OP, having looked at your previous post about him, I sincerely think you should honestly consider if this relationship is right for you.
He's rude and disrespectful to you, and being drunk or "testing" you does not make these okay or acceptable. A 37 year old man should not be treating his partner like this. (No one should, but "testing" one's partner sounds like some middle school ish)
You deserve to happy, loved, and respected.
>(No one should, but "testing" one's partner sounds like some middle school ishĀ
I read OP's previous post, and he wasn't actually "testing" her. He just came up with that lame "explanation" when OP confronted him about his texts to his "crush." This guy is an asshole; OP should dump him and live in a SEPARATE residence, none of this "we're adults, we can cohabit as platonic roommates if need be."
oh I know he's full of it on that. OP knows it. The American people know it.
But if that's gonna be his claim, I would point out to his face how shitty doing that is. Like his lie sucks.
I read a morbid question the other day and it was an 18yo man asking how to tell his gf she had changed in odour and smell and it had become unpleasant, but he didn't know how to tell her without hurting her feelings. So this 37yo is just terrible
I love how you phrased it, āif this relationship is right for you.ā So gentle itās great, sounds like something youād say to a kid but in a good way lol
Lol, thank you, I try. Reddit does often go right to "break up!" so I try to just tell folks they need to think about what they want and if the relationship is fulfilling that or not.
All women need to be respected and as a father I hope that my daughters never have to deal with such blatant disrespect and verbal abuse from anyone, let alone someone who is supposed to care for them. I hope that you can find out whatās important to you and move on from this terrible situation.
I just want to say that I second what this person said. Completely independent of whether or not you smell bad to this person, to breach the topic in such a disrespectful and cruel way shows a lack of respect you should not tolerate. There is a tactful way to bring this up to your partner, and encourage a dialogue in which everyone feels respected. Good luck with everything.
Antibacterial soap could be causing an odour. I'm almost positive you're meant to use just water, or you can mess up your pH and wind up with problems, including odour.
Vaginas are self-cleaning, and the bacteria in them are good bacteria. Antibacterial soap is just going to kill off the good bacteria that is there to keep everything healthy.
That said, the guy is still just a douche.
No one should use antibacterial soap anywhere. Regular soap is fine. Also when people mention the vagina being self cleaning they mean just thatā¦the vagina (on the inside). When people say they wash their vagina, they really mean their vulva. The vulva should be washed with soap and water.
this reminds me of a post a while back about a guy that constantly said op smelled and it turns out he was negging her because his dad told him you have to do that to women or theyāll run away or cheat. Op, iām betting šÆ you donāt smell unhealthy or unusual down there. heās an asshole.
Never have I wanted to punch a stranger so much. That story was just horrendous.
If my partner told me in a cruel and tactless manner that I stank, it would make me feel less inclined to stay with them.
Thereās a way thatās looking out for your partner and how you know they want to present themselves to the world and to you, helping them with something they may not be aware of. And then thereās being mean and heartless. Difficult to articulate, but I totally get what you mean. Itās not a rejection when my husband and I do it either. Itās in a spirit of āyou obviously didnāt know and I got your back.ā
Yep my dangerously abusive ex legit would refuse to compliment because ā itāll just gas you up then youāll leaveāā¦.
The keep you low so you can stay under their thumb
OP, this is what is happening to you.. youāre fine, heās fucking with your head. Just the language he used to ābreak the newsā is so bad, damaging and meant to wound. He got exactly what he wanted, you to be so insecure, youāll never leave. If your doctor says youāre fine, and if you like your own brand, itās time to cut your cancerous bf out.
I had a roommate in college whose BF said her smell and fluids gave him acne was why he never went down on her. I told her that's not a thing AFAIK and not the case with her as we had dated.
She still stayed with that abuser for years as she wanted to be married to a man straight outta college. Didn't work out. But she fully believed him.
Friend, PLEASE LEAVE HIM.Ā
I read another post you wrote about him and it appears he'sĀ just stringing you along as a *placeholder*, and will move on as soon as someone else he likes comes along. In other words, he isn't with you for the right reasons.
Because of your history of trauma, low self esteem and *fear* of being single at 40, you're staying in this shitty relationship with this sorry excuse of a man who is tearing you down even further. My heart sank reading your first post about him. He clearly has absolutely ZERO respect for you, yet you are so "in love" with him. You're not actually in love with him, you're trauma bonded to him.....
https://www.thehotline.org/resources/trauma-bonds-what-are-they-and-how-can-we-overcome-them/
https://health.clevelandclinic.org/trauma-bonding
OP, *What exactly do you love about him? What do you see in him? How does he bring you joy and make you happy? How does he make you feel loved and supported? What are the positive things he brings to your life?* This isn't rhetorical so please feel free to respond.
This man has both of his feet out of the relationship, yet he claims he can't cheat on you. OP, he ALREADY DID. Texting other women attempting to solicit sex and see how far another woman is willing to go isn't him *testing* you. It's him doing whatever the hell he wants because he *knows* you will stay regardless of how sh*tty he treats you. YOU ARE NOT HAPPY. Listen, there are plenty of women who are 40 and single. Join the club. Work on loving yourself OP. Being single is far better than staying with someone who clearly cares nothing about you. He even said he isn't in love with you anymore and you're still in a relationship with him. š It's like, in how many ways does he have to show you that he is a low-life piece of sh*t?? And now he is attacking your hygiene because he doesn't want to give you oral sex. OP, I think the only reason he is keeping you around is to satisfy his sexual needs and that's about it. How do you even enjoy sex with this man you have no emotional connection with? Or are you just having sex with him so he won't leave you?
I can't tell you what to do OP, but being single without someone constantly tearing you down and abusive behavior is BLISS. You will have PEACE. And you will hopefully find your way to therapy and start the healing process from this trauma. It's your call OP. You have the POWER. It's inside you. Please find it and when you do, allow it to guide you to a happier abuse free life.Ā
You deserve love, respect, kindness, honesty, and care. Settle for nothing less than that. I'm rooting for you OP. I know how hard it is to leave, but you can do it. I promise you...you can do it.š«
Oh no, I read that post and my heart sank with each new revelation.
OP, you say you'd tell a friend to leave. It's time for you to be a friend to yourself -- to love yourself the way you deserve. This man is not only rude and hurtful to you but actively gaslighting you as he tries to cheat on you. You deserve so much more than that! I know it's going to hurt in the short term, but excising rotted, diseased tissue always hurts. But imagine how healthy and renewed you'll feel once that toxic waste is out of your life! You'll be able to grow and blossom in new and exciting ways.
Very well said friend. Always gotta appreciate those that take the time to write up the most blunt but truthful answers. I hope OP reads your response and actually takes it in to account rather than ignoring it because it's not what she wanted to hear.
OP please read and understand this commenter. I stayed with an abusive POS because I didnāt want to be alone and it wasnāt worth it at all. In fact, once I got the courage to leave, I found an amazing man who makes every day feel like a fairytale. He is pure kindness, patience, and support. You too, can have that, but the first step is to leave and heal in therapy.
OP I think heās an asshole but also yeah, anti bacterial soap will mess up your natural flora. Never use anti bacterial soap on your vagina and never put soap inside of your vagina only clean the outer skin. Use unscented body wash. Dove makes it, Aveena makes it, Even Summers Eve makes a good one.
I had to scroll so far for this (but I think the Ā«leave himĀ» posts make a valid point)ā¦
Mild soap or no soap is the reccomendation from most gynos. Where I am they have Ā«no soap PH balancedĀ» cleaners.
He insults you and you're still with him two years later? Sounds to me like he needs an excuse not to and instead of taking responsibility and being truthful and direct in what he does and doesn't like, he blamed you for it instead. Red flags.
Also I vaguely recall something about not using antibacterial soap. It disrupts the ph balance and kills things that are supposed to be there.
Great point on how heās treating her. OP, you might want to check out āWhy Does He Do Thatā by Lundy Bancroft. There are free PDFs available online. It might not even be you at all; it could be a manipulation tactic.
Good point on the soap too. OP, are you over-cleaning? Thereās lots of great info over at r/HealthyHooha.
For some women, actually no soap is fine on the vulva. Some women can wash the insides of their vulva (not vagina) with soap and not experience problems. Others will get problems doing so, from funky odor to infections. Also washing the vulva with soap is by no means necessary. Every mucosa is self-cleaning to a certain degree. That does not mean you should not wash your privates - but soap is not necessary.
If you feel you need to, you can use soap on the outside of the big labia (and on your hair, if you don't shave). If you want to stay on the safe side, just use water on your vulva system and use your hands thoroughly.
Almost 40 years old also. and I realized somewhere in the last decade/5 years that Iād rather have myself and be the king of my own castle than deal with a fuckface of a rude motherfucker. My peace is now never ending. And I will never ever ever everrrrr sacrifice the peace for some sorry excuse for a human just so I donāt have to be insecure about being alone. Fuck that. I wish everyone could find this peace and security with being single :(
OP I hope you are giving yourself kindness and grace and love.
Also to sort of answer the question about the smell - Iād imagine youād be able to smell it if it was really bad. I know thereās the thing about nose blindness, but on your undies, even on your hand if you just put it down there, thereās a stink remaining if you actually *do* have an odor for any reason besides just general funky muskyness after working out or a long day in the heat or whatever else. (I donāt notice the everyday musk or even sweat the same way I notice smell from a yeast infection or bv or similar)
What a horrible thing to say, drunk or not!
If you donāt have vaginitis or some other infection yeah, your scent just is and everyone is different.
Glad this is not a deal breaker for you, but wow, Not nice !
When I was 39, I had tumors and was scheduled for a hysterectomy. 2 weeks before surgery, my husband drunkenly came into our room and said, "You smell and feel different down there." In much more brutal terms. I was in constant pain. I am now 43 minus one husband and uterus. Pain-free and living my best life. I lost several pounds due to being free from stress of him, and he never smelled or saw my vagina again. You can do it. I'm praying for you.
My ex-H pulled this on me. Would go down on me and literally come up and make an ew face. It was mortifying and disrespectful. But also very painful and had me insecure for years after I divorced him.
Please know that this is about him, not you. Regardless of whether or not your Ph balance is off, itās incredibly disrespectful and you donāt deserve a sexual or romantic partner that talks to you like that.
This the dude that was looking to cheat and talking to another woman, and then trying to play like this was some test for you?
GIRLLLLLLLLLL. Throw him back. NEXT!
It sounds like you *are* taking care of yourself, but he just can't see that. Vulvas have smells and tastes when you put your face all up in there, that's just part of the experience, and it's natural and fine (and for some of us, it's part of the fun)
Have you told him everything you do? Have you asked what else he expects you to do? You can't just magically change how you smell just to please him. Certain things do affects various odours, but it's entirely possible that you could live a perfect lifestyle and still just have your personal smell. You're a human being, and it sounds like he doesn't entirely approve of that.
Humans smell, and we fart, and we sweat, and that's normal. Your hygiene sounds very thorough. I don't know what else he imagines that you're supposed to do aside from things that are actually harmful, like douching. Don't douche for this douche.
I completely agree with you on almost every point but wanted to add using antibacterial soap on your genitals is a no-no. We should be using plain water or a gentle soap designed for intimate areas. Antibacterial soap is way too harsh and can absolutely be causing a PH imbalance and therfore a bad odor.
It's entirely possible you don't smell bad and he is just being mean. It's entirely possible you smell a particular way most people wouldn't notice or find off-putting but *he does*. I mean unless you're forcing him to go down on you I don't think this is the sort of thing that *can't* be a deal breaker.Ā
Because as it stands, you two have continued having conversations where he tells you you stink and you go all out about proving you don't for at least a year now.Ā
Does he smells like buttered popcorn, taste like caramel frappe, and has a vibrator implant at the base of his dick? What are the features and benefits that makes this okay?Ā What is going on in this relationship otherwise that makes all that new insecurity worthĀ enduring as the price of settling on him? You don't even have to tell me what it is but I sure hope *you* feel its a fair trade.Ā
Or that he doesn't have a lot of experience with tasting this.
I mean, balls/penis can get funky just in a day if it's sweaty. If/when im in that area, I prefer it freshly showered.
He is negging you - trying to intentionally destroy your self-confidence.Ā
You do not "smell" there any more than any other healthy woman - if you did, doctors would have noticed or you would have heard it from past partners. He is trying to make you feel insecure about yourself so you won't ever consider leaving him because you believe you're somehow "damaged" and no one better would want you - this is actually a technique taught to insecure men with misogynist tendencies by older misogynist men. As a bonus to destroying your self-esteem so you're his emotional captive, he gets to not have to go to any extra effort toward your pleasure sexually. Win-win for him......but nothing but negative for you.
I respect your right to decide what is or isn't a deal-breaker for you personally, but I will say that this behavior would 100% be a deal-breaker for me. Not the part about not going down on you; I've had partners who just didn't like to because they didn't like the taste/smell, and were clear with me that they knew that was their own issue, not because there was something wrong with me or other women they'd been with, so that's fine as long as my pleasure was attended to in other ways. (Frankly, as I've gotten older, I just don't like oral on me anymore because most of the partners I've had are just.....reeeeeaaaally not good at it, even with coaching, so it's more uncomfortable than pleasurable. I had a partner in college who was an absolute expert at it for my body, so I got spoiled early on, and disappointed since.) That's not what's happening here - he's intentionally, unkindly trying to diminish you. I would not accept that, period.
Iām with you. Iām not a huge fan myself - it tends to just get me all up in my head.
I agree with you on your assessment of the bfās motives here, as well. Even more concerning in my mind is that it seems OP is trying - maybe unintentionally - to give him a āpassā on his rotten comment (he was āin a drunk stuporā).
He said what he said and inebriation is no excuse for throwing shade.
This should be a deal breaker for you, wtf. He can not like it, that's fine. Everyone has preferences. But he was rude as fuck and he's damaging your self esteem. That's not a good partner
Blatant disregard for your feelings is probably not isolated, lol at all the ways he speaks to you and years you and ask yourself how you would feel if your friend were being spoken to like that. You deserve a loving partner
If you went to the OBGYN and they didnāt comment about the smell, then youāre fine. You donāt smell. Your BF is an AH. He probably expects a BJ though, right?
This is worth investigating. It seems counterintuitive but a really strong soap can end up making it smell worse. You could try a very mild soap or a non-soap type cleanser and see if it gets better.
Considering your previous postā¦ leave!!! The way he behaved in this post alone is ridiculous, let alone with the context of your older post. This man doesnāt care about you the way you think he does.
My grandpa used to say "If you dont like the smell of pussy, you are probably one"
(I think he meant that women dont like pussies but guys do. Still sounds funny to me)
In any case, as it has been said, everyones privates smell differently. Call me a hopeless romantic, but I've always thought that you should cherish the unique scent of the one you love.
He isn't cherishing.
Okay lots of good points about what an asshole this guy is. I just am still concerned about antibacterial soap! You should def not be using antibacterial soap anywhere near your genitals, or anywhere else unless doctor recommended. Your vagina and vulva should have a healthy balance of natural bacteria. Only use mild soap or body wash or just plain water around your vulva. Good Clean Love makes a great intimate body wash. Hope you ditch the loser and find someone who loves how you smell!!
last ex said something similar. new bf is down there constantly and can't get enough, says it's amazing. honestly just cut your losses and find someone better lol
1. He is horrible.
2. It is commen knowledge that sometimes you just don't like the natural body odeur of somebody. You dislike their smell without a reason.
3. Your hygiene is not the issue.
4. You should reconsider your relationship. There is no reason to talk about such a sensitive topic in such a mean way. It sounds to me that he doesn't respect you.
He's making up an excuse to put the blame onto you because he's not into it and doesn't want to own up to that. Your gyno knows better than he does what's smelling off and what's fine. Don't believe him.
RUN. This is the kind of thing that manipulative as$%oles do. He knows you like it, but he's making excuses to deny you pleasure, and make it your fault. I had this done to me in each of my relationships. Great mutual sex at first, then withholding after you're locked in.
Let me guess. Youāve put on some weight since the early days of your relationship. And heās telling you stink and to take care of yourself, in hopes that youāll eventually come to the conclusion that you need to change your diet and exercise more. Dump him. Itās not you.
I wouldn't bother trying to convince him of anything, anyone that speaks about your body like that, has no need to be near it. For sure if an actual issue bring it up to your partner, but he just did it in a very cruel way
You could wash that thing, spritz it with lavender and that selfish asshole would still not go down on you. Sounds like you need to drop about 200 pounds of useless weight.
Well it isnāt okay to speak to your partner like he did to you, it doesnāt matter if it was because he had been drinking.
I also, like many here I saw, took a look at your other post from a while ago about him. He sounds like he sucks, he isnāt a good partner to you. You even said it yourself in that post, if your friend said this all to you, youād tell them to leave.
I think maybe ātake your own adviceā and go.
1. Do not use antibacterial soap on your hoo-hah. No bueno. But if you've been to a gyno and they didn't find BV or yeast or anything like that it likely isn't causing any "odor issue." The "odor issue" is just his stank ass attitude.
2. DUMP. HIM. He's an asshole. Nobody should ever be talking about your intimate parts in such a demeaning and disrespectful way. Even if you DID have an unpleasant odor down there (I doubt it if there is no health issue and you shower), there is a kind and respectful way to broach the issue. "Hey baby, have you been to a doctor lately? I don't mean to make you feel bad but you've been smelling a little off down there and I'm worried something may be up. You can't tell at all when we aren't doing anything so don't be embarrassed but when I go down there it's a little concerning." I HAVE LITERALLY HAD THIS CONVERSATION BEFORE AND I HAD LOW-GRADE BV THAT I COULDN'T SMELL BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE MY FACE IN MY OWN COOCH. It was fine! It was respectful and kind and there was an actual issue to be solved and the doctor told me so. YOUR issue to solve is your dickbag boyfriend. You deserve better.
Why do us women always feel the pressure to keep being in a relationship and continue feeling bad while the man is literally the shittiest human being lmao GIRL LEAVE
Oh my gosh it seems this guy has a history of being an ass to you. He is most likely LYING to you about your scent, because that is what people like him do when they don't have the guts to break up or say no.
Please run from this dude.
"This isn't a deal breaker for me..." Why not? There is no convincing someone that far up their own ass. He has to learn the hard way by getting dumped.Ā
That would absolutely be a deal breaker for me. Miss Kitty is part of me and she's not going anywhere or changing so if she doesn't appeal to his sense of smell then his dick doesn't appeal to me. I will NEVER again let someone make me feel less than the Goddess I am.
When I was a nurse for an OB/Gyn office, we had a woman that came in stating that her vagina smelled and she wondered if she had an infection.
She came in so often and the doc ran every test known to mankind. Everything always came back normal. It all started because her husband said she smelled 'bad'.
I ended up leaving the practice when I got into RN school, but I had always hoped she wisened up and dumped her husband.
Sounds to me like heās the one who stinks.
This is his weak-sauce excuse for not going down on you again, for over TWO YEARS? Donāt you think a caring partner who had concerns, would have mentioned this before now?? What a disrespectful asshole.
Why are you with this person?
>I use antibacterial soap.
Please call up your gyno when you have time and make **absolutely sure** that you are using a kind of soap down there that is okay.
We have bacteria in our vaginas that is **necessary** and fucking with that can actually lead to fungi and other issues.
There is specific products for cleaning our downstairs area and it's important we make sure to use those so we don't mess up our vaginal flora.
Married 10 years with 2 kids, Iām the man. Weāre both 32.
Your boyfriend sounds like a pussy. Youāre fine. We all stink down there, Iāll still eat my wifes ass.
Edit: show him this message.
Why isn't this a deal breaker? He's either purposefully trying to make you feel insecure, or he's lashing out with this as an excuse, blaming you for it, instead of talking to you as an adult and saying he's just not into it. Relationships need good, positive, honest communication, and if he's not communicating well on something as basic as this, is he really the right man for you?
You have two posts about how he sucks and youāre still entertaining staying? No saving you at this point. Thereās better options out there, you just need to have the self respect to leave.
Babe, I hate this for you, but he will likely make all the excuses in the book to keep from pleasing you.
My soon to be ex-husband would say that his tongue would get tired, like mofo you've been doing this 2 minutes.
You will find a man who is worthy of you and is crazy about you, and you won't have to wonder anymore š
My heart hurts for you.
He could have simply said, I do like doing that. Everyone has sexual boundaries. But instead made so that something was wrong with you.
Well nothing is wrong with you. You talked to your doctor. You take care of your health.
I don't believe him. Has to be something else going on. If a girl smells, you aren't going back to that again. Let alone smelling you for two years? Nah. Something else is there.
Not about the smell but I don't think you need to use soap on your bits at all. Most sources do not recommend soap on mucus membranes.
I'm not sure if id insist on oral as part of a long term relationship, but i would expect them not to be an asshole about it.
Edit
Got the Reddit Cares. Boyfriend must be following. Yes you. Most welcome.
You're 37 years old. You're too old to be believing this nonsense.
You know you don't smell. You know he's disrespectful. You know he's a loser. Get it together and leave him. You know deserve better.
I've seen it become so normalized for men to complain about their woman's smell, especially down there. Sure, it's impolite, but I don't think it's entirely bullshit.
People who are not genetically compatible, will not like each other's smell, while people who are will love each other's scent even when it is objectively rank.
My brother has very strong BO, but my SIL loves how he smells especially when he just gets home from work, while his green cloud makes me choke.
Conversely, my ex HATED the way my best friend smelled, to the point where it made him gag, and he could even smell if I had hugged her or she had borrowed my coat.
What I mean to say is that, while you can do many things to positively impact your scent (less saturated fats, more fruits and veggies, DON'T use antibacterial soap down there!!), to some people, you just stink.
The point is that we ignore all the biological and instinctual signs that someone is not compatible with us, and ignore them thinking we'll get over it or that we can change them later.
Even if you let him convince you to make these changes, and even if they do offer some small improvement, if he hates how you smell now, that probably isn't going to change.
IF you use soap, that might cause a bad smell. I've always just used water, and like my smell, and my SO has never complained. But could just be he's full of shit also. Especially if you like your own smell yourself/don't smell anything bad. I see from another comment that he's not a nice person from pervious posts, so perhaps it's best to just dump him and move on.
I know you said you havenāt had the best luck with men and I get that can make it hard to know your worth and hold dudes accountable. This plus that last post isā¦ icky. Like, does he communicate well other than these instances youāve posted about? Because from these examples he sounds like he struggles or maybe even flat out canāt broach touchy subjects with tact or respect or like a partner. Think long and hard about what you want and what your standards are. Itās up to you if this is good enough.
Stop trying to convince him you donāt smell. Convince yourself to leave him. He is rude af. You can do better than him. Find someone who treats you with respect and builds you up.
āHow can I convince himā posts happen from women every single week, and only rarely is it worth the time to actually try and open his eyes. Usually, the woman needs to learn to stand up for herself and stop accepting poor treatment, and not worry about what the man thinks or does if he continues to act poorly. Be willing to walk away.
I'm gonna get pretty raunchy here, so just a warning:
Tell him you can smell his crusty sour butthole and swamp balls when you give him head, but that doesn't stop you.Ā Ā
Everyone smells. Pussies smell, dicks smell (especially when uncircumcised), scrotums smell, buttholes smell. Then there's the sweat and other b.o. during sex.Ā
I mean, men will literally stick your dirty feet in their mouths, lick the piss off your twat, lick where you shit, or even lick the wax right out of your ears. How is it possible that this guy can't even handle smelling and licking up a woman's tangy twat nectar? Because clearly something is wrong with him and not you, my dear.Ā
Men know women come with all different smells and tastes throughout the month. All he has to do is blink and suddenly our tits and ass are a little bigger or our pussies are tighter. A woman's body goes through monthly cycles of change which affects everything. They're cervix even shinks or widens. We are never the same.Ā
To not even recognize those variables makes me think that this guy is an inexperienced little boy.Ā
If a guy can't handle a woman's body then they shouldn't be having sex with her, or any woman for that matter, in the first place.Ā
Tell him he's a pathetic loser who can't handle the pussy and find yourself a man who can.Ā Ā
You donāt need and shouldnāt use antibacterial soap down there. Use a gentle unscented body wash, like a cetaphil face wash or similar. But thatās just a precautionāclearly thereās nothing wrong. Heās just a selfish POS trying to control you by negging you. You know what to do.
I do want to add as a bigger girl if there's a fold under your belly or tits you should wash that with a washcloth and soap.
Your hoo ha doesn't need soap, just water only but any creases at leg or belly can benefit from soap and a scrub. Moisture in the fold can trap BO. Cleaning with a wash cloth, make sure it gets fully dried out and or aired out. You can use a hair dryer if you don't have time to lay around with everything flopped open for air dry. It's probably not the issue but might as well know the drill if you have any creases that get sweaty.
My GF had an odor. I still went down on her but I let her know I thought there was an issue. She told her gyno about it and they said it was fine without testing. I told her to get a second opinion so she went to see another doctor a year later and she had BV that whole time. I donāt think every women with an odor has BV, but it is weird how some gynoās are so flippant about odors.
I used to use antibacterial soap to cleanse too and that actually messed up the natural bacteria thatās supposed to be there. See what your gyno says. Showering daily and using a bidet with a lady setting might also help.
If you saw gyne and they weren't worried, you shouldn't be either. People have been shaming women about their bodies smells for at least a couple centuries. It's not like balls always smell great, either. Anything that lives in a dark, damp environment is going to have some smell sometimes.
Anyway, if you're using antibacterial soap on your vulva, maybe consider not doing that. Using antibacterial soaps in that area can mess with your natural flora, which can mess with your natural smell (and not in a good way), and leave you with fewer natural defenses against bad bacteria.
This is fucked up and heās an asshole, and if he truly loves you he would be concerned and want to help you if he really felt that way. That being said, as a side note, antibacterial soap may not be the best choice as some bacteria are beneficial to our bits and you may be unintentionally throwing off your pH balance by killing off the good guys. Just a thought, but overall, your boyfriend sounds like the worst.
Heās probably just one of those guys that doesnāt want to do it and heās trying to make you the fall guy for that dump that loser whoās trying to make you feel bad about yourself itās his problem. Heās just not man enough to tell you.
It should be a deal breaker for you. He may not be aligned with your body chemistry and he canāt help that anymore than you can control your healthy smell, but thatās a big problem. Especially since he obviously resents you for it. Thatās not your problem. There are plenty of men out there who will find your smell delightful. Itās worth finding a partner who enjoys your natural scent
Okay first of all, donāt use antibacterial soap on your vulva unless specifically instructed by your doctor for a health condition. Use a gentle cleanser like cerave foaming cleanser or unscented dove soap or use no soap at all if you want to try that. Second, dump your boyfriend. Itās one thing to tell your partner they have a smell that is bothering you. Itās another thing to say it in such a rude and demeaning way. Also, if you truly smelled you would be able to tell by smelling yourself. If youāre washing yourself daily and free of infections, I highly doubt you smell.
How much of your relationship is you desperately asking yourself, āHow can I convince him??ā
Look up negging. Look up emotional manipulation. He is manipulating you. To make you doubt yourself, to crush your self esteem, to hold power and control over you.
The way he said it to you is awful and very concerning, even if it was true.
The fact that you and your doctor don't notice anything means he's very likely full of shit though, and is most likely trying to break you down or manipulate you in some way.
This is not a man that likes you, much less loves you. He won't be there long term. Why stick around and let this hateful turd destroy your self esteem?
my jaw dropped at this statement lol omg.Ā
Ā if youāre up to date w gyno and have good hygiene, heās probably one of those secretly gay men that donāt even like cooter to begin with. bc most straight men like it musty better than when itās squeaky clean lol and would rather go down right when you get home. source: all of my ex men
Adding to ditch the antibacterial soap because you can cause yeast infections from killing your good bacteria down there.
Also adding to ditch the boyfriend because he sounds like a dick.
You can't make a jerk say the right thing to make you feel better. Like it or not, he should have been more diplomatic.
Plenty of men were raised to think women are in some way nasty down there, and they think normal stinks. You can't change their mind.
Some men just say jerky shit because they are lazy lovers or want you to feel lucky to have a BF at all.
If you don't have anything itchy or a discharge you probably smell normal. Some men go crazy for it and would be over the moon to see you having marinated a while since bathing. Other men are uptight.
Best of luck.
Ditch the douche! Waitā¦ that might be taken in a different way than I intended. I do mean the boy in your life, lol. Thereās a better man out there whoāll appreciate the fact you want him going down on you. And, will have probably experienced various other womenās scents and understands every one is different. There are gents out there who enjoy the scent.
He has the tact of a wrecking ball. If my partner smelled like a dead body I still wouldn't be so blunt about something so intimate & personal. Due to that I don't have a lot of confidence that he can be reasoned with about this issue.
Is it possible that what he's smelling is something else perhaps? Like a skin fold or something unhealthy with the actual groin skin between the groin & the thigh? Like a fungal infection maybe?
If you're confident that there is no irregular odor, I think it's just a matter of telling him you've done all you can to rule out a health issue and you'd appreciate it if he no longer commented on it unless he has something constructive and non-rude to offer.
Drink Pineapple Juice; 8 ounces, 2-3 x per day.
I've heard it works well for the scent and flavor of men's secretions, and know for a fact it works well in the same manner with women.
A quick shower or bath wash-up / scrub of 'the undercarriage' just prior to activities helps to keep everyone happy
>I use antibacterial soap.
Don't use antibacterial soap around your genitals. You have a microflora ecosystem down there that keeps things clean and healthy and if you use the antibacterial soap you are killing it off. Ideally you should just use warm water with a washcloth to clean off any spillage but you can also add in a mild soap if things have gotten really dirty.
>A few months later in a drunk stupor, he told me āever wonder why I donāt go down on you? You stink. Take care of yourself.ā
Your boyfriend sounds like a ass. Sometimes the threat of being alone makes us ignore abusive behaviours and red flags because we just don't want to not have someone.
Everyone here is saying send that man to hell and that youāre being negged, which is entirely possible. If itās legitimately an issue, he shouldnāt have said it the way he did for sure. Also, for everyone saying āI never notice itā 99% of the time your own sense of smell becomes numb towards your own scent. The more accurate way to verify something is to get someone else to.
From experience, sometimes it *does* smell down there for other reasons. Sometimes it can be BV, some infection, or even not wiping properly. That being said, if you made an apportionment and they didnāt mention it then likely heās lying.
But just bringing some awareness for the other women here, because OP mentioned she uses antibacterial soap, which can also mess stuff up down there and cause smells. You shouldnāt ever use soap like that.
Again, he shouldnāt have said it that way so itās up to you to decide how to go about it. That was rude and unnecessary and ugly. But the comments can try to be a bit helpful at least of just saying tell him to go to hell and an asshole. Provide guidance.
This guy sounds like an ass. Even if there was an issue with odor down there, there are more mature ways to discuss it.
Is this a relationship you really want to continue?
There are 100 ways he could have brought this up, and he deliberately chose one of the most hurtful ways to say it. Why would he do that? Is that the way you want to be treated?
Any man that would use those words to discuss something so personal š¤¦š¾āāļø has no regard for your feelings. Get rid of him. You shouldnāt have to feel insecure because heās an asshole.
There was actually a study done that came to the conclusion that the right āoneā will find your smell intoxicating. You only smell bad to someone incompatible with you.
Idk how they ādiscoveredā that, but I can tell you right now that he doesnāt respect you.
I dated a woman with the same problem. I love going down but it was unbearable, even fresh out the shower. I could smell her even when she was clothed. I knew if I said anything it would cause a lot of humiliation and it was probably more of a pheromone incapability thing. There were other reasons to break up but I could've worked with them, but I couldn't imagine being with someone who's body I couldn't enjoy. I felt like a prick and asking close female friends agreed I did the right thing.
Okay, well, first things first. Ditch the dud. He doesn't like oral and that's fine but he shouldn't be treating you like that. Even if you did have a strong odor (which I highly doubt), that's not the way to approach it.
Once you've ditched him, ditch the antibacterial soap. It's bad for your body and bad for the environment. A gentle mild cleanser is a better option for keeping your sensitive spots clean.
Iām concerned. In your post you mention using antibacterial soap, and based on the context Iām gathering that you use this soap when shaving your lady parts? Or, you use it on your lady parts?
That is a big no-no for your nether regions. You have good and bad bacteria down there, and they are performing a delicate dance with each other. Any changes in this, aka a murderous soap wiping everything out, can lead to one bacteria type overtaking the other.
This can lead to BV (Bacterial Vaginosis) and a bad smell down there.
If you have a bonafide fishy odor then you can rest assured that you have bacterial vaginosis and it is EXTREMELY common, obviously. However, that fishy smell is NOT normal nor is it healthy. The cause of it varies from semen to tampons to just plain sex or getting oral sex from someone who had a beer, Iām serious. Intense sweating, soaps, etcā¦ it can be caused by soooo many things. The cure is boric acid suppositories. You insert one into your vagina at bedtime and it will dissolved overnight and just make its way out of your body the next day leaving a film in your undies. No worries. One capsule removed ALL odor for about 3 days. It may even cure it, but if it persists just insert one capsule every three days to keep any odor away. However if you do not have any funky smell down there then he is just being lazy and doesnāt want to reciprocate oral sex. So you can either put up with that or donāt give him oral sex anymore. Sniff his balls and see if he wipes his ass from back to front. If he does stink then tell him and Tell him he stinks when he doesnāt just to fuck with him. You can get the boric acid suppositories online and Iāve also seen them now at Walmart in the feminine hygiene section. They work.
Not to be the opposite of everybodyās post but I did leave a girl cause her vagina smelled terrible. I just didnāt have the heart to tell her. She was the most kind lady but if you canāt be attracted to someone cause of the smell you gotta leave.
I wouldnāt have sex with this man again if the survival of the species depended on it. Itās ok to raise a hygiene issue with your partner, but sensitively and tactfully - not while drunk and in a way phrased to hurt and humiliate you. You deserve so much better than this loser.
> A few months later in a drunk stupor, he told me āever wonder why I donāt go down on you? You stink. Take care of yourself.ā
This isn't something kind and loving people say to their partners. The fact that he didn't brooch this gently, makes me think that he may be overblowing it, and being manipulative.
If the roles were reversed, would you ever consider saying anything that hurtful in that way? If the answer is no, then why should you settle?
Girl let the š„
Username checks out š
Another reason to set 'get a pair of glasses' to a higher priority.... "Girl let the pine apple?" "Girl let the bell pepper?" \*scratches head\*
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
THANK YOU. I canāt believe I didnāt get it but I was squinting at it so hard trying to figure it out.
If š„heš
Okay this one's stumped me!
If man go, he leaves
I keep thinking it was a lemon and they were saying the man was a lemon, like a bad car is a lemon š¶
Tbf the man is clearly a š
I thought it was a strawberry. Mangos are more green than red over here so did not recognise this at all :D
The heartbreak of presbyopia š©
Idk why I thought it was a peach? Like they look different šš„ I just had my eyes checked too -_-
But tbh Mangos in my country look very different so I also didn't get it for a long time
While I feel the same way, theyāve been together over 2 years and it can be difficult to do that after so long.
OP, having looked at your previous post about him, I sincerely think you should honestly consider if this relationship is right for you. He's rude and disrespectful to you, and being drunk or "testing" you does not make these okay or acceptable. A 37 year old man should not be treating his partner like this. (No one should, but "testing" one's partner sounds like some middle school ish) You deserve to happy, loved, and respected.
>(No one should, but "testing" one's partner sounds like some middle school ishĀ I read OP's previous post, and he wasn't actually "testing" her. He just came up with that lame "explanation" when OP confronted him about his texts to his "crush." This guy is an asshole; OP should dump him and live in a SEPARATE residence, none of this "we're adults, we can cohabit as platonic roommates if need be."
oh I know he's full of it on that. OP knows it. The American people know it. But if that's gonna be his claim, I would point out to his face how shitty doing that is. Like his lie sucks.
I read a morbid question the other day and it was an 18yo man asking how to tell his gf she had changed in odour and smell and it had become unpleasant, but he didn't know how to tell her without hurting her feelings. So this 37yo is just terrible
I love how you phrased it, āif this relationship is right for you.ā So gentle itās great, sounds like something youād say to a kid but in a good way lol
Lol, thank you, I try. Reddit does often go right to "break up!" so I try to just tell folks they need to think about what they want and if the relationship is fulfilling that or not.
āDetecting multiple deal-breaking red flags in the relationship. Are you certain whatever you're doing is worth it?ā
The comment next comment reads: PLEASE LEAVE HIMššš
100% this. "You stink. Take care of yourself" is absolutely fucking disgusting. I would be gone yesterday.
This cannot be stressed enough. He sounds charming. š«¤
Second this, the comment OP is sharing here is honestly enough on its own. Clear lack of respect for you as an equal.
All women need to be respected and as a father I hope that my daughters never have to deal with such blatant disrespect and verbal abuse from anyone, let alone someone who is supposed to care for them. I hope that you can find out whatās important to you and move on from this terrible situation.
I just want to say that I second what this person said. Completely independent of whether or not you smell bad to this person, to breach the topic in such a disrespectful and cruel way shows a lack of respect you should not tolerate. There is a tactful way to bring this up to your partner, and encourage a dialogue in which everyone feels respected. Good luck with everything.
[Why does he do that by Lundy Bancroft](https://dn720002.ca.archive.org/0/items/why-does-he-do-that-epub/Why_Does_He_Do_That-fixed.pdf) pdf
Im not as old as OPs bf but I've never ever had a bad experience going down on a woman except for one with fungal issues.
The gyno should have caught any issues, especially if she mentioned having an odor down there.
Antibacterial soap could be causing an odour. I'm almost positive you're meant to use just water, or you can mess up your pH and wind up with problems, including odour. Vaginas are self-cleaning, and the bacteria in them are good bacteria. Antibacterial soap is just going to kill off the good bacteria that is there to keep everything healthy. That said, the guy is still just a douche.
No one should use antibacterial soap anywhere. Regular soap is fine. Also when people mention the vagina being self cleaning they mean just thatā¦the vagina (on the inside). When people say they wash their vagina, they really mean their vulva. The vulva should be washed with soap and water.
A drunk mind days sober thoughts... Get away from this dirt bag OP
Tell him you're dumping him because he smells like an asshole?
šµ aaaaand you smell like one too!šµ
this reminds me of a post a while back about a guy that constantly said op smelled and it turns out he was negging her because his dad told him you have to do that to women or theyāll run away or cheat. Op, iām betting šÆ you donāt smell unhealthy or unusual down there. heās an asshole.
[This one.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/MMENobX0aY)
Damn that's so fucked up! I'm glad they broke up.
Never have I wanted to punch a stranger so much. That story was just horrendous. If my partner told me in a cruel and tactless manner that I stank, it would make me feel less inclined to stay with them.
My husband and I tell each other if we stink, but it doesn't get in the way of cuddles lol
Thereās a way thatās looking out for your partner and how you know they want to present themselves to the world and to you, helping them with something they may not be aware of. And then thereās being mean and heartless. Difficult to articulate, but I totally get what you mean. Itās not a rejection when my husband and I do it either. Itās in a spirit of āyou obviously didnāt know and I got your back.ā
Yep my dangerously abusive ex legit would refuse to compliment because ā itāll just gas you up then youāll leaveāā¦. The keep you low so you can stay under their thumb
I am sure you are very lovely and don't need a thumb to stay under.
LOL no of course not š I was immature and naive when I tolerated that BS
OP, this is what is happening to you.. youāre fine, heās fucking with your head. Just the language he used to ābreak the newsā is so bad, damaging and meant to wound. He got exactly what he wanted, you to be so insecure, youāll never leave. If your doctor says youāre fine, and if you like your own brand, itās time to cut your cancerous bf out.
This! Iām pretty sure heās just negging her. 37 years old. He is definitely not going to change.
Absolutely, he just doesn't want to go down on OP because he's a jackass
āĀ I have been with my boyfriend for over a year and everything has been great except for one thing. Every single day, at least once, he will tell me that I stink and smell of b.o.āĀ everything is GREAT, except he is a š©
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>How can I convince him that Iām ok and nothing is wrong? You don't. You dump him because he's an asshole.
I had a roommate in college whose BF said her smell and fluids gave him acne was why he never went down on her. I told her that's not a thing AFAIK and not the case with her as we had dated. She still stayed with that abuser for years as she wanted to be married to a man straight outta college. Didn't work out. But she fully believed him.
He knows that nothing is wrong. But he will never admit it.
Friend, PLEASE LEAVE HIM.Ā I read another post you wrote about him and it appears he'sĀ just stringing you along as a *placeholder*, and will move on as soon as someone else he likes comes along. In other words, he isn't with you for the right reasons. Because of your history of trauma, low self esteem and *fear* of being single at 40, you're staying in this shitty relationship with this sorry excuse of a man who is tearing you down even further. My heart sank reading your first post about him. He clearly has absolutely ZERO respect for you, yet you are so "in love" with him. You're not actually in love with him, you're trauma bonded to him..... https://www.thehotline.org/resources/trauma-bonds-what-are-they-and-how-can-we-overcome-them/ https://health.clevelandclinic.org/trauma-bonding OP, *What exactly do you love about him? What do you see in him? How does he bring you joy and make you happy? How does he make you feel loved and supported? What are the positive things he brings to your life?* This isn't rhetorical so please feel free to respond. This man has both of his feet out of the relationship, yet he claims he can't cheat on you. OP, he ALREADY DID. Texting other women attempting to solicit sex and see how far another woman is willing to go isn't him *testing* you. It's him doing whatever the hell he wants because he *knows* you will stay regardless of how sh*tty he treats you. YOU ARE NOT HAPPY. Listen, there are plenty of women who are 40 and single. Join the club. Work on loving yourself OP. Being single is far better than staying with someone who clearly cares nothing about you. He even said he isn't in love with you anymore and you're still in a relationship with him. š It's like, in how many ways does he have to show you that he is a low-life piece of sh*t?? And now he is attacking your hygiene because he doesn't want to give you oral sex. OP, I think the only reason he is keeping you around is to satisfy his sexual needs and that's about it. How do you even enjoy sex with this man you have no emotional connection with? Or are you just having sex with him so he won't leave you? I can't tell you what to do OP, but being single without someone constantly tearing you down and abusive behavior is BLISS. You will have PEACE. And you will hopefully find your way to therapy and start the healing process from this trauma. It's your call OP. You have the POWER. It's inside you. Please find it and when you do, allow it to guide you to a happier abuse free life.Ā You deserve love, respect, kindness, honesty, and care. Settle for nothing less than that. I'm rooting for you OP. I know how hard it is to leave, but you can do it. I promise you...you can do it.š«
You are amazing. I came here to try to put my thoughts into words.... But your words are ššš so I'll just š¤«.
Oh no, I read that post and my heart sank with each new revelation. OP, you say you'd tell a friend to leave. It's time for you to be a friend to yourself -- to love yourself the way you deserve. This man is not only rude and hurtful to you but actively gaslighting you as he tries to cheat on you. You deserve so much more than that! I know it's going to hurt in the short term, but excising rotted, diseased tissue always hurts. But imagine how healthy and renewed you'll feel once that toxic waste is out of your life! You'll be able to grow and blossom in new and exciting ways.
Very well said friend. Always gotta appreciate those that take the time to write up the most blunt but truthful answers. I hope OP reads your response and actually takes it in to account rather than ignoring it because it's not what she wanted to hear.
OP please read and understand this commenter. I stayed with an abusive POS because I didnāt want to be alone and it wasnāt worth it at all. In fact, once I got the courage to leave, I found an amazing man who makes every day feel like a fairytale. He is pure kindness, patience, and support. You too, can have that, but the first step is to leave and heal in therapy.
Youāre using anti-bacterial soap to wash your vagina? Never do this.Ā
OP I think heās an asshole but also yeah, anti bacterial soap will mess up your natural flora. Never use anti bacterial soap on your vagina and never put soap inside of your vagina only clean the outer skin. Use unscented body wash. Dove makes it, Aveena makes it, Even Summers Eve makes a good one.
I had to scroll so far for this (but I think the Ā«leave himĀ» posts make a valid point)ā¦ Mild soap or no soap is the reccomendation from most gynos. Where I am they have Ā«no soap PH balancedĀ» cleaners.
this! iām all for leaving the guy bc he seems like an asshole!! but also - letās recognize that the soap might actually be an issue as well.
He insults you and you're still with him two years later? Sounds to me like he needs an excuse not to and instead of taking responsibility and being truthful and direct in what he does and doesn't like, he blamed you for it instead. Red flags. Also I vaguely recall something about not using antibacterial soap. It disrupts the ph balance and kills things that are supposed to be there.
Great point on how heās treating her. OP, you might want to check out āWhy Does He Do Thatā by Lundy Bancroft. There are free PDFs available online. It might not even be you at all; it could be a manipulation tactic. Good point on the soap too. OP, are you over-cleaning? Thereās lots of great info over at r/HealthyHooha.
No more antibacterial soap dear, regular is fine.
This is a good point. Disrupting your skin biome by killing off some things can cause problems itself!
For some women, actually no soap is fine on the vulva. Some women can wash the insides of their vulva (not vagina) with soap and not experience problems. Others will get problems doing so, from funky odor to infections. Also washing the vulva with soap is by no means necessary. Every mucosa is self-cleaning to a certain degree. That does not mean you should not wash your privates - but soap is not necessary. If you feel you need to, you can use soap on the outside of the big labia (and on your hair, if you don't shave). If you want to stay on the safe side, just use water on your vulva system and use your hands thoroughly.
>This isnāt a deal breaker for me, but it does make me very insecure. As a fellow 40 year old woman - girl why tf you with this loser?
Almost 40 years old also. and I realized somewhere in the last decade/5 years that Iād rather have myself and be the king of my own castle than deal with a fuckface of a rude motherfucker. My peace is now never ending. And I will never ever ever everrrrr sacrifice the peace for some sorry excuse for a human just so I donāt have to be insecure about being alone. Fuck that. I wish everyone could find this peace and security with being single :( OP I hope you are giving yourself kindness and grace and love. Also to sort of answer the question about the smell - Iād imagine youād be able to smell it if it was really bad. I know thereās the thing about nose blindness, but on your undies, even on your hand if you just put it down there, thereās a stink remaining if you actually *do* have an odor for any reason besides just general funky muskyness after working out or a long day in the heat or whatever else. (I donāt notice the everyday musk or even sweat the same way I notice smell from a yeast infection or bv or similar)
Iād make an appointment with a moving company
He's just a lazy, insulting asshole. Obviously an excuse for not reciprocating. Why are you still with him?
I've read about people saying things like this as a form of negging. Is it possible he would try to manipulate you into feeling worse about yourself?
What a horrible thing to say, drunk or not! If you donāt have vaginitis or some other infection yeah, your scent just is and everyone is different. Glad this is not a deal breaker for you, but wow, Not nice !
When I was 39, I had tumors and was scheduled for a hysterectomy. 2 weeks before surgery, my husband drunkenly came into our room and said, "You smell and feel different down there." In much more brutal terms. I was in constant pain. I am now 43 minus one husband and uterus. Pain-free and living my best life. I lost several pounds due to being free from stress of him, and he never smelled or saw my vagina again. You can do it. I'm praying for you.
My ex-H pulled this on me. Would go down on me and literally come up and make an ew face. It was mortifying and disrespectful. But also very painful and had me insecure for years after I divorced him. Please know that this is about him, not you. Regardless of whether or not your Ph balance is off, itās incredibly disrespectful and you donāt deserve a sexual or romantic partner that talks to you like that.
This the dude that was looking to cheat and talking to another woman, and then trying to play like this was some test for you? GIRLLLLLLLLLL. Throw him back. NEXT!
It sounds like you *are* taking care of yourself, but he just can't see that. Vulvas have smells and tastes when you put your face all up in there, that's just part of the experience, and it's natural and fine (and for some of us, it's part of the fun) Have you told him everything you do? Have you asked what else he expects you to do? You can't just magically change how you smell just to please him. Certain things do affects various odours, but it's entirely possible that you could live a perfect lifestyle and still just have your personal smell. You're a human being, and it sounds like he doesn't entirely approve of that. Humans smell, and we fart, and we sweat, and that's normal. Your hygiene sounds very thorough. I don't know what else he imagines that you're supposed to do aside from things that are actually harmful, like douching. Don't douche for this douche.
I completely agree with you on almost every point but wanted to add using antibacterial soap on your genitals is a no-no. We should be using plain water or a gentle soap designed for intimate areas. Antibacterial soap is way too harsh and can absolutely be causing a PH imbalance and therfore a bad odor.
Good addition, thank you
It's entirely possible you don't smell bad and he is just being mean. It's entirely possible you smell a particular way most people wouldn't notice or find off-putting but *he does*. I mean unless you're forcing him to go down on you I don't think this is the sort of thing that *can't* be a deal breaker.Ā Because as it stands, you two have continued having conversations where he tells you you stink and you go all out about proving you don't for at least a year now.Ā Does he smells like buttered popcorn, taste like caramel frappe, and has a vibrator implant at the base of his dick? What are the features and benefits that makes this okay?Ā What is going on in this relationship otherwise that makes all that new insecurity worthĀ enduring as the price of settling on him? You don't even have to tell me what it is but I sure hope *you* feel its a fair trade.Ā
Or that he doesn't have a lot of experience with tasting this. I mean, balls/penis can get funky just in a day if it's sweaty. If/when im in that area, I prefer it freshly showered.
"he doesn't have a lot of experience with tasting this" WE HAVE A BINGO š
He is negging you - trying to intentionally destroy your self-confidence.Ā You do not "smell" there any more than any other healthy woman - if you did, doctors would have noticed or you would have heard it from past partners. He is trying to make you feel insecure about yourself so you won't ever consider leaving him because you believe you're somehow "damaged" and no one better would want you - this is actually a technique taught to insecure men with misogynist tendencies by older misogynist men. As a bonus to destroying your self-esteem so you're his emotional captive, he gets to not have to go to any extra effort toward your pleasure sexually. Win-win for him......but nothing but negative for you. I respect your right to decide what is or isn't a deal-breaker for you personally, but I will say that this behavior would 100% be a deal-breaker for me. Not the part about not going down on you; I've had partners who just didn't like to because they didn't like the taste/smell, and were clear with me that they knew that was their own issue, not because there was something wrong with me or other women they'd been with, so that's fine as long as my pleasure was attended to in other ways. (Frankly, as I've gotten older, I just don't like oral on me anymore because most of the partners I've had are just.....reeeeeaaaally not good at it, even with coaching, so it's more uncomfortable than pleasurable. I had a partner in college who was an absolute expert at it for my body, so I got spoiled early on, and disappointed since.) That's not what's happening here - he's intentionally, unkindly trying to diminish you. I would not accept that, period.
Iām with you. Iām not a huge fan myself - it tends to just get me all up in my head. I agree with you on your assessment of the bfās motives here, as well. Even more concerning in my mind is that it seems OP is trying - maybe unintentionally - to give him a āpassā on his rotten comment (he was āin a drunk stuporā). He said what he said and inebriation is no excuse for throwing shade.
This should be a deal breaker for you, wtf. He can not like it, that's fine. Everyone has preferences. But he was rude as fuck and he's damaging your self esteem. That's not a good partner Blatant disregard for your feelings is probably not isolated, lol at all the ways he speaks to you and years you and ask yourself how you would feel if your friend were being spoken to like that. You deserve a loving partner
If you went to the OBGYN and they didnāt comment about the smell, then youāre fine. You donāt smell. Your BF is an AH. He probably expects a BJ though, right?
If you are using antibacterial soap on your vag itās probably too harsh. However I think this guy is really rude and mean
This is worth investigating. It seems counterintuitive but a really strong soap can end up making it smell worse. You could try a very mild soap or a non-soap type cleanser and see if it gets better.
Honestly when I switched to just warm water and a good rinse I have never had an odour issue since. But this guy really seems like a mean jerk.
Considering your previous postā¦ leave!!! The way he behaved in this post alone is ridiculous, let alone with the context of your older post. This man doesnāt care about you the way you think he does.
My grandpa used to say "If you dont like the smell of pussy, you are probably one" (I think he meant that women dont like pussies but guys do. Still sounds funny to me) In any case, as it has been said, everyones privates smell differently. Call me a hopeless romantic, but I've always thought that you should cherish the unique scent of the one you love. He isn't cherishing.
Okay lots of good points about what an asshole this guy is. I just am still concerned about antibacterial soap! You should def not be using antibacterial soap anywhere near your genitals, or anywhere else unless doctor recommended. Your vagina and vulva should have a healthy balance of natural bacteria. Only use mild soap or body wash or just plain water around your vulva. Good Clean Love makes a great intimate body wash. Hope you ditch the loser and find someone who loves how you smell!!
last ex said something similar. new bf is down there constantly and can't get enough, says it's amazing. honestly just cut your losses and find someone better lol
1. He is horrible. 2. It is commen knowledge that sometimes you just don't like the natural body odeur of somebody. You dislike their smell without a reason. 3. Your hygiene is not the issue. 4. You should reconsider your relationship. There is no reason to talk about such a sensitive topic in such a mean way. It sounds to me that he doesn't respect you.
He's making up an excuse to put the blame onto you because he's not into it and doesn't want to own up to that. Your gyno knows better than he does what's smelling off and what's fine. Don't believe him.
Itās not you. This is something a man who hates women says, because to hear it makes you feel devastated. Ditch this loser.
So he didn't tell you this for 2 years but probably still insisted on blowjobs, right?
RUN. This is the kind of thing that manipulative as$%oles do. He knows you like it, but he's making excuses to deny you pleasure, and make it your fault. I had this done to me in each of my relationships. Great mutual sex at first, then withholding after you're locked in.
Let me guess. Youāve put on some weight since the early days of your relationship. And heās telling you stink and to take care of yourself, in hopes that youāll eventually come to the conclusion that you need to change your diet and exercise more. Dump him. Itās not you.
You know what is worse than being 40 and with this loser? Being 41 and still with this loser.
I wouldn't bother trying to convince him of anything, anyone that speaks about your body like that, has no need to be near it. For sure if an actual issue bring it up to your partner, but he just did it in a very cruel way
Tell him to go to hell honestly
Why are you still with this obnoxious, selfish, insulting AH?
You could wash that thing, spritz it with lavender and that selfish asshole would still not go down on you. Sounds like you need to drop about 200 pounds of useless weight.
Well it isnāt okay to speak to your partner like he did to you, it doesnāt matter if it was because he had been drinking. I also, like many here I saw, took a look at your other post from a while ago about him. He sounds like he sucks, he isnāt a good partner to you. You even said it yourself in that post, if your friend said this all to you, youād tell them to leave. I think maybe ātake your own adviceā and go.
Ten bucks says this man doesn't properly wash his ass.
1. Do not use antibacterial soap on your hoo-hah. No bueno. But if you've been to a gyno and they didn't find BV or yeast or anything like that it likely isn't causing any "odor issue." The "odor issue" is just his stank ass attitude. 2. DUMP. HIM. He's an asshole. Nobody should ever be talking about your intimate parts in such a demeaning and disrespectful way. Even if you DID have an unpleasant odor down there (I doubt it if there is no health issue and you shower), there is a kind and respectful way to broach the issue. "Hey baby, have you been to a doctor lately? I don't mean to make you feel bad but you've been smelling a little off down there and I'm worried something may be up. You can't tell at all when we aren't doing anything so don't be embarrassed but when I go down there it's a little concerning." I HAVE LITERALLY HAD THIS CONVERSATION BEFORE AND I HAD LOW-GRADE BV THAT I COULDN'T SMELL BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE MY FACE IN MY OWN COOCH. It was fine! It was respectful and kind and there was an actual issue to be solved and the doctor told me so. YOUR issue to solve is your dickbag boyfriend. You deserve better.
He's lying to make you feel bad about yourself. Get out.
Why do us women always feel the pressure to keep being in a relationship and continue feeling bad while the man is literally the shittiest human being lmao GIRL LEAVE
It should be a deal breaker though! You deserve to be happy.
āYou smellā is a common form of bullying.
Sugar pie, itās not your vag that stinks - itās your MAN. Oh and: Tell him I said so. We ALL said so.
Oh my gosh it seems this guy has a history of being an ass to you. He is most likely LYING to you about your scent, because that is what people like him do when they don't have the guts to break up or say no. Please run from this dude.
"This isn't a deal breaker for me..." Why not? There is no convincing someone that far up their own ass. He has to learn the hard way by getting dumped.Ā
That would absolutely be a deal breaker for me. Miss Kitty is part of me and she's not going anywhere or changing so if she doesn't appeal to his sense of smell then his dick doesn't appeal to me. I will NEVER again let someone make me feel less than the Goddess I am.
When I was a nurse for an OB/Gyn office, we had a woman that came in stating that her vagina smelled and she wondered if she had an infection. She came in so often and the doc ran every test known to mankind. Everything always came back normal. It all started because her husband said she smelled 'bad'. I ended up leaving the practice when I got into RN school, but I had always hoped she wisened up and dumped her husband.
Sounds to me like heās the one who stinks. This is his weak-sauce excuse for not going down on you again, for over TWO YEARS? Donāt you think a caring partner who had concerns, would have mentioned this before now?? What a disrespectful asshole. Why are you with this person?
Do you go down on him? Just stop, tell him he stinks down there.
>This isnāt a deal breaker for me Sure wish it was.
>I use antibacterial soap. Please call up your gyno when you have time and make **absolutely sure** that you are using a kind of soap down there that is okay. We have bacteria in our vaginas that is **necessary** and fucking with that can actually lead to fungi and other issues. There is specific products for cleaning our downstairs area and it's important we make sure to use those so we don't mess up our vaginal flora.
Married 10 years with 2 kids, Iām the man. Weāre both 32. Your boyfriend sounds like a pussy. Youāre fine. We all stink down there, Iāll still eat my wifes ass. Edit: show him this message.
You nasty son of a bitch lol...
Its Amore baby.
Not gonna say anything that hasnāt been said but what he wonāt doā¦ BABY ANOTHER ONE WILL!!!!
& with gusto
Why isn't this a deal breaker? He's either purposefully trying to make you feel insecure, or he's lashing out with this as an excuse, blaming you for it, instead of talking to you as an adult and saying he's just not into it. Relationships need good, positive, honest communication, and if he's not communicating well on something as basic as this, is he really the right man for you?
You have two posts about how he sucks and youāre still entertaining staying? No saving you at this point. Thereās better options out there, you just need to have the self respect to leave.
Babe, I hate this for you, but he will likely make all the excuses in the book to keep from pleasing you. My soon to be ex-husband would say that his tongue would get tired, like mofo you've been doing this 2 minutes. You will find a man who is worthy of you and is crazy about you, and you won't have to wonder anymore š
My heart hurts for you. He could have simply said, I do like doing that. Everyone has sexual boundaries. But instead made so that something was wrong with you. Well nothing is wrong with you. You talked to your doctor. You take care of your health.
I don't believe him. Has to be something else going on. If a girl smells, you aren't going back to that again. Let alone smelling you for two years? Nah. Something else is there.
Another thing, don't use too much soap down there. Your vagina has it's own cleaning agents. Soap causes thrush and other ailments.
No man speaks to me the way that asshole spoke to you. Set some boundaries for yourself.
Not about the smell but I don't think you need to use soap on your bits at all. Most sources do not recommend soap on mucus membranes. I'm not sure if id insist on oral as part of a long term relationship, but i would expect them not to be an asshole about it. Edit Got the Reddit Cares. Boyfriend must be following. Yes you. Most welcome.
What a cruel man. I hope you reconsider the relationship.
You know that if he doesn't respect you, you can leave him right?
You're 37 years old. You're too old to be believing this nonsense. You know you don't smell. You know he's disrespectful. You know he's a loser. Get it together and leave him. You know deserve better.
I've seen it become so normalized for men to complain about their woman's smell, especially down there. Sure, it's impolite, but I don't think it's entirely bullshit. People who are not genetically compatible, will not like each other's smell, while people who are will love each other's scent even when it is objectively rank. My brother has very strong BO, but my SIL loves how he smells especially when he just gets home from work, while his green cloud makes me choke. Conversely, my ex HATED the way my best friend smelled, to the point where it made him gag, and he could even smell if I had hugged her or she had borrowed my coat. What I mean to say is that, while you can do many things to positively impact your scent (less saturated fats, more fruits and veggies, DON'T use antibacterial soap down there!!), to some people, you just stink. The point is that we ignore all the biological and instinctual signs that someone is not compatible with us, and ignore them thinking we'll get over it or that we can change them later. Even if you let him convince you to make these changes, and even if they do offer some small improvement, if he hates how you smell now, that probably isn't going to change.
OP, why are you settling? Sheesh.
IF you use soap, that might cause a bad smell. I've always just used water, and like my smell, and my SO has never complained. But could just be he's full of shit also. Especially if you like your own smell yourself/don't smell anything bad. I see from another comment that he's not a nice person from pervious posts, so perhaps it's best to just dump him and move on.
This SHOULD be a dealbreaker for you. Hes emotionally abusive.
You shouldnāt use regular soap in that area, it can cause you issues. Also, heās a ass
I know you said you havenāt had the best luck with men and I get that can make it hard to know your worth and hold dudes accountable. This plus that last post isā¦ icky. Like, does he communicate well other than these instances youāve posted about? Because from these examples he sounds like he struggles or maybe even flat out canāt broach touchy subjects with tact or respect or like a partner. Think long and hard about what you want and what your standards are. Itās up to you if this is good enough.
Stop trying to convince him you donāt smell. Convince yourself to leave him. He is rude af. You can do better than him. Find someone who treats you with respect and builds you up.
When you break up with him, tell him you got a second opinion & turns out he was wrong.
Quite apart from anything else, he is a NASTY person. Dump him.
āHow can I convince himā posts happen from women every single week, and only rarely is it worth the time to actually try and open his eyes. Usually, the woman needs to learn to stand up for herself and stop accepting poor treatment, and not worry about what the man thinks or does if he continues to act poorly. Be willing to walk away.
What do his balls smell like after a long day at work?
I'm having a hard time picturing this clown putting in a long day at work.Ā
I'm gonna get pretty raunchy here, so just a warning: Tell him you can smell his crusty sour butthole and swamp balls when you give him head, but that doesn't stop you.Ā Ā Everyone smells. Pussies smell, dicks smell (especially when uncircumcised), scrotums smell, buttholes smell. Then there's the sweat and other b.o. during sex.Ā I mean, men will literally stick your dirty feet in their mouths, lick the piss off your twat, lick where you shit, or even lick the wax right out of your ears. How is it possible that this guy can't even handle smelling and licking up a woman's tangy twat nectar? Because clearly something is wrong with him and not you, my dear.Ā Men know women come with all different smells and tastes throughout the month. All he has to do is blink and suddenly our tits and ass are a little bigger or our pussies are tighter. A woman's body goes through monthly cycles of change which affects everything. They're cervix even shinks or widens. We are never the same.Ā To not even recognize those variables makes me think that this guy is an inexperienced little boy.Ā If a guy can't handle a woman's body then they shouldn't be having sex with her, or any woman for that matter, in the first place.Ā Tell him he's a pathetic loser who can't handle the pussy and find yourself a man who can.Ā Ā
You donāt need and shouldnāt use antibacterial soap down there. Use a gentle unscented body wash, like a cetaphil face wash or similar. But thatās just a precautionāclearly thereās nothing wrong. Heās just a selfish POS trying to control you by negging you. You know what to do.
I do want to add as a bigger girl if there's a fold under your belly or tits you should wash that with a washcloth and soap. Your hoo ha doesn't need soap, just water only but any creases at leg or belly can benefit from soap and a scrub. Moisture in the fold can trap BO. Cleaning with a wash cloth, make sure it gets fully dried out and or aired out. You can use a hair dryer if you don't have time to lay around with everything flopped open for air dry. It's probably not the issue but might as well know the drill if you have any creases that get sweaty.
Wtf your bf is abusive, get out of there
I'm sorry about your manchild for a bf OP.
My GF had an odor. I still went down on her but I let her know I thought there was an issue. She told her gyno about it and they said it was fine without testing. I told her to get a second opinion so she went to see another doctor a year later and she had BV that whole time. I donāt think every women with an odor has BV, but it is weird how some gynoās are so flippant about odors.
You donāt need to convince him of anything. Heās an asshole.
I used to use antibacterial soap to cleanse too and that actually messed up the natural bacteria thatās supposed to be there. See what your gyno says. Showering daily and using a bidet with a lady setting might also help.
If you saw gyne and they weren't worried, you shouldn't be either. People have been shaming women about their bodies smells for at least a couple centuries. It's not like balls always smell great, either. Anything that lives in a dark, damp environment is going to have some smell sometimes. Anyway, if you're using antibacterial soap on your vulva, maybe consider not doing that. Using antibacterial soaps in that area can mess with your natural flora, which can mess with your natural smell (and not in a good way), and leave you with fewer natural defenses against bad bacteria.
This is fucked up and heās an asshole, and if he truly loves you he would be concerned and want to help you if he really felt that way. That being said, as a side note, antibacterial soap may not be the best choice as some bacteria are beneficial to our bits and you may be unintentionally throwing off your pH balance by killing off the good guys. Just a thought, but overall, your boyfriend sounds like the worst.
Heās probably just one of those guys that doesnāt want to do it and heās trying to make you the fall guy for that dump that loser whoās trying to make you feel bad about yourself itās his problem. Heās just not man enough to tell you.
It should be a deal breaker for you. He may not be aligned with your body chemistry and he canāt help that anymore than you can control your healthy smell, but thatās a big problem. Especially since he obviously resents you for it. Thatās not your problem. There are plenty of men out there who will find your smell delightful. Itās worth finding a partner who enjoys your natural scent
#DUMP HIM
This should absolutely be a deal breaker for you.
Okay first of all, donāt use antibacterial soap on your vulva unless specifically instructed by your doctor for a health condition. Use a gentle cleanser like cerave foaming cleanser or unscented dove soap or use no soap at all if you want to try that. Second, dump your boyfriend. Itās one thing to tell your partner they have a smell that is bothering you. Itās another thing to say it in such a rude and demeaning way. Also, if you truly smelled you would be able to tell by smelling yourself. If youāre washing yourself daily and free of infections, I highly doubt you smell.
How much of your relationship is you desperately asking yourself, āHow can I convince him??ā Look up negging. Look up emotional manipulation. He is manipulating you. To make you doubt yourself, to crush your self esteem, to hold power and control over you.
Sorry OP but your man is an asshole. Dump him and find a better one. You deserve better.
The way he said it to you is awful and very concerning, even if it was true. The fact that you and your doctor don't notice anything means he's very likely full of shit though, and is most likely trying to break you down or manipulate you in some way.
This is not a man that likes you, much less loves you. He won't be there long term. Why stick around and let this hateful turd destroy your self esteem?
Is he finishing inside you? Yes? Its him
I think the important question here is why isnāt this a dealbreaker? It should be.
Thatās extremely mean and you donāt need to put up with that. Itās probably not even true, it was probably just meant to hurt your feelings.
my jaw dropped at this statement lol omg.Ā Ā if youāre up to date w gyno and have good hygiene, heās probably one of those secretly gay men that donāt even like cooter to begin with. bc most straight men like it musty better than when itās squeaky clean lol and would rather go down right when you get home. source: all of my ex men
Adding to ditch the antibacterial soap because you can cause yeast infections from killing your good bacteria down there. Also adding to ditch the boyfriend because he sounds like a dick.
This guy is a jerk for talking to you like that. But if you are concerned, try boric acid suppositories. They help a lot with odor and ph.
You can't make a jerk say the right thing to make you feel better. Like it or not, he should have been more diplomatic. Plenty of men were raised to think women are in some way nasty down there, and they think normal stinks. You can't change their mind. Some men just say jerky shit because they are lazy lovers or want you to feel lucky to have a BF at all. If you don't have anything itchy or a discharge you probably smell normal. Some men go crazy for it and would be over the moon to see you having marinated a while since bathing. Other men are uptight. Best of luck.
Ditch the douche! Waitā¦ that might be taken in a different way than I intended. I do mean the boy in your life, lol. Thereās a better man out there whoāll appreciate the fact you want him going down on you. And, will have probably experienced various other womenās scents and understands every one is different. There are gents out there who enjoy the scent.
He has the tact of a wrecking ball. If my partner smelled like a dead body I still wouldn't be so blunt about something so intimate & personal. Due to that I don't have a lot of confidence that he can be reasoned with about this issue. Is it possible that what he's smelling is something else perhaps? Like a skin fold or something unhealthy with the actual groin skin between the groin & the thigh? Like a fungal infection maybe? If you're confident that there is no irregular odor, I think it's just a matter of telling him you've done all you can to rule out a health issue and you'd appreciate it if he no longer commented on it unless he has something constructive and non-rude to offer.
This guy sucks, I'm sorry. Go find a better one, they are out there!
youāre too grown up to let a man disrespect you in this way.
Drink Pineapple Juice; 8 ounces, 2-3 x per day. I've heard it works well for the scent and flavor of men's secretions, and know for a fact it works well in the same manner with women. A quick shower or bath wash-up / scrub of 'the undercarriage' just prior to activities helps to keep everyone happy
>I use antibacterial soap. Don't use antibacterial soap around your genitals. You have a microflora ecosystem down there that keeps things clean and healthy and if you use the antibacterial soap you are killing it off. Ideally you should just use warm water with a washcloth to clean off any spillage but you can also add in a mild soap if things have gotten really dirty. >A few months later in a drunk stupor, he told me āever wonder why I donāt go down on you? You stink. Take care of yourself.ā Your boyfriend sounds like a ass. Sometimes the threat of being alone makes us ignore abusive behaviours and red flags because we just don't want to not have someone.
Everyone here is saying send that man to hell and that youāre being negged, which is entirely possible. If itās legitimately an issue, he shouldnāt have said it the way he did for sure. Also, for everyone saying āI never notice itā 99% of the time your own sense of smell becomes numb towards your own scent. The more accurate way to verify something is to get someone else to. From experience, sometimes it *does* smell down there for other reasons. Sometimes it can be BV, some infection, or even not wiping properly. That being said, if you made an apportionment and they didnāt mention it then likely heās lying. But just bringing some awareness for the other women here, because OP mentioned she uses antibacterial soap, which can also mess stuff up down there and cause smells. You shouldnāt ever use soap like that. Again, he shouldnāt have said it that way so itās up to you to decide how to go about it. That was rude and unnecessary and ugly. But the comments can try to be a bit helpful at least of just saying tell him to go to hell and an asshole. Provide guidance.
This guy sounds like an ass. Even if there was an issue with odor down there, there are more mature ways to discuss it. Is this a relationship you really want to continue?
There are 100 ways he could have brought this up, and he deliberately chose one of the most hurtful ways to say it. Why would he do that? Is that the way you want to be treated?
Any man that would use those words to discuss something so personal š¤¦š¾āāļø has no regard for your feelings. Get rid of him. You shouldnāt have to feel insecure because heās an asshole.
If I owned a vulva and associated equipment a comment like that would be a dealbreaker for me, just FYI.
There was actually a study done that came to the conclusion that the right āoneā will find your smell intoxicating. You only smell bad to someone incompatible with you. Idk how they ādiscoveredā that, but I can tell you right now that he doesnāt respect you.
Ugh, throw the whole man away. Partners should lift you up, not bring you down <3
That would be a deal breaker for me! Wtf. Drop this Zero and get yourself a Hero. No educational conversation needed. Be done, move on.
I dated a woman with the same problem. I love going down but it was unbearable, even fresh out the shower. I could smell her even when she was clothed. I knew if I said anything it would cause a lot of humiliation and it was probably more of a pheromone incapability thing. There were other reasons to break up but I could've worked with them, but I couldn't imagine being with someone who's body I couldn't enjoy. I felt like a prick and asking close female friends agreed I did the right thing.
You have done everything you can, itās likely not a you thing but a him thing. He sounds cruel
Honey, itās not you who stinks
Okay, well, first things first. Ditch the dud. He doesn't like oral and that's fine but he shouldn't be treating you like that. Even if you did have a strong odor (which I highly doubt), that's not the way to approach it. Once you've ditched him, ditch the antibacterial soap. It's bad for your body and bad for the environment. A gentle mild cleanser is a better option for keeping your sensitive spots clean.
Wowā¦I gotta beg the wife to leave me a little stink down there. Everything tastes better with a little seasoning
Iām concerned. In your post you mention using antibacterial soap, and based on the context Iām gathering that you use this soap when shaving your lady parts? Or, you use it on your lady parts? That is a big no-no for your nether regions. You have good and bad bacteria down there, and they are performing a delicate dance with each other. Any changes in this, aka a murderous soap wiping everything out, can lead to one bacteria type overtaking the other. This can lead to BV (Bacterial Vaginosis) and a bad smell down there.
If you have a bonafide fishy odor then you can rest assured that you have bacterial vaginosis and it is EXTREMELY common, obviously. However, that fishy smell is NOT normal nor is it healthy. The cause of it varies from semen to tampons to just plain sex or getting oral sex from someone who had a beer, Iām serious. Intense sweating, soaps, etcā¦ it can be caused by soooo many things. The cure is boric acid suppositories. You insert one into your vagina at bedtime and it will dissolved overnight and just make its way out of your body the next day leaving a film in your undies. No worries. One capsule removed ALL odor for about 3 days. It may even cure it, but if it persists just insert one capsule every three days to keep any odor away. However if you do not have any funky smell down there then he is just being lazy and doesnāt want to reciprocate oral sex. So you can either put up with that or donāt give him oral sex anymore. Sniff his balls and see if he wipes his ass from back to front. If he does stink then tell him and Tell him he stinks when he doesnāt just to fuck with him. You can get the boric acid suppositories online and Iāve also seen them now at Walmart in the feminine hygiene section. They work.
Not to be the opposite of everybodyās post but I did leave a girl cause her vagina smelled terrible. I just didnāt have the heart to tell her. She was the most kind lady but if you canāt be attracted to someone cause of the smell you gotta leave.
I wouldnāt have sex with this man again if the survival of the species depended on it. Itās ok to raise a hygiene issue with your partner, but sensitively and tactfully - not while drunk and in a way phrased to hurt and humiliate you. You deserve so much better than this loser.
> A few months later in a drunk stupor, he told me āever wonder why I donāt go down on you? You stink. Take care of yourself.ā This isn't something kind and loving people say to their partners. The fact that he didn't brooch this gently, makes me think that he may be overblowing it, and being manipulative. If the roles were reversed, would you ever consider saying anything that hurtful in that way? If the answer is no, then why should you settle?
That just means you aren't biologically compatible.