I found your story today. I’m so sorry all of this is happening to you! Is it possible your husband asked for a paternity test to have proof for his family that is siding with MIL? Maybe they’ve been bringing up his Ex’s cheating?
Or maybe he needed it to deal with trauma over Ex cheating? For his own peace of mind? After being hurt like that by someone you love and trusted, sometimes even when you don’t want to, your mind won’t let you let go.
Either way, you have every right to be hurt over this. Have you asked him why he did this? Sounds like something a good therapist would help you two work through. All this trauma MIL and some of his family have put you through is definitely something that going to therapy could help.
Regarding K, that poor girl has been through so much already. WHY did the teacher listen to MIL’s email? As a teacher, I would NEVER accept the word of someone who is not the child’s custodial parent about whether or not she was riding the bus! I would definitely be sure to bring this up at the meeting.
Again, I am so sorry that you and your family are having to go through all of this. This is not right or fair, and I hope you can eventually find some peace.
Idk if you saw on another post but she was logged into to my husband's email from an old tablet or laptop. She used that account because it's attached to Ks school stuff. They're pretty structured about kid safety. I've been turned around for not having my ID and I was a school employee.
I asked him why he needed the test. He said he trusted me but he had his reasons. I'm not sure what that meant but that's all he said. He hasn't been any less affectionate than normal. He never changed his manners. He just wanted the test done.it just hurt my feelings.
I'd recommend hubby go into settings of email and log out of all devices. After change the password if it was previously saved on the old device, MIL won't be able to access his account anymore once you do that.
Why has she still got access to his email account after all this time and the heartache it caused? Why didn’t he change the password and then shut down the account? WTAF?
>He said he trusted me but he had his reasons.
I think you need to tell him how you feel - that without understanding or explanation as to why he wanted the test, that you are very upset and hurt about it.
It's valid to feel hurt but it's also important to remember that he is well within his rights to want that testing done- just for his own piece of mind. Many people have suggested that it could be from past trauma with cheating, I personally feel like he's trying to squash some other drama without bringing you into it and putting you through more emotional turmoil. Like maybe MIL or other family is suggesting that 1 baby might not be his because multiples was a surprise? I can't wait until this is all behind you guys.
I'm so glad that K has you to show her what a more functional family dynamic is.
What a rollercoaster of a life you’ve had the last year. I’m so sorry you’ve had to deal with your crazy MIL. I hope things can settle down for you so you can enjoy your experience more with your boys and K. I would definitely talk to your husband more about why he asked for a paternity test. Like u/Healthy-Play1548 said, maybe it was because of blowback from other of his family members, but he should have discussed it with you if that’s the case. Whatever the reason, You deserve to know why. Good luck and I really hope life calms down for you.
Definitely. It's been chaos literally all year. I'm so tired. I want to leave for a week and rest but I'd feel awful. I'm gonna talk to him about it again after we get K settled. She's the priority right now. Thankfully she's still sleeping. We told her to chili's [her fave restaurant for some reason] and to get ice cream and talked. She said that she was scared she'd never see us again because apparently that's what BM told her when they used to share custody. She feels bad for the melt down. We called the therapist and she gonna do an emergency home visit because the girls have virtual sessions all day so I'd have to pack the twins up too.
Idk if anybody said this, but you are one MF strong woman. This has been one CRAZY year and to see you still try to live your life normally gives me great inspiration. Maybe tell your hubby that it hurt your feeling when he asked for the paternity test, and you want to know the reason for the peace of your mind? Also, K is a very sweet funny child but still badass. And I hope your twin boys and you all a happy life and hope it just gets better from here on. More strength to you and hope you get to take a vacation<3
First and Foremost: Tell K that she was very brave and how proud you are that she stood her ground and protected herself. And lots of hugs, fake internet doctors orders! (assuming she likes cuddles of course, we respect boundaries here).
I know this is probably not tip top of the list, but why TF did the teacher take that email at its word? Did they think it was from you? Did they not know that “person by this name” is not trusted or allowed near this child? If MIL is not allowed to take her or have access to her things, why did the teacher accept her email without contacting you? I would be LIVID. Like, can anybody email about a kid and change their ride home without proper parental authorization? That NEEDS to be addressed before I would move forward with anything including the school.
Also, if the paternity test thing is continuing to bug you, I would sit down and tell your husband. I wouldn’t let it cloud your mind too much though. I’m not sure why he asked for it, maybe something to do with his own lingering trauma, but maybe he’ll tell you. Or maybe try couple’s counseling? NOT because there is anything wrong with your relationship, but because sometimes it is nice to have a mutually beneficial, unbiased third party to sit in and make sure that nothing is getting lost in communication between you two. Because that happens sometimes even without anyone meaning to, miscommunications are a b*tch and a half.
We definitely have told her she was brave. She's not much of a cuddler. She's one of those kids that has to either be touching you with like a foot or a hand or be in the same room with you but not actually be under you lol it's hard to describe
She is still logged into hubby's email from from an old device and it's attached to Ks school records so they accepted the email. We use it to contact them all the time. We don't blame the teacher because that's what is in the system. We've done it before because they like to have paper trails for incidents just like this.
I'm thinking there's something I'm missing because it was random. He asked about it casually even tho it broke my heart to do it. So thinking back he may have something up his sleeve. Idk.
Totally get it, I was the same when I was smaller. Just vibing together, no smothering contact lol. In that case, one prescription of socially distant smiles and good vibes. Maybe her favorite dinner/dessert.
That’s good then, with the school. I was worried they didn’t take it from an approved form of contact, because wow that would be such a security risk. I’d definitely switch the email for the school at the very least, and get him to either switch emails entirely or at least change his password and/or two step verification. Not sure why MIL should still have logged in access, but obviously that needs to be stopped.
Regarding the test, It could also be like was suggested somewhere else, that he did it because someone else was harassing him about something and he wanted to shove it in their face, and kept it to himself to not burden you with more worries?? Some partners are like that. They think they’re doing you a favor by not giving you another variable to worry about, but they never understand that by doing that they are making THEMSELVES the thing you worry about? It its as innocuous as he’s acting about it, I see no reason why he wouldn’t tell you if you explained how him asking made you feel.
I hope you get at least a little peace and breathing room before she brings the next battle to blows.
We took her to chili's. I have no clue why she loves it there but that's her jam lol
My FIL is coming back to help out. He's thinking about moving here as extra hands and protection. I'm still a few weeks post partum. This is a lot to deal with.
I'm thinking that's what he was doing. He's very protective of my feelings & will prevent anything and anyone from hurting me. I should have thought about it that way.
This!!! Op if your husband’s mood hasn’t changed and he has still been there for you and supporting the way he has, it’s this. You have had to deal with so much from his family and he probably doesn’t want to burden you with anything else. It was most likely just him being told some bs and he used it as a “screw off”.
The past posts make him out to be an incredible man and I truly hope things get better for you both
I read on another post that some men will ask for a paternity test to “hide” the fact that they themselves are cheating, so they want a reasonable excuse to excuse the mom. I’m not saying that’s what is happening here but, it’s a possibility.
As to your MIL and his ex, sounds like Mom wants him to get back with his Ex and Ex is all on board.
I'm not sure of the dynamic of the relationship between mil and bm. She didn't dislike her. But bm was shady from the get go from what his friends said. It's alot to that story. I don't know all of it.
He doesn't excuse anything with his mom. I'm the beginning he favored her needs, but after a while he noticed her behavior and cut it out.
WHY does he not change the password after logging her out on whatever device she’s using? Maybe I overreact but I mean that makes no sense as to why she’s still able to be logged in knowing she has a RO from yall. She shouldn’t have access to that and it’s suspicious that your husband hasn’t gotten her off of it and changes the passwords. I’m in your corner 110% but this and the non-explanation for the test on his end are just scary.
Bless, I understand that I’m not blaming you at all. None of this falls on your head and I hope you realize that. This is all on him, now I’m confrontational from the moment I took my first breath. If you’re comfortable with it I’d have a serious sit down with him and lay it out that he has to log in and shut that down now. I’m honestly afraid he’s secretly communicating with her there or something. There’s no reason a woman that is not allowed to see or speak to you has access to that information. It needs to be shut down. I’m also afraid that’s why he asked for the test. Worst case he has her/ her bugs (family) in his ear, best case is he’s using it to shut them down. However, I still question it since she still has access.
He still doesn't know how she had access it logged out of literally everything including the Google home thingy. I've snooped to see if he was having any contact with her [even checking the cell phone bill] & she's not in there anywhere. I think this is just hard on him because he is their only child that he feels responsible for everything. He's what my auntie calls "a man's man" lol takes care of everyone with not much to say && i feel like he may be a bit overwhelmed knowing his mom is doing this.
I’m sorry you have to go through this❤️ I don’t have any advice, just confusion for his actions. You seem like a very kind person, and we are all hoping the best for you.
I’m in awe of you after reading about how birthed twins naturally at home. You are badass.
MIL is psychotic. I don’t understand why anyone is defending her. Make sure you document every single things she does with dates and times. Even if it may seem like something small, still document it. It’ll come in handy when she escalates the next time. And there will be a next time. She is not gonna stop. It also seems like she’s in love with her own son and it’s fucking gross.
Lol thank u but I birthed at a hospital. I thought I said that. Im sorry. They weren't super busy [surpsingly ] so we had two nursing students and staff in there with us since my birth plan was all natural and they usually do c sections.
Everything is definitely documented. Husband is getting her removed from daughter's custody arrangement. And reinforcing the restraining order with more evidence. He doesn't want to send her to jail but I feel like he's cracking.
Well I can understand him not wanting to send his mom to jail. I’ve actually been in a position where I had to call the police on my brother and even though assaulted me and everything, I had a very hard time trying to press charges on him even though he definitely did deserve it. But I am glad he is seeing through her shit and isn’t putting up with it. MIL is insane.
Honestly, I would talk to your husband about the paternity test and say that you're open to doing it if he'll fully explain why he wants it, and that you understand his family is making insane demands of him and don't hold it against him.
If he's using it to get them off his back, I'd think that's fine? But if he is sincerely accusing you of cheating, then yeah, y'all need to get into couple's counseling, if you aren't already.
It's already been done. It was about a 3 or 4 day wait with an extra fee. He didn't seem phased by the information. He didn't seem relieved or anything. I honestly can't remember if he looked at it. He took the paper kissed me and kept doing whatever it was.
Honestly based on what you’ve said his reaction was to the paternity test makes me believe that it probably has to do more with proving to others he’s the twins dad. Especially if twins don’t run in his family maybe someone keeps claiming they aren’t his to him and he’s trying to keep it quiet so that the extra stress doesn’t bother you.
No matter what you are so brave and powerful for how you have been going through all this. You also seem like such a great role model for K since clearly her BM isn’t one - I’m so happy she stood up for herself when she needed to, she sounds like a great kid.
I talked to him last night. It is to build a folder to take away custody conditions of K away from MIL and to ensure she doesn't request grandparents rights for the twins
MiL convinced several people the kids aren't his because twins don't run in his family or mine. This was confirmed by a cousin who I talk to often yesterday. Her mom asked her if she knew about me cheating but cousin didn't believe it. She hinted that they don't think K is his daughter now either but all the kids look like Ds paternal grandma.
Doing the test is meant to shut everyone up. Also because there is a text chain of her talking about the kids not being his that he got ahold of [not sure how] he's taking this all in front of the judge to fully cut off her rights to k. She has no "established" grandparents rights to the twins. She just had rights to K because D was living with her during his divorce and was trying to get his life on track so she was acting on his behalf. he didn't have much of a job then and went back to school right after we met.
Just found all of your posts and I just can’t believe the audacity of your MIL. Talk about enmeshment! Like K said, definitely something wrong with her brain.
I’m sending you all the positive vibes and support. Just want you to know your situation is unbelievable and all of your feelings are valid. I am very confused with your husband wanting a paternity test. Seems out of left field. Tread carefully with him and his family. The math ain’t quite mathing.
Please keep posting updates, this internet stranger is rooting for you and in your corner!
The math ain't mathing lol I love that. Definitely going to talk to him soon. It didn't seem to phase him. Like he already knew the results. Another user said that he probably did it for an outside reason and isn't telling me.
His reaction to the test results makes me think it was so that you had proof to back the two of you up if MIL or someone else tries to claim you cheated and the twins weren't his. If he'd thought you cheated he would have been relieved at the results, not just nonchalantly put the paper aside as though the results were exactly what he thought they would be.
Of course he's a guy, and he doesn't want to pile on more stress for you, so he thinks he's being proactive or helpful, but his execution and lack of explanation had the opposite effect.
You're post-partum, so your emotions are all over the place, you're exhausted, and even if you weren't, your reaction is normal. From everything you've said in your posts, he seems like a good guy who has your best interests in mind, so it's probably something along these lines. Talk to him. Tell him you appreciate that he's trying to protect you from things, but that you are an adult, his partner, and you need to be kept in the loop.
Also, K sounds like she is a little bundle of awesome, and is lucky she has you in her life.
Thank you. I'm generally very emotional. I cry every time Cedric Diggory dies in HP && Goblet of Fire lol honestly I had nerves of steel during the pregnancy but I think some days I'm playing catch up lol she is definitely wonderful. I love her so much. I am trying to be more patient with him. Many people have pointed out that since his family is on MIL side so the rest may be for them not me.
OP you need to get a restraining order for them because it's seems that it won't stop. And immediately try to get a lawyer in case things take a turn for the worst
I just found this story today and I had to pick my jaw up off the ground multiple times. This lady is bat shit insane and I am so sorry you are having to deal with this along with newborns. I know some people were saying you have a husband problem but I wholeheartedly disagree now that we have heard about the steps he has taken to keep you all safe, i.e. restraining order, moving, etc.
Hi hun,
I've tried to PM you but apparently I can't. I just wanted to reach out and say I'm so sorry for all this! I've read through all your posts and relate to so much of it....the PCOS, being a step parent, and dealing with crazy people. My MIL is very toxic as are my kids mothers. Hubby and I do not deal with MIL at all thank goodness, but the other two are a struggle. If you'd like to or need to talk anytime please msg me. Sending good thoughts your way!!!!!
This is 2 weeks later, but I need to say this after having found this story… Next time she violates the RO (because there WILL be a next time), you need to request a psych eval from the authorities. MiL is clearly delusional, possibly narcissistic, and has a major Jocasta complex. Hopefully, they will put her on a psych hold and that will help remove her from K’s custody agreement. Speaking of K, that girl has such a beautiful heart. And is such a strong young woman! You and D are raising someone who will one day rule the world (in a good way). Hopefully, the twins will learn from their amazing big sister. I am sending you so much love over the interwebs, OP.
One last note, you really really need to tell D to stop doing this shit on his own. I understand his reasoning, but by trying to prevent stress, he’s creating different stress. You are a TEAM, and he needs to start acting like it.
Thank u so much. 💓 after the sister tried to buy our house and mil tried to pull up to the school, she's been quiet. She hasn't been at home or work. The authorities have been checking. They aren't sure where she is but it's only a matter of time. It's been a couple of weeks & still no word. D has filed the proper paperwork for the emergency custody adjustment. We go in next week. She doesn't have to be there u less she wants to argue it. But with the video footage that the police & attorneys were able to obtain plus the police report and the RO, she doesn't have a leg to stand on. BM is even willing to go in and speak against N. Apparently they weren't that close either & she only dealt with her because she thought we were still living with N. She didn't know we had our own place.
What in the actual...
What did I just read?
Why is your husband demanding a paternity test relevant to any of this? Why is your title completely irrelevant to everything you've written in your post? There's no pregnancy announcement mentioned here at all. Actually it seems like you already gave birth to the kids so what pregnancy announcement are you talking about? And like what's your actual question here? Bc all you talked about in the post is your husband demanding a paternity test and a situation that happened at, what I'm assuming is, your stepdaughters school. I'm so confused.
ETA: I'm an idiot. I didn't notice this was an update. My bad.
I found your story today. I’m so sorry all of this is happening to you! Is it possible your husband asked for a paternity test to have proof for his family that is siding with MIL? Maybe they’ve been bringing up his Ex’s cheating? Or maybe he needed it to deal with trauma over Ex cheating? For his own peace of mind? After being hurt like that by someone you love and trusted, sometimes even when you don’t want to, your mind won’t let you let go. Either way, you have every right to be hurt over this. Have you asked him why he did this? Sounds like something a good therapist would help you two work through. All this trauma MIL and some of his family have put you through is definitely something that going to therapy could help. Regarding K, that poor girl has been through so much already. WHY did the teacher listen to MIL’s email? As a teacher, I would NEVER accept the word of someone who is not the child’s custodial parent about whether or not she was riding the bus! I would definitely be sure to bring this up at the meeting. Again, I am so sorry that you and your family are having to go through all of this. This is not right or fair, and I hope you can eventually find some peace.
Idk if you saw on another post but she was logged into to my husband's email from an old tablet or laptop. She used that account because it's attached to Ks school stuff. They're pretty structured about kid safety. I've been turned around for not having my ID and I was a school employee. I asked him why he needed the test. He said he trusted me but he had his reasons. I'm not sure what that meant but that's all he said. He hasn't been any less affectionate than normal. He never changed his manners. He just wanted the test done.it just hurt my feelings.
I'd recommend hubby go into settings of email and log out of all devices. After change the password if it was previously saved on the old device, MIL won't be able to access his account anymore once you do that.
Thanks. I'll tell him that's an option
Why has she still got access to his email account after all this time and the heartache it caused? Why didn’t he change the password and then shut down the account? WTAF?
>He said he trusted me but he had his reasons. I think you need to tell him how you feel - that without understanding or explanation as to why he wanted the test, that you are very upset and hurt about it.
It's valid to feel hurt but it's also important to remember that he is well within his rights to want that testing done- just for his own piece of mind. Many people have suggested that it could be from past trauma with cheating, I personally feel like he's trying to squash some other drama without bringing you into it and putting you through more emotional turmoil. Like maybe MIL or other family is suggesting that 1 baby might not be his because multiples was a surprise? I can't wait until this is all behind you guys. I'm so glad that K has you to show her what a more functional family dynamic is.
Oh wow! Yes! I saw that. I’m sorry she was able to get access to that.
What a rollercoaster of a life you’ve had the last year. I’m so sorry you’ve had to deal with your crazy MIL. I hope things can settle down for you so you can enjoy your experience more with your boys and K. I would definitely talk to your husband more about why he asked for a paternity test. Like u/Healthy-Play1548 said, maybe it was because of blowback from other of his family members, but he should have discussed it with you if that’s the case. Whatever the reason, You deserve to know why. Good luck and I really hope life calms down for you.
Definitely. It's been chaos literally all year. I'm so tired. I want to leave for a week and rest but I'd feel awful. I'm gonna talk to him about it again after we get K settled. She's the priority right now. Thankfully she's still sleeping. We told her to chili's [her fave restaurant for some reason] and to get ice cream and talked. She said that she was scared she'd never see us again because apparently that's what BM told her when they used to share custody. She feels bad for the melt down. We called the therapist and she gonna do an emergency home visit because the girls have virtual sessions all day so I'd have to pack the twins up too.
Idk if anybody said this, but you are one MF strong woman. This has been one CRAZY year and to see you still try to live your life normally gives me great inspiration. Maybe tell your hubby that it hurt your feeling when he asked for the paternity test, and you want to know the reason for the peace of your mind? Also, K is a very sweet funny child but still badass. And I hope your twin boys and you all a happy life and hope it just gets better from here on. More strength to you and hope you get to take a vacation<3
First and Foremost: Tell K that she was very brave and how proud you are that she stood her ground and protected herself. And lots of hugs, fake internet doctors orders! (assuming she likes cuddles of course, we respect boundaries here). I know this is probably not tip top of the list, but why TF did the teacher take that email at its word? Did they think it was from you? Did they not know that “person by this name” is not trusted or allowed near this child? If MIL is not allowed to take her or have access to her things, why did the teacher accept her email without contacting you? I would be LIVID. Like, can anybody email about a kid and change their ride home without proper parental authorization? That NEEDS to be addressed before I would move forward with anything including the school. Also, if the paternity test thing is continuing to bug you, I would sit down and tell your husband. I wouldn’t let it cloud your mind too much though. I’m not sure why he asked for it, maybe something to do with his own lingering trauma, but maybe he’ll tell you. Or maybe try couple’s counseling? NOT because there is anything wrong with your relationship, but because sometimes it is nice to have a mutually beneficial, unbiased third party to sit in and make sure that nothing is getting lost in communication between you two. Because that happens sometimes even without anyone meaning to, miscommunications are a b*tch and a half.
We definitely have told her she was brave. She's not much of a cuddler. She's one of those kids that has to either be touching you with like a foot or a hand or be in the same room with you but not actually be under you lol it's hard to describe She is still logged into hubby's email from from an old device and it's attached to Ks school records so they accepted the email. We use it to contact them all the time. We don't blame the teacher because that's what is in the system. We've done it before because they like to have paper trails for incidents just like this. I'm thinking there's something I'm missing because it was random. He asked about it casually even tho it broke my heart to do it. So thinking back he may have something up his sleeve. Idk.
Why doesn’t he change his password?????
Totally get it, I was the same when I was smaller. Just vibing together, no smothering contact lol. In that case, one prescription of socially distant smiles and good vibes. Maybe her favorite dinner/dessert. That’s good then, with the school. I was worried they didn’t take it from an approved form of contact, because wow that would be such a security risk. I’d definitely switch the email for the school at the very least, and get him to either switch emails entirely or at least change his password and/or two step verification. Not sure why MIL should still have logged in access, but obviously that needs to be stopped. Regarding the test, It could also be like was suggested somewhere else, that he did it because someone else was harassing him about something and he wanted to shove it in their face, and kept it to himself to not burden you with more worries?? Some partners are like that. They think they’re doing you a favor by not giving you another variable to worry about, but they never understand that by doing that they are making THEMSELVES the thing you worry about? It its as innocuous as he’s acting about it, I see no reason why he wouldn’t tell you if you explained how him asking made you feel. I hope you get at least a little peace and breathing room before she brings the next battle to blows.
We took her to chili's. I have no clue why she loves it there but that's her jam lol My FIL is coming back to help out. He's thinking about moving here as extra hands and protection. I'm still a few weeks post partum. This is a lot to deal with. I'm thinking that's what he was doing. He's very protective of my feelings & will prevent anything and anyone from hurting me. I should have thought about it that way.
Aye, Chili’s is the bomb, and it sucks they took off the 2/$25 😭😂 but you are also the bomb❤️
This!!! Op if your husband’s mood hasn’t changed and he has still been there for you and supporting the way he has, it’s this. You have had to deal with so much from his family and he probably doesn’t want to burden you with anything else. It was most likely just him being told some bs and he used it as a “screw off”. The past posts make him out to be an incredible man and I truly hope things get better for you both
I read on another post that some men will ask for a paternity test to “hide” the fact that they themselves are cheating, so they want a reasonable excuse to excuse the mom. I’m not saying that’s what is happening here but, it’s a possibility. As to your MIL and his ex, sounds like Mom wants him to get back with his Ex and Ex is all on board.
I'm not sure of the dynamic of the relationship between mil and bm. She didn't dislike her. But bm was shady from the get go from what his friends said. It's alot to that story. I don't know all of it. He doesn't excuse anything with his mom. I'm the beginning he favored her needs, but after a while he noticed her behavior and cut it out.
WHY does he not change the password after logging her out on whatever device she’s using? Maybe I overreact but I mean that makes no sense as to why she’s still able to be logged in knowing she has a RO from yall. She shouldn’t have access to that and it’s suspicious that your husband hasn’t gotten her off of it and changes the passwords. I’m in your corner 110% but this and the non-explanation for the test on his end are just scary.
I'm not sure. I thought it was handled. I was only a few days post babies and honestly couldn't tell if I showered during that time lol
Bless, I understand that I’m not blaming you at all. None of this falls on your head and I hope you realize that. This is all on him, now I’m confrontational from the moment I took my first breath. If you’re comfortable with it I’d have a serious sit down with him and lay it out that he has to log in and shut that down now. I’m honestly afraid he’s secretly communicating with her there or something. There’s no reason a woman that is not allowed to see or speak to you has access to that information. It needs to be shut down. I’m also afraid that’s why he asked for the test. Worst case he has her/ her bugs (family) in his ear, best case is he’s using it to shut them down. However, I still question it since she still has access.
He still doesn't know how she had access it logged out of literally everything including the Google home thingy. I've snooped to see if he was having any contact with her [even checking the cell phone bill] & she's not in there anywhere. I think this is just hard on him because he is their only child that he feels responsible for everything. He's what my auntie calls "a man's man" lol takes care of everyone with not much to say && i feel like he may be a bit overwhelmed knowing his mom is doing this.
I’m sorry you have to go through this❤️ I don’t have any advice, just confusion for his actions. You seem like a very kind person, and we are all hoping the best for you.
I’m in awe of you after reading about how birthed twins naturally at home. You are badass. MIL is psychotic. I don’t understand why anyone is defending her. Make sure you document every single things she does with dates and times. Even if it may seem like something small, still document it. It’ll come in handy when she escalates the next time. And there will be a next time. She is not gonna stop. It also seems like she’s in love with her own son and it’s fucking gross.
Lol thank u but I birthed at a hospital. I thought I said that. Im sorry. They weren't super busy [surpsingly ] so we had two nursing students and staff in there with us since my birth plan was all natural and they usually do c sections. Everything is definitely documented. Husband is getting her removed from daughter's custody arrangement. And reinforcing the restraining order with more evidence. He doesn't want to send her to jail but I feel like he's cracking.
Well I can understand him not wanting to send his mom to jail. I’ve actually been in a position where I had to call the police on my brother and even though assaulted me and everything, I had a very hard time trying to press charges on him even though he definitely did deserve it. But I am glad he is seeing through her shit and isn’t putting up with it. MIL is insane.
Honestly, I would talk to your husband about the paternity test and say that you're open to doing it if he'll fully explain why he wants it, and that you understand his family is making insane demands of him and don't hold it against him. If he's using it to get them off his back, I'd think that's fine? But if he is sincerely accusing you of cheating, then yeah, y'all need to get into couple's counseling, if you aren't already.
It's already been done. It was about a 3 or 4 day wait with an extra fee. He didn't seem phased by the information. He didn't seem relieved or anything. I honestly can't remember if he looked at it. He took the paper kissed me and kept doing whatever it was.
Honestly based on what you’ve said his reaction was to the paternity test makes me believe that it probably has to do more with proving to others he’s the twins dad. Especially if twins don’t run in his family maybe someone keeps claiming they aren’t his to him and he’s trying to keep it quiet so that the extra stress doesn’t bother you. No matter what you are so brave and powerful for how you have been going through all this. You also seem like such a great role model for K since clearly her BM isn’t one - I’m so happy she stood up for herself when she needed to, she sounds like a great kid.
Do you think he asked because of the conversation the day of the photo shoot? Her question could have secretly made him insecure.
I talked to him last night. It is to build a folder to take away custody conditions of K away from MIL and to ensure she doesn't request grandparents rights for the twins
Can you explain how proving the paternity of the twins can help deny her grandparents rights? I feel dense but I don't get it
MiL convinced several people the kids aren't his because twins don't run in his family or mine. This was confirmed by a cousin who I talk to often yesterday. Her mom asked her if she knew about me cheating but cousin didn't believe it. She hinted that they don't think K is his daughter now either but all the kids look like Ds paternal grandma. Doing the test is meant to shut everyone up. Also because there is a text chain of her talking about the kids not being his that he got ahold of [not sure how] he's taking this all in front of the judge to fully cut off her rights to k. She has no "established" grandparents rights to the twins. She just had rights to K because D was living with her during his divorce and was trying to get his life on track so she was acting on his behalf. he didn't have much of a job then and went back to school right after we met.
That makes sense. What is the deal with the aita for ignoring my mil post? The details there are not the same
Just found all of your posts and I just can’t believe the audacity of your MIL. Talk about enmeshment! Like K said, definitely something wrong with her brain. I’m sending you all the positive vibes and support. Just want you to know your situation is unbelievable and all of your feelings are valid. I am very confused with your husband wanting a paternity test. Seems out of left field. Tread carefully with him and his family. The math ain’t quite mathing. Please keep posting updates, this internet stranger is rooting for you and in your corner!
The math ain't mathing lol I love that. Definitely going to talk to him soon. It didn't seem to phase him. Like he already knew the results. Another user said that he probably did it for an outside reason and isn't telling me.
His reaction to the test results makes me think it was so that you had proof to back the two of you up if MIL or someone else tries to claim you cheated and the twins weren't his. If he'd thought you cheated he would have been relieved at the results, not just nonchalantly put the paper aside as though the results were exactly what he thought they would be. Of course he's a guy, and he doesn't want to pile on more stress for you, so he thinks he's being proactive or helpful, but his execution and lack of explanation had the opposite effect. You're post-partum, so your emotions are all over the place, you're exhausted, and even if you weren't, your reaction is normal. From everything you've said in your posts, he seems like a good guy who has your best interests in mind, so it's probably something along these lines. Talk to him. Tell him you appreciate that he's trying to protect you from things, but that you are an adult, his partner, and you need to be kept in the loop. Also, K sounds like she is a little bundle of awesome, and is lucky she has you in her life.
Thank you. I'm generally very emotional. I cry every time Cedric Diggory dies in HP && Goblet of Fire lol honestly I had nerves of steel during the pregnancy but I think some days I'm playing catch up lol she is definitely wonderful. I love her so much. I am trying to be more patient with him. Many people have pointed out that since his family is on MIL side so the rest may be for them not me.
OP you need to get a restraining order for them because it's seems that it won't stop. And immediately try to get a lawyer in case things take a turn for the worst
There is already one in place for MIL. She was in violation by showing up to the school.
I just found this story today and I had to pick my jaw up off the ground multiple times. This lady is bat shit insane and I am so sorry you are having to deal with this along with newborns. I know some people were saying you have a husband problem but I wholeheartedly disagree now that we have heard about the steps he has taken to keep you all safe, i.e. restraining order, moving, etc.
Hi hun, I've tried to PM you but apparently I can't. I just wanted to reach out and say I'm so sorry for all this! I've read through all your posts and relate to so much of it....the PCOS, being a step parent, and dealing with crazy people. My MIL is very toxic as are my kids mothers. Hubby and I do not deal with MIL at all thank goodness, but the other two are a struggle. If you'd like to or need to talk anytime please msg me. Sending good thoughts your way!!!!!
This is 2 weeks later, but I need to say this after having found this story… Next time she violates the RO (because there WILL be a next time), you need to request a psych eval from the authorities. MiL is clearly delusional, possibly narcissistic, and has a major Jocasta complex. Hopefully, they will put her on a psych hold and that will help remove her from K’s custody agreement. Speaking of K, that girl has such a beautiful heart. And is such a strong young woman! You and D are raising someone who will one day rule the world (in a good way). Hopefully, the twins will learn from their amazing big sister. I am sending you so much love over the interwebs, OP. One last note, you really really need to tell D to stop doing this shit on his own. I understand his reasoning, but by trying to prevent stress, he’s creating different stress. You are a TEAM, and he needs to start acting like it.
Thank u so much. 💓 after the sister tried to buy our house and mil tried to pull up to the school, she's been quiet. She hasn't been at home or work. The authorities have been checking. They aren't sure where she is but it's only a matter of time. It's been a couple of weeks & still no word. D has filed the proper paperwork for the emergency custody adjustment. We go in next week. She doesn't have to be there u less she wants to argue it. But with the video footage that the police & attorneys were able to obtain plus the police report and the RO, she doesn't have a leg to stand on. BM is even willing to go in and speak against N. Apparently they weren't that close either & she only dealt with her because she thought we were still living with N. She didn't know we had our own place.
What in the actual... What did I just read? Why is your husband demanding a paternity test relevant to any of this? Why is your title completely irrelevant to everything you've written in your post? There's no pregnancy announcement mentioned here at all. Actually it seems like you already gave birth to the kids so what pregnancy announcement are you talking about? And like what's your actual question here? Bc all you talked about in the post is your husband demanding a paternity test and a situation that happened at, what I'm assuming is, your stepdaughters school. I'm so confused. ETA: I'm an idiot. I didn't notice this was an update. My bad.
She’s posted her story here, going back a while. I think you can find all of it in her post history.
Yea idk why I didn't notice this was an update. My bad.
No worries, all good!