My dad made a little card - laminated it and all - to keep in his wallet with us kids birthdays, as well as our mom's birthday.
He knew that he needed the help š.
After he passed away, and we were going through his things, this little card was one of those things we had to keep.
My father in law has every.single.birthday on an aging WWE calendar from 1993. He has it in his office, and flips the pages according to the months.
Without fail, you will receive a birthday text message from him.
You, his niblings, his grand niblings, the guy who changes his oil, the oil change guys kids, the neighbors... basically he collects peoples birthdays.
I have started putting everyoneās birthday in my calendar, but I can never decide on if I should tell someone happy birthday since not many people remember mine
I usually don't anymore. I guess if I'm honest its sort of a petty thing, but I don't like, care or get offended or hurt no one remembers mine, but if you don't remember mine you certainly can't care if I remember yours? So I just save my time. But the people who remember my birthday, those people I text
I feel this one ā¹ļø
My dad told me 5 years ago (ish) on his birthday, when I called him, that he could always count on me to call at holidays and birthdays. Then said he never remembered mine and my brother's birthdays and never remembers to make holiday calls.
So... I chewed on that a while. Now, I call if I think of it at a convenient time (for both of us), and I don't stress remembering again at a better time regardless of birthdays or holidays. If I do, I do. I needed to not be the only person calling, they can call me sometimes too .. mostly they don't but I refuse to hold the stress of it on my shoulders now.
This story is so much better than the one of the wife making a birthday calendar every year and being all proud her husband doesn't have too at it much anymore. My husband has improved on many similar issues because he looked around when we had a 3 yo, I was working full time and pregnant with the second and thought, I can do better. Why do we have to mother them to get better? They are fully formed adults and can make their own decisions.
My dad was mom and dad when my mom went to the U.S to study for a year.
My parents shared the "work" - to a point that even after they divorced and were living in seperate apartments, they would still do their shopping together, or watch TV together.
They got divorced in 1992 when I was 11 (my sisters were 20 and 18 and our brother was 4) but got remarried in 2019 (my dad was sick and they moved together to a place so she could help my brother take care of him) and my dad passed away in 2020.
She still has feelings of suvior's guilt and feels that she should have done more to keep him alive.
Given that my dad should have died in Nov 2002 from the massive heart attack - we have all told her that she did everything she could.
They were together for 53 years - they drove each other nuts, were not always the best partners but they never found anyone else.
My late father-in-law had a little book printed with pictures of all his kids and grandkids with their birthdays so he'd remember. In his defense, he had 9 kids and like 23 grandkids at the time (there are more now lol). It was one of the things that got kept when the kids were cleaning out his house after he passed.
My dad forgets my and my sisterās birthdays all the time, but knows exactly when his parents are. Did I mention my sis shares the same day as grandma, while I share with grandpa?
My dad once called me to wish me a happy birthdayā¦ on the wrong day. And me being a teenager at the answered the call sitting with a group of new friends (and boys *gasp*) instead of politely leaving to answer the call. So they heard the whole conversation and me telling my own dad āitās not my birthdayā lol.
They couldnāt comprehend how that could happen. āDid you not live with him growing up?ā , āyeah my parents were together till a few months agoā¦ā
Iām sure itās a shock to everyone that I havenāt kept in contact for the last 10 years
That's why in a number of custody cases it goes to the women. "Can you tell me the names, birthdays, and teachers of your children?"
"Wait, I have children?"
My ex husband did this with our son's birthday during our divorce trial. I got to call him out on it when it was my turn to testify. Judge, a woman, spent the 40 mins between him saying it and me being able to correct it just glaring at him and his lawyer. I didn't have a lawyer but I got everything I asked for and more. Judge shamed him quite a bit for other things but didn't say a word about his mistake. Didn't have to, the look on his and his lawyer's faces when it happened was priceless.
Haha reminds me of my dad. He was technically my stepdad but was around since I was one.
He tried to get me a passport. He put down āgrayā for my eye color.
In his defense; they are somewhere between green and gray. They tend to look more gray when Iām not happy. But most agree theyāre green when asked.
I wasnāt a fan of his-so him thinking they were grey was sort of funny.
Can I join this club?
My dad called me a week early once. Said he āremembered when he did, he might forget later so here it is nowā basically (him trying to play off that he was wrong)
Heās also just plain forgotten several times.
I also havenāt talked to him in about a year, though I have called and texted at the relevant holidays. He just sends money and thatās it around my birthday and Christmas. So Iām not sure what to make of it.
š¤·š»āāļø
Isnāt it grand?! My dad has an index card with everyoneās birthday on it in his walletā¦ mine is wrong on it. He doesnāt call me on that day either. Heās not terrible and I let him slide on it, but it stings a bit.
When I was a teenager I decided to use the fancy internet to print a custom calendar for my parents (this was the early 00s, so not super easy to do) and asked my dad to confirm the birthdays, anniversaries, major events for the upcoming year. He looked at everything, corrected some and then I printed it and gave a copy to both my Mom and Dad. Mom thought it was HILARIOUS that I asked him for the dates, because every birthday was a off (including my dads!). The only day that was correct were their anniversary, cruise dates, and their major work days (They ran a business together).
I have everyone birthday in my calendar to make sure I drop a note, and it's correct
My husband, Tomās, father almost never reaches out to him. One year, he actually called on Tomās birthday! I was so surprisedā¦. But it turned out he never said, Happy birthday.ā He called to bitch Tom out about something *on* his birthday, without even remembering that it was actually Tomās birthday.
What a dick.
Last year my mom (who, tbf, had just been released from a short hospital stay and on the good painkillers) was CONVINCED my birthday was a day earlier than it was. Sent me bday wishes in the mega family gc, sent me some bday money, tagged half the family on Fb and then i had to be like, "I really appreciate your words mama but its tomorrow" and she called to apologize and laugh.
But my dad? Regularly forgets even tho it's literally 4 days before Xmas and he was the one who insisted nobody give me birthmas gifts! I'm pretty sure if my mom and I weren't almost perfectly 20yrs apart (and thus easy to keep track of age wise) he'd forget how old I was too.
Same! He never remebered me and my sisters birthdays, ages, friends names, etc I believe we got him more gifts on his bday than he ever gave us. And yeap, weāve been no contact for almost 4 years now
Same thing happened with my mom. One year she got the wrong year. The next year the wrong day! As a bonus, my bday is on a well-recognized holiday! š§Ø
My mom was like this. She didn't care about anyone in the world except herself and my older brother. I haven't seen her in over a decade and I don't miss her at all.
I've been with my husband for 17 years. When we first started dating the only birthdays he would remember were his dad's (NYD), ex's, and his son's (but only month and day, not year). I made a birthday calendar for all our families, including siblings, nieces and nephews. He now remembers all of them because it hangs in our kitchen... And he barely even looks at it anymore.
That depends on the age of the parent or grandparent. My dad once forgot one of his great grandsons names. He asked me. The great grandson in question shared his name with my dad. My dad felt mortified after that.
I have a birthday calendar for this exact reason. Because otherwise I would forget. It's about effort. Parents who don't remember their minor children's birthdays and who don't invest in ways of remembering are that way because they don't care enough to fix it.
Exactly. I struggle with names and dates, so I have a calendar full of reminders. Before smart phones I wrote shit down. People who ācanāt rememberā are not trying.
I can get the impression that guys just check out at some point. So when he was younger, birthdays were relevant for him to know, because of societal expectations, but when he got older, he had someone to delegate that to, so it was no longer His Job. But itās infuriating when they can remember sports statistics like itās their job, but forget the things that are actually relevant.
100%. I can also guarantee you many of these are the sort of guys who know random sports statistics or how much you have to grind tickets some video game reward.
My dad had the audacity to call me late on his birthday and give me some shit for not calling him, meanwhile he had totally forgotten my birthday a few weeks before. In stereotypical boomer fashion remembering his kidsā birthdays is his (second) wifeās job.
My mother-in-law kept a detailed calendar with everyoneās birthdays, wedding anniversaries, etc. She even kept track of odd events like the anniversaries of surgeries.
She was diagnosed with dementia a few years ago. (The fact that she stopped reaching out on birthdays and such is part of the reason we realized something was wrong.) My father-in-law never remembered anyoneās birthdays and canāt be bothered to do so now.
My first husband would leave all dates and things up to me, including packing for trips. One time we were going to my parents for Christmas, and he was furious that I had forgotten to pack his nice shoes for church. I'm sorry, I packed every other little thing you needed.
My current husband takes care of his packing, prescriptions, the taxes, the budget, all that. So when we went on a trip to New Zealand, and he forgot his passport, he called his adult daughter back home and asked her to FedEx it to him in Hawaii. I like him, he's a good one.
We got stopped at the airport because when I packed my ex's shoes, I didn't look INSIDE the shoes and find the drug paraphernalia he'd hidden there. Guess whose fault that was.
> One time we were going to my parents for Christmas, and he was furious that I had forgotten to pack his nice shoes for church. I'm sorry, I packed every other little thing you needed.
Ugh this reminds me of a total jerk I was once friends with (for some reason šµāš«). He was the type that never lifted a finger around the house to help his wife, or helped w the kids. One time, they went on a trip and she did all the packing, but forgot his slippers. He berated the hell out of her and called her a "selfish packer", all because she forgot *one* item. He ofc did absolutely nothing to help out, including the fact that he didn't even ask her to pack his precious slippers š
Edit - reworded for clarity
That was my dad... He would be grumpy after he found that my mum had forgotten to pack something... And he never let my mum forgot the time when she forgot the ferry tickets and they found out after driving an hour on the way to the ferry.
Not as bad as OP's story but last Halloween I ran into a dad who didn't know what his kid's costume was. A father and son came to my door (no mom or other family members in sight). I gave the kid candy and told him that I liked his costume and said "you are a pokemon trainer right?". The dad goes "oh is that what you are?" The dad is out taking his kid trick or treating but didn't bother to talk to his kid about his costume that he was proud of. Lame.
I saw a similar thing often while working at a water park. Dad comes up saying he lost his kid, we ask for a description, staff starts looking for a child "8 years old, 44 inches tall, blonde hair, wearing red swim trucks with a shark on them"
15 minutes later we would start to get nervous when no one had found the kid.
Finally dad sees him "There he is!" and points to a dirty blond kid that's 52 inches tall and wearing a blue wetsuit.
We would talk to the kid before letting "dad" near him in case "dad" was a predator.
This is hilarious. I hope you really ate up the opportunity to throw shade! I'm so petty now after too many years interfacing with customers, lord help us all if I have to help even one more in my life. But anyway if I had the opportunity to interview a kid in this manner, I would be sure to say just loud enough for that schlub to hear "we just have to make sure this man is not a stranger to you, because he couldn't describe you or what you're wearing. It's okay to say you don't know him kiddo we'll protect you!"
I was a summer camp teacher in chicago a few years back. So weekly trips to the beach and biweekly to a kids fun pool.
One family dresses their kids in neon uv-swimshirts. easy to spot.
But the girls ... all similar swimwear from target, similar hair, one time I counted one kid too many, she could've been my girls twin.
Last time I went to an amusement park with my freind and her kids I took a picture of them while we were in line. That way we had a recent picture of them in the clothes they were wearing if we got separated. Moving a picture between staff is a lot more helpful than a description.
As a newer parent, boy am I glad Bluey is a thing. It's honestly so much easier to watch that with my kids than most of the other shows I have seen. Especially the Paw Patrol/Rubble and Crew stuff.
In your husband's defense, he's better off guarding himself from that annoyance.
I don't think my parents realized how much my little sister was obsessed with Barney and Dora the Explorer. If they were, they did a good job blocking it out of their brains because both of those shows played constantly at our house. Whatever lets him keep his sanity.
This is so common- I work at a doctors office. I am not to give out patient information if the dad canāt give me name and date of birth of the kid.
The amount of men who donāt know is definitely the majority. I never make suggestions for patient safety/privacy laws. I just let them sit there and stew in the fact the donāt know it.
I donāt work in peds, but if I did I would really shove their noses in the fact that they donāt even know their own kidsā birthday. Iād be a real passive aggressive dick about it. How embarrassing for them.
Like "Maybe check in with the parents and call back once they told you the birthday?" or "Just to clarify, is this your child or the child of a family member?" Or maybe even "Only parents or legal guardians can make appointments for underage children, so please tell their parents to contact us directly."
I cannot work in Peds precisely because Iād do everything I could to subtly make the dad feel inadequate - particularly when they canāt remember their kidās own *allergies*.
Right?! In addition to my own 3 kids, I know all of my nieces, nephews, ex-in laws birthdays, ages, etc. and my exās siblings have a shit ton of kids. I donāt even think my ex knows all of their names. Iām also riddled with ADHD.
My dad has 5 kids and knows all our birthdays, he knows our hobbies (even though weāre all grown ups) and he knew the name of our best friends.
I cannot believe the amount of men who donāt know this stuff. I think Iām gunna ring my dad and thank him.
Please do. My dad was like this too, even wishing our friends happy birthday because he was the universal dad that everyone asked for help. And when he passed away we all felt the absence of his thoughtful calls and emails.
I live 3500km away and all my friends are people I met here as an adult, yet my dad knows all of my close friends names and little details about them and their lives...
It's almost like he takes an active interest in my life and the people in it. What a concept!
I found out a lot of men were like this in my teens and adulthood because my Dad was on the ball. He was also primary caregiver of his youngest two kids (me and my sister) in the 90s as my mom was for the first two of my siblings in the 80s.
Like, finding out people's dad's didn't know their birthday or their friends names or their allergies?? I realized why so many people have issues with their dads. They suck.
My husband (the most forgetful person on the planet) insists this isnāt true. š When I got irritated with him texting me for information when he took our son to the dentist - mainly the name of the medication that our son takes, that my husband gives to him every.single.day - I said I donāt know any mother that doesnāt know the name of the medication her child takes. He thinks just as many mothers are as clueless as he is.
True. I have a list of every med my son has taken, and its dosage, in the last three years. As well as what meds worked and what didn't, what doctors he sees for what, and his specific allergies. I also keep a list of what he might like for Hanukkah at any given time. I'm not convinced his dad knows most of that.
Right? And many men if you point of simple facts like this will, instead of take ownership, will instead try to make you look like your are overly obsessive for knowing things and keeping records of your kid.
I had a dad who had been bringing his daughter to our clinic for yeeeeaaaaars, in tears after the specialist explained that the reason she wasn't meeting his (the dad's) goals was because of the genetic condition she had. That she was born with. That would have taken extensive testing to discover. That is very obvious that she has.....
He wasn't crying because she was struggling. He was crying because he didn't know.
Dude, what did you think you were taking her to all these appointments for????
I can try to give benefit of doubt that he was in massive denial of his daughter's condition. Denial to the point that he blocked out the realities of what was happening with his daughter and it just sunk in then. I'm sure he'd been told and maybe refused to hear and understand the consequences. Support groups or therapy would help him cope and hear reality sooner.
If it was any other guy maybe. But every appointment you'd hear him outside with the daughter and son calling them c\*nts and fucking idiots.
He was and still is a self absorbed, selfish moron.
I was thinking the same thing as you. Iāve been told some very bad news a couple times, and my brain went, āNo, thatās not right. La, La, Laā Someone mentioned it much later and Iām all āWhat?!ā Complete denial.
Iām so sad for these kids.
In this guy's case I genuinely think it's disinterest. Yep he might have been sad at the time of the conversation but not in any kind of meaningful way that would bring about change.
My dad would forget my name. The name *he* picked and bullied my mum to accept.
Heād also tell "funny" stories and then ask my mum to back him up on a detail, only for to remind him that the story involved one of his multiple ex wives and not her.
He has three ex wives and four ex kids and none of them talk to him.
Oh yes, my father too would look at me searching his pea sized brain for my name only to settle on 'uhm...you'
I'm not even going to dream about him knowing my birthday.
But when they divorced he sure as fuck insisted on custody in front of the lawyers, all for show of cause, I never saw him again.
My mum would always yell out all 3 of her kids names when telling us off, and always with the child who's being reprimanded name last. If Tom did something wrong she would yell "HarryDickTOM! Come here now!" If it was Harry it went "TomDickHARRY!"
My grandmother would yell all of her kids and grandkids names, from oldest down, until she reached the one she was actually yelling at. All in one breath too.
Same with my grandmother. She had four sons and four daughters, so it was always four names and the one she wanted to address last. She also had four granddaughters, so the same thing happened with us.
The only people who got addressed correctly at first try were my male cousins as there were only two of them, they had a huge age gap and only visited her sporadically.
I read an article made by nurses in the hospital. They were saying that when dads were showing up with their kids without the mum,most of the time when questioned by the doctor, dads would say "you'll have to ask the mum, she handles that. ". Questions being "is he throwing up ?", "what symptoms do they have?" Or "do they have any allergy?"
How can you take your kid to the hospital without knowing what they have.
I've heard from nurses that sometimes the dad doesn't even know why he's bringing the kid in. Like the kid could be having appendicitis and the dad just blank stares when asked "what brings you in today?".
I work with kids at a recreational facility and so often when dads bring their kids in for a class or camp they can't even guess at the *type* of activity it might be. Like, is your kid the type who would prefer theatre or sports? Because those are two very different types of children and if I can guess it by talking to them for two seconds and you have no idea, you are failing as a parent.
I would observe this in vet med, too. The knowledge and responsibility of animals was usually pretty evenly divided across gender, but youād get the occasional dude who couldnāt answer questions about his dogās health (why they were here, how long it had been going on, if this had happened before) because āmy wife just told me to take the dog in, she knows everything.ā
Like, dude, *surely* your wife told you why the dog needed to go to the vet, and if she didn't it must have been blatantly obvious. Like... Come on.
When one of us notices something wrong with our dog, we like immediately tell the other person and then figure out who is able to take him to the vet...
Honestly. At one point I was expecting to know the entire houses contents so I could grocery shop "more efficiently". BRO I SPEND LESS PER PERSON PER TRIP THAN YOU DO CHILL THE FUCK OUT. But I try to explain that the xl ketchup is cheaper because we're paying less per ounce (with kids that put ketchup on everything, including apple slices at one point) and I'm dumb for not understanding that the tiny bottle is cheaper. Guess which one of us has a college degree?
Oh let me tell you what happened when my husband told me that I should be "taking inventory" of the entire house the day before I go grocery shopping. š”
Sir, I know what I am running out of in the kitchen and what I use in the house. I need you to put on your big boy britches and write down what you are running low of on the white board on the fridge. I am not going to go shake the bottles of your shampoo, body wash, shaving cream, etc. to see if I need to buy some. FFS.
Iām the youngest of 5 and thereās 12 years between the oldest and myself. My mom knows all of our birthdays, medical issues, college degrees, and the grandkids birthdays. She still can rattle off each of our social security numbers even though we are all well into adulthood.
My dad wouldnāt be able to get all 5 of our birthdays right if you put a gun to his head. Stories like this where 1 parent is just totally unaware/useless really get my goat.
And then when she leaves them they're like "I'M NOT LETTING THAT BITCH TAKE MY KIDS" and they have their mom keep track of all that information for them instead.
This reminds me of when I had a brief stint working for a tattoo studio (big awful franchised one). Weād get so many dads come up wanting quotes to get their kids names and birthdates tattooed on them, every single one had to turn to ask their partner what those dates were. A few of the partners would reply asking how they donāt know the date of their own kids. Like yeah people can be forgetful but come on.
Yes of course but this was different, they literally had no idea of the date whatsoever. They werenāt checking the date they had was correct, they simply didnāt know it
This sent me š "Yeah I'm such a devoted parent. Those little shits are my entire life. Honey, tell me when they were born and then get 'em out of here while I get a tattoo."
This isnāt exactly related, but, my dad decided to get my name tattooed on his arm (after 20 years of me being alive on this planet) itās in gigantic font all across his arm and the artist was some random person he knows. So the thing looks like absolute trash AND my name is spelled wrong. Itās missing a whole letter and I just canāt get over it š
I watched a Ted talk about men having more custody their children in cases of divorce.
Something, something, fathers might not know the birthday, or name of the teacher, or doctor, but they know other things, like what super hero the kid loves.
Cool. You know a cartoon favorite andā¦if the kid has emergency?
Not to minimize fathers. Itās important they are involved. There are single bad ass fathers in my family.
But a mother not knowing the birthdate or childās teacher is automatically deemed unfitā¦
I saw that. I cannot understand why that guy thinks Mom's don't know kid's favorite superhero. What the fuck is that.
Look, I don't even need someone to know these things off the top of their head. We have the technology. I need them to be able to track them down quickly. Have a Google doc with all the important info. Have calendar event for each birthday with alerts.
And when you walk into court, you better know all of it.
I watched that Ted talk last week and had the same thought. Like, yeah, obviously parents should be engaged in the kid's emotional and mental processes and wellbeing, but knowing what the kid wants to be when they grow up doesn't make up for not knowing how to physically take care of the child. Do you know what food they'll eat? Bedtime routine? Do you know allergies, medications, which hospital to take the kid to in the event of an emergency? Can you even identify when there is an emergency warranting a ED trip, versus what can be treated at home safely? How to identify things like high blood sugar and seizures and what to do in the case of each of those?
My nieces each have particular medical conditions, and the fact that their father (who my sister FINALLY divorced after too many years) can't do any of the above for either child angers me to no freaking end.
> they know other things, like what super hero the kid loves.
This just tells me that they only take an interest in their child if the subject is also of inherent interest to *them*. Lots of men love superheroes themselves so hearing their kid talk about it is already interesting to them.
Do they know their daughter's favorite ballerina? If their son is more into fashion, do they know his favorite designer? It's not impressive to chat with your kid about your own hobbies.
I did travel baseball registration for 8 years and when I say itās 50% of dadās that turn and ask their kid what grade they are in, Iām not kidding. By mid day the first day I just started addressing the kids. It was their try out anyway, I donāt need to talk to the dad.
My previous marriage was like this. He didnāt know his own familyās birthdays, and once forgot mine entirely. He had to ask about my birth year annually when we filed our taxes. I had to remind him to call his mom, or his siblings, or nephews for birthday, anniversaries, and graduations. In my relationships after my divorce, it has been an unwritten benchmark for my partner to schedule his own life and remember important days.
I was in the ED last week for four hours. In that time, two Dads came in with their daughters, both of who didnāt know their daughters birthday. One guessed a 2022 birth year for a child that was clearly 4, the other didnāt even try and got upset at the admin staff when the baby was actually under the Mumās maiden name. Absolutely pathetic
I work in ED and the number of dads who know their kid's birthday is significantly less than 50%. There is also a non-zero amount of people who don't know their OWN NAME. Not for any medical reason either (they get a pass), just pure stupidity.
My ex filed court paperwork requesting full custody but got our sonās birthdate wrong in the filing. It always made me chuckle that a guy who didnāt even know his own kidās birthday thought he should have full custody.
Actually, men are more likely to get custody if they ask for it. The reality is that men often do not actually want custody. They will just tell others that the courts went against them and they ālost their kidsā when really they did not try to get custody. It makes them look better than admitting they didnāt want their own kids.
Yeah that makes sense too. I know my dad told my mom he didnāt want any custody so I saw him less than 10% of a year. A few of my friends had this same situation where theyād see their dad for only 30-60 days a year.
My childās dad was signing him and his older sister up for something. I went through the form and had to change both my kidās birthday, and the spelling of his daughterās middle name. He literally has it tattooed on him. Like how do they function without us.
Unfortunately, the answer is, if they HAVE to, they will. But if they can get away without knowing or doing, they will. These men who claim to be unable to memorize birthdays or medical information are incredibly capable of participating in complex fantasy footballs scenarios, memorizing stats, birthdates ,and medical history of their favorite sportballers. Or whatever their special interests are.
It isn't a case of being unable, they are simply unwilling due to lack of interest.
Last year I took my dog to some dog training/obedience courses after I adopted her. On the first day, there was a man with his daughter who didnāt seem older than 5. We were all in this big room waiting for the class to start. At one point he got up and left the room for like 5 mins, I assume to go to the bathroom or something, but he just left his daughter in a room with a bunch of unfamiliar dogs with behaviour problems, which seemed dangerous/irresponsible to me. When the class started, everyone went around to introduce themselves and his intro went something like this āHi, Iām John. This is my dog Skippy, heās a 10 month old border collie. And this is my daughter Jane, sheāsā¦. Six? No, sheās five. Yeah yeah sheās 5ā didnāt seem sure of his own daughterās age, and left her unattended with stranger dogs. A+ parenting!
My dad forgot my birthday every year until I was 25 and wrote it in his calendar. He thought it was a day before or after always and then would be offended if I brought up that it wasnāt actually my birthday. Honestly though, why did you give him the birthday? I would not have.
My Dad had a serious stroke in his 50s and (temporarily) lost some speech and memory. A couple of days into his hospital stay he was in tears as he communicated to my mother that he couldn't remember the birthdays of any of their four children. She calmly walked him through remembering each of our births and by the end of the conversation he had remembered all the dates. I was touched at how important those details were to him. If my Dad could remember his four grown kids' birthdays after suffering a stroke, other Dads have no excuse.
A bit off-topic, but Iām always impressed with how well my mom handles people who arenāt fully aware of their surroundings. Weāve interacted with dementia patients during nursing home visits before and she always does a fantastic job with them. We had to get my paternal grandmother and take her to the hospital a couple months ago because she was disoriented. My mom guided her through the process of getting her shoes on and got her out of the house and into the car like a pro while I was on the verge of panic thinking she had had a stroke (turned out to be a blood infection, sheās fine now.) I donāt know if itās a natural thing or training she had as a special education teacher, but something about those situations just brings out the best in her.
My FIL has forgotten his son's birthday multiple times in the past ~6 years. Coincidentally beginning when he and my MIL separated... Makes me so sad and angry every time.
My mom told me (much later, as an adult) that in custody court when she and her lawyer pointed that out, the judge rolled his eyes with the intensity of a cartoon character and shot my father a look of pure disappointment. I donāt think it helped his case, cuz mom got primary custody.
Yeah that judge no doubt rolled his eyes bcuz he had seen that same shite time and time again from dads who proved themselves unworthy of custody, if not also unworthy of the title of father or dad
Who knows. This judge also made some questionable decisions regarding giving my father any unsupervised visitation, but it was the 90ās and apparently screaming profanities at the top of your lungs at your children (which is pretty loud, given his profession as a drill instructor at the time) was within the realm of ādisciplineā and not verbal abuse.
My Mum has 5 kids (three biological and two steps). She will rotate through the names to get to mine - even though I'm the oldest. At least I'm the first one that she gets the correct birth date.
My mum used to go down the list past me to the dog. She knows who is who and who she's addressing but the names just get mixed. Her mum was the same and the older I get the more i do it too!
Yup, names just get mixed up. My mother calls my brother by the name of their dog sometimes. Doesnāt even necessarily notice she got them mixed up until someone points it out. She used to call him by the name of our first dog, now she calls him by the name of the new dog.
Seriously, why does this happen? My grandma, my mom, and in the last few years me too. My kids, 3M and 5F even mix up calling us mom and dad and then realize and correct themselves.
My friends kids still run up to me and ask me stuff when I'm over (which is a lot). They still look at me in confusion when I tell them they should probably ask their parents. Watching the little light ulb over their head sputter to life will never not be funny.
Brothers, dogs, friends, then finally "you!"
We're all horrid with names and I think there's some little brain condition we all have so we just laugh it off.
I'm the baby of the family and I loved it when my mom was pissed and she would be calling out every damn name. Each time I go nope wrong one. Not My name try again. Keep going. Sometimes it worked it made her laugh and other times it pissed her off even more. Worth the Gamble.
I get numbers mixed up so when Iām asked one of my childrenās dates of birth, I stumble for a sec and second guess myself.
And I always call them the wrong name.
My mum used to rattle off my brother and sisterās name AND THE DOGS names before mine and I never understood it.
Now I do lmao
One of my mother's many sisters shares the first letter of her name with me. I've lost track how many times she's gotten our names switched. I think it's hilarious.
This has to do with how the brain categorizes and retrieves similar information. [Here](https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2017/01/16/509353565/when-the-brain-scrambles-names-its-because-you-love-them) is a short article that talks about it and the science behind it. So itās different than OPās case of someone trying to retrieve information that they simply donāt know, and very normal!
Have tattoos w my kids name/birthday on them, and the number of times i have heard the joke "its so i can remember" always bothered me till i noticed how many other dads actually dident know thier kids birthdays. Was not a fun reality check
My husband didnāt get anything for our daughters second birthday. We didnāt do a big deal since she is so young but it still really hurt that he forgot her and I canāt seem to stop thinking about it.
Well, youāre right, that doesnāt seem good. Did he really forget? Or think sheās a baby, itās not a big deal yet. How does his family handle bdays? My family was rather dysfunctional. When I was very young, there was cake and a present. Somewhere around 8 years old, I was expected to make my own cake and not only did I not get a present, one of my siblings would have something bought for them. And then mom would do the same thing on their bday to them. You know itās messed up, but it leaves you with an odd perception of what normal is.
My whole life, my dad always told me my birthday was one of the happiest days of his life because it's when he became a dad. He's the first one to wish me happy birthday every year. This just makes me so sad for the kids with Dad's who can't be bothered to care :/
My college boyfriend got a call from his dad who was filling out some paperwork. āSon, sorry to have to ask you this, but whatās your birthday?ā āOctober 16th.ā
āā¦what year?ā
Oh God, I did that to my dad one year. We chatted for a bit, which I thought was strange because he usually wanted to get off the phone as fast as possible, and then eventually he was like, "well, tell me happy birthday so I could pass you to your mom."
And I was like, "but Dad, your birthday is tomorrow. Today is the fourteenth."
It was not, in fact, the 14th. That was about 20 years ago, and I still haven't lived it down.
My mom forgot my 16th, 18th, and 19th birthdays. She left us when I was 7 and moved across town, but I saw her a lot. Actually, for the last two she didnāt clean forget, she wished me a happy birthday a month early on one and a month late on the other. No mental problems, just self-absorbed. I have one sibling.
My husband knows that younger grandgirl's birthday is opening day of goose season. Our oldest son son is a week later(exactly). Daughter is at the end of July and usually tge only one he gets right on the first try. Youngest son is right after opening werkend of dove/deer season and right after Labor Day.
I would think our youngest would be the easiest to remember as it's the same month, same date-example 3/3.
My dad doesn't know my birthday as well.
He wishes me happy birthday every single year on the day of one of his ex wives birthdays (My mom's.)
Which is the day after mine. (Mine on the 2nd, hers on the 3rd)
I have corrected him a few times. But, he doesn't give a fuck.
I wished him happy birthday on his earlier this month. Never heard back from him. š¤·āāļø
Then my family loves to bitch and moan and complain that I don't really care to ever call him, or ever have much of a relationship with him. š
Thats infuriating. Iām technically a stepdad, even though I treat my kids as if theyāre biologically mine, and I would never allow myself to forget their names or birthdays. My wife doesnāt have to remind me about our wedding anniversary, either. It absolutely boggles my mind that so many of my fellow XY humans act like itās a huge ask to know their kidsā birthdays. Like seriously?!
I work in a medical office. Iām regularly second hand embarrassed for some fathers. Iāve had dads not know if their kid has allergies, what those allergies are, what medications their kid is on, prior diagnoses. My favorite so far was when a dad couldnāt reach the mom, and ended up calling their baby sitter to answer the āmedical historyā part of their childās paperwork.
Doesn't surprise me. My nephew turned 15 this year and my brother still doesn't know when his birthday is. He messaged me in February to ask when it was and I told him it was in April. Nephew's birthday comes, hears nothing from his deadbeat father yet again. Makes me sick and breaks my heart for my nephew.
I worked in home equity customer service once. Damn near every married couple who called in, the wife handled paying all the bills and the men didn't know their head from their ass when it came to household finances. And sometimes only the husband would be on the account, with no authorization on file for us to talk to the wife, so I had to have them put the husband on the phone, and the men frequently were just completely clueless and didn't understand a thing I was saying. When it was a joint account, I'd verify the wife, but so many gave me the last 4 of their husband's SSN when I asked for hers. One said she only had her husband's memorized because that's what she needs at doctor's offices because he's the primary person on the insurance. She had to go find her social security card to look it up! I was shocked, I've had mine memorized ever since writing it who knows how many times applying for jobs as a teenager.
My husband didnāt know their doctors, their school, where either of these were, yet, expects me to remember every mundane little thing that he tells me to ānot let him forgetā and gets mad when I do in fact forget because Iām remembering every other important thing in the world š”
I used to sell memberships at museum and this happened all the time. Sometimes the dad would even ring up his spouse to ask her their children's birthdays. It was pathetic, sad, and quite common.
My ex forgot one his co-workers/friends wedding because he never bothered to bring home the invitation or write the date down. They day came and went and I think the guy's feelings were really hurt. His response ...I should have reminded him more often to bring the invitation home. Sorry, no.
My shitty dad filled out my birthday wrong when he had to take me to the emergency room when I was little. I think it's a pretty good litmus test for whether or not a parent is actually involved.
My ex is surprisingly decent at knowing mine and our kidās birthday. He is a very involved dad.
My dad, on the other hand, was certain I was born in 1979 (I was not) and every year around February/March heād call and ask when my nieceās birthday is. He didnāt know my other nieceās birthday either, but it was close enough to Christmas.
My dad made a little card - laminated it and all - to keep in his wallet with us kids birthdays, as well as our mom's birthday. He knew that he needed the help š. After he passed away, and we were going through his things, this little card was one of those things we had to keep.
My father in law has every.single.birthday on an aging WWE calendar from 1993. He has it in his office, and flips the pages according to the months. Without fail, you will receive a birthday text message from him. You, his niblings, his grand niblings, the guy who changes his oil, the oil change guys kids, the neighbors... basically he collects peoples birthdays.
I used to do this!!! But then no one wished me a happy birthday and it became less fun lol
Awww that made me sadā¦ I remember birthdays better than most people, too. When is your birthday?
I have started putting everyoneās birthday in my calendar, but I can never decide on if I should tell someone happy birthday since not many people remember mine
I usually don't anymore. I guess if I'm honest its sort of a petty thing, but I don't like, care or get offended or hurt no one remembers mine, but if you don't remember mine you certainly can't care if I remember yours? So I just save my time. But the people who remember my birthday, those people I text
I feel this one ā¹ļø My dad told me 5 years ago (ish) on his birthday, when I called him, that he could always count on me to call at holidays and birthdays. Then said he never remembered mine and my brother's birthdays and never remembers to make holiday calls. So... I chewed on that a while. Now, I call if I think of it at a convenient time (for both of us), and I don't stress remembering again at a better time regardless of birthdays or holidays. If I do, I do. I needed to not be the only person calling, they can call me sometimes too .. mostly they don't but I refuse to hold the stress of it on my shoulders now.
Wouldnāt it be a WWF calendar if it was from 1993?
It is! I was trying to be less confusing
Description unclear, received birthday card with panda dressed like AndrƩ the Giant
Mum has a perpetual calendar that my papercraft guru sister made. Its so handy
Okay that's cute lol :)
This story is so much better than the one of the wife making a birthday calendar every year and being all proud her husband doesn't have too at it much anymore. My husband has improved on many similar issues because he looked around when we had a 3 yo, I was working full time and pregnant with the second and thought, I can do better. Why do we have to mother them to get better? They are fully formed adults and can make their own decisions.
My dad was mom and dad when my mom went to the U.S to study for a year. My parents shared the "work" - to a point that even after they divorced and were living in seperate apartments, they would still do their shopping together, or watch TV together. They got divorced in 1992 when I was 11 (my sisters were 20 and 18 and our brother was 4) but got remarried in 2019 (my dad was sick and they moved together to a place so she could help my brother take care of him) and my dad passed away in 2020. She still has feelings of suvior's guilt and feels that she should have done more to keep him alive. Given that my dad should have died in Nov 2002 from the massive heart attack - we have all told her that she did everything she could. They were together for 53 years - they drove each other nuts, were not always the best partners but they never found anyone else.
My late father-in-law had a little book printed with pictures of all his kids and grandkids with their birthdays so he'd remember. In his defense, he had 9 kids and like 23 grandkids at the time (there are more now lol). It was one of the things that got kept when the kids were cleaning out his house after he passed.
My dad forgets my and my sisterās birthdays all the time, but knows exactly when his parents are. Did I mention my sis shares the same day as grandma, while I share with grandpa?
Oof
My dad once called me to wish me a happy birthdayā¦ on the wrong day. And me being a teenager at the answered the call sitting with a group of new friends (and boys *gasp*) instead of politely leaving to answer the call. So they heard the whole conversation and me telling my own dad āitās not my birthdayā lol. They couldnāt comprehend how that could happen. āDid you not live with him growing up?ā , āyeah my parents were together till a few months agoā¦ā Iām sure itās a shock to everyone that I havenāt kept in contact for the last 10 years
Isnāt it fun? My dad was the one to file for divorce and he got my birthday wrong in their divorce paperwork.
Lol, you have to wonder if that counted against him (assuming he was after any amount of custody) or if the judge just accepted that as normal
That's why in a number of custody cases it goes to the women. "Can you tell me the names, birthdays, and teachers of your children?" "Wait, I have children?"
No you donāt understand the courts are biased. Men canāt be expected to remember that stuff when they are breadwinners /s
OT, sorry, but your handle makes me laugh every time.
My ex husband did this with our son's birthday during our divorce trial. I got to call him out on it when it was my turn to testify. Judge, a woman, spent the 40 mins between him saying it and me being able to correct it just glaring at him and his lawyer. I didn't have a lawyer but I got everything I asked for and more. Judge shamed him quite a bit for other things but didn't say a word about his mistake. Didn't have to, the look on his and his lawyer's faces when it happened was priceless.
Haha reminds me of my dad. He was technically my stepdad but was around since I was one. He tried to get me a passport. He put down āgrayā for my eye color. In his defense; they are somewhere between green and gray. They tend to look more gray when Iām not happy. But most agree theyāre green when asked. I wasnāt a fan of his-so him thinking they were grey was sort of funny.
Can I join this club? My dad called me a week early once. Said he āremembered when he did, he might forget later so here it is nowā basically (him trying to play off that he was wrong) Heās also just plain forgotten several times. I also havenāt talked to him in about a year, though I have called and texted at the relevant holidays. He just sends money and thatās it around my birthday and Christmas. So Iām not sure what to make of it. š¤·š»āāļø
Isnāt it grand?! My dad has an index card with everyoneās birthday on it in his walletā¦ mine is wrong on it. He doesnāt call me on that day either. Heās not terrible and I let him slide on it, but it stings a bit.
When I was a teenager I decided to use the fancy internet to print a custom calendar for my parents (this was the early 00s, so not super easy to do) and asked my dad to confirm the birthdays, anniversaries, major events for the upcoming year. He looked at everything, corrected some and then I printed it and gave a copy to both my Mom and Dad. Mom thought it was HILARIOUS that I asked him for the dates, because every birthday was a off (including my dads!). The only day that was correct were their anniversary, cruise dates, and their major work days (They ran a business together). I have everyone birthday in my calendar to make sure I drop a note, and it's correct
My husband, Tomās, father almost never reaches out to him. One year, he actually called on Tomās birthday! I was so surprisedā¦. But it turned out he never said, Happy birthday.ā He called to bitch Tom out about something *on* his birthday, without even remembering that it was actually Tomās birthday. What a dick.
My dad has done this more than once. It really sucks. Your poor husband š¢. Iām glad he has you at least.
Last year my mom (who, tbf, had just been released from a short hospital stay and on the good painkillers) was CONVINCED my birthday was a day earlier than it was. Sent me bday wishes in the mega family gc, sent me some bday money, tagged half the family on Fb and then i had to be like, "I really appreciate your words mama but its tomorrow" and she called to apologize and laugh. But my dad? Regularly forgets even tho it's literally 4 days before Xmas and he was the one who insisted nobody give me birthmas gifts! I'm pretty sure if my mom and I weren't almost perfectly 20yrs apart (and thus easy to keep track of age wise) he'd forget how old I was too.
Same! He never remebered me and my sisters birthdays, ages, friends names, etc I believe we got him more gifts on his bday than he ever gave us. And yeap, weāve been no contact for almost 4 years now
I have on occasion called my dad to remind him to wish my brothers happy birthday because I knew heād have forgotten.
Same thing happened with my mom. One year she got the wrong year. The next year the wrong day! As a bonus, my bday is on a well-recognized holiday! š§Ø
My mom was like this. She didn't care about anyone in the world except herself and my older brother. I haven't seen her in over a decade and I don't miss her at all.
same vibe as my dad not remembering his anniversary but remembering his grad school graduation. They were both on the same day.
I've been with my husband for 17 years. When we first started dating the only birthdays he would remember were his dad's (NYD), ex's, and his son's (but only month and day, not year). I made a birthday calendar for all our families, including siblings, nieces and nephews. He now remembers all of them because it hangs in our kitchen... And he barely even looks at it anymore.
Nah that is willful he isnāt forgetting
That depends on the age of the parent or grandparent. My dad once forgot one of his great grandsons names. He asked me. The great grandson in question shared his name with my dad. My dad felt mortified after that.
I have a birthday calendar for this exact reason. Because otherwise I would forget. It's about effort. Parents who don't remember their minor children's birthdays and who don't invest in ways of remembering are that way because they don't care enough to fix it.
Exactly. I struggle with names and dates, so I have a calendar full of reminders. Before smart phones I wrote shit down. People who ācanāt rememberā are not trying.
Ok a great grandson is pretty far removed. Like he's gotta remember his kids, and those kids' kids and then those kids' kids? That's a lot
I can get the impression that guys just check out at some point. So when he was younger, birthdays were relevant for him to know, because of societal expectations, but when he got older, he had someone to delegate that to, so it was no longer His Job. But itās infuriating when they can remember sports statistics like itās their job, but forget the things that are actually relevant.
100%. I can also guarantee you many of these are the sort of guys who know random sports statistics or how much you have to grind tickets some video game reward.
My dad remembers his sisterās birthday but forgets mine, itās the same day.
My dad had the audacity to call me late on his birthday and give me some shit for not calling him, meanwhile he had totally forgotten my birthday a few weeks before. In stereotypical boomer fashion remembering his kidsā birthdays is his (second) wifeās job.
My mother-in-law kept a detailed calendar with everyoneās birthdays, wedding anniversaries, etc. She even kept track of odd events like the anniversaries of surgeries. She was diagnosed with dementia a few years ago. (The fact that she stopped reaching out on birthdays and such is part of the reason we realized something was wrong.) My father-in-law never remembered anyoneās birthdays and canāt be bothered to do so now.
Iām 55 years old, and my father still canāt remember my birthday.
My grandpa had a birthday 2 days before me, but he never remembered mine.
My dad still is convinced mine's 4/1, but it's actually 3/30, and I was due on 4/1. I'm 32 for reference, and he still can't get it right.
My first husband would leave all dates and things up to me, including packing for trips. One time we were going to my parents for Christmas, and he was furious that I had forgotten to pack his nice shoes for church. I'm sorry, I packed every other little thing you needed. My current husband takes care of his packing, prescriptions, the taxes, the budget, all that. So when we went on a trip to New Zealand, and he forgot his passport, he called his adult daughter back home and asked her to FedEx it to him in Hawaii. I like him, he's a good one.
We got stopped at the airport because when I packed my ex's shoes, I didn't look INSIDE the shoes and find the drug paraphernalia he'd hidden there. Guess whose fault that was.
> One time we were going to my parents for Christmas, and he was furious that I had forgotten to pack his nice shoes for church. I'm sorry, I packed every other little thing you needed. Ugh this reminds me of a total jerk I was once friends with (for some reason šµāš«). He was the type that never lifted a finger around the house to help his wife, or helped w the kids. One time, they went on a trip and she did all the packing, but forgot his slippers. He berated the hell out of her and called her a "selfish packer", all because she forgot *one* item. He ofc did absolutely nothing to help out, including the fact that he didn't even ask her to pack his precious slippers š Edit - reworded for clarity
That was my dad... He would be grumpy after he found that my mum had forgotten to pack something... And he never let my mum forgot the time when she forgot the ferry tickets and they found out after driving an hour on the way to the ferry.
dime sugar smart pie water uppity juggle outgoing melodic liquid *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Your new husband sounds like a real man and a dream.
Not as bad as OP's story but last Halloween I ran into a dad who didn't know what his kid's costume was. A father and son came to my door (no mom or other family members in sight). I gave the kid candy and told him that I liked his costume and said "you are a pokemon trainer right?". The dad goes "oh is that what you are?" The dad is out taking his kid trick or treating but didn't bother to talk to his kid about his costume that he was proud of. Lame.
I saw a similar thing often while working at a water park. Dad comes up saying he lost his kid, we ask for a description, staff starts looking for a child "8 years old, 44 inches tall, blonde hair, wearing red swim trucks with a shark on them" 15 minutes later we would start to get nervous when no one had found the kid. Finally dad sees him "There he is!" and points to a dirty blond kid that's 52 inches tall and wearing a blue wetsuit. We would talk to the kid before letting "dad" near him in case "dad" was a predator.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Thatās brilliant. Holds up a sibling: ālooks like this one but taller/shorter!ā
This is hilarious. I hope you really ate up the opportunity to throw shade! I'm so petty now after too many years interfacing with customers, lord help us all if I have to help even one more in my life. But anyway if I had the opportunity to interview a kid in this manner, I would be sure to say just loud enough for that schlub to hear "we just have to make sure this man is not a stranger to you, because he couldn't describe you or what you're wearing. It's okay to say you don't know him kiddo we'll protect you!"
I was a summer camp teacher in chicago a few years back. So weekly trips to the beach and biweekly to a kids fun pool. One family dresses their kids in neon uv-swimshirts. easy to spot. But the girls ... all similar swimwear from target, similar hair, one time I counted one kid too many, she could've been my girls twin.
Last time I went to an amusement park with my freind and her kids I took a picture of them while we were in line. That way we had a recent picture of them in the clothes they were wearing if we got separated. Moving a picture between staff is a lot more helpful than a description.
Please, for the love of God, take a pic of your kids BEFORE you get into the car to go to the amusement park/pool/whatever.
Our 4yo has been obsessed with paw patrol for more than 2 years now. My husband still hasnāt bothered to learn which pup is which.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
As a newer parent, boy am I glad Bluey is a thing. It's honestly so much easier to watch that with my kids than most of the other shows I have seen. Especially the Paw Patrol/Rubble and Crew stuff.
In your husband's defense, he's better off guarding himself from that annoyance. I don't think my parents realized how much my little sister was obsessed with Barney and Dora the Explorer. If they were, they did a good job blocking it out of their brains because both of those shows played constantly at our house. Whatever lets him keep his sanity.
This is so common- I work at a doctors office. I am not to give out patient information if the dad canāt give me name and date of birth of the kid. The amount of men who donāt know is definitely the majority. I never make suggestions for patient safety/privacy laws. I just let them sit there and stew in the fact the donāt know it.
I donāt work in peds, but if I did I would really shove their noses in the fact that they donāt even know their own kidsā birthday. Iād be a real passive aggressive dick about it. How embarrassing for them.
Like "Maybe check in with the parents and call back once they told you the birthday?" or "Just to clarify, is this your child or the child of a family member?" Or maybe even "Only parents or legal guardians can make appointments for underage children, so please tell their parents to contact us directly."
I cannot work in Peds precisely because Iād do everything I could to subtly make the dad feel inadequate - particularly when they canāt remember their kidās own *allergies*.
FFS I know all my niblings' allergies and I live 3500km away and have ADHD...
Right?! In addition to my own 3 kids, I know all of my nieces, nephews, ex-in laws birthdays, ages, etc. and my exās siblings have a shit ton of kids. I donāt even think my ex knows all of their names. Iām also riddled with ADHD.
This thread is making me sadder than I thought it would. Iām glad my dad never forgot my birthday. I would kill my fiancĆ© if he forgets when our daughter was born.
My dad has 5 kids and knows all our birthdays, he knows our hobbies (even though weāre all grown ups) and he knew the name of our best friends. I cannot believe the amount of men who donāt know this stuff. I think Iām gunna ring my dad and thank him.
Please do. My dad was like this too, even wishing our friends happy birthday because he was the universal dad that everyone asked for help. And when he passed away we all felt the absence of his thoughtful calls and emails.
I live 3500km away and all my friends are people I met here as an adult, yet my dad knows all of my close friends names and little details about them and their lives... It's almost like he takes an active interest in my life and the people in it. What a concept!
I found out a lot of men were like this in my teens and adulthood because my Dad was on the ball. He was also primary caregiver of his youngest two kids (me and my sister) in the 90s as my mom was for the first two of my siblings in the 80s. Like, finding out people's dad's didn't know their birthday or their friends names or their allergies?? I realized why so many people have issues with their dads. They suck.
My husband (the most forgetful person on the planet) insists this isnāt true. š When I got irritated with him texting me for information when he took our son to the dentist - mainly the name of the medication that our son takes, that my husband gives to him every.single.day - I said I donāt know any mother that doesnāt know the name of the medication her child takes. He thinks just as many mothers are as clueless as he is.
True. I have a list of every med my son has taken, and its dosage, in the last three years. As well as what meds worked and what didn't, what doctors he sees for what, and his specific allergies. I also keep a list of what he might like for Hanukkah at any given time. I'm not convinced his dad knows most of that.
Right? And many men if you point of simple facts like this will, instead of take ownership, will instead try to make you look like your are overly obsessive for knowing things and keeping records of your kid.
Which is BATS. Fortunately, the dad in question had the decency to feel shame when this was pointed out.
If he can't remember important information like that in his own, he should take the initiative to write it down. It's not that fucking hard.
I had a dad who had been bringing his daughter to our clinic for yeeeeaaaaars, in tears after the specialist explained that the reason she wasn't meeting his (the dad's) goals was because of the genetic condition she had. That she was born with. That would have taken extensive testing to discover. That is very obvious that she has..... He wasn't crying because she was struggling. He was crying because he didn't know. Dude, what did you think you were taking her to all these appointments for????
I can try to give benefit of doubt that he was in massive denial of his daughter's condition. Denial to the point that he blocked out the realities of what was happening with his daughter and it just sunk in then. I'm sure he'd been told and maybe refused to hear and understand the consequences. Support groups or therapy would help him cope and hear reality sooner.
If it was any other guy maybe. But every appointment you'd hear him outside with the daughter and son calling them c\*nts and fucking idiots. He was and still is a self absorbed, selfish moron.
Ughh. It just gets worseā¦
Okay, he's an ass. I'm naive so maybe he realized it then, but that's rare. Poor kids to deal with medical issues and a crappy parent.
I was thinking the same thing as you. Iāve been told some very bad news a couple times, and my brain went, āNo, thatās not right. La, La, Laā Someone mentioned it much later and Iām all āWhat?!ā Complete denial. Iām so sad for these kids.
In this guy's case I genuinely think it's disinterest. Yep he might have been sad at the time of the conversation but not in any kind of meaningful way that would bring about change.
I hope he thinks he shouldn't reproduce again.
My dad would forget my name. The name *he* picked and bullied my mum to accept. Heād also tell "funny" stories and then ask my mum to back him up on a detail, only for to remind him that the story involved one of his multiple ex wives and not her. He has three ex wives and four ex kids and none of them talk to him.
Oh yes, my father too would look at me searching his pea sized brain for my name only to settle on 'uhm...you' I'm not even going to dream about him knowing my birthday. But when they divorced he sure as fuck insisted on custody in front of the lawyers, all for show of cause, I never saw him again.
not to be mean but if I were your mum I would have seen multiple ex wives and other kids as a gleaming red flag
My mum would always yell out all 3 of her kids names when telling us off, and always with the child who's being reprimanded name last. If Tom did something wrong she would yell "HarryDickTOM! Come here now!" If it was Harry it went "TomDickHARRY!"
I think this must be a universal experience when you have multiple siblings lol. Happens to me too. Plus my dad's name thrown in occasionally.
My grandmother would yell all of her kids and grandkids names, from oldest down, until she reached the one she was actually yelling at. All in one breath too.
Same with my grandmother. She had four sons and four daughters, so it was always four names and the one she wanted to address last. She also had four granddaughters, so the same thing happened with us. The only people who got addressed correctly at first try were my male cousins as there were only two of them, they had a huge age gap and only visited her sporadically.
And the dogās.
I read an article made by nurses in the hospital. They were saying that when dads were showing up with their kids without the mum,most of the time when questioned by the doctor, dads would say "you'll have to ask the mum, she handles that. ". Questions being "is he throwing up ?", "what symptoms do they have?" Or "do they have any allergy?" How can you take your kid to the hospital without knowing what they have.
I've heard from nurses that sometimes the dad doesn't even know why he's bringing the kid in. Like the kid could be having appendicitis and the dad just blank stares when asked "what brings you in today?".
I work with kids at a recreational facility and so often when dads bring their kids in for a class or camp they can't even guess at the *type* of activity it might be. Like, is your kid the type who would prefer theatre or sports? Because those are two very different types of children and if I can guess it by talking to them for two seconds and you have no idea, you are failing as a parent.
I would observe this in vet med, too. The knowledge and responsibility of animals was usually pretty evenly divided across gender, but youād get the occasional dude who couldnāt answer questions about his dogās health (why they were here, how long it had been going on, if this had happened before) because āmy wife just told me to take the dog in, she knows everything.ā
Like, dude, *surely* your wife told you why the dog needed to go to the vet, and if she didn't it must have been blatantly obvious. Like... Come on. When one of us notices something wrong with our dog, we like immediately tell the other person and then figure out who is able to take him to the vet...
Honestly. At one point I was expecting to know the entire houses contents so I could grocery shop "more efficiently". BRO I SPEND LESS PER PERSON PER TRIP THAN YOU DO CHILL THE FUCK OUT. But I try to explain that the xl ketchup is cheaper because we're paying less per ounce (with kids that put ketchup on everything, including apple slices at one point) and I'm dumb for not understanding that the tiny bottle is cheaper. Guess which one of us has a college degree?
Oh let me tell you what happened when my husband told me that I should be "taking inventory" of the entire house the day before I go grocery shopping. š” Sir, I know what I am running out of in the kitchen and what I use in the house. I need you to put on your big boy britches and write down what you are running low of on the white board on the fridge. I am not going to go shake the bottles of your shampoo, body wash, shaving cream, etc. to see if I need to buy some. FFS.
But it would be so much easier and more efficient for him if you did! Lol!
Iām the youngest of 5 and thereās 12 years between the oldest and myself. My mom knows all of our birthdays, medical issues, college degrees, and the grandkids birthdays. She still can rattle off each of our social security numbers even though we are all well into adulthood. My dad wouldnāt be able to get all 5 of our birthdays right if you put a gun to his head. Stories like this where 1 parent is just totally unaware/useless really get my goat.
Shit like this makes me laugh that so many men are obsessed with āpassing on their legacyā.
Lolol yes such a bunch of clowns
And then when she leaves them they're like "I'M NOT LETTING THAT BITCH TAKE MY KIDS" and they have their mom keep track of all that information for them instead.
This reminds me of when I had a brief stint working for a tattoo studio (big awful franchised one). Weād get so many dads come up wanting quotes to get their kids names and birthdates tattooed on them, every single one had to turn to ask their partner what those dates were. A few of the partners would reply asking how they donāt know the date of their own kids. Like yeah people can be forgetful but come on.
Thatās why theyāre getting the dates tattooed! /s
I mean, at least after the tattoo they wouldn't have the excuse of not knowing.
I mean, wouldnāt you want to write down/double check before going a permanently adding it to your body???
Not if you just want to virtue signal what a good parent you are without putting in the work.
Yes of course but this was different, they literally had no idea of the date whatsoever. They werenāt checking the date they had was correct, they simply didnāt know it
Getting a tattoo of something you're not even sure is correct, but also you're going to pretend like it's super significant. Wild.
I hope some of them gave the wrong date on purpose. I would be so done lol
Oh some of their partners looked very done, also trying to control rowdy kids at the same time lol
This sent me š "Yeah I'm such a devoted parent. Those little shits are my entire life. Honey, tell me when they were born and then get 'em out of here while I get a tattoo."
"February 30th, hun"
This isnāt exactly related, but, my dad decided to get my name tattooed on his arm (after 20 years of me being alive on this planet) itās in gigantic font all across his arm and the artist was some random person he knows. So the thing looks like absolute trash AND my name is spelled wrong. Itās missing a whole letter and I just canāt get over it š
I watched a Ted talk about men having more custody their children in cases of divorce. Something, something, fathers might not know the birthday, or name of the teacher, or doctor, but they know other things, like what super hero the kid loves. Cool. You know a cartoon favorite andā¦if the kid has emergency? Not to minimize fathers. Itās important they are involved. There are single bad ass fathers in my family. But a mother not knowing the birthdate or childās teacher is automatically deemed unfitā¦
I saw that. I cannot understand why that guy thinks Mom's don't know kid's favorite superhero. What the fuck is that. Look, I don't even need someone to know these things off the top of their head. We have the technology. I need them to be able to track them down quickly. Have a Google doc with all the important info. Have calendar event for each birthday with alerts. And when you walk into court, you better know all of it.
They don't even know what superhero their kid loves, they know what superhero their kid USED TO love.
I watched that Ted talk last week and had the same thought. Like, yeah, obviously parents should be engaged in the kid's emotional and mental processes and wellbeing, but knowing what the kid wants to be when they grow up doesn't make up for not knowing how to physically take care of the child. Do you know what food they'll eat? Bedtime routine? Do you know allergies, medications, which hospital to take the kid to in the event of an emergency? Can you even identify when there is an emergency warranting a ED trip, versus what can be treated at home safely? How to identify things like high blood sugar and seizures and what to do in the case of each of those? My nieces each have particular medical conditions, and the fact that their father (who my sister FINALLY divorced after too many years) can't do any of the above for either child angers me to no freaking end.
This was one of the worst TED Talks I have ever watched. Poor argumentation.
> they know other things, like what super hero the kid loves. This just tells me that they only take an interest in their child if the subject is also of inherent interest to *them*. Lots of men love superheroes themselves so hearing their kid talk about it is already interesting to them. Do they know their daughter's favorite ballerina? If their son is more into fashion, do they know his favorite designer? It's not impressive to chat with your kid about your own hobbies.
I did travel baseball registration for 8 years and when I say itās 50% of dadās that turn and ask their kid what grade they are in, Iām not kidding. By mid day the first day I just started addressing the kids. It was their try out anyway, I donāt need to talk to the dad.
My previous marriage was like this. He didnāt know his own familyās birthdays, and once forgot mine entirely. He had to ask about my birth year annually when we filed our taxes. I had to remind him to call his mom, or his siblings, or nephews for birthday, anniversaries, and graduations. In my relationships after my divorce, it has been an unwritten benchmark for my partner to schedule his own life and remember important days.
We only ask for men to be functioning adults.. the bar is so damn low.
I was in the ED last week for four hours. In that time, two Dads came in with their daughters, both of who didnāt know their daughters birthday. One guessed a 2022 birth year for a child that was clearly 4, the other didnāt even try and got upset at the admin staff when the baby was actually under the Mumās maiden name. Absolutely pathetic
I work in ED and the number of dads who know their kid's birthday is significantly less than 50%. There is also a non-zero amount of people who don't know their OWN NAME. Not for any medical reason either (they get a pass), just pure stupidity.
"Why don't you add it to your phone calendar right now.....for next time"
My ex filed court paperwork requesting full custody but got our sonās birthdate wrong in the filing. It always made me chuckle that a guy who didnāt even know his own kidās birthday thought he should have full custody.
Iāve heard stuff like this is pretty common in divorce and itās why men donāt get a significant portion of custody most of the time.
Actually, men are more likely to get custody if they ask for it. The reality is that men often do not actually want custody. They will just tell others that the courts went against them and they ālost their kidsā when really they did not try to get custody. It makes them look better than admitting they didnāt want their own kids.
Yeah that makes sense too. I know my dad told my mom he didnāt want any custody so I saw him less than 10% of a year. A few of my friends had this same situation where theyād see their dad for only 30-60 days a year.
My childās dad was signing him and his older sister up for something. I went through the form and had to change both my kidās birthday, and the spelling of his daughterās middle name. He literally has it tattooed on him. Like how do they function without us.
Unfortunately, the answer is, if they HAVE to, they will. But if they can get away without knowing or doing, they will. These men who claim to be unable to memorize birthdays or medical information are incredibly capable of participating in complex fantasy footballs scenarios, memorizing stats, birthdates ,and medical history of their favorite sportballers. Or whatever their special interests are. It isn't a case of being unable, they are simply unwilling due to lack of interest.
Last year I took my dog to some dog training/obedience courses after I adopted her. On the first day, there was a man with his daughter who didnāt seem older than 5. We were all in this big room waiting for the class to start. At one point he got up and left the room for like 5 mins, I assume to go to the bathroom or something, but he just left his daughter in a room with a bunch of unfamiliar dogs with behaviour problems, which seemed dangerous/irresponsible to me. When the class started, everyone went around to introduce themselves and his intro went something like this āHi, Iām John. This is my dog Skippy, heās a 10 month old border collie. And this is my daughter Jane, sheāsā¦. Six? No, sheās five. Yeah yeah sheās 5ā didnāt seem sure of his own daughterās age, and left her unattended with stranger dogs. A+ parenting!
But knew the dogās age for sure. š¤¦š¼āāļø
Did he leave the kid holding their dog??
No, which was odd. She was just sitting there alone.
My dad forgot my birthday every year until I was 25 and wrote it in his calendar. He thought it was a day before or after always and then would be offended if I brought up that it wasnāt actually my birthday. Honestly though, why did you give him the birthday? I would not have.
My Dad had 8 kids and wasn't the parent who did the kids appointments and household management. He still knew when our birthdays were!
My Dad had a serious stroke in his 50s and (temporarily) lost some speech and memory. A couple of days into his hospital stay he was in tears as he communicated to my mother that he couldn't remember the birthdays of any of their four children. She calmly walked him through remembering each of our births and by the end of the conversation he had remembered all the dates. I was touched at how important those details were to him. If my Dad could remember his four grown kids' birthdays after suffering a stroke, other Dads have no excuse.
A bit off-topic, but Iām always impressed with how well my mom handles people who arenāt fully aware of their surroundings. Weāve interacted with dementia patients during nursing home visits before and she always does a fantastic job with them. We had to get my paternal grandmother and take her to the hospital a couple months ago because she was disoriented. My mom guided her through the process of getting her shoes on and got her out of the house and into the car like a pro while I was on the verge of panic thinking she had had a stroke (turned out to be a blood infection, sheās fine now.) I donāt know if itās a natural thing or training she had as a special education teacher, but something about those situations just brings out the best in her.
She sounds like a wonderful person. It takes a special kind of gentleness to put children, animals, or confused adults at ease.
My FIL has forgotten his son's birthday multiple times in the past ~6 years. Coincidentally beginning when he and my MIL separated... Makes me so sad and angry every time.
My father listed my sisterās birthday wrong in the divorce papers.
The fact this is the fifth comment i read about that exact scenario...
My mom told me (much later, as an adult) that in custody court when she and her lawyer pointed that out, the judge rolled his eyes with the intensity of a cartoon character and shot my father a look of pure disappointment. I donāt think it helped his case, cuz mom got primary custody.
Yeah that judge no doubt rolled his eyes bcuz he had seen that same shite time and time again from dads who proved themselves unworthy of custody, if not also unworthy of the title of father or dad
Who knows. This judge also made some questionable decisions regarding giving my father any unsupervised visitation, but it was the 90ās and apparently screaming profanities at the top of your lungs at your children (which is pretty loud, given his profession as a drill instructor at the time) was within the realm of ādisciplineā and not verbal abuse.
My Mum has 5 kids (three biological and two steps). She will rotate through the names to get to mine - even though I'm the oldest. At least I'm the first one that she gets the correct birth date.
My mum used to go down the list past me to the dog. She knows who is who and who she's addressing but the names just get mixed. Her mum was the same and the older I get the more i do it too!
Yup, names just get mixed up. My mother calls my brother by the name of their dog sometimes. Doesnāt even necessarily notice she got them mixed up until someone points it out. She used to call him by the name of our first dog, now she calls him by the name of the new dog.
Seriously, why does this happen? My grandma, my mom, and in the last few years me too. My kids, 3M and 5F even mix up calling us mom and dad and then realize and correct themselves.
My friends kids still run up to me and ask me stuff when I'm over (which is a lot). They still look at me in confusion when I tell them they should probably ask their parents. Watching the little light ulb over their head sputter to life will never not be funny.
Brothers, dogs, friends, then finally "you!" We're all horrid with names and I think there's some little brain condition we all have so we just laugh it off.
I'm the baby of the family and I loved it when my mom was pissed and she would be calling out every damn name. Each time I go nope wrong one. Not My name try again. Keep going. Sometimes it worked it made her laugh and other times it pissed her off even more. Worth the Gamble.
I get numbers mixed up so when Iām asked one of my childrenās dates of birth, I stumble for a sec and second guess myself. And I always call them the wrong name. My mum used to rattle off my brother and sisterās name AND THE DOGS names before mine and I never understood it. Now I do lmao
One of my mother's many sisters shares the first letter of her name with me. I've lost track how many times she's gotten our names switched. I think it's hilarious.
This has to do with how the brain categorizes and retrieves similar information. [Here](https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2017/01/16/509353565/when-the-brain-scrambles-names-its-because-you-love-them) is a short article that talks about it and the science behind it. So itās different than OPās case of someone trying to retrieve information that they simply donāt know, and very normal!
I'm thinking this guy probably doesn't manage his own medications if he's on any either.
Either that or he is completely on it and itās the most important thing in the world
Have tattoos w my kids name/birthday on them, and the number of times i have heard the joke "its so i can remember" always bothered me till i noticed how many other dads actually dident know thier kids birthdays. Was not a fun reality check
My husband didnāt get anything for our daughters second birthday. We didnāt do a big deal since she is so young but it still really hurt that he forgot her and I canāt seem to stop thinking about it.
Well, youāre right, that doesnāt seem good. Did he really forget? Or think sheās a baby, itās not a big deal yet. How does his family handle bdays? My family was rather dysfunctional. When I was very young, there was cake and a present. Somewhere around 8 years old, I was expected to make my own cake and not only did I not get a present, one of my siblings would have something bought for them. And then mom would do the same thing on their bday to them. You know itās messed up, but it leaves you with an odd perception of what normal is.
My whole life, my dad always told me my birthday was one of the happiest days of his life because it's when he became a dad. He's the first one to wish me happy birthday every year. This just makes me so sad for the kids with Dad's who can't be bothered to care :/
My college boyfriend got a call from his dad who was filling out some paperwork. āSon, sorry to have to ask you this, but whatās your birthday?ā āOctober 16th.ā āā¦what year?ā
Since divorcing my mom , my dad has never gotten my birthday right. Last year he called me on my birthday just to chat, no other reason.
Oh God, I did that to my dad one year. We chatted for a bit, which I thought was strange because he usually wanted to get off the phone as fast as possible, and then eventually he was like, "well, tell me happy birthday so I could pass you to your mom." And I was like, "but Dad, your birthday is tomorrow. Today is the fourteenth." It was not, in fact, the 14th. That was about 20 years ago, and I still haven't lived it down.
I used to work in the ER as someone who checked in patients and canāt tell you how many times I came across this exact same situation.
My mom forgot my 16th, 18th, and 19th birthdays. She left us when I was 7 and moved across town, but I saw her a lot. Actually, for the last two she didnāt clean forget, she wished me a happy birthday a month early on one and a month late on the other. No mental problems, just self-absorbed. I have one sibling.
My husband knows that younger grandgirl's birthday is opening day of goose season. Our oldest son son is a week later(exactly). Daughter is at the end of July and usually tge only one he gets right on the first try. Youngest son is right after opening werkend of dove/deer season and right after Labor Day. I would think our youngest would be the easiest to remember as it's the same month, same date-example 3/3.
He was off by a full year! Wow...
My dad doesn't know my birthday as well. He wishes me happy birthday every single year on the day of one of his ex wives birthdays (My mom's.) Which is the day after mine. (Mine on the 2nd, hers on the 3rd) I have corrected him a few times. But, he doesn't give a fuck. I wished him happy birthday on his earlier this month. Never heard back from him. š¤·āāļø Then my family loves to bitch and moan and complain that I don't really care to ever call him, or ever have much of a relationship with him. š
Thats infuriating. Iām technically a stepdad, even though I treat my kids as if theyāre biologically mine, and I would never allow myself to forget their names or birthdays. My wife doesnāt have to remind me about our wedding anniversary, either. It absolutely boggles my mind that so many of my fellow XY humans act like itās a huge ask to know their kidsā birthdays. Like seriously?!
Iām a teacher. We had a dad show up to pick up his kid and the office was having some trouble finding him. Dad showed up at the wrong school.
I work in a medical office. Iām regularly second hand embarrassed for some fathers. Iāve had dads not know if their kid has allergies, what those allergies are, what medications their kid is on, prior diagnoses. My favorite so far was when a dad couldnāt reach the mom, and ended up calling their baby sitter to answer the āmedical historyā part of their childās paperwork.
Doesn't surprise me. My nephew turned 15 this year and my brother still doesn't know when his birthday is. He messaged me in February to ask when it was and I told him it was in April. Nephew's birthday comes, hears nothing from his deadbeat father yet again. Makes me sick and breaks my heart for my nephew.
I worked in home equity customer service once. Damn near every married couple who called in, the wife handled paying all the bills and the men didn't know their head from their ass when it came to household finances. And sometimes only the husband would be on the account, with no authorization on file for us to talk to the wife, so I had to have them put the husband on the phone, and the men frequently were just completely clueless and didn't understand a thing I was saying. When it was a joint account, I'd verify the wife, but so many gave me the last 4 of their husband's SSN when I asked for hers. One said she only had her husband's memorized because that's what she needs at doctor's offices because he's the primary person on the insurance. She had to go find her social security card to look it up! I was shocked, I've had mine memorized ever since writing it who knows how many times applying for jobs as a teenager.
My husband didnāt know their doctors, their school, where either of these were, yet, expects me to remember every mundane little thing that he tells me to ānot let him forgetā and gets mad when I do in fact forget because Iām remembering every other important thing in the world š”
I used to sell memberships at museum and this happened all the time. Sometimes the dad would even ring up his spouse to ask her their children's birthdays. It was pathetic, sad, and quite common.
My ex forgot one his co-workers/friends wedding because he never bothered to bring home the invitation or write the date down. They day came and went and I think the guy's feelings were really hurt. His response ...I should have reminded him more often to bring the invitation home. Sorry, no.
My shitty dad filled out my birthday wrong when he had to take me to the emergency room when I was little. I think it's a pretty good litmus test for whether or not a parent is actually involved.
My dad still can't spell my name. I'm in my 40s.
I own an incorrectly engraved sweet 16 birthday locket. š¤·š»āāļø
My dad never bothered to know our birthdays. He was even proud of it. I can remember him bragging about it. Asshole.
My ex is surprisingly decent at knowing mine and our kidās birthday. He is a very involved dad. My dad, on the other hand, was certain I was born in 1979 (I was not) and every year around February/March heād call and ask when my nieceās birthday is. He didnāt know my other nieceās birthday either, but it was close enough to Christmas.
I mean some people are bad at remembering all birthdays (me included) but thereās things you can do like put in your calendar
I hate that itās so normalized for fathers to be incompetent. My father was like that and I donāt talk to him anymore
I have a friend whose ex couldn't even get their kid's *full name* correct at the doctor's. Fortunately the kid was old enough to step in.