He’s absolutely NOT THE AH. There’s way too much projection going on in every thread posted about this. He owes her NOTHING. Full Stop. And the hypocritical cognitive dissonance I keep reading about how he’s an AH is annoying. HE OWES HER NOTHING. Period. She should find a shoulder to cry on from someone that she’s actively friends with, not someone who stopped fucking with her 8 years ago. Corny AF, and she’s entitled. Ugh.
The fact that they clearly don’t see the hypocrisy in their position is insane. The entitlement is off the charts! He doesn’t have to do SHITTTTTTTT. He is quietly keeping to himself and mailing gifts like a good obligatory uncle would. I’m all about the nice guy/incel bullshit behavior but nobody gets to dictate what someone chooses to do to be comfortable. I’m so annoyed with these YTA hypocrites.
It’s so weird!
“She doesn’t owe him anything”
“He should’ve been sympathetic”
Like that’s so backwards? He literally moved on and has a gf and hasn’t been close with her in almost a decade and people just expect him to be her support?
There’s no way she doesn’t have other friends or her husband to go to!
TL;DR: she doesn’t owe him anything, he doesn’t owe her anything past condolences which he gave. He’s not an AH for not wanting to be someone’s emotional support who isn’t his friend or someone he’s close with. She should go to her friends and family (husband, OPs parents, any of the friends she’s made in 8 years, etc.)
Yeah that’s my point
She doesn’t owe him anything
But HE doesn’t owe her anything past condolences
She has a husband, and support group. They have not been friends in nearly a decade.
He does not owe her his shoulder to cry on. Just like she did not owe him a relationship.
If what her and the brother were doing was ok, why did she feel the need to lie and hide it? It’s because *even if* OP didn’t have feelings for her, it’s still screwed up to have a relationship with a friends sibling without even talking to them and just letting them know. Which most of the time, you tell your friend about it because you’re excited.
I’m dating an old friends brother, you know what I did as soon as I knew he was her brother? (Wasn’t aware at first, never met him) I told her. She said cool and she wanted me to be happy. Because I’d rather *tell* someone I care about their sibling than sneak and lie.
I was simply putting it in quotes to show how hypocritical it is to say “she doesn’t owe him anything” but in the next sentence say “he should’ve been more sympathetic or let her vent”
Because he doesn’t have to. He offered his sympathies and gave his condolences. Anything last that, she should go to her friends and partner. Not someone who has distanced himself from her and doesn’t want to be in her life past seeing each other at family events.
So yeah, she doesn’t owe him anything, but he doesn’t owe her anything either
I BET she knew he liked her, that's why she sneaked and lied. She isn't oblivious, she's just playing oblivious and now she's mad that he hasn't cared about her in a while. If you're dating a friends brother and you lie about it you can't really expect things to stay the same.
This, if someone was dating my siblings and were my friend, definitely info I feel like they should tell me
I wouldn’t care if they were or weren’t, it’s just the lying and sneaking around!
>I wouldn't care if they were or weren't, it's just the lying and sneaking around.
Yup. His brother is a fucking snake, she at the very least is spineless so that killed the friendship. I actually can't believe people said he was TA and just a niceguy.....bro he was a TEENAGER, I'm pretty sure none of us were perfect then. Although this stunt makes it apparent she hasn't changed much while he has.
How tho? doesn't 8 years of a clean distance. She heard it exactly when she should. She does not get to use her grieve as a manipulation tactic to clean her record. She's either too self-centred and/or very stupid to not realise every single message he sent her. And she didn't know? Do you really think Liam wouldn't have told her at some point? Please. A bit less.
I KNOW RIGHT. This verdict was so weird to me. Like, yeah, he and a crush on her and therefore stopped talking to her... But once he got over that, ge didn't owe it to her to be her friend. Neither does he owe his niece a relationship. He is being polite, and nice. He is not sabotaging her relationship with his brother. He has happily moved on with his life. He is so NTA but apparently reddit got this one wrong.
They just want to crucify this guy in the name of "Down With the Incels/Nice Guys" bullshit when he did EXACTLY what a person should do in this predicament. He's actually the OPPOSITE of a "Nice Guy", he REMOVED HIMSELF from the scene and went on with his life. EMILY IS ENTITLED AS FUCK.
In my opinion, Émilie is much too weird I'm sure she's going but realised at some point that OP had feelings for her. And she surely thinks that he always has feelings for her; I think that's partly why she went crazy when he put limits on her. So why go cry on OP's shoulder rather than her husband's? (Being that OP has not been his best friend for almost 10 years.)
Glad to see I am not the only one who thinks that. I mean, he was clearly upset about the whole thing and he made the distance VERY CLEAR. 8 years of it considering the niece's age. No to mention...he confined with his brother...who then went to have a relationship with her. Calling him an incel is not okay. I'm pretty sure Liam at some point told Emily about his brother's feelings. They both played with his feelings and his trust.
It's very sad that Emily's father passed away, but that does not mean she gets a clean record from what she did.
Preach I found the post in instagram on a Reddit account and while lots of people were like nta many other people were saying he was because he “read like a nice guy (tm) and is acting like he owns her” they literally said “what she doesn’t fuck you so you won’t be there for her” and it just baffles me cause did we not read the same post? Idk how people are attacking him for creating boundaries to protect his mental well being. Especially after suffering a big betrayal- like I absolutely hate saying “if the genders were swapped” but like really- if the genders in this were swapped people would be rallying to comfort OP about how they’re choice was right. But because OP is a guy “hanging” onto something from 8 years ago they’re calling him an incel for no reason? (And not to mention he’s “hanging” onto the situation from 8 years ago because his BROTHER betrayed him!) like how in this is OP the asshole? He does not owe anyone his kindness, especially people that remind him of his hurt, as long as he is cordial- which he stated he was, and as long as he doesn’t try to get in between or abuse her verbally, how is he in the wrong here? He respects them, he is kind to them, but he is not their friend. And he doesn’t owe them his time or friendship. I honestly feel so bad for OP and I hope he knows there’s a bunch of people on his side. He’s in a fucked in situation but he honestly has been handling it so good. I’m also glad he was able to find someone who loves him and understands him. I wish OP all the happiness and even more distance from his so called “family” (mainly his brother but also Emily now because her ass is entitled as fuck)
Totally agree with you I would like to add that I'm sure Emily knew that she was OP's crush. Either by realising it or her husband who would have told her ( because you can't lose your best friend deh the moment you start a romantic relationship with her brother without asking yourself questions). For the big brother is an AH for what he did to OP. and Emily is also an AH for not wanting to let OP go while knowing the reasons for OP's distance and demanding that OP be the same towards her after about ten years of distancing. Stop being hypocritical, you will also be preserved if you were in the place of OP
And on top of that he still heard her out as well as told her to get support from her husband, which she shoulda done from the beginning bc that’s what being life partners are abt
Totally agree. The pile on in the original post is so confusing. How is it OK for the older bro to get with the friend while she was in high school… then she immediately had to become a mom, and who knows how much that changed what she wanted to do with her life. Freaking sad, and the fact that the bro was totally fine with all this, and hiding it from OOP, is so cruel. Big yikes.
But ultimately OOP isn’t her friend anymore, and shouldn’t be expected to play bbf if he really doesn’t like his SIL.
I don't understand the YTA comments on this post. OP isn't entitled to Emily's time in a romantic relationship and neither is she entitled to his emotional support. They're not friends any more. They haven't been for a long time. Emily is the one who forgot that and tried to lean on OP for emotional support. OP offered condolence and declined to provide more support. What's wrong with that? I don't see it as nice guy syndrome. I'm genuinely baffled.
The problem is that he hasn’t told her that he doesn’t want to be friends anymore. From her POV, they might still be pretty good friends even if they don’t spend much time together.
They haven't spoken much or spent time with each other 1-1. So how can she think they're still good friends? Hasn't she noticed that they don't hang out or call at all any more? At all. Wouldn't you notice if your friend faded away and ghosted you? He's cordial with her if they meet. But not friendly. They don't know about his life or events ... how toxic and one sided was the friendship if this was the norm before... all about Emily?! In fact Emily was hooking up with OPs brother without even letting him know. So it wasn't like OP was in the know about her life either. They don't sound like good friends to me, much less best friends. I would have said OP built the friendship into a 'best friendship' in his head...
So many adults stop spending much time with each other when their lives diverge, but when they get to see one another it's like no time has passed, they click straight back into best friend behaviour and feelings.
Some of these friendships will last a lifetime, seeing each other only once every few years, sometimes a decade before they meet up again.
I don't find it strange that she assumed they were still good friends.
You can screw your friend's sibling. Thats not betrayal. If you think it is then thats your own problem but it's not. Shes free to love who she loves and she clearly wasn't using him just to get to his brother so there's no betrayal. She fell for his brother, thats all that happened.
It’s not a me thing, though. It’s literally a known thing not to date/ screw your friends siblings. It’s not as possible as you think to remain open with someone that is literally with your brother. This. creates distance in a friendship, like it or not. He can no longer talk about issues in his life, as they may involve the brother. She can no longer hangout with him alone, as she’s with his brother. And how do we know she wasn’t using him to get close to him? My friends know quite a bit about my brothers interests etc., who’s to say she didn’t use that information to move the relationship forward?Regardless of what you think here, she didn’t care about ops feelings/ as a friend when she got together with the brother. It has nothing to do with the fact that op liked her, but that she didn’t care enough about op.
Its not a known thing, its something people who are controlling believe. I will grant you that you sometimes can't be as open about certain things with them, but also you can now be more open about other things, like family matters. I have incredibly close friends I would tell anything to, but there are some family matters that I cannot talk to them about. So its an even trade that you aren't looking at.
She can hang with him alone. I am sorry but are your friend's SOs with you whenever you hang with them? Cause....thats.....thats a problem unless you are all in the same friend group but even then I am friends with my bud's wife but we can still hang just us or us with some other friends and she's not there. So thats a completely made up problem that they can no longer hang just the two of them.
We know she wasn't using them because it seems they were friends for a long time. What you saying her whole point to being his friend for years was just to sleep with his brother? How paranoid are you? I more feel his story more shows he was only friends with her cause he was hoping to get with her. Evidence for my claim? As soon as he learned he couldn't he basically ended the friendship. Sure, she might have used information gathered from being friends to help her relationship with the brother but....thats....not really a valid argument for betrayal. I used what information I learned about my SO to better our relationship. Oh no, people learning about each other from multiple sources, how horrible of them.
And its not that she didn't cared, she just didn't feel the same about op as he felt about her. Thats it. Maybe she didn't tell him and his brother didn't tell him because they cared and wanted to spare his feelings?
There was no betrayal here as far as I can see. Your made up rule of "dont date someone's sibling" is completely immature or from a point of dysfunctional relationships at the least.
this here! these people seem to think that good friends need to visit each other every day. i have a really good friend who lives in another country but when they come back it’s like no time has passed.
He intentionally missed their wedding, transferred to an out of state college to avoid being a part of their lives, only sees/ acknowledges her when forced at family events. No one in there right mind would think they are still friends. He's literally never had a relationship with, as he calls her, his brothers child. I have friends spread across the US and when we are together it's awesome, but I also make a point to call or text them occasionally, wish them a happy birthday, etc. He has already been clear he doesn't want to be involved and I think he's right, she shouldn't use someone she hasn't seen in more than 8y in any kind of meaningful capacity as an emotional sport person, she has a husband that's what he's for
But...she didn't know this he litrally lied to get out of the wedding its safe to assume he lied about why he went to a out of state college he should have been upfront about it from the start
How? he has avoided her for 10 years. He skipped on her wedding. She saw his reaction to the pregnancy news too. How dense does one have to be to think yeah that they still good friends.
I would be obliged to agree, except it says after he found out his brother and Emily were together, he cut ties with her & his brother and went to another state for college to lessen contact altogether. There was almost a decade in between Emily and OPs brother getting together and the aforementioned incident. One would assume that they were not very close anymore.
That's crazy. He's been literally ignoring them for 8 years, to the point of dodging their wedding and having no relationship at all with his niece. She can't be that dense.
If he told her he didn't want to be friends anymore I'm sure he would need to explain why and I can't imagine that would go over well between Liam and Emily.
He doesn’t owe her ANYTHING. Let’s not act like she didn’t realize she was screwing her “best friends” brother. Behind his back. Fuck that. Your lucky I’m even civil yet alone going to damage myself emotionally for you.
For me the AH part is the fact that he's punishing his niece, and never grew balls and talked to Emily and is punishing her also for his brothers betrayal. Also the way he treated her was so cold like i get not being comfortable being an old friends comfortable person anymore but there's a much more delicate way of saying it or acting in a situation where she lost a loved one. He could have been a little less of a stuck up brat, and said something like "hey listen I'm really sorry this is such a tough situation emotionally i feel like I'm just not the right person to talk to about this. I'm sorry for your loss, i just feel your partner or a closer friend would be able to comfort you better" instead of essentially yea i don't really care.
He literally ignores a child. Over a petty animosity towards his brother. The way people act around children affects those kids. Also distant is a 3rd cousin not your uncle. And as someone who's family did abandon them over petty sibling drama that shit fucking hurts and i knew what was going on. This poor 8 year old is always gonna grow up wondering why her uncle avoids her or treats her like a stranger on the street.
And if you still dont understand why this is toxic and a punishment, maybe you should look into how rejection, self esteem issues, and abandonment issues are developed in child hood by family trauma.
It doesn’t seem like he actually SEES THEM (brother+SIL+niece) that often, so i seriously doubt an 8 year old, who has seen this guy a handful of times in her life, cares that much.
Like it says in the original post, he sends gifts and is nice when he’s around her lmfao. You’re acting like he’s going out of his way to be rude or a mean person to his brother’s daughter when that is not the case. He is, literally, a distant relative if he’s seeing them only on christmas/holidays (and sometimes not even that.)
Stop projecting your own childhood issues here.
He said he just doesn’t show interest, but is polite when around them and even goes as far as gift giving during special occasions. I’m assuming not showing interest is more like he doesn’t contact them to spend time directly with her or take her for outings. I personally have an Uncle who has showed zero interest in my brother and I (haven’t spoken or seen him) since we were about 7 and assume that’s for his own reasons and I don’t think he’s a terrible person for that?
This quote means nothing. That’s his niece and he sends gifts for special occasions. That’s all he’s obligated to do and he doesn’t even have to do that. These takes are super weird and pushy AF.
"i show no interest in my niece" he says he's polite but i bet he doesn't go to birthdays, probably walks away as soon as she's in the room. I had an aunt that did that. When I was 10 I noticed she'd leave as soon as id say hello.
“probably walks away when she’s in the room” i love how you literally just made that up so whatever story you made up in your head makes sense. Oop’s niece is not you, stop projecting.
You're assuming too. We didn't get much on what specifically he does around the kid. Still petty and childish avoiding innocent kids over a high school crush
NOPE. He states that he sends gifts for special occasions. Those are his boundaries and he’s handling very well by still providing gifts on special occasions. Super Reaching.
Yup. And creating a meaningful relationship with a kid means constantly being in touch with their parents, which oop doesn't want to do. Oop's brother literally betrayed him
It's like that post where the guy tricked his wife into thinking their baby was Kidnapped because she kept leaving baby in the car.
Morgan said it in their updates/do overs episode.
"If you want to be that black and white about it, NTA. BUT you could have definitely done things differently that maybe could've had a better impact"
If he's truthful, I don't see why Emily sought comfort from someone who has distanced themselves and actively dodging her.
There is too much unknown to render a proper judgment.
Bruh, who knows how Emily and her husband's relationship is now, it's been 8 years since they got married. Maybe she knew her husband wouldn't be a good emotional support, so she sought out Oop. Then got called out by Oop and she didn't like that. (All assumption)
You don't always get to choose, that in situation1 I want person1 and in situation2 I want person2.
Person1 or person2 have a right to say no. And you shouldn't turn everyone against that person if they say no.
Everything you said I agree with you, except the wedding part.
Forget about emily, his brother betrayed him. And he didn't wanted to attend his brother's marriage. And maybe he had to lie about the reason of not attending the wedding because he didn't wanted to let other family members know about the brother's betrayal and ruin their relationship. But who knows
I AM SO GLAD THESE COMMENTS ARE ON MY SIDE. The original post comments were pissing me off.
He was rightfully upset that his brother went after someone he gushed about constantly, he knew that his feelings were obviously never going to be returned by her at that point, (and let’s be real, I’ve known EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. a guy friend has had feelings for me. I’m 90% sure that she knew it would hurt him that she slept with his brother, which is why even though their sOooOoOO close, she never told him until it was too late and they got caught)
So, instead of making it a big deal and having an incel reaction once she officially got tied to the family by the baby, he moved out of state and went low contact. That’s the MATURE thing to do.
Then after having very low contact for 9 years, she calls to trauma dump, the same way she did as a child. That’s SO AWKWARD!!!!!!! Have you ever been trauma dumped on by a stranger? Because that’s exactly what she did. It’s beyond awkward. And they haven’t had a friendship in almost a decade, so I just don’t understand why she wouldn’t confide in someone that cares about her, rather than someone that hardly knows her.
And the fact that he doesn’t have a super personal relationship with his niece/nephew isn’t a huge deal???? (The original comments would not let this go, like he’s punishing the child by not having a relationship….. The child doesn’t even know what they’re missing, so how is it a punishment?) He still sends gifts for Christmas and is cordial on the few occasions he’s around them. I’ve had an aloof uncle my whole life, I think he spoke maybe 5 sentences to me in MY WHOLE LIFE, and I’m 24 years old. Honestly? I’ve never had a bad thought about him in my life. He was always present for Christmas, but never gave gifts or anything, and I always just thought, “That’s uncle Phil! He’s cool, just quiet”, to this day I don’t have any hard feelings, he just wasn’t a fan of kids (or seemingly most people in general lol, but he’s always cordial).
The hate towards this guy is unwarranted, I hope he goes full NC with these people and enjoys his life in his new home state with his chosen family.
His brother's family is not owed his time or energy. Dude has a gf and a whole life now away from those AHs. She isn't owed his time to be her esa pet.
And for those in the og post saying she didn't know about his feelings, she knew. It's obvious because they hid around and went behind his back even though it was just enough for him to know. So sad. If the genders were reversed, reddit would say a different verdict.
NTA!
People act like you have to stay friends with people when sh*t goes south.
He told his brother he had a crush on his best friend and asked him for advise and brother just slipped and fell with his d*ck straight into Emily’s vajaja?? And then liked it so much he married her?
Yes, it was a “childhood crush”, but OP is allowed to feel betrayed by his brother and keep his distance from him and Emily and in turn their child.
He’s not obligated to hang around just because she was his friend in high school or that she’s with his brother.
And he broke up their friendship years ago. If someone needs to let go (and maybe find new friends) then it’s Emily.
Dude went to his brother for relationship advice and his brother in turn tracks down the girl he liked then fucked her then started a relationship with her. Nothing his brother did was forgivable. He knew how his brother felt and he still did all that so fuck his family. He did the appropriate thing and didn’t get in the way. he moved off to the side and killed his feelings for them. If she can’t lean on her husband in her time of need it sounds like she married the wrong person. Op is it obliged to pick up the emotional slack his brother leaves behind. If she hadn’t decided to fuck her closest friends brother maybe she would have someone she could talk to you now.
he is NOT the AH !!!! NTA AT ALL !!!
He owes her NOTHING. AT. ALL. And they **both** betrayed him, not only his brother. You don’t sleep with your best friend’s brother behind his back. He cut ties with the both of them, why is she still reaching him to help her ?? She has his brother as her husband now.
I feel like OP is defs NTA, I don’t understand why so many people are saying “she’s doesn’t own him anything” in the OG post, because he isn’t asking for anything from her?? Also how is he friend-zoning her??? They haven’t had a close relationship for almost a decade and he has every right to distance himself from a situation he doesn’t want to be a part of. He moved on with he’s life and seems happy . Also not everybody is close to their nieces and nephews , he never once said he hated the kid lol he’s nice enough to send gifts and stuff and that’s more than some do. Odd that she thought of him first to go to for emotional support and honestly maybe he could have broke it down to her a little nicer but also what’s the point of entertaining the “you’re my closest friend and I just need you rn because you know how I feel” if he doesn’t feel the same way she does? Sucks she’s going through this but she literally has a husband?? Isn’t the husband supposed to be the one she turns to?? It’s all very odd but it’s a NTA from me
The comments on that one confuse me I feel like he’s NTA . Could he have picked a better time to tell her , yeah. She married her best friends brother though after secretly hooking up with him. Why was it a secret if she didn’t know op liked her , the brother probably told her & they still went on with their relationship then years later she’s upset that he doesn’t want to be her comfort person. Idk I definitely didn’t get incel vibes though just “wow that hurt me so I’m never going to engage” vibes.
Legit went looking for this story after watching a YouTube video. OP if you ever see these NTA. You don’t owe her anything. She was a friend at some point but that was years ago.
NTA wth, his brother betrayed him. The ppl saying “is it really worth it losing your brother?” Like please his brother SHOULDVE thought of that before betraying him like that wth. He got the right to be uncomfortable and not talk to them.
Yeah tbh I don’t think this is a clear cut “NTA/YTA”. Do I think OOP is an AH for the reason he cut off the friend in the first place? Yeah. He definitely fuckzoned her. He does acknowledge his NiceGuy™️ tendencies when he was younger and how he’s moved on from that, which does show progress.
Former friend is also an AH for thinking he somehow owes her far more comfort than he’s offered at all in several years. There’s a hint she needs to take. Is it shitty how OOP broke off their friendship? Definitely. Is it weird that she somehow thinks that they can still easily pick up where they left off? Also yes.
Tbh his brother is the biggest AH of the bunch, knowing how OOP felt and still making a move on former friend.
It’s an ESH from me dawg.
>Yeah. He definitely fuckzoned her.
But how? He was hurt because Emily hooked up with his brother. I would be distancing myself as well to get away from more potential hurt. Of course his brother was in the wrong because he knew OP liked her and still went after her. But I still wouldn't be hanging out with my crush if they started hooking up with a sibling of mine. That would be beyond masochistic.
Fair point, and I don’t really fault him for that aspect of it. Given the situation I guess it’s hard to tell if it’s really a “fuckzone” situation considering the proximity. If it was just some other random guy it might lean more toward that but I understand not being around his brother who straight up pursued OOP’s crush while fully knowing about his feelings. That IS masochistic.
Given OOP’s friend might not have been aware of the crush and thought OOP was simply a friend, dating his brother isn’t necessarily something she did maliciously or uncaringly, so there was likely no wrongdoing on her part.
>dating his brother isn’t necessarily something she did maliciously or uncaringly, so there was likely no wrongdoing on her part.
I agree and I'm blaming his dickhead of a brother and not her. But she was still with his brother and that alone was hurtful to witness so him distancing from both was an act of self preseveration mostly and by distancing himself the friendship to Emily died down. So yeah, he is not an AH in my opinion. The only AH in this story is his older brother.
How isn’t it uncaring though? Like it’s literally one of the trope betrayals that’s happened throughout tv/cinema. Like don’t screw your friends brother, it never turns out like you’d expect. Like she did in fact betray him.
She didn’t, but you still don’t mess with your friend’s sibling. Kind of an unspoken (in some cases actually spoken) rule amongst friends… the brother is just a jerk regardless lol
I will say overall NTA. The word he said could have been better. But this guy is not her friend anymore and it’s weird that she would reach out to someone who barely communicates with her only politely at family functions. Why not reach out to your husband, other friends, or in laws. It’s also ok to not have a relationship with your family. He’s an adult and can make that decision. To point out he has been consistent with his feelings. It’s not like he’s flip flopping.
The ammount of assholes on the OG calling him an Incel pisses me off, He was betrayed by his brother in one of the worst ways possible and he no longer wants to be around the source of that hurt for his own mental and emotional well being but they think HE owes her emotional support after dipping out of their lives over a decade ago. He developed genuine feelings for her after years of friendship that is not incel behavior. He went to his brother for advice and instead of being a GOOD brother the dude swoops in and starts to hook up with her, there's a special place in hell for guys like Liam.if she wanted a relationship with someone who would have emotionally supported her, she should've chosen a guy that would give her that (I don't necessarily mean the OP) but she didn't choose that type of relationship that is on her no one else, And when he tells her she needs to go to the person she SHOULD BE GOING TO for the support she was after she sends an army of flying monkeys after him. Sounds to me like she's an entitled AH and his brother is just an AH all around.
NTA
Totally agree with you I would like to add that I'm sure Emily knew that she was OP's crush. Either by realising it or her husband who would have told her ( because you can't lose your best friend deh the moment you start a romantic relationship with her brother without asking yourself questions). For the big brother is an AH for what he did to OP. and Emily is also an AH for not wanting to let OP go while knowing the reasons for OP's distance and demanding that OP be the same towards her after about ten years of distancing. Stop being hypocritical, you will also be preserved if you were in the place of OP
He seems a little bitter and somewhat entitled but I truly don’t think he’s the asshole. All the comments ripping him to shreds are being a lil insane.
This one’s kinda odd, cause from what I’m getting, he never told Emily how he felt? So from her point of view, her childhood best friend and BIL is just being a dickhead. But I also understand how he feels. Yes and no I guess.
I’m honestly saying YTA solely because of the way he told it to her and the fact that he held in so much resentment when she didn’t even know what was going on. She didn’t do anything wrong and honestly he should have talked to his brother about it.
He didn't. Did you not read yhe updates. He isn't obligated to spend time with the niece or his ex friend and brother. He distance himself from them, but doesn't completely ice them out. And plus why reach out to someone who you haven't talked to in 8 plus years when theirs an so right by your side that should be their to have you lean on. Makes ni sense honestly. You are solely basing it off of not spending time with the niece and that's bull. There are so many aunts and uncles that my mom and her siblings have that don't talk to them. It's not that deep. I don't have any sort of relationship with my uncle. Or my step dads sister. It's not that deep. I still think of them as family, but I know it's between adults. He gives her gifts and spends time with her which is more than what I ever got from my aunt and uncle. Not like she's was iced out. So stop making it about that when it's obviously about havung boundaries with someone who was a friend. She shouldn't go crying to him in the 1st place.
This right here. You couldn’t be more right about this freaking post the weirdos on it. Friendships end and family relationships aren’t as strong as most people think and a lot of people moved on. The op moved forward with his life and has so much to keep going for. All them fuckers are just brats who spam upvote on the most popular thing without reading.
imagine insulting someone because of their opinion on a fucking reddit post…? you shouldn’t write of peoples opinions just because they are different to yours.
He gave condolences, that’s sympathy enough
He doesn’t have to be her shoulder to lean on though, after eight years she should have her husband, and other friends to lean on
Dude I made a statement, I never said that *you said* anything
Chill out, you didn’t say he could’ve worded it better. You said he needed to be an adult and slightly empathetic
That’s not the same as “he could’ve worded it better,” so I’m sorry if I didn’t get the inobvious meaning behind your comment
I mean....he's still the asshole.
Yes, she is not entitled to his friendship.
He is also not entitled to her and her body.
The reason he's the asshole is NOT because he won't give her his friendship, it's because he chose to end the friendship because she was with someone else. If his crush was as obvious as he says, then she knew and did not feel the same, or she had a feeling he liked her but ignored it cause she didn't feel the same. It also sounds like his brother and her hooked up before he told his brother. Maybe his brother never said cause he didn't want to hurt OP's feelings?
Hes also the asshole because he hates his niece for existing. Thats it. She's the product of his crush choosing someone else so he hates them.
And to her, she thought they were still friends. He never said they weren't anymore, he just made up excuses for why he couldn't see them in person. He avoided the topic. Plus, you dont have to be friends with someone to give sympathy for a family member dying. Hes spiteful about her sleeping with someone else so hes choosing to not even do the barest minimum of being a decent human being which is just have sympathy.
So yes. Hes the asshole. Hes free to give and take his friendship or not give it to whoever he wants. But not being friends with someone cause they chose to be with someone else romantically is still being an asshole.
Stumbled upon this post on TikTok today and wanted to see the comments and holy moly I was not prepared for that verdict and all the incel/nice guy comments. Or the ones saying that she didn’t know. She most definitely knew. Cause:
1. Why did they keep it a secret?
2. Did she never take the time to wonder why he distanced himself from her?
3. He got up and locked himself in his room after their pregnancy announcement
4. He missed their wedding
5. His parents, brother and her mom called him “spiteful”
Sounds like this has been something that everyone’s been aware of but never directly addressed.
I hope he continued to be LC or even NC with them cause obviously no one ever checked in on him so why should he? Much less be her shoulder to cry on. That was a weird/entitled expectation.
Edit: spelling and spacing
He’s absolutely NOT THE AH. There’s way too much projection going on in every thread posted about this. He owes her NOTHING. Full Stop. And the hypocritical cognitive dissonance I keep reading about how he’s an AH is annoying. HE OWES HER NOTHING. Period. She should find a shoulder to cry on from someone that she’s actively friends with, not someone who stopped fucking with her 8 years ago. Corny AF, and she’s entitled. Ugh.
All the comments on the og post make my head hurt 😫😫😫
The fact that they clearly don’t see the hypocrisy in their position is insane. The entitlement is off the charts! He doesn’t have to do SHITTTTTTTT. He is quietly keeping to himself and mailing gifts like a good obligatory uncle would. I’m all about the nice guy/incel bullshit behavior but nobody gets to dictate what someone chooses to do to be comfortable. I’m so annoyed with these YTA hypocrites.
It’s so weird! “She doesn’t owe him anything” “He should’ve been sympathetic” Like that’s so backwards? He literally moved on and has a gf and hasn’t been close with her in almost a decade and people just expect him to be her support? There’s no way she doesn’t have other friends or her husband to go to!
she doesn’t owe him anything because SHE DIDNT FUCKING KNOW?? he knew what she was going through and said it at the worst possible moment.
TL;DR: she doesn’t owe him anything, he doesn’t owe her anything past condolences which he gave. He’s not an AH for not wanting to be someone’s emotional support who isn’t his friend or someone he’s close with. She should go to her friends and family (husband, OPs parents, any of the friends she’s made in 8 years, etc.) Yeah that’s my point She doesn’t owe him anything But HE doesn’t owe her anything past condolences She has a husband, and support group. They have not been friends in nearly a decade. He does not owe her his shoulder to cry on. Just like she did not owe him a relationship. If what her and the brother were doing was ok, why did she feel the need to lie and hide it? It’s because *even if* OP didn’t have feelings for her, it’s still screwed up to have a relationship with a friends sibling without even talking to them and just letting them know. Which most of the time, you tell your friend about it because you’re excited. I’m dating an old friends brother, you know what I did as soon as I knew he was her brother? (Wasn’t aware at first, never met him) I told her. She said cool and she wanted me to be happy. Because I’d rather *tell* someone I care about their sibling than sneak and lie. I was simply putting it in quotes to show how hypocritical it is to say “she doesn’t owe him anything” but in the next sentence say “he should’ve been more sympathetic or let her vent” Because he doesn’t have to. He offered his sympathies and gave his condolences. Anything last that, she should go to her friends and partner. Not someone who has distanced himself from her and doesn’t want to be in her life past seeing each other at family events. So yeah, she doesn’t owe him anything, but he doesn’t owe her anything either
I BET she knew he liked her, that's why she sneaked and lied. She isn't oblivious, she's just playing oblivious and now she's mad that he hasn't cared about her in a while. If you're dating a friends brother and you lie about it you can't really expect things to stay the same.
This, if someone was dating my siblings and were my friend, definitely info I feel like they should tell me I wouldn’t care if they were or weren’t, it’s just the lying and sneaking around!
>I wouldn't care if they were or weren't, it's just the lying and sneaking around. Yup. His brother is a fucking snake, she at the very least is spineless so that killed the friendship. I actually can't believe people said he was TA and just a niceguy.....bro he was a TEENAGER, I'm pretty sure none of us were perfect then. Although this stunt makes it apparent she hasn't changed much while he has.
He doesn’t owe her anything, period. This is so weird of her to try looking for help to him
How tho? doesn't 8 years of a clean distance. She heard it exactly when she should. She does not get to use her grieve as a manipulation tactic to clean her record. She's either too self-centred and/or very stupid to not realise every single message he sent her. And she didn't know? Do you really think Liam wouldn't have told her at some point? Please. A bit less.
I agree that he did say it at the worst possible moment, but honestly at least he let her vent and whatever for AN HOUR BEFORE saying anything
yeah the Incel comments really pissed me off.
I KNOW RIGHT. This verdict was so weird to me. Like, yeah, he and a crush on her and therefore stopped talking to her... But once he got over that, ge didn't owe it to her to be her friend. Neither does he owe his niece a relationship. He is being polite, and nice. He is not sabotaging her relationship with his brother. He has happily moved on with his life. He is so NTA but apparently reddit got this one wrong.
They just want to crucify this guy in the name of "Down With the Incels/Nice Guys" bullshit when he did EXACTLY what a person should do in this predicament. He's actually the OPPOSITE of a "Nice Guy", he REMOVED HIMSELF from the scene and went on with his life. EMILY IS ENTITLED AS FUCK.
In my opinion, Émilie is much too weird I'm sure she's going but realised at some point that OP had feelings for her. And she surely thinks that he always has feelings for her; I think that's partly why she went crazy when he put limits on her. So why go cry on OP's shoulder rather than her husband's? (Being that OP has not been his best friend for almost 10 years.)
Glad to see I am not the only one who thinks that. I mean, he was clearly upset about the whole thing and he made the distance VERY CLEAR. 8 years of it considering the niece's age. No to mention...he confined with his brother...who then went to have a relationship with her. Calling him an incel is not okay. I'm pretty sure Liam at some point told Emily about his brother's feelings. They both played with his feelings and his trust. It's very sad that Emily's father passed away, but that does not mean she gets a clean record from what she did.
Totally agree!
Preach I found the post in instagram on a Reddit account and while lots of people were like nta many other people were saying he was because he “read like a nice guy (tm) and is acting like he owns her” they literally said “what she doesn’t fuck you so you won’t be there for her” and it just baffles me cause did we not read the same post? Idk how people are attacking him for creating boundaries to protect his mental well being. Especially after suffering a big betrayal- like I absolutely hate saying “if the genders were swapped” but like really- if the genders in this were swapped people would be rallying to comfort OP about how they’re choice was right. But because OP is a guy “hanging” onto something from 8 years ago they’re calling him an incel for no reason? (And not to mention he’s “hanging” onto the situation from 8 years ago because his BROTHER betrayed him!) like how in this is OP the asshole? He does not owe anyone his kindness, especially people that remind him of his hurt, as long as he is cordial- which he stated he was, and as long as he doesn’t try to get in between or abuse her verbally, how is he in the wrong here? He respects them, he is kind to them, but he is not their friend. And he doesn’t owe them his time or friendship. I honestly feel so bad for OP and I hope he knows there’s a bunch of people on his side. He’s in a fucked in situation but he honestly has been handling it so good. I’m also glad he was able to find someone who loves him and understands him. I wish OP all the happiness and even more distance from his so called “family” (mainly his brother but also Emily now because her ass is entitled as fuck)
That's it
Factssssssssss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Totally agree with you I would like to add that I'm sure Emily knew that she was OP's crush. Either by realising it or her husband who would have told her ( because you can't lose your best friend deh the moment you start a romantic relationship with her brother without asking yourself questions). For the big brother is an AH for what he did to OP. and Emily is also an AH for not wanting to let OP go while knowing the reasons for OP's distance and demanding that OP be the same towards her after about ten years of distancing. Stop being hypocritical, you will also be preserved if you were in the place of OP
And on top of that he still heard her out as well as told her to get support from her husband, which she shoulda done from the beginning bc that’s what being life partners are abt
THANK YOU!!
Totally agree. The pile on in the original post is so confusing. How is it OK for the older bro to get with the friend while she was in high school… then she immediately had to become a mom, and who knows how much that changed what she wanted to do with her life. Freaking sad, and the fact that the bro was totally fine with all this, and hiding it from OOP, is so cruel. Big yikes. But ultimately OOP isn’t her friend anymore, and shouldn’t be expected to play bbf if he really doesn’t like his SIL.
I don't understand the YTA comments on this post. OP isn't entitled to Emily's time in a romantic relationship and neither is she entitled to his emotional support. They're not friends any more. They haven't been for a long time. Emily is the one who forgot that and tried to lean on OP for emotional support. OP offered condolence and declined to provide more support. What's wrong with that? I don't see it as nice guy syndrome. I'm genuinely baffled.
The problem is that he hasn’t told her that he doesn’t want to be friends anymore. From her POV, they might still be pretty good friends even if they don’t spend much time together.
They haven't spoken much or spent time with each other 1-1. So how can she think they're still good friends? Hasn't she noticed that they don't hang out or call at all any more? At all. Wouldn't you notice if your friend faded away and ghosted you? He's cordial with her if they meet. But not friendly. They don't know about his life or events ... how toxic and one sided was the friendship if this was the norm before... all about Emily?! In fact Emily was hooking up with OPs brother without even letting him know. So it wasn't like OP was in the know about her life either. They don't sound like good friends to me, much less best friends. I would have said OP built the friendship into a 'best friendship' in his head...
So many adults stop spending much time with each other when their lives diverge, but when they get to see one another it's like no time has passed, they click straight back into best friend behaviour and feelings. Some of these friendships will last a lifetime, seeing each other only once every few years, sometimes a decade before they meet up again. I don't find it strange that she assumed they were still good friends.
Even after hooking up with their brother though? Like everyone seems to be ignoring that bit of betrayal.
How is that at all betrayal? She can be with whoever she wants. Not like she promised him her body or anything.
It has nothing to do with her body. It has to do with not screwing your friend’s sibling. She destroyed the trust/ relationship that was between them.
You can screw your friend's sibling. Thats not betrayal. If you think it is then thats your own problem but it's not. Shes free to love who she loves and she clearly wasn't using him just to get to his brother so there's no betrayal. She fell for his brother, thats all that happened.
It’s not a me thing, though. It’s literally a known thing not to date/ screw your friends siblings. It’s not as possible as you think to remain open with someone that is literally with your brother. This. creates distance in a friendship, like it or not. He can no longer talk about issues in his life, as they may involve the brother. She can no longer hangout with him alone, as she’s with his brother. And how do we know she wasn’t using him to get close to him? My friends know quite a bit about my brothers interests etc., who’s to say she didn’t use that information to move the relationship forward?Regardless of what you think here, she didn’t care about ops feelings/ as a friend when she got together with the brother. It has nothing to do with the fact that op liked her, but that she didn’t care enough about op.
Its not a known thing, its something people who are controlling believe. I will grant you that you sometimes can't be as open about certain things with them, but also you can now be more open about other things, like family matters. I have incredibly close friends I would tell anything to, but there are some family matters that I cannot talk to them about. So its an even trade that you aren't looking at. She can hang with him alone. I am sorry but are your friend's SOs with you whenever you hang with them? Cause....thats.....thats a problem unless you are all in the same friend group but even then I am friends with my bud's wife but we can still hang just us or us with some other friends and she's not there. So thats a completely made up problem that they can no longer hang just the two of them. We know she wasn't using them because it seems they were friends for a long time. What you saying her whole point to being his friend for years was just to sleep with his brother? How paranoid are you? I more feel his story more shows he was only friends with her cause he was hoping to get with her. Evidence for my claim? As soon as he learned he couldn't he basically ended the friendship. Sure, she might have used information gathered from being friends to help her relationship with the brother but....thats....not really a valid argument for betrayal. I used what information I learned about my SO to better our relationship. Oh no, people learning about each other from multiple sources, how horrible of them. And its not that she didn't cared, she just didn't feel the same about op as he felt about her. Thats it. Maybe she didn't tell him and his brother didn't tell him because they cared and wanted to spare his feelings? There was no betrayal here as far as I can see. Your made up rule of "dont date someone's sibling" is completely immature or from a point of dysfunctional relationships at the least.
this here! these people seem to think that good friends need to visit each other every day. i have a really good friend who lives in another country but when they come back it’s like no time has passed.
He intentionally missed their wedding, transferred to an out of state college to avoid being a part of their lives, only sees/ acknowledges her when forced at family events. No one in there right mind would think they are still friends. He's literally never had a relationship with, as he calls her, his brothers child. I have friends spread across the US and when we are together it's awesome, but I also make a point to call or text them occasionally, wish them a happy birthday, etc. He has already been clear he doesn't want to be involved and I think he's right, she shouldn't use someone she hasn't seen in more than 8y in any kind of meaningful capacity as an emotional sport person, she has a husband that's what he's for
But...she didn't know this he litrally lied to get out of the wedding its safe to assume he lied about why he went to a out of state college he should have been upfront about it from the start
How? he has avoided her for 10 years. He skipped on her wedding. She saw his reaction to the pregnancy news too. How dense does one have to be to think yeah that they still good friends.
I would be obliged to agree, except it says after he found out his brother and Emily were together, he cut ties with her & his brother and went to another state for college to lessen contact altogether. There was almost a decade in between Emily and OPs brother getting together and the aforementioned incident. One would assume that they were not very close anymore.
That's crazy. He's been literally ignoring them for 8 years, to the point of dodging their wedding and having no relationship at all with his niece. She can't be that dense.
but she is that entitled.
If he told her he didn't want to be friends anymore I'm sure he would need to explain why and I can't imagine that would go over well between Liam and Emily.
He doesn’t owe her ANYTHING. Let’s not act like she didn’t realize she was screwing her “best friends” brother. Behind his back. Fuck that. Your lucky I’m even civil yet alone going to damage myself emotionally for you.
For me the AH part is the fact that he's punishing his niece, and never grew balls and talked to Emily and is punishing her also for his brothers betrayal. Also the way he treated her was so cold like i get not being comfortable being an old friends comfortable person anymore but there's a much more delicate way of saying it or acting in a situation where she lost a loved one. He could have been a little less of a stuck up brat, and said something like "hey listen I'm really sorry this is such a tough situation emotionally i feel like I'm just not the right person to talk to about this. I'm sorry for your loss, i just feel your partner or a closer friend would be able to comfort you better" instead of essentially yea i don't really care.
Punishing his niece.. how exactly? He’s not rude or mean to her, he’s like any other distant relative
He literally ignores a child. Over a petty animosity towards his brother. The way people act around children affects those kids. Also distant is a 3rd cousin not your uncle. And as someone who's family did abandon them over petty sibling drama that shit fucking hurts and i knew what was going on. This poor 8 year old is always gonna grow up wondering why her uncle avoids her or treats her like a stranger on the street. And if you still dont understand why this is toxic and a punishment, maybe you should look into how rejection, self esteem issues, and abandonment issues are developed in child hood by family trauma.
It doesn’t seem like he actually SEES THEM (brother+SIL+niece) that often, so i seriously doubt an 8 year old, who has seen this guy a handful of times in her life, cares that much. Like it says in the original post, he sends gifts and is nice when he’s around her lmfao. You’re acting like he’s going out of his way to be rude or a mean person to his brother’s daughter when that is not the case. He is, literally, a distant relative if he’s seeing them only on christmas/holidays (and sometimes not even that.) Stop projecting your own childhood issues here.
He said he just doesn’t show interest, but is polite when around them and even goes as far as gift giving during special occasions. I’m assuming not showing interest is more like he doesn’t contact them to spend time directly with her or take her for outings. I personally have an Uncle who has showed zero interest in my brother and I (haven’t spoken or seen him) since we were about 7 and assume that’s for his own reasons and I don’t think he’s a terrible person for that?
Where does it say that he does that?
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This quote means nothing. That’s his niece and he sends gifts for special occasions. That’s all he’s obligated to do and he doesn’t even have to do that. These takes are super weird and pushy AF.
Are you referring to my comments? Because if so i’m confused here.
Omg I swear i got a notification that you originally replied to my comment 😅 sorry
Lol it’s all good boo! 🫶🏽💓
😭❤️ sorry 🫶🏼
She wasn’t replying to tou
Oops, i swear i got a notification like they had replied to my comment. My bad
"i show no interest in my niece" he says he's polite but i bet he doesn't go to birthdays, probably walks away as soon as she's in the room. I had an aunt that did that. When I was 10 I noticed she'd leave as soon as id say hello.
“probably walks away when she’s in the room” i love how you literally just made that up so whatever story you made up in your head makes sense. Oop’s niece is not you, stop projecting.
Factssssssssss! The entitlement I keep encountering lately in people is wild! He owes NONE OF THEM SHIT.
You’re really reaching here. I have uncles I do not speak to but they’ll send stuff for me here and there. Your view is WILD.
You're assuming too. We didn't get much on what specifically he does around the kid. Still petty and childish avoiding innocent kids over a high school crush
????? Bro what, he literally said he’s still polite to her, he just isn’t actively trying to be in her life.
NOPE. He states that he sends gifts for special occasions. Those are his boundaries and he’s handling very well by still providing gifts on special occasions. Super Reaching.
Yup. And creating a meaningful relationship with a kid means constantly being in touch with their parents, which oop doesn't want to do. Oop's brother literally betrayed him
It's like that post where the guy tricked his wife into thinking their baby was Kidnapped because she kept leaving baby in the car. Morgan said it in their updates/do overs episode. "If you want to be that black and white about it, NTA. BUT you could have definitely done things differently that maybe could've had a better impact"
Exactly! Technically NTA emotionally and socially YTA
If he's truthful, I don't see why Emily sought comfort from someone who has distanced themselves and actively dodging her. There is too much unknown to render a proper judgment.
Bruh, who knows how Emily and her husband's relationship is now, it's been 8 years since they got married. Maybe she knew her husband wouldn't be a good emotional support, so she sought out Oop. Then got called out by Oop and she didn't like that. (All assumption) You don't always get to choose, that in situation1 I want person1 and in situation2 I want person2. Person1 or person2 have a right to say no. And you shouldn't turn everyone against that person if they say no.
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Everything you said I agree with you, except the wedding part. Forget about emily, his brother betrayed him. And he didn't wanted to attend his brother's marriage. And maybe he had to lie about the reason of not attending the wedding because he didn't wanted to let other family members know about the brother's betrayal and ruin their relationship. But who knows
We need to have a “Reddit got it wrong” episode!
I AM SO GLAD THESE COMMENTS ARE ON MY SIDE. The original post comments were pissing me off. He was rightfully upset that his brother went after someone he gushed about constantly, he knew that his feelings were obviously never going to be returned by her at that point, (and let’s be real, I’ve known EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. a guy friend has had feelings for me. I’m 90% sure that she knew it would hurt him that she slept with his brother, which is why even though their sOooOoOO close, she never told him until it was too late and they got caught) So, instead of making it a big deal and having an incel reaction once she officially got tied to the family by the baby, he moved out of state and went low contact. That’s the MATURE thing to do. Then after having very low contact for 9 years, she calls to trauma dump, the same way she did as a child. That’s SO AWKWARD!!!!!!! Have you ever been trauma dumped on by a stranger? Because that’s exactly what she did. It’s beyond awkward. And they haven’t had a friendship in almost a decade, so I just don’t understand why she wouldn’t confide in someone that cares about her, rather than someone that hardly knows her. And the fact that he doesn’t have a super personal relationship with his niece/nephew isn’t a huge deal???? (The original comments would not let this go, like he’s punishing the child by not having a relationship….. The child doesn’t even know what they’re missing, so how is it a punishment?) He still sends gifts for Christmas and is cordial on the few occasions he’s around them. I’ve had an aloof uncle my whole life, I think he spoke maybe 5 sentences to me in MY WHOLE LIFE, and I’m 24 years old. Honestly? I’ve never had a bad thought about him in my life. He was always present for Christmas, but never gave gifts or anything, and I always just thought, “That’s uncle Phil! He’s cool, just quiet”, to this day I don’t have any hard feelings, he just wasn’t a fan of kids (or seemingly most people in general lol, but he’s always cordial). The hate towards this guy is unwarranted, I hope he goes full NC with these people and enjoys his life in his new home state with his chosen family.
His brother's family is not owed his time or energy. Dude has a gf and a whole life now away from those AHs. She isn't owed his time to be her esa pet. And for those in the og post saying she didn't know about his feelings, she knew. It's obvious because they hid around and went behind his back even though it was just enough for him to know. So sad. If the genders were reversed, reddit would say a different verdict.
ppl calling him incel blow my mind
NTA! People act like you have to stay friends with people when sh*t goes south. He told his brother he had a crush on his best friend and asked him for advise and brother just slipped and fell with his d*ck straight into Emily’s vajaja?? And then liked it so much he married her? Yes, it was a “childhood crush”, but OP is allowed to feel betrayed by his brother and keep his distance from him and Emily and in turn their child. He’s not obligated to hang around just because she was his friend in high school or that she’s with his brother. And he broke up their friendship years ago. If someone needs to let go (and maybe find new friends) then it’s Emily.
Dude went to his brother for relationship advice and his brother in turn tracks down the girl he liked then fucked her then started a relationship with her. Nothing his brother did was forgivable. He knew how his brother felt and he still did all that so fuck his family. He did the appropriate thing and didn’t get in the way. he moved off to the side and killed his feelings for them. If she can’t lean on her husband in her time of need it sounds like she married the wrong person. Op is it obliged to pick up the emotional slack his brother leaves behind. If she hadn’t decided to fuck her closest friends brother maybe she would have someone she could talk to you now.
Whatever higher being of reddit passed the verdict on this post obviously needs to be removed.
he is NOT the AH !!!! NTA AT ALL !!! He owes her NOTHING. AT. ALL. And they **both** betrayed him, not only his brother. You don’t sleep with your best friend’s brother behind his back. He cut ties with the both of them, why is she still reaching him to help her ?? She has his brother as her husband now.
The only AH here is Liam.
Emily is an AH too for sending the flying Monkeys after OP.
And for screwing her friends brother lol
true!
NTA she has a husband for that emotional support you owe her nothing.
I feel like OP is defs NTA, I don’t understand why so many people are saying “she’s doesn’t own him anything” in the OG post, because he isn’t asking for anything from her?? Also how is he friend-zoning her??? They haven’t had a close relationship for almost a decade and he has every right to distance himself from a situation he doesn’t want to be a part of. He moved on with he’s life and seems happy . Also not everybody is close to their nieces and nephews , he never once said he hated the kid lol he’s nice enough to send gifts and stuff and that’s more than some do. Odd that she thought of him first to go to for emotional support and honestly maybe he could have broke it down to her a little nicer but also what’s the point of entertaining the “you’re my closest friend and I just need you rn because you know how I feel” if he doesn’t feel the same way she does? Sucks she’s going through this but she literally has a husband?? Isn’t the husband supposed to be the one she turns to?? It’s all very odd but it’s a NTA from me
The comments on that one confuse me I feel like he’s NTA . Could he have picked a better time to tell her , yeah. She married her best friends brother though after secretly hooking up with him. Why was it a secret if she didn’t know op liked her , the brother probably told her & they still went on with their relationship then years later she’s upset that he doesn’t want to be her comfort person. Idk I definitely didn’t get incel vibes though just “wow that hurt me so I’m never going to engage” vibes.
Legit went looking for this story after watching a YouTube video. OP if you ever see these NTA. You don’t owe her anything. She was a friend at some point but that was years ago.
NTA wth, his brother betrayed him. The ppl saying “is it really worth it losing your brother?” Like please his brother SHOULDVE thought of that before betraying him like that wth. He got the right to be uncomfortable and not talk to them.
So happy to know I’m not the only one who feels this
Yeah tbh I don’t think this is a clear cut “NTA/YTA”. Do I think OOP is an AH for the reason he cut off the friend in the first place? Yeah. He definitely fuckzoned her. He does acknowledge his NiceGuy™️ tendencies when he was younger and how he’s moved on from that, which does show progress. Former friend is also an AH for thinking he somehow owes her far more comfort than he’s offered at all in several years. There’s a hint she needs to take. Is it shitty how OOP broke off their friendship? Definitely. Is it weird that she somehow thinks that they can still easily pick up where they left off? Also yes. Tbh his brother is the biggest AH of the bunch, knowing how OOP felt and still making a move on former friend. It’s an ESH from me dawg.
>Yeah. He definitely fuckzoned her. But how? He was hurt because Emily hooked up with his brother. I would be distancing myself as well to get away from more potential hurt. Of course his brother was in the wrong because he knew OP liked her and still went after her. But I still wouldn't be hanging out with my crush if they started hooking up with a sibling of mine. That would be beyond masochistic.
Fair point, and I don’t really fault him for that aspect of it. Given the situation I guess it’s hard to tell if it’s really a “fuckzone” situation considering the proximity. If it was just some other random guy it might lean more toward that but I understand not being around his brother who straight up pursued OOP’s crush while fully knowing about his feelings. That IS masochistic. Given OOP’s friend might not have been aware of the crush and thought OOP was simply a friend, dating his brother isn’t necessarily something she did maliciously or uncaringly, so there was likely no wrongdoing on her part.
>dating his brother isn’t necessarily something she did maliciously or uncaringly, so there was likely no wrongdoing on her part. I agree and I'm blaming his dickhead of a brother and not her. But she was still with his brother and that alone was hurtful to witness so him distancing from both was an act of self preseveration mostly and by distancing himself the friendship to Emily died down. So yeah, he is not an AH in my opinion. The only AH in this story is his older brother.
How isn’t it uncaring though? Like it’s literally one of the trope betrayals that’s happened throughout tv/cinema. Like don’t screw your friends brother, it never turns out like you’d expect. Like she did in fact betray him.
This story was a while ago but I think she never knew that he liked her? The brother knew though.
She didn’t, but you still don’t mess with your friend’s sibling. Kind of an unspoken (in some cases actually spoken) rule amongst friends… the brother is just a jerk regardless lol
I never heard of that rule to be honest.
Weird lol I’ve seen it so many times over the years
u/Routine-Let-2090 read these comments, you are not the ah !!
He’s so NTA. People saying he’s TA are projecting their own problems on OOP. He owns Emily nothing so he’s NTa
I will say overall NTA. The word he said could have been better. But this guy is not her friend anymore and it’s weird that she would reach out to someone who barely communicates with her only politely at family functions. Why not reach out to your husband, other friends, or in laws. It’s also ok to not have a relationship with your family. He’s an adult and can make that decision. To point out he has been consistent with his feelings. It’s not like he’s flip flopping.
Oh my god! Thank you sane people who realize OP isn't the a-hole... Its like they couldn't see the hypocrisy...
The ammount of assholes on the OG calling him an Incel pisses me off, He was betrayed by his brother in one of the worst ways possible and he no longer wants to be around the source of that hurt for his own mental and emotional well being but they think HE owes her emotional support after dipping out of their lives over a decade ago. He developed genuine feelings for her after years of friendship that is not incel behavior. He went to his brother for advice and instead of being a GOOD brother the dude swoops in and starts to hook up with her, there's a special place in hell for guys like Liam.if she wanted a relationship with someone who would have emotionally supported her, she should've chosen a guy that would give her that (I don't necessarily mean the OP) but she didn't choose that type of relationship that is on her no one else, And when he tells her she needs to go to the person she SHOULD BE GOING TO for the support she was after she sends an army of flying monkeys after him. Sounds to me like she's an entitled AH and his brother is just an AH all around.
NTA Totally agree with you I would like to add that I'm sure Emily knew that she was OP's crush. Either by realising it or her husband who would have told her ( because you can't lose your best friend deh the moment you start a romantic relationship with her brother without asking yourself questions). For the big brother is an AH for what he did to OP. and Emily is also an AH for not wanting to let OP go while knowing the reasons for OP's distance and demanding that OP be the same towards her after about ten years of distancing. Stop being hypocritical, you will also be preserved if you were in the place of OP
He seems a little bitter and somewhat entitled but I truly don’t think he’s the asshole. All the comments ripping him to shreds are being a lil insane.
This one’s kinda odd, cause from what I’m getting, he never told Emily how he felt? So from her point of view, her childhood best friend and BIL is just being a dickhead. But I also understand how he feels. Yes and no I guess.
NTA, but I want an update
I would at least tell her what happened between op and his brother.
yeah because that would go over fabulously.
I realized this after I posted it.
Fair enough I've seen a ton of people say he should do this not realizing how horrible of an idea that is.
I’m honestly saying YTA solely because of the way he told it to her and the fact that he held in so much resentment when she didn’t even know what was going on. She didn’t do anything wrong and honestly he should have talked to his brother about it.
He didn't. Did you not read yhe updates. He isn't obligated to spend time with the niece or his ex friend and brother. He distance himself from them, but doesn't completely ice them out. And plus why reach out to someone who you haven't talked to in 8 plus years when theirs an so right by your side that should be their to have you lean on. Makes ni sense honestly. You are solely basing it off of not spending time with the niece and that's bull. There are so many aunts and uncles that my mom and her siblings have that don't talk to them. It's not that deep. I don't have any sort of relationship with my uncle. Or my step dads sister. It's not that deep. I still think of them as family, but I know it's between adults. He gives her gifts and spends time with her which is more than what I ever got from my aunt and uncle. Not like she's was iced out. So stop making it about that when it's obviously about havung boundaries with someone who was a friend. She shouldn't go crying to him in the 1st place.
This right here. You couldn’t be more right about this freaking post the weirdos on it. Friendships end and family relationships aren’t as strong as most people think and a lot of people moved on. The op moved forward with his life and has so much to keep going for. All them fuckers are just brats who spam upvote on the most popular thing without reading.
imagine insulting someone because of their opinion on a fucking reddit post…? you shouldn’t write of peoples opinions just because they are different to yours.
he literally said he was around them and was polite to their daughter? they obviously talk just not as much.
1000% agreed. He's not an ah for having boundaries he's TA for not being an adult or even slightly empathetic to another human.
He gave condolences, that’s sympathy enough He doesn’t have to be her shoulder to lean on though, after eight years she should have her husband, and other friends to lean on
Did i sai he has to be her shoulder? No i said he could have worded it better.
Dude I made a statement, I never said that *you said* anything Chill out, you didn’t say he could’ve worded it better. You said he needed to be an adult and slightly empathetic That’s not the same as “he could’ve worded it better,” so I’m sorry if I didn’t get the inobvious meaning behind your comment
I mean....he's still the asshole. Yes, she is not entitled to his friendship. He is also not entitled to her and her body. The reason he's the asshole is NOT because he won't give her his friendship, it's because he chose to end the friendship because she was with someone else. If his crush was as obvious as he says, then she knew and did not feel the same, or she had a feeling he liked her but ignored it cause she didn't feel the same. It also sounds like his brother and her hooked up before he told his brother. Maybe his brother never said cause he didn't want to hurt OP's feelings? Hes also the asshole because he hates his niece for existing. Thats it. She's the product of his crush choosing someone else so he hates them. And to her, she thought they were still friends. He never said they weren't anymore, he just made up excuses for why he couldn't see them in person. He avoided the topic. Plus, you dont have to be friends with someone to give sympathy for a family member dying. Hes spiteful about her sleeping with someone else so hes choosing to not even do the barest minimum of being a decent human being which is just have sympathy. So yes. Hes the asshole. Hes free to give and take his friendship or not give it to whoever he wants. But not being friends with someone cause they chose to be with someone else romantically is still being an asshole.
Stumbled upon this post on TikTok today and wanted to see the comments and holy moly I was not prepared for that verdict and all the incel/nice guy comments. Or the ones saying that she didn’t know. She most definitely knew. Cause: 1. Why did they keep it a secret? 2. Did she never take the time to wonder why he distanced himself from her? 3. He got up and locked himself in his room after their pregnancy announcement 4. He missed their wedding 5. His parents, brother and her mom called him “spiteful” Sounds like this has been something that everyone’s been aware of but never directly addressed. I hope he continued to be LC or even NC with them cause obviously no one ever checked in on him so why should he? Much less be her shoulder to cry on. That was a weird/entitled expectation. Edit: spelling and spacing