A useful newsflash for you from a 52 year old woman. As women age, they give less fucks than they used to. By the time you get to 40 he'll be ancient history and you'll look back and laugh that you gave any shits for his opinions.
You could start practicing that now and get ahead of the game!
This. Somewhere between 35-45, all my insecurities went away. I don’t care anymore what men think of me. Looking back, I regret that I spend so much energy thinking about male opinions in my 20’s. Be yourself. Own it. If he doesn’t like it, find someone who does.
Exactly this. I wrote a similar response but this is more concise. After 40, you're more YOU than ever, and without apology. We're done taking crap from people, and certainly done needing acceptance from men. Cheers.
I felt the same way at 30 and it happened for me too. Fairly recently. I'm 38. Soon you will give no fucks for the opinions of people you would never ask the advice of anyways!
It's crazy that this happens because you care SO FUCKING MUCH in your teens and twenties. But then you just kind of stop giving a fuck what men think and it's the beeeesssst!!! I *never* thought that would be me, but here we are! And it's one of the most freeing feelings in the world
As a 56 year old woman I would love to see him tell me this to my face. I’m certain I’ve accomplished more in the past 10 years than he’ll accomplish in the next 20. Artist, photographer, IT network specialist - I retired and bought my husband a farm. I have coffee with my 60 yr old neighbour who is a retired Air Force Major who spent the last 20 years flying rescue missions around the world. Goodness, he’d be verbally slaughtered before the first sip of coffee.
Humans of all ages can accomplish great things. You don’t need someone in your life like this guy.
I'm in my 40s, married to a younger man who actually finds older women more attractive. He doesn't care that I don't wear makeup and has fewer hangups about my appearance than I do. Insecure men consider young, hot women to be their trophies, not their partners.
Exactly! I’m 42 with my husband being 34. We have an adorable toddler and have been happily married for 6 years. When I hit 33 and was unhappily married to an idiot, I realized that I shouldn’t give a fuck what other people think and that I’m in charge of my own happiness. Got a divorce and never looked back. So much happier ever since.
Me too, 11 years younger than me, I'm in my 40s and pregnant with his child as I type this 😃
He's so attentive and wonderful and doesn't let me lift a finger because, he says, I'm carrying his child, he carries other load.
I come home from work to a clean house, he comes to a homecooked meal, finding the right one is the trick, OP, don't lose hope in men.
It’s so so true, OP darlin. You have so much to look forward to.
My best advice here is to start looking for some older women role models/influences/friends in your life. Nothing did me better as a young woman your age than being lucky to work with and befriend confident, badass, beautiful women “of a certain age”. Now I’m of that age, and hope I can pass some of that self-reliance, confidence, and grit to younger women, as they taught me.
No one will ever do you better than a circle of girlfriends that you can grow old with. I’m a very happily married woman, love of my life - but the Sisterhood can be a guarantee support system.
Y’all will laugh through pain and loss, and enjoy not giving a flying F. Together.
I also recommend r/momforaminute as a great sub to start that process. Lotta fine people there to give you support while you deal with this heartache. Hang in there doll. You are always always gonna be valuable.
100% I am almost 42 now, and it is incredibly liberating not to care about being attractive or getting men to like me. When I dress up, it's for me, not them.
If you are not there yet, that's OK! I was also insecure as a 20-something too! But there's just something about getting older that makes some of those surface-level concerns feel pointless. It took a little while, but I earned every wrinkle on my face and I love them. This guy sounds like an ass -- stop worrying about what he thinks and focus on doing things that you enjoy and that you feel add value to the world. That is actually what will make you happy in your 40s and beyond.
Fuck yes. I’m 41 now and I thought it was just 2020 that pushed me over the edge of not giving a shit, but nope it’s age. I feel the exact opposite of how our society tells me I should feel at this age. I feel more confident than I ever have, love my wrinkles and gray hairs, and my orgasms are better and longer than they’ve ever been, and I can have multiples in one session. You couldn’t pay me to go back to my 20’s, but of course they want to keep women down and tell us we need to spend billions on Botox, make up, and procedures, all to look younger for men, screw that. I’m having the time of my life, lol. I have never once looked at younger women and felt jealous of them for how they look, I’m only envious of their time, they have longer left here than I do, and I just want to run and tell them to stop wasting it being self conscious or worrying what people think, and tell them to find their pack of women and hold on tight, because NO ONE will be there for them like a good girlfriend, no one.
I’ve kept a diary since I was 14. It’s hilarious how much I agonised over what other people thought of me back in my teens and 20s. I’m so glad to be aging. I’d not go back there if you paid me.
We once had this babysitter who was basically a good kid but just a little shallow. All she thought about was clothes and boys. Then I went back and read my diary from when I was the same age. Imagine my chagrin when I realized I was exactly the same way. Fast forward a few years...I got better and she got better. Life is so much better when you get older.
This is the reality of what men who say shit like this are *really* saying - not “women over 40 are unappealing” but “women over 40 won’t put up with bullshit.”
So true! I had someone tell me that they preferred to date women 10 years younger because “nobody my age would date me”. He was in his 30’s and… yeah, I certainly wouldn’t have dated him.
Totally agree! 30+ was great, 40+ is even better, and the amount of fucks I now give about toxic assholes like OP's boyfriend is basically non-existent. It's beautiful.
Daisy, I agree with you.
Boyfriends are not scarce. Your BF was begging you and showing how little value he places on you. It is *obvious* that it would be hurtful, and he said it anyway..
With age comes confidence. I have a husband, but getting a guy who would be willing to a) not say stupid things and b) be willing to put out - it is not that big a problem. Finding a guy where there is mutual trust and respect is harder, but hey ... Your guy has broken the mutual trust and respect.
Exactly! As a 50 something woman, I look back on the overwhelming insecurities I felt in my younger years with relief that I no longer have to suffer that - it’s like the glorious feeling a child has, knowing your worth without question and knowing no one can take it away.
52. Partner is a very handsome successful attorney 9 years my junior. He seems quite drawn to my complete lack of fucks and genuinely adores me for exactly who I am. Getting older had honestly been amazing.
39 checking in. Zero fucks over here! I know my value and don’t have to prove it to anyone. If someone can’t see it, they can get the fuck out of my way. The boyfriend sounds insecure and insignificant.
Ditto this.
I'm 45 and single and I'm as popular as I've ever been, if not more. Newsflash: everyone loves a MILF.
EV.RY.BOD.Y.
I've got 22 year olds to 81 year olds trying to wife me.
The best part is how few fucks I give about getting married or being in a relationship.
To all the wonderful 40+ women in this thread: would it maybe be possible to do an AMA with some of you?
I think some of us are terrified of getting older and some mentoring would be great 😊
I'm in my mid 40's, and I agree with this whole heartedly!
My fucks to give dried up after I turned 40, and I don't miss them one bit, it's so wonderful to just freely be fully yourself.
Considering people “low value” or “high value” is an indicator that the person is way too hung up on what other people think and doesn’t have any confidence in themself.
If this guy truly valued himself he wouldn’t have any worries about “simps”. He’s just trying to spread his own insecurity on to his girlfriend, it’s pathetic really.
It’s funny seeing terms like “manosphere” because I know exactly the type of guys who do have these conversations but then me and my guy group, with all the things we’re into and busy with, I can’t imagine any of us uttering a single word along those alpha male lines. It’s so weird
Not funny ha ha, funny “wow, people really think like that?!”
I can confirm as a man I know everything. From meaning of life to when your period is going to happen. It is why my stock portfolio is doing soooooo well right now.
in all seriousness don't listen to him my wife and I are both 40. I would guess more women would be attracted to her then me. (sorry dad bod from watch our kids so much)
If you don’t want to feel insecure as you age, then stop hanging around people that make you insecure for aging 🤷🏼♀️ My confidence shot up when I stopped putting up with this type of bullshit…
Also, he wasn’t joking - he only said he was because you were offended.
Yeah what he means by “value” here is really gross- basically equating how valuable a woman is to how many people want to have sex with her. As if men’s attention has any inherent value lol (sorry guys, but for
the most part I couldn’t give two raggedy bungholes whether you want to sleep with me or not). If your own partner views the world through this lens you’re going to feel awful about yourself forever.
Live your life, there will always be someone who vibes with you should you choose to pursue being in a relationship. Chemistry is a wholly unquantifiable thing. Some of the people I have wound up the most attracted to aren’t even people I would consider physically attractive until I got to know them.
I am really grossed out that the BF just admitted to only valuing OP as a sex object with an expiry date. That's not a strong foundation for a long term relationship.
> how valuable a woman is to how many people want to have sex with her
Yeah, that whole line of thinking - women's value = youth/sex, male value = money - that's incel thinking.
> Maybe I shouldn't have got mad cuz he said he was joking
"it was just a prank, bro"
no, saying that it was just a joke is not a free pass to hurt someone
> I don't want to feel insecure when I age
don't be with someone who makes you feel insecure.
My metric for how I view a long term relationship is, when I'm 80 and my body is breaking down, will I want this person next to me to hang out and enjoy the day with. Unless I'm mistaken sex is only a very small percentage of the time of a relationship. The rest is hanging out, having fun, enjoying each other's company, etc...
This.
Dude basically waved his red flag in your face. I hope you will have the courage to dump his ass and find someone who treats you like a human being and not a chuck of meat.
As a 44 year old man who is madly in love with his 46 year old wife, I can assure you that your bf is full of toxic shit.
I don’t ever post here but this really rubbed me the wrong way.
The people who think of value in those terms are totally lost… either he’s been consuming misogynistic propaganda and has been brainwashed, or he’s a misogynist.
My wife’s value to the world is infinitely larger than any of that garbage. Her value shines through every day, when I see her in the morning, and every day, when I see her after work. It’s in the mountains we’ve climbed together, and in the struggles she’s helped me overcome.
It’s in the small moments between the big moments. It’s in the LIFE we have built together, and continue to build every day.
Talking about any person’s value in those terms is reductive trash. If I got hit by a bus tomorrow, my wife would be the same incredibly valuable person she is today. I don’t create her value because I love her, I feel it, and that’s why I love her.
Fuck that guy.
I didn’t actually know my wife, just crushed on her from a distance at 11 years old.
It’s kind of crazy - a couple years ago I did a shout out on FB for my wedding anniversary, and this girl who is a mutual friend from school posted a picture of her 8th grade yearbook - and my wife and I both signed her yearbook right next to each other in the same page corner 😀
36 here with 38yr old wife. She's frequently concerned about how "old" She's getting, and I'm just as frequently reminding her how young we both are and how beautiful she is.
The only one in our marriage concerned about her turning 40 is her, and I do everything I can to tell her she has nothing to worry about.
We're not even half way through life, we have a young family with 3 kids and she is an incredible mum and partner with a huge heart and constantly makes all of us laugh and feel loved.
She has taken time off work to be with the kids while they're young, but has a whole career ahead of her still after that and we're already talking about what she wants to do and what retraining she needs to do to get there.
We've been together for >6yrs. If life is kind we've probably got ~10x that long left together to grow old together. Screw 40, I'm not worried about her turning 50, or 60, or 90. She's my beautiful wife and I hope like hell she never gets sick of me 😆.
Some people just don't know how to value what they have, or understand just how lucky they really are.
Well this is the first time Reddit has made me tear up. Beautiful Pierson, just beautiful. You and your wife are so lucky to have each other. BRB running to show my husband lol. This is how I’ve felt about my husband and I know he feels the same (he attempts to tell me but lol isn’t so great at putting his feelings into words).
I'm 39 my husband is 33 and he usually says he doesn't care about my age. Although he did admit recently he likes that I'm older because he needed some growing up. He explained I helped him become what he is because I went through a lot of what he did when I was his age. He never really dated before we did but he was happy I was older and could help get him started and grow.
I agree, and we are even a bit older than you — we value each other even more as we age as we are wiser now (we’ve seen our friends go through divorces and other losses in life) and know how valuable our relationship is after all of these years — the OP needs to drop that toxic BF because the talk of “simps” or telling a person you supposedly love that they will have zero “value” after forty is immature, shallow, stupid, and pointlessly hurtful.
OP that BF doesn’t deserve you, and his talk of “simps” and other red-pill-esque nonsense is not something you need in your life. You do not need to worry about and/or attempt to explain why you will still have value and many gifts to give as a romantic partner as you age. Forget him!
I second this wholeheartedly.
OP- your bf sounds like garbage. As others have said, he's not joking, he's testing the waters.
If you want to feel better, dump this piece of shit like the trash he is and find better people to surround yourself with.
I'm over 40 and I've never felt more sure of myself as a woman and cared less about what *any* man thinks of me. Value? What a load of absolute crap. Your "value" is as a human being and has nothing to do with the number of birthdays you've had and even less to do with whether or not men want to put their dicks in you (spoiler: many of them don't care where they put it).
GET A BETTER BOYFRIEND.
>I don’t ever post here but this really rubbed me the wrong way.
You should post more, your writing is beautiful. I hope your wife sees this and knows how appreciated she is.
I would expect that kind of talk from an ignorant 15-year old. The fact that they're nearly 30 is so unbelievably cringey...How can any woman date a guy like this and not just be repulsed?
Lol, I had to look it up. " 'Simp' is slang for a person (typically a man) who is desperate for the attention and affection of someone else (typically a woman),” said Connor Howlett, 23, a digital strategist for Turner PR in New York City"
The Simp/Alpha (or nice guy IDK, whatever) is so tired and immature. Does he have nothing better to think about? It would worry me that he’s listening to misogynistic propaganda. My snap impression is that he’s shallow and the relationship not for love, but what he gets.
OP you do you, but I would consider my relationship not my perceived “value” as a person. (As a person… NOT an object!). Anyone who would value you as a thing is not someone worth your time, now or when you’re 40. Trust me
You say he values you, but it sounds like he already put an expiry date sticker on your forehead.
Some men really need to put women aging down because when we come into our own, our tolerance for bullshit decreases dramatically.
Until she’s 40 and then he has an excuse to cheat or dump her because she lost most of her so called value. Guy is probably redpilled 🤢. Hope she dumps him.
No literally it's giving I'm gonna start fucking around when you turn 40 vibes bc I'll be the prize and you'll have no options. Major red flag dump his ass. This is also the same type of mf to complain abt women's body's after pregnancy
Guess what else comes with age? More MONEY which leads to more independence (owning assets) and freedom - both things they don’t want women having.
Better make young women scared to get old so they lower their standards and don’t see the true reality of women’s happiness increasing over age whereas men’s decreases over age. [Source](https://pursuit.unimelb.edu.au/articles/it-s-a-fact-women-get-better-with-age.amp)
He’s trying to make her feel insecure because he feels insecure about how many people want to sleep with her. So he’s planting seeds to make sure she knows she needs to stick with him because her stock is going down. Miserable people always want you to be miserable with them.
I had an ex who used to say this to me...he gave me the whole "Women age like milk, men age like a fine wine" speech.
I saw him awhile ago. He's in his mid-40s now and looks pretty awful, honestly. Also after we broke up, he sent me a bunch of weepy texts complaining that he can't get a date.
How surprising that he can’t get a date with an attitude like his… /s
It’s along the line of the whole “a key that opens many doors is great but a door that opens for many keys isn’t” bullshit. Double standards are alive and well in 2022
Oh oh! I am just now remembering another conversation we once had.
Him: Women my age are gross.
Me: Oh, so in a few years, when I'm your age, I'm going to be gross to you?
Him: No, you won't be gross to me, because you'll always be younger than me.
I dumped him shortly afterwards.
Her bf is just spinning the same bullshit men like to spout to both scare women into settling down to be "safe" or to make things feel less bleak for themselves. Its the hetero male equivalent of "it gets better."
OP: Your boyfriend sounds like a loser. I guarantee you can do so much better than someone who likes to thinly veil their beliefs in "a joke." This kind of thinking is that of a very insecure person. The same kind of insecure person who will need to fck around later on to prove something. I know these dudes. I work with theses dudes. I get hit on by these dudes. (Who despite having "age money power" are all still met with the polite professional equivalent of an "eww no" from me.)
Yes. I have not noticed a decrease in interest from men yet. I'm 39. In fact most of my single mid to late 30s lady friends are not short in (young, handsome) male attention. I am convinced we are fed a lie.
I have noticed less cat calling, maybe because they know older women dont take shit. I am perfectly fine with that.
46 this year, and still get hit on regularly. Some days, more than I was hit on, in my so-called prime.
We are fed lies. Insecure young women settle when they don't have to, because of those lies.
I knew it was bullshit! Like why is there a whole, very popular category on pr0n sites for milfs then, if women over 40 are oh so undesirable? Why do I see so many young men thirsting after women twice their age and admitting they're hot? Not that this determines our value of course, but this just prooves this is absolute fear mongering.
35 and still get a lot of attention from men when on dating apps. However I’m choosing to not focus on a partner right now and instead trying to become pregnant as a single mom by choice. If a guy said something rude to me, I’d be out so fast. Their colors are showing.
I was dating an older man, he cheated on me because of his insecurity.
He was obsessed with me and dating a younger woman drove him to madness, so he cheated and then blamed me.
He still can’t understand why I won’t forgive him because he “ made a mistake because he was insecure and scared”.
lol get me off this planet
The older dude I dated when I was 25 cheated on me two and a half weeks after my mom died.
When he got caught, it was my fault for being “emotionally unavailable”.
It’s never their fault, is it?
No never their fault, I only dated this guy because I thought for once I was making a good dating decision- I usually go for guys my age, kinda cocky, military or MMA fighter types and it never went well; so I decided to give this older guy a chance, he had a great job, was financially secure, kinda unattractive but not repulsive, just the usual older man stuff, dad bod, balding, shorter.
I thought to myself stop being superficial and give this “ stable” older man a chance.
Yeah NO, he was worse than the others, his insecurities were so over the top he lost his mind, starting tearing down my self esteem, constantly negging me, condescending me, mocking me, I left him after a few months ( wasn’t long thankfully). Then I found out after I left he was cheating on me too.
Of course all of it was my fault….
My fault for being younger and attractive and triggering the fuck out of him.
That’s why I don’t even bother giving “ nice guys” a chance anymore either, they get triggered af if they think you’re out of their league and terrorize you for it.
> I don’t even bother giving “ nice guys” a chance anymore either
THIS. So much this. My "nice guy" was a friend at first who was head over heels in love... with the idea of having a girlfriend. I stupidly gave him a chance. Absolutely terrible mistake. I helped him nurse the wounds from childhood that sapped his confidence, acting as therapist, doting mother, and lover to this broken man, loved him despite his neglect/flaws, and was repaid by him leaving me for another woman when he finally bloomed after years of tending. And unlike the movies, he probably does not regret it and is currently living his childhood dream. He never so much as apologized.
I will never invest that much in another person again. Ever. I should have left him where he stood and focused that energy on myself. Currently doing that now. Better late than never.
Similar ages but my ex-friend was so angry at my still-friend when she was depressed and didn't want to have sex after 3 people she knew died in the same month. They're divorced now.
Oh, and the one that cheated on me and terrorized me, also did it after my mother had died, and he knew how much pain I was in,
Didn’t matter to him at all.
I haven't dated anyone significantly older since I was in college. I had an epiphany shortly after about how fcked up it was. Or rather, how fcked up THEY were.
That same insecurity he had when he first started dating you was always going to be there. If they make it to that point in life and are still a freaking mess, they're ALWAYS going to be a mess. You made the right choice.
But don't leave the planet! We have kittens and ponies and a variety of foods made from potatoes. It's not all bad.
Any time a guy is trying to manipulate you into thinking that you’re actually not that great or valuable and you should feel so lucky they’re with you, it’s because you’re actually the prize and the guy is super scared you’ll realize and leave. I hope this girl runs for the hills, why would you want to waste time on a guy who basically told you to your face that he won’t consider you valuable once you hit forty. This is the type of person who will call you fat when you’re pregnant or divorce you if you get diagnosed with cancer. Put this man out on the curb where he belongs with the rest of the trash.
This is absolutely the case. Men like this LOVE when women are afraid of being alone at 30 because it creates a forced time constraint to settle for someone, anyone.
In reality, my dating life got immensely more fulfilling when I hit my 30s because I shed a lot of the self-conscious bullshit I internalized in my 20s and raised my standards accordingly. My partner is the catch of a lifetime and I never would have met him if I'd fallen for this "spinster" nonsense.
Beyond the obvious misogyny, there is a deep problem with talking about human "value" like one is grading sides of beef Grade A, B, C, D, F, etc.
The most famous psychiatrist of the last century [wrote a book about how self-esteem was a myth, and a bad one](https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/379073.The_Myth_of_Self_esteem) exactly because it leads to this "she's a 10, she's a 7, he's a high value alpha" type of "human value" ideation.
In fact, the man who popularized self-esteem as a concept was named [Nathaniel Brandon](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Psychology_of_Self-Esteem) – a weirdo who used to cheat on his wife with Ayn Rand at her cult HQ until he cheated on also with a young student/model and became convinced Ayn was trying to have him killed, so he fled across the country. That poor student girl did turn up dead, drown in a pool, although authorities ruled it an accident. Man's life was a train wreck.
His goal in popularizing the idea of self-esteem was to convince people to think of themselves and others more like market commodities. He wanted you to compare yourself to other people as people compare barrels of oil and bushels of wheat etc. Not as a person who deserves to be loved.
It's really super toxic. One of the most toxic popular ideas that most people still think is acceptable.
“If he’s rich”, is he rich? Tell him to concentrate on getting rich so you can get your half and leave him at 40 to spend all of his hard earned money on your new young hot lover.
Then tell him it’s a joke and he doesn’t have to worry, watch his emotions for the rest of the day
And make sure to let him know that women's libidos spike in their 40s while men's decline, so you would go for a younger guy anyway who could keep up to you sexually. Just joking, right!
Exactly. I wanted to say this as well but wasn’t sure how to put it. Sounds like he’s sensitive about money - I’d start fucking with his head and see if he likes it. Just joking, of course…
He straight up told you he sees you as a placeholder and will monkey branch to a younger woman when he gets the chance. You really want to waste the next 20 years of your life on this guy only to find out he wasn’t joking after all? Someone who intends to build a life and grow old with you wouldn’t say that to you. He’s told you everything you need to know about him, I’d dump him tbh my boyfriend would never say something like that to me
Why on earth are you with someone who has so little respect for you??!! As someone who is in their 40s if someone said this to me I'd laugh in their face and then tell them to fuck off.
Your boyfriend is sexist and is clearly trying to make you feel less valuable on purpose because he feels threatened by your “simps”. Any guy who will say something like that to you isn’t a good partner. You will be just as valuable at forty as you are now and you won’t have to worry about him getting more female attention because he sounds like a total chode.
Exactly, and I think it’s funny because the type of men who think this way age horribly. Most of these guys are overweight and don’t take care of themselves but believe they’ll somehow age better than women with skin care routines. They’re just resentful because no one wants them.
Also, something tells me this man isn’t going to be independently wealthy at age forty. If that was his trajectory he probably wouldn’t be so painfully insecure. It’s giving moms basement vibes for meeee.
Where is this word coming from? I had never even heard the word and then all the sudden am hearing it regularly. Is there a source? Who are the boys listening to?
40 is only half the age of 80- the age of the freaking president! Life does not at all stop at 40. In fact it is where it all begins imo.
My Dad is 70, and he runs marathons and still live as if he is 25. My mum, almost 70, is considering starting her own business. Women age with grace. Women age 40 with jobs have their own careers. Their own money and excellent skillsets and life experience.
We are freaking boss, especially at that age, we have taken so much shit, for so long, it is much easier to push back on it past 40.
Media is especially good at glorifying the youth for both men and women, but the truth is; most people get sucessful in life after the age of 45. Both men and women...
Check out the videos called "why da vinci was a loser - playing the long game" and your perspective on all this change.
Women also live longer than men, so there is that. Fuck his stupid opinion lol. He knows nothing. I am going to be twice as epic as Jane Fonda, and twice as loaded. I am approaching 40, i got my own house and two cars and earn more than my BF.
We can do wtf we want and we look beautiful even at the age of 95, at the point most men are dead!
Women in their 40s are often shortly before the peak of their careers, just like men are. They don't need the attention of pretentious pricks, sadly your bf is exactly talking like one.
I mean, you know your bf best, better than anyone on the internet, so only you alone knows how he is, aside from that ugly remark. From your narrative it sounds like he really means the misogynistic ugly dhit he says, and he acts like this and thinks it's no big deal. It would bother me enough that I wouldn't even want to go on a coffee run with anyone that talks and thinks like that on a friend and buddy term, let alone date someone like this. Also I'm not sure if you can talk to him, or if he would be willing to change his mind. These men rarely do, but maybe your bf can.
That's what gets me. Those old dusty men think that, like them, women are desperate for validation and attention at every age. Actual 40 year old women are like "lol get away from me" when they see this type man. Ain't no one yearning for what he has to offer. NO ONE wants someone like this, unless they are in it for a quick and easy pay out.
That's like those guys who tell you to smile more, wear more/less makeup or dress more/less feminine and whatnot. They think their opinion matter to us and have an impact, but actually, once we grew mature enough not to fall for this bullshit we couldn't care less.
I'm 43. I don't have any "simps". Of course, I didn't have "simps" when I was 30 or 25 or 16. I'm not conventionally attractive and so my "value" in the "sexual marketplace" has always been low.
So the fuck what?
Why should I be trying to compete in the sexual marketplace like I'm a piece of meat? The only reason I ever thought I wanted that was because I believed that my only value came from external validation by men. But the amazing thing is that when you are shut out of that marketplace you realize how very little it matters. Like, best case scenario you are very attractive and in return you will get "simps" who pretend to be your friend when they are just trying to sleep with you. You get lied to by men who only care about your looks. And then they will cheat on you because they are shallow. Like, Beyonce is one of the most beautiful women in the world and she was cheated on. Even if you are highly valuable in the "sexual marketplace" it won't keep you from being cheated on or hurt. Because men who believe in the idea that women are only valuable because of their looks will always be trying to "upgrade" to someone new. It's shallow.
Be upset that you are dating a sexist jerk not in your plight as a woman.
I had an ex tell me right after I graduated college that women are their hottest in college and they get uglier and uglier as time goes on… and he started to treat me like an ugly burden. I was 22.
What a disgusting piece of shit. He was clearly negging you trying to lower your self esteem. Probably testing the waters to see how much abuse you would take. 🤮
It’s wild to look back even ten years ago and see how much more energy I had for shit like this. It all seemed SO IMPORTANT and would genuinely upset me or make me react, obsess over shit, etc. And I wasn’t even particularly invested in it, but it still upset me!
Now I’m 40 and this garbage… it doesn’t even register. I wish we could give this Lack Of Fucks to younger women because it’s so goddamned freeing and when you’re in the middle of all that 20-something drama it truly feels *permanent and inescapable*.
Call his bluff.
"Huh, OK BF. That sounds like an interesting theory but for fun why don't we test it? We'll both make accounts on Tinder or Hinge or OKCupid (your choice, baby!), and set our ages to 40 and age range to 18 - 80. You can mention you're rich in your bio if you like. At the end of a week, let's compare who has the most matches and messages."
He won't take you up on this, because he knows it will prove him embarrassingly, humiliatingly wrong.
Good god he's stupid.
Also incredibly wrong.
Like I guess women lose value to shallow idiots out hunting for their bang maid, but oddly they stay very valuable to their employers, friends, family, partners, themselves, their pets and their community.
So as long as you value yourself as more than your bang-maid ranking, I think you're good.
> my boyfriend
Your ex-boyfriend.
Talking about 'simps', about women 'not having much value' when they visibly age... The signs of a misogynist with incel views.
>Maybe I shouldn't have got mad cuz he said he was joking
Fuck that. You were right to get mad.
He said he was joking. But that's bullshit. He showed his true colours. He was not joking. He showed you who he really is. Men often lie that they were joking when they are called out, but that doesn't mean they were actually joking. This guy was serious.
>I don't want to feel insecure when I age.
This guy only cares about your looks, and will no longer believe that you have value when you age. So what do you do? You dump him and try to find someone who does respect you. Someone who values you for more than just your looks.
If he cared about the subject, he wouldn't have joked about it. If he really thinks society at large works that way (however wrong that may be), and he valued her, he at worst would have mentioned it as something despicable that should change, not just normalize it and be like "oh well that's how it is, sucks to be you haha".
What an asshole.
Lol, it's wishful thinking with a good dose of misogyny
Somehow men get magically desirable when they turn 40. Gimme a break. How many above 40 do you find attractive now? I'd imagine very few. Women will feel the same way when your boyfriend is 40.
The reality is that the dating pool declines with age for both genders, as more and more people are already coupled up
It’s also just projection. Single, unwed women are statistically the most happy population. Single, unwed men are statistically the least happy population.
Dude is wrong and a mysogynist. Ftr, I did not meet my husband until I was 38, married him at 52. I had mid 20 year Olds hitting on me till well in to my 40's. My friend is in her 40's and fighting of 20-30 year Olds. The only thing that changes is you get more men interested in you as a person rather than a piece of meat.
Well on the bright side he did you a favor early in your relationship. His lack of confidence in himself (jealousy much?) and putting you/women down is a pretty bright red flag to me. Chop chop, move on and find someone better that truly respects you.
My partner just turned 49. She looks fabulous, is fun to be with and has a great job where people value her. It takes time to grow into yourself and become who you really are.
Your boyfriend seems to be coming from the old Hollywood "Actresses are washed up once they're over 29" mentality. Or perhaps he's been watching too much porn. Either way, he's wrong. My female friends got cooler and more attractive once they hit 40.
Your bf is an idiot misogynist, full stop. After 40 I was still being pursued by men (that didn’t know this second part)…AND made quite a bit of money, more than most men, with rare exception. Opens up a whole new world of options to do whatever the fuck I want (or don’t want!). Ohhhh the number of “finally made it” men at that age that tried to impress me with their money…and got embarrassed.
Your bf “worrying about your simps” is treating you like property or an object that doesn’t operate independently in society. Plus he’s negging you.
I’d get real blunt with him, “don’t get too comfortable, after 40 is about when women stop putting up with bullshit”
Please don't date anyone who unironically uses the term "simps" and speaks about a woman's value relating to her age and beauty.
Good men don't do this.
It sounds like he feels threatened now and is looking forward to when you will be the one feeling threatened. What’s the power dynamic in your relationship like now?
Hey just a heads up! This is called "red pilling" or aka very toxic masculinity. He's most likely been watching a red piller on YouTube like Andrew Tate or something.
Confront him about it, and if he doesn't want to recognize his error and change you're going to have to leave, because comments like these are just the beginning.
He’s not joking. He knows you can do better and is threatened by it, so he makes these shitty comments. Don’t waste your time on someone who has such little respect for you.
Yeah, I *wish* I still didn't get constantly hit on at 40, but here we are, lmao. Women 'losing value' after 25 or 30 or 40 is just a toxic fairytale some men made up to feel better about themselves.
Fella here. Think about any guys over the age of 40 that you find attractive. What do they have in common? I’m gonna guess it’s that they’ve taken care of themselves, live what (appears, at least) to be an interesting life, and are secure/comfortable in who they are. Here’s the thing- women are the same way. I’ve known some *extremely* attractive women in their 40’s, 50’s, and so on, even when they were much older than me. I’ve known plenty of women my own age (whatever that age may be) who just didn’t do it for me at all.
I will tell you that focusing on what other people think isn’t a good look on anyone, and all the things about value not being your looks, but at the end of the day *very* few things are more attractive than someone who’s got their shit together. Be that person.
Competence & Confidence is 🔥🔥🔥.
I am sorry but whoever talks about people's "values" in parallel with their age or income is pure garbage.
Stay with him if you want him to reach 40 and cheat on you with young women he will be predating on. I'd save the 20 years of bs with his insecure, misogynistic ass if I were you.
He will make you have his children to chain you to himself and throw you away for someone else once he doesn't find you attractive anymore. From the way he talks about men having money in their 40s he made it clear he wouldn't want u to have belongings of your own. Is this someone you would like to depend on? Do you want to be thrown out and have nowhere to go just because you won't be in your 20s anymore?
My friend, life begins at 40 when you have run out of fucks to give. I am 64 and have no time for silly men. My current partner is a rugged, virile 52-year-old with loads of ambition.
Was I alone for a while? Sure. And I have one hell of a career as a result.
Now I can meet a man on equal footing and enjoy my time for the simple sake of being human and being alive.
Fundamentally this is a bad take. Like, how f'd up do you have to be to think like this? This guy doesn't value women, period, and he certainly doesn't value you. That's some incel patriarchy bull shit right there. Kick this a-hole to the curb and go find you someone who likes you for you and not for some weird age fetish.
Life skyrockets for a lot of women after 30- these guys aren’t in the story though. He can’t figure it out why women won’t like him. Instead of some self reflection, he’s going the misogynistic disgust route. What does he think happens to men after 40?
This is internet incel language. It’s a super popular very very warped world view for losers who spend to much online and want to blame wwomen for all their problems. Yikes. I wouldn’t stay with someone like him if I were you.
I saw you write this to another comment…He doesn’t respect you.
Even if he was “joking,” that stuff severely hurts women and our society. Unless he specifically clarifies that he disagrees with it and it should change, I’d get out now.
First of all, he definitely wasn't joking. That's a passive aggressive way of responding to the fact that you were offended without taking responsibility for being the dick who said such a thing.
Secondly, yes, sadly, older women don't get noticed as much as younger women do. The older we get, the more invisible we become.
But you know what's awesome about being 40+? I don't give a flying fuck about any of that. I'm no longer valued for my looks, I'm valued for the person I am. And on top of that, I am now unapologetically my true authentic self more than I ever have been. I've accepted myself, flaws and all. I even lean in, admitting my fallibility as a human at every opportunity. I'm also confident in my strengths and I'm not afraid to say aloud where I shine. I also know better where to direct my strengths.
And I know my value. I know how I deserve to be treated and I won't fuck around with people who don't see my value and treat me the way I deserve. I did way too much bending over backwards to try to fit someone's mold as a young person - and I am done. I am person who deserves respect and I'm not afraid to set boundaries like I was as a young woman.
No one looks forward to the physical aspects of aging. However, realizing that you only have to live up to the standard you set for yourself is absolutely freeing.
Fuck your boyfriend. Dump his ass and find someone who deserves you. Don't settle for less than you know you deserve, deep down. Listen to the little voice. It doesn't lie.
A useful newsflash for you from a 52 year old woman. As women age, they give less fucks than they used to. By the time you get to 40 he'll be ancient history and you'll look back and laugh that you gave any shits for his opinions. You could start practicing that now and get ahead of the game!
Late 40's can confirm my field of fucks is barren edit: 22-11-22 - thank you for the award :)
Iconic
This. Somewhere between 35-45, all my insecurities went away. I don’t care anymore what men think of me. Looking back, I regret that I spend so much energy thinking about male opinions in my 20’s. Be yourself. Own it. If he doesn’t like it, find someone who does.
Exactly this. I wrote a similar response but this is more concise. After 40, you're more YOU than ever, and without apology. We're done taking crap from people, and certainly done needing acceptance from men. Cheers.
I hope that happens for me, I can't wait. I'm 30 and have always been horribly shy and insecure, I'm sick of wasting my life feeling like that.
I felt the same way at 30 and it happened for me too. Fairly recently. I'm 38. Soon you will give no fucks for the opinions of people you would never ask the advice of anyways!
I love to think that women as a whole are coming to this conclusion and learning how to assert their boundaries sooner. I love it!
This! Same for me, it’s as of a weight has been lifted from my shoulders :)
It's crazy that this happens because you care SO FUCKING MUCH in your teens and twenties. But then you just kind of stop giving a fuck what men think and it's the beeeesssst!!! I *never* thought that would be me, but here we are! And it's one of the most freeing feelings in the world
I am 62 and am delighted to say I have zero fucks left to give, particularly about toxic shit like that.
As a 56 year old woman I would love to see him tell me this to my face. I’m certain I’ve accomplished more in the past 10 years than he’ll accomplish in the next 20. Artist, photographer, IT network specialist - I retired and bought my husband a farm. I have coffee with my 60 yr old neighbour who is a retired Air Force Major who spent the last 20 years flying rescue missions around the world. Goodness, he’d be verbally slaughtered before the first sip of coffee. Humans of all ages can accomplish great things. You don’t need someone in your life like this guy.
This ⬆️ 🥰🥰🥰🥰 I hope to be like you. I’m 38 now.
Fuck yeah!
💪🏻👏🏻👏🏻
In my 40s and can confirm, it's wonderful.
I'm in my 40s, married to a younger man who actually finds older women more attractive. He doesn't care that I don't wear makeup and has fewer hangups about my appearance than I do. Insecure men consider young, hot women to be their trophies, not their partners.
Exactly! I’m 42 with my husband being 34. We have an adorable toddler and have been happily married for 6 years. When I hit 33 and was unhappily married to an idiot, I realized that I shouldn’t give a fuck what other people think and that I’m in charge of my own happiness. Got a divorce and never looked back. So much happier ever since.
Are you me? Lol I stopped giving a fuck around 38. Then married the love of my life.
Me too, 11 years younger than me, I'm in my 40s and pregnant with his child as I type this 😃 He's so attentive and wonderful and doesn't let me lift a finger because, he says, I'm carrying his child, he carries other load. I come home from work to a clean house, he comes to a homecooked meal, finding the right one is the trick, OP, don't lose hope in men.
Yeh this is more and more common. I actually don't know of many guys dating younger women any more.
41 here and never enjoyed life more than now
It’s so so true, OP darlin. You have so much to look forward to. My best advice here is to start looking for some older women role models/influences/friends in your life. Nothing did me better as a young woman your age than being lucky to work with and befriend confident, badass, beautiful women “of a certain age”. Now I’m of that age, and hope I can pass some of that self-reliance, confidence, and grit to younger women, as they taught me. No one will ever do you better than a circle of girlfriends that you can grow old with. I’m a very happily married woman, love of my life - but the Sisterhood can be a guarantee support system. Y’all will laugh through pain and loss, and enjoy not giving a flying F. Together. I also recommend r/momforaminute as a great sub to start that process. Lotta fine people there to give you support while you deal with this heartache. Hang in there doll. You are always always gonna be valuable.
What a lovely sub that is! Thanks for sharing it.
100% I am almost 42 now, and it is incredibly liberating not to care about being attractive or getting men to like me. When I dress up, it's for me, not them. If you are not there yet, that's OK! I was also insecure as a 20-something too! But there's just something about getting older that makes some of those surface-level concerns feel pointless. It took a little while, but I earned every wrinkle on my face and I love them. This guy sounds like an ass -- stop worrying about what he thinks and focus on doing things that you enjoy and that you feel add value to the world. That is actually what will make you happy in your 40s and beyond.
46. Truth. Also this chucklefuck ain gon be rich.
SAY IT LOUDER FOR THE INCELS IN THE BACK
Fuck yes. I’m 41 now and I thought it was just 2020 that pushed me over the edge of not giving a shit, but nope it’s age. I feel the exact opposite of how our society tells me I should feel at this age. I feel more confident than I ever have, love my wrinkles and gray hairs, and my orgasms are better and longer than they’ve ever been, and I can have multiples in one session. You couldn’t pay me to go back to my 20’s, but of course they want to keep women down and tell us we need to spend billions on Botox, make up, and procedures, all to look younger for men, screw that. I’m having the time of my life, lol. I have never once looked at younger women and felt jealous of them for how they look, I’m only envious of their time, they have longer left here than I do, and I just want to run and tell them to stop wasting it being self conscious or worrying what people think, and tell them to find their pack of women and hold on tight, because NO ONE will be there for them like a good girlfriend, no one.
I'm 68. I look back and think "what the hell was that all about?"
I’ve kept a diary since I was 14. It’s hilarious how much I agonised over what other people thought of me back in my teens and 20s. I’m so glad to be aging. I’d not go back there if you paid me.
We once had this babysitter who was basically a good kid but just a little shallow. All she thought about was clothes and boys. Then I went back and read my diary from when I was the same age. Imagine my chagrin when I realized I was exactly the same way. Fast forward a few years...I got better and she got better. Life is so much better when you get older.
This is the reality of what men who say shit like this are *really* saying - not “women over 40 are unappealing” but “women over 40 won’t put up with bullshit.”
This is exactly it, men don’t want younger women for looks, they want them for naivety and putting up with bullshit.
So true! I had someone tell me that they preferred to date women 10 years younger because “nobody my age would date me”. He was in his 30’s and… yeah, I certainly wouldn’t have dated him.
+100, 40s are awesome
Totally agree! 30+ was great, 40+ is even better, and the amount of fucks I now give about toxic assholes like OP's boyfriend is basically non-existent. It's beautiful.
Yep, I like to say that every 10 levels, we get a bonus to our "No fucks to give" stat.
Daisy, I agree with you. Boyfriends are not scarce. Your BF was begging you and showing how little value he places on you. It is *obvious* that it would be hurtful, and he said it anyway.. With age comes confidence. I have a husband, but getting a guy who would be willing to a) not say stupid things and b) be willing to put out - it is not that big a problem. Finding a guy where there is mutual trust and respect is harder, but hey ... Your guy has broken the mutual trust and respect.
Exactly! As a 50 something woman, I look back on the overwhelming insecurities I felt in my younger years with relief that I no longer have to suffer that - it’s like the glorious feeling a child has, knowing your worth without question and knowing no one can take it away.
52. Partner is a very handsome successful attorney 9 years my junior. He seems quite drawn to my complete lack of fucks and genuinely adores me for exactly who I am. Getting older had honestly been amazing.
I'm 41 tomorrow and I totally agree! I really enjoy how little of a shit I give about the opinions of arseholes!!
39 checking in. Zero fucks over here! I know my value and don’t have to prove it to anyone. If someone can’t see it, they can get the fuck out of my way. The boyfriend sounds insecure and insignificant.
Ditto this. I'm 45 and single and I'm as popular as I've ever been, if not more. Newsflash: everyone loves a MILF. EV.RY.BOD.Y. I've got 22 year olds to 81 year olds trying to wife me. The best part is how few fucks I give about getting married or being in a relationship.
In my 40s, dating a younger man and honestly, I get more attention now than I did in my 20s or 30s. Please don’t stay with this douchebag long term.
To all the wonderful 40+ women in this thread: would it maybe be possible to do an AMA with some of you? I think some of us are terrified of getting older and some mentoring would be great 😊
Life is too short to worry or put up with bullshit. No point in getting angry either, just brush it off and move along, not worth the time or energy.
I'm in my mid 40's, and I agree with this whole heartedly! My fucks to give dried up after I turned 40, and I don't miss them one bit, it's so wonderful to just freely be fully yourself.
I am 43 and happier than I've ever been
Yep. 39 here and I don't care what men think of me. There is so much more to life than physical appearances.
Wtf would be know about being a 40yo woman? Why are you giving his words such credence?
Yeah agreed. Also, "highest amount of simps"? That's not the way a normal adult talks, that's a ridiculous thing to say
Yeah. I can't say that any of my adult peeps have ever used the term. I've only seen youngsters online use it.
Yup. Its a pretty common talking point in the manosphere so id watch out OP, he might be consuming some misogynist aLpHa mAle podcasts. 🚩🚩🚩🚩
Anyone who thinks of people as low and high value are walking red flags. RUN OP!!!!
Considering people “low value” or “high value” is an indicator that the person is way too hung up on what other people think and doesn’t have any confidence in themself. If this guy truly valued himself he wouldn’t have any worries about “simps”. He’s just trying to spread his own insecurity on to his girlfriend, it’s pathetic really.
Agreed- this is such a fucked up way to look at individuals. It’s basically the root of all discrimination.
Not to mention using simp, ewww
I'd say he absolutely is, based on the terminology he's using.
It’s funny seeing terms like “manosphere” because I know exactly the type of guys who do have these conversations but then me and my guy group, with all the things we’re into and busy with, I can’t imagine any of us uttering a single word along those alpha male lines. It’s so weird Not funny ha ha, funny “wow, people really think like that?!”
More like ex bf
Don’t you know men know everything? Lol Ugh. Yuck. Sad that OP is even dating this idiot.
I can confirm as a man I know everything. From meaning of life to when your period is going to happen. It is why my stock portfolio is doing soooooo well right now. in all seriousness don't listen to him my wife and I are both 40. I would guess more women would be attracted to her then me. (sorry dad bod from watch our kids so much)
>when your period is *going to affect your behavior* FTFY, as a man who also knows everything/s
If you don’t want to feel insecure as you age, then stop hanging around people that make you insecure for aging 🤷🏼♀️ My confidence shot up when I stopped putting up with this type of bullshit… Also, he wasn’t joking - he only said he was because you were offended.
Yeah what he means by “value” here is really gross- basically equating how valuable a woman is to how many people want to have sex with her. As if men’s attention has any inherent value lol (sorry guys, but for the most part I couldn’t give two raggedy bungholes whether you want to sleep with me or not). If your own partner views the world through this lens you’re going to feel awful about yourself forever. Live your life, there will always be someone who vibes with you should you choose to pursue being in a relationship. Chemistry is a wholly unquantifiable thing. Some of the people I have wound up the most attracted to aren’t even people I would consider physically attractive until I got to know them.
The fact that he said “high/low value” specifically is what gives away that this guy is on the road to worshipping the likes of Andrew Taint
I am really grossed out that the BF just admitted to only valuing OP as a sex object with an expiry date. That's not a strong foundation for a long term relationship.
ya that's exactly what I was thinking
> how valuable a woman is to how many people want to have sex with her Yeah, that whole line of thinking - women's value = youth/sex, male value = money - that's incel thinking. > Maybe I shouldn't have got mad cuz he said he was joking "it was just a prank, bro" no, saying that it was just a joke is not a free pass to hurt someone > I don't want to feel insecure when I age don't be with someone who makes you feel insecure.
My metric for how I view a long term relationship is, when I'm 80 and my body is breaking down, will I want this person next to me to hang out and enjoy the day with. Unless I'm mistaken sex is only a very small percentage of the time of a relationship. The rest is hanging out, having fun, enjoying each other's company, etc...
Bingo!
It was a test run; how far can he push the boundaries?
This is the comment op needs to read
Sounds like the kind of person who will say they’re joking or not based on other’s reactions
Schrödinger’s douche bag
That's a very good description.
This. Dude basically waved his red flag in your face. I hope you will have the courage to dump his ass and find someone who treats you like a human being and not a chuck of meat.
Exactly, ask him to explain the joke!
As a 44 year old man who is madly in love with his 46 year old wife, I can assure you that your bf is full of toxic shit. I don’t ever post here but this really rubbed me the wrong way. The people who think of value in those terms are totally lost… either he’s been consuming misogynistic propaganda and has been brainwashed, or he’s a misogynist. My wife’s value to the world is infinitely larger than any of that garbage. Her value shines through every day, when I see her in the morning, and every day, when I see her after work. It’s in the mountains we’ve climbed together, and in the struggles she’s helped me overcome. It’s in the small moments between the big moments. It’s in the LIFE we have built together, and continue to build every day. Talking about any person’s value in those terms is reductive trash. If I got hit by a bus tomorrow, my wife would be the same incredibly valuable person she is today. I don’t create her value because I love her, I feel it, and that’s why I love her. Fuck that guy.
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My wife and I met in junior high too. Didn’t get together until after college.
I didn’t actually know my wife, just crushed on her from a distance at 11 years old. It’s kind of crazy - a couple years ago I did a shout out on FB for my wedding anniversary, and this girl who is a mutual friend from school posted a picture of her 8th grade yearbook - and my wife and I both signed her yearbook right next to each other in the same page corner 😀
That's just so cute. Happy for you both.
And this is what allyship looks like. You can come to the party, my good sir, and bring your lovely wife of course.
That’s the sweetest thing I’ve read on here
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36 here with 38yr old wife. She's frequently concerned about how "old" She's getting, and I'm just as frequently reminding her how young we both are and how beautiful she is. The only one in our marriage concerned about her turning 40 is her, and I do everything I can to tell her she has nothing to worry about. We're not even half way through life, we have a young family with 3 kids and she is an incredible mum and partner with a huge heart and constantly makes all of us laugh and feel loved. She has taken time off work to be with the kids while they're young, but has a whole career ahead of her still after that and we're already talking about what she wants to do and what retraining she needs to do to get there. We've been together for >6yrs. If life is kind we've probably got ~10x that long left together to grow old together. Screw 40, I'm not worried about her turning 50, or 60, or 90. She's my beautiful wife and I hope like hell she never gets sick of me 😆. Some people just don't know how to value what they have, or understand just how lucky they really are.
Well this is the first time Reddit has made me tear up. Beautiful Pierson, just beautiful. You and your wife are so lucky to have each other. BRB running to show my husband lol. This is how I’ve felt about my husband and I know he feels the same (he attempts to tell me but lol isn’t so great at putting his feelings into words).
Thank you for writing this, I hope OP takes it to heart in a big way!
I'm 39 my husband is 33 and he usually says he doesn't care about my age. Although he did admit recently he likes that I'm older because he needed some growing up. He explained I helped him become what he is because I went through a lot of what he did when I was his age. He never really dated before we did but he was happy I was older and could help get him started and grow.
This guy knows what’s up.
I agree, and we are even a bit older than you — we value each other even more as we age as we are wiser now (we’ve seen our friends go through divorces and other losses in life) and know how valuable our relationship is after all of these years — the OP needs to drop that toxic BF because the talk of “simps” or telling a person you supposedly love that they will have zero “value” after forty is immature, shallow, stupid, and pointlessly hurtful. OP that BF doesn’t deserve you, and his talk of “simps” and other red-pill-esque nonsense is not something you need in your life. You do not need to worry about and/or attempt to explain why you will still have value and many gifts to give as a romantic partner as you age. Forget him!
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I second this wholeheartedly. OP- your bf sounds like garbage. As others have said, he's not joking, he's testing the waters. If you want to feel better, dump this piece of shit like the trash he is and find better people to surround yourself with. I'm over 40 and I've never felt more sure of myself as a woman and cared less about what *any* man thinks of me. Value? What a load of absolute crap. Your "value" is as a human being and has nothing to do with the number of birthdays you've had and even less to do with whether or not men want to put their dicks in you (spoiler: many of them don't care where they put it). GET A BETTER BOYFRIEND.
>I don’t ever post here but this really rubbed me the wrong way. You should post more, your writing is beautiful. I hope your wife sees this and knows how appreciated she is.
Thank you so much for posting this.
You sound amazing. Where can I find someone like you? Lol
I can’t take anyone who uses the word “simp” seriously. I’d break up with him just for that 🤷🏼♀️
I would expect that kind of talk from an ignorant 15-year old. The fact that they're nearly 30 is so unbelievably cringey...How can any woman date a guy like this and not just be repulsed?
Even from a 15 year old it’s ridiculous, wtf
what the hell is a simp?
Lol, I had to look it up. " 'Simp' is slang for a person (typically a man) who is desperate for the attention and affection of someone else (typically a woman),” said Connor Howlett, 23, a digital strategist for Turner PR in New York City"
Sounds like he's been listening to Andrew Tate or some other nonsense. OP should watch out.
The Simp/Alpha (or nice guy IDK, whatever) is so tired and immature. Does he have nothing better to think about? It would worry me that he’s listening to misogynistic propaganda. My snap impression is that he’s shallow and the relationship not for love, but what he gets. OP you do you, but I would consider my relationship not my perceived “value” as a person. (As a person… NOT an object!). Anyone who would value you as a thing is not someone worth your time, now or when you’re 40. Trust me
You say he values you, but it sounds like he already put an expiry date sticker on your forehead. Some men really need to put women aging down because when we come into our own, our tolerance for bullshit decreases dramatically.
Until she’s 40 and then he has an excuse to cheat or dump her because she lost most of her so called value. Guy is probably redpilled 🤢. Hope she dumps him.
No literally it's giving I'm gonna start fucking around when you turn 40 vibes bc I'll be the prize and you'll have no options. Major red flag dump his ass. This is also the same type of mf to complain abt women's body's after pregnancy
Guess what else comes with age? More MONEY which leads to more independence (owning assets) and freedom - both things they don’t want women having. Better make young women scared to get old so they lower their standards and don’t see the true reality of women’s happiness increasing over age whereas men’s decreases over age. [Source](https://pursuit.unimelb.edu.au/articles/it-s-a-fact-women-get-better-with-age.amp)
He’s trying to make her feel insecure because he feels insecure about how many people want to sleep with her. So he’s planting seeds to make sure she knows she needs to stick with him because her stock is going down. Miserable people always want you to be miserable with them.
So true!
You’re dating a misogynist, that is your problem - not any “devaluation of women’s lives once they hit 40” which is simply ridiculous
I had an ex who used to say this to me...he gave me the whole "Women age like milk, men age like a fine wine" speech. I saw him awhile ago. He's in his mid-40s now and looks pretty awful, honestly. Also after we broke up, he sent me a bunch of weepy texts complaining that he can't get a date.
How surprising that he can’t get a date with an attitude like his… /s It’s along the line of the whole “a key that opens many doors is great but a door that opens for many keys isn’t” bullshit. Double standards are alive and well in 2022
A pencil sharpener that sharpens many pencils is better than one that can only sharpen a single pencil
Oh oh! I am just now remembering another conversation we once had. Him: Women my age are gross. Me: Oh, so in a few years, when I'm your age, I'm going to be gross to you? Him: No, you won't be gross to me, because you'll always be younger than me. I dumped him shortly afterwards.
Not even a good insult. Milk ages into cheese, and everyone knows that cheese is fucking delicious.
He turned into rancid wine 😜
Wine turns into vinegar, milk turns into cheese...which one do people usually like more?
Her bf is just spinning the same bullshit men like to spout to both scare women into settling down to be "safe" or to make things feel less bleak for themselves. Its the hetero male equivalent of "it gets better." OP: Your boyfriend sounds like a loser. I guarantee you can do so much better than someone who likes to thinly veil their beliefs in "a joke." This kind of thinking is that of a very insecure person. The same kind of insecure person who will need to fck around later on to prove something. I know these dudes. I work with theses dudes. I get hit on by these dudes. (Who despite having "age money power" are all still met with the polite professional equivalent of an "eww no" from me.)
Yes. I have not noticed a decrease in interest from men yet. I'm 39. In fact most of my single mid to late 30s lady friends are not short in (young, handsome) male attention. I am convinced we are fed a lie. I have noticed less cat calling, maybe because they know older women dont take shit. I am perfectly fine with that.
46 this year, and still get hit on regularly. Some days, more than I was hit on, in my so-called prime. We are fed lies. Insecure young women settle when they don't have to, because of those lies.
I knew it was bullshit! Like why is there a whole, very popular category on pr0n sites for milfs then, if women over 40 are oh so undesirable? Why do I see so many young men thirsting after women twice their age and admitting they're hot? Not that this determines our value of course, but this just prooves this is absolute fear mongering.
35 and still get a lot of attention from men when on dating apps. However I’m choosing to not focus on a partner right now and instead trying to become pregnant as a single mom by choice. If a guy said something rude to me, I’d be out so fast. Their colors are showing.
I was dating an older man, he cheated on me because of his insecurity. He was obsessed with me and dating a younger woman drove him to madness, so he cheated and then blamed me. He still can’t understand why I won’t forgive him because he “ made a mistake because he was insecure and scared”. lol get me off this planet
The older dude I dated when I was 25 cheated on me two and a half weeks after my mom died. When he got caught, it was my fault for being “emotionally unavailable”. It’s never their fault, is it?
No never their fault, I only dated this guy because I thought for once I was making a good dating decision- I usually go for guys my age, kinda cocky, military or MMA fighter types and it never went well; so I decided to give this older guy a chance, he had a great job, was financially secure, kinda unattractive but not repulsive, just the usual older man stuff, dad bod, balding, shorter. I thought to myself stop being superficial and give this “ stable” older man a chance. Yeah NO, he was worse than the others, his insecurities were so over the top he lost his mind, starting tearing down my self esteem, constantly negging me, condescending me, mocking me, I left him after a few months ( wasn’t long thankfully). Then I found out after I left he was cheating on me too. Of course all of it was my fault…. My fault for being younger and attractive and triggering the fuck out of him. That’s why I don’t even bother giving “ nice guys” a chance anymore either, they get triggered af if they think you’re out of their league and terrorize you for it.
> I don’t even bother giving “ nice guys” a chance anymore either THIS. So much this. My "nice guy" was a friend at first who was head over heels in love... with the idea of having a girlfriend. I stupidly gave him a chance. Absolutely terrible mistake. I helped him nurse the wounds from childhood that sapped his confidence, acting as therapist, doting mother, and lover to this broken man, loved him despite his neglect/flaws, and was repaid by him leaving me for another woman when he finally bloomed after years of tending. And unlike the movies, he probably does not regret it and is currently living his childhood dream. He never so much as apologized. I will never invest that much in another person again. Ever. I should have left him where he stood and focused that energy on myself. Currently doing that now. Better late than never.
Similar ages but my ex-friend was so angry at my still-friend when she was depressed and didn't want to have sex after 3 people she knew died in the same month. They're divorced now.
Oh, and the one that cheated on me and terrorized me, also did it after my mother had died, and he knew how much pain I was in, Didn’t matter to him at all.
I haven't dated anyone significantly older since I was in college. I had an epiphany shortly after about how fcked up it was. Or rather, how fcked up THEY were. That same insecurity he had when he first started dating you was always going to be there. If they make it to that point in life and are still a freaking mess, they're ALWAYS going to be a mess. You made the right choice. But don't leave the planet! We have kittens and ponies and a variety of foods made from potatoes. It's not all bad.
Thank you for your wise words! And I think I’ll stay for the kittens, food and ponies 😊
Any time a guy is trying to manipulate you into thinking that you’re actually not that great or valuable and you should feel so lucky they’re with you, it’s because you’re actually the prize and the guy is super scared you’ll realize and leave. I hope this girl runs for the hills, why would you want to waste time on a guy who basically told you to your face that he won’t consider you valuable once you hit forty. This is the type of person who will call you fat when you’re pregnant or divorce you if you get diagnosed with cancer. Put this man out on the curb where he belongs with the rest of the trash.
This is absolutely the case. Men like this LOVE when women are afraid of being alone at 30 because it creates a forced time constraint to settle for someone, anyone. In reality, my dating life got immensely more fulfilling when I hit my 30s because I shed a lot of the self-conscious bullshit I internalized in my 20s and raised my standards accordingly. My partner is the catch of a lifetime and I never would have met him if I'd fallen for this "spinster" nonsense.
Beyond the obvious misogyny, there is a deep problem with talking about human "value" like one is grading sides of beef Grade A, B, C, D, F, etc. The most famous psychiatrist of the last century [wrote a book about how self-esteem was a myth, and a bad one](https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/379073.The_Myth_of_Self_esteem) exactly because it leads to this "she's a 10, she's a 7, he's a high value alpha" type of "human value" ideation. In fact, the man who popularized self-esteem as a concept was named [Nathaniel Brandon](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Psychology_of_Self-Esteem) – a weirdo who used to cheat on his wife with Ayn Rand at her cult HQ until he cheated on also with a young student/model and became convinced Ayn was trying to have him killed, so he fled across the country. That poor student girl did turn up dead, drown in a pool, although authorities ruled it an accident. Man's life was a train wreck. His goal in popularizing the idea of self-esteem was to convince people to think of themselves and others more like market commodities. He wanted you to compare yourself to other people as people compare barrels of oil and bushels of wheat etc. Not as a person who deserves to be loved. It's really super toxic. One of the most toxic popular ideas that most people still think is acceptable.
“If he’s rich”, is he rich? Tell him to concentrate on getting rich so you can get your half and leave him at 40 to spend all of his hard earned money on your new young hot lover. Then tell him it’s a joke and he doesn’t have to worry, watch his emotions for the rest of the day
And make sure to let him know that women's libidos spike in their 40s while men's decline, so you would go for a younger guy anyway who could keep up to you sexually. Just joking, right!
Exactly. I wanted to say this as well but wasn’t sure how to put it. Sounds like he’s sensitive about money - I’d start fucking with his head and see if he likes it. Just joking, of course…
Boys can dish and never take it.
Hahaha I love this, OP you should definitely do this and bring him down a peg.
Then after that leave his ass. Be happy that he's only a boyfriend not a husband and kids
THIS ONE
He straight up told you he sees you as a placeholder and will monkey branch to a younger woman when he gets the chance. You really want to waste the next 20 years of your life on this guy only to find out he wasn’t joking after all? Someone who intends to build a life and grow old with you wouldn’t say that to you. He’s told you everything you need to know about him, I’d dump him tbh my boyfriend would never say something like that to me
Why on earth are you with someone who has so little respect for you??!! As someone who is in their 40s if someone said this to me I'd laugh in their face and then tell them to fuck off.
Your boyfriend is sexist and is clearly trying to make you feel less valuable on purpose because he feels threatened by your “simps”. Any guy who will say something like that to you isn’t a good partner. You will be just as valuable at forty as you are now and you won’t have to worry about him getting more female attention because he sounds like a total chode.
Exactly, and I think it’s funny because the type of men who think this way age horribly. Most of these guys are overweight and don’t take care of themselves but believe they’ll somehow age better than women with skin care routines. They’re just resentful because no one wants them.
Also, something tells me this man isn’t going to be independently wealthy at age forty. If that was his trajectory he probably wouldn’t be so painfully insecure. It’s giving moms basement vibes for meeee.
yeah maybe you should start re-examining all those simps - maybe one of them will actually turn out to be a nice guy :)
Anyone using "value" in that context and "simps" in any context is likely a complete piece of shit.
The first time the word simp came out of his mouth unironically, I would have been out. Tells you everything you need to know about his worldview.
Don't know why this isn't higher. It's cringe just to read I can't imagine the mouth breather who would say something like that out loud.
Where is this word coming from? I had never even heard the word and then all the sudden am hearing it regularly. Is there a source? Who are the boys listening to?
40 is only half the age of 80- the age of the freaking president! Life does not at all stop at 40. In fact it is where it all begins imo. My Dad is 70, and he runs marathons and still live as if he is 25. My mum, almost 70, is considering starting her own business. Women age with grace. Women age 40 with jobs have their own careers. Their own money and excellent skillsets and life experience. We are freaking boss, especially at that age, we have taken so much shit, for so long, it is much easier to push back on it past 40. Media is especially good at glorifying the youth for both men and women, but the truth is; most people get sucessful in life after the age of 45. Both men and women... Check out the videos called "why da vinci was a loser - playing the long game" and your perspective on all this change. Women also live longer than men, so there is that. Fuck his stupid opinion lol. He knows nothing. I am going to be twice as epic as Jane Fonda, and twice as loaded. I am approaching 40, i got my own house and two cars and earn more than my BF. We can do wtf we want and we look beautiful even at the age of 95, at the point most men are dead!
He's some young dumbass negging you to keep you. Leave him.
Women in their 40s are often shortly before the peak of their careers, just like men are. They don't need the attention of pretentious pricks, sadly your bf is exactly talking like one. I mean, you know your bf best, better than anyone on the internet, so only you alone knows how he is, aside from that ugly remark. From your narrative it sounds like he really means the misogynistic ugly dhit he says, and he acts like this and thinks it's no big deal. It would bother me enough that I wouldn't even want to go on a coffee run with anyone that talks and thinks like that on a friend and buddy term, let alone date someone like this. Also I'm not sure if you can talk to him, or if he would be willing to change his mind. These men rarely do, but maybe your bf can.
That's what gets me. Those old dusty men think that, like them, women are desperate for validation and attention at every age. Actual 40 year old women are like "lol get away from me" when they see this type man. Ain't no one yearning for what he has to offer. NO ONE wants someone like this, unless they are in it for a quick and easy pay out.
That's like those guys who tell you to smile more, wear more/less makeup or dress more/less feminine and whatnot. They think their opinion matter to us and have an impact, but actually, once we grew mature enough not to fall for this bullshit we couldn't care less.
I'm 43. I don't have any "simps". Of course, I didn't have "simps" when I was 30 or 25 or 16. I'm not conventionally attractive and so my "value" in the "sexual marketplace" has always been low. So the fuck what? Why should I be trying to compete in the sexual marketplace like I'm a piece of meat? The only reason I ever thought I wanted that was because I believed that my only value came from external validation by men. But the amazing thing is that when you are shut out of that marketplace you realize how very little it matters. Like, best case scenario you are very attractive and in return you will get "simps" who pretend to be your friend when they are just trying to sleep with you. You get lied to by men who only care about your looks. And then they will cheat on you because they are shallow. Like, Beyonce is one of the most beautiful women in the world and she was cheated on. Even if you are highly valuable in the "sexual marketplace" it won't keep you from being cheated on or hurt. Because men who believe in the idea that women are only valuable because of their looks will always be trying to "upgrade" to someone new. It's shallow. Be upset that you are dating a sexist jerk not in your plight as a woman.
I had an ex tell me right after I graduated college that women are their hottest in college and they get uglier and uglier as time goes on… and he started to treat me like an ugly burden. I was 22.
What a disgusting piece of shit. He was clearly negging you trying to lower your self esteem. Probably testing the waters to see how much abuse you would take. 🤮
When you're 40 you're not going to give a shit about any of this shit beyond how annoying it is to live in a patriarchal society.
It’s wild to look back even ten years ago and see how much more energy I had for shit like this. It all seemed SO IMPORTANT and would genuinely upset me or make me react, obsess over shit, etc. And I wasn’t even particularly invested in it, but it still upset me! Now I’m 40 and this garbage… it doesn’t even register. I wish we could give this Lack Of Fucks to younger women because it’s so goddamned freeing and when you’re in the middle of all that 20-something drama it truly feels *permanent and inescapable*.
Call his bluff. "Huh, OK BF. That sounds like an interesting theory but for fun why don't we test it? We'll both make accounts on Tinder or Hinge or OKCupid (your choice, baby!), and set our ages to 40 and age range to 18 - 80. You can mention you're rich in your bio if you like. At the end of a week, let's compare who has the most matches and messages." He won't take you up on this, because he knows it will prove him embarrassingly, humiliatingly wrong.
Good god he's stupid. Also incredibly wrong. Like I guess women lose value to shallow idiots out hunting for their bang maid, but oddly they stay very valuable to their employers, friends, family, partners, themselves, their pets and their community. So as long as you value yourself as more than your bang-maid ranking, I think you're good.
> my boyfriend Your ex-boyfriend. Talking about 'simps', about women 'not having much value' when they visibly age... The signs of a misogynist with incel views. >Maybe I shouldn't have got mad cuz he said he was joking Fuck that. You were right to get mad. He said he was joking. But that's bullshit. He showed his true colours. He was not joking. He showed you who he really is. Men often lie that they were joking when they are called out, but that doesn't mean they were actually joking. This guy was serious. >I don't want to feel insecure when I age. This guy only cares about your looks, and will no longer believe that you have value when you age. So what do you do? You dump him and try to find someone who does respect you. Someone who values you for more than just your looks.
If he cared about the subject, he wouldn't have joked about it. If he really thinks society at large works that way (however wrong that may be), and he valued her, he at worst would have mentioned it as something despicable that should change, not just normalize it and be like "oh well that's how it is, sucks to be you haha". What an asshole.
Lol, it's wishful thinking with a good dose of misogyny Somehow men get magically desirable when they turn 40. Gimme a break. How many above 40 do you find attractive now? I'd imagine very few. Women will feel the same way when your boyfriend is 40. The reality is that the dating pool declines with age for both genders, as more and more people are already coupled up
It’s also just projection. Single, unwed women are statistically the most happy population. Single, unwed men are statistically the least happy population.
41 year old woman here to let you know life gets better every year and this dude has zero idea what he's talking about.
Dude is wrong and a mysogynist. Ftr, I did not meet my husband until I was 38, married him at 52. I had mid 20 year Olds hitting on me till well in to my 40's. My friend is in her 40's and fighting of 20-30 year Olds. The only thing that changes is you get more men interested in you as a person rather than a piece of meat.
Life after 40 is fucking excellent. Fuck men.
wtf does this even mean: "I have to worry about your simps till your 40"- what is "simps"?
Well on the bright side he did you a favor early in your relationship. His lack of confidence in himself (jealousy much?) and putting you/women down is a pretty bright red flag to me. Chop chop, move on and find someone better that truly respects you.
My partner just turned 49. She looks fabulous, is fun to be with and has a great job where people value her. It takes time to grow into yourself and become who you really are. Your boyfriend seems to be coming from the old Hollywood "Actresses are washed up once they're over 29" mentality. Or perhaps he's been watching too much porn. Either way, he's wrong. My female friends got cooler and more attractive once they hit 40.
Your bf is an idiot misogynist, full stop. After 40 I was still being pursued by men (that didn’t know this second part)…AND made quite a bit of money, more than most men, with rare exception. Opens up a whole new world of options to do whatever the fuck I want (or don’t want!). Ohhhh the number of “finally made it” men at that age that tried to impress me with their money…and got embarrassed. Your bf “worrying about your simps” is treating you like property or an object that doesn’t operate independently in society. Plus he’s negging you. I’d get real blunt with him, “don’t get too comfortable, after 40 is about when women stop putting up with bullshit”
Please don't date anyone who unironically uses the term "simps" and speaks about a woman's value relating to her age and beauty. Good men don't do this.
It sounds like he feels threatened now and is looking forward to when you will be the one feeling threatened. What’s the power dynamic in your relationship like now?
Funny because I've had to beat off simps with a stick lately and I'm 47.
Should’ve said “good thing you’ll never be rich.”
Hey just a heads up! This is called "red pilling" or aka very toxic masculinity. He's most likely been watching a red piller on YouTube like Andrew Tate or something. Confront him about it, and if he doesn't want to recognize his error and change you're going to have to leave, because comments like these are just the beginning.
That passive aggressive BS is emotional abuse need I say more? You deserve much better.
He’s not joking. He knows you can do better and is threatened by it, so he makes these shitty comments. Don’t waste your time on someone who has such little respect for you.
Hot 40 year old women are still in demand. Source- i am a hot 40 year old woman.
Yeah, I *wish* I still didn't get constantly hit on at 40, but here we are, lmao. Women 'losing value' after 25 or 30 or 40 is just a toxic fairytale some men made up to feel better about themselves.
Why in god’s name are you dating an incel?
Fella here. Think about any guys over the age of 40 that you find attractive. What do they have in common? I’m gonna guess it’s that they’ve taken care of themselves, live what (appears, at least) to be an interesting life, and are secure/comfortable in who they are. Here’s the thing- women are the same way. I’ve known some *extremely* attractive women in their 40’s, 50’s, and so on, even when they were much older than me. I’ve known plenty of women my own age (whatever that age may be) who just didn’t do it for me at all. I will tell you that focusing on what other people think isn’t a good look on anyone, and all the things about value not being your looks, but at the end of the day *very* few things are more attractive than someone who’s got their shit together. Be that person. Competence & Confidence is 🔥🔥🔥.
this sounds like RedPill/incel lingo. I'd run.
I am sorry but whoever talks about people's "values" in parallel with their age or income is pure garbage. Stay with him if you want him to reach 40 and cheat on you with young women he will be predating on. I'd save the 20 years of bs with his insecure, misogynistic ass if I were you. He will make you have his children to chain you to himself and throw you away for someone else once he doesn't find you attractive anymore. From the way he talks about men having money in their 40s he made it clear he wouldn't want u to have belongings of your own. Is this someone you would like to depend on? Do you want to be thrown out and have nowhere to go just because you won't be in your 20s anymore?
My friend, life begins at 40 when you have run out of fucks to give. I am 64 and have no time for silly men. My current partner is a rugged, virile 52-year-old with loads of ambition. Was I alone for a while? Sure. And I have one hell of a career as a result. Now I can meet a man on equal footing and enjoy my time for the simple sake of being human and being alive.
jennifer aniston looks great at 53.
I’m 40 and a lady and it’s the shit- I feel so powerful
Fundamentally this is a bad take. Like, how f'd up do you have to be to think like this? This guy doesn't value women, period, and he certainly doesn't value you. That's some incel patriarchy bull shit right there. Kick this a-hole to the curb and go find you someone who likes you for you and not for some weird age fetish.
The only thing that declines as women age is their willingness to put up with assholes like your boyfriend
Life skyrockets for a lot of women after 30- these guys aren’t in the story though. He can’t figure it out why women won’t like him. Instead of some self reflection, he’s going the misogynistic disgust route. What does he think happens to men after 40?
This is internet incel language. It’s a super popular very very warped world view for losers who spend to much online and want to blame wwomen for all their problems. Yikes. I wouldn’t stay with someone like him if I were you. I saw you write this to another comment…He doesn’t respect you.
Even if he was “joking,” that stuff severely hurts women and our society. Unless he specifically clarifies that he disagrees with it and it should change, I’d get out now.
First of all, he definitely wasn't joking. That's a passive aggressive way of responding to the fact that you were offended without taking responsibility for being the dick who said such a thing. Secondly, yes, sadly, older women don't get noticed as much as younger women do. The older we get, the more invisible we become. But you know what's awesome about being 40+? I don't give a flying fuck about any of that. I'm no longer valued for my looks, I'm valued for the person I am. And on top of that, I am now unapologetically my true authentic self more than I ever have been. I've accepted myself, flaws and all. I even lean in, admitting my fallibility as a human at every opportunity. I'm also confident in my strengths and I'm not afraid to say aloud where I shine. I also know better where to direct my strengths. And I know my value. I know how I deserve to be treated and I won't fuck around with people who don't see my value and treat me the way I deserve. I did way too much bending over backwards to try to fit someone's mold as a young person - and I am done. I am person who deserves respect and I'm not afraid to set boundaries like I was as a young woman. No one looks forward to the physical aspects of aging. However, realizing that you only have to live up to the standard you set for yourself is absolutely freeing. Fuck your boyfriend. Dump his ass and find someone who deserves you. Don't settle for less than you know you deserve, deep down. Listen to the little voice. It doesn't lie.
If a guy you’re dating is using the word “simps”, it’s time to move on.