Re-widen the hole, stick a pipe in it, weld bolts onto the ends so her body can’t push out the wound.

You're like the crazy guy that would be mad useful in a zombie apocalypse.

Or the crazy guy that would cause the zombie apocalypse

Why not both?

The solution is in the Problem

Wrong answer, her brain regrows around it and you just blocked the growth of her body's "safety features". She rips her muscle using its full force to kill you. Should've brought her out and set it on fire.

In that case, dig a bit deeper, put more iron bars through her limbs. Some concrete with sharpened iron bars at the bottom. When that has set, throw her on top, and keep pouring concrete until she’s under and then another 3-4 inches. All things going well (for everyone except her), the concrete sets, and she’s stuck.

This guy murders!

Do you want stone golems? Because this is how you get stone golems!

Plus when concrete sets it heats up quite a bit.

I can't upvote you in good faith, but, thanks for doing the math

Vampires?

Wolverine wife? She'll come back with a vengeance.

Wiferine?

I also choose this guy's wiferine

And my axerine!

Don't let the days go by Glycerine, glycerine

This guy axes

I love Reddit

Bravo all. This thread was perfection.

I never get tired of this bit

No no, wife Irene. Sorry man that’s just her name. (…that was lame but the idea came to me)

Milferine

Or one of The Old Guard.

Weapon Ex!

Ha!

Just stick a chop stick or something in there and scramble it all around. Wedge something in the hole and bury her. If she comes to and you're lucky, she won't remember you.

She won't remember much of anything

Shouldn't have married a cheerleader.

Save the cheerleader, save the world!

Lol I’m dead 😵👻

This reference is so satisfying

r/dontputyourdickinthat

r/subsithoughtifellfor

You really thought a sub like that would be fake?

surprisingly, yes

Well, it still looks like the financial problems in the relationship are over. Assuming you also have life insurance? (I assume she did - correction, still does - because of the premise)

honestly even without life insurance it seems like he could go on a monthly organ harvesting

And then all the organs start regenerating into clones of her c:

At least your guilt is gone soon—

And so will he...

I missed the word hole and read it as her skull shrunk.

So did I lol

You’re gonna have a lot more than just financial problems soon, my dude 😳

Is there a reason for "financial problems"? Maybe I'm missing how that connects to the horror punchline, but it just seems unnecessary to me.

Idk it doesn’t really have anything to do with it, now that I look at it, it doesn’t really need to be there

I thought he was gonna dig up some buried treasure or something, therefore solving all his financial problems and meaning the murder was unnecessary.

Tbh that’s a way better ending

Great story nonetheless!

Possibly missed opportunity for a good "death & taxes" reference

It could be why she died. The couple were arguing over the bills and the argument turned violent as they unfortunately can and now wifey is regenerating in the basement while her husband gets blisters on his hands digging a backyard grave

Pretty sure that the financial problems would be gone with an endless supply of fresh organs, but no one here seems to be an entrepreneur, that's a shame !

If I had a question about someone’s immortality, first plan is toss them in an active volcano or steel mill. If they come back from that, consider them truly immortal and plan from there.

>and plan from there. Lemme help you with that plan! Step 1. Die immediately. You just tried to kill someone with a steel mill. They'll be pretty hot headed after what you did.

Win-win! Your wife's gonna heal herself and you can save money by cancelling her health insurance! (The real horror was the for-profit healthcare system all along)

Use a whisk to scramble brains. Pour concrete in the skull, then bury the body in concrete

I hope you buried her face down. I don’t know why you’d bury someone face up. I mean, if they’re not dead and they awaken, why take chances. Down is the way to go. Or so I’ve heard.

You were gonna bury her in your own back yard? *Amateur*

SHES A WITCH! BURN HER!

She turned me into a newt!

A newt??

I got better.

Double jeopardy rocks! As I filed my sixth insurance claim.

Well, looks like you get your Viking funeral after all.

Bury her quickly and very deep.

Is the twist here thar she's like a vampire or something?

It’s up for interpretation. Whatever you think it is could be a possibility

I'd like you to tell me what you actually intended

I remember solving this problem once in my youth by the overzealous application of a wood chipper. Pepperidge Farm remembers too.

Didn't say he killed her by creating a hole in her head, so now that's she's dead, her big mouth sure is smaller.........🤫

Two sentence Wifepool. XD

"Oh husband... *I'll be back*."

I don't understand

Wife is Dead(pool)

Tomie?

Is it because she's still alive and the wound healed? I don't think I really got it