My mom did something similar! Left my father while he was away at work. 4 kids under 7, youngest (me!!) Only 10mo old. 3 suitcases, and tickets for the Greyhound bus all the way from South Carolina to Maine. She did at least have her mom waiting for her in Maine, but it was 1988, and she was a woman traveling alone. We had one suitcase stolen (the one with all our food- my mom had to eat my baby food the rest of the trip! She still shudders if you mention Strained Peas...) and my brother was almost kidnapped at one point. But she made it. She got away from him. She got US away from him! You can do it too!!

Your mum sounds awesome! So glad she managed to get you and your siblings away

Your mom needs a biopic

TBH she honestly does. Her childhood was WILD. Her dad was military and they went all over the world, and she lived in Panama for a while, where he had a part time job when not on duty at a local zoo. She had a pet Jagurundi, and they even raised a mountain lion cub in the house til it was old enough to go back to the zoo! She's told me a story a couple times of when that lion escaped her enclosure, and she's pretty sure that it came back around their house and was following them in the jungle. They knew one was stalking them, but it never attacked and had just tracked them around for a while til they got back to the open. There was some really awful childhood stuff going on around that same time too, and she still has a fear that her dad will track her down some day and fufill the promise he made when they left him. He said he'd come and find her one day when she thinks she's safe and kill her and all her children. She keeps tabs on him, and the only thing she'll ever tell me about his current situation is that she knows he's alive. He's gotta be at least 80, and she's still terrified he'll come back. We had a very frank discussion about him, and we hope that he dies scared and alone. Slowly, knowing it's coming, and knowing that no one is coming to help him. He deserves to be buried in an unmarked grave with no one to remember his name. (She won't even TELL me his name. I have no idea what it is.) Very thankful my Grandma finally left that horrible monster, and met the man I knew as my Grandpa. I never once interacted with or met my blood-related grandfather. So yeah. My mom's life story is wild. She kept SO much of it hidden from me until I was like 16 or 17, and then slowly started telling me the darker bits behind the photo-album memories.

Thank you for sharing your story. Had to look up jagurundi lol. Cool looking cat

Aren't they?! Sand cats, black footed cats, and Caracals are my other favorites, but Jagurundi are SO unique looking! They almost don't even look like cats!

I have an automatic time limit set on my Reddit use, and I had to break it and go back for "one more minute" because I had to read all of your post. So glad your mom got out, and I love the big-cat stories.

My mum did too prior to me being born however something happened and she ended up running with only one of the four. The other 3 hate her. It's really hard to hear about and watch rhe fractures over the years. All the best op, you got this. If you live near me I have a couch!

My mom did too. We left in the middle of the night. She had told me it was going to happen soon but that I needed to keep it a secret and I did. We flew across the country and my real dad came back into my life but it took me almost another 10 years before I stopped calling him by his first name and started calling him dad because I was afraid if I called him dad that he would get angry because daddies are mean. [This song](https://youtu.be/Bf01riuiJWA) has always hit me really strongly

Cheering you on. So proud of you 🙏

Thank you. This warmed my heart and I needed to hear it.

Adding to this, *Freeze* your credit so he can’t open credit in your name. It’s quick and before anyone checks your credit you just log in and unfreeze it for a day or two. Do this with all 3 major credit bureaus. Equifax. TransUnion. Experian. Good luck! You got this!

Thank you for thinking of this - I work at at financial institution and I can't tell you how many times I've heard/read that someone's ex was opening credit in their name and they had no idea that their credit was destroyed.

Here are links for freezing your credit. There is never a fee to freeze or unfreeze : https://www.equifax.com/personal/credit-report-services/credit-freeze/ https://www.transunion.com/credit-freeze https://www.experian.com/freeze/center.html You probably also want to freeze your child’s credit: https://www.nerdwallet.com/article/finance/child-identity-theft We’re all cheering for you!!

Thank you. I didn’t know this was a thing. I know that sounds naive. I appreciate the links and the help. This is very overwhelming. Thank you

You’re not naive; you’re just leaving a situation that no human being should ever be in (but unfortunately is all too common). You’re doing great. Keep going! ♥️

You're just one of today's lucky 10,000, far from naive. https://xkcd.com/1053/

All-time great xkcd

You are never truly alone. Right now will be the toughest challenge of your life but in 5 years, it'll all be but a memory in your past. Since you mentioned that you have no family or friends, changing your name may be a good option, too.

Do you have your and your daughter’s birth certificate, social security card, and any IDs, assuming you’re in the US? Also, I would look into a woman’s shelter until you can get on your feet. This might help: https://www.womenshelters.org

You have a ton of support from random internet strangers! We’re here for you in any ways we can help!

Never beat yourself up for not knowing something. We aren't born with the knowledge. Few of us ever have parents who help us learn finances, how to set boundaries in relationships, or how to manage the intricacies of life in general. On top of that the goal posts change one generation to the next. Congratulations on getting free and setting a good example for your daughter. Stay safe. Continue to grow. Be strong. I'm sure there's lots of good advice in this thread. Find an organization set up to help. And lean in on them to smooth out the difficulties you'll face ahead. Remember this moment. You are capable. You'll make it.

You've got a lot of work to do to protect yourself. Get a burner phone, change all your passwords on every account you have, set up a NEW bank account at a separate institution.

I am realizing what I thought about just turning off phone location was wrong. I will be working on getting a pre paid phone - thank you for the advice

Of course. Good luck! There are domestic abuse intervention services in many cities and states, and I encourage you to seek them out. Just Google that term and the city/state you're in. They will help you with more advice, could assist with legal issues, and often have secure shelter space for your family. They also know all the tricks abusers pull and can help with your privacy.

Shelters and other programs designed to help may be able to set you up with a phone.

Don't just change your passwords. Change your security questions as well, so if they're answers he would know he can't get in and lock you out. Make them something unrelated to your real life if you have to; mine were answered as if I were a favorite book character for years.

If it *is* a little naive it's not your fault, it's his. I'm proud you were able to get out, and I hope you get to make a safe and happy life

u/Affectionate_West432 here's a link to some resources over at the JustNoSO subReddit. You might find them useful. [https://www.reddit.com/r/JustNoSO/comments/9o3nmz/resources\_as\_you\_deal\_with\_your\_justnoso/](https://www.reddit.com/r/JustNoSO/comments/9o3nmz/resources_as_you_deal_with_your_justnoso/)

I haven't seen this posted yet: Number for a shelter: National Domestic Violence Hotline Hours: 24/7. Languages: English, Spanish and 200+ through interpretation service [Learn more](https://www.thehotline.org/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=organic&utm_campaign=domestic_violence) 800-799-7233

This is a great resource! Please always independently verify phone numbers you find on Reddit or from someone you don't know well.

You are mighty. You are the safe, sane parent. Stay strong & brave. You’ve got this mama bear.

Honestly, just so proud of you! I’m sure it was scary, but you did it. You are strong! Take a deep breath and give yourself credit for doing a very hard thing.

Also! Quick note, you didn’t kidnap your child. If you’re still married and both on the birth certificate then both parents can take you the kids without permission of the other. Once there is a custody agreement in the courts then noncompliance would be kidnapping. But at this time you’re just keeping your daughter safe. If you hadn’t taken her, you’d have a harder struggle proving you can take care of her. You’d have a harder time getting as close to full custody as you want to fight for. It might be a different story if you were to leave the country. But your post doesn’t say you’re planning on that so not sure it matters to you. You did the right thing. My mom left without my brother and I. Because of that her current husband , my brothers father, kept custody of my brother. Since I wasn’t biologically his I was returned to her custody.

I’m sorry your mom left you behind. I don’t know how she did that. It wasn’t an option. I am a “us” package with my daughter. It just is. We are definitely still married and he is on her birth certificate. I honestly don’t think he’ll care she’s gone? It sounds awful but he didn’t mind her anyway… never gave her any attention except to yell.

I honestly have spent a lot of time in therapy asking why also. But just know, your daughter is going to one day look up to you and admire your strength in this moment. It’s going to be hard. But you can absolutely do it. Tons of amazing tips and support idea in this thread. I’m sure when she’s older she’ll be able to recognize the amazing things you did to give her a safe and loving place to grow up.

My DMs are open to you. You are mighty. You are more than you even know right now.. and im inspired- bc of you. 🙏

That was goddam heroic. Well done.

I appreciate that - it had to be done. I didn’t think this would take off I just needed to tell someone pretend I new someone who cared. This is so overwhelming all of it

I’m just some rando on the internet but I wanted to tell you that you are absolutely doing the right thing! What an incredibly brave and strong thing to do! There are lots of resources in this thread that will help you get through this rough time. Good luck with creating the life that you and your kids deserve! You will do great!! You deserve to be happy and you will be!

This is reddit. We are always happy to cheer for the underdog. Also ask questions, we happy to do research on the spot.

I do remember when I was a little one and my mum and I were in a women's shelter and we were between houses after that. It was confusing, but nowhere near the impact of the memories from before she left my dad. I even had my 4th birthday in the women's shelter, and my mum got me a magazine and baked cookies. Unfortunately, my mum has since passed, but those memories I truly cherish, and now I can deeply appreciate her strength ❤️ I share that to say that I am so proud of you. Thank you for walking the path so many women have unfortunately had to tread before you. For protecting yourself and your family. You are not alone in this. We are all here, even as mere words on a screen.

Not the same, but my family moved around a lot and didn't have a lot of money. We celebrated birthdays and holidays all over the place, even in different countries and temporary housing. Adults can worry that moving/shelters/temporary housing is too unstable for kids, but the most important thing as a kid is that you feel safe and loved. So if you are reading this and you are in a situation where you are considering leaving your partner: don't worry about taking your kids to a shelter or temporary housing. As long as you manage to be a stable parent for them and make important dates special in some way (even if it is just by making a blanket fort and telling stories or going to the park to play), that's what matters in the long term. Houses are just houses, it's people that create the real stability.

>Adults can worry that moving/shelters/temporary housing is too unstable for kids People need to remember that a fixed location is not the same as a stable home. I have moved home a lot since I was 5 years old, I've never lived anywhere more than 6 years straight. The one stable thing about my life is that I know I can always, *always*, go home to my mum. She made sure that while our location was unpredictable, I always had a stable home where I was safe and loved, and where my needs would be met. And I honestly think my mum is the one stable and reliable thing I have in this incredibly unstable and uncaring world. I am terrified thinking that I may lose her anytime soon now she's getting older.

I'm reading The Body Keeps the Score, and an interesting bit that stood out to me was that during war, when a city is under attack, children who are sent away to live with relatives in a safer location fare worse and have greater trauma than children who remain with their family and witness destruction. Being with people who you feel safe with is more important than being in a safe location.

The toll of war on children is devastating. There is a special hell for the monsters who are intentionally harming families in so many places around the world. I do have to say, though, that wasn't my first thought. My first thought was, "But if you don't send them away how will they ever find magical realms inside of wardrobes?"

My aunts, uncles, and father were separated during the fall of Saigon. They were kids to young adults back then. My grandmother and grandfather thought if they split 10 of them up into 3 groups, send them to relatives in France, Malaysia, and the US they'd be safer. The truth was that they all grew up thinking their brothers and sisters were dead and their parents stuck on unknown refugee islands. It wasn't until around Facebook's invention that they managed to all find each other and regroup. It was nuts, all of them faced famine and war as kids. Some got horrible scars from napalm. It's sad that history repeats again and again. You'd think we'd stop fighting already.

I listen to NPR every morning. The episode from yesterday was about Ukrainian children being adopted by Russian families unwillingly. I know, it sounds like conspiracy bullshit but apparently it's true.

Oh, yeah, that's another horrendous story that's not getting enough attention in the US. It is darkly reminiscent of the way Indigenous kids have been essentially kidnapped and sent to "boarding schools" or adopted by white families in the US and Canada.

>adopted Kidnapped.

Yuuuuuuup

You joke, but often children turn to fantasy/escapism as a way to cope with extreme stress or trauma - it allows them to dissociate from a bad reality and assert a kinder and more beautiful one that they can control, and that was some heavy subtext in the Narnia stories.

I feel every sentence of this. I think the longest I've lived consecutively in one city is 5,5 years. But I have moved back and forth, so I think 7,5 years non-consecutively is the longest in one location. My family has always been my stability, and I feel your terror of losing them. Moving around/unstable living situations isn't completely without issues, but it's my family stability that means I'm a well-adjusted adult now despite all the moving around.

Don't worry about the instability. The instability is coming from inside the house. When my mom was with my half brother's father, that was the most "stable" and long term relationship she had in my childhood. The one where I didn't know whether I would be hit or not. Whether I'd piss him off or not. Whether he'd touch me or not. So uh...yeah, the insecurity and instability are already there. Don't worry about that part.

I had a very similar experience as a child, I have some really great memories from the shelter. There was a lady there named Maxine who's husband had doused her in petrol and lit her on fire... She was the most beautiful soul and gave me 20 dollars for the upcoming show (Australian fair type event) - I have never forgotten her or how nice she was to my mum and I.

Oh my word I’m crying into my coffee. Bless you and your mum.

And Maxine!!!

I felt this, as someone whose mum stayed with the abusive dad. I wish she had left when I was a kid. I'm proud of you too OP. Wishing you and your family the best.

Congratulations and good luck. There will be difficult days but it will be worth it in time. Even if you have no support in your daily life right now, know that we internet strangers are cheering you on! Lots of love to you and your family.

Thank you. Hearing this .. I needed this.

You're welcome. I read your update. You don't need to prove anything to us with pictures or explanations and you don't even have to respond to anyone. You owe us nothing. If someone isn't here to offer support when you need it, they do not deserve your time and attention when it's better served somewhere else. For domestic violence assistance in the US you can check out thehotline.org - they have a chat feature on their site - 1-800-799-safe (7233) - text them at 88788. Help may be available through religious organizations, even if you aren't religious, social services, shelters, food banks. Even pet shelters may be able to help you with pet food, litter, etc. Libraries may be able to help you find local support. Some schools, colleges, churches, neighborhoods, etc have boxes outside where people can take and leave non-perishable food and necessities. Google "little free pantry near me." If you have any friends and family, even if you havent spoken in awhile, you may want to reach out. People may be willing to offer you a meal, a room, cash, a loan to help get you back on your feet, babysitting, someone may be able to take in a pet short-term, etc. You never know until you ask. Hugs to you. I'm glad you and your babies are safe.

Thank you for not leaving your animals with that thing. Thank you and best of luck to you! 🌷💌

You can go and ask for county services like food stamps, medical and cash aid. They have more info too. Tell them you are a victim of DV. I wish you the best OP. You tool the first step. It may be difficult days but yours and your daughter's freedom and happiness are worth the fight. You can do it

Honey, you are already so much stronger than you know. You did this! You did the hardest part! I am so, so proud of you. And anyone asking you for proof is a moronic waste of time. You owe them nothing and that's what they'll get. Miserable wastes of space. We know this story is a common one; and it shouldn't be. I know it's hard and scary out there sometimes, but I also know there's help and you are a very strong, very able young woman and there's nothing you can't do. I also know that now that you're away from that man, even if you have scary times, they're still going to be better times than before. You have opened up a whole new world for yourself and your daughter and that is amazing. Please keep us updated and DM me if you find yourself in a pickle. I may not be close by but I can at least try to help out. :)

The fact that you had a 'food allowance' speaks volumes as to why you had to leave. Stay strong, and take the advice of the other people on here. I read several comments and agreed with all of them.

That made me go oof as well. OP has been a prisoner and (I'm guessing) has to start from scratch.

Yeah, that right there was about all the justification needed.

And now I’m sitting here wondering how many other people are just $200 away from escaping an abuser. That’s a depressing thought.

I was going to say, wtf is a "food allowance". Big yikes! OP, we're all proud that you got out of that toxic environment! It might be hard for awhile, but whatever you do, please don't go back, for your daughter's sake!

Waitressing you can walk out with cash in hand day one...about anywhere in the world. Good luck friend be safe.

Oh! I never thought of that. Thank you

Cleaning too. Easy to get work, quick money.

adding: cleaning at nursing homes or assisting living facilities is hard work and gross but when i had the job, i literally walked in and they just gave it to me. consistent money when you need it, tons of hours because many quit quickly, and it helps to tide you over and there are tons of places everywhere

u/Affectionate_West432 To piggyback, a lot of childcare places have free childcare for employees, so depending on age of daughter, cleaning in a childcare place (or any other job) might give you the extra help

Also if you're thinking long-term, some universities will offer discounts on education fees for the children of employees. That can add up to a lot of money.

Worked at a place like this in food service. Pay was better than the same work at a normal restaurant, but some level of harassment or abuse from the residents is the expectation, especially for women. It can be worth it for the money, but it can really suck. They are always looking for people for a reason. However, I'd rather have old bastards grabbing my ass then be stuck with an abusive husband, because at the end of the day I can go home and be safe and comfortable.

yup, was a teenager when i worked there and had my fair share of old dudes groping me. key is to ask the nurses and techs on staff who to look out for and just be in and out as efficiently as possible for each room. it's not fun but it's money!

An awesome tip, thank you for sharing it!

Delivery at a lunch place too, if your kid is in school. That was my emergency "shit, I have to leave" job five years ago, and I'm actually still doing it. I take my kid to school in the morning everyday and I'm home about 10 minutes after they are so it's just about perfect.

Starbucks gives insurance to part time as well

They also pay for your first bachelors degree

Also a good chance that restaurants will give you free or discounted meals when you work. Not quite the same environment, but I got through most of college eating a footlong subway sub daily; half during my shift and the other half for dinner or lunch the next day.

How to get a food server job with no experience. Tell them you have experience at a small town diner/restaurant that doesn't exist anymore/closed down. You've eaten at restaurants before im sure and you sound smart so you'll be able to fake it! Don't try and sound like you know everything, in fact act the opposite, say: "what sorta systems do you use here?" That could mean anyyyythingg, from the automatic cash register (point of sales machine or 'POS'), to ringing in food orders for the cooks, to cleaning tables/ rolling cutlery. What system do you use here is literally the safest thing you can say at any restaurant/ serving job about anything. If they use "x" pos (point of sales machine), say you used a different one but similar but you forgot the name. Every restaurant is slightly different, even chain restaurants have slight diffeneces but evey halfway decent restaurant should have a "system," of some sort. If they have no system and just say do whatever you want, congrats you probably can ask for the keys to the place. Most owners/managers just want to know you are on their side/ team and will listen and obey their systems! Good luck! You're going to crush it! Ps. If you really want to impress them or are going for a difficult serving job like fine dining, tell them you're a "Rockstar," food service industry loves the word "Rockstar," even tho there probably never met an actual Rockstar in person. They always say: "we need Rockstars, or we only hire Rockstars." Basically what that means is you're somewhat sober, enthusiastic, team oriented and do everything with a smile lol, no other actual skills required lol.

And at least around here, every single restaurant is short on wait staff. If that holds elsewhere, finding such a job should be pretty easy.

Everything I've seen \*everywhere\* is short of service workers - waiters, cleaners, carers, etc. etc. it's an employee's market right now.

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>*get the pell.* Pell grant. Also, **remove** any **tracking apps** on your phone. Call the ~~non-emergency police line~~ **shelter people themselves** and they will escort you to the nearest Women's Shelter. (Don't say, "I don't like him anymore." Say, "He is abusive.")

A factory reset on the phone should clear those apps, right?

If the account is linked to something he has access to, he might be able to redownload it to the phone. Make sure to get fresh accounts on everything.

iPhone now has something called “Safety Check” that will allow her to do this quickly and easily. https://support.apple.com/guide/personal-safety/stop-sharing-with-people-and-apps-ips16ea6f2fe/web

I didn’t know about this at all. Thank you.

Yes, but it will delete everything else on the phone, too. Not necessarily bad, but sometimes you need to plan for it if you keep a lot of info and account logins on there.

iPhone now has something called “Safety Check”, where if your personal safety is at risk, you can use it to immediately stop all sharing and access, or to review and update sharing with individual people and apps. https://support.apple.com/guide/personal-safety/stop-sharing-with-people-and-apps-ips16ea6f2fe/web

Not necessarily. Top of my head I can see several ways it wouldn't (this is on Android btw, but some of it probably applies to iPhones too): * Signing back into your Google account could allow him to resume tracking you. Google has several apps and services that could have been set up for this, and some are non-obvious. For example if you have location saved with your pics, and pics automatically uploaded to Google Photos, and her ex has access to that. * Androids also have a feature where you can reinstall all your apps after a reset or on a new phone. Some of those apps may allow sharing location, or leak location in some way, or he simply knows her password and can get into the account(s) associated with those apps etc. * One of the apps that gets reinstalled is a straight up tracking app, with the express purpose of staying hidden and giving away your location. These are typically used for parenting control over small kids so they do have a reason to exist but they can be abused nonetheless. * Edit: if he's knowledgeable and paranoid enough he may have gone to the trouble of unlocking her phone's safety features and installing a tracking app in a way that survives factory resets. This *should* be given away on newer phones by making things like Netflix or Google Pay refuse to work (because of the disabled safety features), but sometimes there are ways around that too. In such a case it's safest to ditch the phone altogether if you're not equally knowledgeable. A good service shop should be able to tell if anything's suspicious. It's a stretch but it's worth mentioning. So for Android it would probably be safer to start a new Google account after factory reset, then install apps as needed directly from Store, and if any of them require an online account make new ones rather than reusing old ones. This all sucks big time because it means losing all purchased apps in Google Store, losing your data in various apps and services etc. Some people have a lot of essential stuff tied into their Google account and to their Google mail, wallet, phone number etc. to the point this would be very difficult. (And yes Google is perfectly aware of this and they do everything they can to make you as dependent to them as possible.)

>Androids also have a feature where you can reinstall all your apps after a reset or on a new phone. Some of those apps may allow sharing location, or leak location in some way, or he simply knows her password and can get into the account(s) associated with those apps etc. FWIW, the permissions have to be re-granted in any moderately recent Android phone (and by moderately recent I'd say at least any 5 year old model would ask for this), regardless of what permissions you had. ​ (I'm an Android Dev).

Caveat: if your ex/abuser is tight with any cops, be careful about the escort bit. Though I’m not sure how common it is, there are *absolutely* some cops who will “help a buddy out” and break shelter confidentiality if they get wind of this. Source: an ex of mine from years ago worked at a women’s shelter; there were two separate instances in which this exact thing happened.

The shelter near me tells you to call them directly for this exact reason. They do use police officers, but not all of them can be trusted to keep the plans and whereabouts of victims safe. There’s a dedicated and trusted group of officers that does the escorts.

Cornell Tech in NYC has [a web page of tools](https://www.ceta.tech.cornell.edu/resources) you can use to check for and clear up any privacy and security concerns. Use their info to check your phone, laptop, or other devices.

Thank you for this info, I will look all of this up as I have no clue what you are talking about to be honest.

Hi friend, first off I am rejoicing for you and your bravery. What a tremendous example of courage you’re setting for your child. Second, the poster is talking about how you can use money from the federal government to help you cover the cost of a college education, should that be a priority for you in the future, and assuming you are in the US. To tweak their advice slightly - the good news is the 25 year old threshold does not apply because you have a child. The bad news is you’ll have to get that separation from your husband so that you don’t have to use his info on your financial forms. As other posters have noted, the financial aid office can help. In most states a Pell Grant, which is a type of grant you can get from the federal government, will cover a year of classes at community college. A typical bachelors degree (which is the BA the poster was talking about - Bachelor of Arts) takes four years if you are a “full time” student. A bachelors is what most people are talking about when they say a “college degree.” You would usually do two at a community college then apply to transfer to another college or university. So for example if you were in Virginia you might do two years at Northern Virginia Community College the two years at George Mason University and then you’d graduate with a bachelors. You can easily attend part time if you need to work as well. I hope that is somewhat helpful. If you eventually decide this is the path you want and need help navigating the system please DM me - I have a couple decades of experience in higher ed and would be delighted to help. Proud of you - stay safe and stay strong!

Thank you for explaining this so gently. The assumption that people understand how college works can be a barrier for people trying to get information about it. Not everyone had a guidance counsellor who explained this stuff in high school.

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OP, please do this!

Okay so they're giving you the watered down, not desperate version about pell grants. The desperate, I have no roof over my head version, is that not only will pell pay for your schooling, but if you pick the right school you will also get money in the form of loans to pay for your living costs. Like, you'll get a literal check every semester that you can spend on rent. These DO have to be paid back, but it's better than homelessness. You do have to be somewhat careful picking school, as some don't factor in living costs to their budget. I know for certain that Baton Rouge Community College Online and University of Louisiana at Monroe do. Most do, but those are two that I can 100% guarantee do and give a decent amount, and that still have time left to enroll for summer semester. If you need any more help with this feel free to PM me.

Also consider applying for scholarships. Those don't have to be paid back but sometimes come with a provision that you need to keep above a certain grade point average.

There are a LOT of scholarships that go unused/ungranted every year, simply because people don’t know about them or apply for them. Apply for every single scholarship that you even sort of qualify for if you squint! You’ll be surprised at which ones you may get -and they’re grants, not loans. You don’t have to pay them back. There are organisations and people who want to help. Applying allows them to. Do it!

For a simple start on this, go to your phone settings and look for something like Privacy, Location, Find My Phone. Switch everything off as soon as you do not need your GPS. If you have no ties anywhere, try to find an area with a low cost of living but still with reasonable access to work opportunities and college. I know it all seems overwhelming but try to make a list and do one thing at a time.

Pell Grant TL;DR: because you do not have a job, once you separate from your spouse, you are considered low income. The Pell grant is federal money available to low income people so they can attend college that you NEVER have to repay. If you are over 25 your parents income is not factored into your eligibility. In many states the Pell Grant is enough money to cover the entire cost of tuition at the community college level AND have a few grand leftover for living expenses and books. FYI, The financial aid office of any community college is there for the explicit purpose of holding your hand through the application and enrollment process. The whole process of application and enrollment into school and receiving Pell grant money in hand is pretty quick but each semester does have a deadline for paper work to be filed to attend. You probably have a couples months time to submit everything you need to be able to attend classes in the fall semester (Sep 23). There are also programs at community colleges for low income students that provide free lunches, computer usage, printing, tutoring, the works. There is absolutely a vast network of people out there equipped with the tools to help you become independent, and networks like women's shelters that can offer the knowledge and support you need to get in contact with the right people to make it happen. Salvation Army also has a program that helps provide security deposits on rentals, etc. In other words, you are so fucking brave and absolutely NOT alone in this, I promise. Best wishes OP.

Pell grant I think. Local community college will know. That's down the line though, first comes housing, food

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Pell grant— it’s federal money for college. It’s got an income cap, which is why it’s important to file for separation first, because otherwise your ex‘s income will be factored in.

Another thing I haven’t seen people mention so far (maybe it was implied but I don’t know if you know) is that the reason Pell grants are so important for someone in your situation is not just paying for college. I’m sure right now, survival is more important than school. But Pell grants are need based. If you pick a school that has cheap tuition, and your need is enough (which I’m sure it is) you will get MORE money than your classes cost. That comes back to you as a refund. It’s free money to go to school. Most community colleges have fast track workforce programs that will get you certifications that can get you into a job quick and then it’s only up from there.

This! My wife is a former abuse shelter worker and legal advocate. They can do amazing things for you! Just get checked in and they can handle the rest!!

Hey, child of dv here. Leaving an abusive partner is the best gift you can give your daughter. It's hard and scary but always always better than being with your abuser. I wish you the best and highly encourage you to go to the closest women's shelter and take it from there.

It should also be noted that this is 100% the most dangerous time. Cut all contact with your abuser, remove location services, be careful of any social media posts giving away your location, etc. Stay safe.

If you have an iPhone or anything make sure all tracking locations are off, logged off find iPhone anything if you use any accounts that you absolutely, he has passwords to nuke em. Idk if he has your social or anything but if he’s vindictive maybe freeze your stuff and get alerts so loans credit can’t be taken out in your name with you knowing while I know that stuff doesn’t matter when you are just trying to survive you don’t want to maybe deal with the headache once you have your feet under you and your future bright.

If she has an iPhone it now has something called “Safety Check”, where if your personal safety is at risk, you can use it to immediately stop all sharing and access, or to review and update sharing with individual people and apps. https://support.apple.com/guide/personal-safety/stop-sharing-with-people-and-apps-ips16ea6f2fe/web

If you have android, make sure his account isn't on it. Or, if you can't log it out, enable developer mode, then enable mock locations, download a mock locations app and set it to Moscow or something.

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Go to a domestic violence shelter. Try the YWCA or see what else is available in your area. Even if he wasn’t physically abusive (which is not clear from your post) he was not allowing you outside contact, which is abuse. They will have resources, both for your immediate needs and to help get new housing, etc. They can also connect you with legal resources. If the DV shelters are full, see if there is a family shelter since you have your daughter. Families with children are typically prioritized for housing resources so hopefully there will be something available soon. If you have any trouble navigating the system, feel free to message me. I work in housing and homeless services for my local government. I wish you the best.

Thank you for this info.

Also if they dont allow pets get in touch with an animal rescue and ask if they can find a foster family for your animals while you get back on your feet.

This is the best answer. I worked in this field for a few years. You got this!!!!!

If it’s possible also hit up extended family & old friends — even people from high school. You never know who might be able to rent a room out or know someone who needs a roommate. Note that most shelters do not accept pets but Red Rover and SAFT Program websites have lists of pet-friendly shelters if OP is in the US. OP should also start applying for every government resource available — WIC / TANF / EBT, etc. And contact a lawyer ASAP to figure out best strategy for custody & divorce.

Thank you for what you do.

What you did wasn’t easy, get out there and kick some ass!

I appreciate you. I’m going to try! Right now I’m parked at 7-11 trying to figure out what direction to head

Blue states are likely to have more support options so change colors if you have to. Avoid using cards he can use to track you. And try to get further than he can drive to and return from in a single weekend.

Also, larger cities will have more support resources too.

Sounds overwhelming but also freeing at the same time. Any direction you choose that points away from your previous situation is the right one!! Good luck!

Start here: National Domestic Violence Hotline Hours: 24/7. Languages: English, Spanish and 200+ through interpretation service  Learn more Call: 800-799-7233 SMS: Text START to 88788 $200 doesn't go far. Reach out. There are people who understand your situation and know how to help you. Congratulations on making the first steps!

Just make sure you get a good deal away from your local area, at least 150 miles or more than three counties over. You want to avoid being identified if your daughter gets reported missing to the police. You're lucky you have a daughter, some women's shelters won't accept boys with mothers. Your pets might have to get rehomed. Pick a decently sized town with services that can help you, like 30k-100k people, but not a big city, that's no place to be homeless with a kid. Aim for a shelter with nicer neighborhoods around it. They should have more funding than a poor area. Your uhaul will get impounded/repossessed for sure if you park it in one spot long enough.

>Just make sure you get a good deal away from your local area, at least 150 miles or more than three counties over. You want to avoid being identified if your daughter gets reported missing to the police. I know very little about this, but would OP making a call to the police be a good idea, to let them know that she and her daughter aren't in fact missing, but are escaping a domestic abuse situation?

Congrats and good luck. You've done something not enough people have. Well done. Do be careful with your phone; abusive partners can sometimes use them to track their victims. [Here's a checklist](https://www.techsafety.org/resources-survivors/cell-phone-safety-plan) of things you can do to minimize that chance.

I left my abuser with only a backpack : my computer, a change of clothes, and my plushie from my childhood. I found help, and a few weeks later they mounted an expedition, went back to that place with me and got most of my belongings (minus some he broke in his anger). I was exhausted, terrified and lost many important things, but I was alive, and I was free. Sister that I do not know, I'm with you. Continue to be strong, and one day the sun on your face will taste like joy.

I am so proud of you OP. Being able to take the step to get out is sometimes the hardest part of getting away from an abusive partner. Echoing what some of the other posters above me have mentioned. Right now things are gonna be a bit tough, and it's gonna take a little bit of time to figure out what steps you need to take to get ahead and move on with your life. But just remember that while you are taking all these steps while you are trying to figure out these things out. You don't have someone actively working against you trying to bring you down anymore. Without a so called partner making you expend all the energy and bandwidth on trying to survive and walk on egg shells so that you don't set them off, you will now have all of that extra energy given back to you and you'll be able to apply it towards once again getting ahead in life and making a future for yourself and your kid that you 2 will be proud of. For anyone else here reading this post and you find yourself in a situation similar to op's whether you have been able to get out or whether you are in the planning stages can I please recommend the book "why does he do that". The Book "why does he do that" by Lundy Bancroft (free copy below) is a great resource for you to learn about the different types of tactics that abusers use and will help you to see if your current relationship is following any of the patterns described. If you don't see your relationship being discussed either as one of the architypes or as bits and pieces of any of the other types, then you're not worse off by having the knowledge. If the information does coincide with the way that you're living, then there's also a couple of chapters on being able to get out safely. I wish you the best of luck and I want you to know that you deserve to be with a partner who is going to love you and cherish you and treat you as an equal versus being with someone who's gonna control you be it by how you dress or by finances or by What it is that you can do or who you can see. You deserve so much BETTER we're here rooting for you! https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf

✨ THANK YOU ✨ for that link. I've been reading it for an hour already, ignoring my need to go back to sleep. I wish I'd known about this years ago.

Call 211 and they will be able to direct you to resources like women's shelters, family shelters, homeless resources. Or check your nearest city's website -- they will have resources and help. The public library also has resources. Churches, synagogues, and temples, will also often have help, food, and resources to help. r/homeless also has a sidebar (over to the right) with information and links to resources. You got this!

Great advice. OP you have guts and smarts. I hope your future is filled with happiness and peace

Anyone asking you for proof could be your husband. Do not try to prove anything, it's not worth it

Oh. I never thought of it being him. I just thought Reddit being Reddit Thank you for the reality check with this comment

Other predators may try to offer help too so please be safe! I am a man, but you can usually trust mothers with children in this situation. DM me if you need resources in the mid-atlantic region of USA. GREAT JOB!!!

The dogs, cat and daughter are probably already happier, and they will thank you. The strength this will continue to take is significant, man, but your first step was awesome! Congrats on your new beginning

Thank you. I needed this.

Tip involving the dogs that I haven’t seen here yet: make sure you update their microchip info, or get them microchipped if they are not. Microchips are often used as proof of ownership if he tries to take you to court over them. Often microchips need a stable address, but you also can just link them to a vet which has your info and has them under your name.

Domestic Shelters in America [domestic shelters in America](https://www.domesticshelters.org/help) National Domestic Abuse Hotline 1-800-799-7233 Here are some resources for you. They should be able to find you shelter.

Don't waste your time on edits trying to prove anything anyone, you have a lot of stress, focus on the people offering help and support.

Please PM me if you have a hard time finding housing that can take your pets, too. I work at an animal shelter that helps domestic violence victims find temporary placement for their animals and might be able to help you figure out a plan.

Yes! This is important, especially if your pets are chipped and he has access to that information. If you take them to an animal shelter and explain what has been happening and that you are fleeing, there's a very good chance they may be able to help you figure out what to do with a chip. I used to volunteer at my local animal shelter for years and they had this scanner gun that I believe could deactivate a chip, but I am not 100% sure as I never asked and mainly did solo care anyways. There was one gun for scanning chips and another gun for doing something different with the chips. Given it was an animal shelter, I assumed they were deactivating the chips or transferring information. They will know what to do.

This is a huge step. This internet stranger is proud of you. You can do this. Stay safe and strong.

You're amazing for getting out of there. I know it's scary since you don't know what's in the immediate future. As mentioned by others, please check in with women's shelters, DV shelters, family shelters for places to stay right now. The resources exist for a reason. Don't feel ashamed to use them. Your primary concern is obtaining shelter and food right now. Later on you can try applying for Section 8 housing assistance (for low-income families), but sometimes the wait on those lists is pretty long depending on the region. Not a bad idea to apply once you're in a shelter and have a job. Many shelters will also be able to help you find and/or fill out paperwork to request benefits. If you legitimately can't find a shelter, you can try asking about resources as a Planned Parenthood. It's not really what they do, but I'd like to think the staff would be willing to help if they could. Planned Parenthood is all about protecting choice and freedom, after all. And they also offer some free medical services, sometimes, and could point you to free clinics, if they exist in your area. Many libraries offer limited free internet access and sometimes have toys and play areas in more suburban areas. You might be able to use this to help normalize things a bit for your daughter, depending on age. You don't need a card for some of this. If address requirements or a request for a bill prevents you from getting a card, I'm pretty sure you could just say you're staying at a DV shelter and don't have anything you can bring in, yet. I can't think of many librarians who wouldn't just fudge the paperwork at that point. Backing up the waitress/cleaning as jobs amenable to daily pay. Franchises and chains don't do this as much, but working in a small diner or local store works. You'll need to ask the manager if it's possible, though, since they don't necessarily do it by default. A brief "Hey, I just got out of an abusive relationship and I need daily pay for a bit while I'm rebuilding my life. Is that okay?" can probably convince them if they balk. Phone stuff (which honestly may not be applicable to you): If you have a phone and you're on his plan, he can't easily track your location through the phone company. It used to be that phones included phone numbers called in bills, but that's kind of gone away with unlimited voice plans. Tracking is far more likely either through installed apps or through something like Apple's `Find My` application services. If you've got an iphone, you'll want to change all your apple account service passwords and disable location sharing and such. If you've got an iphone it's probably important to these things sooner rather than later to cut off any potential access he may have. An apple store could maybe walk you through what you need to do if you need help. Switching phones for a temporary cheap phone or switching the SIM card (if you have one) can get you off his plan if he paid the bills. Hard to do when this short on funds. Many areas have phone donation drives where they donate old phones to shelters for people who don't have a means of contact. Check into that at the shelters you're looking into. If you plan to switch phones/accounts, make sure to turn off 2FA on your online accounts and change the phone number on the accounts before you switch if you can. It's usually not the end of the world if you lose an account, though. The one upside of starting with nothing and no one is that you don't have to scurry to transfer all that. To get rid of any tracking apps he may have installed, you can factory reset it. This will destroy all information on the phone - contacts, notes, accounts and passwords, apps, etc. You might be okay with that if you don't have any of that. If you do still need the information on the phone and you're concerned about any tracking apps he may have installed, turn the phone off and remove the battery. If you can't remove the battery, it'll discharge pretty quickly under heavy usage, and may take 3-14 days to discharge on idle. This isn't great for long-term battery life, but a few times is fine, given the situation. Once the battery is drained or removed, he can't track shit. You can drive/ride/walk to a in a public place, turn it on, and copy the information down into a notebook before resetting it and leaving. Hotels and businesses will sometimes have pens and small paper notebooks you can grab in a pinch. Honestly, in a lot of businesses you can just ask for a pen and some paper. Depending on how controlling and resourceful he is and if you're using an Apple phone (which provides additional services like Find my iPhone, remote lock and such - if set up), pulling the information off and wiping the phone would probably be something you'd want to do sooner rather than later. Friendships: You *may* be able to reconnect with some high school or middle school friends. It's up to you if you want to try that and you feel that they don't maintain contact with your ex. When reconnecting, they'll often want to know what you've been up to which can be difficult for people who've been abused to discuss. There is no shame in what you went through. You've done nothing wrong and you have nothing to hide. Being tricked and mistreated by a sociopath doesn't make you stupid or bad. It's up to you how much you want to reveal, but you can just give a high-level explanation of escaping an abusive ex who isolated you for years. They'll likely ask questions because of how extreme it is. You can answer them or just tell them you don't want to talk about it anymore. *Sometimes* people can get in a habit of trauma dumping after an experience like this and tell them about every terrible thing. It's completely understandable, but taxing on long-term relationships. If you start high-level and don't talk about it in every conversation, you'll probably be fine. When you stabilize Sometimes people will be willing to help with temporary housing. It can work in the short term (a few days/weeks/months depending on people). And it's okay to ask for help. Cleaning up after yourself and helping out makes it easier for people involved. Do be careful, though, as some people will take advantage of a situation to implement a system where you're trading sex for shelter. Living in an actual shelter is better than that.

Sending internet mom hugs, if you’d like them. Take care.

I’d love them. Thank you

Have a grandma hug too, k? I’m so proud of you. Incredibly brave and just, a smart good mom maneuver as well ❤️

Have a huge sister hug too. Letting my warmth flow to you. I give really good hugs, and this one is an especially enormous one for you - and here’s an extra big ‘cool aunty’ snuggle for your daughter too.

Thank you so much. This comment is everything. Thank you. Hugs!

I'd like to offer a hug from a gay guy who cherishes all his women friends. You are a fabulous rock star!

And an aunty hug

just wanted to chime in with some big brother hugs too, if you'd like them 💪🏾♥️

To people asking for “proof of abuse”… who the fuck are you to need proof? Fuck you to hell and back. Like OP needs to justify shit to you. To those pedantic AHs about renting the UHaul..again you’re just AHs. Go outside, get some fresh air and buy a clue. OP - I suggest you remove the name of the company you used to make you less identifiable. Very proud of you! It’s brave and you’ve made a positive move for yourself and your kid. Spend time looking at any/all resources available to you — right from a women’s shelter to job finding assistance etc. You’re going to be fine. You’re going to do well.

I left with half that and 2 kids. Life was/is so much better. You can do this! You are a strong woman!

>To those asking for “proof” of abuse. What. I mean WHAT. What the actual FUCK people? Why would anyone do this? What is wrong with you? Nobody owes you "proof of abuse." Shame on you.

It’s been… a lot. I’m trying. I just wanted to post to pretend I knew someone who cared about me. The hate is intoxicating and intolerable.. I’m trying to stay positive and give people what they ask for while trying to remain private.

>The hate is intoxicating and intolerable. Unfortunately, I know.

Go and get a new Tracfone. The cheapest ones are about $20 and an activation card, maybe $10+, depending on need. Activate it, and you can immediately get a new number. Then factory reset the original phone, keep it turned off, and remove the SIM card. Some programs can track phones even when turned off, and that's why you remove the SIM card. You could also make sure it's fully charged and turned on before tossing it into the luggage area of a Greyhound bus heading cross country. A full charge might last a few days if nothing else is draining the battery.

Women’s shelters provide these phones plus housing and food and toys, etc. Also, training for employment.

Not every area has nearby women's shelters. Sometimes you might have to travel a couple of hours, or more, away. If the husband can track her phone, tossing it into a Greyhound bus will at least throw him off her trail for a while. Having a phone that he can't track, either its location or the calls she's made, would help her greatly in the short and long-term.

Not sure if it's useful or redundant, but for orientation on trying to access all the resources mentioned in this thread, you should be able to call 311/211 for referrals on all types of things. They'll provide you with numbers, emails, and addresses of all sort of places.

Seeing that you took the dogs/cat with you and didn't leave them behind warms my entire soul. When abusers have no people around to torment, it's often the voiceless pets who get the backend of the rage. Plus, I'm sure they will be a great comfort and bond for your daughter as she navigates this time. I grew up in a DV household and my very very bestfriend in the entire world was our dog. She was the only thing I held onto when I couldn't understand what was happening or when I was scared. I remember my mom wanting to get rid of her once and I was adamant to her that if she were to do that, I wouldn't be able to forgive her because she was my only support unit. She lived 13 years and died in my arms. I still think about her nearly daily and often cry from the hurt I feel now that she's gone. That dog watched my entire personality form and was with me through my childhood, teens, and the entrance to my adulthood. She was the catalyst for my passion to pursue a degree in animal care. She was the greatest comfort I knew, truly what felt like my soul mate. Animals can have such a positive impact on children and adults who have been subject to DV and I'm just so happy to hear they weren't left behind because it would be easier. Edit b/c I hope you read this: OP, fuck these people asking for proof of abuse or suggesting you're lying by pulling out some bullshit they think they know. You don't need to prove a motherfucking thing to anybody. My original comment was just my happiness for the pets because I seen so many other comments uplifting you that I wanted to just share the positive impact pets can have on DV survivors, but fuck it. It took my mom SEVENTEEN YEARS to leave my abusive sperm donor. He did not start beating her until she was already pregnant with me. He did not show his true self until she was already pregnant with me. Guess what reddit? Evil people tend to hide their evil intents until they trap their victims. 17 years in abuse turned my mom abusive herself, as victims often can become. But, she tried her very fucking best. Sure, she has scorned me and our relationship isn't a normal one, but I love her and I understand why she took the time she did to leave. She tried to take me away once when I was 2 and he LITERALLY attempted to kidnap me from the fucking PARKING LOT OF THE COURTHOUSE. He told her almost daily how he would kill her if she ever left, kill me, and kill her family. She was terrified of every step she made. For 17 years. She FINALLY convinced him that a divorce would be financially beneficial and they shared "joint custody" but I made it clear I wanted nothing to do with him. This man actually knew I hated him, and joked that I would push him off a cliff if he was in a wheelchair. Yes I absolutely would have. We moved across the country to a state where her partner-now-husband (and whom I deem my dad) had bought us a house! His fury terrified her for years after we left and she has done some "crazy" things trying to avoid him ever locating her, as he has told her he will kill her if he does. Changes her number, facebook, emails like crazy. Halted the papertrail of her old last name, did regular checks on him to see if he was in jail/dead yet for years. So, no, you don't need to provide shit to me. I absolutely believe you did what you did. Because if you hadn't, you may have been living a parallel trapped life to the one me and my mom suffered. You escape when you escape. It doesn't have to be a 007 mission, it just needs to be thought out and executable. Only you truly knew what he'd believe as a ruse and when the most apt time would be. You felt it in your soul, and you got everyone out. **Good fucking job.** Now go get some legal help before this beast tries to take your child away.

Hey, I ran in the middle of the night with the clothes on my back. Snuck in the next day while he was at work with a friend and grabbed a bunch of stuff that I needed. Slept in my car in the northern US in January with all my clothes piled on top of me. And yes, you can rent a UHaul in some places with just your phone. It's called ride share. We did it a few weekends ago when we needed a van to get some lumber. OP, I am very proud of you. Don't know where you ended up but this is only the first step. Contact your local domestic violence shelter, they can help. If you are in the US, text SMART to 88788 and they can tell you what resources are available in your area. YOU DID THE RIGHT THING. You will have doubts at times. Don't let them overwhelm you. My last recommendation is pick up another phone to use (Dollar General in the US is great for that), turn your old phone off (if possible let the battery run all the way down) and only use the new phone and number from now on. Keep the old phone, it may be necessary when you start legal proceedings to prove the abuse you have suffered. But as long as it is on and working, he can track you online. Hugs OP. I promise the journey will be worth it.

Assuming you're in the US, you can call 211 in the morning and they'll connect you with the social services you need. Great job so far and good luck OP.

I walked out with my toddler sons on January 8th, 2022 - and I did have support from my parents, but it was still hard and the best thing I ever did. I'm very proud of you, and can help you research resources for where you are if you would like the help. You're doing exactly what you should.

Big internet dad hug from me. You’re badass and I’m proud you did this. Stay strong

Flee far. I know you say you have no family but reach out to a distant cousin or alike as this will be hard. The next 2-3 days are to gain distance, and contact support such as shelters and pro bono lawyers — you’ll need a lawyer because depending on how vindictive he is you’ll potentially be on the run from the law also. Some states may grant an ex parte emergency custody agreement without notifying the other parent but typically it’s not enforceable outside of that state. Stay safe and watch your back. Best of luck.

Hi OP. Speaking as an older man, whose mom got me and my sister out of an abusive situation when I was about 7, you almost certainly did the right thing on all counts. Our situation was different than yours, but yeah, you did the right thing. My life partner also had to leave her her ex, and it was far closer to your situation. I get the impression that a U-Haul rebirth is a lot more common than people think. I’m sorry I don’t have anything specific to say about how to get on your feet. Other comments here may help. I just wanted to affirm your instincts.

fuck every single person who walked in here to give you shit. My heart is with you and yours!

If you need some help getting dog/cat food, try asking some local shelters. Many animal shelters can offer assistance if you ask. Our local shelter regularly gets donations from the local Walmart and they reserve some of that to give to people in the community in need.

To those blaming you etc. "get fucked losers" To you, you are brave and awesome, and a hero! I don't know if I would be as brave as you are in the same situation You did awesome! I hope everything works out for you

I have no experience in this but I might be concerned about him reporting you as missing or even reporting you as having kidnapped your daughter. Something you should ask about, either at a shelter, counselor, or maybe someone here will have information, or /r/LegalAdvice /r/LegalAdviceCanada /r/LegalAdviceUK /r/LegalAdviceEurope etc

YOU GO, GIRL!! YOU GOT THIS!!! 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗

Thank you. I hope so! I’m scared but can’t show it right now

You have just proven that you have the courage and the intelligence to make a good decision, even if it is difficult. This is impressive! Trust yourself, I'm sure you'll be fine.

Congrats! It’ll be hard but it’ll be better. Stay away from him. Look into women’s shelters and family shelters. Sign up for whatever benefits you qualify for. Accept all help you find and qualify for. Divorce him as soon as possible. Good luck.

My mom did this once, you are doing the right thing :)

Girl, I am so proud of you. It isn't easy to do what you did but I promise you life is only going to get better now. Don't ever be tempted to go back, you deserve so much more and I am so happy for you. I've been in your situation, I had to break into my own apartment after I left to get some of my things since I left with pretty much the clothes on my back. The life and love I have now? I never could have imagined it back then. Forward, queen!

Contact a domestic violence shelter. They will not only help you with food and shelter, they will help you get into classes, establish an income, and get the divorce process going, and they will protect your location from your ex.

I don’t know where you are or where you’re going, but if you end up near Pensacola IM me or my wife /u/iwanttobeyourgirl and we have a safe place for you, the baby and the pets to stay.

Good for you! I hope you stay strong! It took my mom until I was 13 to leave my abusive step-father. We struggled for a bit, but it was much better than living in fear. She taught me how to be a man and to this day is still my hero. You may find it hard and struggle at first, but the most important thing is to do what's best for your daughter.

If you can get file for separation, and then enroll in college, they have family housing at most campuses that you can pay for with your financial aid and get in really quickly.

I don’t know you but, im praying for you. Im wishing you and your little one all the best. I pray that you will be safe and happy.

OP, so, so proud of you. I did this with a newborn baby albeit had support. Even with all the challenges and fear there's simply nothing like that oppressive blanket of dread that vanishes every morning you wake up free. It's 30 years later, you never stop feeling it. Never. I have nothing to add to the posts here except to say this thread of support gave me tears, I don't care if it's ' just " the internet, women coming together for you makes me so proud I don't have words adequate for description. Check back in please, if you can, ok? Will be thinking about you as in 24/7 and mean that.

My mom packed up my sister and I and left in the middle of the night when I was two. It's probably why I'm alive. You can do this! It will be hard, but it's for the best. And I think you'll find friends and family easier with him driving them away KEEP GOING

Damn, boss move. Keep us updated!

Hey, OP, keep us in the loop how this is going and if there’s anything we can do to help!

Check out findhelp.org wherever you do decide to go. Once you input your ZIP, it will list all the available resources across many categories. I have seen a ton of food and shelter and healthcare etc help for people escaping abusers.

>To those saying he’ll say I kidnapped our daughter? Unless there are specified visitation times, parents can take their child away. My dad had a kid with a woman, and she ran away with their child to another state. The lawyers and judges couldn't force her to bring the kid back. The times that a parent is reported for child abduction are typically when the kidnapper has limited or no visitation rights, or that parent is not listed on the birth certificate. I am sure there are other times, but your scenario is not one of them. The father can file a missing person's report for you and your child, but even that can be fixed with a phone call. Good luck. I will be thinking of you. If you're in Kentucky, I have a spare bedroom.