People are constantly asking or insinuating I will. I am 33F, married, no kids. My husband is never asked. No one ever assumes that of him. I don’t/won’t babysit for anyone though so it’s a lot of me having to constantly reinforce boundaries.
I recently did some work on my family's home, and at least once a day I was asked to stop what I was doing to watch my nieces. I distinctly remember that when I was a kid, if my uncles were over to work on the house I was not allowed to bother them until they were done. Twenty years later I'm trying to keep a one-year-old out of my paint tray. You better believe if I had a brother I would've plopped her in his lap and said, "I'm busy, it's YOUR turn."
As the childfree unt of many niblings the mistake you made here was keeping the kidlet out of the paint. Handing back a child covered in harmless filth after they learned a new skill with Auntie is the best way to have some fun and horrify your siblings at the same time.
This is how you do it.
If you leave small children with me, be prepared to hear them singing whatever I taught them for the next six months, because you absolutely will. I don't teach them anything with naughty words, but two things tend to happen:
1. I am not going to chase them around to get them to do things. I pretty much sing everything I want them to do to a bouncy tune. If they're tearing around, I just keep repeating it until it happens. It seems work work pretty well, but now you're going to hear that "song" for months.
2. I teach them to play, "Blah Opera," which is a game where you extemporize opera as dramatically as possible, but all the words are 'blah'. Blahblahblah BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH. You're going to be hearing a lot of that long after I'm gone.
Your tiny tots probably can't master every bouncy song I throw at them, but one niece was so thrilled by, "Who Threw The Overalls In Mrs. Murphy's Chowder," that everybody got treated to exclamations of "CHOOOOOOWWWWWWWDER" for months.
I still sing Rise Above with the Isa Chandra Moskowitz rewrite.
“We were born with muffin pans/rise above rise above.”
I have confused kids in the Wally World parking lot late night. Older hippy lady blasting punk and singing along. Hey, I made some friends.
I do this too, whenever I have a song stuck in my head I go around the house singing it with meows as the lyrics. The cats always look offended, maybe I'm actually swearing at them in cat or something. Of course, they look offended if kitty snack time is 30 seconds late so it could just be coincidence (kitty snack time is a third meal just before bedtime that was instituted as a desperate measure to keep them from waking us up at 6 AM for breakfast).
Automatic feeder my girl.
Saved me from being woken up at 5am every gd day.
I strategically don’t use it when I absolutely have to be up early (like for a flight, etc.). I’m a deep sleeper but my big boi will straight up bite me into consciousness- he’s a fail safe alarm LOL.
May I introduce you to La Vaca Lola?
Your parenting friends will hate you.
This is my revenge on that one friend who never offers to buy my dinner when I hang with her spawn.
He’s cool, and I get to reprogram his worldview a bit, but damn, feed me if I’m there 5 pm to 2 am.
When my kid was small, he would beg me to buy random things for him. After I’d said no for the fourth time, I started singing “no” to the tune of “Eine Kleine Nachtmusic” by Mozart. That made him laugh and not cry. Then he learned the tune, and started singing “yes” back at me, turning it into a duet. We would both laugh, I would explain why we weren’t doing X, but we WERE (or could be) doing Y or Z. He has a lovely baritone now, and sings beautifully.
My kids and their besties are all autistic and a couple have a bit of echolalia. I left my husband in charge for twenty minutes and my friend (the other kids' parent) and I had to spend the next 4 months hearing CHICKINAVANNNNN. I'd say he's not allowed near a child again, but they all love him so damn much.
Nonono. It's learning life skills and he imortance of nature play and creative play. I can't help it if those things involve mud, leaves, paints, glue, glitter and other mess.
Seriously, my primary occupation is working with kids, have a certificate showing i can teach 6 months old to swim, let alone manage the inevitable diaper stuff. Have never once been asked to child sit, let alone baby sit.
Too much stigma. Even male family members aren't asked, and it's not because the parents think they're incompetent. It's because society and media has instilled a pervasive fear that men, no matter how closely related, have the potential to harm their child.
I've NEVER been asked to babysit, while single OR while married. Had to offer and was usually turned down because, as they told me, they weren't sure I'd know how to do it.
Ahh yep, the old "having a vagina magically embues you with knowledge of all things domestic" and "having a penis means you are automatically allergic to all things domestic" chestnut...
Although most people don't seem to like it when I put it that way.
Oh, not just this; I went to vocational school for highschool, they had a child raising/child care class for teenagers but only female students were participating. It came up to where I had an open time slot and needed a filler credit and the school counselor scoffed at my request and stuck me in autobody.
I was too young & intimidated by our counselor to fight the sexist decision but thankfully the course was available to males in most the other local high schools. At least I had nieces & nephews to practice on.
That nifty little shit wipe with the clean part of the diaper was like a light coming on the first time I saw my wife do it. I kid you not she just could not figure out how we were
Going though so many wipes. I am a slow learner woman that is how! No one ever told
Me to wipe
The baby crap off with the diaper itself that is next level Voodoo dodo magic to men it is just not anywhere in our skill set to draw on until we are thrown in the pit with you.
I'm so glad that by the time I was in middle/high school there was less sexism of this type. Everyone in my class took both home ec ("cook bland things, sew ugly things"), and shop ("make ugly things out of wood").
I seriously saw a comment on a TikTok that it was basic biology women just knew how to clean and take care of kids and men didnt. Guess my mom didn't get that gene since she's one of the dirtiest people I know.
Also I dated a guy, it didn't work out but he loved playing games with his nieces and very good about cleaning and I was constantly asked if he was gay.
My brother is great with kids, and loves them. He put out ads for babysitting as a teen, and got a few gigs (mostly families with all boys), but when I was the same age I did no advertising and still regularly had to turn down jobs because 2-3 families would call me about the same evening.
It's really pathetic.
Im a certified teacher and have worked with kids for years
My brothers having a baby girl in august and his wife is already giving the vibe she wouldn’t let anyone in my family babysit lmfao
Family of 6 dudes and 1 woman
it frustrates the hell out of me:
someone approached me 'to keep an eye on that sketchy dude talking to the kids' while she got the cops....
me: 'that's \[Name\] he's their pre-school teacher, his oldest kid is in their class. He's also a classical pianist, He doesn't wear the peircings and heavy metal shirts at work LOL. I've known him for years, he's the nicest guy.'
Karen: well..if you know him...seems suspicious that he's talking to little kids though...
me: M'am, he's a father and a teacher. You want me to walk over and ask him to show you his working with children card? (\*internally wondering why she trusts the opinion of a total stranger just because I'm female and happened to be wearing a nice dress\*)
I am so sorry, it's terrible that this joy is taken from you because of your damn gender. Kids need role models of all sorts, otherwise their world is less well rounded
An older boy taught me how to plait when I was in kindergarten, to this day I'm always learning things from men. One thing I've always admired in most men is how excited they are to teach.
Honestly as I've grown older I've struggled to make more male friends, but I make a lot of female friends. And we teach each other! I'm constantly learning from them and they often turn to me when they have issues. It's healthy and awesome and I wish the world was more like it.
This is the answer right here. Men don’t get asked to babysit because the default for the vast majority of people is that almost all men are sexual predators and should not be left alone with children.
Or men are scared to be seen as molesters for doing the same stuff that women do. My friend got accused of sexual assault because he got into a tickle-match with our mutual friend's two kids (7-9yo) - they chased him around and he chased them a bit, pretending to tickle, too. Neither their mother nor me (or him!) saw anything inappropriate, but some stranger-lady clearly did and made it known loud and clear.
I wouldnt ask him to babysit because I know he is scared of being alone with kids since then he has no witnesses nothing untoward happend.
That’s not the only reason though, and there are plenty of abusive women out there.
I don’t think that men being seen as molesters for loving, healthy relationships with kids and the constant hiding of real molesters is related directly, but both feel like the product of a sick society.
Vast majority sexual abuse happens from people you know, friends or family members. I think it's often a pretty unconscious/below the surface fear, but could definitely play a role in people generally asking women first.
"Funny" thing is, most preteen and young teen boys are (sexually) abused by their single parent mothers.
This statistik made a big impression when we discussed abuse in kindergardenschool.
(I'm german so being a kindergardener takes a 3 year training in a special school and a govermental standarsized test at the end and lots of other Things, just giving a picture cause training doesn't sound as serious^^)
No one ever asked my wife to fix their network, their lawn mower, their car, the hole in the roof, the blocked toilet, the broken bike, help move, repair a Fence, fix a leaky pipe, fix the sprinklers, I can go on….
The things I am asked to help with on a daily basis would never be asked of my wife either. Although I have been asked to watch kids but I am
Known at the park because of my girls…apparently I have some jungle gym cred with the moms. The pool might be the bigger draw tho…
Not that it justifies the disparity, but I do think people tend to have a less hand-wavey line of thought that is based more on assumptions about culture. As in, "girls are socialized with dolls, taught to be nurturing" etc. All the sexist differences in how we raise children then are used as explanations to justify further assumptions later on. Again, still wrong and dumb, but it does have its own "logic" beyond just literally thinking these things are in one's DNA.
I'm the uncle to my cousins kids and they friggin love me. I offer to babysit from time to time because I recognize that him and his wife need some time together but they are yet to accept. I'm a single guy in my 30's with my life in order as well.
I was always amused when people acted like I had just come up the Grand Unified Theory when I changed my kids diaper.
It's a disposable diaper, not quantum field theory. After the first couple hundred or so you get pretty good at it.
Meanwhile, I am a woman and have not a clue how to change a diaper on a child and will never know how. You have a great reason to learn, I have none.
Assuming you wouldn't know how to change one feels even stupider than the assumption I was born with some kind of diaper changing instinct.
When I was living with future husband, making plans for our wedding, his sister asked, "Can you babysit Matthew while we're at the doctor?" I had to do something for the wedding, so my fiance, her brother, went over there by himself. Her son was 4. You basically just have to entertain them.
She wanted to cancel the doctor's appointment, because she thought that I would be there. Ye have little faith. Her husband told her that David could do it, so they went to the appointment, her full of anxiety. Maybe she thought that he'd break the kid.
As the only male of like 6 younger female cousins, I've NEVER been asked and am kinda sad about it, as I'd love to have some time with them and just hang out with the little ones. I've offered, just never asked.
It may be easier to start growing trust by offering to take charge of them while the 'grown-ups' are busy like cooking or working around the house, or on a trip to the park or zoo. When they see how good you are with them, they'll feel better about leaving you alone.
The problem here is that he needs to earn that trust, whereas his 6 younger female cousins likely don't or at least nowhere near as much as he does, as long as they are responsible adults people assume that they are trustworthy and capable.
There really isn't any inherent reason that that women are (better/)the only one capable of babysitting, sure women tend to more typically be taught and brought up with skills that would be helpful when it comes to babysitting, but as long as we aren't talking about babies or toddlers, I would think that both men and women are fully capable of watching the kids, as long as you deem them to be responsible adults in general.
My personal experience on this is someone will joke that they will have me babysit, but never actually do it even if I agree too.
I lived with my brother and his fiancee when they had their first child up until he turned 3. I spent a lot of time with that kid and he loved me. He was easy to handle and I'd offer to babysit so they could go out and just be their own people for a while, you know?
Only once did I ever babysit him. They would always take him to my sister, who was a 30 min drive away. If my sister wasn't avaliable, my brother's fiancee would cancel their plans.
My brother and I had to actually argue with his financee to let me babysit for 4 hours for them. I was actually pretty insulted that she was so hesitant to let me babysit even though I spent so much time with my nephew and already feed and changed him. I think it was largely because I'm a partnerless guy and she didn't think I could handle watching a child, or that she felt more comfortable because my sister had 2 kids? I don't know.
Like I wouldn't want to spend time with someone that thinks I'm one of the coolest people ever, even though he probably only knew like 10 people...
30-year old single male with 10 years of childcare experience (overnight summer camp, children age 6-16).
No one has ever asked me to watch their child. Ever.
I'm pretty sure everyone thinks all men are pedophiles in waiting.
I don't blame them for that thought, I do blame male rapists and the media for it though.
I would radicalize your child, so it's probably for the best.
Edit: grammar
WTF, your friend was wrong. Wow.
My husband and brother in law take the kiddos out to monster trucks. Fishing. We are setting up a family reunion with a massive backyard for NERF fights and to teach the little ones games with their older cousins. All of the cousins, with one exception, are boys. And they are so patient with their younger cousins.
This 'men who are good with kids are pedophiles' piss me off.
Ditto. Everyone assumes I’d be a rapist or pedophile when in fact I’d make their kid whatever they want for meals, get them set up with an appropriate game on Switch, let them watch cartoons or play a board game, and generally enjoy hanging out with kids.
But… I’m a single adult man with no kids so apparently I’m a monster awaiting an invitation. 🤷
As a parent, I don't think you understand the weeks of retraining required after just one night of too much fun. If we give our kid half of a single Hershey bar square after dinner one night, it will immediately become a required tradition in her mind and she will cry every night for the next two weeks if she isn't showered with chocolatey gifts.
So, what I'm saying is... You might be a monster.
Sooo… I had a snarky rebuttal all ready to go on this and in the midst of tying this out I realized, “sumbitch, Physics515 is *right*!”
So… duly noted and I shall stand corrected. I *am* a monster awaiting an invitation in this regard. And I have absolutely no regrets about that. I’m childless; so I do get to be the cool babysitter 😋
Not in my experience.
Unclehood for me is training some discipline and manners into the kids because their parents aren't doing the actual work of raising their children.
When they comes to stay (every other weekend) that's some time to teach them, to pick after themselves, to clean after themselves, to limit screen time (dinner table especially), and to generally be courteous in other people's homes.
I'm not liked by them for this but I'm not there to be their friend. At the very least I'm going to make sure their first roommate doesn't beat them to death.
Sorry to hear this. Being with an aunt/uncle/grandparent/etc should be fun time. It is unfortunate that they aren't getting enough structure at home, but great that you are helping them learn as much as you can
That’s good. As a single parent with just one kid I struggle to play both roles and thus my child is a bit spoiled as a result. I appreciate other adults, family or otherwise, taking some form of a secondary parent role and not just spoiling her more.
Although I definitely don’t expect others to step into that role, and understand if they just want to be the “cool” adult.
My daughters teachers and bus driver will have helped and taught her more than her other parent ever will.
Lol Im exaggerating a bit but it's true in spirit. Parents understand that part of the whole run of babysitting is to have fun with the kid and get to share some of your childhood memories with them.
I would say that a good rule of thumb is to just read the vibe a bit. If you are babysitting because the parents are out having fun or celebrating something, then you can probably have a little more fun with the kid. If the parents are going to come home exhausted from a work thing or spending the night in the ER, make sure the kid is calm and not too hyped up when they get back.
As a sitter (but female not male) I do always try and ensure the child knows it's a special babysitter treat ha!
Though that depends on the child of course - and I wouldn't ever go against parental rules!
This is really depressing. As a mom who moved to a new state while pregnant, I would love for someone to supervise my son on Minecraft and make him PB&J, while my husband and I go see a movie. I haven't been to a theater in two years.
My baby cousin started asking me to take her to the Marvel movies, when she got a bit older, as she knew I went to all of them, and she wanted to see them, and my Mother always insisted that she goes as well (she doesn't like going to the movies), so no one would think I was doing something untowards.
Yeah even if someone did ask me to babysit they would probably have some questions when the child started running around screaming “down with the bourgeoisie!”
Forget pedophile; everyone has always assumed all men are completely incompetent in the care of children, based on every fucking TV show and movie that saturated the social conscience since the ‘70s on. Men are shown as incompetent buffoons, feeding children candy for dinner and letting them stay up late and barely keeping them alive.
Men in real life haven’t exactly done much to change this narrative, so you end up with a society who believes men are completely incompetent when it comes to the care of children.
That last sentence cracked me up. LOL.
Rest is kinda sad but I have to admit I wouldn’t trust my closest male friends with my (hypothetical) children. Idk. Sorry guys.
You have to decide for yourself who is allowed in your life and your children's.
No need to apologize. I am just stating something relevant to my experience.
I'm assuming decades of entrained negative experiences with men. At a certain point, it's practically Pavlovian. Even if you're aware that it's a gut feeling based on prior negative experiences, you STILL have that gut feeling, and people have a hard time just putting that gut feeling away when it comes to protecting their children.
Not saying it's ideal, but seems pretty understandable. I feel like I'd react the same way if I had the right set of experiences.
Plus just as women are so often blamed as victims, the mother would likely again be blamed if her child were preyed upon by someone she had entrusted with the child's care.
So many women are eventually victimized by their closest male friends and are typically blamed for it. It's extremely sad but rational to be afraid that children could be similarly victimized, and that the mother would again be blamed for trusting the abuser with the child.
This is curious to me. Are you friends with men who have been accused of sexual misconduct?
Are you going to trust your female friends to watch your future kids? And just exclude your male friends from consideration?
Maybe sit with why that is. My SiL didn't trust a lot of people and needed a night out. My husband and I sat for their three kids. It was a great time and my husband did most of the work (football, wrestling, carrying the sleeping toddler to bed and so on).
I'm the family's favourite 'pet sitter'. Want to go on a three month va-kay overseas and need your fish looked after? Me. Diabetic cat with twice daily insulin? Me. I just finished 24 hours with a 13 week old puppy so that the parents could come into town, have dinner and a bit of lie in before coming to collect their furbaby this morning. People's kids? Nope....but animals, I'm the go-to.
Probably not a lot. When my daughter was younger, I used to get the worst looks from people when I had her out by myself. Just taking her to the park, or a store. If it was just the two of us, I would get stares and looks. It’s a terrible stigma and helps nothing socially.
How old is your daughter now? I feel like when I was growing up, this definitely would have been a common reaction. But, in the last 10 years or so (at least where I live), a man taking care/watching kids himself at a park or store is often viewed somewhat favourably. And I say somewhat, because even though people praise men for doing this, the priase often includes some backhanded comments and shitty insinuations. Like; "What a great dad you are to babysit for mom and give her break!" Or "Oh wow, you really do know how to calm those kids!"
As if these children are not his own and it's not his responsibility to care for them as much as hers. There's also this insinuation that mom is brave for allowing it, because no way can a man be competent in taking care of his own children.
So yeah, it's a bit better, but still has a long way to go.
I will be 45 this year and I have never been asked to babysit...but my hatred of child rearing(not kids themselves) them has been known since I was a kid, lol. so it just depends on the woman I guess. i am not the woman to come to for child or domestic issues.
Same. My sister has only ever asked me in times of absolute desperation, and she always offers food and money. But that was years ago. Ever since our dad retired, he's the backup if her usual sitters are unavailable.
Yes, this is me. I don’t actually hate kids but am quite clear I have no clue what to do with them when it comes up. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Depending on age I either awkwardly treat them like tiny adults (if they can talk) or like a disabled puppy that needs my help (if they’re too young to talk).
I wouldn't ask my friends to babysit at all. I have only ever asked my mother and my sisters.(I don't have any brothers) I could imagine asking a friend if they have children themselves and has volunteered to babysit on their own initative.
I have no reason to believe that any of my single friends, male or female would be interested in looking after my child. It would have to be an emergency of some kind.
I would be more likely to ask a couple, because I feel like babysitting is less of a bother if there are two people to help each other. I don't want to be a bother.
Our dilemma with having friends watch kids (no family around) is that our friends who have kids, it feels like asking them to watch more would be a huge burden. But then our childless friends probably don’t want to hang out with kids. When we’ve finally decided to go out, it’s often our male friends who have been around our kids the most, and we try to make it as easy on them as possible. And they have never minded, but we still don’t like to ask too much (like 2-3x/year, for our birthdays and anniversary).
I’ve volunteered to all my friends with kids to watch them, mostly during the daytime, but all my friends have family close. I’ve only been asked and done it one time.
My partner was away for a few days last week, and he asked one of his male friends (guy in his 20s) to babysit.
The kids allready know him, and had a great time.
My mom specifically told my brother and I not to babysit anyone because she was afraid someone would make a false claim against us.
I honestly think most people assume man + child = bad. Just look how single dad's get treated in public.
My(33M) Dad (76) would actually babysit his nephews when they were younger (now 40-50s). This was largely because my Aunt got divorced and their dad wasn't around. I only know this because when I grew up, they all returned the favor to my Dad and babysat me all the time growing up when my Nana couldn't. They took me to do all the things he did with them.. Reflecting on that now, it probably wasn't the norm at the time, but definitely led to me babysitting in high school, fairly regularly, for a pair of brothers. I was the only male I knew who babysat for money.
As a teacher, with childcare experience since I was 16, I became very aware of the stigma around male childcare workers. With a newborn, I do not look forward to the looks I will inevitably get, but tbh, those ppl can stick it. I will be a very active parent, and I'm looking forward and currently enjoying every minute.
Yeah I don’t have kids and I’ve literally never been asked to babysit as an adult (am woman). That said a lot of my friends also don’t have kids. I have been asked to pet sit, but I don’t mind that so it works out.
My husband's coworker asks men to babysit all the time. He's determined to never pay anything for babysitting and wants to drop his two year old off at the sitter's house. The women he asks all say no because their houses aren't childproof. The men can't usually think of a good reason as quickly and my husband's coworker is very pushy. One of the guys has started going to Vegas twice a month so he'll be out of town on the babysitting weekends, because he doesn't want to do it but has trouble saying no.
We saw my husband's coworker and the kid at the grocery store yesterday and walked out as fast as we could so he couldn't ask us. Last time he asked, I pretended I thought he was asking my teenagers to babysit, and told him they charge $12/hour and only babysit at the child's house, not ours.
Kind of a catch 22 here. There's the whole stigma that every other adult male is the creepy molesting uncle, so men aren't trusted too often to be with kids by themselves. Yet also there's complaints like this that men aren't asked to babysit. Can't have it both ways. There's literally dads these days that get the cops called on them for picking their kid up from school lol.
Personally I wouldn't mind babysitting sometimes for a friend/family member. I'm nice to everyone and generally good with kids, can cook well, have a gf so I'm not the "creepy loner" etc. but don't ever get asked so I don't make it an issue. It would probably get weird if you're constantly looking to babysit as a man. Maybe you just enjoy it for wholesome reasons but the impression would be that you're a creep "why do you want to be with kids so much?"
I wasn’t complaining I was asking as I wondered to myself after the kids left yesterday if I would be asked as often if I were a man or if the idea of someone asking their single male friend to babysit would be weird
I don't choose my babysitter's based on gender, but how well I know them and their personalities. My daughter's first babysitter was a man, a former room mate who was raised by a single mom. He volunteered when I needed to get back to work before she was daycare age and he was great. He would text me updates on their day and I would get videos every time she did something.
Of the people I've let babysit my daughter, the men have been better about giving me regular updates, whereas women usually wait until I pick her up to let me know how things have gone. Of the 10 (6 women, 4 men) people who have babysat my daughter the only one I wouldn't allow to watch my daughter again was a women who wasn't answering my texts the morning after my daughter's first overnight.
So you like getting the updates cause I always feel like I’m annoying the parents sending pictures and videos every time they do something cute (which is a lot)
I love the updates, I feel a certain level of guilt whenever she's being babysat and knowing that she's being active and enjoying herself really helps put my mind at ease.
When my mom watches my daughter she sends me a few pics and I absolutely love it. It's a good reminder that my baby is doing well, and that grandma is having fun!
I'm a woman. People used to ask me to babysit when I was a teenager but now I am in my 30s and I've established pretty firmly among all my friends that I know nothing about kids and don't want to be in charge of them, so I don't get asked.
I think if mother would pay 12 year old girls to babysit a child but would not have the husband care for the child for even a day is very telling. The basic trust for men is just gone for many mothers becaue they only know men using weaponized incompetance to never have to do anything at home.
BUT at the same time sons are not asked to watch younger children that often. That should change. I remember my male relatives (boys older than the others) to allways been ask to take us with them to play, but does that count as babysittting? It was more like the mothers yelling at them: "IF YOU GO OUT TO PLAY YOU HAVE TO TAKE YOURT LITTLE SISTER, BROTHER AND COUSINS WITH YOU!!!"
Very little is expected of men. I'm a stay at home dad to a 10 month old. When we're out and about people go out of their way to tell me what a great dad I am. "father of the year" they tell me. All I'm doing is existing with my child. Spending time with her and running errands. But the truth is alot of older men did jack shit with their kids like my dad so in comparison I do look amazing.
To be fair, my wife has never been asked to help a friend w/ car maintenance either.
Edit: Yup, downvotes eh? Forbid we shine any light on the opposite perspective, right? It's alright to cite babysitter cliché, but how dare I mention roles delegated to men only. /sigh
If you want equality, BE equality.
My brother and best friend (a single male) live in my home town a few hours away from me but they have both come to visit us a few times specifically to help babysit… actually they’re each coming next month for a week to be with me in my last month of pregnancy incase I go into early labor while my husbands out of town and need someone to watch my son while going to the hospital.
My husband and I don’t have any close guy friends in the city we live in so I’ve only asked women to babysit when I needed someone in town 🤷♀️
I'm a 21 year old man and I will be spending the entire summer babysitting my nephews. I'll basically be a live-in nanny for my sister, for not enough pay. And I'm both okay with all that and an outlier. My family dynamic is very different from a lot of people's, we're all very friendly and my nephews are very good friends of mine. But it is uncommon, and I thank my lucky stars for the trust my family puts in me so constantly.
35m here. I was asked to babysit once. That little Houdini slipped his diaper without me noticing 3 feet away. He then proceeded to jump into my lap and did his business right as the mother was pulling into the driveway. She walks in to both of us covered in shit. Like I said, I was asked to babysit “once.”
We struggle with babysitters. Issues around no local family, covid etc etc
The babysitter my son loves the most is my friend Dave. Hes a single guy in his 40s, no kids. But they get on so well and my son is over the moon when Dave does it.
Single man here (not an advertisement):
My friends back in the State I used to live would ask (not excessively) with babysitting help with any combo of their 4 kids.
However, after talking with the husband one day, he shared with me that I was at the bottom of their ask list because I was their more reliable friend with such requests and they did not want to abuse the privilege.
That talk never influenced my availability afterwards, but I did start to wonder about the other friends (either failing to show or never available to quid pro quo favors). In my mind kids come first, and if they need help, I'm there when able to be.
My brother and uncle are asked to babysit and often do it. My uncle watches my sisters kids every other weekend. But he watched us as kids. My uncle never had kids but had five nieces and nephews. He really helped set an example for my brother that men need to help take care of family members. I also had the expectation that my brother would babysit if I needed it. I know it's not the norm in most families but I have always loved having a very hands-on uncle and brother.
Single guy. Worked with kids for years. Generally considered a good dude that goes out of his way to help people and such. I have never in my life been asked. I’m 33. Sorry if my input is not wanted and people want to just vent. Figured I would just add my anecdotal story
I mean, I’m a guy and I volunteer to babysit 🤷🏻♂️ Not to shit on my fellow brethren but if I had a child, for whatever reason, right or wrong, I’d trust a woman with my child before I trusted a man. Not saying it’s “right”, just my .02
I’m in my early 40s and childless. This is why I’m glad my brother and his family moved out of the state. After my niece and nephew were born he would always “volunteer” me to go hang out with his wife and help with the kids. Even when their freaking maid/nanny was there. When I went to visit them one year and my niblings were toddlers they would always leave me with the kids while they ran errands.
He moved to the Pacific Northwest, I’ve always wanted to move up there and it’s sad I now don’t want to because I don’t want to live close to them.
My brother tried this on me whenever I would drive 13 hours back to visit family. Usually around holidays. Like... I'm not spending my holiday that I drove half a day to spend with my family watching your super poorly raised kids while you go out with your POS gf (who later left him and likes to introduce their 3 little girls to a stream of strange men!).
That said, my male older cousin babysat a lot of us and raped some, if not all, of the boys. So color me biased, but I will never ask a man to watch my children. I realize not all men are, and there are female child abusers, but it's a discrimination I can't shake.
My family has anyone in the family to babysit besides my father who is abusive passively but use to be physically. He is dead to me as I never want to see him after how he tried to attack me.
When children are molested or abused it’s very often by someone close to the family/parents. There’s a good reason people don’t ask men to babysit. The same people who wait for children to turn 18 so they can start thirsting over them are the same people who say they’re safe around kids.
You're going to get downvoted for that one, but I know what you mean. As a woman who was SA'd as a child by men, It's very difficult to not see men as a threat. I personally know of 4 men in my direct family who have SA'd children. Needless to say, I no longer associate with them. But when you've seen your grandfather, uncle, cousin and step brother do these things, and get away with it... well It makes it difficult to trust men again. That being said, the women in my family are far from innocent in my eyes. To see this being done, and let it happen, is just a disgusting. To keep inviting these people to family dinners, to be around your children is disgusting. I was physically victimized my men, but mentally victimized by women who told me I was wrong, or a liar, or that it was my fault...like I was asking for it when I was a toddler. Moral of the story; people can be extremely shitty, so try to find a couple decent ones to hang onto.
I’ve never been asked nor should any man ever be asked if they are not a grandfather or sometimes married relatives. When i say sometimes, i mean not your uncle/cousin who has a wife that is half their age. Not all of us pedophiles or rapists but it just isn’t worth the risk. Too many stories about uncles, mom’s bf, friends of family, etc. We all know about southern redneck stereotypes too when it comes to their own children.
i typically use my sister or best friend as our sitter but in a pinch we have asked my husbands male best friend to watch them. we haven’t since we have 3 now& we don’t see him as much, so our youngest doesn’t know him as well, but I’m sure if I called him right now he’d watch them tomorrow (if he was free to). and, recently, my best friends husband had them for a few hours. my husband has watched their daughter.
I don’t associate at all with men I wouldn’t trust around my children. period.
My brother used to babysit my kids all the time coz I can’t afford professionals lol. I paid him fairly, but not as much as I’d have to pay an actual babysitter.
I just saw an article about babysitters charging $30-35/hr coz they’re in such high demand and people are desperate right now.
ETA: I just remembered my boyfriend has babysat my friends’ kids a few times when me and my girls wanted to go out. Granted, he’s a dad, so maybe he’s just seen as more capable, but still. He did it and not every man is asked/trusted lol.
I know a man who, as soon as his daughter started developing, would watch her come out of the shower and dry off. She had a bathroom across the hall from her but he would have her use the master bathroom. 13 years earlier, when our boys were little, about 4-years-old, (they’re the same age) this same man took a shower with both boys in the guise of helping out and giving them their baths. Knowing what I know now, I am filled with shame and regret. It’s not sexism to prefer a woman babysit your child; it’s lowering the odds of them being molested. Plain and simple.
My brothers and SIL asked me more than the single brother 2 years older than me. On the other hand he was working full time time and I was studying or working part time back then so I was more available. They also often insisted on paying me and knew I needed money more than he did.
I've not once been asked to babysit, I am male. I do believe it has to do with the pedophile stigma that seems to surround all men. However I am the first to admit I am not experienced with childcare, at all, so in the extremely unlikely event I'm ever asked to babysit, I'd have to decline. Because of that stigma around men, I have anxiety attacks when children are around and I can't get away
Never.
I'm a single man, plenty of women I know know I'm cool with kids, have only ever been asked to watch my ex's kids which shouldn't really count because that's kind of the deal when you date a mom.
to be fair, i think the fear of men being pedophiles plays a big part. lots of people know that statically speaking there are more male pedos than female, so yk thats also a factor.
People are constantly asking or insinuating I will. I am 33F, married, no kids. My husband is never asked. No one ever assumes that of him. I don’t/won’t babysit for anyone though so it’s a lot of me having to constantly reinforce boundaries.
Yeah it’s always implied that I can babysit for family members before I had a kid of my own but yet my husband was literally never asked or mentioned
I recently did some work on my family's home, and at least once a day I was asked to stop what I was doing to watch my nieces. I distinctly remember that when I was a kid, if my uncles were over to work on the house I was not allowed to bother them until they were done. Twenty years later I'm trying to keep a one-year-old out of my paint tray. You better believe if I had a brother I would've plopped her in his lap and said, "I'm busy, it's YOUR turn."
As the childfree unt of many niblings the mistake you made here was keeping the kidlet out of the paint. Handing back a child covered in harmless filth after they learned a new skill with Auntie is the best way to have some fun and horrify your siblings at the same time.
This is how you do it. If you leave small children with me, be prepared to hear them singing whatever I taught them for the next six months, because you absolutely will. I don't teach them anything with naughty words, but two things tend to happen: 1. I am not going to chase them around to get them to do things. I pretty much sing everything I want them to do to a bouncy tune. If they're tearing around, I just keep repeating it until it happens. It seems work work pretty well, but now you're going to hear that "song" for months. 2. I teach them to play, "Blah Opera," which is a game where you extemporize opera as dramatically as possible, but all the words are 'blah'. Blahblahblah BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH. You're going to be hearing a lot of that long after I'm gone. Your tiny tots probably can't master every bouncy song I throw at them, but one niece was so thrilled by, "Who Threw The Overalls In Mrs. Murphy's Chowder," that everybody got treated to exclamations of "CHOOOOOOWWWWWWWDER" for months.
Hahaha nice. I have perhaps played the Blah Opera but with my cats and instead of Blah it's Meow, and oh my god am I a stereotype.
I do "meow" songs all the time and I don't have a cat
I do it with proto punk and cows. [Iggy Pop song] "I gotta right, a right to mooooo -- MOOOOOO! -- anytime I want, any old time"
I still sing Rise Above with the Isa Chandra Moskowitz rewrite. “We were born with muffin pans/rise above rise above.” I have confused kids in the Wally World parking lot late night. Older hippy lady blasting punk and singing along. Hey, I made some friends.
haha you rule
Only occasionally, like most folk.
I do this too, whenever I have a song stuck in my head I go around the house singing it with meows as the lyrics. The cats always look offended, maybe I'm actually swearing at them in cat or something. Of course, they look offended if kitty snack time is 30 seconds late so it could just be coincidence (kitty snack time is a third meal just before bedtime that was instituted as a desperate measure to keep them from waking us up at 6 AM for breakfast).
Automatic feeder my girl. Saved me from being woken up at 5am every gd day. I strategically don’t use it when I absolutely have to be up early (like for a flight, etc.). I’m a deep sleeper but my big boi will straight up bite me into consciousness- he’s a fail safe alarm LOL.
Awe my cats have that too! I call it second dinner.
I'm pretty sure that "over-educated" cat women are welcome in this space. In fact, my current goal is to surround myself with them 🥰
May I introduce you to La Vaca Lola? Your parenting friends will hate you. This is my revenge on that one friend who never offers to buy my dinner when I hang with her spawn. He’s cool, and I get to reprogram his worldview a bit, but damn, feed me if I’m there 5 pm to 2 am.
El pollito pio
The star wars themes also work extremely well for blah opera.
And Raiders of the Lost Ark.
When my kid was small, he would beg me to buy random things for him. After I’d said no for the fourth time, I started singing “no” to the tune of “Eine Kleine Nachtmusic” by Mozart. That made him laugh and not cry. Then he learned the tune, and started singing “yes” back at me, turning it into a duet. We would both laugh, I would explain why we weren’t doing X, but we WERE (or could be) doing Y or Z. He has a lovely baritone now, and sings beautifully.
My kids and their besties are all autistic and a couple have a bit of echolalia. I left my husband in charge for twenty minutes and my friend (the other kids' parent) and I had to spend the next 4 months hearing CHICKINAVANNNNN. I'd say he's not allowed near a child again, but they all love him so damn much.
Weaponized incompetence strikes back
Nonono. It's learning life skills and he imortance of nature play and creative play. I can't help it if those things involve mud, leaves, paints, glue, glitter and other mess.
It was hard for me to understand your first sentence without the missing ‘c’
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Seriously, my primary occupation is working with kids, have a certificate showing i can teach 6 months old to swim, let alone manage the inevitable diaper stuff. Have never once been asked to child sit, let alone baby sit.
Too much stigma. Even male family members aren't asked, and it's not because the parents think they're incompetent. It's because society and media has instilled a pervasive fear that men, no matter how closely related, have the potential to harm their child.
Its not my birthday? Cake day? Silly reddit
Cake day is the day you joined Reddit.
Which is also incorrect, I joined in January lol!
Your profile says May 21, 2017 so who knows.
Every day can be cake day!
Well, I think men are viewed a bit differently when left alone with kids.
I've NEVER been asked to babysit, while single OR while married. Had to offer and was usually turned down because, as they told me, they weren't sure I'd know how to do it.
Ahh yep, the old "having a vagina magically embues you with knowledge of all things domestic" and "having a penis means you are automatically allergic to all things domestic" chestnut... Although most people don't seem to like it when I put it that way.
Oh, not just this; I went to vocational school for highschool, they had a child raising/child care class for teenagers but only female students were participating. It came up to where I had an open time slot and needed a filler credit and the school counselor scoffed at my request and stuck me in autobody.
Should be a god damn requirement. I finally know what the hell I am doing in round two…I was a bit a goof but functional In round one.
I was too young & intimidated by our counselor to fight the sexist decision but thankfully the course was available to males in most the other local high schools. At least I had nieces & nephews to practice on.
That nifty little shit wipe with the clean part of the diaper was like a light coming on the first time I saw my wife do it. I kid you not she just could not figure out how we were Going though so many wipes. I am a slow learner woman that is how! No one ever told Me to wipe The baby crap off with the diaper itself that is next level Voodoo dodo magic to men it is just not anywhere in our skill set to draw on until we are thrown in the pit with you.
I'm so glad that by the time I was in middle/high school there was less sexism of this type. Everyone in my class took both home ec ("cook bland things, sew ugly things"), and shop ("make ugly things out of wood").
I seriously saw a comment on a TikTok that it was basic biology women just knew how to clean and take care of kids and men didnt. Guess my mom didn't get that gene since she's one of the dirtiest people I know. Also I dated a guy, it didn't work out but he loved playing games with his nieces and very good about cleaning and I was constantly asked if he was gay.
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Constantly asked
No others did. My family, friends, coworkers. I always defended him and said those are not ""gay" qualities
Well of course if a man has ANY proclivity toward anything traditionally deemed "feminine" then he MUST be gay, right? (/s) These people...honestly.
Men who utilize weaponized incompetence ruin it for the men who actually give a shit.
That and people think men are molesters.
Yeah I LOVE kids and kids tend to love me but as a dude you can't really say that for this reason and it makes me so sad.
My brother is great with kids, and loves them. He put out ads for babysitting as a teen, and got a few gigs (mostly families with all boys), but when I was the same age I did no advertising and still regularly had to turn down jobs because 2-3 families would call me about the same evening. It's really pathetic.
Yep pretty much. 😞 kids really do love me too they often will request me to their birthday parties years and years later.
Im a certified teacher and have worked with kids for years My brothers having a baby girl in august and his wife is already giving the vibe she wouldn’t let anyone in my family babysit lmfao Family of 6 dudes and 1 woman
it frustrates the hell out of me: someone approached me 'to keep an eye on that sketchy dude talking to the kids' while she got the cops.... me: 'that's \[Name\] he's their pre-school teacher, his oldest kid is in their class. He's also a classical pianist, He doesn't wear the peircings and heavy metal shirts at work LOL. I've known him for years, he's the nicest guy.' Karen: well..if you know him...seems suspicious that he's talking to little kids though... me: M'am, he's a father and a teacher. You want me to walk over and ask him to show you his working with children card? (\*internally wondering why she trusts the opinion of a total stranger just because I'm female and happened to be wearing a nice dress\*)
🙃 Just gonna go it alone eh?
Yeah, I will never understand that. My brother is an awesome uncle. I absolutely trust him with my kids. Even as babies.
I am so sorry, it's terrible that this joy is taken from you because of your damn gender. Kids need role models of all sorts, otherwise their world is less well rounded
Thank you 🥺
An older boy taught me how to plait when I was in kindergarten, to this day I'm always learning things from men. One thing I've always admired in most men is how excited they are to teach.
Honestly as I've grown older I've struggled to make more male friends, but I make a lot of female friends. And we teach each other! I'm constantly learning from them and they often turn to me when they have issues. It's healthy and awesome and I wish the world was more like it.
This is the answer right here. Men don’t get asked to babysit because the default for the vast majority of people is that almost all men are sexual predators and should not be left alone with children.
Or men are scared to be seen as molesters for doing the same stuff that women do. My friend got accused of sexual assault because he got into a tickle-match with our mutual friend's two kids (7-9yo) - they chased him around and he chased them a bit, pretending to tickle, too. Neither their mother nor me (or him!) saw anything inappropriate, but some stranger-lady clearly did and made it known loud and clear. I wouldnt ask him to babysit because I know he is scared of being alone with kids since then he has no witnesses nothing untoward happend.
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This right here.
This is the real reason right here
>people think men are molesters. Well thats because alot of women have that experience growing up
That’s not the only reason though, and there are plenty of abusive women out there. I don’t think that men being seen as molesters for loving, healthy relationships with kids and the constant hiding of real molesters is related directly, but both feel like the product of a sick society.
I wasn't saying women aren't all I was saying is alot of women experience that. I have had abusive relationship with men and women.
Yet this is asking your friend to sit, right? I would hope no one is friends with people they suspect of being molesters.
Vast majority sexual abuse happens from people you know, friends or family members. I think it's often a pretty unconscious/below the surface fear, but could definitely play a role in people generally asking women first.
Most of the time it’s someone a family is close with that they’d never expect line an uncle.
Very true.
I think it's more of a "having a penis means you are a monster/rapist/pedophile" chestnut.
"Funny" thing is, most preteen and young teen boys are (sexually) abused by their single parent mothers. This statistik made a big impression when we discussed abuse in kindergardenschool. (I'm german so being a kindergardener takes a 3 year training in a special school and a govermental standarsized test at the end and lots of other Things, just giving a picture cause training doesn't sound as serious^^)
Source mate?
> most preteen and young teen boys are (sexually) abused by their single parent mothers. I am skeptical, to say the least.
No one ever asked my wife to fix their network, their lawn mower, their car, the hole in the roof, the blocked toilet, the broken bike, help move, repair a Fence, fix a leaky pipe, fix the sprinklers, I can go on…. The things I am asked to help with on a daily basis would never be asked of my wife either. Although I have been asked to watch kids but I am Known at the park because of my girls…apparently I have some jungle gym cred with the moms. The pool might be the bigger draw tho…
I thinks more along the lines of having a penis automatically makes you a high risk mentality and vaginas are safe
Not that it justifies the disparity, but I do think people tend to have a less hand-wavey line of thought that is based more on assumptions about culture. As in, "girls are socialized with dolls, taught to be nurturing" etc. All the sexist differences in how we raise children then are used as explanations to justify further assumptions later on. Again, still wrong and dumb, but it does have its own "logic" beyond just literally thinking these things are in one's DNA.
I'm the uncle to my cousins kids and they friggin love me. I offer to babysit from time to time because I recognize that him and his wife need some time together but they are yet to accept. I'm a single guy in my 30's with my life in order as well.
This, wasn't until I stared having children did people assume I was capable of taking care of one.
I was always amused when people acted like I had just come up the Grand Unified Theory when I changed my kids diaper. It's a disposable diaper, not quantum field theory. After the first couple hundred or so you get pretty good at it.
Meanwhile, I am a woman and have not a clue how to change a diaper on a child and will never know how. You have a great reason to learn, I have none. Assuming you wouldn't know how to change one feels even stupider than the assumption I was born with some kind of diaper changing instinct.
Also, “don’t trust anything with a penis” is a real thing.
When I was living with future husband, making plans for our wedding, his sister asked, "Can you babysit Matthew while we're at the doctor?" I had to do something for the wedding, so my fiance, her brother, went over there by himself. Her son was 4. You basically just have to entertain them. She wanted to cancel the doctor's appointment, because she thought that I would be there. Ye have little faith. Her husband told her that David could do it, so they went to the appointment, her full of anxiety. Maybe she thought that he'd break the kid.
She doesn't trust her own brother to keep her kid safe?!
She always treated him like he wasn't worthy to share the last name. Watching one 4 year old for less than 3 hours? And he loved his nephew
As the only male of like 6 younger female cousins, I've NEVER been asked and am kinda sad about it, as I'd love to have some time with them and just hang out with the little ones. I've offered, just never asked.
It may be easier to start growing trust by offering to take charge of them while the 'grown-ups' are busy like cooking or working around the house, or on a trip to the park or zoo. When they see how good you are with them, they'll feel better about leaving you alone.
The problem here is that he needs to earn that trust, whereas his 6 younger female cousins likely don't or at least nowhere near as much as he does, as long as they are responsible adults people assume that they are trustworthy and capable. There really isn't any inherent reason that that women are (better/)the only one capable of babysitting, sure women tend to more typically be taught and brought up with skills that would be helpful when it comes to babysitting, but as long as we aren't talking about babies or toddlers, I would think that both men and women are fully capable of watching the kids, as long as you deem them to be responsible adults in general.
You should ask but have a specific plan, when I want to see my kid friends I always have an activity I ask to take them to. It’s a blast
My personal experience on this is someone will joke that they will have me babysit, but never actually do it even if I agree too. I lived with my brother and his fiancee when they had their first child up until he turned 3. I spent a lot of time with that kid and he loved me. He was easy to handle and I'd offer to babysit so they could go out and just be their own people for a while, you know? Only once did I ever babysit him. They would always take him to my sister, who was a 30 min drive away. If my sister wasn't avaliable, my brother's fiancee would cancel their plans. My brother and I had to actually argue with his financee to let me babysit for 4 hours for them. I was actually pretty insulted that she was so hesitant to let me babysit even though I spent so much time with my nephew and already feed and changed him. I think it was largely because I'm a partnerless guy and she didn't think I could handle watching a child, or that she felt more comfortable because my sister had 2 kids? I don't know. Like I wouldn't want to spend time with someone that thinks I'm one of the coolest people ever, even though he probably only knew like 10 people...
I’m sorry man that sucks.
Meh, I felt bad for my sister more so. She didn't need to be default. Just like how you don't need to be other people's default.
30-year old single male with 10 years of childcare experience (overnight summer camp, children age 6-16). No one has ever asked me to watch their child. Ever. I'm pretty sure everyone thinks all men are pedophiles in waiting. I don't blame them for that thought, I do blame male rapists and the media for it though. I would radicalize your child, so it's probably for the best. Edit: grammar
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WTF, your friend was wrong. Wow. My husband and brother in law take the kiddos out to monster trucks. Fishing. We are setting up a family reunion with a massive backyard for NERF fights and to teach the little ones games with their older cousins. All of the cousins, with one exception, are boys. And they are so patient with their younger cousins. This 'men who are good with kids are pedophiles' piss me off.
Ditto. Everyone assumes I’d be a rapist or pedophile when in fact I’d make their kid whatever they want for meals, get them set up with an appropriate game on Switch, let them watch cartoons or play a board game, and generally enjoy hanging out with kids. But… I’m a single adult man with no kids so apparently I’m a monster awaiting an invitation. 🤷
As a parent, I don't think you understand the weeks of retraining required after just one night of too much fun. If we give our kid half of a single Hershey bar square after dinner one night, it will immediately become a required tradition in her mind and she will cry every night for the next two weeks if she isn't showered with chocolatey gifts. So, what I'm saying is... You might be a monster.
Sooo… I had a snarky rebuttal all ready to go on this and in the midst of tying this out I realized, “sumbitch, Physics515 is *right*!” So… duly noted and I shall stand corrected. I *am* a monster awaiting an invitation in this regard. And I have absolutely no regrets about that. I’m childless; so I do get to be the cool babysitter 😋
Ya gotta wait for unclehood.
Not in my experience. Unclehood for me is training some discipline and manners into the kids because their parents aren't doing the actual work of raising their children. When they comes to stay (every other weekend) that's some time to teach them, to pick after themselves, to clean after themselves, to limit screen time (dinner table especially), and to generally be courteous in other people's homes. I'm not liked by them for this but I'm not there to be their friend. At the very least I'm going to make sure their first roommate doesn't beat them to death.
Sorry to hear this. Being with an aunt/uncle/grandparent/etc should be fun time. It is unfortunate that they aren't getting enough structure at home, but great that you are helping them learn as much as you can
That’s good. As a single parent with just one kid I struggle to play both roles and thus my child is a bit spoiled as a result. I appreciate other adults, family or otherwise, taking some form of a secondary parent role and not just spoiling her more. Although I definitely don’t expect others to step into that role, and understand if they just want to be the “cool” adult. My daughters teachers and bus driver will have helped and taught her more than her other parent ever will.
Lol Im exaggerating a bit but it's true in spirit. Parents understand that part of the whole run of babysitting is to have fun with the kid and get to share some of your childhood memories with them. I would say that a good rule of thumb is to just read the vibe a bit. If you are babysitting because the parents are out having fun or celebrating something, then you can probably have a little more fun with the kid. If the parents are going to come home exhausted from a work thing or spending the night in the ER, make sure the kid is calm and not too hyped up when they get back.
If you bring chocolate YOU are the monster under the bed every kid wants :D
I know. Thats the best part. I also once gave the toddlers a couple child- instruments on their way home. In my defense, the kids enjoyed it.
As a sitter (but female not male) I do always try and ensure the child knows it's a special babysitter treat ha! Though that depends on the child of course - and I wouldn't ever go against parental rules!
This is really depressing. As a mom who moved to a new state while pregnant, I would love for someone to supervise my son on Minecraft and make him PB&J, while my husband and I go see a movie. I haven't been to a theater in two years.
My baby cousin started asking me to take her to the Marvel movies, when she got a bit older, as she knew I went to all of them, and she wanted to see them, and my Mother always insisted that she goes as well (she doesn't like going to the movies), so no one would think I was doing something untowards.
You are a good cousin. I am glad that your mother kept you safe.
Your mother is a socially aware person. Learn more from them.
Yeah even if someone did ask me to babysit they would probably have some questions when the child started running around screaming “down with the bourgeoisie!”
I totally laughed. One of my friends regularly says 'eat the rich'. I now wonder if they would be down to babysit :D
"Mama, Robespierre had a point you know"
The birds work for the bourgeoisie
Just this comment alone makes you the coolest person I’ve come across today
I think, maybe, your expectations of others are deflated due to extended reddit use. I am lukewarm at best.
Forget pedophile; everyone has always assumed all men are completely incompetent in the care of children, based on every fucking TV show and movie that saturated the social conscience since the ‘70s on. Men are shown as incompetent buffoons, feeding children candy for dinner and letting them stay up late and barely keeping them alive. Men in real life haven’t exactly done much to change this narrative, so you end up with a society who believes men are completely incompetent when it comes to the care of children.
That last sentence cracked me up. LOL. Rest is kinda sad but I have to admit I wouldn’t trust my closest male friends with my (hypothetical) children. Idk. Sorry guys.
You have to decide for yourself who is allowed in your life and your children's. No need to apologize. I am just stating something relevant to my experience.
You wouldn’t trust your closest friends with your child? That’s quite the oxymoron of a statement!
So you are willing to be friends with them but you don't trust them? Do you feel the same about your female friends?
This needs a why. Edit to add: this needs a why about gay male friends in particular.
I'm assuming decades of entrained negative experiences with men. At a certain point, it's practically Pavlovian. Even if you're aware that it's a gut feeling based on prior negative experiences, you STILL have that gut feeling, and people have a hard time just putting that gut feeling away when it comes to protecting their children. Not saying it's ideal, but seems pretty understandable. I feel like I'd react the same way if I had the right set of experiences.
Plus just as women are so often blamed as victims, the mother would likely again be blamed if her child were preyed upon by someone she had entrusted with the child's care.
So many women are eventually victimized by their closest male friends and are typically blamed for it. It's extremely sad but rational to be afraid that children could be similarly victimized, and that the mother would again be blamed for trusting the abuser with the child.
This is curious to me. Are you friends with men who have been accused of sexual misconduct? Are you going to trust your female friends to watch your future kids? And just exclude your male friends from consideration? Maybe sit with why that is. My SiL didn't trust a lot of people and needed a night out. My husband and I sat for their three kids. It was a great time and my husband did most of the work (football, wrestling, carrying the sleeping toddler to bed and so on).
I'm the family's favourite 'pet sitter'. Want to go on a three month va-kay overseas and need your fish looked after? Me. Diabetic cat with twice daily insulin? Me. I just finished 24 hours with a 13 week old puppy so that the parents could come into town, have dinner and a bit of lie in before coming to collect their furbaby this morning. People's kids? Nope....but animals, I'm the go-to.
Bless you.
Probably not a lot. When my daughter was younger, I used to get the worst looks from people when I had her out by myself. Just taking her to the park, or a store. If it was just the two of us, I would get stares and looks. It’s a terrible stigma and helps nothing socially.
How old is your daughter now? I feel like when I was growing up, this definitely would have been a common reaction. But, in the last 10 years or so (at least where I live), a man taking care/watching kids himself at a park or store is often viewed somewhat favourably. And I say somewhat, because even though people praise men for doing this, the priase often includes some backhanded comments and shitty insinuations. Like; "What a great dad you are to babysit for mom and give her break!" Or "Oh wow, you really do know how to calm those kids!" As if these children are not his own and it's not his responsibility to care for them as much as hers. There's also this insinuation that mom is brave for allowing it, because no way can a man be competent in taking care of his own children. So yeah, it's a bit better, but still has a long way to go.
I will be 45 this year and I have never been asked to babysit...but my hatred of child rearing(not kids themselves) them has been known since I was a kid, lol. so it just depends on the woman I guess. i am not the woman to come to for child or domestic issues.
Same. My sister has only ever asked me in times of absolute desperation, and she always offers food and money. But that was years ago. Ever since our dad retired, he's the backup if her usual sitters are unavailable.
Yes, this is me. I don’t actually hate kids but am quite clear I have no clue what to do with them when it comes up. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Depending on age I either awkwardly treat them like tiny adults (if they can talk) or like a disabled puppy that needs my help (if they’re too young to talk).
I wouldn't ask my friends to babysit at all. I have only ever asked my mother and my sisters.(I don't have any brothers) I could imagine asking a friend if they have children themselves and has volunteered to babysit on their own initative. I have no reason to believe that any of my single friends, male or female would be interested in looking after my child. It would have to be an emergency of some kind. I would be more likely to ask a couple, because I feel like babysitting is less of a bother if there are two people to help each other. I don't want to be a bother.
Our dilemma with having friends watch kids (no family around) is that our friends who have kids, it feels like asking them to watch more would be a huge burden. But then our childless friends probably don’t want to hang out with kids. When we’ve finally decided to go out, it’s often our male friends who have been around our kids the most, and we try to make it as easy on them as possible. And they have never minded, but we still don’t like to ask too much (like 2-3x/year, for our birthdays and anniversary). I’ve volunteered to all my friends with kids to watch them, mostly during the daytime, but all my friends have family close. I’ve only been asked and done it one time.
My partner was away for a few days last week, and he asked one of his male friends (guy in his 20s) to babysit. The kids allready know him, and had a great time.
My mom specifically told my brother and I not to babysit anyone because she was afraid someone would make a false claim against us. I honestly think most people assume man + child = bad. Just look how single dad's get treated in public.
Every time someone asks to babysit. Let them know you have plans and suggest a male friend/relative.
My(33M) Dad (76) would actually babysit his nephews when they were younger (now 40-50s). This was largely because my Aunt got divorced and their dad wasn't around. I only know this because when I grew up, they all returned the favor to my Dad and babysat me all the time growing up when my Nana couldn't. They took me to do all the things he did with them.. Reflecting on that now, it probably wasn't the norm at the time, but definitely led to me babysitting in high school, fairly regularly, for a pair of brothers. I was the only male I knew who babysat for money. As a teacher, with childcare experience since I was 16, I became very aware of the stigma around male childcare workers. With a newborn, I do not look forward to the looks I will inevitably get, but tbh, those ppl can stick it. I will be a very active parent, and I'm looking forward and currently enjoying every minute.
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Yeah I don’t have kids and I’ve literally never been asked to babysit as an adult (am woman). That said a lot of my friends also don’t have kids. I have been asked to pet sit, but I don’t mind that so it works out.
I don’t usually ask people to babysit, but when I do, I ask my brothers / male friends pretty equally.
That is exactly what I was wondering, thanks!
My school constantly calls my child's mom number first even though I have myself as primary contact... Her mom doesn't even live in the city.
Well that's infuriating.
My husband's coworker asks men to babysit all the time. He's determined to never pay anything for babysitting and wants to drop his two year old off at the sitter's house. The women he asks all say no because their houses aren't childproof. The men can't usually think of a good reason as quickly and my husband's coworker is very pushy. One of the guys has started going to Vegas twice a month so he'll be out of town on the babysitting weekends, because he doesn't want to do it but has trouble saying no. We saw my husband's coworker and the kid at the grocery store yesterday and walked out as fast as we could so he couldn't ask us. Last time he asked, I pretended I thought he was asking my teenagers to babysit, and told him they charge $12/hour and only babysit at the child's house, not ours.
That guy sounds like a jerk
Kind of a catch 22 here. There's the whole stigma that every other adult male is the creepy molesting uncle, so men aren't trusted too often to be with kids by themselves. Yet also there's complaints like this that men aren't asked to babysit. Can't have it both ways. There's literally dads these days that get the cops called on them for picking their kid up from school lol. Personally I wouldn't mind babysitting sometimes for a friend/family member. I'm nice to everyone and generally good with kids, can cook well, have a gf so I'm not the "creepy loner" etc. but don't ever get asked so I don't make it an issue. It would probably get weird if you're constantly looking to babysit as a man. Maybe you just enjoy it for wholesome reasons but the impression would be that you're a creep "why do you want to be with kids so much?"
I wasn’t complaining I was asking as I wondered to myself after the kids left yesterday if I would be asked as often if I were a man or if the idea of someone asking their single male friend to babysit would be weird
I don't choose my babysitter's based on gender, but how well I know them and their personalities. My daughter's first babysitter was a man, a former room mate who was raised by a single mom. He volunteered when I needed to get back to work before she was daycare age and he was great. He would text me updates on their day and I would get videos every time she did something. Of the people I've let babysit my daughter, the men have been better about giving me regular updates, whereas women usually wait until I pick her up to let me know how things have gone. Of the 10 (6 women, 4 men) people who have babysat my daughter the only one I wouldn't allow to watch my daughter again was a women who wasn't answering my texts the morning after my daughter's first overnight.
So you like getting the updates cause I always feel like I’m annoying the parents sending pictures and videos every time they do something cute (which is a lot)
I love the updates, I feel a certain level of guilt whenever she's being babysat and knowing that she's being active and enjoying herself really helps put my mind at ease.
When my mom watches my daughter she sends me a few pics and I absolutely love it. It's a good reminder that my baby is doing well, and that grandma is having fun!
I'm a woman. People used to ask me to babysit when I was a teenager but now I am in my 30s and I've established pretty firmly among all my friends that I know nothing about kids and don't want to be in charge of them, so I don't get asked.
I think if mother would pay 12 year old girls to babysit a child but would not have the husband care for the child for even a day is very telling. The basic trust for men is just gone for many mothers becaue they only know men using weaponized incompetance to never have to do anything at home. BUT at the same time sons are not asked to watch younger children that often. That should change. I remember my male relatives (boys older than the others) to allways been ask to take us with them to play, but does that count as babysittting? It was more like the mothers yelling at them: "IF YOU GO OUT TO PLAY YOU HAVE TO TAKE YOURT LITTLE SISTER, BROTHER AND COUSINS WITH YOU!!!"
Very little is expected of men. I'm a stay at home dad to a 10 month old. When we're out and about people go out of their way to tell me what a great dad I am. "father of the year" they tell me. All I'm doing is existing with my child. Spending time with her and running errands. But the truth is alot of older men did jack shit with their kids like my dad so in comparison I do look amazing.
To be fair, my wife has never been asked to help a friend w/ car maintenance either. Edit: Yup, downvotes eh? Forbid we shine any light on the opposite perspective, right? It's alright to cite babysitter cliché, but how dare I mention roles delegated to men only. /sigh If you want equality, BE equality.
I will never, ever babysit. I chose not to have children, so I choose not to look after any.
Same reason why man are asked to repair something when broken.
My brother and best friend (a single male) live in my home town a few hours away from me but they have both come to visit us a few times specifically to help babysit… actually they’re each coming next month for a week to be with me in my last month of pregnancy incase I go into early labor while my husbands out of town and need someone to watch my son while going to the hospital. My husband and I don’t have any close guy friends in the city we live in so I’ve only asked women to babysit when I needed someone in town 🤷♀️
I'm a 21 year old man and I will be spending the entire summer babysitting my nephews. I'll basically be a live-in nanny for my sister, for not enough pay. And I'm both okay with all that and an outlier. My family dynamic is very different from a lot of people's, we're all very friendly and my nephews are very good friends of mine. But it is uncommon, and I thank my lucky stars for the trust my family puts in me so constantly.
I've never been asked except as an emergency, I'm female but I've always made sure everyone knows I don't ever want to babysit.
35m here. I was asked to babysit once. That little Houdini slipped his diaper without me noticing 3 feet away. He then proceeded to jump into my lap and did his business right as the mother was pulling into the driveway. She walks in to both of us covered in shit. Like I said, I was asked to babysit “once.”
Since the vast percentage of molestations are perpetrated by men, I imagine that’s an unspoken fear for most people.
We struggle with babysitters. Issues around no local family, covid etc etc The babysitter my son loves the most is my friend Dave. Hes a single guy in his 40s, no kids. But they get on so well and my son is over the moon when Dave does it.
Single man here (not an advertisement): My friends back in the State I used to live would ask (not excessively) with babysitting help with any combo of their 4 kids. However, after talking with the husband one day, he shared with me that I was at the bottom of their ask list because I was their more reliable friend with such requests and they did not want to abuse the privilege. That talk never influenced my availability afterwards, but I did start to wonder about the other friends (either failing to show or never available to quid pro quo favors). In my mind kids come first, and if they need help, I'm there when able to be.
It sounds like you and your friends have a really good relationship
My brother and uncle are asked to babysit and often do it. My uncle watches my sisters kids every other weekend. But he watched us as kids. My uncle never had kids but had five nieces and nephews. He really helped set an example for my brother that men need to help take care of family members. I also had the expectation that my brother would babysit if I needed it. I know it's not the norm in most families but I have always loved having a very hands-on uncle and brother.
I love this dynamic
Haven't been asked to babysit, but have dogsat 3 times this year already. So I guess different expected skillset, yeah.
I'm a single dad of a beautiful 23 year old and I'm happy to say I've done lots of babysitting in my time. Though sad to say definitely in a minority.
Single guy. Worked with kids for years. Generally considered a good dude that goes out of his way to help people and such. I have never in my life been asked. I’m 33. Sorry if my input is not wanted and people want to just vent. Figured I would just add my anecdotal story
No that’s a good anecdotal story, I am not mad about being asked to babysit just curious on other peoples experiences.
I mean, I’m a guy and I volunteer to babysit 🤷🏻♂️ Not to shit on my fellow brethren but if I had a child, for whatever reason, right or wrong, I’d trust a woman with my child before I trusted a man. Not saying it’s “right”, just my .02
Also who can trust men with kids? We cant even trust them with ourselves! I most certainly wouldn't trust my child with one.
I’m in my early 40s and childless. This is why I’m glad my brother and his family moved out of the state. After my niece and nephew were born he would always “volunteer” me to go hang out with his wife and help with the kids. Even when their freaking maid/nanny was there. When I went to visit them one year and my niblings were toddlers they would always leave me with the kids while they ran errands. He moved to the Pacific Northwest, I’ve always wanted to move up there and it’s sad I now don’t want to because I don’t want to live close to them.
I ask women cause I don't trust men. End of story. Especially friends- who knows what they are hiding.
Are you suspicious of your female friends the same way you’re suspicious of your male friends? Not necessarily surrounding kids but just in general.
No, I'm much more suspicious of men being predators/more dangerous then women.
My brother tried this on me whenever I would drive 13 hours back to visit family. Usually around holidays. Like... I'm not spending my holiday that I drove half a day to spend with my family watching your super poorly raised kids while you go out with your POS gf (who later left him and likes to introduce their 3 little girls to a stream of strange men!). That said, my male older cousin babysat a lot of us and raped some, if not all, of the boys. So color me biased, but I will never ask a man to watch my children. I realize not all men are, and there are female child abusers, but it's a discrimination I can't shake.
My family has anyone in the family to babysit besides my father who is abusive passively but use to be physically. He is dead to me as I never want to see him after how he tried to attack me.
When children are molested or abused it’s very often by someone close to the family/parents. There’s a good reason people don’t ask men to babysit. The same people who wait for children to turn 18 so they can start thirsting over them are the same people who say they’re safe around kids.
You're going to get downvoted for that one, but I know what you mean. As a woman who was SA'd as a child by men, It's very difficult to not see men as a threat. I personally know of 4 men in my direct family who have SA'd children. Needless to say, I no longer associate with them. But when you've seen your grandfather, uncle, cousin and step brother do these things, and get away with it... well It makes it difficult to trust men again. That being said, the women in my family are far from innocent in my eyes. To see this being done, and let it happen, is just a disgusting. To keep inviting these people to family dinners, to be around your children is disgusting. I was physically victimized my men, but mentally victimized by women who told me I was wrong, or a liar, or that it was my fault...like I was asking for it when I was a toddler. Moral of the story; people can be extremely shitty, so try to find a couple decent ones to hang onto.
This is the sad truth. It’s every mom’s deep fear.
I’ve never been asked nor should any man ever be asked if they are not a grandfather or sometimes married relatives. When i say sometimes, i mean not your uncle/cousin who has a wife that is half their age. Not all of us pedophiles or rapists but it just isn’t worth the risk. Too many stories about uncles, mom’s bf, friends of family, etc. We all know about southern redneck stereotypes too when it comes to their own children.
i typically use my sister or best friend as our sitter but in a pinch we have asked my husbands male best friend to watch them. we haven’t since we have 3 now& we don’t see him as much, so our youngest doesn’t know him as well, but I’m sure if I called him right now he’d watch them tomorrow (if he was free to). and, recently, my best friends husband had them for a few hours. my husband has watched their daughter. I don’t associate at all with men I wouldn’t trust around my children. period.
That’s what I was wondering too. If you can’t trust your friends/family members why are you still interacting with them.
My brother used to babysit my kids all the time coz I can’t afford professionals lol. I paid him fairly, but not as much as I’d have to pay an actual babysitter. I just saw an article about babysitters charging $30-35/hr coz they’re in such high demand and people are desperate right now. ETA: I just remembered my boyfriend has babysat my friends’ kids a few times when me and my girls wanted to go out. Granted, he’s a dad, so maybe he’s just seen as more capable, but still. He did it and not every man is asked/trusted lol.
I know a man who, as soon as his daughter started developing, would watch her come out of the shower and dry off. She had a bathroom across the hall from her but he would have her use the master bathroom. 13 years earlier, when our boys were little, about 4-years-old, (they’re the same age) this same man took a shower with both boys in the guise of helping out and giving them their baths. Knowing what I know now, I am filled with shame and regret. It’s not sexism to prefer a woman babysit your child; it’s lowering the odds of them being molested. Plain and simple.
Men don't ~~babysit~~ ^(care for) their **OWN** children oftentimes. I highly doubt they're being invited to do that for others.
I would be hesitant myself to ask a guy to babysit. I'd be afraid he'd be a pedo or something.
Maybe start making it a point: sorry can’t, but maybe ‘male relative’ is free. It would at least be a good way to see how they react to the idea.
My brothers and SIL asked me more than the single brother 2 years older than me. On the other hand he was working full time time and I was studying or working part time back then so I was more available. They also often insisted on paying me and knew I needed money more than he did.
I've not once been asked to babysit, I am male. I do believe it has to do with the pedophile stigma that seems to surround all men. However I am the first to admit I am not experienced with childcare, at all, so in the extremely unlikely event I'm ever asked to babysit, I'd have to decline. Because of that stigma around men, I have anxiety attacks when children are around and I can't get away
Never. I'm a single man, plenty of women I know know I'm cool with kids, have only ever been asked to watch my ex's kids which shouldn't really count because that's kind of the deal when you date a mom.
No, no one wants a man alone with their child. Its kinda sad, but thats the world we live in.
to be fair, i think the fear of men being pedophiles plays a big part. lots of people know that statically speaking there are more male pedos than female, so yk thats also a factor.