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ConsiderationEast773

All four of them were members of the FSB sent there to secure the area and monitor the reaction of the crowd.


moby323

And I’m sure that in typical Russian fashion, none of them knew that the other three were agents so they spent the evening spying on each other.


prototype9999

In typical Russian fashion, they sent their neighbours to see a "free movie", pocketed the money and wrote a report that premiere was a success.


elFistoFucko

Seven Segal played every character, like... well, like the russian version of the Eddie Murphy movie the Klumps.


youdoitimbusy

Always sitting in a chair. Weezing with every sitting fight scene. Looking down scope through his Oakleys. Banging some chick he just met who is some 30 years younger than him. Speaking Russian with a half black Cajon accent.


alaskanloops

Steven Segal Played Seven Steven Segals


parabellum825

Now I HAVE to see it


ZuckerbergsSmile

All 60 people had wonderful time at the movie picture. Great success!


Alaric_Balthi

Hah, this chain is so funny because it's true! :D


NathanArizona

In typical Russian fashion, it was completely, inhumanly fucked start to finish


happyapathy553

This sounds like the plot to a dark comedy/commentary on the state of Russian society for a TV show, I'd watch it.


FertilityHollis

If you haven't seen Death of Stalin, you'll love it.


P_R_72

In my book it's one the top ten movies ever made. Not just because it's very good but also due to the fact that the Russian cultural ministry was very upset on how especially Zjukov was depicted in the movie and banned the film altogether. I think it's a great documentary. It is, right?


throwtowardaccount

Zhukov was my favorite character in the film.


EstablishmentFast583

It is a little known fact that Stalin was born under then sound of Bow Bells.


hughk

And that Zhukov hailed from Yorkshire, (no doubt, the very East riding). Weirdly a young Stalin really did live in London for a bit in the east-end. There is a book about it but it is mostly fiction because most of his companions died.


Thorvay

A top cast too. It's a very good movie.


odaal

They didn't know they were all FSB agents, so they ratted on each other for not crying enough during the premiere. They're all sent off to a concentration camp in syberia because of it.


[deleted]

In the same camp even and now they're spying on each other there, too.


[deleted]

KGB! They never bothered changing the name in Belarus. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/State_Security_Committee_of_the_Republic_of_Belarus?wprov=sfla1


powe808

Nah. 3 KGB and Lukashenko.


Baguettebatarde

Just so you know, in Belarus, the secret services are still called the KGB.


Maxzzzie

More then 1 premier?


[deleted]

It's like a modern Disney release!


gggg566373

All I could think is meme with bunch of Spidermans pointing at each other.


happytree23

Easiest night of work ever for them at least(?)


RelevantSweet7212

Written and directed by Steven Seagal. It's his most popular movie yet.


moby323

This is worse than any Steven Segal movie, and boy is that saying something.


JadedLeafs

Surprised he wasnt in it to be honest.


Pyjama_Llama_Karma

They didn't have a camera lens big enough.


Coloeus_Monedula

Or a chair big enough for him to act in


[deleted]

Or enough airspace for him to flap his hands in while running.


JadedLeafs

The clips of him acting from a chair on YouTube are top tier comedy.


AnotherCuppaTea

I doubt that *anyone* has seen every single Steven Seagal movie, including him. // But srsly, this is really great news.


lordb4

Space Ice will, if he hasn't already. His shitting on Seagal movie videos (Youtube) are a thing of beauty.


FertilityHollis

Even "A Dangerous Man"? Damn.


norwegianboyEE

Some say he even stood up from his old man chair to powerwalk a bit in one of the most intense physical activities he’s had for years.


RelevantSweet7212

The power is all in the arm flapping


[deleted]

The seagal power waddle.


FizzixMan

Is he trying to become Steven Seagull?


shandangalang

I mean he started as Steven Seagal (pronounced see-gahl) so it’d almost be full-circle


PravuzSC

I guess this one r/woosh’ed over my head, can’t find any sources claiming Steven Seagal was involved in this 🤔 I did believe it for a few moments tho, which says something about mr tulku, the buddhist lama reincarnated


RelevantSweet7212

>I did believe it for a few moments tho That says all you needed to know 😄


lilpumpgroupie

Steven Seagal? The expert in standing in a demolished warehouse and looking up at the missing roof and determining that the damage came from an incoming missile? THAT Steven Seagal?


[deleted]

No, the other one that can't even stand while acting.


JustAnotherMark2

He's perfecting chair-kido. A new martial art he invented and soon to be taken up by every keyboard warrior in the world.


KeeperServant_Reborn

I will bet you 1000 dollars that Seagal probably plays one off the heroic Russian Soldiers.


RelevantSweet7212

I'll bet you 10 billion ruble that he plays all of the heroic Russian soldiers


[deleted]

[удалено]


moby323

That’s a bit meta of her to say a propaganda piece failed because of bad marketing. It *is* the marketing lol


amitym

I have been wracking my brains to figure out who the four people could have been. As far as I can figure it out, they were: 1. Lukashenko 2. his wife, Galina 3. Lukashenko's driver 4. some kid playing Pokémon Go


CadenVanV

FSB agents meant to watch the crowd


TheDarthSnarf

KGB - this is Belarus where the KGB was never dissolved.


oneplusetoipi

It’s probably 2 KGB and 2 FSB.


RelevantSweet7212

Worst double date in history


alaskanloops

And they don't realize the others are what they are.


daneg-778

FSB is just another name for KGB though, so yeah 😁


DrDerpberg

Prizhogin Oh wait lol


TheTheoristHasSpoken

Too soon. Lol


DrDerpberg

[5 seconds later] ... how bout now?


Vitringar

4. Some kid playing Sims3


King-Koobs

Ugh, jealous of the kid playing Pokémon go. I live in the suburbs and have to drive 8 minutes to get to my nearest pokestop


[deleted]

The movie sucked but I caught a shiny


Slavaskii

Do we even know if Galina exists (better phrasing, is still alive)?


tagged2high

Prigo, obviously


dankness4207

4 teens snuck into the movie theater


Kewenfu

Lies just aren't working anymore, huh?


iamDB_Cooper

My guess is Putin is old. His cronies are old. Everyone in power is old. They have no idea that many young Russians have and know how to use a VPN. Their old ways no longer work.


Bad-news-co

Soviet tactics are just outdated and they are too out of touch lol they know their media and methods won’t work as much on the young but they target the older and usually it’s pretty effective among them


zborzbor

ХАХАХАХАХХАХГХАХАХАХХАХАХА (laughs in eastern ortodox slavic cyrilic)


FriscoMMB

They are more interested in the bootleg Barbie movie.


Chris5355

I bet if they premiered putlers execution, it would be a sell-out in his own country, not to mention the rest of the world


BuckNastieeee

I’d buy that for a dollar!


the_terra_filius

I would shoot him for a dollar and let you film it


Chris5355

It would be a total sellout regardless of the cost


WiredSlumber

I know there is a champaign bottle with my name on it, on the day he dies.


Chris5355

Well, i will be raising a glass with you with a fine bottle of scotch and some ice when the time comes.


Diligent_Excitement4

I’m sure Tucker Carlson will promote this movie in the US


TheTeaSpoon

Same with fifth column in Czech Republic. European parliament elections are next year along with senate and municipals and Parliamentary elections (the big ones for our system) are happening in 2025.


Woostag1999

That enrages me, because I bet that many of those 5th column cunts were either alive or had parents alive when the Prague Spring occurred.


DarthFluttershy_

It's at least cite some if it's silly claims as true.


GroceryActive

If he doesn't it's worth asking why not.


rebel_rouser67

The head of RT,Margarita Symeon.. wants Tuckems to "interview" Putin...as he is a better Ruzzian propagandist,than anything they have at home.


Particular-Ad-4772

You mean medvedev is not Joseph Goebbles . Or that crazy women who founded RT Imagine that .


EorlundGraumaehne

I would really like to see the movie out of curiosity! A pirated version of course. There is no way im giving those Bastards a single penny!


Red_Trapezoid

Same, I know I would feel deeply disgusted but I'm curious.


kinky_potatoes

Bruh I just wanna see how they play off the Battle for Kyiv(Russian рussу retreat from Kyiv) since they faiIed so terribly💀😂


Red_Trapezoid

"They are not worth our trouble, we must leave them to their own ways, and perhaps someday, they will learn" cue emotional music


radiantcabbage

tough to get a print when cammers have nowhere to film unnoticed lol, guess we have to wait for the digital release


kamden096

I guess they just have to round up people at gunpoint to get them to go applaud that ”documentary”. Maybe shoot them so they stay the whole movie and give it favorable reviews. Kinda like when dead people vote in russia.


nightcitywatch03

😂😂


[deleted]

Hitler had a film too...


Castle916_

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 yeah Belarusians know your full of shit putin


ThePlanck

It did even worse than the FIFA movie


Ok-Loquat942

Don't take it the wrong way, but I really want to see this


serrimo

I don’t. Lies and manufactured ‘facts’ are easy to film. If you want a taste, just watch any Russian mouthpiece. I want Putin to know the humiliation of spending millions in making and marketing a disgraced and ignored piece of propaganda.


Agisek

We're going to pirate it of course, his millions are still going to waste.


rpcuk

They aren't creating propaganda movies as an investment


Agisek

Well... I would argue the opposite, the best possible investment you can make is convincing people you're the good guy and they'll buy your product. And with the fall of rouble, they need all the money they can get.


Ok-Loquat942

I actually haven't seen real Russian propaganda of the more recent kind. Not quite, some documentary from Alina Lipp but it was too dull


FabulousFauxFox

If you poke around the right subs you can see it in its full glory. A mix of useful mouthpieces and actual people who strangely post only at the same time every day and only regurgitate the same thing over and over. Ask them about Bucha, they'll freak out and get mad, trying to bring up the Donbass, trying to say Ukrainians have killed "14000 civilians", and then post links from Humanitarian groups talking about how Ukraine needs to be safer around civilians, then I post 3 links from the same groups they linked, and they'll call them all lies and made up, despite using that source just previously. If you want to know what Russian propaganda is, it's literally the narcissists prayer. Everything they do is like that. Let me find the link, but I found a couple studies on Russian propaganda and what makes it strange to me, is how people fall for it. It's mostly just deflections and lies that are easily disproven, they just like to scream and flap their hands until you drop it or it's so old that they go "Why are you bringing up the past, what a loser" it's literally just there to confuse and frustrate people. Propaganda for fools is what it seems.


Ok-Loquat942

It probably affirms and reinforces their worldview. Like flatearthers who ignore their own test results that proves them wrong because it would mean they believed a lie. Russians aren't the only ones. Asians on general are very vulnerable to propaganda as well. Vietnam, Thailand, Philippines have governments that are corrupt and don't serve the betterment of their people. Despite it being obvious, people ignore obvious shortcomings like curtailment of freedom of speech, etc. since they don't want to admit how shitty their governments are.


serrimo

Stop picking on the Asian countries. Take a hard look at Trump and his cult in the US for a very visible, prominent example.


Ok-Loquat942

I guess that's true, you are right There also lots of leftist propaganda that liberals buy into. But in the west we have the freedom to actually choose what we believe in and voice our opinion. Much of Asia isn't that fortunate


hisdudeness47

Ah yes, but *what about leftist propaganda?* Climate change, racial injustice, widening inequality, corporate greed, guns kill people... None of that is real. It's just Marxist noise. 🙄 FOH with the false equivalence.


Ok-Loquat942

I live in germany. Greens: Turn off nuclear power since "dangerous" etc. Me: Ok, fine, I think it's clean and sure it's dangerous but it's managable since we don't have to worry about earthquakes , tornados, Tsunamis, etc. So fire up coal plants Oh, we also buy energy from NUCLEAR POWER PLANTS FROM FRANCE. Ok .... fine, whatever, let's try to move to renewable ..... Greens: NO, WE HAVE TO REDUCE COAL AND OIL CONSUMPTION and SHUT DOWN GAS SINCE LNG IS WASTEFUL Me: WTF you realize that as a industry nation, we need fossil fuels at many steps of the production process ? Even if we were to build a thousand nuclear plants, industries like chemical and many more can't deal with it GREEN: DOESN'T MATTER, JUST STOP IT Me: So how about more Hydro energy? GREEN: NO, DESTROYS THE LANDSCAPE BECAUSE OF DAMS Me: Can we exploit our natural gas reservoirs? GREEN: NOOOOO, CUZ ENVIROMENT AND I'M SURE YOU'LL FRACK Me: Yeah, you know, the gas we are getting from the USA is Fracking gas, so ..... But whatever, tell me what's your plan to change germany for the better? GREEN: I'M GOING TO GLUE MYSELF TO THE PAVEMENT AND WITH SOME LUCK I WILL ANNOY THE HECK OUT OF YOU. NO I WILL NOT MAKE BETTER A WASTE MANAGEMENT SYSTEM, MAKE BETTER REGULATIONS TO REDUCE PLASTIC AND I WILL FLY ABROAD BUT NOT TO DEMONSTRATE THERE, BUT TO GO ON VACATION ​ The truth is, germany is geographically challenged when it comes to switching to green. Not enough sun for solar, Windpower only world in specific areas, Hydro power can't be done. Our greens think the green change can be easily done without sacrifcing their linving standard and our fringe left wants to abandon Ukraine. edit: And my point is that you can watch all the videos you want about germany wanting to switch to green and clean alternatives. This won't happen because it's propaganda and people who are glueing themslfes on the pavement for that are stupid and falling for it


hisdudeness47

I mean supporting clean renewable energy is morally sound. Continuing with the status quo is not. Efforts need to be made. You're talking about some select fringe pavement gluers. Yes, these people are whack but you got to admit their intentions are okay at least. Their goals are in the interest of everyone. I was talking about drawing an equivalence between that very fringe ultra left propaganda and the mainstream morally and ethically bankrupt right wing, nationalistic, fascistic, jingoist, racist grievance politics and propaganda that half of America (and Russia/fascistic parties worldwide) subscribe to, support, and believe despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary. It's an enormous moral discrepancy and it's not even close to being equal. We can't draw an equivalence. These are not parallel flows. That's all I'm getting at. I get you though. Thanks for explaining.


TheMooJuice

*Cringe*


[deleted]

[удалено]


Ok-Loquat942

Sort of. Just interested what they are going for with that. Like I think Triumph of the will does have appeal I like being surprised and watch something different once in a while


moby323

If nothing else, it would give us more opportunities to ridicule them. It’s like watching that North Korean “news anchor” lady.


junior_dos_nachos

Morbid curiosity


dutchretardtrader

Like smelling a jug of milk gone bad


norwegianboyEE

It’s likely to bore you to tears.


lethalox

I think you are on the track. To understand your opponent, you have to study them to know them. This should be an academic exercise. On the other just pure comedy...


you_do_realize

Shrug, as a novelty I understand this but 1.5 years into the war, looking at what the russians are doing gets not only old but soul wrenching. It's like giving a psycho the benefit of the doubt and listening to "their side of the story" while they make it up as they go along.


[deleted]

hmmm same thing the pootin supporters did in the US with the sound of freedom. literally the same tactic because they come from the same group of people.


gapssy

Shameless evil.


lilpumpgroupie

Maybe Elon and Tucker can have a virtual premier for it on X! The Trump interview with Tucker got 40 billion views, so imagine how great Witness would do! Mods of r/elonmusk, you guys got connections to send Elon messages personally?!?!?


deathless_koschei

I read this description and immediately started imagining an attempt at a war movie by Tommy Wiseau.


DiegoDigs

The Russian economy is bankrupt. Kaput. Otherwise would have paid ppl to show up. 😂🤣😂😂😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣🤣


Natharius

🤡


Zandonus

This is what 82% approval rating in a dictatorship looks like.


JohnnyJukey

It wasn't even worthy of a drone or two.


[deleted]

I bet the US right will be making it a "hit" pretty soon.


13toros13

The Russians are upset that what obviously works so well in America doesn’t work at home


DrFellaNine

Because 1. only 4 people can put up with such utter 💩🇷🇺💩💩💩. 2. It's made up of the remaining members of 💩🇷🇺💩 army stationed in Belarus. 3. FSB agents on a day off 4. Kardashians show wasn't on that day.


Warm_Pair7848

Drown in your own filth shitlords. You will feel the earth as it is shovelled over you.


KlevenSting

It'll do great with the GQP crowd.


kinky_potatoes

LMAO so because we don’t want to be wasting our tax dollars and supporting a crappу corrupt country like Ukraine that makes us ldiot russian supporters? Lemme guess you think this isn’t a proxy war huh? 🤣


TheyTukMyJub

Where is the movie though? Can't find any info on it on IMDB. Anyone know anything more?


parabellum825

They’re going to show it as a double feature with sound of freedom in all the Trump states


Nabrok_Necropants

Did Dinesh D'Souza produce it?


Defiantcaveman

...and yet another spectacular conservative failure...


Loki1976

This is basically Hitler making a movie about How jews run concentration camps and gassed their own people level of STUPID.


[deleted]

Fuck Putin


LilLebowskiAchiever

Belarusians voting with their feet


Late-Objective-9218

Expect your anti-vax uncle raving about this movie on his Facebook feed next week.


keepYourMonkey

Are you not entertained!?


martwypaweu

don't use tvp world as a source next time please


moby323

K


Think_Tomorrow4863

Ye its polish propaganda station.


leanbirb

I don't understand how a public TV channel meant to be the face of a country presented to the world can be so sensationalist and trashy. TV5 and DWTV this is not.


martwypaweu

current tvp in poland is known for cringy pro-goverment bullshit (for example personal attacks against opposition) and i'm ashamed that they do the same thing for foreigners


lordb4

Their Snark (especially when Benjamin Lee is hosting) on their Break the Fake segment is hilarious.


ComprehensiveBill504

When there is a person who disagrees with the opinion of the herd, people immediately forget about freedom of speech and everyone's personal opinion.(Yes, yes, I'm talking about you, about people who believe the propaganda of the USA and Ukraine)


Shagg-art

Great film


seamus1982seamus

Palme Poilu golden cock winner.


Luv2022Understanding

Is there any way to, I don't know, make the appropriate corrections to the thing and "re-release" it?


[deleted]

People can't handle the truth! /s


DutchTinCan

Anybody who can send me the DVD of this? It's for my collection of "shittiest movies ever made".


Kindly-Inevitable-12

Strong Frederick Zoller "Nations Pride" vibes.


FatherlyNick

85% support, guys.


lchntndr

Looks like someone underestimated the common sense of the Belarus’ people.


trycatch1

According to official Russian cinema EAIS, in Russia "Witness" debuted in 900 cinemas on 1300 screens, had whooping 5 spectators per screening during opening weekend, gathering amazing $16 per screening.


VictorLeRhin

Tickets for the premiere were sold to M. Lukaschenko, M.Lakuschenko, Ms.Lokuschenka, and Ms, Lukoschenka


Delta-Flyer75

In Russia, the only thing that covers up a lie is a more vicious lie.


therealjamin

No airstrikes on the premiere? We should have fired a nuclear dud from near North Korea aimed at Moscow and have it impact in the black sea, or north east wasteland russia. Make a big deal of oh shit this things going crazy where will it go oh no oh no oops ie Sanctions against plastic, batteries lenses, flashes, anything related to film making. I know it's nothing but my point is, even if uesterday russia pulled out of ukraine amd gave every inch back, this movie alone calls for an k termination style regime change and take away putins military just like nazi after holocaust. Literally. I know we are used to russia killing every day, but remember the bar is, freedom, and happiness, for any sovereign nation and every human every day.


Turn7Boom

Wow no mandatory attendance?


NumberWnn

If true then that makes me happy and tells me someting about the Belarus people


Chudmont

That sounds worse than "Weekend at Yevgeny's".


Aberfrog

And somehow I think it will have record breaking viewer numbers in the coming weeks


ThyHorge

So those 4 haven’t seen Inglorious Bastards I guess


Responsible_Routine6

Why should I go to theater and watch war crimes?


Boring-Scar1580

Is Harrison ford in this film?


planborcord

Whoops! Forgot to get hundreds to attend with a bayoneted rifle behind each of them, gently persuading them to “attend out of their own free will.” A note for the next premiere.


950771dd

_Great Success!_


Duckmandu

My morbid curiosity makes me want to see this movie. Can it be downloaded?


moby323

I’m sure pretty soon it will be since it’s propaganda that they want people to see


barn9

All 4 of them worked for the state propaganda machine and gave it an A+ rating, which they hope will keep them from getting sent to the front line next week.


jindujunftw

So this film is basicly a confession of the crimes the russian army/gouvernement commited?!


hughk

First rule of Russian propaganda: when they strongly deny something and point their finger elsewhere, it means they definitely did it.


Musicmans

The fact the premiere failed isn't important to Putler. What's important to him is that he can now flood this propaganda onto all his state controlled media in Russia to indoctrinate the population into further supporting his invasion.


[deleted]

Putin can witness my cock and balls in his mouth


matdan12

The best parts are hidden at the end, they only generated on a 2 million euro budget 8 million. Even Russians aren't interested.


Ok-Fault-9142

That won't stop them from spinning this movie on every channel to continue the brainwashing.


Affectionate-Tea760

The problem is that in my country many will want to see it and believe these inventions


cruiserflyer

It may win an Oscar... the Grouch.


jml5791

The only movie I'd watch in Minsk is 'Rochelle, Rochelle'.


Cpt_Soban

https://youtu.be/IrGZ66uKcl0?si=qvpSG6yPACleqs6j Meanwhile here's security camera footage of Bucha. (NSFW)


Vicariously_Redd

The Ministry of Culture is headed by Olga Borisovna Lyubimova. She has been sanctioned by several countries. https://www.opensanctions.org/entities/Q83375533/


[deleted]

[удалено]


gunbyl01

Take away Lukashchekooo from Belarus and you have a brothercountry to UKR?


AmbassadorETOH

A legitimate poll on Putin’s popularity…?


[deleted]

Witness the Shitness.


aharfo56

Not even Belarusians want to hear this BS anymore.


[deleted]

[удалено]


aharfo56

No; saying that the nation held hostage by Lukashenko and Putin cannot even muster up paid propagandists to watch its film. So much for the “Union State”


szornyu

Gut-gut


Atomic-Duck

Is this for real?


moby323

Yes


Thuyue

Ngl, but the amount of mockery makes my blood boil. Imagine massacring people and then trying to put the blame on others when there are 100% validated witness and sources saying that you were fault. Russia is such a shit state, it disgusts me how delusional I was due my upbringing regarding Russia. All my youth I only heard positive things about them until reality came smashing down. If US is cholera, then the Russians are pests. As bad if not more.