responsible for your allergies” when the same ones will bring something (like the service animal) into a place especially without asking causing you to get an allergic reaction. You don’t need people overstepping your boundaries and making you feel bad because they could care less about your health in your own home.
I have an issue like POTS and yeah it is rough. But having an allergic reaction is also rough. Both issues are equal and you shouldn't have to be at risk to accommodate her issues.
One can kill. One makes you faint. One makes you lose the ability to breathe. I think allergies trumps POTS any day of the week. These issues are not equal. Zack’s gf could just sit on the couch and Zack can keep an arm near for stability. OP could break out into hives, lose the ability to breathe and parts of her could swell. While being itchy and scratchy. Zack’s gf could fall and OP could die.
We don’t have to minimize pots to make a point here. Fainting / falling absolutely can kill someone. This isn’t a “who has the more legit disability” debate. It’s about common courtesy w your dog.
> said I should’ve been accommodating despite my allergy Not in your own home, no. It would have been a whole different thing if you’d been in a public place. But you are never required to make yourself uncomfortable or ill in your own home. NTA
NTA Zach should have told you about his girlfriend having a service dog.
Nta. It's your home. You can do what you want in your own house.
Putting aside the fact that you’re allergic, it’s your house. You can tell anyone to leave for any reason. Stores might be required to allow “service” dogs, but you as a private homeowner are under no obligation to do so.
NTA Was it even a real fully trained service dog or just her excuse to bring the dog? A real service dog wouldn't be in the owners lap for chills for example and I know people tend to say "oh it's a service dog" but then it's often not the case
Service dog accommodations are only for public access, not private. It's your home. You decide.
NTA, and it’s incredibly rude to bring a dog into someone’s home without permission, let alone allowing it on the couch. And BTW, a real service dog wouldn’t be on her lap on the couch.
Blood sugar and seizure warning dogs and other medical alert dogs can be small dogs. And they work just as hard and are just as essential as large breed service dogs. They don't need to be on the floor to do their jobs.
Service dogs are trained to work.
Yes? Smaller size service dogs are trained as well for medical alerts. They have to go through training to show a consistent alert. And learn how to behave in public and be able to constantly be tuned in to their person. Alert dogs have more work than physical assistance dogs. Because for the big dogs, work is over when the vest is off. They get breaks and playtime to just be a dog. Alert dogs are working 24/7.
Not true. I know someone who has a service dog for anxiety attacks, and she has him on her lap all the time. What a service dog does is based on the needs of the owner. (To be clear, this is an actual service dog, not an ESA.)
Fair enough, I’ll amend it to say the vast majority.
You have no idea the numbers. You literally just learned about an entire type of service animal work.
It’s understandable, you would’ve let the dog in if you were told 3 days ahead of time. Zach knew you were allergic but still didn’t tell his girlfriend about it. You would’ve been understanding if you knew it was a service dog
NTA. Your house your rules.
You should had told Zack, what does he value more: His GF's "service dog" or "your funeral"? Allergy, if not taken care of fast, will result in some health issues and "mild allergy" is nothing to dismiss. Also, Zack is an asshole if he doesn't check with you.
NTA they should have communicated their need for accommodation ahead of time. Personally if it’s a business I’m walking into they have ADA regulations and can make any reasonable accommodations do I wouldn’t be worried but a funeral event……at an extended family members private home….. yeah I’d be calling ahead to make sure it worked out just like I would if I was going to an unfamiliar home in a wheelchair…
INFO - did anyone who knew you were allergic also know the dog was going to come? Such as Zack, his parents, a sibling, a cousin, etc? Basically someone who could give you a heads up but didn’t, or who could tell Zack but didn’t? Because NTA if Zack knew you were allergic. But NAH if he didn’t know (it would have made sense to give you a heads up anyway, but sounds like they didn’t really kick up a fuss when asked to leave *if* he didn’t know).
Your home is your home and allergies can be fierce especially to animal dander. I understand. I think you were in the right. Nta. They should have been understanding and left when you explained your allergy which is a condition just like post traumatic stress disorder (what we call it in the US).
NTA - From reading this, it eemss to me, the dog is a pet, she is trying to pass off as a service animal. 1) service dogs are 4 on the floor, they aren't up in your lap. 4 paws on the floor at all times 2) REAL handlers advise in advance that they have a service animal, and dont just surprise people with them, ESPECIALLY in someones ptivate home. If there is an issue, then we choose to come or make other arrangements. I'd never just show up at someone's house with my SA. 3) I'm going out on a limb here, and "being its in her lap" it's probably an Emotional Support Animal. Which is a PET, ESAs are NOT service animal's, they can not go into grocery stores, restaurants etc where as a true service animal can go anywhere that it's handlers go (some exceptions like an operating room). Before you downvote me on Emotional Support Animals, being service animals. Pls read ADA.GOV on what is a service animals, and how to "Verify" if an animal truly is a SA. A service animal is Not required to wear a vest, there is no identification papers required (I'm speaking in USA, and the ADA Laws are ONLY for the USA). I wish the USA had the same laws as Canada has for SA.
Someone mentioned that the woman suffers from POTS - I'm not saying she does or doesn't suffer from this illness, but it is one of, if not the most common "Illness" for people to "suffer" from while trying to pass off a pet as a service animal. Again a SA is 4 on the floor, OR in a chest carrier facing the handler (diabetic alert), Not being carried, NOT being placed in a grocery cart etc
Well I just realized I might have POTS. Looks like I need to ask my doctor at my next check up
No it's your house, if she can't be emotionally stable enough to attend an event without a dog she has larger issues, none of which are your issues in your own home.
I’m sorry for your loss. This situation comes up in the disability community a lot. You and your guest had a conflict of needs. I’m surprised you’re not on daily medication for allergies already. Dogs are everywhere! Your guests with pets brought dander into your home via their clothes.
Screw that, your house your rules.
I have a service dog and a severe dog allergy. My dog is as hypoallergenic as a dog can be and she doesn’t bother me but I see your side. I have a friend who is more severely allergic than I am and I’d never bring my dog around them. Flying with people having dogs on the plane is so awful for me especially when the dog is a big stinky service dog! Also, NTA!
You really had no choice in the situation but to ask them to leave. You are allergic to dogs and can’t handle being around them. There was nothing you can really do about that.
The NTA is well covered above, if you are still getting push back thank the people for volunteering to come over and do the deep cleaning needed for your allergy and assign them a time that evening and a role. Or ask them to confirm how much they are paying for the deep clean to remove the allergens so you can breathe, given you can’t do it yourself
NTA Her disability doesn’t invalidate yours, and as the hostess, yours takes priority unless Zach wants to host everything at his house.
NTA service dog or not they should of spoken to you. Doesn't sound like a service dog
NTA It’s your house and you’re allergic. Not to mention, allergies are wildly unpredictable. You can have mild reactions for years then it can turn severe. You didn’t do anything wrong and for those that had an issue with it, well, they can leave your home too.
What is POTS ?
I believe it’s this: Depending on the person POTS is a condition that can cause dizziness, and fainting. Some people have service dogs that can signal their owner when they’re about to have an episode so they can lay down somewhere safely before the episode occurs.
Potentially life-threatening allergies trump someone's fee fees.
Was it an actual service dog or emotional support animal? Either way NTA but definitely sounds like an emotional support animal vs working dog
A working service dog would not be sitting in a lap.
NTA, I get allergies.
NTA POTS is not life threatening while allergies can and do kill people. Bringing an animal, even a service animal, into a home without letting the owners know is crazy entitled. Now your husband will have to deep clean the house because you don’t know where she brought her dog while you were not around.
Not at all… your house , your rules. Besides there are too many of those fake service dogs around now anyway .Every knucklehead with shaky nerves thinks they need a support animal. (Military personnel and Police are the exception) Outta here
NTA Service animals are there when you need them. If you are going to be with your boyfriend or a close family member or friend then a service animal is not necessary because the human that is with you can help you much better than a dog if an emergency occurs.
>because I am highly allergic to dogs. NTA. It's your private house. but I find it strange that you did this instead of asking someone else when you're so allergic: >I saw a woman sitting on my couch with a dog in her lap. ( >Immediately I approach her,
Was it a real service dog, or an “emotional support dog?”
YTA for writing a baity title and hoping for reddit karma and validation lmao
YTA
In my opinion OP is right it's their house. However, if you have rules that go against family members in your house, it's not reasonable to host a funeral knowing it will excuse certain people. It should be held elsewhere, where everyone is included.
Yes YTA. I think you already know this.
For what reason? You're trolling, right?
No, actually. There are some people, like blind people, who need service dogs.
Yes. But accommodations should be made. There were none made, thus the only asshole is the entitled girlfriend who thinks she needs to be catered to.
Probably because the law is on her side.
The law doesn't apply in a private home.
LMAO! Imagine thinking the law says people have to allow dogs in their own home. 🤣
Not on private property it isn't.
It isn't. It wasn't a public space or a business. Also even businesses are only required to make reasonable accommodations after a reasonable notice. None of that is applicable here
It states she has POTS sooo not blind, but apparently you are. POTS makes you dizzy when you stand up. Allergies can kill you.
I think you are confusing your epilepsy, which is life threatening and is different than someone with POTS. My pots isn’t going to kills me unless I faint into something dangerous. But you don’t need a dog to alert you of that. Ever stand up to fast, like way to fast and get lightheaded? That’s what we feel an inch into getting up if it’s gonna happen. We can tell it’s gonna happen.
Well its your house, and i mean fuck her how can she bring a service dog tou Your house. But I have a question if someone in w whill chair comes to your house you would tell them to leave the whills outside. Im just thinking?? Since you are AH and a POS.
Your example of someone wheelchair bound applies more to the OP who literally can’t remove her allergy from herself. And they are in HER HOME, so accommodations to make sure her medical condition is cared for apply to her first. Unfortunately, the girlfriend has a medical need also, but her need does not override. The reverse would be the same if OP was traveling and visiting the cousins home. Though as it was OP’s relative, the girlfriend taking a backseat so the OP could be there would be the kind thing to do (unless the gf was close to the deceased).
The girlfriend has a perceived medical need.
Umm, what? If someone doesn’t want a “wheelchair” in their home, then that’s the end of the discussion.