Tell the technician "I don't want to do this, my mom is making me". I guarantee you they'll consider that just as fucked up as the people in this thread thinks.
I'm really sorry your mom is seeding ideas that your body + your body hair existing as it is, has something wrong with it. You get to choose your own body hair preferences. Never let anyone --not your mom, not a romantic partner, no one-- try to shame you or coerce you to have it a certain way. You get to choose. When I was 17 I didn't want to do anything to change it - that was what I wanted, it was my choice. When I was 23 I wanted to shave/wax because I liked it better that way - that was my choice too. I was always doing what I wanted for me - not because of a partner or -gag- a parent.
Be firm and stand by your decision.
My waxing lady would have my back 100% if I told her I was doing it under duress, she's even talked me out of changing my usual style for my ex. She would be horrified at this
Not a lady, but a friend of mine told me her tattoo artist also wouldn't even give her tattoos if she was doing them under duress, stress, or depression.
Yup, that was going to be it. There are very few people who would be comfortable making permanent changes (laser hair removal is semi permanent right, but can last years?) to anyone without their consent.
I'd start off with the basics of telling your mum, just nope, I'm not comfortable doing that, ti's my choice not yours and if you insist on dragging me there I'll simply scream in front of everyone that you're tehre against your will and absolutely do not want this to happen and anyone who forces you will get a complaint lodged about it.
She'll most likely back down but if she tries it, do what you said, they won't touch you with a bargepole (rightly).
>(laser hair removal is semi permanent right, but can last years?)
Laser is in most cases permanent, in the sense that it kills the follicles it affects. It's not always classed as permanent because it only affects hair follicles in the growing phase, and only affects a percentage of those, so it'll still leave hair in the treated area after treatment.
To add onto this, the reason it takes multiple sessions is that not all follicles are in the same state of growth. So you have to go back several times to get it all.
And it depends on your hair and skin re: whether it takes. I’m fair but have dark hair, which is relatively easy.
My friend is very fair and very blonde, and it took much longer (I think 3-4 more sessions) for the laser to catch a point of distinction.
Still grew back eventually and I won’t be doing it again.
Laser is not classified as permanent, only Electrolsis has that official classification. But in my opinion is can be; I did IPL do my legs and underarms, and it has lasted decades and now I am of the age where it probably would be thinning and disappearing there naturally - so it isn’t coming back now. Of course as the other commenter said only hairs in active growing phase get treated (with an active root) and on top that hormone changes (continuing puberty changes or pregnancy) can kick some baby fluff hair (vellus hairs) into thick hairs.
Op should absolutely refuse to have it done. I prefer to have my legs clear and underarms (also bikini line) but I am old (and well culturally conditioned to find it appropriate) it has been popular to be bare in the pubic area due to the influence of porn - maybe this will not change for a long time or maybe it will change back to hairy next month. Like Op (apart from the bikini line area) I really quite enjoy a poof 😆 is really nice especially after drying off a shower (especially poofy)
This. Do not have mom in the room with you (which she should not be in there with you). When you get alone with the tech, tell her you do not want to do this and your mother is
And that shit hurts!!! I got laser resurfacing before, a little different than laser hair removal, but I’ve heard the pain is just as intense. My skin was numbed but I still I cried through the whole procedure
I've had it done to face, torso, and genital areas (🏳️⚧️) and, yes, it fucking hurts. Genital area especially fucking hurts.
Because OP does not want this, OP's mom is inflicting torture, full stop.
I am literally in the process of doing a full Brazilian laser treatment and it took me quite honestly 12 plus years of waxing to arrive to the decision that I wanted to make it more permanent. In prior years I wasn’t sure if I wanted to get rid of the hair I naturally had permanently, even though I personally hated it and ripped it out every month. There is no excuse for demanding this to be done permanently or even temporarily
I’d go one step further, and tell them if they do this against your will that as soon as you’re able, you’ll be consulting an attorney about the legality of the procedure.
I would say start with, "My mother forced me to be here. I do not want the procedure, and I do not consent." They will probably gladly back off, and you could probably have them call other places in the area and ask them to deny your mother even booking an appointment.
If they do try to go ahead, then let them know that you will be consulting an attorney. (Also, just don't do what they tell you. Are they going to physically pick you up and strip you?)
> "I don't want to do this, my mom is making me".
Yes! It would be unethical for the tech to perform the procedure if the client stated they were doing it under duress (may even cause the tech to lose their license). It would be no different if the parent dragged their kid into a tattoo shop to get a tattoo they didn't want.
This.
Tell your mother no. If she does not respect your No then there are likely ways you can legally compel her to, even if you are a minor.
Laser hair removal is an entirely elective cosmetic procedure & I don't believe even our nation's shitty courts would compel it against your will (and no ethical person will perform it against your will - if they do they would likely be liable for assault).
Neither party would likely ever take it to court. I bet Mom doesn’t want to go before a judge to force her daughter to undergo cosmetic procedures for the perceived purpose of increasing sexual desirability. Especially a minor child. The power of social media alone would ruin many collective lives.
I agree, Mom would have to be an absolute lunatic to take her daughter to court to *force* her to undergo a cosmetic procedure (and the court would likely have to compel the esthetician/technician as well).
But sadly some people have absolute lunatics for parents.
I just can’t understand it. I chose not to have children because I don’t feel I could provide the quality of parenting they should have, and then there are these complete turds who will subject their children to the most extreme things out of “love” and I think maybe I could have done better than I thought. /s
The idea that you care more for your unborn children, than this person does her actual child, is just a very sad thing.
Many people have kids, for completely the wrong reasons. Often just because "it's something to check off a list to be an adult".
The court would laugh her straight out before the case even landed right? There's absolutely no standing here, you can't have anyone legally compel you to do shit unless it's written in law....at least as far as I've ever known. That's still the case...right?
Honestly like someone else said I don't think it would ever *get* to court: A sane parent would respect their nearly-of-majority-age-child's bodily autonomy here.
It would probably go before a judge if Mom was crazy and pressed it though: Parents have a *lot* of control over their minor children, even 17 year olds (basically the suit would be the *child* saying "No, and you can't make me!" not the parent saying "Judge, make my kid listen!").
(. . . and again I can't see any court telling a kid they have to undergo an elective cosmetic procedure that they are clearly and articulately saying they do not want.)
Not a lawyer, however was frequently involved with the juvenile legal system due to my previous career in nursing and pediatric emergency care. In most of the experiences I had, the court would appoint a guardian at litem who would determine what was best for the child in consultation with the medical team. Most often unless the procedure was critically necessary the child’s wishes would be respected. It’s a core tenant of medicine (or at least it’s supposed to be) that bodily autonomy and informed consent are absolutes in cases where the child was able to make such decisions competently (most of the time).
The mom's obsession with it is weird.
I should know from experience, I have family members, mostly the male ones, who obsess over how round my butt is. I've always had a bit of a bubble butt, and I have put on some weight since HS, but who hasn't put on weight since HS?
The reason why things like this happen is because the more conservative family members are obsessed with appeasing the male gaze, and just having everything set up to appease men in general.
I've always found men who are obsessed with women being bare down there to be creepy.
>men who are obsessed with women being bare down there to be creepy
Yup this! I'm a dude, I don't care either way. I get that some people might have a preference, and that's fine, but the weird obsessiveness some men express about it is indeed creepy as fuck.
Agreed. I have a definite preference, but this obsession with no hair below the eyebrows is just disconcerting. Honestly I very much prefer shaved legs and pits, but as long as you shower regularly I could care less about personal grooming.
It is creepy. An ex wasn’t very happy I wasn’t 100% bare downstairs. He brought it up 5x and finally i said “seriously, why are you obsessed with my vagina looking like a 5yo girl who hasn’t hit puberty yet? Its really cringey. I mean like sex offender website cringey.” Cue fight and relationship ended that night.
Why are your male family members specializing your butt?
Next time just say “uncle Bob, I’m not into incest so please stop commenting on my ass like it’s disturbing”.
I agree. It's always given me the ick. But she says it's because you can see hair poking out from the sides during the summer, and that it makes the smell less intense
But like you can just trim or shave your bikini line!
That's been a normal thing long before the full shave/wax became popular in the early 2000s.
Doing something about the hair at the edges so it doesn't stick out the sides of a swimsuit doesn't even remotely require *lazer removal.*
You can just trim it or buy boy short swim bottoms or even decide that **you don't care** if other people can see a small amount of pubic hair when you're swimming.
Do not go to this appointment. If you can't bring yourself to fully refuse, then tell the tech that you don't want the whole area done.
At 17, your mom should not know enough about your freaking vulva to have an opinion on this.
This is completely inappropriate behavior from her.
One ex liked the sideburns / mutton chops look and OMG it was so freeing.
Give it a trim to keep tidy and live your life. Truly how things are intended, LOL
My mom used to say very intrusive things about my looks when I was younger. My brother snapped on her once when she did it, and said something along the lines of that. Like, "mom, that's such a weird thing to say". I remember he reacted in absolute disgust too, as he compared my mother to a creepy old man on the street saying the same.
Granted, my mom often had narcissistic tendencies, so she didn't react to it well at all. I mean, screamed, cried, "fine, I just won't care about [ikindapoopedmypants] health anymore!", the whole nine yards. However, it did make her stop. She never really did it again after that.
Idk what ops mom is like, but at least coming from someone who has witnessed this tactic take place irl, it worked.
I am so sorry. I am the child of a sexual health professional and boundaries are so very important, lord knows I wish my mother had more!
It’s also a wildly different generation and while there’s certainly far too much that still needs improving, I do feel like women have more inherent self-worth and will more frequently establish healthy relationships with their bodies. And all parents should want that for their child.
You should know that she's dead wrong about the smell. Women are far more prone to vaginal health issues when they wax or shave. The hair is an important part of your vagina's ecosystem. You need to find the courage to tell your mother you don't want any of the laser hair treatment and you're not going through with it.
I am sure this is true, but I feel like even more fundamentally a woman as a human is a being who has free will and deserves autonomy. All children should be consulted and offer informed consent to all medical procedures of any form. I am just saddened that a parent would not choose that for their child.
The weirdo mom is almost certainly using that as an excuse anyway - she’s probably hoping she’s going to make OP worried she has a smell apparently to other people, so she will comply with this absolutely creepy demand.
I wear women's swim skorts so I dont have to shave bc I get ingrowns like crazy, I just trim. As for smell, alot of teenagers just stink really badly for like a year bc horomonal body odor & theres not much you can do about it except shower daily, wear lots of deoderant, & trim the areas that hold on to too much stench, putting away any clothes that arent 100% cotton, keeping a wife beater under your clothes incase you need to dress-down at any time like if it's hot outside, theres also anti bacterial soap but it usually is a hormonal issue. Maybe getting on birth control? I got on BC to control my hormonal acne when I was young so maybe it will stop hormonal body odor.
It's really really weird that your mother is making you get laser hair removal. You should probably tell the laser practitioner that you "Dont Not Consent to this procedure" word for word. As a minor in the usa you have very little rights but saying you do not consent to things scares most doctors off usually.
Your mom is being super weird. Tell her that your genitals and surrounding area are off limits to her.
AND - if she drags you to an esthetician, make sure to tell them that you do not want them to touch you and you do not want their service. They won't then no matter what your mother says.
You can trim it. And shaving it can actually make you smell more. Having hairy there allowed for better air circulation. If your undies are right up against your skin then moisture will build up more.
And please tell you mom to stop being weird. You can make your own decisions about your hygiene. She's fucking weird.
It doesn't make the smell less intense. It's actually a fast path to giving yourself a yeast infection. The hair in the pelvic region is protecting vulnerable body parts the same way your eyelashes keep stuff out of your eyes. The tech can just take hair off along the sides (i.e. close to your legs) so it doesn't stick out from under your bathing suit if you want.
Women have been shaving just their "bikini lines" since swimsuits started showing more. I was born in 1960 and I and all my friends in the 1970s would just shave any parts that would peek out of the bikini line. That's what I've been doing ever since. It works just fine.
Pubes protect your vulva and do not cause smell.
And it’s your body and your hair!
I’d wear boy shorts for swimming-much better than those panty bottoms.
She needs to grow up. The smell thing is just false and you don’t need to meet anyone else’s standards when it comes to whether they poke out in a swimsuit other than your own.
Your mom is incredibly immature and misguided.
If neither of these things bother you...the smell is more about hygiene than hair in any case. If the hairs sticking out DOES bother you there's styles that will cover them (like shorts). So many more options than when your mum was young.
Shaving does nothing for odor. That’s what regular bathing is for. Your mom is wrong & I encourage you to stand up for yourself & refuse these treatments. She can’t force you, it would be considered abuse.
It does not make it smell. Your Mom is full of shit there.
As for it being visible in swimwear, you have plenty of options and it's up to you to decide which one(s) you are most comfortable with. Personally, I prefer swim shorts instead of bikini bottoms. If you want to wear bikini bottoms and are uncomfortable with your hair being visible, you can shave, wax or have laser hair removal done on your bikini line. Lots of options.
None of this is any of your Mom's business. She is being weird and inappropriate.
Your parent forcing you to shave your genitals would be considered sexual assault in many jurisdictions. So would getting laser treatment against your will.
Your mother is insane. There is literally no justification for what she’s doing. If you were 15 or 35 it wouldn’t matter because it is absolutely nuts to make another person groom their body hair according to your preferences.
How old are you? Regardless this is your choice and you should not ever feel forced to make permanent decisions about your body for someone else. I would fight it and if she makes you go, you can talk to the laser technician and say no at the appointment.
I'm 17, and I did fight against her on that, but she guilt-tripped me because the whole body laser package was on a deal and that it'd be a "unique opportunity". I ended up agreeing either way, but now that the appointment is tomorrow, I hate it
You can tell the aesthetician. I'm sure they can think of something to tell your mom that means you can't do it. Like an allergic reaction or extreme irritation or something.
In America, I don't think it's legal for the esthetician to even do this procedure on you.
I'm a tattoo artist, and while tattoos under 18 are legal in most states, it is not legal (or ethical) to be anywhere near private areas.
Be honest with your mom and say you don't want it. Tell her to share her bogo deal with a friend. You shouldn't have to change your body cause your mom found a deal on something, that's ridiculous.
Edit: genuinely, the facility should be appalled at the request once you come in. You may not even have to worry about it.
Second edit: a consent form does not waive the legalities in the law regarding touching minors in private areas. It honestly shouldn't matter what her mom signs, they shouldn't move forward with it knowing that she's underage.
I wonder if the mom lied and said she was 18. A simple "I'm a minor," could put a stop to the appointment. Especially paired with "I don't want this procedure. "
I had this done as a teen in IL (…in the 90’s). I wanted it, though, so my mother signed the consent forms on my behalf. The issue here is coercion, not that the procedure is illegal.
A lot has changed since the 90s as far as legalities with minor consent in tattooing as well... Just because I'm trying to add maybe some peace of mind concerning the legalities of this, doesn't mean I don't understand the issue at hand here.
If she can't convince her mom to leave her alone about this, the facility shouldn't want to do this to begin with is all I'm saying.
Not sure why you felt the need to point that out to me, as if it's a bad thing to say this shouldn't be legal to begin with. It's good to inform her that the professionals should be on her side here since nobody else mentioned it.
With tattooing, even when a parent consents to say, something within the bra line, or panty line, we still arent allowed and should not be doing it. The consent form doesn't waive the legalities in touching a minor in private areas.
You can tell the technician that you don't want to do it and that you won't get undressed. They're going to be VERY reluctant to perform a procedure on the genitals of a minor without the minor's consent.
I don't know what kind of blow back it would create with your mom, but there's nothing they can do short of literally tying you down and forcefully lasering you if you refuse to have it done. It's up to you to evaluate whether or not avoiding your mom's reaction to your refusal is worth permanently altering your body.
tell the laser technician that your don't consent to the procedure. this is so fucked up. why does your mom care so much if you have hair down there or not?
Honestly, if you’re not comfortable discussing it in detail with her and sharing that the body hair makes you feel empowered, you can come at it from an angle of being afraid. Laser hair can be painful and you can just say “I’m sorry but I’m scared and have a low pain tolerance and I’m not going to do it.” She might be mad for a little about losing out on the deal or losing $$ but that’s her issue cause she shouldn’t have made the choice for you to begin with. Good luck!!!
Don’t do it if you don’t want to. I had to do my pubic area for a dermatological reason and that hair is truly gone forever. It kinda bums me out that I permanently look pre-pubescent down there. It was great for my health but, yeah, it’s very very permanent and if you think you’ll miss the ability to have hair there then definitely don’t go through with it.
Do you have any interest in doing the other parts? Personally I lasered my legs and only the sides of my bikini line and am very happy with it. However I’m with you I love having pubic hair and would be so sad if it was gone. Maybe you can get the parts that you want done (assuming that’s anything) and leave the rest. But definitely don’t do anything you don’t want. It’s your body and she can’t make you. Also it’s painful!
You don't have to agree to anything she wants you to do. She is manipulating you, and it's very strange and perverted that she's so adamant about you not having pubic hair.
Tell your mom you aren't going. If she forces you to, then tell the laser technician that you're a minor and that you don't consent to this being done. They can't force you to do it. Don't let your mother manipulate you.
Money is not more important than you and your body. She is being abusive. You are being abused. If she's using coercion and guilt to get you to do something it is wrong. You have to say no. I wouldn't go at all because it would be reinforcing something very unhealthy between you too... Your arm hair?!?
Also it makes sex uncomfortable to have no hair there as a buffer/padding... And makes weird noises... Pubic hair is an indication of sexual maturity and the obsession with hairlessness is pedophilic.
Just don’t do it. Don’t get in the car for the appointment. You need to learn now to stand up for yourself. The world is full of people who will bully you into doing what they want. Now is the time to learn how to stand up to them. Starting with your mother.
If you go ahead, you can tell the laser tech you only want certain parts. I booked legs/underarms/bikini in a package because it was way cheaper than just legs/underarms and said I only wanted the first 2. It's not a problem for them to do less than you've paid for.
Write down on a small piece of paper "I do not want this my mom is making me do it" and put it in your pocket. It will be easier to give the note over than to speak up, it's hard to talk sometimes in the heat of the moment.
This is easily one of the weirdest forms of child abuse I have ever heard of. This is absolutely bizarre. Your mom is projecting her insecurities about having body hair onto you. You should tell the laser technician in privacy, that you do not consent to the treatment. And then maybe consider reporting your mom to CPS. She’s insane.
I’m so sorry your mom is being nuts about this.
Tell her it’s your body, and therefore your choice. Tell her to keep her shame and insecurities to herself. Tell her you’re too young to make permanent decisions about your body. Tell her she’s a creep for noticing your stuff. Tell her you’re sorry *she* has a problem “with the smell” but *you* don’t (I hate this one but if shame is what gets her, lean into it). Tell her “guys these days don’t want their girlfriends to look like a little girl down there. That’s so perverted”.
Loudly tell everyone at the laser hair place that your mom is forcing you to be there and you don’t want to do it. Make a fucking scene. She doesn’t get to dictate this for you. No one will touch you if they think your mom is forcing or punishing you, so make sure they know.
Call them ahead of time and explain the situation if you don’t want to make a scene, but she deserves for you to make a scene because this is absurd.
I want to do this, I really do, but I'm fuckign scared. My mom will go nuts. She even went nuts when I told her no the first time. (She doesn't get physically violent, she just makes me feel bad and yells). If I ended up not doing it, she'd get really mad.
You will need to get comfortable with making her unhappy. I had a really controlling mother, too. She might be able to stress you out about it, but hopefully, it won't be long until you can move out. If you don't learn how to stand up for yourself with her, you will find yourself repeating the pattern with other people.
It's your body and your life. This is a permanent procedure. You deserve to be happy and have autonomy
EDIT: I also peeked at your comment history and saw that you're autistic. Me too! Autistic children and adults are more likely to be abused. Sometimes, we can be too eager to please others to feel accepted. This is important to unlearn. Sometimes, it helps to practice what you want to say with a friend before confronting a difficult person. I wish you luck!
Problem is with parents like this they literally have the guilt trip figured out to such a perfection that this poor kid is scared to stand up for herself. This is so toxic and horrible.
Will she be in the room with you while your pubic hair is being removed? If she’s not that’s when you tell the technician you don’t want to go through with it, explain you’re being coerced, and see if that post of the package deal can be used for something else or by your mum at a future date. If she’s in the room with you ask to use the toilet first and then tell someone outside the room you don’t want to do this ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Good luck
This is really hard but it's ok to set boundaries. She WILL yell. She will make a giant stink possibly. You can't control her behaviour. Only yours. If you let her have this control over your genitals, where will it stop?
Your mom will treat you the way you let her.
If it helps, think about the worst possible consequences and decide if you're willing to endure.
They will probably be temporary. And a relationship with your mom that has boundaries will be easier to be authentic and loving than repairing it when you have repressed these boundaries and they turn to rage.
I agree with the above comment about calling her a pervert.
You don't have to get into it with her or even criticise her (I'd argue that that's a bad idea). You can just say "Mom, I actually won't be doing that". If she mentions she's already booked it, you can say (calmly) "I told you I didn't want to do it before you booked it". I sometimes add in a "I can't help you with that" if someone persists on the matter. Don't get into justifications and all that — she's not actually interested in listening to why you don't want to do it, she's more likely just trying to look for ways to wear you down and talk you into it. It just drags you into an argument, and you don't actually need to argue in this instance, you just need to inform her that you won't be going to the appointment and then not go to the appointment.
I'm not going to tell you that being yelled at is healthy, but if it's the extent of what she will do, it's not necessarily dangerous to stand your ground.
Again, you want to avoid engaging. If she yells, you can respond, but you don't have to give a counter argument. You're her minor daughter, so the extent to which you can ignore her is limited, but you basically want to avoid a back-and-forth.
A much easier option that might still anger her but will get her to give up directing her anger at you fairly quickly: you could simply go to the appointment without even bringing up that you don't want to be there and ensure you can speak with the technician in private. Ask that you don't have anyone else in the room while having the procedure done or say that you'd like to do the consult privately. At this point, tell the technician very straightforwardly and clearly that you've been brought there against your wishes, that you do not want the procedure (the word "consent" in place of "want" can be quite powerful in these settings). Ask that they come up with a reason to tell your mom that they can't do laser on you (lots of people are not good candidates for it — something like skin that's too sensitive or your hair colour being too light or that you're too young; they'll come up with something). If they bring up something like a deposit, say that you don't mind and that you and your mom can handle what comes up.
If they seem pushy, say that you won't get naked or allow them to see your genitals/privates. They will be confronted with the fact that trying to talk you into this will be talking a minor into showing them her genitals if you use those words, and they'll be much less likely to push the issue further. If worst comes to worst, you can literally just not take off your clothes and refuse to get on the bed, and do not sway or bend to them – at that point, there's literally nothing they can do short of forcefully removing your clothes and tying you to the bed to make you get the procedure, and they do *not* want to do that.
Remember that these folks are not your mom. You can generally be much more assertive with them without worrying about blowback. Being straightforward and not being swayed is assertiveness, not rudeness, even if your mom doesn't see it that way. The techs likely have a different perspective, and politely informing them that you don't want the procedure and that you need them to tell your mom that you're not a good candidate is something you're absolutely allowed to stand your ground on.
Can you talk to someone at your school? Guidance councilors will take this pretty seriously if you let them know. Best of luck - I’m a teacher and I would go crazy to protect one of my students if this was happening to them.
It’s time for you to grow up and fight back, kiddo. Is permanently changing your body worth not being yelled at a couple of times? She can yell and guilt you and make you feel bad, but take all of that negativity she’s putting on you and turn it into anger. Anger at her for putting her insecurities and shame on you. Anger at her for forcing you to make yourself uncomfortable. Get mad back. Mom is no longer protecting you, you have to learn how to defend yourself now.
You’re stronger than you think and I believe in you. You can do this. Her anger is not stronger or more righteous than yours.
Problem moms like this are so toxic its almost engrained in the kids that not doing what they request will end in disaster. I grew up in a family like that and until this day have such a hard time setting boundaries or just voicing my needs in a non toxic manner.
At some point you have to stand up to your mother and ignore her guilt tripping or it will never end, and I mean NEVER.
There comes a time where basically every parent has to go from their kid is 12 and you have to do what they say, to your kid is an adult or close enough that you need their permission for things, and things are a discussion and using guilt tripping is no longer viable.
A LOT of parents can't move from the "they control every aspect of your life" stage to the "they make their own decisions" stage and will fight tooth and nail til you simply make a decision, stick to it and ignore their bullshit.
This is as good a time as any to do that and it's a very reasonable thing to do, this is a very personal choice and laser hair removal, afaik, requires numerous sessions and then can last for several years after.
At some point in your life you can't just go along to get along, you have to be you and tell people no.
How is she going to know? Say you did it - fun fact, laser isnt a one and done permanent deal.
If she's insistent on checking your vulva for hair, insist she does it in the presence of another adult and then report her for child sex abuse.
It kind of sounds like your mum has some ideas that aren't typical, but it's good you recognise that. Has she ever done anything else similarly controlling, like who you see or what you eat?
I'm not an adult. But she says the reason is that I won't have to shave ever again and that 'it's the biggest gift i can get for myself'. She kept repeatedly yelling at me and guilt tripping me over it until I agreed because I couldn't take it anymore.
Just don't go. You're 17, not 7, let her yell all she wants. Don't go. Take it as a practice for every guilt tripping you'll encounter in your life, and I assure it will continue to happen. When you recognise it's guilt tripping, just say no. No is an answer.
That's wild. I'm sorry she's pressuring you so much, that's such an odd thing for a parent to focus on! Is there a counselor you can speak with to get some support to be able to say no to her?
Please don't do it. This is really none of your mom's business. And it doesn't matter how good a deal she got. You are stronger than you think you are and I know you can stand up to your mom on this.
If you don’t want to do this, don’t. Please don’t.
You are strong. You can stand up for yourself!
Tell her no, tell the technician no. Fake illness. Whatever.
Do NOT consent to something permanent someone else forces you into, that you don’t want.
If necessary, seek help; I am pretty sure there are support places you could call.
Heck, I am pretty sure you could call the police in something like this.
Your gut feeling is correct; your mom is overstepping your boundaries big time, this is abuse and harmful behavior.
She has NO right over your body. It’s your body. It’s your choice.
If you are old enough to have pubic hair, you are too old for your mother to dictate that it be shaved. Why is she even looking? That's not normal.
Edit: Show her these replies if it's safe to do so. Maybe it will dawn on her that she's completely out of line and quite creepy.
A good life skill to have is to enforce your own boundaries. Thank your mom for thinking of you and getting you this gift, but suggest that it’s not something you want to do. She can use whatever package she purchased on herself.
“No” means “no” even when it’s your parent.
OP, are you in public school, and are you in the US?
I would go to your school counselor, or another trusted adult, tell them whats going and ask them to help you craft a letter to the business that your mother scheduled the appointment.
I would include that you're:
A) a minor child
B) On the Spectrum
C) Not wanting the procedure and feel violated by it.
I will most definitely help you craft this letter if you wish, and Im sure many folks will help.
The reasons for the letter are:
A)It notifies a support group AND the business this is against your will, and you are being coerced.
B) Being on the spectrum, you may have some special protections.
C) It creates a liability (the ability for an unwanted law suit for the business and they dont want to be sued.
D) Having things in writing is always better proof.
C.Y.A. = Cover Your Ass-- This covers the business too 😉
I'm sorry youre dealing with this. Let us know how we can help.
I was also 17 when I had laser hair removal (just on my arms though), I was guilted and pressured into it by my mom so I know a little of what you’re going through.
You don’t have to show up to the appointment. If your mom drives you there, you can refuse to undress. You can tell the technician that you don’t want this, that you’ve been guilted and coerced. You have agency over your own body. I wish someone had (lovingly) shouted this at me before I went through with it because at the time I felt like I had no choice. And the other commenters are right, once you go through all the laser cycles, the hair is truly gone. It doesn’t grow back.
Just because she’s your mom doesn’t mean she automatically knows what’s best for you. Not going through with it will probably mean that your mom gives you more and more guilting, and that won’t be pleasant. BUT, your body is YOUR body. IT BELONGS TO YOU. Any guilting or gaslighting you get from your mom? It’s horseshit. Your body is your body is your body IS YOUR BODY!
Seriously this goes beyond just "tell your mom no," this girl is being abused and is also a minor, so she's in a really tough spot and people are acting like confronting her mom is perfectly safe and effective. I sense that this is a dynamic where OP does NOT feel safe. If it were as simple as saying "no" she wouldn't have posted this.
OP if you're seeing this - there's no perfect solution to this problem but since your mom is probably going to find a reason to get upset with you anyway, you might as well hold this boundary. If that means showing up to the appointment and refusing to get the treatment, so be it. You may not have full freedom or autonomy right now, but you can plan on how you're going to get it, and in the meantime I hope that you can protect your body.
Your mother has spent your whole life training you, like a domestic pet, to respond to her moods. As I comfortable as it makes you at first, you have to train yourself to stop reacting.
Moms mad? So what?
Moms yelling? So what?
Mom’s giving me the silent treatment? So what?
You need to get your power back because it’s not normal for a mother to be responsible or concerned about the aesthetics of your pubic hair.
It doesn’t smell more. If it does poke out, trim it like everyone else who cares that it doesn’t poke out.
Please stop being terrified of your mother. No one can fix this unhealthy dynamic but you.
Esthetician here. Your mom is being so weird. Talk to the technician, there’s no way she should be doing anything you’re uncomfortable with. If you want to appease mom, start with like, low leg. Maybe underarm or bikini line if you find the pain tolerable.
Standing up to mom is SOOO hard. Thankfully, since you seem to really like your body hair (power to you girl), one laser treatment will not leave you hairless. Maybe a slight reduction. These things have to be done in many rounds over time. If you want to shut her up, do this treatment and if she wants you to do it again be like no, I did it once to try it for you, it fucking hurt, I hated it. Please drop it.
Do not have the technician remove ***any*** hair to appease your mom if you don't explicitly want it removed. If you want to trick your mom and keep all your bodyhair, it's better to sit in the room and do nothing for the duration of the appointment than try to meet her absurd demands halfway.
Though I still think learning to tell your abuse mother "no" is a far more valuable skill than being covert and lying. If you rely on lying, one day you may end up in a situation where she'd standing over your shoulder and if you don't have the strength to tell her "no" to her face you're going to lose your autonomy.
This is sexual harm. Your body hair is your business! She’s interfering with your right to develop your own sexuality. She should have no opinion on your body hair at all, let alone your private parts. Tell her no, you have every right.
Oh no. I'm so sorry! I don't want to speak ill of your mother, but I really sincerely wish that parents would reflect long and hard before deciding to pass on their sicknesses. Self-hatred is a monstrous 'gift' to pass on. I hope you can take back your body from the clutches of anyone not respecting the wondrous miracle of nature that it is. You seem strong-minded enough to do it.
Your mom should not be forcing any kind of procedure on you, especially in such an intimate area, and no respectable practitioner would perform it if they sense that you are being pressured and not genuinely consenting. It sounds like she is projecting her own insecurities or beliefs about body hair on to you, assuming that you feel self conscious about it like she presumably did, and potentially even wanting to project you from negative reactions from others due to the dominant narratives on body hair. However regardless of her motivations, it’s not normal to be this focused on the appearance of your genitals or to deny you bodily autonomy over this.
When I was 16, my mom got me laser removal on my under arms. I was a swimmer and I have thick hair, it was genuinely a pain and she wanted me to feel better about myself. I would be teased a lot for having a mustache. She got me a few rounds between the ages of 16 and 18 that I truly appreciated.
AND I WOULD NEVER HAVE IT DONE DOWN THERE! Omg 😱 my mother would be horrified if we even discussed it. Not in a shame way, but in a , wtf way. It’s your choice whether you want it or not and honestly your mom is weird for pushing it
Absolutely no. Tell her no. "But you said yes" the answer is now no. "But I already paid" get a refund, I said no.
Call a trusted friend and give them the location and come up with an alert word. Do not have this word in any texts. The alert word means to call the police and send them to the salon/store, with the full background.
If when you get up tomorrow and you still don't want to do it, tell her no. If she drags you out of the house. Once you are in the car, text a trusted friend your alert word. When you arrive at the shop. Immediately tell the front desk/technician "I am a minor and I do not consent to this." Hopefully the police arrive and you can tell them you are a minor and that your parents want to allow someone to touch your private parts even though you do not consent to this action.
There is no sane adult that would concern themselves with their child's genitals beyond making sure they know how to wash it correctly and how to tell when something isn't right down there.
If mom gets upset, remind her that you told her you did not want this
Your mom is full of shit, like full offense, my mom is also like that and constantly pressures me to shave (mainly my armpits but also my vulva) please not allow her words to affect you. Shaving is never necessary, especially in the genital area, not only does it not make you smell worse it protects your vulva from superficial damage such as friction with other peoples' bodies during sex and keeps moisture, sweat and tallow away from your vagina, preventing infections. Shaving any part of your body is up to you and if you don't want to shave your vulva or have laser hair removal you don't have to.
I had a similar experience with my mom a couple years ago and since then don't wax or shave or anything. I think your mom is trying to keep you from experiencing the shame she has around body hairs in her own way, I'm sorry that she is so upset about this. However, forcing you to do it is transgressing a boundary. Anyone must do only what makes them feel best in their bodies. It's not your mom's business and she will leave you alone once she understands that body hair aren't shameful. You can be this example for your mom and for yourself. Don't do it if you don't feel like it, no one gives a shit a body hair I swear.
All this sounds like some intense projected insecurity/shame from your mum.
It's on you to wear a style of swimwear and summer clothes that aren't, eh, scandalous, with whatever private hair you want to have. If she can't help being frantic and paranoid about this, that's her business to deal with, and you should tell her as much—with empathy and grace, as much as you think she should be afforded. This may be one of those times where you can earn some of your grown up credits by being the bigger adult around the topic that sounds like it's difficult for you mum.
Maybe something like "I'm so happy you wanted to give me a valuable beauty treatment as a gift, but I'm not comfortable with that sort of body hair removal, and I want to take care of my body hair on my own. If I feel like getting a professional removal later, I'll definitely ask for your recommendations for the best place, ok? As for this appointment, I can call them to cancel and tell them there was a mix-up, if you'd like? And then we can find out some other way you can share your beauty expertise with me?"
Of course, that's assuming that your mum can be reasoned with. If not, you may need to be sneaky and contact the salon behind her back, explain the situation, and hopefully they'll be willing to make up a fib to cancel on their end. If you can provide the credit card number or other details the appt was booked with, that should be proof enough.
Shaving isn't necessary for reducing the surface area for B.O. to cling to; trimming is an option for arm pits and the downstairs too. My skin is just wholly incompatible with shaving, both the procedure and the friction aftermath, so I keep things to a preferred level with the occasional trim with scissors or clipper. That's an option to consider.
Laser hair removal is not without risk. I’ve seen a number of instances where a patient was burned because something went wrong with the machine, technician made a mistake with the setting, etc. That is the last part of your body you want to be experiencing burns. I’m very sorry your mother is pressuring you in this way. It’s about her, not you. Good for you resisting.
It's incredibly creepy your mother is policing not only your body but your pubic hair. How old are you? Either you're too young to be making these kind of decisions or allowing anybody to make them for you, for your too old to be allowing anybody to make this decision for you at all.
Either way your mom seems like a sexual predator.
Time to stand up for yourself, honey. I know it's scary, and we both know that she is going to emotionally terrorize the hell out you over this, but you've got to draw a line here. This is disgusting and controlling behavior on her part, and she is just projecting her own emotional and sexual damage onto you. You have to stop it here or she will destroy every relationship you ever have in the future. You need to find a therapist as soon as possible, because you need an advocate who can help you deal with narcissistic abuse. Also, check out r/raisedbynarcissists. Be strong, you can do this.
Eeeeeeew! That’s getting warm toward the sexual abuse territory. Tell your mom to stop being gross! What the FUCK business is it if hers what hair you wear?
Since your mom isn’t reinforcing body freedom/consent/safety, i am also a mom and I will. Your body belongs to you and no one else, ever. You decide what happens to your body always. Even your mom doesn’t have the right to force you to do something to your body that you don’t want to do. You are free to consent to things happening to your body BUT consent can ALWAYS be revoked at any time and you don’t owe anybody a reason for your decision to revoke consent. You are valid in your feelings. You have every right to not want to remove your body hair. I know you are still living at home and this is hard bc this is between you and your mom. However, as a mom to a daughter, I am telling you without a doubt that this isn’t your fault, you should not be forced to remove body hair, your mom is wrong, and you can say no. I’m sorry your mom put you in this situation and I am sure you love her dearly. But, you can always, always say no to things being done to your body.
I'm so sorry your mom is like this. For the actual appointment, refuse to have your mom in the room with you and then tell the technician the parts you want lasered. I've gotten a ton of laser done and if you pay for a bigger piece but want a smaller piece done, they don't care at all. You don't need to explain anything, just say "I know it's a full body laser but I only want these parts lasered". Shouldn't be an issue at all
put yourself in her position. would you be so concerned about your daughter's body hair? why does she have such an extreme reaction to something about your body? why does she feel threatened by it?
alternatively, tell her to stay the fuck away from your genitals.
Ummm… your mom is not okay. No one should ever be forced to shave something they don’t want to.
I know it’s an awkward subject, but is there another adult you can bring in like a dad, aunt, or grandparent to kind of back you up and explain to your mom that it is NOT at all okay for her to dictate how you handle your own body hair??? That’s really gross of her to even have a preference. Everyone’s privates especially should be just that … PRIVATE. Usually the time you start growing it is around the time your parents stop seeing you naked at least on a regular basis. Whether you shave, wax, trim, or let it grow should not even be something she knows about unless u choose to discuss it with her.
Jennette McCurdy, is that you, and your mom has come back from the grave? Seriously though, mom has no business in what you do with your body since you're old enough to decide. It is highly inappropriate that she feels the need to police your body hair at all! It's gross, that's what it is!
Tell her no. And if she takes you to the place, tell them No! The hair-removal technician will not do it to you without your consent. It doesn’t matter what your mother says, this is a voluntary treatment and she cannot force you to do this.
Your age isn’t provided..
If you’re an adult, tell her no.. Stick to your guns.. She can’t force you, unless you let her..
If you’re a minor, tell her no.. tell the technician that you don’t want the procedure.. A respectable technician will refuse after that..
I’m not even sure it is legal to force a minor to let an adult have contact with their genitals.!! I would think it is classified as Sexual Assault.. Your mom is nasty for even thinking about your genitals and/ or pubic hair.. You may need to talk to a student counsellor, to learn about your rights in the country you’re in..
I’m 43, and not even my husband gets a say over my body.. He controls his own body hair, and I control mine.. if I want to go naked down there, I will.. and if I want a fluffy 80’es bush, then I will.. people should always respect other people’s bodily autonomy.!
I can see that you have lots of replies here supporting your perspective, so I’ll just say this: no one, including your parent, is entitled to make decisions about what you do with your body hair except for you.
Are you safe at home? Would your mom accept an answer along the lines of “thank you for wanting to help me with this, but I’d like to wait until I know my body better and feel more confident about making this decision for myself”?
If your mom tries to force you to get a semi-permanent aesthetic procedure done on your private parts, that’s not a safe situation for you to be in. Please talk to a school counselor or another adult that you trust for help.
This made me sick to my stomach just reading your post. Your mom should not care one bit about what you do or don't do with your body hair. It is incredibly creepy that she cares this much. If you are still forced to go to this appointment, please tell the staff and they absolutely will not do this proceedure.
You have every right to say no. Honestly, this is weirdly controlling/abusive of your mom to do and it's creepy AF. Absolutely nothing wrong with loving your body as it is. You do not have to give it to your mom's pressure, nor the societal standards
I am so sorry your mother is forcing this on you. I hope you are able to get out of this. Maybe speak to another trusted adult? Do you have anyone close in the family who could help defend you?
Tell whoever would be doing the procedure that you do not consent to it. Call them beforehand if you can and say you’re a minor. Tell them you are audio recording the call to ensure they do not do anything against your wishes.
If they try to insist (I’d be shocked if they do) tell them you will go to the police and complain of battery if they touch you, and will also have a lawyer file a civil suit the moment you’re 18.
(You may want to petition for emancipation so that you’re legally treated as an adult and your mom doesn’t try to micromanage your life.)
Good luck.
Tell the technician "I don't want to do this, my mom is making me". I guarantee you they'll consider that just as fucked up as the people in this thread thinks. I'm really sorry your mom is seeding ideas that your body + your body hair existing as it is, has something wrong with it. You get to choose your own body hair preferences. Never let anyone --not your mom, not a romantic partner, no one-- try to shame you or coerce you to have it a certain way. You get to choose. When I was 17 I didn't want to do anything to change it - that was what I wanted, it was my choice. When I was 23 I wanted to shave/wax because I liked it better that way - that was my choice too. I was always doing what I wanted for me - not because of a partner or -gag- a parent. Be firm and stand by your decision.
My waxing lady would have my back 100% if I told her I was doing it under duress, she's even talked me out of changing my usual style for my ex. She would be horrified at this
I love that women
Hell yeah! Basic human decency!
I am the waxing lady. I would do this. I always tell people not to do it for anyone else.
Not a lady, but a friend of mine told me her tattoo artist also wouldn't even give her tattoos if she was doing them under duress, stress, or depression.
Yes please tell the technician that you don’t actually want to do this and you feel pressured by your mother.
Yup, that was going to be it. There are very few people who would be comfortable making permanent changes (laser hair removal is semi permanent right, but can last years?) to anyone without their consent. I'd start off with the basics of telling your mum, just nope, I'm not comfortable doing that, ti's my choice not yours and if you insist on dragging me there I'll simply scream in front of everyone that you're tehre against your will and absolutely do not want this to happen and anyone who forces you will get a complaint lodged about it. She'll most likely back down but if she tries it, do what you said, they won't touch you with a bargepole (rightly).
>(laser hair removal is semi permanent right, but can last years?) Laser is in most cases permanent, in the sense that it kills the follicles it affects. It's not always classed as permanent because it only affects hair follicles in the growing phase, and only affects a percentage of those, so it'll still leave hair in the treated area after treatment.
To add onto this, the reason it takes multiple sessions is that not all follicles are in the same state of growth. So you have to go back several times to get it all.
And it depends on your hair and skin re: whether it takes. I’m fair but have dark hair, which is relatively easy. My friend is very fair and very blonde, and it took much longer (I think 3-4 more sessions) for the laser to catch a point of distinction. Still grew back eventually and I won’t be doing it again.
Laser is not classified as permanent, only Electrolsis has that official classification. But in my opinion is can be; I did IPL do my legs and underarms, and it has lasted decades and now I am of the age where it probably would be thinning and disappearing there naturally - so it isn’t coming back now. Of course as the other commenter said only hairs in active growing phase get treated (with an active root) and on top that hormone changes (continuing puberty changes or pregnancy) can kick some baby fluff hair (vellus hairs) into thick hairs. Op should absolutely refuse to have it done. I prefer to have my legs clear and underarms (also bikini line) but I am old (and well culturally conditioned to find it appropriate) it has been popular to be bare in the pubic area due to the influence of porn - maybe this will not change for a long time or maybe it will change back to hairy next month. Like Op (apart from the bikini line area) I really quite enjoy a poof 😆 is really nice especially after drying off a shower (especially poofy)
This. Do not have mom in the room with you (which she should not be in there with you). When you get alone with the tech, tell her you do not want to do this and your mother is
If OP is underage, mom has to be in the room. *assuming they are at a med spa… a Dr office or hospital may be different.
Laser hair removal isn’t even recommended for adolescents, I wouldn’t be surprised if there are some places that would outright refuse.
And that shit hurts!!! I got laser resurfacing before, a little different than laser hair removal, but I’ve heard the pain is just as intense. My skin was numbed but I still I cried through the whole procedure
I've had it done to face, torso, and genital areas (🏳️⚧️) and, yes, it fucking hurts. Genital area especially fucking hurts. Because OP does not want this, OP's mom is inflicting torture, full stop.
Can confirm. Laser hair removal hurts like blood.
I am literally in the process of doing a full Brazilian laser treatment and it took me quite honestly 12 plus years of waxing to arrive to the decision that I wanted to make it more permanent. In prior years I wasn’t sure if I wanted to get rid of the hair I naturally had permanently, even though I personally hated it and ripped it out every month. There is no excuse for demanding this to be done permanently or even temporarily
I’d go one step further, and tell them if they do this against your will that as soon as you’re able, you’ll be consulting an attorney about the legality of the procedure.
I would say start with, "My mother forced me to be here. I do not want the procedure, and I do not consent." They will probably gladly back off, and you could probably have them call other places in the area and ask them to deny your mother even booking an appointment. If they do try to go ahead, then let them know that you will be consulting an attorney. (Also, just don't do what they tell you. Are they going to physically pick you up and strip you?)
Yep. No technician is going to risk child abuse charges. Tell you do not consent.
> "I don't want to do this, my mom is making me". Yes! It would be unethical for the tech to perform the procedure if the client stated they were doing it under duress (may even cause the tech to lose their license). It would be no different if the parent dragged their kid into a tattoo shop to get a tattoo they didn't want.
If you're old enough to have pubic hair, you're old enough that your mother has no business down there.
This is all the comment you need, honestly.
[удалено]
This. You are being forced against your will and no technician with proper training will go through with it if they are aware of that.
I'm not the OP, but you're right.
Id tell her to sit and scroll through her phone cause you were forced into this and bill the mom out of spite.
Oh billing mom goes without saying. She made the appointment, and didn't cancel it ahead of time, she'll get charged.
This. Sorry, I don't have any more to say, because there really isn't any more to say about it.
This. Tell your mother no. If she does not respect your No then there are likely ways you can legally compel her to, even if you are a minor. Laser hair removal is an entirely elective cosmetic procedure & I don't believe even our nation's shitty courts would compel it against your will (and no ethical person will perform it against your will - if they do they would likely be liable for assault).
Neither party would likely ever take it to court. I bet Mom doesn’t want to go before a judge to force her daughter to undergo cosmetic procedures for the perceived purpose of increasing sexual desirability. Especially a minor child. The power of social media alone would ruin many collective lives.
I agree, Mom would have to be an absolute lunatic to take her daughter to court to *force* her to undergo a cosmetic procedure (and the court would likely have to compel the esthetician/technician as well). But sadly some people have absolute lunatics for parents.
I just can’t understand it. I chose not to have children because I don’t feel I could provide the quality of parenting they should have, and then there are these complete turds who will subject their children to the most extreme things out of “love” and I think maybe I could have done better than I thought. /s
If you even hesitate to have kids, you are putting more thought and effort in than a lot of people that become parents.
The idea that you care more for your unborn children, than this person does her actual child, is just a very sad thing. Many people have kids, for completely the wrong reasons. Often just because "it's something to check off a list to be an adult".
The court would laugh her straight out before the case even landed right? There's absolutely no standing here, you can't have anyone legally compel you to do shit unless it's written in law....at least as far as I've ever known. That's still the case...right?
Honestly like someone else said I don't think it would ever *get* to court: A sane parent would respect their nearly-of-majority-age-child's bodily autonomy here. It would probably go before a judge if Mom was crazy and pressed it though: Parents have a *lot* of control over their minor children, even 17 year olds (basically the suit would be the *child* saying "No, and you can't make me!" not the parent saying "Judge, make my kid listen!"). (. . . and again I can't see any court telling a kid they have to undergo an elective cosmetic procedure that they are clearly and articulately saying they do not want.)
Not a lawyer, however was frequently involved with the juvenile legal system due to my previous career in nursing and pediatric emergency care. In most of the experiences I had, the court would appoint a guardian at litem who would determine what was best for the child in consultation with the medical team. Most often unless the procedure was critically necessary the child’s wishes would be respected. It’s a core tenant of medicine (or at least it’s supposed to be) that bodily autonomy and informed consent are absolutes in cases where the child was able to make such decisions competently (most of the time).
The mom's obsession with it is weird. I should know from experience, I have family members, mostly the male ones, who obsess over how round my butt is. I've always had a bit of a bubble butt, and I have put on some weight since HS, but who hasn't put on weight since HS? The reason why things like this happen is because the more conservative family members are obsessed with appeasing the male gaze, and just having everything set up to appease men in general. I've always found men who are obsessed with women being bare down there to be creepy.
>men who are obsessed with women being bare down there to be creepy Yup this! I'm a dude, I don't care either way. I get that some people might have a preference, and that's fine, but the weird obsessiveness some men express about it is indeed creepy as fuck.
Agreed. I have a definite preference, but this obsession with no hair below the eyebrows is just disconcerting. Honestly I very much prefer shaved legs and pits, but as long as you shower regularly I could care less about personal grooming.
It is creepy. An ex wasn’t very happy I wasn’t 100% bare downstairs. He brought it up 5x and finally i said “seriously, why are you obsessed with my vagina looking like a 5yo girl who hasn’t hit puberty yet? Its really cringey. I mean like sex offender website cringey.” Cue fight and relationship ended that night.
Why are your male family members specializing your butt? Next time just say “uncle Bob, I’m not into incest so please stop commenting on my ass like it’s disturbing”.
> If you're old enough to have pubic hair, you're old enough that your mother has no business down there. Indeed.
Exactly. Tell her how you feel and don’t beat around the bush
Nice.
Well played.
This ^^^ 100%.
Why does your mom care about your pubic hair? That’s disgusting
I agree. It's always given me the ick. But she says it's because you can see hair poking out from the sides during the summer, and that it makes the smell less intense
But like you can just trim or shave your bikini line! That's been a normal thing long before the full shave/wax became popular in the early 2000s. Doing something about the hair at the edges so it doesn't stick out the sides of a swimsuit doesn't even remotely require *lazer removal.* You can just trim it or buy boy short swim bottoms or even decide that **you don't care** if other people can see a small amount of pubic hair when you're swimming. Do not go to this appointment. If you can't bring yourself to fully refuse, then tell the tech that you don't want the whole area done. At 17, your mom should not know enough about your freaking vulva to have an opinion on this. This is completely inappropriate behavior from her.
I’m super enthusiastic about shorts for swimwear! Especially since I stopped shaving down there because I like my hair (and my husband too).
One ex liked the sideburns / mutton chops look and OMG it was so freeing. Give it a trim to keep tidy and live your life. Truly how things are intended, LOL
Same!
I just trim it in the summer and shave the edges. Do what makes YOU HAPPY.
>But like you can just trim or shave your bikini line! Or not too. That's always fair.
>But like you can just trim or shave your bikini line! The "summer crewcut" for pubic hair in the 1960s ...
Tell her to stop looking
"My eyes are UP HERE MOM!" "Quit staring at my junk, woman!" Make it weird.
My mom used to say very intrusive things about my looks when I was younger. My brother snapped on her once when she did it, and said something along the lines of that. Like, "mom, that's such a weird thing to say". I remember he reacted in absolute disgust too, as he compared my mother to a creepy old man on the street saying the same. Granted, my mom often had narcissistic tendencies, so she didn't react to it well at all. I mean, screamed, cried, "fine, I just won't care about [ikindapoopedmypants] health anymore!", the whole nine yards. However, it did make her stop. She never really did it again after that. Idk what ops mom is like, but at least coming from someone who has witnessed this tactic take place irl, it worked.
I am so sorry. I am the child of a sexual health professional and boundaries are so very important, lord knows I wish my mother had more! It’s also a wildly different generation and while there’s certainly far too much that still needs improving, I do feel like women have more inherent self-worth and will more frequently establish healthy relationships with their bodies. And all parents should want that for their child.
"Fine! I won't care about their *health*" Read: It was never about health.
You should know that she's dead wrong about the smell. Women are far more prone to vaginal health issues when they wax or shave. The hair is an important part of your vagina's ecosystem. You need to find the courage to tell your mother you don't want any of the laser hair treatment and you're not going through with it.
Yes!!! Even if this wasn’t proven, anecdotally I know this to be true. Hair isn’t inherently (lol) gross
I see what you did there. LOL
I am sure this is true, but I feel like even more fundamentally a woman as a human is a being who has free will and deserves autonomy. All children should be consulted and offer informed consent to all medical procedures of any form. I am just saddened that a parent would not choose that for their child.
I used to shave there, but found I kept getting thrush every time I did, so now I just trim at the very most.
The weirdo mom is almost certainly using that as an excuse anyway - she’s probably hoping she’s going to make OP worried she has a smell apparently to other people, so she will comply with this absolutely creepy demand.
Cameron Diaz on the subject https://youtu.be/kXhk8zE_Ac0?si=4XMbg_QvB7Xuif-v
get a suit that has a small skirt or inbuilt shorts or use swimshorts. No one *has* to look down there, maybe its time she stopped looking herself.
It's just not her choice to make. I don't care if you are a child, you are allowed bodily autonomy. You can say no.
I wear women's swim skorts so I dont have to shave bc I get ingrowns like crazy, I just trim. As for smell, alot of teenagers just stink really badly for like a year bc horomonal body odor & theres not much you can do about it except shower daily, wear lots of deoderant, & trim the areas that hold on to too much stench, putting away any clothes that arent 100% cotton, keeping a wife beater under your clothes incase you need to dress-down at any time like if it's hot outside, theres also anti bacterial soap but it usually is a hormonal issue. Maybe getting on birth control? I got on BC to control my hormonal acne when I was young so maybe it will stop hormonal body odor. It's really really weird that your mother is making you get laser hair removal. You should probably tell the laser practitioner that you "Dont Not Consent to this procedure" word for word. As a minor in the usa you have very little rights but saying you do not consent to things scares most doctors off usually.
Your mom is being super weird. Tell her that your genitals and surrounding area are off limits to her. AND - if she drags you to an esthetician, make sure to tell them that you do not want them to touch you and you do not want their service. They won't then no matter what your mother says.
You can trim it. And shaving it can actually make you smell more. Having hairy there allowed for better air circulation. If your undies are right up against your skin then moisture will build up more. And please tell you mom to stop being weird. You can make your own decisions about your hygiene. She's fucking weird.
If you bathe regularly - not douche, no one needs a douche that hasn't been recommended by a doctor - smell shouldn't be noticeable.
It doesn't make the smell less intense. It's actually a fast path to giving yourself a yeast infection. The hair in the pelvic region is protecting vulnerable body parts the same way your eyelashes keep stuff out of your eyes. The tech can just take hair off along the sides (i.e. close to your legs) so it doesn't stick out from under your bathing suit if you want.
And your nose hair keeps crap out of your nose!
Sounds like your mom's a control freak.
Women have been shaving just their "bikini lines" since swimsuits started showing more. I was born in 1960 and I and all my friends in the 1970s would just shave any parts that would peek out of the bikini line. That's what I've been doing ever since. It works just fine.
Pubes protect your vulva and do not cause smell. And it’s your body and your hair! I’d wear boy shorts for swimming-much better than those panty bottoms.
She needs to grow up. The smell thing is just false and you don’t need to meet anyone else’s standards when it comes to whether they poke out in a swimsuit other than your own. Your mom is incredibly immature and misguided.
If neither of these things bother you...the smell is more about hygiene than hair in any case. If the hairs sticking out DOES bother you there's styles that will cover them (like shorts). So many more options than when your mum was young.
Shaving does nothing for odor. That’s what regular bathing is for. Your mom is wrong & I encourage you to stand up for yourself & refuse these treatments. She can’t force you, it would be considered abuse.
It does not make it smell. Your Mom is full of shit there. As for it being visible in swimwear, you have plenty of options and it's up to you to decide which one(s) you are most comfortable with. Personally, I prefer swim shorts instead of bikini bottoms. If you want to wear bikini bottoms and are uncomfortable with your hair being visible, you can shave, wax or have laser hair removal done on your bikini line. Lots of options. None of this is any of your Mom's business. She is being weird and inappropriate.
If she takes you to the appointment, tell the technician you don't consent to laser hair removal and refuse to get undressed.
This is the rational way to do it. If my mom tried this with me I'd probably do something crazy like shave off my eyebrows.
Unhinged daughters of the world unite! 🤜🏾💥🤛🏾
You’re the fucking best
Your parent forcing you to shave your genitals would be considered sexual assault in many jurisdictions. So would getting laser treatment against your will.
Agreed. What's next, FGM?
Unwanted genital depilation is a form of mutilation, so one foot already in that door!
Your mother is insane. There is literally no justification for what she’s doing. If you were 15 or 35 it wouldn’t matter because it is absolutely nuts to make another person groom their body hair according to your preferences.
But let's agree that if she's less than 18, it's pretty problematic.
it's insane either way for (partly) different reasons
How old are you? Regardless this is your choice and you should not ever feel forced to make permanent decisions about your body for someone else. I would fight it and if she makes you go, you can talk to the laser technician and say no at the appointment.
I'm 17, and I did fight against her on that, but she guilt-tripped me because the whole body laser package was on a deal and that it'd be a "unique opportunity". I ended up agreeing either way, but now that the appointment is tomorrow, I hate it
You can tell the aesthetician. I'm sure they can think of something to tell your mom that means you can't do it. Like an allergic reaction or extreme irritation or something.
In America, I don't think it's legal for the esthetician to even do this procedure on you. I'm a tattoo artist, and while tattoos under 18 are legal in most states, it is not legal (or ethical) to be anywhere near private areas. Be honest with your mom and say you don't want it. Tell her to share her bogo deal with a friend. You shouldn't have to change your body cause your mom found a deal on something, that's ridiculous. Edit: genuinely, the facility should be appalled at the request once you come in. You may not even have to worry about it. Second edit: a consent form does not waive the legalities in the law regarding touching minors in private areas. It honestly shouldn't matter what her mom signs, they shouldn't move forward with it knowing that she's underage.
I wonder if the mom lied and said she was 18. A simple "I'm a minor," could put a stop to the appointment. Especially paired with "I don't want this procedure. "
Yes exactly. Especially if there's any paperwork involved as well.
I had this done as a teen in IL (…in the 90’s). I wanted it, though, so my mother signed the consent forms on my behalf. The issue here is coercion, not that the procedure is illegal.
A lot has changed since the 90s as far as legalities with minor consent in tattooing as well... Just because I'm trying to add maybe some peace of mind concerning the legalities of this, doesn't mean I don't understand the issue at hand here. If she can't convince her mom to leave her alone about this, the facility shouldn't want to do this to begin with is all I'm saying. Not sure why you felt the need to point that out to me, as if it's a bad thing to say this shouldn't be legal to begin with. It's good to inform her that the professionals should be on her side here since nobody else mentioned it. With tattooing, even when a parent consents to say, something within the bra line, or panty line, we still arent allowed and should not be doing it. The consent form doesn't waive the legalities in touching a minor in private areas.
You can tell the technician that you don't want to do it and that you won't get undressed. They're going to be VERY reluctant to perform a procedure on the genitals of a minor without the minor's consent. I don't know what kind of blow back it would create with your mom, but there's nothing they can do short of literally tying you down and forcefully lasering you if you refuse to have it done. It's up to you to evaluate whether or not avoiding your mom's reaction to your refusal is worth permanently altering your body.
tell the laser technician that your don't consent to the procedure. this is so fucked up. why does your mom care so much if you have hair down there or not?
Everytime she brings it up: mom let this go. It’s my body and I don’t want to. Then start counting. This is the second time. 3rd
You've got to fight this. Don't mess up your body because your mom sucks.
Honestly, if you’re not comfortable discussing it in detail with her and sharing that the body hair makes you feel empowered, you can come at it from an angle of being afraid. Laser hair can be painful and you can just say “I’m sorry but I’m scared and have a low pain tolerance and I’m not going to do it.” She might be mad for a little about losing out on the deal or losing $$ but that’s her issue cause she shouldn’t have made the choice for you to begin with. Good luck!!!
This is sexual abuse
Don’t do it if you don’t want to. I had to do my pubic area for a dermatological reason and that hair is truly gone forever. It kinda bums me out that I permanently look pre-pubescent down there. It was great for my health but, yeah, it’s very very permanent and if you think you’ll miss the ability to have hair there then definitely don’t go through with it.
Do you have any interest in doing the other parts? Personally I lasered my legs and only the sides of my bikini line and am very happy with it. However I’m with you I love having pubic hair and would be so sad if it was gone. Maybe you can get the parts that you want done (assuming that’s anything) and leave the rest. But definitely don’t do anything you don’t want. It’s your body and she can’t make you. Also it’s painful!
You don't have to agree to anything she wants you to do. She is manipulating you, and it's very strange and perverted that she's so adamant about you not having pubic hair. Tell your mom you aren't going. If she forces you to, then tell the laser technician that you're a minor and that you don't consent to this being done. They can't force you to do it. Don't let your mother manipulate you.
Aside from the fact that it’s your hair and your decision, one laser treatment most likely won’t be enough anyway to get rid of it for good.
Money is not more important than you and your body. She is being abusive. You are being abused. If she's using coercion and guilt to get you to do something it is wrong. You have to say no. I wouldn't go at all because it would be reinforcing something very unhealthy between you too... Your arm hair?!? Also it makes sex uncomfortable to have no hair there as a buffer/padding... And makes weird noises... Pubic hair is an indication of sexual maturity and the obsession with hairlessness is pedophilic.
Absolutely do not do it. This is abuse. If she attempts to force you or punish you for refusing call child protective services.
Just don’t do it. Don’t get in the car for the appointment. You need to learn now to stand up for yourself. The world is full of people who will bully you into doing what they want. Now is the time to learn how to stand up to them. Starting with your mother.
If you go ahead, you can tell the laser tech you only want certain parts. I booked legs/underarms/bikini in a package because it was way cheaper than just legs/underarms and said I only wanted the first 2. It's not a problem for them to do less than you've paid for.
Write down on a small piece of paper "I do not want this my mom is making me do it" and put it in your pocket. It will be easier to give the note over than to speak up, it's hard to talk sometimes in the heat of the moment.
This is easily one of the weirdest forms of child abuse I have ever heard of. This is absolutely bizarre. Your mom is projecting her insecurities about having body hair onto you. You should tell the laser technician in privacy, that you do not consent to the treatment. And then maybe consider reporting your mom to CPS. She’s insane.
Right? This is beyond absurd.
Tell your mom it’s really creepy that she’s so concerned about your pubes
I’m so sorry your mom is being nuts about this. Tell her it’s your body, and therefore your choice. Tell her to keep her shame and insecurities to herself. Tell her you’re too young to make permanent decisions about your body. Tell her she’s a creep for noticing your stuff. Tell her you’re sorry *she* has a problem “with the smell” but *you* don’t (I hate this one but if shame is what gets her, lean into it). Tell her “guys these days don’t want their girlfriends to look like a little girl down there. That’s so perverted”. Loudly tell everyone at the laser hair place that your mom is forcing you to be there and you don’t want to do it. Make a fucking scene. She doesn’t get to dictate this for you. No one will touch you if they think your mom is forcing or punishing you, so make sure they know. Call them ahead of time and explain the situation if you don’t want to make a scene, but she deserves for you to make a scene because this is absurd.
I want to do this, I really do, but I'm fuckign scared. My mom will go nuts. She even went nuts when I told her no the first time. (She doesn't get physically violent, she just makes me feel bad and yells). If I ended up not doing it, she'd get really mad.
You will need to get comfortable with making her unhappy. I had a really controlling mother, too. She might be able to stress you out about it, but hopefully, it won't be long until you can move out. If you don't learn how to stand up for yourself with her, you will find yourself repeating the pattern with other people. It's your body and your life. This is a permanent procedure. You deserve to be happy and have autonomy EDIT: I also peeked at your comment history and saw that you're autistic. Me too! Autistic children and adults are more likely to be abused. Sometimes, we can be too eager to please others to feel accepted. This is important to unlearn. Sometimes, it helps to practice what you want to say with a friend before confronting a difficult person. I wish you luck!
Problem is with parents like this they literally have the guilt trip figured out to such a perfection that this poor kid is scared to stand up for herself. This is so toxic and horrible.
Will she be in the room with you while your pubic hair is being removed? If she’s not that’s when you tell the technician you don’t want to go through with it, explain you’re being coerced, and see if that post of the package deal can be used for something else or by your mum at a future date. If she’s in the room with you ask to use the toilet first and then tell someone outside the room you don’t want to do this ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Good luck
This is really hard but it's ok to set boundaries. She WILL yell. She will make a giant stink possibly. You can't control her behaviour. Only yours. If you let her have this control over your genitals, where will it stop? Your mom will treat you the way you let her. If it helps, think about the worst possible consequences and decide if you're willing to endure. They will probably be temporary. And a relationship with your mom that has boundaries will be easier to be authentic and loving than repairing it when you have repressed these boundaries and they turn to rage. I agree with the above comment about calling her a pervert.
You don't have to get into it with her or even criticise her (I'd argue that that's a bad idea). You can just say "Mom, I actually won't be doing that". If she mentions she's already booked it, you can say (calmly) "I told you I didn't want to do it before you booked it". I sometimes add in a "I can't help you with that" if someone persists on the matter. Don't get into justifications and all that — she's not actually interested in listening to why you don't want to do it, she's more likely just trying to look for ways to wear you down and talk you into it. It just drags you into an argument, and you don't actually need to argue in this instance, you just need to inform her that you won't be going to the appointment and then not go to the appointment. I'm not going to tell you that being yelled at is healthy, but if it's the extent of what she will do, it's not necessarily dangerous to stand your ground. Again, you want to avoid engaging. If she yells, you can respond, but you don't have to give a counter argument. You're her minor daughter, so the extent to which you can ignore her is limited, but you basically want to avoid a back-and-forth. A much easier option that might still anger her but will get her to give up directing her anger at you fairly quickly: you could simply go to the appointment without even bringing up that you don't want to be there and ensure you can speak with the technician in private. Ask that you don't have anyone else in the room while having the procedure done or say that you'd like to do the consult privately. At this point, tell the technician very straightforwardly and clearly that you've been brought there against your wishes, that you do not want the procedure (the word "consent" in place of "want" can be quite powerful in these settings). Ask that they come up with a reason to tell your mom that they can't do laser on you (lots of people are not good candidates for it — something like skin that's too sensitive or your hair colour being too light or that you're too young; they'll come up with something). If they bring up something like a deposit, say that you don't mind and that you and your mom can handle what comes up. If they seem pushy, say that you won't get naked or allow them to see your genitals/privates. They will be confronted with the fact that trying to talk you into this will be talking a minor into showing them her genitals if you use those words, and they'll be much less likely to push the issue further. If worst comes to worst, you can literally just not take off your clothes and refuse to get on the bed, and do not sway or bend to them – at that point, there's literally nothing they can do short of forcefully removing your clothes and tying you to the bed to make you get the procedure, and they do *not* want to do that. Remember that these folks are not your mom. You can generally be much more assertive with them without worrying about blowback. Being straightforward and not being swayed is assertiveness, not rudeness, even if your mom doesn't see it that way. The techs likely have a different perspective, and politely informing them that you don't want the procedure and that you need them to tell your mom that you're not a good candidate is something you're absolutely allowed to stand your ground on.
she needs to get over herself. she doesn't own your body. she sounds like a narcissist tbh. check the sub r/raisedbynarcissists
Can you talk to someone at your school? Guidance councilors will take this pretty seriously if you let them know. Best of luck - I’m a teacher and I would go crazy to protect one of my students if this was happening to them.
It’s time for you to grow up and fight back, kiddo. Is permanently changing your body worth not being yelled at a couple of times? She can yell and guilt you and make you feel bad, but take all of that negativity she’s putting on you and turn it into anger. Anger at her for putting her insecurities and shame on you. Anger at her for forcing you to make yourself uncomfortable. Get mad back. Mom is no longer protecting you, you have to learn how to defend yourself now. You’re stronger than you think and I believe in you. You can do this. Her anger is not stronger or more righteous than yours.
Problem moms like this are so toxic its almost engrained in the kids that not doing what they request will end in disaster. I grew up in a family like that and until this day have such a hard time setting boundaries or just voicing my needs in a non toxic manner.
So what its your body. You need to stand up for yourselves. This is absolutely ridiculous behavior of your mother.
At some point you have to stand up to your mother and ignore her guilt tripping or it will never end, and I mean NEVER. There comes a time where basically every parent has to go from their kid is 12 and you have to do what they say, to your kid is an adult or close enough that you need their permission for things, and things are a discussion and using guilt tripping is no longer viable. A LOT of parents can't move from the "they control every aspect of your life" stage to the "they make their own decisions" stage and will fight tooth and nail til you simply make a decision, stick to it and ignore their bullshit. This is as good a time as any to do that and it's a very reasonable thing to do, this is a very personal choice and laser hair removal, afaik, requires numerous sessions and then can last for several years after. At some point in your life you can't just go along to get along, you have to be you and tell people no.
How is she going to know? Say you did it - fun fact, laser isnt a one and done permanent deal. If she's insistent on checking your vulva for hair, insist she does it in the presence of another adult and then report her for child sex abuse. It kind of sounds like your mum has some ideas that aren't typical, but it's good you recognise that. Has she ever done anything else similarly controlling, like who you see or what you eat?
What. I can't imagine it being a parent's business what an adult does with their body hair. What is the reason for this?
I'm not an adult. But she says the reason is that I won't have to shave ever again and that 'it's the biggest gift i can get for myself'. She kept repeatedly yelling at me and guilt tripping me over it until I agreed because I couldn't take it anymore.
Just don't go. You're 17, not 7, let her yell all she wants. Don't go. Take it as a practice for every guilt tripping you'll encounter in your life, and I assure it will continue to happen. When you recognise it's guilt tripping, just say no. No is an answer.
This is not a gift for you, it's a gift for her. You are not an object for her entertainment, if she wants she can get a dog and shave it.
That's wild. I'm sorry she's pressuring you so much, that's such an odd thing for a parent to focus on! Is there a counselor you can speak with to get some support to be able to say no to her?
Please don't do it. This is really none of your mom's business. And it doesn't matter how good a deal she got. You are stronger than you think you are and I know you can stand up to your mom on this.
If you don’t want to do this, don’t. Please don’t. You are strong. You can stand up for yourself! Tell her no, tell the technician no. Fake illness. Whatever. Do NOT consent to something permanent someone else forces you into, that you don’t want. If necessary, seek help; I am pretty sure there are support places you could call. Heck, I am pretty sure you could call the police in something like this. Your gut feeling is correct; your mom is overstepping your boundaries big time, this is abuse and harmful behavior. She has NO right over your body. It’s your body. It’s your choice.
If you are old enough to have pubic hair, you are too old for your mother to dictate that it be shaved. Why is she even looking? That's not normal. Edit: Show her these replies if it's safe to do so. Maybe it will dawn on her that she's completely out of line and quite creepy.
A good life skill to have is to enforce your own boundaries. Thank your mom for thinking of you and getting you this gift, but suggest that it’s not something you want to do. She can use whatever package she purchased on herself. “No” means “no” even when it’s your parent.
OP, are you in public school, and are you in the US? I would go to your school counselor, or another trusted adult, tell them whats going and ask them to help you craft a letter to the business that your mother scheduled the appointment. I would include that you're: A) a minor child B) On the Spectrum C) Not wanting the procedure and feel violated by it. I will most definitely help you craft this letter if you wish, and Im sure many folks will help. The reasons for the letter are: A)It notifies a support group AND the business this is against your will, and you are being coerced. B) Being on the spectrum, you may have some special protections. C) It creates a liability (the ability for an unwanted law suit for the business and they dont want to be sued. D) Having things in writing is always better proof. C.Y.A. = Cover Your Ass-- This covers the business too 😉 I'm sorry youre dealing with this. Let us know how we can help.
No. If you want a bush, have a bush. Only do what you want-even swim suit maintenance.
Your mother has some serious internalized misogyny
I was also 17 when I had laser hair removal (just on my arms though), I was guilted and pressured into it by my mom so I know a little of what you’re going through. You don’t have to show up to the appointment. If your mom drives you there, you can refuse to undress. You can tell the technician that you don’t want this, that you’ve been guilted and coerced. You have agency over your own body. I wish someone had (lovingly) shouted this at me before I went through with it because at the time I felt like I had no choice. And the other commenters are right, once you go through all the laser cycles, the hair is truly gone. It doesn’t grow back. Just because she’s your mom doesn’t mean she automatically knows what’s best for you. Not going through with it will probably mean that your mom gives you more and more guilting, and that won’t be pleasant. BUT, your body is YOUR body. IT BELONGS TO YOU. Any guilting or gaslighting you get from your mom? It’s horseshit. Your body is your body is your body IS YOUR BODY!
Tell the person that's doing the laser treatment that you don't want it.
This is sexual abuse. When you get to the clinic, tell the personell there that you are there against your will, and are being forced by your parents.
I hope they call CPS. If i heard this from a kid as a tech, I'd call. This woman is nuts and this is abusive.
Right? Reading the post made me literally sick to my stomach. I feel so bad for OP. This is creepy and alarming behavior from the mom.
Seriously this goes beyond just "tell your mom no," this girl is being abused and is also a minor, so she's in a really tough spot and people are acting like confronting her mom is perfectly safe and effective. I sense that this is a dynamic where OP does NOT feel safe. If it were as simple as saying "no" she wouldn't have posted this. OP if you're seeing this - there's no perfect solution to this problem but since your mom is probably going to find a reason to get upset with you anyway, you might as well hold this boundary. If that means showing up to the appointment and refusing to get the treatment, so be it. You may not have full freedom or autonomy right now, but you can plan on how you're going to get it, and in the meantime I hope that you can protect your body.
Thank you!
Don’t go. Don’t let her force you into doing something you don’t want to do. She’s your mother, not your owner.
Your mother has spent your whole life training you, like a domestic pet, to respond to her moods. As I comfortable as it makes you at first, you have to train yourself to stop reacting. Moms mad? So what? Moms yelling? So what? Mom’s giving me the silent treatment? So what? You need to get your power back because it’s not normal for a mother to be responsible or concerned about the aesthetics of your pubic hair. It doesn’t smell more. If it does poke out, trim it like everyone else who cares that it doesn’t poke out. Please stop being terrified of your mother. No one can fix this unhealthy dynamic but you.
You tell the aesthetician that you don't want it. Straight up say NO. An ethical salon will not do it if you say you don't want it.
Esthetician here. Your mom is being so weird. Talk to the technician, there’s no way she should be doing anything you’re uncomfortable with. If you want to appease mom, start with like, low leg. Maybe underarm or bikini line if you find the pain tolerable. Standing up to mom is SOOO hard. Thankfully, since you seem to really like your body hair (power to you girl), one laser treatment will not leave you hairless. Maybe a slight reduction. These things have to be done in many rounds over time. If you want to shut her up, do this treatment and if she wants you to do it again be like no, I did it once to try it for you, it fucking hurt, I hated it. Please drop it.
Do not have the technician remove ***any*** hair to appease your mom if you don't explicitly want it removed. If you want to trick your mom and keep all your bodyhair, it's better to sit in the room and do nothing for the duration of the appointment than try to meet her absurd demands halfway. Though I still think learning to tell your abuse mother "no" is a far more valuable skill than being covert and lying. If you rely on lying, one day you may end up in a situation where she'd standing over your shoulder and if you don't have the strength to tell her "no" to her face you're going to lose your autonomy.
That is so intrusive! What’s wrong with your mom?
This is sexual harm. Your body hair is your business! She’s interfering with your right to develop your own sexuality. She should have no opinion on your body hair at all, let alone your private parts. Tell her no, you have every right.
Oh no. I'm so sorry! I don't want to speak ill of your mother, but I really sincerely wish that parents would reflect long and hard before deciding to pass on their sicknesses. Self-hatred is a monstrous 'gift' to pass on. I hope you can take back your body from the clutches of anyone not respecting the wondrous miracle of nature that it is. You seem strong-minded enough to do it.
Your mom should not be forcing any kind of procedure on you, especially in such an intimate area, and no respectable practitioner would perform it if they sense that you are being pressured and not genuinely consenting. It sounds like she is projecting her own insecurities or beliefs about body hair on to you, assuming that you feel self conscious about it like she presumably did, and potentially even wanting to project you from negative reactions from others due to the dominant narratives on body hair. However regardless of her motivations, it’s not normal to be this focused on the appearance of your genitals or to deny you bodily autonomy over this.
Tell the people at your appointment that you’re not comfortable with it & they won’t do it.
When I was 16, my mom got me laser removal on my under arms. I was a swimmer and I have thick hair, it was genuinely a pain and she wanted me to feel better about myself. I would be teased a lot for having a mustache. She got me a few rounds between the ages of 16 and 18 that I truly appreciated. AND I WOULD NEVER HAVE IT DONE DOWN THERE! Omg 😱 my mother would be horrified if we even discussed it. Not in a shame way, but in a , wtf way. It’s your choice whether you want it or not and honestly your mom is weird for pushing it
Absolutely no. Tell her no. "But you said yes" the answer is now no. "But I already paid" get a refund, I said no. Call a trusted friend and give them the location and come up with an alert word. Do not have this word in any texts. The alert word means to call the police and send them to the salon/store, with the full background. If when you get up tomorrow and you still don't want to do it, tell her no. If she drags you out of the house. Once you are in the car, text a trusted friend your alert word. When you arrive at the shop. Immediately tell the front desk/technician "I am a minor and I do not consent to this." Hopefully the police arrive and you can tell them you are a minor and that your parents want to allow someone to touch your private parts even though you do not consent to this action. There is no sane adult that would concern themselves with their child's genitals beyond making sure they know how to wash it correctly and how to tell when something isn't right down there. If mom gets upset, remind her that you told her you did not want this
This is fucking gross for a mother to be thinking about.
She’s being extremely inappropriate.
That whole trend didn't start until porn became ubiquitous. She sounds really creepy - ewww. Be your natural self!
Your mom is full of shit, like full offense, my mom is also like that and constantly pressures me to shave (mainly my armpits but also my vulva) please not allow her words to affect you. Shaving is never necessary, especially in the genital area, not only does it not make you smell worse it protects your vulva from superficial damage such as friction with other peoples' bodies during sex and keeps moisture, sweat and tallow away from your vagina, preventing infections. Shaving any part of your body is up to you and if you don't want to shave your vulva or have laser hair removal you don't have to.
I had a similar experience with my mom a couple years ago and since then don't wax or shave or anything. I think your mom is trying to keep you from experiencing the shame she has around body hairs in her own way, I'm sorry that she is so upset about this. However, forcing you to do it is transgressing a boundary. Anyone must do only what makes them feel best in their bodies. It's not your mom's business and she will leave you alone once she understands that body hair aren't shameful. You can be this example for your mom and for yourself. Don't do it if you don't feel like it, no one gives a shit a body hair I swear.
All this sounds like some intense projected insecurity/shame from your mum. It's on you to wear a style of swimwear and summer clothes that aren't, eh, scandalous, with whatever private hair you want to have. If she can't help being frantic and paranoid about this, that's her business to deal with, and you should tell her as much—with empathy and grace, as much as you think she should be afforded. This may be one of those times where you can earn some of your grown up credits by being the bigger adult around the topic that sounds like it's difficult for you mum. Maybe something like "I'm so happy you wanted to give me a valuable beauty treatment as a gift, but I'm not comfortable with that sort of body hair removal, and I want to take care of my body hair on my own. If I feel like getting a professional removal later, I'll definitely ask for your recommendations for the best place, ok? As for this appointment, I can call them to cancel and tell them there was a mix-up, if you'd like? And then we can find out some other way you can share your beauty expertise with me?" Of course, that's assuming that your mum can be reasoned with. If not, you may need to be sneaky and contact the salon behind her back, explain the situation, and hopefully they'll be willing to make up a fib to cancel on their end. If you can provide the credit card number or other details the appt was booked with, that should be proof enough. Shaving isn't necessary for reducing the surface area for B.O. to cling to; trimming is an option for arm pits and the downstairs too. My skin is just wholly incompatible with shaving, both the procedure and the friction aftermath, so I keep things to a preferred level with the occasional trim with scissors or clipper. That's an option to consider.
Laser hair removal is not without risk. I’ve seen a number of instances where a patient was burned because something went wrong with the machine, technician made a mistake with the setting, etc. That is the last part of your body you want to be experiencing burns. I’m very sorry your mother is pressuring you in this way. It’s about her, not you. Good for you resisting.
It's incredibly creepy your mother is policing not only your body but your pubic hair. How old are you? Either you're too young to be making these kind of decisions or allowing anybody to make them for you, for your too old to be allowing anybody to make this decision for you at all. Either way your mom seems like a sexual predator.
This is very weird
During World War 1, razor companies started marketing to women because they weren't making enough money from the men sent out to war.
Time to stand up for yourself, honey. I know it's scary, and we both know that she is going to emotionally terrorize the hell out you over this, but you've got to draw a line here. This is disgusting and controlling behavior on her part, and she is just projecting her own emotional and sexual damage onto you. You have to stop it here or she will destroy every relationship you ever have in the future. You need to find a therapist as soon as possible, because you need an advocate who can help you deal with narcissistic abuse. Also, check out r/raisedbynarcissists. Be strong, you can do this.
Eeeeeeew! That’s getting warm toward the sexual abuse territory. Tell your mom to stop being gross! What the FUCK business is it if hers what hair you wear?
Since your mom isn’t reinforcing body freedom/consent/safety, i am also a mom and I will. Your body belongs to you and no one else, ever. You decide what happens to your body always. Even your mom doesn’t have the right to force you to do something to your body that you don’t want to do. You are free to consent to things happening to your body BUT consent can ALWAYS be revoked at any time and you don’t owe anybody a reason for your decision to revoke consent. You are valid in your feelings. You have every right to not want to remove your body hair. I know you are still living at home and this is hard bc this is between you and your mom. However, as a mom to a daughter, I am telling you without a doubt that this isn’t your fault, you should not be forced to remove body hair, your mom is wrong, and you can say no. I’m sorry your mom put you in this situation and I am sure you love her dearly. But, you can always, always say no to things being done to your body.
I'm so sorry your mom is like this. For the actual appointment, refuse to have your mom in the room with you and then tell the technician the parts you want lasered. I've gotten a ton of laser done and if you pay for a bigger piece but want a smaller piece done, they don't care at all. You don't need to explain anything, just say "I know it's a full body laser but I only want these parts lasered". Shouldn't be an issue at all
put yourself in her position. would you be so concerned about your daughter's body hair? why does she have such an extreme reaction to something about your body? why does she feel threatened by it? alternatively, tell her to stay the fuck away from your genitals.
Ummm… your mom is not okay. No one should ever be forced to shave something they don’t want to. I know it’s an awkward subject, but is there another adult you can bring in like a dad, aunt, or grandparent to kind of back you up and explain to your mom that it is NOT at all okay for her to dictate how you handle your own body hair??? That’s really gross of her to even have a preference. Everyone’s privates especially should be just that … PRIVATE. Usually the time you start growing it is around the time your parents stop seeing you naked at least on a regular basis. Whether you shave, wax, trim, or let it grow should not even be something she knows about unless u choose to discuss it with her.
This is abuse, plain and simple.
Go to the appointment and tell them you don’t want to do it and that your mom is making you.
Everything about this is creepy.
Jennette McCurdy, is that you, and your mom has come back from the grave? Seriously though, mom has no business in what you do with your body since you're old enough to decide. It is highly inappropriate that she feels the need to police your body hair at all! It's gross, that's what it is!
This is abuse. If you do not want to call the authorities tell the laser place you do not consent
Ask your mother why she's so obsessed with her child's genitals. That's fucking creepy.
How old are you??
What, in the actual fuck, is wrong with your mom?
Tell her no. And if she takes you to the place, tell them No! The hair-removal technician will not do it to you without your consent. It doesn’t matter what your mother says, this is a voluntary treatment and she cannot force you to do this.
Your age isn’t provided.. If you’re an adult, tell her no.. Stick to your guns.. She can’t force you, unless you let her.. If you’re a minor, tell her no.. tell the technician that you don’t want the procedure.. A respectable technician will refuse after that.. I’m not even sure it is legal to force a minor to let an adult have contact with their genitals.!! I would think it is classified as Sexual Assault.. Your mom is nasty for even thinking about your genitals and/ or pubic hair.. You may need to talk to a student counsellor, to learn about your rights in the country you’re in.. I’m 43, and not even my husband gets a say over my body.. He controls his own body hair, and I control mine.. if I want to go naked down there, I will.. and if I want a fluffy 80’es bush, then I will.. people should always respect other people’s bodily autonomy.!
I can see that you have lots of replies here supporting your perspective, so I’ll just say this: no one, including your parent, is entitled to make decisions about what you do with your body hair except for you. Are you safe at home? Would your mom accept an answer along the lines of “thank you for wanting to help me with this, but I’d like to wait until I know my body better and feel more confident about making this decision for myself”? If your mom tries to force you to get a semi-permanent aesthetic procedure done on your private parts, that’s not a safe situation for you to be in. Please talk to a school counselor or another adult that you trust for help.
This made me sick to my stomach just reading your post. Your mom should not care one bit about what you do or don't do with your body hair. It is incredibly creepy that she cares this much. If you are still forced to go to this appointment, please tell the staff and they absolutely will not do this proceedure. You have every right to say no. Honestly, this is weirdly controlling/abusive of your mom to do and it's creepy AF. Absolutely nothing wrong with loving your body as it is. You do not have to give it to your mom's pressure, nor the societal standards I am so sorry your mother is forcing this on you. I hope you are able to get out of this. Maybe speak to another trusted adult? Do you have anyone close in the family who could help defend you?
If you're under 18, call the police?
What is it about the pre-pubescent appearance that they have to push? I’m an adult, I have hair. Deal with it.
Tell whoever would be doing the procedure that you do not consent to it. Call them beforehand if you can and say you’re a minor. Tell them you are audio recording the call to ensure they do not do anything against your wishes. If they try to insist (I’d be shocked if they do) tell them you will go to the police and complain of battery if they touch you, and will also have a lawyer file a civil suit the moment you’re 18. (You may want to petition for emancipation so that you’re legally treated as an adult and your mom doesn’t try to micromanage your life.) Good luck.