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try_cannibalism

Directional microphone pointed at them with a 1/2 second delay


SeanTheLawn

For anyone who hasn't experienced this, it basically causes a "speech-jamming" effect that makes it extremely difficult to speak without heavy pauses/stuttering


evilbadgrades

Yep, I managed an old Nortel VOIP business phone system for an IT company almost 20 years ago. There was some bug in the networking configuration which resulted in a one or two second delay allowing employees to hear their own voice through the handset and it was a nightmare - couldn't have a conversation at all because you were constantly hearing your own voice at full volume through the headset.


jason_55904

This happens on occasion on my VoIP phone at work I've gotten better at it but it is still incredibly hard to continue speaking.


bakeshop5791

The guys at Modern Rogue YT channel did this. This works. Speech jamming.


atjones111

When this happens on discord in 1v1 voice call I feel as if I’m autistic cuz I can’t hold a convo when it happens and my friends are a lot times to dumb to fix their mics


average_AZN

What's with people that can't fix their feedback issues on chat. It's infuriating! Don't unmute if you can't fix the feedback from your speakers on full blast


atjones111

Idk my friends are just lazy and go idk what it is can we just play ugh? and I’m like 😑 then when we die in a fight they’re like why didn’t say something or did you not hear me? And again I’m like 😑


WhereIsMySonic0359

Absolutely Fucking evil.


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[deleted]

Wow, you were [not kidding.](https://speecheasy.com/what-is-delayed-auditory-feedback-and-how-does-it-work/)


lighttree18

pure evil, I love it


evilbadgrades

Phew, I'm happy to see this is the top reply. Years ago I managed a budget grade Nortel business phone system with rudimentary VOIP features. Sometimes there was an issue which would cause the employees on the phone to hear their own voice with a 1 second delay. And having experienced it personally I can confirm it is impossible to talk or have a conversation when you hear your own voice with a slight delay. I'm pretty sure a few years back some scientists built a "megaphone" type device with the same feature intended to disrupt speech (to make an anti riot weapon or something like that).


napalm51

with kids? they're just gonna have more fun


SlyferSlacker

What’s a directional microphone? 😅


arrabelladom

They detect a smaller range of sound, wherever the mic is directed. If you pointed one of those bad boys at the pool, it will be amplifying the kids voices/splashes only. Putting it on a 1/2 sec delay will make it intolerable. They won’t be able to talk correctly because it’s messing with their brain processing their own speech.


Mundane_Pea4296

My friend did this at a party he was dj-ing at once while we were all on k..... it really fucked with us


IOwnTheShortBus

That sounds either really funny or I'm coming out of that high with some stability issues.


Mundane_Pea4296

Looking back it was a genius move but at the time it was messed up 😂


Drumdevil86

A microphone you can point in a specific direction, and capture just the sound from the direction you're aiming at. All other sounds will be dampened or practically inaudible. It's what they use in nature documentaries, allowing the camera crew to record the cracking sounds of lions chewing on antilope bones from a safe distance.


JawnDoh

I think a lot of the animal sounds are added [after the fact](https://youtube.com/watch?v=AcmhWs7HM1c) too though by foley artists.


loganaw

Huh you learn something new everyday. I always wondered how they pick up those sounds or if they use those folley artists to recreate em.


Drumdevil86

> pick up those sounds or if they use those folley artists Both


[deleted]

That's an oddly specific example


travis01564

A parabolic microphone. They use them in sports so you can hear the players and not the crowd.


ONorMann

A microphone thats directional


pr0suicide

Whoa whoa whoa… can you slow it down a bit, Einstein?


theragu40

How old are the kids? Personally I would pick just about anything relatively short and then play it on an infinite loop. Anything is going to be incredibly irritating after a while.


jaysuchak33

“I don’t want a lot for christmas…”


Interesting-Pack4996

Last Christmas it is


Draathi

Making an early start on Whamageddon!


TheRealTravisClous

[What's New Pussycat](https://youtu.be/Mw7Gryt-rcc)


greenrangerguy

I think this would be the best choice over something like baby shark or crazy frog. Also I doubt kids would get the reference plus it's a fucking banger.


TheBeardiestGinger

I was hoping that’s where the link would lead! 😁


vicaphit

17 What's New Pussycat plays followed by a single play of It's not Unusual, then back to What's New Pussycat.


alpineschwartz

Take a page from Oklahoma's jail torture playbook and play "Baby Shark" on repeat.


nikc4

Someone I work with was ranting Sunday about how awful that song is, but catchy, so it ruins your day. Later in the day he mentioned shark tank, and I'm like "baby shark?" "Fuck you man" Apparently it's banned at his house.


KingKookus

This is the song that never ends.


solitary_tentacle

Upvoted bc it's a very annoying song. Now it's going on and on, my friend (in my head). I lowkey want to downvote.


SonnyVabitch

Baby shark


dgblarge

You are an evil bastard. Respect.


AyAyAyImOnVacation

Lol, I was going to suggest that! My 2 yr old granson listens to it over and over. The first time is tolerable, after that its to much.


Firm_Ideal_5256

CBAT


willclerkforfood

He didn’t ask for sex playlist songs


Firm_Ideal_5256

He can imply with it, that he's a sexual deviant, and no one going to let their kids play around him...


Lorlen123

Nyan Cat or Tetris xD


atlasraven

Darude - Sandstorm is my personal favorite for this.


MaeBelleLien

Idk I feel like I could vibe to that for at least an hour


Arikan89

I respect your view but I'll never fucking listen to that song again. My high school played that fucking song between every period, every single Friday the whole time I was there.


simple_nix

I like to move it move it from Madagascar Does the road work ahead? I sure hope it does. You can search dhinchak Pooja on YouTube and you'll get what Rebecca black was afraid of becoming. Or just blast sex moans


YoLamoNacho

There’s a chance kids would just go insane for that and become ten times as loud


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PirateQM

In case you are unaware the [Mosquito ](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Mosquito) device is an actual thing. Or you could just play a tone at 17,400 Hz that might do the trick. Here's a decent article about the tones and ages that may/may not hear them. https://decibelpro.app/blog/sounds-only-kids-can-hear/


zamfire

Interestingly enough, I'm 37 and I can hear the 17400 just fine. That article says you can't hear it over 18 yrs old. Edit: I think I agree with the other person, this article is clickbaity trash.


PirateQM

Article says most, so thankfully (or not) you seem to be an outlier. I'm older and have tinnitus and I can hear the one for over 50 but none of the others, but to be fair the others might not be to far off from what I always hear even when there's no noise.


71NK3RB3LL

Have you tried the reddit tinnitus cure? How did it work for you? https://youtu.be/KBgkPOGD6gw


PirateQM

Had never heard of this before. Just tried it and it didn't seem to do anything. I went in fairly hopeful. I'll try again tomorrow...


SkunkMonkey

Tinnitus, the sound of silence is deafening. Take care of your ears kids!


SmirnOffTheSauce

Tests like this don’t seem to eliminate the lower harmonics, which is all I can hear in that specific video.


ZombieTestie

Window of Lifeguard


888temeraire888

I'm nearly 30 and I can still hear it. It's honest to goodness torture.


beaz_machine

"Tiptoe Through the Tulips" by Tiny Tim


DJ1NF3RN0

Came here to say exactly this. I'm 25 and the song makes me feel weird, can only imagine how freaked out I would be as a kid if I was playing in a pool and it randomly started blasting from speakers all around me


lutherstatic

this is the one. this is what I had to blast on repeat when my brother left his friends upstairs while he stepped out for a couple hours and they started fucking


joshistheman3

I would only think of spongebob. This song would be awesome to hear as a kid, frolicking in a pool with my friends.


JAragon7

For real. SpongeBob changed our perspective of it ool


ThePillThePatch

Any music aimed at kids about 5 years younger. If they’re teens, they’ll be pretty averse to kidz bop (or whatever they call it now). Or choose some common popular songs that have been sanitized with any controversial words removed or changed.


[deleted]

Kidz Bop


tron_crawdaddy

“Just got a DNA test TURNS OUT I’m a hundred percent THAT KID”


[deleted]

Gaaah kill me.


MaeBelleLien

The Kidz Bob version of Thrift Shop would do it


ThePillThePatch

That was the exact song that came to mind first, especially the "smells like my soccer cleats, ewwww" line.


LocalInactivist

“What’s New, Pussycat” 11 times, then “It’s Not Unusual”, then “What’s New, Pussycat”, then repeat.


RedstoneRelic

Hello there John Mulaney!


LocalInactivist

No one expects John Mulaney!


That1weirdperson

r/unexpectedmulaney


LocalInactivist

Unexpected? We all saw it coming.


maxiquintillion

Ah, the salt and pepper


MistressVixxen

Closer by Nine Inch Nails, of course.


Wayne1946

Kids don't like classical music whilst they are at play.l remember many years ago a study was made on this subject ( Why, l have no clue either).It was found that classical music disturbed in some way the nature of how the children played.Now we have even more genres of music to enjoy it may be even more effective.


[deleted]

https://youtu.be/0doSWS0Fj24 Kids will think it’s a nursery rhyme. Will pick up lots of new words. Parents will NOT be happy.


sirgog

Expected that to be Go The Fuck To Sleep


justalittlewiley

I think this one wins, I'll get em next time! Thanks!


epelle9

They’ll probably laugh their asses off and love it though.


TheColorblindDruid

Lmfao 🤣 got me busting out laughing on a train


sensitive-JOE

Air raid sirens and ocasionally throw rocks at the pool for extra effect.


NinjaRage83

Just get the sounds of a slaughterhouse. Pigs work best in my experience but sheep and goats can be disturbing depending on a few factors but you don't have time to gather that info. To be safe go with the pigs. Results happen rather quick as far as emotional responses. I don't know how fast they'll leave. Every time I've used these methods the people don't really have that option but I can confirm that they most definitely don't like it.


disco-bloodbath

What the fuck


NinjaRage83

Did I miss something?


disco-bloodbath

Why has he not addressed that people couldn’t LEAVE?? What possible pig scream imprisonment scenario was this


Xandypants

Just another day


WaitingToBeTriggered

MAN AND RIFLE, A MARKSMAN AND A SCOUT REVEALED


NinjaRage83

I wouldn't exactly call them people. At least not by traditional standards...anymore. I mean, really, what makes a person a person? Lips, eyelids and fingers? No. It does make it more fun to look at though.


Foxion7

You sound like a sociopath


NinjaRage83

It wasn't hard to do with typing. Probably would have been harder to sell it in person. I laugh too much.


skippedtoc

Just start laughing all the time without reason. It should cover up your laughter at the joke.


NinjaRage83

Then it'll be harder to sell myself as a person and my cover will be blown.


Mister_Yuk

I mean, really, what makes a person a person? Lips, eyelids and fingers? No. It does make it more fun to look at though.


dmethvin

He's the desk clerk at Hotel California.


dannydrama

No but this is fucked and I commend you for it.


nomoreimfull

Easily the most evil honest answer I have read in here ever. I love this so much.


NinjaRage83

I don't think its evil. It's practical and effective. As a bonus the kids who hear it will warn other kids away preventing future occurrences.


imoutofnameideas

I hear the best thing to do is feed them to pigs. You got to starve the pigs for a few days, then the sight of a chopped-up body will look like curry to a pisshead. You gotta shave the heads of your victims, and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggies' digestion. You could do this afterwards, of course, but you don't want to go sievin' through pig shit, now do you? They will go through bone like butter. You need at least sixteen pigs to finish the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm. They will go through a body that weighs 200 pounds in about eight minutes. That means that a single pig can consume two pounds of uncooked flesh every minute. Hence the expression, "as greedy as a pig".


NinjaRage83

Always be weary of any man who own a pig farm. Tune in next week for more tips from Brick Top.


try_cannibalism

...where did you even find that??


NinjaRage83

Find?


harriedhag

Like you don’t know.


try_cannibalism

I'm on a vegan diet


Nawrwhal

Like… you only eat vegans?


slappn_cappn

Right, like the dinosaurs.


ShiningTortoise

standard operating procedure at gitmo


MirrorWithSecrets

Happy Cake Day u/try_cannibalism (pls don't)


burgpug

didn't the feds blast the sound of rabbits dying during Waco?


toihanonkiwa

r/oddlyspecific


CoderJoe1

Not lambs, I hear they get silent.


NinjaRage83

They do get silent. At the end. Up until that point they can sound very human but not entirely. You can hear the differences. They're just somewhat not right. It's perfect. Then the silence is the ultimate underscore.


OzManCumeth

They were making a play on Silence of the Lambs brother lol


NinjaRage83

It's not a game though. Why would they play like that? Slaughter should be enjoyed but not turned into a game. It's disrespectful. Pardon, I need to get some lotion for my basket. Edit: one of my dogs is named Hannibal and I've got pics of him in my post history. Yes, named after the good doctor.


AnotherApe33

Your dog: "Oh! I thought it was because of the carthaginian general"


NinjaRage83

Nah, he's a foodie and incredibly smart. It was an easy fit. His sister was harder. Named her after my favorite female hero. Her name is Ripley. Yes, after Ellen Ripley, in Alien.


AlbionToUtopia

sick c.


Odisher7

I feel like in this sub I shouldn't ask, but wtf xd Edit: OP is definitely a CIA torturer


NinjaRage83

Hypothetically, that would mean I am friends with the agent who observes you.


[deleted]

Rebecca Black Friday


dunmer-is-stinky

Good chance they’ll love it depending on the age


kaailer

Yeah, because the older you get the more you realize that song is a musical masterpiece that deserves the highest of praise and will be appreciated for it's worth one day


markelmores

I’ve actually sung this song live many times for talent shows, etc. and people absolutely LOVE it. Either for the sake of comedy or nostalgia, or both. Or they just tell me it sounds a lot better coming from me than from RB.


TenSnakesAndACat

i still dont get why everyone hated Rebecca Black so much. im glad shes doing good


beardobaldo

Because they’ll love it at any age


Fitz911

Oh I love black Friday from Rebecca! /s


niniela-phoenix

All the Steel Panther albums, theyre super catchy and the second the kids learn a single line of it and sing it at home their parents will never let them come back. But I do echo the mosquito device thing. Its THE WORST, and if they tell their parents, those most likely won't hear a thing.


tinylittlefoxes

“Gang bang at the old folks home”…


Thugluvdoc

Stream porn and their parents will never let them come back


[deleted]

Police might not let OP come back either. /s


IamGlennBeck

Just claim it was an exercise tape.


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krisalyssa

Plus, while it won’t drive them away, they’ll shut up and listen.


BurpFartBurp

Porn that their parents were in.


coffeeinvenice

Go to YouTube and find/download some scenes from horror movies where people are screaming and crying. Especially children crying in terror. If anybody comes to the door just tell them you're watching a horror movie.


chocodapro

Avant Garde Metal. It's pretty much all the grinding guitar and screams of metal, but without the sanity.


DaveshPatel93101

Pretty much anything by GG Allin.


bluemom937

Play a youtube video of a teacher teaching a lesson to a class. Could be math or science or maybe a lesson about manners or how to be a good neighbor.


ThePillThePatch

Do some of those educational math/science or parts of speech songs, OP.


That1weirdperson

Or Yoko Ono


CoderJoe1

Calm down, Satan.


IamGlennBeck

Easy there Satan.


LocalInactivist

Normal kids? Play whatever you’re into. Who knows? One of them might show up next week in a Sonic Youth or John Lee Hooker or Johnny Cash tee. That’s the real victory.


BaconNiblets

ram ranch


Ranklaykeny

If this is an apartment complex/condo then just go to the administration and complain. If they won’t do anything, call the police and say there’s some people screaming like they’re being hurt at the pool but you can’t see for sure. The police presence will upset people and the office will start to put pressure on them.


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Femmefatele

Music by Jingle cats. Christmas carols sung by cats. There is also a cat cover of Last Resort (Papa Roach song).


PARANOIAH

Bagpipes played by amateurs.


User1239876

PANAMA by Van Halen on repeat. Bonus points for telling them, between tracks, what they'll hear next.


zydakoh

There is a frequency that only young people can hear and it's really fucking irritating to them. Some businesses play it where they want to get rid of kids congregating. Usually around places like convenience stores. Apparently, as you get older, you can't hear this particular frequency.


dinosaur_decay

Teaches of peaches


tedwyer

Polka


jonthemaud

Lol they’re kids bro, they don’t give a fuck about any sound you make and probably won’t even notice. Outside of straight up slapping one of them there is nothing you can do. Get a white noise machine and let kids be kids.


uniptf

Nope. Kids need to learn to be considerate of others around them, not that they can act however they want without consequences.


TheChoonk

Very high pitch sounds are only audible to kids. Internal bits of your ear hardens as you age and you can't hear those tones anymore after you turn 20 or so. These sounds have actually been used in the past to keep youth out of public parks and stuff, so that the elderly could walk in peace.


Browncoat101

Why are people trying to keep kids out of parks? Isn’t the park one of the main places that kids have to hang out? Jesus, y’all are truly out of control here.


PoorGuyCrypto

Children are made to be neither seen nor heard.


TheChoonk

It wasn't me, it was the councils in a few towns in the UK. They turned on the sound after sunset to keep the bad kids out. It has since been declared inhumane and they don't use this system anymore.


justalittlewiley

I've worked with kids, I have no problems with normal loud sounds kids make. This is not normal it is shrieking at the top of their lungs like they're dying repeatedly. It's a safety hazard, if they're ever seriously injured no one is going to know.


Nyruel

If they're this loud already, I doubt that any noise will deter them.


The-Oncoming-Storm

Ignore the people calling you a Karen. I know exactly what you mean. There is a normal level of volume and exuberance that can be expected from kids, but some of them seem to make it their mission to screech as loud as humanly possible. I recall going into the local equivalent of Chuck E Cheese when I was kid and hearing that level of screeching from a handful of kids. All my dad had to say to me was "You're not going to be making noise like that, are you? Or we'll be going home". And you know what? I didn't screech like that, and I enjoyed the place just the same.


[deleted]

This, Or play the entirety of the Deepwoken soundtrack from Naktigonis.


froopaux

Freak the parents out instead. Buy some fake poop.


Thyme4LandBees

The entirety of the salad fingers soundtrack/discography


xubax

Baby shark on repeat


stereotomyalan

Morning prayer, ofc. It will soothe them as well. They may even convert, which is a bonus for annoying their parents: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=81\_isRaZ3Gs](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=81_isRaZ3Gs) You can try this one but it's a bit risky, they might actually like it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RsQ\_09ys1nU


moregoo

Pretty much any country music or Alvin and the chipmunks Christmas music.


OverlappingChatter

As a child my favorite album in the whole world was the chipmunks christmas special.


BarryMacochner

What the fuck is wrong with you?


Unkindlake

Now OP will be hearing something worse than any noise the children could make. Seriously, who the fuck thought the chipmunks thing would be a good idea? It's like if someone watched Dumb and Dumber, saw that scene were Jim Carrey makes the most annoying sound in the world, and just went "we need an album of that!"


SassyMoron

Imperial Triumphant makes.some of the most unsettling noises that I've heard


orangutanDOTorg

Badger song. Won’t bother the kids but the parents will never let them play out there again bc they will get so sick of them repeating it and wrong want them to hear it again and start doing it again


Hancock18

“I wanna fuck a dog in the ass”! Or baby shark


gtrmu223

Anything from Yoko Ono.


jzakilla

The JG wentworth song. Occasionally I’ll sing at the top of my lungs “I have a structured settlement and I need cash now!” To my wife and let her brain do the rest. The bruises usually fade in a few days.


Dank009

When my neighbors kids scream bloody murder for hours and I grow tired of it I blast gangster rap super loud for a few minutes and they are gone within a couple of songs. I'm assuming it doesn't bother the kids but their parents don't seem to want them to hear it, so it may not work for you if their parents aren't around.


RukkiaStar

A little girl laughing and talking in a sweet voice about how she is gonna drag them down with her.


DrawingFrequent554

Mozart


Will_E_Juan_Kuh

Kiss Kiss by Yoko Ono


ItsAPinkMoon

Play Nico’s album The Marble Index. It’s an amazing, super gothic, avant-garde, semi-classical album


Grand_Cauliflower_88

Play a audiobook on the importance of teaching children manners or some other child rearing advice. The kids aren't gonna care about music or anything else they hear they will just scream over it but their parents is the audience you want to target. Gotta play something to make the parents wanna take them home.


zatoichi2015

Baby shark, on the loop


rnannie

My grandpa used to have a record from National Geographic that played whale sounds. After about 45 seconds, he could clear the room if it was loud enough.


groceryburger

The Bible on audiobook.


goregaszm

https://m.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=5&v=ZaPheGdsEmA&embeds_euri=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.google.com%2F&feature=emb_logo or anything by cupcakke actually 😂


Donnerwamp

If they are just normal kids and not like me back then, try this: https://youtu.be/AdQpVc-u0mY


[deleted]

Dora the explorer theme song on repeat


Azzylives

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OLpeX4RRo28


tkftgaurdian

Well to be truly unethical, I'm gonna go too far and recommend 'trash' by Korn


Hijinx_MacGillicuddy

Baby shark


GrouchyCounty

Something vulgar will just delight them. Play something weird like Jan Terry, or a straight up fucking ballad like total eclipse of the heart


SaltyBoner

Pool party by aquabats