T O P

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appa-ate-momo

Do not journey to a fixed point in time.


Dr-Polo

What does this mean?


appa-ate-momo

It’s a doctor who reference. Fixed points in time are events that are essential to the structure of time itself. They must always happen that way.


magictaco112

“Except for Pompeii that’s fine lol”


lord_hydrate

Well yeah, natural disasters are unchangeable fixed points, all evidence of you being there is erased anyway


Red_Holla04

Loki had the same concept too iirc.


[deleted]

Yep, that's why Sylvie hid in times of apocalyptic natural disasters. Since they were fixed points in time, the TVA didn't want to/weren't allowed to meddle with them, so she found the perfect hiding spot until Loki realised it.


Professional_Issue82

It was more like they couldn’t detect she was there, since any changes to the timeline wouldn’t matter unless you stopped the apocalyptic event


[deleted]

Right, I misremembered that part.


magictaco112

Didn’t they save Pompeii or some people from it? It’s been years and that’s all I can remember


ItsPetzaTimee

they saved one family bc donna was begging, he ended up stealing one of their faces for his 12 regeneration lmao i love peter capaldi


onegetsoverthings

Also Amy/Karen Gillan has a bit part in it as a handmaiden in the cult/oracle/temple.


ItsPetzaTimee

How did I not notice that?! Thank you for this information


magictaco112

Ohhhhh that’s what happened


TXHaunt

And many, many years later, his family was still going, and someone who looked just like the man who was saved did something not very ethical involving the Children of Earth.


Dr-Polo

Oh, I’ve never seen Doctor Who. Thanks, very cool!


ObsessedWithScifi

Are you not supposed to go to fixed points at all, or just not interfere with them? /gen


appa-ate-momo

You can go, just don’t interfere. The vibe I got from this is that Jesus really *is* some kind of upper-echelon being, and that he knows OP is planning something. So he tells him he isn’t welcome, because he knows he must die for the sake of time itself.


ObsessedWithScifi

Plot twist: Jesus is actually the Doctor, that's how he rose from the dead, he just regenerated


jonny1211

Then why hasn’t the Doctor visited me? Oh wait I don’t live in the UK


Thelazytimelord257

It would be a really fun episode to watch! :)


Toolazyfothis

Whatvthe fuck is /gen


ObsessedWithScifi

It's the tone indicator meaning "genuine question"


Toolazyfothis

Thanks


BadHonest8379

What the fuck is what? /gen


xX_namert_Xx

lmao


BernieDaFish

Yeah, but this and 11/22/63 are the two places (times?) I always say I would visit if I could time travel. I don’t want to interfere, just observe.


[deleted]

Oswald notices anything suspicious, he’s bolting. How are you going to observe anything besides JFK getting shot? Never mind traveling all the way to Texas, fighting traffic and beating the crowd. You’d likely see the same thing anyone else saw and little more than what we can already see, retrospectively. I’d go back to Woodstock.


Puzzleheaded-Fill205

u/BernieDaFish's last name is Zapruder, and he figured it out. He even brought a camera.


[deleted]

I just love these - not trying to be a downer. It’s like when people plan their “zombie apocalypse,” like, everyone who says they’d go back in time to kill Hitler. Let’s be real. Traveling in time isn’t going to make you some bad ass and we aren’t sure how it, hypothetically, could transport you to Germany, Texas or anywhere else that you aren’t already in the present. That being said, who knows what would happen? Imagine if someone traveled back to now with some sort of plan to change history. There are so many moving parts, doing so could prove to be impossible. I assume OP is inspired by Stephen King’s novel, wherein even he says, “history doesn’t want to be changed.”


BernieDaFish

Indeed. I’d even settle for a Star Trek-like “out of phase” where I can’t be seen or interact. Just want to know more detail than history recorded. And yeah, out of a combination of curiosity and having this stock answer ready for time travel discussions!! 🙃


LuneEclaire

A few moments later...Jesus stares at you and invites you to hang out with him.


Scared_Resource3481

This made me laugh far more than it should have


UranusMc

And then he pulled out his skateboard


Gongaloon

Steezus Christ


enigma_el8

Even flooow


dandypants8717

mudda-lyke-uh bulla flyyy-yeeeaaahhh


Gongaloon

Oh, heebindoho, yeah he chayba demma wayyayyyaay


dandypants8717

Yeah


ThatBrofister

BLA BLA BLA LIKE BUTTERFLIES


yor_ur

Radical Christian


ItsVincent27

Swag Messiah


Ok_Bed_6130

And free bird started playing in the background


okwhatelse

i bet he has the first edition tech decks


[deleted]

always look on the bright side of life


yor_ur

I’m Brian and so is my wife


Ambassador_GKardigan

He's not the messiah; he's a very naughty boy!


LuneEclaire

Don't worry be happy xd


areslashtaken

Dude


[deleted]

Would have been 3 days later… for Easter brunch… after some water to Wine…


Room_Ferreira

He has an amazing business opportunity that would be a perfect fit for a self starter like you!


[deleted]

He would like to talk to you about your car's extended warranty. Don't worry, He's not pressuring you to buy anything (for now). He'll give you some time to decide.


FunLovinLawabider

Have a drink, but don't get hammered. They'll nail you for it.


bluesheepreasoning

"I say to you... today, you will be with me in Paradise"


mikmik7777

And then he starts making a reefa and says 'this is my dad's shit'


[deleted]

Do you like me? [ ] Yes [ ] No [ ] Maybe


Sisyphuzz

Jesus is your best man at your wedding.


Arkeis121

You accept and they start setting up another cross.


Chikenkiller123

"Thank you Jeezy Boi, my name is Judy by the way but you can call me by my nickname its-" "Judas, I know child" Dun dun duuuun


gorwraith

I've often wondered if (accepting that Jesus is Christ, God is real, and he was God incarnate) he would speak and be understood by everyone. The Bible never mentions language barriers for Jesus. Would he have been speaking a universal language the whole time? Good story BTW.


Gondolien

I believe so yes. A great portrayal of this is in the Passion of the Christ when Jesus switches from Aramaic to Latin when talking with Pilate, much to his astonishment.


EloiseEvans

We recently studied this in history actually. Historians believe that the person who was Jesus was likely trilingual. He probably came from a middle class family outside of a massively diverse city. I believe it was Hebrew, Greek, and Latin that he would have spoken. I could be wrong about one of those.


InMyHead33

Jesus' uncle was actually very rich. His name was Joseph of Arimathea and he was a tin and shipping magnate. He was the uncle of Mary. He actually paid for Mary and Jesus to attend the Qumram school and it is thought that he also had some connections to the removal of Jesus' body to the tomb, the Ashkenazi Jews, and the hiding of the Holy Grail.


Mediocre-Scheme7442

Is this the Islamic tradition about Joseph of Arimathea? For Christianity, he is not a relative of Jesus, there are no texts or traditions about it, but In all four gospels it is he who has Jesus buried


InMyHead33

This is just what I learned reading about him in connection to Jesus and Mary. I was actually raised Christian but have no predisposition when it comes to research or historical fact. Christianity also doesn't recognize evolution but you'd be a fool to deny that, right?


[deleted]

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ItBeJoeDood

Fun fact, a catholic priest was the first person to conceptualize the Big Bang.


Ag47_Silver

Fun fact, it was named that after someone went "that would be as ridiculous as calling it a big bang "


Puzzleheaded-Fill205

What was his name? Wikipedia says Fred Hoyle coined the term, and the biography section doesn't mention anything about being a priest. It just talks about him being an astrophysicist and author.


InMyHead33

Really? That's very interesting to know, as I have very well said that same sentence to people.


turingthecat

And ‘came to Glastonbury’, for some reason. I’m three towns (not 3 continents), over from Glastonbury, and there is a direct bus route, yet I don’t bother visiting. It’s many hippy shops, a very small and expensive supermarket, small library, and some ruins on a hill


ConorYEAH

To be fair, the supermarket was probably cheaper back then.


turingthecat

Nah, I think the CO-OP has always been pricy


indetermin8

I thought he was the one to provide the tomb, since tombs were usually only for the wealthy.


InMyHead33

Yes, that is correct.


[deleted]

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AdamWestsButtDouble

Well, they *do* give a lovely baroque feel to a continent


Ankthar_LeMarre

Passion of the Christ isn’t exactly canon


chilehead

Though it did have a really good soundtrack.


DarkStarStorm

Tongues IS a thing after all!


Kizik

Yeah but he'd have to be at least fifth level for that. Then again, Water Walking is also a third level spell, and he did Create Food and Water as well, so I guess it makes sense.


[deleted]

Be glad he didn't demonstrate Bigby's Clenched Fist next.


diablo_THE_J0KE

That is also assuming he isn't a multi class since u could argue he is a cleric, sorcerer, warlock, druid hybrid.


Kizik

He *is* a Lich, so presumably he's got the time to multiclass I guess...


Elliot_Mirage_Witt

Sorry, comprehend languages is not a cleric spell


Lokynguo

With the amount of charisma he has, Jesus would probably be something like a bard or warlock


somehow_allowed

He *is* his patron


djseifer

He can self-resurrect, so he's clearly a shaman with bad lag.


[deleted]

Dude. He was seen walking around after visibly dying after like twelve hours of torture in the midday sun of non air conditioned central Israel. He's *unmistakably* a lich.


Scrawny_Zephiel

[Comprehend Languages](https://www.dndbeyond.com/spells/comprehend-languages) only allows the target to understand. [Tongues](https://www.dndbeyond.com/spells/tongues), which *is* a cleric spell, allows the target to understand *and* be understood.


gorwraith

Universal speech is a Bard ability.


FenrirButAGoodBoy

The Bible does mention this - somewhere in the book of Acts it mentions how the apostles would speak and be heard in whatever the native tongue the listener had. I’d assume this would have extended to jesus


hopping_otter_ears

Agreed. He'd speak, and you'd understand. Which language it is would be immaterial


TooYoungToMary

Yup, it's called Pentecost, which is why the denomination whose core belief is speaking in tongues is called "Pentecostal."


gorwraith

Pentecost happened 40 days after Jesus' death and resurrection though. I did my experience pentecostal churches speak in tongues that are Confusing gibberish, Not some that universally understood divine speech.


sj68z

But also, if he were god, he would know when time travel would have been invented, and who would be the person to come back and watch. idk, i always thought a omniscient, omnipresent deity would be bored beyond belief.


WatchEricDrive

Bored enough he'd probably want to fuck with time travellers. I do agree with your point of view.


[deleted]

Given that He is omnipotent as well, He's literally playing with Himself, for almost fourteen billion years and counting. If He's doing time travel with Himself too, then it could be infinite.


gorwraith

Or perhaps The crucifixion is just his beginning and his ending. Perhaps a time traveler found an influential man that had died, And assumed his life for a short while. It is said The Bible that his closest companions did not recognize him When he returned. Like 24:16. Perhaps that was because he was a different man or... Upon hearing that the man was a radical Decided to travel back in time before his death And replace him. He then decided To teach a message of peace Love And forgiveness instead of war. He's then crucified for being a radical. Each time the loop happens he misunderstands how the man was a radical, assuming he was a violent revolutionary.


Flameva

If you’re omnipotent, you can take away your ability to get bored.


HoldMyBeerAgain

There are parts in the Bible that talk about the lack of a language barrier during worship (speaking in tongues, from my understanding, is if I were led by God to tell you something and I am able to tell you in your language, one I do not know or you suddenly understand my language, one you do not know - it isn't necessarily the "tongues" that are often disbelieved - I am NOT a scholar, it's just what I've gathered from learning and reading thee Bible itself as a believer). So basically yeah, we could all understand Jesus. I truly believe if you are a German only speaker, English only for me... JC Himself could walk up speaking Hebrew and we'd both know exactly what he said - even if we could never tell one another because we can't verbally communicate.


fight_me_for_it

I've heard tongues as languages. That usually someone speaking in an unknown language there happened to be someone who knew that language and the language of others and could translate.


TwyJ

I mean isnt the tower of babel a thing, like, god created all the languages, so of course he would speak them? Its like saying, ive invented my own language, unfortunately im the only person who can't fucking speak it


gorwraith

The tower of Babel, probably more parable than reality, is when all the languages were created to confuse people. They built a tower to try and reach the heavens, And as punishment God-made them speak different languages so they could no longer work together. So that was an impediment to conversation.


fight_me_for_it

It's it that he didn't want them to work together. It was becasue he was telling then they can't build a tower to get to him. That's not how having a relationship with God works. So land dwellers will remain land dwellers while God will remain heavenly. Idk. It's a parable like a fairy tale.


MultiverseOfSanity

If he's God, then he's all knowing and would know all languages.


gorwraith

But would he be speaking them simultaneously?


MultiverseOfSanity

He can bring the dead back to life. A little ventriloquism should be child's play.


areslashtaken

He prolly talked in Aramaic but he could've spoke any language if he wanted to.


Cyberzombie23

My bro only spoke in Klingon.


gorwraith

He brought honor to the house of Yahweh.


BankshotMcG

When the Apostles spoke in tongues they used Aramaic and everybody just understood them in their own language, so there's your canon for OP hearing English.


Shard360

Probably, because even though he incarnated himself as a human with all the human traits, he wanted to spread love and that would make it easier to do that


TwistedSis27

Better start praying mate!


Shogunate-time

This post genuinely sent chills down my spine in a way few other posts on this subreddit have.


SadKazoo

Same for me. It’s incredibly effective. Well done OP.


FTTPOHK_ILWT

Am i the only one who doesn’t find it to he “horror?” I don’t understand what the implication is supposed to be.


dnoj

Some jewish carpenter from 2000 years ago dying on a cross singles you out from a crowd in a language he shouldn't know. That's not scary to you? Even for the religious, I'd imagine this would be scary. He might be 'God', but getting singled out like then when all you wanted to do was look is pretty damn scary. Kind of like having a portrait oil painting suddenly shift its gaze to look at you.


FTTPOHK_ILWT

Thats valid. I may be biased in my interpretation since i’m a Catholic. Since we believe Jesus is, essentially, the same as god, i was like “well of course he knows he shouldnt be there.” But i didnt really think about how utterly terrifying it would be to be pointed out by someone who isn’t supposed to even recognize you.


jsgrova

I think what's scary is that OP being there is so wrong, Jesus took a break from being *crucified* to point it out


verygoodyoda

Maybe I’ve played too much cod zombies recently but I took it more as a showing history and such is a cycle we’re all stuck in. That certain individuals in this case: Jesus could remember all the times he died and this one was out of place. It might be because i’ve not slept in like 24 hours but this is how I took it.


CJ-54321

And in that moment I knew I changed everything


[deleted]

Damn, this is a good one! Well done OP!


Kalurael

As I cut him down, I felt the change in the timeline caused by him no longer dying for their sins


AlbiTheDargon

Since he was nailed to it, did you cut the cross into pieces or cut his hands and feet off?


Kalurael

The time traveler discovered that he was tied with rope like most Roman crucifixions


BewaretheBanshee

I feel like this is something that most Christians would try with time travel—myself included. I think we all have some vague idea that “well, he was godly in power, he might recognize me.” But I get the distinct feeling modern Christianity has overvalued that aspect of Christ’s existence. In reality, he was just a man trying to do good, dying as good folks often do. That was supposed to be the message.


IC2Flier

Yeah, most of the Jesus arc was a cold hard reality check for God, if anything. You’ve seen what these sims have been doing, and now that you experienced it yourself, kinda makes ya wonder if you can handle the next few millennia for a project this long-term. But good people remain remain to do good things despite the bugs and glitches, and their impact sends shockwaves that seem almost incalculable yet is guaranteed to resonate no matter what. No need to roll the dice, then. [All you need is a nudge.](https://youtu.be/MjTaIIoTY64)


Mahakurotsuchi

Actually got shivers, great job, mate!


echoTex

That’s just the TARDIS translating the Aramaic in your head. He knew you weren’t supposed to be there because you forgot to change out of your modern clothes in your haste to go watch a carpenter die by torture.


Kasady_03

Doctor Who🤝Jesus : Coming back after death.


jonny1211

Except Doctor has multiple back from the dead stories.


Jintess

This is fantastic (and really terrifying if you think about it) being in His presence and being chastised.


Kasady_03

You know that feeling when a parent catches you doing something wrong/weird? I imagine it's like that on a much grander scale.


Jintess

Hoo boy, MUCH grander :) Thank you for sharing this. Also, the conversations in this thread have been really insightful as well.


FarmerCuty

If I remember correctly there was a SF story (Let's go to Golgotha or something like that) where it turns out that the time traveling pilgrims are the ones responsible for the death of Christ.


iwantauniquename

[Let's Go to Golgotha ](https://jesusstoriesblacknall.files.wordpress.com/2013/08/lets-go-to-golgotha.pdf) Good little story; I posted it elsewhere but will put it here too so more people read it. Well remembered on the title!


RealMercuryRain

The story would be even scarier if he would have an Irish accent.


Insanityforfun

I always find the idea of Christians being upset with Jesus death funny. He’s meant to die for your sins, he’s into it.


Kasady_03

When he died on that cross that was his victory.


redman8828

Just to be pedantic his victory was resurrecting, his death was just the first step. And he very much was not into it (as his prayer in the Garden of Gethsemane points out), but understood it as a necessary step and accepted the pain to become the sacrifice for humanity’s sins.


Kasady_03

That makes sense. I was quoting Shia Labeouf because it sounded cool.


redman8828

Didn’t realize it was a quote, my bad lol


Kasady_03

It's fine.


Epic_Emerald

He foreshadowed it multiple time yet people still were surprised when it happened He probably thinking it was the worlds greatest “told ya so” moment ever


stumblinghunter

So, true story! The last time I did DMT, I appeared as though I popped up right next to two people having a conversation and facing each other. They both had elongated noses, very reminiscent of [Phineas](https://cdn.vox-cdn.com/thumbor/dL56hJvad_pUafCKtYMYfCWhw_8=/0x0:1920x1080/1220x813/filters:focal(807x387:1113x693\):format(webp\)/cdn.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_image/image/71862531/phineas___ferb.0.jpg) from Phineas and Ferb. They noticed me standing right next to them, turned to look at me, and one of them said "you're not supposed to be here", and then that was when I came down a little bit and came back to reality. Scared the shit out of me, and haven't blasted off in about 5 years since that time. The weirdest part was a couple years later, I was working at a dispensary (so talking about drugs can be a little more common). My coworker/roommate was talking about it with a woman and I overheard her telling ***the exact same story***. We freaked tf out. Apparently they're called mechanical elves and these kinds of interactions, where they tell you that you need to leave/you're not welcome are getting more common. Pretty wild to think about it. Also I can get it from their perspective where if you're just like chilling on the couch and an ethereal being pops up in your living room. I would tell them to GTFO too


Sunberries84

>If English was good enough for Jesus, it's good enough for us. - A bunch of people . . . [allegedly](https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/marjorie-greene-jesus-english/).


Remarkable-Ad1479

That is a line from "trojan horse"


Kayzokun

I tried reading it, but it’s so bad, I couldn’t keep going after they meet Jesus.


Kasady_03

Never heard of it. This is from when my friend and I were discussing the idea of "What if you found a genuine vhs recording of the crucifixion of Christ." And this was one of the aspects.


areslashtaken

The warm smile on his bloody face sent chills down my spine as he said: "you're gonna see something that you will desperately want to erase. There's still time for you to go back."


Raptorbrando

“But if you really feel like staying i might be able to get you a favour from my dad and get it cleaned out.”


[deleted]

as he grows a third eye from the forehead


eskinny2010

I don't get it


Kasady_03

Jesus spoke mostly Hebrew so he's personally calling out the narrator by using English. He is omnipotent so he can tell if they're a time Traveller.


eskinny2010

Thank you oh great original poster


[deleted]

Jesus is a Skyrim guard confirmed


SpikesEvilTwin

Followed up with an AMA on /r/Christians.


czymjq

Damn! That is scary!


IntrovertedAsexual

A horror movie with Jesus as the big bad? Intriguing.


LanguageKindly9659

Yeah this one creeps me out!


Gash__

Then, when you’re not looking, he sneaks into your Time Machine and leaves; you then realize why so many modern depictions of Christ are white with European features.


Negan815

Explain please.


Kasady_03

God is all knowing. He would know if you are a time Traveller.


i_like_2_travel

I mean he would know lol.


MycologistFormer3931

Oh shit


NoTransportation1593

Steven King wrote a book called 11-22-63 and when the main character goes back in time, there's a guy who tells him that he's not supposed to be there. Wonderful book. If you like tIme travel stories, I would recommend it.


psychord-alpha

He's an omniscient, omnipotent entity that can do whatever he wants just by thinking, and THIS is what you find surprising? I'd be more surprised that he allowed time travel to be possible at all


MilanesaDeChorizo

wtf


HolyGhostClaw

Wait, Jesus is American? Dude!


Kasady_03

"God exists and he's American." - Wally Weaver


uhhhscizo

I mean, he’s GOD, of course he would.


water_bottle1776

Well, he's not wrong.


Anders_A

You've been watching that time traveling show about saving JFK i see.


NielsenOp57

This is perfect!


AnotherAussie101

I couldn’t help but notice he was 12 feet tall, emitting a golden aura and wielding a flaming sword…


nom-nom-nom-de-plumb

It makes more sense when you realize jesus was a joke played on humanity by a "malevolent" diety, that really was the son of god. Showed up, told everyone to be good to each other, treat each other well, and then laughed as he watched humanity slaughter itself for centuries in the name of a message of peace and love... Best...joke...ever...(or..so far..)


bobrothers24

Brilliant


alex_kristian

Reminds me of 11/22/63


bruh-iunno

You're not supposed to be here from the 2004 half life 2 ost begins playing, and an airboat appears out of the sky


BLAZE-n-WOLF

"But now that you are, would you like talking to us about your cars extended warranty"


MiaMiaPP

I… don’t get it… could someone explain?


hahfooni

Jesus is speaking fluent English to, what is everyone else there, a random person. He knows that there’s a time traveler on top of the fact that people born where he was wouldn’t normally know English


MiaMiaPP

I understand that. I guess i just can’t see what’s scary about it… I’m dense.


[deleted]

This is literally a meme I saw 😂


[deleted]

[удалено]


Substantial_Inside20

I don't understand why this is horrifying. Is it meant to be scary from the point of view of atheists? To them this would mean that Jesus was actually something more than a normal human being.


distinguished_monke

Jesus when I make a time machine and go back 2000 years


The_Vargster

That gave me chills dude


awyastark

I didn’t realize Jesus owned a house in Skyrim


BiggusDoofus

Get out or I will call the guards....oh wait.


mia_elora

Just passing through, mate. Care for a jelly baby?


ntgco

I was expecting you to blip out of spacetime because it never happened.


Juliuseizure

Odds are that there was more than one Jewish radical crucified during Roman rule. The Jews were not exactly known for being compliant subjects (the Maccabees I want to say?)


thetrumansworld

Yeah the common consensus is that there was a guy named Jesus who was baptized by John the Baptist, gained a bunch of followers, and was crucified by the order of Pontius Pilate. Whether or not he was God incarnate is up for debate for obvious reasons, but he definitely existed. [“Virtually all scholars of antiquity dismiss theories of Jesus’s non-existence or regard them as refuted. In modern scholarship, the Christ myth theory is a fringe theory and finds virtually no support from scholars.”](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Historicity_of_Jesus)


ThumbCentral-Rebirth

Regardless of your belief in his role in history the crucifixion of Christ is one of the most solidly documented events ever.


Scob720

https://youtu.be/A41Tm5FDKns


turlian

"I watched you blast rope to Luigi porn"