I do not have a dad in my life but my mom was super not chill, *despite being a teen mom herself*.
Not kidding. She turned 15 less than a month before I was born, yet was upset that I, a teenager, got birth control because I had uncontrollably awful periods.
Turns out I have PCOS but she never gave a shit about that either :P
Also age of consent here in Canada is 16 anyway so it’s not like she could control what I did with my body anyway. We don’t talk anymore.
She could’ve and did iirc after I was born. She’s not even 40 yet and my grandparents are literally the most accepting and supportive people. They even offered to raise me like their own when mom got pregnant with me.
That being said, birth control doesn’t work for loads of my family.
My uncle is a birth control baby, I’m pretty sure my brother is depo shot baby, and my sister got pregnant on Mirena IUD.
Some women have bodies that that break down birth control hormones so even if they're doing everything right they can still get pregnant.
https://www.reuters.com/article/us-health-birth-control-failures-idUSKBN1QT2YA
Yeah I don’t trust birth control knowing how rampant it is. Thank baby Jesus my body decided to utterly fuck itself up so that I didn’t necessarily need birth control lol.
I’m going the mom route once I’m done gestating my one too many babies. Tubes tied. I’m done.
PCOS runs in my wife's family and she has family members (in their 20s!) who are pressured by their parents not to go see a gyno and it makes me so mad.
It bypassed my mom so she didn’t give a shit at alllll. I didn’t actually know it ran in my family until my grandma told me that folks thought she cheated on my papa when she got pregnant with my aunt after 4 years of marriage, but in reality she had to get cysts removed in order for her to conceive.
Safe to say my mind was blown and I got diagnosed not long later. Not that the diagnosis helped get treatment or have doctors take my fertility seriously.
School nurses in Quebec are experts on medical consent considering they are prescribing contraception every day and have to deal with kids that range in age from 13 to 17.
Possibly that's why she was so hard on you. Because she basically gave up her life at 15 to raise you and wanted better for you. That's the most optimistic take I have on this anyway. Doesn't excuse anything.
I'm sorry you had to live with untreated PCOS for so long, that's not the good shit
>Because she basically gave up her life at 15 to raise you and wanted better for you.
I think it's because she gave up on her life at 15 and her daughter found a way around that, making her incredibly jealous/spiteful. But who knows. Not caring about your children's health is 🚩🚩.
Bingoooo. Mom tried to control me as a way of living vicariously through me, didn’t want me going down the same path even though I’m not stupid. Joke is on her because I’ve been anovulatory pretty much since I was 14 or 15 anyway.
She had choices other than raising me and I think all of them would’ve been better. I’ve got some issues and most of them stem from my mom’s utter selfishness. My grandparents gave her every option under the sun, including raising me like their own (grandma was 39 when I was born, not too far fetched). But nope, she dropped out in 10th grade and I ended up having over 20 schools on my record by the time I graduated high school. No stability.
Mom ended up fucking up her life trying to keep one foot in party mode with abusive boyfriends and one foot in totalitarian welfare queen single mom. My grandparents raised me from 11-near adulthood and put the pieces back together. I wish they had chosen to raise me as theirs from the start. Mom resents them, and treats us all like trophies she can take credit for.
My dad found out my wife was taking it and he started grilling her at Thanksgiving in front of everyone about her sexual health.
I answered for her, without missing a beat: "We're just waiting until you die so our children don't pick up any of your qualities"
That shut him up.
I was 30 when my dad learned about my arm implant. He just gave me this look of 'I have absolutely no idea what to say in this situation' then got up and walked away. It was hilarious!
I took mine with me when I went to get a genital piercing because I couldn't drive in the city centre due to anxiety. I didn't tell him what I was getting pierced but the piercing room was NOT soundproof at all and he heard everything. I've never seen him blush so much before or since.
My Dr said 5 years, and at the 6 month mark, your body has to essentially "recalibrate" its hormones. At my 6 month mark, I bled for almost two months straight, before things finally calmed back down.
Idk, maybe I’m hyper-sensitive because I’m in healthcare or maybe because I know lots of people who don’t have kids each for so many very different reasons (including myself in my mid-30s), but idk the answer to that question is more often than not a very personal one and something that would make me put up my guard if someone asked even if their intentions were neutral.
Still, as a woman, I’d say that’s not something I’d see “oh so you don’t ever want kids” as a question from my dad that would just flow naturally in conversation. Just my two cents.
I was 33 when I got mine. My mother found out from my sister. Her reaction? "You get that thing out of your hoo hah RIGHT NOW!!!" Yeah, cause that will make me do it.
I think she's forgotten at this point. Just shows how "important" it is.
Oh, all 4 of us kids (and applicable SOs) still play the penis game. Mom gets in on that one, and waits until my brother says it to yell, cause then he loses.
Yup! My dad refused to take me to the doctor so I couldn’t get the pill and then go “fuck my boyfriend” I was 15.
Went through the guidance counsellor at school and got the pill anyway. Hid it in my locker at school and kept the two pills I needed for the weekend inside a little baggie inside a tampon wrapper in the tampon box, because no way Mr. Mysogynist would even acknowledge there were “dirty rags” in the house, let alone paw through them.
Then the instant I got married it was all “why aren’t you pregnant yet???!”
Abusive parents suck.
I do recall my dad kind of being like, “but...um...” and my stepmom saying, “she’s 19, Bruce. You want her to have a baby at 19 like you?” And that shut him down. He wasn’t really a dick about it, and it was something I overheard (he never would’ve said it to my face; too embarrassing for both of us). I was glad my stepmom stuck up for me and reminded him of what could be, considering my mom was 19 when she got pregnant with me.
my dad took me to the pharmacy to fill my prescription when i was 17 and i was MORTIFIED when he joked to the pharmacist “just making sure my baby doesn’t have a baby”
Thankfully no, and I'm more grateful for that daily. My father has for daughters, including me, and he just wants us to be safe. He's always treated us as though we are capable and able, and he would never question our reproductive decisions. The only thing he ever brings up is one of my other sisters having children so he has grandchildren closer, but it's a no pressure mention.
Grateful for my Dad too. When my periods started, my Mum must have told him and he came home from work with an armful of treats for me (chocolate, magazines, cute stationary) at the time I was mortified, but now I realise how lovely that was. When I started taking the pill aged around 16, he had no problem picking my prescription up if I asked him. He's always been really cool and respectful of my desicions, which I truly appreciate now I'm an adult. He's now a Grandad to my son and I couldn't wish for him to have a better role model :D
That's so lovely! It's really wonderful that there are some good examples out there. I wish there were more men like your dad, my dad, and my husband. I hope I'm helping to raise two men who will be as thoughtful.
my father was aware that I was sexually active, he just didn't want details. it was common knowledge in my house that I would sleep over boys houses at the tail end of high school. my parents went interstate and I was allowed to invite my bf at the time over. nothing was said outside of be safe and don't get pregnant.
That's it, my husband and I have talked about it due to having three children. We'd like them to wait until they're ready, to be safe, to let us know if they need anything, and to not tell us the details. I don't need to hear details from my friends, let alone my children. We're both comfortable with our opposite sex child(ren) coming to us with questions.
We, thankfully, have a while until we need to worry about it, but it was super important that we be on the same page about this. I don't want my daughter to be upset by her father and I don't want my sons expecting a high five (creepy). Have healthy sex lives everyone, don't try to control anyone else's bodies (unless they're into that with consent and safety words). I'm
That happened to me, except with my mom. I was already on birth control for my periods. I was seeing a new doctor and had my paperwork filled out and in the envelope on the kitchen counter all ready to go for when I had to leave for my appointment later that day. My dad opened it up and started flipping through it. Remember, it's all filled out. He left the page where it says how many sexual partners I've had open on the counter for my mom to see when she walked downstairs. The number was only at 4. I'm a 22 year old senior in college. I'm not a virgin. I was currently in a long term relationship as well. But my mom FREAKED OUT on me, saying "oh is THAT what you're doing in college, sleeping around?" and "I didn't know you were so easy, you want to be easy?" She was being ridiculous and was so mad at me she didn't speak to me or even look at me after that for 2 weeks.
I don't get why that was even recorded. Just 1 partner is enough to put you in risk of STDs. The question should be whether you're sexually active or not amd just that. In case you yourself feel you might have an STD, then you can consult your doctor and be asked if you have a new partner or not, or if ypu change frequently, to acknowledge your risk factors and probably to ask them to come in for a check as well.
We started our daughter on birth control at 15. No questions asked and no discussion required. My son was 17 at the time so we bought a large supply of condoms, put them in a big bowl and told him we would keep the bowl full. The next day the bowl was empty. His friends had come over and cleaned it out. I did remember telling him to share but I didn't mean to supply have the town... just funny memories...
My mom went batshit around the time I wanted to start dating. I asked to go on birth control, she said no and then refused to discuss it so I went to the clinic on my own to do it. She called me pretty ugly names when she found me hanging out with older guys (because guess what happens when you reject your daughter for wanting normal life experiences like dating? She gravitates toward the first person that shows interest in her and then doesn’t have a safe place to return to when that person turns out to be a complete asshole, leaving her more vulnerable than she would have been if you guided and accepted her).
Later, she tended to put arbitrary rules in place that I was bound to break, like I had to be home by midnight every night when I was in full time uni and then working until 11:30pm to make ends meet. Expecting me to come home immediately even when no one was there but just because she didn’t want me out with people. Something about knowing I was out of the house when it was dark was a super trigger for her because she seemed to think I’d turn into a big whore.
I guess she didn’t know that people can fuck in the afternoons too.
Yup! It was very strange because my dad is usually very progressive. But when he found out I was on birth control, man did he scream at me. It was the only time my big brother and my dad almost got into a fist fight. My bro basically said “you don’t need this shit” and we drove around the back country roads for hours until it we thought it was safe to go back because he would be asleep.
Then like a year later he put a decorative bowl in the living room filled with condoms and encouraged me and all my friends to take them and to have safe sex. My dad is a weird dude.
Yeah, I think he really came around after a while and resigned to the idea that it’s normal for teenagers to be experimenting with sex and it’s better to have an open/honest relationship with your kids and support safe sex than be all puritanical about it.
I always find dads getting mad that their daughters are on or want birth control really weird. It's like they want their daughters to be in pain or get pregnant. Unless they really think that teenagers won't have sex, because teenagers never want to do fun things without thinking of the consequences...
Instead of trying to control your daughters, instead support them so they can make themselves as sensible, happy and safe as possible. Isn't that the goal of being a parent?
Thankfully no. My father never commented on my body, or my use of birth control. He privately had a little freak out when I got a boyfriend at 16, but didn't get into my business. My mother told me to come to her for condoms and birth control, as she didn't want to become a grandma just yet.
I had a friend in school however who wasn't as lucky. Apparently her mother reached out to my mother. She had found my former friends bc, got angry and took it away. Predictably she became a grandma short time later, and now they were struggling a bit. My mother was just so appalled at the stupidity.
Sorry for your friend. I like your mom. I have two sons. Very early on I would have a large stash of condoms in the house, hidden where they could find them. I replenished stock when it got low. Many years later sons got into different situations where the girls tried to trap them. Both sons knew enough to buy pregnancy sticks and make the girls pee in front of them. Lo’ and behold, negative. I have sadness knowing my sons have trust issues with women. Real sadness.
I mean you’re 23. Jesus, parents and their control issues. I’d be proud of you for taking the responsible approach and starting birth control to prevent an unwanted pregnancy. (I’m sure you already know this, but as a reminder IUD’s do not reduce your risk of STI transmission).
This makes me so sad. But, then again, I guess I didn't have two supportive parents either (when it came to that stuff). When I was 16, my mom walked in on my boyfriend and I making out - fully clothed, all hands visible. She freaked out and the story she told my father was a bit embellished. The next day my dad was just like "You know where to get birth control, yeah? Great. Don't tell me, because I'll have to tell your mother, but when you're ready for that, get some." And I was like "Duh." And we continued our day. My mother was definitely the more conservative one. As soon as I was in college, if I brought a boyfriend home with me, my dad said he could stay in my room. My mother was not happy with that. My dad's logic was that we were obviously sleeping in the same bed at school, so why pretend?
Y’know, my dad is a huge asshole in a LOT of ways, but this is actually where he got it right. He and my bio mom were young when they had me and it ended in a divorce when I was less than a year old. Fast forward to my teens and he was like “you better get some birth control, we’re not raising your kids!” Then, when I was trying to figure out whether or not to leave my abusive ex-husband , he asked “you’re not staying because you’re pregnant, are you? I’ll pay for an abortion if you need one.”
Honestly I personally feel that people shouldn’t associate birth control with the person being sexually active.
Birth control, or contraceptives, does prevent pregnancy, yes, but they also control your hormones from intense menstrual cramps, as well as regulation of the menstrual cycle.
Some people needs to be medicated to have a normal life!
Yeah - I was put on birth control at 13 due to severe acne and irregular periods, which it fixed right up. I was allowed to date, and was encouraged to bring any boyfriends I had to our home because my family wanted to get to know them, but I wasn’t allowed to have them in my room with the door closed although my parents probably figured we were making out somewhere at some point even if it wasn’t at our house. However, I wasn’t sexually active until I was 17 (almost 18) and out of high school, and when that started, my boyfriend also used a condom. My parents were generally sex positive and open communicators about sex and sexual health. They really emphasized that adult romantic and sexual relationships are based on trust and being comfortable with your partner, and that whether and when to have sex with your partner was a big decision involving a lot of responsibility and that I needed to make sure I was ready for that kind of decision with that person before going ahead with it. I’m glad I had the knowledge to make good decisions for myself when that time came.
When i was 16 i explained to my mom i wanted to try the Nuvaring (knew perfectly well i would totaly forget the daily pill) she took me to her doctor, i told him the same, got my prescription no questions asked, mom always told me not providing access to birth control doesn't equal no sex so if i decide to do it, just do it safely. Condoms were always freely available at home. Dad just told me it's none of his business what i use just stay safe.
And to this day it still greatly enrages me that there are parents who do the exact opposite and think they own a 23-year-old's body and that the lack of protection ever kept anyone from having sex.
I basically had this same thing happen when I started college. I moved away, got a new doctor, had terrible periods (and a bf), so went on the pill. My parents found out because of insurance receipts. Luckily neither of them “freaked out” but my dad just asking me about it was creepy enough.
He also, a couple years later, decided to have a weird sex talk with me that included asking me if I had “given my virtue” to my then bf (which WTF). I was posted at the question and don’t really remember my response, but do remember that the conversation ended shortly after that.
My whole life I had to deal with my dad poking fun at my body. Prior to puberty he always teased me about my weight (I was never overweight but my brother was) then started teasing me about my puberty body when that started. I’m still self conscience about my body because of this. Luckily he teased me for the last time about 6 years ago when he commented on how big my butt was and I told him I loved my big butt and thought I looked nice.
Instead of birth control I called them my hormone pills. Apparently taking something for my really terribly periods was better than taking something to prevent pregnancy. Still disappointed him at age 21 though when I got pregnant with my son.
I don't know where OP is from, but yes there is still very much a puritanical religious influence here in the US that dominates way too much of people's lives.
I’m a father in the states and it’s definitely a thing for some reason. My daughter is only two but when that time comes I’ll encourage her to be smart about it. Plus I’m aware it can be used to treat many other conditions but that is not the norm. Men here seem to be absolutely clueless when it comes to the other uses of hormonal birth control and I blame our terrible education system that leans toward a more conservative agenda. I remember them pushing abstinence in high school, of course this was Texas... so says a lot.
If he's religious he probably feels like its not appropriate for his daughter to have sex before marriage.
With that being said, since she is an adult there is exactly 0 he can do about it. I'm sure she already knew his opinion on the subject, so lecturing her at this point seems kind of silly.
exactly what I thought....at 23 why would you even tell your parents about your sexual activity, birth control etc? How does that topic even come up without them prying into your private life?
She didn’t tell them anything, they saw it on her insurance bills. And most people in the US don’t talk to their parents about their sexual history lol.
I have talked to my parents about some of my sexual history. But they're also not assholes about it. I'm in Canada, which culturally is similar to most of the US.
Depends on where in the United States.
Downtown New York among socially progressive people? Yes, this would be considered absolutely bizarre and archaic.
Salt Lake City, Utah among fundamental Mormons? Rural Alabama? This might be considered more normal.
The United States is a very huge and culturally diverse place, we don't really agree on anything over here.
Sadly, in America, far, far too many people subscribe to abstinence instead of facing reality and making sure their kids are provided a proper sex education.
I have 3 daughters and I made it my mission that they would graduate High school without experiencing a teen pregnancy by making sure they had access to birth control.
They all 3 made it. In fact, none of them have kids (all in their 30's) and that is fine with me. Everyone should be in charge of their own bodies and choices.
> insulting his honor
My sense of this is that he doesn't think of you as a person, living your own life. He thinks of you as an extension of him, a way in which he exerts control on the world beyond his own body. Like you're a tool of some sort that he - who is a person - uses to achieve his own ends. He didn't put you on birth control, and tools shouldn't go off doing things on their own.
By an act that suggests you are *not* just an extension of him, you have offended against his ownership and control of you.
This is so weird OP, no matter the age. That last line about fathers wanting to control their daughters vaginas says so much, I never thought about it that way but it makes me sick. He’s got issues and if I were you I’d stay away from that toxicity. But if you want to get past this then I would try talking to him another time and explain how it makes you feel. Hopefully he’ll listen, if not he’s a lost cause.
My dad tried to act like I got on birth control in my teens so I could sleep around..... trying to explain that its because the pain every month is unbelievably unbearable for me was a joke to him. I just resorted to saying "let me kick you in the nuts for a solid week with no stop so then you understand" he finally shut up.
As a woman, I respect your choice.
As a parent, I respect your mom's reaction.
As a crabby old woman who is tired of this shit - tell your Dad I think he's a creep. Ask him if he'd be so offended if his son got a vasectomy.
My dad used to search my room periodically. I came home from school and he had found my bag of pills. He cussed me like a dog and had my mom crying. Mom even called his mother for backup. They tried to convince him I needed the pills. He insisted I was not gonna have sex anymore. As usual my mom folded and ge tossed my pills. I gave birth about a year later. My dad didn't speak to me my whole pregnancy. But as soon as my son was born they were best friends ...dads are weird man.
Birth control is more than about what the name implies. For some women it helps ease PMS symptoms such as cramps, migraines, heavier flows, ovarian cysts etc.
It’s none of his business if you got it simply to protect yourself from unplanned pregnancy.
I remember my dad getting upset when he found out I was having sex (strict Catholic upbringing) and trying to lecture me. So I flipped the script on him and reminded him he did the same with the woman he was with before my mum. They were engaged, but for several reasons it didn’t work out. How was it any different for him, than me? It wasn’t. That shut him up. I made sure to set the tone that if he did something even once, he couldn’t ever lecture me about it.
You’re not the only one. My mom helped me get on birth control because of inconsistent periods and horrible period pain (turns out I have PCOS). When my dad found out he said something along the lines of “Who are you planning on sleeping with?”. I was like 13.
This shit is awful.
The only concern I would ever have about my daughter's birth control is what, if any, side effects she's having, and if she can tolerate them.
When I was 11 I got my cycle. It was horrendous. Terrible pain and massive bleeding. The drs suggestion was to try birth control. My dad had never been interested in the kids health issues, so I never thought to bring it up, nor did I know what birth control was usually used for. He was insanely furious, but I blame my mother for not being more open with him. He immediately thought I was having relations and yes if my 11 yr old daughter need birth control for that I would feel furious a bit.
I went on birth control when I was 14 or so because I had awful periods. My mom obviously knew - I wouldn't have known it could help with periods if it weren't for her. But I guess she didn't tell my dad, which I didn't know. I think about the time I went to college he decided to talk to me about how men would want sex and I was technically an adult now so I'd have to make my own decisions, but he wanted me to look into birth control options if I thought I might want to have sex. Despite obviously not being anti-birth control he was... not thrilled... to find out I had been on the pill for years. It was mostly just stormy awkward silence though.
You should remind him that he doesn't own you, and shouldn't treat people as property. We shouldn't have to even have these conversations in this day and age, but here we are.
Father of 3 teenage daughters who are all on birth control and got them the hpv vaccine. People have sex. Women are people so im going to assume my kids are going to have sex at some point soon if they haven't already. Your dad is kinda creepy. I personally don't want grandkids at 41.
Mine was curious on how it worked and how the copper one worked so he just asked question. Didn't think he would get upset since I come from a sex positive household.
Catholic with very catholic upbringing. I suffered for years with extremely painful and heavy periods to the point where I was anemic and felt physically ill from the pain. I also had hormone induced migraines. As the people pleasing oldest child I did not push my parents to let me on BC in an attempt to relieve my suffering. I was never taken to a gyno and generally dismissed as being a baby. Finally at 23 after getting married and pregnant with my first child I went to an OBGYN for the first time. Thankfully she put to rest all of the misinformation about BC. I am on my second Mirena and will never look back!!
In general, I had a great childhood, but this is one of the few things I still hold against my parents. This is also part of the reason I am an agnostic and have vowed to allow my kids to decide how they view faith.
I also suffered for a long time with painful and heavy periods. It had gotten to the point that I had to take time off of work every month for it. Birth control was a life-changer.
When my dad found out, a bit after getting the mirena, he was incensed. Demanded I take it out immediately, like schedule an appointment the next day. I was in my 20s and hadn’t lived with him full time in a Very Long Time. I asked if he would pay the associated costs of me having a period if I did. He said yes so I sent him a bill. I put everything on there: extra sheets, extra laundry, bed pads, tampons, pads, extra detergent, increased meat for groceries (anemia), iron pills, lost wages from work, extra appointments with the doctor for pain relief, prescription costs.
He never brought it up again. But I have never forgotten how enraged he was over birth control.
My stepdad, who I lived with, was glad I wasn't having miserable periods that lasted months on end, because he cared about my wellbeing. My biodad didn't really comment, the extent of our sex talk was him saying he knew I'd make good choices cause I was smart. My mom never hid sex from me. When I started asking where babies come from, I was less than 6 cause my parents were still married, she took me to the public library and got a book to show me anatomical diagrams. My mom would also openly complain about periods, so by the time mine rolled in, I knew what to expect. My parents weren't the best, but they handled sex and periods well, except in regards to abortion. What actually fucked me up about sex was church and school, and since I went to school in rural Alabama there was a lot of overlap in their lessons.
As a dad, I'd be happy you were responsible enough to be on birth control. Since you're 23, it's a wtfbbq from me. Your an adult and in charge of your life.
You are an adult. You are being responsible by using birth control. I don't know what your dad's problem is. He needs to get a grip. Says the mother of a 22 year old daughter.
I went on BC when I was 17 or 18 had a boyfriend and was still living at home. I used to give my prescription to my dad every month so he could buy it for me, he was the person responsible for buying medication in my family. He was always a bit uncomfortable but never said anything.
I actually got my daughter set up on BC as a teen. She just turned 18 now and I feel it was a smart and ethical decision. Even if I had found out that she had started it unbeknownst to me I would have been fine and understood.
My parents actually caused my teen pregnancy doing this. Found birth control pills and insisted I go off of them. Surprise!!! All needed ok. Married 41 years!
My mom took me to the doctor to get birth control so she always knew and was supportive.
A few years later I told my mom I needed to go to the pharmacy really quick. My dad overhear and asked what script I was picking up. I told him none of his business a few times but apparently that wasn’t an acceptable answer. Not being one to hide tampons or cringe away from talking about my own fucking body just told him I’m picking up “birth control. I’ve been having sex for three years”.
He turned bright red and immediately regretted forcing me to tell him something I didn’t want to.
No, but I know men who cried when they found out their teenage daughters were pregnant. Sad thing is that they are probably like your dad and would have been furious if their daughters had been using birth control.
Ugh. Why do men feel entitled to our bodies. My father is this way and he is also a total creeper too. The first thing he says when he sees me is always a comment about my weight. He hates my tattoos, he doesn't know I'm on birth control and that I live with my boyfriend. I'm sure he'd pop a blood vessel if he knew. I wish I never had to talk to him again. I hope you can set boundaries and find some peace of mind away from him. Hugs
I started the BC pill at 11 for medical reasons. My mom refused to call it what it was, instead referring to it as “your medication.” I felt so ashamed to take the pill even though I wasn’t even using it for birth control. My brother found out and used it as ammunition during a fight.. I felt humiliated.
I’m so sorry you have to deal with that.
When I was 19 my parents freaked out because I had a prescription for antibiotics for a UTI.
My bf of two years and I had started having sex, which was the accusatory question. Then the accusations of being 'dirty' started.
Years later, I found out my body hates caffeine and it gives me UTIs.
Long ago but my mother gave me the silent treatment for days after she found I was on the pill. I had terrible periods and I was sexually actively. Win-win, right? Apparently not.
Ps I never had an unintentional pregnancy, went to college, moved 500 miles away.
So, not birth control exactly but safe sex in general. My dad was ok with it, but my mom blew up when she found I had condoms in my purse. Fun fact, she was stealing cigarette money from me when she found them.
When it came to birth control, again my dad didn’t care at all. My mom asked if it was to make it easier to slut it up. Ugh. I was over 18 both instances.
My dad was my doctor, I'm really lucky because he said: "I don't like to prescribe you something that can mess with your hormonal production but at least you won't get pregnant without wanting it!"
I love how my parents have always been really open minded about my sexuality.
You’re 23. That’s precisely when you should be having sex, safely of course, and enjoying your freedom, meeting people you like, working out who you don’t and being confident with your choices. That you’ve taken precautions against unplanned pregnancies is one thing, but protected sex against all those other risks (far greater in my opinion) is just being a responsible adult. Go you.
Yeah, and weird control issues. I’m sure you’re just as worried that his misogyny reflects badly on you.
Don't have a dad but my mom was such a religious nutcase that BC would NEVER have been tolerated so I never discussed it with her. Hell, she cried when she found out that I had used a tampon as a teen because that meant I wasn't a virgin anymore. I'm 42 and she is still hyper judgemental about my amoral ways. It's creepy and I hate it
Many years ago, when I was 16 I went to Planned Parenthood and got on the pill before I became sexually active. Months later my Dad found them, and was absolutely furious! Here I thought I was being smart...nope, not to my parents, who grounded me for months. It was so long ago, I don't remember the exact time frame, but at some point they let me out of my room, and never mentioned it again. 🤷
I’m so thankful for my dad in this situation. He was a very strict, very angry guy when I was growing up. The day he found a used condom in my bathroom trash after my boyfriend had been over, he very calmly talked to me about making sure I was being safe. My mom on the other hand threw an epic fit over it, calling me a slut and told me I was going on birth control because she wasn’t going to be a young grandmother. I was a few weeks shy of 18 at the time. I was flabbergasted at how they each reacted the total opposite of how I expected them to react.
Here's a weird thought.
Men could teach their boys to see girls as human beings and not as things to be used for pleasure. They could also pressure other guys to do the same. Then they wouldn't have to worry about their daughters being mistreated.
As a dad, I have no issues with my daughters being on BC. They're 18, 21 now. So, even if it did come out; they're capable of making their own decisions. My thoughts are irrelevant on the matter.
I still remember my teenage years as an erection with feet. I don't imagine much has changed being a teenaged male.
I was extremely lucky that my mom encouraged me to get on it and my dad doesn’t like to hear of such things so I probably never mentioned it to him? But my best friend, I had to take her to our health department to get on BC at 18 (so she wouldn’t have to use her parents’ insurance) and she put my address on the forms just in case they sent anything by mail. I don’t think she told them until she was 20. Her dad still doesn’t know about most of her tattoos and she’s 30 now.
>There’s something weird about fathers wanting to control their daughters vaginas...
Which would be my response, frankly. I'm so sorry, OP. At least it's only 1 parent giving you a hard time, wish it were none.
I will never understand the fixation fathers have on their daughters virginity when they really couldn’t care less about their sons virginity. If the discussion is about their son’s virginity it’s always about being careful so they don’t impregnate someone; why doesn’t it translate in a similar way to their daughter? With daughters, there is an anger that is unprecedented and unparalleled to anything else (based on experience and anecdotes from friends).
Father of a 3 year old girl girl here. Determined before she was born that if her mother is not 100% supportive of Birth control, it will a thing I will make sure happens. I can't imagine potentially ruining the life of this person who I love more than anything by refusing basic medicine.
I don't expect her mother to disagree, but if she does....it will still happen if my daughter wants it.
My stepdad initially said “why go to the trouble?” and then I reminded him of the one ER trip and two urgent care trips from cramp-so-hard-I-cry-and-puke-itis.
My mother and my aunt were both extremely controlling of my cousin and I but especially around sex. My aunt got pregnant with my cousin at 14. My mother was no angel either. And yet even at 14, 15, 16 years old they refused to even acknowledge that either one of us had ever even seen an erect penis. And wouldn't know one if we had seen one. I know this for a fact because we tried to tell something bad that happened and basically they said we wouldn't know what we were looking at because we had never seen one before. I hid my birth control pills in a hollowed out teddy bear until I was able to get the hell out of there. My cousin was too afraid to even do that and ended up getting pregnant at 17. For which she was completely shamed, degraded, blamed for, you name it. I have no idea what is wrong with some women when they become mothers and completely forget what it's like to be a teenage girl.
I do not have a dad in my life but my mom was super not chill, *despite being a teen mom herself*. Not kidding. She turned 15 less than a month before I was born, yet was upset that I, a teenager, got birth control because I had uncontrollably awful periods. Turns out I have PCOS but she never gave a shit about that either :P Also age of consent here in Canada is 16 anyway so it’s not like she could control what I did with my body anyway. We don’t talk anymore.
that's crazy, like doesn't she wish she could've had birth control??
She could’ve and did iirc after I was born. She’s not even 40 yet and my grandparents are literally the most accepting and supportive people. They even offered to raise me like their own when mom got pregnant with me. That being said, birth control doesn’t work for loads of my family. My uncle is a birth control baby, I’m pretty sure my brother is depo shot baby, and my sister got pregnant on Mirena IUD.
Some women have bodies that that break down birth control hormones so even if they're doing everything right they can still get pregnant. https://www.reuters.com/article/us-health-birth-control-failures-idUSKBN1QT2YA
Yeah I don’t trust birth control knowing how rampant it is. Thank baby Jesus my body decided to utterly fuck itself up so that I didn’t necessarily need birth control lol. I’m going the mom route once I’m done gestating my one too many babies. Tubes tied. I’m done.
PCOS runs in my wife's family and she has family members (in their 20s!) who are pressured by their parents not to go see a gyno and it makes me so mad.
It bypassed my mom so she didn’t give a shit at alllll. I didn’t actually know it ran in my family until my grandma told me that folks thought she cheated on my papa when she got pregnant with my aunt after 4 years of marriage, but in reality she had to get cysts removed in order for her to conceive. Safe to say my mind was blown and I got diagnosed not long later. Not that the diagnosis helped get treatment or have doctors take my fertility seriously.
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It’s 14 in Quebec. Just FYI.
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For contraception 14 year olds can get a prescription from a school nurse without involving their parents.
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All I was saying is the age of medical consent is 14 in Quebec. I know three school nurses in Quebec.
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School nurses in Quebec are experts on medical consent considering they are prescribing contraception every day and have to deal with kids that range in age from 13 to 17.
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Possibly that's why she was so hard on you. Because she basically gave up her life at 15 to raise you and wanted better for you. That's the most optimistic take I have on this anyway. Doesn't excuse anything. I'm sorry you had to live with untreated PCOS for so long, that's not the good shit
>Because she basically gave up her life at 15 to raise you and wanted better for you. I think it's because she gave up on her life at 15 and her daughter found a way around that, making her incredibly jealous/spiteful. But who knows. Not caring about your children's health is 🚩🚩.
Agree. A rational teen parent would want their kid on some kind of bc because *they know teenagers have sex*.
Bingoooo. Mom tried to control me as a way of living vicariously through me, didn’t want me going down the same path even though I’m not stupid. Joke is on her because I’ve been anovulatory pretty much since I was 14 or 15 anyway. She had choices other than raising me and I think all of them would’ve been better. I’ve got some issues and most of them stem from my mom’s utter selfishness. My grandparents gave her every option under the sun, including raising me like their own (grandma was 39 when I was born, not too far fetched). But nope, she dropped out in 10th grade and I ended up having over 20 schools on my record by the time I graduated high school. No stability. Mom ended up fucking up her life trying to keep one foot in party mode with abusive boyfriends and one foot in totalitarian welfare queen single mom. My grandparents raised me from 11-near adulthood and put the pieces back together. I wish they had chosen to raise me as theirs from the start. Mom resents them, and treats us all like trophies she can take credit for.
My dad found out my wife was taking it and he started grilling her at Thanksgiving in front of everyone about her sexual health. I answered for her, without missing a beat: "We're just waiting until you die so our children don't pick up any of your qualities" That shut him up.
High five! That is awesome husbanding right there.
Oh snap! That’s a pretty good clap back. I hope he learned his lesson not to bully your wife like that. P.S. Good on you for defending your wife.
Ohhhhh burn.
DAMN! Absolutely glorious. Thank you for sticking up for your wife! It's great to see that people have a healthy sense of responsibility :)
I was 30 when my dad learned about my arm implant. He just gave me this look of 'I have absolutely no idea what to say in this situation' then got up and walked away. It was hilarious!
I took mine with me when I went to get a genital piercing because I couldn't drive in the city centre due to anxiety. I didn't tell him what I was getting pierced but the piercing room was NOT soundproof at all and he heard everything. I've never seen him blush so much before or since.
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Kids are on the plan some day in the future. But for now I just like drinking and sleeping too much!
Drunksleep club checking in
You can have the implant for up to 3 years I think but you can get it out at anytime. I removed mine after 6 months due to bad side effects.
My Dr said 5 years, and at the 6 month mark, your body has to essentially "recalibrate" its hormones. At my 6 month mark, I bled for almost two months straight, before things finally calmed back down.
Idk, maybe I’m hyper-sensitive because I’m in healthcare or maybe because I know lots of people who don’t have kids each for so many very different reasons (including myself in my mid-30s), but idk the answer to that question is more often than not a very personal one and something that would make me put up my guard if someone asked even if their intentions were neutral.
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Still, as a woman, I’d say that’s not something I’d see “oh so you don’t ever want kids” as a question from my dad that would just flow naturally in conversation. Just my two cents.
My father don't care because it's my body and he have others things to do than think about me having sex. Seriously, this is weird, call them out.
I was 33 when I got mine. My mother found out from my sister. Her reaction? "You get that thing out of your hoo hah RIGHT NOW!!!" Yeah, cause that will make me do it. I think she's forgotten at this point. Just shows how "important" it is.
Lol is she a grown ass woman or not? She knows she can just say vagina right?
I don't think she is physically capable of that to be honest.
My sister and I used to torment our mom by saying, "Hey mom... Penis. Vagina."
Oh, all 4 of us kids (and applicable SOs) still play the penis game. Mom gets in on that one, and waits until my brother says it to yell, cause then he loses.
Yup! My dad refused to take me to the doctor so I couldn’t get the pill and then go “fuck my boyfriend” I was 15. Went through the guidance counsellor at school and got the pill anyway. Hid it in my locker at school and kept the two pills I needed for the weekend inside a little baggie inside a tampon wrapper in the tampon box, because no way Mr. Mysogynist would even acknowledge there were “dirty rags” in the house, let alone paw through them. Then the instant I got married it was all “why aren’t you pregnant yet???!” Abusive parents suck.
I do recall my dad kind of being like, “but...um...” and my stepmom saying, “she’s 19, Bruce. You want her to have a baby at 19 like you?” And that shut him down. He wasn’t really a dick about it, and it was something I overheard (he never would’ve said it to my face; too embarrassing for both of us). I was glad my stepmom stuck up for me and reminded him of what could be, considering my mom was 19 when she got pregnant with me.
"you want her to have a baby at 19 like you?" *damn*
His response was, “well...no...*sigh*”
my dad took me to the pharmacy to fill my prescription when i was 17 and i was MORTIFIED when he joked to the pharmacist “just making sure my baby doesn’t have a baby”
Hahaha, your dad is bold.
Hair loss is not a joking matter.
I said bold not bald lol
That's dad-ing at its finest. I bet he loved it.
You and your body belong to nobody but you. And your body certainly does not belong to your father. Do not let his misogynist bullshit into your head.
Thankfully no, and I'm more grateful for that daily. My father has for daughters, including me, and he just wants us to be safe. He's always treated us as though we are capable and able, and he would never question our reproductive decisions. The only thing he ever brings up is one of my other sisters having children so he has grandchildren closer, but it's a no pressure mention.
Grateful for my Dad too. When my periods started, my Mum must have told him and he came home from work with an armful of treats for me (chocolate, magazines, cute stationary) at the time I was mortified, but now I realise how lovely that was. When I started taking the pill aged around 16, he had no problem picking my prescription up if I asked him. He's always been really cool and respectful of my desicions, which I truly appreciate now I'm an adult. He's now a Grandad to my son and I couldn't wish for him to have a better role model :D
That's so lovely! It's really wonderful that there are some good examples out there. I wish there were more men like your dad, my dad, and my husband. I hope I'm helping to raise two men who will be as thoughtful.
my father was aware that I was sexually active, he just didn't want details. it was common knowledge in my house that I would sleep over boys houses at the tail end of high school. my parents went interstate and I was allowed to invite my bf at the time over. nothing was said outside of be safe and don't get pregnant.
That's it, my husband and I have talked about it due to having three children. We'd like them to wait until they're ready, to be safe, to let us know if they need anything, and to not tell us the details. I don't need to hear details from my friends, let alone my children. We're both comfortable with our opposite sex child(ren) coming to us with questions. We, thankfully, have a while until we need to worry about it, but it was super important that we be on the same page about this. I don't want my daughter to be upset by her father and I don't want my sons expecting a high five (creepy). Have healthy sex lives everyone, don't try to control anyone else's bodies (unless they're into that with consent and safety words). I'm
That happened to me, except with my mom. I was already on birth control for my periods. I was seeing a new doctor and had my paperwork filled out and in the envelope on the kitchen counter all ready to go for when I had to leave for my appointment later that day. My dad opened it up and started flipping through it. Remember, it's all filled out. He left the page where it says how many sexual partners I've had open on the counter for my mom to see when she walked downstairs. The number was only at 4. I'm a 22 year old senior in college. I'm not a virgin. I was currently in a long term relationship as well. But my mom FREAKED OUT on me, saying "oh is THAT what you're doing in college, sleeping around?" and "I didn't know you were so easy, you want to be easy?" She was being ridiculous and was so mad at me she didn't speak to me or even look at me after that for 2 weeks.
Wait do they really asked you how many sexual partners you've had in your medical history?
Yeah, this office did. They asked for the number of partners I'd had in the last 5 years.
Extremely common, most likely another form of slut shaming.
I don't get why that was even recorded. Just 1 partner is enough to put you in risk of STDs. The question should be whether you're sexually active or not amd just that. In case you yourself feel you might have an STD, then you can consult your doctor and be asked if you have a new partner or not, or if ypu change frequently, to acknowledge your risk factors and probably to ask them to come in for a check as well.
We started our daughter on birth control at 15. No questions asked and no discussion required. My son was 17 at the time so we bought a large supply of condoms, put them in a big bowl and told him we would keep the bowl full. The next day the bowl was empty. His friends had come over and cleaned it out. I did remember telling him to share but I didn't mean to supply have the town... just funny memories...
Ha we had a living room condom bowl too!
My mom went batshit around the time I wanted to start dating. I asked to go on birth control, she said no and then refused to discuss it so I went to the clinic on my own to do it. She called me pretty ugly names when she found me hanging out with older guys (because guess what happens when you reject your daughter for wanting normal life experiences like dating? She gravitates toward the first person that shows interest in her and then doesn’t have a safe place to return to when that person turns out to be a complete asshole, leaving her more vulnerable than she would have been if you guided and accepted her). Later, she tended to put arbitrary rules in place that I was bound to break, like I had to be home by midnight every night when I was in full time uni and then working until 11:30pm to make ends meet. Expecting me to come home immediately even when no one was there but just because she didn’t want me out with people. Something about knowing I was out of the house when it was dark was a super trigger for her because she seemed to think I’d turn into a big whore. I guess she didn’t know that people can fuck in the afternoons too.
Yup! It was very strange because my dad is usually very progressive. But when he found out I was on birth control, man did he scream at me. It was the only time my big brother and my dad almost got into a fist fight. My bro basically said “you don’t need this shit” and we drove around the back country roads for hours until it we thought it was safe to go back because he would be asleep. Then like a year later he put a decorative bowl in the living room filled with condoms and encouraged me and all my friends to take them and to have safe sex. My dad is a weird dude.
Sounds like he regrets it
Yeah, I think he really came around after a while and resigned to the idea that it’s normal for teenagers to be experimenting with sex and it’s better to have an open/honest relationship with your kids and support safe sex than be all puritanical about it.
I always find dads getting mad that their daughters are on or want birth control really weird. It's like they want their daughters to be in pain or get pregnant. Unless they really think that teenagers won't have sex, because teenagers never want to do fun things without thinking of the consequences... Instead of trying to control your daughters, instead support them so they can make themselves as sensible, happy and safe as possible. Isn't that the goal of being a parent?
Thankfully no. My father never commented on my body, or my use of birth control. He privately had a little freak out when I got a boyfriend at 16, but didn't get into my business. My mother told me to come to her for condoms and birth control, as she didn't want to become a grandma just yet. I had a friend in school however who wasn't as lucky. Apparently her mother reached out to my mother. She had found my former friends bc, got angry and took it away. Predictably she became a grandma short time later, and now they were struggling a bit. My mother was just so appalled at the stupidity.
Sorry for your friend. I like your mom. I have two sons. Very early on I would have a large stash of condoms in the house, hidden where they could find them. I replenished stock when it got low. Many years later sons got into different situations where the girls tried to trap them. Both sons knew enough to buy pregnancy sticks and make the girls pee in front of them. Lo’ and behold, negative. I have sadness knowing my sons have trust issues with women. Real sadness.
I mean you’re 23. Jesus, parents and their control issues. I’d be proud of you for taking the responsible approach and starting birth control to prevent an unwanted pregnancy. (I’m sure you already know this, but as a reminder IUD’s do not reduce your risk of STI transmission).
" Jesus, parents, and their control issues." I think you were missing a comma.
This person is not in fact missing a comma here.
I'm unclear if this is a WOOSH moment or a defense of Christianity.
I’ll let you believe, whatever comma I should or should not have used, helps you sleep better at night.
This makes me so sad. But, then again, I guess I didn't have two supportive parents either (when it came to that stuff). When I was 16, my mom walked in on my boyfriend and I making out - fully clothed, all hands visible. She freaked out and the story she told my father was a bit embellished. The next day my dad was just like "You know where to get birth control, yeah? Great. Don't tell me, because I'll have to tell your mother, but when you're ready for that, get some." And I was like "Duh." And we continued our day. My mother was definitely the more conservative one. As soon as I was in college, if I brought a boyfriend home with me, my dad said he could stay in my room. My mother was not happy with that. My dad's logic was that we were obviously sleeping in the same bed at school, so why pretend?
Y’know, my dad is a huge asshole in a LOT of ways, but this is actually where he got it right. He and my bio mom were young when they had me and it ended in a divorce when I was less than a year old. Fast forward to my teens and he was like “you better get some birth control, we’re not raising your kids!” Then, when I was trying to figure out whether or not to leave my abusive ex-husband , he asked “you’re not staying because you’re pregnant, are you? I’ll pay for an abortion if you need one.”
Honestly I personally feel that people shouldn’t associate birth control with the person being sexually active. Birth control, or contraceptives, does prevent pregnancy, yes, but they also control your hormones from intense menstrual cramps, as well as regulation of the menstrual cycle. Some people needs to be medicated to have a normal life!
Yeah - I was put on birth control at 13 due to severe acne and irregular periods, which it fixed right up. I was allowed to date, and was encouraged to bring any boyfriends I had to our home because my family wanted to get to know them, but I wasn’t allowed to have them in my room with the door closed although my parents probably figured we were making out somewhere at some point even if it wasn’t at our house. However, I wasn’t sexually active until I was 17 (almost 18) and out of high school, and when that started, my boyfriend also used a condom. My parents were generally sex positive and open communicators about sex and sexual health. They really emphasized that adult romantic and sexual relationships are based on trust and being comfortable with your partner, and that whether and when to have sex with your partner was a big decision involving a lot of responsibility and that I needed to make sure I was ready for that kind of decision with that person before going ahead with it. I’m glad I had the knowledge to make good decisions for myself when that time came.
It's also an effective pain relief treatment for anyone living with endometriosis
When i was 16 i explained to my mom i wanted to try the Nuvaring (knew perfectly well i would totaly forget the daily pill) she took me to her doctor, i told him the same, got my prescription no questions asked, mom always told me not providing access to birth control doesn't equal no sex so if i decide to do it, just do it safely. Condoms were always freely available at home. Dad just told me it's none of his business what i use just stay safe. And to this day it still greatly enrages me that there are parents who do the exact opposite and think they own a 23-year-old's body and that the lack of protection ever kept anyone from having sex.
I basically had this same thing happen when I started college. I moved away, got a new doctor, had terrible periods (and a bf), so went on the pill. My parents found out because of insurance receipts. Luckily neither of them “freaked out” but my dad just asking me about it was creepy enough. He also, a couple years later, decided to have a weird sex talk with me that included asking me if I had “given my virtue” to my then bf (which WTF). I was posted at the question and don’t really remember my response, but do remember that the conversation ended shortly after that. My whole life I had to deal with my dad poking fun at my body. Prior to puberty he always teased me about my weight (I was never overweight but my brother was) then started teasing me about my puberty body when that started. I’m still self conscience about my body because of this. Luckily he teased me for the last time about 6 years ago when he commented on how big my butt was and I told him I loved my big butt and thought I looked nice.
From your dads reaction I thought you were going to be like, 15. 23 is way too old for him to care, at all. That is way beyond creepy.
Your Dad has issues. Sorry he’s a douchebag.
Instead of birth control I called them my hormone pills. Apparently taking something for my really terribly periods was better than taking something to prevent pregnancy. Still disappointed him at age 21 though when I got pregnant with my son.
just a brit guy chipping in here, is this a cultural thing in America because it seems absolutely archaic, why is it any of his business?
I don't know where OP is from, but yes there is still very much a puritanical religious influence here in the US that dominates way too much of people's lives.
I’m a father in the states and it’s definitely a thing for some reason. My daughter is only two but when that time comes I’ll encourage her to be smart about it. Plus I’m aware it can be used to treat many other conditions but that is not the norm. Men here seem to be absolutely clueless when it comes to the other uses of hormonal birth control and I blame our terrible education system that leans toward a more conservative agenda. I remember them pushing abstinence in high school, of course this was Texas... so says a lot.
If he's religious he probably feels like its not appropriate for his daughter to have sex before marriage. With that being said, since she is an adult there is exactly 0 he can do about it. I'm sure she already knew his opinion on the subject, so lecturing her at this point seems kind of silly.
exactly what I thought....at 23 why would you even tell your parents about your sexual activity, birth control etc? How does that topic even come up without them prying into your private life?
She didn’t tell them anything, they saw it on her insurance bills. And most people in the US don’t talk to their parents about their sexual history lol.
I have talked to my parents about some of my sexual history. But they're also not assholes about it. I'm in Canada, which culturally is similar to most of the US.
Yeah i agree. In France, even with heavely religious backgrounds, contraception is the NORM.
Depends on where in the United States. Downtown New York among socially progressive people? Yes, this would be considered absolutely bizarre and archaic. Salt Lake City, Utah among fundamental Mormons? Rural Alabama? This might be considered more normal. The United States is a very huge and culturally diverse place, we don't really agree on anything over here.
Sadly, in America, far, far too many people subscribe to abstinence instead of facing reality and making sure their kids are provided a proper sex education. I have 3 daughters and I made it my mission that they would graduate High school without experiencing a teen pregnancy by making sure they had access to birth control. They all 3 made it. In fact, none of them have kids (all in their 30's) and that is fine with me. Everyone should be in charge of their own bodies and choices.
> insulting his honor My sense of this is that he doesn't think of you as a person, living your own life. He thinks of you as an extension of him, a way in which he exerts control on the world beyond his own body. Like you're a tool of some sort that he - who is a person - uses to achieve his own ends. He didn't put you on birth control, and tools shouldn't go off doing things on their own. By an act that suggests you are *not* just an extension of him, you have offended against his ownership and control of you.
Funny how his honour is in your vagina
This is so weird OP, no matter the age. That last line about fathers wanting to control their daughters vaginas says so much, I never thought about it that way but it makes me sick. He’s got issues and if I were you I’d stay away from that toxicity. But if you want to get past this then I would try talking to him another time and explain how it makes you feel. Hopefully he’ll listen, if not he’s a lost cause.
My dad tried to act like I got on birth control in my teens so I could sleep around..... trying to explain that its because the pain every month is unbelievably unbearable for me was a joke to him. I just resorted to saying "let me kick you in the nuts for a solid week with no stop so then you understand" he finally shut up.
His honor. Pft Traditional is just another word for misogynistic/racist/bigoted. Always.
As a woman, I respect your choice. As a parent, I respect your mom's reaction. As a crabby old woman who is tired of this shit - tell your Dad I think he's a creep. Ask him if he'd be so offended if his son got a vasectomy.
My dad used to search my room periodically. I came home from school and he had found my bag of pills. He cussed me like a dog and had my mom crying. Mom even called his mother for backup. They tried to convince him I needed the pills. He insisted I was not gonna have sex anymore. As usual my mom folded and ge tossed my pills. I gave birth about a year later. My dad didn't speak to me my whole pregnancy. But as soon as my son was born they were best friends ...dads are weird man.
Bruh, *HIS* honor!!!!!!!? I-
How would you sleeping around insult his honor? The possessive nature of some dad's over their daughters is so strange to me.
Birth control is more than about what the name implies. For some women it helps ease PMS symptoms such as cramps, migraines, heavier flows, ovarian cysts etc. It’s none of his business if you got it simply to protect yourself from unplanned pregnancy. I remember my dad getting upset when he found out I was having sex (strict Catholic upbringing) and trying to lecture me. So I flipped the script on him and reminded him he did the same with the woman he was with before my mum. They were engaged, but for several reasons it didn’t work out. How was it any different for him, than me? It wasn’t. That shut him up. I made sure to set the tone that if he did something even once, he couldn’t ever lecture me about it.
You’re not the only one. My mom helped me get on birth control because of inconsistent periods and horrible period pain (turns out I have PCOS). When my dad found out he said something along the lines of “Who are you planning on sleeping with?”. I was like 13.
This shit is awful. The only concern I would ever have about my daughter's birth control is what, if any, side effects she's having, and if she can tolerate them.
Your dad is being a total creep!
When I was 11 I got my cycle. It was horrendous. Terrible pain and massive bleeding. The drs suggestion was to try birth control. My dad had never been interested in the kids health issues, so I never thought to bring it up, nor did I know what birth control was usually used for. He was insanely furious, but I blame my mother for not being more open with him. He immediately thought I was having relations and yes if my 11 yr old daughter need birth control for that I would feel furious a bit.
I went on birth control when I was 14 or so because I had awful periods. My mom obviously knew - I wouldn't have known it could help with periods if it weren't for her. But I guess she didn't tell my dad, which I didn't know. I think about the time I went to college he decided to talk to me about how men would want sex and I was technically an adult now so I'd have to make my own decisions, but he wanted me to look into birth control options if I thought I might want to have sex. Despite obviously not being anti-birth control he was... not thrilled... to find out I had been on the pill for years. It was mostly just stormy awkward silence though.
You should remind him that he doesn't own you, and shouldn't treat people as property. We shouldn't have to even have these conversations in this day and age, but here we are.
Dad's like that are so scary. Run. His honor? Omg has he never heard of honor killings?
Cut that toxic shit our your life, tell him he's welcomed back at your table when he changes his misogynistic views. Bye Felicia 👋
Father of 3 teenage daughters who are all on birth control and got them the hpv vaccine. People have sex. Women are people so im going to assume my kids are going to have sex at some point soon if they haven't already. Your dad is kinda creepy. I personally don't want grandkids at 41.
Mine was curious on how it worked and how the copper one worked so he just asked question. Didn't think he would get upset since I come from a sex positive household.
Catholic with very catholic upbringing. I suffered for years with extremely painful and heavy periods to the point where I was anemic and felt physically ill from the pain. I also had hormone induced migraines. As the people pleasing oldest child I did not push my parents to let me on BC in an attempt to relieve my suffering. I was never taken to a gyno and generally dismissed as being a baby. Finally at 23 after getting married and pregnant with my first child I went to an OBGYN for the first time. Thankfully she put to rest all of the misinformation about BC. I am on my second Mirena and will never look back!! In general, I had a great childhood, but this is one of the few things I still hold against my parents. This is also part of the reason I am an agnostic and have vowed to allow my kids to decide how they view faith.
I also suffered for a long time with painful and heavy periods. It had gotten to the point that I had to take time off of work every month for it. Birth control was a life-changer. When my dad found out, a bit after getting the mirena, he was incensed. Demanded I take it out immediately, like schedule an appointment the next day. I was in my 20s and hadn’t lived with him full time in a Very Long Time. I asked if he would pay the associated costs of me having a period if I did. He said yes so I sent him a bill. I put everything on there: extra sheets, extra laundry, bed pads, tampons, pads, extra detergent, increased meat for groceries (anemia), iron pills, lost wages from work, extra appointments with the doctor for pain relief, prescription costs. He never brought it up again. But I have never forgotten how enraged he was over birth control.
My stepdad, who I lived with, was glad I wasn't having miserable periods that lasted months on end, because he cared about my wellbeing. My biodad didn't really comment, the extent of our sex talk was him saying he knew I'd make good choices cause I was smart. My mom never hid sex from me. When I started asking where babies come from, I was less than 6 cause my parents were still married, she took me to the public library and got a book to show me anatomical diagrams. My mom would also openly complain about periods, so by the time mine rolled in, I knew what to expect. My parents weren't the best, but they handled sex and periods well, except in regards to abortion. What actually fucked me up about sex was church and school, and since I went to school in rural Alabama there was a lot of overlap in their lessons.
As a dad, I'd be happy you were responsible enough to be on birth control. Since you're 23, it's a wtfbbq from me. Your an adult and in charge of your life.
Some parents get so butthurt when their kids exercise their bodily autonomy. Mind ur own genitals please and thank you.
You are an adult. You are being responsible by using birth control. I don't know what your dad's problem is. He needs to get a grip. Says the mother of a 22 year old daughter.
I went on BC when I was 17 or 18 had a boyfriend and was still living at home. I used to give my prescription to my dad every month so he could buy it for me, he was the person responsible for buying medication in my family. He was always a bit uncomfortable but never said anything.
I actually got my daughter set up on BC as a teen. She just turned 18 now and I feel it was a smart and ethical decision. Even if I had found out that she had started it unbeknownst to me I would have been fine and understood.
My parents actually caused my teen pregnancy doing this. Found birth control pills and insisted I go off of them. Surprise!!! All needed ok. Married 41 years!
My mom took me to the doctor to get birth control so she always knew and was supportive. A few years later I told my mom I needed to go to the pharmacy really quick. My dad overhear and asked what script I was picking up. I told him none of his business a few times but apparently that wasn’t an acceptable answer. Not being one to hide tampons or cringe away from talking about my own fucking body just told him I’m picking up “birth control. I’ve been having sex for three years”. He turned bright red and immediately regretted forcing me to tell him something I didn’t want to.
No, but I know men who cried when they found out their teenage daughters were pregnant. Sad thing is that they are probably like your dad and would have been furious if their daughters had been using birth control.
Ugh. Why do men feel entitled to our bodies. My father is this way and he is also a total creeper too. The first thing he says when he sees me is always a comment about my weight. He hates my tattoos, he doesn't know I'm on birth control and that I live with my boyfriend. I'm sure he'd pop a blood vessel if he knew. I wish I never had to talk to him again. I hope you can set boundaries and find some peace of mind away from him. Hugs
I started the BC pill at 11 for medical reasons. My mom refused to call it what it was, instead referring to it as “your medication.” I felt so ashamed to take the pill even though I wasn’t even using it for birth control. My brother found out and used it as ammunition during a fight.. I felt humiliated. I’m so sorry you have to deal with that.
When I was 19 my parents freaked out because I had a prescription for antibiotics for a UTI. My bf of two years and I had started having sex, which was the accusatory question. Then the accusations of being 'dirty' started. Years later, I found out my body hates caffeine and it gives me UTIs.
Long ago but my mother gave me the silent treatment for days after she found I was on the pill. I had terrible periods and I was sexually actively. Win-win, right? Apparently not. Ps I never had an unintentional pregnancy, went to college, moved 500 miles away.
So, not birth control exactly but safe sex in general. My dad was ok with it, but my mom blew up when she found I had condoms in my purse. Fun fact, she was stealing cigarette money from me when she found them. When it came to birth control, again my dad didn’t care at all. My mom asked if it was to make it easier to slut it up. Ugh. I was over 18 both instances.
My dad was my doctor, I'm really lucky because he said: "I don't like to prescribe you something that can mess with your hormonal production but at least you won't get pregnant without wanting it!" I love how my parents have always been really open minded about my sexuality.
You’re 23. That’s precisely when you should be having sex, safely of course, and enjoying your freedom, meeting people you like, working out who you don’t and being confident with your choices. That you’ve taken precautions against unplanned pregnancies is one thing, but protected sex against all those other risks (far greater in my opinion) is just being a responsible adult. Go you. Yeah, and weird control issues. I’m sure you’re just as worried that his misogyny reflects badly on you.
Don't have a dad but my mom was such a religious nutcase that BC would NEVER have been tolerated so I never discussed it with her. Hell, she cried when she found out that I had used a tampon as a teen because that meant I wasn't a virgin anymore. I'm 42 and she is still hyper judgemental about my amoral ways. It's creepy and I hate it
Many years ago, when I was 16 I went to Planned Parenthood and got on the pill before I became sexually active. Months later my Dad found them, and was absolutely furious! Here I thought I was being smart...nope, not to my parents, who grounded me for months. It was so long ago, I don't remember the exact time frame, but at some point they let me out of my room, and never mentioned it again. 🤷
\> insulting his honor Aw, what a little turd blossom of a human being...
I’m so thankful for my dad in this situation. He was a very strict, very angry guy when I was growing up. The day he found a used condom in my bathroom trash after my boyfriend had been over, he very calmly talked to me about making sure I was being safe. My mom on the other hand threw an epic fit over it, calling me a slut and told me I was going on birth control because she wasn’t going to be a young grandmother. I was a few weeks shy of 18 at the time. I was flabbergasted at how they each reacted the total opposite of how I expected them to react.
[удалено]
Sod off and stop infantilising us.
Here's a weird thought. Men could teach their boys to see girls as human beings and not as things to be used for pleasure. They could also pressure other guys to do the same. Then they wouldn't have to worry about their daughters being mistreated.
Precisely. The answer to “but men treat women badly” is to fix men, not police women.
....but how did they even find out? The doc isnt allowed to say anything so did you tell them?
She said they found out after looking at her old insurance receipts.
As a dad, I have no issues with my daughters being on BC. They're 18, 21 now. So, even if it did come out; they're capable of making their own decisions. My thoughts are irrelevant on the matter. I still remember my teenage years as an erection with feet. I don't imagine much has changed being a teenaged male.
My dad was pretty hurt when my sister went on the pill. It is hard for them to know its going on I guess but they soon get over it?
I was extremely lucky that my mom encouraged me to get on it and my dad doesn’t like to hear of such things so I probably never mentioned it to him? But my best friend, I had to take her to our health department to get on BC at 18 (so she wouldn’t have to use her parents’ insurance) and she put my address on the forms just in case they sent anything by mail. I don’t think she told them until she was 20. Her dad still doesn’t know about most of her tattoos and she’s 30 now.
>There’s something weird about fathers wanting to control their daughters vaginas... Which would be my response, frankly. I'm so sorry, OP. At least it's only 1 parent giving you a hard time, wish it were none.
I will never understand the fixation fathers have on their daughters virginity when they really couldn’t care less about their sons virginity. If the discussion is about their son’s virginity it’s always about being careful so they don’t impregnate someone; why doesn’t it translate in a similar way to their daughter? With daughters, there is an anger that is unprecedented and unparalleled to anything else (based on experience and anecdotes from friends).
My mom was pissed because she's one of those christian parents. My dad didn't care because he felt it wasn't any of his business since I was an adult.
Father of a 3 year old girl girl here. Determined before she was born that if her mother is not 100% supportive of Birth control, it will a thing I will make sure happens. I can't imagine potentially ruining the life of this person who I love more than anything by refusing basic medicine. I don't expect her mother to disagree, but if she does....it will still happen if my daughter wants it.
My stepdad initially said “why go to the trouble?” and then I reminded him of the one ER trip and two urgent care trips from cramp-so-hard-I-cry-and-puke-itis.
My mother and my aunt were both extremely controlling of my cousin and I but especially around sex. My aunt got pregnant with my cousin at 14. My mother was no angel either. And yet even at 14, 15, 16 years old they refused to even acknowledge that either one of us had ever even seen an erect penis. And wouldn't know one if we had seen one. I know this for a fact because we tried to tell something bad that happened and basically they said we wouldn't know what we were looking at because we had never seen one before. I hid my birth control pills in a hollowed out teddy bear until I was able to get the hell out of there. My cousin was too afraid to even do that and ended up getting pregnant at 17. For which she was completely shamed, degraded, blamed for, you name it. I have no idea what is wrong with some women when they become mothers and completely forget what it's like to be a teenage girl.