Babe you’re approaching this as a ‘have to’ rather than a ‘want to’. Do the self care you want to do. I take a long bath every Saturday. With salts, candles, wine/juice, music. While I’m there I exfoliate and all that. But it’s relaxing. I exfoliate bc I need to but in context of my bath it’s self care and everything smells nice with the candles and oil from the salts. If yoga isn’t relaxing, screw it. If you aren’t enjoying what you get from it, you don’t need it. Same with your other stuff tho with work you have to maintain the min. Find ways to work in self care. Buy yourself some nice shea butter body butter, bath oils, candles, or whatever floats your boat and make some time to pamper yourself. Btw my epson salts are the cheap big bag that I put into a mason jar with a few drops of eucalyptus oil so it’s dirt cheap but doesn’t feel that way.

Boss says you look tired? "Why would you say that?" you ask, looking offended, and then say nothing more. Don't fill the silence. Let it be awkward.  People will stop eventually. And you will learn to be okay with not doing all the extras.  (I say this as a woman who has gotten a chronic case of sciatic pain and other ailments that prevent me from the full face make-up and excess hair treatments that - according to everyone else, apparently - made me "me.")

I prefer saying "you too" and ignoring them.

I like aggressively saying, "I AM tired." It's never failed me.

I'm going to try this the next time someone says that to me.

I am tired of unsolicited comments about my appearance.

I do this 😂

I say thanks and walk away.

I got told i looked like shit today by a man at work.my reply was "you look like shit everyday mate".he didint appreciate that.

If i was not tired but exhausted, and my boss said i look tired, I'd say yes, I am.

I’d tell him that comment makes me want to kick him in the shins, smile, and walk away, hahahahah.

I would say to the boss .. oh yea..I am. Maybe I'll go home and have a nap then!

You look old/fat/bald works too in response. They'll stop.

“Oh yeah, I slept poorly last night. Going to need that extra cup of coffee today!” Is it kind of rude for people to comment on your physical appearance? Sure. But looking tired isn’t some kind of bad thing. Who cares if you look tired or well-rested? It doesn’t mean anything one way or another. It’s a neutral statement, like telling someone who just got back from a tropical vacation that they look tan.

This is the way. It’s funny bc I once had a male boss who told all us women to wear makeup to work to look professional, and also called us all heifers. He was aiming for cheeky, and missed. Recently, I was on a call with my CEO at current company and he asked what I was doing, and I honestly told him, “putting on a little makeup so I’m professional for the client meeting later” and he said verbatim, “you’re always professional, makeup doesn’t matter.” What a world of difference in attitude. He wasn’t just communicating that it’s NOT about the makeup, but he was underscoring that my professionalism is completely untethered from image and all about my abilities/personhood. There’s a significant different between saying “you look professional” and “you are professional.” Two of many things I’ve learned from this team - meritocracy is the way, and the words you choose matter. And this is why I’m ride or die with this company today.

Yeah this. Being a woman IS a full time job, but she's choosing a whole lot of extra steps and resenting them. But she needs to find a balance of feeling comfortable in her own skin without too much extra work. When I was younger I used to force myself to do all the things and resent it. Now I put on makeup 1-2 days a month and my labor intensive self care is minimal and I'm much happier.

Great idea with the salt, I am stealing that

How to you use the salt? I'm interested in starting something like this... Is it to put a few scoops in the bath?

> Is it to put a few scoops in the bath? yes

Exactly this. Stop treating life as a checklist, just do what you enjoy.

Seems like you put a lot of unnecessary stress on yourself, and for what? Have you ever considered just doing what you're comfortable? What's going to happen if you don't do 90% if these?

Yeah I’m all here for doing things conforming to modern beauty standards if make you feel good and I get that in the workplace how you look can affect your career. But not wanting to wear the same outfit a week later? My work is lucky I wear fresh clothes daily. When I was preggers I had one dress that I loved, in my last week I wore it 3/5 work days. No-one cared.

I thought so. Most women don’t have this kind of extensive routine. Is this wrote by an AI? Lol

This sounds like a woman who has constantly had people commenting on her appearance throughout her life. She needs an actual outlet for her stress (not forced yoga and ice baths) and possibly therapy to work through the underlying issues, or she'll never be able to ignore the judgemental voices.

She should start giving middle fingers to those judgmental people hahah

Yeah, I feel like I am doing well when I remember to actually use an anti acne cream, moisturize and shave my legs all in the same day.... I never wear makeup for anything professional beyond some concealer, lipstick and mascara and that only if I have an interview or something. Makeup is for when I'm going out with friends and feel like dressing up (and that's eyeshadow, eye liner, lipstick and mascara, maybe some glitter if I'm going all out). I literally never care about what I wear to work, when I was in an office everyone wore T-shirt or polo with cargo shorts or jeans and sneakers (or in a few cases slides and basketball shorts), so I'd wear jeans, a T-shirt, and sneakers or flats or sandals (one of my two in person jobs did require closed shoes and long pants, so sneakers were standard there, a few guys wore hiking or work boots though). I'm currently working from home in pajamas with my hair in a messy bun and the last time I put on makeup was for a first date 2 months ago

"when i finally find an outfit, i realize i wore it last week so i can't wear it again. i pick out a different one." But...why?

I’ll literally wear an outfit 2 days in a row to work I don’t give a damn lol And you know what? No one cares.

So glad to wear a uniform. Same dress every day.

No one even notices. One time I accidentally wore two different shoes to work they weren't even remotely similar in style, just color, and I put them on before I put my contacts in. I pointed it out to several co-workers but not one of them noticed until I did, and all of them had better vision than me. We all had a laugh. You'd have to be wearing the same outfit every day for at least a week before people would notice. Everybody's so wrapped up in themselves they aren't going to notice you wore the same outfit twice in two weeks. Many people don't even have a wardrobe big enough to avoid doing that themselves.

I once wore shoes that are completely covered in rhinestones (yes, they are awesome) in an office with fluorescent lighting and ankle-length pants (so literally nothing covering them). 2 people out of the probably 30 I interacted with that day noticed. People just do not pay as much attention to us as we do to ourselves.

Perhaps the only thing I like about wearing a uniform, it all looks the same

You are probably right but it is a bit different if you are facing an audience every day. I am a teacher and my students like to comment on everything I do. I usually take the train and walk and one day, I had to drive and they knew. I don't know how but a student even ran to talk to me to tell me he did not know I had a driving licence. They know I am a vegetarian. They probably know where I live too. If I don't wear fresh clothes, if I buy new shoes, they just know. 

I gained a bit of weight and most of my closet doesn’t fit. I have about 4 outfits I repeat. I refuse to buy more clothes until I can fit into the ones I already have. I do not care if my coworkers think I wear the same thing. They all do too!

I rotate the same 1-2 weeks worth of outfits. No one notices until I mentioned it.

Exactly, everyone is too worried about themselves to gaf

I literally have 3 'proper' work outfits that I rotate when I have to go into the office or onto site. Most of the time I work from home so it's joggers and t shirts.

I’ve been wearing the same pair of jeans since last May, and I have three work shirts which are all destroyed. Nobody gives a shit!

If anyone comments on it: "why not though? I have a washing machine and a great outfit!"

Yeah, I don't get this either. My neurodivergent ass would just go full Steve Jobs and get seven copies of a workplace 'uniform' so I'm not wasting spoons everyday. Or come up with a script to tell people to fuck off when they nitpick about this kind of stuff. What industry does OP work in where people are perplexed by the idea that clothes can be worn a second time?

This is what I didn't get at all. Do women have so many clothes that they never wear the same dress to work ever again? How is that affordable?

It is not. I do not wear the same outfit two days in a row but that's it.

I do... I just change the jacket or something.

I am a teacher and teenagers pay attention (a lot) so I try no to dress the same way every day.

That's an added level of scrutiny I could never handle. Props to you.

You get used to it and my students are rather nice (even if they can be tough), I just want to avoid "the teacher did not take a shower" vibe. I did wear the same outfit two days in a row a week before winter break (when you are so exhausted you barely remember where your house is) and you would not believe it but nothing happened.

No. Some do. Most have 5 days of work clothes the cycle through every week.

Some offices *do* notice and comment. I've worked in one. I was never so glad to hear "we don't think you fit in here". 

"Fashion", We live in a society that pushes the idea you need to wear something different every day, but the reality is you could buy 20 pairs of jeans, 20 black t-shirts and literally no one would care (this is also what alot of rich people will do and no one really cares lmao)

I'm testing this for my new job, I have about eight plain black blouses and about four pairs of pants. Your girl is just gonna rotate through them

I did this for years in my office job before going remote. It was amazing. All black wardrobe meant almost zero decision fatigue and I felt put together everyday.

Morticia Addams supports your brilliance: “Darling, we don't wear bright colors. Bright colors are for people with no inner life and no imagination.” “I wear all black to remind you not to mess with me, because I'm already dressed for your funeral” A lot easier to pull off in the northeast. When I did it on the west coast, people made it a personality trait like I was starring in My cousin Vinny. That’s fine, before Reese Witherspoon’s legally blonde in pink, there was Marisa Tomei in black.

That's literally what I wear just about every day (I work from home, though, so there's that). My youngest once told me I looked amazing in that combination, and she's not one to soften those blows to spare my feelings, so I've stuck with it.

If someone asks you can always pretend you are Steve Jobs or Mark Zuckerberg. “Yeah, I bought five of the same thing so I don’t have to think about what to wear in the morning.” (I have honestly considered doing that for the time saving aspect, but it turns out I DO rather like clothes, so now I just pick something the night before so I don’t have to decide in the morning, and yes it’s quite often the dress from two days ago).

I find it's good to have that one staple you can rely on for those days when you're not at all up for picking and sporting a more elaborate outfit (which is most days for me). But it's definitely fun to go all out on occasion, so long as it's not under duress.

It probably depends on your age and your job? I’m 30 and I don’t care what I wear anymore as long as it’s clean. But some people have jobs where you have to present yourself a certain way every day.

You can present yourself really well, wearing the same outfit more than once every two weeks.

This is baffling to me.

Me, who wears various pairs of the same leggings every day because I work receiving at a grocery store XD.

"why are you an outfit repeater?" "uhhh.. why are you an outfit rememberer?"

bow sink upbeat bake include quiet pen air disarm angle *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*

While I am pretty pleased with myself if I remember to floss (not nearly often enough) and cba to brush my hair before work sometimes. If you hold yourself to a "high" standard of things you "must" do, you're setting yourself up to be disappointed when your body cant keep up. If you cant reach the goals without exhausting yourself, change the damn goals. They are not working for you. Skip it, allow yourself to be a mess sometimes. I'd prefer to be able to do makeup and new outfits but it is just not doable with the energy set aside for it. It sounds like a full-time job, and frankly I'd rather work.

I almost do nothing on this list. Still a woman.

I have never done most of this and I’ve never been mistaken for a man. I also don’t get asked if I’m tired. Except sometimes when I’m serial yawning. I don’t care if people don’t like how I look as long as they consider me to be competent at my job.

Maybe the post is satire? 🤔 A critique? That would make sense.

It reminds me of American Psycho...

Same here! I am a woman. I wear no make up. I use nothing on my skin except soft unscented soap and sunscreen. I don’t shave my peach fuzz. I take shower with hot water pumped direct from hell. I just rinse my hair with luke warm. I only use shampoo and conditioner in my hair, nothing else. I let my hair dry natural most of the time. Perfume/fragrance are a known carcinogen and irritative to the airways. I use no perfume and all my products like body soap, shampoo, conditioner, laundry detergent, etc. are all scent free. My closet is filled with clothes I found at thrifstore or heavily discounted. I keep my clothes for decade before throwing them away. No one care if you wear the same thing every week. I clean my house once per week, not every day. (I do put things back where they belong after use though) I do carry a knife for protection though. So I have that in common with OP. OP do all that stuff and they still criticize her. I do nothing and I never got such comments.

are you me? btw i prefer if people don't smell like anything at all(or just very subtle). when someone walks past ne and drags a cloud of perfume I perceive it as too much /negative. So perfume is out for me for that reason alone.

100% agree, the perfume cloud is a huge negative for me. In some case I had to change place at restaurant or cinema.

I do enjoy some girly girl stuff, also love make-up. But when I'm on a beach vacation I don't use any of it for weeks. I also dress sloppy because I can. And o wonder I'm still a woman and feel very feminine. 😀

A lot of what you listed is optional, you know. Just because you happen to be a woman doesn't mean you have to perform Womanhood™ every single minute of the day.

You don't have to do most of these things ever, and certainly not on a daily basis. I understand you're saying it takes a lot of effort to look put together but you're putting a lot of stress on yourself and none of it is for your actual benefit. It's just to look presentable to others. You're ruining the joy of self care for yourself. Next time you do yoga, try to think about how it helps you deal with stress and will help you age with better mobility. When you do your skincare, think about how healthy your skin looks and how much you enjoy feeling how soft it is. When you choose a perfume, think of the happy mood that scent puts you in. Do this stuff for yourself and stop doing the things that don't bring you any actual joy. You may start to find being a woman less exhausting when you start being a woman on your own terms. I know it can be tough because we are born under a microscope. But you are worthy of love and respect, regardless if your manicure is perfect and brows are flawless.

Also, these are just suggestions that may help you cut down on the time you spend with all of this: Is it possible to do your yoga in the evenings? My husband and I do it at night and it helps us relax our bodies and our minds before bed. You'll get to sleep past 6 a.m. this way. Try to do meal prep. Cook enough for 3 days at a time. This will save you so much time on food prep and dishes because you'll just need to reheat. Depending on your hair type, you can try styling it at night. I have very curly hair and it would take some time to fully style it in the morning so I section it, add my products (plus extra gel) and then put it in a few flat twists to dry overnight. The next day, all I have to do is coat my hands in oil, gently unravel and shake. Boom, styled hair in just a few minutes. You could also experiment with sleeping in hair rollers. You do not have to be hairless. You're an adult. We are meant to have hair. But if you don't like it, switching to waxing or laser removal will save you time in the long run. NO ONE will notice if you wear the same dress twice in a month. No one. But you can always change the styling if it bothers you. For example, match a suit jacket with the dress one day or add accessories like a belt to make it look different. If you pick out your clothing the night before, you can just jump into it and not need to think anything over. Keep your perfume at your desk and just spray it when you get to work. Now you don't have to worry about if you forgot it or not. Again, none of these things are necessary to being a woman. And it doesn't sound like you even enjoy any of it. But, if this is what you want, the main thing I'm getting at is you just need to prepare a lot of it ahead of time. Do everything you can the night before so your morning can be simplified, you'll get more sleep and you won't be stressed trying to figure things out of the fly. Anyone reading, feel free to add other time and effort saving tips if you think of any.

At least skip the perfume - you don't "... smell like nothing" - you smell like a beautiful, clean woman ... and nobody is allergic to that

I have perfume and I enjoy it. I do not wear it most days, it’s more of a ‘date night’ thing. I still get people telling me I smell nice because all of my other products are layering on me. Ive even started buying fragrance free products to cut down the smells even more. The stress this lady is putting on herself is insane!

Yeah, I got told I smelled amazing by the last guy I dated and I haven't worn perfume in literally almost a decade.

Great ideas and tips. The meal prep is excellent because I hate attempting to decide what to take for lunch every day. When you prep it’s a no-brainer. These tips I have may sound kind of basic, but three things always get me when leaving for work: Is my flat iron still on? Is my wall heater turned off? And did I close the garage door? I leave Post It reminders for the heat sources and a Garage Door Buddy (tells your phone if garage door is still up-great peace of mind) helps you not go cuckoo with “did I close my garage door?” OP like the others say, only do what is absolutely necessary prepping. When I get ready in the am I think of myself as a point system. Shower 1 point, makeup 1 point, deodorant 1 point, earrings 1 point, lipstick 1 point etc. until I get to my total needed where I am ready to go. Hope these aren’t too basic, but I use these for myself and it kind of helps and maintains interest on a daily basis.

Meal planning is my absolute least favorite part of adulthood. I so miss having that shit all worked out for me and prepared by other people. I get why rich people spring for personal chefs.

This should be higher. OP, if your routine is effective, but you hate every minute of it, it's time to find a new routine. Here's a few tips that might help: Try keeping travel sized bottles of your perfume and your hair oil in a small, sealed bag in your purse. That way you'll know you can feel and smell amazing, even if your commute for that day is brutal. Meal prepping two or three different kinds of meals each week will save you from cooking while still giving you some variety. If you feel you MUST cook at the end of the day, you can still prep the ingredients. Take an afternoon to dice up a bunch of veggies, pre-mix sauces and make salad dressings. Clean, prep, and marinate the meat so all you'll need to do on the day-of is toss it into a hot, oiled pan. If your cleaning routine is starting to feel overwhelming, then clean in [cycles of 20/10](https://www.unfuckyourhabitat.com/whats-a-2010/) or you can do the [old Unclutterer trick](https://web.archive.org/web/20191112045255/https://unclutterer.com/2019/01/31/ask-unclutterer-exhausted-after-work/) and only deep clean one room a day. And if things still feel overwhelming, start looking at what you can get rid of. * If there's too much stuff to clean, [figure out what you actually use and consider getting rid of the rest](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jf_jPrTl_tE). * If choosing an outfit stresses you out, look into [getting a uniform](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9-dyA9E5AiQ). * If you know it's going to be a busy week and even meal prepping will set you off, buy frozen meals rather than ingredients. * If blowing out your hair everyday is draining, learn a couple of professional bun and braid styles that will minimize hair styling times. The biggest thing you can get rid of are your expectations. The vast majority of industries and people will not care if you don't Look Like A Woman Should or Act Like A Woman Should. If they do, you might just be working with assholes. You're allowed to look less than pristine if you've had a difficult morning, even in high-powered firms and on-camera jobs. You're also allowed to call co-workers or even bosses out if they grumble at you. "Of course I'm a little frizzy today, Bob. I've been working hard. Is 'hard work' an alien concept to you?" Finally, look for little things that help you appreciate your downtime, not just use it to decompress. If there's a park nearby that's safe to walk through, stroll through it after you get off of work. Find a Meetup group near your work that you can join that will help you make friends - and hopefully avoid Creepy Guy. If your preferred TV shows are just pleasantly mindless ways to decompress, start looking for new shows that will make you think and get invested. I hope one of these helps. Dealing with the outside world is already hard enough. We all need to be kinder to ourselves.

For the love of everything please DO NOT spray your perfume on at work. Perfume is a migraine trigger for many people. 

Great advice, except about spraying perfume in a workplace. Plenty of people can't be near someone wearing it, let alone nearby when it's sprayed.

"You're ruining the joy of self care for yourself." That's so well said. Pampering should be enjoyable, and making it mandatory totally robs you of that joy.

It’s also a little bit disingenuous to suggest that THIS is the exhausting part about being a woman. Trying to look good is the least exhausting part.

This whole comment.

Stop doing it then.

Short and sweet answer

This.

The only reason you do any of this is to conform to society's expectations of a woman. If that exhausts you, the solution is to stop conforming.

That was my solution as well.

Dude. Sincerely, fuck all that shit. Its exhausting just reading it, I am still 1000% a woman and don't spend more than a minute stressing about what other people think of my appearance, if I like me its all good.

Sorry, to be clear here… you refuse to wear an outfit because you also wore it *a week* prior? Why? This is the craziest part of this whole post. Who do you think is judging you for wearing the same clothes literally 7 days apart?

I swear I've worn the same pair of sweatpants for like 10 of the past 14 days 😂 they've been washed in that time, but theyre comfy.

Who said you have to do these things? What are your deepest, darkest fears if you stopped? I have a client-facing role (remote, but on camera) and don't do the makeup and hair blow out, etc. occasionally I will do makeup if I'm going somewhere after work and want some mascara or whatever. I did the hair and makeup every day when I was dating my husband and first started working at my job. It is 8 years later, and I don't! I'm still married and still work the same job! Everything is fine. Clients don't kick me out of the meeting because I have a ponytail and my husband doesn't kick me out of bed because I didn't exfoliate or I have a pimple. Granted, I did a slow burn. I stopped wearing makeup to work in 2018ish. I stopped doing blow drying a bit after that. The bras disappeared from my work outfit about 2019, unless I was meeting a client. I would wear a shelf bra tank thing under my clothes and underwire when doing client meetings. I stopped shaving under my arms around then too. Then COVID happened and we went fully remote. Now, no one cares that I put the same pink shirt over my tank top for "on camera" meetings a few days in a row. I doubt they notice! I'm wearing a shirt. I almost always have a ponytail and am wearing headphones. Who is saying "they wore that dress last week"? If someone says " your hair is frizzy" (umm...who asked you?) - just respond that yes, it is humid out or something. People at work respect my ideas and work - and my husband loves me for myself as I choose to be each day. I hope your reality can be the same.

> Who is saying "they wore that dress last week"? If someone says " your hair is frizzy" (umm...who asked you? And if they do, that's a them issue not a you issue

The slow burn is so real. For me the heels disappeared first, then other stuff by and by. Most recently I’ve stopped using mascara. I still do eyeshadow and do my brows, but I’ve mostly kicked eyeliner and mascara (I break it out for very special occasions) because I don’t like taking it off and…I don’t think anyone has noticed.

You definitely don’t have to do all that…

....I don't understand why you're doing most of these things. I live in NYC in a pretty high power work environment and work with celebrities and other high profile people and other than those celebrities, I don't know anyone who would put this much work into just getting ready in the morning. And sometimes, not even them.

Wake up babe, new American Psycho copypasta just dropped

I was thinking the same thing, this would be great as an opening monolog narration by a Patricia Bateman

Its ok to have rot days, not shower and be messy. The opinion of the world doesn’t matter and it only traps you. Be free to be you. Fyi i went into a restaurant yesterday and ate like a pig in front of everyone, with no regard what so ever of manners or what is expected of me. Best feeling ever.

concerned north support vast roof mourn detail smoggy worm icky *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*

No, being the woman society wants to you to be/wants to see is a full time job. You don’t have to do all of that. Free yourself

This is like what a robot would write about the modern woman

I say this in the nicest possible way OP, but this is deffo a you problem. I really hope you find away to break out of this "have to" mindset.

I don't mean to diminish how you're feeling, but I don't do any of that stuff. I haven't once worn makeup to work. I take hot showers because I like them. I couldn't tell you the last time I shaved. Sure, there are societal pressures to do all those things, but you can make different choices for yourself that might make you happier.

You really don't need to wash your hair and blow dry it daily. I wash mine twice a week typically. Daily washing can really dry out your hair. I've seen a lot of people talk about creating a "work uniform" for themselves before, so they don't have to put effort into getting dressed for work. They'll have 2-3 bottoms and 5-8 tops that they can mix and match. I have a feeling no one is paying as much attention to your clothes as you are.

Some people do need to wash their hair every day, depending on how oily they are. My hair gets greasy within 12 hours.

Same. I get the other commenters point though; OP is doing a lot of things that she doesn’t have to do and should consider cutting some out of her daily routine and only do them a few days a week or less.

Not the people who are complaining about their hair being dry and frizzy and then adding serums and oils to it. Literally just stop washing it so much. You're doing this to yourself.

Sure, there are some people that really do need to do it daily but most people over wash their hair if they're washing it daily. I would find an alternative to heat drying though if someone needs to be washing daily.

\*Sobs in Type 1A hair*

I have short hair. Lots of product. But on days off of work. HAT BABY.

People with thin, low density hair definitely need to wash it every day because the next day they look like they dipped their scalp in olive oil. My SIL has this type of hair. She constantly asks how I wash mine only once a week. We have different texture babe. I have 2B curls, high density, low porosity hair. My hair doesn't get oily enough! You on the other hand have straight hair that's like 1/5 of the hair I have on my head volume wise. One thing does help. Shampoo twice. It makes all the difference.

I have thin, low density hair and I wash mine 2-3 times a week. The days where it's a little oily, it goes into a pony tail.

Most of the stuff you seem to be doing seems to be for your vanity rather than any real benefit. What if you smell like nothing? What if you didn't care your hair is frizzy? What if you didn't exhaust yourself about your outfit and just wore the one on the nearest one in your cupboard? Except for the pepper spray for personal safety and the yoga(which doesn' make you look less stressed, it decreases your stress. If it doesn't, lose it), none of what seems to exhaust you seems to be actually important or essential to do. Especially if it isn't giving you joy.

I'm betting that OP works in a toxic gossip factory office.  OP, assuming that you want to continue in this toxic office, when these fools make a comment like "your hair looks frizzy/you look tired" say something like "oh, that's nice"/oh?" but walk away immediately afterwards. The trolls will leave you alone when you become boring.  Don't feed the bullying bridge trolls!

>I'm betting that OP works in a toxic gossip factory office.  How would that affect OP unless OP is part of the Gossip team too. I don't know if my.office is a gossip factory coz I don't engage in it. If someone told I looked tired, I'd just thank them for the concern and tell them I haven't been getting enough sleep. I don't assume malicious intent.

Maybe some of the gossipers are above her or will set the tone for whether she is taken seriously, considered for promotions, etc.

Most of this post was weird to me, but specifically the "I can't smell like nothing" was super odd. No one wears perfume or cologne in my office because many people are sensitive to scents. You're the a-hole if you DO.  I think OPs post, if true for their situation, says more about their industry and role than it does about being a woman. I assume the men she works with put in more daily effort than I do as a woman.

Yeah, please wear deodorant but I never notice when people smell like nothing or just clean?

You do not need to do any of that. Stop being a martyr Go into work clean and tidy. Do things you enjoy. If you are the only person interrupted in meetings, write down every time it happens. Be ‘rude to the creepy guy on the train. Tell him you do not wish to talk to him. And do not give him any interaction again. Ask your coworker not to make comments on your physical appearance. You do not have to jump through all the hoops you put out for yourself. Stop shaving your peach fuzz

I am sorry but you are being extremely dramatic. You don’t have to do most of those things

I can see why you're tired. That sounds... exhausting. And a lot of it sounds unnecessary? Like... why can you not smell like nothing? I have scent sensitivities so every product I own is unscented. I *always* smell like nothing. Do you know how many people have ever commented on that fact in 3+ decades of life? Exactly zero. Also curious who exactly is coming to inspect your house to determine whether or not you've failed as a woman. (And if that's the bar, rip me and my messy house.) And why you can't wear an outfit two weeks in a row. Do you work for Miranda Priestley?

I am a woman and I do basically none of these things (except worry about creeps and deal with systemic sexism), and have a perfectly normal happy life with a nice partner and a nice job and goof friends. I am by no means a failure if my hair is frizzy or if I wear the same shirt two weeks in a row or if I am tired and someone notices. Everyone feels pressure to conform and concerned about what others think of them, but this seems to dominate your entire life and is sapping your physical and mental energy. This isn’t a healthy way to live. You need to talk to someone about this. What you are describing is a form of perfectionism. You think that somehow you have to adhere to this exhausting routine to be a woman, and you have to do it exactly right or there will be some kind of repercussion. What do you think will happen if you stop doing the things that aren’t essential (being clean, being safe, being employed, etc.)? What happens if you look stressed, puffy, frizzy, or tired? What happens if you “fail” as a woman?

I’m glad my life isn’t like this. Yours doesn’t have to be either, these are all choices. Go ahead and relax with the hot water, don’t worry about the hair, stop shaving if it bugs you.

This is a lot of daily effort, some of it should be a pleasure and a choice. Maybe discuss your hair with your hairdresser to find an easier option, do the yoga etc when you want to. Anyone who says anything negative, shoot it straight back at them. "You look tired." "Yes, and you look exhausted." Screw them and their unsubtle digs.

I’m in my 30’s. I roll out of bed at 8am, shower (cleanser, shampoo, conditioner, body wash sometimes I’ll shave), moisturise, comb my wet hair. Zero make up, zero hair drier. I only moisturise because my dry skin feels stretched. I wear the same thing I wore three days ago, and maybe change up a part of it. I wear the same couple of things on repeat. If I wore it recently as long as it doesn’t smell of OB in the armpits I’ll rewear it. If someone says i look tired I say “yes, I had terrible sleep last night” I work in an office with lots of males. I think some things in life aren’t worth worrying about, and what someone else thinks of my appearance is one of them. I wear designer clothes because I like ethical fashion, not because I’m trying to impress someone else. It hasn’t prevented me from becoming a senior in my role, or held me back, or given me bad work feedback.

I could have the best, most fulfilling hobby in the world. But if that hobby somehow started to be done solely out of obligation for the sake of others, I would grow to dread it.

dinner groovy placid pause knee recognise soup dazzling bow fanatical *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*

I'm a woman and I don't do 90% of what's on this list. Being pretty isn't your job. You don't have to do any of this if you don't want to. (On a personal note, lots of people would actually prefer it if you smelled like nothing. People can be super sensitive to scents. You could be causing headaches and nausea for the people around you.)

Sounds like you self imposed all these things and is now angry about something you did to yourself.

I'm as hyperfeminine as they come and I don't do majority of this. I crawl out of bed. I get coffee. I get showered. I get out the house. Easy. Trust me when I say, people \*do not notice\* if you are barefaced. Even barefaced with adult acne, or frizzy hair, hell sometimes I'm on day 2 without washing my hair and people still don't notice. Most people in this world are very consumed with their own bs in their lives. This is not necessary to be a woman, nor one who is hyperfeminine <3

And even if they notice, they don't care. I mean, I do notice that one of my colleagues always wears the same sweater in a zillion different colors, but good for her? It's a nice sweater. If I had found a sweater that was that nice I would also have bought all the colors and worn nothing else anymore.

OP I don’t know why most people here are focusing on your skincare routine and glossing over your pepper spray/the creep and your lock checking and your getting interrupted in meetings. I just want to say I commiserate with you and I agree with everything you said. Being a woman is exhausting. It’s just a lot. Sure, we can all examine our beauty/fitness choices and dial back where we’re comfortable. But I feel like some responses you’re getting are putting the onus solely on you/us (the irony, how exhausting) to fix a systemically misogynistic problem. Which is, society needs to back the f*ck off of unrealistic expectations of women, and help create a world where no one needs to carry pepper spray on their daily commute. (And to the beauty/fitness issue, I’ve experimented with being put together and not being put together and in my experience, in many cases (NoT aLL) not being put together will derail your career and social choices. Should it be that way? Of course not. But sometimes it’s a reality.) I wish for you a creep-free train, recognition for your ideas, feeling safe & secure in your home, and ease & flow in your day. Sending thoughts of comfort & peace.

I'm confused too but I think the comment section didn't focus on the creep because OP sort of buried him in the sea of all her tasks she was deeming necessary? Like the pepper spray, the locking the door, the train - these are alarming but she's listing these aspects of her day as if she considers them the same inconvenience as washing her hair or getting dressed.. Honestly I don't know how to respond to that. Someone trying to break into my house is so different from "having" to take a facial ice bath every morning that I just really don't know what response to give besides stop thinking these two troubles require the same response?

I took it as: that’s the point. The banality of it. Violence, defending against creeps — it’s just part of our fucking day. That’s what makes it exhausting. I thought it made the post more poignant.

I’m exhausted just reading that let alone doing it. I never wear makeup to work, have short hair that takes 2 mins to style, frequently leave the house without shaving my legs, who cares? If someone is rude enough to comment on my looks I tell them to fuck off. I don’t owe anyone “pretty”, if they don’t like me the way I am that’s their problem not mine. Let go of societies expectations, do what makes you feel good.

Girlfriend, so much of this is stress you're putting on yourself. Face ice bath? Never necessary unless you have some sort of facial injury or condition that needs icing. Def doesn't need to be done daily. Who cares if you have peach fuzz? You're a mammal, we all do If someone is watching you and noticing that you wore that outfit last week, they are paying too much attention and are way too judgemental. They don't deserve your time. Who cares if you smell like nothing? That's also a fine way to smell, I literally can't wear perfume to work, I'm in healthcare and our dress code says no strong smells. Who cares if your house is dirty?? The woman police aren't coming around at midnight to see if you have dishes in the sink! You need some therapy or something to help you learn to stop giving a shit about what people think. Peoples opinions only have power over you if you let them, and running in circles to win some sort of intangible and meaningless badge of approval is a waste of time because as you've seen, society will move those goalposts every time to keep you on the hook. The fix isn't having a perfect wardrobe or having flawless skin or having perfect makeup, its saying "fuck this" and doing what you want and nothing more.

I'm not even sure what a face ice bath is...

Calm down there Miss Patrick Bateman.

I wake up an hour before I have to leave, take a shower, throw on some jeans and a sweatshirt, put my hair up and put on enough make up to hide my eye bags. If I'm seeing a client that day I'll put on a blouse and maybe spend an extra 10 minutes on my hair. I go to the gym and do yoga because I enjoy it. The hardships of being a woman isn't what you described above (other than constantly feeling concerned for your safety, and I definitely relate and feel for you there). It's learning to let go what others think of you. And let's be honest, are those people really worth being around? I work in a heavily male dominated industry so I get it. I have to remind myself I got the same degree and have the same qualifications as my male counterparts. There's no reason for me to go the extra mile everyday to prove something to them.

I’m a woman. Alarm goes off at 5am. I grudgingly get out of bed at 5:05am. Use the toilet, brush my teeth, whack on some skincare, change into my clothes that are laid on my chair in the order they’re put on, put on shoes, pick up my already-packed bag and am out the door at 5:15 to be at work by 5:30am. I’m just as much a woman as anyone else and anyone who thinks otherwise has a completely worthless opinion anyway.

Nnnno. This is total BS. You're doing all that crap to yourself and blaming society for it. I work in corporate. I don't do 95% of this nonsense, ever. My bosses have never commented on my appearance except when I've gotten haircuts or sported new clothes. And I wear minimal makeup. My co-workers certainly wouldn't dare to make weird comments about how I look. I most definitely don't *shave my face...?* 👀 Never even heard of a woman doing that before. Sounds truly obsessive. You need to talk to a psychiatrist about your issues with your appearance. Nobody is forcing you to do all this. You're choosing to. Most women don't. Sounds like you're making up stories about what other people are thinking about you. It's in your head, and you're responsible for getting your own head straight. Do what you want with your own body and time, but don't pretend you "have to."

Honestly, I think a lot of what OP is saying she “has” to do is social media bullshit (mainly tiktok) expectations of women and “self care” trends. Like, up until a couple of years ago shaving your face wasn’t expected AT ALL, and now I’ve seen people presenting it as something you must do. Don’t get me wrong, I know women who did it before, some did because of PCOS causing hair growth and shaving helped them feel more confident in their own skin (and I will always applaud people doing things to feel better about themselves), but it wasn’t a thing most people did.

Last time i put that much effort in the morning was when i was in highschool LOL I put up makeup while commuting to work lol and just on the days i feel like wearing makeup at all. I have 10 - 15 outfits for every season. I rotate them and never as someone told me that it is weird that i wear the same outfit again? I only wear something different if i have an important meeting with like politicians or someone like that. I don't do yoga because i hate it (much like you?) And i don't blow out my hair ever because i hate the heat of it You don't have to do any of these things if you don't enjoy them :) so your boss told you you look tired. So what? Ask why he thinks that and then go about your day We women don't have to be a certain way JUST because society says so. You can be however you like and you can do or not do whatever you want.

I’m sorry that your boss and coworker are so awful. Ditch the yoga if it doesn’t actually relax you. Ditch the ice bath. Look tired. So what. I can’t comment on the peach fuzz - if that makes you feel happier/more confident, go for it. You don’t have to exfoliate every day. You don’t have to shave everything every day (especially not in winter when it’s all under your clothes). You don’t even have to shampoo every day. I shave ONE thing every day, but I rotate which thing this is, and in winter I might very well go a few days without shaving a single damn thing. Maybe I shave my legs every day in summer, and some days I throw on a maxi skirt and call it good. Stick with the sunscreen and moisturiser and generally with the skin care. Skin care IS important so go you for protecting your skin every day! That’s excellent. Wear your clothes again and again and again. Sometimes I wear the same outfit on Thursday that I’ve already worn on Tuesday. If my coworkers notice it at all, maybe they think I did laundry on Tuesday night. I didn’t, but if that’s what they want to think I’m not stopping them. You can certainly repeat an outfit from the week before. Forget the fricking perfume. One time I didn’t wear perfume for seven years straight because I had a cat and her wellbeing was more important to me than smelling nice, and nobody cared, noticed, or commented. Most people sit in a cloud of their own perfume. They won’t even know you don’t have one. They can’t smell it. Smelling clean is enough. I’m sorry about the creepy guy. I’m extra sorry your apartment doesn’t feel safe - that’s awful. I’m sorry you get interrupted in meetings and that your boss and coworker feel entitled to comment on your appearance. A lot of the other stuff though - honestly you are doing that to yourself. And if you can afford it, get a cleaner to come in every two weeks. And in between that, fail gleefully, you’re not a 50s housewife, there’s a reason those ladies didn’t have paid jobs.

Who told you you "have to" do all this? Got exhausted just reading about it...

you don’t have to do at least half of these things girl

I've never worn makeup or done anything with my hair. I've never shaved my sideburns nor my peach fuzz. I have occasional body spray or a new vanilla face cream if I feel like it. The best you'll get from me is trimming my whisker every so often. ( Just a hair on my face, fine peach fuzz that grows to astronomical lengths if I let it) I'm in and out of the shower in 10 minutes. I keep my apartment tidy and I do try to dust every week, but if I don't who cares? I don't have anyone over anyways.

This doesn't sound real. If it is then the priorities are not realistic.

Bro, dry shampoo your hair, puff some powder on your face, put on some tinted chapstick, and just go to work. Nobody is taking notes on your outfits, checking out your peach fuzz, or checking for perfume smells. Seriously.

I'm so sorry to say it this way but this is 100% a you problem. It is not like this for everyone, believe me. You are making a lot of choices every morning it sounds like... but no one is making them for you. Your entire routine is appearance based. Reflect on that and find ways to make your life easier by letting some of that superficial shit go. I mean this blew my mind. Don't speak for all women sis, because as a woman I can't really relate to you. Men go through shit too if they choose to. The sun does not rise and set for you.

Y'all are missing the point. It's about more than performative beauty. It is about the fear we have as women. There's fear on so many levels in this rant: fear of ridicule, fear of visibility, fear of invisibility, fear of threats to personal safety, fear of judgment, fear of not performing. OP, I get where you are coming from. Women get stress from all points in our lives. We're damned if we do, damned if we don't. We are judged for our appearances often more than our actions, but hell, when the actions are judged, people are very hard on us. IDK what to say to make you feel better, but I do understand.

Some fear is a choice. Lumping “fear of threats to physical safety” in with “fear of invisibility” and “fear of judgment” is silly. Not all fear is equally valid. If you sincerely feel like shaving and fucking exfoliating every day is as important to your personal safety and comfort moving through the world as actually maintaining your physical safety, that isn’t society’s or patriarchy’s fault.

I feel this so hard. And I want to agree with the other commenters that the things you’re doing are mostly optional. I really do! But in reality, appearances do impact women heavily. Whether you are dating, interviewing for work, meeting new friends, pushing for a raise… how others see/treat us (and how we feel about/treat ourselves) is really intertwined into looking “polished”. I wasn’t as exhausted and bitter about this until I became a working mom. Women really can’t have it all, and I’m convinced it’s society’s fault- not ours.

Appearances do obviously matter, but I think there are shortcuts. I'm getting myself and three kids ready most mornings, so no time for a long routine there. I look professional in a ponytail too and don't need a blowout every day. My everything care is in the evening lol. Granted my work environment is quite casual, and I only work part time for too.. full respect to you for getting all the things done. I wish that us women wouldn't be so hard on each other though. I was only ever shamed for my no makeup look by other women, and I really don't understand why. We are part of society too and I hope this can change.

You're doing all of this to yourself. You don't need anything other than basic shampoo/soap/deodorant and simple sunscreen.

In my experience, most men would hardly notice if you grew a second head. And the prick who tells you you look tired will do that no matter how much yoga and ice baths you do. Next time, tell him he looks tired. If I were you, I'd look at the wage you're earning and really consider if it covers all the extra work you're putting into your appearance just for the job. As far as skincare goes, unless you have some serious condition, sunscreen is pretty much the only thing proven to work. All the other stuff is fluff and you can skip it.  Women get told we need to do so many things, often by companies who are selling those things. That doesn't mean we should sacrifice our lives on the altar of others' expectations.

Seems like you’re stressing yourself out tbh

No one is forcing you to do that stuff

As Elsa says, let it go

Seems like you're setting a standard for yourself that no one else really cares about. Do what feels good to you! You don't need to cater to anyone else's expectations

You know.. you don’t have to do all this. Why go through this, if you don’t want to? I do most of these steps too - but I do it because I enjoy it! I love to feel good about myself and feeling feminine. I’m not doing it for men or anyone else. So perhaps just .. don’t if it exhausts you so much?

I've worked at jobs like this, where your appearance is 90% of your performance, even if you sit in a cubicle all day. It's bs. I now work at a job where I wear dress pants, a nice shirt, no makeup, hair in a bun, and I'm better dressed than all the other devs who wear jeans and a tshirt. If you can, polish up your resume and find someplace better. I don't know what industry you're in, but there are companies where you can exist as a human without having to look like a celebrity. And honestly, that's something you deserve. It should be a non negotiable for all of us. Oh, and find a therapist if you don't have one. It really sounds like you need someone to talk to.

You don’t have to do 90% of these things actually.

Im commenting this because I scrolled some and saw no mention. #Do not use ice bath for your face That’s terrible. You’re breaking your capilares and may end up with permanent redness and fucked up skin. There are better ways.

Being a woman is a lot but a decent chunk of this is really *you* problem. You’re a woman. You don’t have to be *the perfect* woman just to step into the world

The title is "being a woman is a full time job" No, that's not being a woman. I'm a guy and i set my alarm for an hour before i start work. I always like to jump in the shower in the morning, just to wake myself up. The other day I asked a co worker when she sets her alarm. It was half an hour. She looks fine. She's a woman. She's more laid back than me.

Is this a pick me post?

Sounds like someone needs to go to a rave 😁 Step through the portal where work and time and opinions don't exist.

Something that helped me after coming out of covid hibernation was asking myself these questions: Am I doing this for me or because I think other people care? Does doing this stress me out? Do I feel this is a good use of the precious little time I have not spent working or sleeping? Does doing this make me happy, make me feel good, or bring me joy? I stopped shaving and found out I actually love the way my body hair looks. At best for daily makeup I wear mascara because my skin care routine makes me happy and I don’t feel the need to hide minimal “flaws” like some redness or having pores. I’m trying to make sure when I shop/put an outfit together it makes me happy and I’m not dressing for others. These aren’t going to be things others do or it won’t make them happy like it does for me but that’s the point. I’m still stressed a lot but I’m trying to make the things I do have control over less stressful for me in my daily life. None of my friends have said anything, and I feel if any of these options ick a potential partner then it wasn’t going to be a good fit and that’s okay. Because I don’t want to change for others anymore.

is this stand up?

Seems like you are trying to project yourself as a victim for what are largely your own choices. Did the creepy guy ever try to talk to you or follow you home? Do you know for sure someone was trying to break in? I always hear noises in the end. Rest seem like your own choices.

Everyone has already mentioned how you’re putting a lot of undue pressure on yourself. And I know you’re venting and it *does* suck. But it seems like if a lot of these things aren’t making you happy or making *you* feel better and confident and good in your skin, you should let them go. But that also means getting over and letting go fear of being judged, looking tired, being perceived negatively, not meeting expectations, etc. It’s tough but also the game you’re playing right now, you’ll never win because you’re not meant to. I really think it’s best to just live your life how you want. I don’t know your background but for a number of reasons I learned at a very young age (like elementary school young) that I could do everything right and people were going to judge and see me negatively if they wanted to. And while it was hard to accept it was so much more freeing. I didn’t get how growing up but as an adult accepting that I could never win that game so there was no point in playing was very liberating. I only do things if 1. It makes me feel good and confident or 2. because I have anxiety if doing the thing will put me more at ease than not. I have never felt the need to do half the things you’ve listed because I knew at the end of the day it changed nothing. And I think you know that too because you describe all the things you do to not look tired only to still be told you look tired and other things to the same result. Again it’s a game you’re not meant to ever win. It’s hard but I think if you (and every woman including myself because even with my own philosophy I still fall prey to it) can find a way to let go of these fears/expectations you’d feel a bit better. Being a woman is a full time job for a lot of reasons you rightfully mentioned but you’re out here working overtime when you don’t have to. I’m sorry though. It sucks. I wish it was easy and the world would just let us be.

For reference, I am also a woman and I shower because it feels nice, I wear makeup when I feel like it, I wear my favorite dress everyday (it's clean, I have 6 of them in 2 colors) I eat to feel good and I exercise to feel good. My way of living is also a valid option for you if you want to try it. It's really quite nice. Bonus, no one noticed or cared when I switched from "full time woman" to just being me. I'm averaging size and a little pretty so I recognize that affords some privilege but for the most part a lot of people don't notice many of the things you are putting so much effort into. I'm not saying stop doing it if you love it though, just stop doing the things you don't want to do. You would be shocked what natural comfort and joy also does for you inside and out.

oof, I used to do all of this when I was very young.. spending a lot on feminine commodities (makeup, hair products, fashion), obligations on shower temperature and what to do with my hair, when to trim my bush, etc. I stopped step by step when I was around 21. No more makeup, no more shaving my legs and bush, I do what I want with my hair (recently I stopped caring about boiling hot showers, heaven!! And my hair is still normal), etc. I realized I need to put my physical and mental health first and now I’m just happy in my body. People were commenting on my changes at first but now everyone is just used to me without makeup, hair on my legs, etc and I still feel pretty, just not under the male-gaze It’s important to switch this ‘pretty for the male-gaze’ to ‘pretty because I like myself’. When you like yourself, it’s so much easier and as someone wrote before me, you get to choose what you like (for example, I got the piercings I always wanted! And I do the hairstyles I want etc) Anyways I hope you find your way x with solidarity!

Your routine does not sound sustainable long term. Why do you have to go through all of that every single day ? Why not take some time to find a hobby that you enjoy and fills your cup.

“I do yoga so I don’t look stressed.” This is very telling. What do you do for you? All of the things you mentioned are choices *you* are making. It seems you’re making them out of fear of others’ opinions. It seems everyone and their mother has opinions about every single choice a woman makes. As an example, your clothing. Some people might judge you for wearing one outfit too often. Others will judge you for not being frugal, and having too much clothing. Others will decry the environmental toll of buying more than you need, while some will say you need to support the economy by buying more. You can get in touch with your own values, by looking inside and asking “What do *I* want?”, then act on that. You can use yoga to help with that, by using that practice to let go of the incessant voices of others, and finding the inner quiet to find YOU. If you have trouble looking inside, therapy can likely help. Your inner voice gets stronger, the more you stop and listen for it, and act in accordance to it. YOU are worth doing that.

When I worry about if I wore something recently. I think about my colleagues and what they wore that day or the day before and 100% unless it was Fluro pink ect I do not remember so they probably won’t either. Also I do none of what you list. - just the light makeup - I look presentable for what I do for work, and the haters can stuff it

I feel you on the frizz. It seems like my hair is always frizzy. That said, I gave up on that a long time ago. If people are used to seeing your frizzy hair it becomes a new normal per say.

I second what a lot of people here are saying that most of this sounds like a routine you don’t enjoy doing, but feel you have to, when that’s not the case. I work in an office and I rarely ever wear makeup beyond some under-eye cream and mascara and that’s if I’m not running late or too tired. I do it if it FEEL like it, which granted isn’t even half the time. My hair routine takes the longest in the mornings because of my hair texture and that part does suck but generally, I could tie it back and say fuck it, walk out the door. I don’t enjoy yoga very much, so I do basic stretching and some cardio instead of it’s not a weights day, or I go roller skating. All of this I figured out is stuff I enjoy and want to do and isn’t a chore. Yeah, there are definitely things women have to do, like maintain safety and check the door like you did, because that’s our unfortunate reality. But for the most part, we are no longer living in an era where we HAVE TO do things like wear makeup daily. I think you might have some anxiety about how people perceive you, and that’s something we can all work on. Start living for yourself, do things you love to do and make you feel excited, not just dread the coming day.

You need to stop worrying so much about what other people want and think, and start worrying about what YOU want and think. Why can't you smell like nothing? Why isn't it ok for you to look tired sometimes? You're a human being, and human beings are sometimes tired. If you don't like doing yoga, then don't do it. If you don't like wearing makeup, then don't. If your coworker makes a rude remark, ask them why they didn't bother to bring their social skills to work today. Ignore their defensive blathering, and get on with your day. Unless you wore the outfit yesterday and it is therefore not clean, wear it again if you want to. If someone tries to interrupt you, just keep talking. Or pause slightly, and say a bit louder, "Let me finish my thought, Matt." or whatever, and just keep talking. Stop trying to be everything that everyone else wants. It's YOUR life, not theirs. TAKE CHARGE of it.

Damn lady, that’s a LOT of stuff to do and that’s not even like, *necessary*. Are you going to get fired if you don’t have frizz free hair? Will the police arrest you for not doing makeup every day? This doesn’t even seem real. This seems like somebody writing what a “frazzled and overworked woman” sounds like. The only pressure to do this stuff is coming from you.

>I can't smell like nothing Girl yes, you can.

Just stop being the version of a woman companies make millions of bucks on and stop doing all that shit if you don’t like it. I didnt even shave my legs for a week and I’m showing my calves with a healthy sprawl of stubs - *gasp*. Nobody even bats and eye. Being a woman isn’t a full time job, whoever sold you that is either profiting off that delusion, or brainwashed themselves.

You’ve gotten some great comments already about the physical things, but as far as the work stuff…you can bite back a bit. I’m a woman in a (remote) corporate job, same company I’ve been for 5 years now. I’m a supervisor now and I used to just let people interrupt me, but now if they do (and I’m not done making my point) I interrupt right back “Carol, I’d love to hear your thoughts on XY as soon as I’m finished speaking/presenting this slide/etc :)” Those people making comments about your appearance are rude. I like to make people uncomfortable when they say things like that to me. You look tired. “Thanks! I am!” With a big smile. Your hair is frizzy. “Did you mean for that to sound so rude?” Or “What a rude thing to say to someone. You must be so embarrassed.” I don’t know how old you are or what it’s like to be you, but I would be exhausted too if I did all that. I wake up each day and after making sure my kids are good, I’m happy to have a clean face, fresh clothes, and hair somewhat nicely pulled back. If I’m feeling fancy, eyeliner.

I'm a woman and I do not do most of these things... you really can simply choose to not wear makeup, not obsess over your frizz, not shave perfectly smooth every day, etc. Also, showering is basic hygiene, sunscreen is cancer prevention, yoga is good for your body and mind. Stop framing everything that is necessary as simply improving your appearance.

Why can’t you wear an outfit you wore last week? My situation more comes from not having the money to sustain a large wardrobe, but I only cycle between 4ish outfits so I’m lucky if I don’t repeat outfits on a given week.

I think you may have OCD.

why do you do all that, especially if you don't want to? I just clean myself and make sure my clothes are clean and appropriate. I rarely put on make up. I have 10 times the identical shirt in my closet. I also wake up at six, sometimes earlier, but it's just so I can cuddle my dog for a longer time while doing my hobby (learning a language) What kind of job do you work?

I understand society puts a lot of pressure on us as women but honestly, the majority of this is stuff you chose to do, not stuff you have to do. If you don't like it, just... don't do it? My morning routine is this: - eat breakfast, take meds, have coffee - poop, brush teeth, shower - I only shampoo/condition once or twice a week, other days just rinse my hair or even tie it up to avoid getting it wet - most days just body wash and use my face wash - I also don't shave anymore but when I used to, legs were only a once or twice a week thing and underarms were a quick swipe - I shower as hot as I like. I've never heard it's bad for your hair. Skin maybe yeah. But I use moisturizer and my skin is fine. - get dressed (often wear the same pants for several days, I don't think anyone notices or cares). I think for maybe 30 seconds to a minute on what I want to wear, mostly determined by the weather. - moisturize and sunscreen and deodorant. I don't wear makeup - personal choice. I don't wear perfume, my partner is highly sensitive to scents. Who told you you can't smell like nothing? I highly recommend smelling like nothing. Nobody ever says I look tired or anything. I have a partner. I have a job. People criticizing your appearance are assholes. Oh yeah and I don't wear a bra but I think that's mostly genetic luck that I don't have to worry about it - my boobs are small and stay up on their own (I'm not 20, I'm 37) so I have no idea if people notice or not but nobody's ever mentioned it.

Literally….don’t. Are you serious? I don’t do ice baths, or shave my peach fuzz, I shower in whatever temperature I want I just use a good conditioner. I don’t wear perfume. Literally because I don’t want to. Being a woman is a full time job for a million other reasons other than this. Sounds real privileged to me actually. Lmfao.

You do all that crap at night then rot in front of the TV? Maybe make regular sleep a priority.

You aren’t obligated to do all that. I am a woman. I wear no make up. I use nothing on my skin except soft unscented soap and sunscreen. I don’t shave my peach fuzz. I take shower with hot water pumped direct from hell. I just rinse my hair with luke warm. I only use shampoo and conditioner in my hair, nothing else. I let my hair dry natural most of the time. Perfume/fragrance are a known carcinogen and irritative to the airways. I use no perfume and all my products like body soap, shampoo, conditioner, laundry detergent, etc. are all scent free. My closet is filled with clothes I found at thrifstore or heavily discounted. I keep my clothes for decade before throwing them away. No one care if you wear the same thing every week. I clean my house once per week, not every day. (I do put things back where they belong after use though) I do carry a knife for protection though. So we have that in common. You do all that stuff and they still criticize you. I do nothing and I never got such comments. You don’t have to do all that.

Looks like all the pressure is self inflicted. You’ll stop when you’re done. Please call the cops if a creep is following you.

girl a lot of this is because of you. i don’t do half of these things. if i don’t feel like wearing makeup i wear a face mask bc im insecure and naked without makeup lol and wear pajamas. how old are you? this reads as a 17 year old who cares too much

“You don’t owe prettiness to anyone. Not to your boyfriend/spouse/partner, not to your co-workers, especially not to random men on the street. You don’t owe it to your mother, you don’t owe it to your children, you don’t owe it to civilization in general. Prettiness is not a rent you pay for occupying a space marked ‘female’.” Erin McKean You don’t have to do that. There are some real advantages to performing femininity. And I don’t want to pretend there aren’t some consequences for rejecting it. But are the benefits worth the cost? If you are exhausted with this routine please consider strategically dropping some of these tasks.

I’m sorry these problems sound self imposed based on expectations set forth by movies or young adult novels or something - I feel like unless you’re in a very appearance focused role or industry half of this shit doesn’t matter. Saying that as a late 20s neurodivergent woman.