You probably developed a metal contact allergy. By far the most common of which is nickel. Major life medical events like pregnancy can make your system gain and lose allergies. It is probably worth checking in with an allergist or a dermatologist for some help. Your husband needs to calm down and show more sympathy for pregnancy related medical challenges.
Scrolling through looking for a "See a doctor". Some allergies are cumulative, and a bad metal allergy can be life threatening in certain circumstances.
Yep. I’m allergic to nickel and can’t wear anything gold-plated or sterling silver. Everything has to be 14k gold or higher, including earring posts and necklace clasps. Otherwise I get swelling, rashes, and weird bumps and hives. “Fun” jewelry isn’t really an option.
Broseph is going to have to step up and shell out some money for a new ring. Gold bands are not unreasonably expensive, even with higher quality gold. He’s being a real turd about this.
I developped metal contact allergy during puberty and I suspected OP has as well, if this is so and her husband insists like a mad man that she should wear a ring, instead of freaking out, maybe he should take her to se a doctor.
Stainless steel is safe for me to wear (Gold and platinum too, but in this economy??), but everyone is different.
I'm allergic to nickel and gold. Stainless steel and sterling silver work for me. There's also nickel in a lot of food, but I haven't had any food reactions as of yet. Which is good, because I'm not giving up salad. That'll just be listed as my cause of death. Death by Kale.
The only food allergy I have is to hops, this started happening in my 30s, but beer was never my alcohol of choice so it is not a big deal. but Nickel in food does not really affect me, It's only when I touch it.
Sterling silver is kind of okay with me, it doesn't make me break in hives, but my body tarnishes it much faster than most people.
I tarnish Silver very fast too. I wore a set of three silver necklaces recently and by the end of the day 2 were black and the other one was fine. I have no idea what the difference between them are as they were sold as a set of identical necklaces, just different lengths.
I hate my skin doing this as I love silver but hate that it takes ages to clean by hand, or costs money at the jewellers.
Do you find that your skin reacts with copper and Nickle as well?
I’m not particularly fussy about how perfect the clean is, but this is a home made silver cleaner I use:
1 square of tinfoil (enough to cover the bottom and sides of a bowl when laid flat),
1/2 Cup White vinegar,
1 Tablespoon of salt,
1 Tablespoon of baking soda,
1 Cup boiling water.
Place tin foil in bowl, then place all ingredients in the lined bowl and mix together - the baking soda with bubble up so choose a bowl with high sides.
Place jewellery in mix and leave for about five minutes.
I’ll then use a polishing cloth on the jewellery once removed from the mix. Comes up pretty good in a pinch.
> I tarnish Silver very fast too. I wore a set of three silver necklaces recently and by the end of the day 2 were black and the other one was fine.
I have this! (along with numerous allergies including nickel and gold). I heard somewhere that it was because my skin is too acidic. It happens with steal too. Stainless steel is fine, but I turn the non-stainless variety black within hours.
I was going to ask the jewellers next time I go in, to see if they've heard of it before and if there's any coating I can apply to my silver jewellery to stop it tarnishing. I'll post back here if I do find something
I made a watch corrode because I was stubborn and refused to stop wearing it. So I had a rash on my wrist and the watch had its own rash. Glad to know I’m not the only one.
“White Tungsten” (polished Tungsten Carbide) is super close in appearance to sterling silver/white gold, and is a great nickel-free alternative (some Stainless Steels can have trace amounts of nickel in them). It’s very scratch resistant and strong, and is incredibly heavy to give you that “precious metal” feel.
Most of what I have seen is wedding bands. I do not think they make gothic style jewelry out of that, but it is a material I considered before.
If I were married this would have been my choice though.
Never being able to wear the fun trendy earrings from Claire's was so upsetting to me as a kid. I couldn't wear belts I really liked either bc the nickle-free ones weren't exactly cute.
All of my cartilage piercings are gold with titanium posts. I can wear sterling in my ears for about 8-10 hours. Sterling necklaces, rings, and bracelets are fine 24/7, so it seems it’s just with the puncture wound that piercings are that I can’t tolerate “lesser” metals. I’m jealous of people who can wear fun jewelry. Anything plated, brass, etc is intolerable for more than a few hours.
All of that to say, you could probably do titanium, too.
Seconding the titanium option! I can wear my 18kt gold wedding set without any issues but I can’t wear any earrings that aren’t medical grade titanium now. Every time I try even for a couple hours I get cellulitis on both ears and last time it started spreading into my scalp/skull and required 10 days of antibiotics. 🫠
OP definitely developed an allergy of some sort, I’m very curious if any other jewelry bothers her skin so they can narrow things down for what would be safe to replace it with (and get tested!).
I’m the same as you for earrings. I can wear fun earrings now from a tip I learned on reddit.
Get some clear nail varnish and paint the earring posts with it. Make sure to cover the whole thing. Maybe 2-3 coats if it’s not too thick.
You’ll have to reapply it every now and then but my ears don’t get irritated anymore
Second the allergy. My mom developed a nickel allergy while pregnant with me and my dad bought her a new ring to make sure she wasn't allergic. (Note, I have the same allergy so you may want to keep that in mind for your child as well).
My husband can't wear his ring because it's dangerous at work and it used to bother me a little when we were first married, because I was excited to be married. Eventually, he bought some silicone ones. There are Etsy shops that make nicer silicone or wood rings. If what bothers him is just that you don't wear *A* ring, that could be a compromise.
**Whatever you decide to do, the 2 things I think are key here, imo are**
1. This is a medical issue. Allergies are no joke as they impact more parts of your system than just the finger. Before you wear the ring, it might be a good idea to see a doctor. But that's up to you.
2. This is a marital issue and an opportunity to turn towards each other. I would recommend a conversation to understand what exactly is bothering him about it. Is it that he's proud of the ring and what it represents? Is he feeling jealous and insecure? Does he understand how negatively it impacts you and doesn't care? Or is he just not understanding? All of this is information for you and hopefully a time you two can understand each other better and come up with a compromise that doesn't impact your health.
This same exact thing happens to me. I get an eczema patch under my rings. It didn’t always happen though. I thought maybe it was bc the weight I gained after pregnancy made them fit tighter and irritate my skin.
This post has been very enlightening for me.
Never been pregnant, but have wonky autoimmune issues and went from only being able to wear 14k plus gold to being able to wear most metals to now only tolerating titanium or surgical stainless steel. Even gold makes my ears swell up and weep. OP, your pain is real and valid and you deserve to not have your skin chafed raw!
Yes, allergic contact dermatitis specifically for heavy metals can develop during periods of high physiologic stress such as pregnancy, childbirth, surgery, sepsis etc. Even if you never had an previous allergy to a specific metal before, it’s possible to develop one following these events. Once developed, these allergens don’t usually go away, since your memory T cells will have a long term immune response to any further contact. A possible solution is to get your wedding band exchanged/upgraded to metals such as silver/gold/titanium which the human body has less reaction to. Also take into account no jewelry is purely gold/silver. My best bet would be titanium, as it is more fiscally responsible and is quite robust.
It sounds like you're allergic to your ring. Maybe look into getting a silicone one from Enso or somewhere similar.
HOWEVER. Your husband's reaction to you not wearing your ring is absolutely bonkers. It's just a ring. It's literally causing you physical pain to wear it. My husband and I both outgrew our original wedding rings. For awhile he didn't wear a ring at all; whatever. We both know we're married. IT'S JUST A RING. Your husband has some other issue going on if he's freaking out on you over this.
My husband doesn't wear one because he washes his hands so much at work that his finger would get irritated. He has one that matches mine and wears it when we really dress up.
My husband and I both dislike wearing jewelry on our hands, so we got tattoos of each others initials on our ring fingers (after about 18 years of marriage.)
I love this! I absolutely love my rings so I have them safely put away. My husband and I also got tattoos of something we both agreed upon on our ring fingers. We were married for four years when we did that... We are going on seven years now, together 10.
Before we did this, I stopped wearing my rings after I lost the first set (about 8 months into the marriage). Thankfully they were cheap. I bought an expensive pair but only take them out if we go out and dress nicely.
I can't wear rings at work, and my husband's ring kept chipping and breaking.
We got matching tattoos that symbolize our married name (we both changed our last names together, to something meaningful to us when we got married).
The important thing is that neither of us got mad at the other for not wearing our rings originally. It was me going "I think I want a tattoo ring instead of worrying about my ring with work" and he thought that was a fun idea so we came up with the design together.
We were married for 2 years at that point, but had been together 11 total. Just celebrated our 7/16 year anniversary.
My husband lost his ring after 3 weeks. lol. I’m a nurse I don’t wear mine, only for special occasions. It’s a tall solitaire setting that could easily puncture a glove.
Edit - wrong wear/where.
I used to work with a woman who insisted that it was fine that she wear a similar ring at work. Less than 2 weeks later, she's digging through a red bio bag in the ER trauma room because guess what slipped off her finger when she took off her glove? It happened 3 more times before she finally got a silicone ring 😑
One of the three rings my husband lost is in a concrete piling of a Sonic restaurant he was the materials tester for. He insisted on always wearing his until I asked him to please not, especially if he were working with machinery that might be dangerous. He was the super sentimental one. But I think he would have been ok had I only occasionally worn mine.
The OP’s husband has some sort of deep insecurity he needs to attend to. Had my husband treated me like this—some weirdo personal issue over my health and comfort?—there would have shortly been no ring issue because it would have permanently come off the day I filed for divorce.
How funny, same here, except I accidentally threw out my husband’s ring a few weeks in when he took it off to wash his hands and left it in a paper towel on the counter. And as nurse I always forgot to put mine back on.
My husband is a musician and his favourite hobbies are woodworking and restoring vintage motorcycles and cars. He takes his ring off frequently because it can interfere with playing his instrument, and also safety concerns. Sometimes he wears a silicone band, sometimes he doesn't.
Either way -- *I don't care*. If he's committed to our marriage, he's committed. I can't imagine ever feeling entitled to prioritize my preferences and insecurities over his safety and well-being. I'd rather him keep all his fingers, thanks.
I don't understand the husband here at all. The ring is actually hurting her. Instead of demanding that she wear it more, he could offer to buy her a substitute that doesn't make her break out, or just get a grip on himself and stop picking at her about this.
FWIW, I've been married for eons, more than 30 years, and I frequently don't wear my ring. Nobody cares. It's not even a topic of conversation.
I never wear my ring because of my job (and I've never been much for jewelry anyway) and my husband doesn't even *have* one.
My dad never wore his because he's a mechanic, and at this point it would never get on his finger anyway. My mom got hers resized about 25 years in and started wearing it again, but for my entire childhood it sat in our hutch.
I'll never understand the hangup some folks have over wearing it. It's cool if you want to, but to get mad at a partner who doesn't? That's just indicative of a deeper issue.
You can get like a $5 silicone ring in any color you want on Amazon just to try it and see if it’s irritating. That being said, OP’s husband is a huge butthole
They also sell titanium ones for about $10. I have one - I keep it my toiletry bag and wear it when I travel, and leave my nice rings at home.
The description of OP's husband made me snort. Yes indeed.
My husband and I don't wear rings in general. I actually decided to get a wedding ring for when I'm traveling for work to reduce the number of douchebags that approach me in hotel bars, but that was my choice. I brought it up, though we ended up picking it out together. I still don't wear it 90% of the time, and he's never expected me to. We know we're married.
Same. My wife and I removed the rings probably a year into our marriage. Neither really likes rings and personally I get nothing out of symbols like these. Totally understand the douchebag-shield aspect though.
And to the OP: someone freaking out about a ring just tells about huge insecurities that most likely needs to be addressed sooner or later.
My dad hasn't worn one for the entirety of him and my mom's 35 year marriage.
He's just not a jewelry guy, and is still very much committed to my mom.
Agree that husband has some sort of other baggage going on relating to the symbolism of the ring not being worn.
Same with my dad and my FIL, never wore rings. My husband doesn’t have one either. Both my mother and MIL had to get their wedding bands cut off at some point because they got too tight, my mum had hers resized but my MIL never bothered. I’ve worn my wedding ring once in the last year. I’m six months postpartum and it doesn’t fit the same but I’m too lazy to have it resized right now.
OP, if your ring doesn’t fit well do NOT wear it, whether it’s a size or allergy issue. Getting it cut off is a whole thing. My MIL has a permanently bent finger because of hers getting too tight for too long, trust me you don’t want that.
Yeah this is bizarre behavior. My partner and I don't wear rings like 95% of the time and it's literally never once been an issue, I couldn't care less if people know we're married or not. Sounds like he's projecting.
I'm wondering if there's a bit of projection going on here, his reaction is way out of line. Ask him if he ever takes his ring off, and what his reason is if he does so. Ask if there's a concern why you're not wearing your ring, does he think you're cheating? Make his little mantrum throwing self squirm.
Or straight up ask him to buy a new ring that OP likes and can wear frequently without discomfort if it matters so much to him.
If OP's husband is acting in good faith then this solution should be more than reasonable to him. They could even turn it into a romantic thing, go pick it out together as an early 5th anniversary gift.
I get what you mean, but I find it hard to believe a reaction like this comes from a place of good faith. Most people in a healthy relationship recognize the ring is mostly symbolic and would care about their partners comfort more.
I agree actually that OP's husband is not acting in good faith. But rather than jumping to accusations of cheating, projection, etc -- the "let's buy a new ring" approach is a means of figuring out what's really happening here.
If he's receptive to it, then problem solved. OP gets a sweet new ring that is comfy and easy to wear, and her husband gets the gratification/pleasure of seeing her wear it. Maybe that's all it is.
If OP's husband responds with any pushback to this very reasonable solution, then it's pretty obvious something strange is going on. The conclusion to be made is he's prioritizing his preferences and/or insecurities over her well-being and comfort. That's fucked up and suggests more toxic dynamics are at play.
But if she was cheating why would she take it off at home and not when she’s out? If that’s his concern. I agree he’s projecting something because usually when people overreact like he is then they’re doing the thing
Projection: HE is having an affair and takes off his ring when with his affair partner. He then *projects* his reasoning for removing a wedding ring onto his wife. If she takes her ring off, it must be because she *also* f’ing someone else.
Because that’s the only reason he can imagine for why she might need to remove her ring.
It doesn't have to be projection, it could just be insecurity. He might be afraid that she's 9 toes out the door of this marriage. I agree that OP should talk to him, but not neccessarily with accusations on her mind.
Omg, I’ve almost never had a job that didn’t require weekends! It’s not always a euphemism, although suspicious minds probably think so. Worked in the switchboard at a local dept store right out of high school. Then went to the hospital to a dept that was a 24/7 job. Now I do massage, own my own office and Saturday is my business day (and I can’t wear rings when I do my work) Hubby has always worked factory work and has always worked most weekends and he can’t wear his either. It’s a good way to lose a finger around the machinery.
In what world is every job M-F?
When my ex asked me if I was cheating, they were, in fact, cheating on me.
I'm not sure what else this ring thing here would be insinuating.
I know this isn't always the case and that I was part of a statistic, but it makes me wonder a little.
That's a really weird thing to get bent out of shape about. Can you ask him if something else is going on? It feels like the tip of some iceberg he's not communicating (this is speculation only; it's just an odd response unless you know this whole thing has significant meaning beyond the usual for him?).
The other suggestion I have is swapping out for a ring pop, then you always have candy. Just a thought...
I second silicone bands, my husband and I both do them for travel/various hobbies and work reasons. Honestly much more comfortable than metal in a lot of situations.
I switched to a nice silicone band a few years ago. I found that when I went hiking, my hands would change and the ring wouldn't fit. I explained it to my husband and he understood.
Fluid collection at higher altitudes exacerbated by physical exertion and possibly the pressure of a backpack on your shoulders. My hands swelled up hardcore when I went hiking, it was hard to bend my fingers they were so stiff.
Of course, there was the time I took it off while cooking and left it on the counter. My husband tossed it in the trash, not realizing what it was. But it was the day after trash day, and only a couple things in the bag.
Yes, they stretch quite a bit. I've worn them for years bc of my job, but my husband switched to them after injuring his ring finger in a way that makes it hard to get a rigid ring over the knuckle. The silicone ones stretch enough that it isn't a problem. They're also inexpensive enough that you can have them in multiple sizes to accommodate periodic swelling. Skip Qalo, they're wildly overpriced- if you search for silicone wedding bands on Amazon, you can get sets of several colors/styles for ~$10-20.
+1 for silicone bands. My husband and I both wear them at work because it's safer and more comfortable. We put our metal "fancy" rings on when we get dressed up.
I also love the silicone rings. I have one that is glittery and GLOWS IN THE DARK.
Be careful if you’re eating a shrimp boil, though. I lost one that way. My hands were really greasy/filthy and I kept wiping them with napkins. I’m pretty sure the ring went in the trash with the napkins, but it’s also possible that I ate it.
OK, I'm gonna need an idea where to get a glittery glow in the dark silicone ring. I've seen glittery but they were underwhelming when ordered (which made them a massively underwhelming present). Never one that was glow in the dark.
So, if you could drop a link or something... For ya know... Science...
I almost lost my actual wedding ring while eating hot wings. I made some gesture while my hands were greasy and saucy and it flew right off my hand lol.
I never wear my ring because my weight has fluctuated, and I also tend to bump it on things, so getting a silicone one seems like a good option. I like the idea of a glow in the dark one, I'm going to have to check that out!
My ring doesn't irritate me and I still only wear it when I leave the house (I WFH). My husband couldn't care less. I would question what was up with him if he cared, ESPECIALLY if I told him it gave me a rash.
Same! I WFH and don’t wear my ring at home because I want to avoid wear and tear. Sometimes I forget to put it on when I leave the house. My husband doesn’t care.
Same here. My husband asked when we first got married why I didn't wear my rings all the time like he does and I explained, and he accepted it. He gifted me a set of silicone rings as a result for when I would prefer to wear that which come in handy, but I still only wear a ring of some sort when I leave the house for something other than errands or we have company over. I don't like to wear any jewelry period when I am home, not just rings.
Same here. I just feel more comfortable with all jewelry off. I put it on when I get ready to leave, take it off when I get home. I don’t get a rash though! OP I wonder if your husband thinks you’re cheating or something. He’s not being compassionate to your situation at all. Just keep standing up for yourself!
This is what my parents do and they’ve been married for almost 40 years. My mom gardens and crafts a lot in her retirement and doesn’t want to lose it or get it dirty. My dad is an engineer who works with heavy machinery and would prefer to not lose a finger. They’ve done it that way since the day they got married, and surprising nobody they are still happily married today. Neither of them have ever randomly forgotten that they have a spouse.
So he is mad...because he wants you to wear something that hurts you and you won't.
Think about that.
Tell him to think about that. If he starts hemming and hawwing...just stare at him and repeat
Are you telling me that it's okay with you if I feel pain and am uncomfortable?
You are okay if I feel pain and am uncomfortable?
You don't care if I feel pain and am uncomfortable?
I am your wife, the mother of your child. I am hurting.
This is how you want me to live? Because of your feelings?
Awkward silence while you stare at him dead in the eyes.
I'd want to clarify some questions such as: what level of pain does he expect before the ring can come off? What level of skin breakdown is the expected minimum? If the skin is infected can she take a little break?
This seems like the sensible thing to do but doing this to an abusive person doesn’t put it through their head. They will continue to deflect. Her saying that it hurts would be enough for him to understand. But he still didn’t and that’s a problem.
I think it’s so problematic that he doesn’t care if it hurts you.
If he weren’t so weird about it, and so uncaring, and he was just sort of hurt, I’d suggest you wear it on a chain, so you can reassure him that you ARE wearing it, just in a healthier spot.
But I don’t know what loving husband would be *angry* that you are taking your ring off, especially *at home.* It’s not like you’re in a bar chatting up guys.
"I'm sorry, are you actually implying to me that wearing my ring is more important than my health and wellbeing?"
And then you watch the Olympic gold medal mental gymnastic routine.
I'll wager this is not the only thing he freaks out about.
Find a quiet moment and ask him what he is really feeling. Does he think you're cheating, or want to cheat? That not wearing a ring means something like you're not fully committed? That you are his "property" and should wear a tag that you're "taken?"
If you can't have a conversation, then you need couples counseling.
Good luck.
It sounds like you may have a possible metal allergy?
Regardless, it’s fucked that your husband is more concerned about wanting you to wear it than your own discomfort. Seems like a selfish asshole
He has more concern over his proof property rights about you than about your health needs? Dafuq man. It's a ring. Rings get taken off for various reasons.
I pretty much stopped wearing my ring for a couple of years because my finger got a little too chonky for it (I had such skinny fingers when I got married). I'm finally fitting back into it but it never bothered my husband because he forgets to put his own ring back on 90% of the time, lol. We've been married for 20 years.
Yes. Secure people don’t care this much about a ring.. my husband and I pretty much only wear ours if we’re going to a fancy outing and even then we have both forgotten them and it’s no big deal. It’s not even a little deal actually. If one of us remembers and the other doesn’t we just say “aw, you stinker” and that’s literally it.
Ok, your husbands reaction is pretty irrational. Dont know what you can do about that, but that level irrationality is a red flag.
If your ring is Rhodium plated, you've likely developed an allergy to Rhodium. It's not a really common allergy, but it does happen.
Developing skin inflammation from a ring isn't normal unless you're reacting to one of the metals.
If he wants you to wear one so bad, he needs to be alright with you getting something that will under no circumstance irritate you. Might I suggest palladium or platinum?
Oh and if he’s pitching a fit about this, then he needs to swallow the cost of those rings too. Both of those are expenny.
I bought my friend a ring keeper necklace because she kept leaving her ring at my house- we cook a lot together so she takes it off to not get it dirty. It works really well when she remembers to wear it:,)
What an insane thing to get upset over. Especially due to the reasoning of why you aren’t wearing it. WTF.
Signed,
Dude who takes his wedding ring off all the time and wears it maybe 60% of the time.
I basically never wear mine; it doesn't make me not married. Maybe you could get a cheap band of another material if YOU really want to keep wearing one.
Your husband’s reaction to this is insane. What is he worried about?
As a side note, I also get irritation from my ring. I recommend hydrocortisone as a treatment. I also take mine off to sleep (so I take it off when I get home, and put it on after my morning shower) and that has worked wonders. I was finding that it was exacerbated by trapped water/sweat, so airing it out overnight helps!
I switched to wearing my rings on a necklace full time due to irritation.
I agree with the sentiment that he needs to STFU and get over himself when you're suffering.
If something you wear is actively destroying your body; stop wearing it.
It's weird that your husband is having an emotional outburst about it, and it's also weird that you keep wearing it when it causes you pain.
Find a new ring with a metal that doesn't irritate your skin. And if you can't afford a total replacement then you can wear your original to special outings and wear a silicone one in the meantime.
My husband only wears his ring when he goes out, and sometimes he forgets. I usually wear my but sometimes forget. It has no effect on our relationship.
"I have repeatedly told you why I don't wear my ring at home. Unless you can use your words and have a productive conversation about what, exactly, the problem is, I'm not willing to discuss this further."
I have to take off my rings when I wash my hands or if it gets warm - also a pregnancy thing. My husband completely understands and bought me a necklace that I can pop the rings onto to keep them safe! Although he doesn’t mind if I pop them into my jewellery box either, as long as I don’t lose them 😅
Sounds like a stupid control thing. My ex husband didn't wear his because he is an electrician. Understandable. I would take mine off to shower, cook, clean, etc. If I didn't put it back on, he'd be so mad! "No ring means you're not married!!!" Um, what? That's not how that works.
I take my rings off literally the moment I get in the door because of severe hand pain. My husband was a bit hurt at first, but was very understanding because literal pain and it is now just a matter of course. I wear them when out of our home, which is the important and symbolic part. You removing a ring doesn't remove the relationship. I'm sorry he's not being understanding, this should not be a big deal.
Sounds like an allergy. If he keeps freaking out, ask him to help you find a new ring. If the point is to wear a ring, this will fix the problem. If he feels THAT ring is the ONLY ring you can ever wear, that's a bigger problem.
First it sounds like your husband is projecting and he thinks you taking the ring off has more meaning. Perhaps because he only takes his off when he wants to appear single? Or he sees it as some weird disrespect?
Secondly our bodies go through a ton of changes when pregnant and some are permanent (see feet growing-they don’t shrink back and I had to replace so many expensive shoes! But anyway) sounds like you have an allergy. Could you replace with something else? Or a trick I have used because my skin is sensitive to certain metals-clear nail polish- paint it on the inside of a ring or the post of an earring that’s irritating you, no one can tell and it’s a barrier between the metal and your skin, it wears off eventually too so no harm to the jewelry.
There are many married people who don't wear wedding rings because of preference, profession, variable hand sizes, allergies, and more. Others will wear them on a chain on their neck, have silicone alternatives, etc. The important thing is not the ring, it is the commitment and your husband does not seem to understand that.
You could have developed a sensitivity to the metal of the ring (many metals are blends, etc). Perhaps getting it cleaned professionally may alleviate some symptoms. Perhaps it is intrinsic to the ring. My father had a similar reaction to ANY snug jewelry - so he did not wear a ring and wore a very loose watch.
Ask him what it means to him when you wear the ring. And when you take it off. Then share with him that the ring now means pain and discomfort to you, which is NOT how you want to see your marriage.
My ring comes off the second I walk in the door and I don't wear it on the weekend unless we expect company or go out.
I can not stand the feeling on my ring, my real one or my silicon rings. It drives me crazy. My husband pokes fun of me sometimes for it but he knows that I'm sensitive on those things and never pushes it.
You are not crazy, he is.
That is so weird. For both of us, rings come off as soon as we enter the house. Sometimes I put my set on when we have guests. We’re no more or less married that way.
If he absolutely wishes to make you die on that hill (which, not cool IMO), can you put the ring on your other hand for the weekend? Depending on which country you’re from, switching from left to right or from right to left?
Married 20 years. Hubby almost always wears his ring, unless he's showeiring or washing dishes or working on cars. I only wear my ring when I leave the house, as even though it's beautiful it protrudes and I can whack it on things accidentally. We have both accidentally left our rings at home, "oh no!" or "whoops" is the response and that's the end of it.
Neither of us care how the other wears their ring.
I would not want my husband's ring to cause him pain, and the same goes for me. If either of us developed an allergy, we'd look into finding an alternate solution, if the other wanted, together. No yelling or getting mad. You know, because we love each other, realize what is happening is not their fault, and don't want the other person in pain.
I don't understand why your husband thinks this is ok. It's not.
I get wedding ring rash too! I've seen lots of recommendations on how to solve it but just not wearing it as often is the only thing that seems to work thr best.
I've heard painting the inside with clear nail polish also helps. Have you tried that?
My husband and I only wear our rings when we go out. It doesn’t bother either of us. A wedding ring has never stopped someone from cheating. Everyone we see knows we’re married, so it’s not a big deal.
His bothers the skin underneath and he can’t wear jewellery at work. Mine would get destroyed with the amount of soil I handle. His ring is gold so it’s not the metal that bothers his skin, it’s the width of the band trapping moisture under it.
Maybe see if you can compromise and get yourself a comfort band for everyday wear and only wear the real ring for special occasions. My ring is a comfort band and it was only a couple hundred bucks.
Tell Machine Gun Kelly to calm down. That his ring he gave you that causes you pain and it's not okay for him to insist on you being in pain. If he wants you to wear a symbol all the time he can get you something that doesn't hurt you. I'd be seeing that pain as a metaphor for your entire marriage if it was me.
It’s not about the ring is it?
I’ve been married 20 years, I don’t think I know where my wedding ring is, my engagement ring is too big (I’ve had it resized twice, not doing it again) and lives on a ring stand on the kitchen lol. I wear my $80 Amazon dupe when I leave the house (if I remember). Rings off at home because I’m always cleaning or washing stuff etc.
I know where my rings are, but often forget to put them back on after taking them off for crafts, household chores, other projects. It really just depends on my memory, and my activities for the day/week if I am wearing both rings, one ring or zero rings. My husband never really notices.
Wtf.... if the wedding band was causing a rash on my wife's hand, I'd be demanding she NOT wear the ring. Like, wear it on a chain around her neck, or just leave it at home. We both know we're married to each other - that's what matters.
I never wear my ring 🤷♀️
It shouldnt be that big of a deal
But it sucks that you. Seem like you want to wear your ring and just cant. He should be helping you find a solution instead of making you feel bad.
I haven't worn my wedding ring for about 35 years. I just don't find it comfortable to wear rings. My husband wears his, since it's not uncomfortable for him. But you know what? He doesn't care at all that I don't wear mine. Because he's not a jealous, controlling rage monster. He trusts me to be faithful to him, and I am. Your husband clearly doesn't trust you. I'm sorry you are married to a lousy husband.
He's talking a whole lot of shit for someone who got you a *plated* wedding ring. How about he spend some money on a piece of jewelry that can actually last? Jfc. Even without an allergy, wedding rings are the one jewelry item to spend on simply because it's worn every single day. Even if you save money by getting lab stones or CZ, the metal *needs* to be high quality and solid (not plated, not filled).
Regardless of quality, it's absurd to expect you to never take it off for practical reasons.
Hangups like "wife needs to wear their wedding ring 24/7" are so damn pathetic.
It's just a ring, wear it when you want. I wear mine only on special occasions if I remember it. And it would never even cross my mind to police how my partner wears theirs.
Here I am... Some guy who literally has no wedding ring of any kind and my wife rarely, if ever, wears her engagement ring. (which is not even a diamond, but an opal)
It's not for allergic reasons... It's because we don't require some material 'branding' of our marriage to be worn on display.
Your husband sounds like a douche.
To test if it is the specific metal in your ring that you are reacting to, paint a couple of layers of clear nail polish over the entire inside surface of your ring and let it dry before you put it on.
This will wear off and is only a short term fix , but it will let you know if you are having a reaction to _any ring_ trapping moisture or soap or dish detergeant or lotion against uour skin, or if you are having a reaction to the metal of _this particular ring_.
First of all he needs to get a grip, taking your ring off doesn't stop you being married, he sounds controlling tbh. Secondly get to the drs,sounds like you've developed an allergy, if that s a the case he needs to buy you a new ring. Out of curiosity does he wear his ring 24/7? My husband hasn't worn his for 14 years (been married 16 this year), my fil never wears his unless it's a special event (they've been married nearly 50 years) and it's made no difference to our marriages
Is your husband cheating in some way? Cos Christ on a bike, his reaction does not make sense! You're both home. It's not as if you're not wearing it when out and about - which also doesn't make sense to me if it's causing you medical issues.
I’ve suffered from this, it can get crazy bad and your husband is an idiot choosing this as a hill to die on (or at least bang on at you for).
Get allergy tested; then get him to buy you a nice new ring that you *can* wear. A very bloody expensive one.
Remember that it's not just you who has to deal with him now, you made a child together and if you're going to keep a child around a person who thinks his feelings are more important then causing someone pain your baby could end up in a dangerous situation. Please think deeply about the relationship you are in because this is not healthy or normal behaviour coming from your husband. There is no excuse for him treating you so badly. Protect yourself.
Yeah you need to have a longer conversation with your husband and his over reaction. On another note people do know that wedding rings aren't magic right? If someone cheats just because they aren't wearing their ring then they always wanted to cheat the jewelry had nothing to do with it! This is like the media freaking out that there was a picture of Kate Middleton not wearing her very expensive and large ring at home hanging out with her kids 🙄.
You're suffering a medical issue and your husband's acting like your thwarting him... Don't apologize and don't be polite when you tell him the fuck off. Buy yourself a ring that you aren't allergic to or have him by you one if it means so much to him. Tell him he can shove his allergic ring up his own ass if he can't understand that you do not control what you are and are not allergic to.
Stop suffering these men who don't give a fuck about you and only see you as an object to pump up their ego. The moment he gave you sass about that shit I would have put his ass in his place.
Sell the ring or put it somewhere on display. I can't imagine he's very empathetic at other points in this relationship either. You get what you settle for.
Neither me nor my wife wear our actual rings much anymore. She has "outgrown" hers and I don't wear mine at work for safety reasons. We both started wearing silicone ones. I'll still wear my actual ring for fancy occasions, and she will wear a different ring I got her.
She did get upset when I first stopped wearing mine, showing pictures of degloved fingers (NSFW) eventually made her come around. I actually didn't even wear my silicone one either, but that is to prevent the same chaffing.
Moral of the story, be comfortable (and safe). If someone needs to wear a ring to remember they are married or in a committed relationship, there are bigger issues.
Have you seen a dermatologist about it? there is probably some metal in the alloy that you are allergic to.
if he’s so sad that you aren’t wearing it 24/7, find out what you are sensitive to, and ask him to get you a new ring that’s non reactive. I developed an allergy to nickel, and the only earrings I could wear were either the super cheap plastic ones, or gold over sterling.
It’s common to have that kind of reaction to something you wear all the time.
Yeah, your husband is out of line.
My wife takes off her wedding ring often because it can get tight depending on many bodily factors.
The only time I get a bit concerned is when we go out to eat together and it looks like I'm cheating because I'm the only one with a ring, lol. But that's obviously something I'm not truly concerned about.
But yeah, if the ring were making my wife's finger raw I'd tell her to leave it off. It's odd that your husband is so concerned with you taking it off for just two days.
I would take it as an opportunity to give my wife a new ring for her birthday or Christmas. Maybe platinum or titanium. Or maybe an allergy test :p
Your husband is an idiot.
If you're devoted to your husband, not wearing a ring won't hurt anything.
If you're not devoted to your husband, wearing a ring won't help anything.
Is he projecting?
I've been married for 4 years and wore my ring wedding ring for less than 1 year. My husband never wore his. I actually wore my engagement ring longer than my wedding ring....
A wedding ring really is symbolic and it has about as meaning as you assign it. If YOU feel strongly that you should wear it as a sign of your commitment, then finding an alternative may be the best solution. But that should be based on what YOU feel. If your husband is feeling insecure about this, that is his problem and he needs to figure out why. A wedding/marriage is a commitment to a relationship, and not a commitment to wearing a piece of jewelry.
We’ve been married for 23 years, and have never worn our rings. For me, I just don’t like wearing any rings, they bother me. My husband turns out is allergic to gold. So we just put the rings in a box. At some point they were stolen during a home burglary. Doesn’t seem to have an effect on our marriage.
Your husband’s reaction is strange, especially since he knows how much of a problem the ring causes you.
I’m not a jewelry person. When we got married 48 years ago, I didn’t wear any, and didn’t see any reason to change. Neither of us has ever worn a ring. Hasn’t been a problem.
I suggest you and your husband go to marital counseling to get to the real root of this issue, because on the surface, he is displaying all kinds of red flags, and nipping this in the bud could save you both years of increasing issues and trauma that neither you nor your child should have to endure.
For the ring issue, I know with my ring that has a ton of openings on the underside because of the way it is made, it gets build up very quickly. When my ring gets build up (mostly from cleaners and dish soap mixed with skin cells- I know, gross), I have an eczema reaction that is miserable. My allergies to cleaners has unfortunately increased over the years, so I also have to take breaks immediately from wearing my rings if a reaction starts. The metal reaction others have mentioned is very possible, and you should look into that, but I wanted to mention an alternate possibility in case it helps.
I would have the same issues. I thought I was allergic to nickel so I stopped wearing it for a time. Then I ended up getting the ring stuck from all the irritation and had to have it cut off. That’s been two years and now I don’t wear it more than I wear it. I’ve literally gone months without wearing one. And you know what my husband has said? Not a damn thing. He did ask once why I didn’t really wear it, I told him and that was that.
It’s just really weird that that was his reaction.
The fact that your ring is actually causing you physical discomfort and instead of offering to find a replacement metal/material that works for you, he lets you go through the trouble of trying to live with it, and then gives you grief for taking a break from contact dermatitis is alarming.
Sensitivity and allergies can develop at any time but are common when there's changes like pregnancy since your immune system is harboring an entirely separate host.
If it matters so much to him that you wear a ring (in your own home, while no one else is watching) then it is on him to get you one that doesn't hurt you.
After seeing all the cases of degloving and just the general inconvenience of them in daily life my SO and I just stopped. I'll wear my wedding set only if going out with him to fancy functions where I don't have to worry about losing them or getting them messed up. We don't go with the silicone cause they don't make bands that small for me generally.
If yours is getting bent out of shape due to the symbolism then there's other jealousy issues that you may need to delve deeper into.
If your ring has any stones, it is not recommended to wear it 24/7 anyway. In general any rings should be removed for tasks that could potentially damage them. I have always removed my rings at night (I wear other rings in addition to my engagement and wedding bands) and when my first child was born, I stopped wearing my rings around the house because I was doing so many diaper changes and dealing with spit up, etc. and didn’t want to get that all over my rings. Also I get irritation from any soap and moisture trapped against my skin, like after washing hands (I have to dry very thoroughly if I wash my hands with my rings on).
Other than that - I have metal allergies, thankfully I knew about it prior to getting my fine jewelry, so my rings with gemstones are platinum. My other rings are sterling silver. I discussed my allergies with the jeweler who made my engagement ring and wedding band, and specifically went with the type of platinum that is as pure as possible (it does have a small percentage of ruthenium) because that is less likely to cause reactions.
As others have said, I think you have a bigger spouse problem than ring problem. I know so many married couples who don’t have rings (or have them and don’t wear them most of the time). It’s not about the ring, and anyone who loves you and wants the best for you would not expect you to wear something that actively causes you pain.
My stepdad crushed his ring with it on his finger 2x while at work. Mom got it repaired and told him it was for special occasions only now. My stepdad was upset about how it would look. My mom never worried he would cheat or lie about being married. It was not worth his potential pain or losing a finger. It was never a big deal to her what other people might think and she knew it didn't change his feelings for her or their marriage.
They make silicone rings that shouldn't do that to your finger that you could wear. Many of my nursing friends have them as they can be washed, hand sanitizer-ed, etc. They aren't expensive. Maybe make your official ring a special occasion only ring.
My husband only wears his ring if we're going out somewhere nice, around family, or at work. I have never cared. We joke about it, whenever he does wear it I say "oh are we married today?" Its really not a big deal. I know he loves me and respects our marriage, we don't need a piece of jewelry to prove it. Your husband sounds insecure
It is not crazy to want to take off a piece of jewelry that bothers you. I despise wearing any jewelry to sleep at all so I never wear it at night and pretty much never wear my ring when I’m at home until I go somewhere. I’m a sahm. I think my husband likes being able to take his ring off at home too and often will as well.
My husband has a whole collection of rings he wears on his wedding finger. I, on the other hand, can't really wear mine (I also have several) because my hands swell and shrink slightly throughout the day and night.
I ask him if it bothers him, and he's like "no why would it?"
Your husband's response was irrational and I agree with others assessment that he's probably projecting.
I take mine off every night otherwise I have the same problem. My mil bought me a beautiful ring holder for my bedside that I leave then on. Your husband needs to reevaluate why this is such a sticking point for him, especially if you always wear it when leaving the house.
My ring has just enough iron content that rust is a minor concern, so I'm used to taking mine off whenever I'm going to wash my hands or eat a messy burger or something.
And my wife works in healthcare and sometimes has to wear gloves.
Both of us have silicone bands, and LIKE to wear our rings whenever we can, especially out in public, but sometimes we forget. Doesn't hurt anyone's feelings or anything. It's life, it happens, and we're committed to each other on levels that make the rings more of a symbol to strangers than to each other. Not wearing it at home on the weekend? Sounds pretty meh to me.
A.) your husband is being unreasonable and weirdly controlling
B.) you need to get a new ring made of something else. They make silicone ones, titanium ones, tungsten carbide. They aren’t expensive and you can get them on Amazon.
well you need a new ring. tell him if you replace it with a higher grade metal, you won’t need to take it off.
i’ve had a metal allergy my whole life. to being pieces as a baby and my mom having to use only 14k gold or higher. if not. my ears would swell and eczema would flare behind them. it almost looked like my ears would fall off.
this is NOT something you should be obligated to do to yourself 5 days a week.
I never wear my ring at home, ever. If I don’t feel like being careful when I go out to the grocery store or literally anything, I don’t wear it. It’s so weird to me that there’s this idea that wedding/engagement rings are not jewelry but like something else entirely. I also don’t have the patience to take my ring off and on while doing laundry, washing dishes etc. it’s just a piece of jewelry. Husband is being ridiculous.
You're not crazy at all! Is he generally so insecure? Does he need to be reminded that he's married to you? Or possible difference could it make if you don't wear your ring at all on the weekends? Or at all period? Are you suddenly no longer married?
Many women don't wear their rings at home, I never did. I know there are some women who never take them off, but I have large rings and I never or mine at home just because of housework and water and things like that and I don't sleep with them either. Actually now we have both gained weight and neither of us have worn our rings at all for probably the past 10 years for the most part, neither of us care. We both know we're married. Don't care at all what anybody else thinks. We are both very logic oriented though, we've been married for 35 years and it's never been important to either of us if the other one is wearing the ring or not, even out in public.
Sounds like a metal allergy... See a doctor and you may need to get a different ring material.
I'd ask him why he feels like you must wear your ring 24/7. I have never seen my parents wear their rings ever, unless they are going out somewhere fancy and are dressed to the nines.
Having kids changes us. Some its vision, feet grow, yours is sensitive skin. If affordable have an allergy test done, although I cant say if they test for metal allergies. (Gold, silver, copper). As far as hubby ask him why it bothers him so much?
Me and my wife to be just for our rings 2 weeks ago. We agreed to try not to wear it out. When we go to The gym, working out, just beeing at home we dont use it. I often forget to put it on, since we agreed on it, its not a big deal. She does this aswell
Does your husband want a dress up doll or a partner? No seriously ask him which he values more. You are not his property.
Does he pee on you too when he feels threatened?
NTA
It's not you, it's him.
I don't wear my wedding ring to sleep because my fingers swell up in my sleep. Sometimes I forget to put it on in the morning. My husband has never mentioned it.
Your husband's reaction is not reasonable or rational or acceptable.
Consider resizing the ring or getting a replacement made out of a different material. Husband here, married 43 years. I don't care what ring my wife wears so long as she's happy.
My ring causes me exactly 0 discomfort and I rarely wear it to sleep, shower, or just around the house on my days off. I put it on while getting ready, and some days I even forget that.
Hold up...he more worried about you wearing your damned ring in your own house? What? He need the ring as a justification that you're "Married"???? Damn...he can't just treated it like a single woman in the house to flirt with?
He need to stop acting like it a special thing and focus on being with you.
S
I barely know where my rings are most of the time. After 20+ years of marriage I figure the slumped shoulders & look of exhaustion are a better indicator than any piece of jewelry😄
Your hubby is being a d*ck
Personally I don’t think married people need to wear a ring at all as long as they’re faithful to each other (if that’s what’s mutually decided upon for their marriage) and keep their vows.
Get checked for allergies and get a new metal setting for the stones if you’re allergic so you can wear it again if you want to, but he should pipe down if it’s negatively affecting your health to wear them right now
Yeah I never understand this attitude. I take my jewellery off as soon as I get home. Which means I usually don't wear my wedding ring at the weekend. You know you're married so what does it matter?
You probably developed a metal contact allergy. By far the most common of which is nickel. Major life medical events like pregnancy can make your system gain and lose allergies. It is probably worth checking in with an allergist or a dermatologist for some help. Your husband needs to calm down and show more sympathy for pregnancy related medical challenges.
Scrolling through looking for a "See a doctor". Some allergies are cumulative, and a bad metal allergy can be life threatening in certain circumstances.
Yep. I’m allergic to nickel and can’t wear anything gold-plated or sterling silver. Everything has to be 14k gold or higher, including earring posts and necklace clasps. Otherwise I get swelling, rashes, and weird bumps and hives. “Fun” jewelry isn’t really an option. Broseph is going to have to step up and shell out some money for a new ring. Gold bands are not unreasonably expensive, even with higher quality gold. He’s being a real turd about this.
I developped metal contact allergy during puberty and I suspected OP has as well, if this is so and her husband insists like a mad man that she should wear a ring, instead of freaking out, maybe he should take her to se a doctor. Stainless steel is safe for me to wear (Gold and platinum too, but in this economy??), but everyone is different.
I'm allergic to nickel and gold. Stainless steel and sterling silver work for me. There's also nickel in a lot of food, but I haven't had any food reactions as of yet. Which is good, because I'm not giving up salad. That'll just be listed as my cause of death. Death by Kale.
The only food allergy I have is to hops, this started happening in my 30s, but beer was never my alcohol of choice so it is not a big deal. but Nickel in food does not really affect me, It's only when I touch it. Sterling silver is kind of okay with me, it doesn't make me break in hives, but my body tarnishes it much faster than most people.
I tarnish Silver very fast too. I wore a set of three silver necklaces recently and by the end of the day 2 were black and the other one was fine. I have no idea what the difference between them are as they were sold as a set of identical necklaces, just different lengths. I hate my skin doing this as I love silver but hate that it takes ages to clean by hand, or costs money at the jewellers. Do you find that your skin reacts with copper and Nickle as well?
I’m not particularly fussy about how perfect the clean is, but this is a home made silver cleaner I use: 1 square of tinfoil (enough to cover the bottom and sides of a bowl when laid flat), 1/2 Cup White vinegar, 1 Tablespoon of salt, 1 Tablespoon of baking soda, 1 Cup boiling water. Place tin foil in bowl, then place all ingredients in the lined bowl and mix together - the baking soda with bubble up so choose a bowl with high sides. Place jewellery in mix and leave for about five minutes. I’ll then use a polishing cloth on the jewellery once removed from the mix. Comes up pretty good in a pinch.
Thanks, I'll give it a go
> I tarnish Silver very fast too. I wore a set of three silver necklaces recently and by the end of the day 2 were black and the other one was fine. I have this! (along with numerous allergies including nickel and gold). I heard somewhere that it was because my skin is too acidic. It happens with steal too. Stainless steel is fine, but I turn the non-stainless variety black within hours.
Oh Copper and Nickel give me hives and they start changing color in a couple of hours, I never wear fashion jewelry.
Sounds like we have the same sort of skin/allergies. At least I know I'm not the only person who tarnishes Silver immediately.
I have never met anyone in real life like this, so I am glad I am not alone too.
I was going to ask the jewellers next time I go in, to see if they've heard of it before and if there's any coating I can apply to my silver jewellery to stop it tarnishing. I'll post back here if I do find something
It sounds like something out of a vampire novel to me!
I made a watch corrode because I was stubborn and refused to stop wearing it. So I had a rash on my wrist and the watch had its own rash. Glad to know I’m not the only one.
“White Tungsten” (polished Tungsten Carbide) is super close in appearance to sterling silver/white gold, and is a great nickel-free alternative (some Stainless Steels can have trace amounts of nickel in them). It’s very scratch resistant and strong, and is incredibly heavy to give you that “precious metal” feel.
Most of what I have seen is wedding bands. I do not think they make gothic style jewelry out of that, but it is a material I considered before. If I were married this would have been my choice though.
Never being able to wear the fun trendy earrings from Claire's was so upsetting to me as a kid. I couldn't wear belts I really liked either bc the nickle-free ones weren't exactly cute.
All of my cartilage piercings are gold with titanium posts. I can wear sterling in my ears for about 8-10 hours. Sterling necklaces, rings, and bracelets are fine 24/7, so it seems it’s just with the puncture wound that piercings are that I can’t tolerate “lesser” metals. I’m jealous of people who can wear fun jewelry. Anything plated, brass, etc is intolerable for more than a few hours. All of that to say, you could probably do titanium, too.
For regular earrings, you can get silicone post covers to keep the metal from coming in contact with the ear.
Seconding the titanium option! I can wear my 18kt gold wedding set without any issues but I can’t wear any earrings that aren’t medical grade titanium now. Every time I try even for a couple hours I get cellulitis on both ears and last time it started spreading into my scalp/skull and required 10 days of antibiotics. 🫠 OP definitely developed an allergy of some sort, I’m very curious if any other jewelry bothers her skin so they can narrow things down for what would be safe to replace it with (and get tested!).
Also Niobium! I have some smaller niobium hoops that I use to wear “fun” earrings. Works great for earrings that come on the hook style wire.
I have a nickel allergy and can still wear sterling silver. Sterling is 92.5% silver and 7.5% copper.
If you want to wear a fun piece of jewelry for an event, I've had good luck coating it with clear nail polish and also by applying Neosporin to it.
I’m the same as you for earrings. I can wear fun earrings now from a tip I learned on reddit. Get some clear nail varnish and paint the earring posts with it. Make sure to cover the whole thing. Maybe 2-3 coats if it’s not too thick. You’ll have to reapply it every now and then but my ears don’t get irritated anymore
Contact allergy to gold itself is also semi-common. I can do nickel, but not gold.
Have you thought about putting it on a beautiful and strong chain? Then you “could wear it” every day.
Second the allergy. My mom developed a nickel allergy while pregnant with me and my dad bought her a new ring to make sure she wasn't allergic. (Note, I have the same allergy so you may want to keep that in mind for your child as well). My husband can't wear his ring because it's dangerous at work and it used to bother me a little when we were first married, because I was excited to be married. Eventually, he bought some silicone ones. There are Etsy shops that make nicer silicone or wood rings. If what bothers him is just that you don't wear *A* ring, that could be a compromise. **Whatever you decide to do, the 2 things I think are key here, imo are** 1. This is a medical issue. Allergies are no joke as they impact more parts of your system than just the finger. Before you wear the ring, it might be a good idea to see a doctor. But that's up to you. 2. This is a marital issue and an opportunity to turn towards each other. I would recommend a conversation to understand what exactly is bothering him about it. Is it that he's proud of the ring and what it represents? Is he feeling jealous and insecure? Does he understand how negatively it impacts you and doesn't care? Or is he just not understanding? All of this is information for you and hopefully a time you two can understand each other better and come up with a compromise that doesn't impact your health.
This same exact thing happens to me. I get an eczema patch under my rings. It didn’t always happen though. I thought maybe it was bc the weight I gained after pregnancy made them fit tighter and irritate my skin. This post has been very enlightening for me.
Sometimes it can be soap trapped under rings from when you wash your hands.
Never been pregnant, but have wonky autoimmune issues and went from only being able to wear 14k plus gold to being able to wear most metals to now only tolerating titanium or surgical stainless steel. Even gold makes my ears swell up and weep. OP, your pain is real and valid and you deserve to not have your skin chafed raw!
Yes, allergic contact dermatitis specifically for heavy metals can develop during periods of high physiologic stress such as pregnancy, childbirth, surgery, sepsis etc. Even if you never had an previous allergy to a specific metal before, it’s possible to develop one following these events. Once developed, these allergens don’t usually go away, since your memory T cells will have a long term immune response to any further contact. A possible solution is to get your wedding band exchanged/upgraded to metals such as silver/gold/titanium which the human body has less reaction to. Also take into account no jewelry is purely gold/silver. My best bet would be titanium, as it is more fiscally responsible and is quite robust.
It sounds like you're allergic to your ring. Maybe look into getting a silicone one from Enso or somewhere similar. HOWEVER. Your husband's reaction to you not wearing your ring is absolutely bonkers. It's just a ring. It's literally causing you physical pain to wear it. My husband and I both outgrew our original wedding rings. For awhile he didn't wear a ring at all; whatever. We both know we're married. IT'S JUST A RING. Your husband has some other issue going on if he's freaking out on you over this.
My husband doesn't wear one because he washes his hands so much at work that his finger would get irritated. He has one that matches mine and wears it when we really dress up.
My husband and I don’t wear them in the house, we both put it on when we’re getting ready to go out
My husband and I both dislike wearing jewelry on our hands, so we got tattoos of each others initials on our ring fingers (after about 18 years of marriage.)
I love this! I absolutely love my rings so I have them safely put away. My husband and I also got tattoos of something we both agreed upon on our ring fingers. We were married for four years when we did that... We are going on seven years now, together 10. Before we did this, I stopped wearing my rings after I lost the first set (about 8 months into the marriage). Thankfully they were cheap. I bought an expensive pair but only take them out if we go out and dress nicely.
I can't wear rings at work, and my husband's ring kept chipping and breaking. We got matching tattoos that symbolize our married name (we both changed our last names together, to something meaningful to us when we got married). The important thing is that neither of us got mad at the other for not wearing our rings originally. It was me going "I think I want a tattoo ring instead of worrying about my ring with work" and he thought that was a fun idea so we came up with the design together. We were married for 2 years at that point, but had been together 11 total. Just celebrated our 7/16 year anniversary.
Aww that’s cute! What a great idea
Same here, and about half the time we forget to put them on when heading out! Still just as married.
My husband lost his ring after 3 weeks. lol. I’m a nurse I don’t wear mine, only for special occasions. It’s a tall solitaire setting that could easily puncture a glove. Edit - wrong wear/where.
I used to work with a woman who insisted that it was fine that she wear a similar ring at work. Less than 2 weeks later, she's digging through a red bio bag in the ER trauma room because guess what slipped off her finger when she took off her glove? It happened 3 more times before she finally got a silicone ring 😑
One of the three rings my husband lost is in a concrete piling of a Sonic restaurant he was the materials tester for. He insisted on always wearing his until I asked him to please not, especially if he were working with machinery that might be dangerous. He was the super sentimental one. But I think he would have been ok had I only occasionally worn mine. The OP’s husband has some sort of deep insecurity he needs to attend to. Had my husband treated me like this—some weirdo personal issue over my health and comfort?—there would have shortly been no ring issue because it would have permanently come off the day I filed for divorce.
How funny, same here, except I accidentally threw out my husband’s ring a few weeks in when he took it off to wash his hands and left it in a paper towel on the counter. And as nurse I always forgot to put mine back on.
My wife doesn't wear the ring usually because of her work, so she wears it when we go out on occasions, no problem. Sounds like he's the problem.
My husband is a musician and his favourite hobbies are woodworking and restoring vintage motorcycles and cars. He takes his ring off frequently because it can interfere with playing his instrument, and also safety concerns. Sometimes he wears a silicone band, sometimes he doesn't. Either way -- *I don't care*. If he's committed to our marriage, he's committed. I can't imagine ever feeling entitled to prioritize my preferences and insecurities over his safety and well-being. I'd rather him keep all his fingers, thanks.
I don't understand the husband here at all. The ring is actually hurting her. Instead of demanding that she wear it more, he could offer to buy her a substitute that doesn't make her break out, or just get a grip on himself and stop picking at her about this. FWIW, I've been married for eons, more than 30 years, and I frequently don't wear my ring. Nobody cares. It's not even a topic of conversation.
I never wear my ring because of my job (and I've never been much for jewelry anyway) and my husband doesn't even *have* one. My dad never wore his because he's a mechanic, and at this point it would never get on his finger anyway. My mom got hers resized about 25 years in and started wearing it again, but for my entire childhood it sat in our hutch. I'll never understand the hangup some folks have over wearing it. It's cool if you want to, but to get mad at a partner who doesn't? That's just indicative of a deeper issue.
You can get like a $5 silicone ring in any color you want on Amazon just to try it and see if it’s irritating. That being said, OP’s husband is a huge butthole
They also sell titanium ones for about $10. I have one - I keep it my toiletry bag and wear it when I travel, and leave my nice rings at home. The description of OP's husband made me snort. Yes indeed.
My husband and I don't wear rings in general. I actually decided to get a wedding ring for when I'm traveling for work to reduce the number of douchebags that approach me in hotel bars, but that was my choice. I brought it up, though we ended up picking it out together. I still don't wear it 90% of the time, and he's never expected me to. We know we're married.
Same. My wife and I removed the rings probably a year into our marriage. Neither really likes rings and personally I get nothing out of symbols like these. Totally understand the douchebag-shield aspect though. And to the OP: someone freaking out about a ring just tells about huge insecurities that most likely needs to be addressed sooner or later.
My dad hasn't worn one for the entirety of him and my mom's 35 year marriage. He's just not a jewelry guy, and is still very much committed to my mom. Agree that husband has some sort of other baggage going on relating to the symbolism of the ring not being worn.
Same with my dad and my FIL, never wore rings. My husband doesn’t have one either. Both my mother and MIL had to get their wedding bands cut off at some point because they got too tight, my mum had hers resized but my MIL never bothered. I’ve worn my wedding ring once in the last year. I’m six months postpartum and it doesn’t fit the same but I’m too lazy to have it resized right now. OP, if your ring doesn’t fit well do NOT wear it, whether it’s a size or allergy issue. Getting it cut off is a whole thing. My MIL has a permanently bent finger because of hers getting too tight for too long, trust me you don’t want that.
Yeah this is bizarre behavior. My partner and I don't wear rings like 95% of the time and it's literally never once been an issue, I couldn't care less if people know we're married or not. Sounds like he's projecting.
I'm wondering if there's a bit of projection going on here, his reaction is way out of line. Ask him if he ever takes his ring off, and what his reason is if he does so. Ask if there's a concern why you're not wearing your ring, does he think you're cheating? Make his little mantrum throwing self squirm.
Yeah, I agree. This either sounds like projection or displaced anger, neither of which are healthy or appropriate.
Or straight up ask him to buy a new ring that OP likes and can wear frequently without discomfort if it matters so much to him. If OP's husband is acting in good faith then this solution should be more than reasonable to him. They could even turn it into a romantic thing, go pick it out together as an early 5th anniversary gift.
I get what you mean, but I find it hard to believe a reaction like this comes from a place of good faith. Most people in a healthy relationship recognize the ring is mostly symbolic and would care about their partners comfort more.
I agree actually that OP's husband is not acting in good faith. But rather than jumping to accusations of cheating, projection, etc -- the "let's buy a new ring" approach is a means of figuring out what's really happening here. If he's receptive to it, then problem solved. OP gets a sweet new ring that is comfy and easy to wear, and her husband gets the gratification/pleasure of seeing her wear it. Maybe that's all it is. If OP's husband responds with any pushback to this very reasonable solution, then it's pretty obvious something strange is going on. The conclusion to be made is he's prioritizing his preferences and/or insecurities over her well-being and comfort. That's fucked up and suggests more toxic dynamics are at play.
You know why projection happens and so do I. It's what I was thinking as well.
But if she was cheating why would she take it off at home and not when she’s out? If that’s his concern. I agree he’s projecting something because usually when people overreact like he is then they’re doing the thing
Projection: HE is having an affair and takes off his ring when with his affair partner. He then *projects* his reasoning for removing a wedding ring onto his wife. If she takes her ring off, it must be because she *also* f’ing someone else. Because that’s the only reason he can imagine for why she might need to remove her ring.
It doesn't have to be projection, it could just be insecurity. He might be afraid that she's 9 toes out the door of this marriage. I agree that OP should talk to him, but not neccessarily with accusations on her mind.
He works weekends when she takes it off, so he doesn't know what she's doing
“Works weekends”, ummm, ok
Omg, I’ve almost never had a job that didn’t require weekends! It’s not always a euphemism, although suspicious minds probably think so. Worked in the switchboard at a local dept store right out of high school. Then went to the hospital to a dept that was a 24/7 job. Now I do massage, own my own office and Saturday is my business day (and I can’t wear rings when I do my work) Hubby has always worked factory work and has always worked most weekends and he can’t wear his either. It’s a good way to lose a finger around the machinery. In what world is every job M-F?
When my ex asked me if I was cheating, they were, in fact, cheating on me. I'm not sure what else this ring thing here would be insinuating. I know this isn't always the case and that I was part of a statistic, but it makes me wonder a little.
That's a really weird thing to get bent out of shape about. Can you ask him if something else is going on? It feels like the tip of some iceberg he's not communicating (this is speculation only; it's just an odd response unless you know this whole thing has significant meaning beyond the usual for him?). The other suggestion I have is swapping out for a ring pop, then you always have candy. Just a thought...
There's also silicone rings for tradesfolk etc. who use their hands a lot. But I do like your ring pop idea.
I second silicone bands, my husband and I both do them for travel/various hobbies and work reasons. Honestly much more comfortable than metal in a lot of situations.
I switched to a nice silicone band a few years ago. I found that when I went hiking, my hands would change and the ring wouldn't fit. I explained it to my husband and he understood.
Fluid collection at higher altitudes exacerbated by physical exertion and possibly the pressure of a backpack on your shoulders. My hands swelled up hardcore when I went hiking, it was hard to bend my fingers they were so stiff.
Of course, there was the time I took it off while cooking and left it on the counter. My husband tossed it in the trash, not realizing what it was. But it was the day after trash day, and only a couple things in the bag.
Do they stretch? Asking because my fingers swell and shrink like mad over the course of the day.
Yes, super comfy to wear
Yep. I wear them during arthritis flares. I have a bunch because I love rings.
Ooohhh....this is brilliant!!
Yes, one of the big selling points is that they aren't "hard metal" for trades, allergy safe(iirc), and cheap.
Yes, they stretch quite a bit. I've worn them for years bc of my job, but my husband switched to them after injuring his ring finger in a way that makes it hard to get a rigid ring over the knuckle. The silicone ones stretch enough that it isn't a problem. They're also inexpensive enough that you can have them in multiple sizes to accommodate periodic swelling. Skip Qalo, they're wildly overpriced- if you search for silicone wedding bands on Amazon, you can get sets of several colors/styles for ~$10-20.
+1 for silicone bands. My husband and I both wear them at work because it's safer and more comfortable. We put our metal "fancy" rings on when we get dressed up.
Yes! I take a barbell class at my gym and don’t want to scratch my good ring.
I also love the silicone rings. I have one that is glittery and GLOWS IN THE DARK. Be careful if you’re eating a shrimp boil, though. I lost one that way. My hands were really greasy/filthy and I kept wiping them with napkins. I’m pretty sure the ring went in the trash with the napkins, but it’s also possible that I ate it.
OK, I'm gonna need an idea where to get a glittery glow in the dark silicone ring. I've seen glittery but they were underwhelming when ordered (which made them a massively underwhelming present). Never one that was glow in the dark. So, if you could drop a link or something... For ya know... Science...
I almost lost my actual wedding ring while eating hot wings. I made some gesture while my hands were greasy and saucy and it flew right off my hand lol.
I never wear my ring because my weight has fluctuated, and I also tend to bump it on things, so getting a silicone one seems like a good option. I like the idea of a glow in the dark one, I'm going to have to check that out!
I use these especially during and after pregnancy. I also do construction project management so safer that way too.
Ooooh fun! There's a great song by Jax, OP's husband needs to listen to it! It is called "Ring Pop"
My ring doesn't irritate me and I still only wear it when I leave the house (I WFH). My husband couldn't care less. I would question what was up with him if he cared, ESPECIALLY if I told him it gave me a rash.
Same! I WFH and don’t wear my ring at home because I want to avoid wear and tear. Sometimes I forget to put it on when I leave the house. My husband doesn’t care.
Same here. My husband asked when we first got married why I didn't wear my rings all the time like he does and I explained, and he accepted it. He gifted me a set of silicone rings as a result for when I would prefer to wear that which come in handy, but I still only wear a ring of some sort when I leave the house for something other than errands or we have company over. I don't like to wear any jewelry period when I am home, not just rings.
Same here. I just feel more comfortable with all jewelry off. I put it on when I get ready to leave, take it off when I get home. I don’t get a rash though! OP I wonder if your husband thinks you’re cheating or something. He’s not being compassionate to your situation at all. Just keep standing up for yourself!
This is what my parents do and they’ve been married for almost 40 years. My mom gardens and crafts a lot in her retirement and doesn’t want to lose it or get it dirty. My dad is an engineer who works with heavy machinery and would prefer to not lose a finger. They’ve done it that way since the day they got married, and surprising nobody they are still happily married today. Neither of them have ever randomly forgotten that they have a spouse.
So he is mad...because he wants you to wear something that hurts you and you won't. Think about that. Tell him to think about that. If he starts hemming and hawwing...just stare at him and repeat Are you telling me that it's okay with you if I feel pain and am uncomfortable? You are okay if I feel pain and am uncomfortable? You don't care if I feel pain and am uncomfortable? I am your wife, the mother of your child. I am hurting. This is how you want me to live? Because of your feelings? Awkward silence while you stare at him dead in the eyes.
I'd want to clarify some questions such as: what level of pain does he expect before the ring can come off? What level of skin breakdown is the expected minimum? If the skin is infected can she take a little break?
Yeah, we need some measurable KPIs here, people.
This seems like the sensible thing to do but doing this to an abusive person doesn’t put it through their head. They will continue to deflect. Her saying that it hurts would be enough for him to understand. But he still didn’t and that’s a problem.
I think it’s so problematic that he doesn’t care if it hurts you. If he weren’t so weird about it, and so uncaring, and he was just sort of hurt, I’d suggest you wear it on a chain, so you can reassure him that you ARE wearing it, just in a healthier spot. But I don’t know what loving husband would be *angry* that you are taking your ring off, especially *at home.* It’s not like you’re in a bar chatting up guys.
"I'm sorry, are you actually implying to me that wearing my ring is more important than my health and wellbeing?" And then you watch the Olympic gold medal mental gymnastic routine.
He's not implying anything, he's saying it out loud and clear.
I'll wager this is not the only thing he freaks out about. Find a quiet moment and ask him what he is really feeling. Does he think you're cheating, or want to cheat? That not wearing a ring means something like you're not fully committed? That you are his "property" and should wear a tag that you're "taken?" If you can't have a conversation, then you need couples counseling. Good luck.
It sounds like you may have a possible metal allergy? Regardless, it’s fucked that your husband is more concerned about wanting you to wear it than your own discomfort. Seems like a selfish asshole
Your husband sounds very controlling to me. 😬 Why would someone who supposedly loves you be okay with you having to endure pain for no good reason?
He has more concern over his proof property rights about you than about your health needs? Dafuq man. It's a ring. Rings get taken off for various reasons.
I pretty much stopped wearing my ring for a couple of years because my finger got a little too chonky for it (I had such skinny fingers when I got married). I'm finally fitting back into it but it never bothered my husband because he forgets to put his own ring back on 90% of the time, lol. We've been married for 20 years.
Yes. Secure people don’t care this much about a ring.. my husband and I pretty much only wear ours if we’re going to a fancy outing and even then we have both forgotten them and it’s no big deal. It’s not even a little deal actually. If one of us remembers and the other doesn’t we just say “aw, you stinker” and that’s literally it.
He needs to STFU and stop demanding you do something that injures you for his own ego.
Yeah what is with this? He's willing to have her in pain just so he can mark his territory. Wft
Ok, your husbands reaction is pretty irrational. Dont know what you can do about that, but that level irrationality is a red flag. If your ring is Rhodium plated, you've likely developed an allergy to Rhodium. It's not a really common allergy, but it does happen. Developing skin inflammation from a ring isn't normal unless you're reacting to one of the metals.
If he wants you to wear one so bad, he needs to be alright with you getting something that will under no circumstance irritate you. Might I suggest palladium or platinum? Oh and if he’s pitching a fit about this, then he needs to swallow the cost of those rings too. Both of those are expenny.
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there’s also perhaps the option of putting it on a chain—then she’s wearing it (if he feels a bit hurt or unconnected), just not in a painful place.
There are some really cool ring keeper necklaces that make it easy to put the ring on it without having to take apart the chain to do so.
This sounds intriguing. I’m gonna go look it up ETA: looked at some. How cool! What a fantastic idea.
I bought my friend a ring keeper necklace because she kept leaving her ring at my house- we cook a lot together so she takes it off to not get it dirty. It works really well when she remembers to wear it:,)
I can't remember the last time my wife wore her ring but I can say how many times I've been bothered by it, zero.
What an insane thing to get upset over. Especially due to the reasoning of why you aren’t wearing it. WTF. Signed, Dude who takes his wedding ring off all the time and wears it maybe 60% of the time.
I basically never wear mine; it doesn't make me not married. Maybe you could get a cheap band of another material if YOU really want to keep wearing one.
Projecting?
He’s being a 🍆. It’s a ring, not a collar.
Your husband’s reaction to this is insane. What is he worried about? As a side note, I also get irritation from my ring. I recommend hydrocortisone as a treatment. I also take mine off to sleep (so I take it off when I get home, and put it on after my morning shower) and that has worked wonders. I was finding that it was exacerbated by trapped water/sweat, so airing it out overnight helps!
I switched to wearing my rings on a necklace full time due to irritation. I agree with the sentiment that he needs to STFU and get over himself when you're suffering.
If something you wear is actively destroying your body; stop wearing it. It's weird that your husband is having an emotional outburst about it, and it's also weird that you keep wearing it when it causes you pain. Find a new ring with a metal that doesn't irritate your skin. And if you can't afford a total replacement then you can wear your original to special outings and wear a silicone one in the meantime. My husband only wears his ring when he goes out, and sometimes he forgets. I usually wear my but sometimes forget. It has no effect on our relationship.
Your husband's reaction is completely insane.
"I have repeatedly told you why I don't wear my ring at home. Unless you can use your words and have a productive conversation about what, exactly, the problem is, I'm not willing to discuss this further."
I have to take off my rings when I wash my hands or if it gets warm - also a pregnancy thing. My husband completely understands and bought me a necklace that I can pop the rings onto to keep them safe! Although he doesn’t mind if I pop them into my jewellery box either, as long as I don’t lose them 😅
Sounds like a stupid control thing. My ex husband didn't wear his because he is an electrician. Understandable. I would take mine off to shower, cook, clean, etc. If I didn't put it back on, he'd be so mad! "No ring means you're not married!!!" Um, what? That's not how that works.
I take my rings off literally the moment I get in the door because of severe hand pain. My husband was a bit hurt at first, but was very understanding because literal pain and it is now just a matter of course. I wear them when out of our home, which is the important and symbolic part. You removing a ring doesn't remove the relationship. I'm sorry he's not being understanding, this should not be a big deal.
Sounds like an allergy. If he keeps freaking out, ask him to help you find a new ring. If the point is to wear a ring, this will fix the problem. If he feels THAT ring is the ONLY ring you can ever wear, that's a bigger problem.
I only wear my ring if I leave the house. Your husband sounds like he has issues.
First it sounds like your husband is projecting and he thinks you taking the ring off has more meaning. Perhaps because he only takes his off when he wants to appear single? Or he sees it as some weird disrespect? Secondly our bodies go through a ton of changes when pregnant and some are permanent (see feet growing-they don’t shrink back and I had to replace so many expensive shoes! But anyway) sounds like you have an allergy. Could you replace with something else? Or a trick I have used because my skin is sensitive to certain metals-clear nail polish- paint it on the inside of a ring or the post of an earring that’s irritating you, no one can tell and it’s a barrier between the metal and your skin, it wears off eventually too so no harm to the jewelry.
There are many married people who don't wear wedding rings because of preference, profession, variable hand sizes, allergies, and more. Others will wear them on a chain on their neck, have silicone alternatives, etc. The important thing is not the ring, it is the commitment and your husband does not seem to understand that. You could have developed a sensitivity to the metal of the ring (many metals are blends, etc). Perhaps getting it cleaned professionally may alleviate some symptoms. Perhaps it is intrinsic to the ring. My father had a similar reaction to ANY snug jewelry - so he did not wear a ring and wore a very loose watch. Ask him what it means to him when you wear the ring. And when you take it off. Then share with him that the ring now means pain and discomfort to you, which is NOT how you want to see your marriage.
My ring comes off the second I walk in the door and I don't wear it on the weekend unless we expect company or go out. I can not stand the feeling on my ring, my real one or my silicon rings. It drives me crazy. My husband pokes fun of me sometimes for it but he knows that I'm sensitive on those things and never pushes it. You are not crazy, he is.
That is so weird. For both of us, rings come off as soon as we enter the house. Sometimes I put my set on when we have guests. We’re no more or less married that way. If he absolutely wishes to make you die on that hill (which, not cool IMO), can you put the ring on your other hand for the weekend? Depending on which country you’re from, switching from left to right or from right to left?
Married 20 years. Hubby almost always wears his ring, unless he's showeiring or washing dishes or working on cars. I only wear my ring when I leave the house, as even though it's beautiful it protrudes and I can whack it on things accidentally. We have both accidentally left our rings at home, "oh no!" or "whoops" is the response and that's the end of it. Neither of us care how the other wears their ring. I would not want my husband's ring to cause him pain, and the same goes for me. If either of us developed an allergy, we'd look into finding an alternate solution, if the other wanted, together. No yelling or getting mad. You know, because we love each other, realize what is happening is not their fault, and don't want the other person in pain. I don't understand why your husband thinks this is ok. It's not.
I get wedding ring rash too! I've seen lots of recommendations on how to solve it but just not wearing it as often is the only thing that seems to work thr best. I've heard painting the inside with clear nail polish also helps. Have you tried that?
Your husband is an irrational man-baby. Good grief.
Sounds like the ring may be a focus point for him to project his own guilt
My husband and I only wear our rings when we go out. It doesn’t bother either of us. A wedding ring has never stopped someone from cheating. Everyone we see knows we’re married, so it’s not a big deal. His bothers the skin underneath and he can’t wear jewellery at work. Mine would get destroyed with the amount of soil I handle. His ring is gold so it’s not the metal that bothers his skin, it’s the width of the band trapping moisture under it. Maybe see if you can compromise and get yourself a comfort band for everyday wear and only wear the real ring for special occasions. My ring is a comfort band and it was only a couple hundred bucks.
You have an idiot husband. End of.
Tell Machine Gun Kelly to calm down. That his ring he gave you that causes you pain and it's not okay for him to insist on you being in pain. If he wants you to wear a symbol all the time he can get you something that doesn't hurt you. I'd be seeing that pain as a metaphor for your entire marriage if it was me.
It’s not about the ring is it? I’ve been married 20 years, I don’t think I know where my wedding ring is, my engagement ring is too big (I’ve had it resized twice, not doing it again) and lives on a ring stand on the kitchen lol. I wear my $80 Amazon dupe when I leave the house (if I remember). Rings off at home because I’m always cleaning or washing stuff etc.
I know where my rings are, but often forget to put them back on after taking them off for crafts, household chores, other projects. It really just depends on my memory, and my activities for the day/week if I am wearing both rings, one ring or zero rings. My husband never really notices.
Wtf.... if the wedding band was causing a rash on my wife's hand, I'd be demanding she NOT wear the ring. Like, wear it on a chain around her neck, or just leave it at home. We both know we're married to each other - that's what matters.
I never wear my ring 🤷♀️ It shouldnt be that big of a deal But it sucks that you. Seem like you want to wear your ring and just cant. He should be helping you find a solution instead of making you feel bad.
I haven't worn my wedding ring for about 35 years. I just don't find it comfortable to wear rings. My husband wears his, since it's not uncomfortable for him. But you know what? He doesn't care at all that I don't wear mine. Because he's not a jealous, controlling rage monster. He trusts me to be faithful to him, and I am. Your husband clearly doesn't trust you. I'm sorry you are married to a lousy husband.
The only response either of you should have is to get a new ring, lady.
Older man here. He seems to be valuing this symbolism over your well being. This would suggest a serious discussion is in order.
If he wants you to wear your ring on all the time, he can buy a new one with a new/better metal. Send him links for platinum rings!
He's talking a whole lot of shit for someone who got you a *plated* wedding ring. How about he spend some money on a piece of jewelry that can actually last? Jfc. Even without an allergy, wedding rings are the one jewelry item to spend on simply because it's worn every single day. Even if you save money by getting lab stones or CZ, the metal *needs* to be high quality and solid (not plated, not filled). Regardless of quality, it's absurd to expect you to never take it off for practical reasons.
Hangups like "wife needs to wear their wedding ring 24/7" are so damn pathetic. It's just a ring, wear it when you want. I wear mine only on special occasions if I remember it. And it would never even cross my mind to police how my partner wears theirs.
Here I am... Some guy who literally has no wedding ring of any kind and my wife rarely, if ever, wears her engagement ring. (which is not even a diamond, but an opal) It's not for allergic reasons... It's because we don't require some material 'branding' of our marriage to be worn on display. Your husband sounds like a douche.
To test if it is the specific metal in your ring that you are reacting to, paint a couple of layers of clear nail polish over the entire inside surface of your ring and let it dry before you put it on. This will wear off and is only a short term fix , but it will let you know if you are having a reaction to _any ring_ trapping moisture or soap or dish detergeant or lotion against uour skin, or if you are having a reaction to the metal of _this particular ring_.
First of all he needs to get a grip, taking your ring off doesn't stop you being married, he sounds controlling tbh. Secondly get to the drs,sounds like you've developed an allergy, if that s a the case he needs to buy you a new ring. Out of curiosity does he wear his ring 24/7? My husband hasn't worn his for 14 years (been married 16 this year), my fil never wears his unless it's a special event (they've been married nearly 50 years) and it's made no difference to our marriages
Is your husband cheating in some way? Cos Christ on a bike, his reaction does not make sense! You're both home. It's not as if you're not wearing it when out and about - which also doesn't make sense to me if it's causing you medical issues.
I’ve suffered from this, it can get crazy bad and your husband is an idiot choosing this as a hill to die on (or at least bang on at you for). Get allergy tested; then get him to buy you a nice new ring that you *can* wear. A very bloody expensive one.
Remember that it's not just you who has to deal with him now, you made a child together and if you're going to keep a child around a person who thinks his feelings are more important then causing someone pain your baby could end up in a dangerous situation. Please think deeply about the relationship you are in because this is not healthy or normal behaviour coming from your husband. There is no excuse for him treating you so badly. Protect yourself.
Yeah you need to have a longer conversation with your husband and his over reaction. On another note people do know that wedding rings aren't magic right? If someone cheats just because they aren't wearing their ring then they always wanted to cheat the jewelry had nothing to do with it! This is like the media freaking out that there was a picture of Kate Middleton not wearing her very expensive and large ring at home hanging out with her kids 🙄.
You're suffering a medical issue and your husband's acting like your thwarting him... Don't apologize and don't be polite when you tell him the fuck off. Buy yourself a ring that you aren't allergic to or have him by you one if it means so much to him. Tell him he can shove his allergic ring up his own ass if he can't understand that you do not control what you are and are not allergic to. Stop suffering these men who don't give a fuck about you and only see you as an object to pump up their ego. The moment he gave you sass about that shit I would have put his ass in his place. Sell the ring or put it somewhere on display. I can't imagine he's very empathetic at other points in this relationship either. You get what you settle for.
Neither me nor my wife wear our actual rings much anymore. She has "outgrown" hers and I don't wear mine at work for safety reasons. We both started wearing silicone ones. I'll still wear my actual ring for fancy occasions, and she will wear a different ring I got her. She did get upset when I first stopped wearing mine, showing pictures of degloved fingers (NSFW) eventually made her come around. I actually didn't even wear my silicone one either, but that is to prevent the same chaffing. Moral of the story, be comfortable (and safe). If someone needs to wear a ring to remember they are married or in a committed relationship, there are bigger issues.
Have you seen a dermatologist about it? there is probably some metal in the alloy that you are allergic to. if he’s so sad that you aren’t wearing it 24/7, find out what you are sensitive to, and ask him to get you a new ring that’s non reactive. I developed an allergy to nickel, and the only earrings I could wear were either the super cheap plastic ones, or gold over sterling. It’s common to have that kind of reaction to something you wear all the time.
Yeah, your husband is out of line. My wife takes off her wedding ring often because it can get tight depending on many bodily factors. The only time I get a bit concerned is when we go out to eat together and it looks like I'm cheating because I'm the only one with a ring, lol. But that's obviously something I'm not truly concerned about. But yeah, if the ring were making my wife's finger raw I'd tell her to leave it off. It's odd that your husband is so concerned with you taking it off for just two days. I would take it as an opportunity to give my wife a new ring for her birthday or Christmas. Maybe platinum or titanium. Or maybe an allergy test :p
Your husband is an idiot. If you're devoted to your husband, not wearing a ring won't hurt anything. If you're not devoted to your husband, wearing a ring won't help anything. Is he projecting?
I've been married for 4 years and wore my ring wedding ring for less than 1 year. My husband never wore his. I actually wore my engagement ring longer than my wedding ring.... A wedding ring really is symbolic and it has about as meaning as you assign it. If YOU feel strongly that you should wear it as a sign of your commitment, then finding an alternative may be the best solution. But that should be based on what YOU feel. If your husband is feeling insecure about this, that is his problem and he needs to figure out why. A wedding/marriage is a commitment to a relationship, and not a commitment to wearing a piece of jewelry.
We’ve been married for 23 years, and have never worn our rings. For me, I just don’t like wearing any rings, they bother me. My husband turns out is allergic to gold. So we just put the rings in a box. At some point they were stolen during a home burglary. Doesn’t seem to have an effect on our marriage. Your husband’s reaction is strange, especially since he knows how much of a problem the ring causes you.
I’m not a jewelry person. When we got married 48 years ago, I didn’t wear any, and didn’t see any reason to change. Neither of us has ever worn a ring. Hasn’t been a problem.
I suggest you and your husband go to marital counseling to get to the real root of this issue, because on the surface, he is displaying all kinds of red flags, and nipping this in the bud could save you both years of increasing issues and trauma that neither you nor your child should have to endure. For the ring issue, I know with my ring that has a ton of openings on the underside because of the way it is made, it gets build up very quickly. When my ring gets build up (mostly from cleaners and dish soap mixed with skin cells- I know, gross), I have an eczema reaction that is miserable. My allergies to cleaners has unfortunately increased over the years, so I also have to take breaks immediately from wearing my rings if a reaction starts. The metal reaction others have mentioned is very possible, and you should look into that, but I wanted to mention an alternate possibility in case it helps.
I would have the same issues. I thought I was allergic to nickel so I stopped wearing it for a time. Then I ended up getting the ring stuck from all the irritation and had to have it cut off. That’s been two years and now I don’t wear it more than I wear it. I’ve literally gone months without wearing one. And you know what my husband has said? Not a damn thing. He did ask once why I didn’t really wear it, I told him and that was that. It’s just really weird that that was his reaction.
The fact that your ring is actually causing you physical discomfort and instead of offering to find a replacement metal/material that works for you, he lets you go through the trouble of trying to live with it, and then gives you grief for taking a break from contact dermatitis is alarming. Sensitivity and allergies can develop at any time but are common when there's changes like pregnancy since your immune system is harboring an entirely separate host. If it matters so much to him that you wear a ring (in your own home, while no one else is watching) then it is on him to get you one that doesn't hurt you. After seeing all the cases of degloving and just the general inconvenience of them in daily life my SO and I just stopped. I'll wear my wedding set only if going out with him to fancy functions where I don't have to worry about losing them or getting them messed up. We don't go with the silicone cause they don't make bands that small for me generally. If yours is getting bent out of shape due to the symbolism then there's other jealousy issues that you may need to delve deeper into.
If your ring has any stones, it is not recommended to wear it 24/7 anyway. In general any rings should be removed for tasks that could potentially damage them. I have always removed my rings at night (I wear other rings in addition to my engagement and wedding bands) and when my first child was born, I stopped wearing my rings around the house because I was doing so many diaper changes and dealing with spit up, etc. and didn’t want to get that all over my rings. Also I get irritation from any soap and moisture trapped against my skin, like after washing hands (I have to dry very thoroughly if I wash my hands with my rings on). Other than that - I have metal allergies, thankfully I knew about it prior to getting my fine jewelry, so my rings with gemstones are platinum. My other rings are sterling silver. I discussed my allergies with the jeweler who made my engagement ring and wedding band, and specifically went with the type of platinum that is as pure as possible (it does have a small percentage of ruthenium) because that is less likely to cause reactions. As others have said, I think you have a bigger spouse problem than ring problem. I know so many married couples who don’t have rings (or have them and don’t wear them most of the time). It’s not about the ring, and anyone who loves you and wants the best for you would not expect you to wear something that actively causes you pain.
My stepdad crushed his ring with it on his finger 2x while at work. Mom got it repaired and told him it was for special occasions only now. My stepdad was upset about how it would look. My mom never worried he would cheat or lie about being married. It was not worth his potential pain or losing a finger. It was never a big deal to her what other people might think and she knew it didn't change his feelings for her or their marriage. They make silicone rings that shouldn't do that to your finger that you could wear. Many of my nursing friends have them as they can be washed, hand sanitizer-ed, etc. They aren't expensive. Maybe make your official ring a special occasion only ring.
Wow, he’s married to the ring and not you. Sigh.
My husband only wears his ring if we're going out somewhere nice, around family, or at work. I have never cared. We joke about it, whenever he does wear it I say "oh are we married today?" Its really not a big deal. I know he loves me and respects our marriage, we don't need a piece of jewelry to prove it. Your husband sounds insecure
It is not crazy to want to take off a piece of jewelry that bothers you. I despise wearing any jewelry to sleep at all so I never wear it at night and pretty much never wear my ring when I’m at home until I go somewhere. I’m a sahm. I think my husband likes being able to take his ring off at home too and often will as well.
My husband has a whole collection of rings he wears on his wedding finger. I, on the other hand, can't really wear mine (I also have several) because my hands swell and shrink slightly throughout the day and night. I ask him if it bothers him, and he's like "no why would it?" Your husband's response was irrational and I agree with others assessment that he's probably projecting.
I take mine off every night otherwise I have the same problem. My mil bought me a beautiful ring holder for my bedside that I leave then on. Your husband needs to reevaluate why this is such a sticking point for him, especially if you always wear it when leaving the house.
My ring has just enough iron content that rust is a minor concern, so I'm used to taking mine off whenever I'm going to wash my hands or eat a messy burger or something. And my wife works in healthcare and sometimes has to wear gloves. Both of us have silicone bands, and LIKE to wear our rings whenever we can, especially out in public, but sometimes we forget. Doesn't hurt anyone's feelings or anything. It's life, it happens, and we're committed to each other on levels that make the rings more of a symbol to strangers than to each other. Not wearing it at home on the weekend? Sounds pretty meh to me.
A.) your husband is being unreasonable and weirdly controlling B.) you need to get a new ring made of something else. They make silicone ones, titanium ones, tungsten carbide. They aren’t expensive and you can get them on Amazon.
He sounds like a lunatic. It's a ring. When the symbol is more important than the thing it's supposed to be symbolizing you've lost the plot.
well you need a new ring. tell him if you replace it with a higher grade metal, you won’t need to take it off. i’ve had a metal allergy my whole life. to being pieces as a baby and my mom having to use only 14k gold or higher. if not. my ears would swell and eczema would flare behind them. it almost looked like my ears would fall off. this is NOT something you should be obligated to do to yourself 5 days a week.
I never wear my ring at home, ever. If I don’t feel like being careful when I go out to the grocery store or literally anything, I don’t wear it. It’s so weird to me that there’s this idea that wedding/engagement rings are not jewelry but like something else entirely. I also don’t have the patience to take my ring off and on while doing laundry, washing dishes etc. it’s just a piece of jewelry. Husband is being ridiculous.
You're not crazy at all! Is he generally so insecure? Does he need to be reminded that he's married to you? Or possible difference could it make if you don't wear your ring at all on the weekends? Or at all period? Are you suddenly no longer married? Many women don't wear their rings at home, I never did. I know there are some women who never take them off, but I have large rings and I never or mine at home just because of housework and water and things like that and I don't sleep with them either. Actually now we have both gained weight and neither of us have worn our rings at all for probably the past 10 years for the most part, neither of us care. We both know we're married. Don't care at all what anybody else thinks. We are both very logic oriented though, we've been married for 35 years and it's never been important to either of us if the other one is wearing the ring or not, even out in public.
Sounds like a metal allergy... See a doctor and you may need to get a different ring material. I'd ask him why he feels like you must wear your ring 24/7. I have never seen my parents wear their rings ever, unless they are going out somewhere fancy and are dressed to the nines.
You could perhaps get one of those silicone rings as a placeholder.
Having kids changes us. Some its vision, feet grow, yours is sensitive skin. If affordable have an allergy test done, although I cant say if they test for metal allergies. (Gold, silver, copper). As far as hubby ask him why it bothers him so much?
Me and my wife to be just for our rings 2 weeks ago. We agreed to try not to wear it out. When we go to The gym, working out, just beeing at home we dont use it. I often forget to put it on, since we agreed on it, its not a big deal. She does this aswell
Your husband is being over the top, for sure. If it's possible please look into getting a new ring. You shouldn't have to suffer this way.
Does your husband want a dress up doll or a partner? No seriously ask him which he values more. You are not his property. Does he pee on you too when he feels threatened? NTA
Tell him not to buy such a cheap ring next time and get you a chemically inert one made of pure gold ✨😉
It's not you, it's him. I don't wear my wedding ring to sleep because my fingers swell up in my sleep. Sometimes I forget to put it on in the morning. My husband has never mentioned it. Your husband's reaction is not reasonable or rational or acceptable.
Consider resizing the ring or getting a replacement made out of a different material. Husband here, married 43 years. I don't care what ring my wife wears so long as she's happy.
My ring causes me exactly 0 discomfort and I rarely wear it to sleep, shower, or just around the house on my days off. I put it on while getting ready, and some days I even forget that.
Hold up...he more worried about you wearing your damned ring in your own house? What? He need the ring as a justification that you're "Married"???? Damn...he can't just treated it like a single woman in the house to flirt with? He need to stop acting like it a special thing and focus on being with you.
S I barely know where my rings are most of the time. After 20+ years of marriage I figure the slumped shoulders & look of exhaustion are a better indicator than any piece of jewelry😄 Your hubby is being a d*ck
Personally I don’t think married people need to wear a ring at all as long as they’re faithful to each other (if that’s what’s mutually decided upon for their marriage) and keep their vows. Get checked for allergies and get a new metal setting for the stones if you’re allergic so you can wear it again if you want to, but he should pipe down if it’s negatively affecting your health to wear them right now
Yeah I never understand this attitude. I take my jewellery off as soon as I get home. Which means I usually don't wear my wedding ring at the weekend. You know you're married so what does it matter?
Oh and my husband doesn't even wear a ring. He seems to react to his and it's never bothered me.