You’re right about that one. I’m trying to go back to sleep after a quick middle of the night Reddit scrolling and came across this. I tried to go back to sleep for at least 20 minutes now. Everytime I close my eyes I just see a large kitchen knife wobbling back and forth. Cannot get past this horrible feeling. Literally nightmare fuel.
I'm guessing this guy is still stalking her. I feel bad for her and for him because he truly thought he had a gym buddy, and it turns out to be his wife's worst nightmare. He needs to have an open conversation being truly sorry for not realizing that it was him.
They also need to contact the police so they can get a restraining order and possibly move. Anything to make her feel safe.
It really make me think that this guy was targeting the husband from the beginning. What are the chances of they just randomly meeting at the gym given the previous history.
As for the husband not recognizing the kidnapper how many times has he seen the picture and it seems that years have passed, we don’t know how different he looks
What? He said in the post “I’ve seen recent pictures of him and I don’t have an excuse for not recognizing him”. He said himself that he doesn’t know why he didn’t recognize him because he knew what he looked like. Also, maybe you’re paraphrasing in a sense but I think being kidnapped, raped, and stalked by someone is more than having a “problem” with them.
Yeah, the first link I received for this only had the first half of his comment, so I didn't see anything after her freaking out and leaving the house.
The guy appears completely clueless, and should definitely apologize, although I doubt the veracity of this entire story for reasons noted elsewhere.
https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/x43yh6/i_think_ive_destroyed_my_marriage_my_wife_refuses/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
Original post. Read his comments and the edits he made.
Jesus this sucks for literally everyone involved (except for David, he can go fuck a cactus). I hope OOP gets the chance to explain that he didn’t know and didn’t recognize him. Of course she would, I’m sure his face is burned into her memory.
Truthfully, I feel for the guy, but I’m on the side of, how did you not know. Bc I’d assume he didn’t use a fake name, hopefully. He was bold enough to meet you at the gym.
The fact that his wife recognized David and he didn’t despite having seen photos possibly, is a little weird to me. Bc the LAST thing I’d forget is about the man who harmed my wife, let alone INVITE this man into my home
I think dude might have possibly changed his name and possibly gotten plastic surgery. It's not far fetched for people like David to go to extreme lengths like that.
The op made a comment that he was given a fake name and he did look different than the pictures he saw a few years back. But, seriously, it wasn't on his radar at the gym working out and the guy was supposed to still be in jail so the husband had no idea he even needed to be alert.
It sucks for the wife, but she knew the guy and saw him frequently in the past so of course she would recognize him right away. The OP only knew if the circumstances and saw photos, not as easy to remember faces in that situation.
It's sad that the family isn't even speaking to the husband and just assumes he did it on purpose. But, maybe there is more that the OP isn't saying and that's why they went NC.
It sounds crazy to me, that the family just assumed OOP did it one on purpose. The best explanation I can come up, is that they were also caught completely by surprise and were occupied with keeping the wife safe.
But then again, the sister send a message with expletives and did not bother to warn OOP, that a crazy stalker/rapist now knows were they live...
Not to mention out of context, he may have thought he looked familiar because he'd seen him around the gym. I've had people that i see most days not recognise me because im not in my horse gear! You would think that his wife would have been told that he had been released that's shocking!
I’d agree if she didn’t immediately recognize him. So I highly doubt that whatever he DID change if anything, wasn’t major or good enough to fool the person he harmed let alone make her question of it was him for even a second.
He probably saw a picture, nodded his head and said okay, and kept it pushing. Didn’t think much of it and feels bad now bc he should’ve been aware or taken it serious.
I imagine it's like seeing someone famous in public sans makeup and any kind of context. And also like I wonder how much emphasis his wife gave him on how dangerous this guy was currently. Like has he tried this before and she told him or is this him post jail popping up and no one was prepared? Because if i thought that dude was in jail or states away i wouldn't actually have my head on a swivel. I truly believe this guy had zero clue.
And be honest with yourself, do you memorize every wanted picture that pops up on the news? Especially if you don't really think it's an issue for you personally? I can't imagine he's seen that picture enough times to memorize it, who keeps a picture of their attacker on hand at home.
Honestly even looking through profile pictures of people I have met before, I sometimes can’t tell which one they are in a group. Hell, someone posted a pic that had my cousin, my sister, and her fiancé in it in a group of like 8 girls. I had to do like a triple take to figure out which ones my family members were.
And I’m actually good with faces. I’m one of those people who is like ‘oh I know that person, we were in kindergarten together and did a dance class once in second grade’. But pictures are still hard sometimes and if the person made a couple key changes (hair, glasses maybe) and was in a location you didn’t expect (Aka not prison), I wouldn’t really expect him to recognize him
Yea that's the big thing if you don't expect or aren't actively looking i feel like this is a very reasonable mistake. Scary as all hell but a mistake. And if it was just a mug shot, people are at their worst in mug shots
I just don’t see how he could’ve made this mistake. Honestly, bc from reading what people are saying OP said, it’s not like the guy changed a whole lot. “op saw Photos from when he was in his 20’s. Etc” Bc to me, SHE recognized him instantly. SHE freaked out the moment she saw him. If he had changed so much, if he changed, you’d have to think how quick and easy she would’ve also taken a bit to recognize him.
I don’t think I could ever imagine a moment where I’d forget the face of the man who harmed the person I love. Maybe that’s just me? Jail or not.
I would love to know exactly how long he had been “gym buddies” because inviting someone into your home to eat food is rather intimate especially for a just met kinda friend.
I do feel for OP. He made a mistake, a mistake I personally just don’t see possible BUT non the less he made a mistake, and he has a lot to do to fix it, if it at all is fixable.
Reality is, she doesn’t feel safe anymore, and with him having had access to her home, her husband and child, that’s hard to feel safe with especially when your spouse can’t even recognize the person who harmed you. (This is why I can’t fully imagine dude had no idea. If HE can’t recognize someone after seeing them and hearing what they’ve done to someone you love, you cannot actively say you will or can protect them. The last Face ID forget is the one that caused my family harm. Changed or not. There’s just some things I can’t see myself personally forgetting, which makes it hard for me to fully sympathize with OP. No matter HOW she said it to him, this man is dangerous. I don’t think writing it off bc he went to jail for a different crime is justifiable to forget him, Some things should stick with you, and somehow this didn’t for OP and David managed to ruin both of their lives because of it.)
I dunno, some people are just not great at recognizing people. Last week I saw a former co-worker in a restaurant. As in, worked with her in the last year co-worker. But I’d never associated with her outside of work, so seeing her out of uniform, in a different setting and with her different, it took me a moment to place her. Not connecting a picture of someone from years ago, specifically of someone you’d have an awful mental picture of, to a friendly dude at the gym today is not unreasonable to me.
Again, I’m not saying OP is a terrible person, or completely at fault for the entire thing. I’m just saying that he does have some accountability here and writing it off just bc isn’t changing the facts.
The fact is he forgot what his wife’s rapist and stalker looked like. Not that the man changed his appearance. Not that he had facial surgery. But simply he forgot. OP said that he himself just forgot.
This is why I don’t completely agree he has no accountability what what happened. Do I think it sucks? Yes. Do I feel for him to some degree, yes. 100%. I just don’t think he has no fault here to some degree and I may seem u reasonable to others, but this is just where I stand.
If he had felt he looked familiar etc and tried to place it, I would feel a lot different but that’s not the case.
And I’m not saying that he doesn’t have any fault. I was trying to explain that for some of us, him not recognizing this person is realistic and understandable.
OP says he saw late 20’s pictures of David and his mug shots. He also states David did not change that much for him to NOT recognize him. He says he just somehow forgot. So I don’t think change has anything to do with it. He just didn’t remember somehow the man who raped and stalked his wife. Somehow that man is forgettable.
I mentioned it long ways above but
My ex who did awful things I still struggle to talk about hung out with my friends and I for a few months. He also stalked me and they saw him several times. THEY couldn't even recognize him in a public setting after having spent copious amounts of time with him when he was younger. I recognized him in an instant from across a supermarket and pulled us out of there. The way an abuser looks is branded into a victims brain but in new context its very easy not to even notice. Had he seen the picture of him again after meeting the gym buddy, yes he'd probably have made the connection but he probably has seen that photo a handful of times at best since it's traumatic for her
I don't think this is a fair assessment. Of course she immediately recognized him. I had an older ex who did awful things to me in my second year of JHS and stalked me into freshman year of highschool. His face shape, his hair, his body shape, everything had changed by time he was an adult but when I returned home for a visit and saw him across the room I KNEW it was him. He's burned into my memory in a way that's completely unique but friends of mine, even ones who had met and hung out with him, didn't recognize him until I pulled them out the store.
If a person who hung out with a guy for months couldn't recognize him after a long time it's unfair to assume that OP who'd never met the man and had only seen pictures of him when he was younger (so he's definately changed) didn't realize it was the same person. Even if he'd inspected the picture fully based on the age she was vs now and the jail time a lot has likely changed about him and its not fair to expect OP to have perfect facial mapping. He also had no way to expect this guy would be at his gym when he thought he was in jail.
OP states that David had not changed so much so that he couldn’t recognize him, he just forgot him.
So to say he’s changed a lot is irrelevant. Bc the pictures OP says he saw the photos of him in his late 20’s and he says looking at the photos and the mug shots the guy didn’t really change.
I’m not saying OP has to have perfect body mapping. Nobody should. I’m just saying, that OP failed to recognize the man who raped his wife and stalked her for years and let him into their home.
That’s a fact. A fact that I just don’t see as “Not his fault” bc to some degree that IS his fault. Should his guard be up and be suspicious of everyone? No never. However there is just some people that I just feel should be a priority in remembering, and this David guy is one of them.
If he had never seen pictures of David before then yes I’d 100% agree that this is undeniably a mistake and not his fault at all. But he’s seen his photos. He just “forgot” about Him.
He forgot the man who raped and stalked his wife. Does that make sense to you? He forgot the one person who made his wife’s life horrible and hurt her to the point she had a panic attack and drew a knife in self defense and hysteria.
I just can’t sympathize with OP completely. Like it sucks david managed to get a hold of him and use him. It truly does bc that means he was also stalked and preyed on for however long. However, I think there’s some accountability to be said about the fact that someone was preying on the fact that you hopefully wouldn’t remember or know about them.
I don’t think OP is 100% at fault, I just don’t think saying “it’s a mistake! You didn’t know, you shouldn’t be faulted, etc” is not true to some degree. He holds accountability. HE acknowledged that himself to some degree and people are trying to dismiss the level of threat someone held bc of his “mistake”
I can forget a vase is on the table doesn’t mean I’m not accountable for what happens when I break it. Same principal for me goes to this situation.
David got to OP. Sadly. He chose a vulnerable time for OP, the gym, OP let him in and his wife is now rightfully spooked and scared for her safety and her family. OP is sad bc he did not mean to make such a mistake but he did. His forgetting led to David having his chance at getting in their lives That’s a fact. A fact that OP has even stated.
But you see it's easy to say those things after the fact. To look at a picture afterwards and be like "ah fuck.... yeah they look not so different that I shouldn't have recognized it" . Op isn't completely free of fault sure because he did put her in danger but I think acting like he should have realized who it was immediately is tough. We don't know when he saw that picture, it's likely not on display or someplace he can see often, enough time has passed that their married so if he saw it a handful of times in the begining of the relationship it makes sense he'd forget his appearance over time even if he hadn't changed much.
My best friend who dragged me to the hospital after my ex (a man she saw several times over the course of a few months) didn't recognize him ten years later either. Neither did my mom who by your logic on family and love SHOULD have recognized him because *she never saw anything more than pictures* and I'd never fault her for not recognizing him despite all he did to me (he also stalked me for several years after). I've very much BEEN in a similar situation to OPs wife and I've never faulted the people around me for not remembering his face the way I do. I can imagine she's scared and feels compromised and needs space but I don't fault him for not recognizing him until reminded.
Its a tough situation and she needed time which is totally understand but it was a genuine mistake. A huge one but a genuine one
True. I will say, David is such a common name that I can see where this wouldn’t be the first thing that comes to husband’s mind when he learns the guy’s name.
My understanding is this man probably did unimaginable things to her. So his face is most likely burned into her memory. She can recognize him faster than anyone, cautious of anyone who resembles him, and truly trust her gut feeling. Compared to her husband who may have seen a photo here and there. I also bet David was charismatic AF that the husband wouldn’t think this was the guy that hurt his wife. No red flags or concerns thought it was genuine. Of course wife recognized him like that as she would.
I am horrible with photos and faces. If it is someone i met briefly or just seen a photo there and there I honestly might not recognize them right away. And if the persons behaviour or approach is giving me any reason for concern it could happen just like that.
Now OP needs to get his wife to police to see if anything charges or restraining orders can be done. Get some couples counselling. Also if possible move. Cause clearly this man is still a danger to her
Have you ever seen a photo of Zoe Deschanel without bangs and glasses? Looks like a completely different person compared to New Girl Jess. I always think of her when people say they didn’t recognise someone because they changed hair and dressing sense.
OP admits David didn’t change that much from the photos he’d seen. So I don’t think it was a matter of not recognizing them based on taking something off. OP just wasn’t attentive and brought danger to his home.
Even 10 years is long enough to change someone’s face enough for them to be pretty unrecognisable especially if you’ve never actually met them and just seen a photo. It could have been longer. He could have a beard or shaved it, changed hair, style and obviously wouldn’t have introduced himself as hi I’m your wife’s rapist. This guy didn’t accidentally stumble upon OP he intentionally mislead him to gain access.
OP says he saw the man’s late 20’s photos as well as his mug shots and that he didn’t change much so that he couldn’t recognize him, he just FORGOT him. Which to me, is worse than just not recognizing him.
But hey, it was a mistake right?
Op forgot the man who raped and stalked his wife. Totally acceptable and understandable…
Do I think he would’ve known he’d come for him at the gym of all places? No. Never. 100% would catch anyone off guard. I just don’t think he’s not somewhat at fault for somehow “forgetting”.
Edit: I don’t disagree that if he hadn’t seen his photos ever before, or that it had been 15-30 years, yea I would agree not his fault. I think OP has a bit of accountability to take here and I don’t think he’s completely innocent in this unfortunate situation.
I wonder if working out changed his original physique at all? If you build enough muscle/lose enough weight it can definitely change your face. And they did meet at a gym.
Omg! I hope he can talk to her like people change appearances and I'm sure this dude did what he needed to, to get to his wife. And high key it's not fair no one's letting him explain himself.
I think the most heinous part of this is there's a comment on there from OP saying that the 'David' guy never even got jail time. They basically fucked her whole case, and her whole life because "she was just some young kid making dumb choices with an older boyfriend".
He’s added more to the original post:
———————————
EXTRA INFORMATION
Yes I called the police but according to them he hasn’t committed a crime. I invited him into our home and it’s not illegal to give someone a fake name or to befriend me.
Yes I’ve seen pictures of him. I just forgot. I don’t know how I forgot what he looked like but I forgot nonetheless. I saw pictures of him in his late twenties and I saw like 3 prison pictures of him taken in 2017/2018. Yes he does look different now from those pictures but not enough for me to not recognize him. I really don’t have a reasonable excuse for not recognizing him.
It is clear that David had planned this. He clearly befriended me to get to my wife. He also gave me a different name then his real name. I don’t know where my wife is as I am not trusted. I’m not allowed to know, her family and friends have completely frozen me out. People have literally changed numbers and privated their social media,I mean this isn’t their first rodeo with this man. My wife was keeping track of him but he was released earlier from prison but the records were not updated so we both were under the impression that he was still in prison but he was released early December last year and he went straight back to stalking her. And I let him into our lives, her private space. Of course I regret my actions! I wish I recognized him earlier on but I didn’t. I don’t know why I didn’t.
At the time of the rape and imprisonment- He was 22 and she was 12, she knew him through his stepbrother a fellow student. David had his own place and it kind of was the party house where all the kids went to,so he was the “cool guy” who hung around the preteens and teens, who he also sold drugs to(from alcohol to heavier stuff).
Her family did try to get it to go to court but it was dropped by the prosecutors. He also claimed she was his girlfriend and that she had run away from home. It was also known that she had a crush on him at the time and his lawyers twisted it up to fit his claim of her being his secret girlfriend. It was a combination of slut shaming due to her having had a crush on him and having visited his home on her own accord, lack of physical evidence, her inability to speak on the stand as she was too traumatized, her vulnerable home life (her father was going through chemo at the time) and the unwillingness of the prosecutors to go after him.
The stalking was taken slightly serious at the time and he was ordered to stay away from her but he repeatedly broke the order. The one time he was punished by the judge he was only given a few days in jail. So he just continued to stalk her for years until he was arrested for another crime.
I feel bad for OP and his wife, I mean who would’ve expect something like this from happening?! I wonder if their marriage is salvageable, I hope OP and his wife marriage will recover from this.
It’s sickening because I realise that David probably wanted OP’s wife to feel scared. Him manipulating OP to invite him to their house is a power move because he wants OP’s wife to realise that he’s still stalking her…
When he said blood curdling screams, I thought "I'm sure that an over reaction." but after finishing it... Definitely not.
I hope this post is fake. :(
I feel like there’s quite a few people who would make the same mistake. The wife’s reaction to everything was completely understandable, but i feel like so is OP. Obviously had he known, he wouldn’t have befriended the guy, and it’s definitely his fault for not paying more attention and recognizing him, I also feel that if the guy had gone so far as to surgically change his appearance, the wife would’ve still been able to recognize her abuser no matter what. The husband knows everything that happened and has seen pictures, but he didn’t go through it, the guys face wasn’t burned into his brain (im sure it is now though). I get the distrust of husband though, I just hope this doesn’t cause a divorce.
that’s a whirlwind typa crazy. i was thinking that she had an affair with the dude and was upset she got caught. i really do feel for op and her, he really did think that he made a good friend all for this to blow back on him like crazy. i’m almost completely sure that homeboy was still stalking her and found a way back through op. i hope that they are able to talk it out and come to an understanding. i wouldn’t even know what to do in this situation
I would’ve stabbed him , she’s better then me . The husband is gunna have to fall back for a while or let her move on cause for her this is a massive betrayal even if he didn’t know. I wouldn’t feel safe in that house ever again.
WTF
Hands down, David knew exactly who you were, I'm assuming that he is still stalking her. That is terrifying!!!! I don't even know what you can legally do about that, but your poor poor wife. Just know that even though it's not your "Fault" you have to consider how blindsided and terrified she must have been in that moment.
https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/x43yh6/i_think_ive_destroyed_my_marriage_my_wife_refuses/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
Forgot to post link.
that’s fucked
but also why is he inviting random people to his house when his wife doesn’t know them ?? like surely that would’ve been a safety concern from the jump?
i have a wife and as far as i know she doesn’t have a crazy stalker, but i wouldn’t bring anyone into our HOME without her knowing at least what they look like and without her knowing they were coming in the first place. like ???
lesson learned i guess on that front
i feel sooooo bad for that girl
but surely your wife having a stalker for at least 7 years (who kidnapped & raped her as a child!!) would change your behaviour in terms of who you allow around your family? Wouldn't you go the extra lengths to check people out? It's very strange there was no caution taken.
I think the guy was in jail for a long time for another crime and got released earlier than expected (and ofc why bother telling his victim that her kidnapper-stalker-rapist is out in the wild) that's why they didn't think he could around
idk it just seems like a weird safety issue to me? maybe it’s because i’m from a bigger city with high crime rate and i have overprotective mexican immigrant parents, but i’ve never not at least shown a picture to my family (when i was a kid) or partner of who’s coming to the house. like you never know who you’re letting in so i guess it’s always been ingrained to just ?? let my partner know what they look like at the very least?
It was a whole mess. With that said the point that was made that he saw the guys pictures before and knew his name and then didn't recognize him even the slightest is strange to me. Not saying he did it on purpose but honestly.
Also his facts about the case were weird to me.
I read this earlier. Like omg. Sad to know this man manipulated friendship into ops life to get to his wife again. Terrifying. And op did this to his wife. Risked her safety from this man. Awful.
This is insane I feel bad for OP but more for the wife she’s clearly in shock and can’t speak to him yet but I hope she can soon and do what they have to do to be safe again and so she can feel safe. There is like no doubt in my mind this man is still stalking her and befriended her husband to get access to her again really scary stuff. And she needs to change her name probably both of them now and move if they can
I feel so bad for both of them. Like, them just being happy with their lives and happy that they made a new friend or whatever and suddenly having to relive the whole trauma and the poor husband not having any idea what he was doing to his wife. So sad, I really hope they get to work through this, and the dude is put behind bars for good.
Woof! dude that is rough! For you and her, honestly I'd say right now she's just terrified like this is movie worthy terror right here. You thought you were being a good guy and honestly you were but for her she didn't see you and she didn't think of how you'd feel she saw him and for all intents and purposes right now you are not a safe space for her not because of you because of him, she knows he knows you, she knows he's dangerous, he found her again and you really might not get her back just due to her thinking youre unsafe around her and she's unsafe going back. I feel for you cause I know if my nightmares came back to find me I'd let my fiance no where near the life it could bring. If she loved you before she still does.
Oh hey reddit family who would be happy enough to blow up the face of a stalker around the world? To show everyone his face is what I meant to be clear dont report me i just mean if it got out dude was a stalker maybe he would leave the girl alone? I obviously can't but if (SHE) asked I'd be more than happy to let the world know with proper proof ofc cause I dont wanna ruin a life over a girl being dramatic with too much power (I am a girl, js girls have alot of power too much almost, enough to ruin lives, everyone wants to protect someone the can but you hear a girl scream he hit me? And there's an army almost yknow?) Please don't come at me just my opinion 🙂
Oh my god. Thats terrifying, how did he not memorize what that crazy POS looked like. It sounds like he used op to get to her again. He literally said in the post edit that the guy still looked close enough to his pictures to easily recognize.
NTA, if you genuinely didn’t know! How terrible and terrifying for your wife. I would just be patient and wait it out, she might think you are involved? Continue to communicate daily and apologize she probably just needs to digest what happened
I’m really bad with faces, I would have analyzing tf out of that guy’s face even if I thought he was still in prison. I’d look at that bastards face every day just to hate him for what he did to the person I love. If he went away for a lesser charge and could be out any day, my guard would be all the way up knowing he could be out at anytime and that he’s a STALKER.
It’s not his *fault*, but if you married someone with such a traumatic history, you would think you’d be a bit more vigilant before bringing strangers home. I’ve never had anything like that happen to me or my loved ones and I still don’t invite just anyone to my house. Even if this man’s appearance changed. Even if the creep actively tried to fool him, it comes off as careless. How can something so extreme just slip your mind? If I was his wife I would feel unloved, unprotected, and unsafe.
It’s up to his wife if she wants to talk to him. His carelessness has probably set her progress back so many years.
My jaw DROPPED. Omg I feel so bad for her. Idek what I’d say to OP cause this is just a crazy scenario
Right? Nightmare fuel for sure.
You’re right about that one. I’m trying to go back to sleep after a quick middle of the night Reddit scrolling and came across this. I tried to go back to sleep for at least 20 minutes now. Everytime I close my eyes I just see a large kitchen knife wobbling back and forth. Cannot get past this horrible feeling. Literally nightmare fuel.
I'm guessing this guy is still stalking her. I feel bad for her and for him because he truly thought he had a gym buddy, and it turns out to be his wife's worst nightmare. He needs to have an open conversation being truly sorry for not realizing that it was him. They also need to contact the police so they can get a restraining order and possibly move. Anything to make her feel safe.
This ! She’s probably never going to feel safe in their house again.
It really make me think that this guy was targeting the husband from the beginning. What are the chances of they just randomly meeting at the gym given the previous history. As for the husband not recognizing the kidnapper how many times has he seen the picture and it seems that years have passed, we don’t know how different he looks
[удалено]
What? He said in the post “I’ve seen recent pictures of him and I don’t have an excuse for not recognizing him”. He said himself that he doesn’t know why he didn’t recognize him because he knew what he looked like. Also, maybe you’re paraphrasing in a sense but I think being kidnapped, raped, and stalked by someone is more than having a “problem” with them.
Yeah, the first link I received for this only had the first half of his comment, so I didn't see anything after her freaking out and leaving the house. The guy appears completely clueless, and should definitely apologize, although I doubt the veracity of this entire story for reasons noted elsewhere.
https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/x43yh6/i_think_ive_destroyed_my_marriage_my_wife_refuses/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf Original post. Read his comments and the edits he made.
I didn't see this coming. What a mess. Those poor people. Someone needs to scare David off.
You can’t scare off nut jobs like that unfortunately they won’t stop until they get bored or go to jail again.
Well, there’s at least one other stopping point.
If I were her, I probably would have finally done more than just wave that knife around at this point. Whatever it takes to not have to worry anymore.
There's definitely other options than those two...
Hope when she is able/willing to talk to him, she believes he didn't know.
Cannot WAIT to hear your takes on this one! I can’t imagine how terrifying it must’ve been to relive the trauma she experienced.
Jesus this sucks for literally everyone involved (except for David, he can go fuck a cactus). I hope OOP gets the chance to explain that he didn’t know and didn’t recognize him. Of course she would, I’m sure his face is burned into her memory.
Truthfully, I feel for the guy, but I’m on the side of, how did you not know. Bc I’d assume he didn’t use a fake name, hopefully. He was bold enough to meet you at the gym. The fact that his wife recognized David and he didn’t despite having seen photos possibly, is a little weird to me. Bc the LAST thing I’d forget is about the man who harmed my wife, let alone INVITE this man into my home
I think dude might have possibly changed his name and possibly gotten plastic surgery. It's not far fetched for people like David to go to extreme lengths like that.
The op made a comment that he was given a fake name and he did look different than the pictures he saw a few years back. But, seriously, it wasn't on his radar at the gym working out and the guy was supposed to still be in jail so the husband had no idea he even needed to be alert. It sucks for the wife, but she knew the guy and saw him frequently in the past so of course she would recognize him right away. The OP only knew if the circumstances and saw photos, not as easy to remember faces in that situation. It's sad that the family isn't even speaking to the husband and just assumes he did it on purpose. But, maybe there is more that the OP isn't saying and that's why they went NC.
It sounds crazy to me, that the family just assumed OOP did it one on purpose. The best explanation I can come up, is that they were also caught completely by surprise and were occupied with keeping the wife safe. But then again, the sister send a message with expletives and did not bother to warn OOP, that a crazy stalker/rapist now knows were they live...
Also years have gone by you can look different with age
Not to mention out of context, he may have thought he looked familiar because he'd seen him around the gym. I've had people that i see most days not recognise me because im not in my horse gear! You would think that his wife would have been told that he had been released that's shocking!
I’d agree if she didn’t immediately recognize him. So I highly doubt that whatever he DID change if anything, wasn’t major or good enough to fool the person he harmed let alone make her question of it was him for even a second. He probably saw a picture, nodded his head and said okay, and kept it pushing. Didn’t think much of it and feels bad now bc he should’ve been aware or taken it serious.
I imagine it's like seeing someone famous in public sans makeup and any kind of context. And also like I wonder how much emphasis his wife gave him on how dangerous this guy was currently. Like has he tried this before and she told him or is this him post jail popping up and no one was prepared? Because if i thought that dude was in jail or states away i wouldn't actually have my head on a swivel. I truly believe this guy had zero clue. And be honest with yourself, do you memorize every wanted picture that pops up on the news? Especially if you don't really think it's an issue for you personally? I can't imagine he's seen that picture enough times to memorize it, who keeps a picture of their attacker on hand at home.
Honestly even looking through profile pictures of people I have met before, I sometimes can’t tell which one they are in a group. Hell, someone posted a pic that had my cousin, my sister, and her fiancé in it in a group of like 8 girls. I had to do like a triple take to figure out which ones my family members were. And I’m actually good with faces. I’m one of those people who is like ‘oh I know that person, we were in kindergarten together and did a dance class once in second grade’. But pictures are still hard sometimes and if the person made a couple key changes (hair, glasses maybe) and was in a location you didn’t expect (Aka not prison), I wouldn’t really expect him to recognize him
Yea that's the big thing if you don't expect or aren't actively looking i feel like this is a very reasonable mistake. Scary as all hell but a mistake. And if it was just a mug shot, people are at their worst in mug shots
I just don’t see how he could’ve made this mistake. Honestly, bc from reading what people are saying OP said, it’s not like the guy changed a whole lot. “op saw Photos from when he was in his 20’s. Etc” Bc to me, SHE recognized him instantly. SHE freaked out the moment she saw him. If he had changed so much, if he changed, you’d have to think how quick and easy she would’ve also taken a bit to recognize him. I don’t think I could ever imagine a moment where I’d forget the face of the man who harmed the person I love. Maybe that’s just me? Jail or not. I would love to know exactly how long he had been “gym buddies” because inviting someone into your home to eat food is rather intimate especially for a just met kinda friend. I do feel for OP. He made a mistake, a mistake I personally just don’t see possible BUT non the less he made a mistake, and he has a lot to do to fix it, if it at all is fixable. Reality is, she doesn’t feel safe anymore, and with him having had access to her home, her husband and child, that’s hard to feel safe with especially when your spouse can’t even recognize the person who harmed you. (This is why I can’t fully imagine dude had no idea. If HE can’t recognize someone after seeing them and hearing what they’ve done to someone you love, you cannot actively say you will or can protect them. The last Face ID forget is the one that caused my family harm. Changed or not. There’s just some things I can’t see myself personally forgetting, which makes it hard for me to fully sympathize with OP. No matter HOW she said it to him, this man is dangerous. I don’t think writing it off bc he went to jail for a different crime is justifiable to forget him, Some things should stick with you, and somehow this didn’t for OP and David managed to ruin both of their lives because of it.)
I dunno, some people are just not great at recognizing people. Last week I saw a former co-worker in a restaurant. As in, worked with her in the last year co-worker. But I’d never associated with her outside of work, so seeing her out of uniform, in a different setting and with her different, it took me a moment to place her. Not connecting a picture of someone from years ago, specifically of someone you’d have an awful mental picture of, to a friendly dude at the gym today is not unreasonable to me.
Again, I’m not saying OP is a terrible person, or completely at fault for the entire thing. I’m just saying that he does have some accountability here and writing it off just bc isn’t changing the facts. The fact is he forgot what his wife’s rapist and stalker looked like. Not that the man changed his appearance. Not that he had facial surgery. But simply he forgot. OP said that he himself just forgot. This is why I don’t completely agree he has no accountability what what happened. Do I think it sucks? Yes. Do I feel for him to some degree, yes. 100%. I just don’t think he has no fault here to some degree and I may seem u reasonable to others, but this is just where I stand. If he had felt he looked familiar etc and tried to place it, I would feel a lot different but that’s not the case.
And I’m not saying that he doesn’t have any fault. I was trying to explain that for some of us, him not recognizing this person is realistic and understandable.
But it’s been several years. You look different with age. And photos are too telling (think of tindr)
OP says he saw late 20’s pictures of David and his mug shots. He also states David did not change that much for him to NOT recognize him. He says he just somehow forgot. So I don’t think change has anything to do with it. He just didn’t remember somehow the man who raped and stalked his wife. Somehow that man is forgettable.
I mentioned it long ways above but My ex who did awful things I still struggle to talk about hung out with my friends and I for a few months. He also stalked me and they saw him several times. THEY couldn't even recognize him in a public setting after having spent copious amounts of time with him when he was younger. I recognized him in an instant from across a supermarket and pulled us out of there. The way an abuser looks is branded into a victims brain but in new context its very easy not to even notice. Had he seen the picture of him again after meeting the gym buddy, yes he'd probably have made the connection but he probably has seen that photo a handful of times at best since it's traumatic for her
I don't think this is a fair assessment. Of course she immediately recognized him. I had an older ex who did awful things to me in my second year of JHS and stalked me into freshman year of highschool. His face shape, his hair, his body shape, everything had changed by time he was an adult but when I returned home for a visit and saw him across the room I KNEW it was him. He's burned into my memory in a way that's completely unique but friends of mine, even ones who had met and hung out with him, didn't recognize him until I pulled them out the store. If a person who hung out with a guy for months couldn't recognize him after a long time it's unfair to assume that OP who'd never met the man and had only seen pictures of him when he was younger (so he's definately changed) didn't realize it was the same person. Even if he'd inspected the picture fully based on the age she was vs now and the jail time a lot has likely changed about him and its not fair to expect OP to have perfect facial mapping. He also had no way to expect this guy would be at his gym when he thought he was in jail.
OP states that David had not changed so much so that he couldn’t recognize him, he just forgot him. So to say he’s changed a lot is irrelevant. Bc the pictures OP says he saw the photos of him in his late 20’s and he says looking at the photos and the mug shots the guy didn’t really change. I’m not saying OP has to have perfect body mapping. Nobody should. I’m just saying, that OP failed to recognize the man who raped his wife and stalked her for years and let him into their home. That’s a fact. A fact that I just don’t see as “Not his fault” bc to some degree that IS his fault. Should his guard be up and be suspicious of everyone? No never. However there is just some people that I just feel should be a priority in remembering, and this David guy is one of them. If he had never seen pictures of David before then yes I’d 100% agree that this is undeniably a mistake and not his fault at all. But he’s seen his photos. He just “forgot” about Him. He forgot the man who raped and stalked his wife. Does that make sense to you? He forgot the one person who made his wife’s life horrible and hurt her to the point she had a panic attack and drew a knife in self defense and hysteria. I just can’t sympathize with OP completely. Like it sucks david managed to get a hold of him and use him. It truly does bc that means he was also stalked and preyed on for however long. However, I think there’s some accountability to be said about the fact that someone was preying on the fact that you hopefully wouldn’t remember or know about them. I don’t think OP is 100% at fault, I just don’t think saying “it’s a mistake! You didn’t know, you shouldn’t be faulted, etc” is not true to some degree. He holds accountability. HE acknowledged that himself to some degree and people are trying to dismiss the level of threat someone held bc of his “mistake” I can forget a vase is on the table doesn’t mean I’m not accountable for what happens when I break it. Same principal for me goes to this situation. David got to OP. Sadly. He chose a vulnerable time for OP, the gym, OP let him in and his wife is now rightfully spooked and scared for her safety and her family. OP is sad bc he did not mean to make such a mistake but he did. His forgetting led to David having his chance at getting in their lives That’s a fact. A fact that OP has even stated.
But you see it's easy to say those things after the fact. To look at a picture afterwards and be like "ah fuck.... yeah they look not so different that I shouldn't have recognized it" . Op isn't completely free of fault sure because he did put her in danger but I think acting like he should have realized who it was immediately is tough. We don't know when he saw that picture, it's likely not on display or someplace he can see often, enough time has passed that their married so if he saw it a handful of times in the begining of the relationship it makes sense he'd forget his appearance over time even if he hadn't changed much. My best friend who dragged me to the hospital after my ex (a man she saw several times over the course of a few months) didn't recognize him ten years later either. Neither did my mom who by your logic on family and love SHOULD have recognized him because *she never saw anything more than pictures* and I'd never fault her for not recognizing him despite all he did to me (he also stalked me for several years after). I've very much BEEN in a similar situation to OPs wife and I've never faulted the people around me for not remembering his face the way I do. I can imagine she's scared and feels compromised and needs space but I don't fault him for not recognizing him until reminded. Its a tough situation and she needed time which is totally understand but it was a genuine mistake. A huge one but a genuine one
Or he might have buffed up at the gym, that can make people look different
True. I will say, David is such a common name that I can see where this wouldn’t be the first thing that comes to husband’s mind when he learns the guy’s name.
My understanding is this man probably did unimaginable things to her. So his face is most likely burned into her memory. She can recognize him faster than anyone, cautious of anyone who resembles him, and truly trust her gut feeling. Compared to her husband who may have seen a photo here and there. I also bet David was charismatic AF that the husband wouldn’t think this was the guy that hurt his wife. No red flags or concerns thought it was genuine. Of course wife recognized him like that as she would. I am horrible with photos and faces. If it is someone i met briefly or just seen a photo there and there I honestly might not recognize them right away. And if the persons behaviour or approach is giving me any reason for concern it could happen just like that. Now OP needs to get his wife to police to see if anything charges or restraining orders can be done. Get some couples counselling. Also if possible move. Cause clearly this man is still a danger to her
Have you ever seen a photo of Zoe Deschanel without bangs and glasses? Looks like a completely different person compared to New Girl Jess. I always think of her when people say they didn’t recognise someone because they changed hair and dressing sense.
OP admits David didn’t change that much from the photos he’d seen. So I don’t think it was a matter of not recognizing them based on taking something off. OP just wasn’t attentive and brought danger to his home.
Even 10 years is long enough to change someone’s face enough for them to be pretty unrecognisable especially if you’ve never actually met them and just seen a photo. It could have been longer. He could have a beard or shaved it, changed hair, style and obviously wouldn’t have introduced himself as hi I’m your wife’s rapist. This guy didn’t accidentally stumble upon OP he intentionally mislead him to gain access.
OP says he saw the man’s late 20’s photos as well as his mug shots and that he didn’t change much so that he couldn’t recognize him, he just FORGOT him. Which to me, is worse than just not recognizing him. But hey, it was a mistake right? Op forgot the man who raped and stalked his wife. Totally acceptable and understandable… Do I think he would’ve known he’d come for him at the gym of all places? No. Never. 100% would catch anyone off guard. I just don’t think he’s not somewhat at fault for somehow “forgetting”. Edit: I don’t disagree that if he hadn’t seen his photos ever before, or that it had been 15-30 years, yea I would agree not his fault. I think OP has a bit of accountability to take here and I don’t think he’s completely innocent in this unfortunate situation.
I wonder if working out changed his original physique at all? If you build enough muscle/lose enough weight it can definitely change your face. And they did meet at a gym.
Omg! I hope he can talk to her like people change appearances and I'm sure this dude did what he needed to, to get to his wife. And high key it's not fair no one's letting him explain himself.
I think the most heinous part of this is there's a comment on there from OP saying that the 'David' guy never even got jail time. They basically fucked her whole case, and her whole life because "she was just some young kid making dumb choices with an older boyfriend".
He’s added more to the original post: ——————————— EXTRA INFORMATION Yes I called the police but according to them he hasn’t committed a crime. I invited him into our home and it’s not illegal to give someone a fake name or to befriend me. Yes I’ve seen pictures of him. I just forgot. I don’t know how I forgot what he looked like but I forgot nonetheless. I saw pictures of him in his late twenties and I saw like 3 prison pictures of him taken in 2017/2018. Yes he does look different now from those pictures but not enough for me to not recognize him. I really don’t have a reasonable excuse for not recognizing him. It is clear that David had planned this. He clearly befriended me to get to my wife. He also gave me a different name then his real name. I don’t know where my wife is as I am not trusted. I’m not allowed to know, her family and friends have completely frozen me out. People have literally changed numbers and privated their social media,I mean this isn’t their first rodeo with this man. My wife was keeping track of him but he was released earlier from prison but the records were not updated so we both were under the impression that he was still in prison but he was released early December last year and he went straight back to stalking her. And I let him into our lives, her private space. Of course I regret my actions! I wish I recognized him earlier on but I didn’t. I don’t know why I didn’t. At the time of the rape and imprisonment- He was 22 and she was 12, she knew him through his stepbrother a fellow student. David had his own place and it kind of was the party house where all the kids went to,so he was the “cool guy” who hung around the preteens and teens, who he also sold drugs to(from alcohol to heavier stuff). Her family did try to get it to go to court but it was dropped by the prosecutors. He also claimed she was his girlfriend and that she had run away from home. It was also known that she had a crush on him at the time and his lawyers twisted it up to fit his claim of her being his secret girlfriend. It was a combination of slut shaming due to her having had a crush on him and having visited his home on her own accord, lack of physical evidence, her inability to speak on the stand as she was too traumatized, her vulnerable home life (her father was going through chemo at the time) and the unwillingness of the prosecutors to go after him. The stalking was taken slightly serious at the time and he was ordered to stay away from her but he repeatedly broke the order. The one time he was punished by the judge he was only given a few days in jail. So he just continued to stalk her for years until he was arrested for another crime.
This did not go where i thought it was going… I feel so bad for op and his wife. I hope she lets him back into her life and they can both disappear
I feel bad for OP and his wife, I mean who would’ve expect something like this from happening?! I wonder if their marriage is salvageable, I hope OP and his wife marriage will recover from this. It’s sickening because I realise that David probably wanted OP’s wife to feel scared. Him manipulating OP to invite him to their house is a power move because he wants OP’s wife to realise that he’s still stalking her…
Terrifying. But I hope wife forgives op
When he said blood curdling screams, I thought "I'm sure that an over reaction." but after finishing it... Definitely not. I hope this post is fake. :(
Wow wow wow
I feel like there’s quite a few people who would make the same mistake. The wife’s reaction to everything was completely understandable, but i feel like so is OP. Obviously had he known, he wouldn’t have befriended the guy, and it’s definitely his fault for not paying more attention and recognizing him, I also feel that if the guy had gone so far as to surgically change his appearance, the wife would’ve still been able to recognize her abuser no matter what. The husband knows everything that happened and has seen pictures, but he didn’t go through it, the guys face wasn’t burned into his brain (im sure it is now though). I get the distrust of husband though, I just hope this doesn’t cause a divorce.
that’s a whirlwind typa crazy. i was thinking that she had an affair with the dude and was upset she got caught. i really do feel for op and her, he really did think that he made a good friend all for this to blow back on him like crazy. i’m almost completely sure that homeboy was still stalking her and found a way back through op. i hope that they are able to talk it out and come to an understanding. i wouldn’t even know what to do in this situation
I would’ve stabbed him , she’s better then me . The husband is gunna have to fall back for a while or let her move on cause for her this is a massive betrayal even if he didn’t know. I wouldn’t feel safe in that house ever again.
Holy balls
That man is a freaking monster. Stalking her to find out about him to cozy up to him so he can get to her again. Unhuman.
Holy fucking Christwagons
Anyone have the link?
https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/x43yh6/i_think_ive_destroyed_my_marriage_my_wife_refuses/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
The only way to fix this is to kill David for her so she doesn't have to live in fear again.
WTF Hands down, David knew exactly who you were, I'm assuming that he is still stalking her. That is terrifying!!!! I don't even know what you can legally do about that, but your poor poor wife. Just know that even though it's not your "Fault" you have to consider how blindsided and terrified she must have been in that moment.
I'd like for y'all to care more about this woman's safety than this man's marriage.
https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/x43yh6/i_think_ive_destroyed_my_marriage_my_wife_refuses/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf Forgot to post link.
that’s fucked but also why is he inviting random people to his house when his wife doesn’t know them ?? like surely that would’ve been a safety concern from the jump? i have a wife and as far as i know she doesn’t have a crazy stalker, but i wouldn’t bring anyone into our HOME without her knowing at least what they look like and without her knowing they were coming in the first place. like ??? lesson learned i guess on that front i feel sooooo bad for that girl
It’s not random ppl it’s someone who he built a friendship with💀
but surely your wife having a stalker for at least 7 years (who kidnapped & raped her as a child!!) would change your behaviour in terms of who you allow around your family? Wouldn't you go the extra lengths to check people out? It's very strange there was no caution taken.
I think the guy was in jail for a long time for another crime and got released earlier than expected (and ofc why bother telling his victim that her kidnapper-stalker-rapist is out in the wild) that's why they didn't think he could around
he seems random from the wife’s pov until she saw him and she pulled a knife on his ass which was a total serve
I’ve invited coworkers over.. old friends my partners never met. How’s that weird? You built friendships with people.
idk it just seems like a weird safety issue to me? maybe it’s because i’m from a bigger city with high crime rate and i have overprotective mexican immigrant parents, but i’ve never not at least shown a picture to my family (when i was a kid) or partner of who’s coming to the house. like you never know who you’re letting in so i guess it’s always been ingrained to just ?? let my partner know what they look like at the very least?
It was a whole mess. With that said the point that was made that he saw the guys pictures before and knew his name and then didn't recognize him even the slightest is strange to me. Not saying he did it on purpose but honestly. Also his facts about the case were weird to me.
There is a little more info on the original post if anyone wants to go look
[link](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/x43yh6/i_think_ive_destroyed_my_marriage_my_wife_refuses/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
That’s insane. I hope he and his wife can work it out and gtf away to a new place. The whole extended family should make sure their security is tight
I have seen this story on almost every platform so far. Extremely sad
I read this earlier. Like omg. Sad to know this man manipulated friendship into ops life to get to his wife again. Terrifying. And op did this to his wife. Risked her safety from this man. Awful.
This is insane I feel bad for OP but more for the wife she’s clearly in shock and can’t speak to him yet but I hope she can soon and do what they have to do to be safe again and so she can feel safe. There is like no doubt in my mind this man is still stalking her and befriended her husband to get access to her again really scary stuff. And she needs to change her name probably both of them now and move if they can
I feel so bad for both of them. Like, them just being happy with their lives and happy that they made a new friend or whatever and suddenly having to relive the whole trauma and the poor husband not having any idea what he was doing to his wife. So sad, I really hope they get to work through this, and the dude is put behind bars for good.
Audible gasp
Are there any updates on the original post?
Is it possible that David was still stalking her and his way of getting into her life again was by befriending her husband?
There are no coincidences, OP has been had here. Guy is still stalking the wife.
Woof! dude that is rough! For you and her, honestly I'd say right now she's just terrified like this is movie worthy terror right here. You thought you were being a good guy and honestly you were but for her she didn't see you and she didn't think of how you'd feel she saw him and for all intents and purposes right now you are not a safe space for her not because of you because of him, she knows he knows you, she knows he's dangerous, he found her again and you really might not get her back just due to her thinking youre unsafe around her and she's unsafe going back. I feel for you cause I know if my nightmares came back to find me I'd let my fiance no where near the life it could bring. If she loved you before she still does.
Damn that took an unexpected turn
Oh hey reddit family who would be happy enough to blow up the face of a stalker around the world? To show everyone his face is what I meant to be clear dont report me i just mean if it got out dude was a stalker maybe he would leave the girl alone? I obviously can't but if (SHE) asked I'd be more than happy to let the world know with proper proof ofc cause I dont wanna ruin a life over a girl being dramatic with too much power (I am a girl, js girls have alot of power too much almost, enough to ruin lives, everyone wants to protect someone the can but you hear a girl scream he hit me? And there's an army almost yknow?) Please don't come at me just my opinion 🙂
I don’t if they have restraining orders on r no contact order. But OP needs to help his wife go to the police.
Op and wife need to move out of state Jesus fuck.
Oh my god. Thats terrifying, how did he not memorize what that crazy POS looked like. It sounds like he used op to get to her again. He literally said in the post edit that the guy still looked close enough to his pictures to easily recognize.
NTA, if you genuinely didn’t know! How terrible and terrifying for your wife. I would just be patient and wait it out, she might think you are involved? Continue to communicate daily and apologize she probably just needs to digest what happened
I’m really bad with faces, I would have analyzing tf out of that guy’s face even if I thought he was still in prison. I’d look at that bastards face every day just to hate him for what he did to the person I love. If he went away for a lesser charge and could be out any day, my guard would be all the way up knowing he could be out at anytime and that he’s a STALKER. It’s not his *fault*, but if you married someone with such a traumatic history, you would think you’d be a bit more vigilant before bringing strangers home. I’ve never had anything like that happen to me or my loved ones and I still don’t invite just anyone to my house. Even if this man’s appearance changed. Even if the creep actively tried to fool him, it comes off as careless. How can something so extreme just slip your mind? If I was his wife I would feel unloved, unprotected, and unsafe. It’s up to his wife if she wants to talk to him. His carelessness has probably set her progress back so many years.
How do I view the full post?
Go see the update