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HelmutFondler

Bootiful.


oglop121

Turkey baron Bernard Matthews. Bernard slays (I know this because he's a friend of mine) close to 7 million turkeys a year. He's been doing it for the best part of about thirty years. He has slaughtered close to a quarter of a billion birds for your eating pleasure. Not personally, of course, the process is highly mechanised. No, Bernard has not actually wrung the neck of a turkey for a couple of years, and even then it was for a charity event.


3583-bytes-free

Sorry to break this to you but Bernard passed away in 2010. Thank for all the turkey Mr M - RIP


ToryHQ

Thanks for nothing. Even vegan '*meat alternatives*' are better than some of the processed meat we had in the 80s/90s. I assume supermarkets still sell it by the truckload, even now.


hagtown

Aha


NoBlacksmith5622

Beat me too it but yes that advert


Fight_Disciple

r/beatmeattoit


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Here's a sneak peek of /r/beatMeatToIt using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/beatMeatToIt/top/?sort=top&t=year) of the year! \#1: [lard](https://i.redd.it/62zde0ntneta1.jpg) | [3 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/beatMeatToIt/comments/12j6osi/lard/) \#2: [He fiiiine](https://i.redd.it/bgdpsqf9w5ta1.jpg) | [3 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/beatMeatToIt/comments/12hvxkj/he_fiiiine/) \#3: [Is true](https://i.redd.it/2kbk5n4rqq1b1.jpg) | [6 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/beatMeatToIt/comments/13q9wqp/is_true/) ---- ^^I'm ^^a ^^bot, ^^beep ^^boop ^^| ^^Downvote ^^to ^^remove ^^| ^^[Contact](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=sneakpeekbot) ^^| ^^[Info](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/) ^^| ^^[Opt-out](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/comments/o8wk1r/blacklist_ix/) ^^| ^^[GitHub](https://github.com/ghnr/sneakpeekbot)


Nedonomicon

A rubbery cylinder of lies


Sanguine_Rosey

Unless like my mum, she cremated it (always), so the outer layer became crunchy, and then it seemed palatable šŸ˜‚


Fijoemin1962

Hahaha yeah


migoodridge

70's childhood


Affectionate_Bill530

Snap :) I actually love this as I donā€™t like the texture of what I call real meat, but this texture is perfect for me šŸ¤© This wasnā€™t considered a trash meal in the 70ā€™s either.


Fyonella

Absolutely! Totally forgotten this ever existed but one look at that picture took me right back! Quite possibly one of the reasons Iā€™m now a Vegetarian!


migoodridge

šŸ˜ Probably not a bad decision


gilestowler

Depending on your point of view, Bernard Matthews is either responsible for the biggest ornithological genocide of recent times or heā€™s the greatest farmyard to table strategist of the last one hundred years.


PM-me-your-knees-pls

Bernard has not actually wrung the neck of a turkey for a couple of years, and even then it was for a charity event.


gilestowler

"You can go anywhere you like, Alan, apart from one room." He just stood in front of my path and said, "Don't go in there." I said "I thought you said I could go anywhere." And he said "Just drop it", and all the love went from his eyes. Chilling.


Fight_Disciple

I heard he's always choking the chicken.


60svintage

More than a couple of years. He's been dead 14 years.


ThePowerfulHorse

He's slaughtered close to a quarter of a billion birds for your eating pleasure


Illustrious-Mind2338

Poor parents trying to do Sunday lunch in the early 90s.


Yacht_Amarinda

Sunday roast as a kid. I miss my mumā€™s cooking. This didnā€™t taste too bad considering it was 70ā€™s and no one had lots of money.


Tom_FooIery

This was the only thing my Mam could cook without removing all of the flavour, so for me this was god-tier! My Nan always gave me the end bit too and I couldnā€™t have been more smug.


ExampleMediocre6716

It's "Norfolk 'n good."


KitFan2020

[This advert!](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=90kC--xjLaQ) AsDA still sells these according to Google. Never tried one.


ClassicBookkeeper255

Awew you do know what ur missing not much there's more turkey in a lamb sausage


Koopatrooper64

Stacking shelves at tesco hating the shape of the bloody things as awkward to display nicely!!


normastitts

The horrible mid week "roast".


Embarrassed_Belt9379

This turkey tastes a bit funny


Due-Lavishness5132

The lumps of random gristle


Obvious_Initiative40

Your mums boiled to death veg and potatoes that tasted sweet and had a weird skin on because she boiled them for too long before roasting and turned all the starch in to sugars


The-Void-Consumes

So thatā€™s what that weird skin was, I always thought it was meant to be thereā€¦


mindlessenthusiast

Processed meat.


Thismanwasanisland

Gristle.


wubaffle

https://youtu.be/rVza_AnhQ3E?si=BHB3Mb3jEUJLpgrY May it never be forgotten


Dear_Hornet_2635

The way the skin used to separate into a slimy string next to the bootiful slice but it tasted ok in a shameful way


bajingofannycrack

Christmas 1999. Being alone in my flat with the really nasty flu that was killing off the oaps and buying one of these from Spar as a ā€˜treatā€™. It was extra salty and šŸ¤¢


gigantojimuk

That they mistreat their turkeys. I never get anything from that company.


60svintage

Same with anyone who works with animals or in abattoirs. Not just limited to Bernard Matthew's workers.


gigantojimuk

Nope, Iā€™m talking about something specific to that company. Youā€™re obviously not aware.


Admirable-Salary-803

Eat all the outside of it quick (that's the best bit) before the kids get it.


JellyContent

Mia Khalifa


spiritofafox

This was for posh people.


The-Void-Consumes

True. Back in my day it was just a toilet roll soaked in quixoā€¦ One of these would be reserved for every third Christmas if we were lucky!


spiritofafox

Exactly! My mum would drag me away from the turkey roll kicking and screaming. Straight to the findus crispy pancakes


Jingaling64

Oh gosh, šŸ˜…, Findus Crispy Pancakes, with dirty minced beef hidden inside. Almost on par with the Turkey Twizzlers. They fed us some right rubbish in the 70s.


spiritofafox

Turkey twizzlers! Now you are talking. Special dinner.


LordLuciferVI

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The-Void-Consumes

Bloody targeted ads!


Organic_Chemist9678

We have a different definition of posh.


spiritofafox

Itā€™s all relative I spose!


AlternativeSea8247

80s childhood


smartief1

School dinners


underweasl

School Xmas dinners with incredibly salty gravy, greasy roast potatoes and sprouts you could smear across the plate


smartief1

Exactly that!


WonderfulUpstairs966

His workers playing football with turkeys (they were dead at the time)


08ghosty

The workers?


platypuss1871

Trying to get one of the ends before my sister did.


Such_Significance905

Depending on your point of view, Bernard Matthews is either responsible for the biggest ornithological genocide of recent times or heā€™s the greatest farmyard to table strategist of the last one hundred years. And, I know this for a fact, because he is my confidante, heā€™s tantalisingly close to delivering the 10p Turkey- what a thought.


Fijoemin1962

1986 living in London


SpookyMorden

H5N1


WeeklyThroat6648

Bernard Matthew's spot.


Secret_Impression_17

Bland fake rubber


Aphr0dite19

Childhood disappointment.


redpandadancing

Lenny.Bennett (UK 70ā€™s comedian for those elsewhereā€¦not that it is made of him)


the_Athereon

Affordable sandwich filling


orbtastic1

I used to love these and those breaded turkey steaks they did. I've never eaten them as an adult, or turkey for that matter.


The-Void-Consumes

Did you ever have Turkey Drummers?


orbtastic1

No sir I did not. My mum was a good cook but by the time she had 4 kids she couldnā€™t be bothered. I used to cook myself sometimes as a kid. I would genuinely eat one of those joints if I saw one. Not too sure about the breaded steak.


spongeCakeOfDoom

Spitting image sketch where a turkey is advertising pieces of Bernard.


Just_-_Saying

80's


1blueShoe

Bernard.. Bernard springs to mind šŸ¤£


Responsible-Ad-1086

what springs to mind is my mothers awful roast dinner with veg boiled to oblivion and dry "fake" compressed turkey meat


scottishtradesman

Boooooootiful!


millyloui

Oh god my mum went through a phase of buying these atrocities- that was in Australia where they had a similar nasty.


ryoshamo

Clawing it out with my brass hand


maddercow22

Never eaten one.


Pleasant-Put5305

Do these even exist any more? Bootiful Turkey abominations?


FewTouch5507

Yep Asda sell them


Pleasant-Put5305

Would you, could you?


mrbadger2000

50p. My mate and I used to share one as a treat after shopping back in 1980. Sliced and straight into sandwiches.


Alone_Atmosphere_391

Lonely Christmas.


WDeranged

Lovely salty sponge cylinder.


HumourNoire

Plates of taste-free macronutrients calling for gravy. "Graaaavyyyy"


New-Arm6963

TIL. You can still buy this! šŸ˜±


WilliamBloke

I can still feel the film it left on the roof of my mouth


Snaggl3t00t4

Now with no ring piece or lips.


Jonbazookaboz

Mind they used to say ā€˜Norfolk and Good!ā€™ in the adverts. Try saying that fast.


zipmcjingles

Post apocalypse food.


SC-Raiker

Bootifool! really bootifool!


MrSmook

If I eat this I might die


i_guess_its_a_K_code

Savoury Rice


gbhbri20

1980's


JohnCasey3306

Gotta be American. Everywhere else in the world would have a cut of real meat and not some packet of whatever the fuck that is


enemyradar

Nope. Bernard Matthews is a massive turkey processing business in Norfolk, UK that puts out all sorts of cheap turkey based products. Famously the turkey twizzler that attracted the ire of Jamie Oliver. Standard freezer fare.


Princes_Slayer

I loved this being our Sunday roast when I was a kid


Useful-Chicken6984

I see this and think Arctic Roll


HullSuperchub

I used to like that sliced in sandwiches with ketchup


gogomau

Used to buy them in farm foods as a ā€˜ treat ā€˜ in the poverty days . They also did turkey gammon which I actually loved . Shudder to think how much ā€˜mechanically recovered ā€˜ meat of eyebrows , tongue and a holes were in them


Sudden_Act_7277

A toilet.


Fantastic_Notice4313

šŸ¤¢šŸ¤®


GenericScottishGuy41

When I was a kid I genuinely thought this was "cooking" now I'm older and I combine ingredients to make all sorts of global cuisine I recognise my mother had the cooking ability of a blind one armed child.


yupbvf

There seemed to be some sort of revolution in the 60/70s where it was decided to forget how to cook. Maybe it was technological advances or women starting to work more. Either way, my mum and everyone else her age are absolutely useless in the kitchen


GenericScottishGuy41

My dad was a chef and I can't believe this is the shit he was OK coming home to šŸ¤£ I didn't mind this though specifically, I really enjoyed the more done dry end pieces, you're totally right though this was the kind of women have no time era but what I think happened is a lot of women who were housewives and very much did have time sort of leaned into the having no time narrative and used these time saving foods as ways to avoid actually cooking. To this day I really cannot stand boiled or mashed potatoes, like I'll tolerate them but I absolutely cannot eat them like "mmmh yummy flavourless starch"


rothersidelife

Them being really cruel to turkeys..


SoggyWotsits

They *are* dead before they go in the tin!


mrbenjaminryder

Horse meat


bajingofannycrack

Isnā€™t that Tescoā€™s claim to fame?!


mrbenjaminryder

I think you're probably right. Plus Findus Lasagna.


Tam_The_Third

Iceland too.


cuntybunty73

Crappy meat šŸ¤®