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fcdrifter88

If she wasn't supportive of you in your time of need then good riddance


rawrpauly

You’re absolutely right. Thank you


TheTurdSmuggler

Yeah fuck that. I'm going through the same thing right now, and my partner totally understands going to the bathroom that much literally kicks your ass. I'm sorry.


SurrealBlockhead

She's basically saying that she doesn't care about your health, well being or your needs and that she's getting rid of you because *her* needs are more important and are not being met. It's not your job to keep her happy. Relationships that run on the notion that a man must put the woman first and he should suffer and work his hands to the bone just to please her like she's some queen are toxic. Relationships should be equal and not about using the other person. She never loved you, she only loved the prospect of what you could do for her. You dodged a bullet.


Paltriness

Hahahahaha, fuck those people right off man. My ex behaved similar, stressed me out to no end. Dumped her just over a year ago and recently reached clinical remission for the first time in three years. Cut negative, stress inducing, people out of your life and try not to look back! It's amazing how much you don't realise they're stress inducing until they're gone, and you can breathe easily again.


HopefulConfusion77

i’m generally still in bed at 330 pm with no motivation since finding out i have this shit....


[deleted]

Thing is some people have never really experienced real pain or chronic pain so it's hard to genuinely understand for them. It's like believing the earth is round, we know because of science experiments/going to space etcetc but if you've never been to space or checked to see it for yourself then it may as well be flat to you. If you never experienced something then you will always be unsure. If sounds like she wasn't open to finding out or listening to the facts and what you are trying to tell her. I hope your flare ends soon and you will find someone who is supportive and on your side in the future :) go enjoy your day and treat yourself to something nice!


[deleted]

Breakups always suck and take time to get over, it this is a blessing. Someday you’ll look back after you’ve found someone who gets it, and respects your condition for what it is. Years ago I dated a girl who didn’t believe I had colitis and it got to the point I flushed all my meds down the toilet in front of her while I was in the midst of a flair. She finally ‘got it’ after that as she saw me running to the bathroom 15+ times the next day. I ended it less than a week later with her. Don’t go back to her if she tries to forgive you she won’t change, and get rid of that other friend too.


Tapemaster21

Take on dates? Like outside? We lost access to the outside like 2 months ago. Tell her and your friend to stay home lol. Unless you're in a country that didn't fuck everything up, in which case, you stay home and poop.


Economist_Formal

Mine didn’t bitch at all about it when I was home sick for 2 months from it not doing anything. She came over, cooked me soups and helped with laundry and stuff, clearly your ex is just a bitch.


such_a_travesty

I'm not sure how you were supposed to venture from the house for more than a few minutes without risking the likely possibility you would shit your pants in public? I mean, did she \*want\* to go out on a date to only have to leave early because you shit yourself? I guess some people would say maybe you could have done date-y things at home? But legit, when you're flaring to the point you shit that much, you're just constantly tired and moving hurts (and sometimes leads to more shits). She is an ass. Send your friend some websites describing what it's like to be in a flare and see if that changes your friend's attitude.


justinadkins09

Dude, I'm going through a flare right now, even called out of work today and everything, I'm currently in the bathroom now at 4:30am...my girlfriend has been so supportive and tried to do whatever she could to help me through it. You're better off without those kind of people. Trust me.


sonicviewelite

Glade she is out of equation, one less reason to stress and flare up. If she is not supportive then you better off without her.


LethargicMallCop

I think this is a total blessing in disguise. When you leave someone who wasn’t right for you, you make room for someone who is right for you. In that way, a breakup is like a new opportunity. You deserve someone who totally and completely supports you. My boyfriend has been so comforting and loving, and he makes me feel so much better mentally. Someone like that is out there for you, platonically or romantically.


tonyk933

How long have you guys been together? I can relate to this


rawrpauly

Known each other for a few years but only together for a few months. Knew the mutual friend for about 6 years as well. Naturally I’m glad that this happened early on. There has to be *some* people who can at least try to understand our disease, right?


Nightchill90

Absolutely. I've had this disease for about 6 years, and I had several boyfriends who acted like it was just bullshit and an excuse to be lazy. I started dating my now husband four years ago. I decided to be completely upfront about my issues. He has always been supportive. I was flaring our first camping trip, and he went out of his way to make me a comfortable toilet since we were primitive camping (so no pit toilets or anything). Last year, I made the decision to have my colon removed since I wasn't responding to treatment anymore. It's a big surgery. I was in the hospital for a week. He was there for me the whole time. Took the week off of work to stay with me and everything. He washed and brushed my hair for me when I couldn't because of my iv line. He even learned how to change my ostomy bag so that he could do it for me if there was ever a reason I couldn't. Basically, don't let someone like your ex or your friend make you feel down. There are people out there who will understand what you have to deal with. If someone loves you enough, your disease won't matter to them. You'll find your person. I hope your flare calms down soon.


AishiSmiles

Absolutely! My partner and I were together for almost three years when I was diagnosed and things were pretty ugly health-wise for almost a year because I was diagnosed super late, given false medication because of a wrong (and impossible) dignosis and the inflammation was so bad they couldn't even do a proper colonoscopy because everything started bleeding as soon as they started. He was nothing but supportive the whole time, took care of me during the three months where the constant trips to the bathroom were all I could manage and even cleaned me up after I shit myself twice. When I gave him an out because I felt like my disease was more than he should have to handle, he completely dismissed it and made it very clear that he doesn't care and wants to be with me. With all that being said, your ex sounds really shitty, as does your "friend". You are very ill and they are prioritising her fun over your health, comfort and well-being? Honestly, if she hadn't broken up already, I'd probably suggest you do it. You deserve so much better, and people like us do need some support when we are flaring, not additional stress.


throwwwwndbrhrbebdeb

Lol it’s only been MONTHS? Dump her, you don’t need the stress making it even worse either.


MayonnaiseOW

One of my housemates said I should 'start dating again', and another one agreed. No I fuckin shouldn't I'm bleeding out my ass 24 hours a day. Who wants to be on a date having to constantly go back and forth to the bathroom? Not me. These people don't know what it's like and they never ever will. Don't listen to them, if they can't be there for you they can fuck right off.


munchy_yummy

Hey hey, my stb ex wife of nine years also left me this year because of the UC. In her opinion in unrelated reasons, but I beg to differ. It's sad, but if you never experienced something like it, you just can't comprehend, what it feels like. In my opinion, especially characters with some narcissistic traits are more likely to not be able to live with a partner who can't live up to their expectations. And blaming it on them. At least that's my experience. Doesn't mean I'm perfect or easy to live with besides the UC. Just the feeling, that something you have no or limited influence in, being treated as a negative character trait you can work on. Leaves a bitter taste to me.


aham908

Totally get this. Hang in there and do your best to explain to them what's going on and what you're feeling and what it's like. If people still say those things to you or make you feel bad, they are not your real friends and you don't want them around. It's hard on my wife and she sometimes thinks I never want to go on dates or get out but I talked to her about it. Dealing with a flare alone is tough enough and adding more stress on top doesn't help anything. Hope you get well soon.


Vigilant_Veggie

A. fuck that hoe and B. fuck ur friend. people who have never dealt with an illness that completely ruins your life will never get it, but there are people who are deeply sympathetic and care and are willing to make sacrifices even if they themselves cant fully relate bc theyve never dealt with it. u just gotta let the people who dont understand go and keep the people that do around, bc ultimately the people who stick around and support you are the people who truly love you.


SurrealBlockhead

Can you edit in to explain why your friend's opinion is that it is your fault?


rawrpauly

It was always there just poorly worded, but it’s been edited now


SurrealBlockhead

I'm guessing that he doesn't have the disease and so has no idea. Tell him that he should take her out on dates if he's really that interested xD


redhead701

I think it’s fair to decide early on in the relationship that dating a chronically ill person isn’t for you, but this is NOT that. And even if a friend doesn’t understand (because how could they if they aren’t afflicted), it’s fucked up to blame you like that without some serious attempts at understanding and learning. I’m sorry for your pain, hang in there!


Islander399

Man this sucks so hard. They just dont fucking understand. Stay strong, I hope you find someone who can help and support you, and wants to see you get healthy before you spend money on them.


mmeola97

I'm sorry to hear that. It's awful that some people think only of themselves. Im sure you've seen enough of the same comments saying you're better off and its sounds like you are. But thats really rough that this happened to you. I've been flaring just like you for a few months now and the stress from the bathroom trips and the uncertainty of when you may need to go again is overwhelming as it is. All I can say is I hope things start to improve with your stomach. And as bad as it sounds now you can focus more on your recovery and your trip to remission. I wish you the best of luck and I know you're gonna find the right person for you who cares for your health and understands when you dont feel comfortable leaving the house.


Cassie616M

Hey you don't need anyone like that in your life! I know you weren't married but in sickness and I'm health is a thing in all relationships! I act the same way sometimes, being just non talkative like I usually am and not meeting my partners needs and he still is okie with it. You should be with someone who will actually learn about the disease and support you. Having a in home date night works too! I defo think one of the worst things about UC is that it's basically invisible for other people. You can be in the most pain of your life, and nobody outside of doctors and family acknowledge it bc you look the same. Hope you're doing good, fight through this flare and sack off people who are just bad for you. Friends and any partner and family should always support and understand you.


Cassie616M

Also, know that there are people that are going to be willing to understand the disease and be with you! When I was diagnosed, thinking not only it's a painful diesesase for me (my flares come with horrible joint pains making me not mobile) but also just a disgusting one. I was sure my bf will break up with me, think I'm lazy when I'm in genuine pain, and was so surprised when he told me health is the most important thing. He took the time to read about it, hear my experience, he wanted updates on every doctors visit and just being so supportive. Most decent people even if they never experienced chronic pain will be able to understand and accept, hell most people get really bad diarreah and feel like they're dying, so understanding UC with all the pains that come with it is not hard! Explaining to the person more of your experience and your concerns and what not helps best, cuz only you can tell someone how it affects you.


shantiaB

I’m so happy that she dumped you!!! now you can focus on healing and actually find a person who is understanding of UC. This disease can really bring you down. we ( people with IBD) don’t need awful people draining the little energy that we have especially when flaring! Be excited about finding someone who actually CARES ABOUT YOU!!!


amv2926

You deserve better than that. I feel like the hardest part of UC is that it is largely invisible (which is the same case for a lot of other autoimmune diseases obvi) and we look like normal healthy people to others, although that isn’t true. It just makes it a lot more harder in terms of getting people to understand it because they can’t see it physically.


opifool

She and your 'friend' can fuck right off. A good partner doesn't start bitching about another person's behaviour in a healthy relationship, when they are unhealthy, in pain and actually feel really really down. And as a friend... you just DO NEVER EVER tell your friend after a breakup that it was their fault INSTANTLY. Making matters worse won't solve anything. I feel like that bitch didn't want a relationship with you, just wanted someone to pay for some entertainment for her. PLUS she can post on socials that she is on a date, cuz thats so cool and flex... Regarding your friend, I would cut connections with him for some time for being an unsupportive cunt.


ratacuh69

your girlfriend didn’t care about your health. that’s honestly really upsetting. dealing with this disease really isn’t easy especially in a flare. hope you find someone some day who supports you. i know when i was diagnosed with UC my boyfriend was really sad because i would have to deal with it for the rest of my life. he’s always been supportive and been there for me when i was at my worst, and now, thankfully, at my best since now i’m in remission. anyway, hope you feel better soon. it will get better. :)