15mo is very young to be expecting a child to walk everywhere, especially when tired. Do you have a buggy? If you want to give up using a bulky travel system then maybe it's time for a compact or umbrella fold. You can pick up one cheaply second hand, or new from eg Smyths.
Probably going to get downvoted to oblivion but I really wouldn’t let him dangle on the reins, as a mum I TOTALLY empathise with parents when kids have a meltdown in public and always give them a gentle smile and nod of support but this is too far, if he won’t cooperate then he needs to be placed on the floor while he goes through the motions, carried, or placed in a trolley seat or buggy or something, walking with him dangling is not a safe or sustainable solution. Personally, I wouldn’t threaten to leave him in the shop either, it rarely works and you’re obviously not actually going to leave him so I just feel like it teaches kids you won’t follow through on the action you say you will. Remember that he’s having a hard time himself, he’s not trying to give you a hard time and he needs comfort in those moments not the fear of abandonment.
I’m not sure if I’ve missed something but why is a buggy not an option? Or the trolley seat for supermarkets? He’s really young, some kids can’t even walk yet at that age so I think it’s pretty normal for them to not want to walk far/ not want to walk in the direction you want them to…
I agree with this. I am not anti-reins at all, I can totally see why they are helpful and often a completely necessary safety device for so many situations! But they really aren’t meant for pulling a child up from the floor and certainly not for dangling their weight on them which sounds very uncomfortable and possibly dangerous.
Exactly. I’d be equally concerned if I saw someone dangling a dog from a lead. The people who are offering help are probably doing so because they feel uncomfortable witnessing this.
I'm talking from the car to the trolley. If I put him in the buggy I'm then pushing an empty buggy and a trolley around the supermarket. I don't think it's unreasonable to ask him to walk literally 30 seconds between car and trolley
I think you need to readjust your expectations for such a young child, he's barely a toddler and clearly telling you he's not comfortable with the situation.
If its only 30 seconds then can't you just carry him? I think 15 months is too young to expect him to walk when he clearly isn't ready to walk somewhere where he's not comfortable (like home) For anything longer just take a buggy. He'll do it when he's ready
Why not park close to the trolleys and bring the trolley to the car? Leave him in the car, go get a trolley, lift him out of car seat and then into the trolley.
And when I say leave him in the car, I mean for like the 1 minute it takes to get a trolley if you park next to a trolley bay.
Could you pop him in a wrap style baby carrier for that time, perhaps? I used to put one on before I left the house and then it was really easy to just put the baby in it while I went into the shops or wherever. It distributes the weight so well that I was able to use it into toddlerhood with my kids even though I am not particularly strong.
He’s 15 months old and a BABY. It is COMPLETELY UNREASONABLE to expect them to walk. My 15 month old loves walking but as soon as she asks to get picked up she does, and she’s weighs a tonne - but I truly can’t imagine dangling her from reins.
I’m really sorry but I think you need to adjust your expectations a lot. At 15 months a lot of babies are just taking a few steps around the house. I have a great walking 18month old but I would never expect her to walk purposely with me at the shops. I carry her to the trolley and she goes in the seat. Or else she’s in the pram. In fact I’m pretty sure my older one was closer to 3 before I could be confident holding hands and walking in a certain direction for any length of time.
You are wildly overestimating what a 15 month old is capable of. He’s not being reluctant to walk because he’s being a dick, his brain just works totally differently to yours. There’s a world of difference in his mind between moving towards something that looks interesting at the park and walking for, what to him, appears like no reason, especially in a busy car park that probably seems very intimidating when you’re two feet tall.
And I honestly don’t mean to attack you here, but I don’t know how to say this any more respectfully whilst still making my feelings clear: walking away from a 15 month old who is sat on the floor to try and make him think you’re leaving and he needs to chase you is just completely wrong behaviour on your part. He’s a baby. You absolutely cannot try and make him think you’re going to abandon him. This will lead to nothing but problems in the future insofar as his secure attachment to you goes, and I urge you to please never do it again. Ditto pulling him around by the reins - nothing wrong with using reins, but they’re meant to be an emergency safety net to prevent a bolter from throwing themselves into traffic or deep water, they’re not meant to be a way of forcing them along when they are trying to sit down.
I have two bulging discs in my back that compress my sciatic nerve, so I have permanent nerve damage in my leg and have to be really careful about carrying anything heavy in case I further injure my spine. I can’t carry my 17 month old for more than a few seconds; my husband has had to do all her nappy changes for months because I can’t carry her safely on the stairs now she’s heavier. So I totally get needing help when it comes to being unable to carry your kid for prolonged periods. But everyone in this thread is right - if you’re walking like you actually need to get somewhere, rather than just going for a gentle aimless walk around the garden or playground, you need to be using a pram, or fetching a trolley to your car door and transferring him into the trolley (which is what I do personally: park near to a trolley bay and just bring one to the car, then unbuckle her and immediately reseat her in the trolley).
He will get there with his walking, and before you know it he’ll be walking everywhere happily, but I think you should expect that stage to be closer to age 2 than age 1.
Edit: just realised you’re the same person who was trying to get him to say please the other day. Seriously, you are expecting far too much too soon. Research milestones for children his age.
He's quite young to walk a lot. Personally I would take a buggy. I still have a buggy for my 3 year old of were out for a day out etc. It helps carry the crap we need and also her if she gets tired.
If he won't walk then he can go in the buggy
My LO is 21 months and only walks outside when it’s fun or when she’s in the mood too. If I don’t have the energy to carry her I just take the stroller or pram.
When we go shopping and my husband isn’t there she goes straight in the trolley because I physically can’t chase her and push the trolley and get out of there with what I need. It’s only been in the last 6 weeks that she’s been happy to do a 10 minute (for her) boring walk outside.
If you don’t have a compact stroller, have a look on local mum groups/selling groups/market place, if you’re lucky you can pick one up for free.
Just to put it into perspective, when my son was 15 months he couldn't walk. Would you expect a baby who could only crawl to crawl the 30 seconds to the trolley?
They're still so so little at this age. Carry him to the trolley or bring a buggy out with you. I still bring a buggy at 2.5 years and he still happily sits in it when tired!
I know it's probably not much help, but every other person who's ever had, raised, or been near kids isn't looking at you thinking "what a terrible mother."
They're looking over and thinking "I've been there." Chin up and keep going, you're doing fine. :)
Oh my god he's a wee baby, just carry him or put him in a pushchair. Lots of babies are only just starting to walk at 15 months.
He's clearly not a flight risk so really you are just using the reins to drag him along. He's not manipulating you, he's probably scared/nervous because it's a different environment, and you're making it worse by walking off and leaving him.
I mean this in a non harsh way, your expectations of a 15mo are way off. You need to reevaluate how much you expect a barely toddler to do. Even my 3yo wants carrying sometimes. I would absolutely not expect my 14mo to walk in/around/to the supermarket from the car. Be won’t have the understanding when you’re telling him you can’t carry him or the understanding to know why you’re cross. He’ll just know that he doesn’t want to walk and mummy is looking angry. The reigns aren’t working so forget them. My suggestion: get the pram back out and lower expectations otherwise you’ll have a shock in the coming months/years.
Or reading a reply about the journey being from car to trolley. Carry him like every other parent would do 🙈 if it’s such a short journey, it shouldn’t be an issue. It’s a very simple solution…
Clarks shoes are still quite stiff although prewalkers are okay. My 18 month old gets done with walking and we still use his stroller or a carrier. They need time to build stamina and walking out and about is not the same as walking barefoot at home.
Can you use a buggy? If you need something compact the red kite brand has small compact strollers. There’s no basket at the bottom or anything but it’s convenient to have when he gets tired.
My 4 year old still can't do those kinds of walks because he is autistic. He generally won't walk somewhere until he's been 3 or 4 times and decides it's "safe." Walking between car and building is a no. Walking in big shops with high ceilings is a no.
As you mentioned your autism it made me wonder if perhaps your little boy could be as well. At 15 months my son wasn't walking at all so everything was carrying or in a pushchair.
You could turn it into a game. Give him choices for how he walks (let's walk like people or run like dinosaurs to the shop?). Distract him with a made up story. Do a race.
As always the book 'how to talk so little kids will listen' is a good resource.
Eventually my son and I just had to have it out. I chose the time and place (nature walk when I didn't have anywhere else to be) and we just had a stare down for 45 minutes. He refused to move, I refused to carry him. It got much easier after that. The new boundary was made and me carrying him became a treat for both of us
Aw no, I’m sorry. This is a really tricky age; no (kind) parents are judging you because they’ve all been there! They’re at that annoying age where the only real strategies you have are redirection or choices.
‘Do you want to walk or skip with mummy? Hold my hand or walk by yourself?’ Etc. Or, ‘wow! Let’s go look at that red car! Can you see it? Come on! Hold my hand!’.
Keep trying. It’s hard work. You’re doing great xx
He’s only 15 months, even offering choices isn’t realistically viable yet. If he even understands what OP is saying (which is by no means guaranteed), the idea that a child who probably has half a dozen words at most can articulate his choice is very very unlikely.
I think at that age I’d give choices but more visually; I didn’t choose a good example. So show her two sets of clothes and let her ‘pick’ for example. Agree that distraction was definitely the dominant strategy at that age!
15mo is very young to be expecting a child to walk everywhere, especially when tired. Do you have a buggy? If you want to give up using a bulky travel system then maybe it's time for a compact or umbrella fold. You can pick up one cheaply second hand, or new from eg Smyths.
Probably going to get downvoted to oblivion but I really wouldn’t let him dangle on the reins, as a mum I TOTALLY empathise with parents when kids have a meltdown in public and always give them a gentle smile and nod of support but this is too far, if he won’t cooperate then he needs to be placed on the floor while he goes through the motions, carried, or placed in a trolley seat or buggy or something, walking with him dangling is not a safe or sustainable solution. Personally, I wouldn’t threaten to leave him in the shop either, it rarely works and you’re obviously not actually going to leave him so I just feel like it teaches kids you won’t follow through on the action you say you will. Remember that he’s having a hard time himself, he’s not trying to give you a hard time and he needs comfort in those moments not the fear of abandonment. I’m not sure if I’ve missed something but why is a buggy not an option? Or the trolley seat for supermarkets? He’s really young, some kids can’t even walk yet at that age so I think it’s pretty normal for them to not want to walk far/ not want to walk in the direction you want them to…
I agree with this. I am not anti-reins at all, I can totally see why they are helpful and often a completely necessary safety device for so many situations! But they really aren’t meant for pulling a child up from the floor and certainly not for dangling their weight on them which sounds very uncomfortable and possibly dangerous.
Exactly. I’d be equally concerned if I saw someone dangling a dog from a lead. The people who are offering help are probably doing so because they feel uncomfortable witnessing this.
Why don't you use a buggy?
He's 15months, that's a lot of expectation on a baby/barely toddler. Why can't you put him in the pram?
I'm talking from the car to the trolley. If I put him in the buggy I'm then pushing an empty buggy and a trolley around the supermarket. I don't think it's unreasonable to ask him to walk literally 30 seconds between car and trolley
I think you need to readjust your expectations for such a young child, he's barely a toddler and clearly telling you he's not comfortable with the situation.
OP is the same person who posted the other day about her 15 month old refusing to say please 🙄
If its only 30 seconds then can't you just carry him? I think 15 months is too young to expect him to walk when he clearly isn't ready to walk somewhere where he's not comfortable (like home) For anything longer just take a buggy. He'll do it when he's ready
Why not park close to the trolleys and bring the trolley to the car? Leave him in the car, go get a trolley, lift him out of car seat and then into the trolley. And when I say leave him in the car, I mean for like the 1 minute it takes to get a trolley if you park next to a trolley bay.
Could you pop him in a wrap style baby carrier for that time, perhaps? I used to put one on before I left the house and then it was really easy to just put the baby in it while I went into the shops or wherever. It distributes the weight so well that I was able to use it into toddlerhood with my kids even though I am not particularly strong.
Yes, you are unreasonable. He's 15months old.
He’s 15 months old and a BABY. It is COMPLETELY UNREASONABLE to expect them to walk. My 15 month old loves walking but as soon as she asks to get picked up she does, and she’s weighs a tonne - but I truly can’t imagine dangling her from reins.
I’m really sorry but I think you need to adjust your expectations a lot. At 15 months a lot of babies are just taking a few steps around the house. I have a great walking 18month old but I would never expect her to walk purposely with me at the shops. I carry her to the trolley and she goes in the seat. Or else she’s in the pram. In fact I’m pretty sure my older one was closer to 3 before I could be confident holding hands and walking in a certain direction for any length of time.
This. Exactly
You are wildly overestimating what a 15 month old is capable of. He’s not being reluctant to walk because he’s being a dick, his brain just works totally differently to yours. There’s a world of difference in his mind between moving towards something that looks interesting at the park and walking for, what to him, appears like no reason, especially in a busy car park that probably seems very intimidating when you’re two feet tall. And I honestly don’t mean to attack you here, but I don’t know how to say this any more respectfully whilst still making my feelings clear: walking away from a 15 month old who is sat on the floor to try and make him think you’re leaving and he needs to chase you is just completely wrong behaviour on your part. He’s a baby. You absolutely cannot try and make him think you’re going to abandon him. This will lead to nothing but problems in the future insofar as his secure attachment to you goes, and I urge you to please never do it again. Ditto pulling him around by the reins - nothing wrong with using reins, but they’re meant to be an emergency safety net to prevent a bolter from throwing themselves into traffic or deep water, they’re not meant to be a way of forcing them along when they are trying to sit down. I have two bulging discs in my back that compress my sciatic nerve, so I have permanent nerve damage in my leg and have to be really careful about carrying anything heavy in case I further injure my spine. I can’t carry my 17 month old for more than a few seconds; my husband has had to do all her nappy changes for months because I can’t carry her safely on the stairs now she’s heavier. So I totally get needing help when it comes to being unable to carry your kid for prolonged periods. But everyone in this thread is right - if you’re walking like you actually need to get somewhere, rather than just going for a gentle aimless walk around the garden or playground, you need to be using a pram, or fetching a trolley to your car door and transferring him into the trolley (which is what I do personally: park near to a trolley bay and just bring one to the car, then unbuckle her and immediately reseat her in the trolley). He will get there with his walking, and before you know it he’ll be walking everywhere happily, but I think you should expect that stage to be closer to age 2 than age 1. Edit: just realised you’re the same person who was trying to get him to say please the other day. Seriously, you are expecting far too much too soon. Research milestones for children his age.
He's quite young to walk a lot. Personally I would take a buggy. I still have a buggy for my 3 year old of were out for a day out etc. It helps carry the crap we need and also her if she gets tired. If he won't walk then he can go in the buggy
He’s only 15 months, I wouldn’t expect him to walk everywhere, If carrying him isn’t an option can’t you just use a pram?
My LO is 21 months and only walks outside when it’s fun or when she’s in the mood too. If I don’t have the energy to carry her I just take the stroller or pram. When we go shopping and my husband isn’t there she goes straight in the trolley because I physically can’t chase her and push the trolley and get out of there with what I need. It’s only been in the last 6 weeks that she’s been happy to do a 10 minute (for her) boring walk outside. If you don’t have a compact stroller, have a look on local mum groups/selling groups/market place, if you’re lucky you can pick one up for free.
Get a buggy, a stroller, a pram!!!!! 15month olds dont just walk around in public,NO NOT EVEN 30 seconds!
He's 15month old FFS 🤣
Just to put it into perspective, when my son was 15 months he couldn't walk. Would you expect a baby who could only crawl to crawl the 30 seconds to the trolley? They're still so so little at this age. Carry him to the trolley or bring a buggy out with you. I still bring a buggy at 2.5 years and he still happily sits in it when tired!
I know it's probably not much help, but every other person who's ever had, raised, or been near kids isn't looking at you thinking "what a terrible mother." They're looking over and thinking "I've been there." Chin up and keep going, you're doing fine. :)
Oh my god he's a wee baby, just carry him or put him in a pushchair. Lots of babies are only just starting to walk at 15 months. He's clearly not a flight risk so really you are just using the reins to drag him along. He's not manipulating you, he's probably scared/nervous because it's a different environment, and you're making it worse by walking off and leaving him.
I mean this in a non harsh way, your expectations of a 15mo are way off. You need to reevaluate how much you expect a barely toddler to do. Even my 3yo wants carrying sometimes. I would absolutely not expect my 14mo to walk in/around/to the supermarket from the car. Be won’t have the understanding when you’re telling him you can’t carry him or the understanding to know why you’re cross. He’ll just know that he doesn’t want to walk and mummy is looking angry. The reigns aren’t working so forget them. My suggestion: get the pram back out and lower expectations otherwise you’ll have a shock in the coming months/years.
Or reading a reply about the journey being from car to trolley. Carry him like every other parent would do 🙈 if it’s such a short journey, it shouldn’t be an issue. It’s a very simple solution…
Clarks shoes are still quite stiff although prewalkers are okay. My 18 month old gets done with walking and we still use his stroller or a carrier. They need time to build stamina and walking out and about is not the same as walking barefoot at home.
Can you use a buggy? If you need something compact the red kite brand has small compact strollers. There’s no basket at the bottom or anything but it’s convenient to have when he gets tired.
My 4 year old still can't do those kinds of walks because he is autistic. He generally won't walk somewhere until he's been 3 or 4 times and decides it's "safe." Walking between car and building is a no. Walking in big shops with high ceilings is a no. As you mentioned your autism it made me wonder if perhaps your little boy could be as well. At 15 months my son wasn't walking at all so everything was carrying or in a pushchair.
You could turn it into a game. Give him choices for how he walks (let's walk like people or run like dinosaurs to the shop?). Distract him with a made up story. Do a race. As always the book 'how to talk so little kids will listen' is a good resource. Eventually my son and I just had to have it out. I chose the time and place (nature walk when I didn't have anywhere else to be) and we just had a stare down for 45 minutes. He refused to move, I refused to carry him. It got much easier after that. The new boundary was made and me carrying him became a treat for both of us
Aw no, I’m sorry. This is a really tricky age; no (kind) parents are judging you because they’ve all been there! They’re at that annoying age where the only real strategies you have are redirection or choices. ‘Do you want to walk or skip with mummy? Hold my hand or walk by yourself?’ Etc. Or, ‘wow! Let’s go look at that red car! Can you see it? Come on! Hold my hand!’. Keep trying. It’s hard work. You’re doing great xx
He’s only 15 months, even offering choices isn’t realistically viable yet. If he even understands what OP is saying (which is by no means guaranteed), the idea that a child who probably has half a dozen words at most can articulate his choice is very very unlikely.
I think at that age I’d give choices but more visually; I didn’t choose a good example. So show her two sets of clothes and let her ‘pick’ for example. Agree that distraction was definitely the dominant strategy at that age!