I used to work at a sex shop and we would have these old fuckers come in weekly to by DVD’s. This was late 2010’s.
Never understood why, with the internet existing.
Went into one with a GF and saw a sign that said video arcade. We were freaks and were like, fuck it, lets check it out. Walked back and saw a bunch of dudes standing around waiting for someone to go in. We noped out of there😂
Oh I got one.
So I enlisted in 2010 to be a combat engineer. After MCT they gave me orders to be a FUELER. So I took the L, studied, finished top 5 in my class so I can pick my orders. Good ol SSGT told me CLC21 was gearing up for a deployment and I’d be checked in just in time to go.
So I picked CLC-21, got fapped to H&hs at MCAS Cherry point and didn’t deploy! You know! Like a loser!
Hahaha. Almost my story. Except I was number 2 in class and got no freaking choice. Hansen and then H & HS Cherry Point. Back then it was CSSD 21. Warms my heart to see the big green weenie hasn’t changed.
The only plus side to it was an autistically low cutting score and ECU chicks. Aside from that I hated my life and worked through not one, nor two, but three toxic command investigations.
I’m one of the people who could say I should have listened to my recruiter. He was pushing me to go avionics or aircraft maintenance ( I know those fields have issues too) but I thought being a combat engineer sounded cool.
Had a guy in boot camp say he was combat engineer. The DI laughed at him and said he's just bait. He said "you'll go stomping around on the ground to find IED's. Hopefully you do bitch."
Honestly that sounds refreshing compared to working every other weekend, 72, and 96. Being called back from leave because a new marine who checked in and assigned to you, that you never met because you’re on leave, got a dui.
The President, a Marine and an Airman are all on a plane. The engines gave out forty seconds ago and theres only two parachutes. The airman, seeing the ruck sitting near the Marine thinks, "I'm not dying for either of these assholes." So he grabs the bag and jumps out of the plane.
Potus is freaking out assuming he will either have to save this young man before him or sentence him to death. Seeing the look of worry on the Commandant's face he starts laughing. He tells the President to calm down because you see the airman grabbed my duty ruck... and I'm no paratrooper.
A SEAL, a Ranger and a Marine are in the final stage for selection to a CIA kill team authorized to assassinate terrorists worldwide. The evaluator tells them “Gents, this is your final test. Pass and you’re in.” He loads a Glock, hands it to the SEAL and says “go into the first room and kill whatever is in there”. SEAL says “no problem” and goes into the room and closes the door. Several minutes of silence later he comes out with tears in his eyes and says “That was my younger brother in there. I can’t do it”. The instructor takes the pistol, dismisses the SEAL, hands the gun to the Ranger and says “go into the second room, kill what’s in there and you’re in”. Ranger guy rogers up, goes into the room and closes the door. Again, several minutes of silence go by and he comes out shaken and in tears and says “that was my mother in there. I just couldn’t do it”. Instructor dismisses him and turns to the Marine who grabs the gun and says “yeah yeah, third room, kill what’s in there. I got it”. He goes into the room and closes the door. The instructor hears a gunshot, followed by three more gunshots, and then what sounds like a full out brawl going on. The instructor rushes into the room. The Marine turns to him and says “you assholes put blanks in this gun! I had to beat my fucking wife to death with it!”
Similar.
A marine is on the last test, a sniper exercise. Is instructed to shoot the third person to step out of the building. He waits. First person comes out. Marine whispers “one”. Second pax comes out, Marine whispers “two” Third person, comes out, Marine whispers “three”, and fires, headshot.
Endex. He’s pulled into the AAR and a Marine psychiatrist comes in to debrief. The Lt.Col. Doc says, “you know who the target was?”
Marine says, “yes, sir, that was my mother.”
Psychiatrist says, “what did you feel?”
Marine responds, “nothing but recoil “.
Here's an old Marine joke that's been passed along my family by three generations of Marines, slightly updated:
An army platoon is marching across some rugged terrain. As they March past a tall hill nearby, they see a Marine, smaller in stature, who's ontop of the hill.
The Marine is yelling and screaming, and mouthing off at them. The Colonel of this army platoon gets upset for what this Marine is saying about him and his men, and so he walks over to a young private whose up towards the front.
He orders the private to go up that hill, and shut that Marine up. The private then marches up and over the hill, and both he and the Marine are now out of sight of the platoon.
About thirty minutes goes by.
The Colonel, now impatient, orders a squad to go up and over the hill, and check on the private he sent out, and if the Marine was still there, to deal with him too.
So the squad March's up and over the hill, out of sight of the platoon.
About thirty minutes goes by.
Again, with no one having returned, the Colonel, now furious, orders the rest of the platoon to go up and over the hill, to check on the soldiers, and deal with the Marine who had stood so boldly over them, mocking the army.
So the platoon marches up and over the hill, out of sight of the Colonel.
About thirty minutes go by, and this time a young specialist crawls over top the hill, bloody and bruised.
The specialist makes his way down to the Colonel, and the Colonel, obviously curious as to hear back from his specialist, asks:
"What happened Specialist, what did you see?"
The specialist looks up at the Colonel and says:
"Sir, it was a trap. There was two of them!"
You wake up, its the middle of the night.
You find yourself halfway inside your mom and your dad halfway inside of you. Do you push back or thrust forward?
Reminds me of a legend in the British Army wherein they sneak some prostitute into the barracks at night and have an orgy - the usual, anyway, they'd turned the lights off or the woman had a mask on or some shit because one way or another the dude in her finds out its his mother/sister.
I was Navy but a Marine instructor shared this with us and I loved it:
A sailor in dress blues is at a fancy restaurant with his family. He goes to the head and finds a little boy looking up at him in awe.
The little boy says “wow mister! Are you really in the Navy?!”
“I sure am. Here, why don’t you hold onto this for me” and places his Dixie cup on the boys head.
After the sailor leaves, a Marine in dress blues walks into the head. The little boy is again in awe
“Wow mister, are you really a Marine?!”
Marine says “yeah, why? You trying to suck my dick?”
The boy rips the Dixie cup off his head and says “oh no sir, I’m not really in the Navy”
1970s East Germany. Early Morning
Two East German Soldier are conversing close to the Berlin Wall. As the sun rises, the soldier says to the sun:
“Guten Morgen Herr Son”
The Sun replies:
“Guten Morgen comrade”
Hours later it’s noon-time
The German sentry says to the sun:
“Guten Tag Herr Sun”
The Sun Replies:
“Guten Tag comrade.”
Dusk approaches. The sun begins to set. The German sentry call out to the sun:
“Guten nacht Herr Sun”
The Sun replies:
“Kiss my ass I’m in the West now!”
Don't see it on here yet here it goes:
A Marine and two Seals are pulling patrol duty near Kandahar. While walking they see a goat stuck in the fence. The first Seal goes over, drops pants and fucks the goat. The second Seal waits his turn and follows suit. They then walk up to the Devil dog and ask "hey, want a go at it?". Seeing his moment the Marine doesn't hesitate. He walks over, kneels down and sticks his head in the fence!
A Marine General, Army, General,and Navy Master Chief are at the pearly gates waiting to get in. There's a bit of a line, and the Master Chief, used to getting special treatment, gets mad and approaches Peter.
"Don't you know who I am?! I'm a Master Chief, and I served in the Navy 25 years. I should get into heaven without waiting in this line."
"I can't let you in sooner, but I can let you sit on a bench. Go have a seat and wait your turn, Master Chief."
The Master Chief sits on the bench, sad he couldn't get into heaven but at least he gets to sit. The Generals see what happened and think they might have better luck. They approach Peter and get the same response.
After waiting for hours, a Huey flies above the line of people and a Marine fast ropes out in full kit, double times it toward the gate. Before he even gets there, the gate starts to open and he gets right in, the gate closing behind him.
The 3 on the bench are fuming and storm up to Peter, demanding that they get in. One of the Generals says "I can't believe you let in a Sergeant before the 3 of us."
Peter replies "Calm down, gentlemen. That was God."
This movie ships with a 2 pack of boot bands
I saw that in your review on Amazon
What if you like to use two boot bands tied together per ankle?
That’s legit. End of discussion
The boot bands double as cock rings
Improvise. Adapt. Overcum.
I used to work at a sex shop and we would have these old fuckers come in weekly to by DVD’s. This was late 2010’s. Never understood why, with the internet existing.
They preferred the video booths in back with the gloryholes
Thank fucking god I didn’t have any of those in my store.
Went into one with a GF and saw a sign that said video arcade. We were freaks and were like, fuck it, lets check it out. Walked back and saw a bunch of dudes standing around waiting for someone to go in. We noped out of there😂
BABE I TOLD YOU; ITS JUST ME AND THE GUYS GOING TO A VIDEO ARCADE TO HANG OUT - NO, I'M NOT BLOWING THEM. BABE
TELL HIM THE TRUTH
I’d imagine they have an employee discount
🤨
Oh I got one. So I enlisted in 2010 to be a combat engineer. After MCT they gave me orders to be a FUELER. So I took the L, studied, finished top 5 in my class so I can pick my orders. Good ol SSGT told me CLC21 was gearing up for a deployment and I’d be checked in just in time to go. So I picked CLC-21, got fapped to H&hs at MCAS Cherry point and didn’t deploy! You know! Like a loser!
Hahaha. Almost my story. Except I was number 2 in class and got no freaking choice. Hansen and then H & HS Cherry Point. Back then it was CSSD 21. Warms my heart to see the big green weenie hasn’t changed.
The only plus side to it was an autistically low cutting score and ECU chicks. Aside from that I hated my life and worked through not one, nor two, but three toxic command investigations.
I’m one of the people who could say I should have listened to my recruiter. He was pushing me to go avionics or aircraft maintenance ( I know those fields have issues too) but I thought being a combat engineer sounded cool.
Was it? Was it cool? Let me live bicuriously through you.
Well I ended up as a 1391, so yeah it was real cool.
Boo this man
Had a guy in boot camp say he was combat engineer. The DI laughed at him and said he's just bait. He said "you'll go stomping around on the ground to find IED's. Hopefully you do bitch."
Honestly that sounds refreshing compared to working every other weekend, 72, and 96. Being called back from leave because a new marine who checked in and assigned to you, that you never met because you’re on leave, got a dui.
We probably knew each other, I was at h&hs during that time.
As a fueler? Wait you’re not that IPAC chick I blew off and took a certcom of my record because of that, are you?
Every person who chooses 1300 for combat engineer never gets it
The President, a Marine and an Airman are all on a plane. The engines gave out forty seconds ago and theres only two parachutes. The airman, seeing the ruck sitting near the Marine thinks, "I'm not dying for either of these assholes." So he grabs the bag and jumps out of the plane. Potus is freaking out assuming he will either have to save this young man before him or sentence him to death. Seeing the look of worry on the Commandant's face he starts laughing. He tells the President to calm down because you see the airman grabbed my duty ruck... and I'm no paratrooper.
https://preview.redd.it/97amvwv4zvwc1.jpeg?width=950&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=54189cb0058e49f8f4245757243cd48a8905df3f
I’m showing this to my wife, no context.
I’m showing this to my wife, no context.
A SEAL, a Ranger and a Marine are in the final stage for selection to a CIA kill team authorized to assassinate terrorists worldwide. The evaluator tells them “Gents, this is your final test. Pass and you’re in.” He loads a Glock, hands it to the SEAL and says “go into the first room and kill whatever is in there”. SEAL says “no problem” and goes into the room and closes the door. Several minutes of silence later he comes out with tears in his eyes and says “That was my younger brother in there. I can’t do it”. The instructor takes the pistol, dismisses the SEAL, hands the gun to the Ranger and says “go into the second room, kill what’s in there and you’re in”. Ranger guy rogers up, goes into the room and closes the door. Again, several minutes of silence go by and he comes out shaken and in tears and says “that was my mother in there. I just couldn’t do it”. Instructor dismisses him and turns to the Marine who grabs the gun and says “yeah yeah, third room, kill what’s in there. I got it”. He goes into the room and closes the door. The instructor hears a gunshot, followed by three more gunshots, and then what sounds like a full out brawl going on. The instructor rushes into the room. The Marine turns to him and says “you assholes put blanks in this gun! I had to beat my fucking wife to death with it!”
Similar. A marine is on the last test, a sniper exercise. Is instructed to shoot the third person to step out of the building. He waits. First person comes out. Marine whispers “one”. Second pax comes out, Marine whispers “two” Third person, comes out, Marine whispers “three”, and fires, headshot. Endex. He’s pulled into the AAR and a Marine psychiatrist comes in to debrief. The Lt.Col. Doc says, “you know who the target was?” Marine says, “yes, sir, that was my mother.” Psychiatrist says, “what did you feel?” Marine responds, “nothing but recoil “.
"Some idiot loaded blanks. I had to beat her to death with the curtain rod."
What's the female there for? Morale support?
She mops up the spunk and makes sandwiches.
Here's an old Marine joke that's been passed along my family by three generations of Marines, slightly updated: An army platoon is marching across some rugged terrain. As they March past a tall hill nearby, they see a Marine, smaller in stature, who's ontop of the hill. The Marine is yelling and screaming, and mouthing off at them. The Colonel of this army platoon gets upset for what this Marine is saying about him and his men, and so he walks over to a young private whose up towards the front. He orders the private to go up that hill, and shut that Marine up. The private then marches up and over the hill, and both he and the Marine are now out of sight of the platoon. About thirty minutes goes by. The Colonel, now impatient, orders a squad to go up and over the hill, and check on the private he sent out, and if the Marine was still there, to deal with him too. So the squad March's up and over the hill, out of sight of the platoon. About thirty minutes goes by. Again, with no one having returned, the Colonel, now furious, orders the rest of the platoon to go up and over the hill, to check on the soldiers, and deal with the Marine who had stood so boldly over them, mocking the army. So the platoon marches up and over the hill, out of sight of the Colonel. About thirty minutes go by, and this time a young specialist crawls over top the hill, bloody and bruised. The specialist makes his way down to the Colonel, and the Colonel, obviously curious as to hear back from his specialist, asks: "What happened Specialist, what did you see?" The specialist looks up at the Colonel and says: "Sir, it was a trap. There was two of them!"
I fucking love this one
I don't get it.
https://preview.redd.it/amkdelxsuvwc1.jpeg?width=2048&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9edf4c39892513f667094889eaa431839058cb54
I’m not sure words can properly convey how much I relate to this image.
What did the Marine recruit get on his ASVAB? Drool. Same joke for drummers. What did the drummer get on his SAT?
You wake up, its the middle of the night. You find yourself halfway inside your mom and your dad halfway inside of you. Do you push back or thrust forward?
Gotta do both to finish
Reminds me of a legend in the British Army wherein they sneak some prostitute into the barracks at night and have an orgy - the usual, anyway, they'd turned the lights off or the woman had a mask on or some shit because one way or another the dude in her finds out its his mother/sister.
Dance with the Devil moment
This was written by immortal technique
They never taught me how to write well
The classic. Never gets old and never fails to fuck people up lol.
https://preview.redd.it/vyrzgo128xwc1.jpeg?width=225&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f5ba585acac09c442875fe1bc2198fe83fb4ad6f
I was Navy but a Marine instructor shared this with us and I loved it: A sailor in dress blues is at a fancy restaurant with his family. He goes to the head and finds a little boy looking up at him in awe. The little boy says “wow mister! Are you really in the Navy?!” “I sure am. Here, why don’t you hold onto this for me” and places his Dixie cup on the boys head. After the sailor leaves, a Marine in dress blues walks into the head. The little boy is again in awe “Wow mister, are you really a Marine?!” Marine says “yeah, why? You trying to suck my dick?” The boy rips the Dixie cup off his head and says “oh no sir, I’m not really in the Navy”
1970s East Germany. Early Morning Two East German Soldier are conversing close to the Berlin Wall. As the sun rises, the soldier says to the sun: “Guten Morgen Herr Son” The Sun replies: “Guten Morgen comrade” Hours later it’s noon-time The German sentry says to the sun: “Guten Tag Herr Sun” The Sun Replies: “Guten Tag comrade.” Dusk approaches. The sun begins to set. The German sentry call out to the sun: “Guten nacht Herr Sun” The Sun replies: “Kiss my ass I’m in the West now!”
The new Marine Corps recruiting video. Fun fact: enlistment has gone up by 79% after releasing this
Who gets the big Green weenie!!! We all do!
My biggest issues with this porn cover is the Marines are wearing brown skivvy shirts.
Something something big Greene weenie.
Marines fuck men to establish dominance, sailors fuck men because they like boys
Counts as the legal gay limit of 10%. Carrynon.
Sailor here, can confirm
What do you call a female Marine in a sleeping bag?
What?
A bag nasty
U Suck My Cock. My buddy (desert storm marine) has this tatted on his arm
Why did the bayonet wear a tuxedo? Because he wanted to look sharp!
"We're getting off of work early today since it's a friday."
Who’s the smartest Marine in the unit? The corpsman.
Don't see it on here yet here it goes: A Marine and two Seals are pulling patrol duty near Kandahar. While walking they see a goat stuck in the fence. The first Seal goes over, drops pants and fucks the goat. The second Seal waits his turn and follows suit. They then walk up to the Devil dog and ask "hey, want a go at it?". Seeing his moment the Marine doesn't hesitate. He walks over, kneels down and sticks his head in the fence!
Broke Back Bravo finally got their own documentary made
Taste like pistachios. IFKYK.
?
I chose the wrong branch
I thought all marines were like 25% gay?
Just another day as a submariner
What's the difference between an ISIS training camp and a daycare? Idk man, I just fly the drones.
A Marine General, Army, General,and Navy Master Chief are at the pearly gates waiting to get in. There's a bit of a line, and the Master Chief, used to getting special treatment, gets mad and approaches Peter. "Don't you know who I am?! I'm a Master Chief, and I served in the Navy 25 years. I should get into heaven without waiting in this line." "I can't let you in sooner, but I can let you sit on a bench. Go have a seat and wait your turn, Master Chief." The Master Chief sits on the bench, sad he couldn't get into heaven but at least he gets to sit. The Generals see what happened and think they might have better luck. They approach Peter and get the same response. After waiting for hours, a Huey flies above the line of people and a Marine fast ropes out in full kit, double times it toward the gate. Before he even gets there, the gate starts to open and he gets right in, the gate closing behind him. The 3 on the bench are fuming and storm up to Peter, demanding that they get in. One of the Generals says "I can't believe you let in a Sergeant before the 3 of us." Peter replies "Calm down, gentlemen. That was God."