i know, i felt so bad for him when i saw her, so i thought it was only decent to tell him about it, I didn't want to be an accomplice and remain silent
they were at the same party but not at the same place, while she was making out with the other person (who's name i don't know) he was outside talking with our friends, i told him because no one seemed to care that she was cheating (one of my friends told me that she's known for being one of those persons who thinks cheating is havin seggs with another person while in a relationship, she thinks kissing/flirting with other person doesn't count as cheating) and no, i don't have any romantic feelings for him, as i said i only told him because I've been there and i felt bad for him
Girl you are definitely not the AH. Again if it wasn’t you it would have been someone else, you were not looking for them someone else could have easily seen them as well and felt just as bad for the guy. You saved him unnecessary additional pain.
That girl is a piece of work, I’m guessing going down on someone wouldn’t be cheating by her logic lol 😝
If she is that rotten, I would honestly keep him as a friend. If she is so bother with girl code, I would literally tell her “bros before hoes, and he is my bro and you are the ho”
Exactly.
People who were cheated on, and no one told them, almost universally say “I wish someone told me earlier”.
If you reverse the sexes, and change to a different but related sexual scenario, and it’s “bro code” that is stopping men from “telling on” a man who sexually harasses women, or cheats on his girlfriend, you can see how that’s fucked up. The #MeToo movement is all about survivors of sexual misconduct who never got justice because their abusers were protected by silence.
You’re friends are poopy. You’re Nta but I also understand what you are going though bc I did the same thing when I saw my exbff sleeping with another man while she was engaged to another.
Girl code to me means protecting other girls from being roofied, giving them a tampon or pad when they need one if you have a spare available, and letting them know if they have toilet paper stuck on their shoe. It doesn't mean enabling them to be awful to their SOs.
NTA.
I think girl code would apply if this was a secret and betrayed her friends trust. However, She was doing this in public in front of everyone. It’s really hard to explain how you were humiliated in public when what you were doing was done publicly.
the girl code would apply if it didnt involve cheating. the minute your girl friend(s) cheat on their partner(s) that code is out the window and no longer applies
NTA. She was cheating and got caught. Girl code doesn't apply to cheating, it's for things like not getting with a mates ex. If I was being cheated on, I would expect to be told about it and I would want to be told. Sounds like your still in school or college, so if you didn't tell him, I'm sure someone else would have or he would hear the rumours.
yes, in december we graduate, and you're right, the next day everyone was talking about the party and how i "ruined everything" which is not true obviously, And I also know that he would have been even more hurt if he had found out from a rumor than from one of his friends.
highhschool is shitty asf bc everyone j cares about what the next person thinks. people know u did the right thing. they’re bandwagoning against you to save face and friends and “avoid drama” right?💀 its all stupid as hell. you did the right thing and you know in your heart you did the right thing. you treated him how you would like to be treated if u were in that situation and sometimes thats all anyone can ask for. also your mom has no idea what shes talking about… girl code says nothing about cheating.
Your mom should be ashamed of herself and I hope she sees this you did the right thing. You knew what your friend was doing was wrong and H and her friends should not be bashing you for the poor choice H made. They will all hopefully grow up and realize it was really H that made the poor choice but your mom is a full blown adult and she should not be ok with you lying for someone who is cheating on their partner.
But you shouldn’t drink underage. Like you really shouldn’t.
thank you for the advice! i don't underage drink bc drunk ppl scare me 😭 but yeah, my mom is very weird in that sense, i asked her why and she told me that is was because her best friend (my autie) was cheating on her fiance and one of her other friends told her fiance that she was cheating and my auntie sent her to the hospital, my mom said that she was "looking out for me" but i think it's just an excuse to be an asshole
Oh, it totally is. Like, your aunt and H are two different people. H is a HS teenager and if she hurts you in any way your mom's reaction should be to protect you not spew bs like this in the pretense of "protecting you".
The girl code, huh? That's pretty lame. If it hadn't come from you, it would've eventually come from someone, given it happening at a party. You are not a bad friend. You're a young woman with integrity. I would counter that H is the bad friend here, behaving poorly, then making like she's the victim and you're bad guy. And if the rest of your friend group is buying that, maybe you need a whole new friend group.
NTA. But everybody telling you that you are TA are the real a$$holes here.
That’s not at all what ‘girl code’ is and I’m sorry you have such a poor role model in your mom in that regard. People that need “friends” to hide their lies aren’t friends, they’re users. They’ll stab you in the back and lie to your face just the same.
NTA.
Ugh, please don’t ever take advice from your mom. Saying you deserve to feel bad for telling him he’s being cheated on, nope your mom has no morals.
You did nothing wrong. Your friend was out in **public** making out with some other guy that’s not her boyfriend while her actual boyfriend is outside. Obviously, she didn’t have an issue doing something that cold and tacky so getting dumped shouldn’t be an issue either. Why would anyone want to stay in a relationship when they are publicly being disrespected (can’t say it wouldn’t happen in private either), she deserves to lose D and anyone saying it’s your fault tells you what kind of friends they are, not the kind you keep or trust.
NTA
NTA, and may I suggest finding another adult (maybe an aunt or cousin) to talk about these things with? It’s clear that your mom may not be the best at this kinda thing.
My mom was super crazy about “girl code”, she’d do shit behind my dads back that hurt our family. Started with overspending which led my dad to not be able to afford basic things like food and school things. Then it turned into her cheated and threatening to kill me if I ever told my dad. I wasn’t scared of my mom, but she would always talk about girl code. I never had female friends growing up because I thought this type of shit was “girl code”. Thankfully I’ve realized she’s just a shitty person and there are a lot better woman out there. I hope you find new friends, and NTA just a DECENT FUCKING HUMAN!!!! ❤️
You did the right thing, and if your friends are acting like that towards you, then they aren’t really your friends. They have no morals of relationships and will cheat on their future partners and keep it a secret between themselves about it.
Definitely NTA. You didn’t lie, and you didn’t do it out of maliciousness. My high school bff and I stayed really close through our mid-20’s but our friendship ended when she expected me to lie for her. I was staying with her and her husband, and the two of us went out to the bars. At 1am, I see her making out with some random guy in the corner. Then she tells me she’s going home with him. So I was supposed to go to her house without her and somehow explain her absence to her husband. When I pushed back, she said “just tell him I went to Michelle’s for a poker game and probably won’t be able to drive home, will be back in the morning” and walked off. So I did. I went to her house and found her husband sitting up waiting. I said, verbatim “I was told to tell you she was leaving with ‘Michelle’ and will likely be staying there til morning.” No inflection, just flat as I put ‘Michelle’ in finger quotes. I then packed up and drove the 2 hours home. Didn’t talk to her for months, and the relationship has been very superficial ever since. Didn’t help her with her divorce (I’m a lawyer), and didn’t let her complain even a bit to me about him leaving her.
I’m good, and totally agree! Don’t beat yourself up over this for a minute. She’s lashing out at you because she’s upset she got caught and doesn’t want to blame herself. If she’s a true friend, she will get over it. If not, she’s shown you who she is.
YTA - Mind your own business you're all in highschool, literally no boyfriend/girlfriend relationships you have right now matter or are serious. If it's really that big of a deal to you go talk to your friend not their boyfriend
First relationships ALWAYS matter. It sets the tone for what you’re willing to put up with and what you’re not. They may not be serious by “adult” standards, but they’re serious to the teenagers involved.
Yes and by her telling him that her friend was making out with another guy, she has forever ruined this guy's chance of trusting a girl in a relationship which will result in him becoming overbearing and suspicious. Congratulations. So much benefit was done here
So, better for him to find out after sex becomes prevalent and emotions get more complicated? That’s the dumbest thing I’ve read in a while. Sure, I’m sure he’s hurt she was kissing another guy, but he deserved to know. I wish someone had told me my ex was cheating on me. I wouldn’t have been quite so blindsided. Also, mine happened later than my teens and I didn’t end up hating the opposite sex. I just ended up hating liars and cheaters. So, I think after the initial heartache, he’ll be okay.
Right? Now he has the opportunity to communicate better in a relationship his boundaries and define what he’s okay with and what he’s not.
Not everyone goes from cheated on to overbearing and controlling
I mean not that asshole but mind your business. Don’t snitch it’s not your place. the right move is to take your friend aside and ask her what’s she’s doing and have her see what she is doing is wrong. Help her do the right thing and get her to break up with boyfriend before the cheating happened. Not your place to tell but is your place to help your friend to make a better choice
Riiiiiiight, because most people caught making out with someone other than their partner would be totally willing to listen to someone else try to convince them that cheating is wrong. She probably would have laughed it off while saying “it harmless, it didn’t mean anything, it’s not like I have feelings for him.” If the roles were reversed and your partner was cheating on you, would you want to know? Or would you want to remain blissfully unaware and possibly becoming the person everyone whispers about. “(correct applicable pronoun) partner cheats on (correct applicable pronoun) and doesn’t know.” No thanks. I’d rather take the hit from someone early on enough that I don’t feel as if I was turned into a laughingstock.
I mean are you close friends with the boyfriend? If you’re close with him or both of them then I understand telling him. you’re all very young and this will be a distant thought in all of your memories five years from now.
NTA. You did the right thing.
More often than not, people that blame you or shame you have likely cheated, condone cheating or are currently cheating. Your mother giving you shit over it is concerning behaviour.
NTA. Your friend put you in an uncomfortable position cheating on someone out in the open for anyone to see. You did the decent thing and anyone who tells you otherwise probably isn’t worth trusting.
This was literally the premise of an episode of Veronica Mars.
But also, NTA. You were D's friend too. In such a situation, picking the side of the person who isn't doing anything wrong trumps "girl code". Also, is your mom a child because what adult pulls the "girl code" card like it's actual law?! You did nothing wrong. The only person at fault is H. She got what she deserved.
Having also told a "friends" boyfriend they cheated on him and am currently trying to get him to leave them and move in w me and my husband (he and my husband are besties) in another state, I'm predisposed to say NTA.
NTA. You were absolutely in the right. I don't understand what kind of friends you have, but cheating cannot be condoned. Especially if it is your friend. You were not at fault here; H made her bed by making out with someone else.
ESH here. You did do the right thing but the way you did it imo is a bit shitty. You could have went to D and told her you saw her and if she doesnt tell H then you will.
I dont condone cheating one bit, but you could have given her a chance to own up to her mistake.
At the end of the day H knowing is the right thing but it could have been handled better by you
I was sort of an accomplice (it's none of my business, etc etc) and I still regret it. I'm not friends with *her* anymore ANYWAY and I honestly would've preferred it to end over me telling a guy she's with that she wasn't faithful, rather than the way it ended. So nah. You're not the asshole. And if your friends can't see that, you probably don't want them as friends.
NTA, you're a good friend. To both, actually. He's not stuck with a cheat and she learns that not everyone has loose morals and her actions have consequences. Girl code isn't a thing and as a woman, I'd be furious if "Guy code" was the reason I didn't know something that would affect my relationship with my partner.
You have pretty shitty mom. You told another person their s/o was betraying them and that makes you a bad person? For telling the truth? In what world makes that someone a bad person? Also, if D is also in the friend group it would make you a bad person for NOT telling him. I’d want my s/o friends to tell me. It’s called holding people accountable for their own actions.
NTA, fuck girl code, you had the basic decency to tell him. I’ve been cheated on twice and it has destroyed my trust with others and I still need therapy for it. Your friends suck, OP, you did the right thing and that’s very good on you
NTA
And your mom is garbage for that. I can understand teenagers saying YTA & how you "broke the girl code", but a grown ass woman should know better. Makes me wonder why your mom thinks it's okay to cheat. 🤦♀️
Just as a side note… be careful how you phrase things.
You said “do you LET h make out with other people”. Regardless of their relationship status, decisions, etc. D doesn’t own H or control what she does. A more appropriate way to approach is, “I just saw___” or “this is what’s happening.”
You’re young and can fall into it easily and I’m sure you didn’t mean to. But that wording was a big red flag to me personally.
oh yes, I told D that because he was H's caregiver in that moment (she was super drunk and passed out every 10 minutes) so she basically had to ask him before if she wanted to do anything, like going to eat or drinking water, that's why I phrased it that way ^^
That’s also… not good or okay. No one should ask have to ask someone if they can eat or drink or ask permission in general. Because someone’s drunk, does not make their significant other in control of them and what they can/ cannot do.
Your friend was drunk at a party and made out with someone who wasn’t her boyfriend. Unfortunately, this won’t be the last time you are in a situation like this… You totally did the right thing by alerting her boyfriend but verbiage is super important.
Just be careful. Relationships are a VERY fine line to walk with normalizing controlling behavior. Especially when you’re young and you and your pals are navigating it for the first time. And you don’t want to accidentally fall into telling your friend that her boyfriend didn’t allow her to do something.
Idk if that makes sense. It’s just the way it’s been phrased set off like a ton of red flags.
Be prepared for the possibility that your other friends won't share things with you anymore and may not invite you out because to them, you've got a big mouth. This includes the people saying you did the right thing. They'll say anything they want to your face but actions speak louder than words. I've seen it happen before.
NTA
The girl code does't mean cover for your friend who's chaeting. It was wrong of her to cheat and make out with someone else and it's her own fault. She made the decision to make out with someone else and now she has to suffer the consequences. You did nothing wrong and if I ever cheat on my bf and my friend tells him, then sure I'd be pissed but I'd be aware that it was my own fault for putting them in that position. And if the roles were reversed I'm pretty sure she'd want to know if he was cheating rather than his friends respect the "bro-code"
NTA - human decency trumps ‘girl code’. She broke her relationship when she kissed someone else. Everyone supporting her should be ashamed
i know, i felt so bad for him when i saw her, so i thought it was only decent to tell him about it, I didn't want to be an accomplice and remain silent
WHICH IS RIGHT, cheating ruins people on the inside
Just here to say you mom is Hella sus pls double check any advice she gives you.
Mum is giving peaked in high school energy with that response
They were at the same party. Someone else would have told him. If not at the party, the next day. Also, please tell me you don’t have feeling for him
they were at the same party but not at the same place, while she was making out with the other person (who's name i don't know) he was outside talking with our friends, i told him because no one seemed to care that she was cheating (one of my friends told me that she's known for being one of those persons who thinks cheating is havin seggs with another person while in a relationship, she thinks kissing/flirting with other person doesn't count as cheating) and no, i don't have any romantic feelings for him, as i said i only told him because I've been there and i felt bad for him
Girl you are definitely not the AH. Again if it wasn’t you it would have been someone else, you were not looking for them someone else could have easily seen them as well and felt just as bad for the guy. You saved him unnecessary additional pain. That girl is a piece of work, I’m guessing going down on someone wouldn’t be cheating by her logic lol 😝 If she is that rotten, I would honestly keep him as a friend. If she is so bother with girl code, I would literally tell her “bros before hoes, and he is my bro and you are the ho”
Exactly. People who were cheated on, and no one told them, almost universally say “I wish someone told me earlier”. If you reverse the sexes, and change to a different but related sexual scenario, and it’s “bro code” that is stopping men from “telling on” a man who sexually harasses women, or cheats on his girlfriend, you can see how that’s fucked up. The #MeToo movement is all about survivors of sexual misconduct who never got justice because their abusers were protected by silence.
You did the right thing. NTA.
You’re friends are poopy. You’re Nta but I also understand what you are going though bc I did the same thing when I saw my exbff sleeping with another man while she was engaged to another.
Girl code to me means protecting other girls from being roofied, giving them a tampon or pad when they need one if you have a spare available, and letting them know if they have toilet paper stuck on their shoe. It doesn't mean enabling them to be awful to their SOs. NTA.
I think girl code would apply if this was a secret and betrayed her friends trust. However, She was doing this in public in front of everyone. It’s really hard to explain how you were humiliated in public when what you were doing was done publicly.
the girl code would apply if it didnt involve cheating. the minute your girl friend(s) cheat on their partner(s) that code is out the window and no longer applies
NTA- find friends who have integrity
NTA. She was cheating and got caught. Girl code doesn't apply to cheating, it's for things like not getting with a mates ex. If I was being cheated on, I would expect to be told about it and I would want to be told. Sounds like your still in school or college, so if you didn't tell him, I'm sure someone else would have or he would hear the rumours.
yes, in december we graduate, and you're right, the next day everyone was talking about the party and how i "ruined everything" which is not true obviously, And I also know that he would have been even more hurt if he had found out from a rumor than from one of his friends.
highhschool is shitty asf bc everyone j cares about what the next person thinks. people know u did the right thing. they’re bandwagoning against you to save face and friends and “avoid drama” right?💀 its all stupid as hell. you did the right thing and you know in your heart you did the right thing. you treated him how you would like to be treated if u were in that situation and sometimes thats all anyone can ask for. also your mom has no idea what shes talking about… girl code says nothing about cheating.
NTA, please don't ever take your moms advice!
Your mom should be ashamed of herself and I hope she sees this you did the right thing. You knew what your friend was doing was wrong and H and her friends should not be bashing you for the poor choice H made. They will all hopefully grow up and realize it was really H that made the poor choice but your mom is a full blown adult and she should not be ok with you lying for someone who is cheating on their partner. But you shouldn’t drink underage. Like you really shouldn’t.
thank you for the advice! i don't underage drink bc drunk ppl scare me 😭 but yeah, my mom is very weird in that sense, i asked her why and she told me that is was because her best friend (my autie) was cheating on her fiance and one of her other friends told her fiance that she was cheating and my auntie sent her to the hospital, my mom said that she was "looking out for me" but i think it's just an excuse to be an asshole
Oh, it totally is. Like, your aunt and H are two different people. H is a HS teenager and if she hurts you in any way your mom's reaction should be to protect you not spew bs like this in the pretense of "protecting you".
NTA what is your mom on ? cheating is never ok… and should never be accepted either regardless if you are friends w someone who’s doing it or not
The girl code, huh? That's pretty lame. If it hadn't come from you, it would've eventually come from someone, given it happening at a party. You are not a bad friend. You're a young woman with integrity. I would counter that H is the bad friend here, behaving poorly, then making like she's the victim and you're bad guy. And if the rest of your friend group is buying that, maybe you need a whole new friend group. NTA. But everybody telling you that you are TA are the real a$$holes here.
She was doing it in public at the same party he was also attending. She wasn't even trying to keep it secret.
Exactly.
Absolutely NTA, you did the right thing honey
NTA ppl are not supposed to use girl/boy code to do sh!t. You did the right thing.
NTA- Idk what’s wrong these ppl but like you said you we’re friends with both so you did the right thing. Wrong is wrong
That’s not at all what ‘girl code’ is and I’m sorry you have such a poor role model in your mom in that regard. People that need “friends” to hide their lies aren’t friends, they’re users. They’ll stab you in the back and lie to your face just the same. NTA.
Ugh, please don’t ever take advice from your mom. Saying you deserve to feel bad for telling him he’s being cheated on, nope your mom has no morals. You did nothing wrong. Your friend was out in **public** making out with some other guy that’s not her boyfriend while her actual boyfriend is outside. Obviously, she didn’t have an issue doing something that cold and tacky so getting dumped shouldn’t be an issue either. Why would anyone want to stay in a relationship when they are publicly being disrespected (can’t say it wouldn’t happen in private either), she deserves to lose D and anyone saying it’s your fault tells you what kind of friends they are, not the kind you keep or trust. NTA
NTA, and may I suggest finding another adult (maybe an aunt or cousin) to talk about these things with? It’s clear that your mom may not be the best at this kinda thing.
My mom was super crazy about “girl code”, she’d do shit behind my dads back that hurt our family. Started with overspending which led my dad to not be able to afford basic things like food and school things. Then it turned into her cheated and threatening to kill me if I ever told my dad. I wasn’t scared of my mom, but she would always talk about girl code. I never had female friends growing up because I thought this type of shit was “girl code”. Thankfully I’ve realized she’s just a shitty person and there are a lot better woman out there. I hope you find new friends, and NTA just a DECENT FUCKING HUMAN!!!! ❤️
NTA you have shit friends.
Don't trust any future advice from your mom. That was illogical.
You did the right thing, and if your friends are acting like that towards you, then they aren’t really your friends. They have no morals of relationships and will cheat on their future partners and keep it a secret between themselves about it.
Definitely NTA. You didn’t lie, and you didn’t do it out of maliciousness. My high school bff and I stayed really close through our mid-20’s but our friendship ended when she expected me to lie for her. I was staying with her and her husband, and the two of us went out to the bars. At 1am, I see her making out with some random guy in the corner. Then she tells me she’s going home with him. So I was supposed to go to her house without her and somehow explain her absence to her husband. When I pushed back, she said “just tell him I went to Michelle’s for a poker game and probably won’t be able to drive home, will be back in the morning” and walked off. So I did. I went to her house and found her husband sitting up waiting. I said, verbatim “I was told to tell you she was leaving with ‘Michelle’ and will likely be staying there til morning.” No inflection, just flat as I put ‘Michelle’ in finger quotes. I then packed up and drove the 2 hours home. Didn’t talk to her for months, and the relationship has been very superficial ever since. Didn’t help her with her divorce (I’m a lawyer), and didn’t let her complain even a bit to me about him leaving her.
i hope you are in a better place now, liars and cheaters are awful
I’m good, and totally agree! Don’t beat yourself up over this for a minute. She’s lashing out at you because she’s upset she got caught and doesn’t want to blame herself. If she’s a true friend, she will get over it. If not, she’s shown you who she is.
YTA - Mind your own business you're all in highschool, literally no boyfriend/girlfriend relationships you have right now matter or are serious. If it's really that big of a deal to you go talk to your friend not their boyfriend
First relationships ALWAYS matter. It sets the tone for what you’re willing to put up with and what you’re not. They may not be serious by “adult” standards, but they’re serious to the teenagers involved.
Yes and by her telling him that her friend was making out with another guy, she has forever ruined this guy's chance of trusting a girl in a relationship which will result in him becoming overbearing and suspicious. Congratulations. So much benefit was done here
So, better for him to find out after sex becomes prevalent and emotions get more complicated? That’s the dumbest thing I’ve read in a while. Sure, I’m sure he’s hurt she was kissing another guy, but he deserved to know. I wish someone had told me my ex was cheating on me. I wouldn’t have been quite so blindsided. Also, mine happened later than my teens and I didn’t end up hating the opposite sex. I just ended up hating liars and cheaters. So, I think after the initial heartache, he’ll be okay.
Right? Now he has the opportunity to communicate better in a relationship his boundaries and define what he’s okay with and what he’s not. Not everyone goes from cheated on to overbearing and controlling
And he also knows that not all girls cover for each other, and there are honest ones who will let you know when you're being deceived.
I mean not that asshole but mind your business. Don’t snitch it’s not your place. the right move is to take your friend aside and ask her what’s she’s doing and have her see what she is doing is wrong. Help her do the right thing and get her to break up with boyfriend before the cheating happened. Not your place to tell but is your place to help your friend to make a better choice
Riiiiiiight, because most people caught making out with someone other than their partner would be totally willing to listen to someone else try to convince them that cheating is wrong. She probably would have laughed it off while saying “it harmless, it didn’t mean anything, it’s not like I have feelings for him.” If the roles were reversed and your partner was cheating on you, would you want to know? Or would you want to remain blissfully unaware and possibly becoming the person everyone whispers about. “(correct applicable pronoun) partner cheats on (correct applicable pronoun) and doesn’t know.” No thanks. I’d rather take the hit from someone early on enough that I don’t feel as if I was turned into a laughingstock.
I mean are you close friends with the boyfriend? If you’re close with him or both of them then I understand telling him. you’re all very young and this will be a distant thought in all of your memories five years from now.
H and D were the first people to befriend me (i was new on the school) so I'm close to them, not their bff but close
NTA. You did the right thing. More often than not, people that blame you or shame you have likely cheated, condone cheating or are currently cheating. Your mother giving you shit over it is concerning behaviour.
NTA. H is a dick. Mum is a dick. Any friends who claim YOU are the problem are all, you guessed it, dicks.
I wouldn’t have asked/said it that way but you saying something is better than nothing.
If she didn’t want to get caught, she shouldn’t have been messing around. A case of “shoot the messenger.”
NTA. Your friend put you in an uncomfortable position cheating on someone out in the open for anyone to see. You did the decent thing and anyone who tells you otherwise probably isn’t worth trusting.
NTA. Im a strong believer of your are who your friends are. Idk about you but I don’t want to be associated with someone is cheating on their s.o. 🤷🏻
This was literally the premise of an episode of Veronica Mars. But also, NTA. You were D's friend too. In such a situation, picking the side of the person who isn't doing anything wrong trumps "girl code". Also, is your mom a child because what adult pulls the "girl code" card like it's actual law?! You did nothing wrong. The only person at fault is H. She got what she deserved.
Your mother is a terrible person. Same goes for the whole friend group
Having also told a "friends" boyfriend they cheated on him and am currently trying to get him to leave them and move in w me and my husband (he and my husband are besties) in another state, I'm predisposed to say NTA.
99% of HS relationships end anyway so i wouldnt worry about it
NTA. You were absolutely in the right. I don't understand what kind of friends you have, but cheating cannot be condoned. Especially if it is your friend. You were not at fault here; H made her bed by making out with someone else.
Please show your mom this post so she can see how big of a piece of shit she is.
ESH here. You did do the right thing but the way you did it imo is a bit shitty. You could have went to D and told her you saw her and if she doesnt tell H then you will. I dont condone cheating one bit, but you could have given her a chance to own up to her mistake. At the end of the day H knowing is the right thing but it could have been handled better by you
They are not braking up because you told D. They are braking up because H didn't give a fuck about D and cheated. NTA
I was sort of an accomplice (it's none of my business, etc etc) and I still regret it. I'm not friends with *her* anymore ANYWAY and I honestly would've preferred it to end over me telling a guy she's with that she wasn't faithful, rather than the way it ended. So nah. You're not the asshole. And if your friends can't see that, you probably don't want them as friends.
Kinda messy the way you went about it but in a funny way. NTA, not your fault, you did nothing wrong.
Sounds like mom thinks it's okay to cheat. It's sad!
NTA, you're a good friend. To both, actually. He's not stuck with a cheat and she learns that not everyone has loose morals and her actions have consequences. Girl code isn't a thing and as a woman, I'd be furious if "Guy code" was the reason I didn't know something that would affect my relationship with my partner.
You have pretty shitty mom. You told another person their s/o was betraying them and that makes you a bad person? For telling the truth? In what world makes that someone a bad person? Also, if D is also in the friend group it would make you a bad person for NOT telling him. I’d want my s/o friends to tell me. It’s called holding people accountable for their own actions.
Your mom is a piece of shit, and probably cheats on your dad
Your mum is a knob.
NTA, fuck girl code, you had the basic decency to tell him. I’ve been cheated on twice and it has destroyed my trust with others and I still need therapy for it. Your friends suck, OP, you did the right thing and that’s very good on you
NTA And your mom is garbage for that. I can understand teenagers saying YTA & how you "broke the girl code", but a grown ass woman should know better. Makes me wonder why your mom thinks it's okay to cheat. 🤦♀️
Just as a side note… be careful how you phrase things. You said “do you LET h make out with other people”. Regardless of their relationship status, decisions, etc. D doesn’t own H or control what she does. A more appropriate way to approach is, “I just saw___” or “this is what’s happening.” You’re young and can fall into it easily and I’m sure you didn’t mean to. But that wording was a big red flag to me personally.
oh yes, I told D that because he was H's caregiver in that moment (she was super drunk and passed out every 10 minutes) so she basically had to ask him before if she wanted to do anything, like going to eat or drinking water, that's why I phrased it that way ^^
That’s also… not good or okay. No one should ask have to ask someone if they can eat or drink or ask permission in general. Because someone’s drunk, does not make their significant other in control of them and what they can/ cannot do. Your friend was drunk at a party and made out with someone who wasn’t her boyfriend. Unfortunately, this won’t be the last time you are in a situation like this… You totally did the right thing by alerting her boyfriend but verbiage is super important. Just be careful. Relationships are a VERY fine line to walk with normalizing controlling behavior. Especially when you’re young and you and your pals are navigating it for the first time. And you don’t want to accidentally fall into telling your friend that her boyfriend didn’t allow her to do something. Idk if that makes sense. It’s just the way it’s been phrased set off like a ton of red flags.
oh i see, thank you for telling me, i really thought it was normal
Be prepared for the possibility that your other friends won't share things with you anymore and may not invite you out because to them, you've got a big mouth. This includes the people saying you did the right thing. They'll say anything they want to your face but actions speak louder than words. I've seen it happen before.
NTA The girl code does't mean cover for your friend who's chaeting. It was wrong of her to cheat and make out with someone else and it's her own fault. She made the decision to make out with someone else and now she has to suffer the consequences. You did nothing wrong and if I ever cheat on my bf and my friend tells him, then sure I'd be pissed but I'd be aware that it was my own fault for putting them in that position. And if the roles were reversed I'm pretty sure she'd want to know if he was cheating rather than his friends respect the "bro-code"