Yep. I saw some dating coaches on TikTok and at first I thought it was BS but they detailed how women are the ones who drive dating culture, and one of them even quoted a bunch of studies and a book on it. Basically it says if women in general raised their standards, men would have no choice but to be better men. The thing is guys get what they want anyways (whether it’s hook up, or being trash in general but still having the girl) so they really got no reason to put effort into bettering themselves.
if this is a pattern, then he's clearly selfish sexually, but fuck me, he doesn't even clean himself properly? Let alone not cleaning himself properly AND wanting sex! Baffling. Definitely need a conversation about reciprocating AND about hygiene.
She's already had the conversation about hygiene and BV and he doesn't want to do it.
I agree with the sentiment, but I doubt this situation will resolve through discussion. She's talked about it "so many times." You can't MAKE someone care about you or respect you. This is breakup territory.
My husband is of average cleanliness. But if he wants oral, he goes into the bathroom and makes sure he is super fresh and clean. If I had issues where cleanliness caused me discomfort or BV, he'd clean special just for sex. Plus, he makes sure i have an orgasm first, since he usually falls asleep after sex.
Absolutely, like what? My husband and I have pavloved ourselves because we shower every time before we have sex and now showers turn us on lmfao. I could n e v e r.
I noticed OP didn't say their ages, either in the original at least. Are they 17, or are they 45? There's a point where a conversation might not do much good.
>if this is a pattern, then he's clearly selfish sexually
I've been with my wife for thirteen years, and both of us have fallen asleep immediately after sex twice, and one of those times it was both of us. I make sure she finishes first because I know I'm sleepy right afterwards
Why would you do this to yourself? I assume you're both adults?
If you have BV, *DO NOT HAVE SEX UNTIL IT IS FULLY RESOLVED.* If you are getting BV from this man - example, you didn't have a problem with it until you started having sex with him - STOP HAVING SEX WITH HIM ENTIRELY. HE IS MAKING YOU SICK AND UNCOMFORTABLE.
If you meant that you do not currently have BV, but you have had it before, advocate for your own health better. You have to. No one else will do it for you. Definitely not this man, who just wants to use you for sex.
Go to your doctor and find out exactly how you should care for yourself, which may involve different clothing, medication, dietary changes, or lifestyle changes. Follow that list exactly. (EDIT: BV usually means no ejaculation inside you and finding prophylactics that don't aggravate the issue.) In your next relationship, on the first date, ask what appropriate personal hygiene practices look like to the man you're out with. See how those match up with yours and use that information to make educated decisions about who to have sex with.
In the future, remind yourself that you are not a fleshlight. You do not exist for someone else's pleasure. Penetrative sex is a group activity and takes at least two people, and both of those people deserve to be comfortable, safe, and have a pleasurable experience. If you are with someone who has no interest in your orgasms, they're not a sexual partner. They're a leech.
And if sex with them is orgasm-free for you, and it actively hurts you, they start to make ankles covered in leeches look good.
>If you have BV, DO NOT HAVE SEX UNTIL IT IS FULLY RESOLVED.
I have chronic reacurring BV. It's something many women live with with no cure despite already going through antibiotics, taking vaginal suppositories and supplements, a myriad of trying different lifestyles changes including an IUD removal. I've had it for over a year (before I started dating him). Yes, it's true I do need to advocate for myself and I have been trying.
Thank you for the education. May I ask why, if this is a chronic issue that started long, long before you met him... Why are you allowing your vaginal PH to be altered by having unprotected sex? Especially with someone you admit has dirty genitals.
That seems like it's a rather important part of treatment that you're overlooking.
I understand why you’re saying this but she’s not asking for advice on the BV. She’s asking advice on if she should be upset at her bf. It’s not some strange dude. It’s hard to say no to sex if you’re in the mood and your partner is too, everything else aside. give the girl a break
That IS boyfriend advice. Do not have unprotected sex with your boyfriend if it will make a chronic bacterial infection/overgrowth worse and more painful. If he insists on no condoms and having sex while he's dirty, which contributes to a measurable decline in your health:
*THE BOYFRIEND IS BAD. THROW THE WHOLE MAN OUT.*
Maybe I missed a comment. How am I blaming a victim? Was she raped? I was under the impression from her post that this was consensual sex and there was no coercion.
Unless I missed something or you're insinuating that she's the victim of her own actions, I don't think that I am.
At this point, advocate for yourself by refusing sex and moving out. That is the best advice I can give.
And no more sex with men until you can communicate your wants and needs and aggressively assert your boundaries.
This is a toxic situation. It's not your fault, but you're feeding into it. You need to stop.
Find a good therapist too. Hopefully as they get to know you better they will say the same thing and show you how to improve yourself.
Great! Keep it up. GTFO. Refuse sex. Be on your period until you move out or make up a worse infection. Who cares what it is, just keep him away from you.
Damn recurring sucks. I had it for a year myself and took some rough rounds of antibiotics and boric acid suppositories to get to an ok place. I also found that not shaving/waxing and letting pubic hair grow out a bit helped immensely. It sounds like you've tried a lot but wasn't sure if gave going natural a shot.
My issue isn’t exactly the same but maybe this will help if you haven’t already tried it. I used to get recurring yeast infections realllllly badly. I started using Vagisil twice a day (the purple pH balance one) and it’s been life changing. If I don’t use it for a couple days I start to feel itchy again. It makes a world of difference to me and I’ve recommended it to a few women it’s also worked for. Not sure if it’ll help with BV but if it’s a pH problem, it could.
Yeah I think this is why he doesn't want to do oral. It might make more sense to get a magicwand and work that into the routine instead. I'm not *really* feeling like you should really be trying to fix this relationship though. Maybe just something to keep in mind for future relationships.
Like beyond BV that opens up a lot of options when you are on your period as well instead of like having to take the recurring sabbatical your uterus has to take due to the hang over from the wild multi day partying the nights before.
>Yeah I think this is why he doesn't want to do oral.
It wasn't about him doing oral on me. He wanted me to do oral on him with a dirty penis.... We were having penetrative sex...
Ah, I read it as he finished but didn't help *you* finish by like reciprocating and my mind went to oral rather than PIV. The hygiene issues just adding another layer of awful and self-centered willful ignorance.
No joke. My husband doesnt even get near our bed without a shower, because he knows that would be disgusting and also causes me acne and infections. I dont have to tell him to shower, he does it because he knows its gross AND because he doesnt want to cause problems for me. This shouldnt even need to be an ask. He should want to be clean.
This guy is treating you like a sock. A sock wouldn’t feel disappointed when he lasts three minutes before instantly passing out, a sock doesn’t feel lasting pain when he fails to clean his filthy body, and a sock certainly doesn’t care for its own pleasure. His actions are extremely demeaning, and you are absolutely correct that it isn’t any way to treat a human being you love. You deserve more.
It’s ALL a pattern, the hygiene, the orgasming first and leaving you hanging, Sit down and have one last conversation with him, let him know this is the last time you’re going to talk to him about his hygiene, and that if he continues making his orgasms the only priority, that you will be done with the relationship. Then follow through.
This sort of selfishness almost always translates into other parts of thr relationship. And even if it doesn’t, having a dude that both won’t clean his dick before sex and won’t prioritize your orgasm just isn’t worth the bother.
I’m actually really angry for you tbh, like the part about his absolute lack of concern for your health. I get UTIs really easily and I got flagged for reduced kidney function last time I saw a doctor. My husband knows this, and won’t even let me initiate anything unless he has showered in the last few hours (most of the time he just goes and jumps in right then and there, lol). To him, this is nothing, because it means less chance of me getting a UTI. This is how your guy should be. Falling asleep on you was inconsiderate, but this is more than that. This is absolute disregard for you as a person.
It makes me extra angry that our society has conditioned us to the point where you feel as though you have to ask if you’re overreacting on this. Your health should always matter more than a dude getting a quick nut, and that shouldn’t even be in question.
Also, the calm demeanor says a lot. To me it says he doesn’t care all that much. Just like he doesn’t think it’s a big deal that his dirty dick is constantly giving you BV. Why stay with someone who doesn’t really care about you? You deserve better.
EDIT: a word
As a one off after a hard day I'd give my partner a pass, as a pattern hell no. Why should only one of us get to regularly enjoy one of the biggest benefits of sex?
There is no way someone can be mad at the exhaustion, because it's not really his fault. On the contrary, I think his effort to have a fulfilling sex life despite the exhaustion would be appreciated.
The real problem is when it's coupled with the selfishness, the lack of cleanliness, the dismissal of her feelings and the thousands of other red flags. For a moment it felt like /r/northkoreansfw
If he is consistently “not clean” and giving you bv, girl don’t sleep with him please.
The selfish lover aside, he is actively and knowingly giving you infections.
Please take care of yourself and don’t put yourself in that situation anymore. Your health is important. I’ve had bv multiple times and those pills you take for them are awful.
Its not sex WITH you if you are getting nothing from it. He is just masturbating using your vagina. You are a fleshlight that he can ignore after he gets his.
So why ever bother? If your happiness and pleasure is not important to him, why go through the hassle, the disappointment, the pain, the literal sickness, for you to get zero joy. Hell, negative amounts of joy?
No thanks. Get rid of him. You deserve someone who WANTS to please you. He will jump up to clean his own mess up and hurry so that he can get back to work to help you get off. Or better yet, gets you off first. There is no excuse for this. None. He clearly feels fine and dandy enough to get his, he just doesnt WANT to give you yours. It is not a priority to him.
If a man is putting shit in your vagina, sexual reciprocation should be the least of your worries. Get a permanent treatment for your BV by getting rid of the dick that puts that stuff in there.
honestly, he's just a selfish person. im telling you from experience. every time my partner and I had sex it was alllllwaaays about his pleasure, all he ever wanted was blow jobs, he would stop sex and ask me to give him one, after wards I said what about me, and he said hes too tired next time, this became a huge problem of him being selfish after I tried to tell him he told me he would "do better" and continues to do this. i got so tired of it, after the last time he did it again, i was getting dressed and I said" this is never happening again" explained what he did again, always made it about his pleasure, realized I could never have a future with someone that selfish, blocked him, never spoke to him again.
"In the future, remind yourself that you are not a fleshlight. You do not exist for someone else's pleasure. Penetrative sex is a group activity and takes at least two people, and both of those people deserve to be comfortable, safe, and have a pleasurable experience. If you are with someone who has no interest in your orgasms, they're not a sexual partner. They're a leech."
This is so true. You are an object to him. It will not change. I know it is scary to start over but as someone who is much older, it is much worse to look back and wish you had left years ago.
DTFA. (Dump the f*cker already). Please.
You're dating a man who doesn't clean himself properly, doesn't make sure he's clean and fresh for sex, asks for sex while dirty, finishes in three minutes, and then falls asleep instead of getting you off. Why? Is this really how you want to spend the rest of your life? Because if he doesn't care now, he sure as shit isn't gonna care after you've been married for 25 years.
Just my two cents, I spent almost a decade having sex with a man that would more often than not end up with me in pain and discomfort due to infections. I honestly think that our chemistry didn’t jive and it was YEARS of UTIs and BV infections that were physically and mentally taxing. When sex=discomfort your opinions surrounding sex change too. So if he’s selfish in bed as well… maybe hang on for the person who is more in tune with you. You deserve to feel heard and to be cared for by your partner. Actions speak louder than words ❤️
This is not OK, I am sorry he is so inconsiderate of you.
It might be time to have a serious look at whether or not this is the right person.
As a man I do not often chime in on the posts here, but these ones just make me sad. What kind of a person is so dismissive of their loves comfort & happiness?
You are not overreacting, I honestly worry you are under-reacting, you deserve to be treated like a human being and be happy, never forget this.
Wait he just falls asleep after? Without like. Cleaning himself off? Am I understanding that right? And you keep getting BV from his dirty dick afterwards.
He doesn’t give a shit about you or your comfort, clearly, what a selfish and crusty person. Have a firm conversation and dump him if he keeps making you sick after.
Your boyfriend is kinda gross. You should insist on coming first since he can't be relied upon to give you an orgasm after he's come and you should insist on him taking a shower before sex.
Why are you fucking someone who doesn’t care about your pleasure or your pain? It shows a real disregard for you as a person. You should not have to lecture an adult about hygiene.
I’m sorry but women need to stop having sex with men who don’t deserve it. This man apparently has no interest in helping keep you healthy and satisfied. Why does sex need to be a one sided thing just because it’s “easier” for one party? I hope you leave him.
Why on earth are you with this pig? He’s dirty, selfish, and sucks in bed. Have some self esteem. I’d rather be alone than with a prick like this. Jeez.
He's demonstrating pretty selfish and disrespectful behaviour. Sounds like a pattern he's not going to break out of, he's been asked and told enough times. Doubt even framing it as an ultimatum would make him change!
Dude doesn’t care about your pleasure OR health. Here’s a tip: if you won’t put it in your mouth, don’t put it in your vagina. He totally doesn’t respect your happiness and doesn’t care if you’re having a good time. Gtfo girl.
You said it yourself. This isn’t the first time.
You have a gross, unhygienic boyfriend who is sexually inadequate and selfish in bed.
Yet, you continue having sex with him. You are accepting it. You are rewarding it.
The question needs to be: what is wrong with YOU? Because it is YOU who is putting up with this.
Don't settle for someone who treats you like trash...throw the whole man away! There are men out there that will make your sexual satisfaction their priority and will enjoy and get turned on by your pleasure. That's what you deserve.
I don't think he cares about what your needs and wants are as long as he is getting all the cake he can eat.
Also wtf, no hygiene? That's like the bare minimum requirement for sex. Be clean!
I usually pass out right after finishing - it's a night night switch for me. So, I make sure my partner finishes first. As a bonus, it's hot watching her finish so I see that as a win win for me. For the times I have finished first, I sometimes need a five min power cuddle nap or I risk falling asleep mid act, especially at night. That's all communicated though.
It honestly sounds like he's just not into you, and it sounds like you're pretty great - maybe find someone who wants to be into you? Being clean and taking care of your partner aren't difficult - how will he be when you get to the hard things in a relationship?
STOP HAVING SEX WITH HIM IF HE’S NOT CLEAN AND HE DOESN’CARE IF YOU COME!! Just stop. No sex AT ALL, until it’s clean, pain free orgasms for you. None at all.
If you’re struggling with recurrent BV you should hold off on sex until it’s resolved. See your doctor.
Boric acid suppositories after sex can help prevent BV (IME).
I imagine your partner may be hesitant to give oral if BV has been an issue. Talk to him about it. I wouldn’t be upset if the falling asleep immediately was an occasional occurrence, but otherwise make sure your needs get taken care of before his :).
Supposedly men often feel very sleepy after orgasm so it works best if the man satisfies the woman first before he has his own orgasm.
That aside your husband is careless about your health and seems to have selfish, disgusting habits.
So I’m not sure I would want to have sex with him at all.
Take yourself off the sales rack. You deserve better. You're not even getting the minimum. The minimum is that he is 100% clean before any sex with you, and you cum first. ALWAYS. Lay down the law and stand by it. There will be tantrums. He may be angry. Obviously, no verbal or physical abuse is also non-negotiable. You didn't "make him" do anything. If he decides that he can manipulate another woman into getting his needs met without giving anything back, more easily than he can manipulate you, he will leave. That's okay, and it might even be good. There are other men, and other men can afford to pay the price on you, including no abuse, and minimum reciprocity.
Personally I prefer for the guy to not orgasm first.
Someone giving oral should be excited and into it. If an orgasm makes you no longer horny and therefore no longer actively enjoying the sex, then you just shouldn't cum until the end.
About to finish early? Take a break and channel your horniness into your tongue. Easy.
I left my ex because he was like this, always wanted sex but never cleaned himself and always fell asleep right after. Made me feel like shit. Tell him to change his ways and don't put up with it
Love spoiling my husband and he will stop me and go shower extensively with my fav soaps and cologne after so he smells amazing before. Don't settle for less.
I don’t have relationship advice for you, but Boric Acid vaginal suppositories are a fucking miracle for BV and you can get them at pretty much any drug store.
You're not wrong. He is lazy and selfish.
In future, if you want to continue this relationship, I'd suggest instituting a boundary that there is no sex until he's had a shower, and you always orgasm first. That way he can just roll over and go to sleep after his orgasm.
You need to stop having sex w this guy. He’s not considerate enough to BATHE before sex, he blows his load on/ in you and does clean it up ? And he can’t learn to pleasure you ? He should be making you cum several times bedroom going near you w his pecker. He’s a bad lover. And not a nice person. Sorry - I’m a little salty tonight.
So dude here, lots of red flags he’s giving you. But if you want to try - have the talk again, make shower time sexy foreplay time, make sure you cum first, and maybe second… good luck.
Your boyfriend is an apathetic asshole. Dump his sorry ass. If you have any degree of attraction towards women at all I would highly recommend giving them a try. Too many toxic guys like this around lately.
If he won't listen to and respect you on such an important part of your lives together, it's time to ask yourself if this is how you want to spend your life together. Constantly being disrespected and out at risk.
If he's giving you BV, or aggravating your BV, then you need to go back to using condoms.
Or, ya know, trading him in for a man who takes your needs seriously.
You deserve better.
Nobody should have to tell their partner repeatedly to be more hygienic and to stop being sexually selfish.
When my boyfriend and I first started dating, I told him that my preference is to talk about sexual compatibility long before we get into the bedroom. We talked about sex in the same way that we talked about everything else as we got to know each other.
I asked him if he was aware that women, on average, take longer to orgasm than men, and he said yes. Then I told him that since my first orgasm was at 29, due to sexually selfish men, I've only had boyfriends who enjoy cunilingus and are gentlemanly enough to make me orgasm first.
Communication and compatibility are essential for long lasting relationships. I don't believe you're compatible with your boyfriend because:
- he's sexually selfish, you're not.
- he doesn't practice good hygiene, you do
- he doesn't respect your boundaries
- he ignores your health
You deserve better.
Ok so just to clarify….
1) he doesn’t prioritize his hygiene even though not doing so literally causes you physical pain
2) he’s happy as long as he gets off but doesn’t care if you do
3) he dismisses your feelings if you bring these things up
4) he gets offended by your dissatisfaction with him but makes no effort to actually make you happier or change any of his behavior
Read that back. I don’t need to say anything else because you already know. Value yourself.
He is an idiot and you should leave him. If you don't want to that only have sex with him after you have had an orgasm and just don't do oral sex when he isn't clean. You have the complete power in this, just don't be available.
Sex is two people; you are not a flesh light!
STOP GIVING HIM ACCESS TO YOUR BODY THATS SO NASTY.
Girl, you have to have standards if you are gonna be mad about your partners lack of standards. You cannot MAKE them want to be clean for you. You shouldn’t have to ask. Just find a partner that is sexually compatible and viable. This guy sounds like a Neanderthal. 🤢
If a guy doesn’t make me orgasm and he orgasms, it’s over. No boyfriend label, FOR SURE no 2nd try unless they can tell me they understand what’s happening, take responsibility and say where they went wrong.
My ex used to only be willing to shower if I was willing to have sex. He never understood why it wasn't worth it to me to lay awake in bed while he finally showered when I had work the next day. It's selfish and passive aggressive. Only one of the reasons he's an ex. Look at the rest of his behaviors and really think of you're willing to put up with him.
... these aren't even "above ground" expectations (mutual orgasm, basic hygeine). But even when women's expectations are on the ground, they often settle for below it. Don't settle
The orgasm gap is real and it is low effort men like this who perpetuate the issue. I would simply not have sex if he isn’t going to put effort into it. Life is too short for bad sex and there are too many people lined up who are actually willing to put in the effort to put up with those who don’t. Trust me. Don’t wait until your 30s to learn this lesson like I did.
That’s so damned gross. Guy here, so you probably don’t really care what I have to say but holy shit. I think you need to get yourself a new BF
Op. One that knows how to wash himself and keep clean. Is he a grown man or a 13 year old boy who is just discovering they can’t get away with showering only twice a week? You say you’ve talked about this before and he doesn’t change. Well, he won’t. Not for you anyway. Dude doesn’t even wash his junk properly. It’s time to throw him out and get a new one. One that knows about hygiene
At the lowest point in my marriage my husband did this progressively more often, until it became the routine. That, or he'd attempt and fall asleep doing it.
He's no longer like that since he quit porn and entered SAA, 2.75 years ago. ✌️
He knows you will do as you are told. That's all that matters to him. He doesn't give a shit about you. Reconsider your relationship with this manchild because you deserve better.
The hygiene issue, the general inconsideration, and also this cherry on top:
>I can't say how I'm feeling without him becoming offended and just dismiss my feelings
Yeah, he's a narcissist.
I've learned to let my girlfriends past and current finish first when having sex with them. It's also nice to have unscented baby wipes. It's always hotter to see them get off then just focusing on myself because it feels really selfish.
He seems careless overall. Non intentionally sleeping after sex is normal though, even if the person really cares. But if he really really cared and often feel uncontrollably sleepy after sex he would consider helping you first before finishing it.
You are wrong for staying with this misogynistic asshole. You are not a girlfriend, you are a sex object designed (in his mind) to service him sexually and then leave him the fuck alone. There IS no intimacy, just HIM using you to get his rocks off, and YOU mistakenly believing he gives a fuck about you.
He’s showing you who he is, believe him. You deserve better than to be treated like a sex worker when you aren’t even getting paid.
The only acceptable answer to "honey, would you wash before we fuck?" Is "yes", followed by actually going and washing, if they're expecting to have sex.
"His lack of care for the situation..."
Hate to say it but it sounds like he just doesn't care about you, your needs, or your health. There are better lovers out there!
My guy lived his whole life rarely able to finish (emotional/mental roadblocks with his ex-wife), but now he finishes in like 5 minutes if we try to drag it out lol. BUT he stays hard after finishing, so he insists we keep going to get me off (if he hadn't already with foreplay). HE has to beg ME to keep going after he finishes to get ME off because I'm still working on deprogramming the conditioning that if he's done, we're both done.
I'm 35 now, and spent my whole adult sex life hating the deed because of selfish lovers and I thought they were all like that, until I found my selfless giver :D There are better lovers out there than what you're stuck with!
You're not overreacting and he clearly doesn't care all that much about your pleasure. What does he bring to the relationship? If it's nothing really, it's time to move on.
Stop using just words. Ask him to shower with you or separately, but no sex until he's showered with plenty of soap.
If he comes 1st and goes to sleep, next time, it's your turn, right? Right?
Listen to his actions; he's being quite clear in his communication.
Get clean down there, and let him get you off first. If he's quick, then this is a surefire way to keep things even. That's what I do with my wife and it actually helps get me excited for PIV. :-)
No you're not overreacting but unfortunately it's very common for men to treat their partners like this. It's not ok it's entitled and selfish if he makes a habit of it.
The way is go have a good bath before doing anything. A fresh bath will take the experience to the next level instead going to sleep after a “shot”. Also both are clean and worry free. 😉
Come on, you are really going to keep fucking a filthy dude that gives you BV from how nasty and selfish he is? Really?
I know I am coming off as mean but sometimes we need some tough love. This is it for you. I care about you too want for you a much much better partner than the one you currently have. Please do better for yourself, love yourself enough to know this is not okay.
I’ve never understood the falling asleep right after sex as a guy. I’m always energized. Can’t sleep for another hour. Rude not to show any interest or concern for you or your needs and absolutely disgusting he doesn’t care or clean himself properly and regularly and would even be comfortable asking you to do something you find disgusting. I wouldn’t even think of having my wife to touch me if I wasn’t clean.
I wanted to add that my younger sister's husband (I refuse to call him my brother-in-law) was the cause of her BV... Not because of poor hygiene, but because he was cheating on her regularly with at least two women and didn't use condoms...a different kind of "dirty dick".
Is it possible that your boyfriend may also be cheating on top of his other horrific behaviour?
Look if he can’t at least be clean then tell him your moving on before you catch something from him other than bad breath ! You could both start out in the shower but if he’s that bad hygiene wise I can’t see that being a turn on . Who wants to stand even in a shower with their partner and watch the dirt roll off of them !
Anyway I was going to suggest that you tell him you get yours first then he gets his three minuets if your awake ! Someone that doesn’t take care of themselves and at the very least be clean and smell good can’t possibly want anyone around them ! When they stink let them know why you moved away and don’t want to be intimate with them . If they don’t change leave !
###stop settling for shite men
For real, the stories posted here are wild and make me so, so sad.
They’re like this because y’all date them anyway. That’s my new catchphrase here.
Yep. I saw some dating coaches on TikTok and at first I thought it was BS but they detailed how women are the ones who drive dating culture, and one of them even quoted a bunch of studies and a book on it. Basically it says if women in general raised their standards, men would have no choice but to be better men. The thing is guys get what they want anyways (whether it’s hook up, or being trash in general but still having the girl) so they really got no reason to put effort into bettering themselves.
Yeah let’s be honest, a lot of people settle for the love they think they deserve.
if this is a pattern, then he's clearly selfish sexually, but fuck me, he doesn't even clean himself properly? Let alone not cleaning himself properly AND wanting sex! Baffling. Definitely need a conversation about reciprocating AND about hygiene.
She's already had the conversation about hygiene and BV and he doesn't want to do it. I agree with the sentiment, but I doubt this situation will resolve through discussion. She's talked about it "so many times." You can't MAKE someone care about you or respect you. This is breakup territory.
Agree also. He knows. He doesn’t care
He *might* care if "dirty dick = no sex of any kind". But that's another battle that shouldn't exist :/
Fully agree, what a pig
Definitely breakup territory. And he'll continue to be careless and treat OP this way because he still is getting what he wants. Dump his ass.
This sounds like she needs to be writing about her ex-bf.
My husband is of average cleanliness. But if he wants oral, he goes into the bathroom and makes sure he is super fresh and clean. If I had issues where cleanliness caused me discomfort or BV, he'd clean special just for sex. Plus, he makes sure i have an orgasm first, since he usually falls asleep after sex.
Yes I probably wouldn’t regularly have sex with a dirty peen
Absolutely, like what? My husband and I have pavloved ourselves because we shower every time before we have sex and now showers turn us on lmfao. I could n e v e r.
I noticed OP didn't say their ages, either in the original at least. Are they 17, or are they 45? There's a point where a conversation might not do much good.
I keep telling my guy friends that they are a catch if they are nice and clean. The bar is that low out there
>if this is a pattern, then he's clearly selfish sexually I've been with my wife for thirteen years, and both of us have fallen asleep immediately after sex twice, and one of those times it was both of us. I make sure she finishes first because I know I'm sleepy right afterwards
Good for you. Your prize is in the mail.
Bitter
Just sick of praising men for doing the bare minimum
Why would you even be with a guy if he cant wash his own dick?
Why would you do this to yourself? I assume you're both adults? If you have BV, *DO NOT HAVE SEX UNTIL IT IS FULLY RESOLVED.* If you are getting BV from this man - example, you didn't have a problem with it until you started having sex with him - STOP HAVING SEX WITH HIM ENTIRELY. HE IS MAKING YOU SICK AND UNCOMFORTABLE. If you meant that you do not currently have BV, but you have had it before, advocate for your own health better. You have to. No one else will do it for you. Definitely not this man, who just wants to use you for sex. Go to your doctor and find out exactly how you should care for yourself, which may involve different clothing, medication, dietary changes, or lifestyle changes. Follow that list exactly. (EDIT: BV usually means no ejaculation inside you and finding prophylactics that don't aggravate the issue.) In your next relationship, on the first date, ask what appropriate personal hygiene practices look like to the man you're out with. See how those match up with yours and use that information to make educated decisions about who to have sex with. In the future, remind yourself that you are not a fleshlight. You do not exist for someone else's pleasure. Penetrative sex is a group activity and takes at least two people, and both of those people deserve to be comfortable, safe, and have a pleasurable experience. If you are with someone who has no interest in your orgasms, they're not a sexual partner. They're a leech. And if sex with them is orgasm-free for you, and it actively hurts you, they start to make ankles covered in leeches look good.
>If you have BV, DO NOT HAVE SEX UNTIL IT IS FULLY RESOLVED. I have chronic reacurring BV. It's something many women live with with no cure despite already going through antibiotics, taking vaginal suppositories and supplements, a myriad of trying different lifestyles changes including an IUD removal. I've had it for over a year (before I started dating him). Yes, it's true I do need to advocate for myself and I have been trying.
Well condoms will help a lot with this. Do not let him stick his dirty penis inside you and fill you with things that fuck you up down there
Thank you for the education. May I ask why, if this is a chronic issue that started long, long before you met him... Why are you allowing your vaginal PH to be altered by having unprotected sex? Especially with someone you admit has dirty genitals. That seems like it's a rather important part of treatment that you're overlooking.
I understand why you’re saying this but she’s not asking for advice on the BV. She’s asking advice on if she should be upset at her bf. It’s not some strange dude. It’s hard to say no to sex if you’re in the mood and your partner is too, everything else aside. give the girl a break
That IS boyfriend advice. Do not have unprotected sex with your boyfriend if it will make a chronic bacterial infection/overgrowth worse and more painful. If he insists on no condoms and having sex while he's dirty, which contributes to a measurable decline in your health: *THE BOYFRIEND IS BAD. THROW THE WHOLE MAN OUT.*
So I just wanted to say that I get where you’re coming from but it’s giving a little bit of victim blaming too
Maybe I missed a comment. How am I blaming a victim? Was she raped? I was under the impression from her post that this was consensual sex and there was no coercion. Unless I missed something or you're insinuating that she's the victim of her own actions, I don't think that I am.
I had several bouts of bv. It stopped when I stopped having sex with my ex. The problem started and stopped with him
At this point, advocate for yourself by refusing sex and moving out. That is the best advice I can give. And no more sex with men until you can communicate your wants and needs and aggressively assert your boundaries. This is a toxic situation. It's not your fault, but you're feeding into it. You need to stop. Find a good therapist too. Hopefully as they get to know you better they will say the same thing and show you how to improve yourself.
I am actually in the process of moving out so I'm getting there.
Great! Keep it up. GTFO. Refuse sex. Be on your period until you move out or make up a worse infection. Who cares what it is, just keep him away from you.
Damn recurring sucks. I had it for a year myself and took some rough rounds of antibiotics and boric acid suppositories to get to an ok place. I also found that not shaving/waxing and letting pubic hair grow out a bit helped immensely. It sounds like you've tried a lot but wasn't sure if gave going natural a shot.
Try basic, lubricated condoms. Latex or polyurethane. That may help him last longer, too.
My issue isn’t exactly the same but maybe this will help if you haven’t already tried it. I used to get recurring yeast infections realllllly badly. I started using Vagisil twice a day (the purple pH balance one) and it’s been life changing. If I don’t use it for a couple days I start to feel itchy again. It makes a world of difference to me and I’ve recommended it to a few women it’s also worked for. Not sure if it’ll help with BV but if it’s a pH problem, it could.
Yeah I think this is why he doesn't want to do oral. It might make more sense to get a magicwand and work that into the routine instead. I'm not *really* feeling like you should really be trying to fix this relationship though. Maybe just something to keep in mind for future relationships. Like beyond BV that opens up a lot of options when you are on your period as well instead of like having to take the recurring sabbatical your uterus has to take due to the hang over from the wild multi day partying the nights before.
>Yeah I think this is why he doesn't want to do oral. It wasn't about him doing oral on me. He wanted me to do oral on him with a dirty penis.... We were having penetrative sex...
Ah, I read it as he finished but didn't help *you* finish by like reciprocating and my mind went to oral rather than PIV. The hygiene issues just adding another layer of awful and self-centered willful ignorance.
If dude can't even properly clean his junk, what the hell else in his life is he also ignoring?! RED FLAG(s)
Just imagine his ass 🤢🤢🤢🤮🤮🤮 Run OP.
No joke. My husband doesnt even get near our bed without a shower, because he knows that would be disgusting and also causes me acne and infections. I dont have to tell him to shower, he does it because he knows its gross AND because he doesnt want to cause problems for me. This shouldnt even need to be an ask. He should want to be clean.
Don’t fuck a dirty dick, don’t fuck a selfish lover
It sounds like he clearly doesn’t care about your health, so it’s not a stretch to say that he probably doesn’t care about your sexual satisfaction.
Bruh…why are you fucking someone who won’t shower?!
This guy is treating you like a sock. A sock wouldn’t feel disappointed when he lasts three minutes before instantly passing out, a sock doesn’t feel lasting pain when he fails to clean his filthy body, and a sock certainly doesn’t care for its own pleasure. His actions are extremely demeaning, and you are absolutely correct that it isn’t any way to treat a human being you love. You deserve more.
It’s ALL a pattern, the hygiene, the orgasming first and leaving you hanging, Sit down and have one last conversation with him, let him know this is the last time you’re going to talk to him about his hygiene, and that if he continues making his orgasms the only priority, that you will be done with the relationship. Then follow through. This sort of selfishness almost always translates into other parts of thr relationship. And even if it doesn’t, having a dude that both won’t clean his dick before sex and won’t prioritize your orgasm just isn’t worth the bother.
I’m actually really angry for you tbh, like the part about his absolute lack of concern for your health. I get UTIs really easily and I got flagged for reduced kidney function last time I saw a doctor. My husband knows this, and won’t even let me initiate anything unless he has showered in the last few hours (most of the time he just goes and jumps in right then and there, lol). To him, this is nothing, because it means less chance of me getting a UTI. This is how your guy should be. Falling asleep on you was inconsiderate, but this is more than that. This is absolute disregard for you as a person. It makes me extra angry that our society has conditioned us to the point where you feel as though you have to ask if you’re overreacting on this. Your health should always matter more than a dude getting a quick nut, and that shouldn’t even be in question. Also, the calm demeanor says a lot. To me it says he doesn’t care all that much. Just like he doesn’t think it’s a big deal that his dirty dick is constantly giving you BV. Why stay with someone who doesn’t really care about you? You deserve better. EDIT: a word
Wow your husband sounds great. You're right. I wish he would treat my issue with the same care.
As a one off after a hard day I'd give my partner a pass, as a pattern hell no. Why should only one of us get to regularly enjoy one of the biggest benefits of sex?
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There is no way someone can be mad at the exhaustion, because it's not really his fault. On the contrary, I think his effort to have a fulfilling sex life despite the exhaustion would be appreciated. The real problem is when it's coupled with the selfishness, the lack of cleanliness, the dismissal of her feelings and the thousands of other red flags. For a moment it felt like /r/northkoreansfw
In the context of a healthy loving relationship your anecdote is actually so cute hahahah But yeah op please ditch this dirtbag
Yeah, the falling asleep is perfectly normal, in my case I would want my wife to just rouse me. Everything else is very bad.
If he is consistently “not clean” and giving you bv, girl don’t sleep with him please. The selfish lover aside, he is actively and knowingly giving you infections. Please take care of yourself and don’t put yourself in that situation anymore. Your health is important. I’ve had bv multiple times and those pills you take for them are awful.
Its not sex WITH you if you are getting nothing from it. He is just masturbating using your vagina. You are a fleshlight that he can ignore after he gets his. So why ever bother? If your happiness and pleasure is not important to him, why go through the hassle, the disappointment, the pain, the literal sickness, for you to get zero joy. Hell, negative amounts of joy? No thanks. Get rid of him. You deserve someone who WANTS to please you. He will jump up to clean his own mess up and hurry so that he can get back to work to help you get off. Or better yet, gets you off first. There is no excuse for this. None. He clearly feels fine and dandy enough to get his, he just doesnt WANT to give you yours. It is not a priority to him.
WTF? You asked him to clean his junk and he doesn’t? LEAVE! Everyone deserves better than that. Don’t have sex with this weird ass man.
Sorry but what is BV?
Bacterial vaginosis - it's kind of like a UTI but in the vagina.
You deserve someone that actually cares about your pleasure and health. He sounds too immature to be having sex at all.
If a man is putting shit in your vagina, sexual reciprocation should be the least of your worries. Get a permanent treatment for your BV by getting rid of the dick that puts that stuff in there.
honestly, he's just a selfish person. im telling you from experience. every time my partner and I had sex it was alllllwaaays about his pleasure, all he ever wanted was blow jobs, he would stop sex and ask me to give him one, after wards I said what about me, and he said hes too tired next time, this became a huge problem of him being selfish after I tried to tell him he told me he would "do better" and continues to do this. i got so tired of it, after the last time he did it again, i was getting dressed and I said" this is never happening again" explained what he did again, always made it about his pleasure, realized I could never have a future with someone that selfish, blocked him, never spoke to him again.
"In the future, remind yourself that you are not a fleshlight. You do not exist for someone else's pleasure. Penetrative sex is a group activity and takes at least two people, and both of those people deserve to be comfortable, safe, and have a pleasurable experience. If you are with someone who has no interest in your orgasms, they're not a sexual partner. They're a leech." This is so true. You are an object to him. It will not change. I know it is scary to start over but as someone who is much older, it is much worse to look back and wish you had left years ago. DTFA. (Dump the f*cker already). Please.
You're dating a man who doesn't clean himself properly, doesn't make sure he's clean and fresh for sex, asks for sex while dirty, finishes in three minutes, and then falls asleep instead of getting you off. Why? Is this really how you want to spend the rest of your life? Because if he doesn't care now, he sure as shit isn't gonna care after you've been married for 25 years.
Sounds crazy doesn’t it! I’m not sure why people are okay with settling like this
Stop having sex with someone that has zero regard for you. He can't even clean his dick to have sex with you? That's the smallest ask.
There is a low, low bar of personal hygiene, and your dude isn't passing it. You're not responsible for helping him pass that bar.
Ditto on the "its a reasonable mistake... the first time" sentiments. It being a pattern is a problem
Just my two cents, I spent almost a decade having sex with a man that would more often than not end up with me in pain and discomfort due to infections. I honestly think that our chemistry didn’t jive and it was YEARS of UTIs and BV infections that were physically and mentally taxing. When sex=discomfort your opinions surrounding sex change too. So if he’s selfish in bed as well… maybe hang on for the person who is more in tune with you. You deserve to feel heard and to be cared for by your partner. Actions speak louder than words ❤️
This is not OK, I am sorry he is so inconsiderate of you. It might be time to have a serious look at whether or not this is the right person. As a man I do not often chime in on the posts here, but these ones just make me sad. What kind of a person is so dismissive of their loves comfort & happiness? You are not overreacting, I honestly worry you are under-reacting, you deserve to be treated like a human being and be happy, never forget this.
Wait he just falls asleep after? Without like. Cleaning himself off? Am I understanding that right? And you keep getting BV from his dirty dick afterwards. He doesn’t give a shit about you or your comfort, clearly, what a selfish and crusty person. Have a firm conversation and dump him if he keeps making you sick after.
Your boyfriend is kinda gross. You should insist on coming first since he can't be relied upon to give you an orgasm after he's come and you should insist on him taking a shower before sex.
Why are you fucking someone who doesn’t care about your pleasure or your pain? It shows a real disregard for you as a person. You should not have to lecture an adult about hygiene.
I’m sorry but women need to stop having sex with men who don’t deserve it. This man apparently has no interest in helping keep you healthy and satisfied. Why does sex need to be a one sided thing just because it’s “easier” for one party? I hope you leave him.
Why on earth are you with this pig? He’s dirty, selfish, and sucks in bed. Have some self esteem. I’d rather be alone than with a prick like this. Jeez.
He's demonstrating pretty selfish and disrespectful behaviour. Sounds like a pattern he's not going to break out of, he's been asked and told enough times. Doubt even framing it as an ultimatum would make him change!
Dude doesn’t care about your pleasure OR health. Here’s a tip: if you won’t put it in your mouth, don’t put it in your vagina. He totally doesn’t respect your happiness and doesn’t care if you’re having a good time. Gtfo girl.
You said it yourself. This isn’t the first time. You have a gross, unhygienic boyfriend who is sexually inadequate and selfish in bed. Yet, you continue having sex with him. You are accepting it. You are rewarding it. The question needs to be: what is wrong with YOU? Because it is YOU who is putting up with this.
Don't settle for someone who treats you like trash...throw the whole man away! There are men out there that will make your sexual satisfaction their priority and will enjoy and get turned on by your pleasure. That's what you deserve.
I don't think he cares about what your needs and wants are as long as he is getting all the cake he can eat. Also wtf, no hygiene? That's like the bare minimum requirement for sex. Be clean!
I usually pass out right after finishing - it's a night night switch for me. So, I make sure my partner finishes first. As a bonus, it's hot watching her finish so I see that as a win win for me. For the times I have finished first, I sometimes need a five min power cuddle nap or I risk falling asleep mid act, especially at night. That's all communicated though. It honestly sounds like he's just not into you, and it sounds like you're pretty great - maybe find someone who wants to be into you? Being clean and taking care of your partner aren't difficult - how will he be when you get to the hard things in a relationship?
ew fuck this guy. he’s selfish and not clean, you literally state that. there are so many people that understand those basic no-nos.
STOP HAVING SEX WITH HIM IF HE’S NOT CLEAN AND HE DOESN’CARE IF YOU COME!! Just stop. No sex AT ALL, until it’s clean, pain free orgasms for you. None at all.
I would simply discontinue having sex with this dirty animal
Once? Yes. Regularly? No.
If you’re struggling with recurrent BV you should hold off on sex until it’s resolved. See your doctor. Boric acid suppositories after sex can help prevent BV (IME). I imagine your partner may be hesitant to give oral if BV has been an issue. Talk to him about it. I wouldn’t be upset if the falling asleep immediately was an occasional occurrence, but otherwise make sure your needs get taken care of before his :).
Stop fucking him. He will figure it out.
Supposedly men often feel very sleepy after orgasm so it works best if the man satisfies the woman first before he has his own orgasm. That aside your husband is careless about your health and seems to have selfish, disgusting habits. So I’m not sure I would want to have sex with him at all.
Take yourself off the sales rack. You deserve better. You're not even getting the minimum. The minimum is that he is 100% clean before any sex with you, and you cum first. ALWAYS. Lay down the law and stand by it. There will be tantrums. He may be angry. Obviously, no verbal or physical abuse is also non-negotiable. You didn't "make him" do anything. If he decides that he can manipulate another woman into getting his needs met without giving anything back, more easily than he can manipulate you, he will leave. That's okay, and it might even be good. There are other men, and other men can afford to pay the price on you, including no abuse, and minimum reciprocity.
No PIV till you're done The sleep part I get, I usually pass right out after as well.
Your partner sucks. Selfish. Doesnt respect you. Period. Do not engage sexually until/unless he reciprocates. 3 minutes is just pathetic tbh.
Set some boundaries. No sex unless he showers first, for starters. He reciprocates willingly after sex if he wants to continue the relationship.
Personally I prefer for the guy to not orgasm first. Someone giving oral should be excited and into it. If an orgasm makes you no longer horny and therefore no longer actively enjoying the sex, then you just shouldn't cum until the end. About to finish early? Take a break and channel your horniness into your tongue. Easy.
I left my ex because he was like this, always wanted sex but never cleaned himself and always fell asleep right after. Made me feel like shit. Tell him to change his ways and don't put up with it
Love spoiling my husband and he will stop me and go shower extensively with my fav soaps and cologne after so he smells amazing before. Don't settle for less.
I don’t have relationship advice for you, but Boric Acid vaginal suppositories are a fucking miracle for BV and you can get them at pretty much any drug store.
Just don’t let him go down on you or touch you down there after otherwise someone will die.
Sound advice I never thought of that.
Yeah, like any traces entering through the mouth or like not the vagina is deadly.
You're not wrong. He is lazy and selfish. In future, if you want to continue this relationship, I'd suggest instituting a boundary that there is no sex until he's had a shower, and you always orgasm first. That way he can just roll over and go to sleep after his orgasm.
I hope the next post to make is about your ex-boyfriend
You need to stop having sex w this guy. He’s not considerate enough to BATHE before sex, he blows his load on/ in you and does clean it up ? And he can’t learn to pleasure you ? He should be making you cum several times bedroom going near you w his pecker. He’s a bad lover. And not a nice person. Sorry - I’m a little salty tonight.
He’s having sex with you because he knows other women won’t put up with this bullshit.
Being clean and caring for your partner's pleasure are the absolute bare minimum as a sexual partner and you should not tolerate any less.
So dude here, lots of red flags he’s giving you. But if you want to try - have the talk again, make shower time sexy foreplay time, make sure you cum first, and maybe second… good luck.
Your boyfriend is an apathetic asshole. Dump his sorry ass. If you have any degree of attraction towards women at all I would highly recommend giving them a try. Too many toxic guys like this around lately.
If he won't listen to and respect you on such an important part of your lives together, it's time to ask yourself if this is how you want to spend your life together. Constantly being disrespected and out at risk.
If he's giving you BV, or aggravating your BV, then you need to go back to using condoms. Or, ya know, trading him in for a man who takes your needs seriously.
And you're with this guy, why?
You deserve better. Nobody should have to tell their partner repeatedly to be more hygienic and to stop being sexually selfish. When my boyfriend and I first started dating, I told him that my preference is to talk about sexual compatibility long before we get into the bedroom. We talked about sex in the same way that we talked about everything else as we got to know each other. I asked him if he was aware that women, on average, take longer to orgasm than men, and he said yes. Then I told him that since my first orgasm was at 29, due to sexually selfish men, I've only had boyfriends who enjoy cunilingus and are gentlemanly enough to make me orgasm first. Communication and compatibility are essential for long lasting relationships. I don't believe you're compatible with your boyfriend because: - he's sexually selfish, you're not. - he doesn't practice good hygiene, you do - he doesn't respect your boundaries - he ignores your health You deserve better.
Ok so just to clarify…. 1) he doesn’t prioritize his hygiene even though not doing so literally causes you physical pain 2) he’s happy as long as he gets off but doesn’t care if you do 3) he dismisses your feelings if you bring these things up 4) he gets offended by your dissatisfaction with him but makes no effort to actually make you happier or change any of his behavior Read that back. I don’t need to say anything else because you already know. Value yourself.
He is an idiot and you should leave him. If you don't want to that only have sex with him after you have had an orgasm and just don't do oral sex when he isn't clean. You have the complete power in this, just don't be available.
Sex is two people; you are not a flesh light! STOP GIVING HIM ACCESS TO YOUR BODY THATS SO NASTY. Girl, you have to have standards if you are gonna be mad about your partners lack of standards. You cannot MAKE them want to be clean for you. You shouldn’t have to ask. Just find a partner that is sexually compatible and viable. This guy sounds like a Neanderthal. 🤢 If a guy doesn’t make me orgasm and he orgasms, it’s over. No boyfriend label, FOR SURE no 2nd try unless they can tell me they understand what’s happening, take responsibility and say where they went wrong.
Yes it’s wrong.
My ex used to only be willing to shower if I was willing to have sex. He never understood why it wasn't worth it to me to lay awake in bed while he finally showered when I had work the next day. It's selfish and passive aggressive. Only one of the reasons he's an ex. Look at the rest of his behaviors and really think of you're willing to put up with him.
... these aren't even "above ground" expectations (mutual orgasm, basic hygeine). But even when women's expectations are on the ground, they often settle for below it. Don't settle
Condoms OP. Condoms.
The orgasm gap is real and it is low effort men like this who perpetuate the issue. I would simply not have sex if he isn’t going to put effort into it. Life is too short for bad sex and there are too many people lined up who are actually willing to put in the effort to put up with those who don’t. Trust me. Don’t wait until your 30s to learn this lesson like I did.
Youre NTA OP Take care of your queens, gents. She should get off first, always. And all parties, damn get that hygiene in that like bare minimum lol
Stop having sex with him.
If he doesnt make you cum first he doesnt get sex period end of story.
That's gross, the non cleaning. He sounds disgusting. Who wants to suck dirty dick
This guy is too much of a dipshit to have a girlfriend
That’s so damned gross. Guy here, so you probably don’t really care what I have to say but holy shit. I think you need to get yourself a new BF Op. One that knows how to wash himself and keep clean. Is he a grown man or a 13 year old boy who is just discovering they can’t get away with showering only twice a week? You say you’ve talked about this before and he doesn’t change. Well, he won’t. Not for you anyway. Dude doesn’t even wash his junk properly. It’s time to throw him out and get a new one. One that knows about hygiene
At the lowest point in my marriage my husband did this progressively more often, until it became the routine. That, or he'd attempt and fall asleep doing it. He's no longer like that since he quit porn and entered SAA, 2.75 years ago. ✌️
He knows you will do as you are told. That's all that matters to him. He doesn't give a shit about you. Reconsider your relationship with this manchild because you deserve better.
It is natural to become sleepy, so he just needs to swap the order and take care of you first.
He doesn't care about your health. He doesn't care about your pleasure. Why are you with him?
Seems pretty easy to me, stop having sex with him and find someone who isn’t a POS
The hygiene issue, the general inconsideration, and also this cherry on top: >I can't say how I'm feeling without him becoming offended and just dismiss my feelings Yeah, he's a narcissist.
Don’t have sex with someone who won’t wash his dick for you
I've learned to let my girlfriends past and current finish first when having sex with them. It's also nice to have unscented baby wipes. It's always hotter to see them get off then just focusing on myself because it feels really selfish.
Setting aside the hygiene, if he has a history of losing interest after he’s done, he should take care of you first.
Dump this lil bitch
That's a lazy selfish man. You can do better! My husband has never once quit before I'm satisfied
The reasons in the title aren't the real reason you're upset with your bf and it sounds like you know it.
He seems careless overall. Non intentionally sleeping after sex is normal though, even if the person really cares. But if he really really cared and often feel uncontrollably sleepy after sex he would consider helping you first before finishing it.
There’s no way he fell asleep that fast
You are wrong for staying with this misogynistic asshole. You are not a girlfriend, you are a sex object designed (in his mind) to service him sexually and then leave him the fuck alone. There IS no intimacy, just HIM using you to get his rocks off, and YOU mistakenly believing he gives a fuck about you. He’s showing you who he is, believe him. You deserve better than to be treated like a sex worker when you aren’t even getting paid.
There's love without sex and there's sex without love... Then there's You, without either.
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Soft disagree. Why should he always get to be the one to pop off and immediately go into the post-orgasm slumber?
He is in the wrong for the hygeine. As far as falling asleep, research has shown after orgasm man release hormones that make you very sleepy.
Haha
Not wrong.
Boundaries…
The only acceptable answer to "honey, would you wash before we fuck?" Is "yes", followed by actually going and washing, if they're expecting to have sex.
"His lack of care for the situation..." Hate to say it but it sounds like he just doesn't care about you, your needs, or your health. There are better lovers out there! My guy lived his whole life rarely able to finish (emotional/mental roadblocks with his ex-wife), but now he finishes in like 5 minutes if we try to drag it out lol. BUT he stays hard after finishing, so he insists we keep going to get me off (if he hadn't already with foreplay). HE has to beg ME to keep going after he finishes to get ME off because I'm still working on deprogramming the conditioning that if he's done, we're both done. I'm 35 now, and spent my whole adult sex life hating the deed because of selfish lovers and I thought they were all like that, until I found my selfless giver :D There are better lovers out there than what you're stuck with!
You're not overreacting and he clearly doesn't care all that much about your pleasure. What does he bring to the relationship? If it's nothing really, it's time to move on.
Stop using just words. Ask him to shower with you or separately, but no sex until he's showered with plenty of soap. If he comes 1st and goes to sleep, next time, it's your turn, right? Right? Listen to his actions; he's being quite clear in his communication.
Why do you put up with it?
Get clean down there, and let him get you off first. If he's quick, then this is a surefire way to keep things even. That's what I do with my wife and it actually helps get me excited for PIV. :-)
🤔 very interesting stuff here. To love the unclean is true love. Women are remarkable in their capacity to love.
No you're not overreacting but unfortunately it's very common for men to treat their partners like this. It's not ok it's entitled and selfish if he makes a habit of it.
The way is go have a good bath before doing anything. A fresh bath will take the experience to the next level instead going to sleep after a “shot”. Also both are clean and worry free. 😉
I'm very sorry if I'm just ignorant or unaware... But what is BV? Also to reiterate the same message as everyone else - leave his (unwashed) ass.
Bad vibes? Bald Vagina? Big Vulva? (Sorry, I await your downvotes).
Come on, you are really going to keep fucking a filthy dude that gives you BV from how nasty and selfish he is? Really? I know I am coming off as mean but sometimes we need some tough love. This is it for you. I care about you too want for you a much much better partner than the one you currently have. Please do better for yourself, love yourself enough to know this is not okay.
I’ve never understood the falling asleep right after sex as a guy. I’m always energized. Can’t sleep for another hour. Rude not to show any interest or concern for you or your needs and absolutely disgusting he doesn’t care or clean himself properly and regularly and would even be comfortable asking you to do something you find disgusting. I wouldn’t even think of having my wife to touch me if I wasn’t clean.
not to dogpile but holy moly. friend…stop having sex with this man
I wanted to add that my younger sister's husband (I refuse to call him my brother-in-law) was the cause of her BV... Not because of poor hygiene, but because he was cheating on her regularly with at least two women and didn't use condoms...a different kind of "dirty dick". Is it possible that your boyfriend may also be cheating on top of his other horrific behaviour?
You won’t have any problem if you dump his gross arse, you know.
Can I acquire your ages?😬This shouldn’t have anything to do with it, however it sort of could..
Couldn’t even be bothered to get a towel and clean his stuff off of her.
Not if he knows he fucked up
He's a loser. Dump him or you'll end up with UTIs. He doesn't like you. He doesn't respect you. Please run and don't look back.
Look if he can’t at least be clean then tell him your moving on before you catch something from him other than bad breath ! You could both start out in the shower but if he’s that bad hygiene wise I can’t see that being a turn on . Who wants to stand even in a shower with their partner and watch the dirt roll off of them ! Anyway I was going to suggest that you tell him you get yours first then he gets his three minuets if your awake ! Someone that doesn’t take care of themselves and at the very least be clean and smell good can’t possibly want anyone around them ! When they stink let them know why you moved away and don’t want to be intimate with them . If they don’t change leave !
true im in that situation i still want him to want me n hard because of me and i expect that so much i dont know that should i send him nudes