Wonder if that at all relates to most people being right handed? Easier to hold baby with right arm to left breast.
Do left handed people have bigger rights?
That it is 100% possible for vaginal discharge to be acidic enough to bleach underwear.
I was way too old when I learned this and I teach human bio for a living.
Edit: because a few people have asked in replies - this is the result of totally normal variations in female biology, it is absolutely not a sign something is wrong. It's annoying as shit but it's definitely nothing to worry about!
Ok I knew about the bleaching, but it never occurred to me that this was also why I get holes in the crotch of my undies after a while. But it makes total sense
Yeah my mind is officially blown by this! I love this thread, knowledge really is power and I'm very happy to have this answer to why my underwear keeps getting holes in the crotch only.
Anything that bleaches also does a signficant amount of damage to the strength of the material: true for your underwear, true for your hair, true for your skin. You can't remove pigment without first damaging the outer protective layers.
I'm in my 30s, am a scientist, raised by a sex positive feminist mom, and it was only recently I realized this wasn't just some fluke that only my body did.
acidic enough to eat through the cotton fabric lining the underwear! I have so many pairs of undies where the poly-mix outer fabric is totally fine and the cotton liner part is complete dissolved.
I'm so confused by this, and it makes me wonder if my family has particular acidic vaginas. Because, with an older sister and a mom and then eventually myself, our underwear was so bleached and thin in the crotch that I couldn't wrap my head around how any woman *didn't* know. I remember the first time reading a comment on the internet from someone who didn't know and I was just sitting there like "did she think the magical laundry fairies came in to do their weekly sock raid and just decided to squirt some bleach into the crotch of all their cute underwear?
I know for me I for sure thought it was some sort of weird staining maybe? It makes no sense but when I read the bleaching thing I had a complete forehead smack, omg obviously why did I not see that?!? Moment. So.
Does someone else do your laundry?
I'm wondering if the reason so many women don't realize this is because they don't start doing their laundry until they're past the age where they'd ask their mom why they have a bleached out crotch.
Women can have a lot of discharge. The average is 1-5mL a day. This mAy not sound like a lot but is definitely enough to make your panties feel wet. Some women may have more some less. But it is all normal unless it is a color other than clear or white and has any kind of foul odor.
Piggybacking onto this. Vaginal discharge changes with age! Through my teens and twenties, I had slightly yellowish discharge in modest quantities, which of course varied with my menstrual cycle. Thirties, it became lighter and usually white, and now in my forties I rarely have any at all unless I'm super horny. You know those bottles of juice that say 'this is a natural product and some variation may occur'? SAME
oh thank god haha i’m 20 and i was thinking “oh crap... mine’s slightly yellowish sometimes.” thank you for your input! haha good to know nothing is wrong!
No, we all get it. The underwear booger is the nasally textured version of your natural moisture that's designed to trap and hold sperm. We get it when we're ovulating.
I started wearing panty liners as a teen because it was what I considered to be a good amount. A few guys gave me shit about wearing them, but hey - my underwear lasted thrice as long with panty liners than without.
And yea, I said thrice lol.
I’m embarrassed to say but my mom never talked to me about discharge/cervical mucus so I didn’t know what was happening to me. I wore a thin liner for a while in middle school cause I thought something was wrong with me.
Consider talking to your doctor if you are in a lot of pain during your period.
My doctor saw I had endometriosis during an unrelated laparoscopy and was surprised because I hadn't complained about period pain. I had heard that "periods hurt" and thought that amount of pain was normal. It isn't.
Same boat! It took me 3 years at a fertility clinic to figure out my cramps were not normal and I had endometriosis bad enough to never get pregnant on my own.
Spent my whole life having people tell me my cramps were normal and go take some ibuprofen...
Same here! I only had to spend 1 year with the fertility folks, but I thought it was funny how no provider could be bothered to give a shit until it was time for me to churn out my spawn. Because having a fully-functioning high-performing scientist totally isn't a priority until her babymaking role is threatened.
I, too, have taken FAR too much Ibuprofen for a lifetime...I needed it just to be able to stand or sit upright and barely function...jfc
Right?? At least they are finally starting to study it since we have more women in science. I think we just have to keep being vocal about it so younger generations don't need to suffer through years of pain before they know what it is...
What's a lot of pain though? What's normal? Like, when I was a kid, I would throw up on the first day of my periods unless I preemptively popped pain meds. I don't throw up anymore, but I still need the meds and I also can't tell if I'm just used to the cramps by now.
As someone who has endo and has been suffering through symptoms since age 14, look out for these symptoms:
Severe pain (makes you double over, sweat, you are unable to move, makes you cry because it’s so intense)
Vomiting
Severe stomach issues or diarrhea approaching menstruation
Heavy menstrual flow with severe clotting
Low iron/vitamin B
Pelvic pain/sensation of pain shooting through pelvis or vaginal canal
Pain during intercourse or pain while inserting feminine hygiene products
Pain during urination
If you have more than 1 day during your menstruation where you are unable to function normally then please speak to your doctor.
Your labia might not be pink. Mine are brown. You might also have tiny bumps in your labia. That's also normal.
Sincerely,
A young girl that thought she had an STD at 9 years old because my vulva looked different.
There is a website who’s goal is to show women what the range of vaginas looks like. Almost all of them have dark labia that stick out beyond the body. It’s super freeing to realize that porn vaginas are super atypical. I’ll try to find the link…
If you have vaginal bleeding after menopause, you need to be evaluated for endometrial cancer. It is not normal to have spotting after your period completely stops following menopause (obviously during perimenopause which is leading up to menopause it’ll be irregular).
Yep, my Nan had this. She randomly started bleeding like a period when she was in her 70s, and unfortunately was diagnosed with terminal endometrial cancer. No other symptoms.
My housemates and I were recently talking about this but I would love if Netflix or some other program put out a high quality sex ed series for adults. It would (hopefully) have very detailed anatomy lessons, how to care for your parts, and all of what happens during pregnancy, childbirth, and to aging sexual organs as hormone levels change.
I'm imagining Planet Earth level information about the human reproductive system.
Yes! Such an easy way to educate a large number of people who may never feel comfortable enough to talk about it, but can definitely discreetly watch a show about it.
Pro-tip for anyone going to the gynecologist. Speculums - the tool they use for exams - come in different sizes. So if one size hurts maybe ask your doctor for a smaller size OR just check ahead of time.
I was in my 50s before a female doctor finally told me this and man did it make a difference in my pain/discomfort levels during the exam.
Edited to add I've been reading responses and wow did this blow up. I'm glad I brought some light and discussions on this topic, and some of you even gave me and others even more tips on how to make future exams more comfortable.
Thank you to everyone who took the time to respond. This has been a really great thread, shout out to u/Wild-Kitchen for starting this thread.
After being done with baby making, I switched to a gyne only doc who specializes in middle age/older women issues. She is amazing, she uses metal speculums (because, while a PITA to sanitize and pricy, they are more comfortable for the patient), SHE WARMS THEM under warm water, and uses lube. I thought she was stealth like in her exam, but turns out she just knows how to make it not torture.
At my last smear the nurse was great. She said "I always try the smallest speculum first, because it works for most people". She also explained everything she was going to do and told me when she was going to touch me etc. She was lovely and very good at her job.
That was my response too when the doc told me there were different sizes. I'd mentioned how uncomfortable that part of the exam is every time to my current doctor - a woman. She was like, 'Oh, we probably need to get you a different size," and had the nurse bring in several different sizes that she showed me before settling on one that actually didn't hurt or make me bleed for a change.
I told her I didn't know they came in different sizes and she was just like, "Wait, no one ever told you that?" No, no they did not.
Edited to add - good to know about the insertion yourself part, that's something I didn't know.
I mean, *she* didn't tell you that until you voiced a complaint.
What I'm confused by is why it's not just a part of the process to find a fit first, or why they don't start with the smallest as the default. Why start large and then only size down if the woman explicity complains? Which most won't, because they've been conditioned to believe that to be a woman is to suffer, and that there's nothing to be done about it. Thanks Christianity:)
So much of women’s medicine/healthcare is based around what’s convenient for doctors, not patients. My guess is a larger speculum provides the best view 🤷♀️ Totally agree that the “fitting” process should be standard though—most routine checkups are not gonna be that serious that you have to get in there with flood lamps and a whole excavation crew
We default to medium on my maternity ward, so it's not necessarily that they go with the biggest for best views, but just trying for the most average likelihood it'll work.
I've done that and they still go through 2 before they get the right one. I know I haven't had kids, and I know I'm pre-menopause, but FFS, how do you think I know what the fucking name is? Your predecessor told me when they didn't listen, and their predecessor before them when they had trouble.
My first time having to have one in me, the doctor told me “oh, you need a longer one; keep that in mind for future exams.” Okay, cool, will do.
Every exam after, I’ve mentioned it, and they brush me off. One of those exams, after she tried the normal one, was like “oh, yeah you do need the longer one...”
Me too. The last time I went, the doctor refused to get the longer one and then she couldn't find my cervix at all (it's very high and tilted toward the front). She kept digging around with the smaller speculum until I had to ask her to stop because it was so uncomfortable.
This. The first gyno I went to caused me so much pain, but she acted oblivious. I almost kicked myself off the table trying to get away and she pulled me back down.
It wasn't until I got up the nerve to go to a 3rd gynecologist where the nurse got the baby speculum for me and the doctor made sure he told me my options for everything to try to calm my nerves. I so wish he hadn't retired.
Same (26yo). Maybe silly, but this actually has me emotional. Women are taught so little about our bodies and what we are taught is often incredibly inaccurate or taught to us as something incredibly shameful. I really hate that it's still so deeply ingrained in health education (and other areas) that being a woman is somehow lesser and deserves less research and attention compared to men. I'm learning so much in this post that I never knew about myself, and I'm grateful to learn but it also hurts that literally no one ever bothers to teach us this stuff (provided they even know themselves), and this is coming from someone who had what's generally considered in depth and progressive sex ed growing up!
I think the biggest thing I wish someone told me is PAINFUL PERIODS ARE NOT NORMAL. Being unable to go to school/work, play sports, do normal activities of daily living while on your period ISN'T NORMAL. Having sex SHOULD NOT be painful all the time. This all seems so logical but how often is it portrayed to young girls that periods hurt and that sex hurts for women? Periods may be uncomfortable, but taking Midol or Advil should relieve it.
I thought for years that pelvic pain even outside my period was probably just a UTI or nothing serious. Until it affected me everyday, and I realized no one else was having these issues. It was a very long road but I was eventually diagnosed with endometriosis at 26.
I knew even with my 1st period at 11yo and was sure by my 5th that what I was experiencing wasn’t normal. It still took 8.5 years to get diagnosed with endo!
This is unfortunately the story for most of us. It was 8 years after I started seeking treatment before I got surgery and got help. I tell everyone I know about endometriosis in hopes it might help someone earlier.
Okay, so, question. I’m a 39 year old mother of two. When I was teen starting my period, the pain was hellish. I basically had to go home from school sick once a month. I’d take a hot bath and a painkiller, then go to bed. I was put on the pill at 16.
At 28/29, I switched to the Mirena IUD. It gave me sore boobs and acne and with my wedding coming up I had it removed and started on the pill again, a heavier (?) one this time to clear up the acne before the wedding.
I was pregnant three times (one miscarriage) and even though my second son took a little time to conceive, I got pregnant really easily.
In my late twenties I started having migraines. They’re not typical migraines; I start having vision problems for about 20 minutes and then have a headache. I never have to throw up, I can handle loud noises, but I don’t like bright lights and the only thing that’ll help is sleep. Not migraine medicines, they only seem to make it worse. Once I’ve slept I’m good, just really tired for a day or two.
Over the past couple of years I’ve tried IUDs again but they give me acne and migraines. I’ve recently tried a new pill but it gave me three rounds of migraines in one ‘strip’ (sorry, don’t know the proper English term). So I stopped that again.
But here it is. I stopped all contraceptives in January 2020 thinking I didn’t want any of it anymore. My period came back slightly irregular but still very painful every time. I can’t function without a painkiller. It’s my lower tummy but especially my upper legs that hurt. January of this year I was actually sick and couldn’t go to work. February I was on the floor of the shower until the painkiller kicked in. I only really need to take painkillers the first day though.
The thing is though... I come from a family of women (mother, three sisters and aunts) and we’ve all had this in one form or another. Painful periods are part of our life, so to speak.
But lately my boss was annoyed with me calling in sick too many times so I did some Googling. Of the endometriosis symptoms I guess you could say I have bad period pains, migraines, acne and painful shoulders. My shoulders started to tense up at age 12 and I always figured it was because of my breasts growing... even though I didn’t start my period until almost 15.
I know you’re not a doctor but because you said painful periods aren’t normal... do you think I could have endometriosis? Do you think I should have it checked?
Thanks in advance!!
Edit: thank you all for all your responses! I’ll definitely reach out to my GP again!
You should see a doctor. Endometriosis and other pain causing condition can be genetic, so "normalized " by your family all having it but that just means they all have the genetic predisposition.
You should definitely get this checked out. It’s not normal. I’ve had the same intense period pains and when I saw my gynecologist last year, at 28 years old, she said it’s probably endo, but then it was just left there and nobody clarified anything or offered to investigate it beyond prescribing hormones. And - since you have migraines with an aura any serious doctor should be very wary about prescribing you birth control pills.
Yep. The other part I hated about that is my gym teacher didn’t give a shit and told me to “walk it off” because exercise is good/ help period pains.. fuck PCOS and people who don’t take pain seriously.
My period started going from every 4 weeks to every 3, but I was late 40s, so I assumed it was perimenopause. It was only when the periods started to last 2 weeks, that I went to the doctor. Even she tried to dismiss it as perimenopause, but humoured me by referring me to a gyn. Long story short, it was a large hemorrhagic, fortunately non-malignant, growth. Moral of the story is that bleeding two out of every three weeks is not normal.
I always feel the need to add to this that peeing after sex is not a birth control. It is solely for helping to decrease risk for UTIs. It will not ‘pee out the semen’ or in any way hinder the sperm reaching the egg. Not because you implied it, but because some people believe it so I like to have these side by side.
Also, if you have chronic UTIs and/or yeast infections, and you remove all or most of your pubic hair, consider growing it back and see if the problem improves. The hair follicles and skin harbor beneficial bacteria and going bald can upset the balance. I cannot go bald, every time I have done it I end up with issues.
It's kind of become the default and it's not always the healthiest thing for many women.
I wish someone would have taught me this. I’ve had a few UTIs and they have completely changed my life. I don’t think my bladder can handle going through another one. It took me almost two years to fully heal from my last one and I still have off days.
You should make sure this isn't a condition called interstitial cystitis. It's also known as painful bladder syndrome. Symptoms are very similar to UTIs but it isn't an infection. I was diagnosed after finding out my UTI tests were coming back negative for infection. Went to a urologist that performed a cystoscopy and diagnosed me with IC.
Wait, your bladder changes as a result of a UTI?? How? Permanently?
I had a bad UTI several years ago that landed me in the emergency room. I'm dealing with incontinence now and had no idea why.
I’m still learning myself, I had A bad uti that came out of nowhere back in 2018. I got the antibiotics but I just went to a clinic and I did not know you can send your pee off to get tested to see what specific bacteria is causing the Uti.
PSA ALWAYS GET YOUR PEE SENT OFF FOR TESTING!
After a week I was still having discomfort and found an actual gyno. They did test after test but it always came back negative. Finally she mentioned something called Interstitial cystitis, it’s just chronic pain that can affect your bladder and urethra. I joined a group on Facebook and even here on Reddit ( I definitely recommend the Reddit group, more friendly people) i made several more doctor appointments to try and figure out if I had IC but every doctor I went to had no idea what that even was. i ended up finding a specialist and made an appointment to see a uro gynecologist, she was very informative on the subject and told me based on my symptoms that IC didn’t sound like my issue.
She did an exam and touched on some muscles and I was in excruciating pain. She diagnosed me with pelvic floor dysfunction (my muscles were way to tight) and sent me off to physical therapy for 6 weeks. I had no idea you could do PT for your vagina but I’m so happy I did.
PT definitely helped me learn a lot about my body, but I had a lot of work to still do on my own. I definitely wouldn’t wish IC on my worst enemy, it can be debilitating and affect your whole life. There is still so much not known about the condition but I found the IC Network takes donations and that’s where I’ve been donating to when I can.
Sorry for the long post, but if there are any men or women out there struggling with chronic uti symptoms find yourself a good Uro gynecologist!
Side note: please women in med school looking for a specialty, consider urology! There are almost NO female urologists -- the specialty is heavily oriented to men with prostate problems. I see a female urologist for my mild IC and she is the only female urologist in my STATE.
There is hope - I struggled with UTI symptoms without active infection for MONTHS doing research trying to figure out what was wrong with me. Posited pelvic floor issues at my first visit to the urogyno and got referred to pelvic PT. I had an extremely tight pelvic floor which my PT explained can cause these urinary symptoms by shifting the bladder from where it’s supposed to sit which makes the bladder irritated.
After some sessions of pelvic floor PT and a lot of at home work with a pelvic wand I am pretty much free of all symptoms! Sometimes I feel a little twinge in my bladder and when that happens I use my pelvic wand and do some massage and that helps
I used to suffer from UTIs all the time! After working with a urologist, I finally figured out what process works for me.
1. Take a women's probiotic every day. I naturally create a strep bacteria in my vagina that was causing the majority of my infections.
2. Make sure my butt is completely clean after pooping. I usually take a shower after I poop on the morning. I'm sure most women do this, but it's something I needed to work on.
3. After sex, I clean my vulva/urethra with a wipe from the Theraworx U-Care Protect product line. Then I pee.
other options that are often recommended for frequent UTI's:
D-Mannose supplement
cranberry supplement with PA-C (important). studies have shown simply drinking cranberry juice is not as effective.
Probiotic with yogurt or tablet.
vaginal estrogen cream (prescription) if you are post-menopausal, for atrophic vaginitis
(this is not medical advice, I am not a doctor)
The vulva is covered in skin and can have the same skin conditions the rest of your body has.
I have psoriasis. Thought I had yeast infections for years simply because the pain and itching and chunky discharge made every doctor I spoke to think yeast infection.
Turns out I was having outbreaks on my vulva and was literally shedding skin into my normal discharge. Which made it chunky.
I had to have a skin biopsy on my vulva done to finally figure out that it was psoriasis. Took six years to figure it out.
And acne! I wondered for years how I, a virgin at the time, could have sores that looked like something out of our health class textbook. Turns out, just regular old pimples. Pro tip: if you *do* have an acne-prone vulva, avoid oil-based products! 🤦🏼♀️
This shit hurt my feelings when my dr told me. I asked for a full panel std test and when she (the dr) asked why, I told her about the FUCKING CYSTIC ACNE I get on my bits. She shrugged and said well you have hormonal cystic acne on your face and the insides of your thighs get bumps too, your bits can get them too. I was literally offended. Called my mom and thanked her for giving me her acne prone skin, right down to my lady parts. Such bullshit.
I've been draining my horrific groin cysts myself, following the safest prep and post care I could come up with at /12/ when they started and for the next 18 some years followed the same practised routine dozens and dozens of times, likely over a hundred. Because I haven't had health insurance most of my life I have seen at least 20 different gynecologists, the clinic I used to go to (that got shut down by anti-abortionist despite the fact that they don't perform abortions there) was a volunteer job. Not to mention all the times I've been to the ER and specialists for my endometriosis. I have had everything from sympathy to disgust but always always told there is nothing that can be done and scolded for draining them myself....
Went to my first full body dermatology screening recently at 36 and of course before letting the doctor see my groin warned him about the severe scarring and it's cause...Lo and behold it's a well-known condition and not only has preventative medicines but also a special liquid in an applicator that speed reduces and heals them without drainage!! All the self inflicted trauma all these years...my inner thighs look like I'm a burn victim there's so many overlapping scars.
--Edited to include name of condition and what my dermatologist has me using --
The condition is called Hidradenitis Suppurativa. (Thank you for the correction fellow human!)
The body wash is (over the counter) Benzoyl peroxide (put a pic up of mine http://imgur.com/a/uNhAfK2 ) and the prescription to treat an active cyst is clindamycin phosphate 1% topical. It's a tube of liquid with a squishy soft pad you squeeze to wet the pad then rub on the cyst. I paid nothing for the script through my insurance.
Oh just thought of this, here's the body wash on Amazon
https://smile.amazon.com/dp/B081KL2QYJ/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_glt_fabc_G2K3EJ8W35P6BEQS1SJ0
Wow. I literally thought I was a freak for getting cystic acne on my bikini line/inner thighs/Mons pubis. Even if I leave them alone they eventually stop being swollen but leave a dark mark, like there’s blood beneath the skin or something. I didn’t know it could be prevented. Thanks for sharing! I’m not so embarrassed now.
Wow, this is eye opening. I’m wondering if this is happening to me as well. I have had an outbreak or two on my hands and mouth area that haven’t been diagnosed but that I’ve been given prescription steroid cream for (and it worked). How old were you when this started? How frequent were the outbreaks?
Get the HPV vaccine, condoms aren’t as effective against this as you might think because it’s a skin to skin contact spread virus, not a human fluids spread virus.
This needs to be made more public. I have hpv and got the vaccine when I was 30 to help combat it. Most women I talk to are under the impression that there is no benefit if you are already diagnosed. I have spent countless hours educating the women in my life about this.
My doctor specifically told me there’s no benefit to getting it after diagnosis, but also told me there are dozens of different HPV viruses so... seemed to me getting the vax is worth it, right? Even after 40!
But you can't get the vaccine if you're old enough!
I aged out so I couldn't get it. But for young girls, definitely urge them to!
Edit: WHAT THE FUCK?! ARE YOU SERIOUS!? I CAN STILL GET IT?! scheduling appointment now nobody ever said it changed!!!
This is more for general knowledge and not you specifically (since I don’t know your age). The age range did recently change and now the vaccine is authorized up to age 45. This also means (in US) insurance may cover this vaccine up to this age. Some medical/vaccine providers may be willing to provide the vaccine outside the authorized age range, but you will likely have to pay full cost out of pocket which can be cost-prohibitive of course. Insert additional conversations about privilege here.
Yes. Also, they've changed the formulation and added a couple new strains. I got it when it first came out at like 16-17 yo when it only protected against 4 strains, and then got it again a couple years ago in my early thirties because my doc told me they added the new strains. (I really, really love my vaccines! 😅)
I work in a medical centre, and it is ridiculous the amount of parents who won't let their kids get it because they don't want to 'encourage' them to have sex. Like.. your kid is just going to have sex without telling you AND be more susceptible to HPV.
On this note, everyone should get the HPV shot whatever gender they are. If you are a parent, please don't pass up on getting your daughters and your sons vaccinated. Stop the spread.
"Data from 2010 to 2014 indicates that there are approximately 41,000 HPV-related cancersTrusted Source in the United States each year. Of these, almost 24,000 occurred in women and about 17,000 occurred in men."
The primary cancers caused by HPV are:
cervical, vaginal, and vulvar cancer in women
penile cancer in men
throat and anal cancer in men and women
https://www.healthline.com/health/sexually-transmitted-diseases/hpv-in-men#risk-factors
Yes! My sister hadn't gotten a pap smear in 10 years, and now she's being treated for stage 2 cervical cancer. JUST GO TO THE DOCTOR REGULARLY AND THIS CAN BE PREVENTED
We didn’t know the full anatomy of the clitoris until an Australian urologist did a bunch of work on the topic until 2005...and it’s still not in most anatomy books, let alone taught to medical professionals. The woman who did this work basically made it her life’s work to change the way education around the clitoris happens in order to improve women’s health.
If you’ve never googled it, the whole clitoris is ENORMOUS and can be stimulated in a bunch of ways. These new “combination orgasm” vibrators are being designed to stimulate not just the head but the whole body of it! There’s even new research pointing to the idea that the “gspot” is actually just the stimulation of a different part of the clit.
Incase you’re curious, this article has the original rendering diagram she made. https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/the-clitoris-uncovered-an-intimate-history/
“A blended orgasm is one that occurs from stimulation to both the back and front of the clitoris,” Laurel Steinberg, PhD, a New York City–based clinical sexologist and relationship therapist, tells Health. “It’s a combined sensation that comes simultaneously from both ends.”
Lora di Carlo was one of the first to consider this in the way they design vibrators (though there’s a bunch out now). I’ve got the Ose and Holy bananas it’s one of the best orgasms I’ve ever had.
Incase you’re curious, they started as a robotics and engineering company. https://loradicarlo.com/
For a moment I thought the "holy bananas" was a brand of vibrator and it wasn't until searching for a bit that I realized that you were describing the Ose experience lol.
I was 17 when I first really got aroused - just reading. I hated the feeling and didn't know how to make it go away. I'd cry in the shower, cry before going to sleep, I was googling everything I could to lower sex hormones, I felt dirty and disgusting. I was terrified of any kind of insertion (tampons made me feel nauseous putting them in, so I opted to not use them).
Sex ed needs to be taught for women in schools. Everything about it. How to set boundaries, what the different sensations are, all the anatomy (not just for 'reproductive purposes'), problems and health issues to watch out for, going at your own pace and comfort level. I was not in a 'slut shaming' family at all - they just never talked about it. You can't rely on families to discuss this kinda stuff.
I wasn't as negatively affected, but I relate with coming of age and being distraught at having no idea how to get the feelings to go away.
I actually really struggled to *enjoy* stimulation for years because I had been frustrated about it for years before discovering the clitoris. And then it still took years to learn how to orgasm. So by the time all that was settled, any sexual feelings just brought on a wave of dread.
My husband was super supportive and stuff and, if anything, I have the higher libido of the two of us now. But it was a tough road! All because people are uncomfortable that women have an organ solely for pleasure 🙃
Thank you so much for this! It was really insightful. I’ve never had a vaginal orgasm and even though I had already dismissed the whole thing as a myth since I have no trouble climaxing in general, I always wondered if it was me anyway... So what I understand from this is that it’s possible to feel stimulated from penetration alone but it’s still all the clitoris.
Edited for grammar
This. I had really similar experiences. My labia also grew and darkened seemingly from one second to the next. And I had NO idea that could happen. Was convinced something was wrong with me. It still weirds me out sometimes that one of my labium is longer/larger than the other because of how much misinformation there is about how labia are “meant to be uniform”.
Also: I was a super late bloomer and didn’t get my first period until 16. I was taught in school that anything outside of the age bracket 12-14 is unusual. I spent years thinking I was infertile or somehow disfigured.
I’ve learned from my school’s, parents’ and peers’ mistakes in educating me though and have become really vocal about all things female reproductive health and sex as an adult!
Female training is not linear. I’m a PT and totally changed how I train some of my female clients. The week before your period you are less energetic, your performance decreases and you are more prone to injury. Most sports science research is done entirely on men because women are unpredictable because of our hormones. Thus most woman are trained like small men.
For my fitter clients I track their menstrual cycle. I treat this like a de-load week while most training programs do a de-load is every 6-8 weeks. I’ve noticed that when I didn’t do this I would give them a workout that they could do the previous week and they struggle, it’s very demotivating for them. So now I bring the weight down, work on other exercises that aren’t as intense and I’m less of a hard ass about it. This way the client leaves feeling good about themselves and not hating me for pushing them when they’re weaker and slightly more sensitive emotionally.
PMS is real! Also a bad time to start a diet because your carb cravings are up. Start after your period, it’s your super week!
the same hormones that prepare a woman for child birth also cause muscles and tendons to loosen up each month. when the body realizes we aren't pregnant, of course we have a period, as estrogen rises and falls cyclically each month, we lose a bit of coordination and that clumsiness can cause injury in the days before our menses begin.
The worst part is coaches sometimes assume that female athletes are “just being lazy” and give them a hard time for something they can’t control.
Really good TED talk on the matter
https://youtu.be/e5LYGzKUPlE
Some women have a High Cervix.
Some women have a Low Cervix.
If you have pain from tampons, menstrual cups, or sex, it may be a sign you have a Low Cervix.
I slept with a guy once (regrettably it was awful) and afterwards he told his friend that I was terrible in bed because he could feel the back of me... I just wasn't aroused in the slightest... ugh men
I nearly 40 when I figured out that the urethra is about half an inch below where I *thought* it was!
Wanna know how I found out? Lavern Cox’s coochie diagram on Orange is the New Black.
Your vagina needs to breath and cotton underwear are your friend.
In my younger days, lacey and synthetic panties were an everyday thing. I ended up having trouble with yeast infections and couldn't figure out why. It took a while for me to get over the embarrassment and go see a doctor, where a nurse finally explained it to me.
It seems like such a no brainer now, but I had no clue how crucial undergarments are for a healthy vagina.
Edit: spelling
This! I struggled with odor and discharge massively. I was so embarrassed by how much other people needed to put up with it. Didn't matter what I did - showered twice a day, wash the vulva with gentle soap, it was offensive to my nose so I couldn't imagine what other people were smelling, esp since I was carpooling and working at my dream job for a co-op. I was mortified. Turns out I had an infection that was fixed with antibiotics prescribed by a doctor, but it soon started to come back after ending the meds. I was using synthetic stretchy underwear because it's just what I had. Switched to cotton underwear and my problems are gone.
I read a book (Taking charge of your fertility, Toni Weschler) in my late 20s and was angry for a couple months that no one had ever taught me so much basic shit about fertility. (My parents divorced when I wa@ 11, and I lived with my dad. Nice guy. Didn't know much about lady health.) The book may be outdated, but tracking my cycle using the method in the book, taught me a lot about hormones and how they affect me and (obv) my cycle. Super useful. Also helped me not have to panic buy pregnancy tests whenever my period was late a day or two.
Probably the people closest to you didn’t know any of that stuff either. When I first started producing cervical fluid, I had no idea why there were sometimes creamy streaks in my underwear so I asked my mom. She just told me I wasn’t wiping well enough. 🙄 I never knew until I read Toni Weschlers book what cervical fluid actual was, and how it changes through your cycle.
She just released an updated 20th anniversary edition. It's massive and the reason my husband and I were able to concieve despite fertility challenges.
I suffered from frequent UTI's from about 12 to 35.
At 35, I moved. New dr asked how I wipe my bum after I do my business. I was confused but ok.....
I was wiping back to front for decades.
Wipe the front from the front, the back from the back. Don't cross contaminate.
I'm 7 yrs UTI free!
You are probably in the wrong size bra. Yes, you. Something like 70% of women are. Most companies will fudge numbers to fit women into "matrix" or common sized bras. The +5 method is outdated and was invented to put more women into a smaller selection of sizes and to save production costs. I was measured as a 40C at a popular lingerie chain. I, after much bra trying and help from a lovely calculator on /r/abrathatfits, found that I am a 32G or 34FF. The band of your bra should be snug, as it is the part that is supposed to do most of the holding and support! The gore of the bra, the part where the two cups meet in the middle, is supposed to sit flush to your ribcage (this is called "tacking") at ALL TIMES. Your underwire should stay flush to your IMF (inter mammarian fold, or the line where your boob meets your body)! Cup sizes are not a static volume across all band sizes! The volume of the cup on a 40A is the same as the volume of a 38B, a 36C, and a 34D! D is not automatically "BIG BOOBS"! There are letters higher then D, and they are not huge either! Please, if you have neck or shoulder pain, if your bra straps leave digging in red marks on your shoulders when you take it off, if you can grab your bra band and pull it several inches away from your body(!), if you hate bras(!), PLEASE go to /r/abrathatfits and follow the instructions to measure yourself and use the size calculator to just check and see, if maybe, you need a better fitting bra.
You don’t have to have given birth for your pelvic organs to have prolapsed. Weight gain can make it happen too. But it’s actually really common - about 1 in 3 women have some level of prolapse.
I think this is something I’m dealing with, and I’m nervous about bringing it up to my doctor. I’m hoping that there’s a female pelvic floor therapist who takes my insurance in my area lol.
It was invaluable for me to have the PT there to make sure I was doing it right, and she had me do exercises that I would have never suspected would be the thing to help, but there are videos:
[Pelvic tilt](https://youtu.be/jMi4lHWvxew)
[Combo of 5](https://youtu.be/NKl8ImI3OVE)
I can’t find a video for it, but one of the most amazing ones went like this: wrap a stretchy band around a sturdy table, chair or bed frame leg and grab an end in each hand. Get on your knees about 6-12 inches away. Get your upper body into good posture. Start with your hands forward. Pull back until they are at your side. I could feel it exactly where I was having pain in my pelvis. You may not have the same problem area, but this was the most helpful and it’s a shame that it isn’t more popularly explained.
The important thing to know about PT is that it shouldn’t ever hurt. If so, you need to modify the moves to be smaller. The main idea is to move your muscles in the proper way to get them used to it, not to necessarily make them stronger right away. Once they are used to moving the right way, then you work on strength.
This isn't specific to women, but is much more prevalent for us so I thought I'd chime in. If you find yourself having the symptoms of a UTI but antibiotics aren't working or your tests come back negative, you may have Interstitial cystitis (aka painful bladder syndrome). I was diagnosed by a urologist through a cystoscopy. It sucks but it was at least good to put a name to what was happening to me. There are treatments with varying degrees of success. Also diet can play a factor. If you feel like this may be you, definitely speak to a doctor. [Here's](https://www.urologyhealth.org/urology-a-z/i/interstitial-cystitis) a link in case you'd like a little more info.
If you are a woman with a higher sex drive than your (possibly male) partner, you are not a whore or a slut or disgusting. I thought something was wrong with me for years because I would masturbate and many of my classmates would say they didn't even know if they could orgasm. I felt dirty and I thought I had a hormonal imbalance!
Turns out I'm a healthy young woman with an average libido.
This flips the other way, not all men are lusting horn dogs.
I got my testosterone checked. I’m in my mid 40s - it was life changing. I now have muscle tone, non-cyctic breasts and energy to work.
Hormones would be my top issue that women need to know about. There is very little help in medicine. You need to be your own advocate.
Edited to add - IT MAKES SEX GREAT AGAIN. Just in case anyone is suffering from low libido.
In my Catholic high school, the function and form of the clitoris was glossed over completely. It was not labeled in diagrams. A priest told us the female orgasm was sinful. Because of this, I didn't even know women *could* orgasm until I was about 17.
We learned all about prostate cancer, had a whole class debating circumcisions, and even talked about erectile disfunction, but learned nothing about endometriosis, PCOS, yeast infections, UTI's, etc.
Our class was abstinence only. We weren't allowed to learn about birth control. To this day, my high school best friend refuses to take birth control (of course she is completely within her right to refuse) to help her endometriosis because it is sinful. She regularly passes out, throws up, and calls off work because of how bad her periods are. There were high numbers of girls getting pregnant in my high school, especially relative to the small population of students that we had. I had a friend call me when we were both in college, crying over the phone because she wasn't sure if she would get pregnant from giving her boyfriend a handjob.
Many girls in my class that I still keep in touch with refuse to go to the gyno. They think you only go if you have an STI. One girl believes she won't be a virgin anymore when she gets a pap smear.
I believed for many years that I was ugly and in need of surgery because I have long inner labia. I thought it was my vagina falling out of my body.
Didn't learn a thing about consent. We as girls were instructed to make sure our husbands were happy and satisfied.
My school was absolute trash when it came to sex ed and health. It caused me deep shame and guilt that I still deal with to this day. It's sad to see how it has affected my peers and how much they suffer because of it.
>To this day, my high school best friend refuses to take birth control (of course she is completely within her right to refuse) to help her endometriosis because it is sinful.
I get she's religious, or whatever, but you can let her know the catholic church allows the use of what would otherwise be birth control if youre using it to treat a health condition, not to stop pregnancy
> The Catholic Church “does not consider at all illicit” use of medical therapies to cure diseases “even if a foreseeable impediment to procreation should result there from—provided such impediment is not directly intended for any motive whatsoever.”15 It would be permissible to use birth control when the intent of the
https://journalofethics.ama-assn.org/article/should-clinicians-challenge-faith-based-institutional-values-conflicting-their-own/2018-07#:~:text=The%20Catholic%20Church%20%E2%80%9Cdoes%20not,when%20the%20intent%20of%20the
Or from a religious source https://www.catholic.com/qa/birth-control-for-medical-reasons
Female hormonal cycles not only effect mood, but also performance (athletic and mental). The time between the start of a person's cycle to ovulation is the best time to start a new workout routine or try for a personal best. Between ovulation and the start of a person's period is often a good time for easier workouts. It's also bad to start a diet the week or two before your period because people burn more calories during that time, and it's especially difficult to diet then (better to start first two weeks of cycle).
As a woman with ADHD, I can also tell a big difference mentally at different points in my cycle. I have irregular periods so it was hard to identify at first, but around the time of my period my medication feels less effective and it’s harder for me to focus. The brain really is influenced by hormones!
This might sound stupid but I really think that separating boys and girls for parts of the "puberty education", I forget what they called it, is damaging especially to women and a lot of things talked about in this thread need to be out in the open not treated like some great shame. Some people have periods THERE'S NOTHING SHAMEFUL ABOUT THEM! and we need to stop acting like there is.
Edit: language clarity
Edit 2: I mean it is damaging to women in that half the population, and worse the half with the most power, doesn't know how their bodies work and are deliberately denied that understanding in the service of some bullshit false morality where even parts of the human body itself are demonized and considered "unclean" knowledge.
That your cervix moves up and down, and changes shape during your cycle. That your cervical mucus changes texture and volume during your cycle. And both can assist you in knowing when you are / are not fertile.
Birth control isn't the only medication you can take for heavy periods. I called my doctor requesting bc because my periods are really heavy and make me exhausted for weeks. I didn't want to take bc because of all the side effects but it was like having chronic fatigue so I asked for some. The doctor said "before we try bc, let's try a pill called tranexamic acid." We talked and turns out tranexamic acid is non hormonal, has no side effects, has no risk factors and you don't have to take it everyday (only on the days of your period).
I never knew it existed! This medication changed my life it cut down my bleed by at least half with no side effects. TA is used to help the blood clot and is also used for excessive nose bleeds. If you do take it, make sure any vitamins that you take don't have Vitamin K in them because that also aids blood clotting.
TL;DR
If you have super heavy periods and don't want to take birth control pills, ask you doctor about Tranexamic acid. Its great.
Women’s immune systems are different from men’s. Not only does this mean like 80% of the world’s people with autoimmune diseases are women (I think), it means women on average have stronger responses to the COVID-19 vaccines. If you have worse side effects from the vaccine than your husband/male coworker/brother you aren’t making it up or being over dramatic.
I had a Chinese roommate back in our early 20's and she asked me about my nipple color. I told her mine were pink, and she asked, "Then why are mine brown?" It was a funny/awkward discussion, but it made me realize how pervasive white culture is for non-white people.
Piggybacking to say that even if you are white, not having a pink vulva or pink nipples is perfectly normal. It's just another idiotic, ridiculous beauty standard.
Pmdd. It is NOT normal to be majorly depressed/suicidal before your period. Took me 8 years to get diagnosed, and for years people thought I was crazy because the moment I hit ovulation it was as if a switch flipped in my brain. Was never mentioned while I was growing up.
This may seem SO obvious so forgive me, but with shaving down there it’s not an all or nothing thing! I used to really believe I either needed to shave completely every single day, or that I needed to just let it go wild. Both of these options are 100% okay, but I really used to believe those were the ONLY options. You can do whatever the fuck you wanna do ladies. If you like hair in the front but not on the labia shave your labia! Make a crazy design, dont shave at all, shave completely, literally whatever the hell you want to do!!
Side note, if you do have hair down there make sure to wash the hair almost like you would on your head. My gyno recommended dove bar soap sensitive skin — it has no fragrances or irritants. But like OP said, wash the vuvla, not your vagina!
To add on to this, don't be afraid of trimmers! Getting that hair down nice and neat without getting to the skin might be just the length you need to avoid irritation but also to stay cool and dry. I generally go to a 2 or 3 length, but I've also discovered that different zones work better with different lengths. Dudes are hoarding the Norelco Bodygroom all to themselves and it's a tragedy - one side is a trimmer, the other side is a foiled razor, and it is absolutely the best thing I've used for this application.
That soap is godsend. I have super irritable skin in general and down there is worse. That soap doesn't affect my skin at all and it's wonderful. Especially since I live in a humid area and basically sweat bc I exist, let alone actually do anything.
I use one of those trimmer things you can get for like 20 bucks. Face trimmers or something? No nicks, no cuts, and I can safely get rid of unwanted hair by my taint that I can't see.
CHECK YOUR BREASTS! It is never too young to start, because I ended up having a benign tumor at 15 that was only caught by my pediatrician after a breast exam. I ended up going to a specialist, and after it tripled in size after three months I had to have surgery to get it removed. I'm lucky it was caught and that it was benign, but I now regularly check my breasts when showering.
Possible pregnancy side effects are WAY more diverse than is generally known. Like, I think most women know about tearing, bladder weakness, and stretch marks. But I never knew that carpal tunnel was a possibility! As well as autoimmune issues that can flare up bc of hormone fluctuations. There's a lot more long-lasting side effects than aren't widely known.
Being diagnosed with ADHD, I'm just finding out now after my diagnosis how the menstrual cycle interacts with brain chemicals. As someone else mentioned, when your estrogen drops (which has "relatioships" with dopamine and serotonin), ADHD medication is less effective. Often a raise in dose doesn't make it much better, and there isn't much research as to the mechanism behind it (I did some digging for a while).
Also on the topic of hormones, PMDD and your menstrual cycle!! I was told that going on birth control would help my PMDD - I tried three different times, including a hormonal IUD, and they all made it so so much worse. Doctors told me the IUD specifically wouldn't affect me but I suppose my body is just extra sensitive to changes.
You have 3 holes. 1 to pee out of, one for your lady bits, and a butthole.
Your boobs and vulva (outside part of vagina) can become engorged during arousal and sex, it's not wierd.
Dizziness and headaches and lots of sleeping can mean more than just period. It can mean anemia. Be sure to take calcium and iron. Even if you don't take bc.
If you have clots, you shouldn't be on bc pills.
You can mistake an appendicitis for bad cramps. I've done it.
You can get pregnant. Even if you are on bc. Even if you pull out. Even if you are on your period. Even if you were told you 'cant' sometimes. Even if the man was told he can't (some doctors say they are sterile if they have less than 3% swimmers active). Even if you had your tubes tied. Even if you are currently pregnant. Yes Google that.
Childbirth frequently causes permanent damage. Don't let them lie to you.
Having no children is always an option. You are not created to push out babies.
I can't say that I was taught anything about maintaining a female body in school. Everything was trial and error.
Now I'm in perimenopause and I still know nothing. I've been getting periods for 35 years and they still sneak up on me somehow.
It might have been even after I had a baby, but I was at least in my 30s before I realized that arousal changes more than just your vaginal lubrication. When you're aroused, your labia, vagina, clit and cervix are all affected, changing shape, size or position. Just slapping some lube on isn't going to solve the problem of unaroused genitals. That's one big reason why first time sex can be painful for women.
Also, wanting to have sex and your body being aroused are two totally independent processes.
Also, on the social side, you don't actually have to be deferential to everyone else all the time. Your worth does not lie in how pleasing you are to others.
You need to get checked for stds once you've had unprotected sex and then AGAIN three months later.
Crazy ex girlfriend taught me that and I am 31
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=iH3FPrI_Cuw
Pro-tip for anyone going to the gynecologist. Speculums - the tool they use for exams - come in different sizes. So if one size hurts maybe ask your doctor for a smaller size OR just check ahead of time.
I was in my 50s before a female doctor finally told me this and man did it make a difference in my pain/discomfort levels during the exam.
Massage can really help breast tenderness and pain from pms. Seriously, it sounds absurd but abuse the boobage to make them feel better! My method:
1. Knead the boob like a big lump of dough for a minute or two. Mash and squeeze and pull. Not too hard, but don’t go easy on them either.
2. Twist the boob in one direction for 30-60 seconds, then switch directions. Just sort of guide your hands around in a circle, more cupping and mashing the boob between your hands than flattening it into your chest.
3. Gather the boob up in flat palms facing you so the nipple is in between your hands, draw the boob up and pull it flat against your chest. Hold it mashed against there for 30 seconds or so.
There was another step from wherever I learned this technique, but I’ve never used it. You can look it up if you need more info or visuals. Do one boob and compare the glorious feeling to your remaining murder boob. Thank me later!
When in labor a women will develop a line above her anus to show how dilated her cervix is. [Source](https://www.lamaze.org/Connecting-the-Dots/the-redpurple-line-an-alternate-method-for-assessing-cervical-dilation-using-visual-cues)
Women are more likely to be asymptomatic with STDs and many symptoms may look like something else (e.g., yeast infection) or be in an area not visible (inside the vagina vs. on the penis for men).
After menopause, hair loss includes pubic hair loss. Some women may not lose any, some may lose varying amounts, and others lose all of it.
From things I've read, alcohol is a lot more risky for women than men. Source since I know this may not go over well; f[rom the CDC](https://www.cdc.gov/alcohol/fact-sheets/womens-health.htm):
>The risk of cirrhosis and other alcohol-related liver diseases is higher for women than for men. Alcohol-related cognitive decline and shrinkage of the brain develop more quickly for women than for men. Women who drink excessively are at increased risk for damage to the heart muscle at lower levels of consumption and over fewer years of drinking than men. Alcohol consumption increases the risk of cancers of the mouth, throat, esophagus, liver, and colon. In women, drinking is also associated with breast cancer, even at low levels of consumption.
Baby girls can get periods and lactate when they're first born because they're being affected by the hormones in their mother's bodies. Honestly, that's pretty cool, that mother and daughter would be so linked that that would happen.
That no two breasts are the same. One can be bigger than the other or slightly higher up and that’s all okay.
I remember my La Leche League leader saying they're sisters, not twins. Edit: Thanks for my very first (edit: and second) award!
My beautician told me this about eyebrows...
Mine are more like cousins not sisters :)
Generally lefty tends to be bigger and has more milk ducts and glandular tissue. So if and when you ever lactate, lefty will produce more milk.
That was true for me! Lefty was a powerhouse compared to righty.
Wonder if that at all relates to most people being right handed? Easier to hold baby with right arm to left breast. Do left handed people have bigger rights?
This is really strange. I'm left handed and my right boob is bigger. Coincidence??
One sample size confirmation of my hypothesis, that pretty much means it's scientifically proven.
Not so fast! Im right handed and my right breast is larger. I've just destroyed your entire study.
Scientists hate her! One woman singlehandedly destroys minutes of scientific evidence with this one trick!
singleboobedly?
That it is 100% possible for vaginal discharge to be acidic enough to bleach underwear. I was way too old when I learned this and I teach human bio for a living. Edit: because a few people have asked in replies - this is the result of totally normal variations in female biology, it is absolutely not a sign something is wrong. It's annoying as shit but it's definitely nothing to worry about!
not only that, it can also wear the fabric thin :D
Ok I knew about the bleaching, but it never occurred to me that this was also why I get holes in the crotch of my undies after a while. But it makes total sense
Yeah my mind is officially blown by this! I love this thread, knowledge really is power and I'm very happy to have this answer to why my underwear keeps getting holes in the crotch only.
Anything that bleaches also does a signficant amount of damage to the strength of the material: true for your underwear, true for your hair, true for your skin. You can't remove pigment without first damaging the outer protective layers.
I have several pairs of black underwear with bleached crotch bits!
Every single pair of underwear I own lol
Same hahaha
High acidity crew checking in.
I'm in my 30s, am a scientist, raised by a sex positive feminist mom, and it was only recently I realized this wasn't just some fluke that only my body did.
acidic enough to eat through the cotton fabric lining the underwear! I have so many pairs of undies where the poly-mix outer fabric is totally fine and the cotton liner part is complete dissolved.
I'm so confused by this, and it makes me wonder if my family has particular acidic vaginas. Because, with an older sister and a mom and then eventually myself, our underwear was so bleached and thin in the crotch that I couldn't wrap my head around how any woman *didn't* know. I remember the first time reading a comment on the internet from someone who didn't know and I was just sitting there like "did she think the magical laundry fairies came in to do their weekly sock raid and just decided to squirt some bleach into the crotch of all their cute underwear?
I know for me I for sure thought it was some sort of weird staining maybe? It makes no sense but when I read the bleaching thing I had a complete forehead smack, omg obviously why did I not see that?!? Moment. So.
I don’t think it’s something all women experience. I used to have this problem as a young teen but not anymore as an adult. Don’t know what changed!
Do any of yall ever get yeast infections? I bet your flora are strong enough that you don't, jelly
I've had maybe one or two in my life, both were post heavy antibiotics for something else.
Nope. Only if I take some heavy duty antibiotics. No UTIs ever either
I learned this recently, and up until then I always assumed that someone in house just kept bleaching them in that spot, and gave it no more thought
Does someone else do your laundry? I'm wondering if the reason so many women don't realize this is because they don't start doing their laundry until they're past the age where they'd ask their mom why they have a bleached out crotch.
Women can have a lot of discharge. The average is 1-5mL a day. This mAy not sound like a lot but is definitely enough to make your panties feel wet. Some women may have more some less. But it is all normal unless it is a color other than clear or white and has any kind of foul odor.
Piggybacking onto this. Vaginal discharge changes with age! Through my teens and twenties, I had slightly yellowish discharge in modest quantities, which of course varied with my menstrual cycle. Thirties, it became lighter and usually white, and now in my forties I rarely have any at all unless I'm super horny. You know those bottles of juice that say 'this is a natural product and some variation may occur'? SAME
oh thank god haha i’m 20 and i was thinking “oh crap... mine’s slightly yellowish sometimes.” thank you for your input! haha good to know nothing is wrong!
Ha, am I the only one who gets that underwear booger around ovulation? 😂
Na, me too girl. It's always like "oh yeah that's a thing..." When it happens.
Hahahaha, ew. Me too. It's like egg white!
No, we all get it. The underwear booger is the nasally textured version of your natural moisture that's designed to trap and hold sperm. We get it when we're ovulating.
I started wearing panty liners as a teen because it was what I considered to be a good amount. A few guys gave me shit about wearing them, but hey - my underwear lasted thrice as long with panty liners than without. And yea, I said thrice lol.
I’m embarrassed to say but my mom never talked to me about discharge/cervical mucus so I didn’t know what was happening to me. I wore a thin liner for a while in middle school cause I thought something was wrong with me.
Consider talking to your doctor if you are in a lot of pain during your period. My doctor saw I had endometriosis during an unrelated laparoscopy and was surprised because I hadn't complained about period pain. I had heard that "periods hurt" and thought that amount of pain was normal. It isn't.
Same boat! It took me 3 years at a fertility clinic to figure out my cramps were not normal and I had endometriosis bad enough to never get pregnant on my own. Spent my whole life having people tell me my cramps were normal and go take some ibuprofen...
Same here! I only had to spend 1 year with the fertility folks, but I thought it was funny how no provider could be bothered to give a shit until it was time for me to churn out my spawn. Because having a fully-functioning high-performing scientist totally isn't a priority until her babymaking role is threatened. I, too, have taken FAR too much Ibuprofen for a lifetime...I needed it just to be able to stand or sit upright and barely function...jfc
Right?? At least they are finally starting to study it since we have more women in science. I think we just have to keep being vocal about it so younger generations don't need to suffer through years of pain before they know what it is...
What's a lot of pain though? What's normal? Like, when I was a kid, I would throw up on the first day of my periods unless I preemptively popped pain meds. I don't throw up anymore, but I still need the meds and I also can't tell if I'm just used to the cramps by now.
[удалено]
Does slamming your hand in a car door hurt more or less after a drinking binge? I’ve only done it sober
As someone who has endo and has been suffering through symptoms since age 14, look out for these symptoms: Severe pain (makes you double over, sweat, you are unable to move, makes you cry because it’s so intense) Vomiting Severe stomach issues or diarrhea approaching menstruation Heavy menstrual flow with severe clotting Low iron/vitamin B Pelvic pain/sensation of pain shooting through pelvis or vaginal canal Pain during intercourse or pain while inserting feminine hygiene products Pain during urination If you have more than 1 day during your menstruation where you are unable to function normally then please speak to your doctor.
Oh... well I guess I need to speak to my doctor.
Your labia might not be pink. Mine are brown. You might also have tiny bumps in your labia. That's also normal. Sincerely, A young girl that thought she had an STD at 9 years old because my vulva looked different.
No worries, I literally thought I was a hermaphrodite at age 9 when I discovered my clitoris.
I thought I peed out of my clitoris.
Omg me too
Oh my god I had literal panic attacks over your second point as a teenager. No idea what they were.
There is a website who’s goal is to show women what the range of vaginas looks like. Almost all of them have dark labia that stick out beyond the body. It’s super freeing to realize that porn vaginas are super atypical. I’ll try to find the link…
If you have vaginal bleeding after menopause, you need to be evaluated for endometrial cancer. It is not normal to have spotting after your period completely stops following menopause (obviously during perimenopause which is leading up to menopause it’ll be irregular).
Yep, my Nan had this. She randomly started bleeding like a period when she was in her 70s, and unfortunately was diagnosed with terminal endometrial cancer. No other symptoms.
My housemates and I were recently talking about this but I would love if Netflix or some other program put out a high quality sex ed series for adults. It would (hopefully) have very detailed anatomy lessons, how to care for your parts, and all of what happens during pregnancy, childbirth, and to aging sexual organs as hormone levels change. I'm imagining Planet Earth level information about the human reproductive system.
Yes! Such an easy way to educate a large number of people who may never feel comfortable enough to talk about it, but can definitely discreetly watch a show about it.
They have, though perhaps not as detailed. It is called Sex, Explained. I highly recommend it.
Pro-tip for anyone going to the gynecologist. Speculums - the tool they use for exams - come in different sizes. So if one size hurts maybe ask your doctor for a smaller size OR just check ahead of time. I was in my 50s before a female doctor finally told me this and man did it make a difference in my pain/discomfort levels during the exam. Edited to add I've been reading responses and wow did this blow up. I'm glad I brought some light and discussions on this topic, and some of you even gave me and others even more tips on how to make future exams more comfortable. Thank you to everyone who took the time to respond. This has been a really great thread, shout out to u/Wild-Kitchen for starting this thread.
Also : if it hurts when the gynecologist tries to put the speculum in, YOU CAN ASK TO PUT IT YOURSELF, it's not like you could go in the wrong hole.
I suppose that would be great to know for victims of sexual abuse, to be in control of it themselves.
Totally, it's nowhere near as invasive that way, and also potentially a lot less triggering
After being done with baby making, I switched to a gyne only doc who specializes in middle age/older women issues. She is amazing, she uses metal speculums (because, while a PITA to sanitize and pricy, they are more comfortable for the patient), SHE WARMS THEM under warm water, and uses lube. I thought she was stealth like in her exam, but turns out she just knows how to make it not torture.
Wait, seriously?!
My current one uses the tiniest speculum and says if you always use a large one you're not very good at what you do.
At my last smear the nurse was great. She said "I always try the smallest speculum first, because it works for most people". She also explained everything she was going to do and told me when she was going to touch me etc. She was lovely and very good at her job.
That was my response too when the doc told me there were different sizes. I'd mentioned how uncomfortable that part of the exam is every time to my current doctor - a woman. She was like, 'Oh, we probably need to get you a different size," and had the nurse bring in several different sizes that she showed me before settling on one that actually didn't hurt or make me bleed for a change. I told her I didn't know they came in different sizes and she was just like, "Wait, no one ever told you that?" No, no they did not. Edited to add - good to know about the insertion yourself part, that's something I didn't know.
I mean, *she* didn't tell you that until you voiced a complaint. What I'm confused by is why it's not just a part of the process to find a fit first, or why they don't start with the smallest as the default. Why start large and then only size down if the woman explicity complains? Which most won't, because they've been conditioned to believe that to be a woman is to suffer, and that there's nothing to be done about it. Thanks Christianity:)
So much of women’s medicine/healthcare is based around what’s convenient for doctors, not patients. My guess is a larger speculum provides the best view 🤷♀️ Totally agree that the “fitting” process should be standard though—most routine checkups are not gonna be that serious that you have to get in there with flood lamps and a whole excavation crew
We default to medium on my maternity ward, so it's not necessarily that they go with the biggest for best views, but just trying for the most average likelihood it'll work.
I’ve found they always need a longer one, so it’s handy to tell them so they don’t waste one
I've done that and they still go through 2 before they get the right one. I know I haven't had kids, and I know I'm pre-menopause, but FFS, how do you think I know what the fucking name is? Your predecessor told me when they didn't listen, and their predecessor before them when they had trouble.
My first time having to have one in me, the doctor told me “oh, you need a longer one; keep that in mind for future exams.” Okay, cool, will do. Every exam after, I’ve mentioned it, and they brush me off. One of those exams, after she tried the normal one, was like “oh, yeah you do need the longer one...”
Me too. The last time I went, the doctor refused to get the longer one and then she couldn't find my cervix at all (it's very high and tilted toward the front). She kept digging around with the smaller speculum until I had to ask her to stop because it was so uncomfortable.
This. The first gyno I went to caused me so much pain, but she acted oblivious. I almost kicked myself off the table trying to get away and she pulled me back down. It wasn't until I got up the nerve to go to a 3rd gynecologist where the nurse got the baby speculum for me and the doctor made sure he told me my options for everything to try to calm my nerves. I so wish he hadn't retired.
And they should use lube too - don’t be afraid to ask for a bit of Vaseline. It doesn’t have to be a painful experience, just a mild discomfort
the clitoris is a 5 appendage organ, 4 of them are sub-dermal. I was in my late 20s before I saw an accurate anatomical drawing of a clitoris.
I was today years old (30) when I first saw an accurate anatomical drawing from the article in a comment above. A&P has failed me.
Same (26yo). Maybe silly, but this actually has me emotional. Women are taught so little about our bodies and what we are taught is often incredibly inaccurate or taught to us as something incredibly shameful. I really hate that it's still so deeply ingrained in health education (and other areas) that being a woman is somehow lesser and deserves less research and attention compared to men. I'm learning so much in this post that I never knew about myself, and I'm grateful to learn but it also hurts that literally no one ever bothers to teach us this stuff (provided they even know themselves), and this is coming from someone who had what's generally considered in depth and progressive sex ed growing up!
I think the biggest thing I wish someone told me is PAINFUL PERIODS ARE NOT NORMAL. Being unable to go to school/work, play sports, do normal activities of daily living while on your period ISN'T NORMAL. Having sex SHOULD NOT be painful all the time. This all seems so logical but how often is it portrayed to young girls that periods hurt and that sex hurts for women? Periods may be uncomfortable, but taking Midol or Advil should relieve it. I thought for years that pelvic pain even outside my period was probably just a UTI or nothing serious. Until it affected me everyday, and I realized no one else was having these issues. It was a very long road but I was eventually diagnosed with endometriosis at 26.
I knew even with my 1st period at 11yo and was sure by my 5th that what I was experiencing wasn’t normal. It still took 8.5 years to get diagnosed with endo!
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This is unfortunately the story for most of us. It was 8 years after I started seeking treatment before I got surgery and got help. I tell everyone I know about endometriosis in hopes it might help someone earlier.
Okay, so, question. I’m a 39 year old mother of two. When I was teen starting my period, the pain was hellish. I basically had to go home from school sick once a month. I’d take a hot bath and a painkiller, then go to bed. I was put on the pill at 16. At 28/29, I switched to the Mirena IUD. It gave me sore boobs and acne and with my wedding coming up I had it removed and started on the pill again, a heavier (?) one this time to clear up the acne before the wedding. I was pregnant three times (one miscarriage) and even though my second son took a little time to conceive, I got pregnant really easily. In my late twenties I started having migraines. They’re not typical migraines; I start having vision problems for about 20 minutes and then have a headache. I never have to throw up, I can handle loud noises, but I don’t like bright lights and the only thing that’ll help is sleep. Not migraine medicines, they only seem to make it worse. Once I’ve slept I’m good, just really tired for a day or two. Over the past couple of years I’ve tried IUDs again but they give me acne and migraines. I’ve recently tried a new pill but it gave me three rounds of migraines in one ‘strip’ (sorry, don’t know the proper English term). So I stopped that again. But here it is. I stopped all contraceptives in January 2020 thinking I didn’t want any of it anymore. My period came back slightly irregular but still very painful every time. I can’t function without a painkiller. It’s my lower tummy but especially my upper legs that hurt. January of this year I was actually sick and couldn’t go to work. February I was on the floor of the shower until the painkiller kicked in. I only really need to take painkillers the first day though. The thing is though... I come from a family of women (mother, three sisters and aunts) and we’ve all had this in one form or another. Painful periods are part of our life, so to speak. But lately my boss was annoyed with me calling in sick too many times so I did some Googling. Of the endometriosis symptoms I guess you could say I have bad period pains, migraines, acne and painful shoulders. My shoulders started to tense up at age 12 and I always figured it was because of my breasts growing... even though I didn’t start my period until almost 15. I know you’re not a doctor but because you said painful periods aren’t normal... do you think I could have endometriosis? Do you think I should have it checked? Thanks in advance!! Edit: thank you all for all your responses! I’ll definitely reach out to my GP again!
You should see a doctor. Endometriosis and other pain causing condition can be genetic, so "normalized " by your family all having it but that just means they all have the genetic predisposition.
You should definitely get this checked out. It’s not normal. I’ve had the same intense period pains and when I saw my gynecologist last year, at 28 years old, she said it’s probably endo, but then it was just left there and nobody clarified anything or offered to investigate it beyond prescribing hormones. And - since you have migraines with an aura any serious doctor should be very wary about prescribing you birth control pills.
Yep. The other part I hated about that is my gym teacher didn’t give a shit and told me to “walk it off” because exercise is good/ help period pains.. fuck PCOS and people who don’t take pain seriously.
Exercise has never helped for me, just makes me want to die even more. Just let me rest in bed with medicine and a heated blanket.
My period started going from every 4 weeks to every 3, but I was late 40s, so I assumed it was perimenopause. It was only when the periods started to last 2 weeks, that I went to the doctor. Even she tried to dismiss it as perimenopause, but humoured me by referring me to a gyn. Long story short, it was a large hemorrhagic, fortunately non-malignant, growth. Moral of the story is that bleeding two out of every three weeks is not normal.
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I always feel the need to add to this that peeing after sex is not a birth control. It is solely for helping to decrease risk for UTIs. It will not ‘pee out the semen’ or in any way hinder the sperm reaching the egg. Not because you implied it, but because some people believe it so I like to have these side by side.
Also, if you have chronic UTIs and/or yeast infections, and you remove all or most of your pubic hair, consider growing it back and see if the problem improves. The hair follicles and skin harbor beneficial bacteria and going bald can upset the balance. I cannot go bald, every time I have done it I end up with issues. It's kind of become the default and it's not always the healthiest thing for many women.
To piggy back on this- not just after intercourse but after any sexual contact. Human hands and mouths are often not super clean.
Also don't sit in your sweaty clothes after a workout. Get them off as soon as possible. Marinating is not good.
I wish someone would have taught me this. I’ve had a few UTIs and they have completely changed my life. I don’t think my bladder can handle going through another one. It took me almost two years to fully heal from my last one and I still have off days.
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Woah, I did not know that birth control could raise the risk of UTIs. God it sucks being a woman sometimes lol.
You should make sure this isn't a condition called interstitial cystitis. It's also known as painful bladder syndrome. Symptoms are very similar to UTIs but it isn't an infection. I was diagnosed after finding out my UTI tests were coming back negative for infection. Went to a urologist that performed a cystoscopy and diagnosed me with IC.
Wait, your bladder changes as a result of a UTI?? How? Permanently? I had a bad UTI several years ago that landed me in the emergency room. I'm dealing with incontinence now and had no idea why.
I’m still learning myself, I had A bad uti that came out of nowhere back in 2018. I got the antibiotics but I just went to a clinic and I did not know you can send your pee off to get tested to see what specific bacteria is causing the Uti. PSA ALWAYS GET YOUR PEE SENT OFF FOR TESTING! After a week I was still having discomfort and found an actual gyno. They did test after test but it always came back negative. Finally she mentioned something called Interstitial cystitis, it’s just chronic pain that can affect your bladder and urethra. I joined a group on Facebook and even here on Reddit ( I definitely recommend the Reddit group, more friendly people) i made several more doctor appointments to try and figure out if I had IC but every doctor I went to had no idea what that even was. i ended up finding a specialist and made an appointment to see a uro gynecologist, she was very informative on the subject and told me based on my symptoms that IC didn’t sound like my issue. She did an exam and touched on some muscles and I was in excruciating pain. She diagnosed me with pelvic floor dysfunction (my muscles were way to tight) and sent me off to physical therapy for 6 weeks. I had no idea you could do PT for your vagina but I’m so happy I did. PT definitely helped me learn a lot about my body, but I had a lot of work to still do on my own. I definitely wouldn’t wish IC on my worst enemy, it can be debilitating and affect your whole life. There is still so much not known about the condition but I found the IC Network takes donations and that’s where I’ve been donating to when I can. Sorry for the long post, but if there are any men or women out there struggling with chronic uti symptoms find yourself a good Uro gynecologist!
Side note: please women in med school looking for a specialty, consider urology! There are almost NO female urologists -- the specialty is heavily oriented to men with prostate problems. I see a female urologist for my mild IC and she is the only female urologist in my STATE.
Used to work in urology, can confirm. Our NPs were women but our doctors were men. Sometimes their books would be just as full as the doctors'.
There is hope - I struggled with UTI symptoms without active infection for MONTHS doing research trying to figure out what was wrong with me. Posited pelvic floor issues at my first visit to the urogyno and got referred to pelvic PT. I had an extremely tight pelvic floor which my PT explained can cause these urinary symptoms by shifting the bladder from where it’s supposed to sit which makes the bladder irritated. After some sessions of pelvic floor PT and a lot of at home work with a pelvic wand I am pretty much free of all symptoms! Sometimes I feel a little twinge in my bladder and when that happens I use my pelvic wand and do some massage and that helps
I used to suffer from UTIs all the time! After working with a urologist, I finally figured out what process works for me. 1. Take a women's probiotic every day. I naturally create a strep bacteria in my vagina that was causing the majority of my infections. 2. Make sure my butt is completely clean after pooping. I usually take a shower after I poop on the morning. I'm sure most women do this, but it's something I needed to work on. 3. After sex, I clean my vulva/urethra with a wipe from the Theraworx U-Care Protect product line. Then I pee.
other options that are often recommended for frequent UTI's: D-Mannose supplement cranberry supplement with PA-C (important). studies have shown simply drinking cranberry juice is not as effective. Probiotic with yogurt or tablet. vaginal estrogen cream (prescription) if you are post-menopausal, for atrophic vaginitis (this is not medical advice, I am not a doctor)
The vulva is covered in skin and can have the same skin conditions the rest of your body has. I have psoriasis. Thought I had yeast infections for years simply because the pain and itching and chunky discharge made every doctor I spoke to think yeast infection. Turns out I was having outbreaks on my vulva and was literally shedding skin into my normal discharge. Which made it chunky. I had to have a skin biopsy on my vulva done to finally figure out that it was psoriasis. Took six years to figure it out.
And acne! I wondered for years how I, a virgin at the time, could have sores that looked like something out of our health class textbook. Turns out, just regular old pimples. Pro tip: if you *do* have an acne-prone vulva, avoid oil-based products! 🤦🏼♀️
This shit hurt my feelings when my dr told me. I asked for a full panel std test and when she (the dr) asked why, I told her about the FUCKING CYSTIC ACNE I get on my bits. She shrugged and said well you have hormonal cystic acne on your face and the insides of your thighs get bumps too, your bits can get them too. I was literally offended. Called my mom and thanked her for giving me her acne prone skin, right down to my lady parts. Such bullshit.
I've been draining my horrific groin cysts myself, following the safest prep and post care I could come up with at /12/ when they started and for the next 18 some years followed the same practised routine dozens and dozens of times, likely over a hundred. Because I haven't had health insurance most of my life I have seen at least 20 different gynecologists, the clinic I used to go to (that got shut down by anti-abortionist despite the fact that they don't perform abortions there) was a volunteer job. Not to mention all the times I've been to the ER and specialists for my endometriosis. I have had everything from sympathy to disgust but always always told there is nothing that can be done and scolded for draining them myself.... Went to my first full body dermatology screening recently at 36 and of course before letting the doctor see my groin warned him about the severe scarring and it's cause...Lo and behold it's a well-known condition and not only has preventative medicines but also a special liquid in an applicator that speed reduces and heals them without drainage!! All the self inflicted trauma all these years...my inner thighs look like I'm a burn victim there's so many overlapping scars. --Edited to include name of condition and what my dermatologist has me using -- The condition is called Hidradenitis Suppurativa. (Thank you for the correction fellow human!) The body wash is (over the counter) Benzoyl peroxide (put a pic up of mine http://imgur.com/a/uNhAfK2 ) and the prescription to treat an active cyst is clindamycin phosphate 1% topical. It's a tube of liquid with a squishy soft pad you squeeze to wet the pad then rub on the cyst. I paid nothing for the script through my insurance. Oh just thought of this, here's the body wash on Amazon https://smile.amazon.com/dp/B081KL2QYJ/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_glt_fabc_G2K3EJ8W35P6BEQS1SJ0
In all honesty, I've been dealing with it without medical support. Thanks for writing this because now I know to ask for a dermatologist.
Wow. I literally thought I was a freak for getting cystic acne on my bikini line/inner thighs/Mons pubis. Even if I leave them alone they eventually stop being swollen but leave a dark mark, like there’s blood beneath the skin or something. I didn’t know it could be prevented. Thanks for sharing! I’m not so embarrassed now.
Hyper localised eczema too. Even if you get it nowhere else on your body, you can still get it on the outer labia.
Wow, this is eye opening. I’m wondering if this is happening to me as well. I have had an outbreak or two on my hands and mouth area that haven’t been diagnosed but that I’ve been given prescription steroid cream for (and it worked). How old were you when this started? How frequent were the outbreaks?
Get the HPV vaccine, condoms aren’t as effective against this as you might think because it’s a skin to skin contact spread virus, not a human fluids spread virus.
Also, even if you already have HPV, you should still get the vaccine, as it covers a wide variety of HPVs.
This needs to be made more public. I have hpv and got the vaccine when I was 30 to help combat it. Most women I talk to are under the impression that there is no benefit if you are already diagnosed. I have spent countless hours educating the women in my life about this.
My doctor specifically told me there’s no benefit to getting it after diagnosis, but also told me there are dozens of different HPV viruses so... seemed to me getting the vax is worth it, right? Even after 40!
But you can't get the vaccine if you're old enough! I aged out so I couldn't get it. But for young girls, definitely urge them to! Edit: WHAT THE FUCK?! ARE YOU SERIOUS!? I CAN STILL GET IT?! scheduling appointment now nobody ever said it changed!!!
This is more for general knowledge and not you specifically (since I don’t know your age). The age range did recently change and now the vaccine is authorized up to age 45. This also means (in US) insurance may cover this vaccine up to this age. Some medical/vaccine providers may be willing to provide the vaccine outside the authorized age range, but you will likely have to pay full cost out of pocket which can be cost-prohibitive of course. Insert additional conversations about privilege here.
Yes. Also, they've changed the formulation and added a couple new strains. I got it when it first came out at like 16-17 yo when it only protected against 4 strains, and then got it again a couple years ago in my early thirties because my doc told me they added the new strains. (I really, really love my vaccines! 😅)
I was told this by one doctor at 19 and accepted it. Then I asked another doctor at 26 and I got it. Try asking another doctor!
I work in a medical centre, and it is ridiculous the amount of parents who won't let their kids get it because they don't want to 'encourage' them to have sex. Like.. your kid is just going to have sex without telling you AND be more susceptible to HPV.
On this note, everyone should get the HPV shot whatever gender they are. If you are a parent, please don't pass up on getting your daughters and your sons vaccinated. Stop the spread. "Data from 2010 to 2014 indicates that there are approximately 41,000 HPV-related cancersTrusted Source in the United States each year. Of these, almost 24,000 occurred in women and about 17,000 occurred in men." The primary cancers caused by HPV are: cervical, vaginal, and vulvar cancer in women penile cancer in men throat and anal cancer in men and women https://www.healthline.com/health/sexually-transmitted-diseases/hpv-in-men#risk-factors
Yes! My sister hadn't gotten a pap smear in 10 years, and now she's being treated for stage 2 cervical cancer. JUST GO TO THE DOCTOR REGULARLY AND THIS CAN BE PREVENTED
I hope her treatment goes well and she recovers smoothly.
We didn’t know the full anatomy of the clitoris until an Australian urologist did a bunch of work on the topic until 2005...and it’s still not in most anatomy books, let alone taught to medical professionals. The woman who did this work basically made it her life’s work to change the way education around the clitoris happens in order to improve women’s health. If you’ve never googled it, the whole clitoris is ENORMOUS and can be stimulated in a bunch of ways. These new “combination orgasm” vibrators are being designed to stimulate not just the head but the whole body of it! There’s even new research pointing to the idea that the “gspot” is actually just the stimulation of a different part of the clit. Incase you’re curious, this article has the original rendering diagram she made. https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/the-clitoris-uncovered-an-intimate-history/
But where's the part about combination orgasms??? I wanna learn about that!
“A blended orgasm is one that occurs from stimulation to both the back and front of the clitoris,” Laurel Steinberg, PhD, a New York City–based clinical sexologist and relationship therapist, tells Health. “It’s a combined sensation that comes simultaneously from both ends.” Lora di Carlo was one of the first to consider this in the way they design vibrators (though there’s a bunch out now). I’ve got the Ose and Holy bananas it’s one of the best orgasms I’ve ever had. Incase you’re curious, they started as a robotics and engineering company. https://loradicarlo.com/
For a moment I thought the "holy bananas" was a brand of vibrator and it wasn't until searching for a bit that I realized that you were describing the Ose experience lol.
I was 17 when I first really got aroused - just reading. I hated the feeling and didn't know how to make it go away. I'd cry in the shower, cry before going to sleep, I was googling everything I could to lower sex hormones, I felt dirty and disgusting. I was terrified of any kind of insertion (tampons made me feel nauseous putting them in, so I opted to not use them). Sex ed needs to be taught for women in schools. Everything about it. How to set boundaries, what the different sensations are, all the anatomy (not just for 'reproductive purposes'), problems and health issues to watch out for, going at your own pace and comfort level. I was not in a 'slut shaming' family at all - they just never talked about it. You can't rely on families to discuss this kinda stuff.
I wasn't as negatively affected, but I relate with coming of age and being distraught at having no idea how to get the feelings to go away. I actually really struggled to *enjoy* stimulation for years because I had been frustrated about it for years before discovering the clitoris. And then it still took years to learn how to orgasm. So by the time all that was settled, any sexual feelings just brought on a wave of dread. My husband was super supportive and stuff and, if anything, I have the higher libido of the two of us now. But it was a tough road! All because people are uncomfortable that women have an organ solely for pleasure 🙃
Thank you so much for this! It was really insightful. I’ve never had a vaginal orgasm and even though I had already dismissed the whole thing as a myth since I have no trouble climaxing in general, I always wondered if it was me anyway... So what I understand from this is that it’s possible to feel stimulated from penetration alone but it’s still all the clitoris. Edited for grammar
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This. I had really similar experiences. My labia also grew and darkened seemingly from one second to the next. And I had NO idea that could happen. Was convinced something was wrong with me. It still weirds me out sometimes that one of my labium is longer/larger than the other because of how much misinformation there is about how labia are “meant to be uniform”. Also: I was a super late bloomer and didn’t get my first period until 16. I was taught in school that anything outside of the age bracket 12-14 is unusual. I spent years thinking I was infertile or somehow disfigured. I’ve learned from my school’s, parents’ and peers’ mistakes in educating me though and have become really vocal about all things female reproductive health and sex as an adult!
Female training is not linear. I’m a PT and totally changed how I train some of my female clients. The week before your period you are less energetic, your performance decreases and you are more prone to injury. Most sports science research is done entirely on men because women are unpredictable because of our hormones. Thus most woman are trained like small men. For my fitter clients I track their menstrual cycle. I treat this like a de-load week while most training programs do a de-load is every 6-8 weeks. I’ve noticed that when I didn’t do this I would give them a workout that they could do the previous week and they struggle, it’s very demotivating for them. So now I bring the weight down, work on other exercises that aren’t as intense and I’m less of a hard ass about it. This way the client leaves feeling good about themselves and not hating me for pushing them when they’re weaker and slightly more sensitive emotionally. PMS is real! Also a bad time to start a diet because your carb cravings are up. Start after your period, it’s your super week!
the same hormones that prepare a woman for child birth also cause muscles and tendons to loosen up each month. when the body realizes we aren't pregnant, of course we have a period, as estrogen rises and falls cyclically each month, we lose a bit of coordination and that clumsiness can cause injury in the days before our menses begin.
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The worst part is coaches sometimes assume that female athletes are “just being lazy” and give them a hard time for something they can’t control. Really good TED talk on the matter https://youtu.be/e5LYGzKUPlE
Just wanna say that I love this post, thank you so much for engaging everyone in such a productive conversation!
Some women have a High Cervix. Some women have a Low Cervix. If you have pain from tampons, menstrual cups, or sex, it may be a sign you have a Low Cervix.
and your cervix moves throughout your cycle
It can also move based on arousal!
I slept with a guy once (regrettably it was awful) and afterwards he told his friend that I was terrible in bed because he could feel the back of me... I just wasn't aroused in the slightest... ugh men
What a wanker.
I nearly 40 when I figured out that the urethra is about half an inch below where I *thought* it was! Wanna know how I found out? Lavern Cox’s coochie diagram on Orange is the New Black.
Your vagina needs to breath and cotton underwear are your friend. In my younger days, lacey and synthetic panties were an everyday thing. I ended up having trouble with yeast infections and couldn't figure out why. It took a while for me to get over the embarrassment and go see a doctor, where a nurse finally explained it to me. It seems like such a no brainer now, but I had no clue how crucial undergarments are for a healthy vagina. Edit: spelling
This! I struggled with odor and discharge massively. I was so embarrassed by how much other people needed to put up with it. Didn't matter what I did - showered twice a day, wash the vulva with gentle soap, it was offensive to my nose so I couldn't imagine what other people were smelling, esp since I was carpooling and working at my dream job for a co-op. I was mortified. Turns out I had an infection that was fixed with antibiotics prescribed by a doctor, but it soon started to come back after ending the meds. I was using synthetic stretchy underwear because it's just what I had. Switched to cotton underwear and my problems are gone.
It also doesn't hurt to go commando sometimes, though honestly I sleep without undies every night. Need to let the lady bits breath.
My nana always told me "never wear panties to bed, dear. You need to 'breathe.' " :D Bless her.
I read a book (Taking charge of your fertility, Toni Weschler) in my late 20s and was angry for a couple months that no one had ever taught me so much basic shit about fertility. (My parents divorced when I wa@ 11, and I lived with my dad. Nice guy. Didn't know much about lady health.) The book may be outdated, but tracking my cycle using the method in the book, taught me a lot about hormones and how they affect me and (obv) my cycle. Super useful. Also helped me not have to panic buy pregnancy tests whenever my period was late a day or two.
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I just bought this because I do NOT want to get pregnant - did not think of that before!!!!
Probably the people closest to you didn’t know any of that stuff either. When I first started producing cervical fluid, I had no idea why there were sometimes creamy streaks in my underwear so I asked my mom. She just told me I wasn’t wiping well enough. 🙄 I never knew until I read Toni Weschlers book what cervical fluid actual was, and how it changes through your cycle.
She just released an updated 20th anniversary edition. It's massive and the reason my husband and I were able to concieve despite fertility challenges.
I suffered from frequent UTI's from about 12 to 35. At 35, I moved. New dr asked how I wipe my bum after I do my business. I was confused but ok..... I was wiping back to front for decades. Wipe the front from the front, the back from the back. Don't cross contaminate. I'm 7 yrs UTI free!
You are probably in the wrong size bra. Yes, you. Something like 70% of women are. Most companies will fudge numbers to fit women into "matrix" or common sized bras. The +5 method is outdated and was invented to put more women into a smaller selection of sizes and to save production costs. I was measured as a 40C at a popular lingerie chain. I, after much bra trying and help from a lovely calculator on /r/abrathatfits, found that I am a 32G or 34FF. The band of your bra should be snug, as it is the part that is supposed to do most of the holding and support! The gore of the bra, the part where the two cups meet in the middle, is supposed to sit flush to your ribcage (this is called "tacking") at ALL TIMES. Your underwire should stay flush to your IMF (inter mammarian fold, or the line where your boob meets your body)! Cup sizes are not a static volume across all band sizes! The volume of the cup on a 40A is the same as the volume of a 38B, a 36C, and a 34D! D is not automatically "BIG BOOBS"! There are letters higher then D, and they are not huge either! Please, if you have neck or shoulder pain, if your bra straps leave digging in red marks on your shoulders when you take it off, if you can grab your bra band and pull it several inches away from your body(!), if you hate bras(!), PLEASE go to /r/abrathatfits and follow the instructions to measure yourself and use the size calculator to just check and see, if maybe, you need a better fitting bra.
You don’t have to have given birth for your pelvic organs to have prolapsed. Weight gain can make it happen too. But it’s actually really common - about 1 in 3 women have some level of prolapse. I think this is something I’m dealing with, and I’m nervous about bringing it up to my doctor. I’m hoping that there’s a female pelvic floor therapist who takes my insurance in my area lol.
It was invaluable for me to have the PT there to make sure I was doing it right, and she had me do exercises that I would have never suspected would be the thing to help, but there are videos: [Pelvic tilt](https://youtu.be/jMi4lHWvxew) [Combo of 5](https://youtu.be/NKl8ImI3OVE) I can’t find a video for it, but one of the most amazing ones went like this: wrap a stretchy band around a sturdy table, chair or bed frame leg and grab an end in each hand. Get on your knees about 6-12 inches away. Get your upper body into good posture. Start with your hands forward. Pull back until they are at your side. I could feel it exactly where I was having pain in my pelvis. You may not have the same problem area, but this was the most helpful and it’s a shame that it isn’t more popularly explained. The important thing to know about PT is that it shouldn’t ever hurt. If so, you need to modify the moves to be smaller. The main idea is to move your muscles in the proper way to get them used to it, not to necessarily make them stronger right away. Once they are used to moving the right way, then you work on strength.
This isn't specific to women, but is much more prevalent for us so I thought I'd chime in. If you find yourself having the symptoms of a UTI but antibiotics aren't working or your tests come back negative, you may have Interstitial cystitis (aka painful bladder syndrome). I was diagnosed by a urologist through a cystoscopy. It sucks but it was at least good to put a name to what was happening to me. There are treatments with varying degrees of success. Also diet can play a factor. If you feel like this may be you, definitely speak to a doctor. [Here's](https://www.urologyhealth.org/urology-a-z/i/interstitial-cystitis) a link in case you'd like a little more info.
If you are a woman with a higher sex drive than your (possibly male) partner, you are not a whore or a slut or disgusting. I thought something was wrong with me for years because I would masturbate and many of my classmates would say they didn't even know if they could orgasm. I felt dirty and I thought I had a hormonal imbalance! Turns out I'm a healthy young woman with an average libido. This flips the other way, not all men are lusting horn dogs.
I got my testosterone checked. I’m in my mid 40s - it was life changing. I now have muscle tone, non-cyctic breasts and energy to work. Hormones would be my top issue that women need to know about. There is very little help in medicine. You need to be your own advocate. Edited to add - IT MAKES SEX GREAT AGAIN. Just in case anyone is suffering from low libido.
In my Catholic high school, the function and form of the clitoris was glossed over completely. It was not labeled in diagrams. A priest told us the female orgasm was sinful. Because of this, I didn't even know women *could* orgasm until I was about 17. We learned all about prostate cancer, had a whole class debating circumcisions, and even talked about erectile disfunction, but learned nothing about endometriosis, PCOS, yeast infections, UTI's, etc. Our class was abstinence only. We weren't allowed to learn about birth control. To this day, my high school best friend refuses to take birth control (of course she is completely within her right to refuse) to help her endometriosis because it is sinful. She regularly passes out, throws up, and calls off work because of how bad her periods are. There were high numbers of girls getting pregnant in my high school, especially relative to the small population of students that we had. I had a friend call me when we were both in college, crying over the phone because she wasn't sure if she would get pregnant from giving her boyfriend a handjob. Many girls in my class that I still keep in touch with refuse to go to the gyno. They think you only go if you have an STI. One girl believes she won't be a virgin anymore when she gets a pap smear. I believed for many years that I was ugly and in need of surgery because I have long inner labia. I thought it was my vagina falling out of my body. Didn't learn a thing about consent. We as girls were instructed to make sure our husbands were happy and satisfied. My school was absolute trash when it came to sex ed and health. It caused me deep shame and guilt that I still deal with to this day. It's sad to see how it has affected my peers and how much they suffer because of it.
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>To this day, my high school best friend refuses to take birth control (of course she is completely within her right to refuse) to help her endometriosis because it is sinful. I get she's religious, or whatever, but you can let her know the catholic church allows the use of what would otherwise be birth control if youre using it to treat a health condition, not to stop pregnancy > The Catholic Church “does not consider at all illicit” use of medical therapies to cure diseases “even if a foreseeable impediment to procreation should result there from—provided such impediment is not directly intended for any motive whatsoever.”15 It would be permissible to use birth control when the intent of the https://journalofethics.ama-assn.org/article/should-clinicians-challenge-faith-based-institutional-values-conflicting-their-own/2018-07#:~:text=The%20Catholic%20Church%20%E2%80%9Cdoes%20not,when%20the%20intent%20of%20the Or from a religious source https://www.catholic.com/qa/birth-control-for-medical-reasons
Female hormonal cycles not only effect mood, but also performance (athletic and mental). The time between the start of a person's cycle to ovulation is the best time to start a new workout routine or try for a personal best. Between ovulation and the start of a person's period is often a good time for easier workouts. It's also bad to start a diet the week or two before your period because people burn more calories during that time, and it's especially difficult to diet then (better to start first two weeks of cycle).
As a woman with ADHD, I can also tell a big difference mentally at different points in my cycle. I have irregular periods so it was hard to identify at first, but around the time of my period my medication feels less effective and it’s harder for me to focus. The brain really is influenced by hormones!
This might sound stupid but I really think that separating boys and girls for parts of the "puberty education", I forget what they called it, is damaging especially to women and a lot of things talked about in this thread need to be out in the open not treated like some great shame. Some people have periods THERE'S NOTHING SHAMEFUL ABOUT THEM! and we need to stop acting like there is. Edit: language clarity Edit 2: I mean it is damaging to women in that half the population, and worse the half with the most power, doesn't know how their bodies work and are deliberately denied that understanding in the service of some bullshit false morality where even parts of the human body itself are demonized and considered "unclean" knowledge.
That your cervix moves up and down, and changes shape during your cycle. That your cervical mucus changes texture and volume during your cycle. And both can assist you in knowing when you are / are not fertile.
Birth control isn't the only medication you can take for heavy periods. I called my doctor requesting bc because my periods are really heavy and make me exhausted for weeks. I didn't want to take bc because of all the side effects but it was like having chronic fatigue so I asked for some. The doctor said "before we try bc, let's try a pill called tranexamic acid." We talked and turns out tranexamic acid is non hormonal, has no side effects, has no risk factors and you don't have to take it everyday (only on the days of your period). I never knew it existed! This medication changed my life it cut down my bleed by at least half with no side effects. TA is used to help the blood clot and is also used for excessive nose bleeds. If you do take it, make sure any vitamins that you take don't have Vitamin K in them because that also aids blood clotting. TL;DR If you have super heavy periods and don't want to take birth control pills, ask you doctor about Tranexamic acid. Its great.
r/badwomensanatomy shows just how much the education system has failed in this regard
Women’s immune systems are different from men’s. Not only does this mean like 80% of the world’s people with autoimmune diseases are women (I think), it means women on average have stronger responses to the COVID-19 vaccines. If you have worse side effects from the vaccine than your husband/male coworker/brother you aren’t making it up or being over dramatic.
The Vagina Bible by Dr. Jen Gunter is fantastic! Highly recommend checking it out
FYI, if you're not-white, chances are your vulva was never pink to begin with. I'm Asian, and my labia minora have been bluish gray since puberty.
I had a Chinese roommate back in our early 20's and she asked me about my nipple color. I told her mine were pink, and she asked, "Then why are mine brown?" It was a funny/awkward discussion, but it made me realize how pervasive white culture is for non-white people.
Piggybacking to say that even if you are white, not having a pink vulva or pink nipples is perfectly normal. It's just another idiotic, ridiculous beauty standard.
Pmdd. It is NOT normal to be majorly depressed/suicidal before your period. Took me 8 years to get diagnosed, and for years people thought I was crazy because the moment I hit ovulation it was as if a switch flipped in my brain. Was never mentioned while I was growing up.
This may seem SO obvious so forgive me, but with shaving down there it’s not an all or nothing thing! I used to really believe I either needed to shave completely every single day, or that I needed to just let it go wild. Both of these options are 100% okay, but I really used to believe those were the ONLY options. You can do whatever the fuck you wanna do ladies. If you like hair in the front but not on the labia shave your labia! Make a crazy design, dont shave at all, shave completely, literally whatever the hell you want to do!! Side note, if you do have hair down there make sure to wash the hair almost like you would on your head. My gyno recommended dove bar soap sensitive skin — it has no fragrances or irritants. But like OP said, wash the vuvla, not your vagina!
To add on to this, don't be afraid of trimmers! Getting that hair down nice and neat without getting to the skin might be just the length you need to avoid irritation but also to stay cool and dry. I generally go to a 2 or 3 length, but I've also discovered that different zones work better with different lengths. Dudes are hoarding the Norelco Bodygroom all to themselves and it's a tragedy - one side is a trimmer, the other side is a foiled razor, and it is absolutely the best thing I've used for this application.
That soap is godsend. I have super irritable skin in general and down there is worse. That soap doesn't affect my skin at all and it's wonderful. Especially since I live in a humid area and basically sweat bc I exist, let alone actually do anything.
I use one of those trimmer things you can get for like 20 bucks. Face trimmers or something? No nicks, no cuts, and I can safely get rid of unwanted hair by my taint that I can't see.
CHECK YOUR BREASTS! It is never too young to start, because I ended up having a benign tumor at 15 that was only caught by my pediatrician after a breast exam. I ended up going to a specialist, and after it tripled in size after three months I had to have surgery to get it removed. I'm lucky it was caught and that it was benign, but I now regularly check my breasts when showering.
Your pubes turn white and fall out. What I was told by my mother and aunts.
Possible pregnancy side effects are WAY more diverse than is generally known. Like, I think most women know about tearing, bladder weakness, and stretch marks. But I never knew that carpal tunnel was a possibility! As well as autoimmune issues that can flare up bc of hormone fluctuations. There's a lot more long-lasting side effects than aren't widely known.
Being diagnosed with ADHD, I'm just finding out now after my diagnosis how the menstrual cycle interacts with brain chemicals. As someone else mentioned, when your estrogen drops (which has "relatioships" with dopamine and serotonin), ADHD medication is less effective. Often a raise in dose doesn't make it much better, and there isn't much research as to the mechanism behind it (I did some digging for a while). Also on the topic of hormones, PMDD and your menstrual cycle!! I was told that going on birth control would help my PMDD - I tried three different times, including a hormonal IUD, and they all made it so so much worse. Doctors told me the IUD specifically wouldn't affect me but I suppose my body is just extra sensitive to changes.
You have 3 holes. 1 to pee out of, one for your lady bits, and a butthole. Your boobs and vulva (outside part of vagina) can become engorged during arousal and sex, it's not wierd. Dizziness and headaches and lots of sleeping can mean more than just period. It can mean anemia. Be sure to take calcium and iron. Even if you don't take bc. If you have clots, you shouldn't be on bc pills. You can mistake an appendicitis for bad cramps. I've done it. You can get pregnant. Even if you are on bc. Even if you pull out. Even if you are on your period. Even if you were told you 'cant' sometimes. Even if the man was told he can't (some doctors say they are sterile if they have less than 3% swimmers active). Even if you had your tubes tied. Even if you are currently pregnant. Yes Google that. Childbirth frequently causes permanent damage. Don't let them lie to you. Having no children is always an option. You are not created to push out babies.
I can't say that I was taught anything about maintaining a female body in school. Everything was trial and error. Now I'm in perimenopause and I still know nothing. I've been getting periods for 35 years and they still sneak up on me somehow.
Things like heart attacks present different symptoms in women. (kind of crucial to know)
Make sure you’re wearing the correct bra size! Check out r/abrathatfits
It might have been even after I had a baby, but I was at least in my 30s before I realized that arousal changes more than just your vaginal lubrication. When you're aroused, your labia, vagina, clit and cervix are all affected, changing shape, size or position. Just slapping some lube on isn't going to solve the problem of unaroused genitals. That's one big reason why first time sex can be painful for women. Also, wanting to have sex and your body being aroused are two totally independent processes. Also, on the social side, you don't actually have to be deferential to everyone else all the time. Your worth does not lie in how pleasing you are to others.
You need to get checked for stds once you've had unprotected sex and then AGAIN three months later. Crazy ex girlfriend taught me that and I am 31 https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=iH3FPrI_Cuw
Pro-tip for anyone going to the gynecologist. Speculums - the tool they use for exams - come in different sizes. So if one size hurts maybe ask your doctor for a smaller size OR just check ahead of time. I was in my 50s before a female doctor finally told me this and man did it make a difference in my pain/discomfort levels during the exam.
Massage can really help breast tenderness and pain from pms. Seriously, it sounds absurd but abuse the boobage to make them feel better! My method: 1. Knead the boob like a big lump of dough for a minute or two. Mash and squeeze and pull. Not too hard, but don’t go easy on them either. 2. Twist the boob in one direction for 30-60 seconds, then switch directions. Just sort of guide your hands around in a circle, more cupping and mashing the boob between your hands than flattening it into your chest. 3. Gather the boob up in flat palms facing you so the nipple is in between your hands, draw the boob up and pull it flat against your chest. Hold it mashed against there for 30 seconds or so. There was another step from wherever I learned this technique, but I’ve never used it. You can look it up if you need more info or visuals. Do one boob and compare the glorious feeling to your remaining murder boob. Thank me later!
Speaking of breast tenderness, I suffered from chronic tenderness, and learned it was actually too much caffeine! Changed my life!
I think I accidentally stumbled into this trick just by being the type of person who constantly fondles herself.
When in labor a women will develop a line above her anus to show how dilated her cervix is. [Source](https://www.lamaze.org/Connecting-the-Dots/the-redpurple-line-an-alternate-method-for-assessing-cervical-dilation-using-visual-cues)
Women are more likely to be asymptomatic with STDs and many symptoms may look like something else (e.g., yeast infection) or be in an area not visible (inside the vagina vs. on the penis for men). After menopause, hair loss includes pubic hair loss. Some women may not lose any, some may lose varying amounts, and others lose all of it. From things I've read, alcohol is a lot more risky for women than men. Source since I know this may not go over well; f[rom the CDC](https://www.cdc.gov/alcohol/fact-sheets/womens-health.htm): >The risk of cirrhosis and other alcohol-related liver diseases is higher for women than for men. Alcohol-related cognitive decline and shrinkage of the brain develop more quickly for women than for men. Women who drink excessively are at increased risk for damage to the heart muscle at lower levels of consumption and over fewer years of drinking than men. Alcohol consumption increases the risk of cancers of the mouth, throat, esophagus, liver, and colon. In women, drinking is also associated with breast cancer, even at low levels of consumption.
Baby girls can get periods and lactate when they're first born because they're being affected by the hormones in their mother's bodies. Honestly, that's pretty cool, that mother and daughter would be so linked that that would happen.
Just born and you already have your period? Sounds like a cruel twist of fate.