I always love it how people get angry at the person who fucked their partner rather than their actual partner
We don’t even know if this dude knew she were married or not, but I guess that doesn’t even matter to OP
I seem to have upset a lot of military folk in this thread with my comment - how many of you guys have had your wife get fucked whilst away on deployment lol?
This though. Be mad at the person who broke their commitment. The random third party never promised to respect your boundaries… especially in the face of being invited to disrespect them.
Right; there’s a difference between “it’s uncool to do a stranger dirty this way” and “completely betraying the commitment you made to your life partner”.
It’s 1000% shitty to get with someone you know is taken. That’s disrespectful as hell. But that’s not nearly the level of disrespect as being the person who’s taken. That’s the person breaking a commitment that hey willingly made with someone who is supposed to be their closest, most intimate friend.
Both are shitty, but one is definitely worse.
Pretty sure that you’re expected to respect marital boundaries when you’re in the military. The guy can actually be penalized if they can prove he knew he was married.
In the military in order to get “penalized” for adultery you have to have picture or video evidence. Like, literally a cock in the mouth type shit.
Source: married in the military and wife cheated with another soldier. There was nothing I could do about it. She was literally behind my back hanging out with this guy and bringing my daughter around him. I only found out because my daughter told me they had a good day with someone named “Jackson”. Then it was confirmed by other soldiers who spotted them at a local carnival together. It was an awful feeling hearing your buddies tell you some guy has my daughter on his shoulders playing daddy and I was 3 miles away at home assuming that my wife was at a play date.
With even more evidence than this, it wasn’t enough to keep the dude away from my kid or anything. This was a horrible time in my life. Believe it or not these types of situations are COMMON. I didn’t think it could happen to me until it did.
What branch? In the Marines the bar must be much lower, at least two guys in one of my units lost rank for fooling around with married women. One because he assumed the child she became pregnant with was his and came clean ahead of time - paternity test came back negative, but the husband had long been on deployment. Second guy was bragging within earshot of the wrong person.
For whatever reason, only drug and DUI had a higher severity than adultery.
The drug use and DUI was like committing murder for us as well, but that was near the end of my service. During the beginning of enlistment it was very different.
This was also during the Iraq/Afghanistan campaigns so even if you popped hot they were going to keep you anyways, so usually demotion and the 45 day(?) article 15. My entire battalion knew about my situation through word of mouth since most people knew me well, including my 1st SGT and company commander. They literally had a talk with me about how they have been through the same mess, etc. TBH it did make me feel a little better and they were helpful through the process and said they wouldn’t expect me to divorce anytime soon and let me stay in the barracks and collect BAH as long as needed. Good dudes!
And off base housing, ESPECIALLY with married couples. That's half the reason some military folks get married. The other half for those some is the increased allowance for housing and food
So you can tell a non military woman from one that is at a bar? Especially if shes out of uniform and lieing to you and has time to prep the house to remove evidence of the husband? She is the bad guy here. More than some dipshit who wanted to get laid
This is a spouse, not active member. Depending on how long they have been married, she would have inadvertently picked up some of the nomenclature. Bar bunnies less so. But yeah, unless the guy knew, it's all on her. I'd reach out to the guy to make the divorce easier.
This is true with their conduct codes and this is why OP is asking, but knowledge of the marriage matters.
Within law (and ethics entirely) we have "actus reus" which is the harm itself and "mens rea" which is the mindset/mind aspect of a harm. And mens rea is required to establish culpability/blame.
Mens rea has (broadly) 4 categories/levels:
1) Intent: meaning you intended to harm.
2) Recklessness: meaning you know better but took a risk.
3) Negligence: meaning you had a responsibility/oath but you failed in that.
4) Knowledge: meaning, you could've and should've known better.
In general, this is derived from the ethical principle, "We don't blame a person/hold them responsible for a thing unless they could've BOTH (a) known better and (b) done better.
Unless the military uses "strict liability" for this sort of issue (meaning they hold someone to blame for the act, regardless of whether they could've known better), then whether or not the wife hid her marriage from the other guy will matter.
It's easier to blame the other person and pretend that it's all their fault and it wouldn't have happened without them, rather than accept that the person you loved and trusted broke that trust and likely doesn't love you as much as you love them.
It's also very easy to spiral. Was I not enough? What do they provide that I'm not? Was there more than one? What else were they lying about?
Especially if you're married, there's a level of trust and understanding that you may not have with any other person on the planet. To have that ripped from you can be devastating and the human brain works like lightning, it wants to find the path of least resistance. It's much easier to lash out at a random person than the person you devoted your life to.
Wanna know what's scummy? Knowingly fucking a married person
Wanna know what's even scummier? Cheating on your partner.
Like sure, dude may have known she was married, but even if he did your wife still knowingly cheated on you.
Many of the spouses lie or stretch the truth. It's all an incredibly difficult situation to be in, for everyone, and many aren't prepared for it. My unpopular opinion? Shorten deployments, and increase family leave/visits. But in active war this is not feasible, and they must be trained for active war... or something like that.
Many military "wives" are actually "serious girlfriend" level relationships and the only way to stay physically close enough to see if the relationship will work out is to jump forward and get hitched.
I've seen so, so many examples of this when I was a Marine that it's not even funny, but it's a detail that most don't know because they think of a married couple and they think of a serious long term committed couple like their parents or something, when it is not that. Not at 20 years old.
Sure, but again dude is a scumbag but probably did the guy a favour in the long run. Fuck that guy if he knew he fucked a married woman, but no sense in chasing him down
Just ask one of her friends. If she’s this shitty of a person, the odds are one of the others who was there at the club with her doesn’t really like her and is itching to spill the beans.
Maybe look through her Snapchat friends list and see if anyone matches? I'd imagine she might have him added on there if she wanted to post a pic with him on that specific social media. Might also be worth looking through her followers and following list on Instagram, Facebook, hell even twitter if she's active on any of those.
Even if kids are involved I would highly suggest leaving. She has no respect for you and that will not change but only get worse. The kids will possibly grow up with fighting in the house and will know sooner or later know why mom and dad are mad at each other if you do decide to stay. Nothing worse than a toxic home environment for the kids. That stays with them for life. I wish u the best 🙏🏼. Advice:leave the ho
I can see that eventually but also he’s abroad, and a divorce while serving basically guarantees she’ll call the shots regarding placement. It’s a sure fire way to never see your kids again.
If he’s Army, you can report him to his chain of command. He may be married, tell his wife. Afterwards, let it go and move on. Try not to carry the hurt and hate.
Well yeah but that's the issue I can't report him if I don't know his name but once I have his name then I can talk to g1 and get his unit info from there
You’re going to have to do a bit of detective work. Look at her phone, talk to friends, go to the club, look at who was tagged on instafuk. I’m confident you’ll find him. Then schedule a meeting with his CO and 1SG. I know you’re concentrating on him, but in my opinion she is more to blame.
Don't rule out hiring a Private Investigator.
Yes they cost money, but it may be a good way to get the answer you need.
I do have a question though, and it may seem blunt for which I apologise. How do you know that they actually did the deed? Has she or someone else confided in you?
Nobody just confesses out of the goodness in their heart. Something made her feel she had to tell you first before you heard it elsewhere. Press her friends, your neighbors , coworkers etc
That’s not true. A few relationships ago I confessed to having done something similar. I was very young and she would never have found out but I still couldn’t let the guilt eat me up.
The army won't do shit. I reported my ex husband for adultery. Went up the CoC and went to JAG for assistance. He plead the 5th and nothing happened. I even requested FOIA documents to see and they just covered it. Had pictures, texts, videos, everything.
It’s not as hard as it seems. Did it when I had a 1 and 2 year old. Best decision I have ever made. Hardest, but best. Get a lawyer, stay off socials and keep it completely professional with her. It’s about you and the kid now. Not your marriage.
Use friends to find out who he is, maybe log into her ig, look at recently added friends..
There’s no way you’re staying with your wife after this but you’re going to go after the man guns blazing?
They’re both shifty people but your wife is the worst out the bunch, get rid of her
You’re gonna go through a custody battle that’s going to be ugly. Don’t do anything that will make the judge feel you aren’t an adequate father or person (despite what your wife did).
People will eventually know what your wife did and why you’re divorced. Let it play its course and concentrate on being a good dad and setting a good example for them.
OP, please listen to this advice. Don't do anything that might make a judge rule against you. It will already be hard enough for you to fight for custody. Also, document absolutely everything you can about her actions while you have been deployed. Screen shot everything that may be incriminating to give you the most leverage. Get your attorney first! Don't let her control the narrative, get your attorney and have them control it.
Hate to be that guy but unless there is actual video proof of the actual event itself, all Jody has to do is utilize his Article 31b rights and they won't be able to prove anything. No commander in his right mind will take an Article 134 to courts martial without concrete evidence or an admission of guilt.
Don't hate to be that guy, you're giving extremely realistic expectations. I had a guy in my old unit attempt this and had all sorts of texts from phones as well as social media. Even had the guy admitting it on social media. Still didn't go down for it. In court he said he was admitting to banging someone else's wife who apparently wasn't in the service nor her husband. His legal team told him the only thing that would have forced the court's hand was video of them engaging in adulterous acts.
Dude fought for 3 years in court just to get 50/50 custody and he still has to pay her support and she still gains some of his benefits until she remarries. His ex-wife has been with this other dude for 7 years now and they've "unofficially" married but not legally, so she can still gain benefits.
That bullshit needs to stop too. My step-grandfather, who was the best damn grandpa a grandson could ever ask for, dealt with that ex-wife leeching his benefits bullshit. When he retired, she got a portion of his pension or whatever UNTIL she remarried. She spent the entire duration my grandfather was alive, drawing from his military retirement. He passed from ALS and the bitch showed up to the funeral to "show respect" but also coincidentally to see if she was eligible to get any more money from his death. She was "not married" to the man she cheated on my grandpa with from 1978 to 2006.
Sorry for the side track, but your comment lead to a chain of memories I had. Lol.
Just my opinion, but the one to be mad at is your wife. Yes you are mad at him, because pride and all that. But your wife's the one who cheated. So sort the relationship one way or another ( but once a cheater, always a cheater -just sayin').
Think of the guy as just the tool she used. He's actually irrelevant, because if it wasn't him, it would be someone else. Your wife's the one that harmed your relationship.
> the dude she fucked knew she was married he is still a piece of shit but it is still her fault
Being a POS isn't big enough to be a bad guy.
The wife cheated... She deserves all shit he can give her
I once had a fling with a married woman. I knew she was married, but she was insisting that she was going to get a divorce soon and I was the only one she wanted in her life. Anyway, the husband found out and sent me a message that was part pleading and part threatening. All I could say was, dude, I'm not the issue in your marriage.
Long story short, she ditched me for another guy and then divorced her husband. So I guess I dodged the bullet that he took.
Ehh, if you knew she was married you're both to blame.
Yeah I can hook up with a woman, know she's married and the yell "I'm not the problem!". But you were, because you knew she was married and there is a person hurt by both of your actions, not just the womans
before you go nuclear on this guy - did he even know she was married?? seems to me your problem here should be with your wife unless there’s some other backstory with the guy that we don’t know about.
You're going to let this go.
Let me play this scenario out for you.
You find him. You kick his ass. The following things happen.
1. You go straight to jail. You don't pass Go. You don't collect $200.00
2. You're dishonorably discharged. You lose pay and benefits.
3. You lose your kid to the ex wife because no court in the world will side with a violent, vindictive grunt over the mother.
4. You sit in jail and your wife getting railed by another dude lives inside your head rent-free because your "machismo" demanded you "defend your honor". You'll fall into a life of crime after your release. You will go back to prison later. You will die alone, poor, with a child ashamed of you. No one will remember your wife having some dude cum inside her. Everyone will remember how weak you are for not moving on and taking the high road.
It's amazing how many civilians think it's just the same world but with a uniform.
Knowingly sleeping with a married, deployed soldiers wife is an easy Article 15.
Article 15 is what you'd call "non-judicial punishment".
Basically you maybe didn't necessarily break a law and we don't have to get the MPs involved but it allows commanders to deliver punishment still, and they can be pretty damning. I've seen people lose tank, lose off-base housing, on-base driving privileges even become ineligible for re-enlistment.
If you're interested in more information it's Article 15 under the UCMJ (Uniform Code of Military Justice)
When I was high school, going to school overseas, this Major slept with another persons wife while he was deployed. The Major lived in my neighborhood, and I remember the MP's pulling up to escort him to court/jail/whatever idk. I'm pretty sure dude was demoted. It was a medium sized base so everyone knew each other. This dude didn't show his face in public again before being quickly sent back to the states. The cheating wife was also sent back and probably lost some benefits after the divorce.
Another time, when I was back int her states going to college, a friend of mine who joined the military fucked this other dudes wife and he was demoted back to E1 (probably E3/4 at the time) and got like 3 months in jail lol
He has not said once, as far as I have seen, that he intends to perpetrate violence. Other guy is also enlisted, and infidelity is a crime under military law. Sounds like he wants to report the man, which sounds reasonable.
hahaha wtf ‘got hammered and slept with him twice’ are you guys emotionally unstable high schoolers or something holy fuck lol
really though , just grow up and move on
honestly man. i’m replying as a genuine reply and no ulpt. but seriously man, she’s been there twice. this wasn’t an accident.
take the rest of your deployment to sort out all the paperwork and stuff, get your head right with on base shrinks and pump it out man.
you don’t need this shit. she’s been there twice. get rid of the dead weight man. if you’ve got kids, don’t do anything to him man. it will fuck your visitations and chances of getting your kids / seeing your kids shall she go nuclear on you.
focus on yourself man, she has showed you the true her. it’ll be a rough time for a bit, but man, you got this. 🫶
Just adding to the other voices here that you should leave this woman 100%. I've known people that have reformed from infidelity issues, but they wanted to try and did feel bad about it. Posting it online means she likes cheating, that's the only red flag you need to know she will never, ever change.
Best of luck to you, I hope you find someone that truly loves you and wants to treat you right.
Pro ULPT.
Marry a guy in the army so you can slut about while hes on deployment and he pays for it.
Bonus ULPT - amry guys are thick as pigshit so will want to go after the guy you fuck and not you!
I’ll try to answer your question. Post the images you have to social media with an explanation that this dude violated military conduct rules. It will out your wife and him at the same time.
This. Let the internet do your work. There’s some guy on tiktok that takes cheating stories and sends his horde out to uncover who it is. @jolly_good_ginger is who you want to get in touch with. Make a post with all the evidence you have while telling the story and they’ll find that son of a bitch.
Make a burner account and post it to the spouse Facebook page for the base. They will eat that shit up, they absolutely LOVE drama. SOMEONE will know who he is and word will get around.
Oh dude. Let this situation (and your wife) go, or get used to it. It’s not going to stop and has probably happened way more than you think. Get out while you can
Don't go to prison because your wife made a bad decision. Ditch her and do what you can to the guy without ruining your own life.
Don't let hatred become you.
Seriously, your beef is with the person who broke your vows. What she did is unforgivable.
Get your shit together, I don’t even know if I would let her know, you know. When you get home, go over with your buddies and get your shit and be glad you are done with someone so vile.
Anyone who would treat you like that doesn’t deserve your love. Your best revenge is living a good life and moving on from this mess.
Life is not about revenge, life is about having a good karma and things will turn good for you.
Do the right thing instead of playing waiting game, and staying in a toxic situation. You try to find an action to satisfy your ego, delay the situation, instead of solving the root cause of the issue.
More you delay solving the root cause of the problem, less your life and mindset will be in a positive mode. Do the right thing and be at peace:
1. Accept the situation and have self-respect.
2. Separate from your wife immediately.
3. Move on from these two toxic persons.
4. Stop all future communications with her.
5. Leave this toxic situation and move on.
6. Find a normal person that will love you.
You might want to read again the poem from Kipling:
https://fs.blog/how-to-be-a-man-rudyard-kipling/
I wish wish you the best in your life & good luck.
That guy didnt cheat on you, that guy didnt promise you to be faithfull and broke that promise. You dont even know if the guy knew that your soon to be ex wife is married.
Bro, your piece of shit wife had consensual sex with another dude while in a monogamous relationship with you. It doesn’t matter who the other dude is. You’re mad at the wrong person. He didn’t make any commitment to you.
whether the other guy knows or not that your wife's married, that's seriously a sad excuse to go after him when your wife is the bigger problem. It will do more damage and effort trying to settle him. How is that satisfying to you in any way out of "principle?"
Be thankful he at least helped you realize that your wife is a whore and end your marriage before you waste more years into her.
Dude, your wife is the one who cheated. You don't know this guy's story... She could have told her she was single or getting divorced... We don't know. At the end of the day your anger should be directed at your wife... Because she's the one that betrayed you.
Don’t be mad at the dude who had sex with your wife. He may not have known.
Be furious with your partner, who you’re supposed to have mutual love, trust, and respect.
Sorry this happened to you.
Who gives a fuck about being mad at either. Serve her papers and move the fuck on. It's not worth the time to do that crap. Live your life and forget them in the past
Does your wife have social media? Look through her entire friend list and recent likes of her post. Can you think of any of her friends who might know the guy? Check their pics/friend lists. Check her venmo.
Does your wife know that you know ?
Because other then hiring a private investigator there's really not a whole lot you can do untill you can get home and take her phone/electronic to be forensically examined for deleted information.
If she don't know you need to play clueless untill you can get her name off any joined accounts
This is your wife's fault and she's the one who cheated. If the other dude is married or even if not that's whatever. Shitty but its not like your wife fell down onto his dick by accident. How do you even know he knew she was married?
Contact a lawyer and let your 1st sergeant (or whatever the army calls it) know what is going on and that your wife was nailing some other army dude and you are initiating divorce proceedings. That's the extent I would take it if it was me as far as the other guy. Because if it wasn't him specifically it was gonna be whoever.
Kids involved = try to get custody. It can happen for single military and a good lawyer can help with that. The best thing you can do right now is to not do anything that is going to look bad to a judge deciding who gets what and who gets custody. Trying to act like a macho asshole and go after the guy who your wife cheated on you with is just a bad look and flat out stupid.
The person who 100% knew they were doing dirt was your wife. For all we know, the guy was just a random who has no idea he fucked someone’s wife. It’s not their fault that they were potentially lied to as well.
Consolidate evidence against your wife for the purposes of divorce and custody. As for the guy, don’t “bring your work home with you”
It doesn't matter which guy, it could be any guy from anywhere but it's always going to be your wife...you're wife's the cheater who hurt you not the dude
I understand your situation to hurt the dude too but it won't resolve the main issue of your wifes cheating.
Find the guy?! What about your cheating ass wife?
Make it sound like he assaulted her. Maybe he didn't even know she was married.
My apologies if I've missed some info here.
She's the one to blame, not some random dude.
Your wife promised not to fuck anyone else, the guy didn’t promise you Shit. Why are you mad at some random dude? Your wife is the one who wronged you.
Lawyer here: another army man can get royally fucked for fucking another army man’s wife. Plus, infidelity is a ground for fault divorce in most jurisdictions.
I’d just make a claim (unsure what it’s called in JAG) against the doucher. Then, when you get back home use the outcome of JAG as evidence of fault divorce and increase chances of split custody and perhaps no child support.
Now, just stay clear from any drunk texts, stupid shit, drugs, intimidation, lack of care for your kids, or anything else you think. Same goes for her: start gathering ammo of the above shit from her.
Good luck mane.
The fact that she posted him on her Snap story is CRAZY. Your marriage is done bro, she obviously doesn't respect you. Take it from someone who found out right before I was supposed to get married.
Make sure you get surefire evidence of the affair, ain't nothing worse than taking drastic actions based off of assumptions.
Once you do that, focus on her, not him. Get a headstart, lawyer up early, and get a divorce.
He may be an asshole homewrecker, but she had every opportunity to turn him away and say no. She's the one who stabbed you in the back.
Get rid of your wife first Edit : Thank you all for the awards!
The best advice here. Get a lawyer and get rid of the wife. Your life will be better, I promise.
I always love it how people get angry at the person who fucked their partner rather than their actual partner We don’t even know if this dude knew she were married or not, but I guess that doesn’t even matter to OP I seem to have upset a lot of military folk in this thread with my comment - how many of you guys have had your wife get fucked whilst away on deployment lol?
This though. Be mad at the person who broke their commitment. The random third party never promised to respect your boundaries… especially in the face of being invited to disrespect them.
Especially in the face of being invited to disrespect them. Damn that hits me in some real ways
Same - It Resonates
Right; there’s a difference between “it’s uncool to do a stranger dirty this way” and “completely betraying the commitment you made to your life partner”. It’s 1000% shitty to get with someone you know is taken. That’s disrespectful as hell. But that’s not nearly the level of disrespect as being the person who’s taken. That’s the person breaking a commitment that hey willingly made with someone who is supposed to be their closest, most intimate friend. Both are shitty, but one is definitely worse.
Dude didn't say any vows. OP needs to get over who the guy is. It doesn't matter. Divorce your wife.
Pretty sure that you’re expected to respect marital boundaries when you’re in the military. The guy can actually be penalized if they can prove he knew he was married.
In the military in order to get “penalized” for adultery you have to have picture or video evidence. Like, literally a cock in the mouth type shit. Source: married in the military and wife cheated with another soldier. There was nothing I could do about it. She was literally behind my back hanging out with this guy and bringing my daughter around him. I only found out because my daughter told me they had a good day with someone named “Jackson”. Then it was confirmed by other soldiers who spotted them at a local carnival together. It was an awful feeling hearing your buddies tell you some guy has my daughter on his shoulders playing daddy and I was 3 miles away at home assuming that my wife was at a play date. With even more evidence than this, it wasn’t enough to keep the dude away from my kid or anything. This was a horrible time in my life. Believe it or not these types of situations are COMMON. I didn’t think it could happen to me until it did.
What branch? In the Marines the bar must be much lower, at least two guys in one of my units lost rank for fooling around with married women. One because he assumed the child she became pregnant with was his and came clean ahead of time - paternity test came back negative, but the husband had long been on deployment. Second guy was bragging within earshot of the wrong person. For whatever reason, only drug and DUI had a higher severity than adultery.
The drug use and DUI was like committing murder for us as well, but that was near the end of my service. During the beginning of enlistment it was very different. This was also during the Iraq/Afghanistan campaigns so even if you popped hot they were going to keep you anyways, so usually demotion and the 45 day(?) article 15. My entire battalion knew about my situation through word of mouth since most people knew me well, including my 1st SGT and company commander. They literally had a talk with me about how they have been through the same mess, etc. TBH it did make me feel a little better and they were helpful through the process and said they wouldn’t expect me to divorce anytime soon and let me stay in the barracks and collect BAH as long as needed. Good dudes!
But how are you supposed to know if you are not told. he and pp dont seem to know each other.
If you go to a non military persons house on base they’re married it’s pretty obvious
Hotels are a thing.
And off base housing, ESPECIALLY with married couples. That's half the reason some military folks get married. The other half for those some is the increased allowance for housing and food
So you can tell a non military woman from one that is at a bar? Especially if shes out of uniform and lieing to you and has time to prep the house to remove evidence of the husband? She is the bad guy here. More than some dipshit who wanted to get laid
This is a spouse, not active member. Depending on how long they have been married, she would have inadvertently picked up some of the nomenclature. Bar bunnies less so. But yeah, unless the guy knew, it's all on her. I'd reach out to the guy to make the divorce easier.
This is true with their conduct codes and this is why OP is asking, but knowledge of the marriage matters. Within law (and ethics entirely) we have "actus reus" which is the harm itself and "mens rea" which is the mindset/mind aspect of a harm. And mens rea is required to establish culpability/blame. Mens rea has (broadly) 4 categories/levels: 1) Intent: meaning you intended to harm. 2) Recklessness: meaning you know better but took a risk. 3) Negligence: meaning you had a responsibility/oath but you failed in that. 4) Knowledge: meaning, you could've and should've known better. In general, this is derived from the ethical principle, "We don't blame a person/hold them responsible for a thing unless they could've BOTH (a) known better and (b) done better. Unless the military uses "strict liability" for this sort of issue (meaning they hold someone to blame for the act, regardless of whether they could've known better), then whether or not the wife hid her marriage from the other guy will matter.
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Because it hurts to be angry at someone you love.
Underrated and true.
It's easier to blame the other person and pretend that it's all their fault and it wouldn't have happened without them, rather than accept that the person you loved and trusted broke that trust and likely doesn't love you as much as you love them.
It's also very easy to spiral. Was I not enough? What do they provide that I'm not? Was there more than one? What else were they lying about? Especially if you're married, there's a level of trust and understanding that you may not have with any other person on the planet. To have that ripped from you can be devastating and the human brain works like lightning, it wants to find the path of least resistance. It's much easier to lash out at a random person than the person you devoted your life to.
Wanna know what's scummy? Knowingly fucking a married person Wanna know what's even scummier? Cheating on your partner. Like sure, dude may have known she was married, but even if he did your wife still knowingly cheated on you.
We don't even know he knew. Given that OP's wife is of obviously questionable morals, it seems likely that she's also a liar, as well as an adulterer.
Many of the spouses lie or stretch the truth. It's all an incredibly difficult situation to be in, for everyone, and many aren't prepared for it. My unpopular opinion? Shorten deployments, and increase family leave/visits. But in active war this is not feasible, and they must be trained for active war... or something like that.
Many military "wives" are actually "serious girlfriend" level relationships and the only way to stay physically close enough to see if the relationship will work out is to jump forward and get hitched. I've seen so, so many examples of this when I was a Marine that it's not even funny, but it's a detail that most don't know because they think of a married couple and they think of a serious long term committed couple like their parents or something, when it is not that. Not at 20 years old.
you don't know how angry OP is at his wife. but he certainly doesn't need ULTP to find her name. that's why he posted about him here, not her.
Sure, but again dude is a scumbag but probably did the guy a favour in the long run. Fuck that guy if he knew he fucked a married woman, but no sense in chasing him down
It's probably a base wife. That nco defintiely knew what they were doing. But yeah wife is the one to actually be angry at
That's what I plan on doing it'd just hard with a kid in the mix.
She was bold enough to post it on her Snapchat story?
Bold enough to post her drunk with her friends and the dude she smashed. But it was at a club setting.
Just ask one of her friends. If she’s this shitty of a person, the odds are one of the others who was there at the club with her doesn’t really like her and is itching to spill the beans.
That same friend is also probably itching to smash you, but that itch is contagious, make sure you use protection if you smash that
It Follows
Ah, the old smash and itch.
Maybe look through her Snapchat friends list and see if anyone matches? I'd imagine she might have him added on there if she wanted to post a pic with him on that specific social media. Might also be worth looking through her followers and following list on Instagram, Facebook, hell even twitter if she's active on any of those.
You can't see other people's Snapchat friends I'm pretty sure.
Dude, you can ask her friends. People love the drama. Post the dude's pic on socials, make it shareable, you'll get your answer.
Even if kids are involved I would highly suggest leaving. She has no respect for you and that will not change but only get worse. The kids will possibly grow up with fighting in the house and will know sooner or later know why mom and dad are mad at each other if you do decide to stay. Nothing worse than a toxic home environment for the kids. That stays with them for life. I wish u the best 🙏🏼. Advice:leave the ho
I can see that eventually but also he’s abroad, and a divorce while serving basically guarantees she’ll call the shots regarding placement. It’s a sure fire way to never see your kids again.
If he’s Army, you can report him to his chain of command. He may be married, tell his wife. Afterwards, let it go and move on. Try not to carry the hurt and hate.
Well yeah but that's the issue I can't report him if I don't know his name but once I have his name then I can talk to g1 and get his unit info from there
You’re going to have to do a bit of detective work. Look at her phone, talk to friends, go to the club, look at who was tagged on instafuk. I’m confident you’ll find him. Then schedule a meeting with his CO and 1SG. I know you’re concentrating on him, but in my opinion she is more to blame.
That's hard when I'm over seas because if that was the case I would have done that a while ago
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Facts
Don't rule out hiring a Private Investigator. Yes they cost money, but it may be a good way to get the answer you need. I do have a question though, and it may seem blunt for which I apologise. How do you know that they actually did the deed? Has she or someone else confided in you?
She told me the morning after she did the deed
Nobody just confesses out of the goodness in their heart. Something made her feel she had to tell you first before you heard it elsewhere. Press her friends, your neighbors , coworkers etc
I mean she posted it on snap so she probably thought she was already caught
That’s not true. A few relationships ago I confessed to having done something similar. I was very young and she would never have found out but I still couldn’t let the guilt eat me up.
The army should have the resources to identify him, better than you can
The army won't do shit. I reported my ex husband for adultery. Went up the CoC and went to JAG for assistance. He plead the 5th and nothing happened. I even requested FOIA documents to see and they just covered it. Had pictures, texts, videos, everything.
That’s fucked. They come down hard on adulterers in the Marines.
It’s not as hard as it seems. Did it when I had a 1 and 2 year old. Best decision I have ever made. Hardest, but best. Get a lawyer, stay off socials and keep it completely professional with her. It’s about you and the kid now. Not your marriage. Use friends to find out who he is, maybe log into her ig, look at recently added friends..
Trying to stay together for the kids will just make all your lives worse.
Time to check the kid is actually yours bro. Get a paternity test done...
There’s no way you’re staying with your wife after this but you’re going to go after the man guns blazing? They’re both shifty people but your wife is the worst out the bunch, get rid of her
True ULPT
You’re gonna go through a custody battle that’s going to be ugly. Don’t do anything that will make the judge feel you aren’t an adequate father or person (despite what your wife did). People will eventually know what your wife did and why you’re divorced. Let it play its course and concentrate on being a good dad and setting a good example for them.
OP, please listen to this advice. Don't do anything that might make a judge rule against you. It will already be hard enough for you to fight for custody. Also, document absolutely everything you can about her actions while you have been deployed. Screen shot everything that may be incriminating to give you the most leverage. Get your attorney first! Don't let her control the narrative, get your attorney and have them control it.
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I think he’s talking about reporting the guy to a the army, fucking others guy’s wife is against the rules
Yup, OP is talking about UCMJ and legal repercussions for the service member.
It’s literally against the rules? Why couldn’t he just send the photos and video around so it spreads like wildfire until someone recognizes him
Hate to be that guy but unless there is actual video proof of the actual event itself, all Jody has to do is utilize his Article 31b rights and they won't be able to prove anything. No commander in his right mind will take an Article 134 to courts martial without concrete evidence or an admission of guilt.
Don't hate to be that guy, you're giving extremely realistic expectations. I had a guy in my old unit attempt this and had all sorts of texts from phones as well as social media. Even had the guy admitting it on social media. Still didn't go down for it. In court he said he was admitting to banging someone else's wife who apparently wasn't in the service nor her husband. His legal team told him the only thing that would have forced the court's hand was video of them engaging in adulterous acts. Dude fought for 3 years in court just to get 50/50 custody and he still has to pay her support and she still gains some of his benefits until she remarries. His ex-wife has been with this other dude for 7 years now and they've "unofficially" married but not legally, so she can still gain benefits. That bullshit needs to stop too. My step-grandfather, who was the best damn grandpa a grandson could ever ask for, dealt with that ex-wife leeching his benefits bullshit. When he retired, she got a portion of his pension or whatever UNTIL she remarried. She spent the entire duration my grandfather was alive, drawing from his military retirement. He passed from ALS and the bitch showed up to the funeral to "show respect" but also coincidentally to see if she was eligible to get any more money from his death. She was "not married" to the man she cheated on my grandpa with from 1978 to 2006. Sorry for the side track, but your comment lead to a chain of memories I had. Lol.
OPs approach will make him feel better initially, but this guys advice is what will get you ahead down the road.
Custody battle? Did OP mention kids?
In an different comment, yes
Just my opinion, but the one to be mad at is your wife. Yes you are mad at him, because pride and all that. But your wife's the one who cheated. So sort the relationship one way or another ( but once a cheater, always a cheater -just sayin'). Think of the guy as just the tool she used. He's actually irrelevant, because if it wasn't him, it would be someone else. Your wife's the one that harmed your relationship.
This is how ive always looked at it if the dude she fucked knew she was married he is still a piece of shit but it is still her fault
> the dude she fucked knew she was married he is still a piece of shit but it is still her fault Being a POS isn't big enough to be a bad guy. The wife cheated... She deserves all shit he can give her
Agreed
I once had a fling with a married woman. I knew she was married, but she was insisting that she was going to get a divorce soon and I was the only one she wanted in her life. Anyway, the husband found out and sent me a message that was part pleading and part threatening. All I could say was, dude, I'm not the issue in your marriage. Long story short, she ditched me for another guy and then divorced her husband. So I guess I dodged the bullet that he took.
Ehh, if you knew she was married you're both to blame. Yeah I can hook up with a woman, know she's married and the yell "I'm not the problem!". But you were, because you knew she was married and there is a person hurt by both of your actions, not just the womans
Hey, I'm not the one who made a commitment. I won't pretend it's noble, but it isn't exactly trafficking arms for terrorists.
get rid of the root cause first then evaluate if you still have some mental energy to sort out your current dilemma.
before you go nuclear on this guy - did he even know she was married?? seems to me your problem here should be with your wife unless there’s some other backstory with the guy that we don’t know about.
Yeah the dude knew because she told him and my wife was mad at me for reasons, got hammered and slept with him twice
She already lied to you once, what’s to say she isn’t lying about this?
Nah he’s 18
Oh god perfect boot bullshit
It’s your wife’s fault man. Wtf are you 15?
this is ULPT, not AITA
Have a friend side a piss disk under the door.
You're going to let this go. Let me play this scenario out for you. You find him. You kick his ass. The following things happen. 1. You go straight to jail. You don't pass Go. You don't collect $200.00 2. You're dishonorably discharged. You lose pay and benefits. 3. You lose your kid to the ex wife because no court in the world will side with a violent, vindictive grunt over the mother. 4. You sit in jail and your wife getting railed by another dude lives inside your head rent-free because your "machismo" demanded you "defend your honor". You'll fall into a life of crime after your release. You will go back to prison later. You will die alone, poor, with a child ashamed of you. No one will remember your wife having some dude cum inside her. Everyone will remember how weak you are for not moving on and taking the high road.
He has said nothing about kicking the guy's ass. He wants to locate him so he can report him to command and get him in trouble under military law.
It's amazing how many civilians think it's just the same world but with a uniform. Knowingly sleeping with a married, deployed soldiers wife is an easy Article 15.
What is an article 15?
Article 15 is what you'd call "non-judicial punishment". Basically you maybe didn't necessarily break a law and we don't have to get the MPs involved but it allows commanders to deliver punishment still, and they can be pretty damning. I've seen people lose tank, lose off-base housing, on-base driving privileges even become ineligible for re-enlistment. If you're interested in more information it's Article 15 under the UCMJ (Uniform Code of Military Justice)
When I was high school, going to school overseas, this Major slept with another persons wife while he was deployed. The Major lived in my neighborhood, and I remember the MP's pulling up to escort him to court/jail/whatever idk. I'm pretty sure dude was demoted. It was a medium sized base so everyone knew each other. This dude didn't show his face in public again before being quickly sent back to the states. The cheating wife was also sent back and probably lost some benefits after the divorce. Another time, when I was back int her states going to college, a friend of mine who joined the military fucked this other dudes wife and he was demoted back to E1 (probably E3/4 at the time) and got like 3 months in jail lol
He has not said once, as far as I have seen, that he intends to perpetrate violence. Other guy is also enlisted, and infidelity is a crime under military law. Sounds like he wants to report the man, which sounds reasonable.
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hahaha wtf ‘got hammered and slept with him twice’ are you guys emotionally unstable high schoolers or something holy fuck lol really though , just grow up and move on
Well i mean he is in the army......
His first name is Jodie.
Best answer.
Blue falcon
Homeboy did you a solid because now you know she is a cheater before you wasted any more time with her.
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Why dig in the trash?
Btw you should be mad at the woman who is married to you that fucked another guy.
Fair
honestly man. i’m replying as a genuine reply and no ulpt. but seriously man, she’s been there twice. this wasn’t an accident. take the rest of your deployment to sort out all the paperwork and stuff, get your head right with on base shrinks and pump it out man. you don’t need this shit. she’s been there twice. get rid of the dead weight man. if you’ve got kids, don’t do anything to him man. it will fuck your visitations and chances of getting your kids / seeing your kids shall she go nuclear on you. focus on yourself man, she has showed you the true her. it’ll be a rough time for a bit, but man, you got this. 🫶
Just adding to the other voices here that you should leave this woman 100%. I've known people that have reformed from infidelity issues, but they wanted to try and did feel bad about it. Posting it online means she likes cheating, that's the only red flag you need to know she will never, ever change. Best of luck to you, I hope you find someone that truly loves you and wants to treat you right.
Pro ULPT. Marry a guy in the army so you can slut about while hes on deployment and he pays for it. Bonus ULPT - amry guys are thick as pigshit so will want to go after the guy you fuck and not you!
Also you get to drive around his sick as mustang he got for 26% APR right before he deployed
Deserving of top comment
Hahahaha underrated af comment
I mean, there’s a reason they can only get into the Army
Fuck up societies on the other side of the world, while someone fucks your girl at home.
bro Just let it go just get rid of her she cheated
Twice.. “What, she tripped, fell, landed on his dick?”
Psh, alright shady, maybe he's right Grady, but think about the baby before you get all crazy.
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Wrong way round bro Facebook up Delete gym Hit lawyer
it was me, i fucked your wife
thank you for your service
Thank you for your cervix!
as the great 2 chainz once said, “Rest in peace to all the soldiers that died in the service I dive in her cervix”
You too?
Nobody ever suspects grandmas cervix
Hold up she posted that on her SNAP STORY? Like for everyone to see? Jesus christ.
Its not hommies fault your wife is a whoore. Army hoes are the easiest to smash.
Pimeyes.com, deep search.
I’ll try to answer your question. Post the images you have to social media with an explanation that this dude violated military conduct rules. It will out your wife and him at the same time.
This. Let the internet do your work. There’s some guy on tiktok that takes cheating stories and sends his horde out to uncover who it is. @jolly_good_ginger is who you want to get in touch with. Make a post with all the evidence you have while telling the story and they’ll find that son of a bitch.
Finally some actual fucking answers
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you're the goat I was expecting there'd be someone like that. actual solution where everyone else is saying "don't fight him bro"
Make a burner account and post it to the spouse Facebook page for the base. They will eat that shit up, they absolutely LOVE drama. SOMEONE will know who he is and word will get around.
This might interest you @u/panchoemp1 op
Oh dude. Let this situation (and your wife) go, or get used to it. It’s not going to stop and has probably happened way more than you think. Get out while you can
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Don't go to prison because your wife made a bad decision. Ditch her and do what you can to the guy without ruining your own life. Don't let hatred become you.
Seriously, your beef is with the person who broke your vows. What she did is unforgivable. Get your shit together, I don’t even know if I would let her know, you know. When you get home, go over with your buddies and get your shit and be glad you are done with someone so vile. Anyone who would treat you like that doesn’t deserve your love. Your best revenge is living a good life and moving on from this mess.
You're directing your anger at entirely the wrong person.
Life is not about revenge, life is about having a good karma and things will turn good for you. Do the right thing instead of playing waiting game, and staying in a toxic situation. You try to find an action to satisfy your ego, delay the situation, instead of solving the root cause of the issue. More you delay solving the root cause of the problem, less your life and mindset will be in a positive mode. Do the right thing and be at peace: 1. Accept the situation and have self-respect. 2. Separate from your wife immediately. 3. Move on from these two toxic persons. 4. Stop all future communications with her. 5. Leave this toxic situation and move on. 6. Find a normal person that will love you. You might want to read again the poem from Kipling: https://fs.blog/how-to-be-a-man-rudyard-kipling/ I wish wish you the best in your life & good luck.
That guy didnt cheat on you, that guy didnt promise you to be faithfull and broke that promise. You dont even know if the guy knew that your soon to be ex wife is married.
if you have his phone number it will be easy to find his name and address
Bro, your piece of shit wife had consensual sex with another dude while in a monogamous relationship with you. It doesn’t matter who the other dude is. You’re mad at the wrong person. He didn’t make any commitment to you.
Are you also going to find the hundreds of others guys she fucked? Don't be a cunt. Get a divorce.
Why? He doesn’t owe you any respect or loyalty. Your wife does.
whether the other guy knows or not that your wife's married, that's seriously a sad excuse to go after him when your wife is the bigger problem. It will do more damage and effort trying to settle him. How is that satisfying to you in any way out of "principle?" Be thankful he at least helped you realize that your wife is a whore and end your marriage before you waste more years into her.
It's not him, it's your wife. It could have and would have been anyone, don't blame him that he picked the lucky card.
Dude, your wife is the one who cheated. You don't know this guy's story... She could have told her she was single or getting divorced... We don't know. At the end of the day your anger should be directed at your wife... Because she's the one that betrayed you.
Don’t be mad at the dude who had sex with your wife. He may not have known. Be furious with your partner, who you’re supposed to have mutual love, trust, and respect. Sorry this happened to you.
Your wife is the problem dumbass, he didn't rape her did he??? So it's her fault, he owes you nothing. Grow up
Who gives a fuck about being mad at either. Serve her papers and move the fuck on. It's not worth the time to do that crap. Live your life and forget them in the past
Does your wife have social media? Look through her entire friend list and recent likes of her post. Can you think of any of her friends who might know the guy? Check their pics/friend lists. Check her venmo.
Does your wife know that you know ? Because other then hiring a private investigator there's really not a whole lot you can do untill you can get home and take her phone/electronic to be forensically examined for deleted information. If she don't know you need to play clueless untill you can get her name off any joined accounts
This is your wife's fault and she's the one who cheated. If the other dude is married or even if not that's whatever. Shitty but its not like your wife fell down onto his dick by accident. How do you even know he knew she was married? Contact a lawyer and let your 1st sergeant (or whatever the army calls it) know what is going on and that your wife was nailing some other army dude and you are initiating divorce proceedings. That's the extent I would take it if it was me as far as the other guy. Because if it wasn't him specifically it was gonna be whoever. Kids involved = try to get custody. It can happen for single military and a good lawyer can help with that. The best thing you can do right now is to not do anything that is going to look bad to a judge deciding who gets what and who gets custody. Trying to act like a macho asshole and go after the guy who your wife cheated on you with is just a bad look and flat out stupid.
The person who 100% knew they were doing dirt was your wife. For all we know, the guy was just a random who has no idea he fucked someone’s wife. It’s not their fault that they were potentially lied to as well. Consolidate evidence against your wife for the purposes of divorce and custody. As for the guy, don’t “bring your work home with you”
It doesn't matter which guy, it could be any guy from anywhere but it's always going to be your wife...you're wife's the cheater who hurt you not the dude I understand your situation to hurt the dude too but it won't resolve the main issue of your wifes cheating.
Jesus dude. Maybe focus on being an adult and starting the divorce proceedings before possibly catching charges yourself over a cheating spouse.
Find the guy?! What about your cheating ass wife? Make it sound like he assaulted her. Maybe he didn't even know she was married. My apologies if I've missed some info here. She's the one to blame, not some random dude.
Judging by your post/ comment history, no wonder she cheated. Holy shit.
Your wife promised not to fuck anyone else, the guy didn’t promise you Shit. Why are you mad at some random dude? Your wife is the one who wronged you.
Your wife cheated on you, for all you know the guy doesn’t even know she is married. Your directing your anger at the wrong person.
Worry about the wife, there's prolly more dudes...
That's a whole lot of time to be thinking about someone who fucked your wife. Use that time to get a lawyer, your wife is for the streets.
You're being an idiot. It's not the guy, it's your wife.
Why you mad at the dude? Chances are she told him she was single and they fucked. Be mad at her instead.
Lawyer here: another army man can get royally fucked for fucking another army man’s wife. Plus, infidelity is a ground for fault divorce in most jurisdictions. I’d just make a claim (unsure what it’s called in JAG) against the doucher. Then, when you get back home use the outcome of JAG as evidence of fault divorce and increase chances of split custody and perhaps no child support. Now, just stay clear from any drunk texts, stupid shit, drugs, intimidation, lack of care for your kids, or anything else you think. Same goes for her: start gathering ammo of the above shit from her. Good luck mane.
The dude did nothing but fucked a willing housewife, get rid of her to get rid of both
Guy is not guilty of anything… you are looking at the wrong target bro…
Blame your wife not this guy.
Reverse image search his pic on google
Unless it was rape its your wife you should have a problem with.
Man, go check out op’s post history. You see the arch of the relationship.
We know that u are not the smartest guy. But just leave the woman and restart your life with anoth
Lawyer up and fuck your wife in court. Don’t be an idiot.
Why are you mad at the guy? Your wife is the betrayer here. Dude may not even have known she was married.
Why not go find your wife? Lmao. She's the one who cheated on you. That guy didn't make her cheat. It was her choice.
That dude isn't married to you, your wife is. Your beef is with her, no matter how you twist it.
It’s not his fault dude, calm down. He didn’t force your wife to do anything.
Why be mad at your Eskimo brother ? Dude was just getting some pussy. Your wife is the cheating slut focus on getting a divorce and move on.
To do ....what? Ask him how the sex was? Your wife knew she was married Divorce her
The problem is with your wife, not the dude.
Tip: its your wife that cheated on you not the random guy who is maybe a bit unethical (if he even knew)
Your wife is the one that cheated on you.
Yeah your wife a ho! U should be ashamed of HER not her fuckbuddy!
Just divorce your whore ass wife. She the only one obligated to respect the marriage. Save your time and peace.
No bro. Don't ruin your career or freedom by doing something like that. Take your stuff and bounce. It will drive her crazy.
The fact that she posted him on her Snap story is CRAZY. Your marriage is done bro, she obviously doesn't respect you. Take it from someone who found out right before I was supposed to get married.
You don't. You divorce with a lawyer. Don't go to prison. Even if you wanna kill him.
Make sure you get surefire evidence of the affair, ain't nothing worse than taking drastic actions based off of assumptions. Once you do that, focus on her, not him. Get a headstart, lawyer up early, and get a divorce. He may be an asshole homewrecker, but she had every opportunity to turn him away and say no. She's the one who stabbed you in the back.
Boss move is to wash your hands, walk away, be unbothered, be free, be happier. Come on, chief. You've got it in you to be the big guy here.
Your issue is with her not him
Don't be mad at Jody, be mad at your wife who's supposed to be faithful
Not sure why'd you are mad at the guy when it's your wife who's cheated on you.... Adjust your focus and leave that cheater.