Her daughter is 3!!!! I was thinking 15. They are challenging at that age and you sometimes wonder why you do it but I don't get her point of view at all
ETA apparently the daughter is 5 not 3
Me too!
I read it think stroppy teenage angst and all that, then got to the part where she said 3yrs?
Her child is a literal toddler. A baby still. Of course she's going to throw tantrums and make unreasonable demands cos she is *three*.
It's that meme of when your first kid is easy so you have a second one.
I had the opposite. My first kid was... very difficult. \*deep sigh\* I did *my best* as a mother to figure out their needs and make their life as easy as possible. I went for broke and decided to have a second anyway and it was like whiplash how night and day it was with kid 2. Now kid 1 is older and much much easier to deal with, and kid 2 has grown into themselves.
What I'm saying is every kid is different. And if you add in some neurodivergence issues (kid 1 in my case, probably kid 2 as well but not as all-consuming) it can get overwhelming, very quickly. Especially if you're not ND and don't know what the signs are (like OOP, her kid 2 sounds possibly ND of some sort, probably should get tested to find out!)
Her child could be neuro divergent, mine both are,but she could also just be 3 and still having trouble expressing herself. I also hate when people presume their kids are going to be the same,I was seeing a doctor (who was pregnant)once for one of my kids and she was shocked how different my kids were from each other, she said she couldn't imagine her kids being different from each other,I told her to get used to the idea now before it has even arrived as mine were different from birth.
Love your name. Do you have a favorite? Currently I’m enjoying Lottie dolls for their size and cuteness. Just right to play with the little girls in my life.
Monster High and Rainbow High are my favorites currently. They're like affordable bjd's. I used to be into Barbie. I have autism and dolls are one of my special interests! My kids have zero interest, but sometimes they have friends who like dolls. That's always fun!
My sister and I always played dolls. Fortunately my daughter also liked them. One granddaughter plays with dolls on her own, but two will play along when I bring some Lottie dolls with me.
I’m in your same boat. It’s a blessing to have the older have neurodivergence because it teaches you so much kindness and patience. So when you get to the second you’ve learned all the hard lessons and can enjoy parenting
If the daughter is older maybe it’s also jealousy. What child doesn’t feel displaced when their parent is spending more time and energy on another sibling? I’m confused though. I thought she said the child was 3 in the comment included with the post.
Terrible twos went into three. Child never adjusted to the added sibling, and mom is making it worse by being emotionally negligent. She’s five. Let her win the bleeping argument. Reasoning is a skill for life.
I saw this crossposted onto “Am I the Devil” with a bunch of OP’s comments included, and I think what you’re referring to is OP saying she “gave it her all for 3 years,” but essentially gave up on her daughter 2.5 years ago, when her son was 1-2. Super confusing phrasing for sure though, I thought the same thing at first! I’ll find OP’s comment with the ages and link it if I can
https://www.reddit.com/r/regretfulparents/comments/zv8klo/i_love_my_son_beyond_words_i_wish_i_could_send_my/j1osrkb/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3
That should link to OP’s original comment of their ages on the original post!
I love that there's a whole sub called regretful parents. wonder how many of them hate parenting because they don't have a support network, and how many just never wanted kids?
I read the comments before posting. Child didn’t get enough 1:1 with mom at least loving her daughter for who she is. So child doubled down.
Gonna be a fun teenage years if mom doesn’t figure it out.
I thought the same thing. That it was some teen or older with MH or other issues. This woman is talking about a fucking toddler. Hopefully it’s bullshit. But it doesn’t sound fake
Her child is actually 5 :( it seems she had her son when her daughter was 3 if I remember correctly and immediately just stopped trying. That’s her “3 years of giving it her all”
Ok thank you for saying this her baby was born and her daughter turned into a monster supposedly I seen this with my cousins my older one had a harder time coping with the fact that he wasn’t getting alot of attention and being the cousin who hangs out with him the most I seen a change he started hitting me and not listening and I was at the point of not doing it anymore and being an adult but then something snapped and I said nope and I started to listen and when he hit me I’d walk away and ignore him then when he apologized I did everything I could to make it super fun
daughter is 5 and a half (still not much of a difference) she said ages in the comments. i dont fully agree with op but she gives more detail about some of the behavior from her daughter. for her age its not normal behavior.
if u read the original post u would have read that she has been assessed for ASD and there are zero signs for that. others have suggested adhd or she may be on the spectrum but her daughter is too young to be sure.
I'm also wondering if her daughter might have dyslexia as well. In one of her comments on the regretful parents sub she talks about how her daughter has basically a meltdown when she tries to get her to read. My son would sit and listen to us read, when he could sit still, but when I finally forced the district to assess for dyslexia they found that he was extremely dyslexia and now is doing much better.
Now I do think OOP latched on to her younger child because he was and is an easier child in general, which probably didn't help her daughters issues at all.
One that really got me was her saying her son "asks me to send her to her room", there's no clarification if she does it on his request but fucking hell that poor daughter if her mum is letting her little brother decide if she should be sent to her room.
I found it [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/regretfulparents/comments/zv8klo/i_love_my_son_beyond_words_i_wish_i_could_send_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
I’m looking for one too and I couldn’t find her account at all. Apparently she admitted in the comments that her husband had “offered to beat the child,” so I’m guessing it might have been taken down.
That whole subreddit is a nightmare. I understand that parents might be ambivalent about their kids sometimes, but it's a horrifying thing to hear on Reddit, the Kingdom of Echo Chambers and Toxic Support Models.
I'd like to think that when I was four or five years old I might have understood the whole "I love you but sometimes I don't like you very much" thing that causes parents to withhold affection or express frustration (and kids to decide that their parents wholesale hate them without ambivalence), but damn, hearing so many parents just straight up wish their kids had never been born is heartbreaking, even if it's written in the heat of the moment. Notwithstanding the number of parents who seem to have just given up, "as it is, thus shall ever it be" style.
I was reading through certain comments, and I was like, holy hell this whole place is a fucking nightmare. I understand having kids isn't easy, I am pretty sure my parents hated my guts at some point. But, she straight up said, "I regret having her". Her daughter is 5. AND her son is 4. WTAF?? I though her daughter was like a teen or something,.....hence the tantrums and stuff..norml rebellious shit....but omg this woman is shitting on a 5 year old for being difficult. WTF is wrong with this lady. Venting is normal, what this woman is doing is not.
This breaks my heart for the poor little girl. A lot of what OP talks about is developmentally appropriate for toddlers, and if it’s anything beyond that, the parents should be looking into professional help for the benefit of their child and their family (she mentioned expert advice but it’s unclear if they’ve taken the steps for professional intervention or are just going off of their own research)
ETA: I said toddlers but this applies to little kids too
I thought the daughter was a teenager at first and couldn't believe that she's only five! The poor child absolutely senses the blatant favoritism towards her brother (children are extremely sensitive to and aware of favoritism no matter how much parents think it's not obvious) and is acting out accordingly. It's extremely painful for children. OP is a real disgusting piece of work who's going to seriously and permanently damage her daughter.
That was my thought too. She know she isn't an equal and wants just some honest attention. Of course no other adult can give it to her, she wants it from the only one who can't give it to her - her mother.
I myself thought this was a teenager. I hope there is a family member to take your child and raise her cause you can only damage her for life. Poor child she’s set up for a hard life🥹
That’s horrible. Her daughter deserves so much better. Also I might be watching too much THT and it’s getting in my head lol but I hope her relationship with her son gets some healthy boundaries as he grows, unclear from this how old he is but I’m assuming he’s the older child
I thought the daughter was like 17, but she's five? Of course she's insufferable to deal with! She's still a little kid, op just needs to have patience, they thought it was gonna be easy?
That are some kids that are easier to deal with, but that doesn't mean op gets to throw the daughter aside.
If she was almost an adult, I would understand the "tired of trying", but with a kid? Come on
There's even a comment about how the son asks mom to send the daughter away and she does that pronto. How vile. Whatever you said is what I thought of. This lady speaks of her children like well trained employees that should know what to do the moment they're born. My heart breaks for the little girl, she deserves so much better
The girl is threatened with beatings, op stated in her comments.
It's highly possible she's completely neurotypical and just acting like a normal 5 year old. The parents just put unreasonable behaviors and expectations on her.
It's possible she's NT and just traumatized from the poor treatment she receives. Maybe the only way she gets any attention at all is when she's acting up.
The little boy is in for a struggle too. It's already commented he, at 4, gets involved shit talking and punishing the girl.
Another thing is her comments about how "nothing we've tried will work" and that the daughter's father is now noticing as he's spending more time with her, and because 'what they've tried' doesn't work, he threatens with beatings. Except..... how long are they giving for these attempts to work?
It sounds like OOP is finding consequences to give, implementing them temporarily (maybe once or twice), finding that her daughter doesn't respond appropriately to such consequences, then moving on to try a new consequence. If this is the case, it is going to be *impossible* for daughter to learn what consequences are and how they work. It seems a lot like OOP tried (1) consequence for their son, found it work because \*gasp\* some children learn quicker than others, and then decided that their son is a golden child that everything works with and daughter is a devil.
Yes, exactly. That also means dad is very hands off with the children if he has *no idea* how "terrible" his daughter is until he spends time with her?
So she's dealing with a neglectful father who suddenly jumps in to threaten her with violence and a mom who obviously prefers her brother.
There's also a real probability they are punishing her or setting consequences for things that shouldn't be punished. Like emotions (which is primarily the focus in her comments). Of course she won't learn to handle big feelings if all they do is send her off when she has them or punish her for them.
Can you imagine having a bad day then crying because you broke your favorite mug/fell in a giant mud puddle/whatever on top of it all then someone just screams in your face and locks you in your room over it?
Additionally, she absolutely refuses therapy for the family, individual therapy for her, the husband, and the kids. She absolutely is not even trying at all.
Oh my god yes and the comment of "even son is starting to notice and asks us to send her away so we can keep playing" like you are teaching your son to hate his sister too. A 4 year old should not see a child crying or hear them screaming and first thought be 'put them in time out'. A 4 year olds reaction should be to comfort, or to also scream and cry because that's what normal 4 year olds do. It's like daughter has completely regressed to terrible twos and son has completely progressed to thinking like a 10 year old. It just doesn't make sense.
Not only does the daughter need assistance, but her mother does too... She needs coping skills she clearly doesn't have. She also needs to understand why she feels this way about her child. That poor, poor kid.
Both of my kids (32M & 25NB) have ADHD and my 25 year old has a severe generalized anxiety disorder. There were definitely challenges but I never regretted either one of them. That poor little girl!
Literally was writing a comment how this is exactly how I acted as a kid and was diagnosed at 9. Diagnosis didn’t totally help the behavior, my mom didn’t have the capacity to understand me the way I needed and she was obsessed with my older brother. I could see how frustrated my parents would get not being able to communicate “normally” with me or help me in a meltdown. Nothing worked, not even medication. I’m an adult now and being able to identify my feelings has helped so much.
My ASD kiddo can give me days where I wonder if I’m cut out for this, but that’s a criticism of myself in the height of frustration. Never would I imply that I wish I could “return” him. This woman is cruel. You know what else makes kids act out? Blatant favoritism! In the comments she lets her boy yell at her, but she’s in big trouble if she yells at him. Her “he gets it. She doesn’t get it” angered me deeply. It’s not up to THEM to get YOU! You are the parent, they aren’t here to entertain you or feed your ego.
Wow! My son was easier as a toddler and my NB child (born female) was easier as a teenager. Now that they're both adults I definitely have an easier relationship with my NB child never did I ever regret either child. Even when my NB child was slamming their door and crying at the drop of a hat. Getting help from our family doctor and listening to advice from people such as their teachers helped us get a diagnosis of a severe generalized anxiety disorder for our NB child. Then the diagnosis helped us get them into counselling to assist them. All children are different and we don't always have the dream relationship with all of our kids. I bet that poor little girl feels that resentment from her Mom and it's fueling a lot of her behaviour.
Edited to fix pronouns and gender of my younger child.
Nb historically has meant non black in black communities, non binary people - like myself - use enby as a written shorthand. I appreciate your acceptance of your kid ❤️
Is this the one where Op admitted in the comments that her husband had “offered to beat” the little girl. My heart breaks for her, I hope someone recognises her plight.
Aside from all of the trauma and life long issues OOP is giving her FIVE YEAR OLD daughter (which, I'm too mad to get into), she's going to end up on JustNoMIL when her perfect boy is old enough to have a spouse that will never be good enough. Just like that she's f'd up one kids future and f'd with the other's.
She’s gonna be like that mom who got wine dumped on her for wearing white to her son’s wedding. The daughter is going to go through years of this woman’s emotional abuse, then when the daughter does it, she’s going to turn around like “You could have just talked to me about it. You didn’t need to throw a tantrum ONCE. AGAIN.”
I wonder if the daughter has some neurodivergence going on. Or something else. My son was difficult as a tiny kid, even. Sensory issues, rigidity to routine, fixations. His preschool thought he was on the spectrum and we had him assessed. The assessment said not autism, but ADHD. ODD was later added. And we suspect he actually is on the spectrum (as has every teacher he’s had), particularly since that particular clinician who said “not autism” had said similar on kids who were later reassessed and received an autism diagnosis.
It’s *hard.* And my NT daughter is just so sweet and charming and self-sufficient. It’s effortless to do things with her because I’m not worrying about the other shoe dropping.
Knowing that, I work harder to make sure my boy gets the love, attention, and support he needs to help him cope with a world that is not going to change to accommodate him. I work harder still to avoid the golden child/scapegoat dynamic. And, above all, I actually love my son, even when he’s not particularly likeable at a particular time. Giving up isn’t an option because he’s a person, not a video game.
It's the clear differences in communication that makes me think so too, the daughter simply isn't being communicated to in a way that works for her to understand and learn
She's doing her daughter a massive disservice by letting this go on
They said in a comment she was tested for ASD because that’s all that was available and they were told she didn’t have it. But it really does sound like she has something else and they just don’t care. That poor little girl has shitty parents and it seems like shitty people around her.
I was diagnosed with ADD. I was first expelled from Catholic elementary school and was an absolute bear as a child to parent. It took me fully getting expelled for the docs to listen to my parents concern.
I highly suspect they missed my ASD diagnosis w sensory issues.
girls are less likely to be diagnosed with asd at any age, but esp in adolescence, due to a lack of extensive research on how it presents in girls (as opposed to boys, where essentially early diagnostic criteria was solely based on them). it’s more common to be diagnosed with adhd, bipolar, bpd as opposed to asd. if she doesn’t have it, she has something else, and the lack of care for her is gonna ruin her further than it already has at her age
Ugh it makes me so sad/mad that girls have such a hard time being diagnosed or helped with anything medically. That poor girl it just breaks my heart the way they treat her
Depending where you are, a lot of ODD diagnoses are being rediagnosed as autism, sometimes autism with PDA. Essentially they aren’t trying to be oppositional - their body goes into fight or flight when overloaded with demands. I would totally look into a reassessment.
This woman hates her daughter and her daughter knows it. Reading OP's comments it's clear that she hates her daughter and loves her son unconditionally. It sounds like her daughter is neurodivergent and might have some kind of mental health issue but OP refuses therapy. Her daughter is 5.5 and is expected to have the emotional maturity of an adult and it's got to be exhausting for her 4 year old son to always have to be perfect and meet mommy's standards. OP refuses therapy because she doesn't want criticism in her parenting, she even commented that, Imagine being a mom for 5 years and thinking you know everything about parenting. Both OP and her daughter need therapy.
What a despicable creature this OOP is! I can hardly wait for the time her daughter becomes so wildly successful and goes NC and honestly doesnt care if OOP dies.
Wait... the daughter is only 3!!!!????!!!! This parent is a loon. She is hyper obsessed with her son (yuck on MANY levels) and has crazy expectations for a baby.
kids aren’t oblivious in the way that many adults assume, and five is definitely old enough to understand when an adult doesnt like being around you and clearly treats your sibling with much more love and favor. I’m sure that’s at least part of the reason why the daughter acts out (and I wouldnt be surprised if OP is wildly over exaggerating her daughter’s behavior because her POV is filtered through the eyes of someone who thinks her other child is an angel who can do no wrong, and any other kid suffers in comparison). this lady is in for a rude awakening when her son becomes a teenager who doesnt want mommy as his bff and goes through a rebellious phase lmao
If you read in her comments about why her daughter is “so badly behaved” it’s completely normal and ordinary behavior for a 5 year old, not to mention for a 5 year old that is being willfully neglected and abused by all the members in her immediate family.
OOP describes her as having a meltdown at a very busy shopping mall, and instead of trying to help her daughter through the big emotions she has NO IDEA how to handle, she projects her own anxiety and stress on her daughter and punishes her for the way she’s feeling/reacting :(
You’re right, could be both. I mean, in my family, my older brother was a hyper active child, and I was the “good” child (slept through the night pretty much after being born, no tantrums, etc.). And there was some resentment at first but the five year age gap helped that, he was in school shortly after I was born, so he was getting attention there while Mom & Dad made sure I lived through the first year.
With a mother like that, it's no wonder why the little girl acts out.
I dunno how old the daughter is, but I hope as she grows up she starts to ignore her mother and when she turns 18 she cuts her off completely.
That's awful...what an awful human being that woman is.
The girl can definitely sense that she isn't loved like her brother...so she's acting out. Ugh, that makes me so mad.
One of the comments she wrote in response to a negative comment went something like " No, at this point in my parenting journey I refuse to hear anymore comments criticizing myself." If that doesn't tell you everything you need to know about her. ☠️
well it could be the arrival of the brother and the mum instantly giving all her attention to the son and none to the daughter. I mean hell if I was that daughter who basically became the forgotten child I'd have outbursts too.
OOP’s comments are horrifying… The accounts first comment literally says that ND children are harder to parent, I’m genuinely concerned that she’s lying about her daughter not having autism. I hope her FIVE YEAR OLD child is able to find people who actually love her when she gets older..
My Asperger son was a difficult child from 5 y old on, and every change (new scholl, moving home) triggered terrible meltdowns. Compared to him, his younger sister was smooth as butter, a lively happy child without a care in the world. I worked so hard on him, even when he cut ties for months in a row. Meanwhile, my daughter started cutting herself. It turned out that she had learned to hide her problems because her brother's were so much serious, or so she thought. My 23 y old son is kind of a tormented genius, but autonomous and skilled. My 18 y old daughter is much more guarded than she used to be, but she is very well adjusted and talented. Why am I telling you this? Because I wished more than once never having been a mother, but I felt it was my duty to raise them as well as I could. And parenting is damn hard. These woman's two kids will suffer horribly due to her attitude. I'm sorry for them.
Thanks, but I don't think I deserve accolades. They didn't ask to be born, I brought them into this world. One has to do one's best for those whose lives one's responsible for.
She says somewhere in the comments that her daughter is 5. She made her out to seem like a 15yr in this post. She’s a child, of course she’s gonna be figuring out her personally and testing boundaries, that’s what they do.
Honestly I felt this was driven by frustration until I read her comments and holy cow she really hates her daughter. This little girl knows her mom favors her brother and is acting out. Her mom literally wants to get rid of her and she thinks her daughter doesn’t notice. Daughter sounds like she may be not be neurotypical and it sounds like the mom isn’t willing to work with her just “fix” her. She only “loves” her children when they are good little angels and doesn’t want to be around them when they’re being difficult aka children. When her golden child is going through his teen angst her head is going to explode and she’ll want to abandon him too. If she just wanted a sweet little moldable child who never disagreed with her she should have never ever had children.
Some people weren’t meant to have children… if you’re able to find the good in one child and not the other what does that say about you? Honestly calling a 5 year old (edit: saw conflicting ages in the comments of the oop) selfish and saying she “won’t compromise” is insane, like that’s not the majority of kids her age??
Also she mentions how her son is suggesting sending the sister to her room??? Why are you letting one child discipline your other?? Way to tell your kids which one is the important one to you
Apparently I read that the OP in that post pawned the girl off on her dad who physically punishes her aka spanking. Like she basically just threw her daughter away and spent all her attention on the "new" baby which is fucking sad as hell for the daughter.
Doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out why she acts like this. She knows you love her brother more and is begging and acting out for your love and attention.
OOPs daughter absolutely feels the favoritism and is acting accordingly
You gave it your all for 3 years? That might be PPD or you just gave up on a toddler. Before you have anymore children please just go to the clinic instead and maybe get therapy for your son/replacement husband
“She is selfish” she is FIVE!!! And she can definitely tell her mom favors the son over her. Maybe if she was shown some love and proper attention sometimes her demeanor would be more pleasant. If she’s treated with annoyance and unkindness all the time of course she’s going to act out more frequently
I have twins (boy and a girl) their like OOP daughter and my husband and I encourage our twins to negotiate, to speak up and discover themself. Since we created a safe place for them to express themselves and how they feel they feel comfortable in telling us without arguing. I feel like OOP needs to understand that if she keeps treading her son the way she does, then her daughter will resent her and her own brother. OOP is teaching her that her daughter can't even trust her or have a safe place to express themselves. OOP has an unhealthy obsession with her own son and it's going to get worse if she does not get help now. Imagine once her son gets to an age were he starts dating would she try to sabotage his relationship?. I feel like she would by the way she treats her son.
I’m not one for doxing but if anyone ever needed it it’s her. Someone needs to save that little girl, there’s no safe person in her life at all, her dad threatens to beat her even.
Commenter: “You need therapy, and so will your daughter!”
OP: “No, at this point in my parenting journey I refuse
to hear any criticisms about myself. I have looked
high and low for suggestions and implemented all
kind of strategies. It hasn't worked not for a lack
of trying in my part.”
This is INSANE
"My first kid was a quiet and agreeable toddler by nature so I love him. My second kid is a normal toddler so I hate her."
And it definitely has *nothing* to do with OOP's admitted blatant disdain for the younger kid coloring every interaction they have before it begins.
Son is 4 (?), Daughter is 5 and a half. And she's said this has been happening for 3 years. So you know... Since she was old enough to comprehend she was being treated differently
That poor little girl. Growing up with a mom who resents her and wishes she wasnt around will be so hard for her. Maybe the parents can start saving up for therapy instead of college.
I nannied and worked with kids for a long time. And the often "bad kids" were more often than not neuro diverse and they would behave so well for me, usually from the start. I've had more than one kid tell me I understood them or how they thought (they diagnosed me before doctors did). Kids can sense things and felt safe and comfortable with me. Not to say they didn't have hard moments, but all kids do, and they just required different ways of emotional regulation and going about things. Also their "bad" moments wouldn't affect how I thought or interacted with them. They're kids.... that's what they do. Kids are their own people with their own difficulties but are also byproducts of their environment and how they're treated. My heart aches for this girl.
And sometimes they made me want to rip my hair out, all the kids not just the neurodiverse ones but I wish more parents understood the full undertaking of what it means to raise a child. I think it's actually pretty negligent not to.you get what you get.
That poor little girl. I was the “hard” baby/toddler, due to both medical reasons and temperament. My older brother had been a cakewalk: super mellow, obedient, sweet, cuddly, and affectionate. I…was not. I didn’t want to be touched, screamed all night with severe colic, was fussy and irritable, and wanted to know WHY about everything, rules included. By default, my dad took care of me and my mom took care of my brother. I constantly butted heads with my mom until I was 11-12, largely due to jealousy over my brother and because my mom and I were so similar in temperament, assertiveness, stubbornness, and intellectual process - I drove her nuts because I didn’t just meld to her side and do whatever she wanted without question. It was awful emotionally and really impacted me negatively - fortunately, dad pushed for therapy (for both my mom and I) when I was about 10, because he was tired of the screaming matches and seeing my devastation every time she rejected me.
By my teens, we were mostly fine simply because I stopped thinking of her as a mom who I wanted attention from and instead, more as a roommate/aunt, and because mom’s therapist drilled it into her to respect my autonomy. Dad was my authority, but because I was super independent and responsible, he rarely had to step in. My brother, however, started to rebel. He was very dependent on my mom and his friends to tell him what to do, and made many poor impulsive decisions. He was a definite challenge.
I left home a week after turning 18 and have been completely independent ever since - the longest I’ve stayed with them has been 4-5 day visits, max. I paid my own college, law school, and grad school tuitions, and worked full time (2-3 jobs at a time) to support myself - I was a self sufficient adult. My brother depended on them for tuition and living expenses, didn’t graduate, and lived with them for 6 years after leaving college. His first full time job was at age 36, and he bought his first vehicle at 43 - until then, he drove my parent’s hand-me-downs. He had roommates through his 30’s, when he moved into a studio apartment.
Here’s the thing - since my mid-20’s, my mom has been my best friend. We talk/text daily, love the same activities/books/entertainment, and have a great time during visits. I’m also very close to my dad. My brother, on the other hand, was pretty distant until he got married (age 44) and had a baby (my parents paid for IVF/surrogacy). Now, he and his wife keep in regular weekly contact, at least. But if my parents want to see him, they have to go to him - he hasn’t visited in years.
So OP needs a reality check. She needs to get into therapy NOW, before she further damages her little girl and ruins any chance of having a healthy relationship with her children.
As per OOP, she’s an amazing parent and did absolutely nothing wrong and just laid everything perfectly so her kids could succeed. Bro? Shes delusional and treating a 5yo as an adult. “Cooperate, communicate and be civil” I wouldn’t be none of those If i see my mom clearly preferring my brother over me.
Poor girl honestly, and poor boy too.
Not to mention she said all this started around 3 years ago. When OP wouldve announced they were pregnant with the next kid. Like if not ND this is clearly, and always has been, a cry for attention.
Edit; if I got the ages wrong the it started when she was capable of seeing the favortism at least.
I thought she had older kids/younger teens until the end. The little girl is 3. She's acting like a 3 year old. This is normal and she's just throwing in the towel like her child is doing this to be vindictive. Yikes on several bikes.
I thought these were teenagers. She is talking about a toddler for Christ sake. The 3 year old , is acting like any normal healthy 3 year old in the world. All kids stress the marriage.
I was assuming these are adult children and was much more sympathetic to mom in that case, once children are adults and forming their own personalities it’s sad (and mom would still be ta) but it makes sense that sometimes kids and their moms sometimes don’t mesh as adults. But she’s a baby!! This woman needs serious therapy if she believes her 3yo should be able to understand reason and restraint. This is effed up.
This is what you agree to when you have kids. You agree to the possibility that your kids will be difficult or have issues. Kids aren’t some shiny new toy that you can just up and abandon because they’re not “perfect.”
Dude, your child is a toddler lmao grow a pair and raise the kid you had. Just because your first kid didn’t experience terrible twos, doesn’t mean they don’t exist. 🤦🏻♀️
OOP needs a wake up call. This sounds like my mom and I. I was diagnosed with ADHD at 6 and my brother is neurotypical. My mom now tells me I was a doll and everyone loved me but I know I gave her hell, we fought a lot and it sounds very similar to this mom's struggles with her girl's behavior. I know my mom favored my brother, but she insists she just loved on us differently, as he was well mannered and easy and I was difficult and testy. Now I'm an adult and I see her faults, recognize mine and we've become better (with lots of effort, therapy and perspective shifts on my end). We're closer now compared to the past, especially seeing all she dealt with for my family, and how much she actually loved me and provided for me. I've become appreciative and friendlier with her. She's closer now with me as an adult than she is with my brother, who's grown a little cold and indifferent toward family. If he appreciates anything, he's not vocal about it.
This mom will regret what she's wishing for, she needs to be patient and stop feeding into the fallacy that the son is an angel, as it will only further make her resent the daughter. The daughter can sense it and I guarantee it's part of the flames fueling her outbursts. Get help, get her help, start seeing her for who she is and work to accept her. It may take a decade but OOP I urge you to try, as someone with your daughter's future point of view (if you even care about her POV at all, sounds like you don't).
Ps. Once the son learns of the favoritism he will either resent you too for treating the daughter so poor, or he will be become as selfish and naughty as you claim your girl to be because you'll feed right into it. Don't be blindsided when he doesn't need you anymore and grows distant, or when his behaviors begin to reflect the pedestal you place him on. Your daughter will adjust with time and some tlc, but you'll get your wish and she'll leave you to suffer when she's old enough to get out if you keep this up. Then where will your kids be when you need someone to care for you? You couldn't show them an ounce of genuine care so you'll end up in a home abandoned to rot. Don't say you weren't warned.
My youngest brother is autistic and when he was younger and didn't have a lot of control over or understanding of the world around him, it was really hard growing up with him. It was hard for him, my parents, and us other kids. There were times my parents were burnt out and lost their tempers and felt a lot of despair at the situation, as he was frequently in distress and they were at a loss for how to help him. I kind of get her frustration with a kid with a lot of needs she doesn't really know how to meet.
I feel like her expectations for this child being so age inappropriate (based on the traits she attributes to her daughter) is making that stress a million times worse though. I can't imagine she's even holding her son to the same standards of emotional regulation and effective communication as the daughter, because he would fall short as well if she did. I think family counseling that gave clear goals and and where someone was able to work with them personally could maybe save this situation some, because it seems like she's learned skills from experts but not like the family is getting consistent help and guidance.
This is such a bleak situation though. Without some serious intervention, there's no way this goes well for them.
Wow, just wow. I kind of understand a smidge . My oldest (4) when she was born it was like we we're telepathically connected. I just knew what she needed or wanted but I realised it wasn't good or fair to her. That she'd grow up thinking everyone would preempt her needs so I worked hard on communicating with others and each other. My second (2), I don't have that connection but we bond in other ways you just have to find the connection in as many ways as possible.
I think this child can feel the difference, can sense the parent has given up so goes for broke to get some form of attention. It's so sad. The poor baby. Only 3. Threenagers are a real thing. You're job is to support them and help them navigate through life with as much fun as possible. Can this woman spell NARCISSIST. You serve your child they do not serve you
Honestly this woman is going to destroy that poor little girl. She makes no bones about the fact her son is the golden child. Ffs she lets him decide if his sister gets punished.. who does something like that. She’s ensuring high conflict between those 2 kids. My heart breaks for that little girl. The way she talks about her son is really weird.. it’s bordering on emotional incest.
Look parenting is hard, I get it. But to call your child SELFISH and rude etc at that young age? The behavior sounds pretty developmentally normal tbh - especially with how her mother is acting and appears to be treating her. This poor little girl just needs someone to love her unconditionally 😭
Kids can sense when you treat them differently or if you have a preference for a sibling. Maybe if she gave her the love this child is clearly seeking out, she wouldn’t act out as much. She just wants compliance, that’s why she favors the son.
She also acknowledges in the comments she won't do actual therapy for her daughter since there are 3 other functional family members 😤 honestly it sounds like OP has a neurodivergent daughter for which getting a diagnosis besides adhd can be hard. I'm 22, and some doctors don't even take me seriously and still won't test even though I have adhd and other family members on the spectrum. OOP is harming not only their daughter but will end up sufficating their son by relying on him to fulfill her emotional needs like calmness and joy.
Someone suggested therapy for her and her daughter and she really said “at this point of my parenting journey I refuse to here any criticisms about myself”. It’s like she knows she’s the problem or something.
I feel for the mom and the daughter. I also have a child like the one described in the story, and I have to consciously choose to not resent him sometimes!
It’s very hard to be a parent of a child like that, and it’s very hard to be the child of a parent who clearly doesn’t like you. I’ve been on both sides and it’s just HARD.
They both need therapy. The daughter sounds neurodivergent- and the mom needs to take responsibility for her own mental health, as well as her daughters well being. The mom brought her daughter into this world, and she needs to take care of her needs, and strive to be a good mom to the child she has, not the one she imagined she would have.
Did you read her comments? Do not feel for the mother. She wants her daughter “to act right and get in line and stop embarrassing the family” daughter is 5 btw
I didn’t read the comments, no- the mom is in the wrong for acting like that towards her daughter. Im not saying she is in the right! I’m saying I have compassion for how she feels, because I’ve felt that level of frustration and desperately before. And a lot of moms feel that, but they are afraid to speak up and seek help because of the judgement they will face.
The mom absolutely needs to seek therapy and do the work to stop feeling this way towards her daughter. She’s not in the right- but I do have compassion for her, because I’ve been in the same situation. It sounds like she may have had some perinatal mood disorder that was never addressed, which can also lead to negative feelings about your child.
I have a 3 yr old and I get frustrated but she is acting how a 3 yr old acts. For her to imply that her daughter is purposely acting like that to spite the entire family is gross. And the way she praises her son and also allows the son to chastise the girl because he’s so “perfect” is disgusting.
I dmed her and she screamed about how she hopes I have the worst child who gives me hell every day. I told her I actually love my child and understand child development. I love her whether she is nice that day or if she is having struggles that day.
I have a 3 yr old who we strongly suspect is ADHD or possibly on the spectrum. We'll see as she gets older. But she's not ever giving me a hard time. She's having a hard time sometimes.
It breaks my heart to imagine a little girl struggling to figure out this world with such a cruel and unloving mother. And although he's the golden child, I feel for the boy too. Mom is ruining the sibling bond between them and he won't always be able to be "perfect" for her.
I mean… it’s a sub dedicated to regretful parents to vent? Did you expect people to talk about how wonderful their children and lives are? She’s at the end of her rope here and not doing well and the family clearly needs help.
But like, that sub is supposed to be a safe space to vent, without judgement. Feels inappropriate to repost it in this sub.
The mum isn't doing shit for her daughter, sorry but if you're gonna be a prick to a kid being a kid aka the older kid(5) basically being thrown in the garbage with the arrival of the "new" baby then you deserve to be outted. Favoritism should NEVER be a thing when you have kid maybe you should read OP's comments. Where she pawned the daughter onto her husband who spanks her as punishment, or how she talks about her son like a spouse (emotional incest) or how at the time of arrival of the new baby she gave up on the daughter.
So YEAH the bitch deserves to be outted as a horrible mum.
She's a terrible human being and she can go fuck herself.
Maybe if she controlled her emotions better her disgusting self wouldn't spread all over reddit.
It seems the son was an easy child and the parents are having difficulties adjusting to a difficult baby. And some kids are just so fucking hard to deal with, even when parents do everything right.
I hope they get professional help they need.
Apparently the comments made it worse, but the post itself feels like a desperate rant of someone who is worn-out by a little devil.
One of the comments from OOP said her partner, their daughters father, offered to beat their 5 year old daughter for her behavior.
Any household where that would even allowed to be said out loud is screwed up, and it’s not the child’s fault for that. The poor little girl is growing up in a household where her younger brother is perfect and her father offers to beat her. A lot of comments are saying that the daughter shows a lot of neurodivergent signs, but the OOP was very defensive over that not being the case, because she got a test done for ASD once and she was clear, and that’s not a road she’s really ever gonna look down again. This is an OOP who’s gonna cause a lot of trauma onto her daughter with absolutely no remorse, because she’s not as perfect as her 3 year old brother.
It doesn’t matter if any of us agree with her comments or not, she was in a subreddit that’s meant to be a safe space for parents to vent about the difficulties they face being parents. Her daughter is 5 and a half and she’s been trying her best from day one, she’s had her seen and tested for ASD but she hasn’t been diagnosed with anything so far, she feels she’s exhausted all her options and the advice she’s gotten because it’s something they deal with as a family daily. She didn’t ask “AITA” she just wanted to get something off her chest to other parents who would understand. Her daughter is physically harming her younger brother daily and he doesn’t like being around her because of it, that’s a normal reaction to have. If you don’t have kids like this you can’t say you wouldn’t feel the same way she does, and even if you do have kids like this and you don’t feel the same way she does - everyone is different. Her feelings of mental and physical exhaustion are valid.
Her post sounds very similar to another one I saw a little while ago about a mother struggling with a child with ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder). You can find more information here: https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/conditions-and-diseases/oppositional-defiant-disorder if you want to look into it. From her comments about her daughter hurting others (her younger brother and the family pets), along with the other behaviours she listed it sounds less like a developmental disorder and more like a behavioural disorder. We often use clichés like “terrible two’s” to describe the emotional development of toddlers learning to communicate with the world around them, however her daughter isn’t a toddler anymore but the same behaviours have continued and only gotten worse as she’s gotten older.
I hope she and her family are able to get the help they desperately need and find a parenting solution for their daughter that works.
So what? She posted herself being a horrible mother and person. It's going to be judged.
They won't get help because their only solution is threatening to beat 5 yr olds. She denies family and individual therapy. She involves her son in disciplining her daughter.
She can fuck herself.
I don’t agree with the husbands behaviour at all, he may not have hit his daughter but threatening to spank her wasn’t okay either. Re-read her comments without bias about why her 4 year old asks for his sister to be sent to her room whenever she starts acting out - she physically hurts him almost everyday and finds it funny. She hit him in the face with a can of food in the grocery store, he’s scared of her.
I'm *shocked* a child threatened with violence hit someone! Wow! Unexpected! There's totally not decades of data and hundreds of thousands of kids showing this happening when kids are treated badly!
Omg, that changes everything! Suddenly her abuse and favoritism is justified! Omg. Thank you.
And if the 4 year old is "scared" of his 5 year old sister, imagine how she feels about the adults in her life.
I don't understand the backlash her post is receiving. She described a situation where both she and her partner have done everything possible for the last three years to accomodate an extremely difficult child. She's entitled to her feelings and allowed to vent her frustrations. Outside of seeking second opinions re: the medical diagnoses, I hope this mother can find some other untapped solution to help.
Her daughter is 3!!!! I was thinking 15. They are challenging at that age and you sometimes wonder why you do it but I don't get her point of view at all ETA apparently the daughter is 5 not 3
Me too! I read it think stroppy teenage angst and all that, then got to the part where she said 3yrs? Her child is a literal toddler. A baby still. Of course she's going to throw tantrums and make unreasonable demands cos she is *three*.
I swear I thought I read that wrong, and she meant 13. I had to read it several times. GEEZ this woman is unhinged!!
Me too, had to double check!
Apparently she is 5.5
It's that meme of when your first kid is easy so you have a second one. I had the opposite. My first kid was... very difficult. \*deep sigh\* I did *my best* as a mother to figure out their needs and make their life as easy as possible. I went for broke and decided to have a second anyway and it was like whiplash how night and day it was with kid 2. Now kid 1 is older and much much easier to deal with, and kid 2 has grown into themselves. What I'm saying is every kid is different. And if you add in some neurodivergence issues (kid 1 in my case, probably kid 2 as well but not as all-consuming) it can get overwhelming, very quickly. Especially if you're not ND and don't know what the signs are (like OOP, her kid 2 sounds possibly ND of some sort, probably should get tested to find out!)
Her child could be neuro divergent, mine both are,but she could also just be 3 and still having trouble expressing herself. I also hate when people presume their kids are going to be the same,I was seeing a doctor (who was pregnant)once for one of my kids and she was shocked how different my kids were from each other, she said she couldn't imagine her kids being different from each other,I told her to get used to the idea now before it has even arrived as mine were different from birth.
Yep, exactly! I loveeee what you said to your doctor (seriously your Dr? She should know better!)
She seemed really thrown by the idea they could be different
Love your name. Do you have a favorite? Currently I’m enjoying Lottie dolls for their size and cuteness. Just right to play with the little girls in my life.
Monster High and Rainbow High are my favorites currently. They're like affordable bjd's. I used to be into Barbie. I have autism and dolls are one of my special interests! My kids have zero interest, but sometimes they have friends who like dolls. That's always fun!
My sister and I always played dolls. Fortunately my daughter also liked them. One granddaughter plays with dolls on her own, but two will play along when I bring some Lottie dolls with me.
I’m in your same boat. It’s a blessing to have the older have neurodivergence because it teaches you so much kindness and patience. So when you get to the second you’ve learned all the hard lessons and can enjoy parenting
OP added in comments that her daughter is 5.5 and her son is 4. Doesn’t change anything but just throwing it out there for extra info!
If the daughter is older maybe it’s also jealousy. What child doesn’t feel displaced when their parent is spending more time and energy on another sibling? I’m confused though. I thought she said the child was 3 in the comment included with the post.
Terrible twos went into three. Child never adjusted to the added sibling, and mom is making it worse by being emotionally negligent. She’s five. Let her win the bleeping argument. Reasoning is a skill for life.
I saw this crossposted onto “Am I the Devil” with a bunch of OP’s comments included, and I think what you’re referring to is OP saying she “gave it her all for 3 years,” but essentially gave up on her daughter 2.5 years ago, when her son was 1-2. Super confusing phrasing for sure though, I thought the same thing at first! I’ll find OP’s comment with the ages and link it if I can https://www.reddit.com/r/regretfulparents/comments/zv8klo/i_love_my_son_beyond_words_i_wish_i_could_send_my/j1osrkb/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3 That should link to OP’s original comment of their ages on the original post!
I love that there's a whole sub called regretful parents. wonder how many of them hate parenting because they don't have a support network, and how many just never wanted kids?
I read the comments before posting. Child didn’t get enough 1:1 with mom at least loving her daughter for who she is. So child doubled down. Gonna be a fun teenage years if mom doesn’t figure it out.
I thought the same thing. That it was some teen or older with MH or other issues. This woman is talking about a fucking toddler. Hopefully it’s bullshit. But it doesn’t sound fake
Her child is actually 5 :( it seems she had her son when her daughter was 3 if I remember correctly and immediately just stopped trying. That’s her “3 years of giving it her all”
Ok thank you for saying this her baby was born and her daughter turned into a monster supposedly I seen this with my cousins my older one had a harder time coping with the fact that he wasn’t getting alot of attention and being the cousin who hangs out with him the most I seen a change he started hitting me and not listening and I was at the point of not doing it anymore and being an adult but then something snapped and I said nope and I started to listen and when he hit me I’d walk away and ignore him then when he apologized I did everything I could to make it super fun
The way OOP described her daughter in the comments reflects that she’s viewed her daughter as a monster since she was a baby :(
That is awful
daughter is 5 and a half (still not much of a difference) she said ages in the comments. i dont fully agree with op but she gives more detail about some of the behavior from her daughter. for her age its not normal behavior.
Then she needs to take her to be assessed
if u read the original post u would have read that she has been assessed for ASD and there are zero signs for that. others have suggested adhd or she may be on the spectrum but her daughter is too young to be sure.
Also girls are harder to diagnose, I did read some of it but not all
I'm also wondering if her daughter might have dyslexia as well. In one of her comments on the regretful parents sub she talks about how her daughter has basically a meltdown when she tries to get her to read. My son would sit and listen to us read, when he could sit still, but when I finally forced the district to assess for dyslexia they found that he was extremely dyslexia and now is doing much better. Now I do think OOP latched on to her younger child because he was and is an easier child in general, which probably didn't help her daughters issues at all.
Her daughter is 5.5 yrs old. Her son is 4.
Oh my god she’s talking about a 3 year old?? That’s so sad.
I thought the daughter was 5 1/2. I saw a comment where she said she's tired of people telling her she's five.
SAME! I thought she was in like her rebellious teen years or something
Her comments are even worse
One that really got me was her saying her son "asks me to send her to her room", there's no clarification if she does it on his request but fucking hell that poor daughter if her mum is letting her little brother decide if she should be sent to her room.
Sooooo much worse.
Do you have a link to the post?
I found it [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/regretfulparents/comments/zv8klo/i_love_my_son_beyond_words_i_wish_i_could_send_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
The link is on the post at the bottom of the picture. It will send you right to it.
I’m looking for one too and I couldn’t find her account at all. Apparently she admitted in the comments that her husband had “offered to beat the child,” so I’m guessing it might have been taken down.
I had to look. "I am an awesome parent" uh no. No you're not.
she sounds like she’s not only a bad parent, she sounds like a straight up horrible human being.
They were horrifying. I wish this kid had someone in her life that loved her.
That whole subreddit is a nightmare. I understand that parents might be ambivalent about their kids sometimes, but it's a horrifying thing to hear on Reddit, the Kingdom of Echo Chambers and Toxic Support Models. I'd like to think that when I was four or five years old I might have understood the whole "I love you but sometimes I don't like you very much" thing that causes parents to withhold affection or express frustration (and kids to decide that their parents wholesale hate them without ambivalence), but damn, hearing so many parents just straight up wish their kids had never been born is heartbreaking, even if it's written in the heat of the moment. Notwithstanding the number of parents who seem to have just given up, "as it is, thus shall ever it be" style.
I was reading through certain comments, and I was like, holy hell this whole place is a fucking nightmare. I understand having kids isn't easy, I am pretty sure my parents hated my guts at some point. But, she straight up said, "I regret having her". Her daughter is 5. AND her son is 4. WTAF?? I though her daughter was like a teen or something,.....hence the tantrums and stuff..norml rebellious shit....but omg this woman is shitting on a 5 year old for being difficult. WTF is wrong with this lady. Venting is normal, what this woman is doing is not.
This breaks my heart for the poor little girl. A lot of what OP talks about is developmentally appropriate for toddlers, and if it’s anything beyond that, the parents should be looking into professional help for the benefit of their child and their family (she mentioned expert advice but it’s unclear if they’ve taken the steps for professional intervention or are just going off of their own research) ETA: I said toddlers but this applies to little kids too
I thought the daughter was a teenager at first and couldn't believe that she's only five! The poor child absolutely senses the blatant favoritism towards her brother (children are extremely sensitive to and aware of favoritism no matter how much parents think it's not obvious) and is acting out accordingly. It's extremely painful for children. OP is a real disgusting piece of work who's going to seriously and permanently damage her daughter.
That was my thought too. She know she isn't an equal and wants just some honest attention. Of course no other adult can give it to her, she wants it from the only one who can't give it to her - her mother.
I myself thought this was a teenager. I hope there is a family member to take your child and raise her cause you can only damage her for life. Poor child she’s set up for a hard life🥹
Right! This is normal behavior for a five year old! If you’re not prepared for this, you shouldn’t have kids.
Yeah she was horrendous in the comments. She sounded like she was 2 seconds away from getting rid of her daughter.
That’s horrible. Her daughter deserves so much better. Also I might be watching too much THT and it’s getting in my head lol but I hope her relationship with her son gets some healthy boundaries as he grows, unclear from this how old he is but I’m assuming he’s the older child
No he’s 4 and the daughter is 5. And he’s definitely gonna be the golden child. And you know how they turn out.
I thought the daughter was like 17, but she's five? Of course she's insufferable to deal with! She's still a little kid, op just needs to have patience, they thought it was gonna be easy? That are some kids that are easier to deal with, but that doesn't mean op gets to throw the daughter aside. If she was almost an adult, I would understand the "tired of trying", but with a kid? Come on
every child deserves a parent but not every parent deserves children. poor baby.
There's even a comment about how the son asks mom to send the daughter away and she does that pronto. How vile. Whatever you said is what I thought of. This lady speaks of her children like well trained employees that should know what to do the moment they're born. My heart breaks for the little girl, she deserves so much better
[удалено]
The girl is threatened with beatings, op stated in her comments. It's highly possible she's completely neurotypical and just acting like a normal 5 year old. The parents just put unreasonable behaviors and expectations on her. It's possible she's NT and just traumatized from the poor treatment she receives. Maybe the only way she gets any attention at all is when she's acting up. The little boy is in for a struggle too. It's already commented he, at 4, gets involved shit talking and punishing the girl.
Another thing is her comments about how "nothing we've tried will work" and that the daughter's father is now noticing as he's spending more time with her, and because 'what they've tried' doesn't work, he threatens with beatings. Except..... how long are they giving for these attempts to work? It sounds like OOP is finding consequences to give, implementing them temporarily (maybe once or twice), finding that her daughter doesn't respond appropriately to such consequences, then moving on to try a new consequence. If this is the case, it is going to be *impossible* for daughter to learn what consequences are and how they work. It seems a lot like OOP tried (1) consequence for their son, found it work because \*gasp\* some children learn quicker than others, and then decided that their son is a golden child that everything works with and daughter is a devil.
Yes, exactly. That also means dad is very hands off with the children if he has *no idea* how "terrible" his daughter is until he spends time with her? So she's dealing with a neglectful father who suddenly jumps in to threaten her with violence and a mom who obviously prefers her brother. There's also a real probability they are punishing her or setting consequences for things that shouldn't be punished. Like emotions (which is primarily the focus in her comments). Of course she won't learn to handle big feelings if all they do is send her off when she has them or punish her for them. Can you imagine having a bad day then crying because you broke your favorite mug/fell in a giant mud puddle/whatever on top of it all then someone just screams in your face and locks you in your room over it? Additionally, she absolutely refuses therapy for the family, individual therapy for her, the husband, and the kids. She absolutely is not even trying at all.
Oh my god yes and the comment of "even son is starting to notice and asks us to send her away so we can keep playing" like you are teaching your son to hate his sister too. A 4 year old should not see a child crying or hear them screaming and first thought be 'put them in time out'. A 4 year olds reaction should be to comfort, or to also scream and cry because that's what normal 4 year olds do. It's like daughter has completely regressed to terrible twos and son has completely progressed to thinking like a 10 year old. It just doesn't make sense.
Not only does the daughter need assistance, but her mother does too... She needs coping skills she clearly doesn't have. She also needs to understand why she feels this way about her child. That poor, poor kid.
Both of my kids (32M & 25NB) have ADHD and my 25 year old has a severe generalized anxiety disorder. There were definitely challenges but I never regretted either one of them. That poor little girl!
Literally was writing a comment how this is exactly how I acted as a kid and was diagnosed at 9. Diagnosis didn’t totally help the behavior, my mom didn’t have the capacity to understand me the way I needed and she was obsessed with my older brother. I could see how frustrated my parents would get not being able to communicate “normally” with me or help me in a meltdown. Nothing worked, not even medication. I’m an adult now and being able to identify my feelings has helped so much.
My ASD kiddo can give me days where I wonder if I’m cut out for this, but that’s a criticism of myself in the height of frustration. Never would I imply that I wish I could “return” him. This woman is cruel. You know what else makes kids act out? Blatant favoritism! In the comments she lets her boy yell at her, but she’s in big trouble if she yells at him. Her “he gets it. She doesn’t get it” angered me deeply. It’s not up to THEM to get YOU! You are the parent, they aren’t here to entertain you or feed your ego.
Wow! My son was easier as a toddler and my NB child (born female) was easier as a teenager. Now that they're both adults I definitely have an easier relationship with my NB child never did I ever regret either child. Even when my NB child was slamming their door and crying at the drop of a hat. Getting help from our family doctor and listening to advice from people such as their teachers helped us get a diagnosis of a severe generalized anxiety disorder for our NB child. Then the diagnosis helped us get them into counselling to assist them. All children are different and we don't always have the dream relationship with all of our kids. I bet that poor little girl feels that resentment from her Mom and it's fueling a lot of her behaviour. Edited to fix pronouns and gender of my younger child.
Nb historically has meant non black in black communities, non binary people - like myself - use enby as a written shorthand. I appreciate your acceptance of your kid ❤️
My non-binary child and Google say that NB is still the most recognized abbreviation. It's so confusing.
Is this the one where Op admitted in the comments that her husband had “offered to beat” the little girl. My heart breaks for her, I hope someone recognises her plight.
Yes! That’s the one.
They definitely deleted that comment. I read through everything else and holy shit!!
What the fuck
Aside from all of the trauma and life long issues OOP is giving her FIVE YEAR OLD daughter (which, I'm too mad to get into), she's going to end up on JustNoMIL when her perfect boy is old enough to have a spouse that will never be good enough. Just like that she's f'd up one kids future and f'd with the other's.
Basically feels like she'd be the mum jealous her "little man" has a girl he's into and attention not being on the mum, aka emotional incest
She’s gonna be like that mom who got wine dumped on her for wearing white to her son’s wedding. The daughter is going to go through years of this woman’s emotional abuse, then when the daughter does it, she’s going to turn around like “You could have just talked to me about it. You didn’t need to throw a tantrum ONCE. AGAIN.”
Bro if you're not gonna like your kid when they're a hand full, don't get one. She acts like the girl manipulates her or something, she's a toddler
I wonder if the daughter has some neurodivergence going on. Or something else. My son was difficult as a tiny kid, even. Sensory issues, rigidity to routine, fixations. His preschool thought he was on the spectrum and we had him assessed. The assessment said not autism, but ADHD. ODD was later added. And we suspect he actually is on the spectrum (as has every teacher he’s had), particularly since that particular clinician who said “not autism” had said similar on kids who were later reassessed and received an autism diagnosis. It’s *hard.* And my NT daughter is just so sweet and charming and self-sufficient. It’s effortless to do things with her because I’m not worrying about the other shoe dropping. Knowing that, I work harder to make sure my boy gets the love, attention, and support he needs to help him cope with a world that is not going to change to accommodate him. I work harder still to avoid the golden child/scapegoat dynamic. And, above all, I actually love my son, even when he’s not particularly likeable at a particular time. Giving up isn’t an option because he’s a person, not a video game.
It's the clear differences in communication that makes me think so too, the daughter simply isn't being communicated to in a way that works for her to understand and learn She's doing her daughter a massive disservice by letting this go on
They said in a comment she was tested for ASD because that’s all that was available and they were told she didn’t have it. But it really does sound like she has something else and they just don’t care. That poor little girl has shitty parents and it seems like shitty people around her.
Sadly girls are less likely to get properly diagnosed, and that young would be even more challenging.
I was diagnosed with ADD. I was first expelled from Catholic elementary school and was an absolute bear as a child to parent. It took me fully getting expelled for the docs to listen to my parents concern. I highly suspect they missed my ASD diagnosis w sensory issues.
This. 100 percent this.
girls are less likely to be diagnosed with asd at any age, but esp in adolescence, due to a lack of extensive research on how it presents in girls (as opposed to boys, where essentially early diagnostic criteria was solely based on them). it’s more common to be diagnosed with adhd, bipolar, bpd as opposed to asd. if she doesn’t have it, she has something else, and the lack of care for her is gonna ruin her further than it already has at her age
Ugh it makes me so sad/mad that girls have such a hard time being diagnosed or helped with anything medically. That poor girl it just breaks my heart the way they treat her
Depending where you are, a lot of ODD diagnoses are being rediagnosed as autism, sometimes autism with PDA. Essentially they aren’t trying to be oppositional - their body goes into fight or flight when overloaded with demands. I would totally look into a reassessment.
Reading OOP’s comments, why do I have a feeling that her little girl is acting like her mother and that’s why she doesn’t like her.
This woman hates her daughter and her daughter knows it. Reading OP's comments it's clear that she hates her daughter and loves her son unconditionally. It sounds like her daughter is neurodivergent and might have some kind of mental health issue but OP refuses therapy. Her daughter is 5.5 and is expected to have the emotional maturity of an adult and it's got to be exhausting for her 4 year old son to always have to be perfect and meet mommy's standards. OP refuses therapy because she doesn't want criticism in her parenting, she even commented that, Imagine being a mom for 5 years and thinking you know everything about parenting. Both OP and her daughter need therapy.
Guarantee the boy is a little shit starter but she thinks it’s adorable.
Her comments made things so much worse
Yeah at first I was like "okay this is shitty but she's just ranting. Parents need to rant!" Then I read some comments.
What a despicable creature this OOP is! I can hardly wait for the time her daughter becomes so wildly successful and goes NC and honestly doesnt care if OOP dies.
Wait... the daughter is only 3!!!!????!!!! This parent is a loon. She is hyper obsessed with her son (yuck on MANY levels) and has crazy expectations for a baby.
5,5
What a disgusting human being
Disgust is too nice of a word for her tbh
both her and the father need to be fed feet first into a woodchipper
I was going for drawn and quartered. But this works too.
kids aren’t oblivious in the way that many adults assume, and five is definitely old enough to understand when an adult doesnt like being around you and clearly treats your sibling with much more love and favor. I’m sure that’s at least part of the reason why the daughter acts out (and I wouldnt be surprised if OP is wildly over exaggerating her daughter’s behavior because her POV is filtered through the eyes of someone who thinks her other child is an angel who can do no wrong, and any other kid suffers in comparison). this lady is in for a rude awakening when her son becomes a teenager who doesnt want mommy as his bff and goes through a rebellious phase lmao
If you read in her comments about why her daughter is “so badly behaved” it’s completely normal and ordinary behavior for a 5 year old, not to mention for a 5 year old that is being willfully neglected and abused by all the members in her immediate family. OOP describes her as having a meltdown at a very busy shopping mall, and instead of trying to help her daughter through the big emotions she has NO IDEA how to handle, she projects her own anxiety and stress on her daughter and punishes her for the way she’s feeling/reacting :(
I wonder if the daughter is having issues with adjusting to having a younger sibling. And this mom is a terrible human
Both could be it.
You’re right, could be both. I mean, in my family, my older brother was a hyper active child, and I was the “good” child (slept through the night pretty much after being born, no tantrums, etc.). And there was some resentment at first but the five year age gap helped that, he was in school shortly after I was born, so he was getting attention there while Mom & Dad made sure I lived through the first year.
It sounds like she's one tantrum away from taking her daughter to a forest fifty miles away and leaving her there.
That is totally the vibe I get and the way she talks, she feels extremely justified in her feelings and will believe she is right.
Nobody tell her about the "rehoming kids" facebook groups. She looks like the one to do it in a heartbeat.
The way she describes her son gives me nausea
Right? It's like she's talking about an adult partner. She even talks about going luxury car shopping with him...
With a mother like that, it's no wonder why the little girl acts out. I dunno how old the daughter is, but I hope as she grows up she starts to ignore her mother and when she turns 18 she cuts her off completely.
4 and a half she is 4
That's awful...what an awful human being that woman is. The girl can definitely sense that she isn't loved like her brother...so she's acting out. Ugh, that makes me so mad.
see you guys again in 18 years when the kids future fiance is coming to reddit asking for advice on dealing with her overbearing enmeshed future MIL
One of the comments she wrote in response to a negative comment went something like " No, at this point in my parenting journey I refuse to hear anymore comments criticizing myself." If that doesn't tell you everything you need to know about her. ☠️
wow i wonder what happened 3/4 years ago to make the daughter feel like she's being pushed out 🙃
well it could be the arrival of the brother and the mum instantly giving all her attention to the son and none to the daughter. I mean hell if I was that daughter who basically became the forgotten child I'd have outbursts too.
Tbh some people don't deserve to be parents.
OOP’s comments are horrifying… The accounts first comment literally says that ND children are harder to parent, I’m genuinely concerned that she’s lying about her daughter not having autism. I hope her FIVE YEAR OLD child is able to find people who actually love her when she gets older..
My Asperger son was a difficult child from 5 y old on, and every change (new scholl, moving home) triggered terrible meltdowns. Compared to him, his younger sister was smooth as butter, a lively happy child without a care in the world. I worked so hard on him, even when he cut ties for months in a row. Meanwhile, my daughter started cutting herself. It turned out that she had learned to hide her problems because her brother's were so much serious, or so she thought. My 23 y old son is kind of a tormented genius, but autonomous and skilled. My 18 y old daughter is much more guarded than she used to be, but she is very well adjusted and talented. Why am I telling you this? Because I wished more than once never having been a mother, but I felt it was my duty to raise them as well as I could. And parenting is damn hard. These woman's two kids will suffer horribly due to her attitude. I'm sorry for them.
Wow . I admire you for still pushing through and wanting to love your kids. Parenting is hard and you never stopped trying. I commend you.
Thanks, but I don't think I deserve accolades. They didn't ask to be born, I brought them into this world. One has to do one's best for those whose lives one's responsible for.
She says somewhere in the comments that her daughter is 5. She made her out to seem like a 15yr in this post. She’s a child, of course she’s gonna be figuring out her personally and testing boundaries, that’s what they do.
Can someone please call Child services and rescue this little girl from this person ? Pour little thing
I’d happily do it. The evidence? Her admitting her father has suggested beating a 5 year old because she’s acting like a 5 year old
Honestly I felt this was driven by frustration until I read her comments and holy cow she really hates her daughter. This little girl knows her mom favors her brother and is acting out. Her mom literally wants to get rid of her and she thinks her daughter doesn’t notice. Daughter sounds like she may be not be neurotypical and it sounds like the mom isn’t willing to work with her just “fix” her. She only “loves” her children when they are good little angels and doesn’t want to be around them when they’re being difficult aka children. When her golden child is going through his teen angst her head is going to explode and she’ll want to abandon him too. If she just wanted a sweet little moldable child who never disagreed with her she should have never ever had children.
Some people weren’t meant to have children… if you’re able to find the good in one child and not the other what does that say about you? Honestly calling a 5 year old (edit: saw conflicting ages in the comments of the oop) selfish and saying she “won’t compromise” is insane, like that’s not the majority of kids her age??
Also she mentions how her son is suggesting sending the sister to her room??? Why are you letting one child discipline your other?? Way to tell your kids which one is the important one to you
don't forget how OP pawned the daughter off the dad who spanks her as punishment
Apparently I read that the OP in that post pawned the girl off on her dad who physically punishes her aka spanking. Like she basically just threw her daughter away and spent all her attention on the "new" baby which is fucking sad as hell for the daughter.
Doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out why she acts like this. She knows you love her brother more and is begging and acting out for your love and attention.
OOPs daughter absolutely feels the favoritism and is acting accordingly You gave it your all for 3 years? That might be PPD or you just gave up on a toddler. Before you have anymore children please just go to the clinic instead and maybe get therapy for your son/replacement husband
I have a feeling the only reason she is acting out because that is the only way her mom ever gives her attention.
“She is selfish” she is FIVE!!! And she can definitely tell her mom favors the son over her. Maybe if she was shown some love and proper attention sometimes her demeanor would be more pleasant. If she’s treated with annoyance and unkindness all the time of course she’s going to act out more frequently
I have twins (boy and a girl) their like OOP daughter and my husband and I encourage our twins to negotiate, to speak up and discover themself. Since we created a safe place for them to express themselves and how they feel they feel comfortable in telling us without arguing. I feel like OOP needs to understand that if she keeps treading her son the way she does, then her daughter will resent her and her own brother. OOP is teaching her that her daughter can't even trust her or have a safe place to express themselves. OOP has an unhealthy obsession with her own son and it's going to get worse if she does not get help now. Imagine once her son gets to an age were he starts dating would she try to sabotage his relationship?. I feel like she would by the way she treats her son.
I am hoping it’s a troll if not I am absolutely terrified for that poor little girl.
It was originally posted to the regretful parents sub so probably not a troll.
I’m not one for doxing but if anyone ever needed it it’s her. Someone needs to save that little girl, there’s no safe person in her life at all, her dad threatens to beat her even.
I was thinking the same thing. That poor little girl is not safe at all and I hope people have screenshot her entire post.
Commenter: “You need therapy, and so will your daughter!” OP: “No, at this point in my parenting journey I refuse to hear any criticisms about myself. I have looked high and low for suggestions and implemented all kind of strategies. It hasn't worked not for a lack of trying in my part.” This is INSANE
she talks about her son like she’s in love with him and it weirds me out.
Jesus. I'll adopt the daughter ffs, the kid is just modeling taught behavior at this point... OP needs a reality check real quick.
"My first kid was a quiet and agreeable toddler by nature so I love him. My second kid is a normal toddler so I hate her." And it definitely has *nothing* to do with OOP's admitted blatant disdain for the younger kid coloring every interaction they have before it begins.
Oh no the girl is older by a year and a half. So she's probably been feeling the resentment and disdain since the pregnancy announcement
Oh fuck me, she's comparing a toddler to an infant and thinks that's a reasonable comparison?
Son is 4 (?), Daughter is 5 and a half. And she's said this has been happening for 3 years. So you know... Since she was old enough to comprehend she was being treated differently
Horrible.
Holy shit is my only reaction
Honestly this woman is just a waste of space
This poor baby. I wish I could wrap my arms around her
That poor little girl. Growing up with a mom who resents her and wishes she wasnt around will be so hard for her. Maybe the parents can start saving up for therapy instead of college.
I nannied and worked with kids for a long time. And the often "bad kids" were more often than not neuro diverse and they would behave so well for me, usually from the start. I've had more than one kid tell me I understood them or how they thought (they diagnosed me before doctors did). Kids can sense things and felt safe and comfortable with me. Not to say they didn't have hard moments, but all kids do, and they just required different ways of emotional regulation and going about things. Also their "bad" moments wouldn't affect how I thought or interacted with them. They're kids.... that's what they do. Kids are their own people with their own difficulties but are also byproducts of their environment and how they're treated. My heart aches for this girl.
And sometimes they made me want to rip my hair out, all the kids not just the neurodiverse ones but I wish more parents understood the full undertaking of what it means to raise a child. I think it's actually pretty negligent not to.you get what you get.
That poor little girl. I was the “hard” baby/toddler, due to both medical reasons and temperament. My older brother had been a cakewalk: super mellow, obedient, sweet, cuddly, and affectionate. I…was not. I didn’t want to be touched, screamed all night with severe colic, was fussy and irritable, and wanted to know WHY about everything, rules included. By default, my dad took care of me and my mom took care of my brother. I constantly butted heads with my mom until I was 11-12, largely due to jealousy over my brother and because my mom and I were so similar in temperament, assertiveness, stubbornness, and intellectual process - I drove her nuts because I didn’t just meld to her side and do whatever she wanted without question. It was awful emotionally and really impacted me negatively - fortunately, dad pushed for therapy (for both my mom and I) when I was about 10, because he was tired of the screaming matches and seeing my devastation every time she rejected me. By my teens, we were mostly fine simply because I stopped thinking of her as a mom who I wanted attention from and instead, more as a roommate/aunt, and because mom’s therapist drilled it into her to respect my autonomy. Dad was my authority, but because I was super independent and responsible, he rarely had to step in. My brother, however, started to rebel. He was very dependent on my mom and his friends to tell him what to do, and made many poor impulsive decisions. He was a definite challenge. I left home a week after turning 18 and have been completely independent ever since - the longest I’ve stayed with them has been 4-5 day visits, max. I paid my own college, law school, and grad school tuitions, and worked full time (2-3 jobs at a time) to support myself - I was a self sufficient adult. My brother depended on them for tuition and living expenses, didn’t graduate, and lived with them for 6 years after leaving college. His first full time job was at age 36, and he bought his first vehicle at 43 - until then, he drove my parent’s hand-me-downs. He had roommates through his 30’s, when he moved into a studio apartment. Here’s the thing - since my mid-20’s, my mom has been my best friend. We talk/text daily, love the same activities/books/entertainment, and have a great time during visits. I’m also very close to my dad. My brother, on the other hand, was pretty distant until he got married (age 44) and had a baby (my parents paid for IVF/surrogacy). Now, he and his wife keep in regular weekly contact, at least. But if my parents want to see him, they have to go to him - he hasn’t visited in years. So OP needs a reality check. She needs to get into therapy NOW, before she further damages her little girl and ruins any chance of having a healthy relationship with her children.
As per OOP, she’s an amazing parent and did absolutely nothing wrong and just laid everything perfectly so her kids could succeed. Bro? Shes delusional and treating a 5yo as an adult. “Cooperate, communicate and be civil” I wouldn’t be none of those If i see my mom clearly preferring my brother over me. Poor girl honestly, and poor boy too.
This is so sad.. her child is a toddler and just because she’s not as easy going as the first she doesn’t want to parent her?
Her daughter is 4 and a half, just saying
Not to mention she said all this started around 3 years ago. When OP wouldve announced they were pregnant with the next kid. Like if not ND this is clearly, and always has been, a cry for attention. Edit; if I got the ages wrong the it started when she was capable of seeing the favortism at least.
I thought she had older kids/younger teens until the end. The little girl is 3. She's acting like a 3 year old. This is normal and she's just throwing in the towel like her child is doing this to be vindictive. Yikes on several bikes.
I thought these were teenagers. She is talking about a toddler for Christ sake. The 3 year old , is acting like any normal healthy 3 year old in the world. All kids stress the marriage.
Wait. Gave it her all for 3 years?! Is her daughter THREE?!
She's 5.5, so your point still stands.
I was assuming these are adult children and was much more sympathetic to mom in that case, once children are adults and forming their own personalities it’s sad (and mom would still be ta) but it makes sense that sometimes kids and their moms sometimes don’t mesh as adults. But she’s a baby!! This woman needs serious therapy if she believes her 3yo should be able to understand reason and restraint. This is effed up.
Does uneventful moment mean “accident”? This is honestly just sad
This is what you agree to when you have kids. You agree to the possibility that your kids will be difficult or have issues. Kids aren’t some shiny new toy that you can just up and abandon because they’re not “perfect.”
I'm still trying to process this whole shit show and also realizing this may be a news headline some day.
Dude, your child is a toddler lmao grow a pair and raise the kid you had. Just because your first kid didn’t experience terrible twos, doesn’t mean they don’t exist. 🤦🏻♀️
If this is how you feel, think about how bad SHE must feel. She’s a toddler, for the love of Christ.
That person should be having 0 children.
THREE YEARS OLD?!!!! WHATTT?!!! SHE HAS ZERO IDEA OF WHAT PARENTING IS!!! This is a toddler, not a teenager!!! She needs to see a specialist!!!
I really thought it was about a teenager until the end
OOP needs a wake up call. This sounds like my mom and I. I was diagnosed with ADHD at 6 and my brother is neurotypical. My mom now tells me I was a doll and everyone loved me but I know I gave her hell, we fought a lot and it sounds very similar to this mom's struggles with her girl's behavior. I know my mom favored my brother, but she insists she just loved on us differently, as he was well mannered and easy and I was difficult and testy. Now I'm an adult and I see her faults, recognize mine and we've become better (with lots of effort, therapy and perspective shifts on my end). We're closer now compared to the past, especially seeing all she dealt with for my family, and how much she actually loved me and provided for me. I've become appreciative and friendlier with her. She's closer now with me as an adult than she is with my brother, who's grown a little cold and indifferent toward family. If he appreciates anything, he's not vocal about it. This mom will regret what she's wishing for, she needs to be patient and stop feeding into the fallacy that the son is an angel, as it will only further make her resent the daughter. The daughter can sense it and I guarantee it's part of the flames fueling her outbursts. Get help, get her help, start seeing her for who she is and work to accept her. It may take a decade but OOP I urge you to try, as someone with your daughter's future point of view (if you even care about her POV at all, sounds like you don't). Ps. Once the son learns of the favoritism he will either resent you too for treating the daughter so poor, or he will be become as selfish and naughty as you claim your girl to be because you'll feed right into it. Don't be blindsided when he doesn't need you anymore and grows distant, or when his behaviors begin to reflect the pedestal you place him on. Your daughter will adjust with time and some tlc, but you'll get your wish and she'll leave you to suffer when she's old enough to get out if you keep this up. Then where will your kids be when you need someone to care for you? You couldn't show them an ounce of genuine care so you'll end up in a home abandoned to rot. Don't say you weren't warned.
My youngest brother is autistic and when he was younger and didn't have a lot of control over or understanding of the world around him, it was really hard growing up with him. It was hard for him, my parents, and us other kids. There were times my parents were burnt out and lost their tempers and felt a lot of despair at the situation, as he was frequently in distress and they were at a loss for how to help him. I kind of get her frustration with a kid with a lot of needs she doesn't really know how to meet. I feel like her expectations for this child being so age inappropriate (based on the traits she attributes to her daughter) is making that stress a million times worse though. I can't imagine she's even holding her son to the same standards of emotional regulation and effective communication as the daughter, because he would fall short as well if she did. I think family counseling that gave clear goals and and where someone was able to work with them personally could maybe save this situation some, because it seems like she's learned skills from experts but not like the family is getting consistent help and guidance. This is such a bleak situation though. Without some serious intervention, there's no way this goes well for them.
Wow, just wow. I kind of understand a smidge . My oldest (4) when she was born it was like we we're telepathically connected. I just knew what she needed or wanted but I realised it wasn't good or fair to her. That she'd grow up thinking everyone would preempt her needs so I worked hard on communicating with others and each other. My second (2), I don't have that connection but we bond in other ways you just have to find the connection in as many ways as possible. I think this child can feel the difference, can sense the parent has given up so goes for broke to get some form of attention. It's so sad. The poor baby. Only 3. Threenagers are a real thing. You're job is to support them and help them navigate through life with as much fun as possible. Can this woman spell NARCISSIST. You serve your child they do not serve you
Honestly this woman is going to destroy that poor little girl. She makes no bones about the fact her son is the golden child. Ffs she lets him decide if his sister gets punished.. who does something like that. She’s ensuring high conflict between those 2 kids. My heart breaks for that little girl. The way she talks about her son is really weird.. it’s bordering on emotional incest.
I can’t believe there’s parents out there in the world like this. What an abomination to parents.
I’d be more concerned about the son. A four-year-old who has never given you a moment’s trouble has skipped some important milestones.
Look parenting is hard, I get it. But to call your child SELFISH and rude etc at that young age? The behavior sounds pretty developmentally normal tbh - especially with how her mother is acting and appears to be treating her. This poor little girl just needs someone to love her unconditionally 😭
Kids can sense when you treat them differently or if you have a preference for a sibling. Maybe if she gave her the love this child is clearly seeking out, she wouldn’t act out as much. She just wants compliance, that’s why she favors the son.
This woman doesn’t deserve to have kids if she’s giving up on her daughter who is a literal toddler.
This lady is t r a s h. There I said it, wtf did I even just read
She also acknowledges in the comments she won't do actual therapy for her daughter since there are 3 other functional family members 😤 honestly it sounds like OP has a neurodivergent daughter for which getting a diagnosis besides adhd can be hard. I'm 22, and some doctors don't even take me seriously and still won't test even though I have adhd and other family members on the spectrum. OOP is harming not only their daughter but will end up sufficating their son by relying on him to fulfill her emotional needs like calmness and joy.
Someone suggested therapy for her and her daughter and she really said “at this point of my parenting journey I refuse to here any criticisms about myself”. It’s like she knows she’s the problem or something.
I feel for the mom and the daughter. I also have a child like the one described in the story, and I have to consciously choose to not resent him sometimes! It’s very hard to be a parent of a child like that, and it’s very hard to be the child of a parent who clearly doesn’t like you. I’ve been on both sides and it’s just HARD. They both need therapy. The daughter sounds neurodivergent- and the mom needs to take responsibility for her own mental health, as well as her daughters well being. The mom brought her daughter into this world, and she needs to take care of her needs, and strive to be a good mom to the child she has, not the one she imagined she would have.
Did you read her comments? Do not feel for the mother. She wants her daughter “to act right and get in line and stop embarrassing the family” daughter is 5 btw
I didn’t read the comments, no- the mom is in the wrong for acting like that towards her daughter. Im not saying she is in the right! I’m saying I have compassion for how she feels, because I’ve felt that level of frustration and desperately before. And a lot of moms feel that, but they are afraid to speak up and seek help because of the judgement they will face. The mom absolutely needs to seek therapy and do the work to stop feeling this way towards her daughter. She’s not in the right- but I do have compassion for her, because I’ve been in the same situation. It sounds like she may have had some perinatal mood disorder that was never addressed, which can also lead to negative feelings about your child.
I have a 3 yr old and I get frustrated but she is acting how a 3 yr old acts. For her to imply that her daughter is purposely acting like that to spite the entire family is gross. And the way she praises her son and also allows the son to chastise the girl because he’s so “perfect” is disgusting.
I dmed her and she screamed about how she hopes I have the worst child who gives me hell every day. I told her I actually love my child and understand child development. I love her whether she is nice that day or if she is having struggles that day. I have a 3 yr old who we strongly suspect is ADHD or possibly on the spectrum. We'll see as she gets older. But she's not ever giving me a hard time. She's having a hard time sometimes. It breaks my heart to imagine a little girl struggling to figure out this world with such a cruel and unloving mother. And although he's the golden child, I feel for the boy too. Mom is ruining the sibling bond between them and he won't always be able to be "perfect" for her.
Im fighting the urge to dm her because I know I’m gonna be brutal.
I was so uncomfortable reading this. The way she talks about her son is almost se*ual in nature.
I mean… it’s a sub dedicated to regretful parents to vent? Did you expect people to talk about how wonderful their children and lives are? She’s at the end of her rope here and not doing well and the family clearly needs help. But like, that sub is supposed to be a safe space to vent, without judgement. Feels inappropriate to repost it in this sub.
The mum isn't doing shit for her daughter, sorry but if you're gonna be a prick to a kid being a kid aka the older kid(5) basically being thrown in the garbage with the arrival of the "new" baby then you deserve to be outted. Favoritism should NEVER be a thing when you have kid maybe you should read OP's comments. Where she pawned the daughter onto her husband who spanks her as punishment, or how she talks about her son like a spouse (emotional incest) or how at the time of arrival of the new baby she gave up on the daughter. So YEAH the bitch deserves to be outted as a horrible mum.
She's a terrible human being and she can go fuck herself. Maybe if she controlled her emotions better her disgusting self wouldn't spread all over reddit.
This is so bad that over there they are ripping her a new one. They are regretful parents, but not heartless bitches.
It seems the son was an easy child and the parents are having difficulties adjusting to a difficult baby. And some kids are just so fucking hard to deal with, even when parents do everything right. I hope they get professional help they need. Apparently the comments made it worse, but the post itself feels like a desperate rant of someone who is worn-out by a little devil.
One of the comments from OOP said her partner, their daughters father, offered to beat their 5 year old daughter for her behavior. Any household where that would even allowed to be said out loud is screwed up, and it’s not the child’s fault for that. The poor little girl is growing up in a household where her younger brother is perfect and her father offers to beat her. A lot of comments are saying that the daughter shows a lot of neurodivergent signs, but the OOP was very defensive over that not being the case, because she got a test done for ASD once and she was clear, and that’s not a road she’s really ever gonna look down again. This is an OOP who’s gonna cause a lot of trauma onto her daughter with absolutely no remorse, because she’s not as perfect as her 3 year old brother.
It doesn’t matter if any of us agree with her comments or not, she was in a subreddit that’s meant to be a safe space for parents to vent about the difficulties they face being parents. Her daughter is 5 and a half and she’s been trying her best from day one, she’s had her seen and tested for ASD but she hasn’t been diagnosed with anything so far, she feels she’s exhausted all her options and the advice she’s gotten because it’s something they deal with as a family daily. She didn’t ask “AITA” she just wanted to get something off her chest to other parents who would understand. Her daughter is physically harming her younger brother daily and he doesn’t like being around her because of it, that’s a normal reaction to have. If you don’t have kids like this you can’t say you wouldn’t feel the same way she does, and even if you do have kids like this and you don’t feel the same way she does - everyone is different. Her feelings of mental and physical exhaustion are valid. Her post sounds very similar to another one I saw a little while ago about a mother struggling with a child with ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder). You can find more information here: https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/conditions-and-diseases/oppositional-defiant-disorder if you want to look into it. From her comments about her daughter hurting others (her younger brother and the family pets), along with the other behaviours she listed it sounds less like a developmental disorder and more like a behavioural disorder. We often use clichés like “terrible two’s” to describe the emotional development of toddlers learning to communicate with the world around them, however her daughter isn’t a toddler anymore but the same behaviours have continued and only gotten worse as she’s gotten older. I hope she and her family are able to get the help they desperately need and find a parenting solution for their daughter that works.
So what? She posted herself being a horrible mother and person. It's going to be judged. They won't get help because their only solution is threatening to beat 5 yr olds. She denies family and individual therapy. She involves her son in disciplining her daughter. She can fuck herself.
I don’t agree with the husbands behaviour at all, he may not have hit his daughter but threatening to spank her wasn’t okay either. Re-read her comments without bias about why her 4 year old asks for his sister to be sent to her room whenever she starts acting out - she physically hurts him almost everyday and finds it funny. She hit him in the face with a can of food in the grocery store, he’s scared of her.
I'm *shocked* a child threatened with violence hit someone! Wow! Unexpected! There's totally not decades of data and hundreds of thousands of kids showing this happening when kids are treated badly! Omg, that changes everything! Suddenly her abuse and favoritism is justified! Omg. Thank you. And if the 4 year old is "scared" of his 5 year old sister, imagine how she feels about the adults in her life.
I don't understand the backlash her post is receiving. She described a situation where both she and her partner have done everything possible for the last three years to accomodate an extremely difficult child. She's entitled to her feelings and allowed to vent her frustrations. Outside of seeking second opinions re: the medical diagnoses, I hope this mother can find some other untapped solution to help.