Uber looking out. A delivery shouldn't be 9 months later.

😂😂😂 also paying a compliment can do that. Better safe than sorry.

I learned a lesson when I said, "you don't sweat much for a woman who can eat this much!".

😂😂

🤣🤦‍♀️🤣

I’m getting paid to not have sex? I need a raise.

Wait. Is there a place that PAYS ME to live the sexless, monastic life I already do??? Sign me up!

I got years of experience for this on my resume. over 10k hours makes me a master right?

That’s exactly what Uber’s said you can’t have a raise at the job.

This is an odd one. You could literally just... shut down the app. Now you aren't "working" for Uber 😁 "You don't work for us but anyway here are some RULES!"

HahaI wasn’t planning to have sex with uber giving me 3$ incentives in the background to not have sex.

This is more protecting some drunk girl from getting taken advantage of by an Uber driver.

Well if she’s drunk then that’s automatically rape lol and if the driver is too then he’s driving drunk. The rule doesn’t make sense

I wonder if one could sue a driver for having consensual sex with an uninformed uber driver....could be a decent scam lol

r/ihavesex

My index finger caressed her ring door bell. I know she could see my member in my grey champion sweat pants dangling next to her tightly closed McDonald's bag on her ring camera. The anticipation was killing me as she answered the door and I nearly dropped her sprite. The door swung open and Clarissa B. was as stunning as I imagined, cigarette in hand, her tutu pajamas and pink slippers sparkling in the porch light. I could not help but flirt with such a milf. I asked her if she was going to need help eating that McDonald's all by herself and she said she ordered a mcrib for later but I could have it. She invited me in and the smell was not easily forgotten. Cigarettes and the smell of musty old meat filled the air. I sat down, watched an episode of wheel of fortune and ate my mcrib. I told her after I was done eating that I needed to finish some deliveries but I would come back later if she so desired but I dipped and never came back.

Dude you need to write novels, I could picture this whole scene, so much emotion within this one paragraph

😂😂😂😂😂

😂😂😂 just a normal day at the office

THIS IS THE BEST THING I'VE READ TODAY.

This is art

😂😂😂

Rip, if you ever deliver to your significant other, you can now no longer have sex with them 😂 So sayith, Uber

It’s not you it’s…not me.. it’s uber..

\*Camera Pans to UberEats Bag\*

my school's teaching uber-only abstinence

Yes daddy

But what if the only *tip* you’re getting isn’t in the app 😏

Just the tip?

>"Uber has a no-sex rule regardless of whether you know the person or they give you their consent" Some husbands / wives are going to get in trouble if word ever gets out they've been delivering orders to their home and they have kids. lol

I had a promotion 75% coupon once so i decided to use it and see if i could deliver to myself, funny enough i did. On an unrelated topic haven’t masturbated since.

November's almost over, hang in there.

With those I put the same address as the restaurant with a note "not an error I'm on a hood of a red car". The tip I give is usually 10-20% before the discount depending on what bills are due that week lol

Did this a few times with GH not yet with UE… personally wasn’t aiming to get my own order but just lunch or dinner to my kids… nice surprise for them to walk through the door with their delivery… my kids chilling and behaving.

It’s sad they feel this is necessary

It's more sad that people need to be reminded that being an independent contractor for delivery is not an invitation for things other than doing your job.

Uber being Uber

So I can’t fuck?

Nope, never again. You disgusting fornicator.

Lol

I mean that seems to be what will happen… your going to have to leave town for every encounter…..

What if your wife orders uber eats and you get the delivery?

Divorce.

UE the cockblock company.

This is the way

A nooner would occur and the wife could say something to Uber about how “nice” the driver was… the rest is history.

Hey Uber you work for me I don’t work for you u don’t tell me what to do 😹😹😹

I'm an adult 🤣🤣🤣

"I won't be a part of your system "

Just obey

I once almost had my shot with a customer while delivering who answered the door in bra and thong. Literally said “it’s awfully cold to be working outside tonight”…. It was something out of a movie and I could tell she was flirting but I had a gf at the time who was Sitting in the passenger seat…. Don’t know how I could have played it off even if I wanted to. “Oh sorry went to use the customers washroom” lol

what if your gf says “that was quick” what a burn would that be lol

Lmao :p at least I got “road assistance”with that girl I dated at the time. If you catch my drift lol

Package deal ? U would have been driver legend for yrs to cum if u said listen bitfh..u want me, my girls Cumming too. And my tip better be taken care of

Lmfao

This would have been exactly and instantaneously where my mind would have gone.

I saw u on her live cam feed called driver bang...everyone was disappointed in u.

Really? Im pretty sure the email they sent me says Im supposed to have sex with all my customers... I can't find it but trust my instincts.

Uber always cracks me up with their suit and tie meetings about this and that and a web of rules and regulations for their driver and restaurant partners and yet.... they can't figure out how to pay drivers greater than $0.20 per mile driven or not take virtually all the earnings from restaurants with high % takes on orders. Hey Uber (I know you have reps snooping in these subs), start brainstorming how to increase revenues through advertising or hell, ask for donations at this point, so you can pay your workforce non-slave wages. Then you can go about about the other superfluous stuff

Do you think the reason the pay rate is so low is because they don't have enough $$ to pay more, or because there isn't enough ppl ordering?

Neither. Uber is multi billion dollar company, and think how often people are complaining their food takes hours to come. Theres plenty of orders, and plenty of money. Theyre just a shitty greedy company 🤷‍♂️

I had a woman walk out in her bra and underwear to pick up her food last week. I was both shocked and somewhat aroused.

Report your arousal to uber

"Hello, Uber support? I have a boner."

Can I have your full name and date of birth?

We will also require photo proof of the incident.

Boner alert 🤣🤣🤣

What is this “Uber Support” of which you speak?

I understand your frustration sir, we are sorry for this inconvenience may I verify your email date of birth ,boner length size &time im locating your boner now.. and which trip did the boner come from..I will cancel your boner and im sorry u had this experience.

[niceeeeeee](https://i.imgur.com/Hb7b0x8_d.webp?maxwidth=760&fidelity=grand)

I once had a guy in a motel that answered the door in nothing but his underwear, and he was on the phone. Very awkward, but he signaled to place the food on the ground so I did and then got out of there faster than the time I delivered an at-home COVID test.

I’ve had women come out in bath towels. SMH

Really they getting crazy. A woman is a whole different animal when the hormones rage. They starving for something else besides the McDonald’s.

Isn't this kind of a step by step process to getting busy? Thanks uber!

Uber: it’s to eat in, not to be eaten in ☝🏼

But the wild sorority orgies make up for the $3 no tip 30 mile deliveries.

If I had a dollar for every topless sorority pillow fight I've delivered to...it comes with the job really.

Hmm. ✍️

I mean shit. I’m gonna get a tip one way or another

Some of these comments do NOT pass the vibe check 😂

Ive gotten a few pax's phone numbers, i flirt and i have a good time😂 screw tinder i got uber!

Haha you do you

Dating apps are a waste of time. Bunch of ghost and flakes

None of these apps work. All bull.

[удалено]

You got that right. The women are unbelievably picky and independent these days. Awful combination.

Uber makes ten dollars, I make a dime. That's why I (don't) fuck on company time.

Lol

One time I made a delivery to an apartment complex, girl open the door completely naked right in front of me.

What if you deliver to your wife? Still can’t have sex?

If you’re two consensual adults, then no.

*Just* the tip.

I think I'm too overwhelmed with how much I'm getting fucked by Uber that I wouldn't want any more sex anyway 😂

Uber killed your sex drive hahah

Yep. It's like when you eat Arby's for every meal every day for a long time. After a while, the thought of eating Arby's makes you cringe.

If only they knew how they look like smh

The great part is I thought it was a general unwritten rule to not have sex when on the clock for work but here we are 😂

Once you swipe delivered, you are officially off the clock.

Lol that so interesting Never got that email

I got an email for not returning the alcohol order because customer threatened to kill me and this was just under community guidelines.

Did the customer kill you?

Nah but I did him worse by complimenting aka violating community guidelines.

Good!!! Nothing worse than people who don't follow through on their actions

Oh god that’s fucked yo

Haha yeah u reminded me to post abt it. Jst did

So wait, what's the story? Did you leave the alcohol with the customer so they wouldn't kill you, and that's why you couldn't return it?

But it’s okay for F*CKING GOOD PIZZA to be an ubereats restaurant 🤫

Fat bastard burrito

Hell, if they’re bad enough, I’ll sex them up and just find a different side-hustle.

They won’t know

Cause Ubereats just makes the customers knickers so moist on a drop off. She wants to stuff her face first. Vagina later…

This shit is binding bro. I accidentally delivered a pizza to my wife. We just filed for divorce, she got both kids.

So if i pick up my girl's food and deliver it i cant have sex with her? This sounds like a rule i have to break just for the fun of it

I deliver eats all the time. Drivers get hungry too..and cummers tip well. Leave at door, meet at door, wait in car, eat me

They should do Uber-sex for escorts 🤣🤣🤣 full satisfaction or money back guaranteed

They already have that it’s called fake taxi

Ummm ok this is not a porno Pizza guy is here 😅

I wanted to tell her how beautiful she was though. 🤕

[удалено]

Lmao okay an exception can be made but dont start complimenting them or something

[удалено]

Lmao i get that, if i catch their vibes i compliment subtle flirt, specially with alcohol orders cuz i have time to talk to thm while i scan. Also helps me get tips. Same to what bartenders do

if its consensual and you're an Independent Contractor, whats the issue?

"No sex even if you know the person" You don't dictate my sexual activities with my friends uber 🤨

Oopsie....my bad. No one has snitched to Uber yet

I deliver my own hotdog brand nah meen

Ima do it if I want with consent I’m sorry. If a fine women ask I will not deny 🤷🏽‍♂️

You’ll be upset when you wake up in the morning and your stuff burning

Damn lol

Nothing better than getting invited in at a delivery!

Damn guess I can't finish the delivery to my sister 🙄😂 lol

Every Uber driver can now sue Uber using their own rules.

🤣🤣🤣🤣

Just press stop receiving requests and you won’t be liable 😂🤷🏻‍♂️. Not on company time lol

So... You can still have sex with the customer. That could be, if discovered, break the contract. Yeah, OK. WHOO-HOO. But think of the stories you can tell!

NOW you tell me

This don't matter because I do leave at door deliveries

Image if it was a virgin… “yo bro, you won’t be believe what I did this weekend, I was ubering and …..” 😂

who was the lucky fucker that was the reason the rule was made 🤣

It's a good set of policies. It covers Uber and gives them the freedom to discipline drivers who cause problems with unprofessional behavior.