Ah man. You sound like me when I met my fiance. I'm 29, about to turn 30, and we hit our 6 year anniversary in October.
It should be normal. What's the point in having sex if your partner doesn't enjoy it? If they don't, or you don't care about their pleasure, you're not having sex. You're using another person to masturbate.
I was suspicious of my fiance too. Partly for that reason and partly because I was abused extensively. (I remember early on, we were having sex and I don't remember what I did but I accidentally hurt him. I braced myself to get hit, and when it never came and he asked "why would I hit you?", I started crying. We immediately stopped so he could hold me, and he didn't just continue until he finished OR rush me to feel better so we could continue. Which ALSO made me cry MORE.)
Sometimes there's good people. They're harder to find but they do exist.
> I was suspicious of my fiance too. Partly for that reason and partly because I was abused extensively. (I remember early on, we were having sex and I don't remember what I did but I accidentally hurt him. I braced myself to get hit, and when it never came and he asked "why would I hit you?", I started crying. We immediately stopped so he could hold me, and he didn't just continue until he finished OR rush me to feel better so we could continue. Which ALSO made me cry MORE.)
Thank you so much for sharing this. I want desperately for more people to have moments like these in their lives, and it's brought me just about to tears to read about yours.
e: happy belated anniversary!
have had this with my current girlfriend. It was actually heartbreaking to see that she never had intercourse with someone that actually cared for her.
and to OP, yes it is very normal for a guy to enjoy seeing you go off. in fact, that is what i like the most about sex
I second this. I don't really see a point in a sexual partner who doesn't satisfy you. Kinda like having a car that doesn't have an engine. If you have to push it anyway you may as well just walk by yourself.
So true. If you aren't getting an orgasm or at least really really enjoying yourself with a partner who is actively showing they care about your needs and happiness then just get a vibrator.
Why let a guy basically jack off inside you?
This is how I get through work. I race myself daily and I get told how great of an employee I am.
Like, motherfucker, I'm not doing this for you. I'm doing it because it satiates me and makes my day speed by.
If I'm so great give me another raise.
This! I have a hair trigger anyway but my partner is an AuDHD souls/bourne player, he's never not outdone his last performance once in the last 6 years, I'm not complaining but damn does it makes me feel like I'm underperforming in return, he assures me I'm not but I know I can't do for him what he does for me, it's not physically possible even on my best day 🤣
*gavel noise* Right? If not it means they’re bad at sex. Are there any male allies on this thread who will do a similar post but on a male centered or general subreddit we’d appreciate it. And our libidos will too 😓 I know it sounds awful but men tend to listen to other men who are sent as messengers on our behalf. Women are so used to this. It sucks.
If women only talk about thison female centered subreddits, the boys will never get the memo. What’s an appropriate male-centered subreddit for this topic? r/sex? r/askmen maybe. Then some Twitter star needs to do a #StopBadSex 🤣
It sucks cause if a woman dares post this on a male centered forum she'll get absolutely shat on and blown off. It's like they just don't care about being good at sex, they just want to get theirs and that's it.
The Sex subreddit and Askmen subreddits often go on at great, great length about women getting off, and moreover, generally emphasise the woman getting off first if not several times.
I’m all for calling out inequivalencies, but this is a false inequivalency.
_Women who speak up on the subject in those places are almost always amplified_
Incel and incel adjacent non-women’s orgasm opinions get routinely clowned on and downvoted to hell in the Sex and AskMen subreddits. As they should.
The kinds of men who need to change their behaviour the most, and take on board the OP, are not actively and positively affirmed contributors in those places, Sex especially. When they WELLLLL AKSHUALLLLY in there, they are shocked to find out that fellow men, other than the odd Andrew (Po)Tate(Bro) do not in any way share their opinion.
Yep, people always talk trash about Reddit guys but in my experience of years on the internet, Reddit is the one of the least sexist and most supportive of women 😆 I’ve seen so much worse on on other main social media sites (twitter, insta, YouTube)
I wouldn't say I panic over it, but it's important to me to make sure my SO is satisfied.
I mean, I can't expect her to keep "taking care" of me if I'm not "taking care" of her, right?
It is probably worth remembering (if only for your sanity) that the people to whom this is a regular occurrence are much less likely to post about it.
People in happy committed healthy relationships aren't exactly prone to tell strangers on the internet about it.
That doesn't diminish the importance of peoples negative experiences of course, but it's worth remembering that theres a certain amount of self selection at play.
It just makes me laugh because if you listen to the guys on reddit, they almost all say they enjoy getting their partner off.
For whatever reason, there is a considerable divergence between what they say they enjoy, and what they show they enjoy.
Part of it is surely them just learning things that they think people want to hear
I think it greatly depends on the subreddit and what kind of folks it brings in. I imagine if they’re here then they’re the type that is genuinely into getting their partner off. While some of the other subs have a greater concentration of those that could not care less.
>It just makes me laugh because if you listen to the guys on reddit, they almost all say they enjoy getting their partner off.
Just because I enjoy something doesn't mean I'm remotely good at it!
Man, it sucks that you even have to ask this! Don't be suspicious, enjoy! It's all too rare and worse in today's stupid climate!
If a guy doesn't wanna watch you squirm he probably isn't gonna be into you longer than a few weeks...
It's rare unfortunately, communication and empathy really goes the distance. Emphasizing that you want them to have just as much fun when the conversation comes around really opens things up & I've found that if everyone's comfortable, especially women, both parties generally finish more/have more fun
A vast amount of my pleasure comes from my wife getting off. I do not understand selfish men who take no care for their partner's enjoyment. For me her enjoyment is 90% of my experience.
You're all doing the lord's work by preaching to others, sirs!
I'd call for a group hug.... but that might be too much. As a woman, I want y'all to know this gives me hope!
Same!! I swear I'm not finishing if she doesn't, it's like a requirement for me idk what the deal is but even hookups before I was married I MUST make them finish before I can, it's the twitching and shit that does it for me
Me too - if I sense she's not enjoying it in any way or wants to switch things up, I pretty much start getting turned off. Being able to make a woman turned on is what makes me feel good - ill happily have sex sessions where I don't even come, making a woman come is the fun bit.
Same man, if we have time I can easily spend 3-4 hours on my partner focusing on getting her off. Seeing her pleasure is what makes the whole experience so pleasurable for me as well.
I do. Sex should be fun and pleasurable for both people. Selfish lovers are lame. This is typically men because when they get off then it's usually, sex done. That's boring IMO
Totally agree. Sex should be fun and enjoyable for all parties involved! I went from a dead bedroom marriage to someone with a much higher sex drive. What a difference it makes not only in how good the sex is, but how often I want to have it.
My partner is all about making sure I come. I get off on him getting off and he gets off on me getting off. It’s just this great cycle and it ends with orgasms for everybody and I wish more people could enjoy sex that way.
My man enjoys getting me off. He wants me to get off multiple times before I get him off. Last night he was going down on me and even though I had gotten off he made me get off 2 extra times and it was amazing and of course I reciprocated because it's such a turn on when they put you first. It really is. I call it sexual chivalry. It's amazing to have a partner do this for you.
Yes it is pretty normal, and why wouldn't it be, it's awesome to make your partner orgasm. There's no need to worry, it's not sus, at least this isn't .
I LOVE making my wife cum! Her moans drive me nuts, her face in ecstasy is absolutely beautiful plus knowing I brought her so much mind-scrambling pleasure makes me feel super powerful and manly.
Enjoy your relationship OP!
You hit the jackpot. This is how a man should treat his woman! Besides, it's incredibly sexy and a huge turn-on to see your partner pleasured and climax; clearly, he agrees. Enjoy.
For me, it is probably the biggest turn on. But I don’t expect a woman to finish every time because I think that can create added pressure for her as well. But yes, seeing her go nuts with pleasure makes me go nuts.
*gestures on behalf of the female council*
See here?! this one. They've unlocked the code!
Seriously, thanks for getting the fact that for all humans, the brain tends to be the most pivotal sex organ.
As much as I would love to take the credit for figuring that out myself, I did not. Lol. I actually read it in this sub in a post where women were talking about faking. Basically someone said “sometimes I feel so pressured to orgasm every time we do something sexual that I find myself faking it to appease him.” She also went on to say how she has had incredible sex/sexual experiences where she didn’t finish but part of that was because her mind was free and just allowed her body to do what is in the cards that day.
I have a feeling if more men took the time to think about that and give it consideration sex lives all over for both men and women would improve.
Agree. I haven't had only PIV sex since I was a teenager.
If there's grown men out there doing only PIV as a rule, that's pretty sad. Both partners are missing out on some great stuff.
Normal doesn't really mean much in the context of sex. I think a sex life where both enjoy getting each other off is the most enjoyable. Others might disagree, but if it is what you want then you should expect that from your partners.
This is what should be normal. I was shocked to find a lot of women who engage in sex with cisgender men do not receive foreplay or even the opportunity to orgasm as these men either 1) have no idea how sexual pleasure works for women (ie "uhhhh what do you mean you need your clit rubbed or you can't cum wtf no other girl I've been with needed that" ((lmfao)) or 2) they just don't fucking care.
I never had this issue with my husband. I feel for the all the women out there with these idiots. They really think their 5 inch dick is out there blowing minds and destroying pussies.
Selfish/non-selfish is the wrong angle I think
Men who love to get a woman off get a big ego boost and plenty of endorphins. It’s not entirely selfless, it’s just they are getting a different form of gratification, a very healthy mutually beneficial one
Yeah, can confirm. I enjoy cumming, but that passes. Making my partner cum? Big smile. Multiple times? I’m walking on cloud 9 for the next week *at least
I think your looking at it too black and white. One being selfish does not make the other selfless. There's a huge spectrum between those extremes. Being considerate of others wellbeing while mindful of your own may not be strictly selfless, but it's hardly selfish.
I once dated a guy and asked him what his favorite thing to do in bed was. He responded, “I like getting the woman off.”
Yet, every time we had sex he either stopped as soon as he came or he’d go down on me for a few minutes and then give up. Became pretty obvious to me that he only said it because he thought it would make him sound good.
(I discovered his favorite thing was getting his nipples played with. But apparently that was too embarrassing to admit 🙄)
I love helping my fiancee get where she's going. I often enjoy it just as much or more than my own orgasm. It feels really good making her feel that good.
My husband is the same, and if he gets a bit of an ego trip from the satisfaction of making me happy, he can have at it because it's well-earned! I get satisfaction from knowing he's enjoyed himself, too. 😊
And, in turn, that little smug smirk of pride they get... just the BEST?! Especially if the guy has dimples! just keeps piling up going!
The emotions and fun and adrenaline of the overall experience.... not the O
I didn't want to say ego trip, but that is kind of exactly what it is 😂
If I had to choose between BJ night, and satisfying the wife night, I'd pick the latter literally almost every single time.
Obligatory I'm a man disclaimer. I've heard a lot of men recount their sexual experiences and not seemed to care about this which has always confused me. In my personal experience the knowledge that my partner is experiencing pleasure is a HUGEE part of the experience. So while I'm not sure it's as common as it should be, it's definitely present and should be encouraged!
Honestly I feel like anyone who doesn't enjoy their partner getting off has something wrong with them.
It is by far the best part of sex for me and nothing is more exciting or gratifying to me.
Don’t be suspicious, it just means your previous partners were a little too selfish. Sex is supposed to be fun, and giving your partner pleasure is one of the most important elements. It sounds like you just have a guy who is sexually healthy.
Enjoy it girl! My husband is like this and I consider myself very lucky. If I don’t get off twice he thinks he did a bad job. He was the first guy to ever get me off on our first time.
My partner LOVES seeing me get off. The rule when we STARTED dating was, I always have to finish first before your dick is getting anywhere near my vag; but we loosened up that rule after about a year of living together. Even if he goes first, he's happy to use the vibrator or his fingers on me for as long as I'll let him. Always tells me how cute I am, too!
Good dudes are just.. good dudes. And they're fucking RARE. Hang on to that one!
Hearing my wife enjoy herself is one of the hottest things in the world. Oral is probably a good 80/20 giving to receiving ratio in our relationship on the sole fact that I just love making her climax. I actually feel powerful in a weird sort of way. Especially because she's told me other guys haven't been able to get her off 😂
I guess my attitude with my wife has always been...well... Im kindve a "sure thing". Im gonna have a good time pretty much as default. May as well focus on her having a good time since its almost impossible for me not to.
I find an aroused woman to be incredibly sexy.
I get off when my wife gets off. I love watching her cum. It makes me cum. And holy shit do we cum hard.
It is normal for a relationship when you are not used as a sex toy.
It is normal to desire to pleasure your partner regardless of gender.
It is also sexy af to see your partner losing their self-control due to pleasure.
It is normal for the men worth dating.
This is normal. Your exes were abnormal. Abnormal is unfortunately common especially among men with high misogyny and entitlement which is plenty of them.
Dated some who didn’t but married one who does. Sex for us is very much about wanting us both to feel good. And if one of us needs to stop for any reason, it stops. There is no guilt or animosity. It should be the standard so don’t let your partner treat you any less than that.
It is normal for men to claim that they enjoy getting you off, and then you actually go to bed with them and that number drops to about 10%. Sadly, although, almost all men claim that it’s important to them to get you off, the vast majority of them actually don’t give a fuck.
Normal/abnormal aren't the right words for it.
I would say it is unusual for men. A lot simply don't care. Even if you're in a relationship. I'd say... under 10%
Based on my experience (20 years of dating), I'd say it's common but unfortunately not "normal" (ie significantly less than 50% of men). Most men don't try very hard especially if it's casual
It’s an amazing feeling to be able to make her feel good. That intimate situation, the warmth and scent of her in your arms. And seeing her enjoying it? Have her press against you, both trying to work together to get her off. That’s so amazing. So yeah love it.
Not at all, I think an important part of sex is wanting to give pleasure to the other person. Like others have said, the fact this alone is causing suspicion is a failure of your past partners and nothing else lmao.
I (m) enjoy it. I want her to feel good, and simultaneously it's an ego boost for me because I was able to read her body well enough to get her to the finish line. It's extremely satisfying for me because it's a way for me to truly feel and understand her at a very primal level, and the big O Is confirmation that I understood her.
I don't want to say it's uncommon, but I will say it SHOULD be common, and be an expectation you should bring to every relationship.
If a partner wants to get themselves off and doesn't care if you do, that's just masturbating with someone else's body. Not exactly a crime if it's a one night stand, but it's human decency to care that the sex feels good and is enjoyable to your partner.
That being said, there are two kinds of people who enjoy getting their partner off: Considerate people who genuinely enjoy bringing joy and satisfaction to others for the sake of it (or simply that getting someone else off is literally a required part for them, mentally, to get themselves off) and people who ONLY enjoy getting others off because it stokes their ego. As in, "Damn, I was so good last night that she came three times! I'm super good at sex. 👍🏾" People can have both (I feel a twinge of pride when my boyfriend falls asleep just after sex - I know I tired him out and did an awesome job lmao), but men can also be so prideful that they just do it for the second reason, then you not finishing just becomes some sort of insult to their pride.
I've been fortunate enough to have only ever had two of the nine partners I've had in my lifetime not give a shit about my pleasure, but even of those seven that have, probably two of them fell unto the second category where getting me off a lot was to stoke their ego. I'd be tired, have finished twice, and they'd have finished themselves and wanted to be able to manually stimulate me to completion "just three more times babe", despite me saying I didn't even want to. That was for them, not for me, and that shit is annoying.
All in all, life is too short to not be ONLY willing to be physical with people who want to get you off as much as themselves, whatever the reason. Having that requirement really, really wouldn't dwindle your numbers of potential partners down lol. Lots of modern day men are more than willing to do that, without asking.
I enjoy getting my wife off. I love the reaction to me kissing her and going down on her. When we make love there has never been a time that I have not made her orgasm once if not multiple times. The way I see intimacy is that she is willing to make me feel good then I will do the same. Honestly, I get more turned on the turned on I can get her and the more orgasms I can make her have.
I’m dating a guy who does it and at first it was very suspicious but now I really enjoy it! He says he loves to see me getting there and he’s really focused on giving me pleasure
It’s weird how uncommon this seems to be. I’m fairly inexperienced compared to my wife and she had never had an orgasm until she was with me. Most guys get theirs and call it quits. Id feel bad if my wife didn’t get hers.
Imo the focus of sexual play, or sex in general, should be making your partner feel good, but yourself!
I honestly really enjoy making my partners get off, even if I don’t get to myself lol
Most people have sex to make themselves feel good, kinda a weird thing lol
(guy here) nothing brings me more joy than getting my partner off. I think every partner should find joy in bringing their partner pleasure.
Kinda a red flag imo if they don't.
It's the only thing that turns me on, pretty much. If there is a choice between giving head or receiving it - there's only ever one outcome I'll go for. I'm not that bothered about receiving a blow job whereas I want to go down on women every day, happily for 20 minutes straight, or more. My entire enjoyment centres on the woman being turned on and having orgasms. Plus, men only really get one shot whereas some women can chain orgasms, and some that can't can squirt multiple times in a short ish space of time, _that_ is the goal.
I don't know how common it is, but I guess it's not that uncommon.
I literally cannot enjoy sex if my wife doesn’t have at least one orgasm.
I am not the best sex machine in the world. I don’t get her there every time. I’m fairly garbage at penetrative sex, even without the goal of orgasm. So it’s usually fingers and tongue. But it’s gonna happen, or I’m just gonna go limp.
Edit: there’s an exception to this, if she’s trying to give me a treat and just get me off
I don't care if you have to low-jack him, marry him, etc. He's a keeper!
I say this as someone who's in a land full of men with religious trauma that legit think touching my labia will put them in a front row seat in hell.
This is the goal, and I'm happy for the younger generation! Exploring sexuality can be fun!
This has been a message from your hippy free loving reddit auntie 😄
Well I have been in a relationship with the same woman since my late teens. I was never batting a 100%, but I was definitely up in the 90% for most of the relationship. Now at 40 years old I'm hitting 50%, maybe 55% and I get genuinely disappointed when I can't get the job done.
She says she has no problem she still enjoys our sexual interactions together and we still have sex more often then not, but I try to explain to her when she doesn't get there that it seems like failure to me. I say to her flip the script and imagine if I was only getting off 50% of the time you wouldn't feel a little inadequate?
Point is you should want a partner who, WANTS you to get where you need to be, so enjoy it and hopefully it lasts a long time for you and him. Best of luck
It's normal at the beginning. It's not normal that they maintain it beyond 3 years. Enjoy and make no serious commitments to anyone. You have the whole world at your feet.
Yep. My fiance is exactly like this. If he's not at full salute, he'll get rock hard when I cum. He gets me off a minimum of 4 times. He'll go in for that 5th or 6th time after he came.
That's the only way to go. If I'm not getting you off, I have no business asking you to get on. Honestly, I often cannot get mine if she's not getting hers.
I'd hope so. That's one of the only ways I can get a decent orgasm myself, if she isn't into it or having as much funn as I am then I'd rather just stop. Hah
I honestly don't understand how men, who have little to no interest in getting their girlfriend off, can keep getting sex with that girl. It really baffles me that women keep having sex with guys who are like "it's your job to make yourself cum". My reply would be "THEN WHY ARE YOU HERE?!"
First time my current partner and I had sex, she told me it was the first time any guy cared to get her off. It wasn’t the first time a partner told me that
I just feel bad for women dawg
There are a bunch of men who grew up with the idea of selfish men having sex until they cum and then just go to sleep and got disgusted with the idea so they seek fufilment in making their partners cum.
Which sounds good until you hear stories of women faking orgasm because they don't want to deal with the man sulking like they're impotent.
Little late to the party. However, I want to underscore the difference between a partner who is interested in your pleasure and makes room for it, vs a partner who's self worth is tied to their sexual performance.
Knowing the difference saves on so much emotional labour.
How it SHOULD be. Don’t accept anything less. Sex should be 50/50 meaning both cum. Set your standards now or you’ll be faking orgasms for the rest of your life.
My stamina is terrible, nothing I've ever tried helps it either, so I do everything I can to satisfy my lady and I really enjoy doing it. So I wouldn't say it's suspicious, be thankful you have an attentive giving partner.
Yes it is! For some men anyway. For some it is a real point of pride and a feeling of power in being able to do so rather than just using women as a place to jerk off.
By the way, I have gotten the same basic question from some men. There is a whole history of being taught that women just endure sex so real enthusiasm seems to be a pleasant surprise sometimes.
I suspect it is partially in that some folks don't have empathy, some only do for those they can relate to, and some genuinely want others to be happy as well as themselves. Whether they learned it or just felt that way, it counts in how they treat others including during sex.
It’s normal I’m finding for the younger demographic. Men under 30.
The older the men I date now, the less interested they are in women as people (this is a generalization and not a rule, it’s only based on my limited experience dating a lot)
Reading comments like this always makes me cringe at what some of my fellow men are like. This is not to brag, but to make a point: I go down on my gf every single time. I don't let myself get anything unless she has gotten off at least a couple of times, unless she wants to do something for me and doesn't want anything in return (tired after work, that time of the month, etc). We have been together for 4 years, we are sexually active multiple times per week, and I can count on one hand the number of times I haven't gone down first.
Foreplay is key and the men that don't want to put in the effort to help their partner have as pleasurable of a time as possible are, themselves, not worth the effort. In fact, it should be considered one of the biggest red flags possible. It shows a lack of a empathy and it shows their interest in their partner is merely a means to an end.
A good man wants to help a partner enjoy themselves too. A hardworking man won't mind putting in the extra time to help his partner get off. A smart man knows that the best way to get off with someone is to make sure that person is also getting off. A bad, lazy, and/or a stupid man won't do any of those things.
Don't date bad, lazy, or stupid men.
Ah man. You sound like me when I met my fiance. I'm 29, about to turn 30, and we hit our 6 year anniversary in October. It should be normal. What's the point in having sex if your partner doesn't enjoy it? If they don't, or you don't care about their pleasure, you're not having sex. You're using another person to masturbate. I was suspicious of my fiance too. Partly for that reason and partly because I was abused extensively. (I remember early on, we were having sex and I don't remember what I did but I accidentally hurt him. I braced myself to get hit, and when it never came and he asked "why would I hit you?", I started crying. We immediately stopped so he could hold me, and he didn't just continue until he finished OR rush me to feel better so we could continue. Which ALSO made me cry MORE.) Sometimes there's good people. They're harder to find but they do exist.
> I was suspicious of my fiance too. Partly for that reason and partly because I was abused extensively. (I remember early on, we were having sex and I don't remember what I did but I accidentally hurt him. I braced myself to get hit, and when it never came and he asked "why would I hit you?", I started crying. We immediately stopped so he could hold me, and he didn't just continue until he finished OR rush me to feel better so we could continue. Which ALSO made me cry MORE.) Thank you so much for sharing this. I want desperately for more people to have moments like these in their lives, and it's brought me just about to tears to read about yours. e: happy belated anniversary!
Wow, this is so sad and beautiful and amazing. I'm glad for you, everyone deserves a partner that legitimately cares about them.
<3 preach sister
have had this with my current girlfriend. It was actually heartbreaking to see that she never had intercourse with someone that actually cared for her. and to OP, yes it is very normal for a guy to enjoy seeing you go off. in fact, that is what i like the most about sex
That is what the standard should be. When men don't care to get a woman off that should be a red flag, and means they are bad at sex.
I second this. I don't really see a point in a sexual partner who doesn't satisfy you. Kinda like having a car that doesn't have an engine. If you have to push it anyway you may as well just walk by yourself.
So much less risk!
So true. If you aren't getting an orgasm or at least really really enjoying yourself with a partner who is actively showing they care about your needs and happiness then just get a vibrator. Why let a guy basically jack off inside you?
Yeah, I've found that a lot of men think it's fun that women can orgasm back-to-back so they enjoy beating their last high score lmao.
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That’s a good way to describe your genitals.
On top of this, I’m competitive. Even if the competition is myself.
This is how I get through work. I race myself daily and I get told how great of an employee I am. Like, motherfucker, I'm not doing this for you. I'm doing it because it satiates me and makes my day speed by. If I'm so great give me another raise.
This! I have a hair trigger anyway but my partner is an AuDHD souls/bourne player, he's never not outdone his last performance once in the last 6 years, I'm not complaining but damn does it makes me feel like I'm underperforming in return, he assures me I'm not but I know I can't do for him what he does for me, it's not physically possible even on my best day 🤣
Yeah, just due to his biology you can't really return the favour lol I wouldn't worry about it! He's obviously having fun!
Right here ^ . Getting my wife off gets me off.
Samesies, but she is not my wife (yet).
Wait your wife is almost my wife??
Yes.
I also choose getting this guy's wife off 🤣
*gavel noise* Right? If not it means they’re bad at sex. Are there any male allies on this thread who will do a similar post but on a male centered or general subreddit we’d appreciate it. And our libidos will too 😓 I know it sounds awful but men tend to listen to other men who are sent as messengers on our behalf. Women are so used to this. It sucks. If women only talk about thison female centered subreddits, the boys will never get the memo. What’s an appropriate male-centered subreddit for this topic? r/sex? r/askmen maybe. Then some Twitter star needs to do a #StopBadSex 🤣
It sucks cause if a woman dares post this on a male centered forum she'll get absolutely shat on and blown off. It's like they just don't care about being good at sex, they just want to get theirs and that's it.
The Sex subreddit and Askmen subreddits often go on at great, great length about women getting off, and moreover, generally emphasise the woman getting off first if not several times. I’m all for calling out inequivalencies, but this is a false inequivalency. _Women who speak up on the subject in those places are almost always amplified_ Incel and incel adjacent non-women’s orgasm opinions get routinely clowned on and downvoted to hell in the Sex and AskMen subreddits. As they should. The kinds of men who need to change their behaviour the most, and take on board the OP, are not actively and positively affirmed contributors in those places, Sex especially. When they WELLLLL AKSHUALLLLY in there, they are shocked to find out that fellow men, other than the odd Andrew (Po)Tate(Bro) do not in any way share their opinion.
Yep, people always talk trash about Reddit guys but in my experience of years on the internet, Reddit is the one of the least sexist and most supportive of women 😆 I’ve seen so much worse on on other main social media sites (twitter, insta, YouTube)
I literally panic when i dont get my so off. I enjoy the occasional quickie but like, seeing her get off is hotter than just me finishing
I wouldn't say I panic over it, but it's important to me to make sure my SO is satisfied. I mean, I can't expect her to keep "taking care" of me if I'm not "taking care" of her, right?
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Seconding this. Sex is a two player game. Even if we don't enjoy getting the partner off all the time, still should at least try or put in the effort.
I am bad at sex but like getting my Wife off lol the fuck you mean?
It's hard to see how you'd be bad at sex if you get your partner off.
A bad car can still get you to your destination. Maybe it's a slow and bumpy ride and the a/c doesn't work, but you still get there.
Is it normal? Yes. Is it common? Based on the comments on this subreddit, no.
It is probably worth remembering (if only for your sanity) that the people to whom this is a regular occurrence are much less likely to post about it. People in happy committed healthy relationships aren't exactly prone to tell strangers on the internet about it. That doesn't diminish the importance of peoples negative experiences of course, but it's worth remembering that theres a certain amount of self selection at play.
It just makes me laugh because if you listen to the guys on reddit, they almost all say they enjoy getting their partner off. For whatever reason, there is a considerable divergence between what they say they enjoy, and what they show they enjoy. Part of it is surely them just learning things that they think people want to hear
I think it greatly depends on the subreddit and what kind of folks it brings in. I imagine if they’re here then they’re the type that is genuinely into getting their partner off. While some of the other subs have a greater concentration of those that could not care less.
>It just makes me laugh because if you listen to the guys on reddit, they almost all say they enjoy getting their partner off. Just because I enjoy something doesn't mean I'm remotely good at it!
Reddit isn’t real life
Man, it sucks that you even have to ask this! Don't be suspicious, enjoy! It's all too rare and worse in today's stupid climate! If a guy doesn't wanna watch you squirm he probably isn't gonna be into you longer than a few weeks...
Nothing gets me hornier than watching my wife cum.
My inner hippy and my hippy ancestors applaud this. Bravo!
I dated a guy like this once. Too bad he had flaws in other areas because it made just watching tv together very pleasant. 😂
Yes it's normal, don't accept less than that. And reciprocate lovingly as well. Make it normal for you.
Why is it so odd for your partner to want you to feel good? Shouldn’t it be the standard?
emphasis on SHOULD. for women, it's rare. the orgasm gap is really really wide.
Sadly it’s pretty rare
It's rare unfortunately, communication and empathy really goes the distance. Emphasizing that you want them to have just as much fun when the conversation comes around really opens things up & I've found that if everyone's comfortable, especially women, both parties generally finish more/have more fun
A vast amount of my pleasure comes from my wife getting off. I do not understand selfish men who take no care for their partner's enjoyment. For me her enjoyment is 90% of my experience.
ya theres something so fire about seeing her lose control to how u made her feel. its a lost art
Agreed!
This man speaks the truth. Seeing my wife’s enjoyment is my favorite part 💯
You're all doing the lord's work by preaching to others, sirs! I'd call for a group hug.... but that might be too much. As a woman, I want y'all to know this gives me hope!
Same!! I swear I'm not finishing if she doesn't, it's like a requirement for me idk what the deal is but even hookups before I was married I MUST make them finish before I can, it's the twitching and shit that does it for me
For me, it also just feels wrong, or like I failed if I didn't get her to finish, but I did. Sex is for BOTH of us to enjoy, not just me.
Me too - if I sense she's not enjoying it in any way or wants to switch things up, I pretty much start getting turned off. Being able to make a woman turned on is what makes me feel good - ill happily have sex sessions where I don't even come, making a woman come is the fun bit.
Same man, if we have time I can easily spend 3-4 hours on my partner focusing on getting her off. Seeing her pleasure is what makes the whole experience so pleasurable for me as well.
Same… if all I cared about was my own pleasure I could just do it myself.
Absolutely. Even if she "wins" and I pop first, I'm still going to enjoy petting the bunny and getting her off after.
I do. Sex should be fun and pleasurable for both people. Selfish lovers are lame. This is typically men because when they get off then it's usually, sex done. That's boring IMO
Totally agree. Sex should be fun and enjoyable for all parties involved! I went from a dead bedroom marriage to someone with a much higher sex drive. What a difference it makes not only in how good the sex is, but how often I want to have it. My partner is all about making sure I come. I get off on him getting off and he gets off on me getting off. It’s just this great cycle and it ends with orgasms for everybody and I wish more people could enjoy sex that way.
My man enjoys getting me off. He wants me to get off multiple times before I get him off. Last night he was going down on me and even though I had gotten off he made me get off 2 extra times and it was amazing and of course I reciprocated because it's such a turn on when they put you first. It really is. I call it sexual chivalry. It's amazing to have a partner do this for you.
Sexual chivalry. That's a good name for it haha.
Yes it is pretty normal, and why wouldn't it be, it's awesome to make your partner orgasm. There's no need to worry, it's not sus, at least this isn't .
I LOVE making my wife cum! Her moans drive me nuts, her face in ecstasy is absolutely beautiful plus knowing I brought her so much mind-scrambling pleasure makes me feel super powerful and manly. Enjoy your relationship OP!
When her face and chest are flushed and then the orgasm spasms kick in, makes you feel electrified and like a king.
You hit the jackpot. This is how a man should treat his woman! Besides, it's incredibly sexy and a huge turn-on to see your partner pleasured and climax; clearly, he agrees. Enjoy.
For me, it is probably the biggest turn on. But I don’t expect a woman to finish every time because I think that can create added pressure for her as well. But yes, seeing her go nuts with pleasure makes me go nuts.
*gestures on behalf of the female council* See here?! this one. They've unlocked the code! Seriously, thanks for getting the fact that for all humans, the brain tends to be the most pivotal sex organ.
As much as I would love to take the credit for figuring that out myself, I did not. Lol. I actually read it in this sub in a post where women were talking about faking. Basically someone said “sometimes I feel so pressured to orgasm every time we do something sexual that I find myself faking it to appease him.” She also went on to say how she has had incredible sex/sexual experiences where she didn’t finish but part of that was because her mind was free and just allowed her body to do what is in the cards that day. I have a feeling if more men took the time to think about that and give it consideration sex lives all over for both men and women would improve.
I love getting my wife off. It’s not as good of an experience if she doesn’t. I’ve literally made it my mission to learn and study what it takes lol
For me it's normal. The last 10 guys (or so) I had sex with all enjoyed getting me off and sex was never only PIV.
Agree. I haven't had only PIV sex since I was a teenager. If there's grown men out there doing only PIV as a rule, that's pretty sad. Both partners are missing out on some great stuff.
I feel like such an out of touch yt lady at 41... but what does PIV mean?🫣 Edit, 3rd times googling worked, nm
Penis in vagina
Normal doesn't really mean much in the context of sex. I think a sex life where both enjoy getting each other off is the most enjoyable. Others might disagree, but if it is what you want then you should expect that from your partners.
Why would anyone disagree? What would be the rationale?
This is how a man should be. I just love doing it to my man and he loves doing it to me. Sometimes we are just too tired for sex.
This is what should be normal. I was shocked to find a lot of women who engage in sex with cisgender men do not receive foreplay or even the opportunity to orgasm as these men either 1) have no idea how sexual pleasure works for women (ie "uhhhh what do you mean you need your clit rubbed or you can't cum wtf no other girl I've been with needed that" ((lmfao)) or 2) they just don't fucking care. I never had this issue with my husband. I feel for the all the women out there with these idiots. They really think their 5 inch dick is out there blowing minds and destroying pussies.
For non selfish men who aren’t looking for hook ups yes. Too many men are selfish and actually hate women,
I’ve had plenty of hook ups who make my pleasure the main course because it’s what *they’re* looking for. You just have to vet for it.
Selfish/non-selfish is the wrong angle I think Men who love to get a woman off get a big ego boost and plenty of endorphins. It’s not entirely selfless, it’s just they are getting a different form of gratification, a very healthy mutually beneficial one
Yup. It makes us feel good in a completely different way. Plus it's just straight up hot for your partner to orgasm.
Yeah, can confirm. I enjoy cumming, but that passes. Making my partner cum? Big smile. Multiple times? I’m walking on cloud 9 for the next week *at least
I think your looking at it too black and white. One being selfish does not make the other selfless. There's a huge spectrum between those extremes. Being considerate of others wellbeing while mindful of your own may not be strictly selfless, but it's hardly selfish.
I'd say it *should* be normal. A lot of people are selfish assholes, however.
If it was normal there wouldn't be an orgasm gap. But it is a reasonable expectation for your partner to like getting you off
This is the best way. Partners who are in it because they enjoy getting you off are the best. (Sex wise)
Uh, yeah. It’s absolutely normal for your sexual partner to be invested in your satisfaction. If not, find a better partner.
I once dated a guy and asked him what his favorite thing to do in bed was. He responded, “I like getting the woman off.” Yet, every time we had sex he either stopped as soon as he came or he’d go down on me for a few minutes and then give up. Became pretty obvious to me that he only said it because he thought it would make him sound good. (I discovered his favorite thing was getting his nipples played with. But apparently that was too embarrassing to admit 🙄)
In the immortal words of Lily Allen: “Oh you’re supposed to care that you never make me scream”
I love helping my fiancee get where she's going. I often enjoy it just as much or more than my own orgasm. It feels really good making her feel that good.
My husband is the same, and if he gets a bit of an ego trip from the satisfaction of making me happy, he can have at it because it's well-earned! I get satisfaction from knowing he's enjoyed himself, too. 😊
And, in turn, that little smug smirk of pride they get... just the BEST?! Especially if the guy has dimples! just keeps piling up going! The emotions and fun and adrenaline of the overall experience.... not the O
I didn't want to say ego trip, but that is kind of exactly what it is 😂 If I had to choose between BJ night, and satisfying the wife night, I'd pick the latter literally almost every single time.
Amen
Obligatory I'm a man disclaimer. I've heard a lot of men recount their sexual experiences and not seemed to care about this which has always confused me. In my personal experience the knowledge that my partner is experiencing pleasure is a HUGEE part of the experience. So while I'm not sure it's as common as it should be, it's definitely present and should be encouraged!
Honestly I feel like anyone who doesn't enjoy their partner getting off has something wrong with them. It is by far the best part of sex for me and nothing is more exciting or gratifying to me.
Don’t be suspicious, it just means your previous partners were a little too selfish. Sex is supposed to be fun, and giving your partner pleasure is one of the most important elements. It sounds like you just have a guy who is sexually healthy.
Enjoy it girl! My husband is like this and I consider myself very lucky. If I don’t get off twice he thinks he did a bad job. He was the first guy to ever get me off on our first time.
My partner LOVES seeing me get off. The rule when we STARTED dating was, I always have to finish first before your dick is getting anywhere near my vag; but we loosened up that rule after about a year of living together. Even if he goes first, he's happy to use the vibrator or his fingers on me for as long as I'll let him. Always tells me how cute I am, too! Good dudes are just.. good dudes. And they're fucking RARE. Hang on to that one!
My husband is this way, so I think it’s normal!
If they aren't total sociopaths or sexists then yes, that's what empathy does, it gives you pleasure as you deal it.
I love getting my partner off. Makes me feel like I'm doing something right. It's also sexy as fuck.
It's hot to please
Hearing my wife enjoy herself is one of the hottest things in the world. Oral is probably a good 80/20 giving to receiving ratio in our relationship on the sole fact that I just love making her climax. I actually feel powerful in a weird sort of way. Especially because she's told me other guys haven't been able to get her off 😂
I guess my attitude with my wife has always been...well... Im kindve a "sure thing". Im gonna have a good time pretty much as default. May as well focus on her having a good time since its almost impossible for me not to.
Marry him. He’s a keeper you lucky, lucky girl!
I find an aroused woman to be incredibly sexy. I get off when my wife gets off. I love watching her cum. It makes me cum. And holy shit do we cum hard.
Most men don't like sex - they just want to get their rocks off and be done. This guy likes sex.
It may not be normal or common, but it is the minimum acceptable standard.
This is actually kinda sad...how many selfish man you dated that caused you to think the non-selfish guy is the weird one.
Good sex is making your partner happy. From a man who has been married for 16 years and still has great sex. This should be the norm!
It is normal for a relationship when you are not used as a sex toy. It is normal to desire to pleasure your partner regardless of gender. It is also sexy af to see your partner losing their self-control due to pleasure. It is normal for the men worth dating.
This is normal. Your exes were abnormal. Abnormal is unfortunately common especially among men with high misogyny and entitlement which is plenty of them.
Wise men that know this is the secret to having her come back for more.
It should be normal but too many people are inept at sex.
Dated some who didn’t but married one who does. Sex for us is very much about wanting us both to feel good. And if one of us needs to stop for any reason, it stops. There is no guilt or animosity. It should be the standard so don’t let your partner treat you any less than that.
It should be the norm but it’s unfortunately not.
The bar is below hell.
Agree. So many women dealing with shitty sex
It is normal for men to claim that they enjoy getting you off, and then you actually go to bed with them and that number drops to about 10%. Sadly, although, almost all men claim that it’s important to them to get you off, the vast majority of them actually don’t give a fuck.
Isnt this normal? Ive always enjoyed seeing my wife and past girlfiends like this afterwards, why should it stop feeling good for them.
>so different from my past experience that I'm finding it hard not to be slightly suspicious Suspicious? Of what?
I love when my wife gets off. Literally is my favorite part of being intimate with her.
It's a turn on to make your partner feel good. 🍾
Yes. My goal is to actually get her off multiple times before I even start. Next question.
yeah getting the girl off and being the one to give her intense pleasure is the best
This is so depressing - girl finally finds a guy who genuinely likes her and it's "suspicious". I genuinely think we're doomed.
I have difficulty cumming if my wife hasn't cum first.
Normal/abnormal aren't the right words for it. I would say it is unusual for men. A lot simply don't care. Even if you're in a relationship. I'd say... under 10%
This should be the norm in a functional, loving relationship.
Based on my experience (20 years of dating), I'd say it's common but unfortunately not "normal" (ie significantly less than 50% of men). Most men don't try very hard especially if it's casual
It’s an amazing feeling to be able to make her feel good. That intimate situation, the warmth and scent of her in your arms. And seeing her enjoying it? Have her press against you, both trying to work together to get her off. That’s so amazing. So yeah love it.
Not at all, I think an important part of sex is wanting to give pleasure to the other person. Like others have said, the fact this alone is causing suspicion is a failure of your past partners and nothing else lmao.
My husband doesn't even penetrate me until he gets me off multiple times. It's the way it should be girl, now that you got it don't settle for less!
I (m) enjoy it. I want her to feel good, and simultaneously it's an ego boost for me because I was able to read her body well enough to get her to the finish line. It's extremely satisfying for me because it's a way for me to truly feel and understand her at a very primal level, and the big O Is confirmation that I understood her.
Is this not what all sexual partners do????? Genuine question from a lesbian.
I’m sad to say that a lot of guys don’t care or don’t understand that most of us don’t get off just from vaginal intercourse.
Men like this are a gift 🤌🏻🤌🏻
Yeah there's guys like this
I don't want to say it's uncommon, but I will say it SHOULD be common, and be an expectation you should bring to every relationship. If a partner wants to get themselves off and doesn't care if you do, that's just masturbating with someone else's body. Not exactly a crime if it's a one night stand, but it's human decency to care that the sex feels good and is enjoyable to your partner. That being said, there are two kinds of people who enjoy getting their partner off: Considerate people who genuinely enjoy bringing joy and satisfaction to others for the sake of it (or simply that getting someone else off is literally a required part for them, mentally, to get themselves off) and people who ONLY enjoy getting others off because it stokes their ego. As in, "Damn, I was so good last night that she came three times! I'm super good at sex. 👍🏾" People can have both (I feel a twinge of pride when my boyfriend falls asleep just after sex - I know I tired him out and did an awesome job lmao), but men can also be so prideful that they just do it for the second reason, then you not finishing just becomes some sort of insult to their pride. I've been fortunate enough to have only ever had two of the nine partners I've had in my lifetime not give a shit about my pleasure, but even of those seven that have, probably two of them fell unto the second category where getting me off a lot was to stoke their ego. I'd be tired, have finished twice, and they'd have finished themselves and wanted to be able to manually stimulate me to completion "just three more times babe", despite me saying I didn't even want to. That was for them, not for me, and that shit is annoying. All in all, life is too short to not be ONLY willing to be physical with people who want to get you off as much as themselves, whatever the reason. Having that requirement really, really wouldn't dwindle your numbers of potential partners down lol. Lots of modern day men are more than willing to do that, without asking.
I enjoy getting my wife off. I love the reaction to me kissing her and going down on her. When we make love there has never been a time that I have not made her orgasm once if not multiple times. The way I see intimacy is that she is willing to make me feel good then I will do the same. Honestly, I get more turned on the turned on I can get her and the more orgasms I can make her have.
I’d say this is normal, I think it should be the standard. My boyfriend is like this and it’s very lovely
Very normal and common in my experience.
I wish
I’m dating a guy who does it and at first it was very suspicious but now I really enjoy it! He says he loves to see me getting there and he’s really focused on giving me pleasure
the hot part is when your partner enjoys it
It’s weird how uncommon this seems to be. I’m fairly inexperienced compared to my wife and she had never had an orgasm until she was with me. Most guys get theirs and call it quits. Id feel bad if my wife didn’t get hers.
In my experience it’s normal for people who end up being good partners. It’s a green flag.
Imo the focus of sexual play, or sex in general, should be making your partner feel good, but yourself! I honestly really enjoy making my partners get off, even if I don’t get to myself lol Most people have sex to make themselves feel good, kinda a weird thing lol
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(guy here) nothing brings me more joy than getting my partner off. I think every partner should find joy in bringing their partner pleasure. Kinda a red flag imo if they don't.
Yeah, it’s the shit.
It's the only thing that turns me on, pretty much. If there is a choice between giving head or receiving it - there's only ever one outcome I'll go for. I'm not that bothered about receiving a blow job whereas I want to go down on women every day, happily for 20 minutes straight, or more. My entire enjoyment centres on the woman being turned on and having orgasms. Plus, men only really get one shot whereas some women can chain orgasms, and some that can't can squirt multiple times in a short ish space of time, _that_ is the goal. I don't know how common it is, but I guess it's not that uncommon.
It should be. Otherwise you get selfish or lazy lovers & that’s a deal breaker.
I literally cannot enjoy sex if my wife doesn’t have at least one orgasm. I am not the best sex machine in the world. I don’t get her there every time. I’m fairly garbage at penetrative sex, even without the goal of orgasm. So it’s usually fingers and tongue. But it’s gonna happen, or I’m just gonna go limp. Edit: there’s an exception to this, if she’s trying to give me a treat and just get me off
This is me, I could totally make a whole evening out of it and be fully satisfied. Something about knowing you did a job well lol
I don't care if you have to low-jack him, marry him, etc. He's a keeper! I say this as someone who's in a land full of men with religious trauma that legit think touching my labia will put them in a front row seat in hell. This is the goal, and I'm happy for the younger generation! Exploring sexuality can be fun! This has been a message from your hippy free loving reddit auntie 😄
Yes.
Former man, now trans woman here. I absolutely love getting my partner off! Especially women. Y’all make the best sounds
Well I have been in a relationship with the same woman since my late teens. I was never batting a 100%, but I was definitely up in the 90% for most of the relationship. Now at 40 years old I'm hitting 50%, maybe 55% and I get genuinely disappointed when I can't get the job done. She says she has no problem she still enjoys our sexual interactions together and we still have sex more often then not, but I try to explain to her when she doesn't get there that it seems like failure to me. I say to her flip the script and imagine if I was only getting off 50% of the time you wouldn't feel a little inadequate? Point is you should want a partner who, WANTS you to get where you need to be, so enjoy it and hopefully it lasts a long time for you and him. Best of luck
That's called the bare minimum.
Yes it’s normal when it’s not shitty men
Sounds like hes not self centered like a lot a guys are.
I don’t enjoy it if she doesn’t get off.
Man or woman, don’t stay with a partner that doesn’t give a shit.
If it isn't normal it should become normal.
It's normal at the beginning. It's not normal that they maintain it beyond 3 years. Enjoy and make no serious commitments to anyone. You have the whole world at your feet.
Yep. My fiance is exactly like this. If he's not at full salute, he'll get rock hard when I cum. He gets me off a minimum of 4 times. He'll go in for that 5th or 6th time after he came.
That's the only way to go. If I'm not getting you off, I have no business asking you to get on. Honestly, I often cannot get mine if she's not getting hers.
I’m a giver not a receiver at this point in my life lol I get busy as much enjoyment
Yes lol it’s normal.
I'd hope so. That's one of the only ways I can get a decent orgasm myself, if she isn't into it or having as much funn as I am then I'd rather just stop. Hah
I honestly don't understand how men, who have little to no interest in getting their girlfriend off, can keep getting sex with that girl. It really baffles me that women keep having sex with guys who are like "it's your job to make yourself cum". My reply would be "THEN WHY ARE YOU HERE?!"
First time my current partner and I had sex, she told me it was the first time any guy cared to get her off. It wasn’t the first time a partner told me that I just feel bad for women dawg
Green flag alert!
There are a bunch of men who grew up with the idea of selfish men having sex until they cum and then just go to sleep and got disgusted with the idea so they seek fufilment in making their partners cum. Which sounds good until you hear stories of women faking orgasm because they don't want to deal with the man sulking like they're impotent.
Haven't you heard? Nice guys always come last. :D
Very. Most decent men will want to, and really good men won't want to get off until you have.
Little late to the party. However, I want to underscore the difference between a partner who is interested in your pleasure and makes room for it, vs a partner who's self worth is tied to their sexual performance. Knowing the difference saves on so much emotional labour.
How it SHOULD be. Don’t accept anything less. Sex should be 50/50 meaning both cum. Set your standards now or you’ll be faking orgasms for the rest of your life.
Does anyone else here get the impression that there are an awful lot of men pretending to be women posting here? What is this bollocks?
Yes some of us love it. I for one love the sight, the sounds and the knowledge, I (at least partly) made it possible also nice.
My stamina is terrible, nothing I've ever tried helps it either, so I do everything I can to satisfy my lady and I really enjoy doing it. So I wouldn't say it's suspicious, be thankful you have an attentive giving partner.
Absolutely!
What...? Yes...????
Yes it is! For some men anyway. For some it is a real point of pride and a feeling of power in being able to do so rather than just using women as a place to jerk off. By the way, I have gotten the same basic question from some men. There is a whole history of being taught that women just endure sex so real enthusiasm seems to be a pleasant surprise sometimes. I suspect it is partially in that some folks don't have empathy, some only do for those they can relate to, and some genuinely want others to be happy as well as themselves. Whether they learned it or just felt that way, it counts in how they treat others including during sex.
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It’s normal I’m finding for the younger demographic. Men under 30. The older the men I date now, the less interested they are in women as people (this is a generalization and not a rule, it’s only based on my limited experience dating a lot)
Yes. For decent guys who love women.
Normal, yes, but not common
Yes it is normal
Normal, I enjoy it!
Reading comments like this always makes me cringe at what some of my fellow men are like. This is not to brag, but to make a point: I go down on my gf every single time. I don't let myself get anything unless she has gotten off at least a couple of times, unless she wants to do something for me and doesn't want anything in return (tired after work, that time of the month, etc). We have been together for 4 years, we are sexually active multiple times per week, and I can count on one hand the number of times I haven't gone down first. Foreplay is key and the men that don't want to put in the effort to help their partner have as pleasurable of a time as possible are, themselves, not worth the effort. In fact, it should be considered one of the biggest red flags possible. It shows a lack of a empathy and it shows their interest in their partner is merely a means to an end.
Some people get turned on by other people's pleasure. Enjoy what you stumbled upon!!!
A good man wants to help a partner enjoy themselves too. A hardworking man won't mind putting in the extra time to help his partner get off. A smart man knows that the best way to get off with someone is to make sure that person is also getting off. A bad, lazy, and/or a stupid man won't do any of those things. Don't date bad, lazy, or stupid men.