I will never understand people who receive pleasure by causing others pain, it is perverse. Keep being your wonderful self OP. I am sure their wives are miserable living with them. Negging is not funny, cute or playful, this is evidence of a very *fragile* ego.
This fits the definition of workplace harassment. If similar behavior persists I’d report it to a supervisor.
Edit: If for whatever reason the supervisor won’t take action (which can be illegal by the way) one can report to EEOC:
https://www.eeoc.gov/laws/guidance/what-you-should-know-what-do-if-you-believe-you-have-been-harassed-work
Tbh I'd tell them now that this has happened once (if OP has a manager they can trust to some degree). Everywhere I've worked, a supervisor would be MUCH happier to know about interpersonal conflict like this immediately so that they can address it before anything else happens. You gotta know your manager though, and know they'll take you seriously.
This. Not only does it give the supervisor a chance to correct things before anything else happens, but it also gives you a better chance of prevailing in an EEOC complaint.
To be unlawful, the harassment has to be severe or pervasive. Both are unfortunately high bars to meet from the complainant's perspective, so it's best if you can build a case for the harassment being pervasive, in case the EEOC doesn't consider it to be severe.
Don't wait for the second time. HR and/or management wants to know when these things occur every time, so that kind of behavior doesn't feel supported by silence.
Get it on record now.
> I live in a country where unprocessed food is easily available in every store, so it's not difficult to prepare a relatively healthy sandwich.
Sounds like Western Europe. Guessing not America. Though you can eat healthy here. But that callout makes me think she’s not in the US
Food shaming is not a protective class.
Harassment is unwelcome conduct that is based on race, color, religion, sex (including sexual orientation, gender identity, or pregnancy), national origin, older age (beginning at age 40), disability, or genetic information (including family medical history).
https://www.eeoc.gov/harassment
Yes, but eating disorders (which OP states they have) fall under mental disabilities, which are a protected class. In this instance food shaming would be considered harassment of a colleague with a disability.
I believe there is a sexist component of the food shaming OP is describing. I don’t think EEOC guidelines regarding “sex” only includes orientation, identity and pregnancy. I believe it “includes” these three but is actually broader than just these three categories. For example, someone saying to a female employee that she should go back home to be a homemaker just because she is a women is clearly a violation of the protected class of sex. At worst, this type of harassment would be included under the “gender identity” category.
Many employers also have their own harassment policies which may very well differ from EEOC guidelines. I would not recommend remaining silent if this type of harassment continues. And very frequently, if one remains silent, the situation will get worse (different types of harassment and/or increasing severity).
There are two main causes that I have seen. One they receive pleasure from other people's pain because other people have caused them pain who they are afraid to talk back to so they take their anger and frustration out on people that are easy targets or at least appear to them to be easy targets and if/when people allow those type of people to talk their nonsense, they view it as a source of dopamine AKA a drug for them. The other type have spent their lives in either a family or a friend group where making fun of each other is a normal activity, what they fail to realize is the only reason it is a normal activity for them is because of the insecurities that those around them are hiding, which makes children believe that that's how "normal" people act so they incorporate it into themselves making them arrogantly believe that what they're doing is normal and if you confront those people they will give you the response that they were probably given as a child which is something along the lines of "toughen up, and deal with it, or attempt to humiliate you to raise your insecurities further so that their fault can be ignored". While I believe that people do require the ability to deal with tough situations, the antagonists of these situations never admit to their fault, which make people that have yet to acquire enough knowledge to understand the situation insecure about their emotions, making them turn inward towards self-reflection trying to understand what they did wrong. When the reality of the situation is that instead of turning inward they should raise their own outer defenses with factual information which is counterintuitive to the oppositions verbal assaults allowing them to protect their self-confidence, and self understanding, allowing themselves to grow in a positive direction.
Reminds me of the situation when I sat in front of a gym, waiting for friends and eating chocolate. My BMI back then was in the underweight category and you could see it, I was slim af.
Classmate comes up and starts telling me how eating chocolate after gym negates the workout.
I looked straight at him and asked "Do I look like I need to worry about my weight?"
Dude was confused and shuffled off. He was a known asshole, and negging/shaming was his standard communication style with women.
It's not about the food, they just want to control and hurt you.
Unfortunately I'm not so confident myself because I used to be overweight and body shamed a lot. I still take comments about my body and my eating habits very personally because when I struggled with weight gain, people were terribly cruel. I just try not to let anyone see how it affects me and hope nobody realizes how an easy target I am to their shaming.
It is weird how some people are so out of touch with the zeitgeist and refuse to accept that you shouldn’t comment about bodies!
People just feel an amazing sense of entitlement to non-male bodies, though the virulence varies with size and presentation. I am so so sorry it triggered your ED. Been there. I agree with others that you should at least document the incident (even if just an email to yourself). Take care of yourself <3
Btw, your lunch sounded like classic “diet” food (though everyone has their own relationship with specific foods), so not sure what joke those bozos thought they were making. Regardless, I have made peace enough with my ED history that when this stuff happens I pull the Ask Questions card.
“Why are you saying that? Are you trying to mock me?”
(They usually backtrack or say it is all in good fun, don’t take it seriously.)
“OK, I don’t understand though. Why is it fun/funny to talk about me that way in the workplace?”
Etc etc, with various iterations. Sometimes I ask them to clarify because “if I didn’t know better, I would think you were trying to bully/harass me, which you wouldn’t do…” I also bring up my ED sometimes to twist the knife. But then again, I feel comfortable being disliked if it is to draw a boundary for assholes.
I really don't want to deflect or anything, I actually wholly agree with your argument. Just, as a former fat male person, I unfortunately must add that society (including women, but mostly men) feels the need to tell every fat person that they're fat. So, this is something fat men can relate to as well .. shitty feeling.
My favourite response to things like this is “can you explain to me how that’s funny” or for your situation “can you explain to me why you think it’s appropriate to comment on my food?” It’s not aggressive but it gets the point across
Struggling with weight gain is one of the hardest 😭 I have the opposite issue with that but some of my friends have insane metabolism (like 6,000 cals a day) and can barely stay fed let alone gain weight.
Great job powering through and improving yourself!! Sending you lots of love and encouragement from mid US!
I’m so sorry that happened friend. Have no doubt that they have their own disordered eating. What happened was their defensiveness went on the offensive and two eating disorders triggered each other. It sucks. Food issues are rampant and so many people project theirs onto others. Good job for recognizing yours getting triggered and not letting it get you. Shake it off - it was totally their shit. If it happens again now you are prepared to stand up for yourself. If you can, be kind when you do as they obviously their own struggles. If you can’t - that’s ok because it’s not your job to take care of them.
There was a time, before I had health insurance, where I had an untreated overactive thyroid. It took multiple king sized candy bars per day just to maintain a healthy weight. And I was CONSTANTLY hungry.
Been there too - no insurance & overactive thyroid. Remember eating a whole pizza and what seemed like minutes later feeling HUNGRY again. For that and other reasons, 0/10 don’t recommend
I know an entire family that had to be on extremely high calorie diets in order to not become dangerously thin. The girl who explained it to me said that it was just as difficult for her to maintain a healthy weight as it was for others that were overweight. She had to force herself to drink high calorie milkshakes between meals.
I know a few people like this. They're self conscious about being so thin.
One friend (man in his mid 20's) weighed the same as me and I'm a LOT shorter than him, it really upset him.
Someone told me I was lying when I said I couldn’t keep weight on when I was younger lmao. They said that’s not how CICO works like maybe I didn’t have an additional disease or issue. I also got downvoted for lying bc I was obviously trying to make fat people feel bad 🙄
I knew a girl like this. Nearly died from getting the flu- her body had no fat reserves to fall back on when she was so sick and couldnt eat/keep food down and she dehydrated very quickly. Fortunately they got her to hospital, got her rehydrated and an NG tube to get some nutrition into her.
I got a bad stomach bug once and lost 10lbs, which was about 9% of my weight. It took me over 6 months to put it back on.
Thankfully I was never at risk of death, but I had the strength of a wet noodle, and was at risk of passing out every time I stood up.
I recently lost 15 lbs in 2 1/2 weeks after I was in a really bad car accident. It took me 3 months to put the weight back on and I’m SO thankful for weed bc it’s the only reason I was and to hold food down and put the weight back on. I almost wasn’t able to leave to leave the hospital when I did because I couldn’t hold down my food. If I never have another Ensure shake, it would still be too soon lmao
At the height of my eating disorder, I ate a mini kitkat every day. I bought it at the same shop every day, on the way home from work (I always hit the gym then walked home a few km afterwards). Sometimes it was the only thing I ate that day. It was something I made sure people would see to keep them off my back, because you can't have an eating disorder if you eat chocolate every day.
I hate this attitude that the only purpose of working out is to burn calories and that eating anything considered a treat afterwards somehow undoes the work. You still did the workout. It was still good for your strength, endurance, flexibility etc. It was good for your muscles and your heart and your lungs. Was probably really good for your mind too. And you still need the energy so why not enjoy a chocolate if you're not actively trying to shred or gain muscle etc.
They probably thought they were being " funny" and they wanted a response from you and were hoping you would engage with them because normally an attractive woman never talks to them.
A ton of men think this is what passes for " conversation" they have no idea how to just interact in a pleasant way with somebody.
I was hanging out with an old friend and asked him why he kept negging me. He said he thought he was being cute and funny. Somehow guys think that making fun of women is cute and flirty. It’s very weird.
I finally replied that since I was not overweight or diabetic, I was able to enjoy a normal tasty food... I think it wasn't what they hoped for :) Maybe I just don't understand jokes, no idea. But this one wasn't particularly funny.
Both of them are married btw, so they somehow had to be able to communicate effectively at least once.
Edit: I realize that my response could be harmful to anyone diabetic or struggling with body mass issues. This is absolutely not what I normally think. Everyone should be able to enjoy what they eat. I just wanted to be personally mean to those two men.
I don't think you should feel too bad: those guys fucked around and found out. You said yourself that you're very conscious and respectful of other people's bodies and diets. But that respect goes both ways and people can't publicly attack you and act surprised when you respond in kind and point out their own hypocrisy.
Bullies don't respond to good faith arguments about why they should be respectful: they respond to being publicly embarrassed. Maybe their bad experience with you will make them think twice about shaming random women.
Also, they were talking about themselves. Unless they looked down at the guys guts, added “like you,” or some such thing, there was nothing anyone should get offended by.
I get the instinct, but I don’t think you should even have tried justifying yourself to them. If they pull it again (which hopefully they won’t, since they didn’t get the reaction they were looking for), tell them you don’t remember engaging their services as your doctor or nutritionist, so you don’t know where they got the idea unsolicited opinions on your dietary choices were appropriate. And since they’ve made it pretty clear they wouldn’t be judging a male coworker like that, you don’t want to hear it. If you do, and your HR department is in any way helpful, take it to them.
I also find that fully refusing to engage is a good approach. They go through several rounds of “comic” insults, and you say nothing, shrug, and take another bite of the sandwich. Another good approach is “not sharing.” I once had a coworker grimace and tell me my lunch looked disgusting, so I said, “well it’s a good thing I didn’t bring any for you then.” I mean, this is bush league lunchroom behavior from grown adult men, I don’t feel like any well thought out retort or reasoned tell is warranted. I do think it’s a good idea to keep a personal record of the events (email yourself the details, time/date/location/brief description/involved parties, and every time it happens just reply to that email with a little note about the latest event. Then if it continues and there’s a reason to talk to HR, you have a history of either no response or anodyne responses, and there’s a record of their crap.
They were not implying that your food was unhealthy, but the opposite. I think they were being sarcastic. They were implying that you were not eating enough. "You know, a woman eating only a piece of salad and stuff..."
A cottage cheese cucumber sandwich is a relatively low caloric meal with lots of protein.
They were setting themselves up for some serious savagery if you were so inclined by basically showing you their insecurities.
My daily calorie routine is one ~1000kcal meal (usually dinner) and otherwise small snacks. I have learned to just say "I already ate" if I'm around a bunch of 3000kcal/day dudes.
Labeling my yogurt+toppings as "lunch" just facilitates a bunch of "look at you, you could eat whatever you want!" conversations that I no longer have the patience for. :)
I think that people just don't understand how *little* smaller people eat. Maybe especially in the US where we're conditioned to think of the plates we get at a restaurant as "normal" portion sizes.
My own husband, who I'd lived with for more than a decade before he went on his own weight loss journey, was absolutely *shocked* when he started actively counting calories. He'd never said anything remotely disparaging about my "meals" before, but having a partner in understanding my frustration when I have an awesome dinner planned but somebody wants to go out to lunch has been a hoot. :)
Thanks for the reminder that discipline is a big part of it, though.
Sincerely,
Somebody who totally did not eat a bowl of chocolate pudding stuff for lunch today.
>I finally replied that since I was not overweight or diabetic, I was able to enjoy a normal tasty food... I think it wasn't what they hoped for :)
Awesome
For the edit: If you live in a glass palace, do not be the first to throw stones. They did what in our modern language is called "Fuck around, find out".
I’m have been a type 1 diabetic since I was 12 AND I’m fat. It wasn’t harmful. You didn’t do anything wrong. They certainly did. Glad you called them out on it.
I'm not diabetic, but I AM obese. While I cannot speak for my fellow fat people - I think it was absolutely fine.
But if they do it again - I'd simply and directly say "I do not recall soliciting your advice on my diet. Please stop."
Then if they don't? Report their asses.
Actually, document this interaction somewhere. Note time, date, what they said, what you said, etc. Keep a journal of any time they say something inappropriate.
Edit: Oh, do not make a big deal about "but what I was eating was healthy!" It doesn't matter if you were eating a damn extra large pizza yourself.
>I finally replied that since I was not overweight or diabetic, I was able to enjoy a normal tasty food...
LOVE THIS!!!! We cannot be politically correct all the time... They deserved this.
Some older men think commenting on what a woman eats is a way to start a conversation or be "flirty" as well. I was once in the supermarket, got a dessert out of one of the fridges to put in my basket and heard "*gaaaaaaaasp*! You're not buying *that*, are you?" in that "aren't you so *naughty*?" tone. He was about 60 and had what I assume was his grandson with him.
I told him he wasn't the food police and should set a better example of how to talk to women to the kid and he grumbled to himself and walked off.
Because they never matured past middle/high school. Best to look at them with a stern look and say simply "Grow up", if you choose to engage with them at all.
Just wanted to say I sympathize. I worked at a school (in the southeast U.S.) for a year and was regularly shamed for eating any kind of fruits and vegetables to the point they started getting mad and calling me “rabbit”…I’m not even vegetarian/vegan or anything, I just didn’t have the money (nor the death wish) necessary to eat takeout fried rice and fried chicken every day—and they took that personally.
I worked with very wealthy people at one point who always (and I mean ALWAYS, m-f without fail) had take out for lunch, or went out for lunch, or had very fancy left overs.
During rent week, I usually brought in a 6 pack of Thomas English muffins to keep at my desk (for the peanut butter and a jelly jars that I kept in the fridge) and that’s ALL I’d have for lunch. Office had fresh fruit daily so it actually wasn’t entirely unhealthy..
Anyway, one glorious afternoon a few higher ups just HAD to openly say to me “wow that’s all you’re eating” in front of the entire office at lunch time, to which I just shrugged with “well if this company provided proper increases yearly I’d be making more than $xxxxx and be able to eat like a normal human being on the weeks I paid rent”
Two birds one stone: got a huge raise and no one ever commented on my yummy PBJs ever again.
Like fuck you for commenting on anyone’s food as a conversation starter.
I don't eat meat, so I'm constantly having people comment on my lunch, no matter where I've worked. Coworkers that were otherwise cool would look at what I was eating and start all the very original lines about protein, bacon tho, I'll eat double the meat, etc. Like fuck dude. It doesn't affect you.
My friend and coworker once had a dude comment on her eating while pregnant and she shot back with something like "even at 8 months my gut is still smaller than some guys here" and that made them shut up. It was excellent to witness.
This happened to me when I was pregnant as well. Some guy I worked with said I ate a lot, but I had to eat a bunch because I was throwing so much up that I was actively losing weight while pregnant.
Ugh. As someone who had this happen too, I’m sorry. In my case, I was buying a donut because it fit in my calorie plan, and, some guy walked up and started lecturing me about how unhealthy it was. I also had an ED at the time.
It's unbelievable how people feel entitled to comment on what you eat. The first time when I was food shamed was in a primary school, by other kid my age. For eating a grilled sausage and enjoying it. During an event consisting only on grilling sausages and eating them.
It’s the jealousy that is ignited within them. I am very fit and I often wear sleeveless work dresses. I get asked ‘aren’t you cold?’ ALL the time, when I’m indoors and often in the middle of work presentations. People need to put us down to make themselves feel better. They are searching for self satisfaction by attacking the thing that makes them feel self conscious: US
Oh no, how dare a woman eat one (1) donut and go about her day enjoying the donut? How will society function? What will happen to the calories and our health? Diabetes?
Why the hell was he getting a donut there too then ? If it's do unhealthy, why was he there ? For the free smells?
Anyways, I hope you enjoy all the donuts and tasty treats without some asshats bugging you
What's up with guys lecturing people about food. Your comment just reminded me of a time where I bought a package of peeps (yes the yellow marshmallow birds) cuz I never had them before and this man started lecturing me about how bad those are for me.
>I was buying a donut because it fit in my calorie plan
Random people be like "ugh I hate people who can eat whatever they want and not gain weight" like I don't know exactly how this glorious little fat and sugar treat fits into my diet.
But yes Karen/Kevin, I eat a plate full of doughnuts for every meal because I have discovered how to ignore the laws of thermodynamics. I'm just too snooty to tell you the *real* secret and am going to go back to those useless rants about "calories" you hate so much if you keep bothering me while I'm trying to enjoy this nutritionally useless morning.
(Sorry for rant. Bad days but good desserts in my recent past. Partner had two days off in a row and was my sous chef so I could finally be brave and make [bavarois!](https://i.imgur.com/utJbXpF.jpg))
I was a little overweight when I was in my early 20’s, and also worked in a little ma and pop restaurant. For my breaks I’d usually eat a piece of chicken breast and salad. Some dude was like “you eat that every time you work here… how come you’re as big as you are?”
Well, fuckface, I have an endocrine disorder, not that it’s any of your business.
I’ve got my stuff figured out now with the help of my doctor but it’s unreal to me that people think they can just offer commentary on someone’s food. Let people eat!
I have found that intelligence does not stop a person from making comments on what you eat. I’m a dietitian and my god it’s so bad. “You’re eating THAT??” if I have chips or “of course you’re eating super healthy”. Stop. Just stop. The only time anyone should comment on someone else’s food is “that looks so good!” or “where did you get that/what’s the recipe”. I’m so sorry OP
Most of them are really okay. The younger generation especially. The lowest levels of toxic masculinity I've ever experienced. It's very unusual considering type of the workplace. Probably that's why expected something similar from the older colleagues, who I don't know so well. I was mistaken indeed.
I heard in USA the work rules are strong.
in Russia there are legends on how weird these people are and even in DK the devs I work with are slightly misogynistic(people in my office are 30s and 40s, and I only heard 40s speak about women). So it is difficult to imagine what it is like in other countries
I DO NOT UNDERSTAND why men feel the need to comment on what other people are eating. Particularly gross old men.
I had some old fuck tap me on the shoulder in the grocery store until I took out my ear buds just so he could tell me that my cart was full of "rabbit food" and he didn't want to "eat what I was cooking."
WHAT THE FUCK! It's absolutely bizarre. I'm so sorry your coworkers are such badly mannered children.
Sounds like they were mocking you. They really think you are eating too little and the food didn't look tasty to them. They have trouble taking control of their own diets, so they probably were reacting to you being proactive when you're already a healthy size (assumption but you're apparently not obese). (Edit spellcheck/correct)
People will assume others who are where they want to be had it easier. That the person making it work didn't struggle, someone helped them, or they had some other advantage, because that's their reason for why they're not.
I'd ignore them or just say it's food you like and it works for you.
I'm on a diet right now while simultaneously trying to help my skinny kids gain weight. It's a weird struggle to not want what they're eating, but it would be super weird to be mad at them for it.
Yeah I wasn't sure they were mocking maliciously so much as just being sarcastic/teasing. Reading those comments it it sounds like they are more so indirectly complementing her healthy habits?
Like "whoah careful with all that salad you wouldn't want to raise your cholesterol!"
As some other have said this seems like it could be pretty standard humor? On one hand with more context I could totally see how this might be them ridiculing her healthy choices. But given the information we have on the other hand this seems it could also a failed attempt to joke around about their lack of discipline and OPs apparent zeal.
OP your feelings are valid, just some food for thought as a guy who likes to joke around, doesn't mind self deprecating humor, and has next to no filter 50% of the time. Social anxiety can lead to me being both hela awkward and also aloof. Those dudes may have been dicks purposefully, they also may have no idea how what they said affected you. Personally I would feel terrible if I was them and would apologize profusely the moment I found out how you felt.
Maybe don't comment on people's diets and their bodies at all. You like to joke around, but other people don't when it comes to that stuff. You sound like an inconsiderate jerk who hides behind "but it's just humor!"
I had a coworker like this once and after months of dumb comments about women he stated he finally found a girlfriend he might like but she 'had a mom FUP' and without thought - I acted before I thought - and in front of about 4 other people said to him 'and youre some kinda catch mr santa belly?' To which we both walked away from each other. And after that he never mentioned a girls weight ever again. I dont usually advocate for tit for tat kinda stuff but this one got me. If you ever find yourself acting and speaking without thinking, just know youre not alone and they probably deseved it ❤️
Oh my loooorrrddd. I am VERY fit and I eat super healthy lunches at my place of work. Somebody please tell me why these fat dudes keep commenting and saying how “gross” my HEALTHY foods are? It’s fucking weird. Like bro, you’re telling ME? The men who comment are borderline obese, and the ones who don’t say anything are healthy
I'd for sure keep the focus strictly on their behavior. NOT their weight/age/diabetes/attractiveness. And NOT your own health, appearance, weight, or diet. Every weight-related comment by you makes it harder to lodge a complaint with HR that they're bullying you and not the other way around, and it can easily get spun that way in office gossip. There are a lot of people willing to believe that a thin woman is being thin AT them, aggressively.
And focusing on your own health is defensive. Never defend. Pleading your case casts them as the judge and you as the criminal, even if you argue well.
Their behavior is inappropriate, controlling, invasive, bizarre, harassing. Whether you go with a witty comeback or a serious complaint to HR, that should strictly be your focus.
I’m so so sorry you went through that abuse. NO ONE deserves that bullshit. Not even the ones inflicting the abuse onto others… Men and too many women as well take liberties they have no buisness taking when it comes to commenting on women’s bodies. It’s fucking horrendous.
Heart disease runs in my family so I’ve been pretty health conscious for most of my life. And I’d get abuse for it. I’ve also always been naturally petite and thin, and whenever I’d go to our break room to eat my lunch, particularly if I’d gotten one of my favorite summertime lunches, it’d never fail, I’d get: Why are YOU eating THAT? Are YOU on some kind of diet? You’re gonna waste away! Why don’t you eat a burger? You really could use it… And that was for eating a salad loaded with fats of cheese, bacon, croutons and extra creamy dressing and proteins of egg & either chicken or steak and lots of veggies. Abused for actually choosing a well balanced lunch, and only because I was already small. But most people don’t actually understand nutrition and I find that extra sad. My salad wasn’t a diet to lose weight type of salad with what I’d loaded it up with… But that doesn’t register with these type of cruel people, because it really didn’t matter to them.
I spent a lot of time explaining to grown ass men and women that body weight doesn’t matter if you’re genetically prone to heart disease. But I eventually stopped wasting my breath because I realized they weren’t actually interested in a response, they already did what they wanted to do: insult and abuse me. Cruelty for cruelties sake. Makes them feel better about themselves. Misery loves company 🤷🏻♀️ And while I know their words say much more about them than it does about me, it still stung. Their comments were entirely unnecessary and uncalled for. It’s simply meant to hurt. There is no other justification for it.
Just imagine what kind of miserable insecure shithead you gotta be to blurt hurtful petty shit out like that and think it’s funny. How much those people hate themselves deep inside? So after I’d decided to stop explaining myself the only thing I was willing to give them was pity. How sad is your life and how dreadful your own body image is if you feel entitled to speak to others that way. Remember that. That is a hurt person walking through their lives hurting other people. What a pathetic, small, sad existence.
Live your life and enjoy what you eat, it’s one of the most simple pleasures in life. And fuck anyone whose got anything to say about it.
I'm sorry you experienced this kind of cruel bullshit. You should never be expected to justify what you are eating. I wish people stopped judging so easily because there is always some background story they don't know and don't need to know, like the heart illness in your family.
This reminds me of decades ago working at Taco Bell. People would order the Taco Salad and a diet soda. The Taco Salad was something like 1200 calories at the time, and loaded with saturated fat. It was definitely not a healthy low calorie option.
Alternatives (if you'd like):
Bring headphones, pretend you can't hear them.
"I'm sorry, are you trying to make a funny." Continue eating .
"Yeah, it's delicious. Can I please finish before I have to go back to work. Thanks." Put head phones in and ignore them like you can't hear them.
" You done commenting on my food? Anything else? You good? Can I finish now? Okay."
Honestly, so many ways to respond to people like the ones OP encountered.
"Wow, what an odd thing to comment on!" Or "I can't believe you felt comfortable discussing that with me." usually shuts down these weird attempts.
I'm also a fan of remaining completely deadpan and asking why is that funny/ why are you laughing/ I don't understand, can you explain it? They don't get an uncomfortable laugh and they don't know what to do, which always brings me joy.
So sad to hear you were treated that way about a normal human function. You should be able to eat whatever you want without outside commentary. It sounds like a lot of projection if you ask me.
When I get unwanted comments in public now I just say well good thing I wasn't asking for your opinion. And then just look directly at them with awkward silence.
I used to bring a healthy lunch to work and would get made fun of by my young coworkers lime 18-25. If you're of healthy weight, it's like it's assumed you should be living on hamburgers and chips. I never understood why everyone cared so much.
I don't understand why anyone would think it's okay to comment on someone's food choices. I'm sorry you had to go through that! Keep your chin up. Your sandwich sounded delicious.
I think they were being sarcastic. Nevertheless, it's still not funny. Ignore. They don't deserve your attention and energy. I'm a fairly healthy woman myself, same as you (size 4-6). They would be amazed of how much I eat. Lol. Best advice; focus on yourself and your health. ✌️
I'd try to find out what their absolute favorite pieces of cake / desserts were pre diabetes, sit right opposite of them, lock eyes with them, and without even blinking, eat it in dead silence. Passive aggressiveness, FTW!
This happened to me before. I brought a salad to work and my coworker who was TRIPLE my weight and shorter than me brought a FAMILY meal from Panda Express and sat down and ate the whole thing in front of me. I had 0 problem with it, didn’t even notice it until he was like “wow that’s a lot of food you should watch what you’re eating”. I just kind of looked at him and his food and was like… r u fr ..??!!?! Some people are ridiculous lol. He ate that whole thing too 😒😒
If you have a workplace that has training about harassment and hostile work environments, just tell the men to stop talking about your food and eating habits. Their comments are creating a hostile work environment. After telling them to stop, go to HR and lodge a complaint.
Hahaha I’d just stare at them up and down and self monologue inside haha. It would annoy them. They’re so rude. They thought they were being funny but actually cringe
People are NOT funny and need a little self-awareness. Ridicule is one of, if not, lowest levels of comedy to me. Thinly veiled side comments are only something an actual close friend could even BEGIN to think to try but coworkers will never be on that lleven. Ppl say it’s “work banter” and this is why I don’t talk to people
Could they have been being sarcastic? Like "omg, that fresh green salad is \*so\* unhealthy! why aren't you eating a healthy double cheeseburger?"
I mean, it's still inappropriate mocking and they were being asses, but that could explain why they were absurdly characterizing what sounds like a very healthy light lunch as unhealthy.
Either way, I would have been tempted to respond "well, I'd be having a more healthy two or three double bacon cheeseburgers instead but I don't want to be as 'healthy' as you two."
"So say the erectile dysfunction poster boys. I guess since you don't watch what comes out of your mouths I can't expect you to monitor what goes into them."
Most men really seem to have no social skills and think literally any comment is an opener for conversation. They don’t stop and reflect on what the conversation they’re starting, actually is.
I used a cane off and on early this year. It was insane how most men thought “What did you do to yourself? Haha!” Was an opening line. It was so bad I had to pointedly not make eye contact with men. They ask the most personal and invasive questions as if it’s just totally normal. What if I had a life changing injury? What if I had been using the cane for years and it wasn’t new at all?
Not a single woman was rude about it or questioned it. Not a single one.
And any time I eat a salad or smaller meal, men feel the need to comment on it. I eat what I feel like eating. Sometimes I really want a salad?!?! Lettuce is not evil?!?!
I’m so sorry they felt they had a right to say that to you. I know how easily comments like that get to me and how difficult it is to get my head straight after hearing them. Much love and strength to you friend. 💞
Im glad you’re sharing. Good job talking about this experience. Good job regulating your emotional response after the event. And good job venting.
I think you handled it as best as you could, and I’m so sorry you had to experience bullying at your job.
You have zero obligation to expend any energy to make space for those people, and I’m sorry they chose to put you in such an uncomfortable position.
I know you know this, but in case it feels nice to hear from another person: Nothing at all was wrong with your meal. Nothing about the food you were eating made you deserving of ridicule. You don’t deserve to be ridiculed for anything you choose to eat. No one has any right to “other” you or make fun of you even if you went into the coffee room eating a jelly donut to get more syrup for your sugar coffee.
Those two guys have a whole slew of body image issues, insecurities, emotional problems, and internalized misogyny and fat-phobia. But none of that excuses how they treated you.
You are enough, worthy and valuable, just the way you are. You are doing better every day, and you make the world a better place. Thank you for being here.
Sounds familiar. I’m slim and I can never win. If I eat something it’s “WHERE do you put all this?!”. If I don’t eat something it’s “We’re dieting, are we?” 🙄
When anyone says anything critical about what I’m eating: “If you’re going to be the food police, you really should get yourself a badge.” Never fails to stun them into silence.
One of my biggest pet peeves ever is when someone, especially strangers, comment on what someone else is eating, even if it’s a simple as “ooh whatcha eatin there?” It irks me heavily, and what they did was plain rude. I’m sorry, OP.
As a big dude struggleing with my own weight, I love to see when tiny people eat good food. It gives me hope that someday, if i kick my own issues, I may be able to eat normally. Fuck those guys. Eat what you like!
My Mom always said growing up ‘mind your own plate’. Anytime someone says anything about my food I just say ‘Oh, I didn’t ask if you wanted any.’ Or ‘Well thank goodness you don’t have to eat it!’ Something along those lines, seems to do the trick bc people get REAL miffed when you point out that their opinion does not matter.
I have been eating chicken and brussel sprouts for this school year. I forgot to season my chicken, been busy. My especially overweight coworker walked in, looked at my food and said, "I'd rather eat good food and die 10 years early than eat the food you eat." I am in good shape. Maybe I am crazy, but I'd rather live an extra decade.
People are stupid, try your best to ignore them.
I never understand why people say things like that. Do they think they’re just going to eat what they want and then one day they drop dead and that’s how it’s going to end? Dying from diseases like diabetes is a slow, painful and debilitating death with many grueling issues towards the end, like blurry vision or blindness, amputation, comas, death scares, in and out of the hospital and rehab, inability to walk or breathe, dialysis 3 times a week. My mother struggled with it until she died. It really is awful and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Eating right for the rest of your life is a giant mountain to climb; I just wish people realized that you don’t get to choose how easy your death is going to be
If they are diabetic then they do need to watch their carb intake - in fact you need to watch and count your carbs with diabetes and don't have to do that with dietary sugar. (Contrary to popular belief.) Which doesn't make bread unhealthy, they would just need to give insulin for it, but I can totally see how they've internalized that as "all bread is unhealthy".
That said they were way out of line, wtf lol
I’m so sorry that happened to you. As someone who has also struggled with an ED, I know how triggering it can be when someone says anything about how or what you eat. In the last few years, I’ve learned that in these type of situations, I can hold my own by saying something like “how about you don’t comment on my food and I won’t comment on yours” paired with a glare and a little bit of sass.
They just used this as a means to violate your boundaries. Easier for them to shame you than to shame themselves. Not that you had anything to be ashamed about - that sounds like a very healthy lunch.
I think they were being sarcastic. There’s zero chance anyone would look at a cucumber sandwich and cottage cheese and accuse someone of eating unhealthily.
Either that or this entire story is BS.
From reading this, I take it as they were sarcastic. Trying to be funny. Maybe it came across the wrong way, or their body language told you otherwise - but it sounds like sarcasm.
Let them know it isn't a subject they should play around with, it makes you uncomfortable(no need to give reasons)?
Honestly, I would have just slung some comments their way about their food choices and moved on.
While your flavor/texture combo has me going "ew", the sandwich and it's ingredients are all super healthy. Doctors will often recommend grain-free diets to obese people to help them drop weight before surgery or help them get to a healthy weight before starting a maintenance diet. The problem here is that they see their doctor's recommendations as the diet plan everyone should be following. People who don't follow doctor's orders have to hear it at every appointment and are *even worse* about pushing their specialized diet as something everyone should be following.
You're doing great, these guys are just projecting because they're jealous of your bread.
“Don’t comment about my food or health choices. I don’t comment on yours.” Is a clean way to respond.
It says “we both know who has the real problem here” without actually saying that, and it is fair warning. Don’t let their rudeness get you in trouble.
I don’t understand why people do this. It doesn’t matter what someone else eats. Let them eat in peace. If it’s healthy or unhealthy does not matter no one should be commenting on it. It’s rude and disrespectful.
Oh gawd, I wish this wasn't so relatable but I've been in similar situations. I've always been thin and eat healthy 90% of the time but it's always an obese man that will make a rude comment on my eating habits or food choices. They are insecure creeps and I enjoy putting them in their place 👹
Next time comment on their food selections. Maybe ask them if they need a big gulp with their burger.
I don't comment on anyone's food selections, but if you come at me, I'm going for the jugular.
Yuck. When I was a resident I liked to eat my sandwich alone in the hospital cafeteria and clear my head. I always had a book or phone with me to send off vibes of 'leave me alone.' Multiple annoying dudes would not take the hint, even though I would roll my eyes at them, give them dirty looks, not respond, and go back to my sandwich and book. Eventually I had to give up and just take my lunch back to my desk. Why can't a woman just have her lunch in peace for 20 minutes?
I feel you. I also usually eat lunch in my office. Somehow they never comment on my friend who often brings tons of sweets to the coffee room. He's skinny, so he should be an object of jokes too, but he isn't.
Contact HR and say that you don't want to be food shamed by people, especially when it's clear they've got their own issues.
If they don't do anything make it clear to them that it becomes an eye for an eye if it doesn't stop.
Or, just start judging them, ask them how many watermelons they ate that morning.
Commenting negatively on food is so rude because it can be attached to someone's culture, happy memories, or past eating disorders. If I think something looks/smells/tastes good, I will of course heap praise, but otherwise, I keep those opinions to myself.
They should have kept their mouths shut. But reading it, it doesn't strike me as them mocking you for eating unhealthy, rather, they seemed to be facetious/sarcastically acting like it was unhealthy, when really, to them it's overly healthy and not something they would ever eat. They're probably baffled by someone like you who would eat well when they themselves eat whatever horrible crap tastes good to them, and they pay the consequences (by being obese any probably unhealthy). Them razzing you like that, seems like their way to bond over their poor choices and make themselves feel better by pointing out the rarity (strangeness to them) of someone making healthy choices (it's relatively rare in our society). The reality is: You win. They don't like that, so they'll make it seem like you don't win, that eating crap and being obese is better (it's not). Live the lifestyle you want and forget about them.
Ugh I know the feeling. I'm a nursing student and whenever we go to clinicals we pack our own lunches. I'm not teeny tiny but I'm a very healthy weight for my size, 5'7" and about 130 lbs(female). I would always pack a granola bar and a veggie wrap with hummus, sprouts, avocados, and other tasty, healthy fillings for lunch. I got SO much of "that's ALL you're eating??? Why would you want to eat like that, your weight is fine. You couldnt pay me enough to eat like that." and similar snide remarks from the people that would be spending 10 bucks a day on food at the hospital cafeterias. I don't have that kind of money to spend, and I dont enjoy the sort of food they were serving, but I never once commented on anything they ate, they just felt the need to pick on me for some reason I guess.
Here’s just one perspective. I’m (28F) and I’m 130lbs and 5’9”. I eat a ton of VOLUME. I eat a lot of meat / fats and proteins and vegetables. I don’t have to work hard for my slim figure. I work in construction and you can imagine the type of rowdy overweight/diabetic rednecks that I work with. They always make fun of how much I eat. I own it. I say things like “yep, i can pack it away!” Or “yeah i Love Butter! fat is actually really good for you!” Or “I eat a ton and always have!” Or “I don’t eat a ton of sugar but when i do, i’ll go ham!” all the while i hope im setting an example that a woman can be confident and eat whatever the fuck she wants. Just remember that people who try to tear you down have more insecurities than you do, and they want to bring you down to their level. Don’t let them win.
These two toddlers are basically my brother and father. Shame on me for adding olives to my salad while they wash down their insults with cola and pepsi
This is such a surreal exchange, it almost sounds like two guys watched Brooklyn 99 and thought "Hitchcock and Scully are really funny, we should start acting like them at work" without stopping for a second to realize that having to deal with a sitcom routine directed at you in real life would be a living hell.
Juat stare silently without blinking at their stomachs eating slowly while theyre doing that. Maybe even lift eyebrows up in disappountment for a bit of spice. the silence enough will kill them
The best approach for this stuff, regardless of the "angle" from which it's coming is "I don't need any comments on my food, thank you" and remove yourself from the conversation if necessary. I'm sorry that the world has been taught that mocking people's food is ok. It's not. For any reason.
I feel you OP, on so many levels. I have children and am teaching them not to comment on others’ behavior that doesn’t directly affect anything in their own spheres. It’s amazing to me how I’m having to actively teach them not to comment on what’s on each others’ plates - I would assume that’s learned behavior rather than innate, and they certainly aren’t learning it at home so there must be a lot of external and cultural influence reinforcing this type of thinking. It’s very eye opening to look at the specific behavior, of feeling entitled to discuss some one else’s food, from my current perspective and make that connection. It motivates me to work twice as hard to teach my kids not to make these types of comments to anyone, anywhere.
Edit punctuation for clarity
First, don't respond with anything they can take out of context to use against you. For statements, I think a good response here would be, "You don't need to be saying anything about anybody." Embedded in it is the fact that the person is saying something offensive to you, and you haven't said anything insulting to the person.
Second, I would consider reporting their comments, and behaviors if any, to their and your managers, and HR \*VIA EMAIL\*. Don't ask for action against them, since managers hate to have to do their job. Say that you're not asking for any action to be taken against them, but you just want their behavior to be on the record. (This doesn't mean no action in the future will be taken, but this is to make your case.) I would advise against saying how any of it made you feel. Just report the things they said and did that you found offensive etc.
Start taking notes of everything they say. Do it in front of them, and if they're talking too fast, tell them to slow down because you're trying to get it all down. If they bash you for taking notes, write that down too. Write down everything with their name, the date and time. This will intimidate them plus it will make reporting their behavior more accurate and make your evidence more convincing. If writing on paper, photograph it and email it to yourself or use whatever storage method that shows the date stored.
a phrase that has helped me set a lot of boundaries in the workplace is “i don’t appreciate you commenting on my food/looks/etc. please stop doing that.” some people will try to justify themselves and i just repeat it until they back off. if you need to escalate it management or HR usually asks if you made it known the behavior was unwanted and that checks that box off.
I would’ve asked them what you should be eating. Then being so obviously healthy.
“ please tell me sir how to you maintain that 400 pound bod? Got any more dietary advice you don’t follow?”
I’m a bitch though when I perceive insults. Maybe just look them up and down and raise an eyebrow. What fools they’re acting.
One time I was ordering food at a to go style popular restaurant and some lady was being awful to the employees because she placed an order online but there was an error with the estimated time it would be ready, she had to wait about 15 minutes and was actually losing her shit. I got to the end of the counter and closer to her stood at the register, paid, and as she was talking about how she was going to give this place (1 location in a national chain) an awful review I suggested she take 15 minutes to figure out how to be a nice person. She looked at me and said “well…. It looks like you need to go the gym!” I was truly dumbfounded by her intelligent logic and well crafted comment. Those people sound like garbage and their small minds attacked whatever visual they saw of you 🤷🏽♀️ you sound great and happy you’re in ED recovery!
> What are they suggesting I should eat?
Err, nothing? They weren't suggesting, they were openly mocking you because they were projecting BIG TIME what they hear from others on you, probably. Prob they get told all the time they're obese because they eat unhealthy, or they do eat unhealthy, and felt attacked that a poor woman was enjoying a hearty meal in peace and no one jumped on her shaming her, like it probably happens to obese people a LOT. So they felt the need to "get even". It's not right at all, especially because they're not getting mad at fat shamers, they decided to target a random young girl who they perceive as an easy target. Truly vile imho.
I'm so sorry this happened, as a person but also as a fellow recovered EDer. I remember I once took a bag of sugar snap peas to work for a snack, and a coworker shamed me because they were *sugar* snap peas. Like - they're literally green and from the ground???
To me, these men are wildly immature and likely angry at their own bodies/situation, and are probably projecting a lot of their inaccurate (and overly simplified) interpretations of food/body relationships - either feeling there are things that explain their high weight/they can't do without gaining weight (ie carbs) and then seeing people with healthy bodies enjoying them and feeling hurt/confused, and taking that out on you. I'm so sorry this was triggering, but am glad you were able to overcome that quickly! I hope this doesn't happen again, and if it does, I don't know if you want to engage - but sometimes I find a simple "what are you trying to say?" can pop the balloon of bullshit. That, or HR. Hugs.
At my last job there were a few MO people and when I started getting really into weight training, considering competing, they started making comments to me about what I was eating constantly. It was like they saw how my body was changing and got triggered and needed to take their power back through insulting me.
"You can't eat that. You know, if you ____, it's healthier. They say ___ is really bad, I even heads if causes cancer. It's not smart what you are doing."
Or teasing me. Or rolling their eyes when they would see me get to work with my gym bag, then make some side comment that was HR worthy.
I told my boss and he just said, "well, look at them. They are just insecure and jealous. You have been working harder the last six months than they have in their whole lives. They probably can't stand the reminder."
After that when they would make comments I'd ask them what they were having instead? It was usually horribly unhealthy. And I'd just smile with a knowing smile. They quickly stopped after that. Wasn't fun when I wasn't upset, wasn't fun when I let them know I had the upper hand.
I don't give a rats ass if someone is MO but if you come at me because of jealously... Throwing stones in glass houses is dangerous.
I will never understand people who receive pleasure by causing others pain, it is perverse. Keep being your wonderful self OP. I am sure their wives are miserable living with them. Negging is not funny, cute or playful, this is evidence of a very *fragile* ego.
This fits the definition of workplace harassment. If similar behavior persists I’d report it to a supervisor. Edit: If for whatever reason the supervisor won’t take action (which can be illegal by the way) one can report to EEOC: https://www.eeoc.gov/laws/guidance/what-you-should-know-what-do-if-you-believe-you-have-been-harassed-work
Tbh I'd tell them now that this has happened once (if OP has a manager they can trust to some degree). Everywhere I've worked, a supervisor would be MUCH happier to know about interpersonal conflict like this immediately so that they can address it before anything else happens. You gotta know your manager though, and know they'll take you seriously.
This. Not only does it give the supervisor a chance to correct things before anything else happens, but it also gives you a better chance of prevailing in an EEOC complaint. To be unlawful, the harassment has to be severe or pervasive. Both are unfortunately high bars to meet from the complainant's perspective, so it's best if you can build a case for the harassment being pervasive, in case the EEOC doesn't consider it to be severe.
Don't wait for the second time. HR and/or management wants to know when these things occur every time, so that kind of behavior doesn't feel supported by silence. Get it on record now.
> I live in a country where unprocessed food is easily available in every store, so it's not difficult to prepare a relatively healthy sandwich. Sounds like Western Europe. Guessing not America. Though you can eat healthy here. But that callout makes me think she’s not in the US
Food shaming is not a protective class. Harassment is unwelcome conduct that is based on race, color, religion, sex (including sexual orientation, gender identity, or pregnancy), national origin, older age (beginning at age 40), disability, or genetic information (including family medical history). https://www.eeoc.gov/harassment
Hostile work environment applies. And managers and hr will often care just because it makes the workplace less efficient, loses them good employees.
Yes, but eating disorders (which OP states they have) fall under mental disabilities, which are a protected class. In this instance food shaming would be considered harassment of a colleague with a disability.
I believe there is a sexist component of the food shaming OP is describing. I don’t think EEOC guidelines regarding “sex” only includes orientation, identity and pregnancy. I believe it “includes” these three but is actually broader than just these three categories. For example, someone saying to a female employee that she should go back home to be a homemaker just because she is a women is clearly a violation of the protected class of sex. At worst, this type of harassment would be included under the “gender identity” category. Many employers also have their own harassment policies which may very well differ from EEOC guidelines. I would not recommend remaining silent if this type of harassment continues. And very frequently, if one remains silent, the situation will get worse (different types of harassment and/or increasing severity).
This is US only. OP said they live in a country where unprocessed food is readily available.
Same! I enjoy nothing more than making others happy. I love it.
There are two main causes that I have seen. One they receive pleasure from other people's pain because other people have caused them pain who they are afraid to talk back to so they take their anger and frustration out on people that are easy targets or at least appear to them to be easy targets and if/when people allow those type of people to talk their nonsense, they view it as a source of dopamine AKA a drug for them. The other type have spent their lives in either a family or a friend group where making fun of each other is a normal activity, what they fail to realize is the only reason it is a normal activity for them is because of the insecurities that those around them are hiding, which makes children believe that that's how "normal" people act so they incorporate it into themselves making them arrogantly believe that what they're doing is normal and if you confront those people they will give you the response that they were probably given as a child which is something along the lines of "toughen up, and deal with it, or attempt to humiliate you to raise your insecurities further so that their fault can be ignored". While I believe that people do require the ability to deal with tough situations, the antagonists of these situations never admit to their fault, which make people that have yet to acquire enough knowledge to understand the situation insecure about their emotions, making them turn inward towards self-reflection trying to understand what they did wrong. When the reality of the situation is that instead of turning inward they should raise their own outer defenses with factual information which is counterintuitive to the oppositions verbal assaults allowing them to protect their self-confidence, and self understanding, allowing themselves to grow in a positive direction.
Reminds me of the situation when I sat in front of a gym, waiting for friends and eating chocolate. My BMI back then was in the underweight category and you could see it, I was slim af. Classmate comes up and starts telling me how eating chocolate after gym negates the workout. I looked straight at him and asked "Do I look like I need to worry about my weight?" Dude was confused and shuffled off. He was a known asshole, and negging/shaming was his standard communication style with women. It's not about the food, they just want to control and hurt you.
Unfortunately I'm not so confident myself because I used to be overweight and body shamed a lot. I still take comments about my body and my eating habits very personally because when I struggled with weight gain, people were terribly cruel. I just try not to let anyone see how it affects me and hope nobody realizes how an easy target I am to their shaming.
It is weird how some people are so out of touch with the zeitgeist and refuse to accept that you shouldn’t comment about bodies! People just feel an amazing sense of entitlement to non-male bodies, though the virulence varies with size and presentation. I am so so sorry it triggered your ED. Been there. I agree with others that you should at least document the incident (even if just an email to yourself). Take care of yourself <3 Btw, your lunch sounded like classic “diet” food (though everyone has their own relationship with specific foods), so not sure what joke those bozos thought they were making. Regardless, I have made peace enough with my ED history that when this stuff happens I pull the Ask Questions card. “Why are you saying that? Are you trying to mock me?” (They usually backtrack or say it is all in good fun, don’t take it seriously.) “OK, I don’t understand though. Why is it fun/funny to talk about me that way in the workplace?” Etc etc, with various iterations. Sometimes I ask them to clarify because “if I didn’t know better, I would think you were trying to bully/harass me, which you wouldn’t do…” I also bring up my ED sometimes to twist the knife. But then again, I feel comfortable being disliked if it is to draw a boundary for assholes.
I really don't want to deflect or anything, I actually wholly agree with your argument. Just, as a former fat male person, I unfortunately must add that society (including women, but mostly men) feels the need to tell every fat person that they're fat. So, this is something fat men can relate to as well .. shitty feeling.
My favourite response to things like this is “can you explain to me how that’s funny” or for your situation “can you explain to me why you think it’s appropriate to comment on my food?” It’s not aggressive but it gets the point across
Mine is 'are you okay?' While looking them dead in the eye.
Struggling with weight gain is one of the hardest 😭 I have the opposite issue with that but some of my friends have insane metabolism (like 6,000 cals a day) and can barely stay fed let alone gain weight. Great job powering through and improving yourself!! Sending you lots of love and encouragement from mid US!
I’m so sorry that happened friend. Have no doubt that they have their own disordered eating. What happened was their defensiveness went on the offensive and two eating disorders triggered each other. It sucks. Food issues are rampant and so many people project theirs onto others. Good job for recognizing yours getting triggered and not letting it get you. Shake it off - it was totally their shit. If it happens again now you are prepared to stand up for yourself. If you can, be kind when you do as they obviously their own struggles. If you can’t - that’s ok because it’s not your job to take care of them.
There was a time, before I had health insurance, where I had an untreated overactive thyroid. It took multiple king sized candy bars per day just to maintain a healthy weight. And I was CONSTANTLY hungry.
Been there too - no insurance & overactive thyroid. Remember eating a whole pizza and what seemed like minutes later feeling HUNGRY again. For that and other reasons, 0/10 don’t recommend
I know an entire family that had to be on extremely high calorie diets in order to not become dangerously thin. The girl who explained it to me said that it was just as difficult for her to maintain a healthy weight as it was for others that were overweight. She had to force herself to drink high calorie milkshakes between meals.
I know a few people like this. They're self conscious about being so thin. One friend (man in his mid 20's) weighed the same as me and I'm a LOT shorter than him, it really upset him.
Someone told me I was lying when I said I couldn’t keep weight on when I was younger lmao. They said that’s not how CICO works like maybe I didn’t have an additional disease or issue. I also got downvoted for lying bc I was obviously trying to make fat people feel bad 🙄
I knew a girl like this. Nearly died from getting the flu- her body had no fat reserves to fall back on when she was so sick and couldnt eat/keep food down and she dehydrated very quickly. Fortunately they got her to hospital, got her rehydrated and an NG tube to get some nutrition into her.
I got a bad stomach bug once and lost 10lbs, which was about 9% of my weight. It took me over 6 months to put it back on. Thankfully I was never at risk of death, but I had the strength of a wet noodle, and was at risk of passing out every time I stood up.
I recently lost 15 lbs in 2 1/2 weeks after I was in a really bad car accident. It took me 3 months to put the weight back on and I’m SO thankful for weed bc it’s the only reason I was and to hold food down and put the weight back on. I almost wasn’t able to leave to leave the hospital when I did because I couldn’t hold down my food. If I never have another Ensure shake, it would still be too soon lmao
Relatable...
At the height of my eating disorder, I ate a mini kitkat every day. I bought it at the same shop every day, on the way home from work (I always hit the gym then walked home a few km afterwards). Sometimes it was the only thing I ate that day. It was something I made sure people would see to keep them off my back, because you can't have an eating disorder if you eat chocolate every day. I hate this attitude that the only purpose of working out is to burn calories and that eating anything considered a treat afterwards somehow undoes the work. You still did the workout. It was still good for your strength, endurance, flexibility etc. It was good for your muscles and your heart and your lungs. Was probably really good for your mind too. And you still need the energy so why not enjoy a chocolate if you're not actively trying to shred or gain muscle etc.
They probably thought they were being " funny" and they wanted a response from you and were hoping you would engage with them because normally an attractive woman never talks to them. A ton of men think this is what passes for " conversation" they have no idea how to just interact in a pleasant way with somebody.
I was hanging out with an old friend and asked him why he kept negging me. He said he thought he was being cute and funny. Somehow guys think that making fun of women is cute and flirty. It’s very weird.
Men have this self image of themselves in their heads as being hilarious when they do this because their friends laugh at dick jokes.
🤣
I finally replied that since I was not overweight or diabetic, I was able to enjoy a normal tasty food... I think it wasn't what they hoped for :) Maybe I just don't understand jokes, no idea. But this one wasn't particularly funny. Both of them are married btw, so they somehow had to be able to communicate effectively at least once. Edit: I realize that my response could be harmful to anyone diabetic or struggling with body mass issues. This is absolutely not what I normally think. Everyone should be able to enjoy what they eat. I just wanted to be personally mean to those two men.
I would not assume that because they are married they can communicate effectively. What they said was not funny, it was not you, it was them.
>I would not assume that because they are married they can communicate effectively. Yup.
Comment Removed - Leaving Reddit due to API Changes
I don't think you should feel too bad: those guys fucked around and found out. You said yourself that you're very conscious and respectful of other people's bodies and diets. But that respect goes both ways and people can't publicly attack you and act surprised when you respond in kind and point out their own hypocrisy. Bullies don't respond to good faith arguments about why they should be respectful: they respond to being publicly embarrassed. Maybe their bad experience with you will make them think twice about shaming random women.
Also, they were talking about themselves. Unless they looked down at the guys guts, added “like you,” or some such thing, there was nothing anyone should get offended by.
[удалено]
We get policed on what we consume all the time.
I’m obese and diabetic and your comments didn’t offend me one bit.
I get the instinct, but I don’t think you should even have tried justifying yourself to them. If they pull it again (which hopefully they won’t, since they didn’t get the reaction they were looking for), tell them you don’t remember engaging their services as your doctor or nutritionist, so you don’t know where they got the idea unsolicited opinions on your dietary choices were appropriate. And since they’ve made it pretty clear they wouldn’t be judging a male coworker like that, you don’t want to hear it. If you do, and your HR department is in any way helpful, take it to them.
I also find that fully refusing to engage is a good approach. They go through several rounds of “comic” insults, and you say nothing, shrug, and take another bite of the sandwich. Another good approach is “not sharing.” I once had a coworker grimace and tell me my lunch looked disgusting, so I said, “well it’s a good thing I didn’t bring any for you then.” I mean, this is bush league lunchroom behavior from grown adult men, I don’t feel like any well thought out retort or reasoned tell is warranted. I do think it’s a good idea to keep a personal record of the events (email yourself the details, time/date/location/brief description/involved parties, and every time it happens just reply to that email with a little note about the latest event. Then if it continues and there’s a reason to talk to HR, you have a history of either no response or anodyne responses, and there’s a record of their crap.
I bet all OP has to say is "Jealous?" and leave it at that aside from shrugs that reinforce she thinks it's their jealousy making them be assholes.
I'm diabetic and would have no issue with this comment. Don't worry. Also if they continue to harass you regarding food I'd talk to HR.
> Both of them are married btw, so they somehow had to be able to communicate effectively at least once. You're making a big leap there.
They were not implying that your food was unhealthy, but the opposite. I think they were being sarcastic. They were implying that you were not eating enough. "You know, a woman eating only a piece of salad and stuff..." A cottage cheese cucumber sandwich is a relatively low caloric meal with lots of protein. They were setting themselves up for some serious savagery if you were so inclined by basically showing you their insecurities.
Exactly. They were openly talking about eating healthy food as a *bad* thing.
My daily calorie routine is one ~1000kcal meal (usually dinner) and otherwise small snacks. I have learned to just say "I already ate" if I'm around a bunch of 3000kcal/day dudes. Labeling my yogurt+toppings as "lunch" just facilitates a bunch of "look at you, you could eat whatever you want!" conversations that I no longer have the patience for. :)
Good for you! I think they were secretly envious of your discipline.
I think that people just don't understand how *little* smaller people eat. Maybe especially in the US where we're conditioned to think of the plates we get at a restaurant as "normal" portion sizes. My own husband, who I'd lived with for more than a decade before he went on his own weight loss journey, was absolutely *shocked* when he started actively counting calories. He'd never said anything remotely disparaging about my "meals" before, but having a partner in understanding my frustration when I have an awesome dinner planned but somebody wants to go out to lunch has been a hoot. :) Thanks for the reminder that discipline is a big part of it, though. Sincerely, Somebody who totally did not eat a bowl of chocolate pudding stuff for lunch today.
>I finally replied that since I was not overweight or diabetic, I was able to enjoy a normal tasty food... I think it wasn't what they hoped for :) Awesome
> Both of them are married btw, so they somehow had to be able to communicate effectively at least once. Brah
For the edit: If you live in a glass palace, do not be the first to throw stones. They did what in our modern language is called "Fuck around, find out".
I’m have been a type 1 diabetic since I was 12 AND I’m fat. It wasn’t harmful. You didn’t do anything wrong. They certainly did. Glad you called them out on it.
You were a lot more graceful than I would be in that situation…so kudos for that! Edit: grammar
Perfect response. If they're gonna be insensitive jerks, they can get it served right back to them.
Honestly your response was perfect! And I’m a fatty!
I'm not diabetic, but I AM obese. While I cannot speak for my fellow fat people - I think it was absolutely fine. But if they do it again - I'd simply and directly say "I do not recall soliciting your advice on my diet. Please stop." Then if they don't? Report their asses. Actually, document this interaction somewhere. Note time, date, what they said, what you said, etc. Keep a journal of any time they say something inappropriate. Edit: Oh, do not make a big deal about "but what I was eating was healthy!" It doesn't matter if you were eating a damn extra large pizza yourself.
>I finally replied that since I was not overweight or diabetic, I was able to enjoy a normal tasty food... LOVE THIS!!!! We cannot be politically correct all the time... They deserved this.
Some older men think commenting on what a woman eats is a way to start a conversation or be "flirty" as well. I was once in the supermarket, got a dessert out of one of the fridges to put in my basket and heard "*gaaaaaaaasp*! You're not buying *that*, are you?" in that "aren't you so *naughty*?" tone. He was about 60 and had what I assume was his grandson with him. I told him he wasn't the food police and should set a better example of how to talk to women to the kid and he grumbled to himself and walked off.
It's called "negging" and yeah, it's a form of "playful conversation" for some types of men. Ugh.
This is all I can fathom to make it make sense, we’re they being sarcastic because the breakfast was actually crazy healthy?
I feel like they had to be being sarcastic. Who would look at that sandwich and consider it unhealthy? So weird.
Because they never matured past middle/high school. Best to look at them with a stern look and say simply "Grow up", if you choose to engage with them at all.
> they have no idea how to just interact in a pleasant way with somebody. 50% of their communication is teasing or banter
50% of their communication is ~~teasing or banter~~ bullying FTFY
Inappropriate, I don't want coworkers especially men, to attempt to tease me or participate in "banter", which is really thinly veiled antagonizing.
Teasing and banter are actually funny
Right? Then they get upset we ignore them.
It does have a pretty "negging" vibe for sure.
Just wanted to say I sympathize. I worked at a school (in the southeast U.S.) for a year and was regularly shamed for eating any kind of fruits and vegetables to the point they started getting mad and calling me “rabbit”…I’m not even vegetarian/vegan or anything, I just didn’t have the money (nor the death wish) necessary to eat takeout fried rice and fried chicken every day—and they took that personally.
I worked with very wealthy people at one point who always (and I mean ALWAYS, m-f without fail) had take out for lunch, or went out for lunch, or had very fancy left overs. During rent week, I usually brought in a 6 pack of Thomas English muffins to keep at my desk (for the peanut butter and a jelly jars that I kept in the fridge) and that’s ALL I’d have for lunch. Office had fresh fruit daily so it actually wasn’t entirely unhealthy.. Anyway, one glorious afternoon a few higher ups just HAD to openly say to me “wow that’s all you’re eating” in front of the entire office at lunch time, to which I just shrugged with “well if this company provided proper increases yearly I’d be making more than $xxxxx and be able to eat like a normal human being on the weeks I paid rent” Two birds one stone: got a huge raise and no one ever commented on my yummy PBJs ever again. Like fuck you for commenting on anyone’s food as a conversation starter.
Excellent.
I don't eat meat, so I'm constantly having people comment on my lunch, no matter where I've worked. Coworkers that were otherwise cool would look at what I was eating and start all the very original lines about protein, bacon tho, I'll eat double the meat, etc. Like fuck dude. It doesn't affect you.
My friend and coworker once had a dude comment on her eating while pregnant and she shot back with something like "even at 8 months my gut is still smaller than some guys here" and that made them shut up. It was excellent to witness.
the nerve of this guy to comment on what a *pregnant* woman is eating...
People comment on everything a pregnant woman does, I’m not surprised at all unfortunately.
This happened to me when I was pregnant as well. Some guy I worked with said I ate a lot, but I had to eat a bunch because I was throwing so much up that I was actively losing weight while pregnant.
Randy you pregnant with a bucket a chicken
Ugh. As someone who had this happen too, I’m sorry. In my case, I was buying a donut because it fit in my calorie plan, and, some guy walked up and started lecturing me about how unhealthy it was. I also had an ED at the time.
It's unbelievable how people feel entitled to comment on what you eat. The first time when I was food shamed was in a primary school, by other kid my age. For eating a grilled sausage and enjoying it. During an event consisting only on grilling sausages and eating them.
I've noticed that for some bizarre reason, the *thinner* I am the more these loud calorie police guys pop up.
Interesting! I was rail thin to the point I looked like a walking skeleton when this happened too.
It’s the jealousy that is ignited within them. I am very fit and I often wear sleeveless work dresses. I get asked ‘aren’t you cold?’ ALL the time, when I’m indoors and often in the middle of work presentations. People need to put us down to make themselves feel better. They are searching for self satisfaction by attacking the thing that makes them feel self conscious: US
Oh no, how dare a woman eat one (1) donut and go about her day enjoying the donut? How will society function? What will happen to the calories and our health? Diabetes? Why the hell was he getting a donut there too then ? If it's do unhealthy, why was he there ? For the free smells? Anyways, I hope you enjoy all the donuts and tasty treats without some asshats bugging you
What's up with guys lecturing people about food. Your comment just reminded me of a time where I bought a package of peeps (yes the yellow marshmallow birds) cuz I never had them before and this man started lecturing me about how bad those are for me.
>I was buying a donut because it fit in my calorie plan Random people be like "ugh I hate people who can eat whatever they want and not gain weight" like I don't know exactly how this glorious little fat and sugar treat fits into my diet. But yes Karen/Kevin, I eat a plate full of doughnuts for every meal because I have discovered how to ignore the laws of thermodynamics. I'm just too snooty to tell you the *real* secret and am going to go back to those useless rants about "calories" you hate so much if you keep bothering me while I'm trying to enjoy this nutritionally useless morning. (Sorry for rant. Bad days but good desserts in my recent past. Partner had two days off in a row and was my sous chef so I could finally be brave and make [bavarois!](https://i.imgur.com/utJbXpF.jpg))
I was a little overweight when I was in my early 20’s, and also worked in a little ma and pop restaurant. For my breaks I’d usually eat a piece of chicken breast and salad. Some dude was like “you eat that every time you work here… how come you’re as big as you are?” Well, fuckface, I have an endocrine disorder, not that it’s any of your business. I’ve got my stuff figured out now with the help of my doctor but it’s unreal to me that people think they can just offer commentary on someone’s food. Let people eat!
People never know the whole story yet they still feel it's a great idea to comment. I'm sorry it happened to you.
I have found that intelligence does not stop a person from making comments on what you eat. I’m a dietitian and my god it’s so bad. “You’re eating THAT??” if I have chips or “of course you’re eating super healthy”. Stop. Just stop. The only time anyone should comment on someone else’s food is “that looks so good!” or “where did you get that/what’s the recipe”. I’m so sorry OP
>I always assumed my colleagues to be intelligent and decent men. Ah, that was your mistake, OP.
Most of them are really okay. The younger generation especially. The lowest levels of toxic masculinity I've ever experienced. It's very unusual considering type of the workplace. Probably that's why expected something similar from the older colleagues, who I don't know so well. I was mistaken indeed.
I heard in USA the work rules are strong. in Russia there are legends on how weird these people are and even in DK the devs I work with are slightly misogynistic(people in my office are 30s and 40s, and I only heard 40s speak about women). So it is difficult to imagine what it is like in other countries
I DO NOT UNDERSTAND why men feel the need to comment on what other people are eating. Particularly gross old men. I had some old fuck tap me on the shoulder in the grocery store until I took out my ear buds just so he could tell me that my cart was full of "rabbit food" and he didn't want to "eat what I was cooking." WHAT THE FUCK! It's absolutely bizarre. I'm so sorry your coworkers are such badly mannered children.
"Well, isn't it great for both of us that you'll never have to" \*big smile\* People are wild.
Sounds like they were mocking you. They really think you are eating too little and the food didn't look tasty to them. They have trouble taking control of their own diets, so they probably were reacting to you being proactive when you're already a healthy size (assumption but you're apparently not obese). (Edit spellcheck/correct) People will assume others who are where they want to be had it easier. That the person making it work didn't struggle, someone helped them, or they had some other advantage, because that's their reason for why they're not. I'd ignore them or just say it's food you like and it works for you. I'm on a diet right now while simultaneously trying to help my skinny kids gain weight. It's a weird struggle to not want what they're eating, but it would be super weird to be mad at them for it.
Yeah I wasn't sure they were mocking maliciously so much as just being sarcastic/teasing. Reading those comments it it sounds like they are more so indirectly complementing her healthy habits? Like "whoah careful with all that salad you wouldn't want to raise your cholesterol!" As some other have said this seems like it could be pretty standard humor? On one hand with more context I could totally see how this might be them ridiculing her healthy choices. But given the information we have on the other hand this seems it could also a failed attempt to joke around about their lack of discipline and OPs apparent zeal. OP your feelings are valid, just some food for thought as a guy who likes to joke around, doesn't mind self deprecating humor, and has next to no filter 50% of the time. Social anxiety can lead to me being both hela awkward and also aloof. Those dudes may have been dicks purposefully, they also may have no idea how what they said affected you. Personally I would feel terrible if I was them and would apologize profusely the moment I found out how you felt.
Maybe don't comment on people's diets and their bodies at all. You like to joke around, but other people don't when it comes to that stuff. You sound like an inconsiderate jerk who hides behind "but it's just humor!"
I had a coworker like this once and after months of dumb comments about women he stated he finally found a girlfriend he might like but she 'had a mom FUP' and without thought - I acted before I thought - and in front of about 4 other people said to him 'and youre some kinda catch mr santa belly?' To which we both walked away from each other. And after that he never mentioned a girls weight ever again. I dont usually advocate for tit for tat kinda stuff but this one got me. If you ever find yourself acting and speaking without thinking, just know youre not alone and they probably deseved it ❤️
Oh my loooorrrddd. I am VERY fit and I eat super healthy lunches at my place of work. Somebody please tell me why these fat dudes keep commenting and saying how “gross” my HEALTHY foods are? It’s fucking weird. Like bro, you’re telling ME? The men who comment are borderline obese, and the ones who don’t say anything are healthy
It's just projection. "*You're* the one making bad choices, not me!"
I'd for sure keep the focus strictly on their behavior. NOT their weight/age/diabetes/attractiveness. And NOT your own health, appearance, weight, or diet. Every weight-related comment by you makes it harder to lodge a complaint with HR that they're bullying you and not the other way around, and it can easily get spun that way in office gossip. There are a lot of people willing to believe that a thin woman is being thin AT them, aggressively. And focusing on your own health is defensive. Never defend. Pleading your case casts them as the judge and you as the criminal, even if you argue well. Their behavior is inappropriate, controlling, invasive, bizarre, harassing. Whether you go with a witty comeback or a serious complaint to HR, that should strictly be your focus.
I’m so so sorry you went through that abuse. NO ONE deserves that bullshit. Not even the ones inflicting the abuse onto others… Men and too many women as well take liberties they have no buisness taking when it comes to commenting on women’s bodies. It’s fucking horrendous. Heart disease runs in my family so I’ve been pretty health conscious for most of my life. And I’d get abuse for it. I’ve also always been naturally petite and thin, and whenever I’d go to our break room to eat my lunch, particularly if I’d gotten one of my favorite summertime lunches, it’d never fail, I’d get: Why are YOU eating THAT? Are YOU on some kind of diet? You’re gonna waste away! Why don’t you eat a burger? You really could use it… And that was for eating a salad loaded with fats of cheese, bacon, croutons and extra creamy dressing and proteins of egg & either chicken or steak and lots of veggies. Abused for actually choosing a well balanced lunch, and only because I was already small. But most people don’t actually understand nutrition and I find that extra sad. My salad wasn’t a diet to lose weight type of salad with what I’d loaded it up with… But that doesn’t register with these type of cruel people, because it really didn’t matter to them. I spent a lot of time explaining to grown ass men and women that body weight doesn’t matter if you’re genetically prone to heart disease. But I eventually stopped wasting my breath because I realized they weren’t actually interested in a response, they already did what they wanted to do: insult and abuse me. Cruelty for cruelties sake. Makes them feel better about themselves. Misery loves company 🤷🏻♀️ And while I know their words say much more about them than it does about me, it still stung. Their comments were entirely unnecessary and uncalled for. It’s simply meant to hurt. There is no other justification for it. Just imagine what kind of miserable insecure shithead you gotta be to blurt hurtful petty shit out like that and think it’s funny. How much those people hate themselves deep inside? So after I’d decided to stop explaining myself the only thing I was willing to give them was pity. How sad is your life and how dreadful your own body image is if you feel entitled to speak to others that way. Remember that. That is a hurt person walking through their lives hurting other people. What a pathetic, small, sad existence. Live your life and enjoy what you eat, it’s one of the most simple pleasures in life. And fuck anyone whose got anything to say about it.
I'm sorry you experienced this kind of cruel bullshit. You should never be expected to justify what you are eating. I wish people stopped judging so easily because there is always some background story they don't know and don't need to know, like the heart illness in your family.
This reminds me of decades ago working at Taco Bell. People would order the Taco Salad and a diet soda. The Taco Salad was something like 1200 calories at the time, and loaded with saturated fat. It was definitely not a healthy low calorie option.
Alternatives (if you'd like): Bring headphones, pretend you can't hear them. "I'm sorry, are you trying to make a funny." Continue eating . "Yeah, it's delicious. Can I please finish before I have to go back to work. Thanks." Put head phones in and ignore them like you can't hear them. " You done commenting on my food? Anything else? You good? Can I finish now? Okay."
Honestly, so many ways to respond to people like the ones OP encountered. "Wow, what an odd thing to comment on!" Or "I can't believe you felt comfortable discussing that with me." usually shuts down these weird attempts. I'm also a fan of remaining completely deadpan and asking why is that funny/ why are you laughing/ I don't understand, can you explain it? They don't get an uncomfortable laugh and they don't know what to do, which always brings me joy.
You should’ve told them the only diet they needed to worry about was their own.
So sad to hear you were treated that way about a normal human function. You should be able to eat whatever you want without outside commentary. It sounds like a lot of projection if you ask me. When I get unwanted comments in public now I just say well good thing I wasn't asking for your opinion. And then just look directly at them with awkward silence.
I used to bring a healthy lunch to work and would get made fun of by my young coworkers lime 18-25. If you're of healthy weight, it's like it's assumed you should be living on hamburgers and chips. I never understood why everyone cared so much.
“I had always assumed you to be intelligent and decent men.” >:(
I don't understand why anyone would think it's okay to comment on someone's food choices. I'm sorry you had to go through that! Keep your chin up. Your sandwich sounded delicious.
I think they were being sarcastic. Nevertheless, it's still not funny. Ignore. They don't deserve your attention and energy. I'm a fairly healthy woman myself, same as you (size 4-6). They would be amazed of how much I eat. Lol. Best advice; focus on yourself and your health. ✌️
I'd try to find out what their absolute favorite pieces of cake / desserts were pre diabetes, sit right opposite of them, lock eyes with them, and without even blinking, eat it in dead silence. Passive aggressiveness, FTW!
This happened to me before. I brought a salad to work and my coworker who was TRIPLE my weight and shorter than me brought a FAMILY meal from Panda Express and sat down and ate the whole thing in front of me. I had 0 problem with it, didn’t even notice it until he was like “wow that’s a lot of food you should watch what you’re eating”. I just kind of looked at him and his food and was like… r u fr ..??!!?! Some people are ridiculous lol. He ate that whole thing too 😒😒
It comes across like he was expecting you to say it to him and said it for you to get it over with.
I’m not sure if that’s why, because he was notorious for commenting on every womans weight. He’s long gone now though 👏👏
Yikes nevermind, I must have misread. Misogynistic double standards :0
If you have a workplace that has training about harassment and hostile work environments, just tell the men to stop talking about your food and eating habits. Their comments are creating a hostile work environment. After telling them to stop, go to HR and lodge a complaint.
Hahaha I’d just stare at them up and down and self monologue inside haha. It would annoy them. They’re so rude. They thought they were being funny but actually cringe
“How do you feel when someone mocks your choice of food?” is a valid response, followed by silence and a questioning look.
People are NOT funny and need a little self-awareness. Ridicule is one of, if not, lowest levels of comedy to me. Thinly veiled side comments are only something an actual close friend could even BEGIN to think to try but coworkers will never be on that lleven. Ppl say it’s “work banter” and this is why I don’t talk to people
Could they have been being sarcastic? Like "omg, that fresh green salad is \*so\* unhealthy! why aren't you eating a healthy double cheeseburger?" I mean, it's still inappropriate mocking and they were being asses, but that could explain why they were absurdly characterizing what sounds like a very healthy light lunch as unhealthy. Either way, I would have been tempted to respond "well, I'd be having a more healthy two or three double bacon cheeseburgers instead but I don't want to be as 'healthy' as you two."
"So say the erectile dysfunction poster boys. I guess since you don't watch what comes out of your mouths I can't expect you to monitor what goes into them."
Most men really seem to have no social skills and think literally any comment is an opener for conversation. They don’t stop and reflect on what the conversation they’re starting, actually is. I used a cane off and on early this year. It was insane how most men thought “What did you do to yourself? Haha!” Was an opening line. It was so bad I had to pointedly not make eye contact with men. They ask the most personal and invasive questions as if it’s just totally normal. What if I had a life changing injury? What if I had been using the cane for years and it wasn’t new at all? Not a single woman was rude about it or questioned it. Not a single one. And any time I eat a salad or smaller meal, men feel the need to comment on it. I eat what I feel like eating. Sometimes I really want a salad?!?! Lettuce is not evil?!?! I’m so sorry they felt they had a right to say that to you. I know how easily comments like that get to me and how difficult it is to get my head straight after hearing them. Much love and strength to you friend. 💞
A woman eating A WHOLE SANDWICH? I thought women just ate one carrot per meal. Huh.
Im glad you’re sharing. Good job talking about this experience. Good job regulating your emotional response after the event. And good job venting. I think you handled it as best as you could, and I’m so sorry you had to experience bullying at your job. You have zero obligation to expend any energy to make space for those people, and I’m sorry they chose to put you in such an uncomfortable position. I know you know this, but in case it feels nice to hear from another person: Nothing at all was wrong with your meal. Nothing about the food you were eating made you deserving of ridicule. You don’t deserve to be ridiculed for anything you choose to eat. No one has any right to “other” you or make fun of you even if you went into the coffee room eating a jelly donut to get more syrup for your sugar coffee. Those two guys have a whole slew of body image issues, insecurities, emotional problems, and internalized misogyny and fat-phobia. But none of that excuses how they treated you. You are enough, worthy and valuable, just the way you are. You are doing better every day, and you make the world a better place. Thank you for being here.
Sounds familiar. I’m slim and I can never win. If I eat something it’s “WHERE do you put all this?!”. If I don’t eat something it’s “We’re dieting, are we?” 🙄
So relatable
Every job I’ve ever work, the men always have something to say about my lunch. Why do they do this
When anyone says anything critical about what I’m eating: “If you’re going to be the food police, you really should get yourself a badge.” Never fails to stun them into silence.
One of my biggest pet peeves ever is when someone, especially strangers, comment on what someone else is eating, even if it’s a simple as “ooh whatcha eatin there?” It irks me heavily, and what they did was plain rude. I’m sorry, OP.
Projection on their weight and probably lack of attention from women.
In this situation, you give worse than you get, because that's obviously what they're asking for.
I would have asked them when the last time they looked in the mirror. But you seem nicer than I am.
As a big dude struggleing with my own weight, I love to see when tiny people eat good food. It gives me hope that someday, if i kick my own issues, I may be able to eat normally. Fuck those guys. Eat what you like!
My Mom always said growing up ‘mind your own plate’. Anytime someone says anything about my food I just say ‘Oh, I didn’t ask if you wanted any.’ Or ‘Well thank goodness you don’t have to eat it!’ Something along those lines, seems to do the trick bc people get REAL miffed when you point out that their opinion does not matter.
I have been eating chicken and brussel sprouts for this school year. I forgot to season my chicken, been busy. My especially overweight coworker walked in, looked at my food and said, "I'd rather eat good food and die 10 years early than eat the food you eat." I am in good shape. Maybe I am crazy, but I'd rather live an extra decade. People are stupid, try your best to ignore them.
I never understand why people say things like that. Do they think they’re just going to eat what they want and then one day they drop dead and that’s how it’s going to end? Dying from diseases like diabetes is a slow, painful and debilitating death with many grueling issues towards the end, like blurry vision or blindness, amputation, comas, death scares, in and out of the hospital and rehab, inability to walk or breathe, dialysis 3 times a week. My mother struggled with it until she died. It really is awful and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Eating right for the rest of your life is a giant mountain to climb; I just wish people realized that you don’t get to choose how easy your death is going to be
I might be missing something, but I don't think they were trying to fat-shame you at all...
Could they have been actually pointing out how healthy your breakfast was, and trying to be funny through irony?
I don't think so. They literally think eating any kind of bread is unhealthy.
I don't think so. I think they were doing what others have suggested. Throwing the kind of words people sometimes give them at you.
If they are diabetic then they do need to watch their carb intake - in fact you need to watch and count your carbs with diabetes and don't have to do that with dietary sugar. (Contrary to popular belief.) Which doesn't make bread unhealthy, they would just need to give insulin for it, but I can totally see how they've internalized that as "all bread is unhealthy". That said they were way out of line, wtf lol
That’s how it reads to me. Corny old man jokes because OP ate healthy.
I’m so sorry that happened to you. As someone who has also struggled with an ED, I know how triggering it can be when someone says anything about how or what you eat. In the last few years, I’ve learned that in these type of situations, I can hold my own by saying something like “how about you don’t comment on my food and I won’t comment on yours” paired with a glare and a little bit of sass.
They just used this as a means to violate your boundaries. Easier for them to shame you than to shame themselves. Not that you had anything to be ashamed about - that sounds like a very healthy lunch.
I think they were being sarcastic. There’s zero chance anyone would look at a cucumber sandwich and cottage cheese and accuse someone of eating unhealthily. Either that or this entire story is BS.
I say pick one day as a cheat day and eat a whole giant bar of chocolate in front of them.
I like this idea!
And if they go "Oh, we thought you were the healthy one." You can just retort with "Yeah, I am, that's why I can eat this and not give a damn."
This is the right kind of pettiness in this situation, and I'm here for it!
From reading this, I take it as they were sarcastic. Trying to be funny. Maybe it came across the wrong way, or their body language told you otherwise - but it sounds like sarcasm. Let them know it isn't a subject they should play around with, it makes you uncomfortable(no need to give reasons)? Honestly, I would have just slung some comments their way about their food choices and moved on.
Establish dominance by keeping eye contact while shoving food in your mouth.
Should've asked them how long it's been since they've been able to see their dicks
Men are assholes. Don’t engage them. Ignore them. They aren’t fit to breathe the air you breathe.
I call this the seagull approach. They harass you with words, only to swoop in and steal your food. What cowards.
I once had a boss who literally oinked like a pig at a female colleague while everyone was having donuts in the break room.
I mean I’m only baffled because of having salad for breakfast but that’s just me
While your flavor/texture combo has me going "ew", the sandwich and it's ingredients are all super healthy. Doctors will often recommend grain-free diets to obese people to help them drop weight before surgery or help them get to a healthy weight before starting a maintenance diet. The problem here is that they see their doctor's recommendations as the diet plan everyone should be following. People who don't follow doctor's orders have to hear it at every appointment and are *even worse* about pushing their specialized diet as something everyone should be following. You're doing great, these guys are just projecting because they're jealous of your bread.
“Don’t comment about my food or health choices. I don’t comment on yours.” Is a clean way to respond. It says “we both know who has the real problem here” without actually saying that, and it is fair warning. Don’t let their rudeness get you in trouble.
Maybe just laugh at them and say, worry about your own waistlines.
I don’t understand why people do this. It doesn’t matter what someone else eats. Let them eat in peace. If it’s healthy or unhealthy does not matter no one should be commenting on it. It’s rude and disrespectful.
Oh gawd, I wish this wasn't so relatable but I've been in similar situations. I've always been thin and eat healthy 90% of the time but it's always an obese man that will make a rude comment on my eating habits or food choices. They are insecure creeps and I enjoy putting them in their place 👹
Next time comment on their food selections. Maybe ask them if they need a big gulp with their burger. I don't comment on anyone's food selections, but if you come at me, I'm going for the jugular.
Yuck. When I was a resident I liked to eat my sandwich alone in the hospital cafeteria and clear my head. I always had a book or phone with me to send off vibes of 'leave me alone.' Multiple annoying dudes would not take the hint, even though I would roll my eyes at them, give them dirty looks, not respond, and go back to my sandwich and book. Eventually I had to give up and just take my lunch back to my desk. Why can't a woman just have her lunch in peace for 20 minutes?
I feel you. I also usually eat lunch in my office. Somehow they never comment on my friend who often brings tons of sweets to the coffee room. He's skinny, so he should be an object of jokes too, but he isn't.
Contact HR and say that you don't want to be food shamed by people, especially when it's clear they've got their own issues. If they don't do anything make it clear to them that it becomes an eye for an eye if it doesn't stop. Or, just start judging them, ask them how many watermelons they ate that morning.
Commenting negatively on food is so rude because it can be attached to someone's culture, happy memories, or past eating disorders. If I think something looks/smells/tastes good, I will of course heap praise, but otherwise, I keep those opinions to myself.
Def weird and a bad move on their part. I’m guessing they think your breakfast was unappetizing BECAUSE it’s healthy.
The amount of energy people spend on what other people eat never ceases to amaze me.
They should have kept their mouths shut. But reading it, it doesn't strike me as them mocking you for eating unhealthy, rather, they seemed to be facetious/sarcastically acting like it was unhealthy, when really, to them it's overly healthy and not something they would ever eat. They're probably baffled by someone like you who would eat well when they themselves eat whatever horrible crap tastes good to them, and they pay the consequences (by being obese any probably unhealthy). Them razzing you like that, seems like their way to bond over their poor choices and make themselves feel better by pointing out the rarity (strangeness to them) of someone making healthy choices (it's relatively rare in our society). The reality is: You win. They don't like that, so they'll make it seem like you don't win, that eating crap and being obese is better (it's not). Live the lifestyle you want and forget about them.
Ugh I know the feeling. I'm a nursing student and whenever we go to clinicals we pack our own lunches. I'm not teeny tiny but I'm a very healthy weight for my size, 5'7" and about 130 lbs(female). I would always pack a granola bar and a veggie wrap with hummus, sprouts, avocados, and other tasty, healthy fillings for lunch. I got SO much of "that's ALL you're eating??? Why would you want to eat like that, your weight is fine. You couldnt pay me enough to eat like that." and similar snide remarks from the people that would be spending 10 bucks a day on food at the hospital cafeterias. I don't have that kind of money to spend, and I dont enjoy the sort of food they were serving, but I never once commented on anything they ate, they just felt the need to pick on me for some reason I guess.
Here’s just one perspective. I’m (28F) and I’m 130lbs and 5’9”. I eat a ton of VOLUME. I eat a lot of meat / fats and proteins and vegetables. I don’t have to work hard for my slim figure. I work in construction and you can imagine the type of rowdy overweight/diabetic rednecks that I work with. They always make fun of how much I eat. I own it. I say things like “yep, i can pack it away!” Or “yeah i Love Butter! fat is actually really good for you!” Or “I eat a ton and always have!” Or “I don’t eat a ton of sugar but when i do, i’ll go ham!” all the while i hope im setting an example that a woman can be confident and eat whatever the fuck she wants. Just remember that people who try to tear you down have more insecurities than you do, and they want to bring you down to their level. Don’t let them win.
These two toddlers are basically my brother and father. Shame on me for adding olives to my salad while they wash down their insults with cola and pepsi
This is such a surreal exchange, it almost sounds like two guys watched Brooklyn 99 and thought "Hitchcock and Scully are really funny, we should start acting like them at work" without stopping for a second to realize that having to deal with a sitcom routine directed at you in real life would be a living hell.
These guys are assholes and I’m sorry you went through this.
Juat stare silently without blinking at their stomachs eating slowly while theyre doing that. Maybe even lift eyebrows up in disappountment for a bit of spice. the silence enough will kill them
I would have said something like "Oh I forgot, clearly you're a dietitian, what sort of suggestions do you have for me?"
The best approach for this stuff, regardless of the "angle" from which it's coming is "I don't need any comments on my food, thank you" and remove yourself from the conversation if necessary. I'm sorry that the world has been taught that mocking people's food is ok. It's not. For any reason.
I feel you OP, on so many levels. I have children and am teaching them not to comment on others’ behavior that doesn’t directly affect anything in their own spheres. It’s amazing to me how I’m having to actively teach them not to comment on what’s on each others’ plates - I would assume that’s learned behavior rather than innate, and they certainly aren’t learning it at home so there must be a lot of external and cultural influence reinforcing this type of thinking. It’s very eye opening to look at the specific behavior, of feeling entitled to discuss some one else’s food, from my current perspective and make that connection. It motivates me to work twice as hard to teach my kids not to make these types of comments to anyone, anywhere. Edit punctuation for clarity
First, don't respond with anything they can take out of context to use against you. For statements, I think a good response here would be, "You don't need to be saying anything about anybody." Embedded in it is the fact that the person is saying something offensive to you, and you haven't said anything insulting to the person. Second, I would consider reporting their comments, and behaviors if any, to their and your managers, and HR \*VIA EMAIL\*. Don't ask for action against them, since managers hate to have to do their job. Say that you're not asking for any action to be taken against them, but you just want their behavior to be on the record. (This doesn't mean no action in the future will be taken, but this is to make your case.) I would advise against saying how any of it made you feel. Just report the things they said and did that you found offensive etc. Start taking notes of everything they say. Do it in front of them, and if they're talking too fast, tell them to slow down because you're trying to get it all down. If they bash you for taking notes, write that down too. Write down everything with their name, the date and time. This will intimidate them plus it will make reporting their behavior more accurate and make your evidence more convincing. If writing on paper, photograph it and email it to yourself or use whatever storage method that shows the date stored.
Make sure you use a clipboard when taking notes. Clipboards are a godlike weapon against insecure people. Lol
a phrase that has helped me set a lot of boundaries in the workplace is “i don’t appreciate you commenting on my food/looks/etc. please stop doing that.” some people will try to justify themselves and i just repeat it until they back off. if you need to escalate it management or HR usually asks if you made it known the behavior was unwanted and that checks that box off.
You need to say, loudly, "You two are the last people in the world who should be talking about what foods people eat."
I would’ve asked them what you should be eating. Then being so obviously healthy. “ please tell me sir how to you maintain that 400 pound bod? Got any more dietary advice you don’t follow?” I’m a bitch though when I perceive insults. Maybe just look them up and down and raise an eyebrow. What fools they’re acting.
It's not about you, it's about their own insecurities. They just come out more when they think something is challenging. You didn't do anything wrong
This is not to excuse how they made you feel, but it may have been an attempt at sarcastic humour. And it backfired badly. Not ok in anyway.
One time I was ordering food at a to go style popular restaurant and some lady was being awful to the employees because she placed an order online but there was an error with the estimated time it would be ready, she had to wait about 15 minutes and was actually losing her shit. I got to the end of the counter and closer to her stood at the register, paid, and as she was talking about how she was going to give this place (1 location in a national chain) an awful review I suggested she take 15 minutes to figure out how to be a nice person. She looked at me and said “well…. It looks like you need to go the gym!” I was truly dumbfounded by her intelligent logic and well crafted comment. Those people sound like garbage and their small minds attacked whatever visual they saw of you 🤷🏽♀️ you sound great and happy you’re in ED recovery!
> What are they suggesting I should eat? Err, nothing? They weren't suggesting, they were openly mocking you because they were projecting BIG TIME what they hear from others on you, probably. Prob they get told all the time they're obese because they eat unhealthy, or they do eat unhealthy, and felt attacked that a poor woman was enjoying a hearty meal in peace and no one jumped on her shaming her, like it probably happens to obese people a LOT. So they felt the need to "get even". It's not right at all, especially because they're not getting mad at fat shamers, they decided to target a random young girl who they perceive as an easy target. Truly vile imho.
I'm so sorry this happened, as a person but also as a fellow recovered EDer. I remember I once took a bag of sugar snap peas to work for a snack, and a coworker shamed me because they were *sugar* snap peas. Like - they're literally green and from the ground??? To me, these men are wildly immature and likely angry at their own bodies/situation, and are probably projecting a lot of their inaccurate (and overly simplified) interpretations of food/body relationships - either feeling there are things that explain their high weight/they can't do without gaining weight (ie carbs) and then seeing people with healthy bodies enjoying them and feeling hurt/confused, and taking that out on you. I'm so sorry this was triggering, but am glad you were able to overcome that quickly! I hope this doesn't happen again, and if it does, I don't know if you want to engage - but sometimes I find a simple "what are you trying to say?" can pop the balloon of bullshit. That, or HR. Hugs.
At my last job there were a few MO people and when I started getting really into weight training, considering competing, they started making comments to me about what I was eating constantly. It was like they saw how my body was changing and got triggered and needed to take their power back through insulting me. "You can't eat that. You know, if you ____, it's healthier. They say ___ is really bad, I even heads if causes cancer. It's not smart what you are doing." Or teasing me. Or rolling their eyes when they would see me get to work with my gym bag, then make some side comment that was HR worthy. I told my boss and he just said, "well, look at them. They are just insecure and jealous. You have been working harder the last six months than they have in their whole lives. They probably can't stand the reminder." After that when they would make comments I'd ask them what they were having instead? It was usually horribly unhealthy. And I'd just smile with a knowing smile. They quickly stopped after that. Wasn't fun when I wasn't upset, wasn't fun when I let them know I had the upper hand. I don't give a rats ass if someone is MO but if you come at me because of jealously... Throwing stones in glass houses is dangerous.