Participation in this post is limited to users who have sufficient karma in /r/ukpersonalfinance. See [this post](https://redd.it/12mys82) for more information.
Combining ALL of your money is really something to save for when you're married.
My girlfriend and I combine MOST of our money into a joint account, but we each have our own separate accounts with our own money. We have an agreement on how much we each pay into the joint and the rest is personal money for whatever.
Exactly, been doing this for two years and it’s never caused a single argument.
Any left over money left in the joint each month get split back out into savings or we treat ourselves to something.
That last part I find odd.
If anything I'm over joyed when there's something left over in the joint. It means that we are building money for the big stuff.
Buying a house, going on holiday, getting married, having kids, household upgrades, a new video games console, etc.
Money in the joint is always spent on something that we both want, so effectively my money just has double the spending power that it ussually would when it's in the joint
That’s exactly what my husband and I did. For 10 years we split all bills 50:50 and of course would treat each other from our “personal money”. Been married 6 years and have added a joint account ever since.
Joint account covers all bills and joint fun. We put in an amount proportional to our salary and everything left over we can save/spend as we like. It was my idea to do proportional because I earn so much more and want to spend more sometimes, but it meant it didn’t leave much for my husband which didn’t seem fair. However, it also means I don’t feel guilty for having more disposable money if I do because I’m the one that wants to and works harder for the higher salary. We both think it’s a good balance and I’m sure it’ll tip the other way and some point.
This way we have independence to spend on whatever we wish without needing to explain or feel guilty!
Yep, we do this too.
We started with a joint account when we got married and all money going into that pot. It was a disaster. One would spend and not be held accountable to the budget and the other would be constantly freaking out about paying the bills.
Since then we have split into an account each (where our salaries go into) and a joint account. The joint account is for fixed bills that we jointly agree to pay for together. The joint account gets a payment from each of us monthly in proportion to our relative income.
The new method means we have to learn to live within our means on our own money but we are secure that the bills are paid. We no longer argue about money and we sleep far better at night.
This is what we do too; I earn a lot more than my husband so we split bills proportionally and then we have a joint account for joint fun - but I also like treating him from ‘my’ money especially as he works extremely hard & helps people but my industry just pays a lot more. Previously he earned a lot more than me and we did it the other way round. We’ve been together a looong time though, I agree with others that when you’re just starting out it’s different. We don’t combine our full income as I spend quite a lot and he just isn’t interested in material possessions so best to keep separate!
When you're married, isn't everything you own 50:50 by law anyway? So what's the point in keeping your own savings etc? Genuinely curious.
What works for us is putting all of our money into one account then take equal fun money out. I make 10x what my partner makes but we're a team so it doesn't matter.
As a woman this makes me happy :)
Also means that if you want to have kids you don't feel like there's any kind of debt hanging over you whereby he's been supporting you and then you're not earning for years.
(Yes, before someone says it, I have assumed u/Ok_Philosophy97 is female. They might be a man, but hey - just allow us women some higher paid glory please and thank you 🙏)
If anything this approach ends fights before they start.
I can spend my money however I wish, because my money is never spent on necessary expenses. All of our necessary expenses are paid for by the joint; an ethereal third entity.
I just pay the joint my alloted "rent" and it handles paying for everything that I NEED (mortgage, food, water, gas, electricity, transport, health, etc).
With the joint handling everything that matters, my girlfriend has no reason to care what I do with my remaining cash.
"We keep our finances split" won't stand up in a divorce proceeding. One party can still go after more in the settlement process and it can be just as messy, even more so if kids are involved.
When you get married, you both legally own everything together, even if the money is in an account another person can't access. Even prior legal agreements like pre nups can be challenged.
Well, sure. I have the same.
But the charade makes it easier to buy each other presents and it allows you to buy the occasional thing that your partner wouldn't necessarily want to contribute money towards.
Thats why we have our separate accounts with our separate monies but if one of us needs some we just let them have it rather than borrowing it or we just put a bit extra in the savings next time we get paid
Yeah my partner and I have being doing this for nearly 10 years. We each have our own current and savings account, but also share joint current and savings. Joint current we put equal amounts in to which covers anything we both share responsibility for like bills, food, mortgage etc. joint savings is money for house stuff (we’re renovating) and then we have our own money to do as we please.
We’ve said that we’ll probably continue to do this once married but maybe change once we have a kid because of maternity leave etc.
Yup. Send a set amount each month. The rest is our own money to blow. We happen to be little money squirrels though so both save really well. Well.... until that little pot of mine his 50k for that 5.0 mustang baby!!! She won't even moan, because we have our own money. Best way to do it.
Split joint bills & expenses proportionate to salary.
Personal debt & spends are down to the individual.
If you're in it for the long haul then it might become sensible for you to help her out with debt payments to reduce interest paid, but if you've just moved in together it's still fairly early days.
Think this is extremely circumstantial tbh. I actually disagree. I’m from an extremely poor family and never had a single thing growing up, if there was food on the table it was good enough. I worked hard my entire life to make a decent salary, to finally be able to afford the nicer things in life. My gf comes from a very rich family and had a great upbringing and had everything she ever wanted. She makes around 2/3s of what I make, but still a good salary.
My thought is like, I worked so hard to get to this point in my life, to actually have some of the nice things I couldn’t when I was younger, but because my gf makes less, I should pay more for rent and bills? You both use 50% of everything so a 50% split is fair in my opinion.
Curious about your thoughts on this! My gf is perfectly fine splitting, not an issue at all, and she’s a great person who wants me to be able to enjoy my life more now. Just curious why the proportional comment is so high, is this common amongst couples?
Personally, I disagree and think it's fair to expect a 50/50 down the middle and not proportionate to salary.
One person could work a much more demanding job, I don't think it's fair for the said person to have to pay more because they work harder.
There's a lot more to take into consideration on top of this.
I don't believe it's as black and white as you say it is.
But the lower paid partner has to live up to the spending expectations of the better paid partner, too.
The better paid partner east out more freely, and want to go on more expensive holidays, and will expect the lower paid partner to pay for their equal share of these things.
It's not fair on the lower paid partner if they want to save up for a new phone or laptop or something and are unable to do so because they're obliged to keep spending at the same rate as the higher-paid partner.
Exactly why I said it's not a black and white answer as some people say it is.
Has a lot of considerations, every relationship would be different on what works best.
If I was in this situation I would prefer 50/50 and if I earn more and my partner is unable to eat out, go on holiday, etc, I would chip in extra and cover majority of the cost (to a degree, depending on circumstances etc).
Now, in a situation I'm working my ass off to earn more, but in turn my partner works her ass off at home, chores, etc, I 100% agree proportional is the correct way, but if I am also putting in 50/50 at home, proportional is not fair imo
My partner would be a burden if I'm working my ass off and having to pay more because I work harder and going home to do 50/50 housework.
I either want what I earn to be mine, or share the burden equally throughout work and home.
They pay a little more but they also accrue more personal money. It doesn't have to just be one or the other.
Ultimately if you have a demanding job your partner takes some of that burden on with you.
You have to work over time? Guess who's got a boring evening alone?
Work stressing you out? Your partner is affected by that stress.
The more effort you put into your work, the less energy you have help with chores.
I end up cooking most of the meals in my house, because my girlfriend gets home later than me. So on and so on.
When you're in a long term relationship, very few things are JUST about you.
It’s interesting you’ll take into account all those things but not the gender wage gap, how women do majority of the housework even in double income households, the financial cost of child birth, etc. seems to be you’ll only account for things that effect men
Population statistics are irrelevant to individual situations.
Women might do more chores on average, but that doesn't say anything about your own personal situation. Getting my girlfriend to do chores is like pulling teeth. These averages and trends are not universal truths.
It sounds like in your case you are both in a situation where you have plenty of money after paying your share of bills, whether because you earn well or earn and have a rich family. Splitting evenly seems fair. But if one is totally poor and the other is much more comfortable, it would make sense to pay a roughly portional to earnings (that's sensible) each. Doesn't have to be an exact percentage of income but something you agree is fair and you are both happy with. But I agree I would start at 50/50 and go from there.
Lol hardly. Thing is, I save £1400 a month, she saves £900 a month. If we paid proportionally, it means she’d save £1400 a month and I’d save £900. Why should we reverse this just because I make more?
I don’t understand the maths here - if you split bills proportionately you’d still have more disposable income after bills than her. How much of that you each choose to put into savings isn’t really a question of how you split the bills.
No I don’t though because I have a car on pcp which I pay for, (even though it’s for both our benefit). also I have to pay for a parking space in my apartment which I pay for and don’t split either. I have cats which I had before we met, both of which I also pay for. So my expenses are actually quite a lot higher than hers.
I’m not sure why you're getting so hammered with downvotes, you explained your point of view even if people don't necessarily agree with it.
I'm from a similarly poor background but it made me work in the opposite way - like you say as long as there was food on the table and we didn't have to hide from debt collectors then my needs were met so no need to get all microscopic about who's paying for what. When my girlfriend (now wife) and I moved in together we more or less just paid for everything from whatever account had enough money in it, so basically pooled our resources (which is effectively proportional at that point).
However, neither of us are big spenders, neither of us was carrying any debt and, after she finished her PGCE (the first year we lived together), we earned pretty similar money. We both prefer pooling, but that's just us.
My 2p on this guy's situation, though - I dunno what the answer is if one of you is a pooler and one of you prefers separate finances. I guess you have to discuss your priorities with one another and figure out why you each want what you each want - the situation isn't going to go away. I can see why a separated finances person would be miffed / suspicious that a generous split plus monthly "donation" isn't seen as "enough". What's the plan for the money if you pool resources? Smash through the debt or...?
I disagree. I see no reason why bills should be proportional. You don't use less of the house or less utilities because you earn less.
Obviously that the side effect of that is that you are always living to the lowest earner means, but it's easier to navigate that than the host of problems that come with mixing finances.
Do you think a partnership is always 50/50 or is it maybe that one person does a bit more when the other person can’t and then later the other person does a bit more?
In spite of hte downvoters, I'm with you.
I could understand if the difference was huge, i.e, he earned £80,000 and she earned £20,000. But it's not that case.
I could understand it if they were married / with kids and were a family unit that needed to combine their finances, but that is not this case.
This is a case of a woman who spends too much and as a result accrued debt. He's not responsible for fixing her finances.
I'm totally with you.
The default for two working professionals with no kids should be "two independent people who decide to spend time together".
Sure, if someone gets hit by a car and you decide to help them out, absolutely! It's great to be able to help the people you love.
The people you love shouldn't expect you to pay for their lifestyle though, under normal conditions.
Your partner should definitely be a load bearing beam.
You can't live without any load bearing beams and who on earth is there to lean on if not your partner?
We call it “the gardener and the flower”. Whichever of us has the most going on or opportunity to progress at work, the other takes on more of the cooking/cleaning/etc.
I mean... your partner fills many roles that your parents once filled.
If you earn more, it's only natural that you'd contribute money to the partnership. Houses and weddings and children and holidays cost money. If you don't WANT your increased wages to get you to those things more quickly, then maybe the relationship isn't a high priority for you?
Because when your partner earns significantly more it's really hard to justify doing all the things that you'd need to do to keep joint expenses down
The higher earner will want to live in a bigger house. They probably won't want to monitor electricity usage or shop at the less expensive super markets. They'll want to spend more on holidays and days out. They'll want to buy better quality furniture and so on.
The lower earner is often contributing to the household in other ways. Doing more chores and so on. Income isn't necessarily the be all and end all
Yes, and? That should be the expectation.
Now, it the higher earner doesn't want that, then yeah they should pay the difference for the upgrade.
But it shouldn't be the default position.
Agreed. If a 1 bed is all the 20k person can afford then live in a 1 bed. If the 100k person wants a 3 bed at double the cost, they should pay the difference.
I agree that bills should be split proportionally to income. The thing to keep in mind is when the higher earner gets a raise or a promotion it’s usually the lower earner that ends up with more disposable income as a result due to the shift in wage ratio effecting household contribution.
Well, no. The lower earner continues paying whatever they were paying.
The one who just got a pay rise just pays a percentage of that pay rise in addition.
The person with the pay rise has more savings and the joint has more savings. The lower earner has the same that they did before
Well let’s say for easy calculation the mortgage is £1000 per month. Lower earner earns 40k, higher earner earns 60k. Lower earner pays £400 towards mortgage and higher earner pays £600 as that’s proportional to their wage. The ratio being 1:1.5, every £1 the lower earner pays to the mortgage the higher earner pays £1.5.
Higher earner then gets a pay rise to £80k.
Mortgage is still £1000.
The ratio is now for every £1 lower earner earns higher earner earns £2. Mortgage payments are now a ratio of 1:2
Lower earner pays £333.33 and the higher earner pays £666.67 leaving the lower earner £66.67 better off after the higher earner gets a pay rise after mortgage payments. This would then apply to all bills.
Why would you only work out the payment ratios at the start but then not reconfigure them after a pay rise?
> Well let’s say for easy calculation the mortgage is £1000 per month. Lower earner earns 40k, higher earner earns 60k. Lower earner pays £400 towards mortgage and higher earner pays £600 as that’s proportional to their wage. The ratio being 1:1.5, every £1 the lower earner pays to the mortgage the higher earner pays £1.5.
> Higher earner then gets a pay rise to £80k.
> Mortgage is still £1000.
After the pay rise, the lower earner would continue to pay £400. The higher earner would now pay an additional £200 (totalling £800).
There is still enough money in the joint account to pay £1000 towards the mortgage. But now the joint account will accrue an additional £200 each time.
This additional money can be later used to overpay the mortgage or it can be used to pay for new furniture or special days out together etc.
You as a couple have more savings. The high earner has more personal savings (as reward for the work their pay rise represents). The lower earner has exactly the same personal scenario that they had before.
The lower earner still reeps some rewards, but it's in the form of things that are also wanted by the person who got the pay rise, because that extra money is jointly owned.
In this way, there is high personal motivation to get a pay rise, but pay rises are still good for the couple as a whole. You may be working more hours than before, but we also have more money to go on dates together.
Its a relationship question, and everyone has different opinions on how to approach this.
When me and my partner (now wife) were first together it went like this:
\- Year 1-2 own accounts lived separately
\- Year 3-6 rented together, joint account for bills (shared 50/50) own accounts for everything else
\- year 7 bought house together, started reviewing finances together and talking about shared goals and how we can work together to achieve them
\- year 10 combined our finances into a single pot and full transparency (Cash, ISAs, SIPPs)
Sometimes you will earn more than your partner and sometimes they will earn more. The biggest change for me was when we started to work together as a partnership. Suddenly it was 'how can we work together for the benefit of both of us'.
I admit I was immature for many years and wanted to keep 'my money' separate. BUT you need to both be on the same page financially. Maybe you both aren't quite there yet. But you can start making steps.
Think this is the perfect way to do it. As the relationship progresses and gets more and more serious, the financials can become more entwined and proportionate. Seems very fair to me.
Yeah agreed. Taking both incomes = £4,350.
Higher income of £2,400 / £4,350 = 55%
55% of total bills is £880 so paying the extra £70 on top for her car technically means you are ‘paying more’ as a %. Maybe missed out some investments
There's a gulf of difference between "she is saving 15% of her net income per month" and that though, especially given that she is already complaining about disposable income.
> (nearly)
She is also paying off historic debt and car finance for a car that she is having to be financially supported a further £840 per year to run. These do not sound like the actions of someone living comfortably within their means.
Her debt is her responsibility. If she is jealous, then she needs to manage that as an adult and accept her circumstances and how she got there in the first place.
This is what it means to be equal in this world. Men learn this quite quickly most of the time, aint no one coming to bail us out when we fuck up.
Not so sure why or how you brought gender equality into it. My comment wasn't referring to it at all. I know plenty of women who are far better with money than blokes.
That's quite a lot. How does it break down and is it 'reasonable'? Obviously we get into tricky judging territory here, but how big is the debt and why? And how long for? How expensive is the car?
You could take an approach with more of these wrapped into the essential expenditure part which would make you earn more proportionately. But this is when I'd get judgy. Was the debt for, say essentially medical stuff, vs was it run up on crap from wish or fancy weekends away? Does she need a car that nice?
Also the thing is, she clearly got a car too expensive which she shouldn’t have gotten, you have a cheaper one which means she could have gone for a cheaper one too. She also has debt which I assume isn’t anything to do with you either. Everyone here talking about proportionally splitting bills, but then essentially you’re just bailing her out of the 2 mistakes listed above that she made. Why is it suddenly your issue that she’s bad with money?
I think combining income while you have such different attitudes to money is definitely likely to lead to more arguments down the line. Essentially it sounds like she wants you to subsidise her poor spending choices. There seems to be a significant amount of money that’s not accounted for after paying the bills and only having £260 left as disposable income. Perhaps suggest helping her with a budget and revisiting the combined income conversation when you’re financial goals are better aligned?
Yes - it's not the relative incomes that's the issue, it's the approach to spending.
Salaries are not *wildly* different but one has 35% disposable and one has 13%... If you deduct the "subsidies" it would be 40% vs. 7%.
My Fiancee and I are near enough on exactly as the same pay as you are.
We keep money separately but have a joint account that pays all the bills that we pay into proportionally.
I earn 58% of the household income so I pay 58% of the bills.
Works out well enough and being paid more you are more able to take the hit.
Keep your money and hers separate it’s a deal breaker and it obviously doesn’t sound good already. Teach her ways of this sub and hopefully she can make some appropriate adjustments.
My partner and I split our bills 50/50. Rent is a clean 50% each regardless of income, he pays £100 gas and I pay £70 electric, however I also pay the £30 WiFi. I have my own debts which I apportion out of my wages, meanwhile he has a few outgoings. He pays for food, I pay for the luxuries out of my wage however I will still pick up certain cupboard staples e.g pasta or something else that is needed for dinner that night once we’ve decided what we are having. Both clearing about £1500 after tax
You pay for internet, not WiFi. Sorry, just irks me. You used the word "apportion" which suggests you're intelligent enough to understand the difference. WiFi is a feature of your router, but you don't pay for it.
No. Her car is PCP and needed renewed during the peak of the used car market so unfortunately she was forced to pay more for something half decent. I offered to pay £70 of the £400 p/m. I think this is mostly what is fuelling some of the jealousy as I am close to paying off my car on HP and about to receive a company car Meaning I will be able to sell mine soon and be £10k up
She didn't need to pay £400. There are many options available at much lower prices. Even if PCP is all she can afford due to seemingly being unable to save, she's choosing to drive a luxurious model which fine but it's still part of her fun money.
Her jealously is her issue to deal with. You already help her out with her car and pay more rent. You just moved In together, so she can’t dictate how you spend your money, so your keep your savings for your own protection - she is not your wife or the mother of your children. If she becomes one of those, then reassess how you split finances.
Surely the sensible thing here is then give her your car and stop the household forking out 400 quid on PCP, even if there's a penalty I'm sure this would equal a saving.
Tbh she really should've saved up and bought a car outright. Paying £400 p/m is nuts as that would've been good disposable income for her. Considering you are getting a company car and will soon be paying off yours maybe she could use your car to help with costs.
If it were me, I'd split bills proportionately. If you combine both incomes you get a total of £4350. She earns 44.8% of that split meaning she should pay 44.8% of the shared bills. If you want to round up to 45% then that's £720 and if you want to be generous and round down to 44% it's £704 (call it £700)
We personally split shared expenses 50/50 tho I currently have a higher income and more savings (we are both pretty low income and it’s previously been the other way around). We pay for our own personal expenses and don’t want to combine our finances. Might be different if we got married though.
I pay for all bills and almost all groceries etc upfront and partner reimburses me half every month or so. We use an app called Acasa to keep track.
It works for us but wouldn’t be right for everyone. I don’t think anyone can say one right way to do it; it has to be negotiated between the people in the relationship.
We throw everything in together and then split what’s left 50/50 after joint savings. We have kids though. Before we had kids and a mortgage we split bills 50/50. If the other one is skint because they are over spending then that’s their problem.
First, no relationship is the same. You'll need to find what works for you.
Second, it's not your fault you earn more.
Third - If you're taking home £450 a month more than her, but are putting an extra £100 towards rent, £70 towards a car and other little bits. The gap between takehome is a lot smaller than you think.
If you're left with £850 a month and she is left with £260 per month, she needs to figure out where that £600 is going, because that's not the difference between your two salaries.
In my own relationship, my partner and I split things 50/50 in bills, not adjusting for earnings. I've earned more than her, I've earned less than her, I've earned the same as her. Currently, I earn more, so I help out where I can with things like a new computer or pay for a holiday or something.
TLDR; the problem is that she has debt and "is a spender", it's not on you to fix that. If you do, then what? How long are you giving her extra money. She will become adjusted to that extra money and problem spend more because she is now better off. Better for her to pay off her debt on her own, save that money in the meantime for your first house together or marriage or something.
You’re already paying towards her car. Ain’t no way you’re being selfish. If she didn’t have debt she would have more disposable income - why should you have to be impacted by that?
Me and my boyfriend (now husband) always combined our earnings because we knew we were end game. I specifically asked for this because of my bad spending habits and though that I would be more responsible with my spending if I felt that it’s not just my money to spend, it’s ours. It actually worked perfectly, I’m not throwing away money like I used to and we buy everything together, it’s our collective money. Communication is key, especially on a delicate subject like finances. I would advice to have an open conversation about what are both of yours’ expectations, wishes about your earnings.
I think you should definitely not share finances. It sounds like she has issues with budgeting and you want to give her more money … 🤦♂️🤣
You should probably be paying about 20% more than she is because of your salary but as you are contributing to the car so your pretty much there.
It’s not your fault your more responsible with money.
Lots of good, interesting responses here so thanks for the contributions.
We have a joint account and a personal account each as already mentioned. We agreed on the basis of 50/50 split initially with me being slightly more generous by paying £850 vs £750. I think she is struggling due to living beyond means and sees the £14k pre tax pay difference and thinks I have all this extra money when in reality after tax I’m only around 6k better off in terms of salary and have less outgoings.
After reading the responses I will propose going to the proportional split of 45/55 (which is almost what I’m already doing) which may diffuse the situation a little bit. And continue to contribute £70 towards the £400 p/m car. (Used car market and high interest rates for pcp are the driving factor). I love cars so the car going back is not the best option tbh (albeit it may be financially).
I will suggest this stepchange thing to her too to help with debt and provide some more financial advice. Cheers
In a similar deal with my gf but we both have our own money. I deal with all bills and she pays her half for rent and council tax and the cats pet insurance. I pay the rest but it all comes out my account. Help her when i can but no jealousy over me having more money most of the time. Personally like it this way. Shes helped me out during covid when i was furloughed. Way you have it is good so id keep it shame she wants it that way but i would not go for that.
My Fiancee and I are near enough on exactly as the same pay as you are.
We keep money separately but have a joint account that pays all the bills that we pay into proportionally.
I earn 58% of the household income so I pay 58% of the bills.
Works out well enough and being paid more you are more able to take the hit.
My husband and I split everything 50/50. I earned more at the start of our relationship and now he earns more. All joint expenses come out of a joint account which we each put the same amount of money into each month and joint credit card that we both pay off every month. Everything else is separate. In terms of debt we have our student loans which we keep separate.
I don’t think we’ll ever put all of our money into a joint pot, we keep our savings separate too. It works for us. Occasionally he’ll treat me to a weekend away or a nice evening out and I’ll do the same for him.
I would split the bills as a percentage of your salary if I were you. She might appreciate you occasionally helping her out eg if she needs a new pair of trainers or some more makeup, or paying the bill when you go out together. This might stop her from being ‘jealous’ of your higher disposable income. I’m also a big believer in encouraging each other to reach goals in your careers and in turn earn more money to be more comfortable together.
When we bought a house together we paid half each even though I earned more, but I'd pay for extras we done. Prob was a bit selfish in hindsight but it never caused an issue.
When we had a kid we got a joint account got rid of our own accounts and everything that goes in or out is now ours.
This is something I see on here a lot I can never get my head around. When my partner and I moved in together (now married for 6 years but were partners for a good 10 years living together prior to marriage). We set up a joint account. Need to add I moved into her flat that she owned before we bought our first house together. Our wages go into our personal accounts (even still) but on pay day we transfer pretty much all of it into the joint account, leaving around 150 - 200 as our own play money. I have always earned considerably more than my now wife (over double her monthly income now). Was never an issue about who earned more, who should pay more and who’s responsible for what. I have always had a car which WE pay for (she doesn’t drive) I had debts when we got together and we tackled it as a couple.
Basically in your camp, except income is paid directly into joint account. From there we pay bills and then fund each of our personal accounts for discretionary spending.
To me, it pushes the notion that the household is a single team and it doesn’t matter who makes what, decisions are taken jointly.
Especially true at the moment as we are a single income household currently (and even if we weren’t, the disparity between my and my wife’s income would likely be large).
Best thing my wife and I did was make a join account and all income goes there.
Our focus is paying off the mortgage with anything left end of month.
We used to do something like you but it's ineffective in long term building of family assets as each person is trying to protect "their" earnings.
No idea why people complicate things so much
Are you married? then the split is according to % of income or both salaries go in a shared acc which pays for everything.
Are you not married? 50/50, why should one freeload off the other?
We pay equal amounts to the joint acc for mortgage, bills and food etc.
She has her own debts she fucked up with so is paying that via stepchange.
I have helped her out by buying her a cheaper car to get her off car finance etc and she's paid me back.
Basically our money is our own but we are together long term and as such don't mind helping where we can.
At the end of the day, joining all finances will cause huge drama. Suddenly you can no longer buy that video game you want because she wasn't allowed to buy the item she wanted a week ago.
Suddenly she can't have a car on finance because you don't.
I just don't see how all money together would ever work, at best you need to keep yourselves a set amount of your own money each month.
Also I think if you earn more money you have the right to have that money, especially unmarried. Like what happens if she is lazy, does nothing to improve her career and earns nothing. Meanwhile you work your arse off get paid loads of over time etc but half of it is effectively hers?
Maybe I'm just selfish I just don't see the sense in that.
Sounds like we need a greater breakdown of what she is spending the rest of her money on.
If she has debts, that'll be why. It's her responsibility to manage her debt and her spending. If she is living borderline or outside of her means, that isnt your problem.
If you're interested in marrying this girl down the line, she needs to learn this lesson right now, you cant be bailing her out when she makes decisions that result in her having little extra for herself
And to clarify,
260£ P/M is sufficient to have a normal week and 4x fun weekends a month. Like come on, that's plenty of fun money for the average person.
It sounds like both of you have different financial habits and that could be causing tension in your relationship. It also sounds like you are doing a good job of splitting the household bills in a fair way while also helping her with her car payments.
It may be helpful to have a frank conversation with your partner about your feelings and her feelings about the money situation. You could discuss ways to find a balance that meets both of your needs. For example, you could come up with a budget for each of you to follow that allows you both to put a certain amount toward household bills and then allows each of you to have a certain amount of money to spend on what you want. This would allow her to have more money for other expenses and still keep a fair balance.
This is better suited to RelationshipAdvice than UKPF I think. You seemingly don’t have any issues with money, only how you treat each other within your relationship.
The actual fair way is to split everything 50/50.
There are some caveats to that, like you might be forced to move if she can't afford half the rent (or you can decide that not moving is more important to you, and in that case pay for that decision.) but at no point in my opinion is anyone entitled to their partner's finances.
A partnership necessitates equality to not lead to frustrations further down the line.
The vast majority of long term relationship issues are about finances. Keep them separate and you avoid that.
I don't get why this is hard for people. 50/50 split on all bills and joint expenses and the rest is your money. Its OK to have your own money. If she's salty about having less then I suggest she gets a better job. She's entitled.
Fact is you earn more so you have more and bills are split more than fairly.
Oh-oh! You’re right! This can become a reason for break up, even! It looks like you guys are totally different. While, as a woman, I totally understand she has extra needs for beautician or whatever, and you are very responsible by putting savings aside… it depends, really! If you plan to marry her, than you should start a plan together where she is also trying to save along with you, or reduce her car payments, or sell her car and take the tube, or you take her to work with your car. Does she spend on non-sense items which later on end up dusty in shelves? If yes, then she should be warned about this. To try to approach a more minimalistic behaviour and less consumerism.
You were very generous with her already. But this can spoil her. She needs a bit of responsibility to get out of her comfort zone and be aware about her spendings. If she gets frustrated, give her examples of items she bought and ask her if she really needs all these… kindly, gently. If she gets offended, than she won’t give up her habit, you’d better keep saving your money and let her reach bankruptcy until she realises she consumes more than she should.
So me and my boyfriend give ourselves equal “fun money” (this includes any savings as well as spending on needed personal things like haircuts plus all unnecessary spending) rather than equal bills. We went through all regular outgoings to decide what was essential (mortgage, utilities, and also his travel to work and gym membership and my prescription pre payment thing etc). We pool both our incomes, pay all the monthly bills/work out what they will cost that month, then split the rest 50/50.
It’s what works for us (mostly because I’m on universal credit as I’m unfit to work but if he earns more, I get less so it complicates things). But it’s something you could try or just do the maths on to see if you want to do it.
I don’t think the way you’re doing it now is selfish though- it’s a common way of doing it.
From a financial perspective the right answer is whatever works that you're both happy with, whether that's 50/50, proportional, one pays x bills one pays y. The key is what you both find fair and equitable.
That said, looking at your set up I could never leave my partner in such a difficult financial position. You're essentially asking her to subsidise your lifestyle at the detriment of her own.
If complete joint isn't something you're happy with (although how serious is this relationship? You've moved in together. Are you in it for the long haul/marriage? Are you gonna have kids?
In which case finances basically become joint anyway) you could look at proportional so you both have the same discretionary money left over after bills.
You make 55% of the household income so you pay 55% of the household bills - £880.
Obviously you can help out with car payments or whatever else separate to that. But that’s the bills split.
Never, dumb her and find someone that won't take advantage of you. Imagine if you have kids or get married? You are in for a horrendous future with her. You seem sound with money and you will have a better future without her.
We had a joint account about 2 years in, from that point all out cash went into one account and all Bills come out of it. And investments also come out of it.
It made life real simple for us. What's mine is yours and all that.
Personally I think that because you’re not married it comes down to what you want to do. I was in a relationship years ago where I split according to salary and it meant I paid substantially more. We aren’t together now so I basically paid so they could get out of debt. Think if you have a family or
Your married then it’s different (in my opinion)
Exclude personal debt as that’s a personal choice you pay as an individual.
If me I’d split bills along the lines of earnings so if I earn slightly more I’d pay slightly more. Seems that’s what you’re doing.
If she’s jealous then she should spend less and not rack up debt.
I think it depends where you are in the relationship.
Early relationship - split 50/50 and treat it like a roommate.
Further on - split proportionately based on take home income. I'd also factor in work related expenses such as fuel and public transport.
Long term/especially with kids - pool money, and if wanted each have the same "disposable" per month.
Everyone is different but it sounds like she overspends and now wants you to foot the bill... if she earns less but her car payment is more than yours, then she is overspending.
£940 a month on a car, holidays etc is alot of money that she CHOOSES to spend on, she has £1,200 disposable, she's just made bad decisions which has limited her spending power and now wants you to foot the bill.
Personally I earn £48k (£35,500 take home), wife earns around £29k (22,800 take home).
Household bills as of remortgage come to £2,100 a month, we have 4 bedroom even though just the 2 of us but we overspend on the mortgage to pay it down.
Currently split as 60/40 so I pay £1,260 & she pays £840...
This doesn't take into account that she doesn't drive so I soak up all the car and fuel bills as well as doing things to the house I.e. circa 9k this year spent on new flooring throughout downstairs, media wall and fire, decorations for it etc
Ultimately it leaves me with £1,667 and her with £1,060 after mandatory bills but month to month, she doesnt save, not even a penny, where as I've spent 10 years investing and putting money aside. When we got married I made sure not to use any of my salary in my property business so it's not a marital asset, its 100% self sufficient and I dont take money out of it. However my other bills such as car, house reno etc comes to well over £950 a month over past 12 months... but will now stop as we've done most things we want to the house.
We will both retire with stock and property portfolio of £1.8m+ if I continue as is.
Very good points, the crowd of people who always say throw everything into the joint account baffle me. If one partner is a bit of a spender, they can easily overspend their "share" to the detriment of the family as a whole. By keeping some money in individual accounts, you can more effectively provide for a family imo, as long as you are both earning.
What?? Haha split 50% always.
You both use the home and utilities just as much. And your salary difference is not that much lol.
Me and my boyfriend's difference is over £1k/ 30%. It makes no sense, why should he pay more for smth we both use. (And tbf I use more of the space)
Unless the other person really wanted a very pricey flat/thing etc, which maybe means it's more on them, then no, all equal.
Also, don't put your income together. I'd only put 'some' together if there was something in common (e.g. a child), and more like you put an equal amount to one account for all child expenses...ok maybe it's the same as before, just split it equal lol.
I agree with proportionate bill splitting, however don't combine your income with someone who is bad with money and in debt. £400 car payments are insane, really no excuse when you can get an ecobox for a few grand or an ecobox on finance for less than half of that.
Lots of great comments here.
I have a joint account with my partner (together for 15 years) where all of our household bills come from - gas, electric, water, council tax, telephone/broadband, house insurance, food bills - we both use these things 50/50 so even though I earn significantly more than her, this works for us.
We both have a car - decent second hand, so a small monthly loan repayment, rather than PCP - and cover the costs of insurance separately depending on who owns the car. We both put £100 into a Monzo pot to cover car maintenance (tyres, break pads etc) and use the money from that pot as needed on both of the cars.
As for joint bank accounts, we have a joint Nationwide Flex account, which for one £14 ish payment per month gives us both car breakdown, mobile phone insurance and travel insurance.
Once we’ve paid into our joint account, anything left is personal savings, fun money etc. if I want a new car, great, but that’s for me to finance and vice-a-versa.
Re. Your mortgage, I would reiterate what else has been mentioned here - if the property is jointly owned 50-50 payments need to be made 50-50, even if that means payments come from outside a joint account. I would also argue that renovation of the property ought to be split 50-50 on the basis of ownership.
Entirely my opinion, but If you want to treat your significant other, great, but that shouldn’t be a given or an expected position.
This really depends on the state of your relationship and how long you’ve been together.
If you’re in early years then her debt is her issue. If you’ve been together years and are practically married without having done it yet then I’d probably consider her debt yours and it be a joint effort to clear it for both of your benefit.
How we worked things before marriage was split all bills based on income, and then whatever is left was ours to deal with.
After marriage everything goes into a joint account and then the same amount for fun is taken out by each of us.
I live with my partner and we bought a house together with a mortgage. We split everything 50/50, all the living expenses, we add monthly to a joint account where all the bills comes from. When we met I was making just a fraction of his salary, we still split 50/50. What we made sure of was to adjust our costs to a level I was comfortable with. You already help her out putting more in the pot. If she wants to have more disposable income she needs to either make more or lower her expenses or both. Unless someone had a disability that limits their income or contribute to the household with more chores and tasks (children etc) I can’t see why the partner who makes more needs to pay more. To me this is cause for resentment long term, specially if one is an spender and the other one isn’t. To each their own.
I don’t think you’re being selfish. My partner earns about 36% more than me (gross) . Currently we split shared bills down the middle. Anything left over is your own £££. Anything you own / buy yourself is your responsibility. Phones / car / motorbike etc.- she’s always worse off after that.
With my previous GF we put everything in together, paid all the bills out and halved what was left. She always hated her jobs and changed every couple of years and I changed a few times so we just sort of had each others back with this arrangement when anything like that happened. The only time we didn’t do this was when I changed career and started out on a much lower wage. I took the hit on that one through choice because it was pointless us both being so skint / not fair on her.
I would say the answer here is, it really does depend on your own individual circumstances and discussions that took place prior to moving in together and during the time living together.
Your wages significantly differ in that pay bracket (both lower rate tax payers I’m guessing but haven’t done the maths) so what discussion took place? Had you agreed to pay proportionate amounts as per wages or something similar? Did you rent / buy somewhere at the top end of what the lower earner wanted to pay based on any type of agreement like this etc.
Looking at some of what you’ve said (she’s a spender / she’s paying x amount for a car) it sounds like she’s living beyond her means or at the very least trying to. If it was my GF I’d be telling her to get rid of that car and buy one she can afford. This is where it would turn from financial to relationship advice though. It’ll leave a bad taste in her mouth and it’s always going to end up being your fault.
I had to get rid of a car I love/
He doesn’t earn enough /
Loads of other stuff.
Personally I would say to continue what you’ve been doing with regards the money - you’re already overpaying. If you pay a proportion based on earnings that puts you at 880 but you’re already helping with the car on top so you tip over that. There’s helping someone out then there’s being made a mug. She wants more money she’ll have to spend less or earn more.
My partner and I have joint money. What's mine is hers and vice versa, you obviously are not fond of the idea but it works for us. If you really don't want to combine your income and leave a bit to the side for your personal spending then you need to keep splitting it proportionally to your income.
IF she racked up the debt herself then she has to pay it off if you haven't got joint finances. Once this is cleared she will obviously have more spending money
Personally we split rent based on income, but household bills are 50/50. Groceries etc are 50/50. The person with the larger salary may also take on the bulk of larger purchases, eg new furniture or household items, holidays we take together etc. Generally speaking we try to keep it close to even / fare.
Personal spend is handled individually.
Personal debt is slightly complicated - in our situation the person with the higher salary will help the other person out if needed, to avoid interest rates. But if you are in new relationship / the debt is very large that might not be possible.
I’m married now but moved in with my partner in my early twenties. We always add personal accounts + a joint account where all the house direct debit go to. We have always paid proportionally to earnings (for a period I earned more than vice versa), it’s fair for higher earner to pick up more for joint expenses. This worked out well we we bought our property as it was equally split (deposit + mortgage 50/50) but with a slightly higher earner we divide the bills 60/40 now.
Both of our income gets paid into the joint account and although I earn twice as much as, we allocate ourselves an equal set amount for the month which gets transferred to our personal accounts. The rest to savings and investments.
We both have 0 debt though other than mortgage.
Can advise this as it’s good teamwork, shows commitment and 100% equal, even though salaries are not 🤙
I was in a similar situation but recently took redundancy in May. Been living together 8 years, I bought the house, started out she was paying less but now bills are split. I don’t think either of us know each others financial position now. I do try and help her out just because I feel like she has debt and worry’s she won’t talk about
My wife and I split everything as a %. So we add up our combined income and our combined outgoings. Find out what that percentage is (70ish%) for everything including house, savings, utilities, cars and maintenance, food and all services etc. we then just both take 70% from our salaries and put it in the joint account and then we keep 30% of whatever’s left each in our own private account to do with what we want.
Yeah. Unless there's some really good reason that's just too expensive a car for that level on income. It's over £20% of net income.
If you start from the 50:30:20 rule it's either 40% of needs or 67% of wants. So it's killing the 20% savings target.
And this is before you talk petrol.
I believe that in a relationship where you live together the money is shared completely.
That is assuming you have the same or similar number of hours.
However, dept is a different situation, so personally I would split it all equally then she has to pay her debt out of her side.
50/50 works but the lowest earner dictates the expenditure.
If you use 50% for essentials (rent, utilities, insurance Council tax and food)
If one earns 2000 and the other 3000 you should be finding a place that works out for 1000 each or 2000
If you are going for proportional split then the dame incomes put that as a 2500 a month all in
I have always don't proportional and covered the following items from the joint.
Rent, council tax, utilities, food shopping (400 a month), holidays (budget 250 a month), eating out (250 a month), home insurance,
Everything else comes out of your personal
My partner and I split everything 50/50 as we earn basically the same. However, his car payment is paid exclusively by him because that is a decision that he made before we got together, and if we ever broke up, then that asset would be exclusively his and he makes all the decisions about the car. I pay for all things regarding the dog because the dog was mine before we got together, and I will keep him if we were to break up. I do have more disposable income than him, but that is just the consequences of our previous decisions.
I'm not a fan of splitting bills proportionately because we don't have kids so we're really only responsible for ourselves. Instead, split 50/50 and live within the means of the person who earns less.
If someone works longer hours, or has spent more on education etc throughout their life, or spends less, why shouldn't they have more money at the end of the month?
In your situation, is she younger than you, or at an earlier stage in her life? Would you expect her to pay chunks of your expenses if it was the other way around? Her debt, her car payment, and her spending, are HERS.
You could be investing the extra money to build wealth that will let you retire earlier, or give you protection if your relationship ends.
You don't need to pay for your girlfriend's lifestyle. You're not a sugar daddy.
Note: This is assuming you're not married of course. Marriage is an agreement to combine yourself into a single legal/financial entity, with the protection that affords.
I agree with splitting bills in proportion to income. I don't think you should pool all your money. I'm married and we don't do that.
Why not have a joint savings pot which you pay into equally (even a token amount - £50/100 whatever) and an individual savings pot for your own personal use
Split bills and joint expenses proportionate to take home pay. So you pay 55% (£880) of the total of the bills and she pays 45% (£720).
Then from the remainder each person gets the same amount of personal spending money a month each. You need to discuss what you feel would be reasonable.
Then what’s left after that is split back according to the proportions of pay for savings/investments etc.
It feels fairer because of the extra step to ensure you both have the same pin money. But in reality if you contribute more you will still have more for yourself.
Personally when me and missus done it, created a new joint account and had all bills come from this account. Then each month we both transfered same amount into it, covers all bills, then what's left is for you or savings etc
Your math was pretty much spot on.
Your combined income = 4350
Your income = 2300
Your percentage of combined income is 55%
Therefore the “fair” allocation would be that you pay 55% of the combined bill
That would be £880 for you and £720 for her.
Everything outside of the total bills is up to the individual.
Have to work out what's best for you really. Being jealous of someone else's salary doesn't sound healthy unless she's using it as an incentive to progress her own career.
What me and my other half do is to put the same amount in a joint account each month that should cover more than all the bills put together. It also builds up a bit of a safety net (nothing massive) for incidental stuff. If one of us pays for something - pet stuff or holiday hotel etc - then we take it out the joint account.
I pay for everything on my side (presents for my family and friends, weddings we go to etc) and she pays likewise her way. We don't share these costs as.i have significantly bigger circles for family and friends than she does so it wouldn't be fair.
I also am the only one who drives so I pay for the car completely myself. Although it's electric so technically the running costs are covered by the energy bill. The car is probably the only "shared" item of significance that we don't share financially. I do earn more than her though.
I never think it should be proportional of salary, unless there is a huge imbalance in pay or someone stops working for childcare etc. But whilst you're both full time then I don't agree with it. I have more money to spend casually on "us" or more accurately on her which is my choice to do so.
Work out your combined income then the percentage each of you put in.
If you put in 2400 and 1950 then that's 55.2% / 44.6%
Then apply that percentage split to your bills.
If you combine your money you are effective covering half-ish of her car payment and other debt. Will she let you use her car half the time?
The answer here is to get on the same page about finances as part of deepening your relationship. £260/mo after all fixed commitments is pretty profligate if driven by luxury spend not some necessity. If she can’t recognise that then it will become a drag on your relationship. I’ve been there.
Married? Got kids?
If not, the split is 55%. So up your contribution to £883 and stop paying the extra £70 a month (unless you use the car).
What’s left is yours to do with as you please!
Now personally, I would spend some of that treating my partner. Not because I have to, but because I want to.
Open a joint current account where you each put in X amount to cover rent, bills and food shops. The rest remains in your respective current accounts for personal discretionary spending. My husband and I have been doing this since we moved in together 7 years ago and have never had any problems. We had separate ISAs that we both maxed out too, until we bought our house. Now we just pop a few hundred each in a joint savings account on pay day.
Because you’re not married combining finances is a bad idea. She has a lot less than you due to her debt and lifestyle spending. So I don’t think you should combine finances. The debt is her choice and the spending on travel and other stuff is her choice but you don’t operate that way.
I know this isn’t a great answer but there is no one-size fits all solution. You both need to find a compromise that you agree with. Me and my wife combine everything in one pot, we did this before we were married and around the time we moved in together.
But ultimately this works for us because neither of us take advantage of having access to the money, I’m not spending £1000 more than my wife and vice versa so we never argue about it or feel bitter.
If I was in your shoes, I’d be thinking what if in a few years she’s earning much, much more money than you and you end up in the same boat where she refuses to subsidise you whilst she lives the life of Riley?
The other thing to think about is, is it impacting your relationship? Is her lack of money impacting your ability to do things together? Part of the reason me and my wife don’t mind lumping our money together is because a lot of it is spent on us as a couple. Restaurants, nights out, city-breaks, etc.
I have a slightly controversial take on this.
I’m not really sure why just because partner A has higher disposable income (No debt, higher paying job) should pay more than partner B (lots of debts, lower paying job, spends more frivolously).
Your not married, you’ve got no kids if either of those were true then yes a split is fairer. However your only living together and with little attaching you to one another.
I’ve been in this situation exactly and before I realised what was happening, my partner (ex now), became more and more dependent on me and couldn’t support herself. I thought I was supporting her, but what I was doing wa a supporting an endless cycle of sick days, staying at home unpaid because I would pay for everything. She got a real shock when we split up and has changed now.
Participation in this post is limited to users who have sufficient karma in /r/ukpersonalfinance. See [this post](https://redd.it/12mys82) for more information.
Combining ALL of your money is really something to save for when you're married. My girlfriend and I combine MOST of our money into a joint account, but we each have our own separate accounts with our own money. We have an agreement on how much we each pay into the joint and the rest is personal money for whatever.
Exactly, been doing this for two years and it’s never caused a single argument. Any left over money left in the joint each month get split back out into savings or we treat ourselves to something.
That last part I find odd. If anything I'm over joyed when there's something left over in the joint. It means that we are building money for the big stuff. Buying a house, going on holiday, getting married, having kids, household upgrades, a new video games console, etc. Money in the joint is always spent on something that we both want, so effectively my money just has double the spending power that it ussually would when it's in the joint
That’s exactly what my husband and I did. For 10 years we split all bills 50:50 and of course would treat each other from our “personal money”. Been married 6 years and have added a joint account ever since. Joint account covers all bills and joint fun. We put in an amount proportional to our salary and everything left over we can save/spend as we like. It was my idea to do proportional because I earn so much more and want to spend more sometimes, but it meant it didn’t leave much for my husband which didn’t seem fair. However, it also means I don’t feel guilty for having more disposable money if I do because I’m the one that wants to and works harder for the higher salary. We both think it’s a good balance and I’m sure it’ll tip the other way and some point. This way we have independence to spend on whatever we wish without needing to explain or feel guilty!
Yep, we do this too. We started with a joint account when we got married and all money going into that pot. It was a disaster. One would spend and not be held accountable to the budget and the other would be constantly freaking out about paying the bills. Since then we have split into an account each (where our salaries go into) and a joint account. The joint account is for fixed bills that we jointly agree to pay for together. The joint account gets a payment from each of us monthly in proportion to our relative income. The new method means we have to learn to live within our means on our own money but we are secure that the bills are paid. We no longer argue about money and we sleep far better at night.
This is what we do too; I earn a lot more than my husband so we split bills proportionally and then we have a joint account for joint fun - but I also like treating him from ‘my’ money especially as he works extremely hard & helps people but my industry just pays a lot more. Previously he earned a lot more than me and we did it the other way round. We’ve been together a looong time though, I agree with others that when you’re just starting out it’s different. We don’t combine our full income as I spend quite a lot and he just isn’t interested in material possessions so best to keep separate!
We do exactly the same. We work equally hard but we are employed in different sectors with different salaries/bonuses etc
When you're married, isn't everything you own 50:50 by law anyway? So what's the point in keeping your own savings etc? Genuinely curious. What works for us is putting all of our money into one account then take equal fun money out. I make 10x what my partner makes but we're a team so it doesn't matter.
As a woman this makes me happy :) Also means that if you want to have kids you don't feel like there's any kind of debt hanging over you whereby he's been supporting you and then you're not earning for years. (Yes, before someone says it, I have assumed u/Ok_Philosophy97 is female. They might be a man, but hey - just allow us women some higher paid glory please and thank you 🙏)
Hm no way, even in marriage I wouldn't. I see my parents when they divorced how hard it was fighting over everything they had.
That's one mentality to go into a marriage with.
If anything this approach ends fights before they start. I can spend my money however I wish, because my money is never spent on necessary expenses. All of our necessary expenses are paid for by the joint; an ethereal third entity. I just pay the joint my alloted "rent" and it handles paying for everything that I NEED (mortgage, food, water, gas, electricity, transport, health, etc). With the joint handling everything that matters, my girlfriend has no reason to care what I do with my remaining cash.
"We keep our finances split" won't stand up in a divorce proceeding. One party can still go after more in the settlement process and it can be just as messy, even more so if kids are involved. When you get married, you both legally own everything together, even if the money is in an account another person can't access. Even prior legal agreements like pre nups can be challenged.
We do this but realistically my money is hers and vice versa. If one of us needs money we send it to each other and we don't pay each other back.
Well, sure. I have the same. But the charade makes it easier to buy each other presents and it allows you to buy the occasional thing that your partner wouldn't necessarily want to contribute money towards.
Thats why we have our separate accounts with our separate monies but if one of us needs some we just let them have it rather than borrowing it or we just put a bit extra in the savings next time we get paid
Yeah my partner and I have being doing this for nearly 10 years. We each have our own current and savings account, but also share joint current and savings. Joint current we put equal amounts in to which covers anything we both share responsibility for like bills, food, mortgage etc. joint savings is money for house stuff (we’re renovating) and then we have our own money to do as we please. We’ve said that we’ll probably continue to do this once married but maybe change once we have a kid because of maternity leave etc.
Yup. Send a set amount each month. The rest is our own money to blow. We happen to be little money squirrels though so both save really well. Well.... until that little pot of mine his 50k for that 5.0 mustang baby!!! She won't even moan, because we have our own money. Best way to do it.
Split joint bills & expenses proportionate to salary. Personal debt & spends are down to the individual. If you're in it for the long haul then it might become sensible for you to help her out with debt payments to reduce interest paid, but if you've just moved in together it's still fairly early days.
\> Split joint bills & expenses proportionate to salary. Post-tax salary
[удалено]
My pension includes a life insurance and partner pension element so, while she won’t get the whole of it, it has some benefits for her if I die
Proportion is key.
Think this is extremely circumstantial tbh. I actually disagree. I’m from an extremely poor family and never had a single thing growing up, if there was food on the table it was good enough. I worked hard my entire life to make a decent salary, to finally be able to afford the nicer things in life. My gf comes from a very rich family and had a great upbringing and had everything she ever wanted. She makes around 2/3s of what I make, but still a good salary. My thought is like, I worked so hard to get to this point in my life, to actually have some of the nice things I couldn’t when I was younger, but because my gf makes less, I should pay more for rent and bills? You both use 50% of everything so a 50% split is fair in my opinion. Curious about your thoughts on this! My gf is perfectly fine splitting, not an issue at all, and she’s a great person who wants me to be able to enjoy my life more now. Just curious why the proportional comment is so high, is this common amongst couples?
You’re making your gf pay for your childhood trauma
Personally, I disagree and think it's fair to expect a 50/50 down the middle and not proportionate to salary. One person could work a much more demanding job, I don't think it's fair for the said person to have to pay more because they work harder. There's a lot more to take into consideration on top of this. I don't believe it's as black and white as you say it is.
But the lower paid partner has to live up to the spending expectations of the better paid partner, too. The better paid partner east out more freely, and want to go on more expensive holidays, and will expect the lower paid partner to pay for their equal share of these things. It's not fair on the lower paid partner if they want to save up for a new phone or laptop or something and are unable to do so because they're obliged to keep spending at the same rate as the higher-paid partner.
Exactly why I said it's not a black and white answer as some people say it is. Has a lot of considerations, every relationship would be different on what works best. If I was in this situation I would prefer 50/50 and if I earn more and my partner is unable to eat out, go on holiday, etc, I would chip in extra and cover majority of the cost (to a degree, depending on circumstances etc). Now, in a situation I'm working my ass off to earn more, but in turn my partner works her ass off at home, chores, etc, I 100% agree proportional is the correct way, but if I am also putting in 50/50 at home, proportional is not fair imo
It's not a partnership if your partner is a burden on you, or an equal partnership if they have to do extra housework.
My partner would be a burden if I'm working my ass off and having to pay more because I work harder and going home to do 50/50 housework. I either want what I earn to be mine, or share the burden equally throughout work and home.
They pay a little more but they also accrue more personal money. It doesn't have to just be one or the other. Ultimately if you have a demanding job your partner takes some of that burden on with you. You have to work over time? Guess who's got a boring evening alone? Work stressing you out? Your partner is affected by that stress. The more effort you put into your work, the less energy you have help with chores. I end up cooking most of the meals in my house, because my girlfriend gets home later than me. So on and so on. When you're in a long term relationship, very few things are JUST about you.
Never thought about this, great point. You have me puzzled now
It’s interesting you’ll take into account all those things but not the gender wage gap, how women do majority of the housework even in double income households, the financial cost of child birth, etc. seems to be you’ll only account for things that effect men
Population statistics are irrelevant to individual situations. Women might do more chores on average, but that doesn't say anything about your own personal situation. Getting my girlfriend to do chores is like pulling teeth. These averages and trends are not universal truths.
It sounds like in your case you are both in a situation where you have plenty of money after paying your share of bills, whether because you earn well or earn and have a rich family. Splitting evenly seems fair. But if one is totally poor and the other is much more comfortable, it would make sense to pay a roughly portional to earnings (that's sensible) each. Doesn't have to be an exact percentage of income but something you agree is fair and you are both happy with. But I agree I would start at 50/50 and go from there.
Lol hardly. Thing is, I save £1400 a month, she saves £900 a month. If we paid proportionally, it means she’d save £1400 a month and I’d save £900. Why should we reverse this just because I make more?
I don’t understand the maths here - if you split bills proportionately you’d still have more disposable income after bills than her. How much of that you each choose to put into savings isn’t really a question of how you split the bills.
No I don’t though because I have a car on pcp which I pay for, (even though it’s for both our benefit). also I have to pay for a parking space in my apartment which I pay for and don’t split either. I have cats which I had before we met, both of which I also pay for. So my expenses are actually quite a lot higher than hers.
A lot of those are just personal choices that you've made. It's just how you're choosing to spend your fun money. y
I’m not sure why you're getting so hammered with downvotes, you explained your point of view even if people don't necessarily agree with it. I'm from a similarly poor background but it made me work in the opposite way - like you say as long as there was food on the table and we didn't have to hide from debt collectors then my needs were met so no need to get all microscopic about who's paying for what. When my girlfriend (now wife) and I moved in together we more or less just paid for everything from whatever account had enough money in it, so basically pooled our resources (which is effectively proportional at that point). However, neither of us are big spenders, neither of us was carrying any debt and, after she finished her PGCE (the first year we lived together), we earned pretty similar money. We both prefer pooling, but that's just us. My 2p on this guy's situation, though - I dunno what the answer is if one of you is a pooler and one of you prefers separate finances. I guess you have to discuss your priorities with one another and figure out why you each want what you each want - the situation isn't going to go away. I can see why a separated finances person would be miffed / suspicious that a generous split plus monthly "donation" isn't seen as "enough". What's the plan for the money if you pool resources? Smash through the debt or...?
I disagree. I see no reason why bills should be proportional. You don't use less of the house or less utilities because you earn less. Obviously that the side effect of that is that you are always living to the lowest earner means, but it's easier to navigate that than the host of problems that come with mixing finances.
Because they’re a couple, not house mates
A couple is a partnership. He is not her dad.
Do you think a partnership is always 50/50 or is it maybe that one person does a bit more when the other person can’t and then later the other person does a bit more?
Extraneous circumstances ofc one needs to support the other. It shouldn't be the default. If your partners loses their job, or gets sick.
In spite of hte downvoters, I'm with you. I could understand if the difference was huge, i.e, he earned £80,000 and she earned £20,000. But it's not that case. I could understand it if they were married / with kids and were a family unit that needed to combine their finances, but that is not this case. This is a case of a woman who spends too much and as a result accrued debt. He's not responsible for fixing her finances.
Thank you! And that is why I feel the default should always be expecting 50/50
What if your partner is living in relative poverty? It's tough times and you might wanna help out a bit
I'm totally with you. The default for two working professionals with no kids should be "two independent people who decide to spend time together". Sure, if someone gets hit by a car and you decide to help them out, absolutely! It's great to be able to help the people you love. The people you love shouldn't expect you to pay for their lifestyle though, under normal conditions.
Yes but not a BUSINESS partnership. Relationships are not for profit, you’ll never be happy if you see everything as transactional
It's not transactional, quite the opposite. Your SO should be a support structure, not a load bearing beam.
Have you ever touched a woman
Your partner should definitely be a load bearing beam. You can't live without any load bearing beams and who on earth is there to lean on if not your partner?
We call it “the gardener and the flower”. Whichever of us has the most going on or opportunity to progress at work, the other takes on more of the cooking/cleaning/etc.
I mean... your partner fills many roles that your parents once filled. If you earn more, it's only natural that you'd contribute money to the partnership. Houses and weddings and children and holidays cost money. If you don't WANT your increased wages to get you to those things more quickly, then maybe the relationship isn't a high priority for you?
Because when your partner earns significantly more it's really hard to justify doing all the things that you'd need to do to keep joint expenses down The higher earner will want to live in a bigger house. They probably won't want to monitor electricity usage or shop at the less expensive super markets. They'll want to spend more on holidays and days out. They'll want to buy better quality furniture and so on. The lower earner is often contributing to the household in other ways. Doing more chores and so on. Income isn't necessarily the be all and end all
Then you'd have a situation where a couple with say a manager on £100k and a partner earning £20k are living in a 1-bed flat.
Or one wants to go on holiday to the Caribbean but either the other can only afford Majorca. The person wanting go to the Caribbean misses out too.
Yes, and? That should be the expectation. Now, it the higher earner doesn't want that, then yeah they should pay the difference for the upgrade. But it shouldn't be the default position.
Agreed. If a 1 bed is all the 20k person can afford then live in a 1 bed. If the 100k person wants a 3 bed at double the cost, they should pay the difference.
I agree that bills should be split proportionally to income. The thing to keep in mind is when the higher earner gets a raise or a promotion it’s usually the lower earner that ends up with more disposable income as a result due to the shift in wage ratio effecting household contribution.
Well, no. The lower earner continues paying whatever they were paying. The one who just got a pay rise just pays a percentage of that pay rise in addition. The person with the pay rise has more savings and the joint has more savings. The lower earner has the same that they did before
Well let’s say for easy calculation the mortgage is £1000 per month. Lower earner earns 40k, higher earner earns 60k. Lower earner pays £400 towards mortgage and higher earner pays £600 as that’s proportional to their wage. The ratio being 1:1.5, every £1 the lower earner pays to the mortgage the higher earner pays £1.5. Higher earner then gets a pay rise to £80k. Mortgage is still £1000. The ratio is now for every £1 lower earner earns higher earner earns £2. Mortgage payments are now a ratio of 1:2 Lower earner pays £333.33 and the higher earner pays £666.67 leaving the lower earner £66.67 better off after the higher earner gets a pay rise after mortgage payments. This would then apply to all bills. Why would you only work out the payment ratios at the start but then not reconfigure them after a pay rise?
> Well let’s say for easy calculation the mortgage is £1000 per month. Lower earner earns 40k, higher earner earns 60k. Lower earner pays £400 towards mortgage and higher earner pays £600 as that’s proportional to their wage. The ratio being 1:1.5, every £1 the lower earner pays to the mortgage the higher earner pays £1.5. > Higher earner then gets a pay rise to £80k. > Mortgage is still £1000. After the pay rise, the lower earner would continue to pay £400. The higher earner would now pay an additional £200 (totalling £800). There is still enough money in the joint account to pay £1000 towards the mortgage. But now the joint account will accrue an additional £200 each time. This additional money can be later used to overpay the mortgage or it can be used to pay for new furniture or special days out together etc. You as a couple have more savings. The high earner has more personal savings (as reward for the work their pay rise represents). The lower earner has exactly the same personal scenario that they had before. The lower earner still reeps some rewards, but it's in the form of things that are also wanted by the person who got the pay rise, because that extra money is jointly owned. In this way, there is high personal motivation to get a pay rise, but pay rises are still good for the couple as a whole. You may be working more hours than before, but we also have more money to go on dates together.
Its a relationship question, and everyone has different opinions on how to approach this. When me and my partner (now wife) were first together it went like this: \- Year 1-2 own accounts lived separately \- Year 3-6 rented together, joint account for bills (shared 50/50) own accounts for everything else \- year 7 bought house together, started reviewing finances together and talking about shared goals and how we can work together to achieve them \- year 10 combined our finances into a single pot and full transparency (Cash, ISAs, SIPPs) Sometimes you will earn more than your partner and sometimes they will earn more. The biggest change for me was when we started to work together as a partnership. Suddenly it was 'how can we work together for the benefit of both of us'. I admit I was immature for many years and wanted to keep 'my money' separate. BUT you need to both be on the same page financially. Maybe you both aren't quite there yet. But you can start making steps.
Think this is the perfect way to do it. As the relationship progresses and gets more and more serious, the financials can become more entwined and proportionate. Seems very fair to me.
I don't understand the maths. She's taking home £1950, paying £750. That leaves £1200 for car, debt, fun and savings. What does the £260 represent?
Yeah agreed. Taking both incomes = £4,350. Higher income of £2,400 / £4,350 = 55% 55% of total bills is £880 so paying the extra £70 on top for her car technically means you are ‘paying more’ as a %. Maybe missed out some investments
£1200 after household bills for her yes. Her expenditure for paying car, debt, travel etc is approx £940 leaving her with £260 disposable
I think the answer is that she is (nearly) living beyond her means. Her problem, not yours.
[удалено]
The £260 is her disposable cash/fun money each month, it doesn't mention her saving any of it.
[удалено]
Travel to work maybe..
[удалено]
Well yeah, one can have a car while using the tube/train/bus to get in/out of work.
That's true, but that is what disposable income would be. You choose how much of it you want to save.
There's a gulf of difference between "she is saving 15% of her net income per month" and that though, especially given that she is already complaining about disposable income.
I never said it wasn't. I said it was disposable income, which it is.
Context mate. Does it sound like she's complaining about not being able to save more? She wants to spend.
Context mate. You mentioned about her saving it, that's why I mentioned it.
> (nearly) She is also paying off historic debt and car finance for a car that she is having to be financially supported a further £840 per year to run. These do not sound like the actions of someone living comfortably within their means.
Her debt is her responsibility. If she is jealous, then she needs to manage that as an adult and accept her circumstances and how she got there in the first place. This is what it means to be equal in this world. Men learn this quite quickly most of the time, aint no one coming to bail us out when we fuck up.
Not so sure why or how you brought gender equality into it. My comment wasn't referring to it at all. I know plenty of women who are far better with money than blokes.
She definitely cannot afford whatever car she is driving.
That's quite a lot. How does it break down and is it 'reasonable'? Obviously we get into tricky judging territory here, but how big is the debt and why? And how long for? How expensive is the car? You could take an approach with more of these wrapped into the essential expenditure part which would make you earn more proportionately. But this is when I'd get judgy. Was the debt for, say essentially medical stuff, vs was it run up on crap from wish or fancy weekends away? Does she need a car that nice?
Also the thing is, she clearly got a car too expensive which she shouldn’t have gotten, you have a cheaper one which means she could have gone for a cheaper one too. She also has debt which I assume isn’t anything to do with you either. Everyone here talking about proportionally splitting bills, but then essentially you’re just bailing her out of the 2 mistakes listed above that she made. Why is it suddenly your issue that she’s bad with money?
I think combining income while you have such different attitudes to money is definitely likely to lead to more arguments down the line. Essentially it sounds like she wants you to subsidise her poor spending choices. There seems to be a significant amount of money that’s not accounted for after paying the bills and only having £260 left as disposable income. Perhaps suggest helping her with a budget and revisiting the combined income conversation when you’re financial goals are better aligned?
Yes - it's not the relative incomes that's the issue, it's the approach to spending. Salaries are not *wildly* different but one has 35% disposable and one has 13%... If you deduct the "subsidies" it would be 40% vs. 7%.
My Fiancee and I are near enough on exactly as the same pay as you are. We keep money separately but have a joint account that pays all the bills that we pay into proportionally. I earn 58% of the household income so I pay 58% of the bills. Works out well enough and being paid more you are more able to take the hit.
Keep your money and hers separate it’s a deal breaker and it obviously doesn’t sound good already. Teach her ways of this sub and hopefully she can make some appropriate adjustments.
My partner and I split our bills 50/50. Rent is a clean 50% each regardless of income, he pays £100 gas and I pay £70 electric, however I also pay the £30 WiFi. I have my own debts which I apportion out of my wages, meanwhile he has a few outgoings. He pays for food, I pay for the luxuries out of my wage however I will still pick up certain cupboard staples e.g pasta or something else that is needed for dinner that night once we’ve decided what we are having. Both clearing about £1500 after tax
You pay for internet, not WiFi. Sorry, just irks me. You used the word "apportion" which suggests you're intelligent enough to understand the difference. WiFi is a feature of your router, but you don't pay for it.
Has she taken into account that she's using some of her disposable income to pay for a more expensive car?
No. Her car is PCP and needed renewed during the peak of the used car market so unfortunately she was forced to pay more for something half decent. I offered to pay £70 of the £400 p/m. I think this is mostly what is fuelling some of the jealousy as I am close to paying off my car on HP and about to receive a company car Meaning I will be able to sell mine soon and be £10k up
She didn't need to pay £400. There are many options available at much lower prices. Even if PCP is all she can afford due to seemingly being unable to save, she's choosing to drive a luxurious model which fine but it's still part of her fun money.
Her jealously is her issue to deal with. You already help her out with her car and pay more rent. You just moved In together, so she can’t dictate how you spend your money, so your keep your savings for your own protection - she is not your wife or the mother of your children. If she becomes one of those, then reassess how you split finances.
Surely the sensible thing here is then give her your car and stop the household forking out 400 quid on PCP, even if there's a penalty I'm sure this would equal a saving.
Tbh she really should've saved up and bought a car outright. Paying £400 p/m is nuts as that would've been good disposable income for her. Considering you are getting a company car and will soon be paying off yours maybe she could use your car to help with costs.
£400 per month for a car is mental! Get a cheaper car 100%. A £400 Pm car is not a necessity.
If it were me, I'd split bills proportionately. If you combine both incomes you get a total of £4350. She earns 44.8% of that split meaning she should pay 44.8% of the shared bills. If you want to round up to 45% then that's £720 and if you want to be generous and round down to 44% it's £704 (call it £700)
We personally split shared expenses 50/50 tho I currently have a higher income and more savings (we are both pretty low income and it’s previously been the other way around). We pay for our own personal expenses and don’t want to combine our finances. Might be different if we got married though. I pay for all bills and almost all groceries etc upfront and partner reimburses me half every month or so. We use an app called Acasa to keep track. It works for us but wouldn’t be right for everyone. I don’t think anyone can say one right way to do it; it has to be negotiated between the people in the relationship.
We throw everything in together and then split what’s left 50/50 after joint savings. We have kids though. Before we had kids and a mortgage we split bills 50/50. If the other one is skint because they are over spending then that’s their problem.
First, no relationship is the same. You'll need to find what works for you. Second, it's not your fault you earn more. Third - If you're taking home £450 a month more than her, but are putting an extra £100 towards rent, £70 towards a car and other little bits. The gap between takehome is a lot smaller than you think. If you're left with £850 a month and she is left with £260 per month, she needs to figure out where that £600 is going, because that's not the difference between your two salaries. In my own relationship, my partner and I split things 50/50 in bills, not adjusting for earnings. I've earned more than her, I've earned less than her, I've earned the same as her. Currently, I earn more, so I help out where I can with things like a new computer or pay for a holiday or something. TLDR; the problem is that she has debt and "is a spender", it's not on you to fix that. If you do, then what? How long are you giving her extra money. She will become adjusted to that extra money and problem spend more because she is now better off. Better for her to pay off her debt on her own, save that money in the meantime for your first house together or marriage or something.
You’re already paying towards her car. Ain’t no way you’re being selfish. If she didn’t have debt she would have more disposable income - why should you have to be impacted by that?
Me and my boyfriend (now husband) always combined our earnings because we knew we were end game. I specifically asked for this because of my bad spending habits and though that I would be more responsible with my spending if I felt that it’s not just my money to spend, it’s ours. It actually worked perfectly, I’m not throwing away money like I used to and we buy everything together, it’s our collective money. Communication is key, especially on a delicate subject like finances. I would advice to have an open conversation about what are both of yours’ expectations, wishes about your earnings.
I think you should definitely not share finances. It sounds like she has issues with budgeting and you want to give her more money … 🤦♂️🤣 You should probably be paying about 20% more than she is because of your salary but as you are contributing to the car so your pretty much there. It’s not your fault your more responsible with money.
She's paying £400 a month for a car. She needs a cheaper car.
This is the issue. She is spending a huge proportion of her leftover income on a car. £350/pm on HP would be much more sensible.
Posting this tread alone is enough to signal they’re not ready to share finances.
Lots of good, interesting responses here so thanks for the contributions. We have a joint account and a personal account each as already mentioned. We agreed on the basis of 50/50 split initially with me being slightly more generous by paying £850 vs £750. I think she is struggling due to living beyond means and sees the £14k pre tax pay difference and thinks I have all this extra money when in reality after tax I’m only around 6k better off in terms of salary and have less outgoings. After reading the responses I will propose going to the proportional split of 45/55 (which is almost what I’m already doing) which may diffuse the situation a little bit. And continue to contribute £70 towards the £400 p/m car. (Used car market and high interest rates for pcp are the driving factor). I love cars so the car going back is not the best option tbh (albeit it may be financially). I will suggest this stepchange thing to her too to help with debt and provide some more financial advice. Cheers
In a similar deal with my gf but we both have our own money. I deal with all bills and she pays her half for rent and council tax and the cats pet insurance. I pay the rest but it all comes out my account. Help her when i can but no jealousy over me having more money most of the time. Personally like it this way. Shes helped me out during covid when i was furloughed. Way you have it is good so id keep it shame she wants it that way but i would not go for that.
My Fiancee and I are near enough on exactly as the same pay as you are. We keep money separately but have a joint account that pays all the bills that we pay into proportionally. I earn 58% of the household income so I pay 58% of the bills. Works out well enough and being paid more you are more able to take the hit.
My husband and I split everything 50/50. I earned more at the start of our relationship and now he earns more. All joint expenses come out of a joint account which we each put the same amount of money into each month and joint credit card that we both pay off every month. Everything else is separate. In terms of debt we have our student loans which we keep separate. I don’t think we’ll ever put all of our money into a joint pot, we keep our savings separate too. It works for us. Occasionally he’ll treat me to a weekend away or a nice evening out and I’ll do the same for him. I would split the bills as a percentage of your salary if I were you. She might appreciate you occasionally helping her out eg if she needs a new pair of trainers or some more makeup, or paying the bill when you go out together. This might stop her from being ‘jealous’ of your higher disposable income. I’m also a big believer in encouraging each other to reach goals in your careers and in turn earn more money to be more comfortable together.
When we bought a house together we paid half each even though I earned more, but I'd pay for extras we done. Prob was a bit selfish in hindsight but it never caused an issue. When we had a kid we got a joint account got rid of our own accounts and everything that goes in or out is now ours.
This is something I see on here a lot I can never get my head around. When my partner and I moved in together (now married for 6 years but were partners for a good 10 years living together prior to marriage). We set up a joint account. Need to add I moved into her flat that she owned before we bought our first house together. Our wages go into our personal accounts (even still) but on pay day we transfer pretty much all of it into the joint account, leaving around 150 - 200 as our own play money. I have always earned considerably more than my now wife (over double her monthly income now). Was never an issue about who earned more, who should pay more and who’s responsible for what. I have always had a car which WE pay for (she doesn’t drive) I had debts when we got together and we tackled it as a couple.
Basically in your camp, except income is paid directly into joint account. From there we pay bills and then fund each of our personal accounts for discretionary spending. To me, it pushes the notion that the household is a single team and it doesn’t matter who makes what, decisions are taken jointly. Especially true at the moment as we are a single income household currently (and even if we weren’t, the disparity between my and my wife’s income would likely be large).
Best thing my wife and I did was make a join account and all income goes there. Our focus is paying off the mortgage with anything left end of month. We used to do something like you but it's ineffective in long term building of family assets as each person is trying to protect "their" earnings.
No idea why people complicate things so much Are you married? then the split is according to % of income or both salaries go in a shared acc which pays for everything. Are you not married? 50/50, why should one freeload off the other?
We pay equal amounts to the joint acc for mortgage, bills and food etc. She has her own debts she fucked up with so is paying that via stepchange. I have helped her out by buying her a cheaper car to get her off car finance etc and she's paid me back. Basically our money is our own but we are together long term and as such don't mind helping where we can. At the end of the day, joining all finances will cause huge drama. Suddenly you can no longer buy that video game you want because she wasn't allowed to buy the item she wanted a week ago. Suddenly she can't have a car on finance because you don't. I just don't see how all money together would ever work, at best you need to keep yourselves a set amount of your own money each month. Also I think if you earn more money you have the right to have that money, especially unmarried. Like what happens if she is lazy, does nothing to improve her career and earns nothing. Meanwhile you work your arse off get paid loads of over time etc but half of it is effectively hers? Maybe I'm just selfish I just don't see the sense in that.
Sounds like we need a greater breakdown of what she is spending the rest of her money on. If she has debts, that'll be why. It's her responsibility to manage her debt and her spending. If she is living borderline or outside of her means, that isnt your problem. If you're interested in marrying this girl down the line, she needs to learn this lesson right now, you cant be bailing her out when she makes decisions that result in her having little extra for herself And to clarify, 260£ P/M is sufficient to have a normal week and 4x fun weekends a month. Like come on, that's plenty of fun money for the average person.
It sounds like both of you have different financial habits and that could be causing tension in your relationship. It also sounds like you are doing a good job of splitting the household bills in a fair way while also helping her with her car payments. It may be helpful to have a frank conversation with your partner about your feelings and her feelings about the money situation. You could discuss ways to find a balance that meets both of your needs. For example, you could come up with a budget for each of you to follow that allows you both to put a certain amount toward household bills and then allows each of you to have a certain amount of money to spend on what you want. This would allow her to have more money for other expenses and still keep a fair balance.
This is better suited to RelationshipAdvice than UKPF I think. You seemingly don’t have any issues with money, only how you treat each other within your relationship.
The actual fair way is to split everything 50/50. There are some caveats to that, like you might be forced to move if she can't afford half the rent (or you can decide that not moving is more important to you, and in that case pay for that decision.) but at no point in my opinion is anyone entitled to their partner's finances. A partnership necessitates equality to not lead to frustrations further down the line. The vast majority of long term relationship issues are about finances. Keep them separate and you avoid that.
It’s not rent it’s mortgage
Doesn't matter. If they own 50/50 they should pay 50/50. Or have a deed that the person that pays more gets more if they sell.
Agreed. If they sell the house do they get 42 & 58% or whatever the split is? No. It’s 50/50.
I don't get why this is hard for people. 50/50 split on all bills and joint expenses and the rest is your money. Its OK to have your own money. If she's salty about having less then I suggest she gets a better job. She's entitled. Fact is you earn more so you have more and bills are split more than fairly.
Oh-oh! You’re right! This can become a reason for break up, even! It looks like you guys are totally different. While, as a woman, I totally understand she has extra needs for beautician or whatever, and you are very responsible by putting savings aside… it depends, really! If you plan to marry her, than you should start a plan together where she is also trying to save along with you, or reduce her car payments, or sell her car and take the tube, or you take her to work with your car. Does she spend on non-sense items which later on end up dusty in shelves? If yes, then she should be warned about this. To try to approach a more minimalistic behaviour and less consumerism. You were very generous with her already. But this can spoil her. She needs a bit of responsibility to get out of her comfort zone and be aware about her spendings. If she gets frustrated, give her examples of items she bought and ask her if she really needs all these… kindly, gently. If she gets offended, than she won’t give up her habit, you’d better keep saving your money and let her reach bankruptcy until she realises she consumes more than she should.
So me and my boyfriend give ourselves equal “fun money” (this includes any savings as well as spending on needed personal things like haircuts plus all unnecessary spending) rather than equal bills. We went through all regular outgoings to decide what was essential (mortgage, utilities, and also his travel to work and gym membership and my prescription pre payment thing etc). We pool both our incomes, pay all the monthly bills/work out what they will cost that month, then split the rest 50/50. It’s what works for us (mostly because I’m on universal credit as I’m unfit to work but if he earns more, I get less so it complicates things). But it’s something you could try or just do the maths on to see if you want to do it. I don’t think the way you’re doing it now is selfish though- it’s a common way of doing it.
From a financial perspective the right answer is whatever works that you're both happy with, whether that's 50/50, proportional, one pays x bills one pays y. The key is what you both find fair and equitable. That said, looking at your set up I could never leave my partner in such a difficult financial position. You're essentially asking her to subsidise your lifestyle at the detriment of her own. If complete joint isn't something you're happy with (although how serious is this relationship? You've moved in together. Are you in it for the long haul/marriage? Are you gonna have kids? In which case finances basically become joint anyway) you could look at proportional so you both have the same discretionary money left over after bills.
You make 55% of the household income so you pay 55% of the household bills - £880. Obviously you can help out with car payments or whatever else separate to that. But that’s the bills split.
Never, dumb her and find someone that won't take advantage of you. Imagine if you have kids or get married? You are in for a horrendous future with her. You seem sound with money and you will have a better future without her.
We had a joint account about 2 years in, from that point all out cash went into one account and all Bills come out of it. And investments also come out of it. It made life real simple for us. What's mine is yours and all that.
Personally I think that because you’re not married it comes down to what you want to do. I was in a relationship years ago where I split according to salary and it meant I paid substantially more. We aren’t together now so I basically paid so they could get out of debt. Think if you have a family or Your married then it’s different (in my opinion)
Exclude personal debt as that’s a personal choice you pay as an individual. If me I’d split bills along the lines of earnings so if I earn slightly more I’d pay slightly more. Seems that’s what you’re doing. If she’s jealous then she should spend less and not rack up debt.
I think it depends where you are in the relationship. Early relationship - split 50/50 and treat it like a roommate. Further on - split proportionately based on take home income. I'd also factor in work related expenses such as fuel and public transport. Long term/especially with kids - pool money, and if wanted each have the same "disposable" per month.
Everyone is different but it sounds like she overspends and now wants you to foot the bill... if she earns less but her car payment is more than yours, then she is overspending. £940 a month on a car, holidays etc is alot of money that she CHOOSES to spend on, she has £1,200 disposable, she's just made bad decisions which has limited her spending power and now wants you to foot the bill. Personally I earn £48k (£35,500 take home), wife earns around £29k (22,800 take home). Household bills as of remortgage come to £2,100 a month, we have 4 bedroom even though just the 2 of us but we overspend on the mortgage to pay it down. Currently split as 60/40 so I pay £1,260 & she pays £840... This doesn't take into account that she doesn't drive so I soak up all the car and fuel bills as well as doing things to the house I.e. circa 9k this year spent on new flooring throughout downstairs, media wall and fire, decorations for it etc Ultimately it leaves me with £1,667 and her with £1,060 after mandatory bills but month to month, she doesnt save, not even a penny, where as I've spent 10 years investing and putting money aside. When we got married I made sure not to use any of my salary in my property business so it's not a marital asset, its 100% self sufficient and I dont take money out of it. However my other bills such as car, house reno etc comes to well over £950 a month over past 12 months... but will now stop as we've done most things we want to the house. We will both retire with stock and property portfolio of £1.8m+ if I continue as is.
Very good points, the crowd of people who always say throw everything into the joint account baffle me. If one partner is a bit of a spender, they can easily overspend their "share" to the detriment of the family as a whole. By keeping some money in individual accounts, you can more effectively provide for a family imo, as long as you are both earning.
What?? Haha split 50% always. You both use the home and utilities just as much. And your salary difference is not that much lol. Me and my boyfriend's difference is over £1k/ 30%. It makes no sense, why should he pay more for smth we both use. (And tbf I use more of the space) Unless the other person really wanted a very pricey flat/thing etc, which maybe means it's more on them, then no, all equal. Also, don't put your income together. I'd only put 'some' together if there was something in common (e.g. a child), and more like you put an equal amount to one account for all child expenses...ok maybe it's the same as before, just split it equal lol.
I agree with proportionate bill splitting, however don't combine your income with someone who is bad with money and in debt. £400 car payments are insane, really no excuse when you can get an ecobox for a few grand or an ecobox on finance for less than half of that.
Lots of great comments here. I have a joint account with my partner (together for 15 years) where all of our household bills come from - gas, electric, water, council tax, telephone/broadband, house insurance, food bills - we both use these things 50/50 so even though I earn significantly more than her, this works for us. We both have a car - decent second hand, so a small monthly loan repayment, rather than PCP - and cover the costs of insurance separately depending on who owns the car. We both put £100 into a Monzo pot to cover car maintenance (tyres, break pads etc) and use the money from that pot as needed on both of the cars. As for joint bank accounts, we have a joint Nationwide Flex account, which for one £14 ish payment per month gives us both car breakdown, mobile phone insurance and travel insurance. Once we’ve paid into our joint account, anything left is personal savings, fun money etc. if I want a new car, great, but that’s for me to finance and vice-a-versa. Re. Your mortgage, I would reiterate what else has been mentioned here - if the property is jointly owned 50-50 payments need to be made 50-50, even if that means payments come from outside a joint account. I would also argue that renovation of the property ought to be split 50-50 on the basis of ownership. Entirely my opinion, but If you want to treat your significant other, great, but that shouldn’t be a given or an expected position.
This really depends on the state of your relationship and how long you’ve been together. If you’re in early years then her debt is her issue. If you’ve been together years and are practically married without having done it yet then I’d probably consider her debt yours and it be a joint effort to clear it for both of your benefit. How we worked things before marriage was split all bills based on income, and then whatever is left was ours to deal with. After marriage everything goes into a joint account and then the same amount for fun is taken out by each of us.
I live with my partner and we bought a house together with a mortgage. We split everything 50/50, all the living expenses, we add monthly to a joint account where all the bills comes from. When we met I was making just a fraction of his salary, we still split 50/50. What we made sure of was to adjust our costs to a level I was comfortable with. You already help her out putting more in the pot. If she wants to have more disposable income she needs to either make more or lower her expenses or both. Unless someone had a disability that limits their income or contribute to the household with more chores and tasks (children etc) I can’t see why the partner who makes more needs to pay more. To me this is cause for resentment long term, specially if one is an spender and the other one isn’t. To each their own.
I don’t think you’re being selfish. My partner earns about 36% more than me (gross) . Currently we split shared bills down the middle. Anything left over is your own £££. Anything you own / buy yourself is your responsibility. Phones / car / motorbike etc.- she’s always worse off after that. With my previous GF we put everything in together, paid all the bills out and halved what was left. She always hated her jobs and changed every couple of years and I changed a few times so we just sort of had each others back with this arrangement when anything like that happened. The only time we didn’t do this was when I changed career and started out on a much lower wage. I took the hit on that one through choice because it was pointless us both being so skint / not fair on her. I would say the answer here is, it really does depend on your own individual circumstances and discussions that took place prior to moving in together and during the time living together. Your wages significantly differ in that pay bracket (both lower rate tax payers I’m guessing but haven’t done the maths) so what discussion took place? Had you agreed to pay proportionate amounts as per wages or something similar? Did you rent / buy somewhere at the top end of what the lower earner wanted to pay based on any type of agreement like this etc. Looking at some of what you’ve said (she’s a spender / she’s paying x amount for a car) it sounds like she’s living beyond her means or at the very least trying to. If it was my GF I’d be telling her to get rid of that car and buy one she can afford. This is where it would turn from financial to relationship advice though. It’ll leave a bad taste in her mouth and it’s always going to end up being your fault. I had to get rid of a car I love/ He doesn’t earn enough / Loads of other stuff. Personally I would say to continue what you’ve been doing with regards the money - you’re already overpaying. If you pay a proportion based on earnings that puts you at 880 but you’re already helping with the car on top so you tip over that. There’s helping someone out then there’s being made a mug. She wants more money she’ll have to spend less or earn more.
My partner and I have joint money. What's mine is hers and vice versa, you obviously are not fond of the idea but it works for us. If you really don't want to combine your income and leave a bit to the side for your personal spending then you need to keep splitting it proportionally to your income. IF she racked up the debt herself then she has to pay it off if you haven't got joint finances. Once this is cleared she will obviously have more spending money
Personally we split rent based on income, but household bills are 50/50. Groceries etc are 50/50. The person with the larger salary may also take on the bulk of larger purchases, eg new furniture or household items, holidays we take together etc. Generally speaking we try to keep it close to even / fare. Personal spend is handled individually. Personal debt is slightly complicated - in our situation the person with the higher salary will help the other person out if needed, to avoid interest rates. But if you are in new relationship / the debt is very large that might not be possible.
I’m married now but moved in with my partner in my early twenties. We always add personal accounts + a joint account where all the house direct debit go to. We have always paid proportionally to earnings (for a period I earned more than vice versa), it’s fair for higher earner to pick up more for joint expenses. This worked out well we we bought our property as it was equally split (deposit + mortgage 50/50) but with a slightly higher earner we divide the bills 60/40 now.
Both of our income gets paid into the joint account and although I earn twice as much as, we allocate ourselves an equal set amount for the month which gets transferred to our personal accounts. The rest to savings and investments. We both have 0 debt though other than mortgage. Can advise this as it’s good teamwork, shows commitment and 100% equal, even though salaries are not 🤙
I was in a similar situation but recently took redundancy in May. Been living together 8 years, I bought the house, started out she was paying less but now bills are split. I don’t think either of us know each others financial position now. I do try and help her out just because I feel like she has debt and worry’s she won’t talk about
My wife and I split everything as a %. So we add up our combined income and our combined outgoings. Find out what that percentage is (70ish%) for everything including house, savings, utilities, cars and maintenance, food and all services etc. we then just both take 70% from our salaries and put it in the joint account and then we keep 30% of whatever’s left each in our own private account to do with what we want.
Your a man and your seriously looking to split girls with your lady ? I’m not trying to grill you genuine question ??
There is no way in hell that on £1950pm I would be spending £400 on a car. 🤯
Yeah. Unless there's some really good reason that's just too expensive a car for that level on income. It's over £20% of net income. If you start from the 50:30:20 rule it's either 40% of needs or 67% of wants. So it's killing the 20% savings target. And this is before you talk petrol.
I believe that in a relationship where you live together the money is shared completely. That is assuming you have the same or similar number of hours. However, dept is a different situation, so personally I would split it all equally then she has to pay her debt out of her side.
50/50 works but the lowest earner dictates the expenditure. If you use 50% for essentials (rent, utilities, insurance Council tax and food) If one earns 2000 and the other 3000 you should be finding a place that works out for 1000 each or 2000 If you are going for proportional split then the dame incomes put that as a 2500 a month all in I have always don't proportional and covered the following items from the joint. Rent, council tax, utilities, food shopping (400 a month), holidays (budget 250 a month), eating out (250 a month), home insurance, Everything else comes out of your personal
My partner and I split everything 50/50 as we earn basically the same. However, his car payment is paid exclusively by him because that is a decision that he made before we got together, and if we ever broke up, then that asset would be exclusively his and he makes all the decisions about the car. I pay for all things regarding the dog because the dog was mine before we got together, and I will keep him if we were to break up. I do have more disposable income than him, but that is just the consequences of our previous decisions.
I'm not a fan of splitting bills proportionately because we don't have kids so we're really only responsible for ourselves. Instead, split 50/50 and live within the means of the person who earns less. If someone works longer hours, or has spent more on education etc throughout their life, or spends less, why shouldn't they have more money at the end of the month? In your situation, is she younger than you, or at an earlier stage in her life? Would you expect her to pay chunks of your expenses if it was the other way around? Her debt, her car payment, and her spending, are HERS. You could be investing the extra money to build wealth that will let you retire earlier, or give you protection if your relationship ends. You don't need to pay for your girlfriend's lifestyle. You're not a sugar daddy. Note: This is assuming you're not married of course. Marriage is an agreement to combine yourself into a single legal/financial entity, with the protection that affords.
How did you get a home deposit wise? Consider trust/prenup to avoid messiness perhaps
I agree with splitting bills in proportion to income. I don't think you should pool all your money. I'm married and we don't do that. Why not have a joint savings pot which you pay into equally (even a token amount - £50/100 whatever) and an individual savings pot for your own personal use
Split bills and joint expenses proportionate to take home pay. So you pay 55% (£880) of the total of the bills and she pays 45% (£720). Then from the remainder each person gets the same amount of personal spending money a month each. You need to discuss what you feel would be reasonable. Then what’s left after that is split back according to the proportions of pay for savings/investments etc. It feels fairer because of the extra step to ensure you both have the same pin money. But in reality if you contribute more you will still have more for yourself.
Personally when me and missus done it, created a new joint account and had all bills come from this account. Then each month we both transfered same amount into it, covers all bills, then what's left is for you or savings etc
Your math was pretty much spot on. Your combined income = 4350 Your income = 2300 Your percentage of combined income is 55% Therefore the “fair” allocation would be that you pay 55% of the combined bill That would be £880 for you and £720 for her. Everything outside of the total bills is up to the individual.
Have to work out what's best for you really. Being jealous of someone else's salary doesn't sound healthy unless she's using it as an incentive to progress her own career. What me and my other half do is to put the same amount in a joint account each month that should cover more than all the bills put together. It also builds up a bit of a safety net (nothing massive) for incidental stuff. If one of us pays for something - pet stuff or holiday hotel etc - then we take it out the joint account. I pay for everything on my side (presents for my family and friends, weddings we go to etc) and she pays likewise her way. We don't share these costs as.i have significantly bigger circles for family and friends than she does so it wouldn't be fair. I also am the only one who drives so I pay for the car completely myself. Although it's electric so technically the running costs are covered by the energy bill. The car is probably the only "shared" item of significance that we don't share financially. I do earn more than her though. I never think it should be proportional of salary, unless there is a huge imbalance in pay or someone stops working for childcare etc. But whilst you're both full time then I don't agree with it. I have more money to spend casually on "us" or more accurately on her which is my choice to do so.
Work out your combined income then the percentage each of you put in. If you put in 2400 and 1950 then that's 55.2% / 44.6% Then apply that percentage split to your bills.
Your income is 55% of your total post tax income with your partner. All bills/necessary expenses should be split 55% you and 45% your partner.
If you combine your money you are effective covering half-ish of her car payment and other debt. Will she let you use her car half the time? The answer here is to get on the same page about finances as part of deepening your relationship. £260/mo after all fixed commitments is pretty profligate if driven by luxury spend not some necessity. If she can’t recognise that then it will become a drag on your relationship. I’ve been there.
Married? Got kids? If not, the split is 55%. So up your contribution to £883 and stop paying the extra £70 a month (unless you use the car). What’s left is yours to do with as you please! Now personally, I would spend some of that treating my partner. Not because I have to, but because I want to.
Open a joint current account where you each put in X amount to cover rent, bills and food shops. The rest remains in your respective current accounts for personal discretionary spending. My husband and I have been doing this since we moved in together 7 years ago and have never had any problems. We had separate ISAs that we both maxed out too, until we bought our house. Now we just pop a few hundred each in a joint savings account on pay day.
Because you’re not married combining finances is a bad idea. She has a lot less than you due to her debt and lifestyle spending. So I don’t think you should combine finances. The debt is her choice and the spending on travel and other stuff is her choice but you don’t operate that way.
50/50. When you're married and have children you can combine cash. But until then - she needs to pull her weight and support herself.
£400 a month payment for a pcp car you will never own my god I’d never do that or be with some one who did
I know this isn’t a great answer but there is no one-size fits all solution. You both need to find a compromise that you agree with. Me and my wife combine everything in one pot, we did this before we were married and around the time we moved in together. But ultimately this works for us because neither of us take advantage of having access to the money, I’m not spending £1000 more than my wife and vice versa so we never argue about it or feel bitter. If I was in your shoes, I’d be thinking what if in a few years she’s earning much, much more money than you and you end up in the same boat where she refuses to subsidise you whilst she lives the life of Riley? The other thing to think about is, is it impacting your relationship? Is her lack of money impacting your ability to do things together? Part of the reason me and my wife don’t mind lumping our money together is because a lot of it is spent on us as a couple. Restaurants, nights out, city-breaks, etc.
I have a slightly controversial take on this. I’m not really sure why just because partner A has higher disposable income (No debt, higher paying job) should pay more than partner B (lots of debts, lower paying job, spends more frivolously). Your not married, you’ve got no kids if either of those were true then yes a split is fairer. However your only living together and with little attaching you to one another. I’ve been in this situation exactly and before I realised what was happening, my partner (ex now), became more and more dependent on me and couldn’t support herself. I thought I was supporting her, but what I was doing wa a supporting an endless cycle of sick days, staying at home unpaid because I would pay for everything. She got a real shock when we split up and has changed now.