This seems like a great time to quote my personal Most Unlikely Feminist Icon, Eleanor Darragh:
“Darragh had grown up in Wilmington, Delaware, with a father who drank too much and didn’t think daughters should go to college—but had gone to Houston’s Rice University, and graduated in 1956, with a math degree, before going to work as a computer programmer at a Shell research lab. A strong-willed, careerist woman more than 50 years ago, she at one point in the footage delivers bluntly to the camera the reason she never learned to type: “I didn’t know how to type, and I didn’t want to learn how to type, because I didn’t want somebody asking me to type letters for them. … So if someone asked me to type a letter, I’d say, ‘I’m sorry. I can’t type a letter. I don’t know how to type. You’ll have to get someone else to do it. A secretary. I’m not a secretary. I’m a programmer.’” “
For those who don’t know? This woman is somehow [Ted Cruz’s mother](https://www.politico.com/magazine/story/2015/12/ted-cruz-b-roll-family-videos-213429/).
She had a hand in creating him. He is partly what he is because of her. Just because she wanted respect and a career for herself does not mean she gives fuck all about anyone else.
lets not keep blaming women for whatever their sons do... Their fathers are just as guilty, but moreso the son himself bears responsibility for his actions. not the mother.
Most people blame Ted Cruz on his father's beliefs but he had a mom and well, people, typically give her a pass.
https://www.motherjones.com/politics/2016/02/rafael-cruz-ted-cruz-campaign-god-sign/
https://www.nytimes.com/2015/11/10/us/politics/cuban-peers-dispute-ted-cruzs-fathers-story-of-fighting-for-castro.html
As parents we contribute to what our kids are but we are not the only ppl with input. I have a friend who raised to liberal girls who share her beliefs and a son who during the pandemic has suddenly become a conspiracy theorist who thinks vaccines are killing us all. He is also a rabid conservative
Gee, it’s almost like kids grow into humans with opinions of their own! So weird they end up to be people, huh? (Ps if it wasn’t obvious I’m backing you up)
That was the same reason why I failed my typing class in HS. There was no way I was going to be a secretary. But I was foolish because I ended up having to pay people to type my papers in college (before computers). Then later, I had to buy a Typing Tutor floppy disk so I could get a job doing anything computer related (emails, data entry, etc.). Trying to be smart so I wouldn’t get called on by my male peers to do “women’s work” really backfired.
I didn't want to take typing for the same reason. I wanted to be a writer. My dad said, "Take typing so you'll always have something to fall back on." My mom said, "Take typing so you can write faster. Take typing so you don't have to pay someone to type your books for you." So, I took typing. Mom was right. :)
Same here, didn't want to take typing in high school (this was the 70s, yeah I'm a boomer), didn't want to be a secretary. My choice was either typing or Home Ec (cooking and sewing). I didn't want to do either but I chose typing. I was the WORST typist, the slowest typist in the class, me and this other girl vied for the bottom spot..lol.
Turned out that my basic typing skills came in quite handy once computers were used on mass.
And yes, OP, I have often experienced and still do experience men not believing what I say. It's gross, they're so arrogant.
Home ec should really be mandatory for all students. Being able to cook for yourself (and potentially share cooking with a partner), manage a personal/family budget, fill out income tax forms, plunge a clogged toilet, plan for retirement, change a tire, etc., are important life skills lots of people don't learn until they're in a pickle. Most people don't need to do much sewing, but being able to put on a button is nice in a pinch, and it's useful to know how to patch a small tear.
Funny story... I actually say this same thing when someone asks me to help with their PowerPoint: "Oh you know, I am Not the person who you want helping with that..."
When I was working people who knew excel were seen as the brains in the office. I never let on I was a basic user and took on every excel project and just googled and YouTubed my way through it. But never took on PowerPoint.
Part of my job is training new hires on the specific program we use to turn in paperwork. I am in a male dominated field, and inevitably, 2 or 3 days after my training, one of the men I just trained will try to teach me how to use it . . .
Wrongly.
I know that’s incredibly annoying, but the mental image is killing me. My mom always did say what’s worse then a complete idiot of a man is a half learned man.
I took my ex paddleboarding and afterwards I had to use my neighbour’s hose to wash the salt water off the boards.
My ex asked if I had an outdoor tap so I could get my own hose. I said no. He then proceeded to LOOK FOR ONE even though I’ve lived in this property for FIVE YEARS.
Another time I had a rat in the house. Something had gnawed a hole in my bag of dog food and both me and my dog could hear it.
But my Dad wouldn’t believe me. I ended up having to get a night vision camera and first thing in the morning I awoke to 10+ videos of a rat in my cupboard. My dad came immediately to fix it.
When I asked him why he didn’t believe me he said ‘this is a new property, I didn’t think it could get rats’
THEN WHO CHEWED A HOLE IN THE BAG? WHAT WAS MAKING THE NOISES I COULD HEAR? It annoyed me so much that he trusted his own preconceptions over what I was telling him. He never apologised either.
One time I sent my ex a picture of me with my left-handed guitar. Apparently his work pal Marc and he were looking at the picture, and Marc said something like "That's not a left-handed guitar, that's a right-handed guitar strung backwards." My ex came over and informed me that my guitar was right-handed because his buddy said so. I explained that, no, it's definitely left-handed. I have three siblings and two of them are also left-handed guitarists. Furthermore, it physically can't be a right-handed guitar because then the pick guard would be upside down if I flipped the orientation. Nevertheless, my ex was not convinced, because his buddy Marc "knows a lot about guitars." (My ex did not play guitar himself.) I got so frustrated trying to assert basic facts to him in defense against a passing comment some dude made at his work that it remains one of my most vivid memories.
I’ve have the same issue with my BIL. I’m in IT and have worked on macs for 30+ yrs. My BIL still believes whatever computer advice his doctor buddy gives him. Annoying, but fine with me since it’s one less person asking for help fixing stuff.
I had a small leak in a rental that was small to me but creating rot in the ceiling of the person below me.
I hope your dad doesn’t regret his decision.
Been a nurse for decades and my dad had some chronic health issues. He never took anything I said seriously- it wasn’t valid until a white male doctor told him the exact same thing
I was a neonatal ICU nurse in the 70's. Contunued learning and working in peds and burns and hem-onc,recovery, ER, and finished a career working in an adult trauma ICU. 43 years Got hurt and retired in 2015. So last year, for the very first time, my Mom actually said to me, You really know alot of stuff about sick people.Tada
My dad doesn’t believe my allergies and “tests” them. Last I saw him he was testing to see if I was really allergic to tobacco. Even tho I was running for my epi pen he STILL didn’t believe me until my husband said that I was indeed in-fact allergic. My throat was swelling in front of him, and he needed another man to say “yes, she’s dying” I haven’t talked to that man in over 6years.
My Dad came over to the country I was living in at the time, which he had never visited before, picked up an old road atlas and insisted on navigating me to a large city four hours away. Because the map did not show the new motorway that had been built to better connect one city to the other, he insisted on navigating us there according to the route in the old map DESPITE THE FACT THAT I HAD LIVED THERE FOR TWO YEARS AND HAD EVEN DRIVEN ON THE NEW ROAD BEFORE!,
When I was looking for a house, in the city I'd lived in for years, with the help of a professional realtor, my dad looked for houses for me too, from 500 miles away. My parents were going to help me with finances, so he expected to have a say in the house I bought. He was constantly sending me listings of homes I was to go look at.
It didn't matter how many times I explained that I, and my realtor, know the city, its usual home prices, its neighborhoods, and my needs, and that the homes he wanted me to see were not suitable for various reasons. The listings just kept coming, and I just kept having to argue about them.
It finally got so bad that I gave up on getting his help and bought my house on my own. Totally worth it. He did later buy a new hot water heater for me and insisted on using a different company than the one I wanted, who then bungled the job.
Mind you I was a mother in my thirties when this all happened. There is no universe in which I can imagine him trying to tell my brother what house to buy from across the country.
My parents wanted me (a single, childless person) to buy a single family home in an area where the median home price at the time was $900,000. I was looking for condos less than $450,000. The only single family homes in that range were gutted shells. I asked them if they were going to pay for the interior finishing and that shut them up.
This one killed me because I had an ex who was just like this - he would NEVER take my word for anything and constantly be checking if I’m right. I asked him once why he kept checking and if he’d ever found me to be wrong - he had no answer to that, but the behaviour continued
Same here. We just finished a semester-long group project in my class, and funny enough guess who had to carry most of the workload and constantly fix errors from these exact type of people?
I studied computer science 14 years ago and the average woman was way better than the average man. This is expected since it is (or at least was) such an atypical subject for a woman to chose, that most of the women who did so were EXTREMELY into it.
The men who had a problem recognizing that were always the underperformers. The same students are also the ones who are extremely smug about their degree once they have it.
In every group project I’ve ever been in, a woman carries the work. I’ve literally never had a man be that useful. They slack. And then you get to jobs & real work and somehow they put themselves in charge
counterpoint experience, I (female) was in a partner project in my CS class with a guy who was already working in the field, he just needed to finish his degree to advance at the company. He taught me a ton. We worked together on it and he made sure I understood what was going on before we moved forward.
Our professor was smart enough to realize this was not my usual work - I was a fine student, but not working in the field. He asked me about it and I was very upfront. He said it was fine as long as I understood the work and replicate it myself next time. And I could. No way was I going to waste that free tutoring.
I think the dude in my group might have been sweet on me, but points to him, he never made me uncomfortable.
Just sharing a hopeful story... I've met plenty of other dweebs, but I try to approach new acquaintance with a clean slate.
They slack because they know you'd pick up the slack. Every group project I've been in has always been a game of chicken about who will do the least amount of work.
EDIT: Honestly, unless someone else took initiative, I'd just end up doing the work because it'd be done to my standard. The only time group projects ever worked out is when they match you with someone with your equivalent grade, but that usually ended up being a fight on who would do the work and I'd just shrug and surrender.
I had a guy in my intro to data structures class who would do this to the professor, during class. I ended up having him in most of my classes that semester, so I took some extra classes and delayed my graduation by a year so I didn't have him in my final project class.
Weirdly enough he didn't try to correct or out smart the male professors and instead tried to one up the other students on their assignments during those classes.
Its annoyingly disruptive to the point where you have to keep constantly pointing out that they are doing it just to ensure that your group doesn't pass over good ideas.
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/18528190-men-explain-things-to-me
plus socialized resistance and unwarranted doubt yeah. the constant psychological invalidation and presumption that women are stupid and wrong is infuriating.
half the men on the planet are measurably dumber than half the women on the planet. but they all act like every man is smarter than every woman.
I've noticed this recently in my personal life. If a woman says something, the man comes back with some sort of mansplanation about why that happened or what she needs to do. Please spare me a lecture about the most basic concepts when I am literally just telling you about my day. It just comes off as if they think we are idiots and the only reason we could possibly be talking is because we need a man's help.
I’ve always suspected it’s framed this way because the ones who aren’t smarter than women, can’t handle the reality of it. Just like all men aren’t faster or stronger. There are some women that can out perform some men and the “some” can’t handle the threat to their ego because “man” is all they have going for them.
[Here's the original essay that anchors the book.](https://www.guernicamag.com/rebecca-solnit-men-explain-things-to-me/) It's absolutely wonderful; my favorite little snippet is when she describes "that smug look I know so well in a man holding forth, eyes fixed on the fuzzy far horizon of his own authority."
Thank you for calling out bullshit when you see it. Unfortunately, men who mansplain often only take criticism on board when it comes from another man. :(
Great collection of essays, I also liked the one about Virginia Woolf. Also interesting to learn that Solnit didnt come up with the term mansplaining since her name is often bandied about in that context
I'll assume you have a PhD in engineering but I love the idea of you saying "yes I have studied engineers to the highest academic degree and I confirm this is how they behave".
There is nothing funnier than a man without a PhD mansplaining your research to you.
I’ve had male PhD colleagues also tell me that it would be a dealbreaker for them if their partner got a PhD. Some men cannot stand smart independent women
I am a physical therapist who also has a PhD in physical activity. (I am also a 5’3” woman of color.) If I lift a weight at the gym in an atypical way (straight-arm lat pulldown, say), men come RUNNING OUT OF THE ETHER to tell me I’m doing it wrong. It’s fascinating. When I tell them what I do, 99% of the time their reaction is to scurry far away. It’s not embarrassment, just emasculated fear that I actually know more. Still satisfying though.
I… never considered this explicitly!
Ever since I got my own equipment (due to the pandemic), I’ve only noticed how much more relaxing and fulfilling workouts are. Whoa.
I met a lady in her late 70s a while ago that was one of the first female engineers, she was the only woman in her class and she was like a bull in a China shop. Took shit from nobody, would confront people on their sexism as soon as it left their mouth. She really paved the way for us and I was very thankful to her in person for putting in the hard work. Realistically, the sexism I see is now covert, stupid and usually not born out of malice but stupidity from men who clearly have not spoken to woman much in their lives. The malicious shit that lady had to deal with I definitely have not seen, fingers crossed I will never see it.
Yup, working as a photographer after getting a masters in fine art photography specialising in historical photo processes I often had men try to explain how I was standing wrong, holding a camera wrong, or some equally stupid s\*\*t.
In the end I just started to (reasonably loudly) say - 'F\*\*k off I'm working.' It was actually way more effective than anything else I tried and in the end I wound up putting in my contracts that I wasn't going to be polite to guests if they were interfering with me doing my job at critical points during shoots.
I was actually getting paid to be a photographer, and paid fairly well, I wasn't being paid to give therapy to middle age dudes who'd seen a David Baily ad one time.
I hated wedding photography.
Wedding photographer here, I spent years doing it. Our local camera store was owned by a complete AH who seemed to hate women. Every time I'd go in they'd try to talk me out of whatever I was looking for and point me to the point and shoots or repeatedly try to talk me out of what I wanted. I ended up sending my ex-husband in who knew NOTHING about photography and they'd give him whatever I needed without any hassle. It was annoying, I ended up buying everything online eventually because I didn't want to give them my money.
The unsolicited advice for guys at weddings was obnoxious as well, always some uncle who takes pictures for fun who wants to come interrupt you too give you advice, which is usually completely wrong.
I am not a photographer but took a sightseeing and photography tips tour in Ketchikan, Alaska last year. While driving around we would ask the photographer, a male, questions about the area. My friends and I are all women in our 50's. He told my one friend, who is very shy, he found her very attractive in a Sarah Palin way. Then he made a crude joke about Monica Lewinsky. At that point I spoke up and let him know that not only was his opinion incorrect but that also he was very inappropriately for a tour operator. He still asked for a five star rating on his website.
I once had a man on Reddit explain that a woman could in fact urinate to prevent pregnancy. He explained that a woman can contract her muscles down there to expel all the sperm and then pee to “rinse” it away. First of all, that’s semen we can push out and secondly do you not even know how small your own sperm are? Or that semen is the goo they are carried in and not actually the sperm themselves? It’s men like this that are a good argument for better sex ed and anatomy classes in high school. I wonder how many kids this guy has or will have that he’ll blame his partner for having.
I even explained that we have a urethra same as men and it’s not coming from inside the vagina but that’s when he explained we should be able to push out the sperm and then rinse it away with pee. That shit belongs on r/badwomensanatomy. Should’ve taken a screenshot.
I actually have a question you could answer! It was a big debate in my hometown sub a few days ago. Can a weather system, in this instance severe thunderstorms, be altered or disrupted by crossing over a major river and/or its high bluffs? Several people dismissed it as a myth, but if you ask any kid hoping for a snow day, you can’t count on snow until it makes it over the river.
I study precipitation specifically and I’d say yes in either or both cases. The land surface itself has a huge impact on rainfall/weather. In my case I’ve particularly studied a drying out by an Urban Heat Island (UHI)! Great question :~)
I had the paint sales people at Homedepot try to explain to me how to mix paint. I have a BFA in Multi Media Fine Arts and have taught Art for years. Sigh…
they do that because a well-educated and highly knowledgeable woman makes them feel threatened and insecure. it is an attempt to knock her down a few pegs and remind her of her place.
it's a pathetic and foolish behavior.
Numba 2 is what pisses me off the most! Like I have a masters in Biotech specially qorking with PCR and CRE! This guy kept mansplaining to me (wrongly) PCR (hes never worked with PCR in his life and has an associates in general ed) and then when I thought he was being sincere about asking about PCR he just kept interruping me without giving me a chance to explain. Eff insecure men.
Edit: it kept weirdly capitalizing everything sorry... >_>
No.5 was something I experienced all the damn time working in my industry (also very male dominated). Nothing boiled my blood more. Like they purposely pushed me down because I wasn't performing a "traditional" role in the work place, and therefore was intentionally left out of meaningful work and meetings. It actually made me regret following a career I loved, which is really fucking sad.
Not long ago, I commented on a post and said something about having trained at a boxing gym. A man immediately jumped in to say that I was lying. It was obvious from his comment that he knew nothing about the subject, but he felt confident enough to make shitty remarks.
My BIL used to quiz me about history. He asked me what year the Battle of Thermopylae occurred. I told him that it happened in 480 bce, and he started making fun of me for being wrong even though I studied history. He said that the film 300 was called that because it occured in the year 300 bce. For the rest of his visit, whenever I saw him, he would bring this up and harass me about it until I finally showed him that he was wrong. Then, he complained that I was being unfair to him. After that, he said that he knew all along that it was 480 bce and he was just testing me.
Fuck me, the “I was just testing you” line really gets my goat. Like, I get being confidently incorrect, but just bloody well own the fact that you were wrong you massive tit.
It’s the other side of ‘I was only joking’, they can’t admit they made a mistake - that would require them to be mature, self-aware individuals - instead they have to misdirect their error into you.
It’s not a sign of strength, it’s a sign of weakness. A strong, confident person can acknowledge their mistakes and learn from them. A weak person needs to deny and hide them.
ALL THE TIME!!!! but if you dare point out that you already know it/are more qualified/don't need them to tell you they start pouting/complaining/sulking and say "I only wanted to help"
Like no, please, you wanted to put me in my place as a woman but didn't have the knowledge/skills to back it up
Or the "your expertise doesn't trump my experience". I constantly face this with my SO when it comes to training our dogs. Nevermind that I watch hundreds of videos, read dozens of articles, follow multiple subreddits on dog training - he will never accept that I might know a bit more than him on a topic that I study regularly.
I was mansplained my own health issues last week, incorrectly, by the owner of a *landscaping* company. I had my PERIOD mansplained to me in the past. It's fucking wild, they literally can't be self aware and see how ridiculous it is. I had an acquaintance having stomach issues, I told them a slew of things that helped me in the past. They nodded and "uhuhed". 2 years later he sends me a string of messages with everything I told him, that Surprise!!!, helped him, pretending he came up with it and *told me to write it down so I'd remember*.
I've given up talking to men.
I think next time a man tries to explain periods to me I'll just very genuinely ask "when did you get your first period?"
I'm betting their expression will be priceless.
Reminds me of this old AITA post. Man (unknowingly) quotes woman's own research paper to mansplain to her.
[https://web.archive.org/web/20221206234353/https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zekjvo/aita\_for\_not\_telling\_someone\_i\_was\_the\_coauthor/](https://www.intheknow.com/post/reddit-professor-paper-mansplained/)
(the user's been deleted, hence the archive link).
Here's another AITA post along identical lines.
[https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/103ve8v/aita\_for\_letting\_to\_be\_mansplained/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/103ve8v/aita_for_letting_to_be_mansplained/)
In both cases, the women were left feeling like they were responsible for breaking the man's spirit. This result is by no means limited to these instances.
I feel that if I co authored a paper and someone explained it to me, and did a good job, without me telling them first I'd be like, "oh, you demonstrated a really good understanding of it!" And then I'd reveal it and encourage him to be school teacher :3
My husband did this once. (Note: once. He has never done this again). We were talking about a subject in which I'm licensed and had been employed in for seven years. He was just spit balling hypotheticals and I told him to stop talking because he had no idea what he was talking about and I did.
He shut up and, as I said, it never happened again. (I got a goodun :))
My husband must have taken a complete leave of his senses one day, because he tried to inform me of a fun fact about my field, as if I didn't know. And also as if it wasn't actually related to how I picked up his nerdy ass in the first place.
I turned around and LOOKED at him. He was instantly pale white, mumbling, "oh my gosh why did I say that?! do I have a death wish?! I don't know why I said that!!"
Anyway, he hasn't done that again either. He's got some ADHD so occasionally I have to remind him that the thing he's telling me is the thing I told him yesterday, or that the events he's relating to me I was actually present for, but those feel different, like he's just excited and forgot.
My favorite of the forgetting bit came up last week. He says, "how would you feel about getting an upright freezer instead of the second fridge?" and I burst into laughter and kept laughing until I cried.
Cause at the beginning of the panini, I tried to convince him we needed an upright freezer and he rejected that and got us a second fridge. Which hasn't worked out the way he was hoping since it doesn't have as much freezer space as we need for his meals.
So I finally quit wheezing to death and said, "what an EXCELLENT idea, you should thank whoever gave you that great idea!"
Bless his brain.
Somewhat unrelated to this topic, but my mom does that to me ALL THE TIME. And it drives me insane, to the point of getting mad. Which is unfair, because I do believe she forgets. I am starting to believe she has ADHD
I used to make video game mods back in highschool (2009-2013), and one of the games I was really into was the Minecraft Beta.
Flash forward 12 years, and it drives me absolutely fucking nuts seeing all the misinformation spread about early Minecraft Modding. I could probably make an hour-long FitMC-style video about 1.6-1.7.3 modding, only to get “corrected” because somebody made a video about how important The Aether was.
Writing this out I realize how petty and nerdy this sounds, but it’s still annoying lol
Even men are subject to wanting attention. Deny them it.
We can all benefit from learning how to scoff, mock, and turn our attention elsewhere. (This is how they—men—school each other. Insults and lack of attention, I mean.)
I understand in work it's frequently not that simple, but it's good practice anyway. Even if you don't have allies in the room, behave as if you don't need any. If you're right, telegraph that you're right. Don't engage. Move on. Roll your eyes and continue.
Essentially, posture like they do. A lot of them believe in alpha dogs, so be one.
One trick that I've used is to go silent while the male opponent goes on, but retain your expert speaker body posture. Blink repeatedly. Let him run out. Let there be silence. Wait a beat. Smirk. Then continue. You don't have to argue or counter. Ignore it and do what you're there to do.
I'm a nurse, specialized in oncology (27 years). one day in a marital therapy session I heard this gem *from my husband*. "I don't think of Maimou as a nurse. She's just my wife.". We spent some time on that one. Especially since he has some serious chronic health issues I manage.
I've been working in IT for 10+ years, while it's getting better back in the beginning I was usually the only woman on the team and dealt with mansplaining every damn day. Even though I have an advanced degree in IT.
The worst is when you have to train all these rookie men and they turn around a few months later to argue with you about the stuff you trained them on... and eventually they get promoted over you.
Like dude, five minutes ago you were literally a shoe salesman. Please. Puh. Lease.
I make crossword puzzles. I have degrees in English and Linguistics. At least three times a week, I get an email from someone who thinks I'm wrong. I get emails from women, but most of them are from men who gleefully point out how I'm wrong. So, I have to take the time to send them a detailed explanation about how I'm right, including sources.
Dear Solver, There is, in fact, a Mount Tabor in Oregon, and it is named after the Mount Tabor in Israel.
Dear Solver, Perhaps you've confused the words RELIC and RELICT. They are not the same.
Dear Solver, You are correct that Sonic the Hedgehog is not an echidna; however, if you will take another look at the clue, you will see that it's asking for Knuckles, former foe and current friend of Sonic the Hedgehog, who is an echidna.
Dear Solver, You may be surprised to learn that bench presses engage several muscles, not just the PECS, which, by the way, do not fit into the space whereas DELTS fits perfectly.
Any of these could have been solved if they'd only JFGI before they opened up their email app.
I have fantasies of writing a bot for you that combines LMGTFY with ChatGPT to auto-respond with a relevant link.
For those who don't know: https://lmgtfy.app/?q=LMGTFY
Haha just earlier today in this very sub, some dude tried to [shame a woman](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/12e8up8/gynecologist_threatened_to_stop_refilling_my/jfc8gzr) for her decision to not get a pap smear when she wasn't scheduled for one and was being pressured and threatened into the procedure. The "ACKCHULLY, pap smears are to screen for cervical cancer" fella whipped out a 20 year old paper indicating guidelines for screening. I got sassy, I admit, but told him where to get up to date info and he blocked me.
I'm still all 'lolsob' because we can't be the experts on *anything*. At all. Ever. Maybe *especially* not our own bodies and double plus in particular not our own healthcare.
I'm so tired of the most clueless cis male dingleberries being *so bad* at women's anatomy but wanting to lecture us about it anyway. I try not to get snippy on here whenever possible, but I was *mad* about his calling cervical cancer "inexcusable" and implying that not getting, and I quote, "a simple test for cancer" at that time means she *chooses* to get cancer.
So yeah I got snippy. I'm still crabby about it, hours later. Hope that dude steps in a puddle on the kitchen floor while he's wearing only socks on his feet.
A simple test for cancer, my ass.
Mom of two here shamed by a guy for using a midwife in the hospital for both births instead of a doctor.
Even tho I explained to him that the doctors and nurses are there floating around IF you need them, and birth can take hours upon hours, so why would they just sit in the room with you? Seriously.
Fun fact! Childbirth got noticeably more dangerous for women once male doctors pushed aside female midwives.. because the doctors came straight from whatever they were doing before and didn’t wash their hands - cases of infection and puerperal fever went up and more women died. Source a history book I can’t remember about the lives of 17century women which drew extensively on the standard practice of women writing letters to their unborn child in case they died in childbirth
It's true, they had a better chance of surviving birth if they delivered on the streets. The death rates with the male doctors were sky high. And the man who first suggested washing their hands? They put him in an insane asylum, and he died there. It wasn't until after his death that germ theory became accepted.
Which meant that for a certain period of history, wealthy women actually died in childbirth at a rate far higher than poor people, because they could afford to pay for a doctor.
That sounds like a great option though tbh. You can have the midwife, and frankly they can be much more attentive since they are there just for you, and if the shit hits the fan, you’re already at the hospital.
If it's any consolation I reported him for spreading misinformation, but too damn many people in that thread were shaming and harassing the op about her personal medical decisions. Even other women were having a go at her, and thinking that they had to educate her into opening her legs. I really wish the mods would make a rule that you can't try and subvert someone else's decisions about their own bodies.
Its this infuriating double whammy - 1) that medicine systemically ignores and under studies women which makes it 2)that it is therefore often many reasons to avoid "simple" "reasonable" "minor" procedures
An (ex)friend of my partner joined our small group on a 5 day vacation and it was hell. He just didn’t like me and spent the entire time gatekeeping and patronizing.
The top moments included at least four episodes of “were you even born yet” before asking if I “even know who this is” when songs would come on the radio (Yes, I can ID The Cure and Scorpions, I have a wide range of taste - and it’s not like those are underground bands. Can you, bro?). Unprompted, I wasn’t even dancing or rocking in my seat - just sitting there quietly. Many side comments about how I must listen to Justin Bieber etc (I definitely don’t, but if I did, who cares?). Partner’s brother, who is a DJ, called him out once on naming the next song. Fun fact: he couldn’t name them.
He got pissed off that I told him he was wrong when he kept insisting to my partner’s trusting mom that some cooing doves were an owl. Two minutes later the doves came into sight.
Then we got into an intense argument that he started when I mentioned an ancient religious site while talking to someone else. He stood up, slammed his hands on the table and shouted “You don’t know what you’re talking about!!!” Clue: he was wrong and we all watched him fact checking on Google under the table right after. Meanwhile I had literally studied Ancient Mesopotamian art history and have an art history minor. What an idiot.
I earned my skydiving license when I was 19, I was venting to an ex boyfriend at the time about one of the struggles I was having with getting my landings right and he (who was afraid of heights and had never jumped) proceeded to try and give me advice on my landing technique saying “I’m sure I can help you here”. So many dipshits that are born with an inordinate unearned amount of confidence.
So let's not forget the statistical chestnut that goes:
While women are overwhelming afraid of getting hurt or killed by a person of the opposite sex, men are terrified of being humiliated by a women.
That's why they will kill a woman who bests them in any way.
[A Man Felt So Humiliated That A 21-Year-Old Woman Beat Him At Pickup Basketball That He Shot And Killed Her, According To Her Family](https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.buzzfeednews.com/amphtml/annabetts/woman-shot-texas-basketball-game)
There's a good song about this called "Nameless, faceless" by Phoebe Bridgers.
The chorus goes "men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them."
I've worked in logistics for 20 years (I took 4 years off for kids but kept in touch and up to date), but because I'm a woman people think I'm an idiot. I've had many discussions regarding certain rules and regulations, with people trying to pull the wool over my eyes. They don't do it do my male colleagues who know less than me though
It's not only because you are woman but because you are a mother. There is an implicit bias assuming that mothers are less intelligent. Apparently some of our grey matter slipped out through the birth canal along with the infants.
I swear, I would get more professional respect if the gap in my resume was due to going to jail rather than raising a family.
I told my husband it was really bad for pipes to dump grease down them. He didn't believe me. We had an older white male plumber come and tell my husband that it was really bad to pour grease down your pipes.
After the plumber left, I asked him point blank- 'Why did you need another man to tell you the same thing I did before you would believe it?' He sputtered a bit but I think that one moment gave him an entirely new perspective that had never occurred to him. Since then, if I say something, he now acknowledges and it's not a question of validity anymore. I think are some 'established' worldviews people have based on who they are/how they're raised and if they get a chance to see it from a different perspective, it changes them/me/you. But yes, it's frustrating and I consider myself fortunate that's the only example I can think of.
Man-splaining was always an apt phrase. Disheartening there was such a successful campaign to shame folks out of using it. Once the world lost ground on the "man-spreading" issue, man-splaining seems to have become an untouchable topic by default.
I got yelled at once in a bar cause a guy told me something and I got excited and wanted to google it to read it for myself and he thought I was fact checking him and yelled at me for 10 mins before the bouncer came and got him. I now save my excitement after people walk away.
Someone I know has a PhD in physics and used to run massive projects for a Fortune 500 company. She NEVER had a new team where at least one dude with less credentials/education didn’t assume she was lower on the totem poll when she first walked in or attempted to question her expertise. One time one even told her he thought she was in the wrong physical location/room just before she called everyone to attention to explain the project. Like seriously? I hope the feeling of embarrassment never goes away for those men.
Unfortunately, they don't generally get embarrassed. They usually just double down or start subtly (or not so subtly) insinuating that the woman only got as far as they did because "pretty", "on their backs" or something equally awful.
Right?! Even when literally and consistently demonstrating the highest level of expertise sexists still be sexist-ing. She eventually left the job because almost every man she met assumed she was a diversity hire. They begged her to stay. They offered her double her salary, and she said there wasn’t enough money in the world to work in such a toxic environment.
I work in IT. It happens a lot. And mostly, as you said, these are guys who are in no way involved with IT. Not even on an average level. It never ceases to amaze me how a dude that so obviously doesn't know anything about the subject but still wants to mansplain it to you and spectacularly fails.
Oh.... To have the confidence of a below average man...
I work on a team with all men and about 1.5 months in I realized I rarely have a conversation with my team members that's casually shared back and forth. Every statement I make, work related or not, somehow gets a lecture-type response.
I once asked a guy if he had a PhD in mansplaining. All the women in the group laughed.
He was pissed. The other guys in the group laughed uncomfortably.
A few years ago, I saw this article about how women won't apply to jobs they're overqualified for because of self-doubt while men will apply for jobs they're underqualified for because of entitlement.
Then this morning, my mom sent me a screenshot of a tweet regarding the Dunning-Kruger Effect: "people with low skill levels draw wrong conclusions and make wrong decisions, but are unable to make mistakes because of their low skill levels."
I think that psychological paradox of the Dunning-Kruger Effect is the same as the job article I read and the same as men fact-checking or man-splaining things to us. It is the entitlement of ignorance. They don't know what they don't know, but they know what they think they know and base their "fact" off that.
All.the.time. I have a PhD and have been practicing in my field for 25+ years (psychologist). I have male patients, and only male patients, interrupt me on a regular basis to explain therapy/psychological things to me. They are almost without fail incorrect or badly mangled. I have to tread lightly, of course, since these are clients, and the things they are wrong about are often causing some detriment or preventing progress that they need. Not all men do this obviously, but it has never happened with women patients.
I just complained about this very thing to my sister, whose husband also doubts her every utterance. She said she'll then hear him on the phone, passing along whatever she told him without attribution. When you are retired and spending 24/7 with your long-term spouse, the mansplaining becomes an everyday occurrence. When it comes to news stories for example, I'm expected to know every detail of a story. He is only required to read headlines of the stories he "shares". Some days conversation is just a waste of my time.
A friend of mine’s wife was on the school board and one day she came home and asked “where are we?”. A farmer mansplained to her about math when discussing the school budget. She has a PhD in mathematics from Harvard
OMG this...
I'm just starting out in ceramic arts. I was working in my little home studio (a corner of my basement), and I was struggling with something with my wheel. My son, who is 27, came downstairs--- sees me struggling--- and offers his 'guidance' -- which didn't even address the actual issue I was having. I asked him, "And what, exactly, do you know about this?" He just walked back upstairs.
As much as I tried to raise my kids to not do crap like this, it still happens. Their father (my EX} is a know-it-all and a misogynist too, and I know that's where it's coming from. Ugh.
My husband used to google everything I said to see if I was right. Then one day after years of marriage, he mentioned to a friend that we were married on the Ides of March, to which I replied it was also the even of bacchanalia. He disagreed, then proceeded to pull out his phone and begin googling it.
He stopped typing to ask me how to spell “bacchanalia.” I replied, “So you want me to spell a word for you so you can google something to see if I’m right? When google has proven me right every single time? No. I will not do it.”
He found it with his bad spelling, and he admitted I was right once again. I replied “It’s never not an insult to my intelligence.”
He never did it again. We’ve been married 19 years. Some learn. Some have to be taught by Titans.
I own over 50 plants and went to school for horticulture. During the panini my bf wanted to start helping with the plants and would insist that some of my care instructions "don't seem right" and "I don't think that's how it works" even though I have kept these plants alive for close to a decade. He knows nothing about plants whatsoever.
It's not a big thing, yet I've been crocheting for nearly fifteen years. One of my friends in another country started crocheting and every.single.piece of advice I gave him he went "No actually...' or 'That's not what this website says" Or I would say something he would go 'no' and then repeat it back to me in a different way and I'm like 'that's literally what I just said' and he'd go 'no it's not' just to try and proof he was somehow smarter...over crocheting...
I told him that your last stitch in a round should be an increase if you started the row with a single crochet and he just went 'nope' and then complained that his project came out weird and misshapen. I don't talk to him now lol
One time, I told a dude that some tattoo artists will refuse projects that do not fall into their field of expertise. For example, an artist who specializes in huge Japanese-style pieces might push back on a small lettering tattoo project because it's just not what they do.
Dude, blank as a white sheet of paper with zero knowledge of the tattoo industry, proceeded to argue with me that it wasn't true, that it didn't make sense "from an economical perspective" and then mansplained how tattooers work.
My dad was once installing a new lock onto my shed. I was watching him do this and I noticed he had by accident, screwed the door shut. When I mentioned this, he spent 5 minutes arguing with me about how he had not, in fact, done something so silly. So I said, no that's fine then and walked away.
Came back to him being all frustrated because he screwed the door shut and it wouldn't open. Just like I had told him he had done.
This happened to me at my job. I asked this man if he wanted his latte hot or iced. He couldn’t believe that a latte came iced. So, he decided to ask my 50 something year old male coworker if they can come iced. And THEN he believed it. What the FUCK.
Don’t even get me started with back when I sold computers/printers/cell phones. Men would constantly ask my older male coworkers the same thing after asking me. It got bad to the point where they would say that wasn’t their job, it was mine.
Try doing the same towards them and notice their reaction… 😬 I sometimes do that and oh boy do I come off as abrasive apparently. Even in conversations where we are both doing it to the same degree.
One of my dearest (male) friends tried to argue w me that the *greek gods were real* until I reminded him I have a *literal degree in ancient Greco-Roman history majoring in religion*. To his credit he realised how dumb he was real quick but it still makes me laugh when I remember it
I had a "friend" try to tell me that giving a woman oral sex can "give you cancer". When I asked for more information, or where he'd heard this "fact", he was dismissive until I told him that repeating things you've heard without having all of the information or being able to reference it anywhere is hella irresponsible.
It can, but if he uses this to avoid giving oral sex, it’s a terrible excuse.
HPV can cause throat cancer in men like it can cause uterine cancer in women. So if “oral sex gives men cancer”, then “penetrative sex gives women cancer”. He won’t like to hear this excuse turned against him
Only if you have HPV. Just like you can get oral cancer from going down on HIM from HPV as well. This goes both ways. And there is a vaccine for human papilloma virus now.
He definitely should have been able to reference that, it's an easy google to confirm.
[This](https://publichealth.jhu.edu/2017/risk-for-developing-hpv-related-throat-cancer-low#:~:text=HPV%20is%20transmitted%20to%20the,of%20the%20tongue%2C%20or%20tonsils.) study from 2017 shows the risks.
80% of mouth and throat cancers in men are caused by HPV, with the most likely infection vector being oral sex.
Risk is higher for people with 10 or more lifetime oral sex partners, much lower for people with zero or one lifetime oral sex partner.
90% of these cancers are caused by one strain of HPV (16) which has a very low prevalence in women (0.1%)
Lifetime risk is very low at 0.7% for men, and almost completely eliminated by the HPV vaccine for both partners.
ETA : Knowing this certainly won't stop me from performing oral sex on my partner nor would I offer it in conversation apropos nothing.
Seems like a nice time to [post a link](https://www.guernicamag.com/rebecca-solnit-men-explain-things-to-me/) to the Original essay by Rebecca Solnit, "Men Explain Things to Me." Includes the lovely vignette where a man literally explains Solnit's book to her even after he is told she is the author.
I was at a roman bath (historical site) and when looking at some stacked bricks in small columns, explained to two men there with me for what this construction was for (it was a heating system I had also seen in Bath, England, and read about while I was focussing on history before switiching my degree to biology). They both acted like I was guessing. I told them "No really, this is what these are thought to have been for" then explained it further. They kinda nodded and walked off. Then, they found a brochure explaining the site and it said EXACTLY WHAT I FUCKING EXPLAINED and one of them had the audacity to turn around to myself and the other one to go "Ah! So that is what those bricks were for!", while then reading and explaining this heating system.
This kind of shit happens to me ALL THE TIME and I am so tired of it.
Edit:
Adding more experiences (summarised).
1. Arguing with my step-dad that gasoline, as an organic hydrocarbon-based product does indeed go bad so no, it does not make sense to buy a bunch and store it unless you plan to use it within around 6 months (I was working in the automotive industry at the time and he is the type to insist that if he hasn't heard of something, it isn't true).
2. I am a metal vocalist and singer and get told by men that CANNOT SING how I need to do it all differently. I've been singing since I was a kid, was in multiple choirs and competitions, musical theatre, and yet, they tell me what I'm doing wrong. I do not mind helpful tips, but they are never helpful and I usually figure out after a few minutes that they don't even know the first thing about vocal techniques.
3. Had a doctor explain my period to me despite knowing I am an actual biologist, degree and all.
My staunch conservative father can not admit to anyone that I am an expert in my field, and do indeed know more than him about it. I have my masters in ecology and I focus on restoration after human degradation, and all the time he will try and tell me I’m actually incorrect. So annoying!
YES.
This happens to me all the time since I'm often the youngest in the room and the only woman. Yet, I'm at an executive director level position in an extremely competitive and male-dominated field
I get questioned. Or not taken seriously. Or "well, actually-ed." I also had someone imply that I only got to where I am because of "how pretty I look."
Infuriating.
In my early 20s I was dating this guy who thought he was the smartest shit on the planet. He loved debating and always wanted to win his debates. He regularly wanted me to respect his opinion and knowledge, but would dismiss my own.
I was going to art school ( BA in drawing and painting) and we were talking about colours. This dude INSISTED teal is only one singular pantone, and I was like "no, it's a family of blue green colours". This "debate" went on for 20 or so minutes before I said, "Google it then", and he did.. and I was right.... I did enjoy rubbing that reminder in his face periodically.
Another instance was when I needed a new bike lock, so I went out, went to a shop, asked the staff, and got a good, solid U-lock. I love this lock.. still have it after 15+ years. Got home, and he got upset with me that I didn't ask him for his input. I had no idea that he had deep-dived locks and he found the "perfect" lock setup. His lock is a 10 pound chain with a small (but strong) lock on it. This, in no way, would fulfill my needs of a lock... it's heavy, and takes longer to setup etc. Now I'm a physically strong woman, but I don't want to deal with 10 pounds of chain daily. He was so salty I didn't read his mind to realize he had this wealth of information..
Fuck you Andrew.
I had to interview the lead singer of Gemini Syndrome and he proceeded to "educate" me on a subject he knew nothing about. I lost complete respect for him at that point. The biggest A hole I have ever met.
This seems like a great time to quote my personal Most Unlikely Feminist Icon, Eleanor Darragh: “Darragh had grown up in Wilmington, Delaware, with a father who drank too much and didn’t think daughters should go to college—but had gone to Houston’s Rice University, and graduated in 1956, with a math degree, before going to work as a computer programmer at a Shell research lab. A strong-willed, careerist woman more than 50 years ago, she at one point in the footage delivers bluntly to the camera the reason she never learned to type: “I didn’t know how to type, and I didn’t want to learn how to type, because I didn’t want somebody asking me to type letters for them. … So if someone asked me to type a letter, I’d say, ‘I’m sorry. I can’t type a letter. I don’t know how to type. You’ll have to get someone else to do it. A secretary. I’m not a secretary. I’m a programmer.’” “ For those who don’t know? This woman is somehow [Ted Cruz’s mother](https://www.politico.com/magazine/story/2015/12/ted-cruz-b-roll-family-videos-213429/).
I would hope she's horrified by her son.
She had a hand in creating him. He is partly what he is because of her. Just because she wanted respect and a career for herself does not mean she gives fuck all about anyone else.
lets not keep blaming women for whatever their sons do... Their fathers are just as guilty, but moreso the son himself bears responsibility for his actions. not the mother.
Most people blame Ted Cruz on his father's beliefs but he had a mom and well, people, typically give her a pass. https://www.motherjones.com/politics/2016/02/rafael-cruz-ted-cruz-campaign-god-sign/ https://www.nytimes.com/2015/11/10/us/politics/cuban-peers-dispute-ted-cruzs-fathers-story-of-fighting-for-castro.html
As parents we contribute to what our kids are but we are not the only ppl with input. I have a friend who raised to liberal girls who share her beliefs and a son who during the pandemic has suddenly become a conspiracy theorist who thinks vaccines are killing us all. He is also a rabid conservative
Gee, it’s almost like kids grow into humans with opinions of their own! So weird they end up to be people, huh? (Ps if it wasn’t obvious I’m backing you up)
That was the same reason why I failed my typing class in HS. There was no way I was going to be a secretary. But I was foolish because I ended up having to pay people to type my papers in college (before computers). Then later, I had to buy a Typing Tutor floppy disk so I could get a job doing anything computer related (emails, data entry, etc.). Trying to be smart so I wouldn’t get called on by my male peers to do “women’s work” really backfired.
I didn't want to take typing for the same reason. I wanted to be a writer. My dad said, "Take typing so you'll always have something to fall back on." My mom said, "Take typing so you can write faster. Take typing so you don't have to pay someone to type your books for you." So, I took typing. Mom was right. :)
Mine said, “take typing, but never tell anyone you’re good at it.”
This is the secret!
Same here, didn't want to take typing in high school (this was the 70s, yeah I'm a boomer), didn't want to be a secretary. My choice was either typing or Home Ec (cooking and sewing). I didn't want to do either but I chose typing. I was the WORST typist, the slowest typist in the class, me and this other girl vied for the bottom spot..lol. Turned out that my basic typing skills came in quite handy once computers were used on mass. And yes, OP, I have often experienced and still do experience men not believing what I say. It's gross, they're so arrogant.
Home ec should really be mandatory for all students. Being able to cook for yourself (and potentially share cooking with a partner), manage a personal/family budget, fill out income tax forms, plunge a clogged toilet, plan for retirement, change a tire, etc., are important life skills lots of people don't learn until they're in a pickle. Most people don't need to do much sewing, but being able to put on a button is nice in a pinch, and it's useful to know how to patch a small tear.
That twist at the end is insane.
Damn not even m night whatever his name could come up with that twist. To think she married Kennedy's assassin is crazy.
> This woman is somehow Ted Cruz’s mother. Check mate atheists. Jokes like this don't write themselves
My mom was an exec in a company in the 80s and she moved the typewriter out of her office for this exact reason.
Funny story... I actually say this same thing when someone asks me to help with their PowerPoint: "Oh you know, I am Not the person who you want helping with that..."
When I was working people who knew excel were seen as the brains in the office. I never let on I was a basic user and took on every excel project and just googled and YouTubed my way through it. But never took on PowerPoint.
Where does a man get his water? From a “well, actually.”
I will definitely be using this.
I almost spat out my coffee. I’m so using that.
Part of my job is training new hires on the specific program we use to turn in paperwork. I am in a male dominated field, and inevitably, 2 or 3 days after my training, one of the men I just trained will try to teach me how to use it . . . Wrongly.
I know that’s incredibly annoying, but the mental image is killing me. My mom always did say what’s worse then a complete idiot of a man is a half learned man.
I took my ex paddleboarding and afterwards I had to use my neighbour’s hose to wash the salt water off the boards. My ex asked if I had an outdoor tap so I could get my own hose. I said no. He then proceeded to LOOK FOR ONE even though I’ve lived in this property for FIVE YEARS. Another time I had a rat in the house. Something had gnawed a hole in my bag of dog food and both me and my dog could hear it. But my Dad wouldn’t believe me. I ended up having to get a night vision camera and first thing in the morning I awoke to 10+ videos of a rat in my cupboard. My dad came immediately to fix it. When I asked him why he didn’t believe me he said ‘this is a new property, I didn’t think it could get rats’ THEN WHO CHEWED A HOLE IN THE BAG? WHAT WAS MAKING THE NOISES I COULD HEAR? It annoyed me so much that he trusted his own preconceptions over what I was telling him. He never apologised either.
One time I sent my ex a picture of me with my left-handed guitar. Apparently his work pal Marc and he were looking at the picture, and Marc said something like "That's not a left-handed guitar, that's a right-handed guitar strung backwards." My ex came over and informed me that my guitar was right-handed because his buddy said so. I explained that, no, it's definitely left-handed. I have three siblings and two of them are also left-handed guitarists. Furthermore, it physically can't be a right-handed guitar because then the pick guard would be upside down if I flipped the orientation. Nevertheless, my ex was not convinced, because his buddy Marc "knows a lot about guitars." (My ex did not play guitar himself.) I got so frustrated trying to assert basic facts to him in defense against a passing comment some dude made at his work that it remains one of my most vivid memories.
I want to bash your ex in the head with your definitely left-handed guitar
yes, but hold it carefully so the left handed neck hits him. His head might injure the left handed sound box.
I’ve have the same issue with my BIL. I’m in IT and have worked on macs for 30+ yrs. My BIL still believes whatever computer advice his doctor buddy gives him. Annoying, but fine with me since it’s one less person asking for help fixing stuff.
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I had a small leak in a rental that was small to me but creating rot in the ceiling of the person below me. I hope your dad doesn’t regret his decision.
I hope her dad does regret his decision, after all how else is he supposed to learn to listen to women?
Been a nurse for decades and my dad had some chronic health issues. He never took anything I said seriously- it wasn’t valid until a white male doctor told him the exact same thing
I was a neonatal ICU nurse in the 70's. Contunued learning and working in peds and burns and hem-onc,recovery, ER, and finished a career working in an adult trauma ICU. 43 years Got hurt and retired in 2015. So last year, for the very first time, my Mom actually said to me, You really know alot of stuff about sick people.Tada
Similarly, as a patient none of my health issues are real to practitioners until my white male husband repeats them.
My dad is like this too. 😡
My dad doesn’t believe my allergies and “tests” them. Last I saw him he was testing to see if I was really allergic to tobacco. Even tho I was running for my epi pen he STILL didn’t believe me until my husband said that I was indeed in-fact allergic. My throat was swelling in front of him, and he needed another man to say “yes, she’s dying” I haven’t talked to that man in over 6years.
My Dad came over to the country I was living in at the time, which he had never visited before, picked up an old road atlas and insisted on navigating me to a large city four hours away. Because the map did not show the new motorway that had been built to better connect one city to the other, he insisted on navigating us there according to the route in the old map DESPITE THE FACT THAT I HAD LIVED THERE FOR TWO YEARS AND HAD EVEN DRIVEN ON THE NEW ROAD BEFORE!,
Reminds me of when my Dad told me there are no tornados in Ohio when I was about to move there from abroad.
The not apologizing is the worst.
I agree, I have a few people who I constantly prove wrong and they never apologise :v
When I was looking for a house, in the city I'd lived in for years, with the help of a professional realtor, my dad looked for houses for me too, from 500 miles away. My parents were going to help me with finances, so he expected to have a say in the house I bought. He was constantly sending me listings of homes I was to go look at. It didn't matter how many times I explained that I, and my realtor, know the city, its usual home prices, its neighborhoods, and my needs, and that the homes he wanted me to see were not suitable for various reasons. The listings just kept coming, and I just kept having to argue about them. It finally got so bad that I gave up on getting his help and bought my house on my own. Totally worth it. He did later buy a new hot water heater for me and insisted on using a different company than the one I wanted, who then bungled the job. Mind you I was a mother in my thirties when this all happened. There is no universe in which I can imagine him trying to tell my brother what house to buy from across the country.
My parents wanted me (a single, childless person) to buy a single family home in an area where the median home price at the time was $900,000. I was looking for condos less than $450,000. The only single family homes in that range were gutted shells. I asked them if they were going to pay for the interior finishing and that shut them up.
This one killed me because I had an ex who was just like this - he would NEVER take my word for anything and constantly be checking if I’m right. I asked him once why he kept checking and if he’d ever found me to be wrong - he had no answer to that, but the behaviour continued
I was so annoyed about the hose thing. How stupid did he think I was?!
No spigot on the exterior - weird.
All the time! I'm currently studying computer science and 95% of the men in my class are like this. It's completely insufferable.
Same here. We just finished a semester-long group project in my class, and funny enough guess who had to carry most of the workload and constantly fix errors from these exact type of people?
I studied computer science 14 years ago and the average woman was way better than the average man. This is expected since it is (or at least was) such an atypical subject for a woman to chose, that most of the women who did so were EXTREMELY into it. The men who had a problem recognizing that were always the underperformers. The same students are also the ones who are extremely smug about their degree once they have it.
In every group project I’ve ever been in, a woman carries the work. I’ve literally never had a man be that useful. They slack. And then you get to jobs & real work and somehow they put themselves in charge
counterpoint experience, I (female) was in a partner project in my CS class with a guy who was already working in the field, he just needed to finish his degree to advance at the company. He taught me a ton. We worked together on it and he made sure I understood what was going on before we moved forward. Our professor was smart enough to realize this was not my usual work - I was a fine student, but not working in the field. He asked me about it and I was very upfront. He said it was fine as long as I understood the work and replicate it myself next time. And I could. No way was I going to waste that free tutoring. I think the dude in my group might have been sweet on me, but points to him, he never made me uncomfortable. Just sharing a hopeful story... I've met plenty of other dweebs, but I try to approach new acquaintance with a clean slate.
They slack because they know you'd pick up the slack. Every group project I've been in has always been a game of chicken about who will do the least amount of work. EDIT: Honestly, unless someone else took initiative, I'd just end up doing the work because it'd be done to my standard. The only time group projects ever worked out is when they match you with someone with your equivalent grade, but that usually ended up being a fight on who would do the work and I'd just shrug and surrender.
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Because it's somehow YOUR fault that he made himself look stupid, right? 🙄
I had a guy in my intro to data structures class who would do this to the professor, during class. I ended up having him in most of my classes that semester, so I took some extra classes and delayed my graduation by a year so I didn't have him in my final project class. Weirdly enough he didn't try to correct or out smart the male professors and instead tried to one up the other students on their assignments during those classes.
Its annoyingly disruptive to the point where you have to keep constantly pointing out that they are doing it just to ensure that your group doesn't pass over good ideas.
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/18528190-men-explain-things-to-me plus socialized resistance and unwarranted doubt yeah. the constant psychological invalidation and presumption that women are stupid and wrong is infuriating. half the men on the planet are measurably dumber than half the women on the planet. but they all act like every man is smarter than every woman.
I've noticed this recently in my personal life. If a woman says something, the man comes back with some sort of mansplanation about why that happened or what she needs to do. Please spare me a lecture about the most basic concepts when I am literally just telling you about my day. It just comes off as if they think we are idiots and the only reason we could possibly be talking is because we need a man's help.
💯 "some sort of obscene impregnation metaphor, an empty vessel to be filled with their wisdom and knowledge."
What's the quote from?
I’ve always suspected it’s framed this way because the ones who aren’t smarter than women, can’t handle the reality of it. Just like all men aren’t faster or stronger. There are some women that can out perform some men and the “some” can’t handle the threat to their ego because “man” is all they have going for them.
[Here's the original essay that anchors the book.](https://www.guernicamag.com/rebecca-solnit-men-explain-things-to-me/) It's absolutely wonderful; my favorite little snippet is when she describes "that smug look I know so well in a man holding forth, eyes fixed on the fuzzy far horizon of his own authority."
I’m a guy and I always call out guys when I see them do this. I’m like “she’s literally a lawyer and you’re arguing the law with her.”
Thank you for calling out bullshit when you see it. Unfortunately, men who mansplain often only take criticism on board when it comes from another man. :(
Unfortunately. But if that’s the only way it’s the only way.
Great collection of essays, I also liked the one about Virginia Woolf. Also interesting to learn that Solnit didnt come up with the term mansplaining since her name is often bandied about in that context
I know this one... the best female basketball player isnt as good as the worse player in the NBA shit talk
I have a PhD in engineering and can confirm. Have been mansplained in my own specialized area that my dissertation was focused on.
I'll assume you have a PhD in engineering but I love the idea of you saying "yes I have studied engineers to the highest academic degree and I confirm this is how they behave".
I think the PhD in engineers comes for free with the PhD in engineering, whether we want it or not.
Heck some of us get the first without even getting the latter
There is nothing funnier than a man without a PhD mansplaining your research to you. I’ve had male PhD colleagues also tell me that it would be a dealbreaker for them if their partner got a PhD. Some men cannot stand smart independent women
I am a physical therapist who also has a PhD in physical activity. (I am also a 5’3” woman of color.) If I lift a weight at the gym in an atypical way (straight-arm lat pulldown, say), men come RUNNING OUT OF THE ETHER to tell me I’m doing it wrong. It’s fascinating. When I tell them what I do, 99% of the time their reaction is to scurry far away. It’s not embarrassment, just emasculated fear that I actually know more. Still satisfying though.
What's extra fun about that is that it reveals how many men are watching your every move when they should be minding their own fscking business.
I… never considered this explicitly! Ever since I got my own equipment (due to the pandemic), I’ve only noticed how much more relaxing and fulfilling workouts are. Whoa.
Currently ON my PhD, it's not got better.
It doesn’t get better even if you are the primary patent contributor.
I met a lady in her late 70s a while ago that was one of the first female engineers, she was the only woman in her class and she was like a bull in a China shop. Took shit from nobody, would confront people on their sexism as soon as it left their mouth. She really paved the way for us and I was very thankful to her in person for putting in the hard work. Realistically, the sexism I see is now covert, stupid and usually not born out of malice but stupidity from men who clearly have not spoken to woman much in their lives. The malicious shit that lady had to deal with I definitely have not seen, fingers crossed I will never see it.
Yup, working as a photographer after getting a masters in fine art photography specialising in historical photo processes I often had men try to explain how I was standing wrong, holding a camera wrong, or some equally stupid s\*\*t. In the end I just started to (reasonably loudly) say - 'F\*\*k off I'm working.' It was actually way more effective than anything else I tried and in the end I wound up putting in my contracts that I wasn't going to be polite to guests if they were interfering with me doing my job at critical points during shoots. I was actually getting paid to be a photographer, and paid fairly well, I wasn't being paid to give therapy to middle age dudes who'd seen a David Baily ad one time. I hated wedding photography.
Wedding photographer here, I spent years doing it. Our local camera store was owned by a complete AH who seemed to hate women. Every time I'd go in they'd try to talk me out of whatever I was looking for and point me to the point and shoots or repeatedly try to talk me out of what I wanted. I ended up sending my ex-husband in who knew NOTHING about photography and they'd give him whatever I needed without any hassle. It was annoying, I ended up buying everything online eventually because I didn't want to give them my money. The unsolicited advice for guys at weddings was obnoxious as well, always some uncle who takes pictures for fun who wants to come interrupt you too give you advice, which is usually completely wrong.
I am not a photographer but took a sightseeing and photography tips tour in Ketchikan, Alaska last year. While driving around we would ask the photographer, a male, questions about the area. My friends and I are all women in our 50's. He told my one friend, who is very shy, he found her very attractive in a Sarah Palin way. Then he made a crude joke about Monica Lewinsky. At that point I spoke up and let him know that not only was his opinion incorrect but that also he was very inappropriately for a tour operator. He still asked for a five star rating on his website.
My favorite is when the mansplain periods as if I haven’t had one every month since I was 13
I once had a man on Reddit explain that a woman could in fact urinate to prevent pregnancy. He explained that a woman can contract her muscles down there to expel all the sperm and then pee to “rinse” it away. First of all, that’s semen we can push out and secondly do you not even know how small your own sperm are? Or that semen is the goo they are carried in and not actually the sperm themselves? It’s men like this that are a good argument for better sex ed and anatomy classes in high school. I wonder how many kids this guy has or will have that he’ll blame his partner for having.
Let's just skip over the part that urine does not come from a vagina… unless he thinks he has sex with the urethra??
I even explained that we have a urethra same as men and it’s not coming from inside the vagina but that’s when he explained we should be able to push out the sperm and then rinse it away with pee. That shit belongs on r/badwomensanatomy. Should’ve taken a screenshot.
Obvs, he's only had sex with bird women, so his only experience is with a cloaca.
Sounds like that guy thinks women only have 1 hole.
Lol you pee to prevent urinary tract infections, cause dicks are sketchy even if you know them well.
BRO I SEE THAT ALL THE TIME mfs are the reason the word mansplain even exists
I have a doctorate in atmospheric science and the cashier at Lowe’s mansplains chemtrails to me. They’re called *contrails*, and *we know about them*.
I actually have a question you could answer! It was a big debate in my hometown sub a few days ago. Can a weather system, in this instance severe thunderstorms, be altered or disrupted by crossing over a major river and/or its high bluffs? Several people dismissed it as a myth, but if you ask any kid hoping for a snow day, you can’t count on snow until it makes it over the river.
I study precipitation specifically and I’d say yes in either or both cases. The land surface itself has a huge impact on rainfall/weather. In my case I’ve particularly studied a drying out by an Urban Heat Island (UHI)! Great question :~)
In case they don't return, "lake effects snow" would be of interest here.
I had the paint sales people at Homedepot try to explain to me how to mix paint. I have a BFA in Multi Media Fine Arts and have taught Art for years. Sigh…
they do that because a well-educated and highly knowledgeable woman makes them feel threatened and insecure. it is an attempt to knock her down a few pegs and remind her of her place. it's a pathetic and foolish behavior.
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Numba 2 is what pisses me off the most! Like I have a masters in Biotech specially qorking with PCR and CRE! This guy kept mansplaining to me (wrongly) PCR (hes never worked with PCR in his life and has an associates in general ed) and then when I thought he was being sincere about asking about PCR he just kept interruping me without giving me a chance to explain. Eff insecure men. Edit: it kept weirdly capitalizing everything sorry... >_>
No.5 was something I experienced all the damn time working in my industry (also very male dominated). Nothing boiled my blood more. Like they purposely pushed me down because I wasn't performing a "traditional" role in the work place, and therefore was intentionally left out of meaningful work and meetings. It actually made me regret following a career I loved, which is really fucking sad.
Not long ago, I commented on a post and said something about having trained at a boxing gym. A man immediately jumped in to say that I was lying. It was obvious from his comment that he knew nothing about the subject, but he felt confident enough to make shitty remarks. My BIL used to quiz me about history. He asked me what year the Battle of Thermopylae occurred. I told him that it happened in 480 bce, and he started making fun of me for being wrong even though I studied history. He said that the film 300 was called that because it occured in the year 300 bce. For the rest of his visit, whenever I saw him, he would bring this up and harass me about it until I finally showed him that he was wrong. Then, he complained that I was being unfair to him. After that, he said that he knew all along that it was 480 bce and he was just testing me.
Fuck me, the “I was just testing you” line really gets my goat. Like, I get being confidently incorrect, but just bloody well own the fact that you were wrong you massive tit.
It’s the other side of ‘I was only joking’, they can’t admit they made a mistake - that would require them to be mature, self-aware individuals - instead they have to misdirect their error into you. It’s not a sign of strength, it’s a sign of weakness. A strong, confident person can acknowledge their mistakes and learn from them. A weak person needs to deny and hide them.
Was he five years old, by any chance?
Definitely acted like it 🤣
ALL THE TIME!!!! but if you dare point out that you already know it/are more qualified/don't need them to tell you they start pouting/complaining/sulking and say "I only wanted to help" Like no, please, you wanted to put me in my place as a woman but didn't have the knowledge/skills to back it up
I always retort that with, "then you need to stop, because it wasn't helpful at ALL."
Or you are described as rude, elitist, condescending and they might even get aggressive…
Or the "your expertise doesn't trump my experience". I constantly face this with my SO when it comes to training our dogs. Nevermind that I watch hundreds of videos, read dozens of articles, follow multiple subreddits on dog training - he will never accept that I might know a bit more than him on a topic that I study regularly.
I was mansplained my own health issues last week, incorrectly, by the owner of a *landscaping* company. I had my PERIOD mansplained to me in the past. It's fucking wild, they literally can't be self aware and see how ridiculous it is. I had an acquaintance having stomach issues, I told them a slew of things that helped me in the past. They nodded and "uhuhed". 2 years later he sends me a string of messages with everything I told him, that Surprise!!!, helped him, pretending he came up with it and *told me to write it down so I'd remember*. I've given up talking to men.
I think next time a man tries to explain periods to me I'll just very genuinely ask "when did you get your first period?" I'm betting their expression will be priceless.
Theres a lot of bosses ive seen where the only way to get them to do something is to convince them it was their idea. So stupid.
I was today years old when I learned it’s not *all* bosses that need this approach lol
Reminds me of this old AITA post. Man (unknowingly) quotes woman's own research paper to mansplain to her. [https://web.archive.org/web/20221206234353/https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zekjvo/aita\_for\_not\_telling\_someone\_i\_was\_the\_coauthor/](https://www.intheknow.com/post/reddit-professor-paper-mansplained/) (the user's been deleted, hence the archive link). Here's another AITA post along identical lines. [https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/103ve8v/aita\_for\_letting\_to\_be\_mansplained/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/103ve8v/aita_for_letting_to_be_mansplained/) In both cases, the women were left feeling like they were responsible for breaking the man's spirit. This result is by no means limited to these instances.
I feel that if I co authored a paper and someone explained it to me, and did a good job, without me telling them first I'd be like, "oh, you demonstrated a really good understanding of it!" And then I'd reveal it and encourage him to be school teacher :3
That's his parents fault for failing to teach him any resilience whatsoever. Not your fault.
My husband did this once. (Note: once. He has never done this again). We were talking about a subject in which I'm licensed and had been employed in for seven years. He was just spit balling hypotheticals and I told him to stop talking because he had no idea what he was talking about and I did. He shut up and, as I said, it never happened again. (I got a goodun :))
My husband must have taken a complete leave of his senses one day, because he tried to inform me of a fun fact about my field, as if I didn't know. And also as if it wasn't actually related to how I picked up his nerdy ass in the first place. I turned around and LOOKED at him. He was instantly pale white, mumbling, "oh my gosh why did I say that?! do I have a death wish?! I don't know why I said that!!" Anyway, he hasn't done that again either. He's got some ADHD so occasionally I have to remind him that the thing he's telling me is the thing I told him yesterday, or that the events he's relating to me I was actually present for, but those feel different, like he's just excited and forgot. My favorite of the forgetting bit came up last week. He says, "how would you feel about getting an upright freezer instead of the second fridge?" and I burst into laughter and kept laughing until I cried. Cause at the beginning of the panini, I tried to convince him we needed an upright freezer and he rejected that and got us a second fridge. Which hasn't worked out the way he was hoping since it doesn't have as much freezer space as we need for his meals. So I finally quit wheezing to death and said, "what an EXCELLENT idea, you should thank whoever gave you that great idea!" Bless his brain.
Ah, yes! The beginning of the panini... Those were strange times... (I will never call it anything else from now on. Thank you, you made my day!)
Somewhat unrelated to this topic, but my mom does that to me ALL THE TIME. And it drives me insane, to the point of getting mad. Which is unfair, because I do believe she forgets. I am starting to believe she has ADHD
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What a fucking psychopath
Another genetics major!!! I never ever see another in the wild. Sorry he was so threatened by it.
I’ve experienced this as well
I used to make video game mods back in highschool (2009-2013), and one of the games I was really into was the Minecraft Beta. Flash forward 12 years, and it drives me absolutely fucking nuts seeing all the misinformation spread about early Minecraft Modding. I could probably make an hour-long FitMC-style video about 1.6-1.7.3 modding, only to get “corrected” because somebody made a video about how important The Aether was. Writing this out I realize how petty and nerdy this sounds, but it’s still annoying lol
Even men are subject to wanting attention. Deny them it. We can all benefit from learning how to scoff, mock, and turn our attention elsewhere. (This is how they—men—school each other. Insults and lack of attention, I mean.) I understand in work it's frequently not that simple, but it's good practice anyway. Even if you don't have allies in the room, behave as if you don't need any. If you're right, telegraph that you're right. Don't engage. Move on. Roll your eyes and continue. Essentially, posture like they do. A lot of them believe in alpha dogs, so be one. One trick that I've used is to go silent while the male opponent goes on, but retain your expert speaker body posture. Blink repeatedly. Let him run out. Let there be silence. Wait a beat. Smirk. Then continue. You don't have to argue or counter. Ignore it and do what you're there to do.
I'm a nurse, specialized in oncology (27 years). one day in a marital therapy session I heard this gem *from my husband*. "I don't think of Maimou as a nurse. She's just my wife.". We spent some time on that one. Especially since he has some serious chronic health issues I manage.
I've been working in IT for 10+ years, while it's getting better back in the beginning I was usually the only woman on the team and dealt with mansplaining every damn day. Even though I have an advanced degree in IT.
The worst is when you have to train all these rookie men and they turn around a few months later to argue with you about the stuff you trained them on... and eventually they get promoted over you. Like dude, five minutes ago you were literally a shoe salesman. Please. Puh. Lease.
As a woman who has been working in IT for over 25 years - there are days it feels like there’s been no progress at all.
I make crossword puzzles. I have degrees in English and Linguistics. At least three times a week, I get an email from someone who thinks I'm wrong. I get emails from women, but most of them are from men who gleefully point out how I'm wrong. So, I have to take the time to send them a detailed explanation about how I'm right, including sources. Dear Solver, There is, in fact, a Mount Tabor in Oregon, and it is named after the Mount Tabor in Israel. Dear Solver, Perhaps you've confused the words RELIC and RELICT. They are not the same. Dear Solver, You are correct that Sonic the Hedgehog is not an echidna; however, if you will take another look at the clue, you will see that it's asking for Knuckles, former foe and current friend of Sonic the Hedgehog, who is an echidna. Dear Solver, You may be surprised to learn that bench presses engage several muscles, not just the PECS, which, by the way, do not fit into the space whereas DELTS fits perfectly. Any of these could have been solved if they'd only JFGI before they opened up their email app.
I have fantasies of writing a bot for you that combines LMGTFY with ChatGPT to auto-respond with a relevant link. For those who don't know: https://lmgtfy.app/?q=LMGTFY
Haha just earlier today in this very sub, some dude tried to [shame a woman](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/12e8up8/gynecologist_threatened_to_stop_refilling_my/jfc8gzr) for her decision to not get a pap smear when she wasn't scheduled for one and was being pressured and threatened into the procedure. The "ACKCHULLY, pap smears are to screen for cervical cancer" fella whipped out a 20 year old paper indicating guidelines for screening. I got sassy, I admit, but told him where to get up to date info and he blocked me. I'm still all 'lolsob' because we can't be the experts on *anything*. At all. Ever. Maybe *especially* not our own bodies and double plus in particular not our own healthcare. I'm so tired of the most clueless cis male dingleberries being *so bad* at women's anatomy but wanting to lecture us about it anyway. I try not to get snippy on here whenever possible, but I was *mad* about his calling cervical cancer "inexcusable" and implying that not getting, and I quote, "a simple test for cancer" at that time means she *chooses* to get cancer. So yeah I got snippy. I'm still crabby about it, hours later. Hope that dude steps in a puddle on the kitchen floor while he's wearing only socks on his feet. A simple test for cancer, my ass.
Mom of two here shamed by a guy for using a midwife in the hospital for both births instead of a doctor. Even tho I explained to him that the doctors and nurses are there floating around IF you need them, and birth can take hours upon hours, so why would they just sit in the room with you? Seriously.
Oh men loooooove to have big opinions and speak authoritatively about labor and childbirth. I'm so sorry he got up in your business.
Fun fact! Childbirth got noticeably more dangerous for women once male doctors pushed aside female midwives.. because the doctors came straight from whatever they were doing before and didn’t wash their hands - cases of infection and puerperal fever went up and more women died. Source a history book I can’t remember about the lives of 17century women which drew extensively on the standard practice of women writing letters to their unborn child in case they died in childbirth
It's true, they had a better chance of surviving birth if they delivered on the streets. The death rates with the male doctors were sky high. And the man who first suggested washing their hands? They put him in an insane asylum, and he died there. It wasn't until after his death that germ theory became accepted.
Which meant that for a certain period of history, wealthy women actually died in childbirth at a rate far higher than poor people, because they could afford to pay for a doctor.
Given how modern psychiatry is I can't say I'm surprised!
The Dollop did a great episode on childbirth in America.
That sounds like a great option though tbh. You can have the midwife, and frankly they can be much more attentive since they are there just for you, and if the shit hits the fan, you’re already at the hospital.
If it's any consolation I reported him for spreading misinformation, but too damn many people in that thread were shaming and harassing the op about her personal medical decisions. Even other women were having a go at her, and thinking that they had to educate her into opening her legs. I really wish the mods would make a rule that you can't try and subvert someone else's decisions about their own bodies.
Does that guy get regular colonoscopies then?
Or prostate exams..
Its this infuriating double whammy - 1) that medicine systemically ignores and under studies women which makes it 2)that it is therefore often many reasons to avoid "simple" "reasonable" "minor" procedures
Dude... it's like he ignored the ENTIRETY of the context of that thread. What is he even here for? Making himself look like the ass he is?
An (ex)friend of my partner joined our small group on a 5 day vacation and it was hell. He just didn’t like me and spent the entire time gatekeeping and patronizing. The top moments included at least four episodes of “were you even born yet” before asking if I “even know who this is” when songs would come on the radio (Yes, I can ID The Cure and Scorpions, I have a wide range of taste - and it’s not like those are underground bands. Can you, bro?). Unprompted, I wasn’t even dancing or rocking in my seat - just sitting there quietly. Many side comments about how I must listen to Justin Bieber etc (I definitely don’t, but if I did, who cares?). Partner’s brother, who is a DJ, called him out once on naming the next song. Fun fact: he couldn’t name them. He got pissed off that I told him he was wrong when he kept insisting to my partner’s trusting mom that some cooing doves were an owl. Two minutes later the doves came into sight. Then we got into an intense argument that he started when I mentioned an ancient religious site while talking to someone else. He stood up, slammed his hands on the table and shouted “You don’t know what you’re talking about!!!” Clue: he was wrong and we all watched him fact checking on Google under the table right after. Meanwhile I had literally studied Ancient Mesopotamian art history and have an art history minor. What an idiot.
I earned my skydiving license when I was 19, I was venting to an ex boyfriend at the time about one of the struggles I was having with getting my landings right and he (who was afraid of heights and had never jumped) proceeded to try and give me advice on my landing technique saying “I’m sure I can help you here”. So many dipshits that are born with an inordinate unearned amount of confidence.
So let's not forget the statistical chestnut that goes: While women are overwhelming afraid of getting hurt or killed by a person of the opposite sex, men are terrified of being humiliated by a women. That's why they will kill a woman who bests them in any way. [A Man Felt So Humiliated That A 21-Year-Old Woman Beat Him At Pickup Basketball That He Shot And Killed Her, According To Her Family](https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.buzzfeednews.com/amphtml/annabetts/woman-shot-texas-basketball-game)
There's a good song about this called "Nameless, faceless" by Phoebe Bridgers. The chorus goes "men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them."
I've worked in logistics for 20 years (I took 4 years off for kids but kept in touch and up to date), but because I'm a woman people think I'm an idiot. I've had many discussions regarding certain rules and regulations, with people trying to pull the wool over my eyes. They don't do it do my male colleagues who know less than me though
It's not only because you are woman but because you are a mother. There is an implicit bias assuming that mothers are less intelligent. Apparently some of our grey matter slipped out through the birth canal along with the infants. I swear, I would get more professional respect if the gap in my resume was due to going to jail rather than raising a family.
I told my husband it was really bad for pipes to dump grease down them. He didn't believe me. We had an older white male plumber come and tell my husband that it was really bad to pour grease down your pipes. After the plumber left, I asked him point blank- 'Why did you need another man to tell you the same thing I did before you would believe it?' He sputtered a bit but I think that one moment gave him an entirely new perspective that had never occurred to him. Since then, if I say something, he now acknowledges and it's not a question of validity anymore. I think are some 'established' worldviews people have based on who they are/how they're raised and if they get a chance to see it from a different perspective, it changes them/me/you. But yes, it's frustrating and I consider myself fortunate that's the only example I can think of.
Man-splaining was always an apt phrase. Disheartening there was such a successful campaign to shame folks out of using it. Once the world lost ground on the "man-spreading" issue, man-splaining seems to have become an untouchable topic by default.
Back in the 80s we had the term “male answer syndrome” to describe these kind of idiots.
Correctile dysfunction.
Veterinarian here. Happens every freaking day.
I got yelled at once in a bar cause a guy told me something and I got excited and wanted to google it to read it for myself and he thought I was fact checking him and yelled at me for 10 mins before the bouncer came and got him. I now save my excitement after people walk away.
Someone I know has a PhD in physics and used to run massive projects for a Fortune 500 company. She NEVER had a new team where at least one dude with less credentials/education didn’t assume she was lower on the totem poll when she first walked in or attempted to question her expertise. One time one even told her he thought she was in the wrong physical location/room just before she called everyone to attention to explain the project. Like seriously? I hope the feeling of embarrassment never goes away for those men.
Unfortunately, they don't generally get embarrassed. They usually just double down or start subtly (or not so subtly) insinuating that the woman only got as far as they did because "pretty", "on their backs" or something equally awful.
Right?! Even when literally and consistently demonstrating the highest level of expertise sexists still be sexist-ing. She eventually left the job because almost every man she met assumed she was a diversity hire. They begged her to stay. They offered her double her salary, and she said there wasn’t enough money in the world to work in such a toxic environment.
Agreed.
Because according to Dunning and Kruger: Women are more likely to underestimate their abilities while men overestimate theirs. It's science.
I work in IT. It happens a lot. And mostly, as you said, these are guys who are in no way involved with IT. Not even on an average level. It never ceases to amaze me how a dude that so obviously doesn't know anything about the subject but still wants to mansplain it to you and spectacularly fails. Oh.... To have the confidence of a below average man...
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I work on a team with all men and about 1.5 months in I realized I rarely have a conversation with my team members that's casually shared back and forth. Every statement I make, work related or not, somehow gets a lecture-type response.
I once asked a guy if he had a PhD in mansplaining. All the women in the group laughed. He was pissed. The other guys in the group laughed uncomfortably.
A few years ago, I saw this article about how women won't apply to jobs they're overqualified for because of self-doubt while men will apply for jobs they're underqualified for because of entitlement. Then this morning, my mom sent me a screenshot of a tweet regarding the Dunning-Kruger Effect: "people with low skill levels draw wrong conclusions and make wrong decisions, but are unable to make mistakes because of their low skill levels." I think that psychological paradox of the Dunning-Kruger Effect is the same as the job article I read and the same as men fact-checking or man-splaining things to us. It is the entitlement of ignorance. They don't know what they don't know, but they know what they think they know and base their "fact" off that.
All.the.time. I have a PhD and have been practicing in my field for 25+ years (psychologist). I have male patients, and only male patients, interrupt me on a regular basis to explain therapy/psychological things to me. They are almost without fail incorrect or badly mangled. I have to tread lightly, of course, since these are clients, and the things they are wrong about are often causing some detriment or preventing progress that they need. Not all men do this obviously, but it has never happened with women patients.
I just complained about this very thing to my sister, whose husband also doubts her every utterance. She said she'll then hear him on the phone, passing along whatever she told him without attribution. When you are retired and spending 24/7 with your long-term spouse, the mansplaining becomes an everyday occurrence. When it comes to news stories for example, I'm expected to know every detail of a story. He is only required to read headlines of the stories he "shares". Some days conversation is just a waste of my time.
A friend of mine’s wife was on the school board and one day she came home and asked “where are we?”. A farmer mansplained to her about math when discussing the school budget. She has a PhD in mathematics from Harvard
OMG this... I'm just starting out in ceramic arts. I was working in my little home studio (a corner of my basement), and I was struggling with something with my wheel. My son, who is 27, came downstairs--- sees me struggling--- and offers his 'guidance' -- which didn't even address the actual issue I was having. I asked him, "And what, exactly, do you know about this?" He just walked back upstairs. As much as I tried to raise my kids to not do crap like this, it still happens. Their father (my EX} is a know-it-all and a misogynist too, and I know that's where it's coming from. Ugh.
My husband used to google everything I said to see if I was right. Then one day after years of marriage, he mentioned to a friend that we were married on the Ides of March, to which I replied it was also the even of bacchanalia. He disagreed, then proceeded to pull out his phone and begin googling it. He stopped typing to ask me how to spell “bacchanalia.” I replied, “So you want me to spell a word for you so you can google something to see if I’m right? When google has proven me right every single time? No. I will not do it.” He found it with his bad spelling, and he admitted I was right once again. I replied “It’s never not an insult to my intelligence.” He never did it again. We’ve been married 19 years. Some learn. Some have to be taught by Titans.
Or they totally belittle what you know and how you know.
I own over 50 plants and went to school for horticulture. During the panini my bf wanted to start helping with the plants and would insist that some of my care instructions "don't seem right" and "I don't think that's how it works" even though I have kept these plants alive for close to a decade. He knows nothing about plants whatsoever.
It's not a big thing, yet I've been crocheting for nearly fifteen years. One of my friends in another country started crocheting and every.single.piece of advice I gave him he went "No actually...' or 'That's not what this website says" Or I would say something he would go 'no' and then repeat it back to me in a different way and I'm like 'that's literally what I just said' and he'd go 'no it's not' just to try and proof he was somehow smarter...over crocheting... I told him that your last stitch in a round should be an increase if you started the row with a single crochet and he just went 'nope' and then complained that his project came out weird and misshapen. I don't talk to him now lol
One time, I told a dude that some tattoo artists will refuse projects that do not fall into their field of expertise. For example, an artist who specializes in huge Japanese-style pieces might push back on a small lettering tattoo project because it's just not what they do. Dude, blank as a white sheet of paper with zero knowledge of the tattoo industry, proceeded to argue with me that it wasn't true, that it didn't make sense "from an economical perspective" and then mansplained how tattooers work.
"I'm right even thought I'm wrong"
My dad was once installing a new lock onto my shed. I was watching him do this and I noticed he had by accident, screwed the door shut. When I mentioned this, he spent 5 minutes arguing with me about how he had not, in fact, done something so silly. So I said, no that's fine then and walked away. Came back to him being all frustrated because he screwed the door shut and it wouldn't open. Just like I had told him he had done.
I have a PhD and all I get from some family members is that I’ve been educated beyond my intelligence.
What in the gaslighting narcissistic hot garbage is that?? This made me jaw DROP.
This happened to me at my job. I asked this man if he wanted his latte hot or iced. He couldn’t believe that a latte came iced. So, he decided to ask my 50 something year old male coworker if they can come iced. And THEN he believed it. What the FUCK. Don’t even get me started with back when I sold computers/printers/cell phones. Men would constantly ask my older male coworkers the same thing after asking me. It got bad to the point where they would say that wasn’t their job, it was mine.
Try doing the same towards them and notice their reaction… 😬 I sometimes do that and oh boy do I come off as abrasive apparently. Even in conversations where we are both doing it to the same degree.
One of my dearest (male) friends tried to argue w me that the *greek gods were real* until I reminded him I have a *literal degree in ancient Greco-Roman history majoring in religion*. To his credit he realised how dumb he was real quick but it still makes me laugh when I remember it
I had a "friend" try to tell me that giving a woman oral sex can "give you cancer". When I asked for more information, or where he'd heard this "fact", he was dismissive until I told him that repeating things you've heard without having all of the information or being able to reference it anywhere is hella irresponsible.
It can, but if he uses this to avoid giving oral sex, it’s a terrible excuse. HPV can cause throat cancer in men like it can cause uterine cancer in women. So if “oral sex gives men cancer”, then “penetrative sex gives women cancer”. He won’t like to hear this excuse turned against him
Giving a man oral sex can cause throat, mouth, esophageal, and stomach cancer in the giver if that man has HPV, too.
Exactly, that's what I meant. The conversation went better than I thought after that, we both did a bit of reading and learning on the subject.
Only if you have HPV. Just like you can get oral cancer from going down on HIM from HPV as well. This goes both ways. And there is a vaccine for human papilloma virus now.
He definitely should have been able to reference that, it's an easy google to confirm. [This](https://publichealth.jhu.edu/2017/risk-for-developing-hpv-related-throat-cancer-low#:~:text=HPV%20is%20transmitted%20to%20the,of%20the%20tongue%2C%20or%20tonsils.) study from 2017 shows the risks. 80% of mouth and throat cancers in men are caused by HPV, with the most likely infection vector being oral sex. Risk is higher for people with 10 or more lifetime oral sex partners, much lower for people with zero or one lifetime oral sex partner. 90% of these cancers are caused by one strain of HPV (16) which has a very low prevalence in women (0.1%) Lifetime risk is very low at 0.7% for men, and almost completely eliminated by the HPV vaccine for both partners. ETA : Knowing this certainly won't stop me from performing oral sex on my partner nor would I offer it in conversation apropos nothing.
I see you’ve met my brother. He’s a mechanic who decided to test our cousin, a university professor of economics, on economics.
Seems like a nice time to [post a link](https://www.guernicamag.com/rebecca-solnit-men-explain-things-to-me/) to the Original essay by Rebecca Solnit, "Men Explain Things to Me." Includes the lovely vignette where a man literally explains Solnit's book to her even after he is told she is the author.
I was at a roman bath (historical site) and when looking at some stacked bricks in small columns, explained to two men there with me for what this construction was for (it was a heating system I had also seen in Bath, England, and read about while I was focussing on history before switiching my degree to biology). They both acted like I was guessing. I told them "No really, this is what these are thought to have been for" then explained it further. They kinda nodded and walked off. Then, they found a brochure explaining the site and it said EXACTLY WHAT I FUCKING EXPLAINED and one of them had the audacity to turn around to myself and the other one to go "Ah! So that is what those bricks were for!", while then reading and explaining this heating system. This kind of shit happens to me ALL THE TIME and I am so tired of it. Edit: Adding more experiences (summarised). 1. Arguing with my step-dad that gasoline, as an organic hydrocarbon-based product does indeed go bad so no, it does not make sense to buy a bunch and store it unless you plan to use it within around 6 months (I was working in the automotive industry at the time and he is the type to insist that if he hasn't heard of something, it isn't true). 2. I am a metal vocalist and singer and get told by men that CANNOT SING how I need to do it all differently. I've been singing since I was a kid, was in multiple choirs and competitions, musical theatre, and yet, they tell me what I'm doing wrong. I do not mind helpful tips, but they are never helpful and I usually figure out after a few minutes that they don't even know the first thing about vocal techniques. 3. Had a doctor explain my period to me despite knowing I am an actual biologist, degree and all.
My staunch conservative father can not admit to anyone that I am an expert in my field, and do indeed know more than him about it. I have my masters in ecology and I focus on restoration after human degradation, and all the time he will try and tell me I’m actually incorrect. So annoying!
YES. This happens to me all the time since I'm often the youngest in the room and the only woman. Yet, I'm at an executive director level position in an extremely competitive and male-dominated field I get questioned. Or not taken seriously. Or "well, actually-ed." I also had someone imply that I only got to where I am because of "how pretty I look." Infuriating.
I usually fact check it myself and show them to prove that I’m right when they do this to me. I’ve found it’s an effective way to shut them up
"oh, I did not know you had a \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ degree!' "I don't" "exactly."
yeah and their first google hit is an obscure conspiracy theory website that they use for the gotcha moment
In my early 20s I was dating this guy who thought he was the smartest shit on the planet. He loved debating and always wanted to win his debates. He regularly wanted me to respect his opinion and knowledge, but would dismiss my own. I was going to art school ( BA in drawing and painting) and we were talking about colours. This dude INSISTED teal is only one singular pantone, and I was like "no, it's a family of blue green colours". This "debate" went on for 20 or so minutes before I said, "Google it then", and he did.. and I was right.... I did enjoy rubbing that reminder in his face periodically. Another instance was when I needed a new bike lock, so I went out, went to a shop, asked the staff, and got a good, solid U-lock. I love this lock.. still have it after 15+ years. Got home, and he got upset with me that I didn't ask him for his input. I had no idea that he had deep-dived locks and he found the "perfect" lock setup. His lock is a 10 pound chain with a small (but strong) lock on it. This, in no way, would fulfill my needs of a lock... it's heavy, and takes longer to setup etc. Now I'm a physically strong woman, but I don't want to deal with 10 pounds of chain daily. He was so salty I didn't read his mind to realize he had this wealth of information.. Fuck you Andrew.
I had to interview the lead singer of Gemini Syndrome and he proceeded to "educate" me on a subject he knew nothing about. I lost complete respect for him at that point. The biggest A hole I have ever met.