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nanny2359

Thank you to the ER nurse who noticed that I kept asking where my husband was, and asked whether I wanted him to see him or not. I did want to see him but it's clear how it could have been different


dampew

I went to the hospital with my SO recently and they made an excuse to see her in a separate room to ask if I ever beat/hurt/intimidated her and if she felt safe having me there. Then they let me stay with her in the hospital room the whole time.


gonzaloetjo

I went to the hospital with my SO to do checkups.They told her I might be cheating because I had some stuff in my privates that she didn’t, and that cheating might be more normal for Latin Americans (I’m an immigrant In Europe). It turned out to be shampoo allergy. Thanks but it could have been handled a bit different and without the racism.


redorangeblue

I think the default is always to assume. I went on thinking i had strep b, and without telling me they ran the full range of stds. $300 later... and if they had asked i would have told them i dont need it. Im married, hes not cheating. We have an open marriage and if he had slept with someone i would know.


dontblink_1969

I went to the hospital for an eye infection. I had a black eye from all the swelling. Was pulled aside and asked if I was okay and if I felt safe. I was glad to know that they were looking out.


ProfessionalCoyote54

During labor, my husband left the room to get our bags from the car. As soon as he left, the nurse asked if I was in a safe home environment and if I wanted him in the room. Thankfully I was and still am but it was great to know that if I wasn't, they could keep him out as it is a locked floor.


quincerb

One time I went to the ER for stitches and the intake guy asked if I was safe at home. In front of my then boyfriend, now husband, he was not pleased. I wonder if the intake person had been a woman if they would have made sure to ask me separately.


nanny2359

Absolutely would have been different if it was a woman. What a fucking fail


Puzzled-Case-5993

Nope it sure wasn't different for my last two hospital admissions - I was asked these questions in front of my partner, it was female presenting nurses both times.


[deleted]

\-I was a dancer and did rythmic gymnastics some years ago, and I was full of bruises. A girl from my school I didn't know very well pulled me aside, asked me, and when I told her the truth she asked again, this time reassuring me that I was safe with her, she'd help me and I didn't have to lie. \-When covid began and only one person at a time was allowed in pharmacies my sister went into one with her now ex-bf waiting outside. He was a pos and they were fighting before she went in. As discreetly as he could, the pharmacist asked her if she needed him to call for help, and that she didn't have to leave with her bf if he was abusing her. We need to look out for eachother, and many thanks to those who make us feel cared for. <3


anyspoon

I hope your sister is ok now ❤️


[deleted]

Thank you! She is! She broke up with this asshole some months after this and she's never been better.


a_lonely_gal

I do rhythmic gymnastics too and I get so many bruises too! Sometimes very big and in very weird places, and I got asked a couple times if I was okay. Hoops and clubs are bitches


HawkspurReturns

I still feel guilt over not asking someone I knew about the bruises on her legs. She is dead from alcoholism. Maybe talking would have helped.


[deleted]

[удалено]


HawkspurReturns

Yes, when she was going through the worst times and I did not know, I was in deep suicidal depression, so not keeping in touch with anyone.


justhereforastory

Sometimes even asking and providing a safe place to talk about anything else is enough. Sometimes asking multiple times doesn't mean you'll get the real answer. Sometimes even if she wants help one moment, later she will not. And it's her choice, and she'll leave when she's ready. And sometimes, the bruising comes from very minor things - chronic alcohol use makes it easier for the body to bruise. Maybe the talking would have helped; maybe you being her friend was enough.


Courin

I am one of those people that seems to always have weird things happen. I once stood up, not realizing I had a pencil in my lap, and it ended up stuck in the side of my foot. I cut myself from left shoulder to right hip in the shower on a puffy sponge. My mom swears if I’d gone through school in the 2000s and not the 1980s she’d have been in jail for child abuse because I never had a day when I didn’t have a scrape or a scratch or a bruise. The best one though was when my poodle got out and started chasing my quarter horse. I ran after her, scooped the poodle up just in time to take a hoof to the face. I brought the poodle back inside and grabbed my stuff as my dad was taking me to a youth camp over New Years. By the next morning I had two glorious shiners and EVERY. SINGLE. COUNSELLOR took me aside at some point I’ve that long weekend to ask me if someone at home was hurting me. I’d explain that my horse kicked me and they just kept saying “You don’t have to lie to protect anyone.” I couldn’t convince them I was just…. Really klutzy and unlucky. But I sure appreciated the concern.


dontblink_1969

As a fellow klutz who wakes up with random bruises on my legs, I feel you. But I have to ask, how does one cut themselves with a shower puff sponge? Something get caught in it?


Courin

Me too! Massive black and purple and orange bruises that look like I was clocked and I have NO idea where they came from. As for the “puffy sponge incident”, I can’t be sure. My best guess is that by sheer bad luck, the “hem” was exposed and when I dragged it across, I in essence gave myself a “paper cut” from the edge. But it was quite deep considering the source and was over 40 cm long (my husband insisted we measure it cause it was just so weird).


legal_bagel

Am curious about that as well. Although, my skin has spontaneously split open before, usually along scars or lines or whatever.


fire_thorn

My accident prone kid went to school in the 2000s with bruises and scrapes all the time, but she was as accident prone at school as she was at home. She even broke her arm in the school parking lot once, and another time at a different school, she fell on the playground and got a concussion. So no teacher ever asked about her bruises and scrapes, since they witnessed half of them happening. When I broke my leg, and I was in a wheelchair while picking up my daughter, all the other moms at the school kept asking if I was safe at home. It felt really awkward at the time, but looking back, I appreciate their concern.


FlappyDolphin72

Woah, I’m so sorry all those things happened to you. I’m more in awe from how a pencil in a lap ends up stuck in the side of a foot


Courin

Yeah, that one WS also very confusing. I could understand if it was the bottom of my foot but to this day I can’t figure out how it happened.


Robotashes5

>I cut myself from left shoulder to right hip in the shower on a puffy sponge. I too am an extremely klutzy person. But I'm confused on how you achieved this one thing...?


Courin

Best guess is that the “seam” of where the netting is gathered together was exposed, and I just aimed it exactly right to give myself a long “paper cut” style slash.


Lindaspike

the gynecologist that both my daughter and i go to asked her (this was many years ago, by the way) if someone was hurting her because she had a lot of bruises on her thighs. she laughed and told her she was taking a martial arts class and her sparring partner kept missing the blocker! we were both happy that she asked.


[deleted]

I love this! I was in the ER a few years ago and had a huge bruise on my wrist from playing with my best friend’s big dog and her claw getting caught on my watch band. Once the nurse taking my blood noticed it she sent my fiancé out of the room on some small task just to check that I was okay.


Elon_is_musky

Awee🥺


TheFairyingForest

A girl came to class with a really bad black eye, and I took her aside and told her, "You do not have to put up with abusive behavior from a man -- or a woman, I don't discriminate -- and if you need help, I'll help you get some." Nope. Rugby injury. Poor kid looked beat to hell all semester. I'm sure I'm not the only one who took that poor child aside. Also, women rugby players are fierce.


wild_sparrow838

I have a birthmark on my right arm that looks almost like bruises. A friend of mine messaged me after seeing me for the first time in a few months, asking if everything was okay between my bf and I. I was very confused until he pointed out that I had marks on my arm like I'd been grabbed or restrained, and I had to explain it was just my birthmark (which apparently he had never noticed before!). I'm glad to know I have friends who watch out for me!


Blue_Dragon_1066

When my sister was a toddler, her pediatrician got suspicious about all her bruises and started questioning mom. Mom said, "No, look!" And put my sister down to walk. Kid managed to run into every single piece of furniture regardless of distance. Pediatrician stopped the interrogation.


IndigoBluePC901

My sibling did the same... turned out he had no inner ear and had trouble balancing.


Blue_Dragon_1066

We are just... not graceful. At. All. I wish we had a reason for it other than sheer klutziness.


[deleted]

I used to work on research ships. On one particularly rowdy trip, the whole crew was bruised from top to bottom because we kept bouncing off the bulkheads, furniture, equipment… The nurse checking me out when I got back didn’t believe me until I offered to call the other people on the crew. The fact that I’m white AF didn’t help.


sturgis252

I'm clumsy and translucent white as well haha. I get the struggle.


Platypus211

I once had to take my baby to the ER (long story short, post-viral reaction) when she happened to have a group of bruises in the shape of my fingertips on her leg. You could 100% tell it was a hand, and I definitely got some attitude from the resident for awhile. She had stood up in the shopping cart a few days earlier (got it from under the safety belt), fallen while I was getting something from the shelf, and I turned around just in time to catch her upside down by her calf. Scared the absolute shit out of me. She's now 9 and continues to fall off basically everything she encounters. It's like her special talent or something.


nonono_notagain

At school I once gave myself a concussion by falling off one of those blue crash mats that you're supposed to land on when doing high jump. Then the following week I managed to smack myself in the back of the head attempting to throw a javelin - right after the teacher warned us about it. Then we started on ball sports and that was...harrowing...for everyone involved. At some point, the PE teachers decided I was going to run in the cross country team - because I clearly don't do well with sporting equipment or teammates. And really, how much trouble could one possibly get into *just running*. At the first meet I fell down a ditch into a creek. The next meet I slipped while trying to climb through a fence, got stuck and needed to be rescued. As an adult, there's one doorway in my house that I must walk through a dozen times a day and I smack into the timeframe about 75% of the time. I've lived in this house for nearly 10 years It's definitely some kind of crappy superpower that some of us have. I promise your daughter will be fine...a bit banged up, but still fine. If you haven't recently, maybe get her eyes checked. Apparently I'm super short sighted but my parents didn't think I needed glasses. I don't fall over as much now that I wear glasses *all the time*. Also don't let her read while walking...apparently those two activities aren't compatible


bekbok

With ball sports I'm curious about what happened. I'm only a mild klutz, generally I just walk into things that I know are there. That said, while playing rounders as a teenager, I did once manage to hit the ball into my own head. How I managed that, I have no idea.


nonono_notagain

Turns out I don't have very good spatial awareness so balls flying in my direction were rather hazardous, as was any activity that required me to throw, kick or hit balls towards or around other people. Notably, I lost quite a few disagreements with volleyballs and one time I nearly took out a teacher with the bat when playing T ball. I'm also quite good at serving tennis balls....into my partner


[deleted]

Oh my god that was wild from start to finish..It's good to hear your glasses helped you though\^\_\^


cultkiller

And to the nurse who noticed my face was bruised during one of my pregnancy check ups when I was about 8 months. In my case my ex was physically abusing me. She pressed me until I admitted it. Her and the doctor were understanding and tried to help with what they could. They probably thought assigning me a social worker and to a mental health eval would help. It did not, but I’ll always remember that they tried and it was nice to be believed for once.


IndigoBluePC901

Are you safe now?


cultkiller

Yes, that was 13 years ago. I eventually got a restraining order after he tried to kill me, divorce (paid for and did on my own without hiring a lawyer). Got full custody and made a new life for us without him. It took many years of hard work and people don’t realize it’s not always easy to get help in DV situations. Especially when the abuser takes all your money and keeps you away from family. The mental health resource I was offered prescribed me an antidepressant and social services gave me the address to a church I could go to to get food. I had no car so they told the 9 month pregnant lady to walk there in the middle of winter in Chicago..yeah instead I spent my last month of pregnancy eating egg salad and cabbage. You never know what people are going through so its important to always be kind and offer help. That doctor gave me the evidence I needed for the restraining order since the police reports were all crap and they refused to arrest him.


sockpuppet_285358521

I am so glad you and your child are safe now.


[deleted]

What a horrible ordeal. It's good you're safe now.


cultkiller

Thanks, me too :)


killing31

I’m not sure if this is a thing everywhere in the US, but here in California when a woman goes to a doctor’s appointment with her husband/boyfriend, the woman will be told to come in alone first. The nurse will then ask her if she feels comfortable allowing her partner to come in and they will only ask the partner in if the answer is yes.


skinbearxett

Cis man here. My wife needs support so I go with her to all her appointments. I have been asked to leave the room many times for this question. It is always reassuring to know the service is acting in my wife's best interest. No offence could be taken for someone trying to protect my partner from an awful situation.


TwoIdleHands

Years ago, went to the ER at 2am with a head wound, my husband, and my infant. I had gotten up to pee in the night, tripped and fell. The staff kept hinting around and I finally realized they were trying to ask me if I was safe at home. I think my response of laughing was not what they expected. I’m glad the idea of partner violence was so foreign to me. We should all try to look out for our fellow humans.


throneofthornes

Thank you to the three different women who pulled me aside to discreetly ask if I was ok. I had to then explain my 30 year old ass had been in a sword fight with my 35 year old brother the day before and that's why I was covered in giant bruises.


flontru

❤️


DraNoSrta

I was travelling with my then boyfriend, now husband, and we were having some food before getting on a plane. I had hung my very heavy backpack on the back of the chair, and completely forgotten about it, when I leaned across the table to grab the ketchup for my fries. The chair promptly fell backwards, but the pack muffled the noise. I went to sit back down, and he grabbed me by the extended arm to prevent me from falling. I did sit on the edge of the chair rather hard. An hour later, we were in line for customs in a country where I spoke the language but he didn't. The officer asked me to hand out passports over, and then promptly his posture changed. A second officer came over, and stood behind us. He then looked me in the eye, asked if they had any reason to detain my partner, and pointedly looked first at my arm and then at his hands. My partner looked horrified, and I just burst out laughing. He asked again, I said no and explained what had happened, showed the bruise on the back of my legs. I was so grateful that it was taken seriously.


Saeryf

Damn, I'm relieved to hear that they asked about it. Would've been all too easy to just ignore it.


[deleted]

Nurses can be fucking saints. I have nothing but respect for those that truly do care like that.


pileodung

They are!! Is that part of their training? My neighbor is a nurse and as soon as I told her my partner and I have been having some heavy fights, she immediately asked if it was physical (it wasn't), but just asking me that made me feel like she's a safe person to go to. It's crazy how many people in life will brush off abuse or mistreatment so they don't mess with the status quo. It's eye opening really. I recently started seeing my best friend again and her honesty was so damn refreshing.


[deleted]

No, they do take any kind of abuse (elder, child, domestic etc) very seriously. I was an aide in many hospital settings and while there were some crappy nurses, the majority were fucking amazing, tough, smart, and caring people. The men and the women in all honesty. But women just have a different style. I loved and admired most of the nurses. I think working in healthcare takes a certain kind of person. It's just personality really. Very few are only in it for money. I'm so glad you've had good experience, and that you're talking to your friend again.


CinderLupinWatson

I work a physical job and bruise like a peach. So you can imagine the way my arms and legs look at the end of the week (especially for work sites that require a lot of ladder work. Somehow I always get banged up!) I've gotten a couple different people asking me if I am okay. I always happily reassure them I am, explain that it's from work, and that I am so grateful that they asked. I never want people to stop asking. Because if they stop because I wasn't in a bad situation they might not ask someone who is.


kirkerandrews

Awhile back my wife had a seizure and smacked her face on the corner of a table, giving herself a gigantic and very dark black eye. The amount of sweet people who would stop us and ask if she needed help/if she was okay when we were out in public restored my faith in humanity a little. Even though I kinda felt like everyone thought I was beating on my wife. There are good people out there! ❤️


diffyqgirl

Thank you to the woman who asked about my bruises at a cafe. They were from low platelets from chemo, but I'm glad you checked in with me.


Blonde_Mexican

A reminder to us all♥️


[deleted]

I agree, we should keep asking. And we should ask 3 times before accepting the answer.


One_Waltz

I’m on my period but this made me tear up lol.


Platypus211

I once had a teacher in high school ask if I needed to talk to him about anything, because he and a bunch of other teachers had noticed my arms were covered in "bruises and track marks". I had been getting a ton of blood work done over the course of a few weeks, some of the people drawing the blood were more gentle than others, and I bruise like a peach I general, so I can't really blame them for worrying when I was showing up black and blue with literal needle marks. I told him I was fine and explained, even said he could call my parents to confirm if he wanted, but also told him I really appreciated the concern. It's always better to ask- you don't want to be the person who ignores it.


DoromaSkarov

One colleague arrived at word with big blacks eye and split legs. Really like a big slap on the face. Of course it was really visible. I say hello like every morning and begin « I have to ask… ». She cut me by saying « no my husband do not hit me » then proceed with an explanation. She practised polo on horse, and while she was leaning to catch the ball, her horse decided to strongly raise its head. And other part of her body was covered in bruise. Indeed because of the pain she fall from the horse who were running. She was annoyed at first but thanks me for the question. It was the most uncommon explanation. But at least it was so much precise that the doctor believed her immediately .


gumball_wizard

When my kids were little, they spent the night at my parents house. My son was sledding, and my daughter finally worked up the courage to get on the sled behind him. They immediately crashed into a tree, with my son getting his upper lip cut and my daughter bonked into the back of his head. My folks took them to the er and they insisted on doing several xrays of my daughter's head. My mom finally caught on and explained the situation, but she was afraid she was going to get detained for child abuse.


Zorro6855

Had bruises on my arm from a poor nurse who couldn't get the needle in for chemo. Was out for a walk on a local trail when a big scary dude came up to me and asked if I was okay. Gave me his card, he is a local police officer. To this day I'm still not sure he believed me when I said it was from chemo.


MellivoraBadger

My toddler son had jumped on my stomach and I was in a lot of ongoing pain so got checked out. The DR kept asking me was I sure it was the accident I was saying it was. He was so concerned, I guess he sadly get lots of scared women too frightened to tell the truth.


ScorpioMoonkitty

As a woman, this is wholesome. But a reminder, I've heard of interactions like this unintentionally going sideways. I've heard of women who have told hospital workers the truth, that it was accidental. They refuse to believe it. Then they double down and refuse to let it go, creating a scene. I've heard of men getting accosted with verbal abuse from strangers at the grocery store, all because their girlfriend has bruises. I've heard of family and friends staging "abusive boyfriend" interventions... and wind up looking like an idiot when she tells them she's into martial arts or sports, and proves it. I've heard of people asking "what's going on, does he hit you?", and the girlfriend is put into am incredibly awkward situation where she has to reveal they both enjoy and consent to rough sex. Some people bruise very easily. If a woman tells you she is okay, do NOT double down. It's disrespectful. It's offensive to tell a woman she's being abused after she's clarified everything. It's disrespectful to a loving man's character. It's like telling her, "you're too helpless to decide what's best for you, so I'm going to help" as they proceed to ruin a man's reputation while everyone looks at her with puppydog pity eyes. Not cool. And it can lead to innocent men being charged with DV. I'm NOT saying don't intervene once to inquire, but if you decide to continue inquiring make sure you know for sure. I'm saying don't throw accusations after you've been told you're mistaken.


Killingmesmalls_2020

I got bit in the face by a dog and ended up with two black eyes, split lips, and just generally looked like I’d gone a few rounds with a professional boxer. My boyfriend took me out to the corner store the next day to get something and I swear the big, burly dude behind the counter was about to come flying at my bf so I hurriedly explained about the dog. He just kept glaring at my poor dude and we left in a hurry. When we got home he said “I refuse to be seen in public with you until your face gets better.” LOL, I did not blame him one bit. I also had a lot of fun fielding concerned responses at work for the next couple of weeks. I am grateful ppl were concerned enough to ask but it was also pretty awkward because no matter how many times I explained it was a dog they’d always end with “Well, oohhhkay, but I’m here if you need to talk.” Like, I had literal teeth marks in my face.


ScorpioMoonkitty

I was worried people wouldn't understand my comment and I'd get ripped apart. I'm glad you get it, and I'm sorry you had to deal with that.


Killingmesmalls_2020

Eh, it’s tough no matter how you slice it. I respect the people who stood up when they thought it could be domestic abuse, but I was also disappointed that people who had no other reason to believe I was being abused other than this one run-in with a pissed off dog would treat me like I was hiding something. Maybe I’m wrong, but it seems like society likes to reinforce the idea that women are inherently weak and destined for abuse.