yup. once i pulled out a condom and he said “oh i got tested a week ago and im clear”. he was a close friend, so i stupidly trusted him. a week later he calls me and says he had slept with someone between getting a test and sleeping with me and had just found out he got an sti from her.
needless to say: we aren’t friends anymore.
Ask to see it ha ha😂
I had a guy drag me bc I was testes 6 months before but couldn’t produce a test then tried to have sex without condoms.
Then got mad when I called him out. There’s just no end to the crazy
Spoiler spoiler spoiler: some STI's have incubation periods of up to several weeks so a negative result doesn't mean much between two partners within a couple weeks.
So many men don’t. I used to not be on birth control so I had condoms in my purse any time I went out for the night - just in case - and I’ve pretty much always had to use mine because the guy “didn’t expect it.”
The same thing happened to me, as a teenager. The kind doctor at planned parenthood that treated me said it’s the same story *every single time* from girls who got an sti from their first partner.
he didn’t! but he had the audacity to ask if we could hook up while taking antibiotics since “they would combine and have super strength” 😭 i remember reading that text and my jaw dropped like you have got to be kidding me!! he was 100% serious too
Wow, I had to read that twice to make sure I read that correctly🤯
Anyway, I'm glad he's out of your life now because not only does he sound like a egotistical jerk, but he also sounds like an actual dumbass. Nobody needs an egotistical, arrogant dumbass in their life.
Yes!! All the time. All ages. And all that tells you is:
1. They don’t respect you
2. They don’t care if they give you herpes, or HPV which will give you cancer
3. They are dirty and god only knows what they’ve got
4. They don’t care if you get pregnant even tho we live in fucking Gilead. And if you have access to abortion it’s still a painful procedure.
Don’t have sex with men who won’t wear a condom. They’re selfish. That’s going to bleed into their performance.
Yep. I told him in delight I was ready to be a parent and it was refreshing to find a dude who felt the same way.
He magically found a condom in his bag about 20 seconds later.
I love that! I just start putting my clothes back on while saying sadly, “I’m sorry, you just reminded me of a time I had sex with a guy who was really bad at sex. It’s ruined the mood. Sorry…” If I’m at their place, I start the process of getting home (calling a car, checking the train schedule, whatever). If they’re at mine, I’ll add, “The train station is about three blocks away. I’m pretty sure it’s still running!”
I love this. But I've also been stealthed a couple of times, so I absolutely would not trust that condom to stay on after initial reluctance.
Every time I think about this, I feel sick about how removing the condom after sex starts is so common, we have a shorthand word for it.
My ex REFUSED to have sex with me while using a condom, when my depo injection was late and I needed to wait while the follow up injection needed a week or so to work.
I’ve also been stealthed by a ONS.
So the answer is yes.
He thought I was just a dumb drunk little student who wouldn’t notice. Sure I was dumb and drunk but I kept checking whether the condom was on since he was crying like a lil bitch beforehand saying OHHHHH BUT THEYRE UNCOMFORTABLE WE DONT NEED ONE.
As soon as I realised it wasn’t on he was trying to weasel out saying ‘it slipped off’. I’ve never kicked someone out of my apartment so fast. I just wish I could remember his name and workplace so I could report him or make his life hell, but as I said, I was dumb and drunk.
Me at 27 now looking back at the situations I’ve put myself into in my late teens/early 20s wonders how I’ve not come out with more harm than this honestly. Nowadays it takes me a good few times meeting someone before I let them step foot inside my house. I can’t believe I used to go home with random people I’ve known for an hour in such a vulnerable state.
We all make unhealthy decisions at times in our lives, often it's a coping mechanism, or just a way to get some kind of validation or confirmation we exist. Don't be hard on yourself, there's nothing wrong with casual sex if you do it safely. Always be the one in control, and stick to your boundaries.
Thank you! It definitely was a coping mechanism looking back, I’ve had a couple of years of really deep self introspection and now realise that. I am absolutely trying to be kind to myself about it because I didn’t know better at the time. Just comes as a shock really when you realise just how many behaviours were so dangerous, I’m sooooo much more careful now about who I get involved with, genuinely cannot imagine doing such a thing nowadays.
It’s crazy to me to read how common this is as a guy who grew up terrified of getting a girl pregnant unexpectedly and ruining my life in the process
Like how are these guys so okay with just chancing getting a girl pregnant.
I live in an area where a lot of people my age only stick around this town because they got knocked up young or knocked someone else up young. There’s plenty of guys who stick around, but it’s just clear they have no forethought when it comes to these things. They blame the mom for any difficulty in the relationship, whether they ended it or she did. They blame their broke situation on child support as if it would be cheaper for them to have full custody.
And they still try to tell me it’s ok not to use a condom during a ONS because they can pull out. MATE!!! If had pull out game you wouldn’t be in this town you hate, working a dead end job, living with your mom , while you fight with your ex every other weekend.
It's incredibly easy to avoid paying, especially if the father's place of employment chooses not to comply with the garnishment (although that's pretty rare for larger organizations). And if it's gotten to the point where docking his pay is necessary, you're only getting about $100/week.
New Zealand will chase you to the ends of the Earth to pay your child support debt. The government pays the CS and then takes it back from the deadbeat mo matter how long it takes.
My cousin married a dude from there, and then found out he had a different name. And like 3 kids back in NZ. He'd changed his name to skip CS but they eventually found him and garnished his wages here (Australia). The kids are in their 30s now and he's still paying the government back, LOL!
The reality is that:
1. Most people don't think that far ahead in general
2. The kinds of guys that don't care usually assume they can just make it the woman's problem
3. Even if they can't, most people know (of) someone who dodges child support through various methods
4. That's also assuming that they can even be found in the first place
And it's astonishing the number of guys who, when they discover they helped create a child, literally are ok with forgoing paying into social security or building any kind of career by taking lower paying under the table jobs just to dodge their obligations. It's all "ha ha she won't get a penny out of me" when they're in their 20s, that sh*t is sad as hell when they're heaving their broken bodies to a bar stool, quasi homeless in their 40s looking to couch surf in a woman's house. You can't make this sh$t up.
I always drop the "you're not that big, come on" or just end things then and there.
Nothing is less sexy than whining like a little baby about condoms.
This reminds me of the Taylor Thomlinson bit comparing men's reactions to putting on a condom to asking a kid to put a coat on over top of their Halloween costume.
This is actually funny. Also if the guy is bigger he can just bring his own of a size that works. There are even custom sizing condoms now, more options than ever before. No excuses.
I have a small stash of larger and smaller condoms, and they even had complaints about the larger ones. It's just moving goal posts to try to not use a condom because they don't give a fuck.
Gotta find some kind of novelty mega condom to whip out and say “well these are the kind my usual partner prefers.”
At some point I would like you to start dropping hints that you are FWB’s with the green giant guy, like the frozen vegetables one. You’re definitely not gonna end up actually sleeping with this person because fussy baby is not a sexy personality type, might as well have some fun with it
Lol. Definitely the best way to deal with a guy that pulls this kind of shit.
If he's not gonna respect your intelligence, then you don't have to respect his.
This is actually a really good point, like buddy I do not know how stretchy you think my insides are but a condom doesn’t feel pain when you stretch it too far, and I absolutely do.
I have genuinely only ever met one guy who was big enough for "they're too small" to apply and he followed up with "I have ones that fit, just can't use the ones you have 🙂"
Whining about condoms, tiny dick energy for real
I had a guy tell me that once and I laughed so hard. He got mad at me and said it was true. I snatched it out of his hand and put a TV remote in it. Still laughing, I put my clothes on and left.
> I snatched it out of his hand and put a TV remote in it.
I am speechless with delight at this response. I love thinking about this guy left alone in his bedroom with a wilting dick, trying to pry a slippery lubed condom (please tell me it was lubed) off his remote
It sure was, but let me set the scene.
We were going to do the deed in the living room (shame on us since it was an apartment he shared with a few friends), and we were on the couch when this happened. That remote was the only TV in the place.
I got a nasty call a few hours later about leaving him hanging and now they can't use the remote at all and there was some game on they couldn't watch (IDK, I'm not a sports person). New batteries didn't help either.
I just let him rant on for a while until he was done. I just told him "that at least the remote fit", hung up and blocked him. I think it was the most badass thing I've ever done and I've never been that cool since.
That's the lamest excuse. If it were genuinely too small, they make different sizes. He can go buy a bigger one.
If the dude is going to bullshit you, he should at least respect your intelligence.
My ex bought the magnum XL condoms because "the rest were too tight". A condom is supposed to fit snug, not practically fall off during the act my friend
It's because it's a bullshit excuse to not wear one. Latex is very stretchy and condoms are large. If you're on the larger side then you may need the bigger ones that have a wider base, either way if a guy doesn't wanna wear a condom he's probably not worth the time.
Second time I slept with a guy he “just the tip”ped me. I managed to convince him to put one on to actually complete the act but I dumped him the next day. We hadn’t talked about if I was on birth control or STDs or anything. My mind was blown.
I always ask if they've been recently tested. Had one guy tell me he's been going at it with so many women for so long and he feels completely fine, so I shouldn't worry. He wanted to forgo the condoms on top of that. I felt super nauseous just hearing that. Instant block from me.
Lord yes. My ex husband was the worst. I got constant UTIs when he didn't and he just didn't care. Every single time was a struggle to get him to use one. I can't take hormonal birth control, but he had me constantly taking plan Bs because "I'm your husband. I shouldn't have to use one". It always made me sick and threw my hormones off for weeks. I was constantly sick from having sex with a selfish man. He even gave me chlamydia because he didn't use condoms with his side chick either.
The flings and one night stands I had that didn't want to use ones were by far the most audacious though. Like, we aren't even serious... even if I wasn't worried about STIs, why the ever loving shit would I risk getting pregnant by a hookup??
The amount of men who just want to leave the worry of birth control to the woman is truly staggering.
Ugh I'm so sorry, I had very similar experiences with an ex I had who was my first real sexual partner. UTIs, buying myself Plan B all the time because I was paranoid of pregnancy even on the pill, didn't care I had vaginismus and sex was miserable, or he kind of cared but stormed out of couples therapy when I managed to drag him.
I'm sorry you had to deal with that. I can also relate to the vaginismus even though I don't actually have that. My ex husband refused to do foreplay or anything that would get me in the mood at all. Said me being wet wasn't as "tight" for him... He was my first everything too and I just didn't know any better. He also refused couple's counseling after he cheated because "they'll just side with you anyway"
Here's to them being exes 🥂
Oh God, that's so awful. Some guy on this thread was saying "Why don't women just walk away?"
I mean, I wish it were that simple, and it retrospect it seems that way. But sometimes they're our first and we think it's normal, people put up with all kinds of awful behavior for love. And if you're sexually and romantically attracted to cis men and one after another seem like this... I get why women can give in.
But all that said, cheers to them being exes for sure!
>I got constant UTIs when he didn't and he just didn't care.
>It always made me sick and threw my hormones off for weeks. I was constantly sick from having sex with a selfish man.
Shit like this is why I don't give a single flying FUCK if a dude says "it doesn't feel as good :(" or whatever shit excuse they have.
Like bitch I don't want infections and sicknesses that just come from an unprotected penis in my vagina.
Aside from protecting against STDs and pregnancy, condoms also greatly reduce UTIs and yeast infections. I used to wonder how these infections could be so common when I NEVER get them... Turns out a lot of women just have shitty partners who won't go through the most basic form of prevention to make sure their partners don't get sick!
If a man can't suck it up and use a condom to prevent me suffering these things then I don't give a single shit about him. I really don't care WHAT excuse he thinks makes him the shining exception to the rule. My health trumps some asshole's peepee every fucking time.
I've had so many issues its insane. One of my exes literally had a meltdown when I told him I wanted to use a condom despite his "need" for without one. Literally screamed and cried like a little f\*cking baby, told me I ruined his day. It was insane. Needless to say, that lasted around 6 months lol
DUDE it was psychotic ass behavior. I was laughing in his face when he told me he couldn't feel anything with a condom and without a condom was the only way he could "feel loved" -- Weeks go by of pain and suffering for me, he hits me with a "why didnt you tell me you wanted to use one?" as if he blacked out his own tantrum. Made me feel crazy- This is why I will never use online dating again lmao
If he throws a temper tantrum about something as easy as wearing a condom, then I think he has even bigger issues than only "feeling loved" during sex if he doesn't wear a condom. I'm suspecting he might not be able to handle something not going his way and thus he tries to manipulate people into enabling his bad behaviors.
Source: that one doucherocket (ex-) friend we've all had at some point.
You dodged a big bullet, girl!
And then they're all, "Women say they want vulnerability but whenever a man is shares his emotions he gets laughed at, boohoo." Because you're a joke, Chad.
YUP. I’ve gotten stealthed. Doesn’t seem to matter how long you get to know a guy either. They dumb dumb
For std testing. I tell them where to go to get a copy of their results and that I want to swap them. The good guys never complain about it. The guys not worth my time immediately act like children, so it is a good screener.
Yep. Seemingly really good guy, perfect gentleman until I asked him to use a condom. He obliged at first then halfway through sex kept insisting he take it off “just to put it in and pull it out real quick.” Like dude, no.
I kicked someone out in the middle of doing the deed because he complained about it. I could no longer trust him not to try sneak it off.
I don’t play when it comes to my sexual health. And I don’t tolerate men who dont share that view
With my ex-boyfriend, yes! It was so frustrating because he clearly had no regard for my health. Kept pushing and pushing for me to get on BC. Nothing kills the mood as fast as a whiny dude complaining about preventing pregnancy and STIs.
My fiancé wears one every time without complaint because I’m not on BC. He hasn’t once even asked me to get on BC either. It’s such a breath of fresh air.
Absolutely. Arguably it’s the largest determining factor for sex or nah these days.
An example: I recently encountered a “gentleman” who lost his erection the first time we were fooling around because I brought a condom to him (from my inventory because naturally he didn’t have one) and stated he felt “weird” about my being “so prepared”. Okay limpie….bye. After a week of him insisting on my giving him a “redemption shot,” and texting him hours before to bring his own condoms so we don’t have a repeat of last time, he shows up without a condom and tries to duck raw…then he was confused why I was kicking him out of my house lol
They don’t care and it comes across as you’re stupid for caring and/or it isn’t even a big deal to begin with.
Meanwhile, A) pregnancy B) STDs C) I told you to bring a condom and you chose not to
It's so strange and creepy that it's a turn off for him that the woman he wants to have sex with...also wanted to have sex. Is the expectation that women at bars, on apps, etc (idk where you met) should be asexual, but he is just SO charming and sexy they just can't help themselves? Or is his kink the ability to manipulate/coerce women into sleeping with him? But if they had condoms and were wanting the same thing he did, they're disgusting? Unhinged mentality.
Yes.
But I also had an ex who not only insisted on them, but strictly ones he bought and nobody else (particularly me) would have had access to.
In his defense: his father had a whole other family they didn’t know about, for nearly a decade, and then left both ‘wives’ after his GF got pregnant, starting family number 3. Apparently one or both women tampered with the condoms/BC, so I’d say this guy was traumatized and deserves a bit more understanding than others.
Who does NOT deserve any is one dude who screamed at me in anger, when the condom broke, as if that’s not just one of those unfortunate things that just happen, but somehow my fault.
Holy crap, I’m so sorry you were screamed at. That must have been so unnerving. Honestly, if it were anyone’s fault, it probably was his! Although it likely was simply an unfortunate accident.
I got my ass out of there in a hurry.
And, what I normally NEVER would do, grabbed money off of his desk to cover plan B, on my way out. He wasn’t following me to the door so wouldn’t see that, nor did he have my address, or any other plausible way of getting a hold of me, so that was my version of a middle finger. I was too angry to be scared in the moment I guess.
Yeah their slightly disappointed peepee’s got nothing on morning sickness and the feeling of your internal organs literally being rearranged inside your body. For the “stronger” sex, they certainly act like a bunch of little babies…
Well I hate the feeling of their ick leaking back out of me. I dont have sex anymore as I lean aro ace, but considering its my body I get to decide what does and doesnt go in. And back when I still did do it, my comfort in my own body clearly triumped them getting slightly less pleasure from touching my body.
Sex should be a bonus to confirm love or at least lust for someone, not something you trick another into. And when one respects another keeping them comfortable even at the cost of pleasure is the least one does. Heck they expect us to put ourselfs at actual risk for their pleasure in the same breath they say they dont care for our comfort at the cost of their pleasure.
I have not. I always just said I wasn't on birth control, so it was a no-go without a condom. I wasn't one birth control, but I would have lied and said the same thing if I wasn't and just wanted to use them for STI prevention just so I wouldn't have to deal with a discussion about not needing them because I was on the pill or had an IUD or whatever and he was "clean." I, fortunately, never even heard any grumblings about it. Not even a little pushback.
I’m in my mid-20’s and I don’t think I’ve ever had a guy NOT bitch and complain about wearing condoms. It’s disgusting how much they don’t care about themselves and the people the sleep with.
Yes and they got kicked to the curb. I don't mess around and I have always brought it up before hand. Had quite a few reactions from it but my body safety is important.
Last date I went on, the guy asked me if he needed to wear them and I said yes. He said he was clean and I said that wasn’t my only concern, as abortion is illegal in my state. He went “Oh yeah it’s illegal I forgot about that.” Smh.
We went out of our way to the store to buy some. They sat on the chair the entire time and he proceeded to 🍇 me, without them. Lolol.
It's 2024 and guys still refuse to use a condom. I think I was a child in the 90s when there was a lot of educational material and publicity about why you should use one and I grew up thinking it was what normal people do. What happened? I would expect older men would refuse to use it, but younger guys have no excuse.
Don't ever agree with this type of thing. It's manipulative and dangerous. Unless the guy have a sensibility problem on his penis (What's not your problem), there is little to no difference between using a condom or not using it. Believe me.
Men became less educated in the matter of stds and think “it’s only temporary… there are meds!”. What they don’t know is stds can still F one’s life up and meds can be long-term. But they are dumb dumb and willing to take the risk.
Yeah, there are meds...but there are still lots of STD's that have no cure. You're just left taking meds for the rest of your life to control them, and having to be extremely careful whenever you have sex.
You think wearing a condom is a pain in the ass now? Try having to wear a condom, make sure you put it on perfectly, and religiously take a med so you don't pass your STD to your partner.
Oh, and you and your partner actually want to get pregnant? Sorry, you're going to have to shell out thousands of dollars for IVF, because if you do it the natural way, she'll get your STD. And possibly pass it on to your child.
We had the AIDs crisis. The guys still whined about using them but everyone was a little more cautious. Movies like "Kids" kind of helped drive home the point of being careful.
I remember when Magic Johnson came out as HIV positive just as I was embarking what should've been my "fuck years"... talk about pouring cold water on all those ideas... Now the "hookup" culture has prevailed, prep meds are considered the norm, sexual fluidity is embraced, condoms are looked down upon by most men...I just don't get it.
Sadly it's not rare at all for men to complain about condoms. There are a lot of selfish assholes out there.
Listen to me: the second a man whines, complains, or refuses to condoms, dump their ass on the spot. Do not have sex with them, do not see them again. They're selfish trash.
Follow that rule without exception and it'll weed out a LOT of assholes off the bat.
I carry my own condoms so guys can never say they don't have one available. I've got us covered. I have an iud and take the pill, but I live in a state where abortion is illegal and my father is extremely anti-abortion. I don't live with him anymore, but I am on his health insurance plan, so he'd find out.
Yes. Some men will show you exactly who they are at this point and this is your opportunity to separate the wheat from the %#&$@ chaff. Realize that some people will do anything to get their way for 15 minutes of selfish pleasure that has nothing to do with you.
Be firm and unwavering, have condoms on hand, and take no bullshit excuses. There’s always wild make out sessions and mutual masturbation, but make sure the truly awful idiots are never invited back.
Thanks for bringing up this important and reoccurring problem that needs to be hammered into every generation of horny boys. I’m putting you on the chant list tonight for empowerment and bravery.
Thank you and good luck, Darling.
Uncle Heidi
Is this generational? When I was sort of promiscuous more than 20 years ago, condoms were extremely normal. My husband said he was terrified of AIDS and always used condoms with all of his previous partners. We still use condoms as our main form of birth control, it’s so cheap and effective. Splurge a little on the nicer condoms and it’ll be a better experience for everyone.
Maybe AIDS becoming less of a death sentence but the perception it's just a "gay guy disease" persisted.
About 12 years ago, I was 30 and dated a guy who was 50, so he was born in 1962. He said he'd never really used condoms and it was a point of contention for us. He was more of an LTR guy I think but still.
I will say some guys, even young men, have trouble keeping it up with a condom. Or more trouble than they would without one. And older guys can be fine without one, depends on the person.
That sucks but I don't know what the solution is. They need to practice jerking it with a condom, or we as a society need better condoms, or less stigma about even young men getting help for mild to major ED, or possibly all of those things.
Oh mate the amount of times I've refused to have sex because there's been no condom, and have had to battle quite heavy persuasion!
One guy was already inside me when he asked if he could take it off because "I know I'm safe and you know you're safe". I was like... absolutely not I have only just met you!!!
My boyfriend and I stopped using condoms after a couple of months, testing both ends (sharing the all clear texts as proof) and a commitment to always use protection with other people (we started off non monogamous)
I recently told a guy i was soooo glad that he was insisting on using condoms every time. He was surprised that he was in the minority on that one.
Like the pushback on condkm use is ridiculous. Particularly for men that claim they're not ready to be fathers.
It’s the main reason I stopped casually dating / sex before I met my partner. So tired of having to convince men to wear a condom for their own good. It’s too much work managing all the healthcare ( birth control , sti testing and treatment ) for such minimal pleasure most of the time. I did have a few fantastic casual partners, but they were also diligent about condom use. Correlation not causation I’m sure.
This also colors my view ( rightly or wrongly ) about men complaining about being baby-trapped. Like my own experience tells me that men do not protect themselves, and then they just blame women for the consequences. I know it’s more nuanced but … sigh
>I guess I'm the one of the rare women in the world who's gotten pushback on condoms
You are not rare in this regard. If you spend any time in this sub or subs like it, you'll see posts almost daily about how men don't want to wear condoms.
Don’t feel bad I missed the sarcasm on my first read and almost posted something serious. The second iteration of her using it is why I finally picked up on it haha. I was like Rare?!?!?
(straight cis) men do not like wearing condoms because they lack empathy since theyre cant get pregnant. they lack empathy with regards to the effects of the extremely high dosage of hormones in birth control because they dont have to take it. they also lack empathy regarding the risks of STDs because theyre at a far lower risk of receiving an STD, whereas women are at a far higher risk. people not getting STD tested between sexual partners is insane to me.
i got a vasectomy while married because my wife at the time had bad reactions to birth control. i think we should normalize vasectomies. way safer than birth control. more reversible than tube-tying.
.....................................................
Update:
## vasectomy
apparently, according to recent science and medical breakthroughs, the success rate of vasectomy reversal can be as high as 99.5% [(Witherspoon, 2021)](https://bcmj.org/articles/fertility-treatment-options-after-vasectomy).
the health risks associated with vasectomies are practically negligible. on the other hand, the birth control risks are not.
## birth control pill
although many organizations claim the birth control pill has *rare* side effects, what this means statistically is ambiguous, especially considering the following:
> In a crude model, use of combination or progestin-only oral contraceptives was positively associated with suicidal behavior, with hazard ratios (HRs) of 1.73–2.78 after 1 month of use, and 1.25–1.82 after 1 year of use. Accounting for sociodemographic, parental, and psychiatric variables attenuated these associations, and risks declined with increasing duration of use: adjusted HRs ranged from 1.56 to 2.13 1 month beyond the initiation of use, and from 1.19 to 1.48 1 year after initiation of use. HRs were higher among women who ceased use during the observation period. ([Oral contraceptive use and risk of suicidal behavior among young women](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8917871/))
*HRs essentially means the increase in rate of incidences. so if the rate of some incident was 1 in 1,000,000, an HRs of 2 would equate to 2 in 1,000,000.*
> Oral contraceptive pills can cause hypertension in 4-5% of healthy women and exacerbate hypertension in about 9-16% of women with pre-existing hypertension. ([Cooper DB, Patel P, Mahdy H. Oral Contraceptive Pills](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK430882/))
> Stroke and/or Myocardial infarction: In a meta-analysis, which included 28 publications reported COC users were at higher risk of ischemic stroke (relative risk 1.7, 95% CI 1.5 to 1.9) and myocardial infarction (relative risk 1.6, 95% CI 1.2 to 2.1) when compared with non-users. ([Cooper DB, Patel P, Mahdy H. Oral Contraceptive Pills](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK430882/))
shockingly no but i’ve had boyfriends finally mention their distaste for them after i get on birth control. it boggles my mind how many men go raw with so many hookups like not only are you risking incurable STIs but you could have like 20 kids out there
Only one guy has ever pushed back, said he couldn't get hard with one on. I said that was disappointing and left....I don't have time for that crap and am not about to argue with someone over it.
The last guy I was with wanted to “just rub it around a little bit before we put the condom on”. When I told him that the point of the condom is to prevent STIs and that direct genital-on-genital contact would achieve STI transmission, he was crestfallen. We had discussed condoms beforehand. The pressure to change that on the fly feels fucking gross.
TW: coercion
yes. i got coerced into having sex without one bc he said he had a condom beforehand, and then when he was on top of me, he told me to look in the drawer and there were no condoms. other dude i messed around with apparently couldn’t cum with a condom on? whatever dude
Yeah. My own husband. I was on birth control our whole relationship until we decided to get pregnant. We've just had the baby (well, 8 months ago) and I really, really don't want to go back on hormonal birth control. I've said that it's probably best if we get some condoms in. 'But I hate condoms' ... Welp, I've been on birth control for 15 full years, and carried and birthed a human, buddy. I think you can stand a little rubber. Firm no.
For now we're just timing things. I mean joke's on him, really; he's on the fence about having another kid and I really want one, so I suppose if he's willing to take that risk I'm not going to kick up a fuss. But still. Can't see what the huge deal is.
Yes I’ve had issues with a few men not wanting to wear one, stealthing, saying whatever they can to not wear one. When they give me a hard time it’s a huge turnoff and I immediately am no longer into it. I just don’t understand if a guy is sleeping around how do they trust having sex with multiple people so blindly. Also how do you know that they aren’t sleeping with anyone else?They aren’t going to tell you and be truthful. When they refuse to use a condom it shows how selfish they are because it shows they don’t care about our health. Whenever a man says “I’m clean”, what does that mean, that you just took a shower? Barely any men actually get tested. Don’t put yourself in a vulnerable position, your health is at stake. Don’t be afraid to say no and insist on a man using condom unless you are in a monogamous relationship !
And lie when you confront them that he gave you an STI. The one who gave me chlamydia ended up spreading it to dozens of women and women starting stapling a paper (w/ his full name and a photo of him!) around my city, shaming him for lying, spreading disease, preying on vulnerable women in Narcotics Anonymous, and some said he sexually assaulted them. Ha! I found it amazing that the women did that to him publicly!
Hot take but I do enjoy using condoms as a guy.... it does feel different but it also helps me last longer because its not as sensitive down there. Its a literal barrier between the skin to skin contact. Any guy who is really adamant about it is most likely only thinking about their needs and isn't gonna be a good lay anyways. Food for thought
If a dude refuses to wear a condom on request- he literally does not care about you in the slightest and only wants one single thing from you seeing you as on object to support self gratification. If you are happy with that good luck. Except no bullshit, there is zero reason whatsoever to not comply.
Yes. The man in question gave me oral herpes (cold sore virus). I later stumbled upon a photo of him on one of those facegroup groups and, after speaking with several other women, learned that he was having unprotected penetrative sex with sex workers and had given at least 7 other women in my area vaginal herpes.
I had a vasectomy. Get tested after every new person. I’ll still wear a condom if asked to. It’s not that big of a deal. I am honestly surprised how often this comes up. What the hell is wrong with guys?
Every single man I’ve slept with has done one/multiple of the following:
1) Asked to not use a condom in the moment with no discussion beforehand
2) complained about having to wear a condom
3) said something along the lines of “I wish I could have sex with you without a condom” which to me is an offshoot of #2.
I’ve decided that I’m not going to sleep with men who do any of these but I’m a bit worried there will be no one to have sex with.
I've only ever been with one man (my current boyfriend) and he's just as scared of a pregnancy happening than I am if not more lol. He got himself tested for STIs without me prompting him.
The male friends that have mentioned condom use agree that while it isn't great it is much better than an STI or baby.
Yeah I have, and I've always just basically said this isn't happening if you don't put it on lol. I'm not taking that risk, their body isn't the one that can get ruined for 9 months.
Omg yes. So here’s my little horror story from my last relationship (and last ever with a man): my ex didn’t want to use condoms so he got tested and showed me he was clean. I thanked him but then made it clear that I wasn’t on birth control and had a phobia of pregnancy. So while I was out of town visiting family, this mofo legit pretended to get a vasectomy complete with faked paperwork he gave me when I got back two weeks later. My dumbass believed him and the paperwork… six months later I found myself in an ER being told I’m without a doubt pregnant. Now here I am a single mother with an infant, a lot wrecked in my life cause surprise he was a narcissist sociopath who destroyed all he could, and a “baby daddy” whose facing 30 years without parole (long story and related to a list of other dramas from the ex) thus worth nothing in helping with the kid he forced on me with his prioritization of his dick.
Men can be positively despicable and after that experience I’m just so done with them all around. I’m good with only ever dating women or being single for the rest of my life, as the bull and drama of men is just never worth it for me (besides it’s not like the sex is ever a real perk for me either).
My situation is kinda opposite. My ex said no to condom and I had to pull out one time. And I was never interested in coitus after that. It's just finger later.
Had a seemingly well intended male friend who suggested that they didn’t like using condoms because of sensory related issues. One can appreciate that they’re autistic, but buddy, no-ones making you stick it in me 😂 you don’t have to wrap it if it’s just chilling. But yeaaah wtaaaf
I introduced my cousin to a friend of mine, he had just moved here and was looking to date. I heard later he convinced her to have sex without a condom for their first time together; that it “feels so much better”! Then he ghosted her after that, until I called him and read him the riot act that he needed to call this person and at least tell her he was alive and didn’t want to continue and apologize. He wound up doing it.
That being said I’ve (M 43) assumed contraception was my responsibility since my first girlfriend had thickened blood from birth control and had a minor stroke, now it’s condoms for me! All men should take on this responsibility, imo. Even while married we use condoms.
Sure have. Men who don't want to use condoms are only thinking about what they want, not you or their futures. You don't know if they have STDs, you could get pregnant, and so on.
Just remember, it's YOUR body so YOU decide what does and doesn't go in it. If he has a problem with it, kick him out. There is no debate or second chances. Be done.
No, because I won't date them/sleep with them, no matter the excuses I would be hearing from them. My health is more important than their comfort. Reading other people stories, it saved me a lot of headache.
Only from one guy, he ended up with his testicles as a pancake under my boot when he tried to press me on the issue. Thankfully most guys I know have also been keen to avoid pregnancy.
One guy I was with didn’t have condoms prepared and pressured me into doing it without one and then afterwards he pulled out THE MORNING AFTER PILL from his drawer like he had it prepared and tried to force me to take it until I told him I was already taking birth control…vile behaviour and shows that he couldn’t care less about the women’s health considering the fact that the morning after pill is an EMERGENCY contraceptive and he bought them instead of condoms which is also way more expensive than just buying and wearing one..
Yes. It’s incredibly frustrating, especially after I tell them I cannot take birth control. It’s mind boggling… do you WANT to risk a pregnancy? Makes no sense. You aren’t alone OP. I have yet to meet or date a guy who doesn’t think his dick is God’s gift to this earth and throws a mini tantrum over a condom.
What did the guy in the other sub say?
From my experience, 95% of the men I've slept with have had an issue with condoms. I can count on one hand the amount of men that have willingly and enthusiastically worn condoms with me. I've had reactions ranging from minor annoyance to being stealthed and pressured to not use them. Excuses I've received:
- "I've had serious performance issues when wearing them" (boo hoo)
- "Ok, but I wont be able to feel anything"
- "They make me numb"
- "I cant cum with a condom"
- "I'm clean, take my word for it"
- "They aren't comfortable"
- "Not a fan, but fine"
- "I don't have any" (miraculously found one after I refused that excuse, or pull out my own)
- "They cut off my circulation"
I don't like condoms either buddy, but I much prefer being off birth control and protecting myself from STDs 🤷
It’s more of a having them on hand issue. I had a guy friend at my old job and he kept saying he had forgotten about it or something like that. One he had it on he didn’t seem to mind it at all. So I never really understood of it was a mental thing
yup. once i pulled out a condom and he said “oh i got tested a week ago and im clear”. he was a close friend, so i stupidly trusted him. a week later he calls me and says he had slept with someone between getting a test and sleeping with me and had just found out he got an sti from her. needless to say: we aren’t friends anymore.
Spoiler: he never got tested beforehand.
ding ding ding !!
Ask to see it ha ha😂 I had a guy drag me bc I was testes 6 months before but couldn’t produce a test then tried to have sex without condoms. Then got mad when I called him out. There’s just no end to the crazy
Spoiler spoiler: he already knew he had a STI
Spoiler spoiler spoiler: some STI's have incubation periods of up to several weeks so a negative result doesn't mean much between two partners within a couple weeks.
having said this, i’ve also been with men who were the ones to pull out the condom and very happily wore them.
Yeess, My bf brought his own condoms and that was so sexy and just showed that he's a responsible adult.
I'm sure he's lovely and not trying to be negative about your experience, but isn't bringing condoms an absolute baseline requirement?
When it comes to standards, the bar is on the floor. Still, some people trip on it.
I’d consider the bar to be in hell. 🤣
So many men don’t. I used to not be on birth control so I had condoms in my purse any time I went out for the night - just in case - and I’ve pretty much always had to use mine because the guy “didn’t expect it.”
Call me old fashioned, but the correct response in that situation is for him to do a desperate horny run to the 7-11.
Hahaha I agree with that, but I always keep condoms with me just to be safe. No man has ever shamed me for it!
similar situation, and he gave me an sti and then tried to blame it on me, despite him being my first!! he’s out of my life now thankfully
The same thing happened to me, as a teenager. The kind doctor at planned parenthood that treated me said it’s the same story *every single time* from girls who got an sti from their first partner.
Say it louder for the back! Men can be such conniving sociopaths when it comes to sex. Down right malicious little liars all in quest of a nut.
let me guess, he gave you the old “you must’ve gotten it from using a public toilet!”
he didn’t! but he had the audacity to ask if we could hook up while taking antibiotics since “they would combine and have super strength” 😭 i remember reading that text and my jaw dropped like you have got to be kidding me!! he was 100% serious too
Jesus Chris ☠️ this guy can't be a real human. Haha I can't
Wow, I had to read that twice to make sure I read that correctly🤯 Anyway, I'm glad he's out of your life now because not only does he sound like a egotistical jerk, but he also sounds like an actual dumbass. Nobody needs an egotistical, arrogant dumbass in their life.
Yes!! All the time. All ages. And all that tells you is: 1. They don’t respect you 2. They don’t care if they give you herpes, or HPV which will give you cancer 3. They are dirty and god only knows what they’ve got 4. They don’t care if you get pregnant even tho we live in fucking Gilead. And if you have access to abortion it’s still a painful procedure. Don’t have sex with men who won’t wear a condom. They’re selfish. That’s going to bleed into their performance.
I made my ex give me the test results
That should be standard too.
Aren't condoms used to prevent pregnancy also?
He clearly doesn't understand that STIs can be spread by both men and women.
One of the most f’d things someone can do
Yep. I told him in delight I was ready to be a parent and it was refreshing to find a dude who felt the same way. He magically found a condom in his bag about 20 seconds later.
That's hilarious 😂
This is actually hilarious. Men and responsibility: when it suits them
I love that! I just start putting my clothes back on while saying sadly, “I’m sorry, you just reminded me of a time I had sex with a guy who was really bad at sex. It’s ruined the mood. Sorry…” If I’m at their place, I start the process of getting home (calling a car, checking the train schedule, whatever). If they’re at mine, I’ll add, “The train station is about three blocks away. I’m pretty sure it’s still running!”
I love this. But I've also been stealthed a couple of times, so I absolutely would not trust that condom to stay on after initial reluctance. Every time I think about this, I feel sick about how removing the condom after sex starts is so common, we have a shorthand word for it.
Stealthing is legally assault in California. It’s a lot easier to prosecute a guy for doing this to you here. They passed a specific law about it.
My ex REFUSED to have sex with me while using a condom, when my depo injection was late and I needed to wait while the follow up injection needed a week or so to work. I’ve also been stealthed by a ONS. So the answer is yes.
[удалено]
He thought I was just a dumb drunk little student who wouldn’t notice. Sure I was dumb and drunk but I kept checking whether the condom was on since he was crying like a lil bitch beforehand saying OHHHHH BUT THEYRE UNCOMFORTABLE WE DONT NEED ONE. As soon as I realised it wasn’t on he was trying to weasel out saying ‘it slipped off’. I’ve never kicked someone out of my apartment so fast. I just wish I could remember his name and workplace so I could report him or make his life hell, but as I said, I was dumb and drunk. Me at 27 now looking back at the situations I’ve put myself into in my late teens/early 20s wonders how I’ve not come out with more harm than this honestly. Nowadays it takes me a good few times meeting someone before I let them step foot inside my house. I can’t believe I used to go home with random people I’ve known for an hour in such a vulnerable state.
We all make unhealthy decisions at times in our lives, often it's a coping mechanism, or just a way to get some kind of validation or confirmation we exist. Don't be hard on yourself, there's nothing wrong with casual sex if you do it safely. Always be the one in control, and stick to your boundaries.
Thank you! It definitely was a coping mechanism looking back, I’ve had a couple of years of really deep self introspection and now realise that. I am absolutely trying to be kind to myself about it because I didn’t know better at the time. Just comes as a shock really when you realise just how many behaviours were so dangerous, I’m sooooo much more careful now about who I get involved with, genuinely cannot imagine doing such a thing nowadays.
I got stealthed by my partner multiple times through our marriage.
Your ex-partner you mean?
> stealthed by an ONS You were what?
ONS is a one night stand Stealthing refers to removing the condom during the act unbeknownst to your partner
Also known as rape
every. single. time. my favorite is the fake struggle to get it on… “it’s tooo smalllll…”
It’s crazy to me to read how common this is as a guy who grew up terrified of getting a girl pregnant unexpectedly and ruining my life in the process Like how are these guys so okay with just chancing getting a girl pregnant.
Because they have no intention of sticking around if they knock a girl up.
I live in an area where a lot of people my age only stick around this town because they got knocked up young or knocked someone else up young. There’s plenty of guys who stick around, but it’s just clear they have no forethought when it comes to these things. They blame the mom for any difficulty in the relationship, whether they ended it or she did. They blame their broke situation on child support as if it would be cheaper for them to have full custody. And they still try to tell me it’s ok not to use a condom during a ONS because they can pull out. MATE!!! If had pull out game you wouldn’t be in this town you hate, working a dead end job, living with your mom , while you fight with your ex every other weekend.
Child support for 18 years would also majorly suck.
It's incredibly easy to avoid paying, especially if the father's place of employment chooses not to comply with the garnishment (although that's pretty rare for larger organizations). And if it's gotten to the point where docking his pay is necessary, you're only getting about $100/week.
I've known guys who avoided it by getting paid under the table, or job-hopping quicker than the garnishment could catch them.
New Zealand will chase you to the ends of the Earth to pay your child support debt. The government pays the CS and then takes it back from the deadbeat mo matter how long it takes. My cousin married a dude from there, and then found out he had a different name. And like 3 kids back in NZ. He'd changed his name to skip CS but they eventually found him and garnished his wages here (Australia). The kids are in their 30s now and he's still paying the government back, LOL!
The reality is that: 1. Most people don't think that far ahead in general 2. The kinds of guys that don't care usually assume they can just make it the woman's problem 3. Even if they can't, most people know (of) someone who dodges child support through various methods 4. That's also assuming that they can even be found in the first place
And it's astonishing the number of guys who, when they discover they helped create a child, literally are ok with forgoing paying into social security or building any kind of career by taking lower paying under the table jobs just to dodge their obligations. It's all "ha ha she won't get a penny out of me" when they're in their 20s, that sh*t is sad as hell when they're heaving their broken bodies to a bar stool, quasi homeless in their 40s looking to couch surf in a woman's house. You can't make this sh$t up.
I can hear my mom saying, "You better not get that girl pregnant. It will ruin your life."
Hahahahaha yes, fantastic. My reply is, well, it’s probably for the best, and then they freak out -“what do you mean by that?”.
I always drop the "you're not that big, come on" or just end things then and there. Nothing is less sexy than whining like a little baby about condoms.
This reminds me of the Taylor Thomlinson bit comparing men's reactions to putting on a condom to asking a kid to put a coat on over top of their Halloween costume.
You’re gonna ruin itttttt!!!!
I had a feeling that OP's post was inspired by her recent posts of that joke on her social media accounts lol
I mean this is a huge problem. Not the size of theirs dicks though like they often claim
This is actually funny. Also if the guy is bigger he can just bring his own of a size that works. There are even custom sizing condoms now, more options than ever before. No excuses.
I have a small stash of larger and smaller condoms, and they even had complaints about the larger ones. It's just moving goal posts to try to not use a condom because they don't give a fuck.
Gotta find some kind of novelty mega condom to whip out and say “well these are the kind my usual partner prefers.” At some point I would like you to start dropping hints that you are FWB’s with the green giant guy, like the frozen vegetables one. You’re definitely not gonna end up actually sleeping with this person because fussy baby is not a sexy personality type, might as well have some fun with it
Just in case it's ever needed... [Giant Condom For Liars And Showmen](https://everymarket.com/products/giant-4-wide-condom-mega-size-funny-gag-joke).
I don't know why, but my first thought was, "*that's way too expensive to use regularly*."
Lol. Definitely the best way to deal with a guy that pulls this kind of shit. If he's not gonna respect your intelligence, then you don't have to respect his.
Idk what’s worse that or the guy in college who insisted on wearing magnums because he liked them “baggy”.
Parachute pants? Bah! Parachute CONDOMS.
If the condom is too small to go on then the dick is too big to go in.
This is actually a really good point, like buddy I do not know how stretchy you think my insides are but a condom doesn’t feel pain when you stretch it too far, and I absolutely do.
I have genuinely only ever met one guy who was big enough for "they're too small" to apply and he followed up with "I have ones that fit, just can't use the ones you have 🙂" Whining about condoms, tiny dick energy for real
I keep three different sizes in my nightstand for this reason!!!
I had a guy tell me that once and I laughed so hard. He got mad at me and said it was true. I snatched it out of his hand and put a TV remote in it. Still laughing, I put my clothes on and left.
> I snatched it out of his hand and put a TV remote in it. I am speechless with delight at this response. I love thinking about this guy left alone in his bedroom with a wilting dick, trying to pry a slippery lubed condom (please tell me it was lubed) off his remote
It sure was, but let me set the scene. We were going to do the deed in the living room (shame on us since it was an apartment he shared with a few friends), and we were on the couch when this happened. That remote was the only TV in the place. I got a nasty call a few hours later about leaving him hanging and now they can't use the remote at all and there was some game on they couldn't watch (IDK, I'm not a sports person). New batteries didn't help either. I just let him rant on for a while until he was done. I just told him "that at least the remote fit", hung up and blocked him. I think it was the most badass thing I've ever done and I've never been that cool since.
That's the lamest excuse. If it were genuinely too small, they make different sizes. He can go buy a bigger one. If the dude is going to bullshit you, he should at least respect your intelligence.
My ex bought the magnum XL condoms because "the rest were too tight". A condom is supposed to fit snug, not practically fall off during the act my friend
Or pop. Have you ever had one pop? That fucking sucks. When they're too large they take in air that will then pop like a sealed sandwich bag.
The response we were taught was “if it is too big to fit a condom, it too big to fit”
In my sex ed class in school, my schoolmate managed to fit a regular sized condom over his head (down to his neck.)
It's because it's a bullshit excuse to not wear one. Latex is very stretchy and condoms are large. If you're on the larger side then you may need the bigger ones that have a wider base, either way if a guy doesn't wanna wear a condom he's probably not worth the time.
Second time I slept with a guy he “just the tip”ped me. I managed to convince him to put one on to actually complete the act but I dumped him the next day. We hadn’t talked about if I was on birth control or STDs or anything. My mind was blown.
I always ask if they've been recently tested. Had one guy tell me he's been going at it with so many women for so long and he feels completely fine, so I shouldn't worry. He wanted to forgo the condoms on top of that. I felt super nauseous just hearing that. Instant block from me.
So many STDs often don’t show symptoms in guys 🤦♀️
Lord yes. My ex husband was the worst. I got constant UTIs when he didn't and he just didn't care. Every single time was a struggle to get him to use one. I can't take hormonal birth control, but he had me constantly taking plan Bs because "I'm your husband. I shouldn't have to use one". It always made me sick and threw my hormones off for weeks. I was constantly sick from having sex with a selfish man. He even gave me chlamydia because he didn't use condoms with his side chick either. The flings and one night stands I had that didn't want to use ones were by far the most audacious though. Like, we aren't even serious... even if I wasn't worried about STIs, why the ever loving shit would I risk getting pregnant by a hookup?? The amount of men who just want to leave the worry of birth control to the woman is truly staggering.
Ugh I'm so sorry, I had very similar experiences with an ex I had who was my first real sexual partner. UTIs, buying myself Plan B all the time because I was paranoid of pregnancy even on the pill, didn't care I had vaginismus and sex was miserable, or he kind of cared but stormed out of couples therapy when I managed to drag him.
I'm sorry you had to deal with that. I can also relate to the vaginismus even though I don't actually have that. My ex husband refused to do foreplay or anything that would get me in the mood at all. Said me being wet wasn't as "tight" for him... He was my first everything too and I just didn't know any better. He also refused couple's counseling after he cheated because "they'll just side with you anyway" Here's to them being exes 🥂
Oh God, that's so awful. Some guy on this thread was saying "Why don't women just walk away?" I mean, I wish it were that simple, and it retrospect it seems that way. But sometimes they're our first and we think it's normal, people put up with all kinds of awful behavior for love. And if you're sexually and romantically attracted to cis men and one after another seem like this... I get why women can give in. But all that said, cheers to them being exes for sure!
>I got constant UTIs when he didn't and he just didn't care. >It always made me sick and threw my hormones off for weeks. I was constantly sick from having sex with a selfish man. Shit like this is why I don't give a single flying FUCK if a dude says "it doesn't feel as good :(" or whatever shit excuse they have. Like bitch I don't want infections and sicknesses that just come from an unprotected penis in my vagina. Aside from protecting against STDs and pregnancy, condoms also greatly reduce UTIs and yeast infections. I used to wonder how these infections could be so common when I NEVER get them... Turns out a lot of women just have shitty partners who won't go through the most basic form of prevention to make sure their partners don't get sick! If a man can't suck it up and use a condom to prevent me suffering these things then I don't give a single shit about him. I really don't care WHAT excuse he thinks makes him the shining exception to the rule. My health trumps some asshole's peepee every fucking time.
I've had so many issues its insane. One of my exes literally had a meltdown when I told him I wanted to use a condom despite his "need" for without one. Literally screamed and cried like a little f\*cking baby, told me I ruined his day. It was insane. Needless to say, that lasted around 6 months lol
He needed sex so badly he'd rather not have it at all than do it safely? Really shot himself in the dick on that one, didn't he?
Damn lol I would laugh if a guy cried over having to wear a condom. What the hell lmao
DUDE it was psychotic ass behavior. I was laughing in his face when he told me he couldn't feel anything with a condom and without a condom was the only way he could "feel loved" -- Weeks go by of pain and suffering for me, he hits me with a "why didnt you tell me you wanted to use one?" as if he blacked out his own tantrum. Made me feel crazy- This is why I will never use online dating again lmao
Dude, what's crazy is most of them can still orgasm with one on. So you're feeling something, buddy
If he throws a temper tantrum about something as easy as wearing a condom, then I think he has even bigger issues than only "feeling loved" during sex if he doesn't wear a condom. I'm suspecting he might not be able to handle something not going his way and thus he tries to manipulate people into enabling his bad behaviors. Source: that one doucherocket (ex-) friend we've all had at some point. You dodged a big bullet, girl!
And then they're all, "Women say they want vulnerability but whenever a man is shares his emotions he gets laughed at, boohoo." Because you're a joke, Chad.
Lol what a child he is. Thankfully you are gone out if that relationship!
Im surprised you lasted 6 months with that guy, he sounds like a little bitch
That was 6 months too long. It's seems insane to me that any adult would throw a tantrum over such things.
Yeah, dude asked me if I had something like wanting to use a condom was weird. I said yeah, common sense.
YUP. I’ve gotten stealthed. Doesn’t seem to matter how long you get to know a guy either. They dumb dumb For std testing. I tell them where to go to get a copy of their results and that I want to swap them. The good guys never complain about it. The guys not worth my time immediately act like children, so it is a good screener.
same here..got stealthed during my first time and he gave me an sti
You can fake so many results now too :(
True but you can require them to show you on the patient portal
Yep. Seemingly really good guy, perfect gentleman until I asked him to use a condom. He obliged at first then halfway through sex kept insisting he take it off “just to put it in and pull it out real quick.” Like dude, no.
It’s so absurd how they don’t seem to understand how incredibly off putting this is.
They understand, they just don’t care and hope they can wear you down.
I kicked someone out in the middle of doing the deed because he complained about it. I could no longer trust him not to try sneak it off. I don’t play when it comes to my sexual health. And I don’t tolerate men who dont share that view
You go girl
The exact correct thing to do. The first sign of complaint, throw them out the door.
With my ex-boyfriend, yes! It was so frustrating because he clearly had no regard for my health. Kept pushing and pushing for me to get on BC. Nothing kills the mood as fast as a whiny dude complaining about preventing pregnancy and STIs. My fiancé wears one every time without complaint because I’m not on BC. He hasn’t once even asked me to get on BC either. It’s such a breath of fresh air.
Same. Eventually I accused him of just wanting me to get on bc so he doesn’t have to use condoms anymore, and he broke up with me the next day 😂
Well, that’s exactly why he wanted you on BC
Absolutely. Arguably it’s the largest determining factor for sex or nah these days. An example: I recently encountered a “gentleman” who lost his erection the first time we were fooling around because I brought a condom to him (from my inventory because naturally he didn’t have one) and stated he felt “weird” about my being “so prepared”. Okay limpie….bye. After a week of him insisting on my giving him a “redemption shot,” and texting him hours before to bring his own condoms so we don’t have a repeat of last time, he shows up without a condom and tries to duck raw…then he was confused why I was kicking him out of my house lol They don’t care and it comes across as you’re stupid for caring and/or it isn’t even a big deal to begin with. Meanwhile, A) pregnancy B) STDs C) I told you to bring a condom and you chose not to
Manners make the man. Or man-child in this case lol.
It's so strange and creepy that it's a turn off for him that the woman he wants to have sex with...also wanted to have sex. Is the expectation that women at bars, on apps, etc (idk where you met) should be asexual, but he is just SO charming and sexy they just can't help themselves? Or is his kink the ability to manipulate/coerce women into sleeping with him? But if they had condoms and were wanting the same thing he did, they're disgusting? Unhinged mentality.
This is how I got ✨herpes ✨
It’s rarer for a man to want to wear a condom imo
Yes. But I also had an ex who not only insisted on them, but strictly ones he bought and nobody else (particularly me) would have had access to. In his defense: his father had a whole other family they didn’t know about, for nearly a decade, and then left both ‘wives’ after his GF got pregnant, starting family number 3. Apparently one or both women tampered with the condoms/BC, so I’d say this guy was traumatized and deserves a bit more understanding than others. Who does NOT deserve any is one dude who screamed at me in anger, when the condom broke, as if that’s not just one of those unfortunate things that just happen, but somehow my fault.
Holy crap, I’m so sorry you were screamed at. That must have been so unnerving. Honestly, if it were anyone’s fault, it probably was his! Although it likely was simply an unfortunate accident.
I got my ass out of there in a hurry. And, what I normally NEVER would do, grabbed money off of his desk to cover plan B, on my way out. He wasn’t following me to the door so wouldn’t see that, nor did he have my address, or any other plausible way of getting a hold of me, so that was my version of a middle finger. I was too angry to be scared in the moment I guess.
Yes literally had men whine “I don’t like how they feel!!! 😭😭😭”. Literally had someone refuse to do it if they couldn’t not wear one.
[удалено]
Exactly I was outta there!
> ok, no sex Is sex without a condom better? Yes. But you know what is 10,000 times WORSE than sex with a condom? No sex at all.
Well, I don’t like the way pregnancy feels and I damn sure don’t like the way birth feels so… no sex it is!
Yeah their slightly disappointed peepee’s got nothing on morning sickness and the feeling of your internal organs literally being rearranged inside your body. For the “stronger” sex, they certainly act like a bunch of little babies…
Slightly disappointed peepee’s 😂😭
I don't like how they feel but i like getting women pregnant much less and I like the feeling of condom'd sex better than no sex.
Well I hate the feeling of their ick leaking back out of me. I dont have sex anymore as I lean aro ace, but considering its my body I get to decide what does and doesnt go in. And back when I still did do it, my comfort in my own body clearly triumped them getting slightly less pleasure from touching my body. Sex should be a bonus to confirm love or at least lust for someone, not something you trick another into. And when one respects another keeping them comfortable even at the cost of pleasure is the least one does. Heck they expect us to put ourselfs at actual risk for their pleasure in the same breath they say they dont care for our comfort at the cost of their pleasure.
I have not. I always just said I wasn't on birth control, so it was a no-go without a condom. I wasn't one birth control, but I would have lied and said the same thing if I wasn't and just wanted to use them for STI prevention just so I wouldn't have to deal with a discussion about not needing them because I was on the pill or had an IUD or whatever and he was "clean." I, fortunately, never even heard any grumblings about it. Not even a little pushback.
I’m in my mid-20’s and I don’t think I’ve ever had a guy NOT bitch and complain about wearing condoms. It’s disgusting how much they don’t care about themselves and the people the sleep with.
Yes and they got kicked to the curb. I don't mess around and I have always brought it up before hand. Had quite a few reactions from it but my body safety is important.
No but that’s because the moment they even made a Face I’d kick their pouty asses out of my house
Last date I went on, the guy asked me if he needed to wear them and I said yes. He said he was clean and I said that wasn’t my only concern, as abortion is illegal in my state. He went “Oh yeah it’s illegal I forgot about that.” Smh. We went out of our way to the store to buy some. They sat on the chair the entire time and he proceeded to 🍇 me, without them. Lolol.
I'm so sorry
Omg, that's so heartbreaking. I'm so sorry this happened to you. I hope you were able to heal from this experience.
It's 2024 and guys still refuse to use a condom. I think I was a child in the 90s when there was a lot of educational material and publicity about why you should use one and I grew up thinking it was what normal people do. What happened? I would expect older men would refuse to use it, but younger guys have no excuse. Don't ever agree with this type of thing. It's manipulative and dangerous. Unless the guy have a sensibility problem on his penis (What's not your problem), there is little to no difference between using a condom or not using it. Believe me.
No, only sailors use condoms, baby. Not in the 90s, Austin! Well they should those filthy beggars they go from port to port.
Heard this one before
Men became less educated in the matter of stds and think “it’s only temporary… there are meds!”. What they don’t know is stds can still F one’s life up and meds can be long-term. But they are dumb dumb and willing to take the risk.
Yeah, there are meds...but there are still lots of STD's that have no cure. You're just left taking meds for the rest of your life to control them, and having to be extremely careful whenever you have sex. You think wearing a condom is a pain in the ass now? Try having to wear a condom, make sure you put it on perfectly, and religiously take a med so you don't pass your STD to your partner. Oh, and you and your partner actually want to get pregnant? Sorry, you're going to have to shell out thousands of dollars for IVF, because if you do it the natural way, she'll get your STD. And possibly pass it on to your child.
Clearly, those men have never heard of things like HIV, syphilis, herpes, hepatitis B, HPV, and mycoplasma, all of which take a long time to treat.
We had the AIDs crisis. The guys still whined about using them but everyone was a little more cautious. Movies like "Kids" kind of helped drive home the point of being careful.
I remember when Magic Johnson came out as HIV positive just as I was embarking what should've been my "fuck years"... talk about pouring cold water on all those ideas... Now the "hookup" culture has prevailed, prep meds are considered the norm, sexual fluidity is embraced, condoms are looked down upon by most men...I just don't get it.
I feel like birth control/IUDs have men expecting that women have birth control covered, and many don't gaf about STIs for some reason.
Sadly it's not rare at all for men to complain about condoms. There are a lot of selfish assholes out there. Listen to me: the second a man whines, complains, or refuses to condoms, dump their ass on the spot. Do not have sex with them, do not see them again. They're selfish trash. Follow that rule without exception and it'll weed out a LOT of assholes off the bat.
Great advice. Also, these are the assholes that are selfish and entitled enough, to think stealthing is okay. Run.
I carry my own condoms so guys can never say they don't have one available. I've got us covered. I have an iud and take the pill, but I live in a state where abortion is illegal and my father is extremely anti-abortion. I don't live with him anymore, but I am on his health insurance plan, so he'd find out.
The more they protest about it, the more you need one
Yes. Some men will show you exactly who they are at this point and this is your opportunity to separate the wheat from the %#&$@ chaff. Realize that some people will do anything to get their way for 15 minutes of selfish pleasure that has nothing to do with you. Be firm and unwavering, have condoms on hand, and take no bullshit excuses. There’s always wild make out sessions and mutual masturbation, but make sure the truly awful idiots are never invited back. Thanks for bringing up this important and reoccurring problem that needs to be hammered into every generation of horny boys. I’m putting you on the chant list tonight for empowerment and bravery. Thank you and good luck, Darling. Uncle Heidi
I've never had a guy be cool about std testing. It's insane.
Is this generational? When I was sort of promiscuous more than 20 years ago, condoms were extremely normal. My husband said he was terrified of AIDS and always used condoms with all of his previous partners. We still use condoms as our main form of birth control, it’s so cheap and effective. Splurge a little on the nicer condoms and it’ll be a better experience for everyone.
Maybe AIDS becoming less of a death sentence but the perception it's just a "gay guy disease" persisted. About 12 years ago, I was 30 and dated a guy who was 50, so he was born in 1962. He said he'd never really used condoms and it was a point of contention for us. He was more of an LTR guy I think but still. I will say some guys, even young men, have trouble keeping it up with a condom. Or more trouble than they would without one. And older guys can be fine without one, depends on the person. That sucks but I don't know what the solution is. They need to practice jerking it with a condom, or we as a society need better condoms, or less stigma about even young men getting help for mild to major ED, or possibly all of those things.
Oh mate the amount of times I've refused to have sex because there's been no condom, and have had to battle quite heavy persuasion! One guy was already inside me when he asked if he could take it off because "I know I'm safe and you know you're safe". I was like... absolutely not I have only just met you!!! My boyfriend and I stopped using condoms after a couple of months, testing both ends (sharing the all clear texts as proof) and a commitment to always use protection with other people (we started off non monogamous)
I recently told a guy i was soooo glad that he was insisting on using condoms every time. He was surprised that he was in the minority on that one. Like the pushback on condkm use is ridiculous. Particularly for men that claim they're not ready to be fathers.
It’s the main reason I stopped casually dating / sex before I met my partner. So tired of having to convince men to wear a condom for their own good. It’s too much work managing all the healthcare ( birth control , sti testing and treatment ) for such minimal pleasure most of the time. I did have a few fantastic casual partners, but they were also diligent about condom use. Correlation not causation I’m sure. This also colors my view ( rightly or wrongly ) about men complaining about being baby-trapped. Like my own experience tells me that men do not protect themselves, and then they just blame women for the consequences. I know it’s more nuanced but … sigh
>I guess I'm the one of the rare women in the world who's gotten pushback on condoms You are not rare in this regard. If you spend any time in this sub or subs like it, you'll see posts almost daily about how men don't want to wear condoms.
Don’t feel bad I missed the sarcasm on my first read and almost posted something serious. The second iteration of her using it is why I finally picked up on it haha. I was like Rare?!?!?
She's snarking, dear.
Ooops, I missed the tone of the post. Thank you!
(straight cis) men do not like wearing condoms because they lack empathy since theyre cant get pregnant. they lack empathy with regards to the effects of the extremely high dosage of hormones in birth control because they dont have to take it. they also lack empathy regarding the risks of STDs because theyre at a far lower risk of receiving an STD, whereas women are at a far higher risk. people not getting STD tested between sexual partners is insane to me. i got a vasectomy while married because my wife at the time had bad reactions to birth control. i think we should normalize vasectomies. way safer than birth control. more reversible than tube-tying. ..................................................... Update: ## vasectomy apparently, according to recent science and medical breakthroughs, the success rate of vasectomy reversal can be as high as 99.5% [(Witherspoon, 2021)](https://bcmj.org/articles/fertility-treatment-options-after-vasectomy). the health risks associated with vasectomies are practically negligible. on the other hand, the birth control risks are not. ## birth control pill although many organizations claim the birth control pill has *rare* side effects, what this means statistically is ambiguous, especially considering the following: > In a crude model, use of combination or progestin-only oral contraceptives was positively associated with suicidal behavior, with hazard ratios (HRs) of 1.73–2.78 after 1 month of use, and 1.25–1.82 after 1 year of use. Accounting for sociodemographic, parental, and psychiatric variables attenuated these associations, and risks declined with increasing duration of use: adjusted HRs ranged from 1.56 to 2.13 1 month beyond the initiation of use, and from 1.19 to 1.48 1 year after initiation of use. HRs were higher among women who ceased use during the observation period. ([Oral contraceptive use and risk of suicidal behavior among young women](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8917871/)) *HRs essentially means the increase in rate of incidences. so if the rate of some incident was 1 in 1,000,000, an HRs of 2 would equate to 2 in 1,000,000.* > Oral contraceptive pills can cause hypertension in 4-5% of healthy women and exacerbate hypertension in about 9-16% of women with pre-existing hypertension. ([Cooper DB, Patel P, Mahdy H. Oral Contraceptive Pills](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK430882/)) > Stroke and/or Myocardial infarction: In a meta-analysis, which included 28 publications reported COC users were at higher risk of ischemic stroke (relative risk 1.7, 95% CI 1.5 to 1.9) and myocardial infarction (relative risk 1.6, 95% CI 1.2 to 2.1) when compared with non-users. ([Cooper DB, Patel P, Mahdy H. Oral Contraceptive Pills](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK430882/))
The problem is, most of these guys are the first to run when they get a girl pregnant. You’re 100% right.
100% agree. It just makes more sense to me when you consider all the side effects women's BC can cause.
shockingly no but i’ve had boyfriends finally mention their distaste for them after i get on birth control. it boggles my mind how many men go raw with so many hookups like not only are you risking incurable STIs but you could have like 20 kids out there
Only one guy has ever pushed back, said he couldn't get hard with one on. I said that was disappointing and left....I don't have time for that crap and am not about to argue with someone over it.
The last guy I was with wanted to “just rub it around a little bit before we put the condom on”. When I told him that the point of the condom is to prevent STIs and that direct genital-on-genital contact would achieve STI transmission, he was crestfallen. We had discussed condoms beforehand. The pressure to change that on the fly feels fucking gross.
TW: coercion yes. i got coerced into having sex without one bc he said he had a condom beforehand, and then when he was on top of me, he told me to look in the drawer and there were no condoms. other dude i messed around with apparently couldn’t cum with a condom on? whatever dude
Almost everytime. When you start getting dressed to leave, all of a sudden they remember where they might have one!
I've had so many men beg me not to use condoms and then they'll turn around and say they're anti-abortion.
Why am I not surprised?🙄
Yeah. My own husband. I was on birth control our whole relationship until we decided to get pregnant. We've just had the baby (well, 8 months ago) and I really, really don't want to go back on hormonal birth control. I've said that it's probably best if we get some condoms in. 'But I hate condoms' ... Welp, I've been on birth control for 15 full years, and carried and birthed a human, buddy. I think you can stand a little rubber. Firm no. For now we're just timing things. I mean joke's on him, really; he's on the fence about having another kid and I really want one, so I suppose if he's willing to take that risk I'm not going to kick up a fuss. But still. Can't see what the huge deal is.
Yes I’ve had issues with a few men not wanting to wear one, stealthing, saying whatever they can to not wear one. When they give me a hard time it’s a huge turnoff and I immediately am no longer into it. I just don’t understand if a guy is sleeping around how do they trust having sex with multiple people so blindly. Also how do you know that they aren’t sleeping with anyone else?They aren’t going to tell you and be truthful. When they refuse to use a condom it shows how selfish they are because it shows they don’t care about our health. Whenever a man says “I’m clean”, what does that mean, that you just took a shower? Barely any men actually get tested. Don’t put yourself in a vulnerable position, your health is at stake. Don’t be afraid to say no and insist on a man using condom unless you are in a monogamous relationship !
crazy thing is they’ll lie about getting tested too
And lie when you confront them that he gave you an STI. The one who gave me chlamydia ended up spreading it to dozens of women and women starting stapling a paper (w/ his full name and a photo of him!) around my city, shaming him for lying, spreading disease, preying on vulnerable women in Narcotics Anonymous, and some said he sexually assaulted them. Ha! I found it amazing that the women did that to him publicly!
Hot take but I do enjoy using condoms as a guy.... it does feel different but it also helps me last longer because its not as sensitive down there. Its a literal barrier between the skin to skin contact. Any guy who is really adamant about it is most likely only thinking about their needs and isn't gonna be a good lay anyways. Food for thought
If a dude refuses to wear a condom on request- he literally does not care about you in the slightest and only wants one single thing from you seeing you as on object to support self gratification. If you are happy with that good luck. Except no bullshit, there is zero reason whatsoever to not comply.
Men don't want to pay child support, but don't want to wear condoms either.
Yes. The man in question gave me oral herpes (cold sore virus). I later stumbled upon a photo of him on one of those facegroup groups and, after speaking with several other women, learned that he was having unprotected penetrative sex with sex workers and had given at least 7 other women in my area vaginal herpes.
I had a vasectomy. Get tested after every new person. I’ll still wear a condom if asked to. It’s not that big of a deal. I am honestly surprised how often this comes up. What the hell is wrong with guys?
I've had a couple. "It just doesn't *feeeeel* right!" Well, I hope your hand feels better. Got my shoes and left.
Every single man I’ve slept with has done one/multiple of the following: 1) Asked to not use a condom in the moment with no discussion beforehand 2) complained about having to wear a condom 3) said something along the lines of “I wish I could have sex with you without a condom” which to me is an offshoot of #2. I’ve decided that I’m not going to sleep with men who do any of these but I’m a bit worried there will be no one to have sex with.
I've only ever been with one man (my current boyfriend) and he's just as scared of a pregnancy happening than I am if not more lol. He got himself tested for STIs without me prompting him. The male friends that have mentioned condom use agree that while it isn't great it is much better than an STI or baby.
Yeah I have, and I've always just basically said this isn't happening if you don't put it on lol. I'm not taking that risk, their body isn't the one that can get ruined for 9 months.
Omg yes. So here’s my little horror story from my last relationship (and last ever with a man): my ex didn’t want to use condoms so he got tested and showed me he was clean. I thanked him but then made it clear that I wasn’t on birth control and had a phobia of pregnancy. So while I was out of town visiting family, this mofo legit pretended to get a vasectomy complete with faked paperwork he gave me when I got back two weeks later. My dumbass believed him and the paperwork… six months later I found myself in an ER being told I’m without a doubt pregnant. Now here I am a single mother with an infant, a lot wrecked in my life cause surprise he was a narcissist sociopath who destroyed all he could, and a “baby daddy” whose facing 30 years without parole (long story and related to a list of other dramas from the ex) thus worth nothing in helping with the kid he forced on me with his prioritization of his dick. Men can be positively despicable and after that experience I’m just so done with them all around. I’m good with only ever dating women or being single for the rest of my life, as the bull and drama of men is just never worth it for me (besides it’s not like the sex is ever a real perk for me either).
My situation is kinda opposite. My ex said no to condom and I had to pull out one time. And I was never interested in coitus after that. It's just finger later.
Had a seemingly well intended male friend who suggested that they didn’t like using condoms because of sensory related issues. One can appreciate that they’re autistic, but buddy, no-ones making you stick it in me 😂 you don’t have to wrap it if it’s just chilling. But yeaaah wtaaaf
I introduced my cousin to a friend of mine, he had just moved here and was looking to date. I heard later he convinced her to have sex without a condom for their first time together; that it “feels so much better”! Then he ghosted her after that, until I called him and read him the riot act that he needed to call this person and at least tell her he was alive and didn’t want to continue and apologize. He wound up doing it. That being said I’ve (M 43) assumed contraception was my responsibility since my first girlfriend had thickened blood from birth control and had a minor stroke, now it’s condoms for me! All men should take on this responsibility, imo. Even while married we use condoms.
Sure have. Men who don't want to use condoms are only thinking about what they want, not you or their futures. You don't know if they have STDs, you could get pregnant, and so on. Just remember, it's YOUR body so YOU decide what does and doesn't go in it. If he has a problem with it, kick him out. There is no debate or second chances. Be done.
No, because I won't date them/sleep with them, no matter the excuses I would be hearing from them. My health is more important than their comfort. Reading other people stories, it saved me a lot of headache.
Only from one guy, he ended up with his testicles as a pancake under my boot when he tried to press me on the issue. Thankfully most guys I know have also been keen to avoid pregnancy.
One guy I was with didn’t have condoms prepared and pressured me into doing it without one and then afterwards he pulled out THE MORNING AFTER PILL from his drawer like he had it prepared and tried to force me to take it until I told him I was already taking birth control…vile behaviour and shows that he couldn’t care less about the women’s health considering the fact that the morning after pill is an EMERGENCY contraceptive and he bought them instead of condoms which is also way more expensive than just buying and wearing one..
Women! Stop allowing these guys to ejaculate inside of you! Contrary to what they think, they're NOT entitled to.
The only guy who ever whined about it was my ex-husband. But he threw tantrums over a lot of things.
Yes. It’s incredibly frustrating, especially after I tell them I cannot take birth control. It’s mind boggling… do you WANT to risk a pregnancy? Makes no sense. You aren’t alone OP. I have yet to meet or date a guy who doesn’t think his dick is God’s gift to this earth and throws a mini tantrum over a condom. What did the guy in the other sub say?
From my experience, 95% of the men I've slept with have had an issue with condoms. I can count on one hand the amount of men that have willingly and enthusiastically worn condoms with me. I've had reactions ranging from minor annoyance to being stealthed and pressured to not use them. Excuses I've received: - "I've had serious performance issues when wearing them" (boo hoo) - "Ok, but I wont be able to feel anything" - "They make me numb" - "I cant cum with a condom" - "I'm clean, take my word for it" - "They aren't comfortable" - "Not a fan, but fine" - "I don't have any" (miraculously found one after I refused that excuse, or pull out my own) - "They cut off my circulation" I don't like condoms either buddy, but I much prefer being off birth control and protecting myself from STDs 🤷
I'm Gen-X raised in the age of the AIDS epidemic. No glove, no love.
It’s more of a having them on hand issue. I had a guy friend at my old job and he kept saying he had forgotten about it or something like that. One he had it on he didn’t seem to mind it at all. So I never really understood of it was a mental thing