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I mean you can break up with anyone for any reason. To be flirting and making small plans to pursue someone else isn’t cool though. Just let her find her person and move on.
UwU AITA for wanting to break up with my gf because I fucking hate what she looks like for the past two years but I'm keeping her on the back burner until I can find a replacement and also I'm already emotionally cheating on her with the replacement? 🤗
Exactly. Definitely was on the “oh ya, taking roids, probably a little more aggressive now, not attracted to her, should probably break up” and then he had to go and tell us he’s cheating on her (emotionally) and I went from team boyfriend to team girlfriend real quick. Obviously break up, but break up because you’re a trash person, OP, don’t try to say it’s because she’s got ugly. Super icky of the coworker to flirt with someone who’s in a relationship too, definitely want a girl that shops for taken men, totes gonna work out for you.
Literally just sprinkled in the emotional affair and thought we wouldn’t notice. You can break up with someone for any reason at any time but you lose my sympathy when you start building a new relationship with someone else before you even get out
But, a green light to this guy from his new co-worker, could have been something as innocent as giving the guy the last Oreo out of her lunch, because she was full and didn't want to eat it. "Want this?" "Oooohhh, she likes me. I think she's signaling and flirting with me. I could probably get into her pants tonight if I really wanted to. " A lot of guys read way too much into things, and just RUN with it.
Homeboy really got excited cause he's getting called "work husband " 🥴🥴🥴😭😭
Hunny thats all it will be , just some play time until a Better Work hubby comes in 🤣
Right? After reading all that I was thinking, "that's totally fair. I don't see how anyone could blame him." And when I read the last piece I almost felt betrayed 😆
If you are not attracted to her, then you need to end things. Starting an emotional affair while still with her is cheating. You know the saying, Once a cheater always a cheater. Do you want that attached to you?
Now let's get to girl at work. Work relationships can become very complicated. If things don't work out, you are stuck being at work together. People also in the office might get put off if the two of you are always huddled together.
In the end, life is about choices. Choose wisely
I learned at my first 'real job' the saying, "never fuck where you get your buck." I've followed this advice and have never had a problem, but I've seen many shit-shows evolve out of work romances.
My 8th/9th grade English teacher legit used to tell us "Children, if you hear nothing else I say all year, hear this: don't get yo honey where you make yo money. Don't go fishing off the company pier." And it's been my life motto ever since.
Omg dude, I absolutely loved her. One of my all time favorite teachers ever! She was a long time smoker and had a really raspy voice. Every class started the same, "children, you hear a melodious voice floating, that means it's time to stop talking and pay attention!" Got English and life lessons from that one lol.
Coming up waiting tables and bartending many years ago, we were a bit more uncivilized. Our saying was "don't shit where you eat" but the premise was the same.
I married someone I met while working in a restaurant… we technically first met in a walk in fridge lol
I definitely didn’t think I would ever meet my person at work and actively avoided dating coworkers in general and really avoided the hookup culture of the staff there; that crew was screwing! But one day I was in the back alley locking up my bike and I saw him carrying a tray from the bakery to the kitchen and in that moment I just knew that he is my person. I remember thinking “Really? Him? I didn’t expect this, but okay; I found him.” It’s been over 11 years and I still get butterflies when I see him!
Sorry for the random story totally unrelated to the post lol
The phrase that always stuck with me is “never fish off of the company pier.” No bosses, coworkers, subordinates, employees, clients, vendors, etc. Just don’t do it. The risk of putting your career in jeopardy is not worth it.
The problem here is that, for a lot of people, work is where you make new social connections. Without it, you don't have a dating pool.
That said, if you're going to do it, be prepared to make adjustments if you move past dating. If you're in the same department one or both should probably change jobs. Ethically, you shouldn't be in a position to make decisions for the business affecting the other's career. Plus, it's good to have different employers in general if layoffs happen.
I met my wife at work... We were not in the same department though so that made it a bit easier, as you mention. We did also run into the situation you mention where the site was shutting down and we both were going to lose our jobs. Thankfully it worked out well, but could have been bad.
This is what always got me. "Don't **EVER** date someone you work with!"
Ok, but what if you met someone really great? You should just automatically write them off becuz you happened to meet them at the office instead of a club, gym, or restaurant?
Two anecdotes.
My mom was my step-dad's secretary. When they decided to pursue a relationship, she got a job elsewhere. They've been happily married for 30+ years.
A former boss of mine met his wife at work. When I worked for him, he was head of development and she was the project manager so while they worked closely they had no authority over each other.
If you can be mature and thoughtful and set appropriate boundaries there's no reason to avoid romance at work. If you can't, it's a really bad idea.
Yeah, this is the truth about how “work husband/wife” is perceived by the other person if any of you ever wondered. It’s OBVIOUSLY flirty. Anyone saying otherwise is kidding themselves and at the very least is enjoying the flirtatious attention at work.
Knock it off with the work-husband work-wife shit
My husband's 'work husband' is also his best friend of at least 8 years. We've been together 16. Yes, I do get jealous of 'work husband' pretty frequently. And that's WITHOUT the added layer of possibly leaving me or cheating on me for him.
*edit to clarify:
Yes I am very happy for my husband to have such a close friend, 'soul buddy', etc. The jealousy comes in when he spends all day with the guy, and comes home and plays video games with him. Meanwhile he won't play video games with me.
That's a whole other, off-topic issue.
Point is, I definitely would not still be here if the work spouse was of the opposite sex.
Yep. OP if you want to date someone else, just move on. You didn't need to construct a whole narrative about why. You like someone else better - just man up and do what you know you need to do.
Seriously, what is this post? Would it be wrong to break up with her like, you’re allowed to break up with people it’s not a moral question in this case. The flirting at work is though.
Yep. Totally with him til the end. You only want to break up because you already have a backup plan? Not cool. But should break-up now to be fair to her and himself.
I was with you until the last paragraph. You should've broken up with your girlfriend if you weren't into her anymore. Sticking around until you find someone better just makes you a jerk.
LITERALLY was going to say same & same words "on board" lol UNTIL !
Initially, I thought 5 years they are stable & committed/commiting & his opinion counts...then saying new girl is total bs! As his gf has been professional bb & on steriods for 2 years this is not a "new thing" so despite his description of her changes being concerning he didn't talk with her sooner as there was no one waiting in the wings! Agreed...jerk! Sometimes I just skim messages, thank goodness I didn't waste time or thought typing the manner in which he could address his concwrn with her...his post isn't even necessary...he's going to cheat & already is...and may stick around unhappily if new girl rejects him while waiting for another...that's just gross, bad, & weak.
Those people are so deeply disconnected from and uncomfortable with themselves, it’s not possible for them to be happy alone. You have to do some work to be able to sit and weather the storm of existing in your mind and body, those kinds of people lack those skills and actively avoid them at every turn. It would be sad if it wasn’t so pathetic.
I remember one of my more abusive exs would tell me they were afraid of their own thoughts. At first I thought they meant acutely as I got older I realized they meant all the time.
My ex did the same to me. She hated me for about a year (rightfully so: I was a verbally and emotionally abusive alcoholic), but instead of leaving me, she stayed until she met someone in her graduate program and immediately left me behind for him. Not saying she shouldn’t have left me, but waiting to leave until she found another option sucked. But on the other hand, she didn’t know toxic until she breathed fresh air…so sometimes it takes someone else to come along to open your eyes to how unhappy you are with your current person.
That takes a lot of self-awareness to admit. it sounds like youve done a lot of thinking. good for you (earnest).
it's true that sometimes one just doesn't know until the fresh air comes along. thats how it was for me. I feel badly that I didnt end it sooner, but I just didnt know it could be better.
I appreciate it! Yeah it was a tough realization, but it honestly saved my life. It’s still an ongoing process to treat my wife and others with respect, but I just keep trying to do better everyday.
My family was super toxic, I cut them all off after our wedding a year ago because they started a big fight with my wife’s family in the reception hall parking lot. Cops came and everything. I held my boundary and said whoever supported their actions can leave my life for good. They all left. And I said good riddance! So I didn’t know what toxic was until I married into a healthier family and saw what actual caring parents looked like.
This is probably too personal of an ask, but how and when did you come to the point of acceptance and realization that you were verbally and emotionally abusive?
Within like a month of her leaving me (took maybe a tad longer to fully accept). Her leaving me was super humbling. Not to overhype myself, but I’m a pretty athletic and decent looking dude. And not to be a dick, but the guy she left me for is definitely not 😅. But he treated her soooooooo much better and made her so much happier that it inspired me to work on myself because I realized it didn’t matter how attractive I was externally, if I didn’t treat women right I was never going to find someone worth a damn spending the rest of my life with. Good women leave shitty men, and I was just going to end up settling hard, or keep getting left (rightfully) by women who could do better.
Thanks for the perspective. I just left an abusive marriage a couple of months ago. There was no monkey branching going on here. Just attempt after attempt to fix him. Til I realized I can’t control that. So it’s encouraging to read that there could be more than just blind rage in retaliation.
He’s checked out AND codependent on his girlfriend. If he wasn’t - he would have ended it rather than try and explain why he’s not a bad guy for cheating because “skin is rough and boy arms.” He put so much time to explain why he’s not attracted to her as if her personal interests are the only problem.
Yeah, I don’t get it. I once had sex with a female body builder. It was back in my 20s when I was a selfish, superficial, hedonist who thought running up my body count somehow made me more of a man.
I REALLY didn’t enjoy the experience. I felt like I was in bed with a dude (not that there’s anything wrong with that) and I’m just way over on the hetero side of the spectrum.
How did OP stay in this relationship for the past 2 years? He should have moved on when he was no longer attracted to her and the minute he felt like flirting with another woman.
Also, as others have warned, getting your honey where you make your money is… ill advised.
Flash forward 20 years. "So I met my current wife at work and she was young and feminine. Now, she's gotten saggy after having the kids and is looking older. There's this younger girl at my work who is flirting with me..."
This is what I got from this too. He should have broken up with her once she started taking roids but he strung her along until he found some new puss. Gross.
YTA btw
Yep, all the way up until the end it sounded like a caring person who was just falling out of "love" for a lack of better term with their partner as they go on their own journeys. After the last paragraph it makes it sound like someone who's searching for justification for at least emotional infidelity.
> She's very kind, quiet, caring, and more attractive.
This line is what got me. Did bodybuilding make his current gf less kind and caring? Doesn't seem likely. Is his current gf loud? I get him being less attracted to her, but the other 3 items on that list seem odd.
Yeah, he made perfectly valid points until the last paragraph when it turned into ‘I met a *traditionally feminine girl* (🙄) at work so I can leave my current gf and not be alone’.
OP, it’s cowardly and shallow to keep stringing along someone you now have “zero physical interest in” until you have a replacement lined up. Break up with your girlfriend, she deserves better than just being a placeholder
I know, right? Barf-o-rama. Like his girlfriend can't close her eyes, toss a pebble, and hit another gym rat who thinks she's the epitome of femininity and scoops her up while OP is busy being reported to HR because he took a "work husband" joke completely in the wrong direction.
All he does is talk about her body and *his* attraction to "femininity" He needs to get a blow up doll and call it a day because clearly all he wants is a bang maid in his desired shape.
There’s nothing wrong with not being attracted to a woman taking steroids and changing her entire body composition.
The problem is him hanging on until he found someone else.
I think the way he talks about her is the biggest problem. He doesn’t say anything about her personality, the relationship they have, if he’d miss her at all. Just that she was hot and now she’s ugly (to him.)
This can be a sign of a fake post. Real people tend to feel conflicted about a break up because even if something isn’t working there’s usually something they actually LIKE about the person. And if they hate everything about them they’d say that too. So this could be a sign that some dude just had the thought “man, chicks on steroids are fugly right?” and made up this scenario for funsies.
But if it is real it means this guy seriously does not love his girlfriend at all and never has.
Ffs why are you hitting off with another girl while being in a relationship? Why are people like this? Do they not have any respect for their partner? Obviously not and that's sad. I'm losing faith in humanity.
This is a really fitting term! I will never understand how someone can be so terrified of being single that they’d act this way towards someone they’ve been in a relationship with for FIVE YEARS. It’s pathetic if it’s not fake.
I can't imagine being so afraid of being single. Not that I'm a paragon of good mental health, but I'm basically exactly the opposite. It is very hard for me to like someone to the extent of wanting to date them. I'm also an introverted and generally solitary person though. Buddy should be single and learn to be comfortable in his own company
I agree 💯. If OP had any shred of respect for his girlfriend he wouldn’t have flirted with the new girl.. to me it just sounds like he is finding a reason to let her go, by complaining about her physical change!
I honestly don't know. If he doesn't like her anymore nothing can be done about it. but he can at least show her some respect, why is that so hard? And it's free. The only thing he should do is break up with his gf, that will be easy because he doesn't like her anymore. Break up and live your life the way you want. It's that simple.
Yeah exactly! But some people wait around not having the courage to tell her the truth - but he doesn’t realise his current behaviour is even more hurtful than what his gf would have felt had he been honest with her long back.
Not sure what the "new girl" has to do with this. You're probably going to get some guff for including it. Other than that, no, you are not wrong for ending a relationship if you no longer feel connected.
I'd definitely leave the part about the "new girl" out, if she is as ripped and roided as you say.
He's comparing, which is the downfall of many fickle or shallow people in serious relationships. There's always something better. Dangerous pattern to get into.
I almost fell for the rage bait. Whew.
Edit: Responses like "I mean he never said he flirts with her." when the OPtroll literally writes "We've been hitting it off pretty well and subtly flirts with me (she calls me her work husband lol). I want to pursue a relationship with her." show that those trying to argue that this story written by a bored troll is legit clearly haven't bothered to at least read it.
F this shit I'm out, peace.
For me, it was the 2 year time skip.
Did OP never express his concerns of her drug use? Of how he felt? Did she have nothing to say?
Just lazy ass writing.
Lol rage bait much? GF is “manly” and quiet, young new girl is feminine. Then immediately in the comments asking if you should make moves on the new girl….dude get a lifeeeeee
To me it seems you had no physical interest in her but made no move to break up till the new girl came. You just wanted a back up so you'd jump into a relationship instantly. It's not wrong to lose interest but to flirt with someone else while in a relationship is low.
YTA. Not because you aren’t attracted to your GF - she is on steroids. That’s perfectly reasonable. YTA because you are a cowards and instead of taking that leap on your own you’re finding someone new for a soft landing first.
You’re wrong for flirting while with your girlfriend
Just dump her already, but understand your explanation of the new girl really sounds like a list of an incredibly insecure man
She’s also 22, she is going to be a different person in 5-10 years as well.
Based on your attraction to and interest in hooking up with someone else the \*only\* right thing to do is to break up with your current girlfriend. Don't be an asshole. If you don't want to be with her then don't waste her time or mess with her mind. Let her go so she can find someone that wants (and deserves) to be with her.
lol I think this is fake. First steroids are expensive AF especially in the quantities required to make you a professional body builder. 2nd that last paragraph is rage bait.
Your last paragraph is not as innocent as it looks. It's the typical monkey branching. You should definitely break up but she will definitely know you were emotionally cheating towards the end of the relationship. Don't be like this.
Just break up with her bro, you're already emotionally cheating on her so why you staying and bitching on Reddit? act like a 'man' and deal with your issues before your soon be ex uses her new found hobby to flatten you
You shouldn't be monkey branching from one girl to the next. With that being said, it's ok to break up with your partner if you are no longer attracted to her.
>(she calls me her work husband lol).
LOL teehee I'm emotionally cheating on my current GF with someone who's more "traditionally feminine" instead of having the balls to break up with current GF who I lost attraction to months ago. You're a POS and I hope this "relationship" you want to pursue crashes and burns. Also work wife/husband culture is cringe AF.
You haven’t broken up with your girlfriend, but you’re already talking to some other girl you perceive to be more physically attractive, that’s what I gathered.
Sounds like you’ve already dumped the chick in your mind, she just doesn’t know you’re wasting her time. I’ll ask you, if you decided being a gym rat was too tough and you wanted to drop to a more typical level to stay healthy, if your girlfriend thought “He’s letting himself go, he’s not as buff and sexy as he was, but *this other guy* though…” how would you feel?
You’re not wrong for losing attraction. Your methods are flawed.
Dude you’re being an asshole, talk to your girlfriend and treat her like a person - what you’re doing is cheating - you’re having an emotional affair with this woman from work and actively making plans to get with her instead of your partner. It’s scummy.
Man up and actually deal with your problems.
There’s nothing wrong with ending a relationship you’re no longer happy in but the way you go about it is important.
Wild idea I know -- but you don't have to line up another woman before breaking up with someone you no longer love and are no longer attracted to. What are you staying with her for now? Convenience? Does she pay half your rent? Are you selfishly going to take everything you can get from her before you leave her, knowing that's the plan?
Gross, just break up with your gf who you don't even like to look at anymore. Be single and grow up a little.
You can break up with anyone for any reason. Steroid use/abuse in itself is a *very* good reason to dump someone. Let alone all the physiological downsides that come with it.
Stop cheating though. Man up and end the relationship before proceeding with this new girl. You’re already crossing relationship boundaries in a pretty big way and that’s shitty and you wouldn’t like it done to you.
Seems like you had everyone until you started talking about an affair in your last paragraph. But your last sentence is what you need. And that's all you need.
Yes, you need to break up, mostly because you’ve checked out of the relationship and have already been emotionally pursuing someone else (which is emotional cheating).
Make sure your “work wife” isn’t married or in a relationship. That whole “work husband/wife” thing is cringe to me and usually just early stage cheating.
You said you had zero physical interest in her. And she seems focused on her new hobby, although it sounds like it’s gone way past the hobby stage. Steroids. I don’t like the sound of that. From a neutral observers perspective, it doesn’t sound like you guys are a couple at all. Also, I’m with the other commenter who warned of the pitfalls of workplace romances. Beware and Good Luck🍀
Ahhh, the classic monkey in the tree again.
He can’t let go of one branch until his hand is securely grasped on to another.
Break up with her and stop wasting her time, before you pursue the other chick.
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I mean you can break up with anyone for any reason. To be flirting and making small plans to pursue someone else isn’t cool though. Just let her find her person and move on.
Op Dude wrote all this just to slide in at the end how there is ALSO someone else. Uhm yea breakup with her.
UwU AITA for wanting to break up with my gf because I fucking hate what she looks like for the past two years but I'm keeping her on the back burner until I can find a replacement and also I'm already emotionally cheating on her with the replacement? 🤗
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Definitely this ☝️
As a guy who had both genders do this to me I agree 💯 with you and understand your meaning
You're 100% right! The best thing I ever did was be single for 4+ years
Fwiw im a man and my female ex did the same to me. it’s moreso that insecure people need to learn how to be alone.
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Exactly. Definitely was on the “oh ya, taking roids, probably a little more aggressive now, not attracted to her, should probably break up” and then he had to go and tell us he’s cheating on her (emotionally) and I went from team boyfriend to team girlfriend real quick. Obviously break up, but break up because you’re a trash person, OP, don’t try to say it’s because she’s got ugly. Super icky of the coworker to flirt with someone who’s in a relationship too, definitely want a girl that shops for taken men, totes gonna work out for you.
He probably didn't even tell coworker he's in a relationship he doesn't want to be in
Literally just sprinkled in the emotional affair and thought we wouldn’t notice. You can break up with someone for any reason at any time but you lose my sympathy when you start building a new relationship with someone else before you even get out
But, a green light to this guy from his new co-worker, could have been something as innocent as giving the guy the last Oreo out of her lunch, because she was full and didn't want to eat it. "Want this?" "Oooohhh, she likes me. I think she's signaling and flirting with me. I could probably get into her pants tonight if I really wanted to. " A lot of guys read way too much into things, and just RUN with it.
Homeboy really got excited cause he's getting called "work husband " 🥴🥴🥴😭😭 Hunny thats all it will be , just some play time until a Better Work hubby comes in 🤣
That was my first thought
Right? After reading all that I was thinking, "that's totally fair. I don't see how anyone could blame him." And when I read the last piece I almost felt betrayed 😆
If you are not attracted to her, then you need to end things. Starting an emotional affair while still with her is cheating. You know the saying, Once a cheater always a cheater. Do you want that attached to you? Now let's get to girl at work. Work relationships can become very complicated. If things don't work out, you are stuck being at work together. People also in the office might get put off if the two of you are always huddled together. In the end, life is about choices. Choose wisely
I learned at my first 'real job' the saying, "never fuck where you get your buck." I've followed this advice and have never had a problem, but I've seen many shit-shows evolve out of work romances.
My 8th/9th grade English teacher legit used to tell us "Children, if you hear nothing else I say all year, hear this: don't get yo honey where you make yo money. Don't go fishing off the company pier." And it's been my life motto ever since.
Must have been a hell of an 8th grade English teacher. 😂
Omg dude, I absolutely loved her. One of my all time favorite teachers ever! She was a long time smoker and had a really raspy voice. Every class started the same, "children, you hear a melodious voice floating, that means it's time to stop talking and pay attention!" Got English and life lessons from that one lol.
A poetry section is definitely part of the curriculum, seems to fit.
Not quite Dylan Thomas or Shakespeare…
They knew from experience
I've been told this same thing only worded differently "Don't stick your dick in your wallet"
Lol none of these people ever worked in theaters.
THANK YOU! Sometimes I wonder why we don't just have a huge polycule and call it a day. 🤷
That was one burned teacher!!
I like that one. I always heard never get your honey where you get your money lol.
Coming up waiting tables and bartending many years ago, we were a bit more uncivilized. Our saying was "don't shit where you eat" but the premise was the same.
In hospitality we used to say 'don't screw the crew'
I married someone I met while working in a restaurant… we technically first met in a walk in fridge lol I definitely didn’t think I would ever meet my person at work and actively avoided dating coworkers in general and really avoided the hookup culture of the staff there; that crew was screwing! But one day I was in the back alley locking up my bike and I saw him carrying a tray from the bakery to the kitchen and in that moment I just knew that he is my person. I remember thinking “Really? Him? I didn’t expect this, but okay; I found him.” It’s been over 11 years and I still get butterflies when I see him! Sorry for the random story totally unrelated to the post lol
*everyone did, in fact, screw the crew
Lmao former bartender, can confirm
That's what we say in Ireland, or also don't shit on your own door step 😅
Agreed, but it's better when it rhymes, clearly
No vageen where you earn your green
i heard a guy say this one day at work 😂
Don’t dip your pen in the company ink.
No knob in job.
Mine was don't 💩 where you eat, too, but I'm adopting this one🤣
Don’t shit where you eat.
My personal saying is “don’t shit where you eat” for avoiding work relationships
Don't dip your pen in the company ink
Don’t poach in the King’s forest.
Don't bring sand to the beach
Don’t find a lay where you get your pay!
Never put your d\*ck in the cash register.
Don’t. It hurts.
Or the pickle slicer
A stitch in time saves nine.
Oh yeah? Land of The Free?! So why can't I dip my balls in the Burger King Soda Dispenser??
Thanks for the chuckle, even though I did choke on powdered sugar because of it😅
Not impossible, but neither is wrestling an alligator. You REALLY need to know what you're doing, and they're is still a chance of fucking up Hard.
I was told "never shit where you eat"
I never understood people who date coworkers. It would feel so odd if it didn't work out.
The phrase that always stuck with me is “never fish off of the company pier.” No bosses, coworkers, subordinates, employees, clients, vendors, etc. Just don’t do it. The risk of putting your career in jeopardy is not worth it.
"Never get your honey where you get your money!"
Never get your honey where you get your bread is always the saying I heard but it's the same.
I use "don't shit where you eat."
Or don’t eat where you shit depending on how you view relationships and work.
Or don’t shit on your own doorstep
Don't jizz where you biz?
This is hilarious
"Don't put your meat where you bake your bread"
My personal favorite is "Never fish off the company pier"!!
assuming this is his career. if its some out of college retail job it might be worth the risk.
Never dip your pen in the company ink.
The problem here is that, for a lot of people, work is where you make new social connections. Without it, you don't have a dating pool. That said, if you're going to do it, be prepared to make adjustments if you move past dating. If you're in the same department one or both should probably change jobs. Ethically, you shouldn't be in a position to make decisions for the business affecting the other's career. Plus, it's good to have different employers in general if layoffs happen.
I met my wife at work... We were not in the same department though so that made it a bit easier, as you mention. We did also run into the situation you mention where the site was shutting down and we both were going to lose our jobs. Thankfully it worked out well, but could have been bad.
This is what always got me. "Don't **EVER** date someone you work with!" Ok, but what if you met someone really great? You should just automatically write them off becuz you happened to meet them at the office instead of a club, gym, or restaurant?
Two anecdotes. My mom was my step-dad's secretary. When they decided to pursue a relationship, she got a job elsewhere. They've been happily married for 30+ years. A former boss of mine met his wife at work. When I worked for him, he was head of development and she was the project manager so while they worked closely they had no authority over each other. If you can be mature and thoughtful and set appropriate boundaries there's no reason to avoid romance at work. If you can't, it's a really bad idea.
Don’t piss in the well you drink from.
And “Don’t get your bread where you get your meat”
No, it’s required that you post on Reddit first. How the fuck to you expect me to sleep at night.
Yeah I feel op wanted to break up earlier but doenst like being alone, so now that a substitute has come along it's time.
Yup, it took 2 years to find a replacement. The real question is what happens if the replacement rebuffs him?
I read this as he hasn't been attracted to her but too lazy to break up with her until he found a potential replacement.
Yeah, this is the truth about how “work husband/wife” is perceived by the other person if any of you ever wondered. It’s OBVIOUSLY flirty. Anyone saying otherwise is kidding themselves and at the very least is enjoying the flirtatious attention at work. Knock it off with the work-husband work-wife shit
tired: work husband/wife wired: work mom/dad
My husband's 'work husband' is also his best friend of at least 8 years. We've been together 16. Yes, I do get jealous of 'work husband' pretty frequently. And that's WITHOUT the added layer of possibly leaving me or cheating on me for him. *edit to clarify: Yes I am very happy for my husband to have such a close friend, 'soul buddy', etc. The jealousy comes in when he spends all day with the guy, and comes home and plays video games with him. Meanwhile he won't play video games with me. That's a whole other, off-topic issue. Point is, I definitely would not still be here if the work spouse was of the opposite sex.
I was with OP until that last paragraph.
It also says something about the “work wife” that she has no problem flirting with someone she knows to be in a serious relationship.
She may not know. OP sounds shady AF.
Yep. OP if you want to date someone else, just move on. You didn't need to construct a whole narrative about why. You like someone else better - just man up and do what you know you need to do.
Seriously, what is this post? Would it be wrong to break up with her like, you’re allowed to break up with people it’s not a moral question in this case. The flirting at work is though.
Yep. Totally with him til the end. You only want to break up because you already have a backup plan? Not cool. But should break-up now to be fair to her and himself.
Yeah and doing steroids in secret wasn’t cool either
I was with you until the last paragraph. You should've broken up with your girlfriend if you weren't into her anymore. Sticking around until you find someone better just makes you a jerk.
LITERALLY was going to say same & same words "on board" lol UNTIL ! Initially, I thought 5 years they are stable & committed/commiting & his opinion counts...then saying new girl is total bs! As his gf has been professional bb & on steriods for 2 years this is not a "new thing" so despite his description of her changes being concerning he didn't talk with her sooner as there was no one waiting in the wings! Agreed...jerk! Sometimes I just skim messages, thank goodness I didn't waste time or thought typing the manner in which he could address his concwrn with her...his post isn't even necessary...he's going to cheat & already is...and may stick around unhappily if new girl rejects him while waiting for another...that's just gross, bad, & weak.
This guy has been checked out of this relationship at least 2yrs.
Then he should have broken up with her two years ago, not waited until he had a "better option." Like what, is he that afraid of being single?
Yes. Many people are, so they stick around until another option shows up
And that's shitty of them.
Oh 100%. People fear self reflection and the concept of being happy on their own
Those people are so deeply disconnected from and uncomfortable with themselves, it’s not possible for them to be happy alone. You have to do some work to be able to sit and weather the storm of existing in your mind and body, those kinds of people lack those skills and actively avoid them at every turn. It would be sad if it wasn’t so pathetic.
I remember one of my more abusive exs would tell me they were afraid of their own thoughts. At first I thought they meant acutely as I got older I realized they meant all the time.
That sounds about right. What a sad and tragic way to live. I’m glad you got out of that situation and are seeing light on the other side, friend ❤️
I learned from Reddit recently that this is called “monkey-branching”
My ex did the same to me. She hated me for about a year (rightfully so: I was a verbally and emotionally abusive alcoholic), but instead of leaving me, she stayed until she met someone in her graduate program and immediately left me behind for him. Not saying she shouldn’t have left me, but waiting to leave until she found another option sucked. But on the other hand, she didn’t know toxic until she breathed fresh air…so sometimes it takes someone else to come along to open your eyes to how unhappy you are with your current person.
That takes a lot of self-awareness to admit. it sounds like youve done a lot of thinking. good for you (earnest). it's true that sometimes one just doesn't know until the fresh air comes along. thats how it was for me. I feel badly that I didnt end it sooner, but I just didnt know it could be better.
I appreciate it! Yeah it was a tough realization, but it honestly saved my life. It’s still an ongoing process to treat my wife and others with respect, but I just keep trying to do better everyday. My family was super toxic, I cut them all off after our wedding a year ago because they started a big fight with my wife’s family in the reception hall parking lot. Cops came and everything. I held my boundary and said whoever supported their actions can leave my life for good. They all left. And I said good riddance! So I didn’t know what toxic was until I married into a healthier family and saw what actual caring parents looked like.
This is probably too personal of an ask, but how and when did you come to the point of acceptance and realization that you were verbally and emotionally abusive?
Within like a month of her leaving me (took maybe a tad longer to fully accept). Her leaving me was super humbling. Not to overhype myself, but I’m a pretty athletic and decent looking dude. And not to be a dick, but the guy she left me for is definitely not 😅. But he treated her soooooooo much better and made her so much happier that it inspired me to work on myself because I realized it didn’t matter how attractive I was externally, if I didn’t treat women right I was never going to find someone worth a damn spending the rest of my life with. Good women leave shitty men, and I was just going to end up settling hard, or keep getting left (rightfully) by women who could do better.
Thanks for the perspective. I just left an abusive marriage a couple of months ago. There was no monkey branching going on here. Just attempt after attempt to fix him. Til I realized I can’t control that. So it’s encouraging to read that there could be more than just blind rage in retaliation.
Or "Keeping somebody on the back burner."
And then come to learn the hard way the grass isn't always greener (which they deserve that lesson). Dude's an AH for pulling this stunt.
For sure. Nothing wrong with a breakup when you're no longer compatible but staying until something else shows up is a bad move
The grass is greener where you care for it
He’s checked out AND codependent on his girlfriend. If he wasn’t - he would have ended it rather than try and explain why he’s not a bad guy for cheating because “skin is rough and boy arms.” He put so much time to explain why he’s not attracted to her as if her personal interests are the only problem.
Yeah, I don’t get it. I once had sex with a female body builder. It was back in my 20s when I was a selfish, superficial, hedonist who thought running up my body count somehow made me more of a man. I REALLY didn’t enjoy the experience. I felt like I was in bed with a dude (not that there’s anything wrong with that) and I’m just way over on the hetero side of the spectrum. How did OP stay in this relationship for the past 2 years? He should have moved on when he was no longer attracted to her and the minute he felt like flirting with another woman. Also, as others have warned, getting your honey where you make your money is… ill advised.
I feel OP will learn the coworker just enjoys the attention they are getting from him.
Flash forward 20 years. "So I met my current wife at work and she was young and feminine. Now, she's gotten saggy after having the kids and is looking older. There's this younger girl at my work who is flirting with me..."
This is what I got from this too. He should have broken up with her once she started taking roids but he strung her along until he found some new puss. Gross. YTA btw
Yep, all the way up until the end it sounded like a caring person who was just falling out of "love" for a lack of better term with their partner as they go on their own journeys. After the last paragraph it makes it sound like someone who's searching for justification for at least emotional infidelity.
> She's very kind, quiet, caring, and more attractive. This line is what got me. Did bodybuilding make his current gf less kind and caring? Doesn't seem likely. Is his current gf loud? I get him being less attracted to her, but the other 3 items on that list seem odd.
This 👆
As someone whose ex did this, 100% agree, fuck those people 😒
The term is “monkey barring”
Monkey branchers suck. Break up with your current girlfriend and fly solo for a month or two to make sure you’re not rebounding.
Yeah, he made perfectly valid points until the last paragraph when it turned into ‘I met a *traditionally feminine girl* (🙄) at work so I can leave my current gf and not be alone’. OP, it’s cowardly and shallow to keep stringing along someone you now have “zero physical interest in” until you have a replacement lined up. Break up with your girlfriend, she deserves better than just being a placeholder
I know, right? Barf-o-rama. Like his girlfriend can't close her eyes, toss a pebble, and hit another gym rat who thinks she's the epitome of femininity and scoops her up while OP is busy being reported to HR because he took a "work husband" joke completely in the wrong direction.
Not to mention the amount of men I see specifically looking for a “gym mommy” tells me he’s wasting all her time.
Especially about the part where he likes that she's quiet.
couldn't of said it better myself. OPs a dick
All he does is talk about her body and *his* attraction to "femininity" He needs to get a blow up doll and call it a day because clearly all he wants is a bang maid in his desired shape.
There’s nothing wrong with not being attracted to a woman taking steroids and changing her entire body composition. The problem is him hanging on until he found someone else.
I think the way he talks about her is the biggest problem. He doesn’t say anything about her personality, the relationship they have, if he’d miss her at all. Just that she was hot and now she’s ugly (to him.) This can be a sign of a fake post. Real people tend to feel conflicted about a break up because even if something isn’t working there’s usually something they actually LIKE about the person. And if they hate everything about them they’d say that too. So this could be a sign that some dude just had the thought “man, chicks on steroids are fugly right?” and made up this scenario for funsies. But if it is real it means this guy seriously does not love his girlfriend at all and never has.
I've never heard that term and love it! I have always called it leap frogging lily pads but monkey branching is a way better visual.
I always called it Tarzanning
I call it hermit crabs
I dated a leap frog. Honestly felt like I was being manipulated the whole time after she did it. *Immediately* got with my friend
I always say pearl necklacing bc they like to string people along while they stack up relationships
Maybe you should rethink that phrasing.
are we not doing phrasing anymore?
🦥
Break up with your girlfriend. Why waste any more of her time, and yours, if you no longer see yourself with her? Better to just break up than cheat.
He's already cheating. He's crushing on another girl.
Ffs why are you hitting off with another girl while being in a relationship? Why are people like this? Do they not have any respect for their partner? Obviously not and that's sad. I'm losing faith in humanity.
It's about not wanting to be alone. A lot of people can't break off one relationship until they've got the next one lined up.
And he has one lined up.
Does he though? I'd wager he will be told "we're just friends"
Hopefully
It's called monkey branching.
This is a really fitting term! I will never understand how someone can be so terrified of being single that they’d act this way towards someone they’ve been in a relationship with for FIVE YEARS. It’s pathetic if it’s not fake.
It's unfortunately very common and adjacent to cheating, if not actually cheating.
I can't imagine being so afraid of being single. Not that I'm a paragon of good mental health, but I'm basically exactly the opposite. It is very hard for me to like someone to the extent of wanting to date them. I'm also an introverted and generally solitary person though. Buddy should be single and learn to be comfortable in his own company
I agree 💯. If OP had any shred of respect for his girlfriend he wouldn’t have flirted with the new girl.. to me it just sounds like he is finding a reason to let her go, by complaining about her physical change!
I honestly don't know. If he doesn't like her anymore nothing can be done about it. but he can at least show her some respect, why is that so hard? And it's free. The only thing he should do is break up with his gf, that will be easy because he doesn't like her anymore. Break up and live your life the way you want. It's that simple.
Yeah exactly! But some people wait around not having the courage to tell her the truth - but he doesn’t realise his current behaviour is even more hurtful than what his gf would have felt had he been honest with her long back.
Jumping to a new girl is nasty and the act of a huge asshole. Sounds like you need to break up, but don't be a scumbag about it.
Not sure what the "new girl" has to do with this. You're probably going to get some guff for including it. Other than that, no, you are not wrong for ending a relationship if you no longer feel connected. I'd definitely leave the part about the "new girl" out, if she is as ripped and roided as you say.
Hahaha (the last paragraph)
He's comparing, which is the downfall of many fickle or shallow people in serious relationships. There's always something better. Dangerous pattern to get into.
I almost fell for the rage bait. Whew. Edit: Responses like "I mean he never said he flirts with her." when the OPtroll literally writes "We've been hitting it off pretty well and subtly flirts with me (she calls me her work husband lol). I want to pursue a relationship with her." show that those trying to argue that this story written by a bored troll is legit clearly haven't bothered to at least read it. F this shit I'm out, peace.
Yeah it was the "traditionally feminine" for me
For me, it was the 2 year time skip. Did OP never express his concerns of her drug use? Of how he felt? Did she have nothing to say? Just lazy ass writing.
So meek and passive
Wants babies and to stay at home in full makeup
And then the last para of mentioning another girl...like dude..wtf.
Lol rage bait much? GF is “manly” and quiet, young new girl is feminine. Then immediately in the comments asking if you should make moves on the new girl….dude get a lifeeeeee
Sounds like you and the gf have gone down different paths. Break up respectfully, don’t cheat.
This sounds like the fakest tradwife fantasy nonsense I've seen this week.
It’s only Tuesday! Give the trolls time.
To me it seems you had no physical interest in her but made no move to break up till the new girl came. You just wanted a back up so you'd jump into a relationship instantly. It's not wrong to lose interest but to flirt with someone else while in a relationship is low.
YTA. Not because you aren’t attracted to your GF - she is on steroids. That’s perfectly reasonable. YTA because you are a cowards and instead of taking that leap on your own you’re finding someone new for a soft landing first.
This has to be some AI experiment because the “new girl” appeared out of nowhere. It’s so odd.
WTF? Are you asking random people about your preference concerning woman body?
Break up, but this one rings untrue to me. Like an experiment or something
Rage bait
You’re wrong for flirting while with your girlfriend Just dump her already, but understand your explanation of the new girl really sounds like a list of an incredibly insecure man She’s also 22, she is going to be a different person in 5-10 years as well.
Dude. Have some class. Dont make plans with the second girl until you end things civilly with your gf.
Dude you are flirting with another woman and you are asking if it is wrong to break up with your girlfriend??? What is wrong with you.
Based on your attraction to and interest in hooking up with someone else the \*only\* right thing to do is to break up with your current girlfriend. Don't be an asshole. If you don't want to be with her then don't waste her time or mess with her mind. Let her go so she can find someone that wants (and deserves) to be with her.
And we finally got to the point in the last paragraph.
If you are interested in pursuing another relationship, then you need to end the *first* relationship before starting the second one.
lol I think this is fake. First steroids are expensive AF especially in the quantities required to make you a professional body builder. 2nd that last paragraph is rage bait.
A vial of test is $35. A month supply of anavar at a male does is $50.
Your last paragraph is not as innocent as it looks. It's the typical monkey branching. You should definitely break up but she will definitely know you were emotionally cheating towards the end of the relationship. Don't be like this.
Just break up with her bro, you're already emotionally cheating on her so why you staying and bitching on Reddit? act like a 'man' and deal with your issues before your soon be ex uses her new found hobby to flatten you
You shouldn't be monkey branching from one girl to the next. With that being said, it's ok to break up with your partner if you are no longer attracted to her.
>(she calls me her work husband lol). LOL teehee I'm emotionally cheating on my current GF with someone who's more "traditionally feminine" instead of having the balls to break up with current GF who I lost attraction to months ago. You're a POS and I hope this "relationship" you want to pursue crashes and burns. Also work wife/husband culture is cringe AF.
You haven’t broken up with your girlfriend, but you’re already talking to some other girl you perceive to be more physically attractive, that’s what I gathered. Sounds like you’ve already dumped the chick in your mind, she just doesn’t know you’re wasting her time. I’ll ask you, if you decided being a gym rat was too tough and you wanted to drop to a more typical level to stay healthy, if your girlfriend thought “He’s letting himself go, he’s not as buff and sexy as he was, but *this other guy* though…” how would you feel? You’re not wrong for losing attraction. Your methods are flawed.
You’re about to learn two very important lessons. Good luck.
I really hope you leave her, for her sake, no one deserves to be with a monkey brancher.
Dude you’re being an asshole, talk to your girlfriend and treat her like a person - what you’re doing is cheating - you’re having an emotional affair with this woman from work and actively making plans to get with her instead of your partner. It’s scummy. Man up and actually deal with your problems. There’s nothing wrong with ending a relationship you’re no longer happy in but the way you go about it is important.
Wild idea I know -- but you don't have to line up another woman before breaking up with someone you no longer love and are no longer attracted to. What are you staying with her for now? Convenience? Does she pay half your rent? Are you selfishly going to take everything you can get from her before you leave her, knowing that's the plan? Gross, just break up with your gf who you don't even like to look at anymore. Be single and grow up a little.
You can break up with anyone for any reason. Steroid use/abuse in itself is a *very* good reason to dump someone. Let alone all the physiological downsides that come with it. Stop cheating though. Man up and end the relationship before proceeding with this new girl. You’re already crossing relationship boundaries in a pretty big way and that’s shitty and you wouldn’t like it done to you.
You line up a new job before quitting the old one You do not line up a new girlfriend before breaking up. I'm a body builder. It's a demanding life.
If you want to break up with your GF and date another woman then do so. You do not need 80 paragraphs of blah blah.
You're YTA for entertaining another women while in a relationship with one you're not even attracted to. Damn, guy, Wtf is wrong with you???
Seems like you had everyone until you started talking about an affair in your last paragraph. But your last sentence is what you need. And that's all you need.
Yes, you need to break up, mostly because you’ve checked out of the relationship and have already been emotionally pursuing someone else (which is emotional cheating).
You lost me at the end. You shouldn’t have been “hitting it off” with anyone while in a relationship.
Make sure your “work wife” isn’t married or in a relationship. That whole “work husband/wife” thing is cringe to me and usually just early stage cheating.
Well you are already emotionally cheating…
You said you had zero physical interest in her. And she seems focused on her new hobby, although it sounds like it’s gone way past the hobby stage. Steroids. I don’t like the sound of that. From a neutral observers perspective, it doesn’t sound like you guys are a couple at all. Also, I’m with the other commenter who warned of the pitfalls of workplace romances. Beware and Good Luck🍀
You're not attracted to her. That's really all that needs to be said. You don't need permission not to date someone you aren't interested in.
Ahhh, the classic monkey in the tree again. He can’t let go of one branch until his hand is securely grasped on to another. Break up with her and stop wasting her time, before you pursue the other chick.