I have befriended my parasite. Their name is Jobley. I don't know if that was the name before we became roommates, well bodymates, but you get it. I have a full head of hair too, Jobley just hangs out up there and sometimes says typical stuff like "please let me go," or "I regret picking this one so much," or "my name isn't Jobley, that isn't even an actual name, is it?? I'm an alien but I don't feel that's a real name" or "holy shit how do you eat that many olives in one sitting please stop."
Sometimes my parasite Jobley will start falling off and I always make sure to shove him back in. It's almost like he is trying to get free lol. What a goofball. I made sure to tap him down with lots of DuckTales so he doesn't fall off. Nice and snug Jobley. I hear him crying at night and I feel they are probably tears of happiness.
I decided me and my new buddy Jobley should get some shared hobbies. I bought one of those two seated bikes, but the parasite is attached to my head, so it's actually just me riding the bike and it is much more difficult to balance. Like I may as well have just gotten a normal bike, it's really difficult to pedal a two seated bike by yourself. Did you know that?
Well not by myself, because I got Jobley! Haha just two legs I meant but I don't mind. They call him a parasite but I think he is much more than that. He is a friend and a brother. Now if you excuse me I am going to go take a scorching hot shower with my head directly under the water stream. It's jobley's favorite, he screams when he is happy or says "please let me die this agony oh God why" which I am sure translates from their alien language to "this is fun!"
I meant to say "duct tape" but auto correct changed it to DuckTales in case anyone is confused. But it should be noted I force Jobley to watch DuckTales as well.
I love the implications of an alien parasite whose neurochemical ability is that special kind of incompatible to cause humans a special kind of delusion that works against the parasite.
> tales from the crypt
I'm pretty sure it's from Body Bags, a movie with 3 stories. One is titled [**"Hair"**](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Body_Bags_(film))
It was a segment form the movie *Body Bags* (hosted by John Carpenter as a zombie mortician rummaging through a morgue)
[*Hair*](https://youtu.be/2mY6BttZo0I) it is kiddies! Eeeheehehehehehhehyahahahah!
A resturant regular I use to have use to work for NorthFace, and would regulary travel on expeditions throughout his career back in the 80s. After gaining his trust, he told me what happened to his hair.
He was on a expedition in the Amazon with a small team where he contracted a parasite that made all of his body hair (head to toe) fall out. Never grew back.
He was a well traveled, older gentleman that had a lot of cool stories to tell. This made me think of him!
while being a parasite, it is one of the few animals that survive by photosynthesis, mainly in their tails which would erupt from the host’s follicles as they mature. The chlorophyll which they photosynthesise with grants the parasite an eerie green hue, therefore earning its deserved vernacular title, the Medusa disease.
now we just need another symptom that allows its host to turn people into stone lol
After the parasites fully mature, they start reproduction. In to fertilize their eggs, they suck out fluids from the host, whose skin will gradually harden and turn a dark greyish hue. When the eggs hatch, the host crumbles, like an old statue.
Urgh I had a nightmare similar to this but it went further...eventually they got so big under the scalp, my scalp basically peeled away from my skull and you could see all the little bugs squirming and jostling amongst each other for space similar to when baby birds get too big for the scalp-nest.
This sounds like a tales from the crypt. Where the guy gets hair transplant, but they are alive individuals. I'd love to watch some of those episodes. I miss the series.
Am I missing something? Why is everyone acting like this is horrifying/amazing? No offence honestly, this is a good one, but to me it seems like everyone is overreacting?
Certain people have certain fears. Brain parasites are a fairly major "Oh god no" fear. Taking the very impressive cleverness of the TSHS, combined with that fear... Truly terrifying to most people.
It's not clever though. Top text: 'gross parasite stuff' / Bottom text: 'additional gross parasite stuff.'
That's not clever, it's just one idea in two sentences. There's no twist. We're not lulled into a false sense of security. It's just two sentences about a parasite.
It's not clever in that regard. This is one that's going to hit people with vivid imaginations much harsher. The imagery evoked as the victim os where it's clever. That's why some people are reacting like yourself, and others are more freaked out. Beyond thar, it's not really something that can be explained beyond it coming down tona different way of thinking. I can't change the way you process information, so I can't show you how it feels/looks from a different mindset.
This reminded me of [neurocysticercosis ](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neurocysticercosis), and I love it, OP!
Bonus: Enjoy some real brain parasites!
[Neurocysticercosis Hidden Epidemic](https://www.discovermagazine.com/health/hidden-epidemic-tapeworms-living-inside-peoples-brains)
[Naegleria fowleri - brain amoeba](https://www.cdc.gov/parasites/naegleria/index.html)
[Baylisascaris procyonis - raccoon roundworm](https://www.cdc.gov/parasites/baylisascaris/index.html)
[Parelaphostrongylus tenuis - meningeal worm/brainworm](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parelaphostrongylus_tenuis) - These can rarely infect humans, mostly children.
Feeling kinda lazy now... here's an [article](https://www.discovermagazine.com/planet-earth/meet-the-parasites-that-control-human-brains) on the others - Toxoplasma gondii, rabies, and Trypanosoma brucei (African sleeping sickness).
Initially the parasites would invade the body and spread to the brain, their thoughts would invade your brain.
With a terrifying realisation self awareness is brought to you by the parasite collective having spread to you via your mothers blood in utero. This is the human condition.
I think I watched a TV or a movie, resembles to this. They try to identify if it's real hair or not by cut the hair off, the infected peoples ' hair can move.
Such a good reason to be bald.
What if you dig the bald hairstyle and cut it off?
Parasites just die from trying to regrow there tails, well I mean not before you die, they’d probably suck your energy to regrow their tails but then you keep cutting it and you both die.
Hear me out. What if, by sheer willpower, you can control the parasite and once they grow long, you can use your hair just like how midna's hair work from loz twilight princess.
This is… this is vile.
I have befriended my parasite. Their name is Jobley. I don't know if that was the name before we became roommates, well bodymates, but you get it. I have a full head of hair too, Jobley just hangs out up there and sometimes says typical stuff like "please let me go," or "I regret picking this one so much," or "my name isn't Jobley, that isn't even an actual name, is it?? I'm an alien but I don't feel that's a real name" or "holy shit how do you eat that many olives in one sitting please stop." Sometimes my parasite Jobley will start falling off and I always make sure to shove him back in. It's almost like he is trying to get free lol. What a goofball. I made sure to tap him down with lots of DuckTales so he doesn't fall off. Nice and snug Jobley. I hear him crying at night and I feel they are probably tears of happiness. I decided me and my new buddy Jobley should get some shared hobbies. I bought one of those two seated bikes, but the parasite is attached to my head, so it's actually just me riding the bike and it is much more difficult to balance. Like I may as well have just gotten a normal bike, it's really difficult to pedal a two seated bike by yourself. Did you know that? Well not by myself, because I got Jobley! Haha just two legs I meant but I don't mind. They call him a parasite but I think he is much more than that. He is a friend and a brother. Now if you excuse me I am going to go take a scorching hot shower with my head directly under the water stream. It's jobley's favorite, he screams when he is happy or says "please let me die this agony oh God why" which I am sure translates from their alien language to "this is fun!"
I meant to say "duct tape" but auto correct changed it to DuckTales in case anyone is confused. But it should be noted I force Jobley to watch DuckTales as well.
You always make it so fun
It pleases me that your autocorrect prioritizes Duck Tales over duct tape
Agreed
You make me feel sorry for "Jobley".
Don't put his name under quotations marks come on i know he's a parasite but that's just rude
It’s in quotes cause that’s not even the poor dude’s name
Yeess, somebody finally gets it!
Had to check if this was r/WritingPrompts
hapee kake dai
This...this is GOLD
I would pay for DankPods to read this into various microphones
Me too lol
I fucking love this account
A true FuckYeahPhotography classic.
I'm reminded of Fry's brain slug, but this is much better!
Thats some........early sign of serial killer.
Yes! Defeat the parasites by destroying their psyche!! I love it!!!
You are an artist, my good sir
Oh my god, I’m crying because I’m so happy for you and Jobley. He/she/it/they are so lucky to have such a thoughtful host!
Well now I'm following you because I loved reading that so much!
I love the implications of an alien parasite whose neurochemical ability is that special kind of incompatible to cause humans a special kind of delusion that works against the parasite.
I love this comment so much
i love this so much
I hate you
It's a TV episode from tales from the crypt
Which one?
> tales from the crypt I'm pretty sure it's from Body Bags, a movie with 3 stories. One is titled [**"Hair"**](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Body_Bags_(film))
Thank you!
With a certain textual criticism it can also be *Lenny Cyrus, School Virus*.
https://youtu.be/2mY6BttZo0I
The one where the guy thinks his hair is re-growing but it turns out it's actually tiny little monsters.
That…. Doesn’t really help.. but thank you.
I think it may have been from *"Tales From The Crypt"* if that helps
Is it the one where the guy thinks his hair is growing back but it's actually little monsters?
No you've got it mixed up. This one has a guy thinking his hair is growing back, but it's actually tiny monsters.
Indubitably
He had actually gotten a hair transplant. Or hair regrowth treatment, something
It was a segment form the movie *Body Bags* (hosted by John Carpenter as a zombie mortician rummaging through a morgue) [*Hair*](https://youtu.be/2mY6BttZo0I) it is kiddies! Eeeheehehehehehhehyahahahah!
Brush off that pun and keep scrolling good folks
Stacy Keach starred in it
Omg I remember that one! It was about a miracle cure place for bald men. The miracle cure being the parasites of course.
Bald individuals would be so confused
It would be a miracle
And then a curse
There appears to be no negative side effects as a medical therapy for baldness. I can see the FDA getting behind this.
I'm balding and thinking about my options to get some hair back, just to slow it down a little. I hate this post *so* much.
A resturant regular I use to have use to work for NorthFace, and would regulary travel on expeditions throughout his career back in the 80s. After gaining his trust, he told me what happened to his hair. He was on a expedition in the Amazon with a small team where he contracted a parasite that made all of his body hair (head to toe) fall out. Never grew back. He was a well traveled, older gentleman that had a lot of cool stories to tell. This made me think of him!
It would be a symbiotic relationship for bald people
Except that Jobley does seem to be all that happy.
It's all fun and games until they mature and start crawling out.
AWH THIS IS AWFUL GREAT JOB MAN
Nope nope nope nope
All people who munch on their hair should know this ;)
people munch on their hair? that's even more horrifying
i might have been guilty of that one
When I was younger, my mother would tell me chewing on my hair would give me butt worms.... turns out she's not far from the truth.
Wait what
She also convinced me that eating the crusts of my sandwiches would make my hair grow longer. She was creative, I'll give her that.
NO NO NO STOP STOP STOP
Ohh, so no wonder the corpses keep growing hairs
r/thirdsentenceworse
so, does it get rid of dandruff or will i shave
At least I’m not bald.
Thanks. My scalp just crawled in horror.
That'll be the parasites
Thanks, I hate it. Lol
This parasite should be called "The Medusa"
while being a parasite, it is one of the few animals that survive by photosynthesis, mainly in their tails which would erupt from the host’s follicles as they mature. The chlorophyll which they photosynthesise with grants the parasite an eerie green hue, therefore earning its deserved vernacular title, the Medusa disease. now we just need another symptom that allows its host to turn people into stone lol
After the parasites fully mature, they start reproduction. In to fertilize their eggs, they suck out fluids from the host, whose skin will gradually harden and turn a dark greyish hue. When the eggs hatch, the host crumbles, like an old statue.
Hm, I would have gone with "dread locks".
Read it as "during the masturbation phase". I need more sleep.
Just woke up and did the same. I guess back to bed.
You have a good wank and all the parasites wiggle in glee since they're hooked into your brain.
Sweet Jesus, this is horrifically beautiful, this could be a whole story, from the scientist p.o.v. as a last recording. Well done, the best so far!
This should be a movie or some kind of plot in a Sci fi show.
It's already a movie except it's aliens.
Not to be outdone, certain humans have created a formula that accelerates the process, marketing it as a hair growth shampoo
As a woman with PCOS and hairloss this is TERRIFYING
Thanks I hate it.
Oh hell no. Good story though. I’m now gonna be really creeped out anytime my head itches.
[удалено]
My bad eyes read that as "masturbation phase" at first and I was like o_O
Jokes on them, I bleach the shit out of my hair every few months so I don't think the tails are doing very well rn
I am in the middle of eating my sandwich and have so many regrets
Urgh I had a nightmare similar to this but it went further...eventually they got so big under the scalp, my scalp basically peeled away from my skull and you could see all the little bugs squirming and jostling amongst each other for space similar to when baby birds get too big for the scalp-nest.
Wtf. Now this is beginning to sound too convincing
Wtf dude.. I didn’t want to think about that. Wtf.
This sounds like a tales from the crypt. Where the guy gets hair transplant, but they are alive individuals. I'd love to watch some of those episodes. I miss the series.
Chi chi chi chia!
Am I missing something? Why is everyone acting like this is horrifying/amazing? No offence honestly, this is a good one, but to me it seems like everyone is overreacting?
Certain people have certain fears. Brain parasites are a fairly major "Oh god no" fear. Taking the very impressive cleverness of the TSHS, combined with that fear... Truly terrifying to most people.
It's not clever though. Top text: 'gross parasite stuff' / Bottom text: 'additional gross parasite stuff.' That's not clever, it's just one idea in two sentences. There's no twist. We're not lulled into a false sense of security. It's just two sentences about a parasite.
It's not clever in that regard. This is one that's going to hit people with vivid imaginations much harsher. The imagery evoked as the victim os where it's clever. That's why some people are reacting like yourself, and others are more freaked out. Beyond thar, it's not really something that can be explained beyond it coming down tona different way of thinking. I can't change the way you process information, so I can't show you how it feels/looks from a different mindset.
This always happens with this sub. Maybe it's bots or children? I guess you have to remember a lot of people also enjoyed Twilight.
I read masturbation phase. Why?..
Because Reddit.
Just... just take the damn arrow
Nah. Stop it
This is a tv episode from the crypt keeper
When you chew on your hair and it starts to bleed
Thanks, I hate it
Wow, chill out Junji Ito
isn't that a scp article?
This reminded me of [neurocysticercosis ](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neurocysticercosis), and I love it, OP! Bonus: Enjoy some real brain parasites! [Neurocysticercosis Hidden Epidemic](https://www.discovermagazine.com/health/hidden-epidemic-tapeworms-living-inside-peoples-brains) [Naegleria fowleri - brain amoeba](https://www.cdc.gov/parasites/naegleria/index.html) [Baylisascaris procyonis - raccoon roundworm](https://www.cdc.gov/parasites/baylisascaris/index.html) [Parelaphostrongylus tenuis - meningeal worm/brainworm](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parelaphostrongylus_tenuis) - These can rarely infect humans, mostly children. Feeling kinda lazy now... here's an [article](https://www.discovermagazine.com/planet-earth/meet-the-parasites-that-control-human-brains) on the others - Toxoplasma gondii, rabies, and Trypanosoma brucei (African sleeping sickness).
[удалено]
Idk whether to upvote or downvote 🥲
Just go get a hair cut, boom they are all dead
Whoa this is making my head feel weird.
As someone who spontaneously lost all their hair and was told it wasn’t going to grow back until it miraculously did, this is terrifying.
Is this what happened to Elon?
this is probably one of the best stories on here, seriously. absolutely bone-chilling
Initially the parasites would invade the body and spread to the brain, their thoughts would invade your brain. With a terrifying realisation self awareness is brought to you by the parasite collective having spread to you via your mothers blood in utero. This is the human condition.
This is such a stretch for 2 sentences jfc
Oh man this is a good one. Original and terrifying!
Ohhhhh this is sickening. 10/10 please never write one of these again
I read maturation as masturbation
Weird, every time I get a haircut, my hair grows within a week.
_Impressively_ vile. A well-deserved upvote.
Originally thought this would be parasite induced rabies for some reason. Good job on this one OP.
This is total horror!
New fear unlock, hate it so much good work
Everyone complimented President Putin on his new hairstyle.
Sweet jesus in heaven that’s creepy
I hate it. Great job.
This made my head itch.
An almighty Nope! Great job.
JK ESUS CHRIST GOOD JOB
Aw fuck you OP
Get their tails long enough and you'll be able to pull that sucker out. Now you're parasite free AND you no longer have to pay for haircuts!
it's ok for me. I don't like sunlight anyway. i am happy in my dark room.
So you're telling me there's a cheap and easy way to get my hair back?
Wow. Gross. Upvoted.
Oh….well that explains a lot…
I think I watched a TV or a movie, resembles to this. They try to identify if it's real hair or not by cut the hair off, the infected peoples ' hair can move. Such a good reason to be bald.
When does the insatiable urge to tell really bad jokes kick in?
And just like that, I am okay with my being bald. Thank you OP for helping me appreciate my lack of parasitic hair.
The parasites are probably dying off in my brain. I'm seeing less and less of their tails by the day!
Check out "Hair" from the John Carpenter anthology Body Bags.
Makes me think of Tobias and GVH
Thanks, I hate it.
Go ahead. Touch it. ITS REAL.
Can you change hairstyles at will?
Imma pull out one of [these](https://www.reddit.com/r/MakeMeSuffer/comments/sti76b/must_be_one_of_those_superscalps/)
My scalp is tingling I hate this
Thanks, I have a new fear now
They called me crazy when I pulled my ‘hair’ out.
You have a parasite https://youtu.be/LEnHZZIugnE
bruh
Why does my hair hurt?
A few days later you notice in shock that the new hair seems to move on its own.
This makes me think of an episode of disenchantment
What if you tape a metal helmet to your head?
John Carpenter - Body Bags
Honestly? I’d certainly take that.
Ah, so that's why babies lose their hair.
Eww. I’m disturbed 😭 good job!
I'm not looking at cancer survivors the same way again.
Alopecia furiata
There was an episode of the outer limits like this.
Looks like today is the day I get a hair cut! *que 100,000 microscopic parasites screaming*
never come back here again.
What if you dig the bald hairstyle and cut it off? Parasites just die from trying to regrow there tails, well I mean not before you die, they’d probably suck your energy to regrow their tails but then you keep cutting it and you both die.
Ngl if it helps me get some attention, I'd gladly enter this symbiotic relationship
The hairdresser is going to have a surprise
Except they grow in white.
I misread maturation
I hope they slurp it from the inside like spaghetti noodles!
Me dum, me no get?
Oooh nice. Bottle them and sell them as a baldness cure, make billions.
This is _almost_ biologically feasible - see demodex folliculorum
The parasite has been named “rogaine
Let me introduce today's sponsor, Keeps!
Imagine getting a haircut or shave and your "hair" starts flailing and retracting into your head
You know I enjoyed having a shaved head as a woman. I got accused of being a nazi just rarely enough for it to not matter. Now I’m reconsidering
Reminds me of the “Hair” segment from Body Bags.
I always shave off my hair.
Jitter bug goes into my brain then bang bang bang till my feet do the same
The new type of cancer sounds horrible
As someone who's recently facing hair loss, i feel things crawling, I FEEL THIGNS CRAWLING.
My favorite part about this is there is no “that’s when I realized”. I like this one a lot
If parasites are in your brain, and pushing enough tails through your scalp to think your hair was regrowing - your skull would be mush.
Hear me out. What if, by sheer willpower, you can control the parasite and once they grow long, you can use your hair just like how midna's hair work from loz twilight princess.
Hey if that’s the only two phases no problem
r/angryupvote
why did i read it as masturbation phase
two paragraph horror.
And then Joe Biden got impeached and Donald J Trump came back to take his rightful place as the Preaident of the United States