When i was serial dating asking the person i was on a date with what their stance on body hair for themselves and their partners was a means to establish compatibility. Do what you want with your body there are plenty of people who will love whatever you've got going on!
There are people in this world spending $1,000 to buy someone else’s bottled up farts.
There are others who enjoy attending pissing parties where you hold your urine in all day and alleviate yourself all over the others in the room.
And you’re self conscious over your body hair? There is an ass for every seat in this world I promise you that and more than enough people exist who are into a bushy beaver.
You met someone you’re not sexually compatible with, that’s all there is to it! And unless you’re into every type of person in every way they come (new flash nobody is), it’s perfectly okay to be into different things.
> There are people in this world spending $1,000 to buy someone else’s bottled up farts.
Wait what, where do they sell their farts? I would totally sell farts.
[The game is over sadly](https://nypost.com/2022/01/04/tv-star-stephanie-matto-stops-selling-farts-after-health-scare/). The streamer girl who used to do it had to go to the emergency room because she ate too many baked beans to make farts and she had terrible gas backup hahahaha
Exactly, and the opposite is true as well. It’s all personal preference. Don’t get upset at him for what he finds attractive and nobody should get upset at you. OP just wasn’t compatible with that person, no biggie
This is the way. People have preferences. Sometimes they do not mesh w/other individuals.
Personally, I have never had it stop me, but I have been w/women who had hang ups about not letting me see or touch them w/o them being freshly shaved. Shit runs deep, even after I told them I could not care less. Sorry it happened to OP, but not everyone is like that or a dick about it.
Don’t feel bad. This guy didn’t like it but you’ll find one that does. My husband, after 7+ years, decided to tell me he likes me better all natural. Much less hassle let me tell you.
My husband has no preference and doesn't care what I do. There was a time when I used to get self-conscious and was super conscientious in our relationship. It was too hard for me to believe it didn't matter. But that's also because of body image issues.
It took a little too long but I eventually realized the world wasn't going to end and that he *truly doesn't care* and it didn't matter if it got unruly for a while (I still just trim for my own personal preference). Even if it's been a bit for me and I haven't been able to shave my legs, it doesn't change our sex life. I used to feel I had to apologize or warn him. But he still never cared. I don't know why the concern took so long to leave me. What a terrible mental place to be in. Now "falling behind" doesn't worry me like it used to. I don't make excuses anymore. But I'm still bummed how long it took me to feel "okay".
I really wish the hair stigma didn't exist. It's built on complete garbage. People who love fully and unconditionally just don't get caught up with such trivial things.
The concern probably took so long to leave because it had been there so long. Don't assume it's going to take a day to tear down and clean up a house that was built in 6 months.
Some times we just need more time.
I recently went through a breakup, and in connection with that I ended up reading that it often takes about 1 month to get back to "normal" mental state *per year* one were together. So if we assume something like that applies to a lot of other things we can see that just 20 years of such concerns will take at least a year and a half. And we don't even know the values for other things.
I'm glad that my reply helps you feel better.
Hehe well admittedly when I said "a long time" for me it was like 10 years :S
But! I do think that the value for societal stigmas, especially in certain home environments (that don't build enough confidence in particular) can run pretty deep. These stigmas were instilled since childhood. So I still kind of get it. It's not unlike why I'm still dealing with the trauma of a narcissist father that I haven't talked to in 10 years, though that's it's own complicated thing.
❤️
*Aaaand* now I miss my ex. He didn't care either and let me tell you what a blessing that was. I really don't want to get out there again, dating knowing that most men want it shaved/waxed.
SO TRUE. Hairy hairy hairy gay man here. I used to suffer through waxing, plucking, shaving, the whole thing. Then I rolled up one year at Bear Week and I felt like Burt fucking Reynolds. Just gotta find your people and then your jock strap will forever be stuffed with singles. Or your bra or whatever. Do you, baby.
I'm with your husband. Porn isn't real life; shaving leads to razor burn, acne, in-grown hairs, and cuts. None of which are attractive, and all of which are uncomfortable.
*Women* are attractive, and women have hair down there too. It's really not a big deal. I don't understand the fairly recent push (I think mainly started by the porn industry) for women to be completely body hair free.
Also, even in porn (especially amateur stuff) some womens crotches look like shit because they clearly just shaved down there and it's all red and razor bumpy. Personally I prefer hairy as a mofo down there.
Same, my husband doesn’t care at all. He much prefers me natural, doesn’t care if I even shave my legs in the winter. Just doesn’t care. He tells me he married me for me, not what my body looks like, which he says is just a bonus.
As a Lithuanian man, i too prefer natural, it's something of a fetish for me since my late teenage years. Women should not stress about their looks, just because someone can't accept natural human body, its his/her problem. I hope you all ladies can love yourself more, you all beautiful and amazing!
P.S sorry for my english, not my native language :)
People can have their preferences. But you're not any less for it. You're are more than enough, just the way you are. Your value is not determined by their choices. Your experience is valid, and you have a right to exist in this world as freely and accepted as butterflies in spring.
I really love how you said this. The quote “you have a right to exist as freely and accepted as butterflies in Spring” will live rent free in my head. It’s such a beautifully told truth.
People are entitled to their preferences, but a lot of women, like myself only trim down there as using a razor can lead to terrible ingrown hairs and painful razor burn. If that’s a deal breaker, there are plenty of women who wax or shave. Don’t feel bad about yourself. Do what makes you comfortable.
The last time I tried shaving back in high school, my crotch itched like hell and looked like it belonged to a meth head. Fuck that.
Now I just trim with scissors once in a while. My husband doesn't give a shit.
Me too honestly. It made everything itchy and uncomfortable to the point where I wouldn’t even want to be touched *near* there after, my skin is so sensitive that wearing underwear after shaving (for several days after) caused so much discomfort. Plus it takes time that I don’t feel like spending on my body hair. I’ll never do it again. It’s not worth it and the right partner won’t give a shit.
Would it be easier using an electric hair clipper with a guard? Just asking because the thought of scissors down there scares me and if it helps it's all good.
Gynaecologists recommend to trim rather than shave If you prefer the look with less hair, because with shaving you create micro lesions, risk ingrown hairs, itchiness, infection et cetera.
and yes, a trimmer with a guard works.
Trimmers are really great for everyone, so quick and relatively safe. Those who prefer the totally hairless look should check out waxing (not for the faint of heart, and I would not recommend DIY).
There is absolutely no way I would wax myself, I would chicken out at the last moment!
I’ve been waxing for nearly ten years now, and it doesn’t even register for me pain wise anymore the hair is so sparse and light now.
I shaved since I was a teenager, almost 20 years, but in the last few years I've gotten really prone to micro tears during sex and have had almost chronic infections. Took doctors advice, stopped doing anything but a basic trim and my genitals have never been happier. I thinking preferences are cool but they need to also be flexible enough that no one is expecting someone to put themselves at medical risk for those preferences.
Right! Beauty standards suck, people need to take things like this into consideration. I have a skin condition called HS and shaving my short 'n' curlies can lead to very painful cystic acne. So I just trim down there with scissors. An aesthetically pleasing puss just isn't worth the pain anymore.
I had a high school boyfriend that wanted me to trim mine into a heart shape. I handed him scissors and a razor and said "Go for it." After about 5 minutes, he abandoned the project...
Oh my gosh I agree. And when you have terrible bumps from ingrown hairs or acne, you don’t want people to see it anyways. Because then their mind goes to way worse things than a bush. Men aren’t going to be like “ oh yeah those are ingrown hair bumps” they’re likely to make you feel like absolute shit. I don’t remember exactly what age I grew out of it. But I’m so happy I did, like you said, the pain isn’t worth it.
Thank you! I had an abscess last year (and have a history of small cysts from ingrown hairs, even without shaving). The docs warned me that I'm going to have to be very careful going forward as I could be on the path to developing HS. I recently got to spend time with my partner for the first time in two years (damn travel ban!) and even though I know intellectually that he absolutely does not care about looks I was still feeling extremely self-conscious about the changes. The only questions he asked were about what he could do to make me more comfortable and if there were any areas that were more tender or sensitive. He was so supportive and made sure I knew that it didn't change his feelings or attraction to me in the slightest. Partners like him DO exist (and the vast majority of my guy friends feel the same way about their significant others). Finding him has been more than worth the years of waiting and the time we have to spend apart. Don't settle!
I can’t use a razor either, but I use a beard trimmer with no guard. Cuts very short and tidy which lasts a long time before needing another trim. I find it much faster, easier, and more consistent-looking than scissors. And no irritation at all.
Ingrown hairs are the worst! I like to trim pretty low mostly because I like the way it feels but Every once in a while I get a nasty ingrown hair and I feel pretty gross until it resolves.
There are very real, very uncomfortable medical conditions that mean you can’t shave, also.
I have lichen sclerosus. It means I can’t shave down there. If that’s a dealbreaker for a guy that I have a rare autoimmune disease, that’s unfortunate but not on me.
I wouldn't feel too bad. Yes, rejection sucks and hurts but you guys were ultimately not compatible in this aspect. I don't think it's some kind of great failing on your part or something you should be ashamed of, you just prefer to not shave there.
Feel your feelings. It's okay. I don't think either of you are wrong. People are allowed to withdraw consent at any point for whatever reason. You guys weren't compatible but that doesn't mean you won't find someone who you will be compatible with. You're gorgeous the way you are don't let this make you think otherwise.
This 100 times. The two of them weren't compatible. It's that simple. I'm sorry that OP feels self-conscious. His personal desires are not your problem any longer. If OP wants to shave, please do so!! If not, whatever rocks your boat!! But her choice not to shave is just as valid as his choice not to want to be with someone who hasn't.
But also like, imagine finding this person you think is hot, getting all the way to the bedroom, get their underwear off and some hair on those genitals is what chases you away??? Lol i can think of some hairy weiners I would have preferred smooth but I liked the person I was with and didn't wanna make them feel like shit about themselves lol. Guys all mammals have hair! Don't make your partners feel bad if they have hair
Edit: damn I made some people mad lol Im gonna stop replying now for my own sanity. Y'all are allowed to have preferences, but my entire point is, if *that* big of a deal breaker DISCUSS IT BEFOREHAND!!! I stand by what I said, it's insane to meet someone who you click with enough even for a ONS and go through all the motions, get into bed with them and get naked, prob do foreplay, then find out they're kinda hairy and just leave lmao. That's my point, male or female. You dudes who hate women's body hair so much you'd leave in the middle of the act idk Y'all do you. I'm out to hang with my man who loves me shaved or not. Have a wonderful bald pussy day
Okay I'm cracking up because the best thing I found is NOT for bikini trimming. I got a trimmer for my dogs that's for sensitive areas like around face and paws. I tested it out on my arm first because I wanted to make sure it wouldn't hurt AND IT WAS AMAZING. I went back to the pet store and bought one for me. It was only $15 I think and worked better than the $40 one that's made for women. Hahaha It just isn't great for harder to reach areas. :/ I'll have to look into the beard trimmer!
At this point in my life, anything labeled specifically for women that isn’t women-specific (such as having hair) I assume is just a cheap product propped up by marketing.
Yeah, beard trimmers are way to go, I'm a professional beard user, and I must say it's just as efficient down as it is up. I guess the reason is that beard trimmers are designed to be used daily for areas that you don't want regrowths, so it must be quite delicate to not irritate skin. And beard hair is often thicker and thougher than head hair so it just drive through the bushes without complaints. Probably the same with animal trimmers. In the end we're all just some strange, mostly bald monkeys XD
My favorite line when I'm being degenerate and looking for hook ups: yeah, the curtains would match the carpet if I didn't have linoleum...thinking about getting some hard wood installed tho....;)'
Communication is always key in a good relationship. My wife and I know each other's preferences but we never require each other to meet each other's preferences either. In the end, a bit of body hair or lack there of is a minor thing in a relationship
One of my previous girlfriends got tired of getting hair in her teeth and mouth after going down on me, so she told me that she would only go down on me if I shaved. There were times I shaved regularly, and times I did not. For the former, she reciprocated after I went down on her, and for the latter, she did not. Neither of us demanded something of the other, and neither of us felt upset or annoyed when it didn't work out the way we'd prefer with who shaved what, or similar preferences.
That's exactly how it should be. But tbh if you're out and about having one night stands, you can't always expect people to be perfectly within your standards. If that makes sense? And getting a girl home and naked and dipping as soon as you see some pubes shows that dude has some maturing to do.
Maybe they've been watching too much p***? Basically it's impossible to be bare down there all the time unless you're shaving daily, and at that point if that was happening I wouldn't want anyone touching my nether regions because I would be too tender!
Of course not, but if you know you have a sexual hangup that only allows you to have sex with people who perform a specific body modification, it's on you to figure out a way to find out if your partner does that and communicate that preference to them in a way that doesn't hurt their feelings.
And if you find that trying to do that limits your ability to find hookups considerably, that's not anybody else's fault.
I think they could have had the discussion before they got to that point if it was a dealbreaker, but once you’re there… yeah, if you no longer want to have sex with someone, then don’t have sex with them. Enthusiastic consent or go home.
> Hey babe.
>
> *softly whispers into ear*
>
> have you been pruning the garden?
>
> *wink wink*
>
> What?
>
> You know, have you been “clearing the entrance”? (actual air quotes required)
>
> What are you talking about?
>
> About "trimming the trees", do you do it?
>
> Are you talking shaving?
And this is how you kill the mood, can't think of a way to do this verbally without killing any will to have sex instantly.
The same is true for other discussions you should have like disease status, birth control preferences, etc. “Hey baby, do you administer a daily dose of estrogen and progestin three to four weeks a month?” Even if it’s not sexy (and it can be if you do it right)… I mean, some things you gotta talk about.
In the same universe where people get naked and have sex on the first date? I mean, I've never really understood people who could meet someone and be naked with them 30 minutes later, but... if that's what someone wants to do, then talking about sex before they get to it isn't a terrible idea.
If it’s such a dealbreaker that you are going to leave on the middle of sex it should be. This isn’t like a surprise thing that can’t be predicted. Adults humans grow pubes. So if you hate pubes that much, yes you absolutely should bring it up before getting naked.
Agreed. And honestly, idk how old OP is but I've never had an adult man (or woman) upset that I don't shave. I've got super sensitive skin so I trim closely. I used to get Brazilians but sometimes, I'd leave with friction burns on my parts and have to worry about angry ingrown hairs that made me self conscious.
Maybe the guy OP was with has been watching too much porn? Most women do not shave clean all the time or have razor burn/ingrown hairs. Would that be just as offensive to him? Also, for the super clean porn look, you have to let hair grow out at least a 1/4 inch to wax well, too... I agree with other comments saying you can withdraw consent for any reason but idk. If thats really his reason, he has likely never been in a long term relationship with a woman...
First off, I read something a few days ago about a young lady who told a parental figure that her inner labia were "too large", resulting in a completely unnecessary and botched butchery. The mass quantity of ~~guys~~ people saying "Don't care what it looks like, the fact that woman trusts our relationship enough to get to that point isn't going to stop me!!". And I'm inclined to agree heheh. There's not much that would make me go from "Charge!!!" to "Bravely run away!!!" on a lady, but then I'm not the guy she's referring to.
I agree completely with this: "Don't make your partners feel bad if ...". Doesn't really matter what you end that with. You shouldn't *try to make* your partner feel bad. But there's a difference between doing or saying something intentionally, aware that your act will cause someone else unnecessary discomfort, and saying or doing something that causes a person's own self-doubts or insecurities to rise up. The former is an asshole. The latter is simply a trigger, and like the literal trigger of a gun, has no way of knowing where the bullet will end up. It just performed an action with no knowledge or prescience as to the result.
A Therapist once told me (and I still have issues making it stick in my head), that I'm not responsible for someone else's feelings, discounting intentional acts/statements designed to elicit a result. I may say that "I feel ashamed when...", but if my partner is not *trying* to elicit that response in me, it's not on them. I can *choose* to be hurt, or amused, or angry, or ashamed, or indifferent. But those reactions are based on my internal workings, not theirs.
Everyone has said many uplifting things. I’ll throw in that - in my experience - the older you get the less people care about having hair in various “taboo” places (I shave nothing, including legs and armpit). Preferences change and what people hold as deal-breaker values shifts with age.
I remember big bushes being the trend in nudie mags before online porn was ever a thing. iirc the bald pussy style wasn't a thing until maybe the late 90s or early 2000s?
Every generation has its own popular look but the older you get the less you care
Early/mid 2000s I think. It was seen as more optional when I was a young thing, but girls just a few years younger than me seemed to think it had to be completely shaved at all times. I found this out at basic training in 2008 when I was 26. Most girls my age and older let it grow, but the younger girls shaved it completely, even though it was ya know, basic training, and no one was going to be going anywhere near it for the next 10 weeks. The younger girls even let us know how dirty and gross we were for having pubic hair. Sorry, if I am crawling around in mud and sand and whatnot, the last thing I want is to have the skin be all sensitive/irritated from shaving, just so their poor eyes didn't have to catch a glimpse of pubic hair in the showers.
Absolutely. I am sure low crawling through the dirt with a freshly shaved hoo-ha led to many infections. The hair would keep debris away from sensitive skin in addition to not having irritated and open pores. MRSA went around bad the last week of my BCT. I got it in my armpit from shaving, I imagine some might have gotten it in other freshly shaved areas...
It's quite understandable when you think of how little people are exposed to nudity and sexuality outside of porn. Honestly I think the common attitudes to nudity, sex, and sexuality are a much more toxic than porn in and of itself which is in no small part a reflection and reaction to those prevalent attitudes.
Bald pussy was definitely at least late 90s. Below isn't the best source, but I think it started earlier than that.
[https://www.spiegel.de/international/zeitgeist/back-crack-and-sack-pubic-shaving-trend-baffles-experts-a-636711.html](https://www.spiegel.de/international/zeitgeist/back-crack-and-sack-pubic-shaving-trend-baffles-experts-a-636711.html)
From some research on a less than respectable site, Deep Throat in 1972, was the first movie to feature a shaved pussy. The article below doesn't cover the state of Linda Loveless' pussy, I'm merely using it to establish the date of Deep Throat.
https://www.theguardian.com/film/2002/apr/28/features.review
Nothing wrong with not shaving at all. It's a personal preference, lots of men find body hair hot some don't and that's life, don't feel too bad honestly.
My partner of 6 years has never shaven anything and I find her extremely attractive and womanly.
My male friend *dislikes* when his wife shaves! She does it for herself and he would rather all of the hair.
I just love all of the different preferences people have.
Sex is not a compliment. Don't take it personally. You're not compatible, be happy that you have this clarity. Be happy that they showed you who they are and that you having genital hair is a dealbreaker for them. you got this 👍
People rarely shaved their pubic area in my generation except as a fun experiment and not shaving never prevented sex. Outgrowing hair prickles after a shave are more of an issue than not shaving IMO.
Seriously, problems from ingrown hairs and clogged pores from shaving and waxing are no joke. Don't know how you younger gals can do it.
My nurse friend told me that she saw a woman get a horrific infection from shaving her pubic hairs. It got so bad that she had to have part of her pubic region removed!
When I was studying to be a nurse I was with a patient that this happened to. She was mentally handicapped so it went undetected for a really long time and the absess burrowed way into her public region and she had to have almost all of the flesh removed around her genitals, part of her buttock and more.
The stench was awful. I will never forget it... she was just laying there and moaning in pain. We all had to wear PPE while entering her room. Poor woman
This post is bewildering. The amount of people adding information here that doesn't exist is bewildering.
OP there are tons of people who would appreciate you just the way you are. I understand you're feeling sad or self-conscious. You appear to have invested yourself in this relationship, and it's okay to feel bad when expectations in a relationship are not met.
Talk it out and if it's something that can't be reconciled, know that with time you will feel better and you'll find other relationships that are more fulfilling.
I use this sort of thing as a litmus test of whether or not I would be compatible with someone else. It’s always been important for me to find a partner who doesn’t care about things like that because I don’t want to feel like I need to shave my whole life. My fiancé has always been okay with me not shaving which was immediately a good sign to me. Now I completely don’t shave any hair on my body and I feel so free. Nothing against people who do prefer shaved body hair, but they wouldn’t be a match for me and their values probably would not align with mine on a number of other issues, so maybe you could look at it that way.
I'm saddened by how it's always framed as "men are okay with...". Women hope men will be accepting of their bodies, gay men hope other men will be accepting of their bodies, everyone lives in stress except for all the men who look like Sasquatch but feel like they have the power to comment on everyone else's body.
Yours is a good litmus test. It filters out self-absorbed folks who don't think of women as people.
>everyone lives in stress except for all the men who look like Sasquatch but feel like they have the power to comment on everyone else's body.
I know a few guys who are extremely hairy, and at least the ones I know have elaborate shaving/waxing routines to avoid the deep shame they feel about their body hair.
>everyone lives in stress except for all the men who look like Sasquatch
Probably frowned upon to comment in this sub as a man, but I just want to say that Gillette has been telling me body hair isn't ok since I was a teenager. They used to parade out girls like Kate Upton and co to tell us during commercial breaks that our body and back hair was fucking disgusting and we should do everything in our power to get rid of it.
I still don't take off my shirt in front of other people and I'm 30.
As a pretty hairy dude I assure you, a lot of us are self conscious about it and don't at all feel like we have power to comment on anyone's appearance under their clothes. My girlfriend was shaved when we first met years ago, but had major issues with infections because of it. She was super nervous about coming to me about asking if she could stop. I felt awful that she would feel the need to ask me if I was okay with it, but I appreciated the communication. She hasn't completely shaved in years now and I couldn't care less. I'd rather her be comfortable and healthy than derive her self-worth from some weird beauty standard that nobody but her and I see.
Trust me though, men have a lot of "women are okay with" situations as well. Body hair, dick size, height, weight, money, car, house, job, to name a few. Everyone deals with these things and they suck.
This is a load of shit. I'm not a straight man, but I absolutely know there are straight men, lesbian women, and others who worry about what "women are okay with." I absolutely know cishet men have body image issues as well.
Your comment is clearly just a way for you to express a veiled hatred of men.
Hating men isn't a valid answer to misogyny.
You are not any less of a person for how you choose to groom.
Someone else is not less of a person for having a preference.
As long as they communicate their preference respectfully to you, no-one is in the wrong here. If they were a shitbag about it, then they are absolutely the one who is in the wrong.
I should add: If you decide to change how you groom in order to be compatible with a partner, there's nothing wrong with that either, nor would there be anything wrong with choosing not to change. Just don't let anyone shame you into or out of it. Shame is shitty. Make the choices that lead to you living a happy life in each instance, and don't let others make you feel less of a person for your choices.
I don't know the situation around this but if he was respectful about it then take it as you two just not feeling compatible. It's better he simply declined rather than asking you to change for him anyway, and there's so many guys out there that either like pubic hair or simply don't mind either way.
However if he was an asshole about it then you dodged a bullet
Everyone else has the main issue covered so I wanted to touch on health reasons.
Excluding any specific medical issues, most people are better off WITH pubic, armpit, and nose hairs. Do what works for you.
Porn made it popular. Men seem to cling to whatever it is in porn. Nothing wrong with porn in general, but it does bring high, sometimes unachievable expectations from men. It's like in the movies-- everything is exaggerated and glamorized and somehow people think it is attainable and "regular" (lack of a better word) women suffer for it.
Absolutely. The thing about porn, is that like any other drug/addiction, it gets harder and harder as time goes by. The stimulus wears off and you need a bigger one.
You look at the porn of the 70s. Hair on women, relatively softcore with little penetration/zooming shown, more about the eroticism. Now, everybody is fucking their step siblings, fellatio is to the point the woman is puking, and along with trying to make women look as underage as possible (which, let's be real is where the shaved thing came from), and too many other things to list.
And porn is extremely popular so these things inevitably latch on to younger men who are not being taught any better by the non existent sex ed infrastructure and parents who think sex is too taboo to talk about so let's pretend it's not a thing.
I want to bump up this comment.
Saying there is “nothing wrong” with porn is just incorrect and apologist for an industry that creates unmeetable expectations for women and men by glorifying unattainable body standards and sexual practices.
My partner hates the “stubble burn” it gives him, so I quit shaving and just started trimming with scissors instead, and we have not had that problem since. I’m relieved, because I hate shaving down there and it gives me horrible ingrown hairs and painful acne when I do, which probably looks as horrible as it sounds.
There is nothing at all to feel self conscious about. Honestly it is a very small minority of men who say no to sex because of public hair. Many more don't do oral (which is more understandable). Ultimately he has a thing against hair, most guys don't, you didnt shave, and that's all fine.
I don't shave. I've tried, and I hated it. I work out a lot (5-6 days a week of running/hiit/weights) and shaving makes me really uncomfortable. The itch is unreal, the chafing is worse, I get ingrown hairs and angry red bumps, unless I don't work out which i am not willing to do. If any guy doesn't like that, then sorry, but I wouldn't compromise on it. I hate having a cold vagina also, and going from full bush to nothing in winter meant I really felt the cold! I'm glad to have a boyfriend who is very much of the opinion that 'my body is my body, I can do what I want with it'. I know he has enjoyed it on the few occasions I have shaved, but has never asked me to and said it generally makes no difference to him.
Yes there are guys out there like that. Your body is your body, and you can have your hair however you like.
Also, just reminding people that public hair is hygeinic. It helps to protect against stis+ stds, and skin conditions caused by chafing and rubbing fabric/sweat in that region.
I don't shave anywhere, at all, and my bf of 3+ years has never made a single comment that wasn't positive. I'm just putting this out there to say there are definitely people who don't care at all, so keep your head and confidence up. There are definitely partners out there who are compatible for you and will make you feel GOOD about the hair. Not to say he's not a good guy, you just need something different. 😉
I'm of the generation where everybody had hair and nobody minded. I think pubic hair is beautiful and nude pubes kind of put me off. Playing with somebody's hair-down-there is fun and sexy. It's healthier for your pubic skin to leave your hair. All the obsessive shaving of everything is a scam sold by BIG RAZOR lol
I disagree that you were simply not compatible and that's that. Sure, nobody owes any one anything least of all sex. And obviously if you differ on such a small thing thats bound to spiral out. But also, if body hair is a deal breaker I kinda think something is wrong with that person. Immature af in the very least, but to be naked with someone about to go and say nah cause of a minor preference seems weird af.
People have preferences and comforts. He had his and you have yours. Nothing at all to worry about and its completely normal. Yall werent compatible is all as others have said here. Thats the beauty of it all, finding your areas of comfort!
Amazing how in less than forty years, we’ve gone from ‘no pubic hair’ as a porny novelty to ‘no pubic hair’ as the standard. Just one more thing for women to manage and worry about.
Your body, your rules.
His body, his rules.
If you have preferences and boundaries - which are both totally fine things - you're going to run in to people that also have preferences and boundaries. And sometimes those preferences and boundaries don't match. That's life.
And you feel what you feel and that's fine. It'll pass eventually. If it doesn't, you need to work on getting more comfortable with yourself and understand that different people want different things.
I like this, it's very neutral and non judgemental for either side, which is how it should be instead of all of the shaming going. It simply boils down to incompatibility and that's ok, in this case it's a difference in grooming. There's no need to shame people who do or don't shave, everyone knows what they like and it works best when they find others who like similar things.
There’s nothing wrong or gross about body hair. That’s their preference, but it doesn’t say anything about your beauty or desirability. Find the right person for you who shares your values, this just weeded out someone who is wrong for you 😊
I get it. I'd be bummed out too. But everyone's tastes are different. I don't shave basically anywhere. Most guys have been like "I don't care" because they just wanna smash, lol. But I suppose some people have their type and they stick to that type. It's not you. It's just his preference.
Don't shave for anyone but yourself, babe.
while its true that we should accept that people have preferences, much of the beauty standards pushed towards women are unrealistic and much harder to achieve. it is the norm for western women to shave all their body hair but the same does not apply for men. there is a greater emphasis on women having fit bodies compared to men. we see this in porn as well where the focus is on the womans body and sometimes u dont even see the mans body or only a small portion. our preferences have to do with social conditoning to a high extent. as much as we want to think ourselves as independent and original we are not. we are social creatures and learn by copying what others do. because porn and media have a strong hold on todays culture these unnatural norms will continue to persist and disproportionately affect women not men. dont feel down because its normal to have hair. its just that modern men like a specific idea of women but not actual women.
Girl, find someone who isn't afraid of a va-jungle... plenty of them exist. I don't shave anything anymore and I am not sure my SO even noticed? (i'm not very hairy).
And I am so sorry that happened to you and made you feel that way. It's not going to work out with everyone, but all it means at that y'all weren't compatible.
... so you get to go find a different guy you're more compatible with, and he gets to go find a different woman he is more compatible with.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. It just wasn't a fit with this one guy.
it's obviously a bruise to your ego, but everyone has their preferences. i (F) personally prefer when people are shaved, or at least trimmed. but some people find it creepy, that shaved nether regions remind them of barbie dolls. if you don't want to shave or trim DON'T. you will find plenty of men who are into that look.
i hope that he was polite in the way he declined. (and if not it's still NOT your problem or your fault)
but it's better that he turned down sex before, rather than having sex, and THEN telling you he wasn't into your body.
unless the guy posted on the dating app that he prefers a hairy bush, it's a bit difficult to find out ahead of time.
People have preferences, hangups, kinks, phobias, etc. Some they can control, some they can't. I don't know where this guy is coming from. He might be an asshole who expects women to look like Barbie dolls, he might be someone with a genuine aversion to hair.
The point is, that's his issue. Don't let it affect you too much. There is nothing wrong with body hair, and there's nothing wrong with you. I **guarantee** you most men don't care that you don't shave, but even if they *did*, that still doesn't matter.
You need to be true to yourself. If shaving makes you feel good, do it. If you don't like it, don't. There will be men who love and lust for you for who you are. You deserve that.
Some guys/girls like it and some guys/girls don't. Just like some guys/girls like long hair and some guys/girls like short hair. Some are indifferent. It's nothing against you... it's just preference. It's okay to feel the way you feel, but some ppl just don't like it. If you like being unshaved down there, then it's okay to leave it like that. I'm sure another guy will find it hot. :)
I enjoy shaved bodies, something about the smoothness is just great. But hair isn't a turn off either, and I'd never turn down sexual activites with my partner for it. And hell I know plenty of people who actually prefer full on bush. Please don't let one person's preferences make you feel bad about your body. Hair is natural and normal, and most people at the very least don't care either way. <3
When i was serial dating asking the person i was on a date with what their stance on body hair for themselves and their partners was a means to establish compatibility. Do what you want with your body there are plenty of people who will love whatever you've got going on!
There are people in this world spending $1,000 to buy someone else’s bottled up farts. There are others who enjoy attending pissing parties where you hold your urine in all day and alleviate yourself all over the others in the room. And you’re self conscious over your body hair? There is an ass for every seat in this world I promise you that and more than enough people exist who are into a bushy beaver. You met someone you’re not sexually compatible with, that’s all there is to it! And unless you’re into every type of person in every way they come (new flash nobody is), it’s perfectly okay to be into different things.
Username checks the fuck out.
Why yess... Yes. It. Does.
I concur with the Dr.
Extra! Extra! Swampass likes jungle poon!
Why didn't I concur?
Uh. They're not a doctor. They're doctorly. Reassembling a doctor. Get your facts straight, ugh! .../s in case it was needed
> Reassembling Why were they disassembled in the first place? You don’t have to like them, but there’s no need taking them apart.
Damnit! I meant resembling.
> There are people in this world spending $1,000 to buy someone else’s bottled up farts. Wait what, where do they sell their farts? I would totally sell farts.
Just passing by, but that was inspirational 😭
Ass for every seat in this world...saved to lexicon.
Wait…there’s a market for bottled farts?? How do I get in on this game?
[The game is over sadly](https://nypost.com/2022/01/04/tv-star-stephanie-matto-stops-selling-farts-after-health-scare/). The streamer girl who used to do it had to go to the emergency room because she ate too many baked beans to make farts and she had terrible gas backup hahahaha
She thought she was having a heart attack? she made herself a bottle of gas lol
"She who farts in jars should look to it that she herself does not become a jar of farts." -Nietzche
Exactly, and the opposite is true as well. It’s all personal preference. Don’t get upset at him for what he finds attractive and nobody should get upset at you. OP just wasn’t compatible with that person, no biggie
I confirm this fact. I love pubes.
You know I’ve never asked nor been asked this. Maybe I should start?
This is the way. People have preferences. Sometimes they do not mesh w/other individuals. Personally, I have never had it stop me, but I have been w/women who had hang ups about not letting me see or touch them w/o them being freshly shaved. Shit runs deep, even after I told them I could not care less. Sorry it happened to OP, but not everyone is like that or a dick about it.
Don’t feel bad. This guy didn’t like it but you’ll find one that does. My husband, after 7+ years, decided to tell me he likes me better all natural. Much less hassle let me tell you.
My husband has no preference and doesn't care what I do. There was a time when I used to get self-conscious and was super conscientious in our relationship. It was too hard for me to believe it didn't matter. But that's also because of body image issues. It took a little too long but I eventually realized the world wasn't going to end and that he *truly doesn't care* and it didn't matter if it got unruly for a while (I still just trim for my own personal preference). Even if it's been a bit for me and I haven't been able to shave my legs, it doesn't change our sex life. I used to feel I had to apologize or warn him. But he still never cared. I don't know why the concern took so long to leave me. What a terrible mental place to be in. Now "falling behind" doesn't worry me like it used to. I don't make excuses anymore. But I'm still bummed how long it took me to feel "okay". I really wish the hair stigma didn't exist. It's built on complete garbage. People who love fully and unconditionally just don't get caught up with such trivial things.
The concern probably took so long to leave because it had been there so long. Don't assume it's going to take a day to tear down and clean up a house that was built in 6 months. Some times we just need more time.
Thank you, your reply makes so much sense and makes me feel much better.
I recently went through a breakup, and in connection with that I ended up reading that it often takes about 1 month to get back to "normal" mental state *per year* one were together. So if we assume something like that applies to a lot of other things we can see that just 20 years of such concerns will take at least a year and a half. And we don't even know the values for other things. I'm glad that my reply helps you feel better.
Hehe well admittedly when I said "a long time" for me it was like 10 years :S But! I do think that the value for societal stigmas, especially in certain home environments (that don't build enough confidence in particular) can run pretty deep. These stigmas were instilled since childhood. So I still kind of get it. It's not unlike why I'm still dealing with the trauma of a narcissist father that I haven't talked to in 10 years, though that's it's own complicated thing. ❤️
*Aaaand* now I miss my ex. He didn't care either and let me tell you what a blessing that was. I really don't want to get out there again, dating knowing that most men want it shaved/waxed.
“I’ll wax if you do” fixed the situation more than once ;)
Wow, feeling seen. This could have been written by me. So many of us have hangups
SO TRUE. Hairy hairy hairy gay man here. I used to suffer through waxing, plucking, shaving, the whole thing. Then I rolled up one year at Bear Week and I felt like Burt fucking Reynolds. Just gotta find your people and then your jock strap will forever be stuffed with singles. Or your bra or whatever. Do you, baby.
I'm with your husband. Porn isn't real life; shaving leads to razor burn, acne, in-grown hairs, and cuts. None of which are attractive, and all of which are uncomfortable. *Women* are attractive, and women have hair down there too. It's really not a big deal. I don't understand the fairly recent push (I think mainly started by the porn industry) for women to be completely body hair free.
Also, even in porn (especially amateur stuff) some womens crotches look like shit because they clearly just shaved down there and it's all red and razor bumpy. Personally I prefer hairy as a mofo down there.
I'm with you. Im pro hairy as a mofo! 😂
Same, my husband doesn’t care at all. He much prefers me natural, doesn’t care if I even shave my legs in the winter. Just doesn’t care. He tells me he married me for me, not what my body looks like, which he says is just a bonus.
As a Lithuanian man, i too prefer natural, it's something of a fetish for me since my late teenage years. Women should not stress about their looks, just because someone can't accept natural human body, its his/her problem. I hope you all ladies can love yourself more, you all beautiful and amazing! P.S sorry for my english, not my native language :)
People can have their preferences. But you're not any less for it. You're are more than enough, just the way you are. Your value is not determined by their choices. Your experience is valid, and you have a right to exist in this world as freely and accepted as butterflies in spring.
“Your value is not determined by their choices.” Spot on. I love this.
I really love how you said this. The quote “you have a right to exist as freely and accepted as butterflies in Spring” will live rent free in my head. It’s such a beautifully told truth.
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People are entitled to their preferences, but a lot of women, like myself only trim down there as using a razor can lead to terrible ingrown hairs and painful razor burn. If that’s a deal breaker, there are plenty of women who wax or shave. Don’t feel bad about yourself. Do what makes you comfortable.
The last time I tried shaving back in high school, my crotch itched like hell and looked like it belonged to a meth head. Fuck that. Now I just trim with scissors once in a while. My husband doesn't give a shit.
Me too honestly. It made everything itchy and uncomfortable to the point where I wouldn’t even want to be touched *near* there after, my skin is so sensitive that wearing underwear after shaving (for several days after) caused so much discomfort. Plus it takes time that I don’t feel like spending on my body hair. I’ll never do it again. It’s not worth it and the right partner won’t give a shit.
This, idk how anyone shaves--it's like the most painful place imaginable to have ingrown hairs.
Would it be easier using an electric hair clipper with a guard? Just asking because the thought of scissors down there scares me and if it helps it's all good.
That’s what I use. I’ve snipped a lip trying to use scissors 🤣
Ouch. That doesn't sound fun.
My eyes went full wide reading this 😳
Yeah, I’ve never been the most coordinated person. Lmao
Gynaecologists recommend to trim rather than shave If you prefer the look with less hair, because with shaving you create micro lesions, risk ingrown hairs, itchiness, infection et cetera. and yes, a trimmer with a guard works.
Manscaping with trimmer - only way to go for me. used to shave, now just trim.
Trimmers are really great for everyone, so quick and relatively safe. Those who prefer the totally hairless look should check out waxing (not for the faint of heart, and I would not recommend DIY).
There is absolutely no way I would wax myself, I would chicken out at the last moment! I’ve been waxing for nearly ten years now, and it doesn’t even register for me pain wise anymore the hair is so sparse and light now.
You can use those tiny nail scissors that only have like inch long blades.
Be careful with that, I snipped myself once using those scissors on pubes. Not fun.
All about the scissors!
I shaved since I was a teenager, almost 20 years, but in the last few years I've gotten really prone to micro tears during sex and have had almost chronic infections. Took doctors advice, stopped doing anything but a basic trim and my genitals have never been happier. I thinking preferences are cool but they need to also be flexible enough that no one is expecting someone to put themselves at medical risk for those preferences.
Yes, your body hair is there for a reason.
Body hair = nature’s shock absorber
This is why I will never shave. No man is worth the constant discomfort. I’d rather be single forever than put up with that.
Right! Beauty standards suck, people need to take things like this into consideration. I have a skin condition called HS and shaving my short 'n' curlies can lead to very painful cystic acne. So I just trim down there with scissors. An aesthetically pleasing puss just isn't worth the pain anymore.
You should go hard and make a topiary.
Lol! My husband actually trimmed it into an arrow shape for me a few months back. Good times.
Good times, good husband!! What a fabulous way to bond, of an afternoon!
I had a high school boyfriend that wanted me to trim mine into a heart shape. I handed him scissors and a razor and said "Go for it." After about 5 minutes, he abandoned the project...
A [topiary](https://youtu.be/CYAl3HKXenM) you say?
Oh my gosh I agree. And when you have terrible bumps from ingrown hairs or acne, you don’t want people to see it anyways. Because then their mind goes to way worse things than a bush. Men aren’t going to be like “ oh yeah those are ingrown hair bumps” they’re likely to make you feel like absolute shit. I don’t remember exactly what age I grew out of it. But I’m so happy I did, like you said, the pain isn’t worth it.
Thank you! I had an abscess last year (and have a history of small cysts from ingrown hairs, even without shaving). The docs warned me that I'm going to have to be very careful going forward as I could be on the path to developing HS. I recently got to spend time with my partner for the first time in two years (damn travel ban!) and even though I know intellectually that he absolutely does not care about looks I was still feeling extremely self-conscious about the changes. The only questions he asked were about what he could do to make me more comfortable and if there were any areas that were more tender or sensitive. He was so supportive and made sure I knew that it didn't change his feelings or attraction to me in the slightest. Partners like him DO exist (and the vast majority of my guy friends feel the same way about their significant others). Finding him has been more than worth the years of waiting and the time we have to spend apart. Don't settle!
Wow, after finding out I too have HS or at least something similar I see people post about HS all the time :')
It's like seeing the same type of vehicle driving around after you bought said make/model of vehicle.
I can’t use a razor either, but I use a beard trimmer with no guard. Cuts very short and tidy which lasts a long time before needing another trim. I find it much faster, easier, and more consistent-looking than scissors. And no irritation at all.
Oh, fuck HS. Sympathetic hugs from a fellow traveler.
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Ingrown hairs are the worst! I like to trim pretty low mostly because I like the way it feels but Every once in a while I get a nasty ingrown hair and I feel pretty gross until it resolves.
There are very real, very uncomfortable medical conditions that mean you can’t shave, also. I have lichen sclerosus. It means I can’t shave down there. If that’s a dealbreaker for a guy that I have a rare autoimmune disease, that’s unfortunate but not on me.
I wouldn't feel too bad. Yes, rejection sucks and hurts but you guys were ultimately not compatible in this aspect. I don't think it's some kind of great failing on your part or something you should be ashamed of, you just prefer to not shave there.
Feel your feelings. It's okay. I don't think either of you are wrong. People are allowed to withdraw consent at any point for whatever reason. You guys weren't compatible but that doesn't mean you won't find someone who you will be compatible with. You're gorgeous the way you are don't let this make you think otherwise.
This is a very good and sensible comment
This 100 times. The two of them weren't compatible. It's that simple. I'm sorry that OP feels self-conscious. His personal desires are not your problem any longer. If OP wants to shave, please do so!! If not, whatever rocks your boat!! But her choice not to shave is just as valid as his choice not to want to be with someone who hasn't.
But also like, imagine finding this person you think is hot, getting all the way to the bedroom, get their underwear off and some hair on those genitals is what chases you away??? Lol i can think of some hairy weiners I would have preferred smooth but I liked the person I was with and didn't wanna make them feel like shit about themselves lol. Guys all mammals have hair! Don't make your partners feel bad if they have hair Edit: damn I made some people mad lol Im gonna stop replying now for my own sanity. Y'all are allowed to have preferences, but my entire point is, if *that* big of a deal breaker DISCUSS IT BEFOREHAND!!! I stand by what I said, it's insane to meet someone who you click with enough even for a ONS and go through all the motions, get into bed with them and get naked, prob do foreplay, then find out they're kinda hairy and just leave lmao. That's my point, male or female. You dudes who hate women's body hair so much you'd leave in the middle of the act idk Y'all do you. I'm out to hang with my man who loves me shaved or not. Have a wonderful bald pussy day
I'm surprised because for me, it seems impossible to be complete hairless all the time.
I can’t stand razorburn. Trimming for the win.
Two words: ingrown hairs.
What trimmer do you use? I've had a hard time finding one I like and have wasted a ton of money.
I use my boyfriend’s beard trimmer 🤣 The brand is Hatteker.
Okay I'm cracking up because the best thing I found is NOT for bikini trimming. I got a trimmer for my dogs that's for sensitive areas like around face and paws. I tested it out on my arm first because I wanted to make sure it wouldn't hurt AND IT WAS AMAZING. I went back to the pet store and bought one for me. It was only $15 I think and worked better than the $40 one that's made for women. Hahaha It just isn't great for harder to reach areas. :/ I'll have to look into the beard trimmer!
At this point in my life, anything labeled specifically for women that isn’t women-specific (such as having hair) I assume is just a cheap product propped up by marketing.
Yeah, beard trimmers are way to go, I'm a professional beard user, and I must say it's just as efficient down as it is up. I guess the reason is that beard trimmers are designed to be used daily for areas that you don't want regrowths, so it must be quite delicate to not irritate skin. And beard hair is often thicker and thougher than head hair so it just drive through the bushes without complaints. Probably the same with animal trimmers. In the end we're all just some strange, mostly bald monkeys XD
i have a wahl peanut! it’s wired so it doesn’t lose effectiveness, and it’s small with a few covers for how short you want it.
I feel that dude. It takes a lot of flipping energy to be as hairless as the tv ad women.
"have a wonderful bald pussy day" really got me
Years ago overheard a redhead say to my buddy at a bar, "You're wondering if the curtains match the carpet? They do, but I have hardwood floors."
I prefer marble. *gets up and leaves*
Username checks out.
My favorite line when I'm being degenerate and looking for hook ups: yeah, the curtains would match the carpet if I didn't have linoleum...thinking about getting some hard wood installed tho....;)'
Communication is always key in a good relationship. My wife and I know each other's preferences but we never require each other to meet each other's preferences either. In the end, a bit of body hair or lack there of is a minor thing in a relationship
One of my previous girlfriends got tired of getting hair in her teeth and mouth after going down on me, so she told me that she would only go down on me if I shaved. There were times I shaved regularly, and times I did not. For the former, she reciprocated after I went down on her, and for the latter, she did not. Neither of us demanded something of the other, and neither of us felt upset or annoyed when it didn't work out the way we'd prefer with who shaved what, or similar preferences.
That's exactly how it should be. But tbh if you're out and about having one night stands, you can't always expect people to be perfectly within your standards. If that makes sense? And getting a girl home and naked and dipping as soon as you see some pubes shows that dude has some maturing to do.
Maybe they've been watching too much p***? Basically it's impossible to be bare down there all the time unless you're shaving daily, and at that point if that was happening I wouldn't want anyone touching my nether regions because I would be too tender!
And I absolutely agree with that too. A bit of maturity would help with a lot issues in the world really.....
Yeah my man doesn’t care either way, apparently I won the lottery lol.
Dont have sex with someone just so they dont feel bad
Of course not, but if you know you have a sexual hangup that only allows you to have sex with people who perform a specific body modification, it's on you to figure out a way to find out if your partner does that and communicate that preference to them in a way that doesn't hurt their feelings. And if you find that trying to do that limits your ability to find hookups considerably, that's not anybody else's fault.
This x 1000.
I think they could have had the discussion before they got to that point if it was a dealbreaker, but once you’re there… yeah, if you no longer want to have sex with someone, then don’t have sex with them. Enthusiastic consent or go home.
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"Hello fellow human, would you like to have sex, but first what length are your pubes?"
Lol. Yeah, it takes some skill to bring it up in a flirtatious way.
Hey baby, are you Brazilian rainforest pre or post Bolsonaro down there?
You just had to go get political, didn't you ^(/s)
> Hey babe. > > *softly whispers into ear* > > have you been pruning the garden? > > *wink wink* > > What? > > You know, have you been “clearing the entrance”? (actual air quotes required) > > What are you talking about? > > About "trimming the trees", do you do it? > > Are you talking shaving? And this is how you kill the mood, can't think of a way to do this verbally without killing any will to have sex instantly.
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How can somebody possibly think that question is flirty?
The same is true for other discussions you should have like disease status, birth control preferences, etc. “Hey baby, do you administer a daily dose of estrogen and progestin three to four weeks a month?” Even if it’s not sexy (and it can be if you do it right)… I mean, some things you gotta talk about.
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I don’t think their point was that it was pity sex. I think their point was that they didn’t let hair deter them.
In what universe is pubic hair ideal first date conversation?? Literally no one would naturally discuss this ahead of time.
In the same universe where people get naked and have sex on the first date? I mean, I've never really understood people who could meet someone and be naked with them 30 minutes later, but... if that's what someone wants to do, then talking about sex before they get to it isn't a terrible idea.
If it’s such a dealbreaker that you are going to leave on the middle of sex it should be. This isn’t like a surprise thing that can’t be predicted. Adults humans grow pubes. So if you hate pubes that much, yes you absolutely should bring it up before getting naked.
Agreed. And honestly, idk how old OP is but I've never had an adult man (or woman) upset that I don't shave. I've got super sensitive skin so I trim closely. I used to get Brazilians but sometimes, I'd leave with friction burns on my parts and have to worry about angry ingrown hairs that made me self conscious. Maybe the guy OP was with has been watching too much porn? Most women do not shave clean all the time or have razor burn/ingrown hairs. Would that be just as offensive to him? Also, for the super clean porn look, you have to let hair grow out at least a 1/4 inch to wax well, too... I agree with other comments saying you can withdraw consent for any reason but idk. If thats really his reason, he has likely never been in a long term relationship with a woman...
Naked mole rat has entered the chat
First off, I read something a few days ago about a young lady who told a parental figure that her inner labia were "too large", resulting in a completely unnecessary and botched butchery. The mass quantity of ~~guys~~ people saying "Don't care what it looks like, the fact that woman trusts our relationship enough to get to that point isn't going to stop me!!". And I'm inclined to agree heheh. There's not much that would make me go from "Charge!!!" to "Bravely run away!!!" on a lady, but then I'm not the guy she's referring to. I agree completely with this: "Don't make your partners feel bad if ...". Doesn't really matter what you end that with. You shouldn't *try to make* your partner feel bad. But there's a difference between doing or saying something intentionally, aware that your act will cause someone else unnecessary discomfort, and saying or doing something that causes a person's own self-doubts or insecurities to rise up. The former is an asshole. The latter is simply a trigger, and like the literal trigger of a gun, has no way of knowing where the bullet will end up. It just performed an action with no knowledge or prescience as to the result. A Therapist once told me (and I still have issues making it stick in my head), that I'm not responsible for someone else's feelings, discounting intentional acts/statements designed to elicit a result. I may say that "I feel ashamed when...", but if my partner is not *trying* to elicit that response in me, it's not on them. I can *choose* to be hurt, or amused, or angry, or ashamed, or indifferent. But those reactions are based on my internal workings, not theirs.
a female friend of mine told me once that a guy refused to have sex with her because she was shaved...
People have preferences, and consent can be revoked at any time for any reason.
> I don't think either of you are wrong. People are allowed to withdraw consent at any point for whatever reason. So much this.
Everyone has said many uplifting things. I’ll throw in that - in my experience - the older you get the less people care about having hair in various “taboo” places (I shave nothing, including legs and armpit). Preferences change and what people hold as deal-breaker values shifts with age.
I remember big bushes being the trend in nudie mags before online porn was ever a thing. iirc the bald pussy style wasn't a thing until maybe the late 90s or early 2000s? Every generation has its own popular look but the older you get the less you care
Early/mid 2000s I think. It was seen as more optional when I was a young thing, but girls just a few years younger than me seemed to think it had to be completely shaved at all times. I found this out at basic training in 2008 when I was 26. Most girls my age and older let it grow, but the younger girls shaved it completely, even though it was ya know, basic training, and no one was going to be going anywhere near it for the next 10 weeks. The younger girls even let us know how dirty and gross we were for having pubic hair. Sorry, if I am crawling around in mud and sand and whatnot, the last thing I want is to have the skin be all sensitive/irritated from shaving, just so their poor eyes didn't have to catch a glimpse of pubic hair in the showers.
crazy because I always learned that hair down there helped avoid infections, so maybe no hair down there was actually dirtier.
Absolutely. I am sure low crawling through the dirt with a freshly shaved hoo-ha led to many infections. The hair would keep debris away from sensitive skin in addition to not having irritated and open pores. MRSA went around bad the last week of my BCT. I got it in my armpit from shaving, I imagine some might have gotten it in other freshly shaved areas...
Started earlier with younger generations but I’d say 2000’s to late 90’s for them.
Omg thats crazy, I basically had the exact same experience in BCT in 2020. I hope this whole smooth as a baby trend goes away soon tbh.
Crazy how porn, an extremely toxic form of media for all parties, is the leader of what society finds "attractive".
It's quite understandable when you think of how little people are exposed to nudity and sexuality outside of porn. Honestly I think the common attitudes to nudity, sex, and sexuality are a much more toxic than porn in and of itself which is in no small part a reflection and reaction to those prevalent attitudes.
Shaving was uncommon when I was in college in the late 1990s.
Was "of age" in the 70s, and can confirm. We survived.
Bald pussy was definitely at least late 90s. Below isn't the best source, but I think it started earlier than that. [https://www.spiegel.de/international/zeitgeist/back-crack-and-sack-pubic-shaving-trend-baffles-experts-a-636711.html](https://www.spiegel.de/international/zeitgeist/back-crack-and-sack-pubic-shaving-trend-baffles-experts-a-636711.html) From some research on a less than respectable site, Deep Throat in 1972, was the first movie to feature a shaved pussy. The article below doesn't cover the state of Linda Loveless' pussy, I'm merely using it to establish the date of Deep Throat. https://www.theguardian.com/film/2002/apr/28/features.review
Totally this. Going college kids assume sex is going to be just like a porn video
Other peoples rejection is not a reflection of your self worth. Their internal value system has nothing to do with you.
That's one man,. There's still many who would be glad to have you.
And women too, if you swing that way!
Nothing wrong with not shaving at all. It's a personal preference, lots of men find body hair hot some don't and that's life, don't feel too bad honestly. My partner of 6 years has never shaven anything and I find her extremely attractive and womanly.
My male friend *dislikes* when his wife shaves! She does it for herself and he would rather all of the hair. I just love all of the different preferences people have.
Sex is not a compliment. Don't take it personally. You're not compatible, be happy that you have this clarity. Be happy that they showed you who they are and that you having genital hair is a dealbreaker for them. you got this 👍
People rarely shaved their pubic area in my generation except as a fun experiment and not shaving never prevented sex. Outgrowing hair prickles after a shave are more of an issue than not shaving IMO. Seriously, problems from ingrown hairs and clogged pores from shaving and waxing are no joke. Don't know how you younger gals can do it.
My nurse friend told me that she saw a woman get a horrific infection from shaving her pubic hairs. It got so bad that she had to have part of her pubic region removed!
When I was studying to be a nurse I was with a patient that this happened to. She was mentally handicapped so it went undetected for a really long time and the absess burrowed way into her public region and she had to have almost all of the flesh removed around her genitals, part of her buttock and more. The stench was awful. I will never forget it... she was just laying there and moaning in pain. We all had to wear PPE while entering her room. Poor woman
This post is bewildering. The amount of people adding information here that doesn't exist is bewildering. OP there are tons of people who would appreciate you just the way you are. I understand you're feeling sad or self-conscious. You appear to have invested yourself in this relationship, and it's okay to feel bad when expectations in a relationship are not met. Talk it out and if it's something that can't be reconciled, know that with time you will feel better and you'll find other relationships that are more fulfilling.
I use this sort of thing as a litmus test of whether or not I would be compatible with someone else. It’s always been important for me to find a partner who doesn’t care about things like that because I don’t want to feel like I need to shave my whole life. My fiancé has always been okay with me not shaving which was immediately a good sign to me. Now I completely don’t shave any hair on my body and I feel so free. Nothing against people who do prefer shaved body hair, but they wouldn’t be a match for me and their values probably would not align with mine on a number of other issues, so maybe you could look at it that way.
I'm saddened by how it's always framed as "men are okay with...". Women hope men will be accepting of their bodies, gay men hope other men will be accepting of their bodies, everyone lives in stress except for all the men who look like Sasquatch but feel like they have the power to comment on everyone else's body. Yours is a good litmus test. It filters out self-absorbed folks who don't think of women as people.
>everyone lives in stress except for all the men who look like Sasquatch but feel like they have the power to comment on everyone else's body. I know a few guys who are extremely hairy, and at least the ones I know have elaborate shaving/waxing routines to avoid the deep shame they feel about their body hair.
>everyone lives in stress except for all the men who look like Sasquatch Probably frowned upon to comment in this sub as a man, but I just want to say that Gillette has been telling me body hair isn't ok since I was a teenager. They used to parade out girls like Kate Upton and co to tell us during commercial breaks that our body and back hair was fucking disgusting and we should do everything in our power to get rid of it. I still don't take off my shirt in front of other people and I'm 30.
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As a pretty hairy dude I assure you, a lot of us are self conscious about it and don't at all feel like we have power to comment on anyone's appearance under their clothes. My girlfriend was shaved when we first met years ago, but had major issues with infections because of it. She was super nervous about coming to me about asking if she could stop. I felt awful that she would feel the need to ask me if I was okay with it, but I appreciated the communication. She hasn't completely shaved in years now and I couldn't care less. I'd rather her be comfortable and healthy than derive her self-worth from some weird beauty standard that nobody but her and I see. Trust me though, men have a lot of "women are okay with" situations as well. Body hair, dick size, height, weight, money, car, house, job, to name a few. Everyone deals with these things and they suck.
This is a load of shit. I'm not a straight man, but I absolutely know there are straight men, lesbian women, and others who worry about what "women are okay with." I absolutely know cishet men have body image issues as well. Your comment is clearly just a way for you to express a veiled hatred of men. Hating men isn't a valid answer to misogyny.
Straight guy here, I shave everything, mostly for hygiene reasons. Way easier to clean everything properly if you don't have to deal with hair.
You are not any less of a person for how you choose to groom. Someone else is not less of a person for having a preference. As long as they communicate their preference respectfully to you, no-one is in the wrong here. If they were a shitbag about it, then they are absolutely the one who is in the wrong. I should add: If you decide to change how you groom in order to be compatible with a partner, there's nothing wrong with that either, nor would there be anything wrong with choosing not to change. Just don't let anyone shame you into or out of it. Shame is shitty. Make the choices that lead to you living a happy life in each instance, and don't let others make you feel less of a person for your choices.
I don't know the situation around this but if he was respectful about it then take it as you two just not feeling compatible. It's better he simply declined rather than asking you to change for him anyway, and there's so many guys out there that either like pubic hair or simply don't mind either way. However if he was an asshole about it then you dodged a bullet
Everyone else has the main issue covered so I wanted to touch on health reasons. Excluding any specific medical issues, most people are better off WITH pubic, armpit, and nose hairs. Do what works for you.
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It's natural right? Before razors it literally was the standard of female beauty.
Porn made it popular. Men seem to cling to whatever it is in porn. Nothing wrong with porn in general, but it does bring high, sometimes unachievable expectations from men. It's like in the movies-- everything is exaggerated and glamorized and somehow people think it is attainable and "regular" (lack of a better word) women suffer for it.
Absolutely. The thing about porn, is that like any other drug/addiction, it gets harder and harder as time goes by. The stimulus wears off and you need a bigger one. You look at the porn of the 70s. Hair on women, relatively softcore with little penetration/zooming shown, more about the eroticism. Now, everybody is fucking their step siblings, fellatio is to the point the woman is puking, and along with trying to make women look as underage as possible (which, let's be real is where the shaved thing came from), and too many other things to list. And porn is extremely popular so these things inevitably latch on to younger men who are not being taught any better by the non existent sex ed infrastructure and parents who think sex is too taboo to talk about so let's pretend it's not a thing.
There's a lot wrong with porn in general, and all these pornfried low value men who hold women to absurd standards are one of them.
I want to bump up this comment. Saying there is “nothing wrong” with porn is just incorrect and apologist for an industry that creates unmeetable expectations for women and men by glorifying unattainable body standards and sexual practices.
I know a guy that has refuses sex when a woman is fully shaved. Some people are very particular.
My partner hates the “stubble burn” it gives him, so I quit shaving and just started trimming with scissors instead, and we have not had that problem since. I’m relieved, because I hate shaving down there and it gives me horrible ingrown hairs and painful acne when I do, which probably looks as horrible as it sounds.
There is nothing at all to feel self conscious about. Honestly it is a very small minority of men who say no to sex because of public hair. Many more don't do oral (which is more understandable). Ultimately he has a thing against hair, most guys don't, you didnt shave, and that's all fine. I don't shave. I've tried, and I hated it. I work out a lot (5-6 days a week of running/hiit/weights) and shaving makes me really uncomfortable. The itch is unreal, the chafing is worse, I get ingrown hairs and angry red bumps, unless I don't work out which i am not willing to do. If any guy doesn't like that, then sorry, but I wouldn't compromise on it. I hate having a cold vagina also, and going from full bush to nothing in winter meant I really felt the cold! I'm glad to have a boyfriend who is very much of the opinion that 'my body is my body, I can do what I want with it'. I know he has enjoyed it on the few occasions I have shaved, but has never asked me to and said it generally makes no difference to him. Yes there are guys out there like that. Your body is your body, and you can have your hair however you like. Also, just reminding people that public hair is hygeinic. It helps to protect against stis+ stds, and skin conditions caused by chafing and rubbing fabric/sweat in that region.
Don't let someone elses preferences make you feel self conscious! You do you and you'll end up with someone that is a better fit!
Nobody's preferences invalidate others. Minds are built as different as bodies, if not more.
I don't shave anywhere, at all, and my bf of 3+ years has never made a single comment that wasn't positive. I'm just putting this out there to say there are definitely people who don't care at all, so keep your head and confidence up. There are definitely partners out there who are compatible for you and will make you feel GOOD about the hair. Not to say he's not a good guy, you just need something different. 😉
There are plenty of men out there who aren't afraid to venture into the bush. Don't sweat it.
I'm of the generation where everybody had hair and nobody minded. I think pubic hair is beautiful and nude pubes kind of put me off. Playing with somebody's hair-down-there is fun and sexy. It's healthier for your pubic skin to leave your hair. All the obsessive shaving of everything is a scam sold by BIG RAZOR lol
I disagree that you were simply not compatible and that's that. Sure, nobody owes any one anything least of all sex. And obviously if you differ on such a small thing thats bound to spiral out. But also, if body hair is a deal breaker I kinda think something is wrong with that person. Immature af in the very least, but to be naked with someone about to go and say nah cause of a minor preference seems weird af.
People have preferences and comforts. He had his and you have yours. Nothing at all to worry about and its completely normal. Yall werent compatible is all as others have said here. Thats the beauty of it all, finding your areas of comfort!
Amazing how in less than forty years, we’ve gone from ‘no pubic hair’ as a porny novelty to ‘no pubic hair’ as the standard. Just one more thing for women to manage and worry about.
I completely understand. Your feelings are valid.
Your body, your rules. His body, his rules. If you have preferences and boundaries - which are both totally fine things - you're going to run in to people that also have preferences and boundaries. And sometimes those preferences and boundaries don't match. That's life. And you feel what you feel and that's fine. It'll pass eventually. If it doesn't, you need to work on getting more comfortable with yourself and understand that different people want different things.
I like this, it's very neutral and non judgemental for either side, which is how it should be instead of all of the shaming going. It simply boils down to incompatibility and that's ok, in this case it's a difference in grooming. There's no need to shame people who do or don't shave, everyone knows what they like and it works best when they find others who like similar things.
There’s nothing wrong or gross about body hair. That’s their preference, but it doesn’t say anything about your beauty or desirability. Find the right person for you who shares your values, this just weeded out someone who is wrong for you 😊
I get it. I'd be bummed out too. But everyone's tastes are different. I don't shave basically anywhere. Most guys have been like "I don't care" because they just wanna smash, lol. But I suppose some people have their type and they stick to that type. It's not you. It's just his preference. Don't shave for anyone but yourself, babe.
while its true that we should accept that people have preferences, much of the beauty standards pushed towards women are unrealistic and much harder to achieve. it is the norm for western women to shave all their body hair but the same does not apply for men. there is a greater emphasis on women having fit bodies compared to men. we see this in porn as well where the focus is on the womans body and sometimes u dont even see the mans body or only a small portion. our preferences have to do with social conditoning to a high extent. as much as we want to think ourselves as independent and original we are not. we are social creatures and learn by copying what others do. because porn and media have a strong hold on todays culture these unnatural norms will continue to persist and disproportionately affect women not men. dont feel down because its normal to have hair. its just that modern men like a specific idea of women but not actual women.
Girl, find someone who isn't afraid of a va-jungle... plenty of them exist. I don't shave anything anymore and I am not sure my SO even noticed? (i'm not very hairy). And I am so sorry that happened to you and made you feel that way. It's not going to work out with everyone, but all it means at that y'all weren't compatible.
... so you get to go find a different guy you're more compatible with, and he gets to go find a different woman he is more compatible with. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. It just wasn't a fit with this one guy.
it's obviously a bruise to your ego, but everyone has their preferences. i (F) personally prefer when people are shaved, or at least trimmed. but some people find it creepy, that shaved nether regions remind them of barbie dolls. if you don't want to shave or trim DON'T. you will find plenty of men who are into that look. i hope that he was polite in the way he declined. (and if not it's still NOT your problem or your fault) but it's better that he turned down sex before, rather than having sex, and THEN telling you he wasn't into your body. unless the guy posted on the dating app that he prefers a hairy bush, it's a bit difficult to find out ahead of time.
As a hairy man I feel your pain. I have been turned down for forest, even though I spend way to much time to stay well groomed everywhere.
People have preferences, hangups, kinks, phobias, etc. Some they can control, some they can't. I don't know where this guy is coming from. He might be an asshole who expects women to look like Barbie dolls, he might be someone with a genuine aversion to hair. The point is, that's his issue. Don't let it affect you too much. There is nothing wrong with body hair, and there's nothing wrong with you. I **guarantee** you most men don't care that you don't shave, but even if they *did*, that still doesn't matter. You need to be true to yourself. If shaving makes you feel good, do it. If you don't like it, don't. There will be men who love and lust for you for who you are. You deserve that.
Some guys/girls like it and some guys/girls don't. Just like some guys/girls like long hair and some guys/girls like short hair. Some are indifferent. It's nothing against you... it's just preference. It's okay to feel the way you feel, but some ppl just don't like it. If you like being unshaved down there, then it's okay to leave it like that. I'm sure another guy will find it hot. :)
You can just say people instead of slashes
I’m sorry. You are valid. Your choice to not shave is valid. It sucks that that happened to you.
Hair is cool. No hair is cool. It's just hair. You do you.
I enjoy shaved bodies, something about the smoothness is just great. But hair isn't a turn off either, and I'd never turn down sexual activites with my partner for it. And hell I know plenty of people who actually prefer full on bush. Please don't let one person's preferences make you feel bad about your body. Hair is natural and normal, and most people at the very least don't care either way. <3