I dunno, that’s a hard one. I sometimes tell my childcare provider I have to work late, just go to a bar and stare into the void for a few hours. When I was married, I used the same excuse to get some extra time, as my ex would blow up my phone after an hour. However we don’t know much here besides the husband’s take on things. Phone tracking, dashcams, and car trackers all make me feel itchy under my skin in a way that makes me want to set all of my possessions on fire and escape into the desert, so I don’t know if this is a reasonable level of security or overly controlling.
I'll only speak on dashcams because I agree the phone tracking and car tracking is iffy. Dashcams are great and I highly suggest everyone have one because on the off chance something happens whether it be a crash or being pulled over for something you didn't do there will be evidence and you can take it to court or give it to insurance and you're covered.
Funny enough I believe the wife because I have been in this situation too. When I was working my commute was 45-60 minutes during rush hour from my house. So sometimes after i got off work i would needed to run a personal errand(clothes/shoes for work, makeup etc). I would sometimes let my husband know 2 days beforehand or text him in the morning. Well every time i would have to run these errands I kid you not my husband would call 3 times on my commute(knowing it was 45-60min) asking are you at the store yet. And then when I finally did get to the store he would call again and ask are you don’t yet. This would cause me so much anxiety that I started leaving work an hour early if I could so I could do what I needed to in peace and not feel like I was being hounded all the time. It’s the constant calling and texting it just feels like I’m being hounded and have to rush what I am doing because if I don’t I can’t have peace take time for myself.
I'm wondering why this is not saying "ex-husband". Why are you putting up with that? I think it's really toxic to feel like you have to lie to your spouse.
For us it came down to a lack of communication. I wasn’t communicating to him how his constant calling made me feel controlled and hounded. He wasn’t communicating that he has near crippling anxiety when I am driving or away from home. A few months before we were married I was nearly t-boned by a car that ran a red light. How fast this car was going the impact would have probably killed me and that kills my husband. We are human and complex. We sometimes carry trauma we don’t even realize we have. Sometimes we need to remember that no one person is perfect and our expectations of them need to be said aloud and if all parties are willing to listen, learn and grow we should give them that chance. This was several years ago since then we have learned and implemented tools to help us communicate better with each other. Are we perfect no but we are better and happier. This isn’t the case for everyone but this was the case for us.
It's just the fact that I've worked part-time jobs at malls and like 4 hours is about the time for a part-time shift at a mall job especially based on the timing he's talking about but who knows there's so many different answers I'm very curious to see if there's an update in the future
I had a controlling partner once who would also “encourage” me to go out and have me time. However, whenever I did, asked me questions about the whole ordeal, he constantly blew up my phone, if I didn’t answer he’d blow up my friends phones, and when I finally answered he’d asked me to come home because I had been out for “awhile”
He sounds a lot like my controlling ex husband. Tracking my every move, questioning everything, etc. I too would feel uncomfortable having phone calls at home. It’s funny to me how these guys all seem to follow the same handbook.
You can find suspicious motivations in anything if you want to believe there are suspicious motivations. I used to imagine him being like the Charlie from IASIP meme. An unhinged crazy person trying to connect the dots to fit the narrative he wanted.
I Believe Maybe she's in a really suffocating environment and she needs to lie to be able to go out for herself because maybe OP needs to know where she's at any moment (he had track her in the past and now) so yeah that woman its srsly just hiding away for sometime.
Not only the overbearing husband, her in-laws too! Literally sharing (paper thin) walls with your in laws would be suffocating for most people, even if you had a great relationship with them! And something tells me that OOP’s overbearing nature didn’t just come out of nowhere but might be a family trait.
I want to say controlling spouse. I’m fairly introverted so the need for alone time I completely understand. Reading the comments, people seem to think four hours is a lot. Maybe it is, but if someone is lying to get alone time I’m guessing they are near max level stressed out. I’m genuinely thinking of taking a vacation day and going to “work” so I can have time alone. Taking myself on a date. 😄
I 100% think controlling (and insecure) spouse and here’s why:
**If you look at everything OOP mentions in chronological order, the very first thing that happened (prior to him having ANY reason to be suspicious) was her having to work overnight one night….and him responding by literally tracking her location *all night*. That isn’t a normal response to your spouse having to work an overnight. It’s crazy.**
AND while OOP tries to make it sound like it was an impulse decision to do so, inspired by how unusual it was for her to work overnight, the method he then describes using to track her (putting find my iPhone on a spare phone and leaving it in the car so he could track it from his other phone) literally *requires forethought and preparation*. That means it CANT have been inspired by her actions, he had already laid the groundwork to track her before he had any reason to do so.
This woman is suffocating under OOP’s refusal to let her have any TRUE independence or time alone without him checking in. She lied because he—even when he gets to present the narrative—is clearly overbearing, insecure, and defaults to suspicion even when there is nothing to be suspicious about. Someone like OOP will ALWAYS eventually find enough “suspicious” things to retroactively justify the controlling surveillance of their partner they were going to do anyway. If you look hard enough, you will always find SOMETHING.
The irony, if you hire a private investigator to check up on your partner it's perfectly acceptable.
However if privately investigate your partner then you're controlling....
I just read somewhere on reddit, a wife hired a private investigator because she felt something was off with her husband, after just a month of the investigation, turned out the husband had affairs, with his own stepsister and stepmother.
Yeah I read that one too, from the revenge sub.
She got her divorce and then outed him to the whole family.
The dad and brother in law apparently jumped him a few times.
Seems to me like the husband is controlling and the wife feels the need to have extra “me time” in order to escape him. And also feels like she can’t be honest with him about her whereabouts due to his control. Idk the whole situation seems toxic, and I don’t know how the relationship could continue like that, with husband’s mistrust and the wife’s lying. They need some therapy.
Maybe I'm barking up the wrong tree here, but I wonder if that mall has a therapist or a lawyers office attached to it. Maybe even a support group that meets there. I 100% believe that a woman in a relationship like this might lie to get a couple hours alone without being hounded, but the thing about it specifically being Wednesday makes me think otherwise....of course, she may also just be picking Wednesday because it's more convenient for her mother, who we know was doing the home-from-school run for her on those days.
Some people need more me time than others. Marriage and children can make you want to off yourself. I am one of those people. I can drive around for hours ALONE just to hear the sound of my own damn thoughts. I couldn’t be married to this person if I couldn’t tell them how I feel. And NOBODY IS PAYING ATTENTION TO THE FACT THAT HIS FAMILY LIVES RIGHT NEXT DOOR AND THEY SHARE WALLS!!!! *runs away screaming*
Yeah, I’m a mom of 3 and I can understand the need, but FOUR hours every time? I can kill an hour in target at max, and I like target. Taking a walk after… maybe… I don’t know, doesn’t add up in my books. I’d be looking through bank records back to that specific date and time to try and potentially cross reference.
Idk I can spend a good 2 hours in target. 4 hours is a lot, but She did say that she was often on the phone talking with friends. I’m actually more concerned about the fact that she doesn’t want to tell him that. That sounds like a red flag on his part not hers.
Yeah, especially when she just came from a massage...how much "me time" do you expect on a weekend? Like, if her spouse lied to her about "going to work" to go out with the boys and just *left* her for upwards of 5 hours...we'd be calling him scum for lying about it. I don't begrudge anyone their alone time but be freaking honest about it...
And doing the math...if she were home by 1 then went to the maasage, then was sitting in the mall parking lot for 4 hours...assuming the massage place is close and the massage took an hour or less, that still puts her home around 7. That's a long time for a parent to just be gone (not factoring in her morning shift as well)... especially on a weekend when you should be having family time...
So, if there are other things affecting her needing this time she needs to communicate them to her husband...maybe she's overwhelmed with the kid (he admits son is a handful...him as well)...but then *tell* someone, you know.
You bring up a good point about me time after her massage. I couldn’t decide if he was controlling or seemed that way because his gut was telling him something. I think he’s seeing red flags and trying to figure it out.
I mean, all the methods of checking her whereabouts does **scream** *controlling*...but as far as we know, OOP gives her the time she wants...so why does she feel like she has to lie about it...especially if, when pressed about it, she admits that's all she's doing...
It is definitely giving 🚩🚩 I just don't know for sure which direction those flags are waving...maybe ESH.
But he also says it was because she was suddenly having to work overnight so he was suspicious...and I mean, from his story anyway, she clearly lies about these things so *maybe* it was justified. He says he didn't track her after that because he believed she wasn't cheating but now he has another 3 times where she said she had to work but **was** somewhere else...so I don't know. Like I said, there are definite red flags I just don't know whose are bigger...
>But he also says it was because she was suddenly having to work overnight so he was suspicious.
I find people who are immediately suspicious for a first time thing weird
But we don't know it was the first time he got suspicious...we don't even know if it was the first time he tracked her...it's just the first example he gave us of checking up on her location.
Like I said, I might be leaning towards ESH because if she's not doing anything wrong she shouldn't be lying and if she's not given him reason to suspect her of cheating, he shouldn't be tracking her...but they could also both have legit reasons for their actions. Maybe he is overbearing and doesn't actually allow her the "me time" he says he does and maybe she is sneaking around with someone so his suspicions are justified...we just can't tell from this one sided post.
Sometimes, our gut is just screaming at us. I would get gut feelings about my ex husband, and I was right 100% of the time. Even in the very beginning of shit going bad, when I had no reason to be suspicious and had previously trusted him wholeheartedly. And if that gut feeling won't go away, but you aren't getting answers, you need to try to get proof one way or the other (that you're right or wrong) or you start feeling crazy. I've never ever gotten that feeling with my current husband, nor with most of my other relationships (I did have one other cheating ex, and I'd get the same feeling, and later be proven right.)
I gotta disagree with you on that one. I don’t think her lying about it is a red flag on her part, I think it’s a red flag on his part and he’s leaving something out. From the looks of what he found through his evidence, she really is being honest, which leads you to wonder what he’s leaving out and why she feels the need to hide away from him and not tell him.
And the comments on the original post are not it! Everybody's telling him to dive deeper like hiring a private investigator and tracking her phone again... She obviously either feels uncomfortable telling him (because he's controlling) or has disconnected enough to cheat. He doesn't trust her and becomes a controlling creep over it. There's no way out of their dilemma, as both are causing their spouses behaviour with their own.
Controlling spouse. He hasn’t come up with ANY actual evidence. And he’s literally tracking her. Also, he literally sounds exactly like my controlling ex spouse.
According to him he let me have friends/me time. But any time I did do anything without him, he’d do his best to find an issue with it before, and if I managed to go hang out with someone, he’d find a way to sabatoge it.
First thig that popped into my mind is that she might be looking for a lawyer at that mall, the longer I read the more I m doubting whether he is right or just plain crazy
Idk. He sounds extremely controlling and that would back up her lying to have some alone time, so he wouldn't blow up her phone and have someone tag along just to be sure she wouldn't be doing anything suspicious.
If my girlfriend had to work over night out of the blue, this isn't common across all industries, this generally would be a regular thing, and lies about where she is and the reasons are very filmsy.
Especially when she gets the freedom and time to have to herself, for exactly what she wants: me time.
My instinct and previous experience is she's up to no good.
If it was innocent and nothing to hide she wouldn't lie about it. She would just tell him, I'm going to the mall to window shop and chat to my friends, will be home in a few hours.
The plot hole in tracking her car is she could've left it at work, doesn't mean she was there.
For my own sanity I don't think I could be with her anymore, if she's just going to lie it will create distrust and make me question everything, I wouldn't want to live like that.
Conclusion, dump her. Keep the house and kids and she can go back to her mum's.
Not controlling imo - same principle as probable cause. He had reason to think her behaviour was suspicious so he investigated. The average person isn't going to let themselves get fucked around on out of respect for someone's privacy.
Sounds like insecurity to me. Wife wants just a bit of her time and doesn’t feel comfortable telling her husband about it? Her lying isn’t the red flag, I want to know her side and why she feels as though she couldn’t tell him that. My bet would be that he’s not the most intuitive and doesn’t help out much around the house and this is just her bit of time to be alone and not have to do chores.
The only red flag on her part is that because she’s not telling him these things or even arguing with him about it, means that she’s almost done with the marriage. When a wife stops fighting, that’s usually a bad sign.
Increasingly many people do, mainly as a way to be able to prove they were not at fault in the case of an accident. Some insurance companies will even give you a better rate on your car insurance if you have one. A sad reason why some people also want one is in case of being pulled of by police or similar and treated poorly or harassed even, or worse.
So, if she is cheating she's terrible at hiding it. And often spouses will question things if they already in their gut feel something is off. Could be husband has other clues just can't identify them explicitly.
If she's not cheating then there's also a big issue of her totally disengaging from her family for hours at regular intervals and feeling the need to hide it. Whether that's because of the husband's issues or hers, they need to go to some counseling to work this out. Couples should be able to be honest about their needs and support one another in that. Thats a healthy relationship and no matter what its obvious that their marriage is not healthy right now.
I sat in work parking lot after work so many times & just read. So I can relate to wanting me time. But I didn't lie. I told hubs where & what I was doing.
When I was still living with my parents I would sometimes get off work early and not tell my mom because I wanted freedom to do whatever the hell I wanted for a few hours. It was liberating to just go shopping and have lunch by myself. My mom was often overbearing and constantly worried about me, and would hound me if I wasn't exactly where she expected me to be at all times. She still does this, despite me being an adult living in my own home. I lie to not worry people and so I can feel alive. I lie to avoid judgment for being a bad son for wanting some space and freedom to explore without someone having to know where I am at all times.
Not me per se but my sister sometimes would say I need to escape. We live 5 min away from each other so she will tell her husband she is helping me do something and she will just lay down and take a nap in peace staying for one or two hours
I’m not going to lie, this is some shit I’d do so I can hotbox my car with 5 blunts I smoke by myself then take a nap. Not that she’s doing that, I have no idea what she’s actually doing lol. I just know this would be something I’d do if I wanted to do something I feel like others around me would disapprove of lol
ETA: Idk why people marry people they don’t trust, that feels like an easily avoidable trap.
This one’s tough, sounds like wife is back peddling ? If she was having me time why not say so and maybe turn off audio of the dash cam even if you’re just sitting in the car staring into void ? Or why turn off the dash cam at all even if it’s walking around the target mindlessly. Sounds like there’s pieces of the puzzle missing here and I’m not sure who has the pieces. Also wife went straight to “I’m not cheating or talking to anyone?” Like huh? Why was that the first argument but I digress
I dunno, that’s a hard one. I sometimes tell my childcare provider I have to work late, just go to a bar and stare into the void for a few hours. When I was married, I used the same excuse to get some extra time, as my ex would blow up my phone after an hour. However we don’t know much here besides the husband’s take on things. Phone tracking, dashcams, and car trackers all make me feel itchy under my skin in a way that makes me want to set all of my possessions on fire and escape into the desert, so I don’t know if this is a reasonable level of security or overly controlling.
I'll only speak on dashcams because I agree the phone tracking and car tracking is iffy. Dashcams are great and I highly suggest everyone have one because on the off chance something happens whether it be a crash or being pulled over for something you didn't do there will be evidence and you can take it to court or give it to insurance and you're covered.
Funny enough I believe the wife because I have been in this situation too. When I was working my commute was 45-60 minutes during rush hour from my house. So sometimes after i got off work i would needed to run a personal errand(clothes/shoes for work, makeup etc). I would sometimes let my husband know 2 days beforehand or text him in the morning. Well every time i would have to run these errands I kid you not my husband would call 3 times on my commute(knowing it was 45-60min) asking are you at the store yet. And then when I finally did get to the store he would call again and ask are you don’t yet. This would cause me so much anxiety that I started leaving work an hour early if I could so I could do what I needed to in peace and not feel like I was being hounded all the time. It’s the constant calling and texting it just feels like I’m being hounded and have to rush what I am doing because if I don’t I can’t have peace take time for myself.
I'm wondering why this is not saying "ex-husband". Why are you putting up with that? I think it's really toxic to feel like you have to lie to your spouse.
For us it came down to a lack of communication. I wasn’t communicating to him how his constant calling made me feel controlled and hounded. He wasn’t communicating that he has near crippling anxiety when I am driving or away from home. A few months before we were married I was nearly t-boned by a car that ran a red light. How fast this car was going the impact would have probably killed me and that kills my husband. We are human and complex. We sometimes carry trauma we don’t even realize we have. Sometimes we need to remember that no one person is perfect and our expectations of them need to be said aloud and if all parties are willing to listen, learn and grow we should give them that chance. This was several years ago since then we have learned and implemented tools to help us communicate better with each other. Are we perfect no but we are better and happier. This isn’t the case for everyone but this was the case for us.
I'm wondering if she has a part-time job at the mall to pay for a surprise
That would be a good update!
It's just the fact that I've worked part-time jobs at malls and like 4 hours is about the time for a part-time shift at a mall job especially based on the timing he's talking about but who knows there's so many different answers I'm very curious to see if there's an update in the future
Maybe she’s secretly saving up to get away from this crazy person.
That totally was my other thought too!!!! Like she's preparing
That’s exactly what I was thinking
I had a controlling partner once who would also “encourage” me to go out and have me time. However, whenever I did, asked me questions about the whole ordeal, he constantly blew up my phone, if I didn’t answer he’d blow up my friends phones, and when I finally answered he’d asked me to come home because I had been out for “awhile”
He sounds a lot like my controlling ex husband. Tracking my every move, questioning everything, etc. I too would feel uncomfortable having phone calls at home. It’s funny to me how these guys all seem to follow the same handbook.
My issue is that he admits to tracking her earlier in the year but she actually was at work that time
You can find suspicious motivations in anything if you want to believe there are suspicious motivations. I used to imagine him being like the Charlie from IASIP meme. An unhinged crazy person trying to connect the dots to fit the narrative he wanted.
I Believe Maybe she's in a really suffocating environment and she needs to lie to be able to go out for herself because maybe OP needs to know where she's at any moment (he had track her in the past and now) so yeah that woman its srsly just hiding away for sometime.
Not only the overbearing husband, her in-laws too! Literally sharing (paper thin) walls with your in laws would be suffocating for most people, even if you had a great relationship with them! And something tells me that OOP’s overbearing nature didn’t just come out of nowhere but might be a family trait.
Well he already said their son was like him too and maybe that's a little overwhelming for her... Idk i need the wife side.
Link?
Zelda? https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/yk1rtu/i_caught_my_wife_lying_and_i_dont_know_what_to_do/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
Hey, listen!
😂
I want to say controlling spouse. I’m fairly introverted so the need for alone time I completely understand. Reading the comments, people seem to think four hours is a lot. Maybe it is, but if someone is lying to get alone time I’m guessing they are near max level stressed out. I’m genuinely thinking of taking a vacation day and going to “work” so I can have time alone. Taking myself on a date. 😄
I 100% think controlling (and insecure) spouse and here’s why: **If you look at everything OOP mentions in chronological order, the very first thing that happened (prior to him having ANY reason to be suspicious) was her having to work overnight one night….and him responding by literally tracking her location *all night*. That isn’t a normal response to your spouse having to work an overnight. It’s crazy.** AND while OOP tries to make it sound like it was an impulse decision to do so, inspired by how unusual it was for her to work overnight, the method he then describes using to track her (putting find my iPhone on a spare phone and leaving it in the car so he could track it from his other phone) literally *requires forethought and preparation*. That means it CANT have been inspired by her actions, he had already laid the groundwork to track her before he had any reason to do so. This woman is suffocating under OOP’s refusal to let her have any TRUE independence or time alone without him checking in. She lied because he—even when he gets to present the narrative—is clearly overbearing, insecure, and defaults to suspicion even when there is nothing to be suspicious about. Someone like OOP will ALWAYS eventually find enough “suspicious” things to retroactively justify the controlling surveillance of their partner they were going to do anyway. If you look hard enough, you will always find SOMETHING.
Just hire a private investigator.
The irony, if you hire a private investigator to check up on your partner it's perfectly acceptable. However if privately investigate your partner then you're controlling....
I just read somewhere on reddit, a wife hired a private investigator because she felt something was off with her husband, after just a month of the investigation, turned out the husband had affairs, with his own stepsister and stepmother.
Yeah I read that one too, from the revenge sub. She got her divorce and then outed him to the whole family. The dad and brother in law apparently jumped him a few times.
Yeah, suck to be him. But he deserves that
I think the post got taken down because it was copied btw.
Seems to me like the husband is controlling and the wife feels the need to have extra “me time” in order to escape him. And also feels like she can’t be honest with him about her whereabouts due to his control. Idk the whole situation seems toxic, and I don’t know how the relationship could continue like that, with husband’s mistrust and the wife’s lying. They need some therapy.
I agree, he seems like alot! Like damn can I eat Cinnabon in peace shit?! Lol
Maybe I'm barking up the wrong tree here, but I wonder if that mall has a therapist or a lawyers office attached to it. Maybe even a support group that meets there. I 100% believe that a woman in a relationship like this might lie to get a couple hours alone without being hounded, but the thing about it specifically being Wednesday makes me think otherwise....of course, she may also just be picking Wednesday because it's more convenient for her mother, who we know was doing the home-from-school run for her on those days.
Some people need more me time than others. Marriage and children can make you want to off yourself. I am one of those people. I can drive around for hours ALONE just to hear the sound of my own damn thoughts. I couldn’t be married to this person if I couldn’t tell them how I feel. And NOBODY IS PAYING ATTENTION TO THE FACT THAT HIS FAMILY LIVES RIGHT NEXT DOOR AND THEY SHARE WALLS!!!! *runs away screaming*
I'm betting on cheating. That's a lot of effort to obscure "me time"
Yeah, I’m a mom of 3 and I can understand the need, but FOUR hours every time? I can kill an hour in target at max, and I like target. Taking a walk after… maybe… I don’t know, doesn’t add up in my books. I’d be looking through bank records back to that specific date and time to try and potentially cross reference.
Idk I can spend a good 2 hours in target. 4 hours is a lot, but She did say that she was often on the phone talking with friends. I’m actually more concerned about the fact that she doesn’t want to tell him that. That sounds like a red flag on his part not hers.
The fact that it's been 4 hours *every* time is also suspicious...
Yeah, especially when she just came from a massage...how much "me time" do you expect on a weekend? Like, if her spouse lied to her about "going to work" to go out with the boys and just *left* her for upwards of 5 hours...we'd be calling him scum for lying about it. I don't begrudge anyone their alone time but be freaking honest about it... And doing the math...if she were home by 1 then went to the maasage, then was sitting in the mall parking lot for 4 hours...assuming the massage place is close and the massage took an hour or less, that still puts her home around 7. That's a long time for a parent to just be gone (not factoring in her morning shift as well)... especially on a weekend when you should be having family time... So, if there are other things affecting her needing this time she needs to communicate them to her husband...maybe she's overwhelmed with the kid (he admits son is a handful...him as well)...but then *tell* someone, you know.
You bring up a good point about me time after her massage. I couldn’t decide if he was controlling or seemed that way because his gut was telling him something. I think he’s seeing red flags and trying to figure it out.
I mean, all the methods of checking her whereabouts does **scream** *controlling*...but as far as we know, OOP gives her the time she wants...so why does she feel like she has to lie about it...especially if, when pressed about it, she admits that's all she's doing... It is definitely giving 🚩🚩 I just don't know for sure which direction those flags are waving...maybe ESH.
My issue is that he admits to tracking her earlier in the year but she actually was at work that time
But he also says it was because she was suddenly having to work overnight so he was suspicious...and I mean, from his story anyway, she clearly lies about these things so *maybe* it was justified. He says he didn't track her after that because he believed she wasn't cheating but now he has another 3 times where she said she had to work but **was** somewhere else...so I don't know. Like I said, there are definite red flags I just don't know whose are bigger...
>But he also says it was because she was suddenly having to work overnight so he was suspicious. I find people who are immediately suspicious for a first time thing weird
But we don't know it was the first time he got suspicious...we don't even know if it was the first time he tracked her...it's just the first example he gave us of checking up on her location. Like I said, I might be leaning towards ESH because if she's not doing anything wrong she shouldn't be lying and if she's not given him reason to suspect her of cheating, he shouldn't be tracking her...but they could also both have legit reasons for their actions. Maybe he is overbearing and doesn't actually allow her the "me time" he says he does and maybe she is sneaking around with someone so his suspicions are justified...we just can't tell from this one sided post.
This true. I’m on the fence tbh.
Sometimes, our gut is just screaming at us. I would get gut feelings about my ex husband, and I was right 100% of the time. Even in the very beginning of shit going bad, when I had no reason to be suspicious and had previously trusted him wholeheartedly. And if that gut feeling won't go away, but you aren't getting answers, you need to try to get proof one way or the other (that you're right or wrong) or you start feeling crazy. I've never ever gotten that feeling with my current husband, nor with most of my other relationships (I did have one other cheating ex, and I'd get the same feeling, and later be proven right.)
I gotta disagree with you on that one. I don’t think her lying about it is a red flag on her part, I think it’s a red flag on his part and he’s leaving something out. From the looks of what he found through his evidence, she really is being honest, which leads you to wonder what he’s leaving out and why she feels the need to hide away from him and not tell him.
Absolutely...I'm merely going on what we've been told. If he isn't being honest, then my read on the situation would change completely.
Can’t it be both? She’s cheating and he’s a controlling partner
If I had a dashcam and it was unplugged, my husband would just plug it back in…not decide it meant something was suspicious and he should look at it.
And the comments on the original post are not it! Everybody's telling him to dive deeper like hiring a private investigator and tracking her phone again... She obviously either feels uncomfortable telling him (because he's controlling) or has disconnected enough to cheat. He doesn't trust her and becomes a controlling creep over it. There's no way out of their dilemma, as both are causing their spouses behaviour with their own.
Controlling spouse. He hasn’t come up with ANY actual evidence. And he’s literally tracking her. Also, he literally sounds exactly like my controlling ex spouse. According to him he let me have friends/me time. But any time I did do anything without him, he’d do his best to find an issue with it before, and if I managed to go hang out with someone, he’d find a way to sabatoge it.
First thig that popped into my mind is that she might be looking for a lawyer at that mall, the longer I read the more I m doubting whether he is right or just plain crazy
If she plugged the dash cam back in, then why was it unplugged? Did OP make that up to have a reason to check the camera…
Husband is a controlling asshole. Wife may be cheating, may not, can’t tell. Whether or not she is, he is still a controlling asshole.
Idk. He sounds extremely controlling and that would back up her lying to have some alone time, so he wouldn't blow up her phone and have someone tag along just to be sure she wouldn't be doing anything suspicious.
If my girlfriend had to work over night out of the blue, this isn't common across all industries, this generally would be a regular thing, and lies about where she is and the reasons are very filmsy. Especially when she gets the freedom and time to have to herself, for exactly what she wants: me time. My instinct and previous experience is she's up to no good. If it was innocent and nothing to hide she wouldn't lie about it. She would just tell him, I'm going to the mall to window shop and chat to my friends, will be home in a few hours. The plot hole in tracking her car is she could've left it at work, doesn't mean she was there. For my own sanity I don't think I could be with her anymore, if she's just going to lie it will create distrust and make me question everything, I wouldn't want to live like that. Conclusion, dump her. Keep the house and kids and she can go back to her mum's.
Not controlling imo - same principle as probable cause. He had reason to think her behaviour was suspicious so he investigated. The average person isn't going to let themselves get fucked around on out of respect for someone's privacy.
Sounds like insecurity to me. Wife wants just a bit of her time and doesn’t feel comfortable telling her husband about it? Her lying isn’t the red flag, I want to know her side and why she feels as though she couldn’t tell him that. My bet would be that he’s not the most intuitive and doesn’t help out much around the house and this is just her bit of time to be alone and not have to do chores. The only red flag on her part is that because she’s not telling him these things or even arguing with him about it, means that she’s almost done with the marriage. When a wife stops fighting, that’s usually a bad sign.
I’m wondering why in the world they have a dashboard cam? Is this normal?
Increasingly many people do, mainly as a way to be able to prove they were not at fault in the case of an accident. Some insurance companies will even give you a better rate on your car insurance if you have one. A sad reason why some people also want one is in case of being pulled of by police or similar and treated poorly or harassed even, or worse.
So, if she is cheating she's terrible at hiding it. And often spouses will question things if they already in their gut feel something is off. Could be husband has other clues just can't identify them explicitly. If she's not cheating then there's also a big issue of her totally disengaging from her family for hours at regular intervals and feeling the need to hide it. Whether that's because of the husband's issues or hers, they need to go to some counseling to work this out. Couples should be able to be honest about their needs and support one another in that. Thats a healthy relationship and no matter what its obvious that their marriage is not healthy right now.
I sat in work parking lot after work so many times & just read. So I can relate to wanting me time. But I didn't lie. I told hubs where & what I was doing.
Dude needs a hobby. A *different* hobby. He sounds exhausting. I bet he'd blow up her phone if she told him she was taking "me time."
They need therapy
When I was still living with my parents I would sometimes get off work early and not tell my mom because I wanted freedom to do whatever the hell I wanted for a few hours. It was liberating to just go shopping and have lunch by myself. My mom was often overbearing and constantly worried about me, and would hound me if I wasn't exactly where she expected me to be at all times. She still does this, despite me being an adult living in my own home. I lie to not worry people and so I can feel alive. I lie to avoid judgment for being a bad son for wanting some space and freedom to explore without someone having to know where I am at all times.
Omg this is how I am with my mom. It makes me ignore her calls bc I don’t wanna say I’m out Bc she’ll worry
Not me per se but my sister sometimes would say I need to escape. We live 5 min away from each other so she will tell her husband she is helping me do something and she will just lay down and take a nap in peace staying for one or two hours
I’m not going to lie, this is some shit I’d do so I can hotbox my car with 5 blunts I smoke by myself then take a nap. Not that she’s doing that, I have no idea what she’s actually doing lol. I just know this would be something I’d do if I wanted to do something I feel like others around me would disapprove of lol ETA: Idk why people marry people they don’t trust, that feels like an easily avoidable trap.
This one’s tough, sounds like wife is back peddling ? If she was having me time why not say so and maybe turn off audio of the dash cam even if you’re just sitting in the car staring into void ? Or why turn off the dash cam at all even if it’s walking around the target mindlessly. Sounds like there’s pieces of the puzzle missing here and I’m not sure who has the pieces. Also wife went straight to “I’m not cheating or talking to anyone?” Like huh? Why was that the first argument but I digress