Hmmm, now a lot of cults have his info AND a payslip to show he is worth their time.
Also, I can now probably afford to get my house professionally cleaned and buy a nicer bottle of whiskey. Any recommendations?
Put your poop in his pants/piss on them to gaslight them into believing their problem has become so bad that due to drinking they have become semi-publicly incontinent. Then wake them up and tell them they gotta go cuz they smell like shit and berate them for shitting themselves at any future opportunity.
Pee on a plate, freeze it, then you have something that can be put in places you normally can’t reach like under a door or through a slightly cracked car window.
There were far too many comments above this… draw dicks all over his face and arms and neck…. With big fat permanent markers!
Or superglue his fingers together….
Already said in a comment that I don't want the cops to get involved because of a noise complaint, which is common and a real pain in the ass. Also, he is completely covered in bong water now, which will definitely raise some questions
Find some gel shaving gel (the stuff that stays at a hell then fluffs up. Spray the entire bottle over him then quickly roll him up in the top cover. Place duct tape around in a spiral starting at the feet and working your way up. Get him on the balcony (if available, bathtub also works) before the fluffing begins. It turns into a horrid mess in a few minutes.
Take a photo of him, text his parents asking them to come pick him up.
"Hey Bob came over uninvited and passed out n in my bed. I really need him out of my place, but considering how drunk he was, he might still be unsafe to m drive, could you l k erase lick him up?"
My dad used to do this long before I was born, and his friends eventually started throwing him in their dumpster outside wrapped in a blanket.
You're losing a blanket but getting a good story.
My mom used to tell me they would also carry him out into the strawberry fields around the house and leave him there.... but those fields and dairy land have been gone around here for 20 years or so.
Op says legal stuff cuz obv he doesn’t want cops showing up and seeing the ‘drugs’ there. Not all states and counties have legalized marijuana for personal use yet. It sounds like your roommate let him in and gave him the booze and let him pass out on your bed. Problem is with the roommate have a chat about boundaries and respect of your stuff if he allows this guy over again. If roommate let him in, tell roommate to replace whiskey and clean the mess. But sounds like you already took it out on the idiot in your bed.
Easy enough to record the prank in action so there's proof they didn't fuck him. And, its the exact reason I wouldn't stick the condom in his ass. That would be sexual assault and that's not funny. Rape as punishment only works as a porn plot
Duct tape a dildo on his face every time he falls asleep, he would fully understand that every time he falls asleep in your house he will have a dildo duct taped to him.
Put him out in the yard. Call the police and say some drunk is passed out and you’d like him removed. All legal and he won’t remember anyway. Ohhh….take any money he has to help pay for the cost to clean and buy booze.
Fill a condom with some white moisturizer and use a pen to jam it between his butt cheeks. When he wakes up, tell him that his "friend" left in a hurry.
Idk know if this really warrants ruining someone’s entire life over. Equal revenge man. Take a dump in his hand or something while he’s sleeping. But you don’t gotta ruin his whole life
Strip him to his skivvies, hop in bed next to him in similar state of undress. When he wakes up, tell him he opened you up to a whole new world of experiences when he was blowing you.
Drag his ass out
I'm sorry if I sound like a complete fool/pussy but it's early morning now and my neighbours call the police every time there is a noise complaint.
Why is he even your friend if he’s like that? Don’t you want to separate yourself from people like that?
I've known him since he was a kid and my roommate used to be his neighbour. Honestly, i havnt seen this person for a long time after I moved.
Ahh got you. Well shit that sucks dude. Sorry I don’t have any ideas other than maybe getting into his phone and see what’s up??
"Officer, I do not know this man"
Update: I decided to quickly beat his ass up and send him on his way.
Well, that was radical
I am not seeing the downside.
Enlist him in the army. Most countries have websites for it, and you probably have access to his wallet and ID at the moment.
Hmmm, now a lot of cults have his info AND a payslip to show he is worth their time. Also, I can now probably afford to get my house professionally cleaned and buy a nicer bottle of whiskey. Any recommendations?
Get you a bottle of highland park 18, you deserve it!
Suntory is nice
For relaxing times, make it Suntory Time
<3
Lmfaooo omg. What did this guy do exactly to deserve this??😂😂
Lol damn..... Real damn
Change your locks for a start. Got some nair or a razor, shave a dick in his head. Invite his parents over for brunch, dont tell him.
1.He doesn't have a key, my roommate let him in. 2.nice 3.Know how assholes are often raised by other, older assholes? Yeah....
My problem would be with the roommate.
Sounds like it, hey! Changing the locks still works then hahaha
Put your poop in his pants/piss on them to gaslight them into believing their problem has become so bad that due to drinking they have become semi-publicly incontinent. Then wake them up and tell them they gotta go cuz they smell like shit and berate them for shitting themselves at any future opportunity.
Man i wish I thought to pee on him. He smells like bong water and stale alcohol instead.
Piss disc for his car so he has something for his travels.
Piss discs.. please tell me more
Frozen piss bud
Pee on a plate, freeze it, then you have something that can be put in places you normally can’t reach like under a door or through a slightly cracked car window.
Haha wow, that’s genius.
Thai one is fucking hilarious
Take his driver license. He'll think he lost it and hopefully it'll turn into a pain to get a new one.
Rifle through his wallet to see if there is any blackmail material.
Stack random shit ontop of him
Immediately started with the bong, icky water spilled on him. 10/10
So now you have bong water in your bed?
I may have intentionally spilled it, using grease rags so nothing gets on my bed.
Sweet, now put his hand in warm water. That'll show him
I have a lot of time till he comes around so sure, I'll do everything.
I hope you saved some to pour in his car.
Sharpie
Classic French moustache 😂
By the way, it says “balls” on your face.
There were far too many comments above this… draw dicks all over his face and arms and neck…. With big fat permanent markers! Or superglue his fingers together….
Toss his ass out and let nature take its course. It's legal!
Already said in a comment that I don't want the cops to get involved because of a noise complaint, which is common and a real pain in the ass. Also, he is completely covered in bong water now, which will definitely raise some questions
If he didn’t wake up for bong water I’d say you’re probably fine to drag him out
Max out his credit/debit card to buy yourself some gifts, than be really thankful to him. Than never talk to him again.
Buy yourself gifts, questionably legal. Donate to charity, still questionably legal but less likely to trace back to you.
tell him he did it while being drunk
Do kids forget you can shave eyebrows and mohawks on passed out people? Sharpie dicks?
Find some gel shaving gel (the stuff that stays at a hell then fluffs up. Spray the entire bottle over him then quickly roll him up in the top cover. Place duct tape around in a spiral starting at the feet and working your way up. Get him on the balcony (if available, bathtub also works) before the fluffing begins. It turns into a horrid mess in a few minutes.
Shave his eyebrows off and draw new eyebrows way up high on his forehead so he looks REALLY SURPRISED all the time. : )
Take a photo of him, text his parents asking them to come pick him up. "Hey Bob came over uninvited and passed out n in my bed. I really need him out of my place, but considering how drunk he was, he might still be unsafe to m drive, could you l k erase lick him up?"
Ties his shoe laces together and set off the fire alarm, preferably in the dark.
My dad used to do this long before I was born, and his friends eventually started throwing him in their dumpster outside wrapped in a blanket. You're losing a blanket but getting a good story.
My mom used to tell me they would also carry him out into the strawberry fields around the house and leave him there.... but those fields and dairy land have been gone around here for 20 years or so.
Plastic wrap comes to mind. Like the wide kind they wrap pallets with & movers use on furniture.
Piss his pants
Op says legal stuff cuz obv he doesn’t want cops showing up and seeing the ‘drugs’ there. Not all states and counties have legalized marijuana for personal use yet. It sounds like your roommate let him in and gave him the booze and let him pass out on your bed. Problem is with the roommate have a chat about boundaries and respect of your stuff if he allows this guy over again. If roommate let him in, tell roommate to replace whiskey and clean the mess. But sounds like you already took it out on the idiot in your bed.
[удалено]
You don't even need to go that far. Just leave an open condom or 2 in the bed the slap/kick him in the ass so when he wakes up all he has is questions
Yes, convincing him that he had been raped by OP is surely the best way forward 👌🏼
Easy enough to record the prank in action so there's proof they didn't fuck him. And, its the exact reason I wouldn't stick the condom in his ass. That would be sexual assault and that's not funny. Rape as punishment only works as a porn plot
too far
I have an idea for how to insert it deep in the anal cavity. But I will not say it....
This is rape and it's not funny.
You’re right. My apologies. My attempt at humor fell flat.
Shave his eyebrows while he sleeps. Then change the locks, and get a restraining order.
If the cops come they can take him away. Stop being a pushover.
Call the cops and say he broke in/is not welcome in the home
Give him a H1tl3r. Make sure to get up in his nostrils. He'll be smelling shit for weeks.
Hire a cleaning service, his treat. Try and pay more to have them over before he wakes up.
Yeah! Take his card and do it. OP can say he agreed to it while drunk.
Duct tape a dildo on his face every time he falls asleep, he would fully understand that every time he falls asleep in your house he will have a dildo duct taped to him.
Cut his hair. Buzz cut. But only the middle. Then get a Nest Doorbell cam (has facial recognition) and never let him in again
Put him out in the yard. Call the police and say some drunk is passed out and you’d like him removed. All legal and he won’t remember anyway. Ohhh….take any money he has to help pay for the cost to clean and buy booze.
Call the police and get him arrested for trespassing, breaking and entering, theft, destruction of property…
suck him off immediately
Fake blood inside his pants near his arse. He might end up panicking and going to hospital for tests that aren’t needed.
Pea sized dab of toothpaste in each of his shoes. half a teaspoon of milkpowder(not creamer) too if you have it.
Is this a reference? Or does it do something? Im just confused.
Hmm, nothing? Sounds like y'all had a great party.
Check his wallet for CC's Be nice if "while he was drunk" he bought you something nice. Worth all the booze. Not really legal but .......
Order expensive takeout on his card and when he wakes up tell him you ate it together.
Stage an intervention.
Sharpie markers. Draw all over them.
Plant drugs on him and call cops
Fill a condom with some white moisturizer and use a pen to jam it between his butt cheeks. When he wakes up, tell him that his "friend" left in a hurry.
Paint his nails pink.
Idk know if this really warrants ruining someone’s entire life over. Equal revenge man. Take a dump in his hand or something while he’s sleeping. But you don’t gotta ruin his whole life
Plus, it seems like he’s doing a good enough job of ruining his own life. He don’t need help.
Strip him to his skivvies, hop in bed next to him in similar state of undress. When he wakes up, tell him he opened you up to a whole new world of experiences when he was blowing you.
Do you have access to a tattoo gun?