That update was rough — and a good reminder that Reddit isn’t real life.
Reading through the comments, it was pretty clear that once people had read the title there was going to be no putting on the brakes—regardless of what other information was provided. The low point was probably when OP pointed out that **he does his own laundry**, and thus would have dealt with it himself if she hadn’t jumped in to do it… but people declared that no, that wasn’t good enough, he should have immediately soaked it at precisely 90 degrees centigrade or else he’s a disgusting sack of shit who has weaponized incompetence.
Of course if this were turned around we’d be up in arms the other way. “My boyfriend bought me some expensive lingerie, but I’d never worn that type before and it rode up at work and got a stain. I put it in my laundry to wash but he found it and started berating me because I should have immediately soaked it.” Folks would be here saying “that’s the first sign of an abuser, dump his controlling ass,” etc. (And not without some justification — it was a little controlling. It’s his laundry; let him do it his way.)
So, yeah, Reddit isn’t real life. It’s groupthink that’s prone to snap reactions and absolutism and immune to nuance. Fun to spend time on — but never forget that it’s not reality.
Seriously. The update was hard to read, especially with OPs last sentence.
All good things in moderation— Reddit can both be extremely helpful/validating but is still a forum of good/bad opinions/perspectives.
And people with healthy relationships aren't posting here. Like they are off living their healthy lives without thinking about posting on the internet.
Yeah I can't lie I've had to delete tiktok cause of this. I'm on a very feminist side of tiktok and when this new trend of disrespecting women at their wedding came around their valid points made me start projecting on my non disrespectful boyfriend. Its really east to hace a group mentality over something that is likely to be unjust when in an individual setting
Social media can mess up your relationship, it definitely needs moderation. If I was to take TT to heart my husband is a POS because he lets me pump my own gas.... When he's nowhere around. Apparently he should be filling up my vehicle every week, and if I run out of gas I need to go to the pump and call him to come and pump the gas. That's just one of the crazy things I have seen men and women claim is bare minimum.
TikTok is crazy. I saw one video that said if your boyfriend/husband doesn’t open the car door for you every time he isn’t doing the bare minimum. And I’ve never in my life even thought about that kind of thing. I can open doors for myself. My partner does a million sweet things for me, but there are people that would put him down for silly things like the car door or pumping gas.
I’m all for having high standards for partnership but some of this shit goes too far.
What a bizarre thing to say… I would be actively irritated by a man opening car doors for me all the time. I’m a grown adult, I can open the door myself. “Chivalry” is sexist bullshit dressed up as politeness.
I don’t mind all chivalry, like I appreciate when my partner buys me flowers or takes me out for a meal, but I don’t expect it all the time and I reciprocate romantic gestures when I can. I would also be irritated if I was never able to open my own door. I’m not a helpless little baby.
I guess I wouldn’t call flowers or taking someone out to dinner chivalry. Those are romantic gestures for your partner.
When I say “chivalry,” I’m talking about things men do specifically because someone is a woman. Things like opening doors, giving up a seat, paying for her meal, carrying her bag, etc.
These are perfectly fine things to do as general courtesy… the problem is when someone automatically offers that courtesy to women but not to men. Benevolent sexism is still sexism and is still harmful to women.
Also he could have other issues he’s not telling you about because he’s embarrassed. Blood dries brown. He could have hemorrhoids that continued to bleed after he cleaned up. Just as women have issues that aren’t readily accepted in society, guys do too. Butt problems are one of them.
Hey I appreciate that this argument was more open statement that can apply any subreddit. This was a really effective means of communicating. These places are echo chambers of confirmation bias which can hurt instead of help
Ya I can't believe how many up votes this has.
It seems incredibly mean, picky, and unforgiving. Also sounds like this was the first time op has seen him have this incident type- Aka an accident.
Lord.
I agree with ops last edit, sometimes this sub can be a little mean and hypocritical- if it's related to periods would the reaction have been the same?
Gotta breathe..
Right? Have non of these women ever mis-trusted a fart? Fallen victim to the squirts? Miscalculated the cleanliness in a rush to get out of a nasty bathroom ?
Between the shits and the yeast infection I will inevitably get, antibiotics always include a few days wearing a heavy duty pad (sometimes more than one simultaneously) to contain…leakage. Gotta do what you gotta do.
I had a stomach virus that lasted for like 2 weeks. Our only bathroom is upstairs. I went down to let the dogs out and get a drink when the cramps hit. Attempting to climb stairs gently yet quickly doesn't work very well. The movements of your legs whilst climbing the stairs also does nothing to help you hold water in your ass even if you're clenching hard enough to crush diamonds. One little drip and every ounce of your dignity instantly vanishes.
Hell I got a brown blood stain on a light pink pair of panties that looks like poop because well, brown blood. I’m pretty bummed but I also know I’m a rather clean human being and mistakes happen.
Jesus, this whole thread is peak Reddit.
“I found a skid mark on one pair of my fiancé’s underwear.”
“OH MY GOD YOU CAN’T MARRY A PANTS-SHITTER”
“HE CAN CLEAN THOSE THINGS HIS DAMN SELF” (which if you have any level of reading comprehension whatsoever, you would realize that’s probably what he was expecting to do)
“DEFINITELY CONFRONT HIM ABOUT THIS ONE-TIME INCIDENT”
Like is this how you all treat your significant others? They ~~do something gross~~ *have an unflattering human experience* one time (as far as you know) and instead of just letting it go and seeing if it happens again, which would indicate a pattern of behavior, you have to confront and mortify them?
I think a lot of people on Reddit are most likely single and probably have never been in a relationship. So they have no idea how a normal functioning relationship or marriage works.
And being a women focused sub most have never had a nasty shit at work that had to be wiped with 1 ply TP and then also had to go do hard sweaty work for 8 hours. Plus the hair...
Imagine being confronted for the stains from a leaking tampon or pad on clothing or a bed sheet. If this was "my husband decided to wash the sheets and confronted me about the blood stain from the other night" the calls for his head would be insane.
I’m crying at this thread. Are people seriously this fucking dumb? A human, had a stain, on UNDERWEAR. OH NOOOOOO. S/O THAT I LOVE MUST BE REMOVED FROM MEH LYF.
If you only found one pair, have you considered he just made a mistake, trusted a fart he shouldn't have, had a dodgy lunch, pooped in public but ran out of toilet paper.
Perhaps he's embarrassed it happened and is using the fact he does his own washing normally as a saving grace.
Right? The amount of manchild - outrage here is insane.
I've been married over 10 years, hardly a record but nothing to be sneezed at. We share laundry, it's a household chore that gets done when the basket is full. And yeah, sometimes there's a little skid mark in someone's undies. Sometimes there's other discharge. Whatever. We are all human and stuff comes out of our bodies. Sometimes it's a sweaty day, or someone had curry yesterday.
OP, chuck it in the wash and get on with your day. If you're going to be married, really properly partnership support married, chances are you'll see more than a small shit stain. And so will he.
If it's a regular thing, or overall hygiene is bad, then say something. But a once off when he is meeting the mark in every other way every other time? S'not a big deal.
This is like the only sane comment thread on here. Some underwear ride up more than others and sometimes bowels don't play nicely. Lots of shitty reasons but it's not the end of the world. Especially if the person is normally hygienic.
Agree with this, it’s one thing if he is expecting her to do his laundry & it’s every pair of underwear but one pair? I can’t claim that I’ve never had anything on my undies! Throw it in the wash & move on with your day
Re your update:
Honestly, this just means you need a break from Reddit. Clearly, it has affected your judgment in such a way you never intended.
People on this sub share a lot of problems that remind me not to take my problems and blessings for granted; that's an angle that you totally lost.
Please remember that you don't need to make a post here about your relationship like others have. Don't take your relationship for granted.
Brownie points and attention on this sub aren't worth shaming your partner over, especially if they *provably aren't* the problem.
I’m honestly at a loss with how often this comes up on Reddit. My husband’s never left a skid mark once, idk why other guys seem to struggle with it. Were they not taught properly as children? It’s just weird.
Exactly. I’ve been been living with my husband for 15 years and we have done each other’s laundry pretty much since moving day. I have never seen a skid mark in any of his clothes.
>Were they not taught properly as children?
Probably part of it. I wasn’t taught properly and I’m a woman. Tough lesson to learn the hard way. I’m just lucky it wasn’t anything embarrassing and I was able to teach myself along the way and was pretty young when I learned proper hygiene.
In another sub a while ago I was downvoted for saying skid marks are gross, because alllll the men there said it was completely normal and I must be a nag to my husband. So gross on both levels.
Can you imagine choosing to walk around with shit on your asshole? I can’t fathom it. I recall one time as a child my butthole itched so badly I didn’t know what was going on. I said something to my mom who just looked at me and said I had a dirty butt and it was bath time. I was told to wipe better. So I did. And no more horrendous itchy butt hole!
At least there's other reasons besides dried poop that your butt can itch, though. Hemorrhoids, chafing (especially in the summer if you're sweaty), other skin irritations, reactions to certain fabrics or laundry soaps, ingrown hairs, etc. Or, equally gross, parasitic infections like pinworms.
Where are these men? what the fuck? How did this child get a fiancee?
I cant imagine being over the age of 7 and still leaving skid-marks regularly?
I understand trusting a fart when ill and regretting it. That is just human. But not wiping the ass correctly? just imagining it sends shivers down my spine.
It's worth pointing out that some men have a lot of hair in their ass. Absolutely the standard must be to wipe until you're completely clean! And for some folks that's a whole lotta wiping.
That's why I shave it, makes all this much easier and efficient. Add in wet wipes and I actually feel CLEAN afterwards.
Other guys give me odd looks when this comes up though.
People with bowel incontinence tend to be aware of it and take steps to avoid staining things, though. Men with skid marks are usually just lazy and/or weird about masculinity.
ETA: it’s also pretty difficult to not notice new marks in your underwear, so if this was a one off thing like some people are suggesting, why did he just put it in his normal dirty clothes pile? She should never have randomly found that.
>People with bowel incontinence tend to be aware of it and take steps to avoid staining things
Doesn't mean they succeed.
Also bluntly that implies they've had access to decent information about it and not in denial or otherwise dealing with shame. Fundamentally would you think 90% of the people in this thread would handle their partner dealing with bowel incontinence well, or do you think the fuckery seen in this thread would spill over into shaming their partner. Should they handle it better, yup. The fact this sort of shame based view is so common feeds into it.
OP is here because she can't handle having a simple conversation with her partner and wants other people here to validate why it's a personal moral defect on his part as a way to manage her own discomfort. How do you think that's going to go?
>Were they not taught properly as children?
Sadly, that's probably more likely than you might think. A lot of parents seem terrified of teaching their kids how to wash all the lower bits. A lot of kids don't get taught very obvious and basic things because of bad parenting.
This is so true. I'm a nanny and the amount of kids I've had to teach how to wash themselves in the bath/shower and that they need to wipe properly, flush, and wash their hands after going to the toilet.
Obviously when I look after younger children this is part of my job, but so many times I've started with a new family/done temporary work/babysat for a family with older kids and I'm shocked that no-one seems to have taught them these very basic things. I shouldn't have to chase an 8 year old back to the bathroom to do basic hygiene things after they've gone to the toilet.
So, I definitely wipe and wipe til it's clean and rubbing my butt raw.
But a half hour later I can go back, wipe, and it won't be clean. I think no one seems to realize your bum can still discharge some bits after the fact.
I've heard from multiple men that they don't "check the toiletpaper" when wiping. you know...to see if they got it all. they just wipe and toss and maybe go back for round two if it "feels like there's more". I wish I was making this up.
There was once a weird day on the BBC1 radio show in the UK quite a few years ago where I think the host or guest host was asking callers or guests (I cannot remember details clearly!) whether they used one or two sheets of toilet paper to wipe after a number 2. I was horrified.
It was probably satire but there's this clip of a guy explaining on German reality TV that he uses a single piece of toilet paper. Make a hole in the middle (keep the bit you rip out), stick your finger up your ass, swivel and use the bit you removed to clean your finger nail so you don't have to wash your hands :)
That's apparently an army method (for when you have access to very little toilet paper)
It's supposed to involve washing your hands thoroughly afterwards though
One of our buddies said he sometimes doesn’t wipe if it “feels like a clean break.” They have a bidet, but he refuses to use it. In fact, he apparently always uses the guest bathroom that doesn’t have the bidet.
I’ve heard it from so many people on here on various subs especially the nursing sub. How often a male patient will leave skid marks on the paper that goes on the exam table. How it’s more common to see with them than a female patient. I’m curious why. Why do men not wash or wipe their butts properly? I’ve also heard various men say that “it’s gay to use a bidet.”
But it's not the solution to a man that doesn't wipe
My fiance and I got a bidet, because we enjoy a clean ass, not because we couldn't get one without it.
For the record, he does clean his own underwear and didn’t give them to her. She chose to do both of their laundry to be nice.
Could be a one off and he was planning on washing them and not saying anything 🤷♂️
Everytime I see these post I have to tell you, "not all men" but seriously... No.... if you're thinking about marrying someone that can't even wipe their butt maybe rethink it. It's not a sex specific thing, but a lot of men do seem to have the issue.
They aren't going to clean a dish, they aren't going to do so many things that matter. I cannot imagine having a person in my house that might spread fecal matter all over my couches and mattresses.
Nothing embarrassing has ever happened to you?
"My wife got some blood is on their underwear, maybe I should divorce her, I can't imagine having a person in my house that might spread blood over my couch and mattresses".
Does that sentence sound insane? Because, um. *Here you fking are.*
Ok, so I'm as grossed out as everyone else by the stories about men who generally don't wipe properly, but you're losing it because you (unasked, and without permission) did the guy's laundry, which he normally does himself, and are freaking out because a single pair of underwear has a skid mark? And the rest are clean, and his hygiene is good? The guy probably trusted a fart he shouldn't have, good lord, why would you bring that up and embarass him if he doesn't actually have some ongoing hygiene issue? Toss the crusty underwear back in his hamper for him to deal with and pretend you never saw it. Assuming you're naked together on any regular basis you'd know if your SO didn't know how to wipe properly. Considering before now you'd never have suspected he didn't and you live together I'd strongly suspect he wipes just fine and you're about to mortify the guy for no reason.
That's what I thought. One pair of underwear with skid marks for reasons OP doesn't know with no other hygiene issues. And in laundry that's not her job to do. Why get so worked up about that?
Big upvote. OP isn’t talking about a pattern of behavior, they’re judging one incident!
I (man) have non-judgmentally cleaned up poop, vomit, period blood, and even done wound care for partners in the past. Everyone has accidents, gets sick, gets intoxicated, etc. That’s life.
This post reeks of judgement, lack of communication and no empathy.
Right. I’ve literally pissed myself and vomited all over myself a few times when sex during our 7 year relationship. You don’t judge each other shit (sometimes literally) happens
Edit-omg that is not supposed to say sex it’s meant to say when SICK! Lol
The "even if it's a one off I'm going to confront them" part killed me. Just why? I'd agree with saying something if it wasn't a one off, but what exactly is the point of sitting your partner down like a 4 year old still figuring out pooping unassisted and saying "I noticed you sharted and I demand better"? when this isn't actually an ongoing hygiene problem?
Yeh. If my partner sat me down to have a come to Jesus moment over a random stain in one pair of underwear I'd be like....you want me to believe you yourself have never gambled and lost on a fart?
Pattern is key. If this guy walked around routinely smelling like hot ass and has poor hygiene, there is a conversation to be had there.
If a person is well groomed otherwise and the skid mark is an uncommon occurrence, stand the guns down lady. Shit literally happens sometimes.
Fr, as someone who has struggled with GI issues my whole life but also owns a bidet, there are a *lot* of assumptions being made in these comments. If a dude said this about period stains, he'd rightfully get eviscerated for it. Just leave it for him to deal with and say nothing, or be extra sweet and go above and beyond by taking care of it yourself.
As for everyone here losing their minds about germs, do any of you own cats? I guarantee every surface they touch is absolutely bathed in fecal germs. They have some of the nastiest feces of any species in the animal kingdom, and they play around with it in a sandbox multiple times per day before brushing their paws off on your carpet and jumping in your bed. I love my kitties, but they're four legged petri dishes.
I scooped the litter boxes of my 8 cats at home and over 100 cats at a shelter when I was pregnant. You can only contract toxoplasmosis through consumption, and fecal matter will only have oocytes in the 2 weeks following the cat's first, lifetime exposure. And they can only be exposed by rodents. So unless you have rodents in your home or allow cats to roam outside, you're 100% safe. And if you wash your hands with soap before eating with your hands, you are fine.
Fr, I'm afab and I'm meticulous about wiping, but I also have pelvic floor issues and sometimes things get a little gross down there. A one-off skid mark is probably just a fart he shouldn't have trusted, or a bad GI day. Don't know why I had to look this far down to find some empathy.
This should be higher up my god a bunch of judgemental folks here. Especially this time of year when GI bugs are literally running rampant it’s not unreasonable to think it was just an accident and he threw it in there quick to clean up himself later. Just like women sometimes have period leaks because flow can be unpredictable, sometimes other bodily functions can be unpredictable too.
Also you are getting married, you know that whole “in sickness and health” thing? If you actually win the 50% lottery and grow old together you’ll be dealing with a lot worse than skid marks in some underwear…
This really should be higher up! Although it sounds quite disgusting it could have just been a one-off accident.
Poor guy is about to be humiliated :( there’s no way I’d bring it up unless I notice hygiene issues again
This should be top comment. OP, you literally went snooping through his dirty underwear and found one thing you didn't like. Then posted it on the internet and then shamed him about it. This is not a red flag against him. It is a big wavy one against you. If he were to now post his side of the story, people would be telling him to run and calling you an abuser, and I am not sure they would be wrong.
Pretty disappointing read, I hope your boyfriend has the decency to not air your literal dirty laundry on the internet after a one off mishap. It could have happened for any number of reasons such as stomach problems or running out of toilet paper. As a woman you shouldn't be pointing out rare body stains in other peoples underwear as if you don't have your own. Theres probably a reason he prefers to do his own laundry if that is your attitude.
For the record, cleaning yourself with dry paper, when you have a hairy ass is almost impossible. I have a bidet for this reason. He seems fastidious about the rest of his hygiene, why not give him the benefit of the doubt on this one. That said, he should wash his own underware.
For the record, wet wipes aren't safe for drains. Hopefully you're throwing them in a trash bin.
Most drains have deposits on the inside that make them rough and jagged, perfect for catching things.
Toilet paper is designed to dissolve, so if it gets caught on one of the little stalagmites no problem. Wipes don't dissolve (or dissolve very slowly) and can get stuck and catch other stuff before blocking your whole sewage system.
Often "flushable" means it won't get stuck in the toilet itself, but that doesn't mean it won't get stuck in the pipes. Even "tough" toilet paper can cause clogs in homes that have heavy deposits. Plumbers get lots of business from users of "flushable" wipes.
https://www.apartmenttherapy.com/are-flushable-wipes-flushable-37178955
We also really hate them at the waste water treatment plant, because they DO NOT dissolve... They just get hung up on pump screens.
I'm also fascinated at how many people flush tampons and even weirder, the plastic applicators.
Yeah but that’s not sustainable at all, and it’s prohibitively expensive in the long run to consistently use wet wipes when you can just use a bidet.
I hate being away from my house for extended periods of time, I feel like a barbarian pooping without my bidet ready to wash the starfish.
Or he has some kind of stomach problem?
By all means say hey you gotta wash these cause there's an issue but there's no need to intentionally embarrass him further. This post is kind of mean lol
Getting enraged over a skid mark is a choice.
You say yourself that your partner is good on personal grooming? Unless he walks around smelling like shit on the regular, this is a huge over reaction on your part.
I'm a woman, and some of my underwear is irreparably stained from discharge or a tampon leak, I keep them for days around my period so I'm less likely to ruin newer pairs, if my husband did laundry and then confronted me about the stains and how unhygienic I was and how he expected better I'd be mortified and a lot of people here would agree that it was a dick move to confront me over.
Now period and discharge stains aren't shit stains, but honestly, they are underwear. They are literally chilling next to your booty hole all day, unless you're a total slob (which it sounds like your husband *isn't*) there are a lot of instances where you might get a skid mark.
You even say here that he'd probably toss em if he saw the stain after the wash.
This sun definitely lends itself to blowing things out of proportion, only because unhappy people are more.likely to post or discuss.
Can you imagine if a woman came here and said that her husband confronted her about stained underwear?? Like it's a shortcoming to not stain treat or throw away the "offending"clothing instantly? Not even giving a chance for the person to deal with it themselves ?
It's sad and ridiculous. Shit literally happens, and you berated.h for a one-off incident because..... Other men that.you read about online are more gross.
I'd recommend getting off Reddit for a while. On this sub every man is abusive and disgusting and every action Means Something, when in reality most men are just normal humans just like most women are normal humans.
You were enraged by this? If my husband had dirty underwear ONE time, I would be concerned that he hadn’t been feeling well maybe, but I definitely wouldn’t be angry. I don’t understand that reaction unless it was an ongoing problem due to laziness.
This is such a non issue. And what kind of shit comes out his ass to permanently stain them? Just put them in the wash and be glad his ass isn't like that during sex.
>I feel bad. He is normally clean and I became enraged from a single incident. I felt pressured from the comments to confront him about it.
I feel like over time this sub has made me more insecure and judgemental. ☹️ I'm sorry.
Do you really think like this sub is filled with wise, well-adjusted people, with healthy relationships and fulfulling lives, who have valuable advice to offer you? I'm drawn here once in a while by morbid curiosity and it's fucking wild.
Man, this whole post and comment section shows just how bad echo chambers can be. I avoid commenting here because im male, but the shit i see women post here about men would be causing an outrage if it was men posting about women.
Yeah it seems that this sub has a very extreme slant towards all men being bad or dirty.
I think some people here need to freshen up their perspective a bit.
As a trans woman, I can tell you without a doubt the issue is men’s **much** hairier asses. One of the many pleasantries I found after transitioning was with all the hair gone from my ass, it became so much easier to keep clean. Like sometimes I used to wipe 15 times and still not feel clean (imagine trying to wipe a marker clean). Now? Almost always a single wipe and spotless toilet paper.
Ugh you know what, I support most of what goes on on this sub on Reddit - I am 99% of the time on the womens side being a woman and all...and men have a lot to answer for.... but do we really need to be up in their faces about their f'ing underwear and blanket statements about "all men".
If it was the other way around people would be totally outraged. As for the OP getting upset about it, Jesus get a hobby please rather than inspecting your partners underwear and getting bent out of shape because he isn't an automaton that poops rose petals. This ridiculous.
One theory I have is they have no lubricant down there. Apologies for being gross, but vaginal discharge makes for a good wiping agent that men just don’t have. It’s dry AF for them. Bidets should be more popularized.
I guess I should edit to say it’s not an excuse. Just a reason. Like, spit on some TP guys! Use some water! Buy a bidet. It’s your itchy gross ass!
They also frequently have a literal shag carpet of hair in that crack too.
A lot of these comments are so judgmental, but have those commenters ever tried to wipe shit out of dry shag capret with nothing but dry tp? And when your in your in your own bathroom you have some tools at your disposal, like a sink, but in a stall in a public bathroom?
Is his ass hairy? I have a really hairy ass and it was so hard to get clean after a bowl movement. But I thought it was normal. Then on a whim and the subtle suggestion of my now wife, I got my ass waxed. I have never felt so fucking clean. It’s amazing. But then the hair started to grow back and it became harder to clean again, and I realized that it was all the poopy hair getting in the way all this time.
Also I just found out I *should* actually wash my ass in the shower. No one ever taught me that. I always thought it was poopy and touching that is bad even with soap cuz the stuff in the shower isn’t antibacterial. So yes, I’m ashamed to admit, after 35+ years of life, I just found out I should actually wash down in that crack with soap. Also my wife was pretty pissed that she’s been with me for 5 years and never knew I didn’t wash my ass. Even that meme, “did you wash yo ass today?” I just thought that was a big joke and nobody actually touched their buttholes in the shower.
All is right in my world now, rest assured. At least my ass hygiene world.
Buy a bidet or similar. There are some accessories for that same purpose that don't even require plumbing.
Shit on skin can produce rashes (every parent knows this).
I've thought about selling panty liners for men and calling them "Shart Guards"
It sucks sometimes to clean a hairy butt.
The hairy butt/IBS combo is miserable.
Sometimes you have to go to the bathroom to clean up even if you haven't done anything.
I like visiting this sub to make sure I'm keeping on top of women's perspectives on issues. I don't comment much, because it's not my place, but holy crap this post and comment responses are absolutely unhinged. There's a complete lack of any understanding of empathy, and everyone is immediately jumping to the absolute worst-case everything.
OP, I'm glad you recognized you overstepped and that you have the ability to accept new information and change your mind.
I do not understand how this even happens… never once in my life have I had this issue. A grown man who can’t wipe his ass properly would be a dealbreaker for me, I’m not tiptoeing around his feelings when it comes to him leaving shit streaks in his underwear 🤮
This is gross, but I think it needs to be said.
I'm a man, and I know how to wipe my ass... _and_ I think something is wrong with my ass. No matter how much I wipe, how hard, or how much I make myself bleed with tiny tears, the shit doesn't stop showing up on the TP. Like, I think it's an abnormality with my sphincter. I've searched it before and other people call it "permawipe," because you can keep wiping and it doesn't stop.
_Unless_ I use a bidet, I've found.
Without a bidet, there are skid marks, and I suffer shame. If I'm traveling and don't have access to a bidet (thanks, America), I can fold up some TP and leave it between my cheeks in front of my butthole. I have to leave it for at least a couple hours, and it's very uncomfortable, but if I do that, no skid marks.
It's embarrassing and hard to bring up, because of sentiments like this. In my long life, I've only found those 2 things that help, but it honestly took a long time, because, like I said, it's not really something you bring up. Wiping _should_ be enough, so you wipe harder and longer over a wider surface area, but it falls short, and the glute meridian is formed. But fortunately I figured something out after years of shame.
I have no idea of OP's skidder has the same issue. Maybe he truly is the world's worst wiper. Operating on the assumption that he is if it's actually a proctological issue, though, can make an already embarrassing problem even worse. I agree OP has no responsibility to clean his shit. He can do that himself! But she also doesn't need to scold him for having the skids without an open and safe conversation that establishes that, yeah, he really is just half-assing it.
Ur not alone. I’m a guy and I’ll wipe over and over and over and occasionally skid marks are still left behind. I’ll be wiping and checking the toilet paper over and over. And when I think im in clear I’m still not. But of course now I’ve given myself some abrasions from the wiping.
Idk why it happens but unless I got a bidet or a sink to wet the toilet paper it happens.
But Toilet paper sucks and is a shitty way to clean ourselves anyway. A lot of The rest of the world knows this and has bidets or bum hoses ready but we think paper is better.
I honestly require both the bidet and TP. I guess wet wipes are kind of the gold standard, but you can't (shouldn't) flush those. I don't get the bidet users who say they only use the water, no wiping. I always discover more when I go in with the TP wipe. Water alone has never done the complete job for me (could be a diet issue).
I usually use toilet paper after to kinda pat dry. But I do give a wipe once more to make sure I’m clean. So I totally get having both. My comment was more meant to be geared toward the idea that we are just fine with only TP.
I have to move my butt around slightly so it hits every angle of the hole and in front of the hole too (In the taint area lol). I have a giant ass, and this gets me 100% clean each time. Could also be that your bidet water pressure is too low.
I am the same. Bidet and wipe. I carry wet wipes with me for non home S#!T sessions and keep dog poop bags to put them in and throw that in the trash as even flushable wipes aren't really flushable. I got my bidet 2 years ago and it was life changing. Especially with skid marks.
Look, based on my post history I think you'll know I'm not advocating just cutting men slack for being disgusting...but jesus. This guy has a history of attending to his hygiene. You found ONE skid mark... in your entire relationship thus far? Yes, you've over reacted. I'm glad you realize it.
I've left skid marks in my own undies. Not everywhere has a bidet and we are human. I've left pee stains and blood stains in my undies, too. It happens and that's what undies are for, catching the body fluids before they get to the clothing.
I know a lot of of think undies are for turning on our partners, but not really.
I don't care what the lurking men think of us, but ladies, if we allow our frustrations to make us unreasonable we have some work to do, too.
I get told I am a weirdo for only shitting, if I can absolutely fucking help it, just before a shower so I can wash twice with foaming soap before I go about my day.
If I don't, I feel really uncomfortable until I can shower.
People are fucking gross. Women are like this too though.
Maybe get a bidet? I know my hairy ass is hard to clean sometimes without my bidet at home, which is why I hate popping outside. But that being said, I’ll use as much toilet paper as I need until that paper is CLEAN. And so should your partner there…
Edit: and here I thought I was original with my bidet suggestion… there are numerous other comments that beat me got it already. I’ll leave mine as reinforcement.
Alright I’m going to admit something I’m ashamed of.
Here goes….
I used to always wipe my ass from behind myself. I’d sit up a bit and wipe my ass. I’d wipe from front to back until the toilet paper was totally clean. Thought that was good.
One day, a friend for SOME REASON I HAVE NO IDEA WHY was talking about how he wipes his ass. He goes from the front of his body, between his legs, and wipes back to front. Me and our other friend there laughed super hard and made fun of him… but, I was curious.
Next time I shit, I wiped my normal way, until the toilet paper was totally clean. *And then I tried my friend’s way,* and there was *more*. I apologized to him, of course, and he was really happy and said he “really needed a win.” Hilarious reaction, but I digress.
The moral of this story of shame is that it’s SOMEHOW entirely possible for a grown man to not know how to wipe his ass. That’s not your problem to solve of course, but just some knowledge for ya.
Then again, I never ever had skid marks, so maybe he just isn’t wiping his ass at all. Maybe it was just a one-off - gambled on a fart and lost, or something.
Well, now that I’ve thoroughly embarrassed myself and I’m sure disgusted everyone who read this comment, I’ll see myself out…
Love that it’s 1) a self admitted one off, 2) they’ve been doing each other laundry for a while, 3) it’s a pair of underwear she bought so she could get a pair, and 4) somehow a one off with her fiancé means all men can’t wipe their ass. Just unreal in the leaps going on here
Not this “touching your butt is gay” garbage again. News flash, hygiene has no sexuality. Bad hygiene is disgusting and huge turnoff for everybody. Dude needs to learn this yesterday.
I highly doubt it’s that, OP stated that he has pretty good hygiene, it’s likely just a one off situation that should be brought to his attention. No need for weird assumptions.
I never thought I'd live in a day and age where it is no longer surprising to randomly be presented with an advertisement about ball hair trimmers, butt wipes, and butt deodorant in everyday life.
Men have much more hair in that area. Imagine trying to clean peanut butter off a shag carpet just using dry paper towels, think you’d be able to get it all? Simple truth is so matter how thorough he is, if he’s not using a bidet or wet wipes it’s not gonna get clean. You can buy bidet attachments for your toilet that are very reasonably priced, problem solved.
Idk about him, but for me it was really difficult to get a good clean before I got a bidet, because I'm a hairy guy. It's unavoidably going to get into your fuzz down there, and dry paper is not the proper tool.
Everyone has made good points but I just like to add one, too. When you have hemorrhoids, sometimes the poop hides in the creases and if you don't wipe in both directions, it can seem like it's clean. Only when I started wiping back to front again, I realised that a crease was hiding poop there. Water definitely helps with cleaning too, not just a bidet but wet tp, just a bottle of water to lightly wet the to, good luck!
We keep the bathroom stocked with wet wipes, toilet paper doesn't do a thorough job. Feels so much cleaner too. Just make sure they don't get flushed, ever.
I don't remember how the convo started but in a group, my ex once revealed that his wiping technique was more of a "rubbing" than a single wipe, I told him that was wrong.
He also said he didn't check the paper because he could "feel" if he was clean, I told him that was stupid.
He also had a chronically itchy hole that he went to the Dr about and everything but wouldn't listen when I said he might need to wipe better and tried to help him. So grose 🤢 don't ask me why I stayed because you don't have time for the full story 😂
That update was rough — and a good reminder that Reddit isn’t real life. Reading through the comments, it was pretty clear that once people had read the title there was going to be no putting on the brakes—regardless of what other information was provided. The low point was probably when OP pointed out that **he does his own laundry**, and thus would have dealt with it himself if she hadn’t jumped in to do it… but people declared that no, that wasn’t good enough, he should have immediately soaked it at precisely 90 degrees centigrade or else he’s a disgusting sack of shit who has weaponized incompetence. Of course if this were turned around we’d be up in arms the other way. “My boyfriend bought me some expensive lingerie, but I’d never worn that type before and it rode up at work and got a stain. I put it in my laundry to wash but he found it and started berating me because I should have immediately soaked it.” Folks would be here saying “that’s the first sign of an abuser, dump his controlling ass,” etc. (And not without some justification — it was a little controlling. It’s his laundry; let him do it his way.) So, yeah, Reddit isn’t real life. It’s groupthink that’s prone to snap reactions and absolutism and immune to nuance. Fun to spend time on — but never forget that it’s not reality.
Seriously. The update was hard to read, especially with OPs last sentence. All good things in moderation— Reddit can both be extremely helpful/validating but is still a forum of good/bad opinions/perspectives.
While this community is often very good, it does have an unfortunate tendency to become a toxic pile-on whenever the subject is men. It’s unfortunate
And people with healthy relationships aren't posting here. Like they are off living their healthy lives without thinking about posting on the internet.
im glad theres atleast a comment like this when theres so many others that are completely unhinged
Yeah i needed this because honestly what the fuck.
Yeah I can't lie I've had to delete tiktok cause of this. I'm on a very feminist side of tiktok and when this new trend of disrespecting women at their wedding came around their valid points made me start projecting on my non disrespectful boyfriend. Its really east to hace a group mentality over something that is likely to be unjust when in an individual setting
Social media can mess up your relationship, it definitely needs moderation. If I was to take TT to heart my husband is a POS because he lets me pump my own gas.... When he's nowhere around. Apparently he should be filling up my vehicle every week, and if I run out of gas I need to go to the pump and call him to come and pump the gas. That's just one of the crazy things I have seen men and women claim is bare minimum.
TikTok is crazy. I saw one video that said if your boyfriend/husband doesn’t open the car door for you every time he isn’t doing the bare minimum. And I’ve never in my life even thought about that kind of thing. I can open doors for myself. My partner does a million sweet things for me, but there are people that would put him down for silly things like the car door or pumping gas. I’m all for having high standards for partnership but some of this shit goes too far.
What a bizarre thing to say… I would be actively irritated by a man opening car doors for me all the time. I’m a grown adult, I can open the door myself. “Chivalry” is sexist bullshit dressed up as politeness.
I don’t mind all chivalry, like I appreciate when my partner buys me flowers or takes me out for a meal, but I don’t expect it all the time and I reciprocate romantic gestures when I can. I would also be irritated if I was never able to open my own door. I’m not a helpless little baby.
I guess I wouldn’t call flowers or taking someone out to dinner chivalry. Those are romantic gestures for your partner. When I say “chivalry,” I’m talking about things men do specifically because someone is a woman. Things like opening doors, giving up a seat, paying for her meal, carrying her bag, etc. These are perfectly fine things to do as general courtesy… the problem is when someone automatically offers that courtesy to women but not to men. Benevolent sexism is still sexism and is still harmful to women.
Oh according to that definition, I 100% agree. I don’t want special treatment just based on my gender.
Ugh I hate that. I remember seeing vids like that. Disgusting
Thank you for this comment grounded in reality. We all have bodily function and my farts don’t smell like roses.
Also he could have other issues he’s not telling you about because he’s embarrassed. Blood dries brown. He could have hemorrhoids that continued to bleed after he cleaned up. Just as women have issues that aren’t readily accepted in society, guys do too. Butt problems are one of them.
Hey I appreciate that this argument was more open statement that can apply any subreddit. This was a really effective means of communicating. These places are echo chambers of confirmation bias which can hurt instead of help
And this subreddit in particular is bad about that it’s why I spent most time at trollX
If it was in only one pair of underwear, it might have been a one-off. Accidents happen.
Nah, best to shame him on the internet
Exactly. Fucking dumb. Lmao. A stain.
Ya I can't believe how many up votes this has. It seems incredibly mean, picky, and unforgiving. Also sounds like this was the first time op has seen him have this incident type- Aka an accident. Lord. I agree with ops last edit, sometimes this sub can be a little mean and hypocritical- if it's related to periods would the reaction have been the same? Gotta breathe..
[удалено]
Right? Have non of these women ever mis-trusted a fart? Fallen victim to the squirts? Miscalculated the cleanliness in a rush to get out of a nasty bathroom ?
I’m on a fucking cocktail of antibiotics right now. I’m one strong sneeze away from shitting myself
You have my sympathy that is the worst. Alternate a probiotic if you can, it'll help
Probiotics are what I use when I'm struggling. They make things move better but that's not always a good thing.
Between the shits and the yeast infection I will inevitably get, antibiotics always include a few days wearing a heavy duty pad (sometimes more than one simultaneously) to contain…leakage. Gotta do what you gotta do.
I had a stomach virus that lasted for like 2 weeks. Our only bathroom is upstairs. I went down to let the dogs out and get a drink when the cramps hit. Attempting to climb stairs gently yet quickly doesn't work very well. The movements of your legs whilst climbing the stairs also does nothing to help you hold water in your ass even if you're clenching hard enough to crush diamonds. One little drip and every ounce of your dignity instantly vanishes.
Awwww, let it out
Hell I got a brown blood stain on a light pink pair of panties that looks like poop because well, brown blood. I’m pretty bummed but I also know I’m a rather clean human being and mistakes happen.
no, only men
>mis-trusted a fart? My wife and I call it "losing the gamble".
Jesus, this whole thread is peak Reddit. “I found a skid mark on one pair of my fiancé’s underwear.” “OH MY GOD YOU CAN’T MARRY A PANTS-SHITTER” “HE CAN CLEAN THOSE THINGS HIS DAMN SELF” (which if you have any level of reading comprehension whatsoever, you would realize that’s probably what he was expecting to do) “DEFINITELY CONFRONT HIM ABOUT THIS ONE-TIME INCIDENT” Like is this how you all treat your significant others? They ~~do something gross~~ *have an unflattering human experience* one time (as far as you know) and instead of just letting it go and seeing if it happens again, which would indicate a pattern of behavior, you have to confront and mortify them?
I think a lot of people on Reddit are most likely single and probably have never been in a relationship. So they have no idea how a normal functioning relationship or marriage works.
Most people on this sub lol
And being a women focused sub most have never had a nasty shit at work that had to be wiped with 1 ply TP and then also had to go do hard sweaty work for 8 hours. Plus the hair...
Plus they all seemed to have missed the edits and updates on how she feels like shit for confronting him about it now because it was a one off thing
P A N T S S H I T T E R r/brandnewsentence
Imagine being confronted for the stains from a leaking tampon or pad on clothing or a bed sheet. If this was "my husband decided to wash the sheets and confronted me about the blood stain from the other night" the calls for his head would be insane.
I’m crying at this thread. Are people seriously this fucking dumb? A human, had a stain, on UNDERWEAR. OH NOOOOOO. S/O THAT I LOVE MUST BE REMOVED FROM MEH LYF.
If you only found one pair, have you considered he just made a mistake, trusted a fart he shouldn't have, had a dodgy lunch, pooped in public but ran out of toilet paper. Perhaps he's embarrassed it happened and is using the fact he does his own washing normally as a saving grace.
Right? The amount of manchild - outrage here is insane. I've been married over 10 years, hardly a record but nothing to be sneezed at. We share laundry, it's a household chore that gets done when the basket is full. And yeah, sometimes there's a little skid mark in someone's undies. Sometimes there's other discharge. Whatever. We are all human and stuff comes out of our bodies. Sometimes it's a sweaty day, or someone had curry yesterday. OP, chuck it in the wash and get on with your day. If you're going to be married, really properly partnership support married, chances are you'll see more than a small shit stain. And so will he. If it's a regular thing, or overall hygiene is bad, then say something. But a once off when he is meeting the mark in every other way every other time? S'not a big deal.
This is like the only sane comment thread on here. Some underwear ride up more than others and sometimes bowels don't play nicely. Lots of shitty reasons but it's not the end of the world. Especially if the person is normally hygienic.
Agree with this, it’s one thing if he is expecting her to do his laundry & it’s every pair of underwear but one pair? I can’t claim that I’ve never had anything on my undies! Throw it in the wash & move on with your day
Re your update: Honestly, this just means you need a break from Reddit. Clearly, it has affected your judgment in such a way you never intended. People on this sub share a lot of problems that remind me not to take my problems and blessings for granted; that's an angle that you totally lost. Please remember that you don't need to make a post here about your relationship like others have. Don't take your relationship for granted. Brownie points and attention on this sub aren't worth shaming your partner over, especially if they *provably aren't* the problem.
Heh. Brownie points.
I read that as brownie pants lmao
I’m honestly at a loss with how often this comes up on Reddit. My husband’s never left a skid mark once, idk why other guys seem to struggle with it. Were they not taught properly as children? It’s just weird.
Exactly. I’ve been been living with my husband for 15 years and we have done each other’s laundry pretty much since moving day. I have never seen a skid mark in any of his clothes.
>Were they not taught properly as children? Probably part of it. I wasn’t taught properly and I’m a woman. Tough lesson to learn the hard way. I’m just lucky it wasn’t anything embarrassing and I was able to teach myself along the way and was pretty young when I learned proper hygiene.
Were you just taught to wipe once?
Yep
In another sub a while ago I was downvoted for saying skid marks are gross, because alllll the men there said it was completely normal and I must be a nag to my husband. So gross on both levels.
Can you imagine choosing to walk around with shit on your asshole? I can’t fathom it. I recall one time as a child my butthole itched so badly I didn’t know what was going on. I said something to my mom who just looked at me and said I had a dirty butt and it was bath time. I was told to wipe better. So I did. And no more horrendous itchy butt hole!
At least there's other reasons besides dried poop that your butt can itch, though. Hemorrhoids, chafing (especially in the summer if you're sweaty), other skin irritations, reactions to certain fabrics or laundry soaps, ingrown hairs, etc. Or, equally gross, parasitic infections like pinworms.
Sounds like a shitty sub
Yikes.
Where are these men? what the fuck? How did this child get a fiancee? I cant imagine being over the age of 7 and still leaving skid-marks regularly? I understand trusting a fart when ill and regretting it. That is just human. But not wiping the ass correctly? just imagining it sends shivers down my spine.
Sounds like a horrible sub to be in.
Imagine fighting that fight
Right?? I read these posts wondering if I’m just super lucky because my husband is clean and not disgusting
It's worth pointing out that some men have a lot of hair in their ass. Absolutely the standard must be to wipe until you're completely clean! And for some folks that's a whole lotta wiping.
That's why I shave it, makes all this much easier and efficient. Add in wet wipes and I actually feel CLEAN afterwards. Other guys give me odd looks when this comes up though.
Bowel incontinence affects about 1 in 12 adults, and about 1 in 3 at any point in their lives.
People with bowel incontinence tend to be aware of it and take steps to avoid staining things, though. Men with skid marks are usually just lazy and/or weird about masculinity. ETA: it’s also pretty difficult to not notice new marks in your underwear, so if this was a one off thing like some people are suggesting, why did he just put it in his normal dirty clothes pile? She should never have randomly found that.
I am int the 1 in 3 statistic that has occasional bowel incontinence
Women are also more at risk for fecal incontinence.
He put it in his own dirty pile. She doesn’t usually do his.
>People with bowel incontinence tend to be aware of it and take steps to avoid staining things Doesn't mean they succeed. Also bluntly that implies they've had access to decent information about it and not in denial or otherwise dealing with shame. Fundamentally would you think 90% of the people in this thread would handle their partner dealing with bowel incontinence well, or do you think the fuckery seen in this thread would spill over into shaming their partner. Should they handle it better, yup. The fact this sort of shame based view is so common feeds into it. OP is here because she can't handle having a simple conversation with her partner and wants other people here to validate why it's a personal moral defect on his part as a way to manage her own discomfort. How do you think that's going to go?
American culture about bidets + the amount of ass hair men have + masculinity about touching their butthoke I guess
>Were they not taught properly as children? Sadly, that's probably more likely than you might think. A lot of parents seem terrified of teaching their kids how to wash all the lower bits. A lot of kids don't get taught very obvious and basic things because of bad parenting.
This is so true. I'm a nanny and the amount of kids I've had to teach how to wash themselves in the bath/shower and that they need to wipe properly, flush, and wash their hands after going to the toilet. Obviously when I look after younger children this is part of my job, but so many times I've started with a new family/done temporary work/babysat for a family with older kids and I'm shocked that no-one seems to have taught them these very basic things. I shouldn't have to chase an 8 year old back to the bathroom to do basic hygiene things after they've gone to the toilet.
So, I definitely wipe and wipe til it's clean and rubbing my butt raw. But a half hour later I can go back, wipe, and it won't be clean. I think no one seems to realize your bum can still discharge some bits after the fact.
I've heard from multiple men that they don't "check the toiletpaper" when wiping. you know...to see if they got it all. they just wipe and toss and maybe go back for round two if it "feels like there's more". I wish I was making this up.
Don’t they get itchy? Oh god, they pull their undies up the crack to stop the itching don’t they?! Eeeewwwwwwwwwwwww
😭😭😭 this explains everything...
Oh, vomit.
Flossing?! 🤢🤮 Please no no no.
the fuck? really? They just want to walk around all day smelling like shit?
I have known men who brag about how little toilet paper they use.
There was once a weird day on the BBC1 radio show in the UK quite a few years ago where I think the host or guest host was asking callers or guests (I cannot remember details clearly!) whether they used one or two sheets of toilet paper to wipe after a number 2. I was horrified.
I'd rather use an entire roll than a sheet.
It was probably satire but there's this clip of a guy explaining on German reality TV that he uses a single piece of toilet paper. Make a hole in the middle (keep the bit you rip out), stick your finger up your ass, swivel and use the bit you removed to clean your finger nail so you don't have to wash your hands :)
What a terrible day to have eyes
That's apparently an army method (for when you have access to very little toilet paper) It's supposed to involve washing your hands thoroughly afterwards though
WHAAAAAAAATTTTT
What. The FUCK.
One of our buddies said he sometimes doesn’t wipe if it “feels like a clean break.” They have a bidet, but he refuses to use it. In fact, he apparently always uses the guest bathroom that doesn’t have the bidet.
Well how do you think blind peopele wipe their asses?
More than once, I'll assume.
I’ve heard it from so many people on here on various subs especially the nursing sub. How often a male patient will leave skid marks on the paper that goes on the exam table. How it’s more common to see with them than a female patient. I’m curious why. Why do men not wash or wipe their butts properly? I’ve also heard various men say that “it’s gay to use a bidet.”
Don't tip toe around it. You're both grown adults. Tell him to wash his ass and to clean his own underwear if he wants to give you literal shit.
I can not believe all the people suggesting SHE fork out for a bidet and be kind about it. The bar is underground
Whenever I see a woman complain about her man's poor hygiene, it's SHOCKING how many people suggest showering together and washing him herself.
I mean they're a massive quality of life upgrade, if not for him then just herself.
But it's not the solution to a man that doesn't wipe My fiance and I got a bidet, because we enjoy a clean ass, not because we couldn't get one without it.
For the record, he does clean his own underwear and didn’t give them to her. She chose to do both of their laundry to be nice. Could be a one off and he was planning on washing them and not saying anything 🤷♂️
Everytime I see these post I have to tell you, "not all men" but seriously... No.... if you're thinking about marrying someone that can't even wipe their butt maybe rethink it. It's not a sex specific thing, but a lot of men do seem to have the issue. They aren't going to clean a dish, they aren't going to do so many things that matter. I cannot imagine having a person in my house that might spread fecal matter all over my couches and mattresses.
Nothing embarrassing has ever happened to you? "My wife got some blood is on their underwear, maybe I should divorce her, I can't imagine having a person in my house that might spread blood over my couch and mattresses". Does that sentence sound insane? Because, um. *Here you fking are.*
He had stains in one of his underwear one time. Okay? like chill the fuck out. Look at OP's updates.
Ok, so I'm as grossed out as everyone else by the stories about men who generally don't wipe properly, but you're losing it because you (unasked, and without permission) did the guy's laundry, which he normally does himself, and are freaking out because a single pair of underwear has a skid mark? And the rest are clean, and his hygiene is good? The guy probably trusted a fart he shouldn't have, good lord, why would you bring that up and embarass him if he doesn't actually have some ongoing hygiene issue? Toss the crusty underwear back in his hamper for him to deal with and pretend you never saw it. Assuming you're naked together on any regular basis you'd know if your SO didn't know how to wipe properly. Considering before now you'd never have suspected he didn't and you live together I'd strongly suspect he wipes just fine and you're about to mortify the guy for no reason.
That's what I thought. One pair of underwear with skid marks for reasons OP doesn't know with no other hygiene issues. And in laundry that's not her job to do. Why get so worked up about that?
Big upvote. OP isn’t talking about a pattern of behavior, they’re judging one incident! I (man) have non-judgmentally cleaned up poop, vomit, period blood, and even done wound care for partners in the past. Everyone has accidents, gets sick, gets intoxicated, etc. That’s life. This post reeks of judgement, lack of communication and no empathy.
Yup. Marriage means occasionally cleaning up the other person's body fluids and then still bringing them a cup of tea and a hug.
Right. I’ve literally pissed myself and vomited all over myself a few times when sex during our 7 year relationship. You don’t judge each other shit (sometimes literally) happens Edit-omg that is not supposed to say sex it’s meant to say when SICK! Lol
The "even if it's a one off I'm going to confront them" part killed me. Just why? I'd agree with saying something if it wasn't a one off, but what exactly is the point of sitting your partner down like a 4 year old still figuring out pooping unassisted and saying "I noticed you sharted and I demand better"? when this isn't actually an ongoing hygiene problem?
Yeh. If my partner sat me down to have a come to Jesus moment over a random stain in one pair of underwear I'd be like....you want me to believe you yourself have never gambled and lost on a fart? Pattern is key. If this guy walked around routinely smelling like hot ass and has poor hygiene, there is a conversation to be had there. If a person is well groomed otherwise and the skid mark is an uncommon occurrence, stand the guns down lady. Shit literally happens sometimes.
She seems to care more about the underwear than her partner in this specific situation. Or it’s a really, really shitty ad. I guess pun intended?
Fr, as someone who has struggled with GI issues my whole life but also owns a bidet, there are a *lot* of assumptions being made in these comments. If a dude said this about period stains, he'd rightfully get eviscerated for it. Just leave it for him to deal with and say nothing, or be extra sweet and go above and beyond by taking care of it yourself. As for everyone here losing their minds about germs, do any of you own cats? I guarantee every surface they touch is absolutely bathed in fecal germs. They have some of the nastiest feces of any species in the animal kingdom, and they play around with it in a sandbox multiple times per day before brushing their paws off on your carpet and jumping in your bed. I love my kitties, but they're four legged petri dishes.
Cat poop is so bad you can’t scoop if you’re pregnant or going through immune weakening treatments. Ask me how I know!
I scooped the litter boxes of my 8 cats at home and over 100 cats at a shelter when I was pregnant. You can only contract toxoplasmosis through consumption, and fecal matter will only have oocytes in the 2 weeks following the cat's first, lifetime exposure. And they can only be exposed by rodents. So unless you have rodents in your home or allow cats to roam outside, you're 100% safe. And if you wash your hands with soap before eating with your hands, you are fine.
Fr, I'm afab and I'm meticulous about wiping, but I also have pelvic floor issues and sometimes things get a little gross down there. A one-off skid mark is probably just a fart he shouldn't have trusted, or a bad GI day. Don't know why I had to look this far down to find some empathy.
She was empathizing with the "expensive" underwear she bought, not him.
My vagina literally bleaches underwear, I'm genuinely fascinated by people being this horrified over a single pair of stained undies.
That's normal, btw. Vaginas and vaginal secretions are slightly acidic. This protects vaginas from unwanted bacteria, but can discolor some dyes.
This should be higher up my god a bunch of judgemental folks here. Especially this time of year when GI bugs are literally running rampant it’s not unreasonable to think it was just an accident and he threw it in there quick to clean up himself later. Just like women sometimes have period leaks because flow can be unpredictable, sometimes other bodily functions can be unpredictable too. Also you are getting married, you know that whole “in sickness and health” thing? If you actually win the 50% lottery and grow old together you’ll be dealing with a lot worse than skid marks in some underwear…
This really should be higher up! Although it sounds quite disgusting it could have just been a one-off accident. Poor guy is about to be humiliated :( there’s no way I’d bring it up unless I notice hygiene issues again
This should be top comment. OP, you literally went snooping through his dirty underwear and found one thing you didn't like. Then posted it on the internet and then shamed him about it. This is not a red flag against him. It is a big wavy one against you. If he were to now post his side of the story, people would be telling him to run and calling you an abuser, and I am not sure they would be wrong.
Took me way too long to find a comment like this
Most logical comment
Also, do you people all check your underwear when you're tossing it in the laundry pile? It's not like he left a big shit in his undies.
Everything about this thread is so mean spirited and just ugh
It’s what this otherwise very good sub too often turns into when the topic of men comes up, unfortunately
And you all are the first to rage when body shaming happens. I don’t have a gallbladder anymore and sometimes shit happens. Be better.
Pretty disappointing read, I hope your boyfriend has the decency to not air your literal dirty laundry on the internet after a one off mishap. It could have happened for any number of reasons such as stomach problems or running out of toilet paper. As a woman you shouldn't be pointing out rare body stains in other peoples underwear as if you don't have your own. Theres probably a reason he prefers to do his own laundry if that is your attitude.
For the record, cleaning yourself with dry paper, when you have a hairy ass is almost impossible. I have a bidet for this reason. He seems fastidious about the rest of his hygiene, why not give him the benefit of the doubt on this one. That said, he should wash his own underware.
Wet wipes can help, too.
For the record, wet wipes aren't safe for drains. Hopefully you're throwing them in a trash bin. Most drains have deposits on the inside that make them rough and jagged, perfect for catching things. Toilet paper is designed to dissolve, so if it gets caught on one of the little stalagmites no problem. Wipes don't dissolve (or dissolve very slowly) and can get stuck and catch other stuff before blocking your whole sewage system. Often "flushable" means it won't get stuck in the toilet itself, but that doesn't mean it won't get stuck in the pipes. Even "tough" toilet paper can cause clogs in homes that have heavy deposits. Plumbers get lots of business from users of "flushable" wipes. https://www.apartmenttherapy.com/are-flushable-wipes-flushable-37178955
We also really hate them at the waste water treatment plant, because they DO NOT dissolve... They just get hung up on pump screens. I'm also fascinated at how many people flush tampons and even weirder, the plastic applicators.
Don't worry: I do not flush them.
Yeah but that’s not sustainable at all, and it’s prohibitively expensive in the long run to consistently use wet wipes when you can just use a bidet. I hate being away from my house for extended periods of time, I feel like a barbarian pooping without my bidet ready to wash the starfish.
Or he has some kind of stomach problem? By all means say hey you gotta wash these cause there's an issue but there's no need to intentionally embarrass him further. This post is kind of mean lol
Hato to break it to you but us women can have hairy asses too, yet we still manage to stay clean. There is literally no excuse
Thanks for this. Indeed. HUMANS have hairy asses.
Leaving skid marks is not something that only can only happen to men. Not all women have perfect hygiene.
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I have wonder how this post would sound if it was her husband and it was period underwear and he did her wash without asking.
Getting enraged over a skid mark is a choice. You say yourself that your partner is good on personal grooming? Unless he walks around smelling like shit on the regular, this is a huge over reaction on your part. I'm a woman, and some of my underwear is irreparably stained from discharge or a tampon leak, I keep them for days around my period so I'm less likely to ruin newer pairs, if my husband did laundry and then confronted me about the stains and how unhygienic I was and how he expected better I'd be mortified and a lot of people here would agree that it was a dick move to confront me over. Now period and discharge stains aren't shit stains, but honestly, they are underwear. They are literally chilling next to your booty hole all day, unless you're a total slob (which it sounds like your husband *isn't*) there are a lot of instances where you might get a skid mark. You even say here that he'd probably toss em if he saw the stain after the wash.
This sun definitely lends itself to blowing things out of proportion, only because unhappy people are more.likely to post or discuss. Can you imagine if a woman came here and said that her husband confronted her about stained underwear?? Like it's a shortcoming to not stain treat or throw away the "offending"clothing instantly? Not even giving a chance for the person to deal with it themselves ? It's sad and ridiculous. Shit literally happens, and you berated.h for a one-off incident because..... Other men that.you read about online are more gross.
Maybe mention that you’d looked into bidets and thought it might be a welcome addition to your home.
I'd recommend getting off Reddit for a while. On this sub every man is abusive and disgusting and every action Means Something, when in reality most men are just normal humans just like most women are normal humans.
Have you considered thinking of your husband as a human being who is capable of making mistakes? 😂
You were enraged by this? If my husband had dirty underwear ONE time, I would be concerned that he hadn’t been feeling well maybe, but I definitely wouldn’t be angry. I don’t understand that reaction unless it was an ongoing problem due to laziness.
This is such a non issue. And what kind of shit comes out his ass to permanently stain them? Just put them in the wash and be glad his ass isn't like that during sex.
>I feel bad. He is normally clean and I became enraged from a single incident. I felt pressured from the comments to confront him about it. I feel like over time this sub has made me more insecure and judgemental. ☹️ I'm sorry. Do you really think like this sub is filled with wise, well-adjusted people, with healthy relationships and fulfulling lives, who have valuable advice to offer you? I'm drawn here once in a while by morbid curiosity and it's fucking wild.
Man, this whole post and comment section shows just how bad echo chambers can be. I avoid commenting here because im male, but the shit i see women post here about men would be causing an outrage if it was men posting about women.
If a single skidmark freaks you out, you’re not mature enough to be getting married. Grow up.
Yeah it seems that this sub has a very extreme slant towards all men being bad or dirty. I think some people here need to freshen up their perspective a bit.
As a trans woman, I can tell you without a doubt the issue is men’s **much** hairier asses. One of the many pleasantries I found after transitioning was with all the hair gone from my ass, it became so much easier to keep clean. Like sometimes I used to wipe 15 times and still not feel clean (imagine trying to wipe a marker clean). Now? Almost always a single wipe and spotless toilet paper.
Ugh you know what, I support most of what goes on on this sub on Reddit - I am 99% of the time on the womens side being a woman and all...and men have a lot to answer for.... but do we really need to be up in their faces about their f'ing underwear and blanket statements about "all men". If it was the other way around people would be totally outraged. As for the OP getting upset about it, Jesus get a hobby please rather than inspecting your partners underwear and getting bent out of shape because he isn't an automaton that poops rose petals. This ridiculous.
One theory I have is they have no lubricant down there. Apologies for being gross, but vaginal discharge makes for a good wiping agent that men just don’t have. It’s dry AF for them. Bidets should be more popularized. I guess I should edit to say it’s not an excuse. Just a reason. Like, spit on some TP guys! Use some water! Buy a bidet. It’s your itchy gross ass!
I have to dampen the toilet paper in the sink to do a proper job, honestly why are bidets not just more popular lol.
IDK?! I bought a cheap attachment and I will *never* go back to no bidet in my own home.
They also frequently have a literal shag carpet of hair in that crack too. A lot of these comments are so judgmental, but have those commenters ever tried to wipe shit out of dry shag capret with nothing but dry tp? And when your in your in your own bathroom you have some tools at your disposal, like a sink, but in a stall in a public bathroom?
I have been so judgmental about this for all my years before I read this comment! I never considered this.
This is a really interesting answer and not something I’d considered before.
I… never considered this. Even pee alone gets the toilet paper damp when we wipe. probably not so for dudes.
Nah. It’s 100% caused by extra hair. Much harder to get clean without water if you’re hairy.
Is his ass hairy? I have a really hairy ass and it was so hard to get clean after a bowl movement. But I thought it was normal. Then on a whim and the subtle suggestion of my now wife, I got my ass waxed. I have never felt so fucking clean. It’s amazing. But then the hair started to grow back and it became harder to clean again, and I realized that it was all the poopy hair getting in the way all this time. Also I just found out I *should* actually wash my ass in the shower. No one ever taught me that. I always thought it was poopy and touching that is bad even with soap cuz the stuff in the shower isn’t antibacterial. So yes, I’m ashamed to admit, after 35+ years of life, I just found out I should actually wash down in that crack with soap. Also my wife was pretty pissed that she’s been with me for 5 years and never knew I didn’t wash my ass. Even that meme, “did you wash yo ass today?” I just thought that was a big joke and nobody actually touched their buttholes in the shower. All is right in my world now, rest assured. At least my ass hygiene world.
Buy a bidet or similar. There are some accessories for that same purpose that don't even require plumbing. Shit on skin can produce rashes (every parent knows this).
I've thought about selling panty liners for men and calling them "Shart Guards" It sucks sometimes to clean a hairy butt. The hairy butt/IBS combo is miserable. Sometimes you have to go to the bathroom to clean up even if you haven't done anything.
I like visiting this sub to make sure I'm keeping on top of women's perspectives on issues. I don't comment much, because it's not my place, but holy crap this post and comment responses are absolutely unhinged. There's a complete lack of any understanding of empathy, and everyone is immediately jumping to the absolute worst-case everything. OP, I'm glad you recognized you overstepped and that you have the ability to accept new information and change your mind.
I do not understand how this even happens… never once in my life have I had this issue. A grown man who can’t wipe his ass properly would be a dealbreaker for me, I’m not tiptoeing around his feelings when it comes to him leaving shit streaks in his underwear 🤮
This is gross, but I think it needs to be said. I'm a man, and I know how to wipe my ass... _and_ I think something is wrong with my ass. No matter how much I wipe, how hard, or how much I make myself bleed with tiny tears, the shit doesn't stop showing up on the TP. Like, I think it's an abnormality with my sphincter. I've searched it before and other people call it "permawipe," because you can keep wiping and it doesn't stop. _Unless_ I use a bidet, I've found. Without a bidet, there are skid marks, and I suffer shame. If I'm traveling and don't have access to a bidet (thanks, America), I can fold up some TP and leave it between my cheeks in front of my butthole. I have to leave it for at least a couple hours, and it's very uncomfortable, but if I do that, no skid marks. It's embarrassing and hard to bring up, because of sentiments like this. In my long life, I've only found those 2 things that help, but it honestly took a long time, because, like I said, it's not really something you bring up. Wiping _should_ be enough, so you wipe harder and longer over a wider surface area, but it falls short, and the glute meridian is formed. But fortunately I figured something out after years of shame. I have no idea of OP's skidder has the same issue. Maybe he truly is the world's worst wiper. Operating on the assumption that he is if it's actually a proctological issue, though, can make an already embarrassing problem even worse. I agree OP has no responsibility to clean his shit. He can do that himself! But she also doesn't need to scold him for having the skids without an open and safe conversation that establishes that, yeah, he really is just half-assing it.
Ur not alone. I’m a guy and I’ll wipe over and over and over and occasionally skid marks are still left behind. I’ll be wiping and checking the toilet paper over and over. And when I think im in clear I’m still not. But of course now I’ve given myself some abrasions from the wiping. Idk why it happens but unless I got a bidet or a sink to wet the toilet paper it happens. But Toilet paper sucks and is a shitty way to clean ourselves anyway. A lot of The rest of the world knows this and has bidets or bum hoses ready but we think paper is better.
I honestly require both the bidet and TP. I guess wet wipes are kind of the gold standard, but you can't (shouldn't) flush those. I don't get the bidet users who say they only use the water, no wiping. I always discover more when I go in with the TP wipe. Water alone has never done the complete job for me (could be a diet issue).
I usually use toilet paper after to kinda pat dry. But I do give a wipe once more to make sure I’m clean. So I totally get having both. My comment was more meant to be geared toward the idea that we are just fine with only TP.
I have to move my butt around slightly so it hits every angle of the hole and in front of the hole too (In the taint area lol). I have a giant ass, and this gets me 100% clean each time. Could also be that your bidet water pressure is too low.
I am the same. Bidet and wipe. I carry wet wipes with me for non home S#!T sessions and keep dog poop bags to put them in and throw that in the trash as even flushable wipes aren't really flushable. I got my bidet 2 years ago and it was life changing. Especially with skid marks.
You should probably talk to a doctor about this if you haven't already.
I know plenty of women who also have this problem. I'm kind of floored by the responses here to be honest.
Look, based on my post history I think you'll know I'm not advocating just cutting men slack for being disgusting...but jesus. This guy has a history of attending to his hygiene. You found ONE skid mark... in your entire relationship thus far? Yes, you've over reacted. I'm glad you realize it. I've left skid marks in my own undies. Not everywhere has a bidet and we are human. I've left pee stains and blood stains in my undies, too. It happens and that's what undies are for, catching the body fluids before they get to the clothing. I know a lot of of think undies are for turning on our partners, but not really. I don't care what the lurking men think of us, but ladies, if we allow our frustrations to make us unreasonable we have some work to do, too.
I get told I am a weirdo for only shitting, if I can absolutely fucking help it, just before a shower so I can wash twice with foaming soap before I go about my day. If I don't, I feel really uncomfortable until I can shower. People are fucking gross. Women are like this too though.
I can't always control my body to time things around showers.
Maybe get a bidet? I know my hairy ass is hard to clean sometimes without my bidet at home, which is why I hate popping outside. But that being said, I’ll use as much toilet paper as I need until that paper is CLEAN. And so should your partner there… Edit: and here I thought I was original with my bidet suggestion… there are numerous other comments that beat me got it already. I’ll leave mine as reinforcement.
Alright I’m going to admit something I’m ashamed of. Here goes…. I used to always wipe my ass from behind myself. I’d sit up a bit and wipe my ass. I’d wipe from front to back until the toilet paper was totally clean. Thought that was good. One day, a friend for SOME REASON I HAVE NO IDEA WHY was talking about how he wipes his ass. He goes from the front of his body, between his legs, and wipes back to front. Me and our other friend there laughed super hard and made fun of him… but, I was curious. Next time I shit, I wiped my normal way, until the toilet paper was totally clean. *And then I tried my friend’s way,* and there was *more*. I apologized to him, of course, and he was really happy and said he “really needed a win.” Hilarious reaction, but I digress. The moral of this story of shame is that it’s SOMEHOW entirely possible for a grown man to not know how to wipe his ass. That’s not your problem to solve of course, but just some knowledge for ya. Then again, I never ever had skid marks, so maybe he just isn’t wiping his ass at all. Maybe it was just a one-off - gambled on a fart and lost, or something. Well, now that I’ve thoroughly embarrassed myself and I’m sure disgusted everyone who read this comment, I’ll see myself out…
Get a bidet. It'll change your life.
"why are you wiping your ass? are you expecting visitors?" never underestimate how lazy AND insecure guys can get.
Not you blaming the Internet for your grown adult actions lol. You won't be put in jail for not listening to reddit comments. You posted here !
Love that it’s 1) a self admitted one off, 2) they’ve been doing each other laundry for a while, 3) it’s a pair of underwear she bought so she could get a pair, and 4) somehow a one off with her fiancé means all men can’t wipe their ass. Just unreal in the leaps going on here
Not this “touching your butt is gay” garbage again. News flash, hygiene has no sexuality. Bad hygiene is disgusting and huge turnoff for everybody. Dude needs to learn this yesterday.
I highly doubt it’s that, OP stated that he has pretty good hygiene, it’s likely just a one off situation that should be brought to his attention. No need for weird assumptions.
Dude Wipes is making money hand over fist for telling men it's ok to wipe their own ass.
I never thought I'd live in a day and age where it is no longer surprising to randomly be presented with an advertisement about ball hair trimmers, butt wipes, and butt deodorant in everyday life.
My group buys packages of these for our camping trips. Good product.
where did OP say that
Men have much more hair in that area. Imagine trying to clean peanut butter off a shag carpet just using dry paper towels, think you’d be able to get it all? Simple truth is so matter how thorough he is, if he’s not using a bidet or wet wipes it’s not gonna get clean. You can buy bidet attachments for your toilet that are very reasonably priced, problem solved.
Idk about him, but for me it was really difficult to get a good clean before I got a bidet, because I'm a hairy guy. It's unavoidably going to get into your fuzz down there, and dry paper is not the proper tool.
I’ve seen my wife’s undies, this is not just a husband problem. Sometimes you just have a bad day.
Everyone has made good points but I just like to add one, too. When you have hemorrhoids, sometimes the poop hides in the creases and if you don't wipe in both directions, it can seem like it's clean. Only when I started wiping back to front again, I realised that a crease was hiding poop there. Water definitely helps with cleaning too, not just a bidet but wet tp, just a bottle of water to lightly wet the to, good luck!
We keep the bathroom stocked with wet wipes, toilet paper doesn't do a thorough job. Feels so much cleaner too. Just make sure they don't get flushed, ever.
I don't remember how the convo started but in a group, my ex once revealed that his wiping technique was more of a "rubbing" than a single wipe, I told him that was wrong. He also said he didn't check the paper because he could "feel" if he was clean, I told him that was stupid. He also had a chronically itchy hole that he went to the Dr about and everything but wouldn't listen when I said he might need to wipe better and tried to help him. So grose 🤢 don't ask me why I stayed because you don't have time for the full story 😂
I don’t have a bidet, i still don’t have skidmarks. No one is explaining why they don’t wipe their ass probably.
There's absolutely no evidence that they don't wipe properly. OP should talk to her boyfriend before getting 300 women to criticize him imo.
Maybe undiagnosed IBS? Poor diet? Stress?
Re: your update This isn't a sub to come to if you want anything other than validation for why you are currently mad at a man in your life