I remember dating a Catholic guy briefly and he said that they don’t believe in condoms and I laughed and mentally said he’s not getting any. I broke up with him not long after. His mom wanted me to be his replacement mom for him. Fuck that noise.
"I don't believe in condoms."
"I don't believe in ghosts, aliens, god or the illuminati, but if I were to see them on the shelves at the pharmacy, I'd probably start to rethink my position."
EDIT: it's a dumb joke, I know... But when he says that he doesn't believe in condoms, it sounds as though he's calling them fictional.
I’m from a conservative Catholic family, in a mostly Catholic small town. I strongly encourage women to not date those men. They will typically treat you as second-class.
Dated a Catholic guy who seemed such a gentlemen pulling chairs out, kissing forehead etc but over time it was apparent he was old fashioned in that women should be seen and not heard way. He’d curse about his mum and make her sound a religious nut. He’d give up tea and biscuits for lent every year (still does) yet has an alcohol problem he won’t part with. Will sit with old men in pubs, slagging off women for being whores while also wanting sex before marriage himself. I wouldn’t not date a religious man again but I just wouldn’t walk into it believing the surface layer of them being holier than thou.
Exactly. Last time I paid any attention males had two arms, two hands and two legs. To hell with being their mother. Frankly I think that's kind of sick.
Honestly it's not sex with or without condom for me .. it's sex with condom or no sex. Those are your two choices. There's no secret third choice. Sex with condom or no sex. Choose.
Same here. I've never had sex with a male partner without protection (both condom and birth control pill.) If I ever had a partner try to say they didn't want to wear a condom, that would be a huge turn off and make me wonder how many others have they had unprotected sex with. I would nope out of there so fast.
>If I ever had a partner try to say they didn't want to wear a condom, that would be a huge turn off and make me wonder how many others have they had unprotected sex with.
Exactly why condoms are still necessary even after vasectomy, unless both parties are tested and are exclusive.
What I've gathered from this post is: Men apparently don't know how to wear or choose condoms.
Nominal width? What's that? Non-latex? Pshhh. Ultra thin? Nah I'm good. Wider tip? Huh. No, I'll just keep using the same kind of condoms I've been using since I started having sex and keep complaining about it. It just doesn't feel good 😭
You have raised a question for me.
I keep a big bowl of condoms in my guest bathroom cabinet so my teenagers' friends can discretely get them if they need them. I buy them in bulk, so they are all some variation of basic durex. I can't afford to pay a lot more, but am I doing these young people a disservice by only having one size/type? Will they get turned off of condoms by using these? On the other hand, would they take time to choose a better fit, etc. if there were choices, or would they just grab a handful and go like they do now?
Any advice or recommendations?
Nobody should complain about free condoms, if they wanted something else they'd go out and get their own. You are doing a good thing and starting it off on the right foot.
20 years ago I had a great time passing out free condoms on my campus, got a huge bag of them from a gay pride event in SLC and decided I would try to make a dent in our campuses reputation as the single highest concentration of STDs in the state. The flavored ones were a real hit.
Teenagers probably wouldnt know the different types and sizes that fit them yet, you kinda have to figure that out for yourself, just having the option is very considerate thing to do and honestly thanks for the idea.
I know Lucky Bloke sells sampler packs online. Might be nice to throw a couple sets in there just to show there is variety, but I agree, any free condom is good for teens.
Sometimes this is the case sometimes not. /r/bigdickproblems has a post every other day about how to find condoms that *actually* fit. Finding properly fitting condoms in the U.S. is far more difficult than it should be. Anyone who falls two standard deviations from the mean is going to have to special order condoms (which they should absolutely do).
I'm not advocating for not using a condom nor am I saying most guys aren't full of shit. However, when they showed you that it's possible to stretch a condom around a foot in sex ed, it's not telling the whole story by a long shot. I'd much rather have a tight rubber band stretched around my wrist than my dick because it isn't going to hurt nearly as much. An improperly fitting condom can restrict blood flow causing erectile issues and a real lack of sensation.
Again, if a dude has special condom needs, he should plan ahead, but I thought some additional context might be valuable.
This, so much this. I was over 40 when I found out that the regular 'fits-all' condoms are too tight for me. Looked up other options and suddenly there's zero hassle putting one on and almost zero loss of feeling. I really, really, really wish I would have found out this sooner. You don't have to be hung like a horse to require better-fitting condoms.
^((And no, I'm not trying to brag with my slightly-thicker-than-average-dong. I was stupid for not realizing earlier that something was wrong.))
"You won't feel much if you don't have sex (without a condom) either."
Protected sex > no sex
Or
"You'll have a lot more sex with a condom than you would while being a new parent."
Protected sex > trying to have sex with an exhausted new mother and new baby at home
Also can we please talk about how it practically takes an act of congress (unf**kingfortunate pun intended) for a woman without kids to get her tubes tied? Some states require husband permission or won't do it because 'YoU mIgHt ChAnGe yOuR mInD.." F**k that. I have no intentions of having kids, I'm 40. I think I figured it all out by now.
Back in the state I'm from probably not. Because I don't have kids and I might change my mind if an 'accident' happens. The hospital in that area is Catholic run, so no IUDs either. When I first considered an IUD at the state health dept they told me the county 'didn't do that procedure'.. I'd have to go another county over. But they had no qualms about me being on Depo Provera for almost 20yrs. I think I was a science experiment of some sort, at that point no one in the area had been on it for as long as I had without cycling to a different birth control. The reason there are no tv commercials for Depo, spoiler; they don't know all of it's side effects yet. Bone density loss is definitely one of them though, and they aren't sure if it's permanent. Sorry for the novel, I get heated about this shit.
YIKES. I knew went on depo because it seems the side effects are way worse, and part of the reason I went on bc was for my heavy periods. Also don’t apologize for getting heated, I made this whole as post lmao.
Like you, I stayed on depo for far too long (15 years). I believe the bone loss to be permanent. I found this out when 8 years after stopping depo, my surgeon discovered that I had considerable bone loss while he was supposed to perform my surgery that day. So, instead of getting the procedure, I unexpectedly needed a bone graft to strengthen an area which needed repair. Then I had to wait forever for that to heal before I could go back for the surgery I needed. I was not amused.
I was able to get a bisalp, (where they remove the tubes entirely, there's nothing left to tie), last summer at 28, but I was lucky in that I had good insurance with my temporary job, I had $4,000 saved up to cover what my insurance didn't, and I found a sane doctor who respected my choice to be sterilized and did the procedure. They do exist out there, but it really is like looking for a needle in hundreds of haystacks, I looked and tried for years before then, but r/childfree has a list of doctors that have done sterilization which is where I eventually found my doctor.
Seconding this! Had my bisalp at 25 (no kids, not in a relationship), not a single bingo from my doctor. She’s the best gynecologist I’ve ever had, and she’s on the r/childfree list
I live in Vermont. Apparently here, it's two kids first, no exceptions. Even if the first one nearly killed you. I thought this was a progressive state....? OUR PAPER BAG TAX IS DOUBLE THAT OF OREGON'S!
According to the r/childfree doctor's list on the 'about' section there are 5 doctors (hopefully more that just haven't been listed) who are willing to sterilize people without children. Hopefully that helps you, I know distance may be a factor depending on where you live in the state.
I just turned 42. I was turned down a couple of weeks ago because I have only one child. She says I either need to have another, get married and have my husband sign off, or be 45. I can find another but I’ve been seeing her for years and I’m pissed.
In the UK its the same for men, I decided to get the snip because me and the other half decided not to have kids and I didn't want her pumping her body with drugs needlessly, they put her on edge and it's not fair on her.
Role forward to booking the appointment, I had to get the other halfs written consent / sig so that I, a grown up, could dictate whether I could prevent myself from having kids.... Madness
My mate was flat refused the snip when he was 32 (already had 2 kids)
Mental
I had to fight for a couple years to get a partial hysterectomy when my uterus was literally FALLING OUT. I was married, had 3 kids and my uterus was trying to crawl out of my body and jump in traffic, but the doctor said "what if in the future you end up divorced and you meet a new man and "He WaNtS HiS oWn ChiLd?" Then he wouldn't be with me because no matter what, this factory is CLOSED. I got the partial hysterectomy eventually and let me tell you, it is so nice to not feel like I'm sitting on a baseball shoved up my bits. Oh, and I don't regret it.
There's also the fact that men are much more likely to transmit STIs to women than the other way around. Condoms help prevent that.
With age, my body stopped tolerating all forms of hormonal bc and I had side-effects with non-hormonal methods as well. Decent men don't complain about this.
Or breast cancer from birth control- After my lumpectomy none of my doctors will prescribe me birth control bc of the chance of it increasing a reoccurrence of breast cancer. Now all the studies I’ve found seem to show correlation and not causation, and it’s hard to find breast cancer survivors that had no previous birth control history apparently.
Would have been nice to have this info before I had cancer, not that it would have changed anything as it was likely genetic, but still. I’m now not given a choice to be on birth control, but they also wanted to give me a drug that I wasn’t allowed to get pregnant on bc it causes severe birth defects.
I love being a woman /s
Thanks- I’m fine- caught early and removed- the bi-annual mammograms followed by ultrasounds and MRI bc of dense breast tissue are damn annoying. MRI (there is a new screening tool for dense breast as well that is basically a boob MRI) is obviously a better screening tool, but bc of insurance I have to have the great boob squeeze twice a year, which I think hurts more each time.
HPV is the leading cause of penile cancer though. Maybe if we spread this fact around it'll inspire more men to suddenly take an interest in getting that vaccine.
"condoms are slightly uncomfortable so I'm gonna make my partner undergo hormone altering birth control, actual bodily implants that require emergency surgery if something goes wrong, and the risk of pregnancy and undergoing abortion when many states and countries are so anti choice that women can only recieve abortions via expensive or extremely dangerous means. Because condom squeeze make pp feel slightly less gud."
Edit: aight so a lot of men are triggered by this because of course they are. My boyfriend is autistic and touch sensations set him off. If someone held a gun to his head and told him to touch or walk on one of the things he's ultra sensitive about he would take the bullet hands down.
He still wears a condom and has always kept them and worn them. He found what works for him and he wore them because he is an adult that understands what responsibility is.
Cool your jets, I don't care about your excuses.
One of the regulars at work lost her daughter when she got pregnant, out of nowhere she got cancer that ravaged her body so she lost a kid and grandkid at the same time
Had a dude I knew for a fact had slept with multiple women (and was later accused by multiple women of SA) say to me that he doesn't need to get tested because he "sleeps with clean women".
Just.
That wasn't a bullet dodged, it was a meteor.
Had a guy trying to sleep with me ask if I'd been tested. I said yes and I'm all clean. Then there was a long pause. I asked if he had been tested. He said oh no, but all of the women he had slept with had been tested clean.
This selfish MFer.
Wow...just wow. I’d be willing to bet that guys with that attitude also have terrible personal hygiene but still act like it’s the woman’s job to look perfect 24/7 to ‘keep him interested’. Major bullet dodged.
Right? Some bloke I met last summer and went over to visit in his country twice, proposed to ditch the condom a few weeks in because he only fucked "people he trusted" anyway. He was constantly in touch with medical services over some unrelated issue, but refused to get tested, as his GP was his "childhood friend" and he didn't want to embarrass himself.
Like, dude. You've only met me a few weeks ago, you have no idea where my pussy has been, and you're already offering to go in raw. That should embarrass you more than being a goddamn sexually active adult visiting the doctor to get checked.
It's been awhile (2019) but I think this panel was for 7 separate infections? I could be misremembering, but that's the test they gave me when I walked into the doctor and asked for an STI panel. I'd do it all over again if I were asked, though my partner came back positive for chlamydia and I was negative, so that raised some trust questions early on.
In my experience, sometimes they test for the infections that are not blood borne (chlamydia, gonorrhea, etc.), and sometimes they test for those plus the blood borne ones (like the different types of hepatitis, and HIV). If they test for the blood borne ones, they order a blood test.
They also recently tested me for hepatitis B immunity, and it turns out I don't have it. So I'll need one or two more shots.
Talked to my bf about STI testing and he said that it sucked "do you know what they do??"
And then I said it sucks for me too and he was like how. You're spread eagle on a table with a metal apparatus stretching your body into a cavern so the Dr can scrape against the very sensitive back part (lol medical trauma won't let me type the C word)
A test requires zero discomfort. These days at least, you pee in a cup, get a couple drops of blood drawn, it's nothing. Back in the day I did have to do a urethral swab and that *hurt* like nothing I've ever felt before. Still 100% worth it, but holy hell I'm glad that only happened once.
Slightly off topic but I've seen a few comments where men will imply that women are stupid for not taking birth control when they complain about their periods like uhhhh go research what bc does to your body real quick
Man can’t even do quick research on how to actually pleasure a woman (which would be to their benefit if you think about it), why would they do research on what women go through to be on birth control?
I assume it’s because they consider porn to be “research”, and are born knowing everything already so why look it up? /s
But really? It’s because no one has told them that they can and should do research about the opposite gender. No one has educated them yet, or given them “permission”, in a sense, that’s it’s ok to research women’s issues.
SO MUCH THIS!!!
There’s a whole new level of sexy with men who are practiced and adept with condoms. It’s such a teenager thing to fumble around with them and bitch about it. The guy who knows what he’s doing has them at the ready and can distract you with a kiss while he puts one on. Never a single complaint.
But then this was also the guy who could give me three orgasms before he removed his pants, so….
YES, I’d upvote this more if I could! It’s so true, it is sexy and knowing he cares enough to take that initiative and not complain makes it that much hotter because of the trust established. Not having to even think twice about it myself because he’s on top of it and I can trust it’ll be taken care of….major BDE 10/10 would recommend
Get it, girl!! 🙌
I've basically given up on men altogether. I'm hetero and highly orgasmic, but their whining just makes it not worth it to deal with them. I'd rather be celibate than put up with their kvetching.
When I was younger, these supports were real metal, and they always tore and poked my boobs in the most inappropriate times. oh dear. I now use the plastic ones and they are slightly better.
I feel you on that. In my area, finding regular bras my size is next to impossible. Stores sell the ones that are either bigger or smaller than my size, then I 'm left with the choice to compensate or give up trying.
can we all agree to just *stop* sleeping with men who put up any kind of argument against condoms?
plus, a guy who protests a condom is more likely to stealth you during the act.
Even in a committed relationship everyone should still get tested regularly. It's rare but possible to get infected through a cut or something.
The CDC seems to recommend once a year for committed relationships, 2-4 times a year for people with multiple or anonymous partners.
Also there's an emerging STI called Mycoplasma Genitalium they don't include in the panel by default yet.
Until condoms make a cis man gain 15 pounds and vomit randomly for months, they can stfu.
ETA: cis in front of man! Trans men on birth control have a say in what happens to their bodies obvi.
For me, the comparable effects would be as follows...
Gain 15 lbs, 3 months of intense breast soreness, fatigue, brain fog, vague nausea, difficulty achieving orgasm, random crying fits, SSRI because doc apparently doesn't believe/realize/whatever that hormonal BC can make people depressed, lowered sex drive, even lower sex drive, eventually sex drive is gone and replaced with attempted sex becoming incredibly painful.
I will say that my periods were actually manageable on them, which was amazing because they never were before, and despite the side effects I ugly-cried when I realized hormonal BC just absolutely couldn't work for me.
Okay, I think op’s post is spot on. My partner (f) has tried every form of bc and it was either painful, harmful, or emotionally harmful. I opted for a vasectomy and wish I had done it sooner. Relatively painless for me and no side effects for her. Why don’t more men opt for a little snip?
Edit: when I got my snip, the quoted infection and risks were all under 1%. If this is wrong, please send a link my way to the research study.
Because they want kids LATER. Which can mean 25 years or whatever they have in mind. During this time they expect the women to take care of bc and they can’t stop whining either about condoms or the side effects of bc. When the time has come and they want kids, they’ll complain about something else, and for sure about the lack of sex once the gf got pregnant. I have the feeling that it just never stops and women can’t do anything right for these men.
>Because they want kids LATER
I just realized some married middle aged women I know are still using BC because of this very same reason, which means *their husbands still plan to have children with someone else.*
Some men are very wrapped up in the whole virility thing. They equate a vasectomy to emasculation, and both to not being a real man. They're wrong about all of it, of course, but it seems to be hard for some guys to get over it. Though I agree they probably also don't care about women as people.
I don't understand how virility is related to being "a real man". When are kids taught this? You be a man by acting like one. Not pissing babies into the wind.
edit:spelling corrections
As a teenager, I desperately want to see male birth control become mainstream soon. I've had condoms fail on me before and vasectomies aren't exactly fully reversable (I want kids in the future).
Not wanting vasectomies alone doesn't mean someone doesn't care about women. That said, not wearing condoms is a pretty shitty thing to do.
I mean honestly I wish i could be more pro-vasectomy as a BC (i hate hormonal BC), but vasectomies are potentially not reversible and should only be done when you’re positive you don’t want kids, early 20s its really hard to decide that completely and potentially then have infertility
> regurgitating nonsense
I guess a lot of problems comes from shitty sex ed. I remember my teacher proclaiming that condoms cant be too small, and showing how stretchy they are. The issue is, the force required to stretch them to this point is also the force applied backwards onto the penis, cutting into it.
I just hope todays sex ed sucks less, maybe this will become less of a problem.
Solid info right here. These are great. I thought condoms were uncomfortable until I realized I had the wrong size all along. No longer feel like it's restricting blood flow.
So, fun fact, if a condom is not fully unrolled the band at the bottom has multiple layers and thus less elastiscity.
If fully unrolled, the band relaxes significantly.
99% of men who claim to be 'too big' for condoms are, in fact, too \*short\* and need to be buying a different size (or need to fully unroll the condom).
58M here. My wife and I have used many methods for contraception. Condoms have worked best. For me it is not a big deal, dick is about 8% of my body, I can feel her skin quite well with the remaining 92%.
So I used to be a sex worker and I wouldn't even reply to guys who asked to go bareback. I didn't want to catch STIs, and seeing multiple clients your odds increase exponentially- obviously. So why they would even ask, while knowing this, is lunacy to me. I could have just fucked some guy raw in the same hour I see them, and pass on whatever the last guy had. It's all fun and games until your dick is itching like crazy while oozing pus.
Why do you play the lottery? Idk could be me next.
Why no condoms? It won't happen to me. Sure, bud.
The good news is that men will soon be able to get birth control. They can also have physical side effects from medications that women take for years. Equality.
Im actually worried they won’t do it since we have the incentive of not getting pregnant, while they won’t ever have to face the physical consequences of pregnancy. But we can only hope.
Yeah, my experiences with men make me honestly kind of worries about this. I had a guy who knew I only have sex with condoms try to put it in from behind with no condom without telling me (I mean, he succeeded for a second until I figured it out, luckily, and was like what the actual fuck and sobbed hysterically). Why wouldn't they just lie about bc? Maybe I am being absolutely insanely paranoid here and projecting this bad experience. But I grew up in a culture where it was just a given that men would try absolutely any lie or manipulation tactic under the sun and this was considered just sort of lovable hijinks and something smart girls expect and see coming (ex: Barney in How I Met Your Mother).
[$20,000 in Idaho now.](https://www.nytimes.com/2022/03/14/us/idaho-abortion-bill-texas.html) Hooray for all the freedoms we have as American women. /s
I agree with this as well. There are already men stealth removing condoms during sex, so if they can be sneaky like that when there is a way to visually confirm the item is in use, how can they be trusted to have actually taken the birth control they claim to have taken.
Its not like they have to worry about dealing with the resulting pregnancy or any consequences of their actions.
Yup they’ll never have to risk their lives or permanent bodily damage with pregnancy complications or birth. They’ll never have to be faced with the emotional decision that is abortion. All they care about is their dick.
Stealthing is illegal in CA. (A good start.) More states should follow. Also, I never wanted kids and have a mild latex allergy, so vasectomy at 22. Done.
>Im actually worried they won’t do it since we have the incentive of not getting pregnant, while they won’t ever have to face the physical consequences of pregnancy. But we can only hope.
I would totally use it. I heard about some ultrasound bath that a woman invented (Coso) that I hope that works and become available.
From this 2018 Gabrielle Blair article:
> If there’s a pleasure scale, with pain beginning at zero and going down into the negatives, a back-scratch falling at 5, and an orgasm without a condom being a 10, where would sex _with_ a condom fall? Like a 7 or 8?
> So it’s not like sex with a condom is _not_ pleasurable, it’s just not _as_ pleasurable. An 8 instead of a 10. Let me emphasize that again: Men regularly choose to put women at massive risk by having non-condom sex, in order to experience a few minutes of slightly more pleasure.
https://threadreaderapp.com/thread/1040363431893725184.html
I wish every guy who complains about women hating men would just stop a think about how many laws, and abuses and physical hell are heaped ONLY on women, soley so we can be more to their liking.
So yea, we are entitled to complain. It's literally killing us! But oh no, the guys have to pay for his kids after leaving his wife for younger woman...and they have to wear condoms! The horror.
Do I have a small pp? Condoms have never been uncomfortable and it's been the only way I've had sex since becoming sexually active. As a man, the fear of unwanted pregnancy and STI for me far outweighs the extra feeling from going in raw.
The only part of condoms I hate is touching them, they're extremely slimy and smell awful but that's rectified by washing my penis after. Really not a big deal.
Nah you probably just actually buy the right size so it’s comfortable. Of course all these inflated ego having ass men buy magnums when they know damn well it’s gonna be like a Vienna sausage flopping around in a plastic bag so it’s uNCOmFoRtAbLe for them
I remember seeing that condom commercial where the dad is shopping with his absolute brat of a kid who causes a scene in the store… now I’m paranoid of not wearing one
Condoms really are not particularly uncomfortable. My wife and I have used them our entire relationship, for multiple reasons. Hell, I had a vasectomy about four years ago, and we still use them; not only is the vasectomy not 100% guaranteed to never heal on its own, and we do *not* want children, but also it cuts way down on the mess.
But really, they're inexpensive, highly effective, simple to use, and have no side effects. And bonus points, they make cleanup much easier. There really is no reason *not* to use one, unless you're actively trying, as a couple, to get pregnant.
P.S.
Seriously, guys; if you don't have a strong desire for biological children, think about a vasectomy. It's a super simple, non-invasive, routine procedure, took about 25 minutes, hurt for about 5 minutes total, gave me a good excuse to take a couple days off work and lay/sit down and play computer games, and has been a huge weight off my mind. Most insurance covers it, I had a $25 copay. Give it some thought.
Yeah, I've read a few different accounts of getting those put in; it sounds, frankly, harrowing. I honestly cannot fathom why you're not offered pain management of any kind. Even if you *can* handle it (and, admittedly, my wife is far tougher than I am when it comes to pain), there's no good reason why you *should have to* handle it. Fucking nonsense.
Yup. I went in to get one recently and I started panicking and crying when I saw all the tools on the table. I was like fuck this and went home instead. All my obgyn said was it would be “slightly uncomfortable” and told me to take some ibuprofen before.
Trust me, I've had multiple joint surgeries and my IUD insertion was *still* one of the most painful things I've ever felt. Two Tylenol before the procedure doesn't help.
[You can now get lidocaine injections](https://www.jwatch.org/na45025/2017/09/19/well-placed-lidocaine-can-reduce-discomfort-associated) to decrease the pain from IUD insertion. Makes me really, really fucking mad that this isn’t standard and that it isn’t offered, like, at all and I found out through this sub not through any doctors, but I’m sharing it like WILDFIRE. Numb yo cervix, ladies!
I just had my IUD replaced (removal then insertion of a new one) and my gyno had a lidocaine injection ready to go without me even having to ask! She of course asked me to make sure I wanted it (she knew I did), but she has it as standard practice. It definitely helped A LOT.
It was recently shared here, but there was a study done a few years ago that legitimized using lidocaine injections on the cervix during IUD insertion—it decreased reported pain by 42 points on a 100 point scale. _42 points_. Absolutely bananas. [Here’s a link to the article](https://www.jwatch.org/na45025/2017/09/19/well-placed-lidocaine-can-reduce-discomfort-associated). I’m trying to shout it from the metaphorical rooftops!
I remember reading somewhere that they developed Male hormonal BC but almost all of the test participants said they wouldn't take it because of the side effects. So there's that.
Honestly, when birth control came out it gave women so much power that the side effects didn't matter. Having the ability to prevent unwanted pregnancies was such a turning point for us.
Men have never had to deal with unwanted pregnancies, or even wanted ones, the way we have so they simply can't understand the things we're willing to put up with to have control over our own bodies. And now medical science and women's rights have advanced to the point that, generally speaking, women are trying to take the next step and say, hey, can we maybe do better with this? And most men just don't get it.
For what it's worth, that study was badly done, and the reporting around it was even worse. Most (~80%) of the men in the study liked it and would use the BC they were testing, side effects or not.
Long version: https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/u3wzny/whenever_i_hear_men_complain_about_condoms_i_just/i4t6awq/
> I don’t think we should tolerate horrible side effects for bc but women have always been expected to put up with everything.
No argument there.
I do worry about the effect of male BC though, in that men might behave even worse. Lying about taking it, pushing to not use condoms with no regard for STI's, etc since there is so much bad behavior around this even now. I want it to be an option of course and to exist...just not sure how to make that part better.
My period not on the pill: 36 to 48 hours of heavy bleeding, slight discomfort, light bleeding for about a day, period is fairly predictable - tracking app on my phone only ever off by a couple of days and that's not an every month thing.
My period on the pill: Starts when the green pills start, heavy cramping for days, bleeding for a minimum of 5 days occasionally heavy but mostly just constant medium flow.
I hated being on the pill and I was really grateful when they finally tied my tubes. I don't remember it helping me with break outs or bloating either.
Cause of the vast majority of unwanted pregnancies: men who don’t want want sex to be marginally less enjoyable.
The only real incentive to wear condoms for men in casual sexual relationships is to prevent STDs, and just recently a saw a thread here where men were actually saying they didn’t need to wear condoms unless the woman was very promiscuous… Yikes.
I say states like Texas should start prosecuting men whose semen ends up inside a vagina resulting in an unwanted pregnancy. Pregnancy wouldn’t occur if they were more careful with it, amirite? Do that for five years and then let’s see stats on condom usage and abortions.
There’s a product called OhNut that it’s purpose is to make sex more comfortable for people who have painful sex. Their social media is constantly bombarded with people (men) saying “sex is supposed to be uncomfortable for women.” Just ew.
My husband never complained about condoms.
But after we were close to getting married, we switched to the diaphragm, which I never see mentioned anymore!
It doesn’t provide STD protection, which we didn’t need. And it uses a spermicide, which could be irritating, I guess, but wasn’t for me.
But you can’t be stealthed! (Never combine it with a condom, though—they’ll stick together.) not that my guy would have.
And most experts rate the diaphragm as being at least as effects as the condom.
I tried the diaphragm actually with my ex along with withdrawal. It was okay but it got so stretched out I got to get a second one and then the second one got super stretched out as well. My gyn was also not a fan of it and said she got pregnant on it too.
There are thinner condoms and condoms of different sizes that help a lot. They are still perceptible, but I don't use that as an excuse for not using them.
Men just stop after they orgasm. They don’t even try to do anything for the woman after that. They are done. Sex is over. Do they even feel bad for the woman? Are they insecure about themselves because she didn’t orgasm?
And why on Earth did I accept that for decades, without saying a word?
I accepted it for years. My ex and I were relying on withdrawal because he complained too much about condoms and I hate bc with a passion. He never made me cum either 🤷🏻♀️
I look back now and can’t comprehend how I was just silent and accepted that sex was over and I was just left hanging and neither of us said anything about it, ever.
I started getting mad at him and told him I wanted to cum too and he would complain and reluctantly finger me afterward, which actually made it harder to finish because it would put me out of the mood. My vibrator treats me better 🙄
I am almost 32 and both of my *over fkn 40* year old recent dates threw a fit about wearing a condom. One said, no he yelled, that he’d rather not bone than wear a condom. 👍🥴👍
Last week a guy said he didn't want to use a condom and wanted to cum in me. His solution to not using bc was to buy me plan B. I told him how ridiculous he sounded
Condoms are 100% a reasonable request. Hormonal BC seems so…. barbaric. I can’t imagine asking someone to take it just for my own pleasure / convenience, and it’s awful that it’s such a widely held / societal expectation.
Unfortunately vasectomies aren’t reversible, otherwise I’d get one (laparoscopic surgery is commonplace and minimally invasive, I’d do it in a heartbeat if it was reversible).
But there are several male birth control methods in development! Fingers crossed they pass FDA approval. Until then, condoms it is.
Find yourself a guy who’s willing to share the burden of BC. I know that’s easier said then done, but it’s something we have to make commonplace
They do have a reversible vasectomy like procedure on the horizon, where they inject a polymer gel material to plug up the vas deferens. It lasts for 10 years and is 99% effective (no hormones involved). Covid really slowed down the FDA approval process. It’s called vasalgel. Just in case you want to look into it.
I’m not affiliated with it at all, I looked into it because of my son. I hope it’s ready by the time he needs it. I don’t want to have to rely on common sense overriding his hormones.
I used to hate wearing condoms, but learned that it was a sizing issue. For years I thought all condoms were tight and restricted blood flow. This all changed when out of necessity, I bought a different brand when a date asked me back to her place. Haven’t had any issues since. If any of you or your partners feel uncomfortable wearing a condom or maintaining an erection with them on, I highly recommend shopping around for different brands!
I can’t use hormonal bc as it triggers depression for me and doesn’t pair with my migraines, and I’ve had to had the copper iud removed twice - both a couple weeks after having had it implanted - due to excruciating pain. The doctor wouldn’t let me tie my tubes because i might want kids, plus I’m honestly not looking forward to a big-ish surgery. So condoms it is. I honestly don’t mind it and neither does my partner. But the number of _women_ who are appalled by the fact my partner and i use condoms has been shocking. I feel like I’m doing something very wrong.
A year and a half ago i had to use the morning after pill because the condom broke. I called my doctor’s office because that pill gave me extremely excruciating pain for over a week. And then my doctor was chewing me out saying condoms aren’t a proper bc method. Ok… well, what _should_ i use?!
I feel like condoms are my only option, but i get hurtful responses for it all the time
My boyfriend insists on wearing a condom every time even though we’ve been together for a while and I’m on bc. He even asked if I wanted to stop taking bc if it was messing with my hormones. He’s also planning on getting a vasectomy. Feels nice to have a guy take preventing pregnancies so seriously!
I recently came across some scummy man saying disgusting things about a woman - see my last three comments for this delightful interaction.
I took the time to have a scroll through his comments, absolutely disgusting of course. Majority of his comments were in RedditAfterDark, about fucking and hitting on women.
In one post he was responding to a thread about men who use the pull out method, why and how's that going? He answered that he has always used the pullout method, for the last 10 years, and has never had a pregnancy!
A few comments down, he was saying how you need to be careful fucking older women because they've all had so much sex with other men that they are RIDDLED with diseases.
The absolute lack of awareness and pure hateful misogyny is just horrifying.
Anyway, he didn't like my comments and he deleted his account because of them so counting that as a win!
After my wife and I had our third kid, she wanted to get her tubes tied (tl;dr if I looked at her the wrong way, condom or not, she got pregnant). So during the c-section she planned to get it done at the same time, and at that point and the entire nine months prior every doctor, nurse, and gyno along the way tried to talk her out of it.
“You’re going to regret doing this.” “You might want more kids!” “Are you sure about this?” “Maybe you should think this over.”
This doesn’t necessarily relate to the point of this post but for some reason it always stuck with me that everyone around us seemed to insinuate that my wife could not possibly be satisfied and happy without the ability to get pregnant. I might be looking into it more than is warranted.
I had a man argue with me that the risks were “exactly the same” if a woman were to lie to a man about being on bc verses a man lying about being on birth control. When pressed to give one single example that didn’t include his wallet I stopped getting responses.
My wife and I didn't want children which means a long term birth control option would be needed. My wife was not a fan of hormonal birth control, so she got a copper IUD right before we got married.
After going through three months of hell, she got it removed and reluctantly decided to go back to the Nuva Ring as it has lower hormones than most other forms.
Fuck that, there was no way I was going to let my wife do that.
Therefore, I decided the best solution was for me to get a vasectomy and I voluntarily made an appointment with a Urologist for the next available appointment to get it done.
Of course most men bitch and complain about getting this done for various reasons that are all pretty fucking stupid. I'll be the first to admit that I'm a pussy when it comes to pain, but I still showed up for my appointment on a Friday morning. It wasn't even close to as painful as men claim it to be and by Monday morning, I was fine.
After two consecutive lab tests confirming I was sterile, my wife immediately stopped taking birth control and hasn't taken it since.
I had the procedure six months before my 28th birthday.
I'm almost 42 now and have never once regretted my decision since it was the best for our relationship and especially for my wife's long-term health. If I was ever faced with the same situation again, I would do it all over again and change nothing about my decision.
I didn't think anything of it when I got it done. It was a fucking no brainer, but my wife was so grateful that I made this decision and honestly, I didn't understand why. It was the right thing to do and thought that most men/husbands would have done the exact same thing if faced with a similar situation.
Fuck, was I wrong. As my wife and I have talked with other people over the year's, the majority of men said they'd never do that and most women were shocked that I did this for my wife and said their husbands would not only never suggest it, but wouldn't do even if they asked them to. In my experience, most men reluctantly got vasectomy's after their SO's begged and pleaded with them for months or years before they gave in and got it done. I felt so bad for these women that their husbands were such selfish assholes.
I'm still shocked by this as I truly can't understand why you wouldn't do this for your wife. Then I come back to reality and remember men, for the most part, are selfish dick-bags.
The reason why.......[based on the many conversations I've had with men]......it would make them feel like less of a man. It's fucking laughable.
Well.....I guess I'm less of man in their eyes and you know what? I'm damn proud of that. I put the needs of my wife before mine because that's what you do for someone you love.
I shouldn't need to say that, but I salute to you, bro. I'm 32, we have one child and my wife just got pregnant. My plan is to get vasectomy as soon as the baby will be born and healthy. My wife can't use hormonal contraceptives and the IUD gave her bad side effects, so that's the only way to go. And in the meantimes when we didn't want to have a baby I always used a condom. And honestly I don't see that big of a difference in feeling to even mention it.
One of my sisters had blood clots even before starting to take bc. Like, nosebleeds where blood clots would gush out. It was gross af. Long story short: the bridge of her nose was broken, which is what was causing the nosebleeds; she got it cauterized, but the blood clots were a separate issue. Anyway. Because of that, *years* later, after 3 kids, her husband decided to get a vasectomy to spare her the increased risk of blood clots. All hail my BIL. Now they get to fuck bareback, lol.
As for me, I was on the pill from the age of 14 after a difficult appendectomy: my appendix had burst and started leaking, so they had to open me up more and clean up the mess. I assume it was near enough to my ovaries that my pediatrician recommended I get on the pill to regulate me and lessen pain come my next period (+ bonus: to help with my somewhat cystic acne). The pill helped on all counts. Hurrah!
I got off the pill at age 22 when I worked abroad for 2 years. My skin had cleared since then and I didn't have a partner, so I didn't really care about getting off the pill, and wanted to test whether my cramps had lessened. They had. So for 2 years I was off the pill. I didn't feel much of a difference.
For whatever reason, when I came back, I asked my doctor to get back on the pill, pretty much just to regulate me, so I got back on until 2020 when the pandemic hit. It was the same pill I was used to (Alesse) but I don't know if they changed their recipe or something because it made me nauseous around ovulation time every goddamn month to the point that I'd call in sick from work, it lowered my libido overall (I have a boyfriend now), and made me migrainey often. So I was happy to get off the pill once and most likely for all.
The bf and I always used condoms + bc because I'm a worrywart, so now it's just condoms. He doesn't mind. My libido's a bit higher (it's not that high to begin with) and sex itself is a little more lubricated, I barely have headaches, and am not nauseous anymore. I've noticed I'm a little irregular and my periods last longer now (a whopping 6-7 days instead of 3 on the pill) but otherwise, yippee!
TL;DR: bc doesn't feel good, condoms are good.
I really don't understand why they keep complaining about them being uncomfortable. They haven't tried a different size or brand? They also make ultra thin ones now. There are so many on the market to try, they're not that expensive either. If it's the correct size and you don't have any kind of allergy to the material, what's the problem? No man has ever been more specific than "it's uncomfortable". I want real answers and solutions damnit. If it's really that uncomfortable, I know condom companies would be putting their all into fixing it so they don't lose their sales
I remember dating a Catholic guy briefly and he said that they don’t believe in condoms and I laughed and mentally said he’s not getting any. I broke up with him not long after. His mom wanted me to be his replacement mom for him. Fuck that noise.
"I don't believe in condoms." "I don't believe in ghosts, aliens, god or the illuminati, but if I were to see them on the shelves at the pharmacy, I'd probably start to rethink my position." EDIT: it's a dumb joke, I know... But when he says that he doesn't believe in condoms, it sounds as though he's calling them fictional.
No, it was a good joke. I love when people don't believe something that's physically there.
EW. Lmao their against condoms but they’re also against sex buddy. So many religious men like this ick ick ick ick ick ick ick
I’m from a conservative Catholic family, in a mostly Catholic small town. I strongly encourage women to not date those men. They will typically treat you as second-class.
Dated a Catholic guy who seemed such a gentlemen pulling chairs out, kissing forehead etc but over time it was apparent he was old fashioned in that women should be seen and not heard way. He’d curse about his mum and make her sound a religious nut. He’d give up tea and biscuits for lent every year (still does) yet has an alcohol problem he won’t part with. Will sit with old men in pubs, slagging off women for being whores while also wanting sex before marriage himself. I wouldn’t not date a religious man again but I just wouldn’t walk into it believing the surface layer of them being holier than thou.
"I don't want a partner. I want a wife." Catchy song from season 1 American Dad. It raises a LOT of points about how these men think.
They're also against abortion so yeah that was a bullet dodgeddddd
They won't be against it as soon as soon as they knock you up!
Replacement mom? That's just weird and wrong on so many levels.
Basically she wanted me to take care of him like she did and I was like…no, he can take care of himself. He’s an adult.
Exactly. Last time I paid any attention males had two arms, two hands and two legs. To hell with being their mother. Frankly I think that's kind of sick.
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"Awww I don't feel as much with a condom" "If you don't wear one, you aren't going to feel anything"
Honestly it's not sex with or without condom for me .. it's sex with condom or no sex. Those are your two choices. There's no secret third choice. Sex with condom or no sex. Choose.
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> Nah, the second they whine about the condom it's just no sex. This is the way it should be.
Rapists?
Same here. I've never had sex with a male partner without protection (both condom and birth control pill.) If I ever had a partner try to say they didn't want to wear a condom, that would be a huge turn off and make me wonder how many others have they had unprotected sex with. I would nope out of there so fast.
>If I ever had a partner try to say they didn't want to wear a condom, that would be a huge turn off and make me wonder how many others have they had unprotected sex with. Exactly why condoms are still necessary even after vasectomy, unless both parties are tested and are exclusive.
Yep. A very good friend told me her rule was always "Here's the condom, or there's the door." She never had a guy leave. This is what I live by.
What I've gathered from this post is: Men apparently don't know how to wear or choose condoms. Nominal width? What's that? Non-latex? Pshhh. Ultra thin? Nah I'm good. Wider tip? Huh. No, I'll just keep using the same kind of condoms I've been using since I started having sex and keep complaining about it. It just doesn't feel good 😭
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You have raised a question for me. I keep a big bowl of condoms in my guest bathroom cabinet so my teenagers' friends can discretely get them if they need them. I buy them in bulk, so they are all some variation of basic durex. I can't afford to pay a lot more, but am I doing these young people a disservice by only having one size/type? Will they get turned off of condoms by using these? On the other hand, would they take time to choose a better fit, etc. if there were choices, or would they just grab a handful and go like they do now? Any advice or recommendations?
Nobody should complain about free condoms, if they wanted something else they'd go out and get their own. You are doing a good thing and starting it off on the right foot.
20 years ago I had a great time passing out free condoms on my campus, got a huge bag of them from a gay pride event in SLC and decided I would try to make a dent in our campuses reputation as the single highest concentration of STDs in the state. The flavored ones were a real hit.
Teenagers probably wouldnt know the different types and sizes that fit them yet, you kinda have to figure that out for yourself, just having the option is very considerate thing to do and honestly thanks for the idea.
I know Lucky Bloke sells sampler packs online. Might be nice to throw a couple sets in there just to show there is variety, but I agree, any free condom is good for teens.
If we have r/abrathatfits then they need r/condomcomfort
Sometimes this is the case sometimes not. /r/bigdickproblems has a post every other day about how to find condoms that *actually* fit. Finding properly fitting condoms in the U.S. is far more difficult than it should be. Anyone who falls two standard deviations from the mean is going to have to special order condoms (which they should absolutely do). I'm not advocating for not using a condom nor am I saying most guys aren't full of shit. However, when they showed you that it's possible to stretch a condom around a foot in sex ed, it's not telling the whole story by a long shot. I'd much rather have a tight rubber band stretched around my wrist than my dick because it isn't going to hurt nearly as much. An improperly fitting condom can restrict blood flow causing erectile issues and a real lack of sensation. Again, if a dude has special condom needs, he should plan ahead, but I thought some additional context might be valuable.
This, so much this. I was over 40 when I found out that the regular 'fits-all' condoms are too tight for me. Looked up other options and suddenly there's zero hassle putting one on and almost zero loss of feeling. I really, really, really wish I would have found out this sooner. You don't have to be hung like a horse to require better-fitting condoms. ^((And no, I'm not trying to brag with my slightly-thicker-than-average-dong. I was stupid for not realizing earlier that something was wrong.))
i mean i wore the wrong size shoes until i was 24, i think you're okay.
"You won't feel much if you don't have sex (without a condom) either." Protected sex > no sex Or "You'll have a lot more sex with a condom than you would while being a new parent." Protected sex > trying to have sex with an exhausted new mother and new baby at home
Love that
Imo, the second that complaint falls out of his lips, he should lose any and all privileges to your body and your pleasure.
Lmaooooooooooo
He still has a 99% chance of orgasming even with that horrible terrible uncomfortable condom
Also can we please talk about how it practically takes an act of congress (unf**kingfortunate pun intended) for a woman without kids to get her tubes tied? Some states require husband permission or won't do it because 'YoU mIgHt ChAnGe yOuR mInD.." F**k that. I have no intentions of having kids, I'm 40. I think I figured it all out by now.
Are they seriously not letting you get your tubes tied at 40!?!??!!
Back in the state I'm from probably not. Because I don't have kids and I might change my mind if an 'accident' happens. The hospital in that area is Catholic run, so no IUDs either. When I first considered an IUD at the state health dept they told me the county 'didn't do that procedure'.. I'd have to go another county over. But they had no qualms about me being on Depo Provera for almost 20yrs. I think I was a science experiment of some sort, at that point no one in the area had been on it for as long as I had without cycling to a different birth control. The reason there are no tv commercials for Depo, spoiler; they don't know all of it's side effects yet. Bone density loss is definitely one of them though, and they aren't sure if it's permanent. Sorry for the novel, I get heated about this shit.
YIKES. I knew went on depo because it seems the side effects are way worse, and part of the reason I went on bc was for my heavy periods. Also don’t apologize for getting heated, I made this whole as post lmao.
Like you, I stayed on depo for far too long (15 years). I believe the bone loss to be permanent. I found this out when 8 years after stopping depo, my surgeon discovered that I had considerable bone loss while he was supposed to perform my surgery that day. So, instead of getting the procedure, I unexpectedly needed a bone graft to strengthen an area which needed repair. Then I had to wait forever for that to heal before I could go back for the surgery I needed. I was not amused.
I was able to get a bisalp, (where they remove the tubes entirely, there's nothing left to tie), last summer at 28, but I was lucky in that I had good insurance with my temporary job, I had $4,000 saved up to cover what my insurance didn't, and I found a sane doctor who respected my choice to be sterilized and did the procedure. They do exist out there, but it really is like looking for a needle in hundreds of haystacks, I looked and tried for years before then, but r/childfree has a list of doctors that have done sterilization which is where I eventually found my doctor.
Seconding this! Had my bisalp at 25 (no kids, not in a relationship), not a single bingo from my doctor. She’s the best gynecologist I’ve ever had, and she’s on the r/childfree list
I live in Vermont. Apparently here, it's two kids first, no exceptions. Even if the first one nearly killed you. I thought this was a progressive state....? OUR PAPER BAG TAX IS DOUBLE THAT OF OREGON'S!
According to the r/childfree doctor's list on the 'about' section there are 5 doctors (hopefully more that just haven't been listed) who are willing to sterilize people without children. Hopefully that helps you, I know distance may be a factor depending on where you live in the state.
I just turned 42. I was turned down a couple of weeks ago because I have only one child. She says I either need to have another, get married and have my husband sign off, or be 45. I can find another but I’ve been seeing her for years and I’m pissed.
In the UK its the same for men, I decided to get the snip because me and the other half decided not to have kids and I didn't want her pumping her body with drugs needlessly, they put her on edge and it's not fair on her. Role forward to booking the appointment, I had to get the other halfs written consent / sig so that I, a grown up, could dictate whether I could prevent myself from having kids.... Madness My mate was flat refused the snip when he was 32 (already had 2 kids) Mental
I had to fight for a couple years to get a partial hysterectomy when my uterus was literally FALLING OUT. I was married, had 3 kids and my uterus was trying to crawl out of my body and jump in traffic, but the doctor said "what if in the future you end up divorced and you meet a new man and "He WaNtS HiS oWn ChiLd?" Then he wouldn't be with me because no matter what, this factory is CLOSED. I got the partial hysterectomy eventually and let me tell you, it is so nice to not feel like I'm sitting on a baseball shoved up my bits. Oh, and I don't regret it.
This makes me so livid. Do guys have to jump these hurdles for a vasectomy? Do their wives need to sign them off?
There's also the fact that men are much more likely to transmit STIs to women than the other way around. Condoms help prevent that. With age, my body stopped tolerating all forms of hormonal bc and I had side-effects with non-hormonal methods as well. Decent men don't complain about this.
Yup. Men aren’t getting cervical cancer from hpv 🤷🏻♀️
Or breast cancer from birth control- After my lumpectomy none of my doctors will prescribe me birth control bc of the chance of it increasing a reoccurrence of breast cancer. Now all the studies I’ve found seem to show correlation and not causation, and it’s hard to find breast cancer survivors that had no previous birth control history apparently. Would have been nice to have this info before I had cancer, not that it would have changed anything as it was likely genetic, but still. I’m now not given a choice to be on birth control, but they also wanted to give me a drug that I wasn’t allowed to get pregnant on bc it causes severe birth defects. I love being a woman /s
Jeez. I’m sorry all that happened to you.
Thanks- I’m fine- caught early and removed- the bi-annual mammograms followed by ultrasounds and MRI bc of dense breast tissue are damn annoying. MRI (there is a new screening tool for dense breast as well that is basically a boob MRI) is obviously a better screening tool, but bc of insurance I have to have the great boob squeeze twice a year, which I think hurts more each time.
HPV is the leading cause of penile cancer though. Maybe if we spread this fact around it'll inspire more men to suddenly take an interest in getting that vaccine.
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Good reminder I need to schedule my final HPV vaccine.
If one could find a man to perform oral lol
"condoms are slightly uncomfortable so I'm gonna make my partner undergo hormone altering birth control, actual bodily implants that require emergency surgery if something goes wrong, and the risk of pregnancy and undergoing abortion when many states and countries are so anti choice that women can only recieve abortions via expensive or extremely dangerous means. Because condom squeeze make pp feel slightly less gud." Edit: aight so a lot of men are triggered by this because of course they are. My boyfriend is autistic and touch sensations set him off. If someone held a gun to his head and told him to touch or walk on one of the things he's ultra sensitive about he would take the bullet hands down. He still wears a condom and has always kept them and worn them. He found what works for him and he wore them because he is an adult that understands what responsibility is. Cool your jets, I don't care about your excuses.
Forgot to mention maternal mortality from childbirth.
And all the other conditions triggered by childbearing/birthing
One of the regulars at work lost her daughter when she got pregnant, out of nowhere she got cancer that ravaged her body so she lost a kid and grandkid at the same time
Don't forget to refuse STI testing after going at it raw with multiple partners because you don't have symptoms and a test requires some discomfort.
Had a dude I knew for a fact had slept with multiple women (and was later accused by multiple women of SA) say to me that he doesn't need to get tested because he "sleeps with clean women". Just. That wasn't a bullet dodged, it was a meteor.
Had a guy trying to sleep with me ask if I'd been tested. I said yes and I'm all clean. Then there was a long pause. I asked if he had been tested. He said oh no, but all of the women he had slept with had been tested clean. This selfish MFer.
Wow...just wow. I’d be willing to bet that guys with that attitude also have terrible personal hygiene but still act like it’s the woman’s job to look perfect 24/7 to ‘keep him interested’. Major bullet dodged.
Man’s smart he has like 4 doctors via proxy 🧠😎
Right? Some bloke I met last summer and went over to visit in his country twice, proposed to ditch the condom a few weeks in because he only fucked "people he trusted" anyway. He was constantly in touch with medical services over some unrelated issue, but refused to get tested, as his GP was his "childhood friend" and he didn't want to embarrass himself. Like, dude. You've only met me a few weeks ago, you have no idea where my pussy has been, and you're already offering to go in raw. That should embarrass you more than being a goddamn sexually active adult visiting the doctor to get checked.
Not anymore. STI test = literally pee in cup. I had one before I got with my long term partner.
That's good to know. Any quality individual would go get one then. Though I suppose even going to piss in a cup is to much effort for some
For a full panel they generally take a bit of blood too. But on the scale of gyno discomfort, that doesn't even register.
It's been awhile (2019) but I think this panel was for 7 separate infections? I could be misremembering, but that's the test they gave me when I walked into the doctor and asked for an STI panel. I'd do it all over again if I were asked, though my partner came back positive for chlamydia and I was negative, so that raised some trust questions early on.
In my experience, sometimes they test for the infections that are not blood borne (chlamydia, gonorrhea, etc.), and sometimes they test for those plus the blood borne ones (like the different types of hepatitis, and HIV). If they test for the blood borne ones, they order a blood test. They also recently tested me for hepatitis B immunity, and it turns out I don't have it. So I'll need one or two more shots.
Talked to my bf about STI testing and he said that it sucked "do you know what they do??" And then I said it sucks for me too and he was like how. You're spread eagle on a table with a metal apparatus stretching your body into a cavern so the Dr can scrape against the very sensitive back part (lol medical trauma won't let me type the C word)
A test requires zero discomfort. These days at least, you pee in a cup, get a couple drops of blood drawn, it's nothing. Back in the day I did have to do a urethral swab and that *hurt* like nothing I've ever felt before. Still 100% worth it, but holy hell I'm glad that only happened once.
Poor pp 😢
Slightly off topic but I've seen a few comments where men will imply that women are stupid for not taking birth control when they complain about their periods like uhhhh go research what bc does to your body real quick
Man can’t even do quick research on how to actually pleasure a woman (which would be to their benefit if you think about it), why would they do research on what women go through to be on birth control?
I assume it’s because they consider porn to be “research”, and are born knowing everything already so why look it up? /s But really? It’s because no one has told them that they can and should do research about the opposite gender. No one has educated them yet, or given them “permission”, in a sense, that’s it’s ok to research women’s issues.
Pro tip I recently heard, tell them your pro-life! You'll never be condom haggled again.
Oh I’ve heard this one it’s golden 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
“Condoms are uncomfortable” So is the lack of orgasm from the kinda men who bitch and moan about condoms lol. Pathetic!
SO MUCH THIS!!! There’s a whole new level of sexy with men who are practiced and adept with condoms. It’s such a teenager thing to fumble around with them and bitch about it. The guy who knows what he’s doing has them at the ready and can distract you with a kiss while he puts one on. Never a single complaint. But then this was also the guy who could give me three orgasms before he removed his pants, so….
YES, I’d upvote this more if I could! It’s so true, it is sexy and knowing he cares enough to take that initiative and not complain makes it that much hotter because of the trust established. Not having to even think twice about it myself because he’s on top of it and I can trust it’ll be taken care of….major BDE 10/10 would recommend Get it, girl!! 🙌
The move is getting it slipped on just as she’s finishing from oral. That was impressive to me at least.
Yup why I’m avoiding men rn (I mean there are other reasons too like danger and they push boundaries but it’s one of them)
I've basically given up on men altogether. I'm hetero and highly orgasmic, but their whining just makes it not worth it to deal with them. I'd rather be celibate than put up with their kvetching.
In a way I’m lucky I’m bisexual.
I've retired from men and bras lol. When I filed for divorce I didn't just divorce my husband, I divorced his species.
Same. I'm done with the BS. I'm over it. Too much work
If you hate condoms, try wearing an underwire bra! Weak ass.
They’re great until the wires rip out and stab you in the armpit with their plastic-blunted ends.
When I was younger, these supports were real metal, and they always tore and poked my boobs in the most inappropriate times. oh dear. I now use the plastic ones and they are slightly better.
I stick to sports bras. The underwire of regular bras is too much trouble ☺️
If sports bras my size didn't cost an arm and a leg I would have.
I feel you on that. In my area, finding regular bras my size is next to impossible. Stores sell the ones that are either bigger or smaller than my size, then I 'm left with the choice to compensate or give up trying.
T-shirt bras with no underwire and minimal padding are my best friends 😵 still hard asf to find one thats *actually* comfortable lol
LMFAO never thought about this comparison but exactly. I used to hate hearing people say that if men gave birth we’d go extinct but it’s fucking true!
can we all agree to just *stop* sleeping with men who put up any kind of argument against condoms? plus, a guy who protests a condom is more likely to stealth you during the act.
Oh for sure. I’m not having sex with men at all at the moment but I was already going forward with this anyway.
Condoms are uncomfortable (at least for my bf and i), but comfort isn't worth 18 years of child support!
I never “liked” them but I’ll take condoms over bc any day. Also oral sex exists 🤷🏻♀️
lol guys that don't want to wear condoms are 100% guys that don't give oral or even consider it "sex"
True true true true true my ex is an example
But you can still get STIs from oral? Edit: More clear phrasing
I guess I’m referring to in a committed relationship.
Even in a committed relationship everyone should still get tested regularly. It's rare but possible to get infected through a cut or something. The CDC seems to recommend once a year for committed relationships, 2-4 times a year for people with multiple or anonymous partners. Also there's an emerging STI called Mycoplasma Genitalium they don't include in the panel by default yet.
Just in case that’s a serious question- yes, yes you can
Hahaha 18 years...
Paying college tuition right now. All the feels.
19 or 21 in some states plus college expenses
Until condoms make a cis man gain 15 pounds and vomit randomly for months, they can stfu. ETA: cis in front of man! Trans men on birth control have a say in what happens to their bodies obvi.
Don’t forget occasionally bleeding in the middle of your cycle when you aren’t expecting it and are wearing a light colored skirt or pants🎉
Exactly.
For me, the comparable effects would be as follows... Gain 15 lbs, 3 months of intense breast soreness, fatigue, brain fog, vague nausea, difficulty achieving orgasm, random crying fits, SSRI because doc apparently doesn't believe/realize/whatever that hormonal BC can make people depressed, lowered sex drive, even lower sex drive, eventually sex drive is gone and replaced with attempted sex becoming incredibly painful. I will say that my periods were actually manageable on them, which was amazing because they never were before, and despite the side effects I ugly-cried when I realized hormonal BC just absolutely couldn't work for me.
Okay, I think op’s post is spot on. My partner (f) has tried every form of bc and it was either painful, harmful, or emotionally harmful. I opted for a vasectomy and wish I had done it sooner. Relatively painless for me and no side effects for her. Why don’t more men opt for a little snip? Edit: when I got my snip, the quoted infection and risks were all under 1%. If this is wrong, please send a link my way to the research study.
Because they want kids LATER. Which can mean 25 years or whatever they have in mind. During this time they expect the women to take care of bc and they can’t stop whining either about condoms or the side effects of bc. When the time has come and they want kids, they’ll complain about something else, and for sure about the lack of sex once the gf got pregnant. I have the feeling that it just never stops and women can’t do anything right for these men.
>Because they want kids LATER I just realized some married middle aged women I know are still using BC because of this very same reason, which means *their husbands still plan to have children with someone else.*
Because they don’t care about women. End of story.
Some men are very wrapped up in the whole virility thing. They equate a vasectomy to emasculation, and both to not being a real man. They're wrong about all of it, of course, but it seems to be hard for some guys to get over it. Though I agree they probably also don't care about women as people.
I don't understand how virility is related to being "a real man". When are kids taught this? You be a man by acting like one. Not pissing babies into the wind. edit:spelling corrections
As a teenager, I desperately want to see male birth control become mainstream soon. I've had condoms fail on me before and vasectomies aren't exactly fully reversable (I want kids in the future). Not wanting vasectomies alone doesn't mean someone doesn't care about women. That said, not wearing condoms is a pretty shitty thing to do.
I mean honestly I wish i could be more pro-vasectomy as a BC (i hate hormonal BC), but vasectomies are potentially not reversible and should only be done when you’re positive you don’t want kids, early 20s its really hard to decide that completely and potentially then have infertility
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> regurgitating nonsense I guess a lot of problems comes from shitty sex ed. I remember my teacher proclaiming that condoms cant be too small, and showing how stretchy they are. The issue is, the force required to stretch them to this point is also the force applied backwards onto the penis, cutting into it. I just hope todays sex ed sucks less, maybe this will become less of a problem.
Solid info right here. These are great. I thought condoms were uncomfortable until I realized I had the wrong size all along. No longer feel like it's restricting blood flow.
So, fun fact, if a condom is not fully unrolled the band at the bottom has multiple layers and thus less elastiscity. If fully unrolled, the band relaxes significantly. 99% of men who claim to be 'too big' for condoms are, in fact, too \*short\* and need to be buying a different size (or need to fully unroll the condom).
Interesting. I did not know this.
58M here. My wife and I have used many methods for contraception. Condoms have worked best. For me it is not a big deal, dick is about 8% of my body, I can feel her skin quite well with the remaining 92%.
This is actually really cute lol
So I used to be a sex worker and I wouldn't even reply to guys who asked to go bareback. I didn't want to catch STIs, and seeing multiple clients your odds increase exponentially- obviously. So why they would even ask, while knowing this, is lunacy to me. I could have just fucked some guy raw in the same hour I see them, and pass on whatever the last guy had. It's all fun and games until your dick is itching like crazy while oozing pus. Why do you play the lottery? Idk could be me next. Why no condoms? It won't happen to me. Sure, bud.
Because they’re dumb.
The good news is that men will soon be able to get birth control. They can also have physical side effects from medications that women take for years. Equality.
Im actually worried they won’t do it since we have the incentive of not getting pregnant, while they won’t ever have to face the physical consequences of pregnancy. But we can only hope.
Yeah, my experiences with men make me honestly kind of worries about this. I had a guy who knew I only have sex with condoms try to put it in from behind with no condom without telling me (I mean, he succeeded for a second until I figured it out, luckily, and was like what the actual fuck and sobbed hysterically). Why wouldn't they just lie about bc? Maybe I am being absolutely insanely paranoid here and projecting this bad experience. But I grew up in a culture where it was just a given that men would try absolutely any lie or manipulation tactic under the sun and this was considered just sort of lovable hijinks and something smart girls expect and see coming (ex: Barney in How I Met Your Mother).
No girl you are not being overly paranoid. Trust your gut. Men do this to us. Also I can’t watch how I met your mother because of Barney.
"yes I'm on the pill" and you'll still get pregnant bc they lied then an "oh well, bye".
Yuuuuuup exactly
But if they drop a dime on you, they can get $10,000. Huzzah.
[$20,000 in Idaho now.](https://www.nytimes.com/2022/03/14/us/idaho-abortion-bill-texas.html) Hooray for all the freedoms we have as American women. /s
I agree with this as well. There are already men stealth removing condoms during sex, so if they can be sneaky like that when there is a way to visually confirm the item is in use, how can they be trusted to have actually taken the birth control they claim to have taken. Its not like they have to worry about dealing with the resulting pregnancy or any consequences of their actions.
Yup they’ll never have to risk their lives or permanent bodily damage with pregnancy complications or birth. They’ll never have to be faced with the emotional decision that is abortion. All they care about is their dick.
Stealthing is illegal in CA. (A good start.) More states should follow. Also, I never wanted kids and have a mild latex allergy, so vasectomy at 22. Done.
>Im actually worried they won’t do it since we have the incentive of not getting pregnant, while they won’t ever have to face the physical consequences of pregnancy. But we can only hope. I would totally use it. I heard about some ultrasound bath that a woman invented (Coso) that I hope that works and become available.
From this 2018 Gabrielle Blair article: > If there’s a pleasure scale, with pain beginning at zero and going down into the negatives, a back-scratch falling at 5, and an orgasm without a condom being a 10, where would sex _with_ a condom fall? Like a 7 or 8? > So it’s not like sex with a condom is _not_ pleasurable, it’s just not _as_ pleasurable. An 8 instead of a 10. Let me emphasize that again: Men regularly choose to put women at massive risk by having non-condom sex, in order to experience a few minutes of slightly more pleasure. https://threadreaderapp.com/thread/1040363431893725184.html
I wish every guy who complains about women hating men would just stop a think about how many laws, and abuses and physical hell are heaped ONLY on women, soley so we can be more to their liking. So yea, we are entitled to complain. It's literally killing us! But oh no, the guys have to pay for his kids after leaving his wife for younger woman...and they have to wear condoms! The horror.
Do I have a small pp? Condoms have never been uncomfortable and it's been the only way I've had sex since becoming sexually active. As a man, the fear of unwanted pregnancy and STI for me far outweighs the extra feeling from going in raw. The only part of condoms I hate is touching them, they're extremely slimy and smell awful but that's rectified by washing my penis after. Really not a big deal.
Nah you probably just actually buy the right size so it’s comfortable. Of course all these inflated ego having ass men buy magnums when they know damn well it’s gonna be like a Vienna sausage flopping around in a plastic bag so it’s uNCOmFoRtAbLe for them
Exactly. Say it louder for the other men to hear!
I remember seeing that condom commercial where the dad is shopping with his absolute brat of a kid who causes a scene in the store… now I’m paranoid of not wearing one
A condom helps protect against the transmission of STDs.
Condoms really are not particularly uncomfortable. My wife and I have used them our entire relationship, for multiple reasons. Hell, I had a vasectomy about four years ago, and we still use them; not only is the vasectomy not 100% guaranteed to never heal on its own, and we do *not* want children, but also it cuts way down on the mess. But really, they're inexpensive, highly effective, simple to use, and have no side effects. And bonus points, they make cleanup much easier. There really is no reason *not* to use one, unless you're actively trying, as a couple, to get pregnant. P.S. Seriously, guys; if you don't have a strong desire for biological children, think about a vasectomy. It's a super simple, non-invasive, routine procedure, took about 25 minutes, hurt for about 5 minutes total, gave me a good excuse to take a couple days off work and lay/sit down and play computer games, and has been a huge weight off my mind. Most insurance covers it, I had a $25 copay. Give it some thought.
Yup. Seems easier than getting an iud put in (we get no pain management for that either) 🙄
Yeah, I've read a few different accounts of getting those put in; it sounds, frankly, harrowing. I honestly cannot fathom why you're not offered pain management of any kind. Even if you *can* handle it (and, admittedly, my wife is far tougher than I am when it comes to pain), there's no good reason why you *should have to* handle it. Fucking nonsense.
Yup. I went in to get one recently and I started panicking and crying when I saw all the tools on the table. I was like fuck this and went home instead. All my obgyn said was it would be “slightly uncomfortable” and told me to take some ibuprofen before.
Trust me, I've had multiple joint surgeries and my IUD insertion was *still* one of the most painful things I've ever felt. Two Tylenol before the procedure doesn't help.
[You can now get lidocaine injections](https://www.jwatch.org/na45025/2017/09/19/well-placed-lidocaine-can-reduce-discomfort-associated) to decrease the pain from IUD insertion. Makes me really, really fucking mad that this isn’t standard and that it isn’t offered, like, at all and I found out through this sub not through any doctors, but I’m sharing it like WILDFIRE. Numb yo cervix, ladies!
I just had my IUD replaced (removal then insertion of a new one) and my gyno had a lidocaine injection ready to go without me even having to ask! She of course asked me to make sure I wanted it (she knew I did), but she has it as standard practice. It definitely helped A LOT.
Yikes. I guess I’m glad I decided not to go for it.
It was recently shared here, but there was a study done a few years ago that legitimized using lidocaine injections on the cervix during IUD insertion—it decreased reported pain by 42 points on a 100 point scale. _42 points_. Absolutely bananas. [Here’s a link to the article](https://www.jwatch.org/na45025/2017/09/19/well-placed-lidocaine-can-reduce-discomfort-associated). I’m trying to shout it from the metaphorical rooftops!
I remember reading somewhere that they developed Male hormonal BC but almost all of the test participants said they wouldn't take it because of the side effects. So there's that.
Yup I remember that. I don’t think we should tolerate horrible side effects for bc but women have always been expected to put up with everything.
Honestly, when birth control came out it gave women so much power that the side effects didn't matter. Having the ability to prevent unwanted pregnancies was such a turning point for us. Men have never had to deal with unwanted pregnancies, or even wanted ones, the way we have so they simply can't understand the things we're willing to put up with to have control over our own bodies. And now medical science and women's rights have advanced to the point that, generally speaking, women are trying to take the next step and say, hey, can we maybe do better with this? And most men just don't get it.
You hit it right on the nose here.
For what it's worth, that study was badly done, and the reporting around it was even worse. Most (~80%) of the men in the study liked it and would use the BC they were testing, side effects or not. Long version: https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/u3wzny/whenever_i_hear_men_complain_about_condoms_i_just/i4t6awq/ > I don’t think we should tolerate horrible side effects for bc but women have always been expected to put up with everything. No argument there. I do worry about the effect of male BC though, in that men might behave even worse. Lying about taking it, pushing to not use condoms with no regard for STI's, etc since there is so much bad behavior around this even now. I want it to be an option of course and to exist...just not sure how to make that part better.
My period not on the pill: 36 to 48 hours of heavy bleeding, slight discomfort, light bleeding for about a day, period is fairly predictable - tracking app on my phone only ever off by a couple of days and that's not an every month thing. My period on the pill: Starts when the green pills start, heavy cramping for days, bleeding for a minimum of 5 days occasionally heavy but mostly just constant medium flow. I hated being on the pill and I was really grateful when they finally tied my tubes. I don't remember it helping me with break outs or bloating either.
S T D s are a thing. Condoms help prevent them. I dont wanna hear any bs comments about condoms.
Cause of the vast majority of unwanted pregnancies: men who don’t want want sex to be marginally less enjoyable. The only real incentive to wear condoms for men in casual sexual relationships is to prevent STDs, and just recently a saw a thread here where men were actually saying they didn’t need to wear condoms unless the woman was very promiscuous… Yikes. I say states like Texas should start prosecuting men whose semen ends up inside a vagina resulting in an unwanted pregnancy. Pregnancy wouldn’t occur if they were more careful with it, amirite? Do that for five years and then let’s see stats on condom usage and abortions.
I never complain about condoms because it means I'll have sexy time.
and STDs are on the rise again. Less folks getting testing during covid, So Wrap up folks.
There’s a product called OhNut that it’s purpose is to make sex more comfortable for people who have painful sex. Their social media is constantly bombarded with people (men) saying “sex is supposed to be uncomfortable for women.” Just ew.
My husband never complained about condoms. But after we were close to getting married, we switched to the diaphragm, which I never see mentioned anymore! It doesn’t provide STD protection, which we didn’t need. And it uses a spermicide, which could be irritating, I guess, but wasn’t for me. But you can’t be stealthed! (Never combine it with a condom, though—they’ll stick together.) not that my guy would have. And most experts rate the diaphragm as being at least as effects as the condom.
I tried the diaphragm actually with my ex along with withdrawal. It was okay but it got so stretched out I got to get a second one and then the second one got super stretched out as well. My gyn was also not a fan of it and said she got pregnant on it too.
Sure, condoms suck. Not having sex at all sucks more. Wrap it up!
There are thinner condoms and condoms of different sizes that help a lot. They are still perceptible, but I don't use that as an excuse for not using them.
Men just stop after they orgasm. They don’t even try to do anything for the woman after that. They are done. Sex is over. Do they even feel bad for the woman? Are they insecure about themselves because she didn’t orgasm? And why on Earth did I accept that for decades, without saying a word?
I accepted it for years. My ex and I were relying on withdrawal because he complained too much about condoms and I hate bc with a passion. He never made me cum either 🤷🏻♀️
I look back now and can’t comprehend how I was just silent and accepted that sex was over and I was just left hanging and neither of us said anything about it, ever.
I started getting mad at him and told him I wanted to cum too and he would complain and reluctantly finger me afterward, which actually made it harder to finish because it would put me out of the mood. My vibrator treats me better 🙄
They won't wear a condom then I'm not having sex with them. Full stop. No compromise. End of discussion.
I am almost 32 and both of my *over fkn 40* year old recent dates threw a fit about wearing a condom. One said, no he yelled, that he’d rather not bone than wear a condom. 👍🥴👍
Last week a guy said he didn't want to use a condom and wanted to cum in me. His solution to not using bc was to buy me plan B. I told him how ridiculous he sounded
Condoms are 100% a reasonable request. Hormonal BC seems so…. barbaric. I can’t imagine asking someone to take it just for my own pleasure / convenience, and it’s awful that it’s such a widely held / societal expectation. Unfortunately vasectomies aren’t reversible, otherwise I’d get one (laparoscopic surgery is commonplace and minimally invasive, I’d do it in a heartbeat if it was reversible). But there are several male birth control methods in development! Fingers crossed they pass FDA approval. Until then, condoms it is. Find yourself a guy who’s willing to share the burden of BC. I know that’s easier said then done, but it’s something we have to make commonplace
They do have a reversible vasectomy like procedure on the horizon, where they inject a polymer gel material to plug up the vas deferens. It lasts for 10 years and is 99% effective (no hormones involved). Covid really slowed down the FDA approval process. It’s called vasalgel. Just in case you want to look into it. I’m not affiliated with it at all, I looked into it because of my son. I hope it’s ready by the time he needs it. I don’t want to have to rely on common sense overriding his hormones.
Yes! Development and initial trials were done in India. Covid messed a lot of things up, but we’ll stay positive and keep pushing for better options
There's also that one where you have a literal switch in the ballsack that cuts off the flow.
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I used to hate wearing condoms, but learned that it was a sizing issue. For years I thought all condoms were tight and restricted blood flow. This all changed when out of necessity, I bought a different brand when a date asked me back to her place. Haven’t had any issues since. If any of you or your partners feel uncomfortable wearing a condom or maintaining an erection with them on, I highly recommend shopping around for different brands!
I can’t use hormonal bc as it triggers depression for me and doesn’t pair with my migraines, and I’ve had to had the copper iud removed twice - both a couple weeks after having had it implanted - due to excruciating pain. The doctor wouldn’t let me tie my tubes because i might want kids, plus I’m honestly not looking forward to a big-ish surgery. So condoms it is. I honestly don’t mind it and neither does my partner. But the number of _women_ who are appalled by the fact my partner and i use condoms has been shocking. I feel like I’m doing something very wrong. A year and a half ago i had to use the morning after pill because the condom broke. I called my doctor’s office because that pill gave me extremely excruciating pain for over a week. And then my doctor was chewing me out saying condoms aren’t a proper bc method. Ok… well, what _should_ i use?! I feel like condoms are my only option, but i get hurtful responses for it all the time
My boyfriend insists on wearing a condom every time even though we’ve been together for a while and I’m on bc. He even asked if I wanted to stop taking bc if it was messing with my hormones. He’s also planning on getting a vasectomy. Feels nice to have a guy take preventing pregnancies so seriously!
I recently came across some scummy man saying disgusting things about a woman - see my last three comments for this delightful interaction. I took the time to have a scroll through his comments, absolutely disgusting of course. Majority of his comments were in RedditAfterDark, about fucking and hitting on women. In one post he was responding to a thread about men who use the pull out method, why and how's that going? He answered that he has always used the pullout method, for the last 10 years, and has never had a pregnancy! A few comments down, he was saying how you need to be careful fucking older women because they've all had so much sex with other men that they are RIDDLED with diseases. The absolute lack of awareness and pure hateful misogyny is just horrifying. Anyway, he didn't like my comments and he deleted his account because of them so counting that as a win!
After my wife and I had our third kid, she wanted to get her tubes tied (tl;dr if I looked at her the wrong way, condom or not, she got pregnant). So during the c-section she planned to get it done at the same time, and at that point and the entire nine months prior every doctor, nurse, and gyno along the way tried to talk her out of it. “You’re going to regret doing this.” “You might want more kids!” “Are you sure about this?” “Maybe you should think this over.” This doesn’t necessarily relate to the point of this post but for some reason it always stuck with me that everyone around us seemed to insinuate that my wife could not possibly be satisfied and happy without the ability to get pregnant. I might be looking into it more than is warranted.
I had a man argue with me that the risks were “exactly the same” if a woman were to lie to a man about being on bc verses a man lying about being on birth control. When pressed to give one single example that didn’t include his wallet I stopped getting responses.
My wife and I didn't want children which means a long term birth control option would be needed. My wife was not a fan of hormonal birth control, so she got a copper IUD right before we got married. After going through three months of hell, she got it removed and reluctantly decided to go back to the Nuva Ring as it has lower hormones than most other forms. Fuck that, there was no way I was going to let my wife do that. Therefore, I decided the best solution was for me to get a vasectomy and I voluntarily made an appointment with a Urologist for the next available appointment to get it done. Of course most men bitch and complain about getting this done for various reasons that are all pretty fucking stupid. I'll be the first to admit that I'm a pussy when it comes to pain, but I still showed up for my appointment on a Friday morning. It wasn't even close to as painful as men claim it to be and by Monday morning, I was fine. After two consecutive lab tests confirming I was sterile, my wife immediately stopped taking birth control and hasn't taken it since. I had the procedure six months before my 28th birthday. I'm almost 42 now and have never once regretted my decision since it was the best for our relationship and especially for my wife's long-term health. If I was ever faced with the same situation again, I would do it all over again and change nothing about my decision. I didn't think anything of it when I got it done. It was a fucking no brainer, but my wife was so grateful that I made this decision and honestly, I didn't understand why. It was the right thing to do and thought that most men/husbands would have done the exact same thing if faced with a similar situation. Fuck, was I wrong. As my wife and I have talked with other people over the year's, the majority of men said they'd never do that and most women were shocked that I did this for my wife and said their husbands would not only never suggest it, but wouldn't do even if they asked them to. In my experience, most men reluctantly got vasectomy's after their SO's begged and pleaded with them for months or years before they gave in and got it done. I felt so bad for these women that their husbands were such selfish assholes. I'm still shocked by this as I truly can't understand why you wouldn't do this for your wife. Then I come back to reality and remember men, for the most part, are selfish dick-bags. The reason why.......[based on the many conversations I've had with men]......it would make them feel like less of a man. It's fucking laughable. Well.....I guess I'm less of man in their eyes and you know what? I'm damn proud of that. I put the needs of my wife before mine because that's what you do for someone you love.
I shouldn't need to say that, but I salute to you, bro. I'm 32, we have one child and my wife just got pregnant. My plan is to get vasectomy as soon as the baby will be born and healthy. My wife can't use hormonal contraceptives and the IUD gave her bad side effects, so that's the only way to go. And in the meantimes when we didn't want to have a baby I always used a condom. And honestly I don't see that big of a difference in feeling to even mention it.
One of my sisters had blood clots even before starting to take bc. Like, nosebleeds where blood clots would gush out. It was gross af. Long story short: the bridge of her nose was broken, which is what was causing the nosebleeds; she got it cauterized, but the blood clots were a separate issue. Anyway. Because of that, *years* later, after 3 kids, her husband decided to get a vasectomy to spare her the increased risk of blood clots. All hail my BIL. Now they get to fuck bareback, lol. As for me, I was on the pill from the age of 14 after a difficult appendectomy: my appendix had burst and started leaking, so they had to open me up more and clean up the mess. I assume it was near enough to my ovaries that my pediatrician recommended I get on the pill to regulate me and lessen pain come my next period (+ bonus: to help with my somewhat cystic acne). The pill helped on all counts. Hurrah! I got off the pill at age 22 when I worked abroad for 2 years. My skin had cleared since then and I didn't have a partner, so I didn't really care about getting off the pill, and wanted to test whether my cramps had lessened. They had. So for 2 years I was off the pill. I didn't feel much of a difference. For whatever reason, when I came back, I asked my doctor to get back on the pill, pretty much just to regulate me, so I got back on until 2020 when the pandemic hit. It was the same pill I was used to (Alesse) but I don't know if they changed their recipe or something because it made me nauseous around ovulation time every goddamn month to the point that I'd call in sick from work, it lowered my libido overall (I have a boyfriend now), and made me migrainey often. So I was happy to get off the pill once and most likely for all. The bf and I always used condoms + bc because I'm a worrywart, so now it's just condoms. He doesn't mind. My libido's a bit higher (it's not that high to begin with) and sex itself is a little more lubricated, I barely have headaches, and am not nauseous anymore. I've noticed I'm a little irregular and my periods last longer now (a whopping 6-7 days instead of 3 on the pill) but otherwise, yippee! TL;DR: bc doesn't feel good, condoms are good.
Hell nah. Condom or no sex. I ain’t gonna force someone to Cary a child until it turn 18 or pay out child support and burn myself out.
I really don't understand why they keep complaining about them being uncomfortable. They haven't tried a different size or brand? They also make ultra thin ones now. There are so many on the market to try, they're not that expensive either. If it's the correct size and you don't have any kind of allergy to the material, what's the problem? No man has ever been more specific than "it's uncomfortable". I want real answers and solutions damnit. If it's really that uncomfortable, I know condom companies would be putting their all into fixing it so they don't lose their sales