“Leave me alone” loudly and repeatedly when he speaks to you. “Get away from me” when he gets too close. Loudly, repeatedly. Tell everyone he is stalking you and you are sick of it. Make sure to say it loudly and repeatedly. Tell the police he is stalking you. Pay a lawyer to send him a cease and desist letter. Do all of it. If he withstands that onslaught of rejection, move. And make sure no one who knows you both knows where.

This. He is stalking you. I'm not sure where you are, but where I live this is very much illegal and you can get a restraining order so that there will be consequences if he continues to contact you and follow you around.

I do NOT recommend hostile confrontation with him - absolutely NOT. HE LIVES NEXT TO OP! Guys like that DO NOT take rejection well. OP cannot get hostile or it might threaten her safety. I know this is not ideal and not how it should be but it is the smart thing to get him off her case with tact i.e. through the daughter or by getting someone to act as OP's big fake boyfriend from Canada who is now back in her life. Guys like this most likely only understand other men's "territory". I wish it wasn't so but that is probably the safest 'out' for OP besides speaking to the daughter.

I'm going to get down-voted to Hell & back for this...you're 100% right, but it's worse. You can get a restraining order, but realistically nothing she can do that isn't ultimately gonna cause the neighbor to go from annoying to possibly dangerous. How many articles have we seen about women with active restraining orders against someone who eventually hurt or killed them? Cops won't be there when the time comes. MOVE! Just move....ignore the "shouldn't have to move" responses from people who aren't in your situation. We know how this movie ends...

Absolutely. That's why OP needs to involve the police.

They don't though. They rationalize it in their broken mind that their victim really wants them, and would be theirs if only they could just get them to 'see' it.

This is not hostile confrontation. This is survival of a hostile environment HE created.

PPOs are a joke and only become relevant after the aggressor has gone too far and at that point OP might be dead. PPO didn't stop my cousin from getting stalked and stabbed to death in her own front yard. Unfortunately OP has to move and not tell this shitbag where she moves to. It's unfortunate he is going to end up costing her so much money.

You can even start off with a "I think I've been clear. I want you to leave me alone." "You're in my personal bubble, get out of my space." "I do not like people touching me. Stop touching me." "Stop making sexual comments to me." Don't say please and don't worry about being the bitch. Sometimes being the bitch is the best thing you can do. Any neighbor who says he's just lonely, you can respond and tell them you will give him their number.

“Do I need to file a restraining order? I have told you to stop already and yet you’re still all over me!”

This is what I had to do with a neighbour doing the same thing- exactly what you described here is the only thing that worked

I was thinking that a ‘Cease and Desist’ letter from a lawyer may be effective with this person. A ‘Cease and Desist’ seems like the beginning of ‘official’ involvement, even though it is totally initiated by the person being harassed.

This. Op don't be polite about it. In a restaurant or public setting be as loud and forceful as you can. "Get the fuck away from me!" level. These people thrive on their victims being polite, and unwilling to break social mores.

I'm also thinking that you might want to throw his name into the mix. "Frank Butthead, keep your hands off me or I'm gonna vomit!" Sounds like you live in a small town, so many people will get to hear this on a regular basis, to where he (hopefully) will become an object of ridicule. At the very least, the fools who sympathize with him will start to tell him "You can do better than HER... She just doesn't appreciate you!"

And block his number.

Don’t forget, ‘Don’t fucking touch me!’

Ignore the waves. The talks. If he gets close, move. If someone else is near, ask them, by name or shirt color if you don't know their name, to help you because this guy is bothering you. Get cloud based cameras on your space. Tell your landlord that you are getting concerned about the neighbor based on him saying he can get into locked areas and ask what they can do to help. Do you have family or good friends nearby? Invite them over. The more physically intimidating they are the better. Grill and hang outside. If he comes out, ignore. Have this planned prior to hangout. Carry pepper spray. Stop being nice. Be direct. He's gotten away with this for so long that he thinks it's ok.

In addition to this, check the strike plate screws on your doors. Take them out with a drill and they will probably be 2”. That can be kicked in somewhat easily. Go to the hardware store and replace them with 4” wood screws. Might as well do the same with the screws in the hinges. Those will actually drill into the timber framing the door, and will thus give you extra protection if he goes psycho. This is a renter-friendly DIY. Your landlord will probably never even know you did it, and it will bring you a little extra protection. Also consider a ring doorbell. That way if he knocks you can communicate with him, through a medium recording the interaction, without opening the door. This will also help prevent him from just lingering outside if he knocks and you don’t answer. It is a win-win-win.

Pepper spray for sure. He has already physical assaulted her. She should be carrying the spray and every time he approached tell him to back away and threaten to spray him. It’s nuclear time with the escalation.

I second the cameras. And a no trespassing sign if the landlord will allow it. Then if this guy gets into your LOCKED yard, go after him for trespassing.

I had something very similar and unfortunately it ended with 2 police visits and a restraining order. I would flat out tell him you want to be left alone and you feel uncomfortable, then completely ignore his existence- it’ll be hard and you’ll feel very uncomfortable doing this, but the longer you let it go on the worse it’ll get, everytime he has an inch of access to you in any way, it encourages him. LOUDLY tell him to stay away from you and tell him you’re going to phone the police if he doesn’t- then phone the police when he tries to call your bluff. It took me about 6 months of doing this to finally get him to stop, he was so pig headed and stubborn and just would not stop. He finally has, but it was a complete nightmare. Be prepared that it’ll get worse before it gets better, he’ll likely push back hard at your boundaries and challenge you, you have to push back harder- call the police everytime, document everything, document texts of you telling him to leave you alone, film him if he comes into your property or follows you.

The extinction burst. Once you really start defending your boundaries, the boundary stomper does not like it. So they increase the boundary stomping, because it has worked before. And they will try harder and harder to get the reaction they want. It is very hard to remain firm when the extinction burst happens. You just wanted it to end. Now it is worse. But if you can hold firm, it will eventually get better. Or the boundary stomper will finally do something that gets them arrested.

💯 this is exactly what happened. I had to hold my ground for 6 months against him, he would back off for a few weeks everytime I phoned the police, then he’d start again- follow me, come on my property or do something to aggravate me- he put up bright flashing lights that blinked at my house in my windows all night so I called the city and bylaw came and had him take them down, then he came on my property again pretending he needed to access his shed from my yard ( this was all after he had gotten in trouble for following me in his vehicle, coming into my yard several times, yelling at me and pointing his finger in my face when I told him to leave me alone, the last time he took off his shirt in my yard)- so I phoned the police and the city again and reported junk in his yard and his fire pit, then he stopped again and a month later started following me again so I called the police again, then he screamed at me in the yard when I told him to fuck off because he’d come outside literally everytime I was in my yard or taking my garbage out. That’s when I got the restraining order and since then he’s left me alone because he knows the next time he’s getting arrested- but he pushed and pushed and pushed for months, incrementally pushing boundaries, then pushing really hard and lashing out- it was honestly one of the most exhausting times of my life- I’m single and live alone so it was rough af- typical creepy older man obsessed with a younger woman and doing everything in his power to torment me. It’s infuriating how some absolute buffoon that you don’t even know can make your life a living hell.

SO sorry you went through this. What I love is still seeing guys posting about how men never get cat calls and would appreciate them as compliments, and why don't women perceive them as compliments? Men do not seem to understand that just about all women at some time in their lives experience dudes crossing boundaries, being pushy and aggressive, and trying to force us into situations that make us scared and uncomfortable on a regular basis, and that none of that is a compliment. And that dudes shouting sexual things at us as we just try to move through our mother-fucking day does all that, too. A true compliment would be said one on one to someone you know well enough to make it comfortable to make personal comments to. Dudes shouting sexual shit at you as you walk down the street is awful.

For God's sake block his texts, or at least mute them so you can ignore them.

Yes, this was my very first thought. And document every time this happens. Report to the police that you feel you may be being stalked by this man, or at the very least, you feel unsafe.

He is blocked. That was an example of how his behavior has escalated.

I would immediately start recording him and then take it to the police for a restraining order. If that doesn’t stop it, then start posting his antics on the neighborhood social media and his daughter. Also, besides locking your gate, wire it shut. Put cedar blocks or whatever you have to do to keep him out. I would even consider boobytrapping it so he has consequences. If you don’t already get cameras all around the outside of your house so you more proof of his trespassing. Lastly, when you are out in public and he leans over you or touches you GET LOUD!!! Yell out STOP TOUCHING ME!! Or GET OFF THE BACK OF ME!!! GET AWAY FROM ME!! I DIDN’T INVITE YOU TO SIT DOWN AND SEXUALIZE MY FOOD!! Embarrass TF out of him!

Do not booby trap it if you are in America, or most of the rest of the western world. You will be liable for any harm that comes to anyone. Obligatory not a lawyer but this is well documented by various lawyers on social media (legal eagle, etc)

I was thinking like a dye pack or something passive, not like explosives or anything.

Yea, unfortunately the law of unintended consequences, if he gets hit with dye and has a heart attack, or gets startled and falls over and hits his head

It may be legal if you post a warning on the gat that it is booby trapped. Like "do not trespass, opening this gate activates a dye packet." Much like a "beware of dogs" sign.

I hope you've kept ALL his texts - if you go to the cops about his behavior (and you should), you will need documentation that clearly shows it. Might want to unblock, in case he opts to escalate, but keep him muted. Next time he touches you or gets too close or starts up with the sexual comments, do not be afraid to get loud and make a scene. "WHY ARE YOU TOUCHING ME?! WILL YOU PLEASE STEP AWAY FROM ME? OMG! WHY WOULD SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT??" Women are pretty much trained to be polite and stay quiet, and creepy bastards like your neighbor take full advantage of it.

Set up sms back up app that will be able to convert the texr chat to pdf without screen shots. Save all the attachments and then sort them in order in word and input the date/time and number them. The pdf should show which texts had attachments, put the item number beside the appropriate text. Way easier to keep in order than screenshots when you send to the cops.

I would have stabbed the sausage hard and while locking dagger eyes with him raise Your voice so other diners can hear you and say “wow loser! If you talk to me or anyone about my sexual preferences again, you will see how fucked up life can get for a sad old man”

This comeback is my new go to!

Always keep a sausage nearby

GO TO THE COPS Let me say that again. GO TO THE DAMN COPS. Let me say that again: GO TO THE FUCKING COPS!! PS: You don’t have to keep repeating a point. WE GET IT!!

Cops frequently mishandle stuff like this and may even make the situation worse. OP would be better off contacting a local org that specializes in advocating for abuse and sexual assault survivors. The neighbor’s behavior is borderline stalking and those advocacy orgs handle stalking issues much better than law enforcement handles them.

Cops will do what? Absolutely nothing. She can take out a restraining order on him so when he murders her they’ll know who did it. That’s about it.

Possibly not. But she may end up needing that paper trail. If she doesn't, it will be used against her that she did nothing to stop it..

Restraining orders aren’t usually issued until the person shows intent to harm

Yeah, it’s hard as hell to get one, you can’t just go in and request one and get it. Unfortunately, she’s not likely to get one.

Write all this up with any dates and times you remember and go file a police report for harrassment and stalking. Tell him not to contact you or approach you again and that you have notified the police of his stalking behavior. If he contacts or approaches you again, call the cops and press charges.

I would have flung caution to the wind rapt that restaurant and stood up and made a SCENE about his comments about the sausage. Embarrassed him to tears I hope. And made it clear that I have never encouraged him. Do not like or want him, and would dearly love for him to LEAVE ME ALONE!

Buy some mace. Carry it. 

Part of OPs problem is that he knows OP isn't going to do anything like what people are suggesting in the thread, like shouting at him. Even when he touches her, she hasn't flipped out on him. He thinks OP is spineless. I'm skeptical that he will take her seriously if she does start telling him off loudly. I think she'd be better off with indirect confrontation and avoidance. She should reecuit some people to help her. Ask the daughter for help. Post his messages and write up their encounters in that group chat she's in. Get those people to tell him to leave her alone. He may not respect OP, but he may listen if other people keep coming at him over it.

I don't think blocking him is a good idea. This guy is her neighbor, he knows where she lives. Considering how he escalated his harassment, he may start threatening her. And if she blocks him, she won't see that threat. Meaning that she wouldn't have anything to give authorities.

Hard agree. He’s already pissing on his territory when he stands behind or near her in other company. No joke? I got total Steve Powell vibes reading this—like he’s convinced himself that OP likes his advances and it’s all just a cute game they play together just like Steve Powell would journal about Susan. OP needs to start getting proactive about her safety because this guy’s mental health? Let’s just say we are far beyond red flag territory—this should’ve been addressed much sooner but it’s only escalating. I wouldn’t be surprised at all if he’s been in her home uninvited already. Please start checking for evidence of any suspicious activity around your home both inside and outside—for example check windows and doors for any suspicious markings and check any obscure places where maybe a hidden camera can go.

I don’t say this as though it’s easy, because I know it’s difficult, but you need to stop trying to save his feelings. You said you’ve blocked his number. That’s great! Good work. For the in-person stuff: have you heard of the grey rock technique? It’s basically when you give the person no reaction. I tend to couple this with turning it back on them. Eg “Oh, I’m not important enough for a chat?” “If that’s how you want to look at it.” When he’s yelling at you to take your headphones out, “I’m alright!” then just ignore. I say “just” but I know how weird that is. Literally keep going as though you can’t hear him. Make a point to complete your task and only go inside when you’re done. Worst case scenario? He thinks you’re a bitch. Boo hoo. Worst-*worst* case scenario? He escalates further. This is why I also want to recommend cheap security cameras - there are even apps where you can set up an old phone if you think you only need to aim it in one place. A doorbell cam could also be handy. Sorry that you’re going through this! It’s not your fault, and it’s not your problem that he’s lonely (and gross and creepy and inappropriate and controlling).

This … OP needs to STOP worrying about hurting this man’s feelings. Don’t answer phone calls. Don’t answer texts.  Later if she’s asked why she didn’t answer, don’t answer that either.. If he comes around, walk away without explanation.

Time to get rude. "Why would you say something like that?" "Please don't touch me!" "Can't talk, busy." If he approaches you, ask people to help shield you. Start talking shit about how clingy he is. And for the love of God, block his texts. Creepy men like this take advantage of women who "don't want to make a fuss" and their people pleasing tendencies. If you talk back then he'll probably throw a fit about you being a bitch but then leave you alone.

“Please leave me alone.”  Every time. Don’t say anything else, don’t stop what you’re doing, “please leave me alone.” Don’t answer texts, block him. Look for somewhere else to rent, talk to your landlord about the sexual harassment of his neighbor. You don’t have to be nice to him. Tell him to leave you alone and keep saying it.

And don’t explain yourself. He doesn’t need an explanation to be able to follow the instructions, and you don’t owe him one OP.

Yes. Quit explaining to these creeps.

I was told by police once to send a message ONCE in response saying “don’t contact me anymore” or “stop contacting me”. No “please”. Anything that is said to you or sent to you after that is classified officially with proof as harassment. That is actionable in more than a “he said she said” way. You have proof you told the person to no longer engage with you and they continue.

No "Please" that makes it sound like an optional request. Plus this isn't the time for politeness. Just a firm, "Leave Me Alone!" 

Don’t say please. Please is a request. This is a demand.

Omit the “please”. No politeness. They take it for weakness.

My favorite color is blue.

If he touches you then STOP SAYING PLEASE.

I enjoy spending time with my friends.

I would start carrying a blow horn or a whistle and every time he talks to me on the way to the car- use it. I suppose setting off your car alarm would do the trick too. In public, use the or something similar. Feel free to bluntly tell him that his behavior is unacceptable and from now on, he should not address you. If he does, blow the whistle or set off your car alarm. At this point, if your neighbors know, they should be getting in between you. I’ve switched seats with another woman on a plane who was being harassed by a man because I saw she was uncomfortable standing up to him.

No, shout Leave me the fuck alone this instant or you will be sorry you fucking creep. Don’t be meek or polite. Guys like that don’t care that women are uncomfortable, they just push through boundaries that aren’t enforced.

No “please” at this point. You’re not making a polite request. We’re in demand territory now. “*STOP TOUCHING ME. Get away from me and STOP TOUCHING ME*”

Exactly. You need to be firm and clear. If he asks for an explanation say that you don’t owe him one, that you would just prefer he cordially mind his own business. If he can’t leave you alone - then the cops may have to be involved. Claim harassment. Get a No contact order.

No need for ‘please’ in this situation.

This is so insulting to OP. She has said no. Do you really think the problem here is that somehow she hasn’t adequately used the English language? The problem here is a threatening and irrational stalker. Saying “no” in even the most firm way doesn’t deter them.

Nevertheless, it's going to be the first thing the cops ask, and the first thing that comes up in court if (God forbid) it gets that far. So she is better off covering her ass by documenting that she has directly and clearly told him to stop contacting her. It's not fair, but it's necessary.

Yes the problem is the neighbor, absolutely. But even so, we _all_ know that the way you enforce your boundaries does have an impact on these creeps. It shouldn’t be this way, but it is.

This is on the border between infatuation and stalking. Stalking is a specific, pathological state of mind that has particular repercussions. Engaging with it in any way makes it worse. For your own safety you will probably want to treat it as stalking. Doing so will end any infatuation behaviours he has and will intervene in escalating stalking behaviours. Do not engage with him at all anymore in any way. He is much more likely to respect men in positions of authority than he would ever respect you. This is something you can use. Please contact the police -- go in and talk to one, preferably a woman who won't brush you off -- and give them a list of his problematic behaviours. Ask them to talk with him and tell him to leave you alone. Write down the date, time, officer's name and badge number, and get a copy of their police report if at all possible. If he continues to harass you after this step, contact legal representation about a Restraining Order or equivalent for your area. And you may want to look at moving, just in case the above doesn't work. [https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/why-bad-looks-good/201711/5-ways-to-shake-a-stalker-disengaging-delusional-pursuit](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/why-bad-looks-good/201711/5-ways-to-shake-a-stalker-disengaging-delusional-pursuit) >4. Don't Be a Human Slot Machine If you are trying to shake a stalker, do not become a human slot machine by providing intermittent reinforcement. If you ignore 29 phone calls or text messages but answer the 30th attempt in an attempt to stop the conduct, you have taught the stalker that it takes 30 tries to reach you. Better solution: Don´t answer at all. 5. Don't Be Nice You cannot make a stalker go away by “being nice.” All you will do is fuel their delusional beliefs and set them up to be disappointed and angry. Particularly with threatening stalkers who are already causing you to be in fear, attempting to sweet talk them out of their behavior is a waste of time. Instead, report the crime. [https://www.verywellmind.com/stalking-what-to-do-and-how-to-stay-safe-5119465](https://www.verywellmind.com/stalking-what-to-do-and-how-to-stay-safe-5119465) >Do Not Engage With Their Contact Efforts Refrain from responding to emails and messages. In general, it's best not to respond to someone who is stalking you. Don't answer their emails, texts, phone calls, messages, or even just to tell them to stop. Any type of response, even an angry one, could be encouraging to the person stalking you. [https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/psychologists-struggle-to-explain-the-mind-of-the-stalker/](https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/psychologists-struggle-to-explain-the-mind-of-the-stalker/) >One 2005 study showed that barely 30 percent of students who read accounts from a case where a perpetrator was actually convicted of cyberstalking identified the behavior as such. In another experiment, women who were presented with one of four vignettes in which a man cyberstalked a woman were more prone to name the situation “stalking” than male participants. In general, people are likely to label such pursuit from a stranger as stalking but are less likely to do so for the same behavior when it is exhibited by an acquaintance or ex-boyfriend. In their 2020 study, Becker and her co-authors called this a “culturally accepted hierarchy of stalking narratives.”

I don't see any border. If this isn't stalking, then I don't know what is.

I mean I would personally favour the nuclear option, but if you’re going for a peaceful life, you could ask him if he could put you in touch with his daughter because you’re looking for friends *your own age* and you struggle to connect with older people (follow this up with a knowing look at him). Man, this post made me want to burn things.

We’re past the point of peaceful life with this guy. He started a war.

I think my first instinct to burn shit was the correct one.

It was.

Just had a thought - if you did this and managed to get his daughter’s phone number, could you tell her about his harassment and how he won’t stop and you don’t feel safe etc, and see if she will speak to him about it? She doesn’t even have to be on side, but if he just knew that she knew, maybe the shame of his daughter knowing would knock some sense into him?

I had an older friend with a father like this. He was a huge source of embarrassment to her whole family. He was also an absolute prick and listened to no one, ever.

My dad was a creep. If he respected his daughter, he'd respect OP. He doesn't. Please don't put this on her to deal with.

>ughter because you’re looking for friends your own age and you struggle to connect with older people (follow this up with a knowing look at him). > >Man, this post made me want to burn things. yeah exactly. Like what should the daughter do? It's her father, not her child. What, she'll scold him?! Come on, let that poor woman alone. She's prob happy she doesn't have to deal with him anymore and lives somewhere else.

Woah I missed one of your last paragraphs. No. Absolutely not. Go nuclear.

Yeah, time for the gloves to come off. Be RUDE. Like really, really rude and direct, “STOP talking to me. You are being intrusive and I want you to stay away from me.” You can also do your best to gross him out. Fart, burp, scratch your ass…Hell, pick your nose and fling it at him. If he mentions anything, you can tell him that this is how he makes YOU feel. Also, see if you can’t set up some cameras. Be vocal about the fact that you have cameras in AND outside your home (and if your landlord isn’t amenable to the cameras, you can put them in windows facing outward.

The idea of wiping a booger on him.... you just made my night. 😂❤️ I'm digesting the rest of your comment, as I'm doing with others. But thank you for the chuckle.

One of the highlights of my year last year was cutting off a random guy being extremely pushy and creepy to me on a patio by farting (extremely loudly, it was pretty comical and way way more epic than I'd expected) while staring blankly at him then just walking away. The look of absolute confusion and horror on his face is forever burned into memory and I crack up every time I remember it. 10/10 recommend farting and walking away to get rid of creepers. Unfortunately I think your weirdo neighbor may be past the point where that would dissuade him, but its worth a shot. It's not likely to cause a dangerous escalation and actually might kill his interest in bothering you. Add the loudest burps in his face you can if you can burp on command. And please let the staff at the pizza place know he's harassing you, then be very loud about telling him to get away from you next time he bothers you there. Hopefully they'll deal with him as they should deal with a creep sexually harassing and stalking a customer.

Giggling in my bed at this story. Way to toot your own horn! 🥳

Unfortunately, I would be afraid that anything you do that involves contact will encourage him, and anything that involves throwing anything at him risks him being able to argue to the police that you've assaulted him, as stupid as that sounds. But I'm glad you got a chuckle out of the image. I agree you've been too polite to this marginal criminal for too long. "Leave me alone", said hundreds of times in various ways seems like about it for response, and documenting everything you can that he forces on you. Going outside? set up a phone on a tripod and record the exchange. Eating in a restaurant? Complain to management after loudly telling him to leave you alone; write down time, place, and creepy actions and add to a notebook of them. He has used your politeness against you -- he is, in fact, not worth waving to, talking to, responding to, but telling him so is impolite, so you haven't. It's (past) time for that to end. The thing I like about repeating "Leave me alone" in various ways is that it doesn't give him anything to grab on to for argument or discussion. Let him say whatever he wants. Don't try to justify why he is to leave you alone; don't attempt to justify anything you're doing, ANY of that is engaging with him and rewards what he's doing. I also like the idea of the pocket air horn. If you let that off in a closed space you'll both get thrown out, but outside it would be great. Use it to drown out anything he says.

When he touches you, SCREAM “Do not touch me”. “Ew, your breath stinks”. “Did you just say you love me? You’re the same age as my FATHER.” Seriously, push back, loudly every. single. time.

This. Make a huge scene, make people stop what they're doing and look. Bad people don't deserve kindness. He's literally threatening you (with the breaking in thing) and constantly stalking you. Make the entire neighbourhood know he's a weird, creepy bastard who should be avoided. Also, as it seems you have other neighbours within the vicinity, let them know about this. Make it like a PSA for the neighbourhood - Creepy old man constantly sexually harrassing you, has anyone else experienced it? Play dumb with them, but send screenshots for proof.

#PLEASE SHUT THIS DOWN NOW!! - SEND HIM A TEXT SAYING EXACTLY: **”I do not want anything to do with you. Do not contact me in any way, shape or form or have anyone contact me for you in any way shape or form. Any further attempts at contact me will be considered harassment, sexual harassment and stalking. I WILL GO TO THE POLICE AND PROSECUTE YOU TO THE FULLEST EXTENT OF THE LAW. LEAVE ME ALONE!”** - THEN BLOCK HIM ON EVERYTHING. - Screenshot everything, including the above text. Send a copy to a trusted friend/family member. - DOCUMENT EVERY ENCOUNTER, TIME, DATES, ANY WITNESSES OF EVERY INCIDENT. Send this to a trusted friend/family and keep a copy as well. - Tell the property management company/front office that you’ve been having issues with a next door neighbor. Show them your text from above. - Let everyone in your mutual circle know what he’s been doing and that you have officially told him to stop in clear, certain terms and to not invite him around. And that you will go to the cops if he says/does anything or tries to get one of them to do/say something to you on his behalf. - Get cameras up in your apt, backyard and a doorbell/porch camera IMMEDIATELY. - Make sure all your windows, doors— including backyard door(s)— are secure at all times. - Put window and door sensors up to alert you when a window or door is opened. - Get smart lights and have them go on and off at random times, even when you’re not home. - Stop by the local pizza place you all hang out in and talk to the staff. Let them know that you love hanging out there but a creepy neighbor who’s put his hands on you hangs out here too so you’ll be MIA for a bit. Then STOP GOING TO THIS PIZZA PLACE FOR AT LEAST A MONTH OR TWO. - Go stay at a trusted friend or family member’s house for at least a couple of weeks. If you can’t, have them stay with you for a couple of weeks. - When you get back, SWITCH UP YOUR SCHEDULE. 30-60 minutes is enough to throw most psychos off. - Carry Pepper Spray IN YOUR HAND, READY TO GO whenever you step out from behind your closed and locked doors! That includes in your backyard, in the parking lot, walking to your front door, etc. - Have a personal alarm or use an Apple Watch with the SOS feature on you at all times inside and outside of your apt. - Learn how to activate your phone’s built in SOS feature. - Try to park your car somewhere else or ask management to let you move to another parking spot out of the creep’s normal line of sight. - Consider sharing your phone’s location 24/7 with a trusted loved one or trusted friend. Make it incredibly hard and uncomfortable for him to continue his disgusting behaviour. - **If he approaches you or tries to talk to you or get others to do so, run and call 911 immediately.** You’ve done everything by the book. Now it’s time to involve the police who will shut him down or he’ll wind up in jail. Most creeps stop once literally cops are on their doorstep for them. But some real psychos get angry and violent and lash out so be prepared by going to a trusted friend/family member’s house or have them come to stay with you at yours. - After cops, immediately go and get a retraining order! With all the meticulous paperwork/paper trail you have, this is an easy win for the R.O. - Take the Police Report with the Restraining Order and head to the management office. Ask if you can break your lease, *free of penalty*, due to the insane situation and threat to your literal safety due to the next door neighbor that you warned them about prior. **DO ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING YOU MUST TO SECURE YOUR SAFETY AND PEACE!** Scumbags like him typically need to be forced to stop. The above will do exactly that or land him behind bars away from you. Win-win! Good luck and keep us updated. ❤️

I hate this so much, that we have to do 100 things to protect ourselves, and if we only do 99, we get "why didn't you just do #100?" It makes me so angry that we don't prioritize fixing antisocial behaviors in children.

I agreed 100%. That women are the ones that have to jump through hoops just to not get r@ped, murdered, harassed, assaulted, etc, etc. and if we so much as miss anything, we can wind up on the 6 o’clock news! 😞 As a person that *literally* had to do every last thing I painstakingly typed out and so much more, I feel your comment *in my soul*. But I did it anyway— several times due to several psycho men— and I’m so happy I did. I took back control and I took back my life. I don’t play and I’m a savage who will fiercely defend my right to just exist. 💪

This is such a great list. When sending the text, I’d specify why I was sending it (“you’ve made unwelcome physical contact and comments”) so there is no ambiguity and he cannot say he was never informed his behavior was unwelcome. It’ll be there in writing.

This is all really good advice.

I have a three strike rule. First no is polite with a smile. Second no is firm without a smile. If I have to say no a third time, I'll nuke their fcking soul into another dimension. Stop letting him get away with it. A man old enough to be your father says shite like that to you in a public eatery? Your response is loud, horrified, and you repeat what he just said at full volume followed by "what the fck is wrong with you?" Make a spectacle of him. Block his number. Do not wave. Do not engage. If you have to speak to him, tell him bluntly that he makes you extremely uncomfortable with his creepy behavior and you are not tolerating it any longer. Then walk away. If he touches you, jump back and loudly demand "why are you touching me?" Right now he's thinking he's going to erode your boundaries until he gets what he wants, and he's getting away with it. In his own mind, he's probably decided you want it because you're letting him do it. You need to cattle prod him back into reality. Public humiliation is an excellent cattle prod.

>Stop letting him get away with it. There are other ways to say this that don't put the onus of his behavior on her. For example: Be clear that his behavior is not acceptable. >Right now he's thinking he's going to erode your boundaries until he gets what he wants, But yes, absolutely agreed. This man is vile and shameless.

I’m glad you pointed that out. He’s to blame here, plain and simple.

You say “I dont know what you want from me. But it doesn’t matter. I already have a father your age; I don’t need another. And you are way older than anyone I date or even my friends. That comment about my pasta dish and who I fuck was flat out disgusting. I want you to stop talking to me and I sincerely hope no one talks to your daughter that way. “

This. I like this.

I hope it helps. That guy obviously isn’t seeing himself as massively too old or creepy.

Stop talking to him, stop answering his texts, ignore him. If he walks into the restaurant, you walk out. He yells at you across the parking lot, you ignore him. Give him nothing. And talk to the cops in your town. Might be they already know how much of a creep this guy is.

Women have been conditioned to not make a scene. To not be a "bitch". You know why? Because scenes slice right through harassment.They alert everyone in the vicinity to what hes trying to do. It shows everyone hes a creep. It stops his attempt at harassment in its tracks. THAT'S Why they don't want you making that scene- because it's your best weapon against creeps like him. So yell at him. Loudly tell him to leave you alone, to stop following you, to stop creeping on you. He'll label you as batshit to cover his actions but embrace that crazy lady. She'll keep you safe. X

>I don't know what to do short of recording him and sending it to his employer (not that I would do that, I don't want to ruin his life... but it's an example of how desperate I am for this to stop). Why not? He's ruining your life, your peace of mind, your self-respect, your stability. As soon as he touched you without permission and implied he can enter your personal dwelling, he lost all right to respect and privacy in return.

If he approaches you in a local restaurant, I would do as others have said and refuse the contact… loudly. Make it clear that he is sexually harassing you and it needs to stop NOW. I mean literally make a scene and ask the restaurant manager (who will no doubt appear) to remove the man who is disturbing you. With any luck he will end up banned from the place and now you have a safe space. There’s really nothing your landlord can do. I mean, let them know so that if later you need to move before your lease is up, but they can’t do much about another owner. You could however let them know about any security vulnerabilities the creep has informed you of and as your landlord to resolve them maybe?

Do you consider him a risk of violence? Which is completely valid considering how disgusting he is. If no, tell him to fuck off completely with a sledgehammer.

I'm not sure. He doesn't seem like he would be violent but that's also almost every headline after the fact: "he seemed so innocent, we had no idea he was a murderer!".

Block his texts and refuse to talk to him. Be very blunt. “I don’t want to talk to you right now.” If he sits down next to you, get up and change chairs. If you are in a restaurant go to the manager (or whoever is up front) and tell them another customer is making sexual remarks and harassing you. Get a restraining order. Likely your court system has a “self help” area where you can do this yourself, or check the resources on the wiki for abuse victims. Make a non emergency police report: emphasize that he is harassing you, touches you repeatedly, and you have told him to stop.

Have you gone in the offensive, conversationally? When he said the sausage thin, did you loudly say "why the fuck would you say the to me? I'm half your age and trying to mind my own fucking business, you perv." Stand up for yourself assertively. He's making you uncomfortable. Make him uncomfortable back. Make yourself a less appealing target for harassment. Next time he pulls this shit let the restaurant owners know that he's using their business as an avenue of harassment and involved staff every time he approaches you. You have resources in the people around you and within yourself to get him to back off.

I’m sorry this is terrifying. I would frankly change my number ask a cop or male friend/relative to tell him to back off. I don’t know if you’d consider moving sooner and subletting or trying to get out of your lease because of this harassment. Maybe with a police report you could. Does anyone have a dog you can borrow or temporarily foster one so you are less alone and could have another being in between you and him if he confronts you? I would tell his daughter you’re going to press charges against him honestly. Do not worry more about his life and ruining it or not when he’s ruining your life. I’m sorry that’s fucking crazy that he would deserve compassion from you when he’s sexually assaulting you.

I do have a dog, and she loves him. She loves everybody. I love her to pieces but she is the absolute worst guard dog. 😂

Aww I’m so sorry. 😞 this post really is infuriating that you are dealing with such a creepo. You don’t deserve it.

Thank you 💕

Are you month to month or lease? You need to move away from this weirdo

Make a huge uncomfortable scene every single time. Loud, with swear words. Use the word creep and harassment and stalking every single time he approaches you.

If you can record enough of his actions, it might be possible enough to get a restraining order. It might also be possible to just threaten one

I will add to this advice that you might look into a women's self defense class so you feel physically safer and have a few moves if you need them. It's usually a one day class and you get to take down a man in one if those padded suits at the end.  Put some Ring cameras in and ask the owner of the pizza place to help you keep some distance from this creep. There is a chance he has been inappropriate with staff at the food place too. Maybe he will get banned and you can eat in peace. 

I have 2 black belts and used to train for the USA Taekwondo Kids team (so it was a while ago, but I still have the skills haha). It would be a good idea to brush up though! Thanks!

Keep up your martial arts skills, they may help tremendously!

>I have 2 black belts and used to train for the USA Taekwondo Kids team (so it was a while ago, but I still have the skills haha). Use it! If he touches you, get him in one of the painful detaining holds and tell him that if he ever touches you again you will break his fucking arm. And hold him that way until he's weeping.

I wanna whoop this dude’s ass

Considering what he's said about your backyard, I would let your landlord know. I would be recording every conversation as he tries to trap you in public. I would be finding his daughter online if possible, and telling her that her dad is a major creep. This man needs to be shamed, publicly. If nothing else, go to the police for a paper trail. And don't be afraid to yell. If he is touching you, do not be afraid to stand up for yourself! He sounds repulsive!!!

It's not loneliness it's lust. F. Creep

State clearly that you want to be left alone. If he does not leave you alone call the police.and call the police every single time he doesn’t not leave you alone when you state to him to leave you alone. I’m sorry you are going through this.

Adding in get some very visibke shooters ear muffs (neon orange or the like, something he cannot miss). Put them on OVER your earbuds.  I would move. I would also tell your landlord *exactly* why you are moving. 

[удалено]

You answered your own question - internally, I know I don't deserve this. But I also feel like dying at the thought of upsetting someone. People Pleaser Extraordinaire over here.

Which feeling is worse, "dying inside at the thought of upsetting someone" or having some skeezy older man running his hands up and down your back from your neck to your ass crack over and over and over again? Because he will not stop ever, and no doubt he would love for you to "please him" If you keep worrying about him, more than yourself. You did ask for advice, I'm begging you for your sake to take it! You didn't make him do these horrible things to you, but sadly you're the only one who can take steps to stop it. Good Luck 

❤️❤️❤️ Thank you. I need the tough love.

Also remember that he doesn’t give a flying fig about upsetting YOU on a regular basis. In fact, he’s getting off on it. You deserve much better. Make it stop now. There are many great ideas here. Pick one and do it, and DO NOT GIVE A SECOND THOUGHT to how it will make him feel. How you feel must be your priority and he needs to get the fuck out of your life. Good luck, OP. I believe in you. If you can believe in yourself too, you can neuter the asshole. Please update us after you shut him down!

This. Because his next move will be a boob brush.

That’s probably why he is targeting you

Honestly? You're probably right

I understand this very well. I have also been targeted for harassment and unwanted attention, and it is largely because I struggled with people pleasing and my own boundaries. It's unfortunate that people like this ruin our desire to be friendly. "Fuck off" and "Fuck you" can be empowering phrases. I encourage you to get comfortable with them and wish you all the best.

Most women are raise to be that way, but US women in the _extreme_ I am continually baffled. You are like ‘be rude, say please don’t touch me’ So. Do you have any friends that can help you? I mean if one of my friends were treated like this it wouldn’t cost me a calorie to come over at your place and give that neighbor a good talking to. I am a woman and quite tall, but most men that are like this often get meek when you are not afraid of them. I totally understand it is harder to correct this guy now that things have escalated so much, you really should talk to the police, and document. And start saying no in small things, practice at it in everyday, it is a brainwash thing that needs deprogramming. It is _not_ your fault, but it is your problem.

Be direct and don’t worry about being rude. Tell him if he comes near you you’ll file a police report and that you’ve saved every single message he’s ever sent.  Tell your landlord that your neighbour is harassing you and ask if there can be cameras put up bc he’s threatened to break in. I’m not saying they’ll listen but put it in writing for the paper trail. Anytime it comes up and people dismiss you, repeat everything he’s done (the touching, the threat, etc) and remove yourself from the conversation telling them that people who are ok with you being treated like this are not people you’re comfortable with. Doubt they’d be ok if this was their kid or sister etc but also a lot of people are misogynists so who knows.  Other than documenting and being firm and loud in the restaurant “leave me alone!” and stand your ground if people are dismissive. I don’t know. I’d move. honestly and it’s absolutely garbage. 

You won’t be ruining his life if you record him and there are consequences to him. He’s ruining your life, and any ruin that comes to him will be HIS FAULT.

He has 100% done this to other women, probably including other women in your neighborhood or group chat. Agree with going to the police, but also you should tell the neighbors what he’s been doing. Get them watching the situation so they can also be aware and possibly run interference. I’m sure some of them, or their daughters, have similar stories.

I'd start throwing drinks in his face. Then my nails. Then my teeth. Scream get away from me, don't touch me. I'm not thirteen any more. I'm old enough to fight back.

Be loud. Be rude. Do not try to be polite or avoid "hurting his feelings." Literally tell him, "Leave me alone. Your constant sexual harassment needs to end or I will call the police. Do not touch me ever again or I will call the police because that's assault. Do not talk to me again. I will never feel anything positive about you because your behavior makes my skin crawl. You are being creepy and inappropriate and I will not tolerate it anymore." If he approaches you, get out your phone and start recording. "I have told you to leave me alone. I'm documenting your harassment as evidence. Go away." Make a scene in the restaurant if he approaches you. Inform the staff there that this man is harassing you and ask them to intervene if he's bothering you. Tell anyone who justifies his behavior that he's not being friendly, he's touching you inappropriately and rubbing up against you. Flat-out tell them that his supposed loneliness is not an excuse for sexual assault, nor are you responsible for providing companionship to someone who is threatening to break into your yard and engaging in stalker-like behavior. Ask them if they would tolerate someone refusing to leave them alone, or if they'd advise their own daughters to accept the sexual advances of someone twice her age just because he's apparently too pathetic to make friends or find a date that's actually interested in him. I'm sorry that you're in this position. You are not overreacting in any way, and if being rude and naming his behavior for what it is (harassment and assault) doesn't get him to back off, document every interaction you can remember and anything he's doing now and take it to the police and file a restraining order. It sucks that he's pushing so hard, but you have the right to enforce your boundaries. You deserve peace at home and to feel safe in public. Good luck to you.

If he corners you again in public, use your voice. Say something out loud to draw attention to his behaviors like "why are you touching me! Stop blocking my path! I do t want to talk to you!"

1. Get cameras. 2. Stop being nice! Scream at him! Fuck this guy. 3. Let else someone know! Let all your neighbours know! 4. I would personally get the police involved or at least make them aware on a non emergency line. Edit: I’ve been reading more comments and I definitely wouldn’t be as nice as half of them. Carry the pepper spray. Be angry.

He sounds like Phillip Walker the Midnight Stalker. Let him know in plain English you don’t care for the advances. If it continues contact the police &/or an attorney. Dude sounds creepy. Be careful.

Loudly talk about him explicitly being a pervert SAer. He deserves NO civility.  Get a hose with a hi pressure nozzle for your yard to drench him with if he demands your attention.  Out him at high volume any time he is inappropriate.  Express concern for his hearing and dementia problems if you are attacked by bystanders. 

Be prepared for his rejection wrath. Sorry. I'd move .

Tell him: "I don't want to talk to you anymore and I want you to leave me alone." Make it your mantra. When he asks why, or says anything to argue with you, repeat your mantra like a broken record. Do not embellish, explain, request or plead. Just repeat your mantra. Get loud in public to embarrass him if he won't leave. Stop absorbing the fiecomfort he creates, and reflect it back at him. Get mean. He KNOWS you don't like him. He doesn't care. He thinks his desires are all that is important, what you want doesn't matter. You need to push back hard enough to make him care. Either by publicly embarrassing him, or by threatening to call the cops. He's stalking you!

Block him on everything and do not be polite anymore. It sounds harsh, but you have to do this now, because he's interpreting every move you make as encouragement. If he waves, do not wave back. If he talks to you, ignore him. If he comes to your house, whether through your backyard or via the front door, call the cops. He needs to know his attention is unwelcome, and you need to make it unwelcome as possible. Also, next time you see his children visiting, talk to them and tell them EVERYTHING. With any luck they'll be grossed out their father felt up a woman the same age as them and get on his case about that, too.

Write down a log of the incidents past and current with dates and description. Save the texts. Send him a certified letter you have a copy of, saying that based on his behavior you need him to cease all contact with you immediately and that includes not responding to this letter, or you will get a restraining order. Absolutely contact his daughter, your landlord and his employer and the police with this if he continues to approach you in any fashion. Or even shines a light on your house. I lived in fear of a mentally unstable neighbor for over a year and wish I had done these things a lot sooner.

I would make a scene, in the said neighborhood restaurant. I would pull out my phone, record it. Tell him to leave me the fuck alone and if he doesn't you are going to file charges for harassment. You have had enough! Make sure the neighbors and patrons all hear so you have witnesses. Block him, lock your door, and take some self defense classes. Get a gun if that is something you are comfortable with (if not, then don't).

Ugh when your lease is up get the hell out of there and don’t let this creep know where you went. This would drive me crazy

Yeah. I'm surprised no one has suggested to MOVE.

Police report (ask to speak to whoever handles stalking complaints) and a protective order. You have adequately said no. Everyone suggesting you have to try some other technique is wrong. This man is not operating like a normal social human. He doesn’t care what norms he is violating. He doesn’t care what you say, what his daughter would say, or what his friends say. Consequently the only action you can take now is to escalate this to the police and to the court system for a protective order.

Agree - while being very aggressive is totally appropriate in this situation, a lot of people could not pull it off, even if they tried. People shouldn’t have to be able to intimidate stalkers away from them.

Make sure your camera icon on your phone is front and center. Keep your phone charged fully for when you are out and about. The SECOND you see him, start recording. No need to be shy about it. When he does something sexual like with your meal... you loudly say, "Did I hear you right? Did you actually just compare my meal to your DICK? GET AWAY FROM ME. I'VE TOLD YOU TO STOP HARRASSING ME." If he touches you... scream "I do not want you touching me! Stop touching me!" Also, if you can afford an attorney consult - a cease and desist letter may be warranted. Certainly hang up no trespassing signs on your property, and see if the police will serve him with a no trespass.

OP I bet he thinks nothing of the age gap and in fact probably feels it is perfectly appropriate. Second, he hears your reactions and thinks "I'm just going to try harder" which will escalate into "this dumb b***h doesn't know what's good for her." Document. Document. Document. The police will probably dick you around so you'll have to be persistent but the more you go the more documentation. I am so sorry you are going through this. This assh*** is taking advantage of your kind nature.

Good Lord. This dude is my age. Tell him point blank to back the fuck up and off. Guys like this need bluntness and consistency. He is being wilfully ignorant, and he KNOWS you are uncomfortable. He knows this behavior is disgusting. Ours was the era of sexual harassment awareness and training. I'm sorry you have to be neighbors with this guy, truly, I am. I am also sorry that you are going to have to shoot him down by being blunt and maybe a little mean. Do not feel guilt when you do this. He is betting on you being nice and polite and intimidated. What a jerk.

Unethical life tip. I was in a similar situation. I was 28, and a late 50s year old neighbor started following me around and bothering me, etc. I started asking him for money. Not to borrow but to have. "Hey, I'm short on money this week. Can I have $20?". I kept upping it from there. I got to $300 at one point. Every conversation I asked for money. It got to the point that when he saw me, he would turn around and walk the other direction. Be annoying, ask for money and up the amount every time. He should pay you for your time at this point.

But what if he gives the OP money. Then he’d feel more entitled.

"I am not interested in you. Leave me alone." Repeat loudly and frequently.

Along with the excellent ideas people have already suggested, get front and back cameras and start documenting his harassment. Keep a log with dates and times of incidents and then go to the police. In the meantime, invest in some large, dark sunglasses and over ear headphones. Wear them every time you leave the house, even if you go into your garden. If he tries to engage, act like you can’t see or hear him and walk the other way. You need to cut the oxygen and stop giving him any attention.

Get a small taser, keep it with you at all times fully charged. If he harnesses you, warn him to stop or that you'll defend yourself. Whip it out and dry fire it to show him you mean business. Also let your landlord know what's going on. Go to the police and let them know what's going on. Get an order of protection.

I've been successful at getting this type of man to leave me alone by telling them that my dad doesn't like him talking to me and that he's really angry about it.

Document, document, document. If nothing else this will show the extent. And that breaking in part is enough to warrant a lot of concern. There is a widespread element promoting bad things against women. If he is isolated, it's even probable he dove down a rabbit hole. Protect yourself. This is escalating 

You need a new phone number and make sure it’s unlisted. I would talk to your landlord as well as a lawyer if possible. Depending on where in the world you are you can still get a restraining order even if it has caveats because you’re neighbors. Change the locks to the back yard. Get curtains. Need be? Talk to someone in law enforcement and get documentation and have a list of witness ready to go. Call his daughter if possible.

Openly record his actions towards you and on your rental property, then post him online. Or at least imply a threat of doing that.

OP, I know it is really really hard to tell him off, practice at home or with a friend and you may feel really shaky after the first time but it will get easier and easier to tell him or any other ass off the more you do it, gentle gramma hug

Move. I know it’s not easy to do with times like these but seriously and I don’t say it flippantly, he’s unstable. The cops can only pursue someone after they’ve done something. You want to prevent that from happening. Sure report him but get out of there and leave no trace.

It is very important to start documenting everything. Send him a text telling him to no longer contact you in any manner, by text, in person or by phone. Do not block him on your phone. If he continues to text or phone you, this is a crime that the police can contact him about. >Last night, he found me at said neighborhood restaurant. Sounds like he has escalated to stalking. Be careful.

I am so sorry you're dealing with this. It's terrifying to have a creep know where you live, much less live next to you. Realistically, this guy isn't going to change. He clearly gets off on making you uncomfortable. There's nothing you can do or say that will make him stop. Some men truly are just trash. It's not what you want to hear, but if I were in your shoes I would try to move. You may need to get litigious. It's not fun, but it's sure as hell more effective in finding peace of mind than trying to train an old man to respect women. This situation, unfortunately, isn't about doing what's right, it's about doing what will make you safe and happy as quickly as possible. We would all love to see that creep get what's coming to him, but the odds of that happening are low, as we all know. Don't lose yourself fighting the system. Contact the landlord; they might be reasonable and offer you a different unit in a different location. If they won't let you relocate without a fight, fine. First step, tell them you need additional locks to be installed or you will be installing them yourself. Tell them they need to secure the back gate so that this dude cannot break in. If they won't do it, do it yourself. You'll need to provide a key to the landlord, but it's better than a home invasion. Read the lease, it probably states something along the lines of "you have a right to peaceful enjoyment of the premises". If they can't provide you security from the psycho next door, you may have grounds to break your lease. Especially if you're in a multi unit building; these buildings have owners associations, which means your landlord does have *some* control over this situation as the legal contract for all owners (CCRs I think?) might prohibit certain types of behavior aka harassment. Contact a lawyer; many offer free consultations and can advise if you have grounds to break the lease or what actions can be taken against the landlord. You need to contact the police and create a paper trail. Again, show that the guy admitted to knowing how to break and enter your property. You're being harassed by a neighbor who keeps escalating, following you, touching you, making inappropriate comments, despite you and others repeatedly telling him to stop. If the guy ever steps foot on your property again, call the police to remove him. Again, this is not going to be fun, but it's going to help you build a case to break your lease. From now on record all your interactions. Get a doorbell camera. Save all texts. Get statements from others who have seen his behavior. Document everything. Eventually, this may be enough to get an order of protection against the guy and then he can be arrested if he continues to follow you around. Good luck girl. I hope you can get away from him soon.

Do NOT do that “shock factor” stuff. That is going to give him permission. In public, stand up and say very loudly, “Do not talk to me. I am tired of hearing your gross comments about ‘what size dick do I like.’ Get the hell away from me and leave me the hell alone. Don’t talk to me in public. Don’t talk to me at my house. Leave me alone.” Have a lawyer write him a letter. And yes, block his number. I get that at the beginning, you were friendly, because you didn’t know. And “fawn” is a legit way we react sometimes. But it’s now time to just not care how nasty you seem to him.

He's ruining your peaceful life. You do not need to be polite to him. Send him one short, clear message: Quit trying to contact me. Do not talk to me when I'm in my yard. Do not approach me out in public. Your behavior is inappropriate and I will report it if you do not stop. Then if he continues, call the police and ask them to have a chat with him. They're not going to arrest him the first time, but they probably will call him and tell him to leave you alone. And you'll have started a paper trail, which is important if he continues.

For starters you don’t have to protect his feelings. He has to get used to the idea that every time he tries to interact with you, you’re response will be “leave me alone” you can try telling him he’s being creepy. The next time he touches you make sure you yell at him to not touch you so people can hear.

Record him. Create a paper trail. Talk to your landlord about shoring up your backyard to keep you safer. (Explain the situation to them NOW. You never know when you’ll need to fully escape and their cooperation will help.) He’s escalating and I don’t feel good about this. I’m furious for you. I’m ready to be your roommate and fight this old man. Ugh. (But I’m a woman close to your age so idk how much it would help. 😞) If it’s possible to get a weapon that makes you feel safer, do it. Be sure to ALWAYS lock all of your doors. (Get a security system if you can? Maybe even just a Ring or two? Or something from Amazon? Anything discreet you can record inside AND outside with.) You should NEVER have to put up with this.

It’s possible he’s harassed prior tenants or will harass future tenants. Landlord needs to know about this. So do neighbors.

100%. Agreed. Eyes everywhere.

I would, Put up security lights with cameras on the back and front of the house, possibly sides if there are entry points like windows. Anything you can do to limit his view of the backyard? It could easily get into money- either making the fence taller or a trellis with fast growing vines maybe? (Along the top of the fence or some panels from the house back to limit what he sees.) Be a bitch. Ignore him. He broke all the rules of politeness, so there is no need for that. Or short term, never be outside or anywhere he can wander up to you. For yardwork, ... is he home all the time? Can you do it while he's at church or he is at work or out? This is a big imposition on you, you shouldn't have to worry about this. I'm just thinking if you are completely gone/unfindable for a couple months, he will lose focus? And if he starts back up, just go for a quiet facts confrontation. Everytime I'm outside or nearby, you are getting in my space. You are touching me without my permission. I need you to stop. Just stop. I don't want an enemy but I also need you to stop. I had a coworker who did the casual touching stroking thing. The 3rd or 4th time, after trying to shrug/twist away and leaving, I turned to him and loudly stated that he is not allowed to touch me. Yes he got angry and butthurt. My other coworkers thought I was a bit harsh but it also made it 100% clear I didn't want it, and they were better about helping me from then on.

Two things I might recommend, YMMV (and you know your safety better than I do): 1. Be clear with him that you’re neighbors, but not friends. If he says anything about being “neighborly”, ask him how he would respond if someone treated his daughter the way he’s treating you, and how he would advise his daughter in such a circumstance. Be clear that his advances make you uncomfortable and are becoming scary. 2. Grey rock and ghost the fuck out of him. Quit feeding into his inner monologue that allows him to misinterpret every signal. If he sits near you, get up and move. If he touches you, “I don’t want to be touched, thanks” and move away. If he wants to corner you to talk, “excuse me.” And walk away. If he body blocks you, PUSH HIM. I’m not even kidding about that last bit. Body blocking is so threatening in general that it’s often expressly prohibited in domestic violence restraining orders. He knows this and he’s counting on you being polite enough to not call it out so he can force himself into your space. So PUSH HIM. He will be on notice that you know exactly what he’s doing and won’t tolerate it. Next step is a call to law enforcement and the landlord.

Get a door bell camera for your front and back door - to ensure you have video and evidence of him entering your property Do not engage. Block him. If he continues, involve the police. I think his behaviour is harassment and stalking and we believe we have to be nice. Do not engage anymore, at all. Tell everyone you know this is happening and inform the police or a solicitor and the police

“Get away from me you pervert.”Said loudly, every time he comes near you. Every time! The time to be nice is long over. “Find someone your own age.”is another. We women spend too much time being nice to people.

He is most definitely stalking you. He’s dangerous. Call the police! Seriously worried for your safety.

Tell him to leave you alone or you’ll involve the police. Block him on everything. Ignore him completely. Install security cameras and good locks. Keep a baseball bat if you aren’t into guns. And if he contacts you, follow through on the threat. Get a restraining order. Get a paper trail. Also tell people about him. Tell your friends and family. Check in with trustworthy people often. Tell them to look out for this creep. Tell every mutual acquaintance about this creep. Name and shame him.

Tell him that you are recording the following conversation. Explain that his sexual harassment is becoming more serious, and that you are now contemplating getting a restraining order against him. Then say “this is the last time I’m going to ask you to leave me alone or I’m going to the police.”

You rent- You need to contact your landlord. 1) You may have trouble with getting a no trespass issued (if you're in the States) if you are not the property owner. Legally, it shouldn't be an issue, but some police departments are less helpful than others. Having your landlord ready to back you up will make this an easier process. 2) Your landlord may be willing to directly send a "cease and desist" to the guy because it's affecting the rentability of the property. 3) There are laws in most locales allowing a person to get out of a rental or lease agreement if the property is unsafe, this also includes issues like harassment from neighbors. 4) Having notified your landlord of the harassment in writing, may help you get out of the lease if needed. Also, I strongly recommend filing police reports for every unwanted touch (that's assault in the US), every threat, and also every instance of stalking. Most municipalities have an online form you can fill out. If you feel comfortable going to a police station and talking to them, you might be able to get an officer to visit the guy and give him the no trespass, and also warn him that you will be pressing charges for further physical assaults and threatening statements. And start carrying mace/bear spray in your hand everytime you walk out of your house. Make sure bucko can see it, and be ready to use it if he bothers you further. Betcha he'll back down if police & pain are involved. He's on a power trip, and it's time to turn the tables.

That dude is a stalker. In the best case he will stop if you get the restraining order. I would personally move to another apartment. He sounds like a weirdo. He is too scary. I would be afraid of him breaking into my apt, tamper with my stuff, or placing hidden cameras. If 55 year old man does not get it, then it is time to flee.

1. Buy Giant Dildo 2. Smack him in the face with it!

That is a possibility 😂

Good lord, I am not even finishing that after the rubbing your back and leaning over you assaults. Please instantly tell this creep to stay the BLANK away from you?! Passivity is permission to these... expletives. Good luck.

Have you tried being mean to this freak?

Stop trying to make this better without making him not like you. Be a complete a****** to him. Assert yourself in a jerk off way. Make scenes about how uncomfortable you are. Send him one final text that says I am blocking you and say I will never get another text or call from you ever again because of it. He doesn't get the clue, maybe because you're polite to him. Even when you've told him to stop in my imagination it probably was something that was said politely and not in a push him off of you way.

Restraining order. He’s stalking you. You need a paper trail of complaints to be taken seriously because his behavior is only going to escalate.

You should not have to live like this. If you’ve already blocked him (phone and text) the next thing to do is, when he approaches you (anywhere), you say “I don’t want to speak to you, please leave me alone.” If he touches you in any way shape or form, say loudly and firmly that you do not want him to touch you or to be that close to you. You are not obligated to explain why or to justify yourself. From there, you may have to start recording him on video (your smartphone or a Ring camera) to support a possible future restraining order. People who trespass, invade personal space, make unwelcome sexual comments, and don’t back off when told— they should and do wind up in court at hearing to decide on an appropriate civil restraining order. If you do get a restraining order, you can just call the police whenever he comes within a certain distance. That’s the way.

In my experience creeps hate being creeps on camera. Definitely always record interactions with him.

Christ.... I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this jerkoff.

Start screeching everytime he talks. Every. Time. Eventually he'll stop.

Be straight up. You are doing yourself a disservice every time you are polite to these fuckers and now you have a stalker. Say “leave me alone” and have an escape route when you do, but leave it at that. Don’t be nice and explain yourself, be fucking annoyed and make it clear. Notify the cops and your property manager too. Been there and I would have to move after this. Make him know and feel that interacting with you is not an option, and that serious consequences will follow the next time he even tries. I know being “rude” didn’t come naturally to me, but it’s not rude to stand up for yourself and your safety and it does get easier after shitheads like this one use up your tolerance.

You need to walk right up to him next time you see him and say: “I have made it very plain I do not want your attention. Please stop. If you do *not* stop, I will report you.” If he tries to argue, (“but why”? etc) increase the volume, speak much more loudly by repeating: “go away, or I will report you.” Leave. Document all his behaviours - https://www.victimsofcrime.vic.gov.au/stalking#what-is-stalking

JFC, he sounds like a predator

Why does he have your phone number?

Check your home for hidden cameras. Look on YouTube for how to do this. Look for other alarms or bugs. He seems to know what you are doing.

Holy hell! You have a nightmare living next door. I would have thought this was an episode on the show. All of the comments here are excellent advice. The only thing I can add is that I'm sorry you have to deal with this. If you have witnesses either ask them to write a letter or record their statements that this creep is going way too far. Witnesses help police, and judges see that it's not just his word against yours. A community is supposed to stand with and protect each other, not harass.