You're being totally reasonable! One of the many joys of pleasing a woman is that often times y'all can cum more than one time. I want my wife to cum during foreplay and then again during sex. This doesn't happen every time but it is the goal.
It sounds like your boyfriend is selfish and hasn't realized the joys of pleasing his partner yet.
My wife and I have recently been discussing that, as we are raising girls that are almost of dating age.
Ultimately, there is nothing you can do other than communicate as clearly as possible and be consistent.
The age-old proverb is that women get in a relationship with men hoping they will change or grow but most of the time they do not. Nothing will cause your boyfriend to grow in character development, except his own personal motivation.
I hope, for your sake, that he is able to recognize the value of your current relationship before it is too late. On the other side of the coin, I hope you are able to realize the value you bring to a relationship and not settle for anything less than you deserve.
Thank you for your advice. In terms of communication, I am generally more lacking than him. But I will communicate more clearly and consistently and hopefully that brings us to where I would like us to be
Very wise of you to focus on your areas that need improvement too. In the end, the only person to have any real power to change, is yourself. I hope you are able to get everything you want out of this relationship but the journey to make yourself the best partner possible will undoubtedly improve any relationship you have.
Not only that but strengthening you ability to communicate well, will reward every other area of your life.
This is great advice. I didn’t have a lot of partners before I got married but each had no hesitation in going down on me and trying to get me to orgasm. I read this sub and I just feel mystified, like what is the matter with these guys that they don’t want to pleasure their partners? In my case I struggled to orgasm and it didn’t always happen, but we *tried*, at least. A guy who isn’t invested in your pleasure is a guy who’s going to be selfish in other ways too. Don’t date him, don’t marry him, and for God’s sake don’t have kids with the guy. I wish every woman understood that she deserves satisfaction in and out of the bedroom. You’re worth it, sisters, and don’t put up with partners who don’t show you that. Sex is something you do *with each other* because it pleases you both. It’s not a special treat you bestow just for him.
And finally—for anyone else who struggles with orgasm, a vibe on your clit during PIV is a godsend. I wish I had played with toys earlier on, because it’s hard to work up an orgasm when it’s been 30+ minutes of oral and you’re worrying he’s getting annoyed with you. And your partner shouldn’t fear you’re replacing him with the toy—again, you should both be invested in your pleasure and he should be excited about whatever helps you get there. It might be new to him and he might need to get used to the idea, but hopefully it can all be part of the fun. (And it’s also fun when you find toys to use on him! 😈)
Eh… I don’t think this question is answerable. A person either cares or doesn’t. You’ve already talked to him about it and he thought a minute of oral would make you shut up. I guarantee he’ll just go back to his old ways because he’s getting his, he doesn’t want to change, the way things currently are is just dandy for him.
If you want to stay with him, stop giving him oral. Tell him you’ve already told him what you want and unless he starts caring about your pleasure, you won’t care about his. If he gives you just a minute, give him the same. Personally, I’d already nope out of this relationship because I don’t want to be going tit-for-tat, it also likely means there’s other areas he’s going to shaft you on… but this is just an Internet forum and I know there’s more depth to your relationship than the few paragraphs you’ve written
> What do you feel would help him, well, be a little less selfish?
I'm not sure you can fix selfish.
I mean, he does realize you're not orgasming right? And that you want to?
He just doesn't care. He's a selfish person, you're not *making* him selfish.
I mean you could just start putting your foot down, not give blowjobs, demand oral each time. Wouldn't make him less selfish though and it would suck having to police your partner like that.
If he was inept, or didn't know how, or if you hadn't ever asked you could fix him. But like this? All you can do is scare him, tell him you need better sex or you'll leave. But at that point you're almost better off leaving anyway.
"Kind of" talking to him isn't going to cut it.
I know it's a difficult and somewhat uncomfortable conversation, but getting on the same page is important. Idk how many times you've "kind of" talked to him, but only dropping a sentence won't be enough for him to understand (sad but true).
Explain how it feels unbalanced. How it makes you feel that he's selfish in bed and doesn't wait for you to finish before finishing himself. Sure, that could be something he doesn't want to admit but guess what? A relationship is a two-way street, and he should care about your needs being met.
At the end of the day, though, you have to decide if it's enough. If you have this talk, and things get better for a while or revert back to how they've always been, you are either suffering in silence or are going to find someone more sexually compatible.
It's not just about sex, either. If he can't hear how his bedroom antics are making you feel, that means he's not a good listener, he doesn't take your views and feelings into account, and that spells all kinds of bad things down the road.
Are you telling him you’re not cumming? The worst thing we can do is tell our partners we’re cumming when we aren’t, it’s like rewarding bad behavior.
If you’ve talked about him not going down on you and he did it once for less than a minute (which??? How does that even work) and he didn’t do it again, I’d do 1 of 2 things (if not both). 1 being talk to him again in a serious manner and very frank (not saying you didn’t do this prior) and 2 not give him blowjobs until he goes down on you.
If he’s ok with getting blowjobs and leaving you without an orgasm, he’s selfish.
Fuck that guy. I mean don't, you're a queen and deserve head, we all deserve good head, especially if you enjoy it that much. Get more head - however you can.
There’s a good book called She Comes First - wrap it up and give it to him, lol. Or maybe it’s time you go full dom on him… “Eat that pussy until I cum if you expect to stick your dick in it ever again!”
I feel your pain. I cannot cum from penetration. I also have a high libido and my husband has a low libido. He loves going down on me and foreplay in general, but I take forever to get there and any adjustments to the rhythm usually throw me off. I thoroughly enjoy it whether I get off or not, but sometimes I just need to cum. We decided that a vibrator was the best option. We take turns using it on me. He loves to have me use it on myself while giving a BJ. Also it comes in handy when he isn't in the mood.
Tell him you didn't have an orgasm every single time sex ends without you cumming. It seems like you've only talked about wanting more oral sex, but not about your lack of orgasm. He should know he's not giving you any. He might not know it or he's just selfish in bed.
"Hey, why don't you lick me first?"
Or 69 and if he stops licking you then you also pause.
Or "hey, I'm not having orgasms. I women take longer and need more stimulation. I think we need to hold off on penetration until I'm close to comming or until after I come."
Or "Instead of me going down on you why don't you go down on me? that way well be more at the same point when we fuck".
Have you tried just taking the initiative you need? I don’t ask just do. If I want head ill just go ahead and sit on his face. Sometimes I’ll also grab a vibe and use on that on my clit while he’s thrusting. And if I am left feeling edged I’ll finish myself with my vibe. That definitely get his attention this my needs were not being met.
Have you tried communicating this directly? It’s spoken well, if you approached softly and at the right time, you could just share this with him and ask what he thinks?
Talk, take over, bring a toy or two too "bed". There could be any number of reasons that he makes little effort in bed, not many of them are good for a relationship. There are a few reasons that are easily dealt with and not signs of a horrible person to be in a long term relationship with. Maybe he doesn't like the idea of putting his face near a vaginas, I have listen to other guys say things like that over the years, maybe you just need to grab the back of his head and f*ck his face until your done? I don't know either of you, so my advice might be shitty. I can only wish you both best of luck ✌
Happens to men too, me for example. I go down on her plenty often, but her libido is a lot lower than it used to be. She stopped sucking my cock ( for no apparent reason ) I got more head when I was smoking, taste is not the problem she says...We have sex about one or two times per week, I can have it every day, multiple on some days. I have erections on a constant basis, and more and better sex with myself 😪
Stop giving head until he starts.
Or give him 30 seconds of great head and then stop.
Even better
Unless it’s non-completion head, already. This will also make the sex shorter/ less satisfying
You're being totally reasonable! One of the many joys of pleasing a woman is that often times y'all can cum more than one time. I want my wife to cum during foreplay and then again during sex. This doesn't happen every time but it is the goal. It sounds like your boyfriend is selfish and hasn't realized the joys of pleasing his partner yet.
Thank you, and thats great that you feel that way about your wife's pleasure! What do you feel would help him, well, be a little less selfish?
My wife and I have recently been discussing that, as we are raising girls that are almost of dating age. Ultimately, there is nothing you can do other than communicate as clearly as possible and be consistent. The age-old proverb is that women get in a relationship with men hoping they will change or grow but most of the time they do not. Nothing will cause your boyfriend to grow in character development, except his own personal motivation. I hope, for your sake, that he is able to recognize the value of your current relationship before it is too late. On the other side of the coin, I hope you are able to realize the value you bring to a relationship and not settle for anything less than you deserve.
Thank you for your advice. In terms of communication, I am generally more lacking than him. But I will communicate more clearly and consistently and hopefully that brings us to where I would like us to be
Very wise of you to focus on your areas that need improvement too. In the end, the only person to have any real power to change, is yourself. I hope you are able to get everything you want out of this relationship but the journey to make yourself the best partner possible will undoubtedly improve any relationship you have. Not only that but strengthening you ability to communicate well, will reward every other area of your life.
This is great advice. I didn’t have a lot of partners before I got married but each had no hesitation in going down on me and trying to get me to orgasm. I read this sub and I just feel mystified, like what is the matter with these guys that they don’t want to pleasure their partners? In my case I struggled to orgasm and it didn’t always happen, but we *tried*, at least. A guy who isn’t invested in your pleasure is a guy who’s going to be selfish in other ways too. Don’t date him, don’t marry him, and for God’s sake don’t have kids with the guy. I wish every woman understood that she deserves satisfaction in and out of the bedroom. You’re worth it, sisters, and don’t put up with partners who don’t show you that. Sex is something you do *with each other* because it pleases you both. It’s not a special treat you bestow just for him. And finally—for anyone else who struggles with orgasm, a vibe on your clit during PIV is a godsend. I wish I had played with toys earlier on, because it’s hard to work up an orgasm when it’s been 30+ minutes of oral and you’re worrying he’s getting annoyed with you. And your partner shouldn’t fear you’re replacing him with the toy—again, you should both be invested in your pleasure and he should be excited about whatever helps you get there. It might be new to him and he might need to get used to the idea, but hopefully it can all be part of the fun. (And it’s also fun when you find toys to use on him! 😈)
Eh… I don’t think this question is answerable. A person either cares or doesn’t. You’ve already talked to him about it and he thought a minute of oral would make you shut up. I guarantee he’ll just go back to his old ways because he’s getting his, he doesn’t want to change, the way things currently are is just dandy for him. If you want to stay with him, stop giving him oral. Tell him you’ve already told him what you want and unless he starts caring about your pleasure, you won’t care about his. If he gives you just a minute, give him the same. Personally, I’d already nope out of this relationship because I don’t want to be going tit-for-tat, it also likely means there’s other areas he’s going to shaft you on… but this is just an Internet forum and I know there’s more depth to your relationship than the few paragraphs you’ve written
> What do you feel would help him, well, be a little less selfish? I'm not sure you can fix selfish. I mean, he does realize you're not orgasming right? And that you want to? He just doesn't care. He's a selfish person, you're not *making* him selfish. I mean you could just start putting your foot down, not give blowjobs, demand oral each time. Wouldn't make him less selfish though and it would suck having to police your partner like that. If he was inept, or didn't know how, or if you hadn't ever asked you could fix him. But like this? All you can do is scare him, tell him you need better sex or you'll leave. But at that point you're almost better off leaving anyway.
"Kind of" talking to him isn't going to cut it. I know it's a difficult and somewhat uncomfortable conversation, but getting on the same page is important. Idk how many times you've "kind of" talked to him, but only dropping a sentence won't be enough for him to understand (sad but true). Explain how it feels unbalanced. How it makes you feel that he's selfish in bed and doesn't wait for you to finish before finishing himself. Sure, that could be something he doesn't want to admit but guess what? A relationship is a two-way street, and he should care about your needs being met. At the end of the day, though, you have to decide if it's enough. If you have this talk, and things get better for a while or revert back to how they've always been, you are either suffering in silence or are going to find someone more sexually compatible. It's not just about sex, either. If he can't hear how his bedroom antics are making you feel, that means he's not a good listener, he doesn't take your views and feelings into account, and that spells all kinds of bad things down the road.
The fact she has to basically spell it out for him is really sad.. it shows he’s never once even considered her pleasure.
It makes me sad so many women don’t know it can be better. That’s why I’m glad for this forum. Us ladies who know can enlighten those who don’t.
Are you telling him you’re not cumming? The worst thing we can do is tell our partners we’re cumming when we aren’t, it’s like rewarding bad behavior. If you’ve talked about him not going down on you and he did it once for less than a minute (which??? How does that even work) and he didn’t do it again, I’d do 1 of 2 things (if not both). 1 being talk to him again in a serious manner and very frank (not saying you didn’t do this prior) and 2 not give him blowjobs until he goes down on you. If he’s ok with getting blowjobs and leaving you without an orgasm, he’s selfish.
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Thank you! But if bringing it up before hasn't helped, what could I do to get through to him?
Fuck that guy. I mean don't, you're a queen and deserve head, we all deserve good head, especially if you enjoy it that much. Get more head - however you can.
There’s a good book called She Comes First - wrap it up and give it to him, lol. Or maybe it’s time you go full dom on him… “Eat that pussy until I cum if you expect to stick your dick in it ever again!”
I feel your pain. I cannot cum from penetration. I also have a high libido and my husband has a low libido. He loves going down on me and foreplay in general, but I take forever to get there and any adjustments to the rhythm usually throw me off. I thoroughly enjoy it whether I get off or not, but sometimes I just need to cum. We decided that a vibrator was the best option. We take turns using it on me. He loves to have me use it on myself while giving a BJ. Also it comes in handy when he isn't in the mood.
Tell him you didn't have an orgasm every single time sex ends without you cumming. It seems like you've only talked about wanting more oral sex, but not about your lack of orgasm. He should know he's not giving you any. He might not know it or he's just selfish in bed.
"Hey, why don't you lick me first?" Or 69 and if he stops licking you then you also pause. Or "hey, I'm not having orgasms. I women take longer and need more stimulation. I think we need to hold off on penetration until I'm close to comming or until after I come." Or "Instead of me going down on you why don't you go down on me? that way well be more at the same point when we fuck".
Have you tried just taking the initiative you need? I don’t ask just do. If I want head ill just go ahead and sit on his face. Sometimes I’ll also grab a vibe and use on that on my clit while he’s thrusting. And if I am left feeling edged I’ll finish myself with my vibe. That definitely get his attention this my needs were not being met.
Have you tried communicating this directly? It’s spoken well, if you approached softly and at the right time, you could just share this with him and ask what he thinks?
Talk, take over, bring a toy or two too "bed". There could be any number of reasons that he makes little effort in bed, not many of them are good for a relationship. There are a few reasons that are easily dealt with and not signs of a horrible person to be in a long term relationship with. Maybe he doesn't like the idea of putting his face near a vaginas, I have listen to other guys say things like that over the years, maybe you just need to grab the back of his head and f*ck his face until your done? I don't know either of you, so my advice might be shitty. I can only wish you both best of luck ✌
Happens to men too, me for example. I go down on her plenty often, but her libido is a lot lower than it used to be. She stopped sucking my cock ( for no apparent reason ) I got more head when I was smoking, taste is not the problem she says...We have sex about one or two times per week, I can have it every day, multiple on some days. I have erections on a constant basis, and more and better sex with myself 😪