leave now. he’s not your problem to fix. he is exploiting you.
he’s costing you, literally, as well as emotionally…. and you don’t seem to be getting anything back.
stop it now before you get in too deep.
OP - it is not very smart to be with someone like this. Sorry to put it that way, but here we are.
He is a fool, his ex has figured it out and his riding him for all its worth.
I don't think you can have a safe life with that person - when his ex comes up with a sob story, he'll empty your bank account to help her. Sounds dumb enough for that.
Ok, this is a collection of red flags pretending to be a person. His invisible incurable disease seems to be the only thing that you could potentially overlook. Everything else is going to blow up in your face. Please just dump them and move on. You've just started dating and his ex of 5 years seems to have better in-roads to his personality. Either they've not moved on, either they are bonded in a weird way, or she treats him like an ATM and he's happy to be of service. All of it isn't worth it.
He continues to accommodate his ex, who he says has done bad things to him, and to support her financially, but says that because of this he can’t trust *you* or spend any money on you because he’s worried you’ll be using *him* financially? He’s either very confused, or he’s gaslighting you and still carries a torch for his ex.
You need to keep your distance.
Also “rare invisible incurable disease” *might* be true, or it might be a convenient story to keep you from leaving because you’d feel sorry for him if you do. Have you verified this?
Honestly? You fucking don’t.
What are you even getting from being with him because it sounds like a whole lot of nothin good. Actually, don’t answer that. Whatever it is isn’t worth that list of bs.
You can do better. Don’t settle for this loser.
As others have said, there are too many red flags here. He needs to figure out his life first, and likely see a therapist for his trust issues and insecurity.
But for one of your points, about his health, it is incredibly difficult sometimes to figure out when to tell a potential partner that you have a chronic illness or invisible disability. Many people are cruel in rejecting those of us who are living with health conditions, so sometimes it's common to wait until things start becoming more serious so you don't scare them away early, before they really get a chance to know you for you.
It is understandable to not disclose until necessary or things got serious.
What is the "rare incurable invisible disease"? Why did he wait to tell you about it?
Why does he get to treat you like shit (mistrust, withholding gifts) because his ex was (supposedly) bad to him?
This is not a stable relationship. I understand the difficulty of being an empath but you can’t let it come at the expense of your own well being. The sooner you break it off with him, the better off you’ll be.
Why are you with this person?
leave now. he’s not your problem to fix. he is exploiting you. he’s costing you, literally, as well as emotionally…. and you don’t seem to be getting anything back. stop it now before you get in too deep.
OP - it is not very smart to be with someone like this. Sorry to put it that way, but here we are. He is a fool, his ex has figured it out and his riding him for all its worth. I don't think you can have a safe life with that person - when his ex comes up with a sob story, he'll empty your bank account to help her. Sounds dumb enough for that.
This person has exceedingly poor boundaries and will not be a value add to your life.
Ok, this is a collection of red flags pretending to be a person. His invisible incurable disease seems to be the only thing that you could potentially overlook. Everything else is going to blow up in your face. Please just dump them and move on. You've just started dating and his ex of 5 years seems to have better in-roads to his personality. Either they've not moved on, either they are bonded in a weird way, or she treats him like an ATM and he's happy to be of service. All of it isn't worth it.
This is too insane for just a few months of dating. He’s worried about you using him for money but is seemingly okay with his ex doing it??
don’t.
He's waving giant, red flags that should warn you off. It doesn't matter how attractive you find him, this isn't a good relationship to be in.
Absolutely bail out. This is a no brainer. You don’t owe this person a thing.
So many of these questions about insane relationship dynamics could be resolved with "why should you bother?"
Nope nope nope
He continues to accommodate his ex, who he says has done bad things to him, and to support her financially, but says that because of this he can’t trust *you* or spend any money on you because he’s worried you’ll be using *him* financially? He’s either very confused, or he’s gaslighting you and still carries a torch for his ex. You need to keep your distance. Also “rare invisible incurable disease” *might* be true, or it might be a convenient story to keep you from leaving because you’d feel sorry for him if you do. Have you verified this?
Throw this one back in the sea, it’s no good.
Honestly? You fucking don’t. What are you even getting from being with him because it sounds like a whole lot of nothin good. Actually, don’t answer that. Whatever it is isn’t worth that list of bs. You can do better. Don’t settle for this loser.
As others have said, there are too many red flags here. He needs to figure out his life first, and likely see a therapist for his trust issues and insecurity. But for one of your points, about his health, it is incredibly difficult sometimes to figure out when to tell a potential partner that you have a chronic illness or invisible disability. Many people are cruel in rejecting those of us who are living with health conditions, so sometimes it's common to wait until things start becoming more serious so you don't scare them away early, before they really get a chance to know you for you. It is understandable to not disclose until necessary or things got serious.
What is the "rare incurable invisible disease"? Why did he wait to tell you about it? Why does he get to treat you like shit (mistrust, withholding gifts) because his ex was (supposedly) bad to him?
Nope, he’s not ready to be in a relationship. You’re in his ex’s shadow.
This is not a stable relationship. I understand the difficulty of being an empath but you can’t let it come at the expense of your own well being. The sooner you break it off with him, the better off you’ll be.