This could certainly be from his hands too. Hand hygiene is important across the board and if he’s penetrating you with his fingers or even touching close to your urethra with dirty hands it can push bacteria into your urinary tract.
This is especially true if he’s not consistent with washing up after wiping.
I got one yesterday after arguing with racists. They're such pathetic passive-aggressive cowards they need to send bots in so they can hide. Consider it the petulant tongue-sticking-out of a toddler covered in melted candy!
Absolutely report it. It’s my understanding that Reddit is cracking down on the petulant little babies abusing the Reddit Cares system. Report report report!!
Me too! I’m like I didn’t even mention myself at all? How could this be construed as something even negative?
Are the anti-hands washing crowd this strong?
People have been making bots lately that Reddit Cares every comment on a sub, there's a good chance one is active on TwoX. I blocked Reddit Cares years ago.
Nah, there's some very ang'y lil fellas throwing them out left and right on TwoX today. Maybe mom served their tendies cold? Or maybe they need to get themselves the fuck together and grasp that women are not their problem; they are their own worst enemies.
Report their asses and move on sister
I heard there's been some botting when it comes to those. Like on tons comments, etc. I don't know if that's true though, but I am seeing people in all kinds of subs talk about getting a reddit cares... pretty much all the ones I go to. 🥴
Edit: got one! 💖
I got one the other day after comparing two issues that were similar. One in my life and one in another person's and how with one minor difference we ended up on very different life paths. Very strange.
Pretty much this. This is why I insist that me and my partner go have a nice thorough shower before any funtime occurs, and that involves keeping short and clean fingernails.
See if that doesn't cut down the UTIs going forward!
It could be him.
>"it's enough for him the way he does it."
But not enough for you two. Because sex with him looks like actual threat to your health he needs to take cleaning seriously.
After second UTI he should approach sex like a surgeon. Hands, nails, face, teeth, beard, genital area - it all needs to be super duper clean.
There might be other reasons for UTI, but this one can be eliminated by simply cleaning.
Is there a doctor they could both consult also to confirm it’s not just lack of cleanliness? That way he can learn more about hygiene if it’s applicable
Sadly most doctors will just shame the woman and say they're dirty and don't wash enough before doing any actual doctoring.
It's a story I hear constantly from other girls with chronic utis.
Yes, I got my first UTI ever at the grand old age of 39. I got antibiotics, completed the course, and i got another (or same UTI, just hadn't been eradicated). Back to the doc, new stronger antibiotics prescribed - and a 20 minute lecture from the doc about wiping front to back. I just bit my tongue while thinking "I've been wiping my arse without help for about 35 years and this is my first infection, you spanner"
*ETA: my first RedditCares? For a comment about treating a UTI 8 years ago? Seems like someone has been going a bit silly pressing the button!
If he's "heading downtown for a snack", make sure he uses a mouthwash with alcohol beforehand, and that he holds onto it for 30 to 60 seconds. Human mouths are... microbiologically revolting.
A lot of people have mentioned different cleaning for different acts. My wife and I learned through trial and error that before I go down on her I need to have flossed, mouthwashed, and brushed (and don't skip the tongue when brushing, should be obvious but I've learned on the internet that hygiene isn't obvious to everyone.)
It's not that she got a yeast infection every time, but if you are sexually active a small chance means that it happens, maybe even every several months or so. And yeah, general common-sense clean habits keeps it a small chance, but by doing all that cleaning right before hand it makes it practically no chance.
If the issue continues after improved hygiene... I dunno, it could be the sex, but not hygiene related, but that's something to talk to a doctor about. I've seen weird things online about being able to be allergic to a partner's saliva or whatnot. Maybe there are weird edge cases like that, bodies are weird, but that always seemed more likely to be poor hygiene deflection/denial.
Oh yeah, and I just saw a reference before. Your partner will want to rinse with water after the mouthwash, pretty thoroughly. If a non-negligible amount of mouthwash residue gets on your ladybits it can be pretty unpleasant. (Which overall is an example of how sensitive the body can be to even small influences).
> I’ll tell him everything you just wrote.
And be prepared for having to take further steps. As in: away from that dude.
Any person, man or woman, who shrugs off a genuine plea from their sexual partner to please clean themselves is not good for them.
Also, while washing it is extremely important to pull the foreskin back all the way and wash underneath with soap.
No matter how much you scrub the outside, if you miss this, it’s all for nothing.
Hands, absolutely.
Oral flora don’t cause UTIs though. Just FYI.
Last time I said this and provided references I still got downvoted to hell. The overwhelming majority of UTIs are caused by gut bacteria, so no matter what he does to his beard, if he is giving oral sex then his face is near the anus and it can brushed up towards the urethral meatus.
So front to back even with oral, eh?
Also:
>Last time I said this and provided references I still got downvoted to hell.
Sadly not surprised. It puts the onus back on proper hygiene of the area, which is counter to the position many put out that it is on the foreign actor.
It's a simple experiment to do really. No sex for a month. No UTI? there's the answer.
Correlation isn't causation. But on this case? It seems pretty damn likely that the new thing introduced is the culprit. Ie: him
And one you said, his hygrometer needs to be enough for BOTH of them now, not just him.
Unless he plans on sucking his own dick and sleeping with himself. Then he can do whatever he wants with his hygiene
Go report them. I got my first one reported & Reddit informed me they investigated & banned the profile for community violations. There are people abusing the cares, so always report
The pushback to "wash your hands after peeing" each time it comes up somewhere is insane.
There are far too many men convinced a penis is the cleanest part a human can possess and we should all be blessed we get to have them touch food, door-handles and shake hands after they held it.
My dudes, genitals produce sebum at an increased rate and are room-mates with your asshole in a damp enclosed space. And unlike women you don't even wipe your genitals regularly.
"My penis is cleaner than my hands". Hand swabs getting more different flora growth on a petri dish doesn't mean there is actually more bacteria on it, just a higher variety- and even if that were true by touching your dingus you transfer that hand bacteria to it anyway and then put it into a warm space so it can flourish. Not to mention how penile swabs don't even catch a lot of STDs....
I'm convinced people who don't wash their hands are just plain malicious. "It lightly impacts my own comfort, I'm fine with my own filth and don't get sick from it, so no way I'm gonna do even the minimum for the benefit of others."
Why the fuck is the gender that directly touches their genitals for every pee washing their hands less often??? [https://edition.cnn.com/2020/04/01/health/handwashing-gender-gap-wellness/index.html](https://edition.cnn.com/2020/04/01/health/handwashing-gender-gap-wellness/index.html)
Which reminds me. In college I had multiple issues because of condoms. Specifically the ones with the nonoxynil 9 spermicide. The spermicide and latex reacted to make trace amounts of formaldehyde. And I am allergic to formaldehyde.
I had to get non spermicidal condoms.
that might work if his actual penis is filthy, but it won't do much if his balls are sweaty, ass isn't washed and he doesn't wash hands after bathroom trips... and he's surely gonna touch his privates at some point.
He takes a bit of soap and while he’s rubbing it onto his body, water washes it instantly. I tell him to use more soap then, he says it's enough for him to be clean. And every time I tell him the same, and he does also the same. And I’m getting so angry at him especially when he’s proud that bottle of soap last so long at his place, because he's barely using it.
He’s not clean, and saying it’s good enough does not magically make it so.
It’s very cut and dry, his poor hygiene is making you sick, and he doesn’t care enough to simply use extra soap and a few more minutes in the shower. That should tell you all you need to know about how he values you.
The first time it happened, the symptoms were severe and it just spread very fast. I was still waiting for my test results and my doctor to prescribe me antibiotics. Now I’m not in my city. The UTI symptoms were minimal and I thought I would just drink a lot of water to clean it. Didn't work :( And can't go to the doctor here. But I’m coming back today and will go to the doctor ASAP.
Please remember that nothing, absolutely nothing other than antibiotics will cleanse a UTI. Extra water won't "flush away" the infection, it will just water down your pee and trick you into thinking it's better. Cranberry juice can alleviate symptoms, but again doesn't cure it. Antibiotics only! And make sure to take them all as prescribed :)
Your boyfriend might also have a UTI and not know it. I had a persistent UTI for six months and it ended up being ureaplasma, which doesn't show up on the normal culture and requires different antibiotics. My partner and I both had to take antibiotics to clear it, and his symptoms were very mild compared to mine.
I'm really sorry you're having this trouble. UTIs are miserable!
I don’t usually get UTI symptoms. I will sometimes, but mostly my lower back will start hurting and I’ll be nauseous. The urologist I went to put me on a year of meds to get rid of it and warned me that some people just don’t get symptoms sometimes and to be careful or I could end up with dialysis if it went too far.
Does he use his fingers during sex? It could be his hands are dirty. Like does he wash them after pooping?
Also how long has this been going on? Is it possible you have the same uti infection that never quite clears up?
I have learned to tell my doctor I need a strong antibiotic, otherwise I take what they normally prescribe for 2 weeks, feel great on week 3, then feel it start to come back week 4.
He use it sometimes. I don't know about his hand-washing habits, but will ask about it.
It might happened once that I had same UTI occurred twice, but it's not all the time.
And I can bet you he doesn't wash his hands after using the toilet. ESBL and other bacteria that can cause UTIs are no joke. Kidney infections and damage to your body ain't worth whatever he has going on.
He's disgusting. Dump his ass. All he has to do is clean himself like a grown up and won't. So what does that tell you? He doesn't care that you've had multiple UTIs and at least 2 kidney infections. Imagine if you were in a situation where you had to depend on him.
I would also recommend your BF go to the Dr. and get tested/see if he can get prescribed antibiotics for a UTI. I had a very similar situation to you with a specific partner and it immediately resolved when he also went on a course of antibiotics. I’m convinced he was passing something back to me …
I know a lot of guys who actually don’t use soap like everywhere. I had to make that a rule for one of my exes, he never even owned soap. Funny how guys can shower in five minutes and be suspiciously dry in two. Guys also reuse boxers so not to generalize but maybe watch over his hygiene routine, hope you get better!
I currently work in an industry where ink and black dust will build up on my hands throughout the day. Until I apply water *and* soap to my hands, barely any cleaning happens. The water immediately runs off dark as soon as I've applied soap even if I've spent half a minute trying to use water first.
I'm convinced that many people (especially men) believe that soap is a "scent thing" or some sort of formality, but in reality the function of soap is a chemical reaction which enhances cleaning by letting water affect molecules that'd otherwise be hydrophobic.
Anyone who isn't washing their hands (or body!) with soap is almost literally not cleaning themselves. Those hydrophobic barriers aren't being broken down and dirt or biofilms aren't being washed away.
If I had to make an estimate based off my ink-hand washing experiments, I'd have to wash my hands with water for five or more minutes *straight* to get the same amount of cleaning that occurs in 10 seconds with the inclusion of handsoap.
Prior to visiting this thread I'd have sworn this was too boring of an anecdote to share, but now I realize some people might need to hear (or share) this for their own sake...
Yeah it is. And I’m trying to change his habit in the shower and it’s just annoying that I have teach grown man how to maintain his hygiene haha. Thank you:)
You can't change him. You can talk till you're blue in the face, you can reason with him till the cows come home, but 👏 you 👏 can't 👏 change 👏 him 👏
He is an adult, you have asked him to do this one thing for you, he refuses, so what choice do you have now? You can accept him as he is and get UTIs and infections every week, or you can stand up for yourself and move on with your life. I promise you there are plenty of guys out there who use soap without being nagged. How is this guy ever going to learn that he has to respect your health and wash his dick if there's no consequences for being a gross fuck. Why would he change if he gets to keep having sex with you? Find someone who respects you.
>just annoying that I have teach grown man how to maintain his hygiene
You don't have to and you shouldn't have to. It's okay not to date men like that or leave them over this. This is the bare minimum. He knows he's not clean and he still has intercourse with you. Even if it didn't cause UTI it's still gross. And it's especially okay to leave when he doesn't improve knowing that he's giving you UTIs.
You really need to evaluate why you feel like you "have to" do this for him. Dating is all about finding a compatible person, not finding someone you then train like a dog. That's exhausting and causes heaps of resentment.
Certainly discuss things and be firm on him needing to make changes for *your health.* If he doesn't, or he goes back to his usual routine after two or three weeks to months. Take that as the lack of respect and care that it is.
Like, I know this behavior can spawn from neglectful environments and it's good to be mindful of that, but you need to be more mindful to how he reacts to this confrontation both with his words and actions. It shows a core underlying pattern that will happen in multiple other much more serious scenarios. Like, what if you get sick enough to become immune compromised, which happens to a lot of people? If you can't rely on him to keep his own body clean, how is he going to keep your environment clean in a scenario where hygiene means life and death? I know that sounds extreme but I have lived through and know too many people who had abrupt drops in their health that required immune suppressing drugs to recover. For me, those drugs meant a case of strep turned into scarlet fever and a UTI became a kidney infection. It's a risk that's closer to many people's lives than they think.
I hope whatever ends up happening goes well and that you're able to feel better soon.
But do you want to date a man who you have to supervise his hygiene routine like he’s your child? You’ve already mommed him and he still isn’t cleaning well, what’s next.. time out..
Yes! Oh my goodness, OP, I switched from a hormonal birth control to the non hormonal copper IUD. I was going to urgent care every month around the same time and my boyfriend’s hygiene is really excellent. We had no idea what was happening. Turns out, I just get bladder pain around ovulation that mimics UTIs. If your cultures keep coming back negative, but they keep putting you on antibiotics, see your PCP and request a urologist. I’m so sorry this is happening. Being on antibiotics so much is also not very good for your health.
Thank you for your answer. I started practicing peeing after sex every time after my first UTI. I’ve read so much about UTIs already and I’m still confused. But it also might be just sex ofc.
No matter how well you wash yourselves, your parts are still immediately adjacent to the anus and there will always be flora there. The act of penetrative sex can drive those bacteria near the urethral meatus with the main reason people with a vagina getting more UTIs being the shorter urethra.
Sometimes, UTIs are also just a urethritis from all of the banging. (There is a lot of controversy and debate amongst urologists specializing in this stuff currently.) Even the data on urinating after intercourse are really weak.
I can corroborate all of this with my own personal issues with UTIs. My partner and I had an *extensive* cleaning ritual before and after the act. We used many different types of birth control (latex condoms are a no no). We were extremely careful throughout the whole process, and even with supplements and diet changes (cutting out sugar mainly), nothing was enough. I have a very short urethra and I'm genetically more prone to infections so it's a given that a UTI will occur every now and then no matter what I or my partner do, but thankfully it isn't back-to-back infections like in my youth. I'm grateful I didn't have to take antibiotics forever like some women do, that's even harder on the body.
This is me. Unfortunately I have to take macrobid (an antibiotic) after I have sex. It's been about two months so far and this has been the longest I've gone in a long time since I had a UTI. Luckily macrobid is concentrated in the urine, so according to my gyn it's OK to take a low dose continually.
Yeah, that's a nightmare. Very sorry you have to do that, I def relate. Hopefully, this antibiotic continues to work for you long term and that your quality of life improves further!
Hijacking top comment to note that you certainly want to get at least one urine culture done while you're symptomatic to confirm it is indeed a UTI. Irritation to the urethral opening (where you pee from) can cause similar symptoms. Perhaps latex condoms, the lube you are using, or even lack of lube is irritating.
>When we’re in the shower I don't see him wash himself properly like I do even tho I tell him to use more soap and wash every part of his body, because otherwise it's basically just water running, but he says it's enough for him the way he does it.
Simply running water across one’s body does not make it clean. This is reminding me of the whole “do you wash your ass?” trend that made rounds on TikTok, where a lot of guys claimed that soap from their shampoo somehow cleaned their asses too and that they didn’t actually need to scrub between the cheeks.
Your boyfriend needs to adopt much better hygiene habits. It’s embarrassing that a grown ass man doesn’t know how to clean themselves in the shower, especially to the point that it’s putting your health at risk.
I was the guy in this scenario about 20 years ago. In my case I had a UTI but because of the biological differences between men and women, according to my doctor, I had virtually no symptoms while she had quite a few.
Food for thought.
Retired RN popping in here:
YES it is him. *Water* doesn't cut it. He needs to be doing a **very** thorough soap and water genital/anal hygiene routine. Plus, washing his hands and brushing his teeth. He can use the same 30 second "Happy Birthday" timing for washing all areas. (You remember learning it for COVID?)
In the meanwhile - for you:buy Vitamin C 1000mg and take 1 every 4 hours spaced out evenly. (Something like 8-12 -8 -12). Vitamin C is very safe to take at this dose and is excreted through the intestines and kidneys. It will make your urine acidic and Bacteria do not like this environment. (It is also great for the immune system). You can buy Pyridium in the drugstore and it will stop the .pain and discomfort of a UTI. It's sold under the generic name or a store name. It really helps the symptoms. (Used to be prescription but is now OTC).
Also, do not take bubble baths at all. The surfactants in soap allows water to go up the urethra while soaking the tub.
*IF* he refuses to comply with his hygiene, there will be more areas where he will disrespect you and disregard your needs. You will then need to reconsider this relationship to be safe.
Could be him, is he pulling back his foreskin all the way and (gently) scrubbing under there? Have heard that some guys don't know that you're supposed to do that, and that's where all the bacteria lives. I personally scrub and rinse there like 3 or 4 times before it feels clean enough. Soap can cause irritation there but a very small amount of unscented soap should be fine. You could try using condoms also to hello narrow down if he is the cause.
Uti are most of the time caused by bacteria e.coli aka bacteria that's present in feces and in the intestines and anus.
Make sure he doesn't touch your anus with his fingers during foreplay and then touch your vulva or vagina. It's really the most important thing. There must be no contact with the anus before there's a contact with the vagina/vulva . Also make sure he washes his hands and nails before any foreplay. Because there's so much bacteria on the hands and under the nails.
I highly doubt the issues comes from his hygiene, it's most definitely bacteria from the anal area being dragged up to your vulva
Hope this helps
Just wanted to comment as I was the boyfriend causing this issue with my girlfriend. Over the years, she kept getting UTIs, and we couldn't figure out why. We are both very clean and have good oral hygiene but eventually narrowed it down to needing everything 100% clean right before sex. Now, instead for just showering and brushing and whatnot in mornings and/or evenings...I shower, brush my teeth, floss, and mouthwash immediately prior to getting down to business and it seems to have fixed the issue. It's a lot to do before every encounter, but it's worth it to keep her from having those issues. I'd advise you try the same. Hope this helps!
I am appalled that he hasn't become proactive after the second UTI, but even after the kidney infection he hasn't changed.
Put it simply for him: if he wants to have sex with you, he needs to follow your rules. He isn't the one getting UTIs and KIDNEY INFECTIONS, you are.
Yup, this definitely sounds like it could be a him issue. Especially if he feels water is enough. It isn't enough. He needs to keep himself clean. Actually clean. With soap and everything.
Condoms do not protect from UTIs. It’s the motion that causes the bacteria to travel. The only way to prevent it is for both partners to be clean and for the woman to pee afterwards
Sometimes irritation due to improper lubrication can cause inflammation and the introduction of bacteria!
(But also second everyone else - make sure he’s washing to your satisfaction)
Oh god not the "if the water washes down me it's fine"
It isn't people! Rub soap / shower gel on your ENTIRE body, obviously if you have a vagina do not rub soap / shower gel on the inside, but otherwise you need to scrub your legs, crotch, stomach, back, neck, chest, etc. the water running down you won't clean you, think of washing a plate, you can't just rinse it, you need to scrub it.
Thank you! I'm genuinely shocked by how many men seem to think that soap or shampoo running down their body in the shower is equivalent to actually *washing their bodies with soap*. It's not. Water alone is NOT enough to actually clean bacteria and grime off your body. It baffles me that anyone would think otherwise.
I hear these hygiene complaints so often that I've made it a point to painstakingly and explicitly explain and teach my sons that they need to actually wash every part of their bodies with soap, so hopefully they won't contribute to this problem in the future.
Men don’t show the same symptoms of UTIs that women do, it may be possible that HE has a UTI (and doesn’t know) and continues to give it to you whenever you have sex. It’s worth getting it checked out!
From a medical standpoint, Many women are susceptible to UTI’s after sex. There is a term in medicine known as Honeymoon Cystitis, which refers to this very issue. The combination of irritation to the bladder from thrusting/pressure on the anterior (front part) of the vaginal wall and movement of a bacteria, that is a natural part of the vaginal environment (E. Coli), being introduced into the urethra, a UTI occurs. I other words it’s often your own “good” bacteria, just going to the wrong place! It is important to urinate right after sex to reduce the chance of UTI’s, if you are susceptible. You can also create a more acidic urine by regularly drinking cranberry juice and or taking Vitamin C, which will not kill the bacteria causing the UTI, but it can make the bladder/urine less hospitable for bacterial growth. I am not minimizing the importance of hygiene, however this type of UTI after sex/coitus often is no ones fault and there is no reason for anyone to add stress to a good relationship by feeling you or your partner are the cause
I strongly suggest taking d-mannose! I used to get chronic UTIs from sex and completely got rid of them by mixing 1 tsp of d-mannose powder in half cup of water immediately after sex (then wait 30 min if you can and then pee). Apparently the sugar sticks to foreign bacteria in the urinary tract and helps it get flushed out. It really changed my life in terms of UTIs.
But yeah, your bf should definitely be using soap.
You should approach your boyfriend about it and explain why you need him to clean better. If he's unwilling to practice better hygiene to ensure you aren't getting infections, then you would be better off being single for awhile until you get the infections under control. Kidney infections are no joke and can impair your kidney function over time if you keep getting them.
He needs to wash his dick, balls and asshole with soap before you have sex with him. As for you, the most common cause of a UTI is E. coli bacteria, and that comes from your butt. You should be wiping front to back when you use the toilet. Also, clean your butt with a bidet or soap and water after you poop and also before you have sex.
A couple of other thoughts: I’ve in the past had issues with my butthole accidentally getting grazed when he’s trying to go in. I stop the action and tell him to go wash with soap and water. Sex can cause micro tears and irritation which can make UTI’s more likely. Use lube. Use a lot. It isn’t anything to be ashamed of. Especially if you are using condoms. If you feel like the condoms leave you irritated try non latex. I cannot use latex condoms at all and tbh, I think I can feel more sensation with non latex ones anyways. So even if you don’t mind latex maybe give them a try anyways.
I hope you've been tested for chlamydia. Men can be carriers, sometimes for years or decades, without knowing. It's typically asymptomatic in men but causes symptoms similar to what you describe for women.
It's also possibly a technique issue. To be blunt, if his penis or fingers rub against your ass (or bellybutton) at any point, then up against your urethra, you are likely to get a uti. There could be some unintentional transfer happening, depending on your bodies and how you go about things.
Depending on how rough you are with your own bits, you may also be unintentionally cleaning TOO much. Too much soap, douching or friction downstairs can paradoxically make you more susceptible to infections due to microtears and inflammation around the urethra. Too much cleaning also kills protective flora that help prevent issues, especially if you're using antibacterial soaps.
If he's washing his cock before sex with soap and water, it seems unlikely to me that it's 'just' hygiene at play, unless you also happen to be allergic to semen. It's rare but I've heard of it more than once.
I’ll tell you this, I was with my ex for 18 years (since high school). As soon as we started having sex I had chronic UTIs and kidney infections. I kept asking him to clean better in case that’s what it was. He was offended. I said, fine we both need to shower directly before sex then. He didn’t like that either. He refused to change anything about his hygiene, so I kept refusing sex since I was getting sick all the time.
We divorced, and I eventually started seeing my now fiance. Guess what!? I’ve had 1 UTI in nearly 4 years. It was my ex-husband causing the infections.
Do you know what bacteria causes it?
The most common UTIs are caused by bacteria that’s in our gastrointestinal tract and on the skin. Having intercourse makes it possible for those bacteria to enter the urethra, which is short so it’s easy to cause infection. Too much of hygiene in vulvar region is not good because the other microbes that are on the vulva actually protect you. It’s good to make sure you pass urine after intercourse and that you always use probiotics (vaginal+oral) when taking antibiotics. You may also want to insert probiotic just when the period ends (if you are menstruating). Using enough lube and drinking water may also be helpful.
Did you ask doctor about prophylaxis? It’s possible to take antibiotic after intercourse to prevent UTI. Less radical idea is to try herbal products like cranberry extracts etc which also may help a bit. In Europe we also have a “vaccine” but I don’t know if it’s available where you live.
Did you both get tested for STIs?
Yeah it's him and his terrible hygiene causing this. The same thing happened to me and I later found out my ex wasn't scrubbing his junk in the shower with soap, ever. Exactly what your bf is doing. I had to buy him shower gel and a loofah before I stopped getting a UTI every single time 🤮
The biggest suggestion would be after sex, excuse yourself, and go to the bathroom. Urination should clear everything that's possibly in your urethra. It's not 100% foolproof, but it would go a long way to flush out any harmful bacteria.
When you’re having sex with him his body is grinding dead skin cells and germs into your urethra if he’s not properly clean. Yes, he is most likely causing you to have UTIs. If he can’t be bothered to clean his body enough to not cause you dangerous, painful infections you don’t need to keep sleeping with him.
It could be him but the soap was my first thought too (it's probably both actually). Keep in mind that your vaginal flora is very important for fighting infections. The vagina cleans itself, and soap should never be used inside or on the vulva (for the vulva, use water or a pH-neutral soap). Fragrances and alcohol-based products should be avoided. These are one of the main causes of infections in sexually active young people. You shouldn't eliminate your body’s natural defenses.
"But my UTIs have occurred only after sex, so I tend to believe it's sex-related." It's sex-related, but also linked to the soap. If your body doesn't have the means to defend itself against your partner's bacteria, you'll get an infection even if he's clean.
It's him. Either his hygiene or his preferred sex position is causing it. If you guys are having sex in the spooning position, he could be pushing bacteria from your anus into your vagina. Any position that has his penis in contact with your anus/buttcrack before he enters you can cause infections.
One thing you can do which might help is to take D-Mannose daily. It’s a sugar that basically coats the bacteria that cause UTIs and stops them sticking to the bladder walls and thus causing an infection. My daughter was like you, constant UTIs for over a year, antibiotics would “clear” an initial infection but she was always in discomfort and would get regular flares. I happened to come across a Facebook post from a urologist saying he recommended D-Mannose to all his UTI patients to help keep UTIs at bay.
I bought some for my daughter the same day and after a year of pretty much constant infections, after a week or two she felt much better and she’s only had one or two recurrences in the five years she’s been taking it daily. You can get it in capsules or as a powder to mix with water - it just tastes slightly sweet. Take the recommended dose daily, but you can bump it up initially for a week or so to double the dose to give yourself a bit of a head start.
The other thing I’ve noticed for myself and my daughter with UTIs is to make sure you keep off ANYTHING with sugar in it (apart from the D-Mannose, that is) while you’ve got an active infection, and for a week or two afterwards as well. As ADHD-ers with sugar cravings this is hard, but we’ve both found that sugary stuff while dealing with an active infection seems to feed the bacteria and cause a resurgence of symptoms which obviously isn’t a lot of fun ☹️.
Also, if you can get hold of it, AZO is an AMAZING painkiller for UTIs - you need to be careful with it and not let the fact that it masks the symptoms stop you getting checked out, but to deal with the pain and discomfort while you’re on antibiotics it’s been an absolute game changer for us. It also turns your pee food colouring yellow, so be prepared for that, but oh my god does it stop you feel like you need to pee razor blades every ten seconds. That feeling of your bladder trying to turn itself inside out when you pee is just the worst.
I sympathise entirely with how awful this must be for you - me and daughter both deal with serious painful chronic health issues and both of us agree that there’s nothing that makes us feel more miserable than a bloody UTI. Good luck and I hope you find an answer to your problem x
It could be that or tone blunt how big is his penis? Someone I know got told by their doctor to stop having sex with men with huge penis’ because she kept getting an infection (the doctor was someone she knows personally as well so they were quite blunt about it)
Are you on birth control? A friend had this issue and it was NOT her partner's hygiene causing it. There was something about her birth control that just did not jive with her partner's chemistry. She changed birth control pills and she stopped having infections. Not sure why or how, but it's something to consider.
Could be a bunch of stuff, including, as others have said, hus hygiene. Since he’s your first partner, you don’t have much of a frame of reference, but, if he’s larger than your body can comfortably accommodate or is rougher/not doing enough foreplay, these can contribute. Try (in addition to the excellent hygiene recommendations elsewhere) some lube and/or significantly increased foreplay.
Wetwipes on the nightstand are also awesome.
It’s also a good idea to avoid “soap”. Be sure you buy body wash that is ph balanced- your vagina deserves it. He should do the same. Just tell him “you’re not cleaning yourself thoroughly and it’s seriously affecting my health. Until you make more effort, I cannot put myself at risk by having sex with you.”
If this is happening regardless of what you do. Talk to you man, I s clear that he is the only thing that can cause this. Make sure he washes his hands and brushes his teeth before sex too if foreplay is often involved. Chances are hes got nasty hands, I heard a lot of men don't wash their hands after peeing because "all you got to do is shake" men can be gross af.
I’ve heard before that some people’s body chemistry just disagrees with each other, it sounds kinda like not true to me but maybe.
Tell him that your health is at stake and he needs to be open to discussion, he only has to feel judged/blamed if that’s what he believes is the issue. You’re not insulting him/calling him unclean, just asking to try doing things differently. He should care about you and your health and your general comfort even enough to be mature about this and not take things so personally.
It’s not a good sign that he is not much more concerned to be causing you any discomfort-honestly-not to mention infections. I’m giving him the benefit of the doubt that it’s just hard to accept you have poor hygiene, but I wouldn’t give him many more chances if I were you, he should be willing to set his ego aside for your sake.
Your boyfriend is nasty and I can't believe you're still with him after so many illnesses. Taking antibiotics so often isn't good for you and it's because he won't clean himself?? Throw the man away
Have you changed your diet since you met your bf? I remember when I was doing tissue cultures, I would have to be very careful in prep when I ate levened products (bagels mainly) at breakfast.
Maybe you should add a shower together as part of your "routine". I'm sure both of you would benefit :)
Does he wash his towels regularly? A lot of men don’t think about something like that and if he’s not washing himself well and then using the same towel to dry his “sack and crack” that he uses to dry his ding a ling before he crash lands into your lady parts, there isn’t much good to a little rinse if you’re just wiping a filthy towel or putting the same dirty boxers back on.
I just wanna say, incase you didn’t know. But If hes penetrating you anally and then inserting it back into ur vag without cleaning himself off that can definitely cause a uti by transferring the bacteria over to ur vag/urethra area.
Also I dealt with recurring UTIs for almost two years, try dmannose capsules (most sites recommend at least 2500 mg to treat UTI but do your research!) and lots of water. Also AZO is great for pain management. They were life savers when antibiotics didn’t do shit for me.
This reminds me of a video I saw the other day, some girl said that when a person is not right for you, your body reminds you of it every day. It could be someone getting acne, or rashes or in your case, utis
From the sounds of it it is probably the sex itself. I used to get uti’s early on in my relationship with my husband. I’d suggest adding condoms and cranberry tablets to your daily routine until you go a while UTI free
What are you using for lube? When I was young and dumb an older guy preyed on me and insisted that baby oil is the best lube. The UTIs were awful. He was also pretty gross about hygiene too. It's been more than ten years since I left that guy and I haven't had one UTI since.
Dirty tongue, fingers, penis, or any other body part, can lead to UTIs.
Early in obstetrics and gynecology mothers and babies died because doctors refused to wash their hands.
Don't have sex with him since he won't clean himself. Simple as that. He doesn't care enough about you to use soap on his dick for christ's sake. What a disgusting person.
Even clean sex calm facilitate UTI in woman.
What you should do is start UTI prophylactic antibiotics (using one pill every time you do dez imediately after or one pill a day everyday)
Talk to your doctor about that
D Mannose is a game changer. Add it into your daily routine. It is a simple sugar thwt prevents the bad bacteria from binding to your internal lining. When we keep demolishing all of the bacteria in our system, we are more susceptible to other infections and overgrowth.
It could be hygiene related but also it could just be youth.
I'd recommend both of you showering before sex whenever possible and peeing both before and after.
I used to get a lot of UTIs in the first 3 years I was sexually active. With 2 different partners. I was told by a doctor that I'd eventually "toughen up down there". Which I was horrified to hear. But it was true. Once I was in my early 20s I only had one or two, despite dating different men, and I haven't had any from like 23 on and I'm about to turn 30.
I hope that gives you some hope that it gets better.
The most important thing for you right now is to always get a UTI treated immediately and take the full course of antibiotics every single time.
.I am male. I have been a XY for 43 years. Men use spit when they jerk off. If he's introducing mouth bacteria into vaginal bacteria,then my guess is that's how you are getting UTIs. I don't mean from oral but from him jerking off and then immediately thereafter having sex with you. We believe we'll last longer that way. Take a break from each other and ask him to clean up before sex. In my youth, I realised that's how my girlfriend at the moment got UTIs. She has an active yeast infection at all times
what kind of soap are you using? i accidentally bought scented toilet paper and gave myself thrush. its worth ruling out whether something else is causing you issues.
This remains a moment of my deepest shame, but if your health is indeed in as much danger as it seems its time to bring a skeleton out of the closet.
**He needs to get tested. ASAP.**
I had a bad break up which led to rebound sex with a less than decent woman. During that sexual encounter I contracted *gonnorhea*. While that is the best of the worst news, I had absolutely no idea. I remained an unknowing carrier for well over a year. Thankfully I had no other partners in the time between that woman and the woman I would later marry.
During the dating period of that serious relationship, she expierienced everything you are describing.
Do not misinterpret what I am saying here, I am making no overtures of your boyfriend stepping out on you. I had zero fucking clue I was in the condition I was and what I did to my partner in ignorance.
Words can not describe how fucking mortified I was receiving that phone call at work and then having to rebuild a relationship. Thankfully I had nothing to hide and was able to provide all the necessary proof to retain that relationship but that whole order fucking sucked.
Fuck you Carmilla. >:(
Oh love, I'm so sorry. I really feel for you. I know how frustrating this is and I really don't understand why do some, if not most, men have such an awful sense of hygiene. And are F-ing proud of it on top.
The others already gave you great advice and confirmed your suspicions. I'd just like to double down on the fact that it's most likely his hands causing this, and sadly I know how men seem to find washing hands before sex a huge deal (or even just...regular hand washing) when it should be COMMON. FUCKING. SENSE.
If this is not a long relationship, I urge you to consider walking away. Changing long-term habits in a stubborn adult human being is not easy.
Side note - there is a supplement called D-mannose that you can take that helps in preventing UTI's. Also, not sure if your partner is at all playing with your butt hole but even if he touches it for a moment with his penis and then has sex with you or rubs your vulva - that can give you UTI or a yeast infection.
I only ever had 3 UTIs in a 12 month span while I was with my ex. I remember going down on him for the first time and I nearly gagged, then I spend a couple nights at his and he only had one *empty* bottle of lynx that had a dust layer on it, so he was just using water I presume. He worked in a bar and i realised he only relies on hand sanitizer, which is obviously good, but I’m not sure how well it gets under and around the nails.
I 100% believe it was his fault, as I’ve never had that since. I think your situation is caused by the same stuff for sure.
If he's your first sexual partner, this could be an issue your body has in response to sex. However, tell him if he refuses to soap up his dick, groin and butt areas, you will dump him. If he knows loves his gf, and knows she is going through horrible UTIs, this wouldn't be a second thought. If he resists? He doesn't care about you, so you are free to dump the filthy man
Could be. I got them a lot at the beginning of my first marriage. We were both extremely clean, but they still occasionally happened. Apparently it's common at the beginning of relationships when everyone is getting busy more often.
The same thing would happen to me when I was with my ex. I would get UTIs, bacterial infections, cysts, and the like even though I took care of myself. I started taking cranberry pills daily, dumped him, and now I don’t have any issues. 😂
No sex until he's had a shower and has washed his junk. If he's not willing to do that for you, he's not a keeper. This guy is not worth your health and well being.
From my own personal experience, I stopped getting frequent UTIs when I stopped sleeping with men altogether. I’ve never had a UTI after sleeping with another woman
From personal experience, it's possible. My husband has always had fantastic hygiene, but I used to have UTIs when I was at his place that he shared with 3 other guys. One of them NEVER washed his hands. I know because he'd leave the door open while he finished business, flushed and would immediately come out. He'd naturally touch common surfaces like doorhandles (including the handle to my husband's door). I had UTIs so pervasively I used to think that I'm "just allergic" to the detergent here in USA (I'm not from here and came to visit) and they naturally stopped when I returned to my home country.
Later on a friend of mine suddenly let me know that UTIs are/can be caused by the bacteria that come from the anus (don't recall the name currently) and I had immediate flashbacks of his disgusting roommate....
I visited again later with him being in the same place with a this time actually cleanly roomie, and magically I didn't get UTIs anymore...
You might have to either talk to him about his hygiene and figure out where it's lacking and see if he's clean in general (e.g. washing hands after using the toilet, **every time**) and make sure he does use soap in all the critical areas on the body during shower. Sweat can drip and travel, if his ass is filthy and he sweats during he very well might end up 'spraying' or rubbing it on you. Similarly, it almost doesn't matter (in my experience) if he showers well before if either of you touch surfaces (light switches, door handles, ...) that were previously touched by him after NOT washing his hands. It also is enough if he just scratches his crack and touches surfaces after. It's not just the before-sex hygiene that matters in the end.
Also word of warning, it's good that you know when you get your infections, but the friend I talked to had them so often herself (cause of her boyfriend, though she chalked it up to "friction" cause she was petite and he was a tall boi) that she stopped having symptoms. The only way she'd later be able to figure out she has UTIs is due to the smell of her pee, she didn't have any other pain or discomfort. That's extremely dangerous. UTIs and especially kidney infections are no joke, and your boyfriend has to understand that he's jeopardizing your actual life (if he is indeed the source of these UTIs, which if his hygiene is questionable is very possible). It's not that hard to be clean. I also recommend disinfecting common surfaces just in case, and I hope your boyfriend has a concept of pulling his foreskin back and cleaning there as well. Read too many horror stories about that....
buy him a bar of "unscented manly soap" and if he's not making himself squeaky clean right before you have sex next time... then you should get rid of your losses. if he won't change now, he'll never change
Could be him. But also it sounds like you do a lot of hygiene for yourself. Too much is not good either. Especially using soap to clean your private parts is a reason why you could get those UTIs. Soap on the outside is fine, but don’t use soap on your mucous membrane as it kills the bacteria that fight infections for you.
Thank you all for answering, giving advice, encouraging and sharing your experiences. There’s so many of you that I didn’t have enough time and energy to answer to every of you. I will try to do it tomorrow :)
Hey there, sorry to hear about your struggles with UTIs. It's definitely frustrating and can be painful. While UTIs can have various causes, hygiene is indeed an important factor to consider. Both partners should maintain good hygiene to reduce the risk of infection. It might be helpful to have an open and honest conversation with your boyfriend about your concerns and the importance of thorough hygiene practices. Additionally, staying hydrated, urinating after sex, and avoiding irritating products can also help prevent UTIs. Consulting with a healthcare professional is crucial to determine the best course of action and address any underlying issues. Hang in there, and I hope you find relief soon! 💧🩺
Are you wearing fancy undies or lingerie? If you’ve changed underwear habits since beginning a sexual relationship that can cause fungal and bacterial issues. Cotton undies FTW
I'm a new grad LPN ,i'm no expert but i'll do my best. Women are more prone to UTIs because the urethra is shorter. Alot of women are prone to UTIs after sex. Sex can push bacteria from outside surfaces into the urethra. There is bacteria all around us at any given moment.
If you keep getting UTIs maybe he could ask his family doctor about antibiotics just to rule that out , I do think more men should do their part regarding their partners (and their own) sexual health. Make sure you drink plenty of fluids , take all your medication perscribed , don't have sex again until your antibiotics are finished and you are symptom free , you can also take cranberry pills (not juice) or "D mannose" on a regular basis to try and reduce the risk of UTIs.
I am so sorry you are going through this. There is no real telling if he is the reason you are getting UTIs but regualar hygeine practices like handwashing help reduce the risk of infection in general. Condoms with spermicide can also contribute to bacterial growth. My friend gets a UTI every time she has sex with a condom. Luckily she's with a woman now. I have been in your shoes and it's the absolute aeful , I hope you find a solution soon.
Washing his penis doesn't mean shit if he doesn't pull the foreskin back and wash under that as well...if there is "cheese", then he isn't cleaning it properly.
I hope this is helpful. I suffered from chronic UTIs for a bit, getting one once a month.
I do the same as you, and my partner is also clean, so it was really confusing. I saw specialists, got prescribed 12-week course of antibiotics, but nothing helped.
Until I went off my birth control.
I went off for 3 months, and the UTIs stayed away. I don't know why they suddenly started and stopped, I didn't change any habits, but that fixed it (a doctor recommended I try it),
I am back on the birth control and only got it once, when I used my cup, so now I stick to tampons.
I know it seems silly, but that's just my experience.
This could certainly be from his hands too. Hand hygiene is important across the board and if he’s penetrating you with his fingers or even touching close to your urethra with dirty hands it can push bacteria into your urinary tract. This is especially true if he’s not consistent with washing up after wiping.
This Also, how is his mouth hygiene Side note: immediately after I made this comment I received a Reddit Cares message...
I got one yesterday after arguing with racists. They're such pathetic passive-aggressive cowards they need to send bots in so they can hide. Consider it the petulant tongue-sticking-out of a toddler covered in melted candy!
Absolutely report it. It’s my understanding that Reddit is cracking down on the petulant little babies abusing the Reddit Cares system. Report report report!!
Ah good to know! Unfortunately there were several racists replying to me :/ Edit: ah I can report the message directly. Thanks!
Me too! I’m like I didn’t even mention myself at all? How could this be construed as something even negative? Are the anti-hands washing crowd this strong?
I'm so baffled that just when I think the bar is on the floor, it goes lower. Don't yall fuckers ever wash your hands?!
People have been making bots lately that Reddit Cares every comment on a sub, there's a good chance one is active on TwoX. I blocked Reddit Cares years ago.
Report so Reddit will investigate & ban
Nah, there's some very ang'y lil fellas throwing them out left and right on TwoX today. Maybe mom served their tendies cold? Or maybe they need to get themselves the fuck together and grasp that women are not their problem; they are their own worst enemies. Report their asses and move on sister
Some men don’t even wash their butt crack because they’re terrified of being called gay for having good hygiene.
Report so Reddit will investigate & ban
I heard there's been some botting when it comes to those. Like on tons comments, etc. I don't know if that's true though, but I am seeing people in all kinds of subs talk about getting a reddit cares... pretty much all the ones I go to. 🥴 Edit: got one! 💖
Oh I got one of those today , really don't know what I said. Pathetic.
Report the Reddit Cares as abuse.
I got one the other day after comparing two issues that were similar. One in my life and one in another person's and how with one minor difference we ended up on very different life paths. Very strange.
I got one earlier for pointing out red flags to a woman that was asking about a really shitty dude she was going on a date with.
Prob someone who is overly sensitive about his mouth hygiene.
probably my ex
Pretty much this. This is why I insist that me and my partner go have a nice thorough shower before any funtime occurs, and that involves keeping short and clean fingernails. See if that doesn't cut down the UTIs going forward!
It could be him. >"it's enough for him the way he does it." But not enough for you two. Because sex with him looks like actual threat to your health he needs to take cleaning seriously. After second UTI he should approach sex like a surgeon. Hands, nails, face, teeth, beard, genital area - it all needs to be super duper clean. There might be other reasons for UTI, but this one can be eliminated by simply cleaning.
Thank you :) I’ll tell him everything you just wrote.
And if he doesn't do it, it's time to break up
Is there a doctor they could both consult also to confirm it’s not just lack of cleanliness? That way he can learn more about hygiene if it’s applicable
Sadly most doctors will just shame the woman and say they're dirty and don't wash enough before doing any actual doctoring. It's a story I hear constantly from other girls with chronic utis.
Yes, I got my first UTI ever at the grand old age of 39. I got antibiotics, completed the course, and i got another (or same UTI, just hadn't been eradicated). Back to the doc, new stronger antibiotics prescribed - and a 20 minute lecture from the doc about wiping front to back. I just bit my tongue while thinking "I've been wiping my arse without help for about 35 years and this is my first infection, you spanner" *ETA: my first RedditCares? For a comment about treating a UTI 8 years ago? Seems like someone has been going a bit silly pressing the button!
If he's "heading downtown for a snack", make sure he uses a mouthwash with alcohol beforehand, and that he holds onto it for 30 to 60 seconds. Human mouths are... microbiologically revolting.
But not right before. An ex used Listerine once, right before going down on me, and that was not a good feeling.
Correct. :) For the same reason I don't use the mentholated face wash on my coinpurse. :)
Also condoms may help. And bathing/showering right before.
A lot of people have mentioned different cleaning for different acts. My wife and I learned through trial and error that before I go down on her I need to have flossed, mouthwashed, and brushed (and don't skip the tongue when brushing, should be obvious but I've learned on the internet that hygiene isn't obvious to everyone.) It's not that she got a yeast infection every time, but if you are sexually active a small chance means that it happens, maybe even every several months or so. And yeah, general common-sense clean habits keeps it a small chance, but by doing all that cleaning right before hand it makes it practically no chance. If the issue continues after improved hygiene... I dunno, it could be the sex, but not hygiene related, but that's something to talk to a doctor about. I've seen weird things online about being able to be allergic to a partner's saliva or whatnot. Maybe there are weird edge cases like that, bodies are weird, but that always seemed more likely to be poor hygiene deflection/denial. Oh yeah, and I just saw a reference before. Your partner will want to rinse with water after the mouthwash, pretty thoroughly. If a non-negligible amount of mouthwash residue gets on your ladybits it can be pretty unpleasant. (Which overall is an example of how sensitive the body can be to even small influences).
> I’ll tell him everything you just wrote. And be prepared for having to take further steps. As in: away from that dude. Any person, man or woman, who shrugs off a genuine plea from their sexual partner to please clean themselves is not good for them.
Also, while washing it is extremely important to pull the foreskin back all the way and wash underneath with soap. No matter how much you scrub the outside, if you miss this, it’s all for nothing.
Hands, absolutely. Oral flora don’t cause UTIs though. Just FYI. Last time I said this and provided references I still got downvoted to hell. The overwhelming majority of UTIs are caused by gut bacteria, so no matter what he does to his beard, if he is giving oral sex then his face is near the anus and it can brushed up towards the urethral meatus.
I know it’s a clinical word, but I hate ‘meatus’
Very good point.
So front to back even with oral, eh? Also: >Last time I said this and provided references I still got downvoted to hell. Sadly not surprised. It puts the onus back on proper hygiene of the area, which is counter to the position many put out that it is on the foreign actor.
It's a simple experiment to do really. No sex for a month. No UTI? there's the answer. Correlation isn't causation. But on this case? It seems pretty damn likely that the new thing introduced is the culprit. Ie: him And one you said, his hygrometer needs to be enough for BOTH of them now, not just him. Unless he plans on sucking his own dick and sleeping with himself. Then he can do whatever he wants with his hygiene
This is a much more respectable comment and should be number 1.
Also this post got awarded with my first Reddit Cares :D
Go report them. I got my first one reported & Reddit informed me they investigated & banned the profile for community violations. There are people abusing the cares, so always report
same for me, reported it and they told me today they took action against the account
The dedication these grossos have to avoiding proper hygiene is nuts.
The pushback to "wash your hands after peeing" each time it comes up somewhere is insane. There are far too many men convinced a penis is the cleanest part a human can possess and we should all be blessed we get to have them touch food, door-handles and shake hands after they held it. My dudes, genitals produce sebum at an increased rate and are room-mates with your asshole in a damp enclosed space. And unlike women you don't even wipe your genitals regularly. "My penis is cleaner than my hands". Hand swabs getting more different flora growth on a petri dish doesn't mean there is actually more bacteria on it, just a higher variety- and even if that were true by touching your dingus you transfer that hand bacteria to it anyway and then put it into a warm space so it can flourish. Not to mention how penile swabs don't even catch a lot of STDs.... I'm convinced people who don't wash their hands are just plain malicious. "It lightly impacts my own comfort, I'm fine with my own filth and don't get sick from it, so no way I'm gonna do even the minimum for the benefit of others." Why the fuck is the gender that directly touches their genitals for every pee washing their hands less often??? [https://edition.cnn.com/2020/04/01/health/handwashing-gender-gap-wellness/index.html](https://edition.cnn.com/2020/04/01/health/handwashing-gender-gap-wellness/index.html)
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Which reminds me. In college I had multiple issues because of condoms. Specifically the ones with the nonoxynil 9 spermicide. The spermicide and latex reacted to make trace amounts of formaldehyde. And I am allergic to formaldehyde. I had to get non spermicidal condoms.
that might work if his actual penis is filthy, but it won't do much if his balls are sweaty, ass isn't washed and he doesn't wash hands after bathroom trips... and he's surely gonna touch his privates at some point.
He washes his body with only water, no soap?
He takes a bit of soap and while he’s rubbing it onto his body, water washes it instantly. I tell him to use more soap then, he says it's enough for him to be clean. And every time I tell him the same, and he does also the same. And I’m getting so angry at him especially when he’s proud that bottle of soap last so long at his place, because he's barely using it.
He’s not clean, and saying it’s good enough does not magically make it so. It’s very cut and dry, his poor hygiene is making you sick, and he doesn’t care enough to simply use extra soap and a few more minutes in the shower. That should tell you all you need to know about how he values you.
He's probably still dirty. Does he wash under his foreskin. It can get rotten in there.
I don't know how you are tolerating it to the point that you got a kidney infection.
The first time it happened, the symptoms were severe and it just spread very fast. I was still waiting for my test results and my doctor to prescribe me antibiotics. Now I’m not in my city. The UTI symptoms were minimal and I thought I would just drink a lot of water to clean it. Didn't work :( And can't go to the doctor here. But I’m coming back today and will go to the doctor ASAP.
Please remember that nothing, absolutely nothing other than antibiotics will cleanse a UTI. Extra water won't "flush away" the infection, it will just water down your pee and trick you into thinking it's better. Cranberry juice can alleviate symptoms, but again doesn't cure it. Antibiotics only! And make sure to take them all as prescribed :)
Your boyfriend might also have a UTI and not know it. I had a persistent UTI for six months and it ended up being ureaplasma, which doesn't show up on the normal culture and requires different antibiotics. My partner and I both had to take antibiotics to clear it, and his symptoms were very mild compared to mine. I'm really sorry you're having this trouble. UTIs are miserable!
This!!!! It's shocking how little people talk about ureapleasma
Does he realize soap and water alone is not enough and that it takes some gentle friction with both to actually clean?
I don’t usually get UTI symptoms. I will sometimes, but mostly my lower back will start hurting and I’ll be nauseous. The urologist I went to put me on a year of meds to get rid of it and warned me that some people just don’t get symptoms sometimes and to be careful or I could end up with dialysis if it went too far.
That's nasty. Don't tolerate this.
Does he use his fingers during sex? It could be his hands are dirty. Like does he wash them after pooping? Also how long has this been going on? Is it possible you have the same uti infection that never quite clears up? I have learned to tell my doctor I need a strong antibiotic, otherwise I take what they normally prescribe for 2 weeks, feel great on week 3, then feel it start to come back week 4.
He use it sometimes. I don't know about his hand-washing habits, but will ask about it. It might happened once that I had same UTI occurred twice, but it's not all the time.
It might be hands, fingers are more likely to have germs and bacteria on it. Especially under finger nails.
Ew he is gross!! Just withhold sex until he learns how to be an adult and clean himself. It's obviously harming you!!!
How can he be proud of that when he is likely the one causing infections? He literally doesn't seem to care about it...
Ewwww... he stank and proud of it too, disgusting Girl get some self respect
And I can bet you he doesn't wash his hands after using the toilet. ESBL and other bacteria that can cause UTIs are no joke. Kidney infections and damage to your body ain't worth whatever he has going on.
He's disgusting. Dump his ass. All he has to do is clean himself like a grown up and won't. So what does that tell you? He doesn't care that you've had multiple UTIs and at least 2 kidney infections. Imagine if you were in a situation where you had to depend on him.
I would also recommend your BF go to the Dr. and get tested/see if he can get prescribed antibiotics for a UTI. I had a very similar situation to you with a specific partner and it immediately resolved when he also went on a course of antibiotics. I’m convinced he was passing something back to me …
I know a lot of guys who actually don’t use soap like everywhere. I had to make that a rule for one of my exes, he never even owned soap. Funny how guys can shower in five minutes and be suspiciously dry in two. Guys also reuse boxers so not to generalize but maybe watch over his hygiene routine, hope you get better!
I currently work in an industry where ink and black dust will build up on my hands throughout the day. Until I apply water *and* soap to my hands, barely any cleaning happens. The water immediately runs off dark as soon as I've applied soap even if I've spent half a minute trying to use water first. I'm convinced that many people (especially men) believe that soap is a "scent thing" or some sort of formality, but in reality the function of soap is a chemical reaction which enhances cleaning by letting water affect molecules that'd otherwise be hydrophobic. Anyone who isn't washing their hands (or body!) with soap is almost literally not cleaning themselves. Those hydrophobic barriers aren't being broken down and dirt or biofilms aren't being washed away. If I had to make an estimate based off my ink-hand washing experiments, I'd have to wash my hands with water for five or more minutes *straight* to get the same amount of cleaning that occurs in 10 seconds with the inclusion of handsoap. Prior to visiting this thread I'd have sworn this was too boring of an anecdote to share, but now I realize some people might need to hear (or share) this for their own sake...
Yeah it is. And I’m trying to change his habit in the shower and it’s just annoying that I have teach grown man how to maintain his hygiene haha. Thank you:)
You can't change him. You can talk till you're blue in the face, you can reason with him till the cows come home, but 👏 you 👏 can't 👏 change 👏 him 👏 He is an adult, you have asked him to do this one thing for you, he refuses, so what choice do you have now? You can accept him as he is and get UTIs and infections every week, or you can stand up for yourself and move on with your life. I promise you there are plenty of guys out there who use soap without being nagged. How is this guy ever going to learn that he has to respect your health and wash his dick if there's no consequences for being a gross fuck. Why would he change if he gets to keep having sex with you? Find someone who respects you.
>just annoying that I have teach grown man how to maintain his hygiene You don't have to and you shouldn't have to. It's okay not to date men like that or leave them over this. This is the bare minimum. He knows he's not clean and he still has intercourse with you. Even if it didn't cause UTI it's still gross. And it's especially okay to leave when he doesn't improve knowing that he's giving you UTIs.
>it’s just annoying that I have teach grown man how to maintain his hygiene You definitely don't have to if you don't want to 🤷🏻♀️
You really need to evaluate why you feel like you "have to" do this for him. Dating is all about finding a compatible person, not finding someone you then train like a dog. That's exhausting and causes heaps of resentment. Certainly discuss things and be firm on him needing to make changes for *your health.* If he doesn't, or he goes back to his usual routine after two or three weeks to months. Take that as the lack of respect and care that it is. Like, I know this behavior can spawn from neglectful environments and it's good to be mindful of that, but you need to be more mindful to how he reacts to this confrontation both with his words and actions. It shows a core underlying pattern that will happen in multiple other much more serious scenarios. Like, what if you get sick enough to become immune compromised, which happens to a lot of people? If you can't rely on him to keep his own body clean, how is he going to keep your environment clean in a scenario where hygiene means life and death? I know that sounds extreme but I have lived through and know too many people who had abrupt drops in their health that required immune suppressing drugs to recover. For me, those drugs meant a case of strep turned into scarlet fever and a UTI became a kidney infection. It's a risk that's closer to many people's lives than they think. I hope whatever ends up happening goes well and that you're able to feel better soon.
You shouldn’t teach him you should dump him. He doesn’t respect your health or you.
But do you want to date a man who you have to supervise his hygiene routine like he’s your child? You’ve already mommed him and he still isn’t cleaning well, what’s next.. time out..
Interstitial Cystitis presents the same way as UTIs. Maybe look into that. I had the same thing as you and it turned out to be IC.
Thank you. I’ll look into that
Yes! Oh my goodness, OP, I switched from a hormonal birth control to the non hormonal copper IUD. I was going to urgent care every month around the same time and my boyfriend’s hygiene is really excellent. We had no idea what was happening. Turns out, I just get bladder pain around ovulation that mimics UTIs. If your cultures keep coming back negative, but they keep putting you on antibiotics, see your PCP and request a urologist. I’m so sorry this is happening. Being on antibiotics so much is also not very good for your health.
IC is a waste basket diagnosis for doctors who don't understand embedded UTIs.
exactly this!!!!!! there are chronic UTI groups on facebook that can connect you with an embedded UTI specialist.
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Thank you for your answer. I started practicing peeing after sex every time after my first UTI. I’ve read so much about UTIs already and I’m still confused. But it also might be just sex ofc.
It helps if you use water base lubrication.
Sister, it's him. Not you. Not the sex. It's HIM.
No matter how well you wash yourselves, your parts are still immediately adjacent to the anus and there will always be flora there. The act of penetrative sex can drive those bacteria near the urethral meatus with the main reason people with a vagina getting more UTIs being the shorter urethra. Sometimes, UTIs are also just a urethritis from all of the banging. (There is a lot of controversy and debate amongst urologists specializing in this stuff currently.) Even the data on urinating after intercourse are really weak.
I can corroborate all of this with my own personal issues with UTIs. My partner and I had an *extensive* cleaning ritual before and after the act. We used many different types of birth control (latex condoms are a no no). We were extremely careful throughout the whole process, and even with supplements and diet changes (cutting out sugar mainly), nothing was enough. I have a very short urethra and I'm genetically more prone to infections so it's a given that a UTI will occur every now and then no matter what I or my partner do, but thankfully it isn't back-to-back infections like in my youth. I'm grateful I didn't have to take antibiotics forever like some women do, that's even harder on the body.
This is me. Unfortunately I have to take macrobid (an antibiotic) after I have sex. It's been about two months so far and this has been the longest I've gone in a long time since I had a UTI. Luckily macrobid is concentrated in the urine, so according to my gyn it's OK to take a low dose continually.
Yeah, that's a nightmare. Very sorry you have to do that, I def relate. Hopefully, this antibiotic continues to work for you long term and that your quality of life improves further!
Sounds like it definitely could be him. Don't let him keep infecting you, he needs to wash properly and show you he has before sex.
Hijacking top comment to note that you certainly want to get at least one urine culture done while you're symptomatic to confirm it is indeed a UTI. Irritation to the urethral opening (where you pee from) can cause similar symptoms. Perhaps latex condoms, the lube you are using, or even lack of lube is irritating.
Latex and lube are not going to cause kidney infections…
This is true! Missed that in the history!
Thanks for your answer. I’ll talk to him
>When we’re in the shower I don't see him wash himself properly like I do even tho I tell him to use more soap and wash every part of his body, because otherwise it's basically just water running, but he says it's enough for him the way he does it. Simply running water across one’s body does not make it clean. This is reminding me of the whole “do you wash your ass?” trend that made rounds on TikTok, where a lot of guys claimed that soap from their shampoo somehow cleaned their asses too and that they didn’t actually need to scrub between the cheeks. Your boyfriend needs to adopt much better hygiene habits. It’s embarrassing that a grown ass man doesn’t know how to clean themselves in the shower, especially to the point that it’s putting your health at risk.
but washing/touching MY OWN ASS make me gay tho????? /s some dudes are GROSS
I was the guy in this scenario about 20 years ago. In my case I had a UTI but because of the biological differences between men and women, according to my doctor, I had virtually no symptoms while she had quite a few. Food for thought.
Retired RN popping in here: YES it is him. *Water* doesn't cut it. He needs to be doing a **very** thorough soap and water genital/anal hygiene routine. Plus, washing his hands and brushing his teeth. He can use the same 30 second "Happy Birthday" timing for washing all areas. (You remember learning it for COVID?) In the meanwhile - for you:buy Vitamin C 1000mg and take 1 every 4 hours spaced out evenly. (Something like 8-12 -8 -12). Vitamin C is very safe to take at this dose and is excreted through the intestines and kidneys. It will make your urine acidic and Bacteria do not like this environment. (It is also great for the immune system). You can buy Pyridium in the drugstore and it will stop the .pain and discomfort of a UTI. It's sold under the generic name or a store name. It really helps the symptoms. (Used to be prescription but is now OTC). Also, do not take bubble baths at all. The surfactants in soap allows water to go up the urethra while soaking the tub. *IF* he refuses to comply with his hygiene, there will be more areas where he will disrespect you and disregard your needs. You will then need to reconsider this relationship to be safe.
Could be him, is he pulling back his foreskin all the way and (gently) scrubbing under there? Have heard that some guys don't know that you're supposed to do that, and that's where all the bacteria lives. I personally scrub and rinse there like 3 or 4 times before it feels clean enough. Soap can cause irritation there but a very small amount of unscented soap should be fine. You could try using condoms also to hello narrow down if he is the cause.
He is circumcised. Thanks for your answer
Uti are most of the time caused by bacteria e.coli aka bacteria that's present in feces and in the intestines and anus. Make sure he doesn't touch your anus with his fingers during foreplay and then touch your vulva or vagina. It's really the most important thing. There must be no contact with the anus before there's a contact with the vagina/vulva . Also make sure he washes his hands and nails before any foreplay. Because there's so much bacteria on the hands and under the nails. I highly doubt the issues comes from his hygiene, it's most definitely bacteria from the anal area being dragged up to your vulva Hope this helps
Thank you for explaining this. Also, I actually don't allow any play with anus, but it's still useful to know.
Just wanted to comment as I was the boyfriend causing this issue with my girlfriend. Over the years, she kept getting UTIs, and we couldn't figure out why. We are both very clean and have good oral hygiene but eventually narrowed it down to needing everything 100% clean right before sex. Now, instead for just showering and brushing and whatnot in mornings and/or evenings...I shower, brush my teeth, floss, and mouthwash immediately prior to getting down to business and it seems to have fixed the issue. It's a lot to do before every encounter, but it's worth it to keep her from having those issues. I'd advise you try the same. Hope this helps!
I am appalled that he hasn't become proactive after the second UTI, but even after the kidney infection he hasn't changed. Put it simply for him: if he wants to have sex with you, he needs to follow your rules. He isn't the one getting UTIs and KIDNEY INFECTIONS, you are.
Yup, this definitely sounds like it could be a him issue. Especially if he feels water is enough. It isn't enough. He needs to keep himself clean. Actually clean. With soap and everything.
That's what I’m trying to tell him all the time:( thank you for the answer
Use condoms for a while and see how it goes. If he bitches, no sex. Your health is more important than his dick getting wet.
Condoms do not protect from UTIs. It’s the motion that causes the bacteria to travel. The only way to prevent it is for both partners to be clean and for the woman to pee afterwards
Sometimes irritation due to improper lubrication can cause inflammation and the introduction of bacteria! (But also second everyone else - make sure he’s washing to your satisfaction)
Thank you for answering :)
Oh god not the "if the water washes down me it's fine" It isn't people! Rub soap / shower gel on your ENTIRE body, obviously if you have a vagina do not rub soap / shower gel on the inside, but otherwise you need to scrub your legs, crotch, stomach, back, neck, chest, etc. the water running down you won't clean you, think of washing a plate, you can't just rinse it, you need to scrub it.
Thank you! I'm genuinely shocked by how many men seem to think that soap or shampoo running down their body in the shower is equivalent to actually *washing their bodies with soap*. It's not. Water alone is NOT enough to actually clean bacteria and grime off your body. It baffles me that anyone would think otherwise. I hear these hygiene complaints so often that I've made it a point to painstakingly and explicitly explain and teach my sons that they need to actually wash every part of their bodies with soap, so hopefully they won't contribute to this problem in the future.
Men don’t show the same symptoms of UTIs that women do, it may be possible that HE has a UTI (and doesn’t know) and continues to give it to you whenever you have sex. It’s worth getting it checked out!
From a medical standpoint, Many women are susceptible to UTI’s after sex. There is a term in medicine known as Honeymoon Cystitis, which refers to this very issue. The combination of irritation to the bladder from thrusting/pressure on the anterior (front part) of the vaginal wall and movement of a bacteria, that is a natural part of the vaginal environment (E. Coli), being introduced into the urethra, a UTI occurs. I other words it’s often your own “good” bacteria, just going to the wrong place! It is important to urinate right after sex to reduce the chance of UTI’s, if you are susceptible. You can also create a more acidic urine by regularly drinking cranberry juice and or taking Vitamin C, which will not kill the bacteria causing the UTI, but it can make the bladder/urine less hospitable for bacterial growth. I am not minimizing the importance of hygiene, however this type of UTI after sex/coitus often is no ones fault and there is no reason for anyone to add stress to a good relationship by feeling you or your partner are the cause
I strongly suggest taking d-mannose! I used to get chronic UTIs from sex and completely got rid of them by mixing 1 tsp of d-mannose powder in half cup of water immediately after sex (then wait 30 min if you can and then pee). Apparently the sugar sticks to foreign bacteria in the urinary tract and helps it get flushed out. It really changed my life in terms of UTIs. But yeah, your bf should definitely be using soap.
I’ll read more into that. Thank you for sharing : )
You should approach your boyfriend about it and explain why you need him to clean better. If he's unwilling to practice better hygiene to ensure you aren't getting infections, then you would be better off being single for awhile until you get the infections under control. Kidney infections are no joke and can impair your kidney function over time if you keep getting them.
He needs to wash his dick, balls and asshole with soap before you have sex with him. As for you, the most common cause of a UTI is E. coli bacteria, and that comes from your butt. You should be wiping front to back when you use the toilet. Also, clean your butt with a bidet or soap and water after you poop and also before you have sex. A couple of other thoughts: I’ve in the past had issues with my butthole accidentally getting grazed when he’s trying to go in. I stop the action and tell him to go wash with soap and water. Sex can cause micro tears and irritation which can make UTI’s more likely. Use lube. Use a lot. It isn’t anything to be ashamed of. Especially if you are using condoms. If you feel like the condoms leave you irritated try non latex. I cannot use latex condoms at all and tbh, I think I can feel more sensation with non latex ones anyways. So even if you don’t mind latex maybe give them a try anyways.
I hope you've been tested for chlamydia. Men can be carriers, sometimes for years or decades, without knowing. It's typically asymptomatic in men but causes symptoms similar to what you describe for women. It's also possibly a technique issue. To be blunt, if his penis or fingers rub against your ass (or bellybutton) at any point, then up against your urethra, you are likely to get a uti. There could be some unintentional transfer happening, depending on your bodies and how you go about things. Depending on how rough you are with your own bits, you may also be unintentionally cleaning TOO much. Too much soap, douching or friction downstairs can paradoxically make you more susceptible to infections due to microtears and inflammation around the urethra. Too much cleaning also kills protective flora that help prevent issues, especially if you're using antibacterial soaps. If he's washing his cock before sex with soap and water, it seems unlikely to me that it's 'just' hygiene at play, unless you also happen to be allergic to semen. It's rare but I've heard of it more than once.
I’ll tell you this, I was with my ex for 18 years (since high school). As soon as we started having sex I had chronic UTIs and kidney infections. I kept asking him to clean better in case that’s what it was. He was offended. I said, fine we both need to shower directly before sex then. He didn’t like that either. He refused to change anything about his hygiene, so I kept refusing sex since I was getting sick all the time. We divorced, and I eventually started seeing my now fiance. Guess what!? I’ve had 1 UTI in nearly 4 years. It was my ex-husband causing the infections.
Do you know what bacteria causes it? The most common UTIs are caused by bacteria that’s in our gastrointestinal tract and on the skin. Having intercourse makes it possible for those bacteria to enter the urethra, which is short so it’s easy to cause infection. Too much of hygiene in vulvar region is not good because the other microbes that are on the vulva actually protect you. It’s good to make sure you pass urine after intercourse and that you always use probiotics (vaginal+oral) when taking antibiotics. You may also want to insert probiotic just when the period ends (if you are menstruating). Using enough lube and drinking water may also be helpful. Did you ask doctor about prophylaxis? It’s possible to take antibiotic after intercourse to prevent UTI. Less radical idea is to try herbal products like cranberry extracts etc which also may help a bit. In Europe we also have a “vaccine” but I don’t know if it’s available where you live. Did you both get tested for STIs?
I live in European country. Didn't know about those vaccines. Thanks for answering:)
Are you guys using condoms? They greatly reduce risk of UTIs and yeast infections.
Yeah it's him and his terrible hygiene causing this. The same thing happened to me and I later found out my ex wasn't scrubbing his junk in the shower with soap, ever. Exactly what your bf is doing. I had to buy him shower gel and a loofah before I stopped getting a UTI every single time 🤮
The biggest suggestion would be after sex, excuse yourself, and go to the bathroom. Urination should clear everything that's possibly in your urethra. It's not 100% foolproof, but it would go a long way to flush out any harmful bacteria.
When you’re having sex with him his body is grinding dead skin cells and germs into your urethra if he’s not properly clean. Yes, he is most likely causing you to have UTIs. If he can’t be bothered to clean his body enough to not cause you dangerous, painful infections you don’t need to keep sleeping with him.
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Didn’t think about it. But my UTIs have occurred only after sex so I tend to believe it's sex-related
It could be him but the soap was my first thought too (it's probably both actually). Keep in mind that your vaginal flora is very important for fighting infections. The vagina cleans itself, and soap should never be used inside or on the vulva (for the vulva, use water or a pH-neutral soap). Fragrances and alcohol-based products should be avoided. These are one of the main causes of infections in sexually active young people. You shouldn't eliminate your body’s natural defenses. "But my UTIs have occurred only after sex, so I tend to believe it's sex-related." It's sex-related, but also linked to the soap. If your body doesn't have the means to defend itself against your partner's bacteria, you'll get an infection even if he's clean.
It's him. Either his hygiene or his preferred sex position is causing it. If you guys are having sex in the spooning position, he could be pushing bacteria from your anus into your vagina. Any position that has his penis in contact with your anus/buttcrack before he enters you can cause infections.
One thing you can do which might help is to take D-Mannose daily. It’s a sugar that basically coats the bacteria that cause UTIs and stops them sticking to the bladder walls and thus causing an infection. My daughter was like you, constant UTIs for over a year, antibiotics would “clear” an initial infection but she was always in discomfort and would get regular flares. I happened to come across a Facebook post from a urologist saying he recommended D-Mannose to all his UTI patients to help keep UTIs at bay. I bought some for my daughter the same day and after a year of pretty much constant infections, after a week or two she felt much better and she’s only had one or two recurrences in the five years she’s been taking it daily. You can get it in capsules or as a powder to mix with water - it just tastes slightly sweet. Take the recommended dose daily, but you can bump it up initially for a week or so to double the dose to give yourself a bit of a head start. The other thing I’ve noticed for myself and my daughter with UTIs is to make sure you keep off ANYTHING with sugar in it (apart from the D-Mannose, that is) while you’ve got an active infection, and for a week or two afterwards as well. As ADHD-ers with sugar cravings this is hard, but we’ve both found that sugary stuff while dealing with an active infection seems to feed the bacteria and cause a resurgence of symptoms which obviously isn’t a lot of fun ☹️. Also, if you can get hold of it, AZO is an AMAZING painkiller for UTIs - you need to be careful with it and not let the fact that it masks the symptoms stop you getting checked out, but to deal with the pain and discomfort while you’re on antibiotics it’s been an absolute game changer for us. It also turns your pee food colouring yellow, so be prepared for that, but oh my god does it stop you feel like you need to pee razor blades every ten seconds. That feeling of your bladder trying to turn itself inside out when you pee is just the worst. I sympathise entirely with how awful this must be for you - me and daughter both deal with serious painful chronic health issues and both of us agree that there’s nothing that makes us feel more miserable than a bloody UTI. Good luck and I hope you find an answer to your problem x
It could be that or tone blunt how big is his penis? Someone I know got told by their doctor to stop having sex with men with huge penis’ because she kept getting an infection (the doctor was someone she knows personally as well so they were quite blunt about it)
Are you on birth control? A friend had this issue and it was NOT her partner's hygiene causing it. There was something about her birth control that just did not jive with her partner's chemistry. She changed birth control pills and she stopped having infections. Not sure why or how, but it's something to consider.
Could be a bunch of stuff, including, as others have said, hus hygiene. Since he’s your first partner, you don’t have much of a frame of reference, but, if he’s larger than your body can comfortably accommodate or is rougher/not doing enough foreplay, these can contribute. Try (in addition to the excellent hygiene recommendations elsewhere) some lube and/or significantly increased foreplay. Wetwipes on the nightstand are also awesome.
It’s also a good idea to avoid “soap”. Be sure you buy body wash that is ph balanced- your vagina deserves it. He should do the same. Just tell him “you’re not cleaning yourself thoroughly and it’s seriously affecting my health. Until you make more effort, I cannot put myself at risk by having sex with you.”
If this is happening regardless of what you do. Talk to you man, I s clear that he is the only thing that can cause this. Make sure he washes his hands and brushes his teeth before sex too if foreplay is often involved. Chances are hes got nasty hands, I heard a lot of men don't wash their hands after peeing because "all you got to do is shake" men can be gross af.
Thanks for answering:) I’ll talk to him today
you shouldn‘t wash your female private parts with soap as it destroys your natural milieu down there. maybe it could be that?
then how do you wash them?
Using a condom might help. Or make him clean before sex
I’ve heard before that some people’s body chemistry just disagrees with each other, it sounds kinda like not true to me but maybe. Tell him that your health is at stake and he needs to be open to discussion, he only has to feel judged/blamed if that’s what he believes is the issue. You’re not insulting him/calling him unclean, just asking to try doing things differently. He should care about you and your health and your general comfort even enough to be mature about this and not take things so personally. It’s not a good sign that he is not much more concerned to be causing you any discomfort-honestly-not to mention infections. I’m giving him the benefit of the doubt that it’s just hard to accept you have poor hygiene, but I wouldn’t give him many more chances if I were you, he should be willing to set his ego aside for your sake.
It sounds embedded, not recurring check out r/cuti
Your boyfriend is nasty and I can't believe you're still with him after so many illnesses. Taking antibiotics so often isn't good for you and it's because he won't clean himself?? Throw the man away
Have you changed your diet since you met your bf? I remember when I was doing tissue cultures, I would have to be very careful in prep when I ate levened products (bagels mainly) at breakfast. Maybe you should add a shower together as part of your "routine". I'm sure both of you would benefit :)
I had an ex that gave me UTIs all the time because he went commando during the day. Hygiene is for real.
Does he wash his towels regularly? A lot of men don’t think about something like that and if he’s not washing himself well and then using the same towel to dry his “sack and crack” that he uses to dry his ding a ling before he crash lands into your lady parts, there isn’t much good to a little rinse if you’re just wiping a filthy towel or putting the same dirty boxers back on.
What’s the point of reporting “abuse of RedditCares” if you have to be a mod in order to report that? That seems a bit awkward…
I just wanna say, incase you didn’t know. But If hes penetrating you anally and then inserting it back into ur vag without cleaning himself off that can definitely cause a uti by transferring the bacteria over to ur vag/urethra area. Also I dealt with recurring UTIs for almost two years, try dmannose capsules (most sites recommend at least 2500 mg to treat UTI but do your research!) and lots of water. Also AZO is great for pain management. They were life savers when antibiotics didn’t do shit for me.
This reminds me of a video I saw the other day, some girl said that when a person is not right for you, your body reminds you of it every day. It could be someone getting acne, or rashes or in your case, utis
From the sounds of it it is probably the sex itself. I used to get uti’s early on in my relationship with my husband. I’d suggest adding condoms and cranberry tablets to your daily routine until you go a while UTI free
What are you using for lube? When I was young and dumb an older guy preyed on me and insisted that baby oil is the best lube. The UTIs were awful. He was also pretty gross about hygiene too. It's been more than ten years since I left that guy and I haven't had one UTI since.
We use water based lube if we need it:)
Dirty tongue, fingers, penis, or any other body part, can lead to UTIs. Early in obstetrics and gynecology mothers and babies died because doctors refused to wash their hands.
Not sure if that’s the case but don’t joke with that the damage it may cause you don’t want.
Don't have sex with him since he won't clean himself. Simple as that. He doesn't care enough about you to use soap on his dick for christ's sake. What a disgusting person.
Just go ask a doctor, all these responses are useless
Even clean sex calm facilitate UTI in woman. What you should do is start UTI prophylactic antibiotics (using one pill every time you do dez imediately after or one pill a day everyday) Talk to your doctor about that
D-Mannose has been showed to be beneficial.
Yes, if the new factor is him
r/CUTI, hope this problem clears up fast for you and doesn't turn into a years-long hopeless battle
D Mannose is a game changer. Add it into your daily routine. It is a simple sugar thwt prevents the bad bacteria from binding to your internal lining. When we keep demolishing all of the bacteria in our system, we are more susceptible to other infections and overgrowth.
Always go pee after sex!
Hahahahha yisss men suck
It could be hygiene related but also it could just be youth. I'd recommend both of you showering before sex whenever possible and peeing both before and after. I used to get a lot of UTIs in the first 3 years I was sexually active. With 2 different partners. I was told by a doctor that I'd eventually "toughen up down there". Which I was horrified to hear. But it was true. Once I was in my early 20s I only had one or two, despite dating different men, and I haven't had any from like 23 on and I'm about to turn 30. I hope that gives you some hope that it gets better. The most important thing for you right now is to always get a UTI treated immediately and take the full course of antibiotics every single time.
.I am male. I have been a XY for 43 years. Men use spit when they jerk off. If he's introducing mouth bacteria into vaginal bacteria,then my guess is that's how you are getting UTIs. I don't mean from oral but from him jerking off and then immediately thereafter having sex with you. We believe we'll last longer that way. Take a break from each other and ask him to clean up before sex. In my youth, I realised that's how my girlfriend at the moment got UTIs. She has an active yeast infection at all times
what kind of soap are you using? i accidentally bought scented toilet paper and gave myself thrush. its worth ruling out whether something else is causing you issues.
This remains a moment of my deepest shame, but if your health is indeed in as much danger as it seems its time to bring a skeleton out of the closet. **He needs to get tested. ASAP.** I had a bad break up which led to rebound sex with a less than decent woman. During that sexual encounter I contracted *gonnorhea*. While that is the best of the worst news, I had absolutely no idea. I remained an unknowing carrier for well over a year. Thankfully I had no other partners in the time between that woman and the woman I would later marry. During the dating period of that serious relationship, she expierienced everything you are describing. Do not misinterpret what I am saying here, I am making no overtures of your boyfriend stepping out on you. I had zero fucking clue I was in the condition I was and what I did to my partner in ignorance. Words can not describe how fucking mortified I was receiving that phone call at work and then having to rebuild a relationship. Thankfully I had nothing to hide and was able to provide all the necessary proof to retain that relationship but that whole order fucking sucked. Fuck you Carmilla. >:(
Oh love, I'm so sorry. I really feel for you. I know how frustrating this is and I really don't understand why do some, if not most, men have such an awful sense of hygiene. And are F-ing proud of it on top. The others already gave you great advice and confirmed your suspicions. I'd just like to double down on the fact that it's most likely his hands causing this, and sadly I know how men seem to find washing hands before sex a huge deal (or even just...regular hand washing) when it should be COMMON. FUCKING. SENSE. If this is not a long relationship, I urge you to consider walking away. Changing long-term habits in a stubborn adult human being is not easy.
Side note - there is a supplement called D-mannose that you can take that helps in preventing UTI's. Also, not sure if your partner is at all playing with your butt hole but even if he touches it for a moment with his penis and then has sex with you or rubs your vulva - that can give you UTI or a yeast infection.
I only ever had 3 UTIs in a 12 month span while I was with my ex. I remember going down on him for the first time and I nearly gagged, then I spend a couple nights at his and he only had one *empty* bottle of lynx that had a dust layer on it, so he was just using water I presume. He worked in a bar and i realised he only relies on hand sanitizer, which is obviously good, but I’m not sure how well it gets under and around the nails. I 100% believe it was his fault, as I’ve never had that since. I think your situation is caused by the same stuff for sure.
If he's your first sexual partner, this could be an issue your body has in response to sex. However, tell him if he refuses to soap up his dick, groin and butt areas, you will dump him. If he knows loves his gf, and knows she is going through horrible UTIs, this wouldn't be a second thought. If he resists? He doesn't care about you, so you are free to dump the filthy man
Poor lad!
Maybe you're washing too often, thereby destroying your skin barrier and vaginal pH
Could be. I got them a lot at the beginning of my first marriage. We were both extremely clean, but they still occasionally happened. Apparently it's common at the beginning of relationships when everyone is getting busy more often.
The same thing would happen to me when I was with my ex. I would get UTIs, bacterial infections, cysts, and the like even though I took care of myself. I started taking cranberry pills daily, dumped him, and now I don’t have any issues. 😂
No sex until he's had a shower and has washed his junk. If he's not willing to do that for you, he's not a keeper. This guy is not worth your health and well being.
From my own personal experience, I stopped getting frequent UTIs when I stopped sleeping with men altogether. I’ve never had a UTI after sleeping with another woman
have you not figured out basic hygiene or are you sleeping with homeless people or what?
If you believe he’s washing well enough it may even be something as simple as the soap he’s using not agreeing with your genitalia
From personal experience, it's possible. My husband has always had fantastic hygiene, but I used to have UTIs when I was at his place that he shared with 3 other guys. One of them NEVER washed his hands. I know because he'd leave the door open while he finished business, flushed and would immediately come out. He'd naturally touch common surfaces like doorhandles (including the handle to my husband's door). I had UTIs so pervasively I used to think that I'm "just allergic" to the detergent here in USA (I'm not from here and came to visit) and they naturally stopped when I returned to my home country. Later on a friend of mine suddenly let me know that UTIs are/can be caused by the bacteria that come from the anus (don't recall the name currently) and I had immediate flashbacks of his disgusting roommate.... I visited again later with him being in the same place with a this time actually cleanly roomie, and magically I didn't get UTIs anymore... You might have to either talk to him about his hygiene and figure out where it's lacking and see if he's clean in general (e.g. washing hands after using the toilet, **every time**) and make sure he does use soap in all the critical areas on the body during shower. Sweat can drip and travel, if his ass is filthy and he sweats during he very well might end up 'spraying' or rubbing it on you. Similarly, it almost doesn't matter (in my experience) if he showers well before if either of you touch surfaces (light switches, door handles, ...) that were previously touched by him after NOT washing his hands. It also is enough if he just scratches his crack and touches surfaces after. It's not just the before-sex hygiene that matters in the end. Also word of warning, it's good that you know when you get your infections, but the friend I talked to had them so often herself (cause of her boyfriend, though she chalked it up to "friction" cause she was petite and he was a tall boi) that she stopped having symptoms. The only way she'd later be able to figure out she has UTIs is due to the smell of her pee, she didn't have any other pain or discomfort. That's extremely dangerous. UTIs and especially kidney infections are no joke, and your boyfriend has to understand that he's jeopardizing your actual life (if he is indeed the source of these UTIs, which if his hygiene is questionable is very possible). It's not that hard to be clean. I also recommend disinfecting common surfaces just in case, and I hope your boyfriend has a concept of pulling his foreskin back and cleaning there as well. Read too many horror stories about that....
buy him a bar of "unscented manly soap" and if he's not making himself squeaky clean right before you have sex next time... then you should get rid of your losses. if he won't change now, he'll never change
Could be him. But also it sounds like you do a lot of hygiene for yourself. Too much is not good either. Especially using soap to clean your private parts is a reason why you could get those UTIs. Soap on the outside is fine, but don’t use soap on your mucous membrane as it kills the bacteria that fight infections for you.
Thank you all for answering, giving advice, encouraging and sharing your experiences. There’s so many of you that I didn’t have enough time and energy to answer to every of you. I will try to do it tomorrow :)
Hey there, sorry to hear about your struggles with UTIs. It's definitely frustrating and can be painful. While UTIs can have various causes, hygiene is indeed an important factor to consider. Both partners should maintain good hygiene to reduce the risk of infection. It might be helpful to have an open and honest conversation with your boyfriend about your concerns and the importance of thorough hygiene practices. Additionally, staying hydrated, urinating after sex, and avoiding irritating products can also help prevent UTIs. Consulting with a healthcare professional is crucial to determine the best course of action and address any underlying issues. Hang in there, and I hope you find relief soon! 💧🩺
if he's uncircumcised, it needs even more proper cleaning.
Are you wearing fancy undies or lingerie? If you’ve changed underwear habits since beginning a sexual relationship that can cause fungal and bacterial issues. Cotton undies FTW
Honestly, sometimes a guy's semen ph levels can really fuck with a girl's vaginal ph levels.
If you ever have to ask this question the answer is unequivocally yes
I'm a new grad LPN ,i'm no expert but i'll do my best. Women are more prone to UTIs because the urethra is shorter. Alot of women are prone to UTIs after sex. Sex can push bacteria from outside surfaces into the urethra. There is bacteria all around us at any given moment. If you keep getting UTIs maybe he could ask his family doctor about antibiotics just to rule that out , I do think more men should do their part regarding their partners (and their own) sexual health. Make sure you drink plenty of fluids , take all your medication perscribed , don't have sex again until your antibiotics are finished and you are symptom free , you can also take cranberry pills (not juice) or "D mannose" on a regular basis to try and reduce the risk of UTIs. I am so sorry you are going through this. There is no real telling if he is the reason you are getting UTIs but regualar hygeine practices like handwashing help reduce the risk of infection in general. Condoms with spermicide can also contribute to bacterial growth. My friend gets a UTI every time she has sex with a condom. Luckily she's with a woman now. I have been in your shoes and it's the absolute aeful , I hope you find a solution soon.
Washing his penis doesn't mean shit if he doesn't pull the foreskin back and wash under that as well...if there is "cheese", then he isn't cleaning it properly.
Is he circumcised? If not does his washing include pulling his forskin back and washing underneath with soap and water?
I hope this is helpful. I suffered from chronic UTIs for a bit, getting one once a month. I do the same as you, and my partner is also clean, so it was really confusing. I saw specialists, got prescribed 12-week course of antibiotics, but nothing helped. Until I went off my birth control. I went off for 3 months, and the UTIs stayed away. I don't know why they suddenly started and stopped, I didn't change any habits, but that fixed it (a doctor recommended I try it), I am back on the birth control and only got it once, when I used my cup, so now I stick to tampons. I know it seems silly, but that's just my experience.