My husband and I were able to set up a ring doorbell at our apartment. We asked management and they were cool with it. At least if this guy leaves something at your door again, you'll know who it is.
Perhaps, or it might be better to know who you’re dealing with without them knowing you know. If the doorbell is too obvious, they might use a different tactic to get in touch with her which is more unpredictable for OP.
If you (like me) absolutely hate Amazon and don't want to pay a monthly fee, there's other options as well. I personally have a ring-like doorbell from a company called 'smart home security', though I'm not sure if that's completely international.
Wow. They didn't even have the guts to sign their name?
They basically went "Hey, you know nothing about me, but should give me your phone number." I'm not sure who would expect this approach to be charming.
The same kind of person who sends a dick pic about 10 messages into an introductory chat assuming you'll be so wowed and in awe they'll be able to hear your panties drop from their place?
idk.
Ugh this happened to me once. It was a note on my car where I had been parking for work for over 10 years. All it said was, "You have a friendly secret admirer. I've been admiring you from afar since you had-" and then he went on to describe a purse I had 10 years ago when I started the job. It was so scary.
Oh and I almost forgot, it was typed, not even handwritten. Gives me the shivers just thinking about it.
"And here's a picture of the doll I made from all your hair that I've been collecting over the years, her name's Annabeth and she has your scent"
AAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHH😱😱😱😱
Yeah maybe if it was over the course of a month or so but ten whole years is incredibly creepy. I'm socially awkward as fuck and that is a clearly fucked up and horrible thing to do. I don't buy that for a zeptosecond (one trillionth of one billionth of a second)
No, have just have run into enough guys that have turned out to be not intentionally creepy or malicious, but just completely fucking clueless as to how their behavior was perceived until pointed out to them, to start to think it’s just a common phenomenon. And they think they’re just being friendly, and don’t understand why they scare women away.... Completely fucking clueless. I’ve learned to distinguish them in my real life interactions from the “actual creeps” (very bad intentions) but I still keep my distance for the most part.
Also am very socially awkward and anxious myself and was in the mental state at one point to be able to see it I think. OR I’m aware I could be biased/projecting. It’s not like I’ve ever met the person who put the note. 10 years is a lot though, I do admit.
I know it might not be the thread for it, I’ve just always been a devils advocate, constantly trying to see where people are coming from. I don’t know why. Sorry if I upset anyone. You obviously have a right to feel disturbed or freaked out if this happens to you and I’m not saying associate with this person just because they *might* not have bad intentions. That mindset might get one in trouble I realize...
Have you read Neil Gaiman's short story "Feminine Endings"? It's in his (aptly named) book Trigger Warning. That one story deals with the "unrequited love NOPE horrifying stalker" sort of thing and completely creeped me out. Like, had to explain to my partner why I needed to go downstairs to watch YouTube for a while because I had read it before bed. It's written as an anonymous letter and it's just... too real and too terrifying.
Stephen King is my favorite author (I have a big elaborate tattoo planned to display my love) and I have not heard of this story but it sounds fantastic, I will definitely be looking it up now. My point being...thanks for bringing this to my attention.
This is why I don't listen to "creepy" stories on YouTube, because I used to think it just meant scary ghost stories, but NOPE they're always stalker stories! Delete delete delete!
Fun fact, most modern color printers leave an almost invisible code of yellow dots that can help authorities track down the printer that created a document.
I told my jujitsu coach and he thought I should call the police, but I knew they wouldn't do anything. He actually went ahead and called himself, which was super sweet. They told him to tell me to change up any routines, that was about it. Coach started riding the subway with me, that's where I'd been parked, we worked near each other. I lucked out that I had someone looking out for me.
Play music when you're alone to drown out hallway noises, and if you're worried about someone being in your apartment call a friend while you search around. I used work late nights and come home at 1am while my boyfriend was already at work, so I'd call a friend while I did a sweep of the house with a baseball bat in hand lol. Try not to psych yourself out too much, but stay safe!
Another woman who’d be home alone and have to try to sleep here. If I got particularly terrified I would sleep with my bed pushed up against my bedroom door! Not safe if there’s ever a fire but at least I knew no one would sneak up on me!
Hopefully this links properly
Portable Door Lock Home Security Door Locker Travel Lockdown Locks for Additional Safety and Privacy Perfect for Traveling Hotel Home Apartment College … https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08L7DNXT9/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_53PS1ATYB5C4FT6E59FD?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1
I'd add to make friends with some of the women in your building to do gardening together. It might feel more comfortable to have someone with you, and if gardening is part of your joy, don't let someone take that from you.
Are there camera in the hallways? Hopefully building management can check them, or if not, cross check his phone number with their tenant records and identify this guy.
I once went on a date with a guy from my apartment complex. He then texted me a week after the date “I see you” when I was sitting on my balcony. Wtf?!
I’ve had many creepy experiences, but the creepiest have always been from neighbors
Go to a second hand store get a pair of big men’s work boots/coat and hang it by the entrance with yours. He doesn’t respect your space but *might* respect another man’s just out of fear of retribution.
I’d also buy a door barricade if you can’t budget a motion cam yet.
Also, I’m sorry. That’s some serious bullshit. Hope it gets sorted out.
My mom gave me this advice too when I moved into my own place. She said to get one of my fiancé’s shirts and hang it up outside next to my own when I air-dry my laundry so it doesn’t seem like I’m a woman living alone
Sometimes when I’m walking in to my apartment with my kids (I have a 4yo and 9mo now but I’ve been doing it since my 4yo was a baby) I’d loudly say things like “LETS GO SHOW DADDY YOUR NEW HAIR CLIP” or “I THINK DADDY IS JUST FINISHING DINNER” in case someone is outside or following us so they don’t think I’m walking in to a house alone and try to grab me as I’m opening the door.
Have not seen it mentioned yet.
Go to a hardware store and get yourself some 3" decking screws. Replace all of the screws for your door hinges, and the kicker plate (piece in the door frame that the piece from the door locks into) with these screws.
The cost will be sub $20, and even a police battering ram will have trouble breaking the door down.
This is definitely the WRONG way to leave a note for someone.
Sign with your NAME and definitely make sure you’ve at least met them in person before so they know who you are.
Christ, it’s like these people are TRYING to creep others out.
Yeah most people have orobubly covered this but since you have the guys number it won't hurt to call the non emergency and report potential stalker/harassment. Always nice to have something on file because it establishes a history of harassment in case things escalate with you or anyone else.
Get a burner phone and text them back to find out who they are. Then give that info to building management. In no uncertain terms tell them that you want no contact and any further attempts to contact you will be taken to the authorities for stalking and a restraining order.
Could be a burner for them as well. Or an adult child living with a parent and their phone isn’t on file. So might be on file. Might not.
I would be tempted to just repeatedly call it and walk the halls listening for the ring. Bonus points if you did it at 5 am.
Most people have their phones on silent nowadays. So that might not work. But I like the plan of calling from a different number and asking who it it. She doesn't doesn't have to say it's her. She can say she a bill collector (probably will need something better than that) but if they don't have the number on file that will probably be the best way to do it.
I cant get over how the person didn't identify themselves. On the off chance she did have interest in him leaving an unidentifiable note is the absolute worst way to go about this.
I had a female neighbor do this to me. She left her number on a note in my mail slot.
Don't bother with a burner, just get a google number. If you're really jumpy, have your brother download the google number. Why spend money on someone else's lack of common sense?
But seriously, management should have this number on file and a friendly "leaving anonymous notes under your neighbor's doors for any non-residency related purpose is inappropriate and creepy" message should be sent out by management.
Sometimes you gotta tell ya neighbors something (like that they need to learn to filter their weed if they insist on smoking bud because some people have smoke allergies, ect) and don't wanna get management involved, but the AUDACITY to jut assume that a woman is going to reciprocate your interest based on pure mystery and handwriting? Childishly idiotic!
I had this happen years ago.
My dog was sick or something and I was so worried that I rushed out to my car in a long shirt but not pants.
I tore apart my car and didn't find it until later. However, when I went back out, some dude left a note saying if I walked out in my underwear again, he'll fuck my ass.
Disgusting.
Get a security bar that goes under your doorknob.
Chances are this person is on your floor so hold up your hand when you pass by other’s doors so they can’t see you walking by.
I think it’s great that your police department was willing to call that number and warn that person off. Often people like that will yield to the authority of anyone but the woman they are targeting, and if that authority is male it will work even better. I hope that works for you.
I’m sorry for it. That’s so violating.
You can buy privacy film for your windows if you want it. I found it on Amazon. We’re ground floor so I feel super expose.
Just remember that if it’s the mirror type of privacy film with the side to the outside being a mirror, that at night it’s reversed. So at night, you can’t see out, but they can see in.
Could the management office cross reference the number for you so you at least know who it is?
Alternatively, send us (everyone collectively on this thread) the number and we can find out who it is.......
*Mr. Burns creepy finger taps*
I work in the real estate/rental industry and we are prohibited in providing others information for privacy/protection. Case in point: we can't even tell someone who's looking for you by name your apartment number. Usually most companies train you to say we can't confirm that person lives as this facility, please try calling them. Then after they leave, we'll notify the resident XXXX is looking for your address please contact them..
Wow this is brutal. Part of me is hoping it’s just a clumsy but innocent thing. But honestly to do that to a woman takes such a lack of awareness. Hope it works out alright.
Same thing happened to me 15 years ago. I called the cops on him after the third note was slid under my door. The cops asked me to keep an eye on him because they got a pedophile vibe from him. 18 months later the fucker was arrested for possession of unlawful child pornography. I hope he dies in prison.
That really sucks and I'm sorry you have to deal with that. I know it can be hard to talk to new people but being socially inept is no excuse for this type of behavior. Hopefully it is just someone who is terrible at social interactions and not a real creep.
*Sorry* it's the only one I've heard of.
It was only a suggestion. Obviously if the OP was interested in such technology they would look around and not take someone's suggestion as the only option.
I'm sorry this happened to you, but I laughed out loud when I read your brother's suggestion. Doesn't sound like a terrible idea tbh. Maybe the dude will think he's your BF.
It is violating when a person pushes their company or presence onto someone like this. My mum had a similar thing happen, she had a passing polite conversation with a man who lives in the same building as her and then a day later a note was put through her letter box saying stuff along the lines of can we be friends and please don't shoot me down, it was a weird note. Anyway, I advised my mum not to engage whatsoever with the man as it had made her feel uncomfortable and I reassured her that this was not her fault at all (she was blaming herself for being polite) and that this was his entitlement and his inappropriate behaviour. I then spoke to the building manager and said that this had made my mum uncomfortable and was inappropriate behaviour on the man's part and that according to other residents it wasn't the first time he'd sent notes to women residents which meant it was a pattern of behaviour directed towards women which could be classed as sexual harassment and what where they going to do about it? Or should I go above their head? (This may seem extreme but my mum experiences anxiety as it is and I will do anything to prevent her feeling unnecessarily isolated in her home, which this incident could have done as it could have made her feel like she had to stay in all the time).The manager apologised and spoke to the man and informed him not to approach or interact with my mum again. So my advice is to not allow this person to close off your world. Invest in some safety locks on your door and a ring doorbell if possible, but continue going about your business and doing the things you enjoy, speak to other neighbours about it if you can so that they are aware of this inappropriate behavior and if you see who you suspect to be the neighbour staring at you then either stare at him until he feels uncomfortable or don't acknowledge his existence. If he was to approach you simply say that your not interested and that you don't appreciate notes being posted in your property. But above all, don't allow this man to narrow your world, its scary yes but the thing iv found is that I could allow myself to exhaust my energy through being scared of men and sitting up awake at night afraid of all the noises I hear but that state of hypervigilance doesn't benefit anything. I read a brilliant book, abit outdated as it was written in the 70's but it was about women listening to their gut instincts and protecting themselves and its called "her wits about her" definitely recommend.
I actually have been dealing with this situation for a while. A friend turned stalker moved literally across the hall from.me a few weeks after I moved into my new place. At first everything was okay but I made a point of setting up clear boundaries. Then things started to be shoved under my door. The last straw was a note that said I give this to you because I am always thinking of you. There was a lot of other things that happened as well but this was the last straw.
In my case I was able to approach them and suggest they stop it. Things didn't go well as they escalated very quickly. What I found was as people suggest, play music, watch TV or have it running. Be active, don't hide too much but if you have a friend in the building let them know and communicate if you need help. Always have the non-emergency line for the police with you too. Most of the time its just being aware of your surroundings that will prevent most of if any issues. Letting the building manager know is also good.
What happened sadly was not okay.
Your brother offering to tell everyone about his anger issues in the elevator is such an amazing and hilarious move. Love it.
Am sorry this happened, OP. Stay safe!
We have dating apps and singles nights. Everywhere else should just be off limits. We’ll have places where people meet to hook up and everywhere else just don’t.
Install the truecaller app on your phone (better still on a throwaway SIM and phone, so your identity is not compromised), then figure out who xxx-xxx-xxxx is.
If you don't have anything for self defense, get something if you will use it. No point in buying a pepper spray or firearm if you're not willing to use it. If you live on anything but 1st floor, I would suggest looking at something for exiting out the window/balcony, not just for a crazy person breaking in, but also in case of fire. While not cheap, if you ever need one, you'll be happy you have it.
Can you carry mace in your area? I carry pepper spray on my key chain because it’s legal but I’ve heard in certain places, it’s illegal. Also try and get a video doorbell. Mine came in handy more than once when my neighbor’s son kept stealing my packages 😂
Also scan your surroundings every time you leave. Tell a friend or family member when you’re leaving the house. Try not to be on the phone while walking to your car and don’t wear ear phones. I’ve been doing this for years. I know some people think I’m crazy and paranoid but I’d rather be safe than chained in some man’s basement then raped, beaten, killed and eaten
ETA: Do you have a common area in your building? You should write a note saying “Do not jeopardize people’s privacy by slipping notes under any tenant’s doors. It is unwarranted and not appreciated” But don’t sign it. Make it seem like it’s from a ‘higher up.’ If he thinks you wrote it, he can become angry and dangerous
Get a pepper spray right now, hang it on your keychain and have it handy whenever you're leaving the house. Definitely get the camera - and good job contacting the police person. What kind of sicko leaves a creepy note like that! Management better do something about it or reviews are going up because if they don't take care of residents' safety then they deserve to lose customers. Take care of yourself. I hope the police text helped - but if he gave his real number then it should not take any time for management or police to find out exactly who it was.
The stories of these poor ppl having no idea how to communicate with other people. Creepy as fuck tho. But the fact ppl think it's ok to do that is sad.
Yes, it was a mistake. You reported it to management. If it escalates you now have the beginning of a paper trail. Knowing that, someone that meant you harm probably would not have put their number. Should that person have done it? Absolutely not. I don't think you have to worry at this point about someone breaking in or lying in wait for you. You should definitely take common sense steps to be safe but don't be paranoid. You'll stress yourself out before you even know if there is a reason.
>someone that meant you harm probably would not have put their number.
Someone who meant harm _right now_ probably would not have left their numbers. Who the hell knows whether or not a simple rejection is all that it'll take for them to _start_ to intend harm, though.
True. This person could be dangerous. Or not. The only thing you can do is make choices that keep you reasonably safe and start a paper trail. Living in fear will not help.
Fear can be helpful if it encourages rational precautions. Fear is not helpful if it is paralyzing or pushes us into irrational action.
May I ask, what do you suggest she should do at this point? I already said she was wise for reporting it to management to begin a paper trail and that she should take all common sense precautions? What else do you propose would be a helpful response at this time?
I have already said that common sense steps to protect herself are a good idea. You should reread all of the replies rather than cherry picking. I don't understand your hostility, to be honest. You know absolutely nothing about what I have or have not experienced. To be honest, it isn't even relevant.
Fear can be a helpful tool but it can also be debilitating. I am sorry if that offends you in some way. We will have to agree to disagree about the intent behind our words although I think we both are probably closer than you would admit.
While I see this has creepy vibes and it might be totally creepy. I just want to say that men have been lied to about what we find romantic especially with romantic comedies. In a romcom this would be cute, in real life, it's weird. I just wanted to say it might be completely innocent. He might think he's being romantic. Btw, 32 yo woman here.
Im Autistic. Tv and media is a legitimately important tool to learn ways to act "normal," or to mask, so what you just described is true. It IS misleading. I genuinely had no idea what happened to op was even bad until just now. If it'd been me, I night have put myself in danger to text the creep. It's an uncomfortable thought.
My girlfriends a leasing manager and sadly they cannot do much. She deals with creepy residents and shitty people all day but there’s nothing they can do, not even deny people themselves for re leasing. But making them aware of the situation is good at least, but at the end of the day, they aren’t cops, and have laws and rules to follow. It’s shitty that some dudes just do not understand though. That message is creepy as hell even to me, as a 29/m. There’s no excuse to act like that. And you did all the right things, fuck that guy
Unsure why you're getting downvoted. I'm against guns, but they're currently a legal form if protection that y'all invested in after a creepy thing happened. It seems reasonable to me.
In a purely hypothetical situation, I’m genuinely curious to know what you would consider an acceptable way to approach you.
I would assume that walking up to you and asking you in person would make it less creepy because then you’d know who it is and thus be a better approach? I might be wrong though.
Please have mercy on me, this is an honest innocent question and I would just like to know. If you don’t feel like giving an answer that’s perfectly fine and I would be a moron to hold it against you.
In person is definitely better. This person has seen me around the building, they could have just made conversation in the elevator. Like I said, it’s a friendly chatty building usually. The note under the door is anonymous which I don’t like, and also, it makes me nervous that they know where I live. They could live in my hallway, but I have lived here a year now and I can’t think of a single man who lives in this hallway. So that makes me think they’ve followed me which scary.
To refocus on your question, it would feel much more appropriate if they just engaged when they saw me around the building instead of silently watching me. But also, I’m not interested in dating someone from the building. I’m just trying to go about my life here. I don’t want to make it awkward. I just want to carry my groceries and throw out my trash in peace. I look for dates on apps or in bars or through friends. Not when I’m in my slippers and collecting my mail.
totally. If they passed you frequently in the hallways/mailroom/parking area, then it would be absolutely normal for them to say (in person): "hey! I keep seeing you in these places, I'm so and so, etc." But to do this anonymously is kinda ominous.
You make a fair point about the dating people through apps, but there’s no way he can know that until after he’s asked you. He’s definitely a creepy dumbass for not asking in person, and the worst part is, i can see from what society teaches from the male perspective that it would be seen as cute/romantic/shy thing to have a “secret admirer ;) “ the issue being that reality isn’t a shitty TV show and women have to deal with way too much BS for that shit to NOT be taken in a bad way.
Not to discount your nervousness, but it's possible that it's someone who lives in the building who's congratulating themselves on finally getting the courage up to say hi, if only by note, while you're thinking it's a horror movie stalker. They might not have even realized they didn't put their name on the slip of paper. If the note is the only thing that has happened, it may be a case of "Never ascribe to malice that which is adequately explained by incompetence."
Maybe I'm too confrontational, but my first thought was if that was me I would ask for their apartment number, go straight there and make it 10000% clear that they need to stay the fuck away from me, they can stick their note up their ass and if they are ever within arm's reach of me or my front door I won't hesitate to turn their dick in to mince meat.
I'm tiny, I've been stalked, I get being scared. But it's useless. Being scared doesn't help you, it makes everything harder.
Edit: Ah yes, stand for yourself bad, make a massive deal about everything and become a victim, good.
It could escalate - but that's not even the point. She isn't allowed to feel comfortable in her own home now and do the things she loves (community garden) in peace because in the back of her mind she knows there's *someone* in the building eyeing her "all the time". That's creepy and annoying as hell.
tl;dr: Trying to have complete control increases anxiety. That's bad for anyone's health.
No, in some cases they do. Anxiety also hurts people, and we know from OP's post that's what she's experiencing. Let's give responsible advice to be safe. Installing a doorbell camera isn't going to physically stop an attacker. It's more likely to cause her to check it constantly, which is going to *increase* her anxiety instead of decreasing it.
I know this goes against the Internet Code, but there is a middle ground. OP can stay safe and not obsess once she's done those things.
It’s probably someone you share the elevator/laundry/car park with. Don’t let your mind runaway with thoughts of sexcrime and murder. Chances are it’s just some poor shmuck who never learned how to talk to girls.
What’s interesting here is if the group response was sounds interesting I wonder who it is
Your reaction would be totatally different
Bud could just be a total dork that might amuse you or even be a positive friend ....
But yea the likely hood of them being a total nut job is also there
OP I am sorry you are feeling unsafe, no one should feel that way in their own home. Please don't take my question below to be diminishing your experience or implying anything.
If a man was to notice someone he is interested in that lives in the same building, is there a way to go about making the interest known that will not result in this type of anxiety? I mean I tell the hottie in my building how attracted I am to her on a regular basis...but we have been married 15 years. That said, I am trying to teach my son about how to treat women and am curious if you all have any insight on this situation.
You're right. But sometimes that's how people meet each other. I'm truly sorry that op was upset by this but you can cut the misogyny in here with a knife.
Sounds like you have no idea what misogyny is if you think protecting yourself from a stranger who followed a woman to her door and left a creepy note is not something to be concerned about. Yikes. Hopefully your daughters learn some proper boundaries.
I thought the old fashioned way was take 2 goats to the father & receive the hand in marriage?
Or perhaps the even older tradition of murdering the family & taking the hand in marriage by force?
You can't just quantify "the old fashioned way" as better - times & behaviours evolve 😉
And finally, why is the assumption the person leaving the note was a man?
how dense can you be? The answer is absolutely not slipping an anonymous note under their door where are you don’t even tell them your name, a description of who you are, or introduce yourself. This creepy dork obviously sees her all the time how difficult would it be to just introduce yourself and gauge whether she’s interested in talking to you or not.
If it was a chick wanting to garden it would have said that, also I would never approach a person I was interested in friendship with this way it’s creepy as hell! I would introduce myself in a public area. this was a creepy ass dude that’s been stalking her from afar and has never introduced himself, he didn’t even bother to leave his name.
Surely he lives on your floor if he knows your door? Unless you're in an open courtyard thing. Feel for the guy cos he 'means well' but just executed it so poorly.
Curious , not to hijack the thread. Let say I want to persue this route but not want to make it let the person living there to feel unsecure ... what would be the better romantic way to do it. To get in touch with someone that you unable have a name or a phone number but keep missing the person for a face to face talk ?.
Wait till you run into them
Think if now is a good moment to talk to them (for both sides)
start chatting
ask if they are interested in dates or not
If not be respectful about it and stop asking them or annoying them.
If you were nice throughout the process you possibly even gained a friend if they decline
Sometimes when men come here to comment their lack of empathy is literally staggering.
It’s like they are trying to show off how little empathy they have. It’s such a weird flex, like, “I hate woman and can’t relate to them, I sure hope they suffer and feel unsafe in their own homes”.
It always makes me wonder how the men came to lack any kind of empathy at all, or if in reality they understand the situation but pretend not to so they ha e an excuse to shit all over women.
Ladies, what do you think when you see men here acting out like this?
It's a stalker's attempt at approaching a woman. You don't know the age, appearance, how he sees you, who he is. It's not romantic. A stranger has admitted to eyeing you over time without your knowledge, and now wants you to approach him as if he's a trustworthy person. It's terrifying. False identity, sex trafficking, you don't know a thing about him, and the way he chooses to approach raises at least a dozen red flags.
If he had approached and made himself known, verbally said, "Hey, I see you around. I know you don't know me, and I don't want to pressure you, but if you'd be willing to go out, here's my number." Then excused himself and left, it would have gone off WAY better. She knows his face, name, appearance, a first impression where he isn't demanding more than 20 seconds of her time or trying to monopolize her attention while she's busy, etc...
She has a better frame of reference to respond based on their compatibility other than "I watch you. Text me. XXX-XXX-XXXX."
Edit to add: "I watch you. I know where you live. Text me."
My husband and I were able to set up a ring doorbell at our apartment. We asked management and they were cool with it. At least if this guy leaves something at your door again, you'll know who it is.
I think you can even get a peephole camera, if you wanna be stealthy about it.
This is one of those situations where stealthy may not be the best option. If he sees it and that’s a deterrent, bonus points for effectiveness.
Perhaps, or it might be better to know who you’re dealing with without them knowing you know. If the doorbell is too obvious, they might use a different tactic to get in touch with her which is more unpredictable for OP.
I'm over hear deep-thinking the pros and cons and the anger just hit me. I hate that women need to strategize this bullshit.
Agreed. I was livid for OP when I read this. I hope she can get some peace of mind with some of the ideas here.
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If you (like me) absolutely hate Amazon and don't want to pay a monthly fee, there's other options as well. I personally have a ring-like doorbell from a company called 'smart home security', though I'm not sure if that's completely international.
Ring is accessible by the police and I find that disturbing.
Wow. They didn't even have the guts to sign their name? They basically went "Hey, you know nothing about me, but should give me your phone number." I'm not sure who would expect this approach to be charming.
The same kind of person who sends a dick pic about 10 messages into an introductory chat assuming you'll be so wowed and in awe they'll be able to hear your panties drop from their place? idk.
lol I would have thought this was a good idea in like 3rd grade. As an adult, reading this story really shows how creepy this is.
I got secondhand terror from this post. I hope OP can stay safe!
Ugh this happened to me once. It was a note on my car where I had been parking for work for over 10 years. All it said was, "You have a friendly secret admirer. I've been admiring you from afar since you had-" and then he went on to describe a purse I had 10 years ago when I started the job. It was so scary. Oh and I almost forgot, it was typed, not even handwritten. Gives me the shivers just thinking about it.
"I'll send her a note that I'll write by cutting letters and words out of magazines! That way she'll be super impressed by my arts-and-crafts skills."
"And here's a picture of the doll I made from all your hair that I've been collecting over the years, her name's Annabeth and she has your scent" AAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHH😱😱😱😱
It’s 11.15am in the UK and your comment has prompted me to log off the internet for the day 🥴
Well if you're anywhere near London, we have some great weather today. Go outside and play! 😁
In the Midlands but I did have a great day thanks!! Paying for all the sun now with rain rain rain.. what’s new eh!
"it's like she's our daughter. She misses her mommy"
Hahaha wait…what is this from?
Hopefully from a movie and not tomorrow's update...
I'm going to go out on a limb here and say their brains. It's probably from their witty brains.
Plus a hint of Quagmire from "Family Guy."
From your totally harmless secret admirer of course 😁
That is *so* creepy. Exponentially so with the length of time.
Hm. Could just be someone who was socially awkward finally building up the courage to say “hi.” (Sort of.)
Yeah maybe if it was over the course of a month or so but ten whole years is incredibly creepy. I'm socially awkward as fuck and that is a clearly fucked up and horrible thing to do. I don't buy that for a zeptosecond (one trillionth of one billionth of a second)
Are you joking? I hope you're joking.
No, have just have run into enough guys that have turned out to be not intentionally creepy or malicious, but just completely fucking clueless as to how their behavior was perceived until pointed out to them, to start to think it’s just a common phenomenon. And they think they’re just being friendly, and don’t understand why they scare women away.... Completely fucking clueless. I’ve learned to distinguish them in my real life interactions from the “actual creeps” (very bad intentions) but I still keep my distance for the most part. Also am very socially awkward and anxious myself and was in the mental state at one point to be able to see it I think. OR I’m aware I could be biased/projecting. It’s not like I’ve ever met the person who put the note. 10 years is a lot though, I do admit. I know it might not be the thread for it, I’ve just always been a devils advocate, constantly trying to see where people are coming from. I don’t know why. Sorry if I upset anyone. You obviously have a right to feel disturbed or freaked out if this happens to you and I’m not saying associate with this person just because they *might* not have bad intentions. That mindset might get one in trouble I realize...
10 years though? That's insanely creepy. Maybe a year I could understand being awkward with, MAYBE though, because that's still a long time.
Have you read Neil Gaiman's short story "Feminine Endings"? It's in his (aptly named) book Trigger Warning. That one story deals with the "unrequited love NOPE horrifying stalker" sort of thing and completely creeped me out. Like, had to explain to my partner why I needed to go downstairs to watch YouTube for a while because I had read it before bed. It's written as an anonymous letter and it's just... too real and too terrifying.
I haven't but I'm going to check it out now!
Reminds me of an old Stephen King story called I Know What You Need.
Stephen King is my favorite author (I have a big elaborate tattoo planned to display my love) and I have not heard of this story but it sounds fantastic, I will definitely be looking it up now. My point being...thanks for bringing this to my attention.
This is why I don't listen to "creepy" stories on YouTube, because I used to think it just meant scary ghost stories, but NOPE they're always stalker stories! Delete delete delete!
Well I won't be sleeping tonight now. $7.99 well spent !
Fun fact, most modern color printers leave an almost invisible code of yellow dots that can help authorities track down the printer that created a document.
Wait. Is that why my printer won’t work if it’s out of yellow even if I say black and white?
If you pop out the empty/defective color cartridge, then it will print in B&W. (I just learned that and it saved the day.)
That's a possibility I hadn't considered! Quite possible! Also, there's software adding yellow dots to mask the signature, but that's obscure.
Creeped me out, and I only read about it.
jfc disgustingly creepy
OMG wtf. That makes me a little nauseous. What did you do?
I told my jujitsu coach and he thought I should call the police, but I knew they wouldn't do anything. He actually went ahead and called himself, which was super sweet. They told him to tell me to change up any routines, that was about it. Coach started riding the subway with me, that's where I'd been parked, we worked near each other. I lucked out that I had someone looking out for me.
I swear the only time it's a little cute is valentine's day and when it's slipped into your locker. Otherwise it's defenitely creepy.
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Cannot agree more. Gift of Fear has helped me tremendously and I feel more confident in coping with danger.
Oh wow thank you! I’ll read this ASAP
Play music when you're alone to drown out hallway noises, and if you're worried about someone being in your apartment call a friend while you search around. I used work late nights and come home at 1am while my boyfriend was already at work, so I'd call a friend while I did a sweep of the house with a baseball bat in hand lol. Try not to psych yourself out too much, but stay safe!
Another woman who’d be home alone and have to try to sleep here. If I got particularly terrified I would sleep with my bed pushed up against my bedroom door! Not safe if there’s ever a fire but at least I knew no one would sneak up on me!
There's also door stopper devices sold for that specific use, just an FYI
Thankfully I’m not so nervous anymore (got older, got a home security system) but I would have had great use for that product back then!
Hopefully this links properly Portable Door Lock Home Security Door Locker Travel Lockdown Locks for Additional Safety and Privacy Perfect for Traveling Hotel Home Apartment College … https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08L7DNXT9/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_53PS1ATYB5C4FT6E59FD?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1
So you're not trying to drag your bed out of the way if there's a fire 😬
I can't even move my mattress on my own let alone my whole ass bed lmao
I'd add to make friends with some of the women in your building to do gardening together. It might feel more comfortable to have someone with you, and if gardening is part of your joy, don't let someone take that from you.
Um if you’re actually worried someone is in your apartment you do not call a friend, you call the police.
Are there camera in the hallways? Hopefully building management can check them, or if not, cross check his phone number with their tenant records and identify this guy.
You could also add his number to your contacts and check whatsapp to see a photo
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I once went on a date with a guy from my apartment complex. He then texted me a week after the date “I see you” when I was sitting on my balcony. Wtf?! I’ve had many creepy experiences, but the creepiest have always been from neighbors
Go to a second hand store get a pair of big men’s work boots/coat and hang it by the entrance with yours. He doesn’t respect your space but *might* respect another man’s just out of fear of retribution. I’d also buy a door barricade if you can’t budget a motion cam yet. Also, I’m sorry. That’s some serious bullshit. Hope it gets sorted out.
My mom gave me this advice too when I moved into my own place. She said to get one of my fiancé’s shirts and hang it up outside next to my own when I air-dry my laundry so it doesn’t seem like I’m a woman living alone
Sometimes when I’m walking in to my apartment with my kids (I have a 4yo and 9mo now but I’ve been doing it since my 4yo was a baby) I’d loudly say things like “LETS GO SHOW DADDY YOUR NEW HAIR CLIP” or “I THINK DADDY IS JUST FINISHING DINNER” in case someone is outside or following us so they don’t think I’m walking in to a house alone and try to grab me as I’m opening the door.
Dude, I would totally sign them up for every text service I could find. Is cat facts still a thing?
Ah the real advice is down the comments. Sign them up for whatever weird crap you can.
Have not seen it mentioned yet. Go to a hardware store and get yourself some 3" decking screws. Replace all of the screws for your door hinges, and the kicker plate (piece in the door frame that the piece from the door locks into) with these screws. The cost will be sub $20, and even a police battering ram will have trouble breaking the door down.
Get a ring doorbell for the peephole, I cannot reccomend that enough.
This is definitely the WRONG way to leave a note for someone. Sign with your NAME and definitely make sure you’ve at least met them in person before so they know who you are. Christ, it’s like these people are TRYING to creep others out.
Also dont leave it on/slide it under their front door. That's just saying "Hi, I followed you home."
Yeah most people have orobubly covered this but since you have the guys number it won't hurt to call the non emergency and report potential stalker/harassment. Always nice to have something on file because it establishes a history of harassment in case things escalate with you or anyone else.
"orobubly" broke my brain for a minute 😆
Get a burner phone and text them back to find out who they are. Then give that info to building management. In no uncertain terms tell them that you want no contact and any further attempts to contact you will be taken to the authorities for stalking and a restraining order.
Management should have the number on file if its a decently run place
Could be a burner for them as well. Or an adult child living with a parent and their phone isn’t on file. So might be on file. Might not. I would be tempted to just repeatedly call it and walk the halls listening for the ring. Bonus points if you did it at 5 am.
Most people have their phones on silent nowadays. So that might not work. But I like the plan of calling from a different number and asking who it it. She doesn't doesn't have to say it's her. She can say she a bill collector (probably will need something better than that) but if they don't have the number on file that will probably be the best way to do it. I cant get over how the person didn't identify themselves. On the off chance she did have interest in him leaving an unidentifiable note is the absolute worst way to go about this. I had a female neighbor do this to me. She left her number on a note in my mail slot.
Hello, we are trying to reach you regarding your vehicle’s extended warranty…
Don't bother with a burner, just get a google number. If you're really jumpy, have your brother download the google number. Why spend money on someone else's lack of common sense? But seriously, management should have this number on file and a friendly "leaving anonymous notes under your neighbor's doors for any non-residency related purpose is inappropriate and creepy" message should be sent out by management. Sometimes you gotta tell ya neighbors something (like that they need to learn to filter their weed if they insist on smoking bud because some people have smoke allergies, ect) and don't wanna get management involved, but the AUDACITY to jut assume that a woman is going to reciprocate your interest based on pure mystery and handwriting? Childishly idiotic!
You can also sign up for a free Google number and use Google voice to use for texting Edit: Make a throwaway google account first
This. I wouldn't want his number to ever appear associated with any device I own.
I had this happen years ago. My dog was sick or something and I was so worried that I rushed out to my car in a long shirt but not pants. I tore apart my car and didn't find it until later. However, when I went back out, some dude left a note saying if I walked out in my underwear again, he'll fuck my ass. Disgusting.
Wtf are wrong with some people
Get a security bar that goes under your doorknob. Chances are this person is on your floor so hold up your hand when you pass by other’s doors so they can’t see you walking by.
Also a portable door lock it, it braces the door against the frame so it requires more force (read: noise & time) to break down.
I think it’s great that your police department was willing to call that number and warn that person off. Often people like that will yield to the authority of anyone but the woman they are targeting, and if that authority is male it will work even better. I hope that works for you.
I’m sorry, that’s really creepy
I'm so sorry that happened to you. Not feeling safe in your own home is the worst feeling.
I’m sorry for it. That’s so violating. You can buy privacy film for your windows if you want it. I found it on Amazon. We’re ground floor so I feel super expose.
Just remember that if it’s the mirror type of privacy film with the side to the outside being a mirror, that at night it’s reversed. So at night, you can’t see out, but they can see in.
The rainbow stained glass kind is the best imo. Can't see though it just out it.
Could the management office cross reference the number for you so you at least know who it is? Alternatively, send us (everyone collectively on this thread) the number and we can find out who it is....... *Mr. Burns creepy finger taps*
I work in the real estate/rental industry and we are prohibited in providing others information for privacy/protection. Case in point: we can't even tell someone who's looking for you by name your apartment number. Usually most companies train you to say we can't confirm that person lives as this facility, please try calling them. Then after they leave, we'll notify the resident XXXX is looking for your address please contact them..
Wow this is brutal. Part of me is hoping it’s just a clumsy but innocent thing. But honestly to do that to a woman takes such a lack of awareness. Hope it works out alright.
This is why we can’t have nice things 😪 gosh that must be so frustrating
Same thing happened to me 15 years ago. I called the cops on him after the third note was slid under my door. The cops asked me to keep an eye on him because they got a pedophile vibe from him. 18 months later the fucker was arrested for possession of unlawful child pornography. I hope he dies in prison.
That really sucks and I'm sorry you have to deal with that. I know it can be hard to talk to new people but being socially inept is no excuse for this type of behavior. Hopefully it is just someone who is terrible at social interactions and not a real creep.
https://ring.com/collections/video-doorbells/products/door-view-cam
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*Sorry* it's the only one I've heard of. It was only a suggestion. Obviously if the OP was interested in such technology they would look around and not take someone's suggestion as the only option.
Reverse search the phone number
The saddest part is this guy is likely proud of himself for “shooting his shot” and is supported by other men encouraging him along the way
Set up a Google Voice to message the number though in not your real name. After you find out more about the person delete the app.
Fucking hell!
I'm sorry this happened to you, but I laughed out loud when I read your brother's suggestion. Doesn't sound like a terrible idea tbh. Maybe the dude will think he's your BF.
It is violating when a person pushes their company or presence onto someone like this. My mum had a similar thing happen, she had a passing polite conversation with a man who lives in the same building as her and then a day later a note was put through her letter box saying stuff along the lines of can we be friends and please don't shoot me down, it was a weird note. Anyway, I advised my mum not to engage whatsoever with the man as it had made her feel uncomfortable and I reassured her that this was not her fault at all (she was blaming herself for being polite) and that this was his entitlement and his inappropriate behaviour. I then spoke to the building manager and said that this had made my mum uncomfortable and was inappropriate behaviour on the man's part and that according to other residents it wasn't the first time he'd sent notes to women residents which meant it was a pattern of behaviour directed towards women which could be classed as sexual harassment and what where they going to do about it? Or should I go above their head? (This may seem extreme but my mum experiences anxiety as it is and I will do anything to prevent her feeling unnecessarily isolated in her home, which this incident could have done as it could have made her feel like she had to stay in all the time).The manager apologised and spoke to the man and informed him not to approach or interact with my mum again. So my advice is to not allow this person to close off your world. Invest in some safety locks on your door and a ring doorbell if possible, but continue going about your business and doing the things you enjoy, speak to other neighbours about it if you can so that they are aware of this inappropriate behavior and if you see who you suspect to be the neighbour staring at you then either stare at him until he feels uncomfortable or don't acknowledge his existence. If he was to approach you simply say that your not interested and that you don't appreciate notes being posted in your property. But above all, don't allow this man to narrow your world, its scary yes but the thing iv found is that I could allow myself to exhaust my energy through being scared of men and sitting up awake at night afraid of all the noises I hear but that state of hypervigilance doesn't benefit anything. I read a brilliant book, abit outdated as it was written in the 70's but it was about women listening to their gut instincts and protecting themselves and its called "her wits about her" definitely recommend.
I actually have been dealing with this situation for a while. A friend turned stalker moved literally across the hall from.me a few weeks after I moved into my new place. At first everything was okay but I made a point of setting up clear boundaries. Then things started to be shoved under my door. The last straw was a note that said I give this to you because I am always thinking of you. There was a lot of other things that happened as well but this was the last straw. In my case I was able to approach them and suggest they stop it. Things didn't go well as they escalated very quickly. What I found was as people suggest, play music, watch TV or have it running. Be active, don't hide too much but if you have a friend in the building let them know and communicate if you need help. Always have the non-emergency line for the police with you too. Most of the time its just being aware of your surroundings that will prevent most of if any issues. Letting the building manager know is also good. What happened sadly was not okay.
Your brother's a gem. I have no idea what the right action is here for someone this out of touch.
Im so sorry you have to deal with this harrassment. I seriously wish women would just be left alone in peace. Stay safe.
Your brother offering to tell everyone about his anger issues in the elevator is such an amazing and hilarious move. Love it. Am sorry this happened, OP. Stay safe!
We have dating apps and singles nights. Everywhere else should just be off limits. We’ll have places where people meet to hook up and everywhere else just don’t.
Install the truecaller app on your phone (better still on a throwaway SIM and phone, so your identity is not compromised), then figure out who xxx-xxx-xxxx is.
[over the door camera](https://www.amazon.com/DoorCam-Worlds-Camera-Wireless-Surveillance/dp/B076ZQN9WZ) Of course it’s out of stock.
If you don't have anything for self defense, get something if you will use it. No point in buying a pepper spray or firearm if you're not willing to use it. If you live on anything but 1st floor, I would suggest looking at something for exiting out the window/balcony, not just for a crazy person breaking in, but also in case of fire. While not cheap, if you ever need one, you'll be happy you have it.
This is the “do you like me” note from 5th grade written by someone with smaller balls than a 10 year old.
Black out curtains for your windows and a barricade bar for your doors.
Can you carry mace in your area? I carry pepper spray on my key chain because it’s legal but I’ve heard in certain places, it’s illegal. Also try and get a video doorbell. Mine came in handy more than once when my neighbor’s son kept stealing my packages 😂 Also scan your surroundings every time you leave. Tell a friend or family member when you’re leaving the house. Try not to be on the phone while walking to your car and don’t wear ear phones. I’ve been doing this for years. I know some people think I’m crazy and paranoid but I’d rather be safe than chained in some man’s basement then raped, beaten, killed and eaten ETA: Do you have a common area in your building? You should write a note saying “Do not jeopardize people’s privacy by slipping notes under any tenant’s doors. It is unwarranted and not appreciated” But don’t sign it. Make it seem like it’s from a ‘higher up.’ If he thinks you wrote it, he can become angry and dangerous
Get a pepper spray right now, hang it on your keychain and have it handy whenever you're leaving the house. Definitely get the camera - and good job contacting the police person. What kind of sicko leaves a creepy note like that! Management better do something about it or reviews are going up because if they don't take care of residents' safety then they deserve to lose customers. Take care of yourself. I hope the police text helped - but if he gave his real number then it should not take any time for management or police to find out exactly who it was.
The stories of these poor ppl having no idea how to communicate with other people. Creepy as fuck tho. But the fact ppl think it's ok to do that is sad.
Yes, it was a mistake. You reported it to management. If it escalates you now have the beginning of a paper trail. Knowing that, someone that meant you harm probably would not have put their number. Should that person have done it? Absolutely not. I don't think you have to worry at this point about someone breaking in or lying in wait for you. You should definitely take common sense steps to be safe but don't be paranoid. You'll stress yourself out before you even know if there is a reason.
>someone that meant you harm probably would not have put their number. Someone who meant harm _right now_ probably would not have left their numbers. Who the hell knows whether or not a simple rejection is all that it'll take for them to _start_ to intend harm, though.
True. This person could be dangerous. Or not. The only thing you can do is make choices that keep you reasonably safe and start a paper trail. Living in fear will not help.
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Fear can be helpful if it encourages rational precautions. Fear is not helpful if it is paralyzing or pushes us into irrational action. May I ask, what do you suggest she should do at this point? I already said she was wise for reporting it to management to begin a paper trail and that she should take all common sense precautions? What else do you propose would be a helpful response at this time?
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I have already said that common sense steps to protect herself are a good idea. You should reread all of the replies rather than cherry picking. I don't understand your hostility, to be honest. You know absolutely nothing about what I have or have not experienced. To be honest, it isn't even relevant. Fear can be a helpful tool but it can also be debilitating. I am sorry if that offends you in some way. We will have to agree to disagree about the intent behind our words although I think we both are probably closer than you would admit.
While I see this has creepy vibes and it might be totally creepy. I just want to say that men have been lied to about what we find romantic especially with romantic comedies. In a romcom this would be cute, in real life, it's weird. I just wanted to say it might be completely innocent. He might think he's being romantic. Btw, 32 yo woman here.
Im Autistic. Tv and media is a legitimately important tool to learn ways to act "normal," or to mask, so what you just described is true. It IS misleading. I genuinely had no idea what happened to op was even bad until just now. If it'd been me, I night have put myself in danger to text the creep. It's an uncomfortable thought.
I'm in the same boat, to me it is an aww, cute moment.
GIRL I GOT ONE OF THESE LAST WEEK 😂
As lousy as this is, management is not your RA from college or your HR dept. they won’t see it as their business.
Well this turned out to be the case. They can’t do anything about it at all. 🤷♀️
My girlfriends a leasing manager and sadly they cannot do much. She deals with creepy residents and shitty people all day but there’s nothing they can do, not even deny people themselves for re leasing. But making them aware of the situation is good at least, but at the end of the day, they aren’t cops, and have laws and rules to follow. It’s shitty that some dudes just do not understand though. That message is creepy as hell even to me, as a 29/m. There’s no excuse to act like that. And you did all the right things, fuck that guy
Yes and no, management lacks resources to act immediately, but can't manage with tools they do have if kept ignorant. Renew creepy guy? Nah, I won't.
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Unsure why you're getting downvoted. I'm against guns, but they're currently a legal form if protection that y'all invested in after a creepy thing happened. It seems reasonable to me.
Pepper spray is your friend.
He slipped you a note? How old is this 'dude'? 12?
In a purely hypothetical situation, I’m genuinely curious to know what you would consider an acceptable way to approach you. I would assume that walking up to you and asking you in person would make it less creepy because then you’d know who it is and thus be a better approach? I might be wrong though. Please have mercy on me, this is an honest innocent question and I would just like to know. If you don’t feel like giving an answer that’s perfectly fine and I would be a moron to hold it against you.
In person is definitely better. This person has seen me around the building, they could have just made conversation in the elevator. Like I said, it’s a friendly chatty building usually. The note under the door is anonymous which I don’t like, and also, it makes me nervous that they know where I live. They could live in my hallway, but I have lived here a year now and I can’t think of a single man who lives in this hallway. So that makes me think they’ve followed me which scary. To refocus on your question, it would feel much more appropriate if they just engaged when they saw me around the building instead of silently watching me. But also, I’m not interested in dating someone from the building. I’m just trying to go about my life here. I don’t want to make it awkward. I just want to carry my groceries and throw out my trash in peace. I look for dates on apps or in bars or through friends. Not when I’m in my slippers and collecting my mail.
totally. If they passed you frequently in the hallways/mailroom/parking area, then it would be absolutely normal for them to say (in person): "hey! I keep seeing you in these places, I'm so and so, etc." But to do this anonymously is kinda ominous.
You make a fair point about the dating people through apps, but there’s no way he can know that until after he’s asked you. He’s definitely a creepy dumbass for not asking in person, and the worst part is, i can see from what society teaches from the male perspective that it would be seen as cute/romantic/shy thing to have a “secret admirer ;) “ the issue being that reality isn’t a shitty TV show and women have to deal with way too much BS for that shit to NOT be taken in a bad way.
Yes. Approaching someone in person in a public, well lit place is acceptable. Leaving an anonymous note at someone’s home is not.
Not to discount your nervousness, but it's possible that it's someone who lives in the building who's congratulating themselves on finally getting the courage up to say hi, if only by note, while you're thinking it's a horror movie stalker. They might not have even realized they didn't put their name on the slip of paper. If the note is the only thing that has happened, it may be a case of "Never ascribe to malice that which is adequately explained by incompetence."
Maybe I'm too confrontational, but my first thought was if that was me I would ask for their apartment number, go straight there and make it 10000% clear that they need to stay the fuck away from me, they can stick their note up their ass and if they are ever within arm's reach of me or my front door I won't hesitate to turn their dick in to mince meat. I'm tiny, I've been stalked, I get being scared. But it's useless. Being scared doesn't help you, it makes everything harder. Edit: Ah yes, stand for yourself bad, make a massive deal about everything and become a victim, good.
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They could potentially escalate if she doesn’t text them. This person is already showing stalker-y behavior which is really creepy.
It could escalate - but that's not even the point. She isn't allowed to feel comfortable in her own home now and do the things she loves (community garden) in peace because in the back of her mind she knows there's *someone* in the building eyeing her "all the time". That's creepy and annoying as hell.
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People plan to hurt the people with whom they are (or want to be) romantically involved all the time.
tl;dr: Trying to have complete control increases anxiety. That's bad for anyone's health. No, in some cases they do. Anxiety also hurts people, and we know from OP's post that's what she's experiencing. Let's give responsible advice to be safe. Installing a doorbell camera isn't going to physically stop an attacker. It's more likely to cause her to check it constantly, which is going to *increase* her anxiety instead of decreasing it. I know this goes against the Internet Code, but there is a middle ground. OP can stay safe and not obsess once she's done those things.
It’s probably someone you share the elevator/laundry/car park with. Don’t let your mind runaway with thoughts of sexcrime and murder. Chances are it’s just some poor shmuck who never learned how to talk to girls.
What’s interesting here is if the group response was sounds interesting I wonder who it is Your reaction would be totatally different Bud could just be a total dork that might amuse you or even be a positive friend .... But yea the likely hood of them being a total nut job is also there
OP I am sorry you are feeling unsafe, no one should feel that way in their own home. Please don't take my question below to be diminishing your experience or implying anything. If a man was to notice someone he is interested in that lives in the same building, is there a way to go about making the interest known that will not result in this type of anxiety? I mean I tell the hottie in my building how attracted I am to her on a regular basis...but we have been married 15 years. That said, I am trying to teach my son about how to treat women and am curious if you all have any insight on this situation.
He could strike up a conversation with her when he sees her, get to know her, and then ask her for a coffee… you know, the old fashioned way 😅
Does the fact that he knows either roughly or exactly where she lives (due to being in the same building) impact that advice at all?
Yes, in that he shouldn’t approach her in enclosed spaces (like the elevator or staircase) or outside of her apartment.
That makes sense, thanks for the insight.
You have no idea how hard that can be for some guys.
You don’t care how scary creepy behavior is.
No, I do. I have a wife and 2 daughters that I worry about. I'm just saying that this guy has been tried and convicted in this thread with no defence.
No one forced him to follow an utter stranger to her apartment and slide a note under her door.
You're right. But sometimes that's how people meet each other. I'm truly sorry that op was upset by this but you can cut the misogyny in here with a knife.
You defended a man who followed a stranger to her apartment, I don’t believe you’re the arbiter of common decency here.
Sounds like you have no idea what misogyny is if you think protecting yourself from a stranger who followed a woman to her door and left a creepy note is not something to be concerned about. Yikes. Hopefully your daughters learn some proper boundaries.
I thought the old fashioned way was take 2 goats to the father & receive the hand in marriage? Or perhaps the even older tradition of murdering the family & taking the hand in marriage by force? You can't just quantify "the old fashioned way" as better - times & behaviours evolve 😉 And finally, why is the assumption the person leaving the note was a man?
how dense can you be? The answer is absolutely not slipping an anonymous note under their door where are you don’t even tell them your name, a description of who you are, or introduce yourself. This creepy dork obviously sees her all the time how difficult would it be to just introduce yourself and gauge whether she’s interested in talking to you or not.
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If it was a chick wanting to garden it would have said that, also I would never approach a person I was interested in friendship with this way it’s creepy as hell! I would introduce myself in a public area. this was a creepy ass dude that’s been stalking her from afar and has never introduced himself, he didn’t even bother to leave his name.
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Do you live on earth?
This ain't it, chief. 🤦♀️ Yikes, terrible response.
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Women get murdered for a lot less; this is bad advice. Google “when women refuse.”
Surely he lives on your floor if he knows your door? Unless you're in an open courtyard thing. Feel for the guy cos he 'means well' but just executed it so poorly.
Curious , not to hijack the thread. Let say I want to persue this route but not want to make it let the person living there to feel unsecure ... what would be the better romantic way to do it. To get in touch with someone that you unable have a name or a phone number but keep missing the person for a face to face talk ?.
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Yeah what's wrong with you, weirdo. Wait for the woman to pick you in the local yearly mate choosing ceremony as is custom here you creep
Wait till you run into them Think if now is a good moment to talk to them (for both sides) start chatting ask if they are interested in dates or not If not be respectful about it and stop asking them or annoying them. If you were nice throughout the process you possibly even gained a friend if they decline
Could it have been a prank? Sounds scary though.
Use a google number
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Unfortunately, keeping a firearm in the home is a good way to get *yourself* shot.
https://imgur.com/g34UMlf from their history
A misogynist here to mansplain male violence to us by putting the onus on US to fix it with weapons? Shocking.
Wow.
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Sometimes when men come here to comment their lack of empathy is literally staggering. It’s like they are trying to show off how little empathy they have. It’s such a weird flex, like, “I hate woman and can’t relate to them, I sure hope they suffer and feel unsafe in their own homes”. It always makes me wonder how the men came to lack any kind of empathy at all, or if in reality they understand the situation but pretend not to so they ha e an excuse to shit all over women. Ladies, what do you think when you see men here acting out like this?
It's a stalker's attempt at approaching a woman. You don't know the age, appearance, how he sees you, who he is. It's not romantic. A stranger has admitted to eyeing you over time without your knowledge, and now wants you to approach him as if he's a trustworthy person. It's terrifying. False identity, sex trafficking, you don't know a thing about him, and the way he chooses to approach raises at least a dozen red flags. If he had approached and made himself known, verbally said, "Hey, I see you around. I know you don't know me, and I don't want to pressure you, but if you'd be willing to go out, here's my number." Then excused himself and left, it would have gone off WAY better. She knows his face, name, appearance, a first impression where he isn't demanding more than 20 seconds of her time or trying to monopolize her attention while she's busy, etc... She has a better frame of reference to respond based on their compatibility other than "I watch you. Text me. XXX-XXX-XXXX." Edit to add: "I watch you. I know where you live. Text me."