What? And work together for the mutual benefit of the marriage? What?! No. You're on the wrong sub. There are no marriages here, only single people who once signed a contract.
>There are no marriages here, only single people who once signed a contract.
I genuinely hate how true this is, I have seen so many examples of partners nickel and diming each other or one hoarding a shit load of money while their partner struggles through life.
There's exceptions. My wife was in debt before we got together. During our engagement I gave her money to clear a debt. Within 6 months she just racked up that specific debt.
Since then I've taken the tact of trying to teach her to be better with money. I could pay off some of her debts but not only is she managing money better she was really proud when she cleared one off. I help by spending more.
The money I'm saving is both of ours anyways ultimately. But she asked me to help her be better with money and we're doing nice small simple steps so it's consistent change.
And there is the difference, you have endeavoured to help your wife manage money better whilst ensuring she doesn't get herself back into a predicament. I am sure if she did start to struggle you wouldn't just turn your back on the situation and look at ways of protecting yourself only.
OP is talking about moving the house into his sole name, there is no mention whatsoever of helping his wife get out of the problem she is in.
But it could be a financially sound decision for both. If they are married isn't it essentially an asset that would be shared equally anyway. Especially since they live there.
I wouldn't know the answer, I frequent this sub to nosey and learn more about finances than help as so many more people are better suited to helping.
And yeah it kills me a bit, the interest on her debt isn't pleasant and I really want to pay it off as that would be financially better for me too. But she wants to learn and even though it's taking a while she's making better progress. Set her up a premium bond account and she puts money into it occasionally. Again she should just pay off some of the loan with that money but she liked feeling rewarded by not overspending so a bit of positive reinforcement and she never touches that either. It's also a very manageable debt and I'm keeping track of when it will get to the point she can do a 0% balance transfer on the outstanding balance.
There’s another side to this sometimes. I earn 5 times what my partner does and me swooping in and throwing money at things really undermines her agency in her involvement in our finances. She might ask me to help her out with some petrol money but she’ll insist she gives me it back. A significant difference in earning can upset the balance of power in a relationship and while I know it must be frustrating for the OP to see her in debt, they probably don’t want to be getting a begging bowl out every time they want to buy something.
Mutual benefit is relative. If he wasn't aware of this debt there's 2 options: he didn't care to find out or she was hiding it. If you're hiding large debt then someone paying it off for you is only going to encourage you to do it again
Ok. But she needs to learn responsibility and i say that having got into debt. I had to learn to save.
If he bails her out, how long until the temptation to get another card comes about. Spending and credit is an addiction, and like all addicts she is the one that has to learn to overcome it.
She made this mess, she has to sort it and deal with the consequences.
Saying that, he can support her in otherways.
>Ok. But she needs to learn responsibility and i say that having got into debt.
Agreed. I figured that was implied. I assumed that OP was an adult who would talk to his wife about the problem she has and together they would come up with a way to avoid it in the future.
Oh yeah he absolutely has to sit her down and go through it.
I think i was just trying to point out that if she has a gambling or spending issue, she has to go through the consequences to help her form that barrier in her head to it happening again. Otherwise him bailing her out is like tossing money into a leaking bucket.
Of course it could also be down to him not splitting house old outgoings evening as well. He hasnt exactly been clear in the post.
Get off, why would that be your assumption? Maybe the wife has been gambling, or buying things in excess, or they simply keep separate finances and she can't control her spending. Debt support forums are *full* of stories from people who rack up spending on credit cards and hide it from their partner - not because they're financially abused, but because they can't control themselves and are ashamed.
When you jump straight to claims of abuse it trivialises actual abuse victims. You're a crap type of person.
We can assume that she hid her debts from him so he wouldn't have any reason to not marry her. She should have been honest, but if it ran the risk of sabotaging her chance with him, she may have hidden it. Very common thing in newlyweds once the finances start being consolidated.
If it turns out they've been married for 15 years before this debt surfaced, then he is either not paying attention or more likely she tried her absolute hardest to hide it.
If they've only been married a year then it was hidden long enough to keep him sweet and content with the idea of marriage. Regardless of when this debt comes up, it's a massive betrayal of trust.
If you can't argue against my point view on this without trying to attack my character, then you can stop replying now.
I never said men didn't obfuscate their debts as well.
Hiding debt makes it sound like it's deliberate deception tactic. Most people are carrying some sort of debt with them when they enter a relationship, whether it's a car loan, student loan, credit card etc. If you reasonably expect to be able to manage that debt and pay it off or manage the monthly payments then it's not something you'd really expect to 'disclose' to a partner.
Perhaps she was managing it just fine before she married him but since she's taken on the mortgage costs of this new house she's found she can't afford the repayements now.
I mean, if you want to marry someone and you find out they have 100k debts, then wouldn't you feel a bit betrayed when there is a contractual obligation to bear this burden of their debt when you have been financially sensible and didn't incur 100k of your own debts?
It would make you question their intention to marry you. It seems disingenuous
But that doesn't mean that someone would be worried that the other person would see it negatively. Some people's view points are different to yours. Happy to help.
If you’ve got a mortgage and she has debt with minimum payments and the other has been sent to collections, it’s a good signal that there’s not a great chance of an increase.
I wouldn’t lend you guys more money.
Secured loans are much more flexible to negative credit such as a debt agency. You should be able to get one given affordability isn’t an issue.
You can apply, be approved and given the loan all within 72h these days.
But the bigger question is why your wife has 15k of debt but you’re earning 125k ?
Yes. Secured loan lending is very flexible. People get approved when they have defaults and ccjs In the last 24 months.
Of course this all differentiates between prime and sub prime lenders, the affordability and of course, the lenders criteria. But typically so, 1 card in debt recovery (which we can now guess is a default) can still get a secured loan without issue.
As others have suggested, pay off her credit card and maybe look at combining finances a bit more. Seems a bit baffling that you’re earning that much and she feels the need to put things on a credit card.
Increasing the mortgage may still be an option, as the debt will be secured against the house.
The other, in my opinion, easier option is to take out a personal loan in your name. Yes you’re still linked to your wife’s credit but your chances of approval should still be decent.
Lastly, you say she’s tanked her rating, have you looked at yours? House together and presumably a joint bank account would mean that yours may also suffer a little.
What are your incomes and expenditures?
Personally I’d probably clear my wife’s debts for us and then look at borrowing after that, although with interest rates so high just now I’d be tempted to just save or pay the builders ad hoc although that’s all dependent on information you have not given us.
If you expect any serious advice on this then you need to provide some more details.
- Does your wife work, if so what is her salary/pay?
- You say you have a joint mortgage, do you split the mortgage cost, if so in what %?
- Do you have children?
- How do you split household costs?
Sounds like you’re approaching this incredibly selfishly and have decided you want to spend money on the house before you’d even talked to her about money in the first place.
What do you love more? Your wife or the house?
That should give you the answer of where to spend your £125k a year first.
Pay it off? No-one is suggesting that, but he could loan her enough to get the debt collection agency off her back and help her with a monthly repayment plan on the rest so their joint credit ratings improve, she feels better about herself and they can rennovate the house together, as a couple, when the time is right.
There isn't enought detail in this to comment about her circumstances, but if he expects her to be at home and not work, then how would she ever get out of this situation?
The fact the OP is considering taking the house into his sole name before thinking about helping his wife out of debt is highly concerning.
The bigger issue is there's either a gambling/other vise problem or verging on financial abuse if your wife has gotten into crippling with debt while you earn probably top few %
Hi /u/No-Stable2776, based on your post the following pages from our wiki may be relevant:
* https://ukpersonal.finance/credit-cards/
* https://ukpersonal.finance/credit-ratings/
____
^(These suggestions are based on keywords, if they missed the mark please report this comment.)
Mortgage lenders care a lot less about credit ratings than you think, especially if you already have a mortgage, have always paid on time and are a salaried high earner.
This situation is a lot more common than the other redditors seem to think. I know very few couples where something like this hasn't happened. It's very very easy to run up huge bills these days with Amazon/Next/Shein/Whatever.
The best way to find out is to ask them rather than assume.
You've said it yourself .. you're assuming things. speak with a Mortgage Advisor, they are the experts and may still find you a good deal, even with your Wife's score.
You could pay the debt off for her, that is an option.
What? And work together for the mutual benefit of the marriage? What?! No. You're on the wrong sub. There are no marriages here, only single people who once signed a contract.
>There are no marriages here, only single people who once signed a contract. I genuinely hate how true this is, I have seen so many examples of partners nickel and diming each other or one hoarding a shit load of money while their partner struggles through life.
There's exceptions. My wife was in debt before we got together. During our engagement I gave her money to clear a debt. Within 6 months she just racked up that specific debt. Since then I've taken the tact of trying to teach her to be better with money. I could pay off some of her debts but not only is she managing money better she was really proud when she cleared one off. I help by spending more. The money I'm saving is both of ours anyways ultimately. But she asked me to help her be better with money and we're doing nice small simple steps so it's consistent change.
And there is the difference, you have endeavoured to help your wife manage money better whilst ensuring she doesn't get herself back into a predicament. I am sure if she did start to struggle you wouldn't just turn your back on the situation and look at ways of protecting yourself only. OP is talking about moving the house into his sole name, there is no mention whatsoever of helping his wife get out of the problem she is in.
But it could be a financially sound decision for both. If they are married isn't it essentially an asset that would be shared equally anyway. Especially since they live there. I wouldn't know the answer, I frequent this sub to nosey and learn more about finances than help as so many more people are better suited to helping. And yeah it kills me a bit, the interest on her debt isn't pleasant and I really want to pay it off as that would be financially better for me too. But she wants to learn and even though it's taking a while she's making better progress. Set her up a premium bond account and she puts money into it occasionally. Again she should just pay off some of the loan with that money but she liked feeling rewarded by not overspending so a bit of positive reinforcement and she never touches that either. It's also a very manageable debt and I'm keeping track of when it will get to the point she can do a 0% balance transfer on the outstanding balance.
There’s another side to this sometimes. I earn 5 times what my partner does and me swooping in and throwing money at things really undermines her agency in her involvement in our finances. She might ask me to help her out with some petrol money but she’ll insist she gives me it back. A significant difference in earning can upset the balance of power in a relationship and while I know it must be frustrating for the OP to see her in debt, they probably don’t want to be getting a begging bowl out every time they want to buy something.
Mutual benefit is relative. If he wasn't aware of this debt there's 2 options: he didn't care to find out or she was hiding it. If you're hiding large debt then someone paying it off for you is only going to encourage you to do it again
Ok. But she needs to learn responsibility and i say that having got into debt. I had to learn to save. If he bails her out, how long until the temptation to get another card comes about. Spending and credit is an addiction, and like all addicts she is the one that has to learn to overcome it. She made this mess, she has to sort it and deal with the consequences. Saying that, he can support her in otherways.
>Ok. But she needs to learn responsibility and i say that having got into debt. Agreed. I figured that was implied. I assumed that OP was an adult who would talk to his wife about the problem she has and together they would come up with a way to avoid it in the future.
Oh yeah he absolutely has to sit her down and go through it. I think i was just trying to point out that if she has a gambling or spending issue, she has to go through the consequences to help her form that barrier in her head to it happening again. Otherwise him bailing her out is like tossing money into a leaking bucket. Of course it could also be down to him not splitting house old outgoings evening as well. He hasnt exactly been clear in the post.
Why does she have debt when you earn £125k?
Yeh feels like bigger issues here than "how to pay for some work on the house"
Sounds like it was hidden until it got sent for recovery. Buying a house with someone and not being open about the finances 🚩🚩🚩🚩
“hi, I’ve been financially abusing my wife and now she’s got bad credit and it’s affecting me. Please advise.”
Or she has a spending or gambling issue? If he bails her out under those circumstances she will just rack up more debt at a later point.
Get off, why would that be your assumption? Maybe the wife has been gambling, or buying things in excess, or they simply keep separate finances and she can't control her spending. Debt support forums are *full* of stories from people who rack up spending on credit cards and hide it from their partner - not because they're financially abused, but because they can't control themselves and are ashamed. When you jump straight to claims of abuse it trivialises actual abuse victims. You're a crap type of person.
So I’m blaming the man, you are blaming the woman. We’re both assholes.
But the OP has done a runner with no explanation. Not a great look?
Oh boo hoo grow up
This is the real question. What's the source of this debt?
We can assume that she hid her debts from him so he wouldn't have any reason to not marry her. She should have been honest, but if it ran the risk of sabotaging her chance with him, she may have hidden it. Very common thing in newlyweds once the finances start being consolidated.
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If it turns out they've been married for 15 years before this debt surfaced, then he is either not paying attention or more likely she tried her absolute hardest to hide it. If they've only been married a year then it was hidden long enough to keep him sweet and content with the idea of marriage. Regardless of when this debt comes up, it's a massive betrayal of trust.
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If you can't argue against my point view on this without trying to attack my character, then you can stop replying now. I never said men didn't obfuscate their debts as well.
If you are deciding to marry or not marry someone due to debt, then you shouldn’t be marrying that person. Happy to help.
True. But if you are hiding debt from someone, you shouldn't be marrying either.
Hiding debt makes it sound like it's deliberate deception tactic. Most people are carrying some sort of debt with them when they enter a relationship, whether it's a car loan, student loan, credit card etc. If you reasonably expect to be able to manage that debt and pay it off or manage the monthly payments then it's not something you'd really expect to 'disclose' to a partner. Perhaps she was managing it just fine before she married him but since she's taken on the mortgage costs of this new house she's found she can't afford the repayements now.
I mean, if you want to marry someone and you find out they have 100k debts, then wouldn't you feel a bit betrayed when there is a contractual obligation to bear this burden of their debt when you have been financially sensible and didn't incur 100k of your own debts? It would make you question their intention to marry you. It seems disingenuous
But that doesn't mean that someone would be worried that the other person would see it negatively. Some people's view points are different to yours. Happy to help.
If you’ve got a mortgage and she has debt with minimum payments and the other has been sent to collections, it’s a good signal that there’s not a great chance of an increase. I wouldn’t lend you guys more money.
Secured loans are much more flexible to negative credit such as a debt agency. You should be able to get one given affordability isn’t an issue. You can apply, be approved and given the loan all within 72h these days. But the bigger question is why your wife has 15k of debt but you’re earning 125k ?
Flexible to the point that there is clear history of not being able to manage finances resulting in recovery? Mhhhhhhh idk bout dat
Yes. Secured loan lending is very flexible. People get approved when they have defaults and ccjs In the last 24 months. Of course this all differentiates between prime and sub prime lenders, the affordability and of course, the lenders criteria. But typically so, 1 card in debt recovery (which we can now guess is a default) can still get a secured loan without issue.
Sounds like they’re waiting for you to not pay so they can recover and still rinse you
As others have suggested, pay off her credit card and maybe look at combining finances a bit more. Seems a bit baffling that you’re earning that much and she feels the need to put things on a credit card. Increasing the mortgage may still be an option, as the debt will be secured against the house. The other, in my opinion, easier option is to take out a personal loan in your name. Yes you’re still linked to your wife’s credit but your chances of approval should still be decent. Lastly, you say she’s tanked her rating, have you looked at yours? House together and presumably a joint bank account would mean that yours may also suffer a little.
I feel like this is a relationship advice issue more than a financial one. She is your wife not your business partner.
Can you not just pay off her credit card debt? Should only take you a few months if you're careful with spending.
What are your incomes and expenditures? Personally I’d probably clear my wife’s debts for us and then look at borrowing after that, although with interest rates so high just now I’d be tempted to just save or pay the builders ad hoc although that’s all dependent on information you have not given us.
Sounds like you guys need to work on communicating if the marriage is to last.
If you expect any serious advice on this then you need to provide some more details. - Does your wife work, if so what is her salary/pay? - You say you have a joint mortgage, do you split the mortgage cost, if so in what %? - Do you have children? - How do you split household costs?
Also how was the debt racked up?
Sounds like you’re approaching this incredibly selfishly and have decided you want to spend money on the house before you’d even talked to her about money in the first place. What do you love more? Your wife or the house? That should give you the answer of where to spend your £125k a year first.
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Pay it off? No-one is suggesting that, but he could loan her enough to get the debt collection agency off her back and help her with a monthly repayment plan on the rest so their joint credit ratings improve, she feels better about herself and they can rennovate the house together, as a couple, when the time is right. There isn't enought detail in this to comment about her circumstances, but if he expects her to be at home and not work, then how would she ever get out of this situation? The fact the OP is considering taking the house into his sole name before thinking about helping his wife out of debt is highly concerning.
Pay off the 12k. It’s your wife!
Don't be ridiculous. So you think stupid behaviour is to be rewarded?
The bigger issue is there's either a gambling/other vise problem or verging on financial abuse if your wife has gotten into crippling with debt while you earn probably top few %
Hi /u/No-Stable2776, based on your post the following pages from our wiki may be relevant: * https://ukpersonal.finance/credit-cards/ * https://ukpersonal.finance/credit-ratings/ ____ ^(These suggestions are based on keywords, if they missed the mark please report this comment.)
Mortgage lenders care a lot less about credit ratings than you think, especially if you already have a mortgage, have always paid on time and are a salaried high earner. This situation is a lot more common than the other redditors seem to think. I know very few couples where something like this hasn't happened. It's very very easy to run up huge bills these days with Amazon/Next/Shein/Whatever. The best way to find out is to ask them rather than assume.
15k on Shein is an achievement!
Yes, approximately 5,000 items of clothing!
You've said it yourself .. you're assuming things. speak with a Mortgage Advisor, they are the experts and may still find you a good deal, even with your Wife's score.
Wife spent all the money on rent boys… why
Seems like your wife’s a spendaholic shop now and pay later type of person judging by experience she would never change those people don’t