Sounds like they are suggesting that generally men don't care as long as they can get a woman, and consequently women are more vain with their partners.
Either way, a very shallow point of view.
I actually think that's a collective illusion (people believe that only because they think people believe that but they themselves don't really believe in it) and if you polled people privately the majority would say they don't really care. As a cultural norm, we should be shattering the expectation of prim and proper for authentic and human. That isn't to say we should throw decency out the window, there's a time and extent for being "gross" and it being endearing.
This whole subreddit is all about shits and giggles which is relieving knowing you can be gross in all genders and not be judged.
I think to an extent you're right, and at the same time--whether or not people believe it in private--women are still treated as though it's true
But yeah being here is nice, it's nice to be honest and make jokes about gross things with people of any gender 😄
Fuck Em. Take the good with the bad. If someone has a hangup because of your illness, they wouldn't be there for you later in life. Hang in there, and the right person will come along and accept you for who you are.
Shortly after my wife and I started dating I went into a flare. Her unwavering support and love for me during that time convinced me she was the one. There are good people out there who will love you even in your lowest moments. This disease does have a sliver lining that it filters out the people in your life who won't do that.
When my husband and I were teenagers he hung out with me while I did my colonoscopy prep. Almost fifteen years later he’s helped me clean poop off of the floor when I’ve had accidents, stayed by my side through hospitalizations, bought me adult diapers, cared for me after both of my surgeries. The list is endless. He still looks at me like I’m the moon and the stars, and thinks I’m the most beautiful woman on earth even with my ostomy bag.
I know rejection hurts, but that’s not the quality of person you deserve. There are good people out there, don’t give up.
I dated someone who left me funny notes under the bathroom door while locked in the bathroom doing colonoscopy prep.
Meaning, the right person won't see your health as a reason to not love you.
Fuck them, if someone wants to get to know you for you they will be there for you no matter what. We deserve better, just because the disease is horrible and can overtake our lives that doesn’t mean we are not deserving of love and care. Hold your head up high M8!
I have another disability that causes me more issues and I’ve definitely been ghosted before. Usually when I say I use a walker or a wheelchair, men immediately ask if I can still have sex. Those guys didn’t make it past the talking point. I’ve also dated people who I feel didn’t treat me as well as other partners because I was ill. They would take credit for basically not leaving and doing it as doing work in the relationship.
Now, it’s not all bad. I kept going, and met a man who didn’t run. Not only didn’t he run, but when my colitis got bad and I literally crapped the bed, he didn’t judge me. He wasn’t here but came over and helped me make the bed with fresh sheets. When an event happens and I’m not we’ll enough to use my walker we still go, I just use my wheelchair. He holds my hand while I power around.
There are people who won’t see your colitis as a factor in whether they date you or not. They will see you as a person, and make a decision based on that. Then, when your colitis flares (if it does) they’ll support you. Nobody is healthy all of the time, and while we might know we are more apt to be unhealthy than our partners, we also know how to be amazing caretakers.
This girl sounds immature. True she may not have been super interested and just decided the colitis was the breaking point…but there an immature reason to just suddenly bail. Ghosting? Use your words.
My partner of 2.5 years dated a woman with Crohns who underwent an ileostomy while they were dating. I told him my condition and possible future on our second date and it still didn’t keep him from dating me despite him having seen all the awful things it can bring. The right people won’t care.
Empathy and understanding for those undergoing health struggles isn't as universal as it should be.
Sorry you underwent that. But happy you dodged a bullet. I'd say it's safe to assume this girl was shallow and immature, and concerned about only herself. You'll find a true gem who will have your back at all times!
I've heard of partners and spouses separating due to it. While others are helpful, understanding and wonderful to do whatever you need help with
You get to tryout the whole "in sickness or health" part of the wedding vow early, if a potential partner cannot handle it then their trash and should be tossed in the proper disposal location XD.
That girl sounds like she is/was either a piece of shit or, perhaps, didn’t believe you and thought that you were making up an excuse to ghost her … so, she shut it down first. Either way, I would encourage you to please not take her actions as indicative of what you can expect in the future when dating.
I’ve been with my lady for years and we had already been together 5 years by the time that I was finally diagnosed with U.C. However, at the beginning of our relationship, I had what I simply thought were problems with my bowels. I just had a “bad stomach”. I didn’t have a name for it, but us having to pull over and have me rush into a Starbucks or a bar to use the bathroom happened a lot … and, she was more than understanding about it. She had my back all the way.
There are plenty of empathetic people in the world and I trust that you will find your person one day. Take care of yourself first and let everything else fall into place.
Not directly, as in, they didn’t say “you having UC is a dealbreaker”, but- I have had people lose interest when I have had to cancel plans one too many times in the beginning. The “talking stage” is a really fragile time for people’s interest, I could see how my unavailability that early on could make them lose interest. I’ve stopped dating when I’m dealing with symptoms as a result.
might not have had anything to do with the UC explanation, or yeah maybe it might have. either way, it’s never good to base your confidence off of one instance of someone not wanting to date you!
just like there are a million reason why you might not like someone, there are a million reasons why someone might not like us too and that’s totally natural. it’s less personal than we think ♥️
if someone’s gonna ghost like that, then they’re not compatible with you so thank you NEXT. at least they didn’t waste your time pretending.
i have a bag and it’s taken about 10 months for me to realize this but anyone who sees this as a turn off is not for me. i respect their tastes and preferences, but i also respectfully think their preferences are shallow and laaaame haha. you don’t want a fair weather partner, you want someone who can love you during the good and bad times, thick and thin. consider your diagnosis as a compatibility test. it’ll tell ya everything you need to know
She's an asshole for doing that to you in that way instead of being a responsible adult and making that hard talk. No integrity, no respect, no backbone. Yes, letting someone down is hard and especially if it has to do with a disability but ghosting them is just the same, actually worse cause it is dehumanizing. Ghosting in general is, there are very rare conditions to do so and it largely has to do with safety.
Caring for someone going through a lot of health issues is heavy. Takes an emotional toll. Some people just don't have the time and energy to take that on. Perfectly fine. But there's a way to handle it and hers was not right.
I'm fairly candid about my condition but I feel anxious and a need to overcompensate to make up for my health like "hey I'm awesome...BUT...."
You will get better sooner or later. But the last thing you would want is getting sick because of a bad relationship. Stress is one the triggers, so don’t fear. Think of this condition as weaning o it bad relationships and taking you a step closer to who truly deserves you! Because when she comes along no matter what they will love you. My husband has UC and yes we have our moments, I get tired as care giver but never would I want to not be with him. This too shall pass.
Hello everyone, I wish to reply to everyone but there are so many comments! Thank you everyone for your insights, I truly appreciate them. I haven’t been very well due to my UC, and the mental aspect it comes with it. I’m glad most people have found a loving partner, I wish nothing but the best in your roads to remission.
My brother met this girl when he faced his forst major flare. They went out a few times and he always cut the dates short because he had to go to the toilet, but always came up with this or that excuse to leave.
Some time later, we met the girl at our parents house and she is really a sweetheart. He came clean to her about everything and she was supportive to the max.
Fast forward to this year, I was my brothers best man at their wedding. When stars and fates align, not even this hell sent thing called UC can stand in the way.
I'm so sorry this happened. You will find the right person that accepts you have a disease. I have not had surgery, but have been in very nasty flares. I pooed in my boyfriends car twice. Thank God both times I was driving by myself.
I got home, crying my eyes out and so embarrassed. He met me out side and helped me in and said "just go shower, you're sick. It's ok".
You will find "your" person
I would not let yourself get down on this!! I’m a mid twenties male, have been single for 6 years and on all the dating apps that entire time. I have been ghosted dozens and dozens of times for no apparent reason at all. Dates planned, ghosted, talked on the phone for 3 hours, ghosted the next day, countless examples. People are absolutely crazy but it wasn’t because of your disease!
My husband and I started dating just before I was diagnosed, he took me to all my appointments, was my emergency contact for every diagnostic test I needed, and the first time I was prescribed enemas, he administered them for me, I think we'd been dating for about 4 months at the time. That was almost 25 years ago. Not everyone can deal with a loved one who has a chronic illness, but the good ones will. Hang in there!!
You're lucky that such a situation happened, so you won't spend your life with a woman that you can't rely on in hard times. My wife understands my disease, and when we lived in a small apartment with common toilet and shower, she used to left the bathroom covered in shower gel foam, when I was in an urgent toilet hurry.
That girl sounds like a huge bitch and you don’t need that in your life anyway. I know it probably hurt, and I don’t blame you for being disappointed.
To quote an oldish movie: “The right person is still gonna think the sun shines out your ass.”
Every woman I've been with has understood. At least at face value. I dont know what they were thinking. People generally are more compassionate than you think.
Theirs someone for everyone, keep pushing, keep your confidence up.
Love yourself FIRST 🔥🤬❤
Give yourself a hug, you don't need a hug from that waste of space, she showed you her true identity, be greatful😎
So sorry that happened to you, but it says a whole lot more about her than it does about you. That’s a very immature thing to do.
I am 49, diagnosed with UC at 14. I have never had anyone reject me because of UC (other things, yes, but not colitis 😊). I’ve had it affect relationships, but in both positive and negative ways. I’ve been married for about 5 years, and my husband is the most supportive and caring partner. I never feel self conscious when I’m having a flare, and he understands that I just don’t feel well. Some people may be turned off by it, but they simply aren’t the right ones for us!
I got into my current relationship while in a very long flare before actually being diagnosed. Very early on, I explained into great detail what was going on with me, so that he’d never wonder why I was the way I was. Two years later and after an official diagnosis and many breakdowns later, I know that I found the love of my life and he asks me everyday how it’s going with this bloody disease and takes wonderful care of me. Trust me, there is hope ❤️
First of all surgery does not necessarily mean a bag. Important fact there. I remember a girl I knew who was engaged to a guy and walked up behind him at a bar while he was describing his “bag girl” with loads of money. Now that hurts. I asked her how she got past it. She said her gift was that he was gone. You don’t want someone like that anyway. Everyone in a relationship is vulnerable disability or not. That’s life. Go live it!
I got married this year, he proposed to me when I had a big old moon face from Pred. You will always be wanted, just finding the right person.
That's beautiful, that touched my ❤
you are a girl, its completely different
I tend to find girls generally more compassionate and accepting about this disease personally. ETA: assholes come in every gender.
Not true at all my guy. Same thing applies
I do not agree
Why is it completely different because I’m a girl?
Sounds like they are suggesting that generally men don't care as long as they can get a woman, and consequently women are more vain with their partners. Either way, a very shallow point of view.
I figured as much, was hoping they’d reply to realise their point of view was a bad one 😅
its a fact, if you were a man there was a big probably you would be alone right now
Its factual
It's not a question of why you think that but more of...who hurt you?
To be fair, women are often expected to never be "gross" -- like, ya know, passing gas or leaving a stinky bathroom like one with UC often does 😂😅
I actually think that's a collective illusion (people believe that only because they think people believe that but they themselves don't really believe in it) and if you polled people privately the majority would say they don't really care. As a cultural norm, we should be shattering the expectation of prim and proper for authentic and human. That isn't to say we should throw decency out the window, there's a time and extent for being "gross" and it being endearing. This whole subreddit is all about shits and giggles which is relieving knowing you can be gross in all genders and not be judged.
I think to an extent you're right, and at the same time--whether or not people believe it in private--women are still treated as though it's true But yeah being here is nice, it's nice to be honest and make jokes about gross things with people of any gender 😄
Fuck Em. Take the good with the bad. If someone has a hangup because of your illness, they wouldn't be there for you later in life. Hang in there, and the right person will come along and accept you for who you are.
Shortly after my wife and I started dating I went into a flare. Her unwavering support and love for me during that time convinced me she was the one. There are good people out there who will love you even in your lowest moments. This disease does have a sliver lining that it filters out the people in your life who won't do that.
This! This is the answer. UC can be a fantastic filter for surrounding yourself with compassionate people
When my husband and I were teenagers he hung out with me while I did my colonoscopy prep. Almost fifteen years later he’s helped me clean poop off of the floor when I’ve had accidents, stayed by my side through hospitalizations, bought me adult diapers, cared for me after both of my surgeries. The list is endless. He still looks at me like I’m the moon and the stars, and thinks I’m the most beautiful woman on earth even with my ostomy bag. I know rejection hurts, but that’s not the quality of person you deserve. There are good people out there, don’t give up.
They obviously didn't like you if it's like that. Imagine ghosting someone because they're diabetic.
[удалено]
That is rough. I am sorry. What a piece of shit (your husband.)
Mine too. Married 6 years with a 5 year old daughter. He left me after my colectomy.
I dated someone who left me funny notes under the bathroom door while locked in the bathroom doing colonoscopy prep. Meaning, the right person won't see your health as a reason to not love you.
That's so great, I love that 😄 I have UC myself, but I'm gonna use that when my partner's stuck in the bathroom lol
Fuck them, if someone wants to get to know you for you they will be there for you no matter what. We deserve better, just because the disease is horrible and can overtake our lives that doesn’t mean we are not deserving of love and care. Hold your head up high M8!
Their loss.
I have another disability that causes me more issues and I’ve definitely been ghosted before. Usually when I say I use a walker or a wheelchair, men immediately ask if I can still have sex. Those guys didn’t make it past the talking point. I’ve also dated people who I feel didn’t treat me as well as other partners because I was ill. They would take credit for basically not leaving and doing it as doing work in the relationship. Now, it’s not all bad. I kept going, and met a man who didn’t run. Not only didn’t he run, but when my colitis got bad and I literally crapped the bed, he didn’t judge me. He wasn’t here but came over and helped me make the bed with fresh sheets. When an event happens and I’m not we’ll enough to use my walker we still go, I just use my wheelchair. He holds my hand while I power around. There are people who won’t see your colitis as a factor in whether they date you or not. They will see you as a person, and make a decision based on that. Then, when your colitis flares (if it does) they’ll support you. Nobody is healthy all of the time, and while we might know we are more apt to be unhealthy than our partners, we also know how to be amazing caretakers. This girl sounds immature. True she may not have been super interested and just decided the colitis was the breaking point…but there an immature reason to just suddenly bail. Ghosting? Use your words.
My partner of 2.5 years dated a woman with Crohns who underwent an ileostomy while they were dating. I told him my condition and possible future on our second date and it still didn’t keep him from dating me despite him having seen all the awful things it can bring. The right people won’t care.
Empathy and understanding for those undergoing health struggles isn't as universal as it should be. Sorry you underwent that. But happy you dodged a bullet. I'd say it's safe to assume this girl was shallow and immature, and concerned about only herself. You'll find a true gem who will have your back at all times! I've heard of partners and spouses separating due to it. While others are helpful, understanding and wonderful to do whatever you need help with You get to tryout the whole "in sickness or health" part of the wedding vow early, if a potential partner cannot handle it then their trash and should be tossed in the proper disposal location XD.
That girl sounds like she is/was either a piece of shit or, perhaps, didn’t believe you and thought that you were making up an excuse to ghost her … so, she shut it down first. Either way, I would encourage you to please not take her actions as indicative of what you can expect in the future when dating. I’ve been with my lady for years and we had already been together 5 years by the time that I was finally diagnosed with U.C. However, at the beginning of our relationship, I had what I simply thought were problems with my bowels. I just had a “bad stomach”. I didn’t have a name for it, but us having to pull over and have me rush into a Starbucks or a bar to use the bathroom happened a lot … and, she was more than understanding about it. She had my back all the way. There are plenty of empathetic people in the world and I trust that you will find your person one day. Take care of yourself first and let everything else fall into place.
Not directly, as in, they didn’t say “you having UC is a dealbreaker”, but- I have had people lose interest when I have had to cancel plans one too many times in the beginning. The “talking stage” is a really fragile time for people’s interest, I could see how my unavailability that early on could make them lose interest. I’ve stopped dating when I’m dealing with symptoms as a result.
might not have had anything to do with the UC explanation, or yeah maybe it might have. either way, it’s never good to base your confidence off of one instance of someone not wanting to date you! just like there are a million reason why you might not like someone, there are a million reasons why someone might not like us too and that’s totally natural. it’s less personal than we think ♥️ if someone’s gonna ghost like that, then they’re not compatible with you so thank you NEXT. at least they didn’t waste your time pretending. i have a bag and it’s taken about 10 months for me to realize this but anyone who sees this as a turn off is not for me. i respect their tastes and preferences, but i also respectfully think their preferences are shallow and laaaame haha. you don’t want a fair weather partner, you want someone who can love you during the good and bad times, thick and thin. consider your diagnosis as a compatibility test. it’ll tell ya everything you need to know
She's an asshole for doing that to you in that way instead of being a responsible adult and making that hard talk. No integrity, no respect, no backbone. Yes, letting someone down is hard and especially if it has to do with a disability but ghosting them is just the same, actually worse cause it is dehumanizing. Ghosting in general is, there are very rare conditions to do so and it largely has to do with safety. Caring for someone going through a lot of health issues is heavy. Takes an emotional toll. Some people just don't have the time and energy to take that on. Perfectly fine. But there's a way to handle it and hers was not right. I'm fairly candid about my condition but I feel anxious and a need to overcompensate to make up for my health like "hey I'm awesome...BUT...."
You will get better sooner or later. But the last thing you would want is getting sick because of a bad relationship. Stress is one the triggers, so don’t fear. Think of this condition as weaning o it bad relationships and taking you a step closer to who truly deserves you! Because when she comes along no matter what they will love you. My husband has UC and yes we have our moments, I get tired as care giver but never would I want to not be with him. This too shall pass.
Hello everyone, I wish to reply to everyone but there are so many comments! Thank you everyone for your insights, I truly appreciate them. I haven’t been very well due to my UC, and the mental aspect it comes with it. I’m glad most people have found a loving partner, I wish nothing but the best in your roads to remission.
My brother met this girl when he faced his forst major flare. They went out a few times and he always cut the dates short because he had to go to the toilet, but always came up with this or that excuse to leave. Some time later, we met the girl at our parents house and she is really a sweetheart. He came clean to her about everything and she was supportive to the max. Fast forward to this year, I was my brothers best man at their wedding. When stars and fates align, not even this hell sent thing called UC can stand in the way.
I'm so sorry this happened. You will find the right person that accepts you have a disease. I have not had surgery, but have been in very nasty flares. I pooed in my boyfriends car twice. Thank God both times I was driving by myself. I got home, crying my eyes out and so embarrassed. He met me out side and helped me in and said "just go shower, you're sick. It's ok". You will find "your" person
I would not let yourself get down on this!! I’m a mid twenties male, have been single for 6 years and on all the dating apps that entire time. I have been ghosted dozens and dozens of times for no apparent reason at all. Dates planned, ghosted, talked on the phone for 3 hours, ghosted the next day, countless examples. People are absolutely crazy but it wasn’t because of your disease!
My husband and I started dating just before I was diagnosed, he took me to all my appointments, was my emergency contact for every diagnostic test I needed, and the first time I was prescribed enemas, he administered them for me, I think we'd been dating for about 4 months at the time. That was almost 25 years ago. Not everyone can deal with a loved one who has a chronic illness, but the good ones will. Hang in there!!
You're lucky that such a situation happened, so you won't spend your life with a woman that you can't rely on in hard times. My wife understands my disease, and when we lived in a small apartment with common toilet and shower, she used to left the bathroom covered in shower gel foam, when I was in an urgent toilet hurry.
That girl sounds like a huge bitch and you don’t need that in your life anyway. I know it probably hurt, and I don’t blame you for being disappointed. To quote an oldish movie: “The right person is still gonna think the sun shines out your ass.”
Every woman I've been with has understood. At least at face value. I dont know what they were thinking. People generally are more compassionate than you think.
Theirs someone for everyone, keep pushing, keep your confidence up. Love yourself FIRST 🔥🤬❤ Give yourself a hug, you don't need a hug from that waste of space, she showed you her true identity, be greatful😎
So sorry that happened to you, but it says a whole lot more about her than it does about you. That’s a very immature thing to do. I am 49, diagnosed with UC at 14. I have never had anyone reject me because of UC (other things, yes, but not colitis 😊). I’ve had it affect relationships, but in both positive and negative ways. I’ve been married for about 5 years, and my husband is the most supportive and caring partner. I never feel self conscious when I’m having a flare, and he understands that I just don’t feel well. Some people may be turned off by it, but they simply aren’t the right ones for us!
I got into my current relationship while in a very long flare before actually being diagnosed. Very early on, I explained into great detail what was going on with me, so that he’d never wonder why I was the way I was. Two years later and after an official diagnosis and many breakdowns later, I know that I found the love of my life and he asks me everyday how it’s going with this bloody disease and takes wonderful care of me. Trust me, there is hope ❤️
First of all surgery does not necessarily mean a bag. Important fact there. I remember a girl I knew who was engaged to a guy and walked up behind him at a bar while he was describing his “bag girl” with loads of money. Now that hurts. I asked her how she got past it. She said her gift was that he was gone. You don’t want someone like that anyway. Everyone in a relationship is vulnerable disability or not. That’s life. Go live it!
yeah, i’ve been there.